December 18, 2025 • 29 mins
Summer House's Carl Radke stops by to talk about his amazing new nonalcoholic lounge Soft Bar, his memoir Cake Eater (+10 points if you know what the title means!). PLUS: We try to get him set up on The Core.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hi, How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I'm well. So we met at that event in New York.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
City briefly Outshine, Yes, and we were talking about your
is it a new bar?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
How new is it?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Almost three months?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Do you live in New York?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I live in green Point, Brooklyn full time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
And where were you raised?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I was born in Chicago. I was raised in Pittsburgh, PA.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Okay, And so those cocktails behind you are mocktails.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
These are all non alcoholic beverages.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
They are Yeah, like, is it on purpose?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It was literally just where I happened to be sitting.
It's not. It wasn't like an intentional thing.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
No, no, no, I just saw it and I thought,
does he have cocktails around him? Because he doesn't need
to drink them? And he happens to also have a softbar.
I love.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I've been in the industry for seven years with Loverboy,
we launched an alcohol brand and then I got sober
in twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
And how does that work?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Like, as far as the brand goes, as long as
you're honest about it, people understand or you don't really
promote it, because I too have a mocktail brand. And
also I've had different cocktail brands, but I drink less.
Not this week, I don't drink less, but overall, I
drink less. And also when I was pregnant, I was
promoting a cocktail, which was uncomfortable at best.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I think he's just being honest. Like I've been on
a TV show for ten years talking about my ups
and downs, so people have seen firsthand that, like, I
probably shouldn't be drinking. So if anything, people were like
excited and happy that I was being really honest about
my struggle with alcohol and other substances. So if anything,
(01:52):
it was like, no, guys, I can't drink this. But
we launched a non alcoholic version of lover Boy.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And how is your partnership, how is that working out?
How's the relationship business? And otherwise it's been great.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I mean I helped start the company with Kyle and
Amanda back in twenty eighteen. You know, I realized in
twenty twenty one that I needed to get sober. Prior
to getting sober, my brother passed from a drug overdose,
which was a big pivotal moment for me personally to
look in the mirror and you know, recognize that I
also struggled with it. So I've been very lucky to
(02:27):
be a part of an alcohol company but also not
drink alcohol. And Kyle and Amanda have been incredibly supportive
of me, and I wouldn't be in the position I'm
in with opening a bar and cafe and building a
brand in a company like Softbar if I didn't start
an alcohol company with Kyle and Amanda and lobb Boy.
So all these things have led me to where I
(02:47):
am now. I started an alcohol company, my brother passes
away from a drug overdose. I realized I'm an alcoholic
and a drug addict, still working for the alcohol company,
but then saying out loud, I cannot drink anymore because
I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. We then launched
a non alcoholic lover Boy. I realized there's nowhere to
drink non alcoholic lover Boy because most bars and restaurants,
(03:08):
it's just like an afterthought, it's not something that's a
focal point. A lot of non alc also is very
unhealthy and sugary. So through my own personal experiences and
professional experiences, I saw an opportunity to create not just
a beverage that's not alcoholic, but a place where you
drink all of these non alcoholic beverages, where you learn
about them, where you come together as a community. It's
(03:30):
a third space. So that's what I've been working on
in soft Bar. But because of my experience working with
Kyle Amanda and starting an alcohol company, and how is
it going Softbar so far in the first you know,
fifty days, we've done really really well. We've done over
three hundred thousand dollars in revenue. That's comprised of events, beverage, sales,
(03:53):
you know, all the different things that we do within
our four walls. Now listen, brick and Mortar's not easy.
We've certainly had chatallenges. We will have a ten out
of ten review and then I got a message the
other day someone went in and didn't have a great experience,
and like that happens. But for the most part, I mean,
I'm very very honest, Like we've had a lot of
great stuff. We still have just general startup challenges like
(04:17):
any company.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Would have, you know, and who's we do you investors
or how's what's the business struggle?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, so I have a co founder, so it's me
and my business partner, and then I have a team.
I brought in a general manager, a COO, and then
I've also raised money, so I've over twenty investors and
a team of bartenders, Barista's events, social It sounds.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Like the staff is expensive.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I just started a dating community self funded for the
first time. I've done something completely on my own, meaning
I've always invested in things and people usually throwing money
at it for me to do it, but I invested
in it and staff to facilitate what you need.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Feels like the biggest.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Number, labor costs is always a very pretty big number. However,
we run a leaner operation. My business model is different
than like a typical restaurant or bar. A lot of
restaurants and bars make money off of alcohol and the
margin you break even on food and labor. Typically we
(05:19):
don't have that because I'm not selling alcohol, but we
still sell a premium beverage. We also host events. I
mean this past weekend, we had a day long Saturday.
It's called a Tea Party, and we had DJs and
different events happening all day at Softbar. So it's a
playground for brands. We've hosted a brand You're very connected
(05:41):
to mingle a whole takeover of Softbar to launch their
new Mingle Mood, which is a functional, canned non alcoholic
beverage that I personally like. I helped develop it, and
I love this story. I love Laura is a great entrepreneur.
But we launched in our four walls that night, the
new Mingle Mood. Two different labors, but it's a playground
(06:02):
for brands. It's a beautiful upscale bar and cafe that
is connected and colorful and beautiful. But we don't serve alcohol.
We serve great drinks that you feel kind of like
Mingle Mood, like I drink Mood. And I literally was like, Laura.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I feel this, Yes, me too. It's the Ashwagan at
night at to night time. I'll take it and you
get a little buzz, like a little something. It's a
little it's an altered state, which is what people do want,
some version of an altered state, but not too much.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I love what Mingole's doing, We love their brand. We
serve it, but that's an example of what we are
doing at Softbar.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, it's one of the fastest growing mocktails, So thank
you for supporting it. So how does this affect do
you talk about relationships you talk about dating, like, what
was your last significant relationship, whether it's public or private.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
My last significant relationship is very public. You know, we
broke up over two years ago, so I've been single
for the last two years. I was engaged, but we
did not get married that.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yes, I know we're not going towards like public you know,
I'm in clich bait. I just meant like, if there's
anything I've been seeing someone that no one knows about.
So I was sort of asking if, like, have you
had any meaningful relationships that have been private and learned
that maybe you don't want to share them publicly, et cetera,
And how do you navigate that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
I'm just an open book. I like being very honest
and authentic, and I think more and more on social
and publicly, like we need authenticity and honesty. There's a
lot of just like people present themselves perfect or I'll
have it all figured out. I'm the opposite, like I'm messy.
I don't have it all figured out. I'm learning just
(07:41):
like everybody else. But I just try to be really
honest and authentic with what I share. So my relationship stuff,
I've been on TV for ten years now, so I
you know, a lot of my relationships, whether I want
them private or not, typically are always very public.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
How do the women feel about that? How do you
present that? Because it's a hard thing to navigate. You
don't want someone who wants that, but you can't have
someone who can't handle that, and sometimes you lose people
in the midst of that.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I think it's not easy. I mean, I think just transparency,
being upfront. I don't try to trauma dump on the
first date, but I've been on first dates where they
are aware I'm on a show of some sort and
then that entire date people are taking pictures of me
and like the energy is like who is that person?
(08:27):
That is something I just have to be honest, but
it's it's hard because some people just don't understand some
of that side of it. But I try to just
be upfront and honest and if they can't handle that,
then that's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Would you walk.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Away from the public aspect for a relationship or you
love that part of it?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Like that's you love the TV part and things like that.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I went to school for TV and film. I majored
in communications at Syracuse University and went to the New
House School my high school. One of my superlatives was
most likely to be on TV. I love a mic.
I love being in front of a camera. Now I
didn't know it would be maybe as personal as it's been.
But where I'm at in my life, I owe directly
(09:10):
to the public part of what I've shared. I wouldn't
be sober if I didn't ever be on the TV world.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Where does sobriety and someone being sober or not drinking
fit in?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Do you date people who do drink?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I do? I mean as long as someone has a
healthy relationship with any substance. I mean it could be gambling,
it could be food, it could be alcohol, it could
be other substances. You know. I want someone just be
honest and upfront. I can learn pretty quickly how someone
is feeling about the fact that I don't drink. Yes,
you know it doesn't you know, whatever you want to do,
(09:57):
that's what works best for you, go for it. But
for me, I just you know, I can't partake.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Do you date on the apps? Do you just meet
people in person? Through people? What's your You.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Never have never dated on the apps. I'm forty, Bethany
not that the age is a determining factor of why
I am or not on an app. But I've never
done an app. I just like to meet people organically.
I think the best way to meet someone is find
your community, lean in in that community, and you'll find
someone organically through that pursuit of just being the best
(10:29):
version of yourself, surrounding yourself with the best people and
doing things that you're passionate about. In love, that's how
you find the person who's connected to the world as
you want to be, in versus looking out a picture
on a phone and swiping and going, she's hot, she's cute,
she's this, that's nice, And I'm sure there's a lot
of success with that, but for me personally, it's not
something that I've really done.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
So where will you be during the holidays?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
So my parents are divorced. My mom got remarried a
few years ago. My mom lives in Pittsburgh, PA, which
is where I grew up. I will be at my
mom's house with my stepfather. And when my brother died
a few years ago, my brother had children, so my
mother is the guardian and parent for my niece, who's
(11:13):
seventeen years old. So I will be home with my mom,
my stepdad, and my niece.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
And how is she doing?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I mean as good as she can.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I don't know what it's like to be in her
shoes at all, but I just know she's taking care
of my mom, she's doing well in school. Just trying
to be supportive of her and just be a good uncle.
So I got some fun Christmas gifts for her. I
try to spoil my family, you know, and the best
way I can so.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
And what do you have to say about grief? I
experienced an unexpected death. I can't compare it to what
you went through because it's not comparable. But when my
mother died, I also experienced just like unexpected grief, like
not the stage is necessarily the way that they're laid out,
but definitely journey of complete unexpected turns. And like puzzle
(12:04):
work first, like piecing puzzle pieces together that don't need
to be pieced together, just to like make yourself feel
better about like wait, when that happened?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Did I see that?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
Like telling a story and then like listening to all
music that literally defines a generation of a person or
memories and like sobbing through that and like almost like
a dog retreating where I don't do grief with other people.
So I'm just curious, like what you learned through the
process of grief or how you could help other people
(12:32):
through extreme, extraordinary painful grief.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I mean, I would say for me grieving the loss
of my brother, I had to do it sober. I
reached for alcohol and cocaine when my brother died. I
mean the day he died. That night I did drink,
but the next day I drank incessantly. For about five
six months straight, I was on this roller coaster. I
(12:57):
would isolate in my apartment, drink and do cocaine by
myself for all whole and I was incredibly sad and depressed.
But then being sad and depressed while drinking and using
cocaine only makes.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
It worse, which is hard to actually imagine that it
made it worse.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
But did you have a rock bottom?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It did? Yeah? I mean, listen going, I'm not a
grief expert in any stretch. I just only really know
it's kind of worked and not worked for me. But yeah,
when my brother passed away, I was personally trying to
figure out my own relationships with drugs and alcohol. I
had had a long career of living in New York City, drinking,
using cocaine, staying up all hours, and just kind of
(13:39):
going through this world. When my brother passed away, I
had been trying to get sober already, like I knew
I had some challenges to work out, and when he
passed away, that's when I used that as like a
license to go and drink. And I grieved the loss
of my brother by drinking and using cocaine, which I
don't recommend to anybody. And I needed to get my
(14:01):
head clear to really grieve properly. And it was scary.
I was angry, I was sad, I was all the feeling.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
It sounds horrible, all those Sunday scaries must have been
really terrifying.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I mean I was honestly suicidal at times, coming down
from these antic moments and big bender weekends. And I
was trying to grieve the loss of my brother and
by drinking, and I was seeing a therapist, and I
would show up to therapy really anxious and kind of
on edge, and he's like trying to support me, but
(14:32):
I wasn't being honest about my drinking with the therapist,
so it was kind of this weird thing where I
finally I hit rock bottom. It was January sixth, That
was the last day that I drank, and I was
actually watching what was going on down in DC that day,
January six, twenty twenty one, I was drinking red wine
in my Grammarcy Park apartment, watching CNN and just getting
(14:57):
very emotional, and I just kept drinking and I ordered
some cocaine to my apartment and I basically stayed up
all night till like eight thirty nine in the morning, drinking,
using cocaine, calling people. And I called some people that
I did not normally call at nine in the morning
and basically was saying that I'm I don't know what
I said exactly, but I basically threaten to kill myself.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
And that was the last day that I drank and used,
and I came up out of that The next evening,
January seventh, I woke up in my bed and I
had like a hundred misscalls. People had been trying to
get a hold of me, and then they were trying
to reach me and didn't.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
So it wasn't until January eighth where I really got
a good night's sleep. Woke up that January eighth morning
and I called a friend of mine who i'd heard
was going to AA, and I said, hey, man, I
need help, and he's like, call this guy, and he
put me in touch with someone who's in New York
City who was a sponsor that, believe it or not,
he had a career at Goldman Sachs. Very successful man.
(16:01):
And I got connected to the finance AA world. There's
a huge contingent here in New York of AA, but
also people that I connected or related to more. You know,
this a interesting kind of the alpha male kind of overachieving,
hard working. I needed to be around that. My perception
of AA, and this is probably movies or TV related,
(16:22):
was like a guy with a brown paper bag looks dirt,
dirty and disheveled. That's what AA is. I walked into
my first AA meeting and everybody's smiling, high fiving, happy
like it was literally the opposite of what I thought
it was going to be.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Well, that's interesting and brings back to your community concept,
like if you're an artist, find a community of artists.
Like if you're you know, a mom, or you're gay
or whatever, maybe you could get niche with that. I've
really never heard anyone talk about AA in a niche way,
but it makes sense. You wanted to be with like type,
a sort of high functioning business people.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
New York is of a lot of great resources and
support groups. It's not just limited to AA. I mean
there's actually an NA, which is Narcotics Anonymous, So we
struggle with substances or other things. But alcohol was the
first thing that I would drink and then I would.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Use That was the gay way to everything else.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
That's why I chose that. But yeah, I mean it's
there's so many I've plugged into more communities now, like
the running community and the wellness community, so I have
my little communities but for various different points of what
I connect with. The grief process in AA also is
very helpful because I started to raise my hand. I'd say,
(17:38):
I'm car wreck, Hey, I'm an alcoholic, and I talk
about my story and I would share about my brother,
and you know how many people in those rooms also
shared stories of friends or loved ones, people that had
even been coming into the room, that had gone out
of the room, that are now no longer around. And
I just started to recognize I felt like I could
(17:58):
be myself here. I could be honest. I can open
up about my brother and people were like jumping for it.
They were like, oh my god, like they were before
when I would open up about my brother. People get
very uncomfortable because it's a hard topic to kind of
talk about. So I've done a lot of leaning in
on these communities in New York which have given me
(18:19):
just knowing that someone else is like you or similar
to you, and then also kind of the niche community,
finding like an investment banker who's making ten million dollars
a year who's an alcoholic and a coke addict, just
like me. I want ten million dollars a year and
be like him.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Now I understand, like it's like if you're finding aspirational
people that through, even through people who are addicts, because
it's like you're looking up to them and even they
could fall Like so that means that you're not such
a fuck up type of thing, and you know the
way we beat ourselves up. Also interesting that your family,
like everyone was on fire, having I have the chills
having lost a siblings, so no one could reach out
(18:57):
and help you, Like everyone was probably trying to help
themselves too. It's like it seems like like I said,
everyone's on fire. They don't have any water to pour
on you.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
No, I mean, if anything, as I look back now,
I mean, it's a gift that I'm giving myself, like
really taking care of myself and getting sober. But it
was a gift I gave my parents, and my parents
I believe her. I mean, listen, when you lose the sun,
I'm sure. I mean my mom actually said this recently.
I mean my mom was suicidal after my brother passed shit.
You know, yeah, like what am I? Why am I here?
(19:27):
And the one thing that gave her hope was me
still being here and taking it a step further, being
able to call my mom and tell her, Hey, Mom,
I'm going to get help.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
I'm getting sober, one thing off her plate of like
misery and worry, and.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I don't have to wake it up to my call.
I used to call her in the milan I eaten
say crety. I mean I wouldn't. I wasn't mean to her.
I was just calling her to say crazy things and.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Just ah, but she knew you were fucked up.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And also I think it's interesting too that I thought
you were going to say that you checked into rehabit,
not if there's anything wrong with rehabit. As I think
about it, rehab is like an isolated place that when
you come out of it's like coming out of jail
or something probably where like you're not used to that world.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
So I guess going to.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
AA, you're dealing in your normal habitat like you're getting
rid of the alcohol in your house and you have
someone to talk to you, but you're on the road
as your real life exists.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
With sobriety one hundred percent, it gave me tools to
live a more purposeful life, but to like actually like
appreciate life. It'd be present. There's a lot of people
that get sober and stop drinking, but they just stay
at home and they don't socialize.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It's a new life. It's a weird it's a different
alternate universe. You're living your life just with interesting And
how is the struggle like on a one to ten,
If it's like white knuckling, it is a ten, Like
what number is the struggle?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
It's funny, I've I have no desire for alcohol anymore.
I A lot of people talk about like you kind
of hit your rock bottom. You have like this epiphany
or like a spiritual awakening, and I've had that awakening
where kind of like like I look at certain food
like I don't eat certain foods because it makes me.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Sick, like food poisoning. You never want to see it again.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Well that, but like, for example, if I like red
pasta sauce right now, I would get acid reflux. Okay,
I love pasta sauce, but I know it's going to
make me sick and kind of throw me off for
the rest of the day. Same is alcohol, same as
other substances. It doesn't serve me. It's going to make
me sick and make me do crazy things. And over time,
when you build on that, you become like I love
(21:24):
the way I feel, and anything that kind of compromises
that feeling, I just Okay, that might work for someone else,
but that doesn't work for me.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Have you had any extreme stressful situations, emotionally or otherwise
that have tested this model.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I'll give you an example. This is a true story.
I mean we're talking about the relationship I had been in.
You know, we had a pretty public breakup. I told
her I didn't think the wedding was right, so we
broke up. Later that night, I ended up going. We
were living together, and I went to check into a
hotel room just to take some space. And I showed
up to the hotel and I walked in like i'd
(22:13):
been crying. I was, you know, emotional, and the front
desk person basically was like, a you're right, and I'm like, honestly,
I'm not like I'm going through a little bit personally.
I'm just, you know, if you could just give me
my room key. I just wanted to get checked in.
He gave me my room key, and he said, I'm
so sorry you're going through it, you know, here's your room.
Have a great day. So I go up to my room.
I was in the room for maybe two minutes and
(22:34):
I hear a knock and it's a man with like
a nice white napkin and he's holding a bottle a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
He's like, mister radkey, We're so sorry having a tough
day compliments of the front desk. And I had, you know,
the strength in the moment to just say thank you
so much. But I don't drink. There was never a
moment where I clipped, But looking back, I could have
very easily right.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
And I thought about the mini bar. My thought was
the mini bar, and I thought, do you ever have
them clear it before you get into a room.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I've never had to do that. Now I've heard folks
that say that again. Okay, I've just been able to
really leaning in on AA and doing the work and
really understanding what made me want a drink to begin with,
and then getting back in touch with like my true
childhood self. Like when I was a little kid, I
didn't drink. I was happy. So I had to like
draw upon how my personality and who I really was
(23:23):
back before all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Well, tell me about cake eater and what that name means,
and tell me all about this.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Growing up in Pittsburgh, PA, I'm from a town called
Upper Saint Clair. It's a very affluent, upper middle class area.
So from one of my early days of recollection, my
dad would call me and my brother a cake eater.
He'd be like, you cake eaters, and it was his
way of making fun of us for being soft or
being just weak or like expecting things to be handed
(23:53):
to us. However, our family wasn't very wealthy. We were
blue collar. We worked hard for what we had. I
had a job at the Dell down the street. I
clean dishes, I cut grass, I shoveled driveways. But the
community we grew up in, everybody had nice cars and
nice homes and our family just wasn't in that position.
But I was always called a cake eater, and it
(24:13):
was always this funny juxaposition. I'm like, well, I'm not rich,
and you're making fun of me for being rich. So
I just was something that stuck with me, and it
fast forward to working on the book. I wanted something
that to find where I'm from, but also like was
catchy and had like a deeper meaning. So I came up.
I just put it down on the paper and this
is a true story. So I was pulling at a
(24:35):
golf outing at Sabonic in the Hamptons. It was a
charity golf outing and one of my favorite football players
was there, Ben Roethlisberger. He was a former Pittsburgh Steeler.
I never had met him, so I walk up to him.
I say, hey, Ben, I'm Carl Radkey. I'm from Upper
Saint Clair in Pittsburgh. He looks at me without a beat,
he goes cake eater and I was like a stunned
(24:56):
and I'm like I can't believe you just said that.
He's like you know, how it is is his kids
and where he's raised. His family is in another part
of town. So I walked away and texted my publisher
that night and I said, cake Heater is the title.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I like it?
Speaker 2 (25:11):
How I like it?
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Look the irony is you don't seem like you eat cake,
maybe van cake, healthy cake.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, he's a little little more cake these days.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
So I literally didn't have this thought until I really
liked you when I met you, Like you just have
a very nice energy, a very I just calm, and
you seem very intentional and soulful. So I wasn't thinking
about this. I don't know much about you until now.
And it's right on the cusp of being too big
of an age difference, because I don't believe in setting
people up in this community that are more than ten
(25:40):
years apart. But there's a woman who's in here, who
doesn't drink, who's stunning, who does have a social media following,
but not because she's like some like basic influencer. She's
a very very smart, beautiful she's in Florida. I don't
know what her situation is with New York I'm saying,
and I also don't I have a thing with geography.
I want to know if you're because I think I'm
(26:01):
out of a girl that would be good for you.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
She's really beautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I'm really calm and mature and smart and soulful and beautiful.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
She doesn't drink. I remember that.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Love that. Yeah, I mean I'm at, I have been.
I'm okay on some dates. I've been kind of getting
back out there more so.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Yeah, okay, But I mean you're embedded in Brooklyn and
New York, like that's where.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
You're going to stay.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah, I live here. I'm very happy here. I you know,
build my business in Greenpoint. So for the time, what
is your type? What is your what if you had
to say you're deal breakers? And then what you like,
like I've got a geography already.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Is religion important?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I mean I like a foundation of just some moral fabric.
It doesn't have to be religious, but okay, that could help.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
But nobody extreme because you're not extreme, You're okay.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
And then like someone who wants who likes adventure and
to be active, I'm not expecting them to be working
out alongside me every day. But I'm very I work out.
I'm active. I like going to live sporting events and
live concerts. I like to be out, but I also
love being chill at home too.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
So your fifty to fifty social homebody. Yes, okay, because
alignment is huge in this thing, and like we're being
very intentional about the nuance, not just like the box checked,
but are you like, is it brunette or blonde or
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Brid you asked, I'm looking for brunette.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
You're looking for brunette.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Okay, all right, So Cake Eater is your book, and
then I know that it's Release Recovery Foundation. So you're
very intentional about helping other people with their recovery. And
this is a big part of your mission, not just
leading by example, but you're putting it into action one
hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I mean, there's an organization based here in New York
City called Release Recovery, and essentially it's rehab, it's counseling,
it's services for those who struggle with substance abuse or
mental health. I ran the New York City Marathon in November,
and the money that I raised and a lot of
the work I do with their organization is to raise
(27:59):
money for scholarships for those who can't afford the treatment.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
So got it.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
So the run, I just did it.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's a good I like that. That's a great cause.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Well, because these services are twenty twenty five grand for
like a rehab or halfway program.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Great cause. What an amazing cause.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, something that really amazing. It's important to help other
people who can't afford it. When I was presented to
go to rehab, someone sat me down back in twenty
eighteen and nineteen, they're like, you need to go to rehab.
I didn't, but at the time I wouldn't have been
able to afford it either. So interesting. It's amazing to
be able to use my powers and my platform too.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Right, Well, I mean, I mean, college debt stresses people
out and.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
They want to drink.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
So if you go to rehab and you can't afford it,
and then you're stressing out about paying it back, it's
going to be a trigger. It's the irony. Yeah, yeah, interesting, amazing.
Well you're so interesting and so kind and thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
So nice to talk to you again.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I'm a huge fan of you. I've always been inspired
by your entrepreneur and even some of your philanthropic ways.
We've actually did the La wildfires. You supported me and Kyle.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That was nice City winery. And he's a nice guy.
I like him.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
I've seen him a couple of times. I like his energy.
I didn't watch the show. I may have seen a
quarter of an episode one time, so I only seemed
like glimpses. So I've met you both just as normal humans,
which I prefer anyway, multiple times I met him, and
I met you a few times now well.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
And I always were huge fans of you, and everything
you've done on and off has been just really cool
to watch. And congrats on all your success. Thank you
for having me on. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Likewise, anytime
Hi, How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I'm well. So we met at that event in New York.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
City briefly Outshine, Yes, and we were talking about your
is it a new bar?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
How new is it?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Almost three months?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Do you live in New York?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I live in green Point, Brooklyn full time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
And where were you raised?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I was born in Chicago. I was raised in Pittsburgh, PA.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Okay, And so those cocktails behind you are mocktails.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
These are all non alcoholic beverages.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
They are Yeah, like, is it on purpose?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
It was literally just where I happened to be sitting.
It's not. It wasn't like an intentional thing.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
No, no, no, I just saw it and I thought,
does he have cocktails around him? Because he doesn't need
to drink them? And he happens to also have a softbar.
I love.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I've been in the industry for seven years with Loverboy,
we launched an alcohol brand and then I got sober
in twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
And how does that work?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Like, as far as the brand goes, as long as
you're honest about it, people understand or you don't really
promote it, because I too have a mocktail brand. And
also I've had different cocktail brands, but I drink less.
Not this week, I don't drink less, but overall, I
drink less. And also when I was pregnant, I was
promoting a cocktail, which was uncomfortable at best.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I think he's just being honest. Like I've been on
a TV show for ten years talking about my ups
and downs, so people have seen firsthand that, like, I
probably shouldn't be drinking. So if anything, people were like
excited and happy that I was being really honest about
my struggle with alcohol and other substances. So if anything,
(01:52):
it was like, no, guys, I can't drink this. But
we launched a non alcoholic version of lover Boy.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
And how is your partnership, how is that working out?
How's the relationship business? And otherwise it's been great.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I mean I helped start the company with Kyle and
Amanda back in twenty eighteen. You know, I realized in
twenty twenty one that I needed to get sober. Prior
to getting sober, my brother passed from a drug overdose,
which was a big pivotal moment for me personally to
look in the mirror and you know, recognize that I
also struggled with it. So I've been very lucky to
(02:27):
be a part of an alcohol company but also not
drink alcohol. And Kyle and Amanda have been incredibly supportive
of me, and I wouldn't be in the position I'm
in with opening a bar and cafe and building a
brand in a company like Softbar if I didn't start
an alcohol company with Kyle and Amanda and lobb Boy.
So all these things have led me to where I
(02:47):
am now. I started an alcohol company, my brother passes
away from a drug overdose. I realized I'm an alcoholic
and a drug addict, still working for the alcohol company,
but then saying out loud, I cannot drink anymore because
I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. We then launched
a non alcoholic lover Boy. I realized there's nowhere to
drink non alcoholic lover Boy because most bars and restaurants,
(03:08):
it's just like an afterthought, it's not something that's a
focal point. A lot of non alc also is very
unhealthy and sugary. So through my own personal experiences and
professional experiences, I saw an opportunity to create not just
a beverage that's not alcoholic, but a place where you
drink all of these non alcoholic beverages, where you learn
about them, where you come together as a community. It's
(03:30):
a third space. So that's what I've been working on
in soft Bar. But because of my experience working with
Kyle Amanda and starting an alcohol company, and how is
it going Softbar so far in the first you know,
fifty days, we've done really really well. We've done over
three hundred thousand dollars in revenue. That's comprised of events, beverage, sales,
(03:53):
you know, all the different things that we do within
our four walls. Now listen, brick and Mortar's not easy.
We've certainly had chatallenges. We will have a ten out
of ten review and then I got a message the
other day someone went in and didn't have a great experience,
and like that happens. But for the most part, I mean,
I'm very very honest, Like we've had a lot of
great stuff. We still have just general startup challenges like
(04:17):
any company.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Would have, you know, and who's we do you investors
or how's what's the business struggle?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, so I have a co founder, so it's me
and my business partner, and then I have a team.
I brought in a general manager, a COO, and then
I've also raised money, so I've over twenty investors and
a team of bartenders, Barista's events, social It sounds.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Like the staff is expensive.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I just started a dating community self funded for the
first time. I've done something completely on my own, meaning
I've always invested in things and people usually throwing money
at it for me to do it, but I invested
in it and staff to facilitate what you need.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Feels like the biggest.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Number, labor costs is always a very pretty big number. However,
we run a leaner operation. My business model is different
than like a typical restaurant or bar. A lot of
restaurants and bars make money off of alcohol and the
margin you break even on food and labor. Typically we
(05:19):
don't have that because I'm not selling alcohol, but we
still sell a premium beverage. We also host events. I
mean this past weekend, we had a day long Saturday.
It's called a Tea Party, and we had DJs and
different events happening all day at Softbar. So it's a
playground for brands. We've hosted a brand You're very connected
(05:41):
to mingle a whole takeover of Softbar to launch their
new Mingle Mood, which is a functional, canned non alcoholic
beverage that I personally like. I helped develop it, and
I love this story. I love Laura is a great entrepreneur.
But we launched in our four walls that night, the
new Mingle Mood. Two different labors, but it's a playground
(06:02):
for brands. It's a beautiful upscale bar and cafe that
is connected and colorful and beautiful. But we don't serve alcohol.
We serve great drinks that you feel kind of like
Mingle Mood, like I drink Mood. And I literally was like, Laura.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I feel this, Yes, me too. It's the Ashwagan at
night at to night time. I'll take it and you
get a little buzz, like a little something. It's a
little it's an altered state, which is what people do want,
some version of an altered state, but not too much.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I love what Mingole's doing, We love their brand. We
serve it, but that's an example of what we are
doing at Softbar.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, it's one of the fastest growing mocktails, So thank
you for supporting it. So how does this affect do
you talk about relationships you talk about dating, like, what
was your last significant relationship, whether it's public or private.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
My last significant relationship is very public. You know, we
broke up over two years ago, so I've been single
for the last two years. I was engaged, but we
did not get married that.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yes, I know we're not going towards like public you know,
I'm in clich bait. I just meant like, if there's
anything I've been seeing someone that no one knows about.
So I was sort of asking if, like, have you
had any meaningful relationships that have been private and learned
that maybe you don't want to share them publicly, et cetera,
And how do you navigate that.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
I'm just an open book. I like being very honest
and authentic, and I think more and more on social
and publicly, like we need authenticity and honesty. There's a
lot of just like people present themselves perfect or I'll
have it all figured out. I'm the opposite, like I'm messy.
I don't have it all figured out. I'm learning just
(07:41):
like everybody else. But I just try to be really
honest and authentic with what I share. So my relationship stuff,
I've been on TV for ten years now, so I
you know, a lot of my relationships, whether I want
them private or not, typically are always very public.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
How do the women feel about that? How do you
present that? Because it's a hard thing to navigate. You
don't want someone who wants that, but you can't have
someone who can't handle that, and sometimes you lose people
in the midst of that.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I think it's not easy. I mean, I think just transparency,
being upfront. I don't try to trauma dump on the
first date, but I've been on first dates where they
are aware I'm on a show of some sort and
then that entire date people are taking pictures of me
and like the energy is like who is that person?
(08:27):
That is something I just have to be honest, but
it's it's hard because some people just don't understand some
of that side of it. But I try to just
be upfront and honest and if they can't handle that,
then that's okay.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Would you walk.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Away from the public aspect for a relationship or you
love that part of it?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Like that's you love the TV part and things like that.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I went to school for TV and film. I majored
in communications at Syracuse University and went to the New
House School my high school. One of my superlatives was
most likely to be on TV. I love a mic.
I love being in front of a camera. Now I
didn't know it would be maybe as personal as it's been.
But where I'm at in my life, I owe directly
(09:10):
to the public part of what I've shared. I wouldn't
be sober if I didn't ever be on the TV world.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Where does sobriety and someone being sober or not drinking
fit in?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Do you date people who do drink?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I do? I mean as long as someone has a
healthy relationship with any substance. I mean it could be gambling,
it could be food, it could be alcohol, it could
be other substances. You know. I want someone just be
honest and upfront. I can learn pretty quickly how someone
is feeling about the fact that I don't drink. Yes,
you know it doesn't you know, whatever you want to do,
(09:57):
that's what works best for you, go for it. But
for me, I just you know, I can't partake.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Do you date on the apps? Do you just meet
people in person? Through people? What's your You.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Never have never dated on the apps. I'm forty, Bethany
not that the age is a determining factor of why
I am or not on an app. But I've never
done an app. I just like to meet people organically.
I think the best way to meet someone is find
your community, lean in in that community, and you'll find
someone organically through that pursuit of just being the best
(10:29):
version of yourself, surrounding yourself with the best people and
doing things that you're passionate about. In love, that's how
you find the person who's connected to the world as
you want to be, in versus looking out a picture
on a phone and swiping and going, she's hot, she's cute,
she's this, that's nice, And I'm sure there's a lot
of success with that, but for me personally, it's not
something that I've really done.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
So where will you be during the holidays?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
So my parents are divorced. My mom got remarried a
few years ago. My mom lives in Pittsburgh, PA, which
is where I grew up. I will be at my
mom's house with my stepfather. And when my brother died
a few years ago, my brother had children, so my
mother is the guardian and parent for my niece, who's
(11:13):
seventeen years old. So I will be home with my mom,
my stepdad, and my niece.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
And how is she doing?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
I mean as good as she can.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
You know.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I don't know what it's like to be in her
shoes at all, but I just know she's taking care
of my mom, she's doing well in school. Just trying
to be supportive of her and just be a good uncle.
So I got some fun Christmas gifts for her. I
try to spoil my family, you know, and the best
way I can so.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
And what do you have to say about grief? I
experienced an unexpected death. I can't compare it to what
you went through because it's not comparable. But when my
mother died, I also experienced just like unexpected grief, like
not the stage is necessarily the way that they're laid out,
but definitely journey of complete unexpected turns. And like puzzle
(12:04):
work first, like piecing puzzle pieces together that don't need
to be pieced together, just to like make yourself feel
better about like wait, when that happened?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Did I see that?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
Like telling a story and then like listening to all
music that literally defines a generation of a person or
memories and like sobbing through that and like almost like
a dog retreating where I don't do grief with other people.
So I'm just curious, like what you learned through the
process of grief or how you could help other people
(12:32):
through extreme, extraordinary painful grief.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I mean, I would say for me grieving the loss
of my brother, I had to do it sober. I
reached for alcohol and cocaine when my brother died. I
mean the day he died. That night I did drink,
but the next day I drank incessantly. For about five
six months straight, I was on this roller coaster. I
(12:57):
would isolate in my apartment, drink and do cocaine by
myself for all whole and I was incredibly sad and depressed.
But then being sad and depressed while drinking and using
cocaine only makes.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
It worse, which is hard to actually imagine that it
made it worse.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
But did you have a rock bottom?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It did? Yeah? I mean, listen going, I'm not a
grief expert in any stretch. I just only really know
it's kind of worked and not worked for me. But yeah,
when my brother passed away, I was personally trying to
figure out my own relationships with drugs and alcohol. I
had had a long career of living in New York City, drinking,
using cocaine, staying up all hours, and just kind of
(13:39):
going through this world. When my brother passed away, I
had been trying to get sober already, like I knew
I had some challenges to work out, and when he
passed away, that's when I used that as like a
license to go and drink. And I grieved the loss
of my brother by drinking and using cocaine, which I
don't recommend to anybody. And I needed to get my
(14:01):
head clear to really grieve properly. And it was scary.
I was angry, I was sad, I was all the feeling.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
It sounds horrible, all those Sunday scaries must have been
really terrifying.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I mean I was honestly suicidal at times, coming down
from these antic moments and big bender weekends. And I
was trying to grieve the loss of my brother and
by drinking, and I was seeing a therapist, and I
would show up to therapy really anxious and kind of
on edge, and he's like trying to support me, but
(14:32):
I wasn't being honest about my drinking with the therapist,
so it was kind of this weird thing where I
finally I hit rock bottom. It was January sixth, That
was the last day that I drank, and I was
actually watching what was going on down in DC that day,
January six, twenty twenty one, I was drinking red wine
in my Grammarcy Park apartment, watching CNN and just getting
(14:57):
very emotional, and I just kept drinking and I ordered
some cocaine to my apartment and I basically stayed up
all night till like eight thirty nine in the morning, drinking,
using cocaine, calling people. And I called some people that
I did not normally call at nine in the morning
and basically was saying that I'm I don't know what
I said exactly, but I basically threaten to kill myself.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
And that was the last day that I drank and used,
and I came up out of that The next evening,
January seventh, I woke up in my bed and I
had like a hundred misscalls. People had been trying to
get a hold of me, and then they were trying
to reach me and didn't.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
So it wasn't until January eighth where I really got
a good night's sleep. Woke up that January eighth morning
and I called a friend of mine who i'd heard
was going to AA, and I said, hey, man, I
need help, and he's like, call this guy, and he
put me in touch with someone who's in New York
City who was a sponsor that, believe it or not,
he had a career at Goldman Sachs. Very successful man.
(16:01):
And I got connected to the finance AA world. There's
a huge contingent here in New York of AA, but
also people that I connected or related to more. You know,
this a interesting kind of the alpha male kind of overachieving,
hard working. I needed to be around that. My perception
of AA, and this is probably movies or TV related,
(16:22):
was like a guy with a brown paper bag looks dirt,
dirty and disheveled. That's what AA is. I walked into
my first AA meeting and everybody's smiling, high fiving, happy
like it was literally the opposite of what I thought
it was going to be.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Well, that's interesting and brings back to your community concept,
like if you're an artist, find a community of artists.
Like if you're you know, a mom, or you're gay
or whatever, maybe you could get niche with that. I've
really never heard anyone talk about AA in a niche way,
but it makes sense. You wanted to be with like type,
a sort of high functioning business people.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
New York is of a lot of great resources and
support groups. It's not just limited to AA. I mean
there's actually an NA, which is Narcotics Anonymous, So we
struggle with substances or other things. But alcohol was the
first thing that I would drink and then I would.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Use That was the gay way to everything else.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
That's why I chose that. But yeah, I mean it's
there's so many I've plugged into more communities now, like
the running community and the wellness community, so I have
my little communities but for various different points of what
I connect with. The grief process in AA also is
very helpful because I started to raise my hand. I'd say,
(17:38):
I'm car wreck, Hey, I'm an alcoholic, and I talk
about my story and I would share about my brother,
and you know how many people in those rooms also
shared stories of friends or loved ones, people that had
even been coming into the room, that had gone out
of the room, that are now no longer around. And
I just started to recognize I felt like I could
(17:58):
be myself here. I could be honest. I can open
up about my brother and people were like jumping for it.
They were like, oh my god, like they were before
when I would open up about my brother. People get
very uncomfortable because it's a hard topic to kind of
talk about. So I've done a lot of leaning in
on these communities in New York which have given me
(18:19):
just knowing that someone else is like you or similar
to you, and then also kind of the niche community,
finding like an investment banker who's making ten million dollars
a year who's an alcoholic and a coke addict, just
like me. I want ten million dollars a year and
be like him.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Now I understand, like it's like if you're finding aspirational
people that through, even through people who are addicts, because
it's like you're looking up to them and even they
could fall Like so that means that you're not such
a fuck up type of thing, and you know the
way we beat ourselves up. Also interesting that your family,
like everyone was on fire, having I have the chills
having lost a siblings, so no one could reach out
(18:57):
and help you, Like everyone was probably trying to help
themselves too. It's like it seems like like I said,
everyone's on fire. They don't have any water to pour
on you.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
No, I mean, if anything, as I look back now,
I mean, it's a gift that I'm giving myself, like
really taking care of myself and getting sober. But it
was a gift I gave my parents, and my parents
I believe her. I mean, listen, when you lose the sun,
I'm sure. I mean my mom actually said this recently.
I mean my mom was suicidal after my brother passed shit.
You know, yeah, like what am I? Why am I here?
(19:27):
And the one thing that gave her hope was me
still being here and taking it a step further, being
able to call my mom and tell her, Hey, Mom,
I'm going to get help.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
I'm getting sober, one thing off her plate of like
misery and worry, and.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I don't have to wake it up to my call.
I used to call her in the milan I eaten
say crety. I mean I wouldn't. I wasn't mean to her.
I was just calling her to say crazy things and.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Just ah, but she knew you were fucked up.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And also I think it's interesting too that I thought
you were going to say that you checked into rehabit,
not if there's anything wrong with rehabit. As I think
about it, rehab is like an isolated place that when
you come out of it's like coming out of jail
or something probably where like you're not used to that world.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
So I guess going to.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
AA, you're dealing in your normal habitat like you're getting
rid of the alcohol in your house and you have
someone to talk to you, but you're on the road
as your real life exists.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
With sobriety one hundred percent, it gave me tools to
live a more purposeful life, but to like actually like
appreciate life. It'd be present. There's a lot of people
that get sober and stop drinking, but they just stay
at home and they don't socialize.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It's a new life. It's a weird it's a different
alternate universe. You're living your life just with interesting And
how is the struggle like on a one to ten,
If it's like white knuckling, it is a ten, Like
what number is the struggle?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
It's funny, I've I have no desire for alcohol anymore.
I A lot of people talk about like you kind
of hit your rock bottom. You have like this epiphany
or like a spiritual awakening, and I've had that awakening
where kind of like like I look at certain food
like I don't eat certain foods because it makes me.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Sick, like food poisoning. You never want to see it again.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Well that, but like, for example, if I like red
pasta sauce right now, I would get acid reflux. Okay,
I love pasta sauce, but I know it's going to
make me sick and kind of throw me off for
the rest of the day. Same is alcohol, same as
other substances. It doesn't serve me. It's going to make
me sick and make me do crazy things. And over time,
when you build on that, you become like I love
(21:24):
the way I feel, and anything that kind of compromises
that feeling, I just Okay, that might work for someone else,
but that doesn't work for me.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Have you had any extreme stressful situations, emotionally or otherwise
that have tested this model.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I'll give you an example. This is a true story.
I mean we're talking about the relationship I had been in.
You know, we had a pretty public breakup. I told
her I didn't think the wedding was right, so we
broke up. Later that night, I ended up going. We
were living together, and I went to check into a
hotel room just to take some space. And I showed
up to the hotel and I walked in like i'd
(22:13):
been crying. I was, you know, emotional, and the front
desk person basically was like, a you're right, and I'm like, honestly,
I'm not like I'm going through a little bit personally.
I'm just, you know, if you could just give me
my room key. I just wanted to get checked in.
He gave me my room key, and he said, I'm
so sorry you're going through it, you know, here's your room.
Have a great day. So I go up to my room.
I was in the room for maybe two minutes and
(22:34):
I hear a knock and it's a man with like
a nice white napkin and he's holding a bottle a lot.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
He's like, mister radkey, We're so sorry having a tough
day compliments of the front desk. And I had, you know,
the strength in the moment to just say thank you
so much. But I don't drink. There was never a
moment where I clipped, But looking back, I could have
very easily right.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
And I thought about the mini bar. My thought was
the mini bar, and I thought, do you ever have
them clear it before you get into a room.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I've never had to do that. Now I've heard folks
that say that again. Okay, I've just been able to
really leaning in on AA and doing the work and
really understanding what made me want a drink to begin with,
and then getting back in touch with like my true
childhood self. Like when I was a little kid, I
didn't drink. I was happy. So I had to like
draw upon how my personality and who I really was
(23:23):
back before all this stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Well, tell me about cake eater and what that name means,
and tell me all about this.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Growing up in Pittsburgh, PA, I'm from a town called
Upper Saint Clair. It's a very affluent, upper middle class area.
So from one of my early days of recollection, my
dad would call me and my brother a cake eater.
He'd be like, you cake eaters, and it was his
way of making fun of us for being soft or
being just weak or like expecting things to be handed
(23:53):
to us. However, our family wasn't very wealthy. We were
blue collar. We worked hard for what we had. I
had a job at the Dell down the street. I
clean dishes, I cut grass, I shoveled driveways. But the
community we grew up in, everybody had nice cars and
nice homes and our family just wasn't in that position.
But I was always called a cake eater, and it
(24:13):
was always this funny juxaposition. I'm like, well, I'm not rich,
and you're making fun of me for being rich. So
I just was something that stuck with me, and it
fast forward to working on the book. I wanted something
that to find where I'm from, but also like was
catchy and had like a deeper meaning. So I came up.
I just put it down on the paper and this
is a true story. So I was pulling at a
(24:35):
golf outing at Sabonic in the Hamptons. It was a
charity golf outing and one of my favorite football players
was there, Ben Roethlisberger. He was a former Pittsburgh Steeler.
I never had met him, so I walk up to him.
I say, hey, Ben, I'm Carl Radkey. I'm from Upper
Saint Clair in Pittsburgh. He looks at me without a beat,
he goes cake eater and I was like a stunned
(24:56):
and I'm like I can't believe you just said that.
He's like you know, how it is is his kids
and where he's raised. His family is in another part
of town. So I walked away and texted my publisher
that night and I said, cake Heater is the title.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I like it?
Speaker 2 (25:11):
How I like it?
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Look the irony is you don't seem like you eat cake,
maybe van cake, healthy cake.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Yeah, he's a little little more cake these days.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
So I literally didn't have this thought until I really
liked you when I met you, Like you just have
a very nice energy, a very I just calm, and
you seem very intentional and soulful. So I wasn't thinking
about this. I don't know much about you until now.
And it's right on the cusp of being too big
of an age difference, because I don't believe in setting
people up in this community that are more than ten
(25:40):
years apart. But there's a woman who's in here, who
doesn't drink, who's stunning, who does have a social media following,
but not because she's like some like basic influencer. She's
a very very smart, beautiful she's in Florida. I don't
know what her situation is with New York I'm saying,
and I also don't I have a thing with geography.
I want to know if you're because I think I'm
(26:01):
out of a girl that would be good for you.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
She's really beautiful.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
I'm really calm and mature and smart and soulful and beautiful.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
She doesn't drink. I remember that.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Love that. Yeah, I mean I'm at, I have been.
I'm okay on some dates. I've been kind of getting
back out there more so.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Yeah, okay, But I mean you're embedded in Brooklyn and
New York, like that's where.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
You're going to stay.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah, I live here. I'm very happy here. I you know,
build my business in Greenpoint. So for the time, what
is your type? What is your what if you had
to say you're deal breakers? And then what you like,
like I've got a geography already.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Is religion important?
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I mean I like a foundation of just some moral fabric.
It doesn't have to be religious, but okay, that could help.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
But nobody extreme because you're not extreme, You're okay.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
And then like someone who wants who likes adventure and
to be active, I'm not expecting them to be working
out alongside me every day. But I'm very I work out.
I'm active. I like going to live sporting events and
live concerts. I like to be out, but I also
love being chill at home too.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
So your fifty to fifty social homebody. Yes, okay, because
alignment is huge in this thing, and like we're being
very intentional about the nuance, not just like the box checked,
but are you like, is it brunette or blonde or
it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Brid you asked, I'm looking for brunette.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
You're looking for brunette.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Okay, all right, So Cake Eater is your book, and
then I know that it's Release Recovery Foundation. So you're
very intentional about helping other people with their recovery. And
this is a big part of your mission, not just
leading by example, but you're putting it into action one
hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I mean, there's an organization based here in New York
City called Release Recovery, and essentially it's rehab, it's counseling,
it's services for those who struggle with substance abuse or
mental health. I ran the New York City Marathon in November,
and the money that I raised and a lot of
the work I do with their organization is to raise
(27:59):
money for scholarships for those who can't afford the treatment.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
So got it.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
So the run, I just did it.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
That's a good I like that. That's a great cause.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Well, because these services are twenty twenty five grand for
like a rehab or halfway program.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Great cause. What an amazing cause.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yeah, something that really amazing. It's important to help other
people who can't afford it. When I was presented to
go to rehab, someone sat me down back in twenty
eighteen and nineteen, they're like, you need to go to rehab.
I didn't, but at the time I wouldn't have been
able to afford it either. So interesting. It's amazing to
be able to use my powers and my platform too.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Right, Well, I mean, I mean, college debt stresses people
out and.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
They want to drink.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
So if you go to rehab and you can't afford it,
and then you're stressing out about paying it back, it's
going to be a trigger. It's the irony. Yeah, yeah, interesting, amazing.
Well you're so interesting and so kind and thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
So nice to talk to you again.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I'm a huge fan of you. I've always been inspired
by your entrepreneur and even some of your philanthropic ways.
We've actually did the La wildfires. You supported me and Kyle.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That was nice City winery. And he's a nice guy.
I like him.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
I've seen him a couple of times. I like his energy.
I didn't watch the show. I may have seen a
quarter of an episode one time, so I only seemed
like glimpses. So I've met you both just as normal humans,
which I prefer anyway, multiple times I met him, and
I met you a few times now well.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
And I always were huge fans of you, and everything
you've done on and off has been just really cool
to watch. And congrats on all your success. Thank you
for having me on. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Likewise, anytime
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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