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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Yeah, it's important in listening to this podcast that you
know I am the most literal person you've ever merrit
in your life. I don't exaggerate, I don't embellish. I
hate when I hear someone tells a story and then
I hear it or I was there, and then I

(00:24):
even tell a story and a meal and it's like, no,
that didn't happen, like and then they just leave off.
They add one thing or two things, unless it's like
you're saying something exaggeraly, like I mean that was like
me flying off a rollercoaster going two hundred and seventy five,
because you're like illustrating that it's so exaggerated that you're
making an exaggerated point. But I don't do embellishments. I

(00:45):
am completely literal, So when I say something to you,
you will know it's literal unless it's completely exaggerated and
very obvious. But I just like that. And it's so
funny because Paul be like, I know missliteral because I'm
like I need, I need to know exactly what's being said,
and I'm just I'm being on literal from everything from
precisely what does it come with? How are we doing it,
what's going on? What am I getting? The way I

(01:06):
describe it? I just I like people to be literal
back to me too, so literal. It becomes a problem
in negotiations with real estate because I'll be selling something
and my real estate broker will say, well, no, I
mean we're gonna tell them that because we know they're
gonna come back and it's this, and I'm like, no,
just like it doesn't matter. I'm only willing to accept
this amount of money whether we do it today or

(01:26):
three years from tuesday. We could do the dance and
do all the hand jobs and for a playing between,
it doesn't make any sense. I'm still going to take
the same amount of money I was in that way,
people like to do a whole dance of negotiating. I
don't like to dance. I like to just be like,
this is what it is, this is what it's not.
The wevy pad is there, you be there, you don't
be there. So about a month ago, I taped an

(01:53):
episode with listener questions and I couldn't get to all
of them. And it seems is very popular whenever I
do an appearance, the Q and A is always the
best part. So I feel like it's a good way
for me to get a sense of you and you
to get a sense of me. Mike and Los Angeles.

(02:15):
I've been working with a friend doing some writing for
her blog. I'm a writer, and I've been giving her
like off of my usual rate. I've been taking on
more and more work from her, and I'm missing out
of the jobs because of all the time I spend
helping her out. I want to ask her for more money,
but I feel awkward doing it because she's my friend.
What would I do? Uh? You know, I have friends

(02:36):
that are interior designers that uh. I have said straight
up in the beginning, I do a flat rate. I'm
not a commission type of person, meaning I don't like
people commissioning furniture and I like to just know what
things are right up at the beginning. Um, but I
have a lot of friends that do. I am trying

(02:58):
to think I'm five friends that I have to pay
them for their services. I think that's the first problem
that that's really awkward. The only service that I could
ever think about would be, like, let's say, like if
you have a friend who's a dermatologist, and sometimes they
become your friends through the service, like meaning you meet
them and then you become friends. And it's weird. But
I know somebody I was just an askment I know

(03:19):
about who wins a restaurant. I've known him for twenty years.
He charges me every time I go. He owns the
star Books and I paid for my Starbucks. Like he's
making money, He's doing what he's doing. He probably has
his own personal rule, So maybe I think what I
would probably do Mike is I would probably say and
make this a policy. Say I'm really building this business

(03:39):
and I'm trying to grow, and um, time is effectively money,
So the time that I spend doing one thing means
it's time I can't do another. So I've incorporated a
friends and family rate. Just make it like it's not
personal to this person, just in general, this is the
friends and family rates. So going forward, the rate's going
to be this for my friends and my family. And

(04:00):
then keep that consistent because that just draws a line.
But gray areas and murkiness they don't really work. So
I would create a friends and family rate and set boundaries.
You don't have to have a whole long conversation. You
have to speak up for yourself and not apologize for
something that's basic. So that's what it is. No one
has to say to me, I charge you because I'm

(04:21):
a doctor and you came to see me, or because
I'm doing design work. Uh for me, I could also
say to somebody, oh, I could promote you on social
and then if it's something that values them and they
want that. But you also don't want to get in
that stickness either because you don't want more reasons to
have discrepancies of people. Everything is. It's just like a divorce.

(04:41):
Everything is great in the beginning, but when it goes sideways,
everything sounds different, and these mistakes you make in the
beginning become you know, bigger later. So so set the
tone for everything you do in your business, in your life.
In the beginning of every relationship, business wise, personal, I'm
constantly checking back into my relationship and Paul and are

(05:03):
saying the things that we want, but then the things
that we need that our deal that you're just their
deal breakers for each person who's who they actually are.
So you're a business person, you're working for a living.
This is your rate and it's the same for every
friend and family. Anonymous, how do you ask for a raise.

(05:27):
You ask for a raise if you are sure that
you deserve it and you're really not just seeing the
world through rose colored glasses, if you have value, if
the timing is correct, if you didn't just get a raise,
if you didn't just start, if your patient, if it's
not when a company is losing a lot of money
because of a pandemic or things just changed, or it's

(05:49):
sort of like a parent. A parent walks in, you know,
if they're an aggravated day from work. You wait for
the temperature to go down. You don't attack them, which
is what all kids want to do. They attack the
parents the second they walk into like ask for something
that they want or need or something that's bothering them,
and then it gets the worst result. So it's the
same thing. Asking for a raise should be like a
child asking for something that they want from a parent.

(06:10):
It's about the the who, where, when, and why. The
timing is super important about how to ask. Usually my
daughter will get things that she wants if she's just
being very good with she always is. If she's being
very good and not asking, but she bombarded me at
the wrong time, that's a good way to not get
what you want from Sarah in New York. First of all,
I love your show, Bethany. Okay, here's my question. You've

(06:33):
said that you used to watch the credits of TV
shows to figure out who the producers are and then
reach out to them. When you would do that, what
would you say. I want to start networking and doing
some cold outreach myself, but I have no idea where
to begin or what to say. So I used to
watch the Food Network because I wanted to be on
the Food Network. Incidentally, the head of the Food Network

(06:53):
later told me I was never going to make it
on TV and that these production companies should stop calling
him because he's not putting me on Food Network. And
later Food Network wanted me to be on Food Network. Okay,
I always tell that story. I'll keep telling it till
I'm in the box. So, um, I used to watch
shows because I wanted to be on the Food Network,
and so I would look at the producers, just names
of the producers, and I write them all down and

(07:14):
I would email them. And I don't know how I
would find out their email. Usually it's a like, you know,
Joe at health magazine dot com or blah blah, blah
at Rock Shrimp Productions, which is Bobby Flay's production company,
which is one of the places that I actually got
called in to be there. So it's like fishing. You
need to have some bait on the line. You have
an email. You're not emailing Jeff Bezos. You're emailing a

(07:36):
person who has a job and a family and read
their emails. I am a famous person and or a
well known person want to lose their thing to say.
But I see my I see emails that come in.
I don't have five that I'm am madonna. I don't
have like envelopes coming in every minute of the day,
like I see what comes in. So imagine a person
that's less well known, they definitely see what comes in. So, um,

(07:58):
you have bait on your hook and you say, Hi,
either I know this person through that person, or I
I've done this thing that was very successful, or what
I probably did. I probably said I have a wee
secondary free bakes goods company, Bethany bakes um, and I
probably had sent them the baked goods already or I

(08:19):
did it after I sent the email, so it's sort
of connected together. Um, I probably sent something. You could
send something else that pertains to you. Um, it could
be just a regular gift that has nothing to do
with what you're doing. It could be something to stand
out and get to your point immediately. When I called
email Jeffrey Katzenberg about a business opportunity, I said, I
might be investing in a business that you're a partner in.

(08:42):
I would love to speak to you. Now. Granted he
knows who I am, which I've later found out, but
still he gets a million emails. He responded because I
intrigued him by saying I'm investing. I might be investing
in a business that you're invested in. So I didn't
give the whole story in the email because I wanted
him to have a reason to be intreagued. So you
have to find out whatever your reason to intrigue the

(09:03):
person is, whatever the bait is to put on the hook.
Only you can know that. But keep it short and
sweet and compelling. Tell a story. Make it compelling. I
always say to my team, we have to be telling
a story. What's the narrative? What are you doing? From
Meredith in Portland, my boyfriend has gained weight during COVID
as we all have right, he's feeling self conscious. I'm

(09:25):
not sure how to help him. I feel like I
always say the wrong thing. I tell him that it
doesn't look like he's gained weight, but I don't feel
like that's the right thing to say, because he has
gained weight, and I don't want him to feel like
I'm just bullshitting him. How can I help him be
confident and get healthy? I would say, well, um, I
would see people on shows this is actually true. People
think that Tony Soprano is very attractive. People see these

(09:48):
like sort of big gangster types, or like the big
burly type of the guy that eats. I would say,
if you're trying to get him to lose there's two
ways to go about this. If you if you're trying
to get him to feel good about himself, say I like,
like you're what you're manly, like you're like a big
strong man, and I love a man who eats, and
I find that attractive. Because I do find that attractive,
I'm not interested. I'd rather have someone who's fifty pounds

(10:08):
overweight than a guy that's working out in the morning
and like eating egg white almlets. That is a turn
off to me. So you can say that, But you
can also look at people on television that have similar
body types and say that you find that attractive like
you find you know, don't be looking at other men
but say that. But if you want to motivate him,
say is that about how you look? Because I love
the way you look and do what I just said.

(10:29):
You know about all those messages, But if it's about
how you feel, then just take one step at a time.
But often someone feeling bad about themselves makes them go
deeper into the spiral and into the hole, and so
we are really people are emotional about eating. So I
would approach it, and that's where people with children to
people approach it the wrong way. So many parents tell

(10:51):
their children you have to start, you know, eating healthy,
which the kids know it means I think you're overweight.
And it's a very delicate thing to be talking about
food and message with kids, UM and partners. So I
would figure out the desired goal UM and then find
out how to get there. But I think I would
definitely complement body types like it make him feel good,
and then approach it in another way to get him

(11:13):
motivated to get healthier. Unless it's not bothering you and
then it's all good. But don't you Yeah, you were
right about what you were saying. That was wrong if
you did. We've been together and I didn't notice it,
But I mean, I I think you look great. I'm
attracted to you, you know, actions to be loud of
the words roll up on him a lot more from Maureen.
What ended up happening with Ezra Blount's family? Were you

(11:35):
able to give him the money? Are you still in
touch with his dad? How do I say this in
a delicate way. We gave the money to the mother,
who is his single parent. His father was with him
on that evening. The mother raises him and has raised
him his whole life and is doing it alone and

(11:57):
doesn't want any press or didn't want anything. We gave
her the money. She she she you know, I had like,
like not almost pushed it on her, but they were
certainly not grabbing. And the father set up the page.
The mother did not set up the page. So whatever
that means to you, I'm just telling you that we
gave the mother the money, which is where the money
should go, because the mother is the child's primary parents.

(12:19):
And that was for those who don't know, that was
Ezra Blount is the ten year old who died in
Astra World, which is a travesty and um a ten
billion dollar lawsuit from Nicole. What was it like writing
your book? What was the hardest part? I have now
written ten books. I forgot some of the books I wrote.
The hardest part is the way that you feel when
you have to clean out a part of your house.

(12:40):
It's overwhelming you. It could be someone passes away and
you're going through their stuff. It could be a garage,
a basement, it could be moving. That feeling, that anxiety
just of like, that's the way that it feels that
writing a book can feel if you're not sorted. So

(13:01):
a table contents were designed for a very good reason.
It's like the architectural blueprint, and you don't have to
stick to it when you're starting. It just gives it
some sort of a structure and you can then go
deeper down into like three parts of a book. So
then you can start thinking of things and the same
way that you're in your garage just looking at one thing,
that tire, that that that box of photos, and just

(13:21):
start putting things in different parts of the room. It
may not end up there, just like a book, start
putting things in different areas, and then you can sort
in a more calm and methodical way. So I'm a
very I'm a very organized writer, and and where things needs.
This needs to go there, that should go there, let's
put this here. Um and ideas pour out of you

(13:45):
and it's sort of like you just have to figure
out where how to organize them. And I write in
a very prescriptive way, so it's like the top ten
rules of getting what you want was the place of yes,
and then you can disort things to put them in
the different rules. So if you're writing fixed and that's different,
that's more flowy, but it's still abides by the same rules.
This is this is what, this is the this is

(14:07):
the when I was young, this is when I was older,
this is before COVID, this is post COVID. Like, just
be organized about it. That's all I can really say
is it has to be sorted, and then if it's organized,
the creativity and the good writing can flow from. Linda

(14:28):
in Miami, How do you deal with grief? My husband
died this year and I'm having a really hard time
dealing with my grief. Grief is like a storm and
when people have these terrible catastrophes, these storms that they're
going that they are hit with you. You are hit
with it. You have to deal with it. You have
to deal with the aftermath. When it was happening, you
had to deal with the fear, and and you had

(14:48):
to deal with the actual the fear and the destruction
and just the actual storm. So you have to go through.
There's only one way through a storm is through it.
And then you know, it's like Hurricane Sandy. People are
then people are rebuilding. In the beginning, you know, there's
a lot of attention about it. Then the news goes away,
and then people have to actually deal with what happened

(15:09):
and deal with loss and put things back together and
put the pieces back together. Um they say they talk
about the stages of grief. Um there they seem pretty
true to me. It feels like golf. You're on a
certain hole, and if you think of it that way,
you're like, Okay, I think I'm on the first hole,
and then you keep going you'll start to feel it
just gets better. It's just not something you end up

(15:30):
thinking about every day to the point where you might
actually make it a point with yourself just laying down,
be like, Okay, now I'm going to think about this
person because you want to think about them, and it
will feel weird when you don't think about them, and
it does just dissipate. It just it just goes away,
and then it becomes nice memories and different memories pop through.
So that was my experience. Only had one really bad experience,

(15:51):
and it was intense and brutal, and it brings up
so much. But if you make it positive because of
the things that it brings up for you and find
the meaning that can be helpful from glory. My best
friend and I are starting a business together. What should
we do now so our relationship doesn't get messy later on?
Put it all in writing, have it all agreed upon,

(16:13):
and pray for the best, and think about it like
a personal relationship, like a love relationship. If it's important
to you, it's important to me. What's the prenup look like,
what's what's what are the terms? What do you want?
What do I want? Not just when everything's positive, everyone
thinking this is great, it's gonna great, I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna do that. No one talks about when the
ships the fen talk about it when we get divorced.

(16:36):
Who's getting what, who's staying where? What would you want?
What would you not want? You don't want to be
partnered with someone that you wouldn't want to be divorced from.
So make sure that this person you've seen them, if
that's your friend. Do they get mean? Did they fight?
Low blow? Do they do low blows? Do they go
do they go dirty? Like you know who this person is,
So be careful when going in knowing what's gonna happen.

(16:57):
God forbid it doesn't work out. So iron it all
out and beginning X like a relationship, expectations, your flaws,
your wants, your needs, don't pick every battle, all that stuff.
When is it appropriate to approach a celebrity if you're
a fan. Not while eating, not while in a transaction

(17:18):
of purchasing something, or standing with your daughter too. You know,
while a person's emotion, your in motion too, there's feet.
Never have to touch the ground, your in motion too.
I think you're amazing, and then they might because you're
not annoyed. I never do you know how it's not
I never do this, Never say I never do this,
never never squeal and say oh because then other people

(17:43):
see you and like they've ruined the private moment between
them and possibly you. Now you're heightened. Um, never get
worked up, keep your cool, get in, get out, they'l
invite for more. So if there's a person who's like,
you know what, I think you're amazing, I'm like, okay,
did you want to get a picture? I visit versus
I can never regize, oh my god, you. I don't
say anything. I don't want to do. I don't want

(18:03):
to do I don't want to be that person. I'm
not that person. Don't do that. I never do this.
I don't want to say anything. I don't want people.
I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm not gonna make a
big deal out of it. But like they're doing that,
and then other people are looking the best ways get in,
get out fast. Then the person will want to engage
more with you, and if they don't, they're probably a dick.
But if someone says to me I think you're amazing,
I say, great, you want to get a picture, or

(18:25):
if it's really fast, I'll just say thank you so much.
But that's the best way from aunt. What wents a
wrong with this season of Real Housewives of New York. People.
Whenever I say to people, but I don't watch the Housewives,
they get all right, like that's gonna be some big
lie and don't watch. Not because it's not riveting television,
and not because I'm better than it. I watch. I

(18:48):
watched like narc Ghosts, and I watch I watched Dope, Sick,
two things about Drugs, Interesting Handmaids, Tylee. I like, I
watch mysteries. I like The Sinner, I like I just
like to I don't like junk food television. It goes
too fast. You can be on your phone and you
can be distracted, like something like True Detective. Uh, you're

(19:09):
you're you're engaged because you need to pay attention or
you're gonna miss something. So I like finding something really meaty.
So that's just a separate conversation, having nothing to do
with Aunt's question. While went wrong with the season of
Real house I was of New York, it's probably with
many of the seasons of the Housewives different um cities,
is that it's it's become a different show. It's a

(19:32):
bit stale in the sense that it's hard to generate newness.
I was the first photo shoot on those shows because
I had a cover with Social Life magazine. Um, not
because I was on the show. I don't believe. Maybe,
And it was like the first photo shoot that was
being shot because that was unique. And then it was like, oh,

(19:52):
we're doing a photo shoot. And then it's weird because
people are doing photo shoots, but they're doing photo shoots
because they're on that show. So it's like a new
housewife who's not known and she's doing a photos shoot,
but she got the photo shoot because she's on that show.
So it's sort of fake for the audience. And then
there are a lot of fake businesses that are manufactured
because in order to be on a house if you
have to have stuff going on. So some people keep
stuff going on even if it's not successful because they

(20:15):
need to have a quote unquote story. When I was
on the show, we never thought about a story. Storyline
was never said. It wasn't even a concept. There was
no storyline, there was no we didn't even know about ratings,
there was no social media. When I was on we
did we didn't. We did our own glam. So now
everybody's got a glam squad every day, which they got
because they're on the show, not because they always had

(20:37):
a glam squad. So the glam squad is because they're
on the show, So that in and of itself makes
it not real. In Beverly Hill's case, it's at least
entertaining because they were in such costume and it's so
elaborate that it's something to look at and it's expected now,
but that wasn't the case when they first started either. So,
and they have those big houses and everything, and places
in New York City look like dumps, even if they're
the same price as some of the houses in um

(20:59):
in Beverly. Also, the girls who are on The Girls
don't they don't their houses aren't interesting to watch that
they don't have real estate porn, they don't have you know,
the houses aren't that interesting to watch. The relationships are
forged and forced and contrived and not from any sort
of honest place. Uh. They are casting based on what
society wants them to do and not based on who

(21:20):
these people are really associating with, and so it just
becomes the manufactured show with manufactured conversations, and the audience
is so savvy and so smart, but it's hard to
create freshness and newness and authenticity, so something new has
to happen. Overall, the word housewives is like an antiquated
fifties concept. So we're in a situation where everybody's woke

(21:45):
and people are politically correct and you know, women equal
pay for women. We're watching shows called housewives, you know,
so Frank, you know with nobody is a housewife. But
and I know, it's just a phrase that's been coined,
and I get that because that's very important to recognize.
I'm just saying it's a fifties concept, so it's not

(22:08):
that easy for them to keep things fresh. And they're
doing a very good job of attempting me, that's for sure.
But I did not see, so I just read what
they say. Keep submitting questions. I love them. I hope
the answers are helpful at least fun Watch alpha more questions,
post more questions. I love answering them. Thank you so much,