August 8, 2025 • 33 mins
And not in a good way. We remember the TikTokalypse and the craziness of 2025. PLUS: We get into some relationship wisdom
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So let's talk about the TikTok ellipse as I've named it,
that happened that most people know about. So from the
very beginning, I've explained that TikTok is a different planet,
and many people visit that planet. Some people have tertiary
(00:32):
residence is there, secondary residence is there to stop by
as a tourist. It's a different planet. But I have
permanent residency there. I live there. I live on Instagram too,
But I would almost say my primary residence is on
TikTok because yeah, I would say my primary residence is
(00:56):
on it. Yeah, my primary residence is. I'm actually thinking
about this seriously, like TikTok is my Hampton's house, where
it's where I feel the most comfortable and at home.
But I do my day to day operations in my
suburban house, So I would say TikTok is kind of
where my heart is. So let me explain the differences
(01:18):
between Instagram and TikTok once and for all accurately, because
it's a big conversation. As many of you know, there
wash a TikTok band that went into effect this past weekend.
I'm going to get into that and what that experience
was like because that experience was like something happens on
another planet that most people don't understand, but if you
(01:40):
live on that planet, you understand what went down. So
before I get into what went down on the planet
of talk when it crashed, I will explain to you
that here is the difference between Instagram and TikTok. Instagram
is like the Marriotte lobby, where many people are wearing
name tags, people have personalities, people are attractive, people are
(02:04):
talking about things they should be talking about. Some people
say some mistakes and say something they shouldn't, but overall,
there is a decorum and there are some guard rails
to what is going on on Instagram, and there's what
you should do and what you shouldn't do. And I'm
sorry to my Instagram people because I do have dual
residency and I live there and I love you. But
(02:24):
Instagram has way more judgmental people. They would be way
more There are a bunch of Karens over on TikTok,
but people would say there are way more Karens on Instagram,
and Instagram is extremely judgmental. They don't give you a
lot of breathing room. You do something stupid they make
you feel feel like a fool. And TikTok so if
Instagram is a bunch of people with name tags on
(02:47):
doing what they're mostly supposed to do in an organized
formatted timeline manner, TikTok is the after party upstairs where
people are taking their clothes off. Someone has tassels on
their titties. Someone's definitely made a full of themselves, said
something stupid. Someone else has applauded them for saying that's
something stupid. Even though in the mainstream it would not work.
(03:11):
Instagram is where mainstream media lives. There is not a
lot of conspiracy theory there. There was not a lot
of talk about my d or bags. The pandemic was
discussed there, but in a more let's regurgitate from the
multiple news stations manner, and TikTok is citizens journalism. Individuals
are reporters.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
When I first got on TikTok, I thought, what the
hell this random person is holding a microphone thinking they
report the news, And once I lived on this planet longer,
I realized, who the hell is the dummy on the
mainstream channel also regurgitating and reporting the news? What is
that person? A wizard that person definitely went to MIT
and fought in wars and worked for NASA and has
(03:51):
been a mother and a daughter and a man and
a transgender person, and so that's just a person.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's just a person.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
The same way that I could be a pubists today,
with all due respect to publicists that I love and
mind Joel Fritzo. If I wanted to, I today could
decide to be a publicist, a marketing executive.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I could decide to be a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
So people decided they were going to report the news,
and they are very thorough. Some are just monkeys that
just say things and spread false news, but that happens
on the mainstream media too. Some are really knowledgeable. I
could think of very specific ones that are very knowledgeable.
They know what they're talking about, like they actually have
done their research, which is frankly all that mainstream journalists do.
(04:32):
In addition, you can talk about things ad nauseum for
TikTok and you can find a community that wants to
keep hearing it. If I keep talking about relief work
on Instagram, I will start to lose followers and views
will go down. That can happen on TikTok too. But
I can find a pocket in that algorithm where everybody
wants to talk about relief work, and the only thing
they're upset about is what's not happening in North Carolina
(04:53):
right now? Or what is happening in the fires, or
how did the fire start? Or what are the drones?
They are the doorb or oh my god, there's a while,
Mark Burkin, or I'm an asshole and I want to
go show you my brand new four four hundred thousand
dollar Rolls Royce and we're gonna fly to Thailand to
go buy an air mess bag and you're gonna go
(05:13):
with that person or this one guy who like just
every day flexes how expensive his cars are, his homes are.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Whatever. You find your.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You find your way, you find your place, and sometimes
you meet people that aren't from your place and you
find them interesting. I follow twenty something year olds and
laugh at what they're doing. I don't really do that
on Instagram. I'm like following more on twenty two year
olds that do dumb dances that my daughter isn't even following,
Like I just get a kick out of it. And
(05:43):
the reason it's a community and a family is, like
you really there were people. So this is this, this
really popped off during the pandemic. Okay, So apps like
Cameo popped off during the pandemic because people couldn't see
each other and they were sending messages. Apps like TikTok
popped off because people home and they felt like they
were with other people. I only regret that I wasn't
(06:04):
earlier because I would have felt that lack of loneliness.
You had a whole group of people that you were
hanging out with every day during the pandemic. Inside joke.
Everything on TikTok is an inside joke. Everything is a hyperfixation,
Like if I put like the wrong sea, if I
didn't put everything bagel seasoning or capers or parmesan or
something on something that it should have been, like, people
(06:26):
would fucking go crazy, Like if you rinse your chicken
and you're not supposed to. The hyperfixations are real, Like
I could sit in front of a jar of candy
and just be completely unhinged and talk about it, or
froth coffee. I can go viral and like have like
people obsessed with and only making coffee every day like me,
or eating chicken salad like me, like it's completely insane,
(06:47):
and it's one inside joke. So when you and your
friends beat the shit out of a joke that you're
the only people that understand and no one else understands,
that's what the fuck it is. So after the pandemic,
people were people who are ready were insular. You welcome me,
became more insular. The pandemic ended and they were given
(07:08):
license to be home, and now they had these new friends.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
They didn't have to work as hard to go be
social or meet people.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
People who were super social were home, and they were
like starving and clinging on to the other people that
also were home. People created businesses. People were vulnerable. People
were scared, so they shared ups. Guys became stars. Nurses
became people with ten million followers that make millions of
dollars a year, like or hundreds of thousands of dollars
(07:36):
a year. I don't know what people actually make besides
you know, I don't know what people make besides like
mainstream influencers.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And people learned things.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
My daughter was coming up with all these using socks
to curl her hair and doing all these things, and
I'm like, were you learning all this sewing? And it
wasn't just the dances, and Instagram is more corporate. Like
Instagram is where like we're going to put up two
feed posts a week, two re we should be doing
a slider that goes on feed. But that chaotic little
(08:05):
thing can go on stories. But like any fucking piece
of spaghetti, you could burp and stick it on TikTok
and it could get ten million views. And you could
produce a feature film with Martin Scorsese and it could
get three views on TikTok. Like they are not snobs,
they don't give a fuck like and they don't let
outsiders in. So one time, Whinney Cummings was like, they
accepted you. I'm like, what are you talking about? Because
(08:27):
a long time ago they accepted Lizzo and then she
got canceled and they really didn't she I haven't seen
her in a long time. And I don't know where
Jason Derulo is. He's been massive on that app and
he never got canceled, but I just don't see him.
And it used to be that there was one community.
Now there are all these different planets. I happened to
walk into the Beauty Planet because I was just trying
to fuck around and learn how to do my makeup,
not realizing that there was a whole beauty world on
(08:49):
YouTube and that that was like a thing. I thought
I invented the wheel and I was in that room,
but I didn't realize there was that room. There was
then the food room where that girl with the seaweed
and the salmon lived, and then there's like an organizing room,
and a home to core room, and like all a
steakroom right now, Like there are all these different rooms
and you can switch rooms and you can curate who's
in your room, and Instagram is trying to do that
(09:12):
and reels are trying to do that, but somehow it's
just not vibing so much so that after a twelve
hour TikTok Lips blackout shutdown of twenty twenty five, the
deck has been shuffled and people are coming back and
they feel like something's different because the snow globe got shaken,
and therefore, you page, the stuff that comes through to
(09:34):
you is no longer what you took years to curate.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Like you've curated exactly what you.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Want to see and who you want to talk to,
and you have the same people in your comments, and
you always get more, but like you're in an inside joke.
Now I'm watching Josh Richards do do fuck boys way
house dances, which doesn't mean anything to you. It's like
the young kids that started TikTok and so like we
are all like, wait, it's different. So that's how I
can explain to you how Instagram is different because a
(09:59):
nuance can shave something, so people don't like the vibes
over there. And when the TikTok shut down for twelve hours,
everybody ran to my page and my team started just
posting like slamming content because they were like children that
wanted to be hugged. And it sounds insane, but like
in many ways, I'm an aunt and a sister and
(10:20):
a mother to some of these young kids.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
They've asked me business advice.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I've helped them, They've asked me about their weight like products,
like I've kind of been there for some of them
because I do provide a different type of wisdom. I'm
providing very serious but digestible business wisdom, very serious but
digestible philanthropy wisdom, very not serious beauty wisdom. But then
they'll always be infused some version of like something that
(10:44):
they can understand or I can crystallize what's going on
with a talk a talk sound that's going viral and
like how long it will last and why not to
buy into it and intellectual property. I've helped them with
and organizing their house and affordable design, and you know,
that's just what goes on there. So I'm the good
news is when you keep washing your hair with the
(11:05):
same shampoo, you should shake it up because then it
will get a little more body. And we all got
comfortable on TikTok. While I have a good community on
Instagram and I love Instagram, you got comfortable over there,
and a lot of people like the Alex Earls and
the people that make a lot of money over there,
were very worried when TikTok was going to shut down.
I was not worried when TikTok was going to shut
(11:25):
down from like a business or what do I do
every day to you know that sort of thing perspective,
meaning some people were worried about their businesses. Spencer Pratt
was in a free fall because he just became TikTok
famous a week ago because his house burnt down, and
now he felt like he got a taste and it
was going away, so they were really really down. I
was emotionally unhinged because I like the community and I
(11:49):
like comedy. So for me, it's a self expression. I
get to express myself and do very stupid things and
be very flawed and unhinged, and there it's like my
Saturday Night Life. I've never been able to host Saturday
Night Live or even be on it except for the
multiple times they mentioned me. So TikTok is my television show.
It's my Saturday Night Live. It's why I never went
(12:10):
back to TV. I get to be myself and I
just connect with this medium and I built a community there,
which takes a really long time. So TikTok is the
land of the misfit toys, TikTok is the rescue dogs.
Instagram is where the breeder dogs live. So I hope
(12:31):
that makes sense to you, and many of you were
going to have an interesting time and started to see
what really unhinged Bethany is like. As you know, all
the ex pats and the TikTok refugees started to fly
in and now they're flying back, and a lot some
of them got on red note this weird Chinese app
that you literally have to speak Mandarin to fully understand it.
People were like going through People were exchange students over
(12:54):
there because they were worried that they weren't going to
have TikTok, and it was like a TikTok knockoff. And
there's some other I'm like, I don't know what it's called,
like bright Side or something. I can't remember, but it
was a moment, And then I'm gonna get into the
actual moment in time, the historical pop cultural moment, the
TikTok shut down of twenty twenty five. They all describe
it as crashing out, and I was an unhinged, crashing
(13:20):
out warrior, like I was there to the bitter end,
in fact, in the most iconic and epic thing that's
ever happened to me on that app, And many people
are saying it's the most iconic and epic thing they've
ever witnessed on the app. When it was crashing out slowly,
like not slowly, meaning it crashed out pretty quickly, but
like each of us was dissolving. Spencer Pratt with Heidi,
(13:45):
Alex Earle and myself were all on a live and
one by one we just started to each fade. They
faded because it was my live and then the people
were crying and freaking out in the in the comments,
and then I faded, and then they were talking to
each other like, wait, is it over? And you saw
that sign that just said it was over. And we
all thought that this world that we had all made
(14:05):
these connections on, like I know nurses from Staten Island,
I know hairdressers, I know people that don't pizza stores
like I, and you think I don't know them, Like
I've invited them to some of my events. I plan
to have a party for them. They've supported me. They're
good human beings. And when we were crashing out, we
were crashing out, and I was just un hinge, and
(14:26):
I was drinking this cannabis drink and just being honest,
and I wasn't saying I mean. The funny thing about
it is on TikTok, so many people shared things that
weren't true. I would never have anything to share that
wasn't true because I've never shared anything on TikTok that
wasn't true. So a lot of people were like, oh,
I didn't really mean it when I said this. The
scare was good or this workout I don't really do
(14:49):
or I've never really been there, I've never done that.
So but I was crashing out and it was like
a disconnection. It was like we were all sinking on
the Titanic and it was going under. And for those
of you who are on Instagram will say like, oh
my god, like get a life, like it's social media
app or any of you who will say that, I've
(15:09):
raised millions of dollars on social media, both on Instagram
and on TikTok. I've been able to convey things about
lawsuits and business that I could never have conveyed anywhere else.
I went through my mother dying, not fully, but like
a little bit like dipped in and out and dating
and a little bit of a breakup on TikTok and Instagram.
Like social media, if used for good not evil, is
(15:31):
a very powerful medium. And if you're a homebody like myself,
it certainly is a powerful social medium. But for many people,
the mainstream media thinks it was because of the business
that was going to be lost, and that is an aspect,
and some people have left their businesses and do have
a career there and make money and monetize who they
actually are because they left their jobs. And many major
(15:53):
businesses make millions and millions of dollars, and.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
That was all real.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
But the people that were crashing out, the people that
were crying, and we're not thinking really primarily of their money.
They were thinking of the connection. They were thinking of
their people. They were thinking of their friends, their family.
They were thinking of the beautiful disaster. They were thinking
of the land of misfit toys. They were thinking of
not coloring within the lines. They were thinking of being
at the after party upstairs like a lunatic and not
(16:21):
being in the lobby of the Marriotte with a lanyard on. Well,
the month of January has been pretty boring. We really
need something to happen. There's just not a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Let's review.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
There was a cyber truck alleged bomb incident in Vegas.
There was another incident like that in New Orleans. There
were like seven plane either crashes or failures or something
in one week before right before Christmas, so and then
right after there was like intense fog were there were
(17:10):
and still are drones which I've renamed Diora bags everywhere.
But I had been told that people would stop paying
attention to them because so many other crazy things were
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Now do I know how? And why? No, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm not a fucking genius, nor am I a mind reader,
nor am I.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
A fortune teller.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
And I keep saying that we are all ants because
whatever anything is, we're not going to be the ones
to know it. We'll be told what we need to know.
It's like you sit the fuck down, You sit at
the kids say well, we'll call you. Do not speak
unless spoken to, and so then after the doora bags,
then it was the California fires. Then there's an uprising
because of North Carolina because they're not getting the love
(17:48):
and the attention and the media that the California fires
are getting. And I went there to do relief work
and I'm a zombie. I'm so exhausted. The people there
are so traumatized. They are zombies different reasons. And then
we came back, and then there was the TikTok ban,
and then there were the hostages discussed, and now there's
an inauguration. It's fucking January twentieth. It feels like January
(18:13):
ninety ninth. It feels like it's been five months in
this week, it's been this month has been five months long.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I am so tired. My week started. I went to La.
I flew there, went to the way. What did I do?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I flew there, woke up, went to the warehouse, got
the warehouse organized, had started to raise money already, so
now I had raised probably at that point like probably
one to two million dollars. Continued to raise money, wrote
all sort of the copy for everything we were going
to portray in what we were going to say about
this disaster. Did multiple press outlets in La. While there,
(18:52):
I think I did Extra and NBC and Spectrum and
something else. And then went on multiple missions, actually living
boxes and cash cards and meeting people and it was
so tragic and so sad, but really making a difference
in helping. Then going to the second mission in a
church and doing a big speech and speaking to everyone
about it. Then deciding I'm getting on a red eye
(19:13):
because I want to be there with my daughter for
breakfast and after school. So I get on a red eye.
Sleep three hours on the red eye because I'm so
activated and wound up.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Get off the.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Red eye, sleep an hour Cebrian right before school, give
her a kiss, don't drive her that day because I'm
a zombie.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Get organized the whole day.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Because the reason I wanted to take the Red Eye
was to like have one night in my house. I
like to nest. I don't like to go one place
to the next. I like to get back to the base,
even if it's inconvenient, even if it takes longer. I
like to get back to the base. And sadly, as
an influencer, the amount of shit I get sent that
I don't even want takes a full time job, and
getting back to the base to go through it and
tell everyone where it's going to go and what we're
(19:50):
doing with that?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Are we shooting it?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And then the next morning woke up. I think it
was like five o'clock five one day, six o'clock one day,
and I had to do morning shows. Oh no, that's
not true. I did the opening of the Nasdaq Bell.
I rang the opening of the Nasdaq bell, something that
people would wait their entire lives to do. That one
thing that is like slotted in on that day because
afterwards I had either like CNN or NBC. I had
(20:15):
like two news news outlets that day to do. Then
went home to be with Brinn for dinner. No, that's
not true. Then went back to the city, had dinner
with two people. Don't know why I would ever do that,
but had dinner. Then woke up the next morning at
five o'clock in the morning to get up and to
do Gail King, and I believe we did one other thing.
We did Access Hollywood right after Gael King. Yes, Gail
(20:38):
King into Access Hollywood. But wait, there's more. Then I left,
came home. I had to go through whatever I had
to go through with business, do my normal life, my
normal business. Then I woke up the next day and
had to go to a volleyball tournament for two days,
screaming auditoriums, ballrooms, drive to one and a half hours
on the way there to Hartford, and then drove back
in a snowstorm two and a half hour or some
(21:00):
of it being ten miles an hour, skidded a little bit,
like literally in full panic because I wanted to go
see her, but I had to get home.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
And that is where I stand right now.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I am a carcass I feel like I am like
some tar that's on the tire of someone's car. Oh
and we also threw all that raised about four million
dollars and like being the full switchboard onboarding kat Korra
for her eight hundred meals to be a part of
our program and our charity, and just got off with
(21:29):
the producer to give them possibly a job in the warehouse.
And oh, I forgot yesterday right before I went to
the volleyball tournament. I oh, and I forgot the TikTok ban.
And I forgot the TikTok ban. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
After Gail King come home, then am in my house
(21:51):
and have a full unhinged ttok tiktoka lips melt down,
crash out ban, then go to the Then on the
way to the volleyball tournament, did Good Morning America or
ABC News? I am not a person, not a person.
Why my team scheduled this right now, I'll never know.
(22:13):
But that's that. And tomorrow I have a massive photo
shoot for my website. So I'm a shattered wreck.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
The TikTok band does bring up the phone and our
addiction to it, and that it's like a crutch and
we sleep with it. We use it as an alarm
clock in we say it's in case our daughters call.
My daughter has her phone in her room because she
uses it as an alarm clock.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I don't love that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I bought a clock for next to my bed, and
it is helping at least, like with putting my phone
outside my room. It may not be early, like eight
o'clock and shutting everything down, but even when I go
to bed, I'm putting it outside my room. And yes,
let's say i wake up at two o'clock in the morning,
which happens often, and I go to the bathroom and
I've been thinking about something, or wanting someone to text
or expecting something.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I will look.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
But even the dis point of having it out there
is kind of the first steps. So I did buy
I don't need an alarm.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Actually I set alarm clock.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I don't ever use an alarm, but a clock to
be by my bedside, just to look at the time,
because often you pick up your phone to look at
the clock, but then it's triggering about who texted who didn't,
and you get sucked into the rabbit hole. So I
think you should think about some version of a very nice,
chic little clock. And they often have sound machines now,
and some one of them is a charger Mine is
a charger, but it sucks.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It doesn't charge, but I just and.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Then you don't need You don't need it as a
charger because you're not using your phone next to there,
so that's but it's still a charger throughout the day
you might need it.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Mine does not work.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
I don't know why I tell that boring story.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
In other news.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I want to talk about relationships, friendships, business relationships, and
intimate relationships, and I want to talk about bend until
you break.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I think it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
We've done it to someone, We've had it done to us,
where you kind of take someone for granted, or they
take you for granted, and they may not even know
it or be able to help it.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
The circumstances could be so great that someone just.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Can't really be there for you or give you what
you need, or do the things that they're supposed to do,
and whatever that relationship dynamic is, whether work, friendship or
personal intimate you know, marriage, dating, And there comes a
time when people bend so far. It happens in comedy too,
you can bend it if it breaks, it's no longer funny.
(24:36):
And it happens in relationships where when you bend too
far and then you break. You snap. It's hard to
come back from. There's really no more rope, and you
could be broken hearted and it could be the most
upsetting thing in the world. But once you've crossed over
and you've seen too much, it's very hard to go back.
So I caution you, in your relationships and in situations
(25:01):
to try to take care of things and treat them
as if they are precious and sometimes made of glass,
sometimes delicate, even if it's some you know with staff,
like people who work with you are for you, like
you know, we can all be frustrated and snappy, and
we're not.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
No one's perfect.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
But in any kind of relationship, it's really important to
watch when something is bending so far that it might break,
if you are not willing to lose it and not
willing to walk away from it.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I'm thinking of that Brionna Chicken frying grayce O'Malley, that
friendship that you probably don't know about, but like broke
down on TikTok and social media because they were best
friends and something happened and it snapped and it broke.
It happens a lot on the housewise but that doesn't
count because that's not real, and that's effectively effectively manufactured drama.
What is actually happening is real, but it would not
(25:49):
be happening if it weren't on that show. It's the
pressure of the show. It's the manipulation of the producers.
It's the putting certain people together with other certain people
for certain circumstances. It's the bringing up of things that
would never normally brought be brought up. It's the non pleasantry,
is the sort of getting right to saying the things
you would never normally say because it's part of the job.
It's exposing your relationship. It's exposing your past. It's having
(26:09):
to talk about your dark secrets and your skeletons. It's
not having to have enough arguments in drama to rate.
You're acutely aware of that. Someone may not, at this
point in twenty twenty five tell you you have to
get in a fight or rip someone's hair out. But
there's a pressure and a feeling because in no other world,
if people flip tables, rip weaves out, and behave this way,
throw drinks at each other, it happens there because people
(26:32):
are aware that if throwing your leg in the middle
of a dance floor might get you ratings. You want
the gig and in real life, not that life. The
bending and breaking, it can be tragic and detrimental. It
can be Once something breaks, it's hard to crazy glue
back together. When it's bending, it's stretching. It's not doing
(26:52):
back great. It's working. It's it's you know, working overtime.
But you could possibly get it back to its original shape.
Once something fully breaks, it's hard to get back to
its original shape.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Red flag relationships, because I've talked about red Pink flags
are red flags, and you know red flags. Charming is
a red flag. But like, there are relationships where you
may be really attracted to someone, or let's say you
fall in love with them.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Let's say it just seems really great. Let's say you're lonely, Let's.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Say you're bored, but you get into a relationship and
along the way there are red flags, and they're each
small red flags, and you can gaslight yourself into convincing
that they're okay because there's one red flag. And then
you talk to the person and you bury that red flag.
It's like whack the mole. And then another one pops up,
and in the aggregate you find yourself getting deal fatigue.
(27:51):
But it's like each time it's just not such a
big thing. So you kind of gaslight yourself like that
wasn't a big thing. And your friends might be like
rolling their eyes because they've heard all the things and
you're kind of describing this one thing, and you know
you're trying to convince why it's not that big of
a deal. But the people that you've been discussing it with,
be careful about crowdsourcing. We all do it, and it's
probably not the best idea, but I talk to my therapist,
(28:12):
but I also crowdsource. Those people are thinking, wow, I
can't believe this person's accepting less than what they deserve.
They never do, but it's because along the way all
the little red flags don't seem like they amount to
that much. And I just caution you this. If someone
shows you who they are, believe them, Believe them, don't
(28:32):
describe it away. Don't think people are going to change,
Don't be the nag. Don't keep telling people what you
want and repeating the same information expecting different results. Don't
be repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. And
sometimes you'll just have to walk away. You will just
have to walk away, no matter what your feelings are.
And sometimes that walking away will give someone We'll scare
(28:55):
someone straight. Sometimes walking away scares someone straight, and that's
all so good because they realize the stakes and they
realize they want to change. Sometimes walking away make someone
realize that it's too much damage you're giving them, or
that you realize you've walked away. You almost don't want
them to get scared straight. You almost don't want them
(29:17):
to change because you're scared that they won't be able to.
When you're schedule to get hurt, you're almost out, You're like, okay,
but you're hurting, you know, like that kind of feeling.
So I caution you to really think about red flags
because I've talked about that a lot on my divorce podcasts,
and I really ignored a lot of red flags, and
I think it's really critical. Another thing to caution in
(29:37):
dating and in dating apps and in meeting people is
people asking you for things in the beginning. As it
pertains to business, I've found that many people that I
go out with, I all of a sudden enter into
being their mentor it's not specific and they haven't asked
me that, but somehow they're like constantly asking me for
(29:58):
either favors or advice or saying, you're really inspiring me,
you're making me really, you know, get motivated to do this.
And that's good on its face, but sometimes what you're
doing is a mirror for someone else, and they start
to feel badly about themselves and they start to sort
of secretly compete, or they start to think that they
need to do something to overcompensate for what you are
(30:18):
because I have so much going on that it will
make any person feel somewhat insecure about whatever they don't
have going on.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Even if compared to like.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
A normal, nice, needy, basic girl, they are so much
bigger and they get to be the big shot. They
still will feel that way in this relationship, and often
men want to run back to the girl that makes
them feel like the big man on campus, because that's
the girl who doesn't have a lot going on, and
he's gonna be like, you're my prince, you're my king. Yeah,
(30:47):
I'm here for whatever you need. I'll go wherever you want.
That makes it hard to me people, because that's not
me and be careful of that type of stuff. I
had a guy match me and the first sentence out was,
I admire what you've done. I have this business and
it does this, and I'd really like to talk to
you at some point.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
This is why someone matched me on cameo.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
People have paid me for a cameo to pitch me
their business, which is a little more appropriate. But I'm
not going to like respond to them and give them
a shark tank response for you know, three hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
It's insane. But people do that in a relationship too.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
They don't maybe they don't realize it, but they're like
utilizing you as some version of a mentor. I don't
want to work when I'm in my social life. I
once had someone want to go out with me and
their daughter was a big fan, and they asked me
if they should bring their daughter. I was like, I
thought dating was a two person sport if we're not
in the fucking Mormon country. So anyway, you'll see a
lot of shit. You'll see a lot of shit. Going
(31:43):
back to bending and breaking. Also, I find that the
good dynamic is when both people are givers. You will
start to see if you are the giver or the
taker in a relationship, and I have been both. It's
not black and white, and you in a relateral I've
always been a person who gives love and who gives,
and who definitely gives materialistically and who gives gift twise,
(32:03):
I am very much like that. But from an emotional
standpoint or from a thoughtful standpoint, or from a doing standpoint,
you know, I'm definitely there. Maybe I'm not always giving emotionally,
maybe I shut down, but you will find when there's
someone in a relationship who's sort of always taking, it's
just like they're always asking for something. There's always some
(32:24):
more thing that they need, and you're always going out
of your way to do things for them, even when
they're not asking, because they're just sort of have that
take or energy, and you just get into the role
of being the giver. And I don't think that I
think that lends to the bend and break, because that
is effectively the giving tree. The giving Tree story is
about going every day to take branches from this tree
(32:46):
who kept giving and giving and giving. In one day
it's said, I'm sorry, I have no more branches to give,
and it was very sad because that's when you realize.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
After went back.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
To the paster, most.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
To the answer. Most went back to the conster
So let's talk about the TikTok ellipse as I've named it,
that happened that most people know about. So from the
very beginning, I've explained that TikTok is a different planet,
and many people visit that planet. Some people have tertiary
(00:32):
residence is there, secondary residence is there to stop by
as a tourist. It's a different planet. But I have
permanent residency there. I live there. I live on Instagram too,
But I would almost say my primary residence is on
TikTok because yeah, I would say my primary residence is
(00:56):
on it. Yeah, my primary residence is. I'm actually thinking
about this seriously, like TikTok is my Hampton's house, where
it's where I feel the most comfortable and at home.
But I do my day to day operations in my
suburban house, So I would say TikTok is kind of
where my heart is. So let me explain the differences
(01:18):
between Instagram and TikTok once and for all accurately, because
it's a big conversation. As many of you know, there
wash a TikTok band that went into effect this past weekend.
I'm going to get into that and what that experience
was like because that experience was like something happens on
another planet that most people don't understand, but if you
(01:40):
live on that planet, you understand what went down. So
before I get into what went down on the planet
of talk when it crashed, I will explain to you
that here is the difference between Instagram and TikTok. Instagram
is like the Marriotte lobby, where many people are wearing
name tags, people have personalities, people are attractive, people are
(02:04):
talking about things they should be talking about. Some people
say some mistakes and say something they shouldn't, but overall,
there is a decorum and there are some guard rails
to what is going on on Instagram, and there's what
you should do and what you shouldn't do. And I'm
sorry to my Instagram people because I do have dual
residency and I live there and I love you. But
(02:24):
Instagram has way more judgmental people. They would be way
more There are a bunch of Karens over on TikTok,
but people would say there are way more Karens on Instagram,
and Instagram is extremely judgmental. They don't give you a
lot of breathing room. You do something stupid they make
you feel feel like a fool. And TikTok so if
Instagram is a bunch of people with name tags on
(02:47):
doing what they're mostly supposed to do in an organized
formatted timeline manner, TikTok is the after party upstairs where
people are taking their clothes off. Someone has tassels on
their titties. Someone's definitely made a full of themselves, said
something stupid. Someone else has applauded them for saying that's
something stupid. Even though in the mainstream it would not work.
(03:11):
Instagram is where mainstream media lives. There is not a
lot of conspiracy theory there. There was not a lot
of talk about my d or bags. The pandemic was
discussed there, but in a more let's regurgitate from the
multiple news stations manner, and TikTok is citizens journalism. Individuals
are reporters.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Now.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
When I first got on TikTok, I thought, what the
hell this random person is holding a microphone thinking they
report the news, And once I lived on this planet longer,
I realized, who the hell is the dummy on the
mainstream channel also regurgitating and reporting the news? What is
that person? A wizard that person definitely went to MIT
and fought in wars and worked for NASA and has
(03:51):
been a mother and a daughter and a man and
a transgender person, and so that's just a person.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It's just a person.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
The same way that I could be a pubists today,
with all due respect to publicists that I love and
mind Joel Fritzo. If I wanted to, I today could
decide to be a publicist, a marketing executive.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I could decide to be a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
So people decided they were going to report the news,
and they are very thorough. Some are just monkeys that
just say things and spread false news, but that happens
on the mainstream media too. Some are really knowledgeable. I
could think of very specific ones that are very knowledgeable.
They know what they're talking about, like they actually have
done their research, which is frankly all that mainstream journalists do.
(04:32):
In addition, you can talk about things ad nauseum for
TikTok and you can find a community that wants to
keep hearing it. If I keep talking about relief work
on Instagram, I will start to lose followers and views
will go down. That can happen on TikTok too. But
I can find a pocket in that algorithm where everybody
wants to talk about relief work, and the only thing
they're upset about is what's not happening in North Carolina
(04:53):
right now? Or what is happening in the fires, or
how did the fire start? Or what are the drones?
They are the doorb or oh my god, there's a while,
Mark Burkin, or I'm an asshole and I want to
go show you my brand new four four hundred thousand
dollar Rolls Royce and we're gonna fly to Thailand to
go buy an air mess bag and you're gonna go
(05:13):
with that person or this one guy who like just
every day flexes how expensive his cars are, his homes are.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Whatever. You find your.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You find your way, you find your place, and sometimes
you meet people that aren't from your place and you
find them interesting. I follow twenty something year olds and
laugh at what they're doing. I don't really do that
on Instagram. I'm like following more on twenty two year
olds that do dumb dances that my daughter isn't even following,
Like I just get a kick out of it. And
(05:43):
the reason it's a community and a family is, like
you really there were people. So this is this, this
really popped off during the pandemic. Okay, So apps like
Cameo popped off during the pandemic because people couldn't see
each other and they were sending messages. Apps like TikTok
popped off because people home and they felt like they
were with other people. I only regret that I wasn't
(06:04):
earlier because I would have felt that lack of loneliness.
You had a whole group of people that you were
hanging out with every day during the pandemic. Inside joke.
Everything on TikTok is an inside joke. Everything is a hyperfixation,
Like if I put like the wrong sea, if I
didn't put everything bagel seasoning or capers or parmesan or
something on something that it should have been, like, people
(06:26):
would fucking go crazy, Like if you rinse your chicken
and you're not supposed to. The hyperfixations are real, Like
I could sit in front of a jar of candy
and just be completely unhinged and talk about it, or
froth coffee. I can go viral and like have like
people obsessed with and only making coffee every day like me,
or eating chicken salad like me, like it's completely insane,
(06:47):
and it's one inside joke. So when you and your
friends beat the shit out of a joke that you're
the only people that understand and no one else understands,
that's what the fuck it is. So after the pandemic,
people were people who are ready were insular. You welcome me,
became more insular. The pandemic ended and they were given
(07:08):
license to be home, and now they had these new friends.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
They didn't have to work as hard to go be
social or meet people.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
People who were super social were home, and they were
like starving and clinging on to the other people that
also were home. People created businesses. People were vulnerable. People
were scared, so they shared ups. Guys became stars. Nurses
became people with ten million followers that make millions of
dollars a year, like or hundreds of thousands of dollars
(07:36):
a year. I don't know what people actually make besides
you know, I don't know what people make besides like
mainstream influencers.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
And people learned things.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
My daughter was coming up with all these using socks
to curl her hair and doing all these things, and
I'm like, were you learning all this sewing? And it
wasn't just the dances, and Instagram is more corporate. Like
Instagram is where like we're going to put up two
feed posts a week, two re we should be doing
a slider that goes on feed. But that chaotic little
(08:05):
thing can go on stories. But like any fucking piece
of spaghetti, you could burp and stick it on TikTok
and it could get ten million views. And you could
produce a feature film with Martin Scorsese and it could
get three views on TikTok. Like they are not snobs,
they don't give a fuck like and they don't let
outsiders in. So one time, Whinney Cummings was like, they
accepted you. I'm like, what are you talking about? Because
(08:27):
a long time ago they accepted Lizzo and then she
got canceled and they really didn't she I haven't seen
her in a long time. And I don't know where
Jason Derulo is. He's been massive on that app and
he never got canceled, but I just don't see him.
And it used to be that there was one community.
Now there are all these different planets. I happened to
walk into the Beauty Planet because I was just trying
to fuck around and learn how to do my makeup,
not realizing that there was a whole beauty world on
(08:49):
YouTube and that that was like a thing. I thought
I invented the wheel and I was in that room,
but I didn't realize there was that room. There was
then the food room where that girl with the seaweed
and the salmon lived, and then there's like an organizing room,
and a home to core room, and like all a
steakroom right now, Like there are all these different rooms
and you can switch rooms and you can curate who's
in your room, and Instagram is trying to do that
(09:12):
and reels are trying to do that, but somehow it's
just not vibing so much so that after a twelve
hour TikTok Lips blackout shutdown of twenty twenty five, the
deck has been shuffled and people are coming back and
they feel like something's different because the snow globe got shaken,
and therefore, you page, the stuff that comes through to
(09:34):
you is no longer what you took years to curate.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Like you've curated exactly what you.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Want to see and who you want to talk to,
and you have the same people in your comments, and
you always get more, but like you're in an inside joke.
Now I'm watching Josh Richards do do fuck boys way
house dances, which doesn't mean anything to you. It's like
the young kids that started TikTok and so like we
are all like, wait, it's different. So that's how I
can explain to you how Instagram is different because a
(09:59):
nuance can shave something, so people don't like the vibes
over there. And when the TikTok shut down for twelve hours,
everybody ran to my page and my team started just
posting like slamming content because they were like children that
wanted to be hugged. And it sounds insane, but like
in many ways, I'm an aunt and a sister and
(10:20):
a mother to some of these young kids.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
They've asked me business advice.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I've helped them, They've asked me about their weight like products,
like I've kind of been there for some of them
because I do provide a different type of wisdom. I'm
providing very serious but digestible business wisdom, very serious but
digestible philanthropy wisdom, very not serious beauty wisdom. But then
they'll always be infused some version of like something that
(10:44):
they can understand or I can crystallize what's going on
with a talk a talk sound that's going viral and
like how long it will last and why not to
buy into it and intellectual property. I've helped them with
and organizing their house and affordable design, and you know,
that's just what goes on there. So I'm the good
news is when you keep washing your hair with the
(11:05):
same shampoo, you should shake it up because then it
will get a little more body. And we all got
comfortable on TikTok. While I have a good community on
Instagram and I love Instagram, you got comfortable over there,
and a lot of people like the Alex Earls and
the people that make a lot of money over there,
were very worried when TikTok was going to shut down.
I was not worried when TikTok was going to shut
(11:25):
down from like a business or what do I do
every day to you know that sort of thing perspective,
meaning some people were worried about their businesses. Spencer Pratt
was in a free fall because he just became TikTok
famous a week ago because his house burnt down, and
now he felt like he got a taste and it
was going away, so they were really really down. I
was emotionally unhinged because I like the community and I
(11:49):
like comedy. So for me, it's a self expression. I
get to express myself and do very stupid things and
be very flawed and unhinged, and there it's like my
Saturday Night Life. I've never been able to host Saturday
Night Live or even be on it except for the
multiple times they mentioned me. So TikTok is my television show.
It's my Saturday Night Live. It's why I never went
(12:10):
back to TV. I get to be myself and I
just connect with this medium and I built a community there,
which takes a really long time. So TikTok is the
land of the misfit toys, TikTok is the rescue dogs.
Instagram is where the breeder dogs live. So I hope
(12:31):
that makes sense to you, and many of you were
going to have an interesting time and started to see
what really unhinged Bethany is like. As you know, all
the ex pats and the TikTok refugees started to fly
in and now they're flying back, and a lot some
of them got on red note this weird Chinese app
that you literally have to speak Mandarin to fully understand it.
People were like going through People were exchange students over
(12:54):
there because they were worried that they weren't going to
have TikTok, and it was like a TikTok knockoff. And
there's some other I'm like, I don't know what it's called,
like bright Side or something. I can't remember, but it
was a moment, And then I'm gonna get into the
actual moment in time, the historical pop cultural moment, the
TikTok shut down of twenty twenty five. They all describe
it as crashing out, and I was an unhinged, crashing
(13:20):
out warrior, like I was there to the bitter end,
in fact, in the most iconic and epic thing that's
ever happened to me on that app, And many people
are saying it's the most iconic and epic thing they've
ever witnessed on the app. When it was crashing out slowly,
like not slowly, meaning it crashed out pretty quickly, but
like each of us was dissolving. Spencer Pratt with Heidi,
(13:45):
Alex Earle and myself were all on a live and
one by one we just started to each fade. They
faded because it was my live and then the people
were crying and freaking out in the in the comments,
and then I faded, and then they were talking to
each other like, wait, is it over? And you saw
that sign that just said it was over. And we
all thought that this world that we had all made
(14:05):
these connections on, like I know nurses from Staten Island,
I know hairdressers, I know people that don't pizza stores
like I, and you think I don't know them, Like
I've invited them to some of my events. I plan
to have a party for them. They've supported me. They're
good human beings. And when we were crashing out, we
were crashing out, and I was just un hinge, and
(14:26):
I was drinking this cannabis drink and just being honest,
and I wasn't saying I mean. The funny thing about
it is on TikTok, so many people shared things that
weren't true. I would never have anything to share that
wasn't true because I've never shared anything on TikTok that
wasn't true. So a lot of people were like, oh,
I didn't really mean it when I said this. The
scare was good or this workout I don't really do
(14:49):
or I've never really been there, I've never done that.
So but I was crashing out and it was like
a disconnection. It was like we were all sinking on
the Titanic and it was going under. And for those
of you who are on Instagram will say like, oh
my god, like get a life, like it's social media
app or any of you who will say that, I've
(15:09):
raised millions of dollars on social media, both on Instagram
and on TikTok. I've been able to convey things about
lawsuits and business that I could never have conveyed anywhere else.
I went through my mother dying, not fully, but like
a little bit like dipped in and out and dating
and a little bit of a breakup on TikTok and Instagram.
Like social media, if used for good not evil, is
(15:31):
a very powerful medium. And if you're a homebody like myself,
it certainly is a powerful social medium. But for many people,
the mainstream media thinks it was because of the business
that was going to be lost, and that is an aspect,
and some people have left their businesses and do have
a career there and make money and monetize who they
actually are because they left their jobs. And many major
(15:53):
businesses make millions and millions of dollars, and.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
That was all real.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
But the people that were crashing out, the people that
were crying, and we're not thinking really primarily of their money.
They were thinking of the connection. They were thinking of
their people. They were thinking of their friends, their family.
They were thinking of the beautiful disaster. They were thinking
of the land of misfit toys. They were thinking of
not coloring within the lines. They were thinking of being
at the after party upstairs like a lunatic and not
(16:21):
being in the lobby of the Marriotte with a lanyard on. Well,
the month of January has been pretty boring. We really
need something to happen. There's just not a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Let's review.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
There was a cyber truck alleged bomb incident in Vegas.
There was another incident like that in New Orleans. There
were like seven plane either crashes or failures or something
in one week before right before Christmas, so and then
right after there was like intense fog were there were
(17:10):
and still are drones which I've renamed Diora bags everywhere.
But I had been told that people would stop paying
attention to them because so many other crazy things were
going to happen.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Now do I know how? And why? No, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm not a fucking genius, nor am I a mind reader,
nor am I.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
A fortune teller.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
And I keep saying that we are all ants because
whatever anything is, we're not going to be the ones
to know it. We'll be told what we need to know.
It's like you sit the fuck down, You sit at
the kids say well, we'll call you. Do not speak
unless spoken to, and so then after the doora bags,
then it was the California fires. Then there's an uprising
because of North Carolina because they're not getting the love
(17:48):
and the attention and the media that the California fires
are getting. And I went there to do relief work
and I'm a zombie. I'm so exhausted. The people there
are so traumatized. They are zombies different reasons. And then
we came back, and then there was the TikTok ban,
and then there were the hostages discussed, and now there's
an inauguration. It's fucking January twentieth. It feels like January
(18:13):
ninety ninth. It feels like it's been five months in
this week, it's been this month has been five months long.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I am so tired. My week started. I went to La.
I flew there, went to the way. What did I do?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
I flew there, woke up, went to the warehouse, got
the warehouse organized, had started to raise money already, so
now I had raised probably at that point like probably
one to two million dollars. Continued to raise money, wrote
all sort of the copy for everything we were going
to portray in what we were going to say about
this disaster. Did multiple press outlets in La. While there,
(18:52):
I think I did Extra and NBC and Spectrum and
something else. And then went on multiple missions, actually living
boxes and cash cards and meeting people and it was
so tragic and so sad, but really making a difference
in helping. Then going to the second mission in a
church and doing a big speech and speaking to everyone
about it. Then deciding I'm getting on a red eye
(19:13):
because I want to be there with my daughter for
breakfast and after school. So I get on a red eye.
Sleep three hours on the red eye because I'm so
activated and wound up.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Get off the.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Red eye, sleep an hour Cebrian right before school, give
her a kiss, don't drive her that day because I'm
a zombie.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Get organized the whole day.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Because the reason I wanted to take the Red Eye
was to like have one night in my house. I
like to nest. I don't like to go one place
to the next. I like to get back to the base,
even if it's inconvenient, even if it takes longer. I
like to get back to the base. And sadly, as
an influencer, the amount of shit I get sent that
I don't even want takes a full time job, and
getting back to the base to go through it and
tell everyone where it's going to go and what we're
(19:50):
doing with that?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Are we shooting it?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
And then the next morning woke up. I think it
was like five o'clock five one day, six o'clock one day,
and I had to do morning shows. Oh no, that's
not true. I did the opening of the Nasdaq Bell.
I rang the opening of the Nasdaq bell, something that
people would wait their entire lives to do. That one
thing that is like slotted in on that day because
afterwards I had either like CNN or NBC. I had
(20:15):
like two news news outlets that day to do. Then
went home to be with Brinn for dinner. No, that's
not true. Then went back to the city, had dinner
with two people. Don't know why I would ever do that,
but had dinner. Then woke up the next morning at
five o'clock in the morning to get up and to
do Gail King, and I believe we did one other thing.
We did Access Hollywood right after Gael King. Yes, Gail
(20:38):
King into Access Hollywood. But wait, there's more. Then I left,
came home. I had to go through whatever I had
to go through with business, do my normal life, my
normal business. Then I woke up the next day and
had to go to a volleyball tournament for two days,
screaming auditoriums, ballrooms, drive to one and a half hours
on the way there to Hartford, and then drove back
in a snowstorm two and a half hour or some
(21:00):
of it being ten miles an hour, skidded a little bit,
like literally in full panic because I wanted to go
see her, but I had to get home.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
And that is where I stand right now.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I am a carcass I feel like I am like
some tar that's on the tire of someone's car. Oh
and we also threw all that raised about four million
dollars and like being the full switchboard onboarding kat Korra
for her eight hundred meals to be a part of
our program and our charity, and just got off with
(21:29):
the producer to give them possibly a job in the warehouse.
And oh, I forgot yesterday right before I went to
the volleyball tournament. I oh, and I forgot the TikTok ban.
And I forgot the TikTok ban. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
After Gail King come home, then am in my house
(21:51):
and have a full unhinged ttok tiktoka lips melt down,
crash out ban, then go to the Then on the
way to the volleyball tournament, did Good Morning America or
ABC News? I am not a person, not a person.
Why my team scheduled this right now, I'll never know.
(22:13):
But that's that. And tomorrow I have a massive photo
shoot for my website. So I'm a shattered wreck.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
The TikTok band does bring up the phone and our
addiction to it, and that it's like a crutch and
we sleep with it. We use it as an alarm
clock in we say it's in case our daughters call.
My daughter has her phone in her room because she
uses it as an alarm clock.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
I don't love that.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
I bought a clock for next to my bed, and
it is helping at least, like with putting my phone
outside my room. It may not be early, like eight
o'clock and shutting everything down, but even when I go
to bed, I'm putting it outside my room. And yes,
let's say i wake up at two o'clock in the morning,
which happens often, and I go to the bathroom and
I've been thinking about something, or wanting someone to text
or expecting something.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I will look.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
But even the dis point of having it out there
is kind of the first steps. So I did buy
I don't need an alarm.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Actually I set alarm clock.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I don't ever use an alarm, but a clock to
be by my bedside, just to look at the time,
because often you pick up your phone to look at
the clock, but then it's triggering about who texted who didn't,
and you get sucked into the rabbit hole. So I
think you should think about some version of a very nice,
chic little clock. And they often have sound machines now,
and some one of them is a charger Mine is
a charger, but it sucks.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It doesn't charge, but I just and.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Then you don't need You don't need it as a
charger because you're not using your phone next to there,
so that's but it's still a charger throughout the day
you might need it.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Mine does not work.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
I don't know why I tell that boring story.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
In other news.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
I want to talk about relationships, friendships, business relationships, and
intimate relationships, and I want to talk about bend until
you break.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I think it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
We've done it to someone, We've had it done to us,
where you kind of take someone for granted, or they
take you for granted, and they may not even know
it or be able to help it.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
The circumstances could be so great that someone just.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Can't really be there for you or give you what
you need, or do the things that they're supposed to do,
and whatever that relationship dynamic is, whether work, friendship or
personal intimate you know, marriage, dating, And there comes a
time when people bend so far. It happens in comedy too,
you can bend it if it breaks, it's no longer funny.
(24:36):
And it happens in relationships where when you bend too
far and then you break. You snap. It's hard to
come back from. There's really no more rope, and you
could be broken hearted and it could be the most
upsetting thing in the world. But once you've crossed over
and you've seen too much, it's very hard to go back.
So I caution you, in your relationships and in situations
(25:01):
to try to take care of things and treat them
as if they are precious and sometimes made of glass,
sometimes delicate, even if it's some you know with staff,
like people who work with you are for you, like
you know, we can all be frustrated and snappy, and
we're not.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
No one's perfect.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
But in any kind of relationship, it's really important to
watch when something is bending so far that it might break,
if you are not willing to lose it and not
willing to walk away from it.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I'm thinking of that Brionna Chicken frying grayce O'Malley, that
friendship that you probably don't know about, but like broke
down on TikTok and social media because they were best
friends and something happened and it snapped and it broke.
It happens a lot on the housewise but that doesn't
count because that's not real, and that's effectively effectively manufactured drama.
What is actually happening is real, but it would not
(25:49):
be happening if it weren't on that show. It's the
pressure of the show. It's the manipulation of the producers.
It's the putting certain people together with other certain people
for certain circumstances. It's the bringing up of things that
would never normally brought be brought up. It's the non pleasantry,
is the sort of getting right to saying the things
you would never normally say because it's part of the job.
It's exposing your relationship. It's exposing your past. It's having
(26:09):
to talk about your dark secrets and your skeletons. It's
not having to have enough arguments in drama to rate.
You're acutely aware of that. Someone may not, at this
point in twenty twenty five tell you you have to
get in a fight or rip someone's hair out. But
there's a pressure and a feeling because in no other world,
if people flip tables, rip weaves out, and behave this way,
throw drinks at each other, it happens there because people
(26:32):
are aware that if throwing your leg in the middle
of a dance floor might get you ratings. You want
the gig and in real life, not that life. The
bending and breaking, it can be tragic and detrimental. It
can be Once something breaks, it's hard to crazy glue
back together. When it's bending, it's stretching. It's not doing
(26:52):
back great. It's working. It's it's you know, working overtime.
But you could possibly get it back to its original shape.
Once something fully breaks, it's hard to get back to
its original shape.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Red flag relationships, because I've talked about red Pink flags
are red flags, and you know red flags. Charming is
a red flag. But like, there are relationships where you
may be really attracted to someone, or let's say you
fall in love with them.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Let's say it just seems really great. Let's say you're lonely, Let's.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Say you're bored, but you get into a relationship and
along the way there are red flags, and they're each
small red flags, and you can gaslight yourself into convincing
that they're okay because there's one red flag. And then
you talk to the person and you bury that red flag.
It's like whack the mole. And then another one pops up,
and in the aggregate you find yourself getting deal fatigue.
(27:51):
But it's like each time it's just not such a
big thing. So you kind of gaslight yourself like that
wasn't a big thing. And your friends might be like
rolling their eyes because they've heard all the things and
you're kind of describing this one thing, and you know
you're trying to convince why it's not that big of
a deal. But the people that you've been discussing it with,
be careful about crowdsourcing. We all do it, and it's
probably not the best idea, but I talk to my therapist,
(28:12):
but I also crowdsource. Those people are thinking, wow, I
can't believe this person's accepting less than what they deserve.
They never do, but it's because along the way all
the little red flags don't seem like they amount to
that much. And I just caution you this. If someone
shows you who they are, believe them, Believe them, don't
(28:32):
describe it away. Don't think people are going to change,
Don't be the nag. Don't keep telling people what you
want and repeating the same information expecting different results. Don't
be repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. And
sometimes you'll just have to walk away. You will just
have to walk away, no matter what your feelings are.
And sometimes that walking away will give someone We'll scare
(28:55):
someone straight. Sometimes walking away scares someone straight, and that's
all so good because they realize the stakes and they
realize they want to change. Sometimes walking away make someone
realize that it's too much damage you're giving them, or
that you realize you've walked away. You almost don't want
them to get scared straight. You almost don't want them
(29:17):
to change because you're scared that they won't be able to.
When you're schedule to get hurt, you're almost out, You're like, okay,
but you're hurting, you know, like that kind of feeling.
So I caution you to really think about red flags
because I've talked about that a lot on my divorce podcasts,
and I really ignored a lot of red flags, and
I think it's really critical. Another thing to caution in
(29:37):
dating and in dating apps and in meeting people is
people asking you for things in the beginning. As it
pertains to business, I've found that many people that I
go out with, I all of a sudden enter into
being their mentor it's not specific and they haven't asked
me that, but somehow they're like constantly asking me for
(29:58):
either favors or advice or saying, you're really inspiring me,
you're making me really, you know, get motivated to do this.
And that's good on its face, but sometimes what you're
doing is a mirror for someone else, and they start
to feel badly about themselves and they start to sort
of secretly compete, or they start to think that they
need to do something to overcompensate for what you are
(30:18):
because I have so much going on that it will
make any person feel somewhat insecure about whatever they don't
have going on.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Even if compared to like.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
A normal, nice, needy, basic girl, they are so much
bigger and they get to be the big shot. They
still will feel that way in this relationship, and often
men want to run back to the girl that makes
them feel like the big man on campus, because that's
the girl who doesn't have a lot going on, and
he's gonna be like, you're my prince, you're my king. Yeah,
(30:47):
I'm here for whatever you need. I'll go wherever you want.
That makes it hard to me people, because that's not
me and be careful of that type of stuff. I
had a guy match me and the first sentence out was,
I admire what you've done. I have this business and
it does this, and I'd really like to talk to
you at some point.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
This is why someone matched me on cameo.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
People have paid me for a cameo to pitch me
their business, which is a little more appropriate. But I'm
not going to like respond to them and give them
a shark tank response for you know, three hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
It's insane. But people do that in a relationship too.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
They don't maybe they don't realize it, but they're like
utilizing you as some version of a mentor. I don't
want to work when I'm in my social life. I
once had someone want to go out with me and
their daughter was a big fan, and they asked me
if they should bring their daughter. I was like, I
thought dating was a two person sport if we're not
in the fucking Mormon country. So anyway, you'll see a
lot of shit. You'll see a lot of shit. Going
(31:43):
back to bending and breaking. Also, I find that the
good dynamic is when both people are givers. You will
start to see if you are the giver or the
taker in a relationship, and I have been both. It's
not black and white, and you in a relateral I've
always been a person who gives love and who gives,
and who definitely gives materialistically and who gives gift twise,
(32:03):
I am very much like that. But from an emotional
standpoint or from a thoughtful standpoint, or from a doing standpoint,
you know, I'm definitely there. Maybe I'm not always giving emotionally,
maybe I shut down, but you will find when there's
someone in a relationship who's sort of always taking, it's
just like they're always asking for something. There's always some
(32:24):
more thing that they need, and you're always going out
of your way to do things for them, even when
they're not asking, because they're just sort of have that
take or energy, and you just get into the role
of being the giver. And I don't think that I
think that lends to the bend and break, because that
is effectively the giving tree. The giving Tree story is
about going every day to take branches from this tree
(32:46):
who kept giving and giving and giving. In one day
it's said, I'm sorry, I have no more branches to give,
and it was very sad because that's when you realize.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
After went back.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
To the paster, most.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
To the answer. Most went back to the conster
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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