September 9, 2022 • 17 mins
Bethenny was so excited to go on a romantic boat vacation with her fiancé… until she saw the bathroom. Let’s just say, it was so dire that they jumped ship.
B tells all, and teaches you how not to make the same mistake on your next vacation.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
I've been traveling a bit for different reasons, personal reasons,
going on a romantic trip with Paul, an amazing work
trip to launch my wine in France. I like being
home better, I really do. We get caught up, and
I think because of pandemic and being trapped in our houses,
we even more, you know, want to go and soar
the friendly skies. And I'll say, as someone who can
(00:32):
afford to travel anywhere that I want, and pretty much
at any time that I want, I would rather be home.
I just would rather be home with my dogs and
with my own bathtub, and with my own sleep schedule,
and with my own freedom. And it doesn't mean I
never want to go anywhere again, doesn't mean sometimes it's
winter and you get chili and you want to go
experience something, or you want to do a sport. But
(00:54):
I just have to say, there's nothing like being home.
I am on the verge of saying travel is overrated.
I've gotten to the point where I like travel for
work because then you can just add something onto it.
So if you know you have to go to France,
which is very luxurious and was very fortunate for me
to launch a Rose wine, then go for an extra
(01:16):
couple of days with your child or your friend. Or
I'm going to Cincinnati, Ohio. I'm going to Colorado Springs
for work, so attach something to that so then you're
ready gonna get tired, um and exhausted and like make
the most out of that. I always love when I
get an appearance in Orlando, because then it means then
I'm going to do the exhausting Disney or Universal trip
(01:36):
with my daughter. But I will say that electing to
just spend so much money and travel so far, I
don't think it's worth its weight. I would rather be home, um,
and people say, oh, you have beautiful homes, etcetera. I
would rather be in a small apartment in many cases
and just having a staycation and taking nice walks. And
(01:56):
I get activated. I get I don't like all the
stuff in the past, in the unpacking and where's my toiletrees?
And I lost this and I'm gonna leave that, and
I can't fit into my suitcase and this bottle exploded
and broke all over everything, and you know I feel that,
I really really feel that. So I your skin is dehydrated,
like you know, you're exhausted, you feel dirty, you get
off a plane. You know what time it is. I
(02:17):
just feel that while I will continue to travel, I'm
not gonna be a hermit. I just appreciate home in
the most. So if you did not get to travel,
please do not feel bad, because I will say I
think it's overrated. And while we're watching Instagram and all
these people and these famous people on these boats, I
want to tell you a story and it's not that relatable,
(02:38):
but I still want to tell it to you. The
reason it's not relatable is because it's expensive, and it
was a boat. We call it a boat. You're not
supposed to. I guess it's like cheesy to say yacht,
but it was. I was on it. I've been on
large boats before, guests of other people. So you go
on a wealthy person's boat, no matter how big the
boat is, and I mean boats can be hundreds of
(02:58):
feet where they seem like home, right, No matter how
big the boat is, you're on somebody else's program. The
tendency is that people who rent large boats or own
large boats like to be in control. They have b
b c s. It's a big boat complex. So these
people it's their boat, he or she who makes the
(03:21):
gold makes the rules and they want to run the program.
And being on a boat means the program. What time
we're gonna leave, and what we're gonna stop on that port,
and then we're gonna be there for how long? And
what time do we have dinner? And what time is
this going to happen? And what time do we take
the jet skis off? And we have to do this
and we have you know, cocktails on the bow or
the back or whatever it's called. Like it's it's running.
(03:42):
It's someone's running a program now. No matter how big
the boat is, and I mean big, big, um, there's
always some limitation with the bathroom size, the closet. There's motion,
there's rocking. I don't have good boat karma. I was
literally lost at sea for between twenty one and twenty
four hours between talking in Block Island, which yould take
four to six hours to get you on a boat. Um.
(04:04):
I we almost died on a boat in Columbia on
the Housewives. I had another experience that no one saw
and I think that same trip with Rocky s. I
do not have great boat karma. There's this is not
a lie. You can ask Matt Anderson Bravo really doesn't
enjoy having me on a boat. It's just bad karma, okay, um,
So I don't care how big a boat is. You're
(04:27):
on someone's program, and I don't love to be a guest.
Meaning I remember my I keia apartment, my my my
nineteen or twenty one hundred dollar a month New York City.
I kea apartment a few hundred square feet, had one
before that, there was always I think studio. I was
on my own program. I woke up, I walked my dog,
I went to the Delhi a. But I wanted to
eat at what time I wanted to eat. I'm not
(04:48):
a very big like every meal every day, the same
meal kind of person. I don't understand why we have
to decide today we're gonna eat tomorrow lunch. How the
funk do I know? How would I know what I
want to eat tomorrow for lunch? Now gotta make a
plan with the person's chef, and you gotta be there.
And of course, if you decide to get off and
go into the town, you're leaving everybody and you you're
not on the program because you're with a person who's
(05:09):
a BBC A big boat complex you're supposed to be
on their program. They're rich, you're not. That's the price
of going on someone's boat. Okay. I don't love to
be a guest in that way. I'd rather be on
my own program and be on a little dinghy. So
for years, when I saw my company, and you know,
I always like say, like, you know, one time we'll
(05:30):
get a boat, and paulse I was like, one time
we'll do a boat, you know, And then you always
price it out and you think about doing it overnight
and it's a fortune. And then and that's why I
like people say if it flies, fuck, if it flies,
fox or floats, rent it, because having your own play
in your own boat whatever, it's gonna be problems, no
matter how big or small a boat is. So you
always think about it. You have a fantasy, and then
you're pricing at the boat for the day. It's still
(05:51):
too expensive, and you never do it. So someone presented
us with a boat trip for a trip this summer,
and it was gonna be a big trip. And Paul
wants to feel like he's we're being more social because
whenever we go away, it's just the two of us
were isolated, staring at each other at every meal, and
we have a great time, and we run our own
program and we travel similarly and we laugh, we have
a great time. Um, traveling with kids also fairly overrated,
(06:14):
to be honest, Like if I go along with Britain, great,
if you go with a bunch of people and kids,
then you're like, then you're spending money to be on
their program. So that's a different story for a different time.
There are certain trips for kids. Galapa goes Disney, like
you know what you're getting into. You know, it's fueled
by wine and cotton candy and that's what that is.
But um, I digress. So we go on trips on
(06:35):
our own and we roll nicely, but so in our minds.
So it's like, oh, what if we ever did a boat?
Someone presented to us a boat and I was like,
you know what, let's be social and he's not social
and I'm not social at all, and we're both not guests.
But we'll be social because means we're going at to
dinner with other people, we're talking, we're chatting, we're like,
you know, and you don't think of what that really
is like because then you're also like you're checking in.
(06:57):
You're not it's not your program, it's not there program.
You're paying your own way, but like you're checking in,
like what are we gonna do for this? And it's
the same conversations I said before, but just with other
more other people. It's even better to be controlled because
then one person is making a decision. In this case,
everybody's got an opinion on the town, on the food,
on the boat, toys, on the stuff. We were not
on a mega boat. We were on a large boat
(07:20):
for but any it's called a yacht for sure. It's
it was I just know it's not relatable and I'm sorry,
but it's a big boat, okay. And it was very expensive.
It's definitely the most expensive trip I've ever been on
in my life. So it's gonna be amazing because we're
(07:49):
in control and you get to go to different places
and wonderful. So we get on this boat and all
the things I said before true, and you're planning of
the meals and whatever. And it's presented when you go
on a boat and you go into one else's boat.
It's you get off the there there that you get unpacked.
It's like miraculous, some fancy hotels do that. I like
to unpack myself, but the idea of someone unpacking you
is just and that you know, is wild. So you know,
(08:12):
no one unpacks you on this boat. And and there's laundry.
The thing is that, like I don't know why, but
boat staffs like they they fold up your laundry and
put it on, like after you wear a T shirt.
So people bring carry on because they know everything's getting
So so the first night of this very expensive boat,
like think the most expensive hotel room you could ever
imagine and multiply that times four or five. And then
(08:38):
you're sitting on the boat in the first night and
you see, like you're in your room and like not
even like in a hotel room where you like to
make a turn down service or someone comes in. That
doesn't happen all day. Everything is the same way you
left it. You left a wet towel, it's still there,
like you know, days later. So the first day you're
on the dinner where the like you're eating outside having dinner,
(08:59):
and you see all this and I'm gonna delay telling
you the name of the boat. I gotta think about
that and the charter company because I gotta think about that.
You can dm me if you want to know what
boat not to rent and what charter company not to
rent through that's a thought for me, just like if
I want to let that go. But I'm gonna tell
you the story. So you're we're sitting outside eating and
we see towels and giant clothes pins holding probably like
(09:23):
six towels like outside on this boat. Like I don't
know that I want to see how the sausage gets made,
Like I don't need to see like hanging laundry on
a boat that we just rented. So I'm like, okay,
So we're like we're gonna have to discuss that. It
didn't seem like that needed to be discussed, Like I
just thought, like I've never seen laundry outside in a
hotel room or on a boat of like pretty much
(09:45):
any size, you know, so unless we're living on the boat.
We live on a sailboat now, and we want air
dried laundry, I guess. So I'm like, okay, And you know,
you don't want to be spoiled, and you're you're you're
you're centered in your privilege. But the thing about me
is that I will spend money I will not waste money.
I take food to go. I don't over order. I
(10:05):
don't like being ripped off. I will buy an expensive
handbag or watch, but it better be high quality and
last me the rest of my life. I don't like
being taken. I don't like scams in hotels. I just
I'm not that girl. I remember where I came from.
I remember my studio apartment, I remember bouncing checks like
I am not spoiled. I very much understand the value
of a dollar, and I made every dollar that I have.
(10:28):
So now I'm like, Okay, that seems strange. So then, um,
we are we are told, But I'm the only one
who understands that we are told. Toilet paper cannot be
put in the toilet of the boat. I never heard
of that before. I never experienced that before. That wasn't
(10:50):
in the pamphlet. And I don't think I would go
on any vacation where I can't use toilet paper in
a toilet. So I'm start rule following, and I'm you know,
luckily I do. I don't want to get into detail.
I'm not a person like potty humor or talk, but
I don't I I have had digestive issues. I do
not have a problem. They're like, I'm not worried about
(11:11):
this particular part except for urinating. So I am like, okay,
So I have to wipe myself after I urinate and
put it in a garbage can. As it turns out,
this particular garbage can has a top on it has
like a wooden circle that you pressed in like the
side goes through. So by definition, I guess you could
really really wrap and use a lot of extra toilet
(11:32):
paper and really give yourself like a mit. But but
you're like touching the outside of the thing as you're
putting like your p paper in the garbage. So, by
the way, note to boats that don't have toilet set
work with paper, please have an open trash bin so
I don't have to like touch the top. Okay. Note
not that this will ever happen again. So I'm like okay.
(11:53):
So um, Then at the end of the day, the
garbage has have been like you know, taken out. So
I go to bring my own garbage out. To take
my own garbage, I have to forget where to take it,
and I'm going upstairs and Paul's like, what are you doing?
And I'm like, I'm taking my garbage at and like,
and I'm thinking, like, I know how much it Like,
(12:14):
I just don't take my garbage out of hotel rooms
like the days in the double Tree that gives you
free warm, gorgeous cookies, you don't take at your own garbage.
So I'm trying to be relatable and not spoiled when
I tell you that, Like, now I've spent money and
I want to get a return of my investment. I
don't want to be looking at laundry and throwing out
my own toilet paper and my garbage after it. Okay,
(12:35):
so I know what if I had to go to
the bathroom for real, though I don't really have that
problem because whatever. But I'm thinking, you know that not
everybody's like me where they don't go that often. So
I'm thinking that doesn't feel that fun. So Paul's like,
what are you doing? So I tell him, you know
(12:56):
this rule and he and you know, he's like, I'm
trying to not include other people. I'm specifically not including
other people. Um, so maybe we don't even say I
mentioned that there is a rule on this boat that
nobody can use toilet paper, and it's responded to with
what the funk are you talking about? That's insane. I'm
(13:17):
like no, And now we're on the Housewives, and now
all of a sudden, I'm living in the Housewives on
a boat and I'm like, no, no, no, it happened.
No it didn't. It's I'm like, roll the tape, pull
the fucking like, no it didn't. That did not. I'm like, yes,
it did. Yes, And I got scolded by one of
the members of the crew in front of other people,
not in a mean way, but like somebody used the
(13:39):
toilet in the downstairs bathroom and I'm the one who's
just ping and I and one time I had to
put my hand in the toilet to get out a
piece of paper that I accidentally put in with peing.
You know what happens um when you pee sometimes automatically
wipe yourself and put it in the toilet because it's
called the toilet paper. So like I made the Errow
(13:59):
couples and saw myself on vacation in an experience that
costs four or five times more than the most expensive
hotel room you could in fathom staying in think presidential
suite and Caesar's pat like think big. So I'm like,
nowlet's touched my own urine, my urins, touched a tab
of a garbage can, have taken out my own thing.
(14:21):
I'm watching laundry, but like, what the funk is going on?
So um, I don't want you to know. I'm by
the way, the big major boat alerts that I've been
on that are three times the size of this boat
or two and a half times of really, you know,
wealthy people where I'm on their program, I did not
have this experience. So I'm not going to say that
all boats are created equal. Okay, I'm just gonna say
(14:42):
to you, don't envy everybody's travels, because I promise you
we what I could, what we could have bought, or
the Safari experience for twenty people that we could have
had for what we paid. We could have stayed in
the four seasons Bali or Maldeves hear me out for
(15:06):
fifteen days in the nicest sweet possible for what wiping
my myself and and putting my hand in a toilet
bowl cost. So I just want you to know that
I'm not only going to ever tell you the good.
I'm not a person that filters myself I'm not gonna
act like everything I'm doing is glamorous and fabulous, because
it's fucking not. And I would literally, not exaggerating, I
(15:29):
would rather be in so Caucus, New Jersey, in a
motel six. That's not true. That's actually not true. Let
me really think about it. I would rather be in
Kansas City, allowed to use the bathroom, my body, my choice,
than I would have to have the anxiety about this,
so travel can be overrated. I did not mention that
(15:52):
once we realized that um we were on a lavish,
expensive yacht uh fishing in my own urine, that we
would get off, and it was important to palm my
fiance to make it clear that uh he and I
decided to check into a nice hotel. And don't get
me wrong, we are frustrated and still talking about the
(16:13):
fact that it was wasted money and we don't have
that time or money to waste, but particularly the time
because we're long distance and being together is so important
and valuable, and so I guess to the tail is
to really research ahead of time. Sometimes you don't want
to deal with so much planning and organizing with travel
ahead of time. It's a pain in the ass, and
(16:34):
you just think you're gonna get there and it's gonna
be fine. You don't really look at a hotel him.
I often I like to take bath sets, my body,
my choice, and I often don't look at a hotel
room has a bath and if I'm away, I want
to be able to just sit in a bathtub, like
I just like that, or if you don't want to
wash your hair, like little dumb things, and I never
look at it. Now it's on the list that I
want to do that. Or some people care if there's
(16:54):
a gym, even if it's in a day's in, Like
is there a gym? I don't care about that, But
oh my god, if I were a nice hotel, I
love if there was a steam room or a little
cheap osana, like little things that are important. Think of
it ahead of time, think about asking about things like
laundry or I don't know, whatever your thing is. It
just we did not who the hell what everything to
ask if you could flush toilet paper on a fucking toilet.
(17:16):
But I guess now you should think about that. If
you're not gonna have to go to the bathroom in
an outhouse at a hotel, you're staying at so we
checked into a hotel, wasted a ton of money, and
the bottom line is I'd rather be home. I love home,
home right now, and home is where my heart is,
and home is where my toilet is. That works, so
that's good too,
I've been traveling a bit for different reasons, personal reasons,
going on a romantic trip with Paul, an amazing work
trip to launch my wine in France. I like being
home better, I really do. We get caught up, and
I think because of pandemic and being trapped in our houses,
we even more, you know, want to go and soar
the friendly skies. And I'll say, as someone who can
(00:32):
afford to travel anywhere that I want, and pretty much
at any time that I want, I would rather be home.
I just would rather be home with my dogs and
with my own bathtub, and with my own sleep schedule,
and with my own freedom. And it doesn't mean I
never want to go anywhere again, doesn't mean sometimes it's
winter and you get chili and you want to go
experience something, or you want to do a sport. But
(00:54):
I just have to say, there's nothing like being home.
I am on the verge of saying travel is overrated.
I've gotten to the point where I like travel for
work because then you can just add something onto it.
So if you know you have to go to France,
which is very luxurious and was very fortunate for me
to launch a Rose wine, then go for an extra
(01:16):
couple of days with your child or your friend. Or
I'm going to Cincinnati, Ohio. I'm going to Colorado Springs
for work, so attach something to that so then you're
ready gonna get tired, um and exhausted and like make
the most out of that. I always love when I
get an appearance in Orlando, because then it means then
I'm going to do the exhausting Disney or Universal trip
(01:36):
with my daughter. But I will say that electing to
just spend so much money and travel so far, I
don't think it's worth its weight. I would rather be home, um,
and people say, oh, you have beautiful homes, etcetera. I
would rather be in a small apartment in many cases
and just having a staycation and taking nice walks. And
(01:56):
I get activated. I get I don't like all the
stuff in the past, in the unpacking and where's my toiletrees?
And I lost this and I'm gonna leave that, and
I can't fit into my suitcase and this bottle exploded
and broke all over everything, and you know I feel that,
I really really feel that. So I your skin is dehydrated,
like you know, you're exhausted, you feel dirty, you get
off a plane. You know what time it is. I
(02:17):
just feel that while I will continue to travel, I'm
not gonna be a hermit. I just appreciate home in
the most. So if you did not get to travel,
please do not feel bad, because I will say I
think it's overrated. And while we're watching Instagram and all
these people and these famous people on these boats, I
want to tell you a story and it's not that relatable,
(02:38):
but I still want to tell it to you. The
reason it's not relatable is because it's expensive, and it
was a boat. We call it a boat. You're not
supposed to. I guess it's like cheesy to say yacht,
but it was. I was on it. I've been on
large boats before, guests of other people. So you go
on a wealthy person's boat, no matter how big the
boat is, and I mean boats can be hundreds of
(02:58):
feet where they seem like home, right, No matter how
big the boat is, you're on somebody else's program. The
tendency is that people who rent large boats or own
large boats like to be in control. They have b
b c s. It's a big boat complex. So these
people it's their boat, he or she who makes the
(03:21):
gold makes the rules and they want to run the program.
And being on a boat means the program. What time
we're gonna leave, and what we're gonna stop on that port,
and then we're gonna be there for how long? And
what time do we have dinner? And what time is
this going to happen? And what time do we take
the jet skis off? And we have to do this
and we have you know, cocktails on the bow or
the back or whatever it's called. Like it's it's running.
(03:42):
It's someone's running a program now. No matter how big
the boat is, and I mean big, big, um, there's
always some limitation with the bathroom size, the closet. There's motion,
there's rocking. I don't have good boat karma. I was
literally lost at sea for between twenty one and twenty
four hours between talking in Block Island, which yould take
four to six hours to get you on a boat. Um.
(04:04):
I we almost died on a boat in Columbia on
the Housewives. I had another experience that no one saw
and I think that same trip with Rocky s. I
do not have great boat karma. There's this is not
a lie. You can ask Matt Anderson Bravo really doesn't
enjoy having me on a boat. It's just bad karma, okay, um,
So I don't care how big a boat is. You're
(04:27):
on someone's program, and I don't love to be a guest.
Meaning I remember my I keia apartment, my my my
nineteen or twenty one hundred dollar a month New York City.
I kea apartment a few hundred square feet, had one
before that, there was always I think studio. I was
on my own program. I woke up, I walked my dog,
I went to the Delhi a. But I wanted to
eat at what time I wanted to eat. I'm not
(04:48):
a very big like every meal every day, the same
meal kind of person. I don't understand why we have
to decide today we're gonna eat tomorrow lunch. How the
funk do I know? How would I know what I
want to eat tomorrow for lunch? Now gotta make a
plan with the person's chef, and you gotta be there.
And of course, if you decide to get off and
go into the town, you're leaving everybody and you you're
not on the program because you're with a person who's
(05:09):
a BBC A big boat complex you're supposed to be
on their program. They're rich, you're not. That's the price
of going on someone's boat. Okay. I don't love to
be a guest in that way. I'd rather be on
my own program and be on a little dinghy. So
for years, when I saw my company, and you know,
I always like say, like, you know, one time we'll
(05:30):
get a boat, and paulse I was like, one time
we'll do a boat, you know, And then you always
price it out and you think about doing it overnight
and it's a fortune. And then and that's why I
like people say if it flies, fuck, if it flies,
fox or floats, rent it, because having your own play
in your own boat whatever, it's gonna be problems, no
matter how big or small a boat is. So you
always think about it. You have a fantasy, and then
you're pricing at the boat for the day. It's still
(05:51):
too expensive, and you never do it. So someone presented
us with a boat trip for a trip this summer,
and it was gonna be a big trip. And Paul
wants to feel like he's we're being more social because
whenever we go away, it's just the two of us
were isolated, staring at each other at every meal, and
we have a great time, and we run our own
program and we travel similarly and we laugh, we have
a great time. Um, traveling with kids also fairly overrated,
(06:14):
to be honest, Like if I go along with Britain, great,
if you go with a bunch of people and kids,
then you're like, then you're spending money to be on
their program. So that's a different story for a different time.
There are certain trips for kids. Galapa goes Disney, like
you know what you're getting into. You know, it's fueled
by wine and cotton candy and that's what that is.
But um, I digress. So we go on trips on
(06:35):
our own and we roll nicely, but so in our minds.
So it's like, oh, what if we ever did a boat?
Someone presented to us a boat and I was like,
you know what, let's be social and he's not social
and I'm not social at all, and we're both not guests.
But we'll be social because means we're going at to
dinner with other people, we're talking, we're chatting, we're like,
you know, and you don't think of what that really
is like because then you're also like you're checking in.
(06:57):
You're not it's not your program, it's not there program.
You're paying your own way, but like you're checking in,
like what are we gonna do for this? And it's
the same conversations I said before, but just with other
more other people. It's even better to be controlled because
then one person is making a decision. In this case,
everybody's got an opinion on the town, on the food,
on the boat, toys, on the stuff. We were not
on a mega boat. We were on a large boat
(07:20):
for but any it's called a yacht for sure. It's
it was I just know it's not relatable and I'm sorry,
but it's a big boat, okay. And it was very expensive.
It's definitely the most expensive trip I've ever been on
in my life. So it's gonna be amazing because we're
(07:49):
in control and you get to go to different places
and wonderful. So we get on this boat and all
the things I said before true, and you're planning of
the meals and whatever. And it's presented when you go
on a boat and you go into one else's boat.
It's you get off the there there that you get unpacked.
It's like miraculous, some fancy hotels do that. I like
to unpack myself, but the idea of someone unpacking you
is just and that you know, is wild. So you know,
(08:12):
no one unpacks you on this boat. And and there's laundry.
The thing is that, like I don't know why, but
boat staffs like they they fold up your laundry and
put it on, like after you wear a T shirt.
So people bring carry on because they know everything's getting
So so the first night of this very expensive boat,
like think the most expensive hotel room you could ever
imagine and multiply that times four or five. And then
(08:38):
you're sitting on the boat in the first night and
you see, like you're in your room and like not
even like in a hotel room where you like to
make a turn down service or someone comes in. That
doesn't happen all day. Everything is the same way you
left it. You left a wet towel, it's still there,
like you know, days later. So the first day you're
on the dinner where the like you're eating outside having dinner,
(08:59):
and you see all this and I'm gonna delay telling
you the name of the boat. I gotta think about
that and the charter company because I gotta think about that.
You can dm me if you want to know what
boat not to rent and what charter company not to
rent through that's a thought for me, just like if
I want to let that go. But I'm gonna tell
you the story. So you're we're sitting outside eating and
we see towels and giant clothes pins holding probably like
(09:23):
six towels like outside on this boat. Like I don't
know that I want to see how the sausage gets made,
Like I don't need to see like hanging laundry on
a boat that we just rented. So I'm like, okay,
So we're like we're gonna have to discuss that. It
didn't seem like that needed to be discussed, Like I
just thought, like I've never seen laundry outside in a
hotel room or on a boat of like pretty much
(09:45):
any size, you know, so unless we're living on the boat.
We live on a sailboat now, and we want air
dried laundry, I guess. So I'm like, okay, And you know,
you don't want to be spoiled, and you're you're you're
you're centered in your privilege. But the thing about me
is that I will spend money I will not waste money.
I take food to go. I don't over order. I
(10:05):
don't like being ripped off. I will buy an expensive
handbag or watch, but it better be high quality and
last me the rest of my life. I don't like
being taken. I don't like scams in hotels. I just
I'm not that girl. I remember where I came from.
I remember my studio apartment, I remember bouncing checks like
I am not spoiled. I very much understand the value
of a dollar, and I made every dollar that I have.
(10:28):
So now I'm like, Okay, that seems strange. So then, um,
we are we are told, But I'm the only one
who understands that we are told. Toilet paper cannot be
put in the toilet of the boat. I never heard
of that before. I never experienced that before. That wasn't
(10:50):
in the pamphlet. And I don't think I would go
on any vacation where I can't use toilet paper in
a toilet. So I'm start rule following, and I'm you know,
luckily I do. I don't want to get into detail.
I'm not a person like potty humor or talk, but
I don't I I have had digestive issues. I do
not have a problem. They're like, I'm not worried about
(11:11):
this particular part except for urinating. So I am like, okay,
So I have to wipe myself after I urinate and
put it in a garbage can. As it turns out,
this particular garbage can has a top on it has
like a wooden circle that you pressed in like the
side goes through. So by definition, I guess you could
really really wrap and use a lot of extra toilet
(11:32):
paper and really give yourself like a mit. But but
you're like touching the outside of the thing as you're
putting like your p paper in the garbage. So, by
the way, note to boats that don't have toilet set
work with paper, please have an open trash bin so
I don't have to like touch the top. Okay. Note
not that this will ever happen again. So I'm like okay.
(11:53):
So um, Then at the end of the day, the
garbage has have been like you know, taken out. So
I go to bring my own garbage out. To take
my own garbage, I have to forget where to take it,
and I'm going upstairs and Paul's like, what are you doing?
And I'm like, I'm taking my garbage at and like,
and I'm thinking, like, I know how much it Like,
(12:14):
I just don't take my garbage out of hotel rooms
like the days in the double Tree that gives you
free warm, gorgeous cookies, you don't take at your own garbage.
So I'm trying to be relatable and not spoiled when
I tell you that, Like, now I've spent money and
I want to get a return of my investment. I
don't want to be looking at laundry and throwing out
my own toilet paper and my garbage after it. Okay,
(12:35):
so I know what if I had to go to
the bathroom for real, though I don't really have that
problem because whatever. But I'm thinking, you know that not
everybody's like me where they don't go that often. So
I'm thinking that doesn't feel that fun. So Paul's like,
what are you doing? So I tell him, you know
(12:56):
this rule and he and you know, he's like, I'm
trying to not include other people. I'm specifically not including
other people. Um, so maybe we don't even say I
mentioned that there is a rule on this boat that
nobody can use toilet paper, and it's responded to with
what the funk are you talking about? That's insane. I'm
(13:17):
like no, And now we're on the Housewives, and now
all of a sudden, I'm living in the Housewives on
a boat and I'm like, no, no, no, it happened.
No it didn't. It's I'm like, roll the tape, pull
the fucking like, no it didn't. That did not. I'm like, yes,
it did. Yes, And I got scolded by one of
the members of the crew in front of other people,
not in a mean way, but like somebody used the
(13:39):
toilet in the downstairs bathroom and I'm the one who's
just ping and I and one time I had to
put my hand in the toilet to get out a
piece of paper that I accidentally put in with peing.
You know what happens um when you pee sometimes automatically
wipe yourself and put it in the toilet because it's
called the toilet paper. So like I made the Errow
(13:59):
couples and saw myself on vacation in an experience that
costs four or five times more than the most expensive
hotel room you could in fathom staying in think presidential
suite and Caesar's pat like think big. So I'm like,
nowlet's touched my own urine, my urins, touched a tab
of a garbage can, have taken out my own thing.
(14:21):
I'm watching laundry, but like, what the funk is going on?
So um, I don't want you to know. I'm by
the way, the big major boat alerts that I've been
on that are three times the size of this boat
or two and a half times of really, you know,
wealthy people where I'm on their program, I did not
have this experience. So I'm not going to say that
all boats are created equal. Okay, I'm just gonna say
(14:42):
to you, don't envy everybody's travels, because I promise you
we what I could, what we could have bought, or
the Safari experience for twenty people that we could have
had for what we paid. We could have stayed in
the four seasons Bali or Maldeves hear me out for
(15:06):
fifteen days in the nicest sweet possible for what wiping
my myself and and putting my hand in a toilet
bowl cost. So I just want you to know that
I'm not only going to ever tell you the good.
I'm not a person that filters myself I'm not gonna
act like everything I'm doing is glamorous and fabulous, because
it's fucking not. And I would literally, not exaggerating, I
(15:29):
would rather be in so Caucus, New Jersey, in a
motel six. That's not true. That's actually not true. Let
me really think about it. I would rather be in
Kansas City, allowed to use the bathroom, my body, my choice,
than I would have to have the anxiety about this,
so travel can be overrated. I did not mention that
(15:52):
once we realized that um we were on a lavish,
expensive yacht uh fishing in my own urine, that we
would get off, and it was important to palm my
fiance to make it clear that uh he and I
decided to check into a nice hotel. And don't get
me wrong, we are frustrated and still talking about the
(16:13):
fact that it was wasted money and we don't have
that time or money to waste, but particularly the time
because we're long distance and being together is so important
and valuable, and so I guess to the tail is
to really research ahead of time. Sometimes you don't want
to deal with so much planning and organizing with travel
ahead of time. It's a pain in the ass, and
(16:34):
you just think you're gonna get there and it's gonna
be fine. You don't really look at a hotel him.
I often I like to take bath sets, my body,
my choice, and I often don't look at a hotel
room has a bath and if I'm away, I want
to be able to just sit in a bathtub, like
I just like that, or if you don't want to
wash your hair, like little dumb things, and I never
look at it. Now it's on the list that I
want to do that. Or some people care if there's
(16:54):
a gym, even if it's in a day's in, Like
is there a gym? I don't care about that, But
oh my god, if I were a nice hotel, I
love if there was a steam room or a little
cheap osana, like little things that are important. Think of
it ahead of time, think about asking about things like
laundry or I don't know, whatever your thing is. It
just we did not who the hell what everything to
ask if you could flush toilet paper on a fucking toilet.
(17:16):
But I guess now you should think about that. If
you're not gonna have to go to the bathroom in
an outhouse at a hotel, you're staying at so we
checked into a hotel, wasted a ton of money, and
the bottom line is I'd rather be home. I love home,
home right now, and home is where my heart is,
and home is where my toilet is. That works, so
that's good too,
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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