June 14, 2024 • 9 mins
Bethenny gives some hard earned advice about relationships and building a solid foundation. She shares what we can all learn from celebrity examples like JLO and Ben.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So we've talked about the Jennifer Lopez has been athleic
conversation before. Please understand this is I would never ever
say anything negative about them because I don't know them,
but it's a vehicle to talk about something you can
all see, and so it's something that could affect all
of us. And what that is is that Jennifer Lopez
(00:36):
loves success and hard work and has an unparalleled work
ethic and drive for success, for fame, for publicity, which
I get, and for reinvention. And she's been very successful,
and she's very talented. She's a good dancer, she's beautiful,
(00:56):
and she works it. She doesn't mind spending six hours
getting ready to go to something that is very difficult
in a relationship, which we discussed. But she could arguably
be described as addicted to success or fame or something.
And she married someone who's a literal addict, admitted addict.
I would never out someone's addiction either, but who seems
(01:19):
to be irreverent and insular. He's hysterical, he's talented, he's smart,
he's creative, but you can tell that he's uncomfortable with
fame and the spotlight and that he's an introvert, and
that he can come outside, but he wants to go
back inside, and that he's also not that vain, he
doesn't really care what he looks like. You know, I
(01:39):
get that. I'm more like I'm actually like both of them.
I'm driven, and I like publicity, and I market and
I'm successful, and I'm a woman. I'm also an introvert,
and I also don't care what people think of the
way that I look. And I also like my privacy,
and I don't go to a lot of red carpet events.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And I believe that they have had a love.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Connection, and that the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez and of
the relationship and of some hit that was gotten from
this relationship fed Ben, who is an admitted addict. And
I feel like, you know, Jennifer Garner was likely very
consistent and very solid, and addicts like to get a
(02:23):
hit or a high off of something. I could see
that Ben was getting that high off of dunkin Donuts.
I could see that he wasn't probably happy and in
a great place doing the Tom Brady roast that was
probably like a crash. And it feels like the intoxication
of Jennifer Lopez, which was a hit, a strong hit,
and a high that Ben Affleck sustained wore off because
(02:46):
they were in a lifestyle. They were traveling and on
yachts and with rare diamonds and going to events and
looking amazing and looking happy and getting attention from the
media and on red car events, and he was launching
a movie and she was launching a movie, and you know,
it all seemed amazing, and I think it probably was amazing.
But having done that on television in a smaller scale
(03:09):
for reality TV, you kind of are getting a hit
and high off of She here was getting a hit
and a high off of all the pr and the
success and the attention. And he was getting a hit
and a high off of the excitement of the connection
and the electricity of the two of them and the chemistry.
And it wears off. All highs do wear off. And
(03:31):
I believe that you can make a break. Coastin taught
me this. He's a life coach. You can create a
lifestyle out of a life. Meaning if you have a
good solid base, you have a life, you have a partner,
you're really solid, you have the cake, then you can
add the frosting, which is the lifestyle. So you can
(03:53):
create a lifestyle out of a life. So you can
have a life and then have fun. Go spend money,
Go be superficial, Go buy the big houses, go to
the red carpet.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Events, all that.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
But you can't make a life out of the lifestyle.
You can't put the frosting first. It's what housewives thrives on.
Relationships that are so excited. They're having problems in their
own relationships, but they go on there and the hit
and the high of the buying, the cars, the attention,
the press, the reunions, the stuff, the luxury goods, the
(04:25):
real estate, the make up, the glam, the trips, all
of it. You know, that's a lifestyle. But what happens
is if you don't have a solid foundation, which is
the life, it won't sustain. I don't think that in
(04:48):
this new two point zero era or even the first
time benefer have never had a solid foundation where you've blended,
you layered in the ingredients you've had the two of you,
your connect You're silent, you don't let anyone know you're
really finding out whether this can go the distance. You're
just keeping to yourself, nurturing, building layering. Then you're adding
(05:09):
in some more ingredients and to you know, the batter.
You're adding in chocolate chips, which means maybe it's a house.
You're adding in nuts, which means maybe it's you know,
the attention on a red carpet. Ryan Gosling and even
Mendez have taught society that if you really cherish and
nurture your relationship, it's sacred and you want to keep
it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And I've made that mistake. I keep going.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Lesser and lesser each relationship, like it'll be that I'll
be hiding in a bunker. But at this stage, at
this age, to bring the world into your relationship, when
you have no foundation, you've never spent years with the person,
with children with you know, holidays with year round, with
four seasons, when you've never really done that, it's a
dangerous game to bring in camera crews and documentaries and
(05:54):
by the way, that's making this big. So let's take
this down. Let's take this to the average person. You know,
you're in your neighborhood and you meet somebody and they
you know, you're all on a high and it's amazing.
Maybe you were having an affair. Maybe that was exciting.
Maybe you met someone really rich and that was exciting.
Maybe you know, you just thought someone was really hot
(06:14):
and you're a cougar and that was exciting. That's all frosting.
That's all lifestyle. That's not life. You know, once you've
been bored with someone, you've been bored with someone for
several seasons, you know, four seasons, and then you decide
you're going to add the frosting. Then you both make money.
Maybe somebody hits it big. Then you guys can handle
the money or the superficiality or other couples, or gossip,
(06:37):
or the neighborhood, or having kids, or an issue the
kids go through, or god forbid, somebody gets sick, or
god forbid, one of your kids has a substance abuse issue.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Like these are life's issues.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Because when you're Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and you
just meet and you're both hot and you're both interesting,
and you're both intoxicated by the hit, you have to
be careful with that.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
That's lass.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
You can't start showing your love letters to other people.
You can't start having camera crews around, you can't start
going to red carpet events together that's too much for
someone like that, like anybody would know that, you can't
start layering in the families and kids and events.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
It's too much. The damn will break.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
And I say that with respect and acknowledgment of my
own flaws and.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Errors in my life.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I say that with institutional knowledge and wisdom of the staircase.
I say that because each of them are in their fifties,
and nobody's getting out without paying the bill, and everybody
has to be in serious therapy to figure out. As
Allen DeGeneres said to me, if you will keep making
the same mistake until you learn the lesson, you don't
have to like Ellen, you don't have to respect her,
(07:45):
you don't have to agree with her. That advice is solid.
You will keep making the same mistake until you learn
the lesson.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And also.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You have to be comfortable, willing and allowing for yourself
to be alone. The drug is the other person. It's
easy to go find someone.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
It really is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
People make it hard. It's easy to go find a
seat to put your ass in. It's harder to be alone,
but it's so much more rewarding, and it's so much
more confident and secure and healing and necessary. You have
to be fully put together. You are the addresser that
has been fully put together. You have no dangling screws
before you go get with another person and be in
(08:29):
a relationship and add them into your world, and add
your world into their world, and blend families. But it
really it takes a while to layer these things in.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
You can't just electricity and love is not enough. It's not.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
But even if it were, big lives and big theatrics
and big stunts and really superficial elements will take you
down to the sticks. Everybody has to learn the lesson.
Nobody gets out without paying the bill.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Per let that to the after plaster p left that
to the after
So we've talked about the Jennifer Lopez has been athleic
conversation before. Please understand this is I would never ever
say anything negative about them because I don't know them,
but it's a vehicle to talk about something you can
all see, and so it's something that could affect all
of us. And what that is is that Jennifer Lopez
(00:36):
loves success and hard work and has an unparalleled work
ethic and drive for success, for fame, for publicity, which
I get, and for reinvention. And she's been very successful,
and she's very talented. She's a good dancer, she's beautiful,
(00:56):
and she works it. She doesn't mind spending six hours
getting ready to go to something that is very difficult
in a relationship, which we discussed. But she could arguably
be described as addicted to success or fame or something.
And she married someone who's a literal addict, admitted addict.
I would never out someone's addiction either, but who seems
(01:19):
to be irreverent and insular. He's hysterical, he's talented, he's smart,
he's creative, but you can tell that he's uncomfortable with
fame and the spotlight and that he's an introvert, and
that he can come outside, but he wants to go
back inside, and that he's also not that vain, he
doesn't really care what he looks like. You know, I
(01:39):
get that. I'm more like I'm actually like both of them.
I'm driven, and I like publicity, and I market and
I'm successful, and I'm a woman. I'm also an introvert,
and I also don't care what people think of the
way that I look. And I also like my privacy,
and I don't go to a lot of red carpet events.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And I believe that they have had a love.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Connection, and that the intoxication of Jennifer Lopez and of
the relationship and of some hit that was gotten from
this relationship fed Ben, who is an admitted addict. And
I feel like, you know, Jennifer Garner was likely very
consistent and very solid, and addicts like to get a
(02:23):
hit or a high off of something. I could see
that Ben was getting that high off of dunkin Donuts.
I could see that he wasn't probably happy and in
a great place doing the Tom Brady roast that was
probably like a crash. And it feels like the intoxication
of Jennifer Lopez, which was a hit, a strong hit,
and a high that Ben Affleck sustained wore off because
(02:46):
they were in a lifestyle. They were traveling and on
yachts and with rare diamonds and going to events and
looking amazing and looking happy and getting attention from the
media and on red car events, and he was launching
a movie and she was launching a movie, and you know,
it all seemed amazing, and I think it probably was amazing.
But having done that on television in a smaller scale
(03:09):
for reality TV, you kind of are getting a hit
and high off of She here was getting a hit
and a high off of all the pr and the
success and the attention. And he was getting a hit
and a high off of the excitement of the connection
and the electricity of the two of them and the chemistry.
And it wears off. All highs do wear off. And
(03:31):
I believe that you can make a break. Coastin taught
me this. He's a life coach. You can create a
lifestyle out of a life. Meaning if you have a
good solid base, you have a life, you have a partner,
you're really solid, you have the cake, then you can
add the frosting, which is the lifestyle. So you can
(03:53):
create a lifestyle out of a life. So you can
have a life and then have fun. Go spend money,
Go be superficial, Go buy the big houses, go to
the red carpet.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Events, all that.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
But you can't make a life out of the lifestyle.
You can't put the frosting first. It's what housewives thrives on.
Relationships that are so excited. They're having problems in their
own relationships, but they go on there and the hit
and the high of the buying, the cars, the attention,
the press, the reunions, the stuff, the luxury goods, the
(04:25):
real estate, the make up, the glam, the trips, all
of it. You know, that's a lifestyle. But what happens
is if you don't have a solid foundation, which is
the life, it won't sustain. I don't think that in
(04:48):
this new two point zero era or even the first
time benefer have never had a solid foundation where you've blended,
you layered in the ingredients you've had the two of you,
your connect You're silent, you don't let anyone know you're
really finding out whether this can go the distance. You're
just keeping to yourself, nurturing, building layering. Then you're adding
(05:09):
in some more ingredients and to you know, the batter.
You're adding in chocolate chips, which means maybe it's a house.
You're adding in nuts, which means maybe it's you know,
the attention on a red carpet. Ryan Gosling and even
Mendez have taught society that if you really cherish and
nurture your relationship, it's sacred and you want to keep
it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
And I've made that mistake. I keep going.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Lesser and lesser each relationship, like it'll be that I'll
be hiding in a bunker. But at this stage, at
this age, to bring the world into your relationship, when
you have no foundation, you've never spent years with the person,
with children with you know, holidays with year round, with
four seasons, when you've never really done that, it's a
dangerous game to bring in camera crews and documentaries and
(05:54):
by the way, that's making this big. So let's take
this down. Let's take this to the average person. You know,
you're in your neighborhood and you meet somebody and they
you know, you're all on a high and it's amazing.
Maybe you were having an affair. Maybe that was exciting.
Maybe you met someone really rich and that was exciting.
Maybe you know, you just thought someone was really hot
(06:14):
and you're a cougar and that was exciting. That's all frosting.
That's all lifestyle. That's not life. You know, once you've
been bored with someone, you've been bored with someone for
several seasons, you know, four seasons, and then you decide
you're going to add the frosting. Then you both make money.
Maybe somebody hits it big. Then you guys can handle
the money or the superficiality or other couples, or gossip,
(06:37):
or the neighborhood, or having kids, or an issue the
kids go through, or god forbid, somebody gets sick, or
god forbid, one of your kids has a substance abuse issue.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Like these are life's issues.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Because when you're Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and you
just meet and you're both hot and you're both interesting,
and you're both intoxicated by the hit, you have to
be careful with that.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
That's lass.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
You can't start showing your love letters to other people.
You can't start having camera crews around, you can't start
going to red carpet events together that's too much for
someone like that, like anybody would know that, you can't
start layering in the families and kids and events.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
It's too much. The damn will break.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
And I say that with respect and acknowledgment of my
own flaws and.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Errors in my life.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I say that with institutional knowledge and wisdom of the staircase.
I say that because each of them are in their fifties,
and nobody's getting out without paying the bill, and everybody
has to be in serious therapy to figure out. As
Allen DeGeneres said to me, if you will keep making
the same mistake until you learn the lesson, you don't
have to like Ellen, you don't have to respect her,
(07:45):
you don't have to agree with her. That advice is solid.
You will keep making the same mistake until you learn
the lesson.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And also.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
You have to be comfortable, willing and allowing for yourself
to be alone. The drug is the other person. It's
easy to go find someone.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
It really is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
People make it hard. It's easy to go find a
seat to put your ass in. It's harder to be alone,
but it's so much more rewarding, and it's so much
more confident and secure and healing and necessary. You have
to be fully put together. You are the addresser that
has been fully put together. You have no dangling screws
before you go get with another person and be in
(08:29):
a relationship and add them into your world, and add
your world into their world, and blend families. But it
really it takes a while to layer these things in.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
You can't just electricity and love is not enough. It's not.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
But even if it were, big lives and big theatrics
and big stunts and really superficial elements will take you
down to the sticks. Everybody has to learn the lesson.
Nobody gets out without paying the bill.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Per let that to the after plaster p left that
to the after
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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