Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello, Hi, Basmini.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
How are you. I'm wonderful. How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I'm great?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
So I I guess I've been thinking about my vagina
this morning more than I ever do.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
It tends to happen when people have conversations with me
to come up to me at parties and they're like, so,
can I talk to you about my US infection?
Speaker 3 (00:34):
I'm like sure, Yeah, I just reminded myself that I
actually have one, And then I'm right now thinking about
when I did stand up for the first and only
time in my life and said that there's no way
that Gwyneth Paltrow's candle smelled anything like her vagina, even
on its best day.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I never smelled that candle, but I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
You should have a vagiant I think you should have
a vagina candle.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
By the way, that's particularly on brand for us, really
out supporting women's health and making it more about them
than it is about me.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
I know. Well good, No, it could be a general
wellness vagina candel just like putting good good uh energy
and sense in the air.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'll tell the marketing too. I like the idea.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah, well it's good, it's good. It makes sense to
talk about your vagina, So it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
It does make sense.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I get it, Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
So I know of you from the Hills obviously, and
then like peripherally just seeing I guess through social media
or articles. I didn't even know you worked with Jill
and Charlie, who I love. And every time Charlie's with me,
something crazy it happens. Every time Charlie your probalysis is
(01:57):
with me, something insane happens.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
It's weird he's sending in hearts through the zoom.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, it's literally something so crazy. Something crazy happens every
time we're together. So I look and I'm like, here
we go. What's going to happen today? Like something nuts,
like someone attacks me or something. So anyway, you're in
good hands with them. But I know that peripherally I
have gotten the messages about your business just through your
social media or like I was aware that you were
(02:24):
in this female wellness space. So how did you transition
from the Hills and like, how did you get into this?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah? So I started Love Wellness in twenty sixteen, and
in the eight years that have passed me by, I
suppose the business has grown pretty significantly. We're available now
stationwide at Walmart, at Target, at Olta. But when I
started the business, it was very much focused on a
(02:54):
white space category, which was women's wellness back into twenty sixteen,
and I started the business really out of self need,
which is like a very common entrepreneur story. But I
was unwell. I moved to New York in twenty twelve
and I still live here, and I was going through
sort of a breakup that was really devastating, but simultaneously
(03:16):
was dealing with a lot of health issues. I was
depressed and anxious, but like in a way that felt
much more significant than I had ever experienced before. It
was like a crippling type of depression and anxiety where
I just lay up the ground for a while because
I couldn't get out of the house. And then I
was dealing with all of these intimate health issues right
(03:36):
like UTIs and east infections. And I have obviously shared
that story before, which is you know why we're here
talking about maaginal health right now. But I kept going
to the doctor, and going to the doctor as a
woman and getting gasoline is a particularly common experience. I
will give you the example that the word hysteria comes
(03:58):
from the Greek word history, which means uterus, So we've
just been gaslet since the beginning of recorded history. When
it comes to our medical problems and me going to
the doctor, you know, with these like recurrent symptoms was
no different. It took me eighteen months from my first
appointment to the period where my GP finally said, hey,
(04:21):
let's do a blood test to test your vitamin levels.
Eighteen months, right, She's like, oh God, lord's your again.
And that blood test came back and showed that I
had really severe vitamin deficiencies, which was a very interesting
data point for me because it allowed me to at
least begin my own research on how to get better,
(04:43):
and I could at least go to different doctors saying, hey, like,
this is really happening in my body. What I'm saying
and what I'm experiencing is the balid. Long story short,
I had a gut health problem because I think most
humans that exist right now have got health problems right Like,
we take antibiotics, we eat a bunch of processed food,
we drink alcohol. We are constantly dealing with microbiome disruptors,
(05:06):
things that basically affect your gut microbiome and bacteria negatively.
And it turns out that the gut microbiome is not
only sort of like your sort of home of your
immune center and your body, but your gut microbiome also
regulates and promotes your vaginal microbiome, which is responsible for
the immunity and health of your vagina. And so I
(05:29):
was sort of able to connect the dots with the
help of my doctors back in the day to say, oh, okay,
I have vitamin deficiencies. That makes sense if you have
a gut health issue, you may have a tougher time
absorbing the nutrients from your food. Right. So like that
sort of like explains the path up from like the
gut to the brain because I was dealing with D
(05:52):
and B deficiencies, which speaks to sort of those neurological
concerns that I was, you know, experiencing. And then the
gut vagina can is also explained, right, And so if
your vaginal microbiome is in chaos, because your gut microbiome
is in chaos, you're going to be much more susceptible
to recurrent infections, irritation, et cetera. And so I had
(06:14):
all this information based on guidance from doctors and research
I did, reading medical journals and like literally going so
far down the road and kept going to the pharmacy
and to Dwayne read and looking around and feeling like
there are no solutions that reflect this new research in
(06:34):
the women's health space, and so why don't I develop
the innovation with my medical community and with food scientists
and nutritionists to provide new solutions in this space. And
so that's exactly what I did. I got to wow,
jumped off the cler and the rest is history.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And that was eight years ago.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
And so I asked this because with so much information
in every single area from just yes, guts and hormones
and estrogen and menopause and all this stuff, right, so
I have elevated my medical attention in the set because
I have a like a concierge doctor, but not one
of the BS ones or just does prescriptions.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like he's very involved.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
And he comes to my house and he takes my
eco cardiogram, and he takes all my bloods every periodically.
He and I did the twenty four hour y'urin test
and all this stuff, and he keeps coming back and
saying everything looks amazing, and I don't take any vitamins,
like I don't take vitamins, and I sometimes feel like
I'm supposed to be entering this space because people are.
But I don't take hormones and I don't take vitamins,
(07:40):
and I'm almost and I eat well and I'm almost
old fashioned. Oh, in the sense that I don't start
something like I have severe dehydration. It's a big problem
in my life. U pots things, So that's my thing.
Like everyone is a different thing that they do, and
that's my major thing. I have to every day be
on the case. I have to have different hydration stuff
like that. That's my thing, and you had a thing that
(08:02):
was your thing. And my question is for me personally,
I don't like I'm not experiencing menopausals symptoms either, even
though I'm fifty three years old, and I feel like
I'm gaslighting menopause because people ask me about it. I'm like,
I don't really know. I kind of react to things happening.
So I just want to talk about that to you,
(08:22):
because I don't sort of go and search out new
things to buy and take for me personally, unless I
feel like there's some version like if there was something
smelling weird or something was weird, or I was expecting
sex experiencing sexual problems. So I want to talk about
that to you overall, like how people know if they're
supposed to just do something even if it's not affecting
(08:43):
them that they know of and their doctor's saying it's
not affecting them.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah, I think that one of the first things to
do is really take note of how you're feeling in
your body, right, Like how do you feel day to day?
Like how is your energy. I know that this is
going to be gross, but like are you going to
the bathroom regularly? Like do you feel like your emotions
are like on a roller coaster? Right? Because I think
(09:09):
that there's this idea that we're like generally in good health,
but there's like small signs that you may be having
an issue of some kind. But above all, what I
would say is that finding the right doctor for you
that really takes a holistic approach to medicine and considers
total body medicine versus just their specialty which maybe just
(09:32):
you know, gastroentrology you'r obgyn, and really uses the newest
clinical research that is available is probably a good place
to start.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yes, digestion has been a lifelong thing and you can
manage it and then you fall off. I don't love
to take, don't I don't love to take pills, like
even if it's neutrafil because I feel like I want
to make sure my hair stays strong, Like I'll take
it and then I'll fall off of it. Vitamins make
me sick, and swallowing things make me like I just
am not good and diligent about that sort of stuff.
(10:06):
And that's why I see why the gummy space is
blown up. But to me, that's like not great for digestion.
And also it seems a little bs to me because
I wanted to get in that space because it makes
it more accessible. And I asked the question if it's
better to just take a gummy that say that it's
doing something even if you feel like does it outweigh?
Does that make any sense like a gummy is gonna have?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Of course it makes sense in my opinion. And now
I've been in a supplement space for eight years. As
I said, I've had extensive conversations with our contract manufacturers,
our food scientists, and people that actually make these things
day to day and understand what goes into these things.
In my opinion, gummies are just candy bullshit, and you
(10:46):
can't really fit the right amount of ingredients into the
gummy to have efficacious results. Exactly the ingredients and gummies
degrade really quickly, and so if you're serious about your health,
like a capsular tea sure is absolutely in my opinion, again,
the superior format.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yes, and tincture is more manageable because you can put it,
you can put it inside a liquid. I think a
tincture to me, or like a tonic type of thing,
is more a pill.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I just can't tolerate.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
And I feel the same way that you feel about
gummies being bullshit, like I really do. Yes, they might
have something, but I know it's bullshit because I was
in the space I was. I had Skinny Girl supplements
and I kept wanting to push for them because of
course it's I agree, it's candy. You're just like, oh,
it's set. It's like a Starbucks muffin that you're pretending
it's like it says it's low fat and like it's
multi graine and you're supposed to pretend that it's healthy.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
I think it's bullshit too.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
I think what's also interesting in the supplement space is
that brands like LAG Wellness and you know, all of
the other brands in the space, consumers are now holding
us to a higher standard from a testing perspective and
transparency perspective. So right now we are putting all of
our products through clinical testing so that we can say, hey, like,
this product is clinically proven to do X y Z.
(11:56):
Right now, a lot of brands are using a clinically
studied ingredient a product and making much bigger claims about
the product than like is the reality. We're just problematic, right, Like,
it's false and it's deceptive, and I suspect long term,
when gummy companies are pushed to do clinicals, that their
products will most likely fail becau it's a result of
(12:19):
you know, the true like inefficacy of that format, if
that makes sense. And so I think that there will
be a gummy reckoning in the next year or so
where consumers start to learn more about the format and
learn about the I think so to problems with the format,
and like, if you really are looking for health benefits
(12:40):
and to support your health, like a different format is
the way to go. And I will also say, you know,
before I started my business, before I knew that I
had like vitamin deficiencies as a true cause of health issues,
I also was like, oh, like, I don't really think
that supplements are the real deal. I don't think that
like they're important, and now that I see how much
(13:02):
they can release support overall health, especially in women's bodies
with the things that we're dealing with, you know, I
really do believe in what we make and what we sell.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Well, if what would you start with if you were me?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
Based on what I said, like behind you, there's so
much stuff that's overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I get things. They're my cabinet.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
I like the idea of magnesium and calm and those
powders like that that I understand.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I've tried Magnus seven. That's good for digestion.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
I like the idea of neutrophil because I get it,
Like those are things that are direct. Some of these
nuanced things are too intimidating and overwhelming for me.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Right, So this is not medical advice, right, only your
doctor can give medical as your friend.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
This is a girlfriend advice.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
As a friend. I would say that a lot of people,
a lot of Americans are struggling with a vitamin defficiency
of some sort. The CDC notes that ninety percent of
Americans have a vitamin deficiency. And I'm also the belief
that most of us probably have some some kind of
gut health issues. What's tough is that it's tough to
(14:04):
test that. Like, yeah, you could like literally like do
a microbiome test of your stool, but we don't have
a great picture of what a healthy microbiome looks like.
It could be different in every person, Like we don't
really know yet from a scientific perspective. So what I
would actually recommend before you go down the summits road
is to talk to your doctor about your gut health
(14:27):
and your gut health symptoms, and first start with an
elimination diet, because an elimination diet is a really good
place to start to understand what some of your potential
trigger foods could be that may be leading to gut dysbiosis,
that may be leading to inflammation. Right, And so I
think that there's a lot that you can do before
(14:48):
you go down the supplement's road to better understand your
own body and the things that you may be struggling with. First,
but I do think a good multivitamin and a good
probiotic is a great good start for anybody, just because
of all of the environmental factors, lifestyle factors, et cetera
that we all know that we're dealing with every single day.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
It's funny the entry points because you could come at
things in a different way. And for me by digestion
has always been an issue and the thing that helps
digestion for me is sleeping and being.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Dehydration, I think is.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Such a big issue that people don't talk about enough,
Like it's not something that commonly.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I hear people talking.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
About, yes, I feel dehydrated or today, but like as
a debilitating issue. And I'll hear so many different people
say that they have like a terrible headache, and I'll
be like, you're dehydra like they don't realize. Or I
you know something I drank last night and it hit
me weird. I'm like, how dehydrated were you? Or like
you were traveling. I think dehydration is such a thing
that you know, I always make jokes and I'm a
thirsty bitch, but I feel it affects digestion too.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, hydration definitely can have they believe the negative and
popt on gut.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Help and absorption affects hydration too, correct.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, absorption from you know, absorption and hydration are all connected.
And that's actually we're working on something. I loved wellness
that sort of speaks to that that's coming to you
what we're really excited about. But hydration also can a
flex effect, like your blood pressure and like all these
different things throughout your body that I don't think that
people have like broad awareness on totally.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
It's my problem, that's my issue.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
So yes, but I can drink your drink, your water,
toss and electrolyte in totally help those little cells hold
on to that salt. You know.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Yes, I'm a person that affects my blood pressure. I
fains like I have severe dehydration issues. So you were
on the hills and when you came up with this,
you had this debilitating depression and you started in this business.
(16:53):
Did you have money? How were you supporting yourself? Who
who backed this?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Do you have partners?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
So I started the business on my own with the
small amount of savings I had left from my last
season on the hills, Okay, and I operated the business
for the first two years as a solo founder and operator.
I was the one who's just like completely running the business.
(17:20):
And in the second or third year, I started to realize,
I think this could be a real business. I think
we are genuinely affecting women's lives in a really positive way.
But yeah, I mean the money like was like literally
my last savings. So I was transitioning from a point
where the hills ended. In twenty ten, I moved to
Califora started moved to New York in twenty twelve. I
(17:42):
had gone to culinary school when I first moved to
New York because I loved to cook, and at culinary
school I started to become really passionate about nutrition and
understanding kind of healthy food swaps and things like that.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Same so where did you go to the.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
French Culinary Institute and soho.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Oh amazing, Okay, okay, I went to Natural Gourmet that's
a rat.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And I started creating all this cooking content and all
this stuff. And I really love science. I'm like so
passionate about the subject matter, whatever it is. And when
I started to be able to tie my own experience
to the nutrition information I was learning about, I started
to get really excited and passionate about it, and I
think entrepreneurship was probably always going to be the path
(18:21):
for me. I didn't know where I would land, per se,
but I felt like my idea and my concept was
a really good one because when I started using boric
acid and probiotics and intimate cleansers without fragrance, and my
health fundamentally changed for the better. And I thought, this
experience can be replicated and it can be made beautiful.
(18:44):
We can educate people about their bodies to reduce shame
and stigma, and yeah, so I just I kind of
went for it. And at the time on my social channels,
I had started to talk about my depression and my
health and it was very challenging for me. I think
coming off reality TV, and everyone knows now that if
you were on reality TV, it's a very traumatic experience.
You talk about this a lot. There's a lot that
(19:07):
the audience doesn't see or know about the experience that
a lot of us just kind of sit on and
you kind of deal with it and move forward anyway.
But I decided that like part of my healing from
being on those shows was to talk about what I
was actually experiencing. With so my social media community really
became a very supportive community for the health issues that
(19:29):
I was struggling with, and so launching the business to
a certain degree was a very natural segue for me
at the time, because I was so entrenched in these
health struggles and I was like sharing my health struggles
with my natural line.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
It's funny because I've been talking for the first time.
I went through a decade long, horrific divorce, and once
it was quote unquote over, I think I just shut
the door because I had also been on reality TV,
and I just didn't realize what was like inside of
me until really recently. And I've been calling it on
lock trauma because all these women are coming forward and
(20:03):
like sharing, and it's just like this thing I did
not expect, but these like unlocked traumas from yeah, and
you're right, like the reality TV played into it too,
and it becomes your identity and you're like living in
this judgment and this toxic environment that you've pretended is
normal in any way whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
But it's over.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
And then also you're probably type cast even sometimes now
like myself sometimes where you're that girl from the hills
despite the one hundred million dollar business you've built.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, totally. I was talking to brand the other day
and they were like, oh, should your byline be reality TV? Person?
I was like, actually, I'm the founder and chair of
this business that you know has like fundamentally changed women's
health in this country. But sure real TV.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Is fine? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
And because you're not here, you're dancing with the one
who brung you also, But it's ridiculous and I really
get that too. So I guess part of your identity
right now in what I was reading about, you were
part of the discussion in the conversation emotional health and
being single at thirty seven and is there a stigma?
And you're supposed to be doing something and you're supposed
(21:16):
to be meeting someone, and you're supposed to be having kids.
And it's weird because I'm feeling these parallel paths to
you with you a that I went to culinary school
for food and healing, literally, but be that I'm right
now talking about this path that I felt that I
needed to be on at thirty seven, which was fear
based about having kids and locking it down and meeting
someone and like that, no one's marketing to young women,
(21:39):
and I consider you young. There are younger women, but
I'm considering all ages from let's pretend like twenty two
to in their forties. No one's talking about like what
it really means to get married and that it really does,
like the statistics about divorce and the fact that people
are settling, the fact that people aren't being logical and
reading red flags, and the fact that women who I
(22:02):
know are making hundreds of thousands of dollars feel uncomfortable
having someone sign a prenup, Like it's like so illogical
and so archaic, the way that women are feeling about
having to be in a relationship. And I think that
there's like a we're on the precipice. And I think
I'm contributing to this of it being like, no, actually
you have to be a full person and you're really great,
(22:22):
not just because you're saying you're really great, but you like,
actually are really great being alone. You don't need quote
unquote a man or a woman. So I want to
know you where you are in that vortex.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah, So I was single for the past four or
five years. I've been dating somebody for the past five
months who is absolutely incredible and It took me a
very long time to get to a place where I
was actually comfortable on my own because I did buy
into all of that bs about your behind. You know,
(22:59):
how could you be single? You know all of these things,
and it really was tough for me. I think because
of the expectation that I should be married, i should
have a family, when in reality, I'm going to work
every day and like kicking my own ass to like
grow this business, whereas if a man was in my position,
he would be applauded.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You should see the number of dms like why are
you married yet? Like visit you know what I mean,
Like drove me crazy over the past couple of years.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
But that also has a little of misery. Loves companies.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Some people are not like that, thrilled in their own
lives and they want someone else to be like on
their road.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
They don't know how to be open minded.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
It would be incomprehensible that a woman would just choose
to be alone or not have met the right person
and not be making decisions out of fear.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Of course. But I think all of this to say
is that when I was really struggling emotionally with being single,
I was not the best version of myself. It probably
could be in a really successful relationship with the type
of partner that I deserve, right, And it's why I
dated guys for so many years and chased assholes that
had like red flags like coming out of their butts,
(24:06):
you know what I mean. It wasn't until last year
when I finally like came to a place of peace
with my own situation that the perfect man appears, you
know what I mean. And now, because I feel like
I'd peeled through that trauma, I am ready and able
to be in a relationship you know that I am
(24:27):
deserving of at this point in my life. Right.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Yes, it's interesting because I was talking to a woman
who specializes in like the dating space and I read
an article and I don't think that women, young women
are checking in with themselves and saying what you just said,
which is this article that she wrote was saying, if
you want to start dating and you want to start
meeting people, make sure that you're the full person that
(24:51):
you would want to date. And you know what that is,
Like I remember being the person that was up late
night like binging, drinking, like miserable, depressed, like the way
make up the next day, try to be better or
feeling depressed or miserable or lonely or mercurial, like it's
hard in the moment to check in, but I don't.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
I definitely know. I never asked myself that question.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Yeah, I started to have to ask myself that question,
you know, when like the relationships I continued to be
and were really failed relationships. And what was my role
in the failed relationship?
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Right?
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Some of the time I didn't show up. Sometimes I
go to people, right, So it was a reflection of
my own immaturity, right. And I think for me though,
the Internet to a certain degree played a role in
it for me, because I think that everyone on the
Internet presents this happy version of themselves, right like through
their marriages, through their children, their engagements and all this stuff.
(25:43):
And I for years felt so less then because I
wasn't able to share things of that nature, do you
know what I mean? And so I think that while
like we have just even us like having this converse
about this topic, I think like helps to like move
the needle to a certain degree, but I think social
(26:06):
media like creates an imbalance there that even goes beyond
just regular societal norms, and I think I really struggled
with that personal well.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I was talking last night to somebody about The Bachelor
and the responsibility of the bat You have two people,
Let's say someone's mom is a nurse or the dead,
you know, is a middle class working person. They're not
casting billionaires on the show. So you have two people
that meet and then you take them to the most exotic,
gorgeous place, is the most incredible experience. No one's talking
about money, no one's talking about religion, no one's talking
(26:38):
about politics that doesn't exist in Disneyland, and they're all going,
who's not going to fall in love with somebody eating
caviar on the mountaintop jumping out of an airplane. And
so then they come back to their real lives and
it's like this irresponsible situation where you even have the
Golden Bachelor, which was like all these women, you know
my age, were so excited because it's such bullshit, Like
(26:59):
it's not really like, let's talk about what really goes
on when people have to deal with financial issues, or
would you do therapy? Like it's kind of irresponsible for
people to get this either fairy tale with like just
the dress and the Ring or these shows that are
doing this or social media. Everyone's showing the perfection of
their relationship. One day they break up and they want
you to then respect their privacy when.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
They only showed you.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
They always showed you the fantasy, the fairy tale, the
j lo a Rod were invested in their co mingling
of the family, and one day it just crashes and
burns and we're left to respect the privacy. And it's like,
that's you know what we're we're fed. We're not fed
that there's a sixty percent chance of divorce, So we
might as well start educating ourselves on relationships and what
really it takes or who you are and why you're
(27:44):
making these choices.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, I think for me, if you are not able,
or if you're not in a relationship where you can
have a very straightforward conversation where emotion doesn't play like
a leading role in it about where you want to
live or your finances or children or all of that stuff, like,
you may not be ready for that relationship, right. I
(28:06):
think that when you feel good about yourself and your
solid and who you are, you're much more inclined to
be able to speak to those things about a partner
that you love, and it is like hoping has the
same POV or has a different POV and you can
come to a new conclusion together. Right. I keep seeing
I keep seeing these things on the internet from sort
of like I don't know, they're psychotherapists, sort of driven
(28:29):
off eds, but they're actually really great. And they make
this suggestion about implementing a monthly relationship check in or
you know what, you choose the timeline right, and you know,
it's like a list of questions you can talk to
your partner about or ask you a partner about in
terms of like check ins right like this month, you know,
like did you feel like I showed up for you
in the right way? Or you know what could I
(28:50):
have done differently? Or this is what I'm bored on.
And I think that those types of suggestions are so good,
But again, it takes so much work, emotional work to
be able to get to a place where you can
be like, hey, honey.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Like it's not sexy, it's not that sexy. It's tedious,
but yes.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
It's not it's not sexy. But I do think fundamentally
it's a really good exercise because just to your point,
you can go on vacation and everything seems amazing, but
there might be one or two things that you know
were in the back of your mind that like you
wish you could talk about. But so maybe the list
is like a good format for that right to like
encourage the conversation. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, it's no. I think it's interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
I call it what you're talking about getting in a
car and the beginning, everything seems great. So you might
get in a car and it has a sign that
it's going to a different place than you want to go,
but you're like, it's fine, that seems fun, let's do that,
and then you're in the wrong car, not like looking
over at the passenger being like, wait a second, now
we're getting off here. Now we're doing this like I
you know, and it's your it's kind of your own
(29:51):
fault because you got in the wrong car and you
didn't check in like for the journey of where you're going.
I think so anyway, I think that's just interesting. What
is your relationship to the Hills and the other girls
(30:15):
and their trajectory?
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Like, are you guys friends? Are you college?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
You know?
Speaker 2 (30:19):
What's your relationship is girls?
Speaker 1 (30:21):
It's interesting. Lorne and I are friends, and there are
rumblings that there may be a twentieth anniversary special of
Laguna Beach. That's like coming down the pipeline maybe, Okay.
I sort of talked to a couple of people about
it because we graduated from high school in two thousand
and four, and so it's twenty twenty four. It is
(30:43):
our true twenty year high school reunion this year, and
so in the context of Laguna, I think that it
would be great to get back together with the old gang.
I think that everybody is doing really well. Everybody is
really friendly, and Laguna was like a kind nice version
of reality TV. Right, you get to the Hills and
it's like much bigger the drama and trauma perspective, right,
(31:08):
And so the people on the hills, I think the
relationships are more challenged because of the experiences that we
went through a man not of our own, not by
our own fault, right, We right, like very young women
like constantly put into compromised situations where we had to
(31:31):
basically like blood sported out against each other to get
through a day of production.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Zero game, it's kill or be killed, and if you
kill someone, you're doing your job, so you're rewarded for
bad behavior. It's the upside down. If someone gets drunk
or does say something terrible, that's rewarded with ratings. If
someone is boring and nice, that's penalized. So you're in
the upside down and you're at your job. If you're
a soldier and you're the unsullied and Game of Thrones,
(31:59):
you're supposed to go kill people. And I was an
excellent reality star, like, you know, one of the best
there's been because I and so, yeah, some people think
I just want to go kill people. And I've met
people in this environment since leaving it and think they're lovely,
and I like literally was brainwashed into thinking they weren't
lovely on my show and you know, other franchises, because
(32:20):
you're supposed to be in a competition with these people.
That's just what is bread.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah, I think for me, I was not as good
on reality TV because I was always too afraid to
like really jump in and I'm just not really that
way by my teacher, and so I like served a
very specific role, which I'm actually grateful for in hindsight,
I didn't really have to get into it too much.
(32:47):
But in the areas where I did. It still kind
of haunts me to this day because there's so many
stories behind the story that everybody saw on television that
run very counter to like what the public think about you, right,
And so I think that that is tough for me
to have to sort of like deal with, right, And
(33:08):
I don't think about it that much. But again, preparing
for this podcast, like, I woke up with anxiety this
morning because I was like, oh my gosh, I'm talking
to Bethany today, like one of the greatest reality stars
of all time, and like, is she gonna ask me
scary questions I don't want to answer, you know.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
No, But the thing is you I'm not saying you're
like herve necessarily that she's really sweet and I like
her a lot, and she's she wants nothing to do
with any of this. Tinsley is an example. You would
have been Tinsley on my show. She was a nice
girl who came in and just like was good, you know,
like a secondary or a second tier character, and was
lovely and amazing, and like I would have conflict with
(33:47):
her because that was my job. And don't forget, I
grew up at the racetrack, like raised by animals, and
I could, like I could come in and and make
a TV and do it and land the plane and
didn't even think about it was just what you did.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
You moved product. Like you move product, you're moving story.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
So Tinsley's someone that off the show, like I really
think is a lovely person. I'm really happy for her,
and I always think of her as that example of
someone like if you and I were on the show together,
you'd probably hate me now, you'd think she's frightening, Like
holy shit, you know, because I was at war and
now meeting all these people that all have different types
(34:24):
of personalities. Not everybody's the alpha, not everybody. You know,
people fill in the whole puzzle of life. But you
don't cast that with reality TV. You want people to
come in and have conflicts. So I understand exactly what
you're talking about. And I bring up Tinsley because I
really liked her. I support her, and it was a
different experience off the show than what happened on the show,
(34:46):
which I regret. And it wasn't even a big thing
that happened with her and I were fine. I'm just
saying it's just things that I think about and remember
because it's traumatic for everybody completely.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
Yeah, and I think for us, we were some of
the earliest people on reality TV in the context that
people think about when it comes to reality TV people,
and so like we were like the first little you
know people in that Petrie dish, and we had to
learn very much in real time that what we're experiencing
actually is not what is being you know, edited on
(35:19):
the cutting room floor and then shared with the world.
Speaker 3 (35:22):
But you also don't even know you're on a show.
You don't realize what's going on. You did not know
there's a whiteboard. You think your people are right.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
I had no.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Idea in those early years that the executive producers are
in a room with whiteboards and that now the entire
season and post it notes being like we're going to
have this person do this, and we're going to have
this person do this. I don't know if on Real
Housewives they did this, but on the Hills, we would
shoot a scene and after we would shoot it once,
they'd be like, okay, guys, time to repoe the cameras
(35:52):
and they would move the cameras to a different position
and they would shoot the scene again. And they would
do it up to five or six times for each scene.
And so that's part of why I think on the
Hills in real life there wasn't a lot of conflict,
and then the show would come out and it would
be produced to show incredible conflict between people. But when
(36:13):
you shoot a scene and then next year it would
inform Yeah, right, people see themselves getting shit on or
as the villain when the show comes out, not reflective
of the current reality, but it informs your thinking. It
informs your behavior on a go forward basis, Oh, she
doesn't like me, I'm going to actually not like her
(36:34):
in real life. And that for me is like, how
do I make this better? There's no way to make
it better. I exactly start to like talk about it.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
Right.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
There's not a lot of recourse for us except for
sharing our stories and telling people what really went on.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
It's so true and for me, like looking at all
those the women and it all, I see everyone different.
I see people that I really disliked, even a US
all franchises, because I see that they're doing their job,
that they're being paid for, and I realize that that's
not exactly who they are. And it's very tempting when
it gets to a certain financial level, and I sadly
get it.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
I don't have to do that.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
And I think that the genre has changed and gotten
infinitely more disgusting and more toxic because.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
You have to raise the game.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
So you when you were on Laguna, who were who
were the people?
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Stephen? It was? It was Kristin, you.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
And Stephen, Kristin, Lauren, myself, Christina Schuler, Morgan Smith, a
couple of others. Theater.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
You know, it was like our real little crew from Laguna,
and like Brody wasn't until later you were on the Hills.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yeah, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
It was small, you know, it's like less maybe it
was one hundred and fifty kids per class, and we
were a really tight knit community. Everybody had grown up
with each other, you know, since we were young. So
it's a very like tight knit little crew of people
on that show. And the first season or two of Laguna,
the original executive producers and team that created the show
were so kind and so nice, and then the production
(38:07):
team flipped to to her aggressive style leadership. And that's
when you know you're getting paid a decent amount of
money and your boss, the executive producer is like, you're
going to do this, yes. Now.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Heidi and Spencer were on my talk show and they
said that they would get like rewarded with that. She
got like a burkin or something for when he threw
out of the car and he's like, I would never
throw out of the car.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
And they're still together to this day.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
Them being you know, in a relationship to this day
says something. It says like it couldn't have all been real,
which we know. And Lauren was the first entrepreneur that
I remember. I remember calling this agent and wanting to
be represented and she's, you know, younger than I am,
and they said, he's all focused on Lauren like she
was crushing the game, and then she really kind of
(38:55):
stepped back and just checked out. As it seems like
Whitney didn't a way too. Do you think that's because
it was just like also public and commercial or just
like the nature of life and getting you know, in relationships,
because I remember, you don't really see much about Lauren
at all anymore, and she was like the first big
commercial one to me.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, I think that they were famous to a degree
that whenever anything happened that was negative, the glowback felt
so significant and so life changing that you really live
with that trauma and it affects you want to go
forward basis in terms of how much you're inclined to
share with people. Right, totally, Hey, I did this. The
(39:39):
experience that I had of this is very negative. Why
would I continue to do this?
Speaker 3 (39:44):
And also, you were being paid to share. You were
being paid and to share your life. It was literally
a transaction now like, for example me, I'm not paid
to share my life. I'll share what I want when
I want, and no one I don't have to, like
you know what I mean, even with Jill, my publicist,
like she'll make tough shit you to say anything, say
whatever you want, Like you're not in a car, but
you could say to me, oh what about this? I'm like, yeah,
(40:05):
you write me a check if you want.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Me to tell you that. I'm to tell you anything
I don't want to tell you.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
I think we're not being paid to share your whole
life anymore.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Right. I think many of us had tough experiences, you know,
on the Internet and you know, social media and all
of that stuff, which is everybody understands that now. And
so I think that people do get why there's a hesitation.
You know, it's like we had these terrible experiences that
were very unique at the time, and now they're better understood.
But yeah, I mean enough people online say horrible things
(40:35):
about you for long enough that you are not inclined
to continue to share parts about your life, especially again
when you stop being paid to do so.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
Totally you're the best. Wow, Well, did I scare you
at all? You said you had anxiety. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Did I Did I scare you at all? No?
Speaker 1 (40:53):
I will say I saw you last summer at Sagpizza
and you're with your family, and I was like, should
I say hi? And I was like no, I'm just
gonna like letter do you do you go to the Hampton? Yeah,
of course you do. Were mostly Sag Harbor. I think
this summer Bridge Hampton, but yeah, I go on every summer.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Oh well, let's get together in the Hamptons. I'm gonna
I'm gonna be there. I just renovated a new house
on the beach and I'm like getting ready, it's happening now.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Wow, I love that. And the weather just turned so nice.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
I yay, amazing. Oh well, I will be thinking about
my vagina all day now and other parts of my body.
And I'm so proud of you. Congratulations on all your
success and on your amazing publicist team. And I can't
wait to try some of the things. It's so much
behind you. I got to look it up online and like,
see what I want.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
We will send you everything from Lovelannas, or if you
want to go shopping, you can go to Old cub
Walmart or Target and fine.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Amazing, amazing, great, great space making meaning out of a
crazy start.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
So thank you so much, awesome. I have a great day.