America Ferrera: Expecting During the Unexpected

It's a brand new season in a strange new world! Actress America Ferrera joins Katie to talk about what it’s like to be pregnant during a pandemic. They discuss fears triggered by childbirth and COVID-19, the anxiety of introducing siblings, her struggles with mom guilt, plus how motherhood has altered her body image issues and activist spirit.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of My Heart Radio
and Shonda land Audio. Hello everybody, Katie lows here, I
am your host of Katie's Crib and welcome to season three. Wow.

(00:20):
I imagine all these screaming going on in my head.
It might only be in my head, or it's my
son who's asleep in his nursery on the other side
of the wall of the closet that I'm currently recording in. Okay,
I first of all need to welcome back all of
you awesome returning listeners. I also want to welcome all
of you new listeners. Thank you all so much for
tuning in. So you guys know, I started Katie's Crib

(00:42):
two and a half years ago. I got knocked up
on the last season of Scandal and Shonda was like, Wow,
you should have a podcast, and I was like, that
would be amazing. And here we are two and a
half years later. My son is a full blown toddler. Um.
I knew nothing when I started. I felt very loan,
and Katie's Crib has proven to be the most wonderful

(01:05):
mom village community I could have ever asked for. I
learned so much from you guys, all of the experts
and friends and moms and mother figures we have had
on this show, They're just everything to me. And I'm
so honored to be part of this ride with you. Guys.
We are in the middle of the pandemic and we
are launching Katie's Crib season three. What an opportunity to

(01:30):
come together and feel less alone and help each other
to get through this, help each other be moms and
parents during this whole thing. And I thought there is
no better guest in the world to talk to right
now to kick off season three than my friend America Ferrera.
I mean, come on, you guys know her from shows
like Ugly Betty Superstore. She's um, an executive producer and

(01:51):
directs the bilingual dramay Dentified on Netflix. She fights for
social justice to her organization Harness. She is a freaking superwoman.
And America made time to talk to you guys and
to me five days before she gave birth to her
second child, So she's perfect. She's the best guest season opener.
I'm very, very excited to bring you this episode. I'm

(02:14):
so lucky to call her a friend and be able
to pick her brain today. You guys, please welcome our
first guest, first season three of Katie's Crib America, Ferrera.
Welcome to Katie's Crib America. Ferrera. Thank you so much
for being on. You have been listening to podcasts I
saw on your Instagram, like I think because during quarantine time,
like it's sort of it's very I feel very excited

(02:37):
to have Katie's Crib because I think we're all feeling
very isolated right now, and podcasts are a really great
way to keep people together. Yeah, but first and foremost,
congrats on your pregnancy. Thank you. How are you feeling
is it? I'm so curious. People have always said to me,
every pregnancy is different, every labor is different, blah blah blah.

(02:58):
Is that true? Like, are you having a complete different
experience or is it more similar than different. It's pretty different,
I mean, you know, not in like the ways that
you expect necessarily, like you know, I actually we this
is maybe t M I, but we like not no
such thing. They basically both have the exact same do date,

(03:23):
which means like if you know, if your back up
nine months like me, we you know we It means
you guys are really feeling each other around a certain time, Ye,
exactly were consistent. So it was so weird because I
was like I had this thought of like, oh my gosh,
everything's gonna happen exactly the same, Like it was just

(03:45):
a thought. And as soon as that thought entered my mind,
another voice was like, nothing is ever the same. Where
are you sever? Are you sick? Were you more sick?
Less sick? Like more tired less tired? You see, it
was less that stuff like I was. I was more
nauseous sooner, and it the nausea lasted longer, and I

(04:11):
was nauseous for more of the day this time around,
So like the nausea was just sort of more intense.
It did kind of go away at that, like transitioning
from first to second trimester, it did go away, thank god,
it was. It was worse this time than before, but
by no means, like to the extent that I've had
friends experience, like, you know, vomiting every day for nine months.

(04:34):
That seems like how anyone ever gets through that. It's
like how you know mothers are full on superheroes because
I don't understand how that happens. Yeah, and the exhaustion
was more intense, but a lot of people are like, well,
you're also like chasing a toddler around, so so there's
that like you don't just get to like lie down
every time you're like tired and take a nap. I

(04:57):
was working and on set, and like i'd come home
and every day around like you know, I'd usually come
home around four thirty five and like have a couple
of hours with us and like play with him and
feed him and putting over his nap. I mean, I
would come home and before I knew knew I was pregnant,
it was like I got hit by a truck at
four thirty every day and I must have been I

(05:18):
don't know, like two weeks pregnant, three weeks pregnant. I
didn't even know, like I hadn't taken a test, but
I was like, oh, this is a different kind of tip.
But part of it is like you've done it once before,
so you kind of know what to look out for,
and you're kind of like, oh, this is familiar, Like
I know what this is. And maybe maybe I was

(05:41):
that tired the first time around and I just didn't
know what to attribute it to, you know. So but
those things were relatively small I'm talking more about like
global pandemic. We need to talk about all of this
ship like we need to talk about for our moms
out there. How I'm curious because I think, like, have

(06:02):
you been again? I just think you're such an inspiring mom.
Do you talk to Baz about the state of the
world in which we're in right now? Obviously he's so
young and like does he even understand? Yeah, you know,
he's very young. He's not even too yet. He'll be
too in a month. Fish, So no, we're not talking
to him about like, you know, the virus and people

(06:25):
being sick. We were sort of advised through his um
like classes to sort of let them know, like everyone's
on a break, Like it's a break, you know, So
we keep and for him. Like he's such a social butterfly,
and he loves everyone who comes in and out of
our house, Like you know, he's super social. I remember
that one kid's birthday party. I saw him. He was

(06:46):
like after he was like going good. He was like
like eating, walking around, like he's very independent, does his thing. Yeah,
he like loves watching the Gardener's Garden, the yard every week.
He like loves watching the pool Man, like you know,
so every day he's like pool man, Calman coming, you know,

(07:06):
like everyone he's used to seeing. Like for the first
couple of weeks, he would ask almost every day and
he'd be like, like music class, will let class, like
all these things that he was used to doing. And
it was just like heartbreaking to say everyone's on a break,
will will We'll go back soon. Everyone's on a break.
And you know, that's as much as I can say

(07:27):
over and I love that idea. I haven't said break.
That's like a really good word. Who ever gave that
to you? That's really helpful? Are you? I mean, for me,
this is the most time consecutively I've spent with my
kid because I went back to work, and I know
you did too. Um, I'm kind of freaked out about
that transition because he's so happy, like he loves that

(07:49):
mommy and Daddy are around seven, and even though he
misses his friends in his little classes or he says
playground a lot because he's like, why can't I go
to the playground? But how do you feel a out
whenever this shifts into something else, you know, I feel like,
you know, last summer, when the world was in a
very different place. I took four weeks off and we

(08:11):
were on like a family summer vacation, and it was
four weeks of just us, and I saw how how
much he grew and developed and and how excited he
was to have us around all the time, and just like,
you know what it meant to him to be with
mom and dad and and have us there with him.

(08:32):
And you know, I think that those times when when
they can, when they're possible, are wonderful for for him. Um,
but that's also just like not the reality of every day.
And he has a very awesome, rich life on a
day to day basis. He has an incredible nanny who
we love so much and is so attentive to him

(08:55):
and interactive, and he goes to music class and he
goes to this class. So it's like his life is
so rich that there's no losing for him. It's like
he's either out like enjoying and he's very very active,
loves running and climbing and being in the park. And
for now, it's it's this and I think we just

(09:15):
sort of try to, you know, milk it for what
it is and and have this special time together this
because baby number two is coming basically any day now.
Thank you for being on Katie's crib. This is amazing,
this this was going to be this time was sort

(09:36):
of going to be this for us anyway. That's so interesting.
This is sort of your nesting hunger down time anyway,
because the baby could have come already, Like it's like right,
so you know, it's not so different from how we
had planned to spend the summer, you know, other than
obviously started seven weeks ago for us, and there's less

(09:58):
he can do in terms of like go out and
run around at parks and beaches and that type of thing.
But you know, it's a lot, because I think it's
a lot when you're trying to keep everything else up.
Like for now, I'm still on zooms and on calls,
and you have some projects and development and so we're

(10:19):
still on you know, moving things forward and and working.
I think once I have the privilege of sort of
saying I'm now on maternity leave and it's just us
the time of like bringing a baby number two, transitioning
us just having this kind of quiet time as a family,

(10:40):
there's there's sort of like a real silver lining and
having like the global energy support that internal turn of work.
We're not missing it. You know, you're not missing anything. Yeah,
it's not just you stopping your life. It's like, no,
everything has pretty much stopped. Are you struggling at all
with anxiety? Um, about being pregnant during this time? I

(11:02):
know we have a lot of listeners who are pregnant
during this time, and I've been watching endlessly about you know,
there's just not that much studied on it yet. But
thankfully the smaller case slow that they have, thank god,
you know, the majority of mothers and babies and everyone
comes out okay, even the moms who have like really
struggled with coronavirus and given birth totally. Yeah. I mean

(11:26):
there's the anxiety about the virus itself, which is like
you don't want to get sick. You don't want your
children to get sick, you don't want a newborn baby
to get sick. Obviously, I try to stay away from
the news cycle because I think you can drive yourself
absolutely insane. Um. The very few times that I like

(11:46):
have caught like some sensational story because obviously it's happening,
it's not the norm, but like young people are getting
sick and like little people are getting sick and little
people are suffering, Like I just know, like I have
to put up my filters because I don't have the
emotional capacity to let that in. And I knew. I
realized that really early on for me, like you know,

(12:09):
there's information that you need to know to be informed,
and and unfortunately in this day age, it's like you
have to be able to stop yourself and know like
what's healthy for you and what's not. And for me,
like I could feel my heart rate and my anxiety
and my blood brush are and like everything and go up.
And also not to be not being able to close

(12:29):
my eyes and go to sleep at night because I'm
sitting there with all these news stories, you know, swirling
in my head and just realizing early on that like
I had to be very disciplined about what I let
in because it just doesn't serve you, especially in a
time where like you know, you just don't need that
added stress when you're pregnant. And I feel so similar

(12:51):
like I've had to really I really was going down
a bad spiral in the first couple of weeks, and
I was like, this is I'm not sleeping, like I'm
making myself feel mentally like I just like it was like,
this is are you a big meditator or I know
you've been in your life, you've had periods of like
being really physical and and like is that something that
you're finding help with right now? With the mental stuff

(13:14):
like you know, just staying calm and at peace for
your baby or you just like I'm just resting and
that's it, and I'm not looking at ship And I
definitely have my ways of like staying grounded. I mean,
I think so there's the anxiety about the virus obviously
that you know, I think that we're doing all the things.
You know, if you're doing all the things to stay

(13:35):
socially distance and clean and healthy and you know, safe,
like you can't really worry too much about it. You
just have to do the things that that that our
common sense and hope that that that that's enough. Even
when I had my first child, childbirth triggers for me

(13:57):
some really deep you know, fears and and and and
what I realized the first time around was our culture
and our culture around mothering and our kind of consumer
culture around preparing women to become mothers, like has very
little to do with what you actually or rather what

(14:18):
I actually needed in that time. It is so imps
right now that could not have been a tore Steve.
I'm just like, you know, I would like kill me,
Like I don't want to like pick out baby clothes
and pin the poopy diaper on the donkey, Like I
don't want to do any of that. Ship Like I

(14:41):
like some really primal ancestral like fear of dying in
childbirth is coming up, and like where do I get
to talk about that? You know? I used to wake
up at him in the middle of the night and
be like, first of all, like guys don't know, like
like I was just like people still fucking die in
childbirth and like as of fifty years ago, like and
that's not happening, but like fifth years ago, like everybody

(15:01):
did or whatever. And I'm like, this is I'm being
asked to do something that I am very, very very
We're not talking about how afraid I am right now, Like, well,
that's the thing, right, Like where in the culture does
that exist for women to be for their real deeper
fears to be seen and and you know, whether they're
physical or or whether they're just about like your life

(15:22):
shift and your identity shift and like you think, like, oh,
you did it one time, but you know it's all
going to change again. It's like, what does it mean
to be a mother? It took two children? What's that
going to do to my relationship with the first one?
What's that going to How's that going to impact my marriage?
How's that going to impact my ability to be the
person I want to be in the world. And like
all those things that are there the first time around

(15:44):
are slightly different because you've been through it what once before,
but but your world is still gonna change and shift
in a big way. And so you know, the first
time around, I really had to kind of get in
touch with what I needed it and then and then
find the community to help me get that. And you know,

(16:05):
I I asked some women very close to me to
like help me design like a ceremony, like a transition ceremony.
Like I was like, I don't want a baby shower.
I want people to witness and acknowledge like this deep
identity shift that I'm going through and transformation. And like
that's what I needed and I'm so grateful I reached

(16:28):
out And it was a little awkward to sort of
say to the people in my life, like this is
actually what I want and meet and crave right now,
So can you guys give me this? And they were
so happy to and grateful to, and in a way
was like really nourishing to them because it would have
felt so fake for them to be like making your
I mean, it's really the baby shower. We should I

(16:50):
got to do a whole episode on that. I was
I was so on in a spotlight and I know
I'm an actor, but my god, I was so uncomfortable,
like by that, you know what I mean, but feeling
like I had to say something like I just was
like I just felt uncomfortable. I was just like whoa,
Like I'm so sweaty. I have never been this. I hadn't.

(17:11):
So I've a friend, a brilliant friend named Prea Parker,
who was this book called The Art of Gathering like
How We Gather and Why it Matters? And she's amazing.
She has her own podcast, Prea Parker. She's incredible. And
I didn't really know her well and we hadn't had
these conversations at this time when I was sort of
feeling my way through like what do I actually need?
But you know, she's this master facilitator, peace and conflict

(17:34):
resolution moderator, And she talks about like asking the question of,
like what is the purpose of this gathering, like all
of these events that we do, weddings, birthdays, baby showers,
like we do them and almost in this protocol way
that really has so much more to do with like
consumerism and sort of you know, checking off boxes versus

(17:57):
asking the question like what do I need and how
is this gathering going to fulfill those needs for me?
And I feel like that's a question that as you're
a mother or becoming a mother or you know, becoming
mother of more children, like you have to be your
own best protector of asking that question like what do
I need? And how is this thing serving that need?

(18:20):
And once I had my like grounding ceremony with the
women that I consider like my coven, like I sobbed
and cried and you know, you know, let things go
and made space for other things. Then like Ryan and
I had like a dance party like crazy baby shower

(18:41):
and so there's nothing wrong. The thing is, like there's
nothing wrong with like cupcakes and poopy diaper games, but
it's just not enough for me. Like I don't think
that it really addresses the needs of of what that
what that emotional landscape is of becoming a mom and
having your identity shift that way, and and so all,

(19:04):
like I you know, I did it all once, so
I thought like, great, I have the road map, Like
we'll just do that again. Then, you know, a lot
was different when I was around twenty weeks pregnant. You know,
they realized my placenta was low lying, you know, so
since then it's been like, a is this going to

(19:25):
be a C section? And so I've never had a
c section, so that was something brand new of like, oh, okay,
this is really being different or could be different, and
and and then I had to you know change, you know,
things that I had planned on in terms of like
you know, trying to work out through my pregnancy, not intensely,

(19:46):
but just like to stay feeling strong and like that
had to go out the window because you know, I've
been advised to to not overdo it. Oh yeah, when
you have a low lying placenta, if you work out
really hard, there can be like there can be there. Yeah. Yeah.
So so like basically every plan that basically every single

(20:07):
plan that I made in this pregnancy was just like
systematically like out the window. But how great is that
this baby is already doing his job, Like the baby
is already saying like, oh you thought you did this before,
you thought you knew what you were doing. No, no, no,
I'm different, Like I'm this is going to be totally different. Moms.
I do take a little bit of pride in the
fact that, like, even as I had the thought this

(20:28):
is going to be exactly the same, there was another
voice that was like, girl, don't you know anything, Like
nothing is ever going to be the same, And I
was that voice was right. So I have a little
pride in the fact that I knew the expectation that
things would be the same was a ridiculous expectation, But
you still have it. I would have it too. I
mean like I'm like breastfeeding was like so shitty for

(20:49):
me the first time around, and I've been like, oh
my god, I got this, Like I already climbed that
fucking mountain, like I'm good to go, and I'm like,
in my the other side of me is like you
was saying, like, what's it going to be? Something else
is going to bite you in the ass. You just
don't know what it is. Yet in quarantine. Like a
lot of the things I found really helpful towards the
end of pregnancy last time, like acupuncture. I had this

(21:13):
incredible osteopath that I saw once a week who made
me feel like it's great and I had so much energy,
and I could walk for three hours and feel amazing.
Like I can't walk right now, I can't walk twenty
minutes without being like this is painful and I have
to sit down. So all of these things that I
had come to lean on and felt like okay, I

(21:35):
built my support system, Like none of those things are
available to me right now. And so it really is
this deep like exercise and practice of like just continually
letting go, like you gotta let that go. You gotta
let that go, you gotta let that go, and and
and really invest a lot more trust in myself and

(21:59):
in the fact that like I can do this, Like
I can do this, I'm going to be okay, I'm
well taken care of. It's not gonna look and feel
and have all of the amenities and the bits and
bobs of the first time around, but like this is
what it is. And so I have to kind of
stay connected to the fact that this this baby is

(22:22):
going to come into the world, and it's gonna be
me and this baby, and we're gonna do it and
and we're we're gonna be We're gonna have everything we
need um and and so that's the meditation over which
is brilliant. I mean, you sound so, I mean, but
it's it's totally Listen. There are times like yesterday I

(22:44):
was on the phone with my acupuncturists where I was like,
just show me where to push, like show me where
to like press so that this abotica goes away, you know.
And you know, talking about postpartum, like did you have
any sort of postpartum depression with Baz or were you
immediately in love? Did you? Not that that's even the measure,
but I mean, like, did you feel did you walk

(23:06):
into it like with positivity? Did you? Did you was
it a slow burn? I felt really good after postpartum, uh.
And I I definitely had some big hormonal shifts and
some big hormonal moments and events, But I don't think
that I struggled with depression. Maybe like the blues every
now and then, but but I had it pretty great

(23:29):
the first time around. You know, I know that every
pregnancy can be different, so so who knows. But but
what I'm saying is like there is a very deep
well of emotion and anxiety that I have tapped into
now and then, and it just feels so overwhelming at
the moment that I can't let myself dwell there, you know.

(23:50):
But I know that like, yeah, there's a lot of
ship going on right now, and to be pregnant in
this moment and to have to be in and out
of hospitals and doctors offices because you're at the end,
which means you're in the doctor's office all the time
like they've been and all this stuff I've read that
you know, there are people who if you're if you're
okay and your doctors recommending it, you can not do

(24:11):
every two weeks at the beginning, you know, for safety,
precautious reasons. But now that you're at the end, there's
no way around that. Like you're in pandemic and you're
going to the doctor all the time, and now my
husband can't come with me, you know, to these appointments,
and so you know, I am trying to be as
grounded and as like put my big girl pants on

(24:32):
and just be like the whole world is dealing with this.
You can do this, like this is the time your
baby chose to come into the world for some reason.
So here we go, right, And but like I said,
like there is real there is real anxiety, there's real emotion,
there's real fear that feels very like like a lot
of it would be there anyway. I think it feels

(24:55):
amplified and it feels overwhelming to kind of go there
and access it in this moment. And you know, I
put out like one Instagram post about it like a
couple of weeks ago. It was so beautiful. I haven't
it was so inspiring. It was like it was it
was expecting mothers during the pandemic, and it was just like, really,

(25:16):
it was really lovely. Thank you. I don't know if
you can hear my toddscrep I love it on Katie's crib.
But the wave of mothers who were spot like pregnant
women responded who were like it's my first, or I

(25:36):
delivered yesterday, or you know I had to deliver alone,
or I was in that window where the where my
partner wasn't allowed in. I mean, lord, I mean I
was reading these comments and like sobbing and just thinking
like it's a very heightened time to be in this
state that already is a heightened place to be in
this and then to be in it with this global

(25:57):
event happening, and look just to be separated from your
social network, like the fact that nobody I love is
going to get to meet my baby. You know that,
you know that no one's going to be there to
like hug me and hold me, and like, you know,
some friends who like the first time around, like cooked,
Like she lived in my lives in my building in

(26:18):
New York and she like cooked for me for two
weeks after Bass came, and like, you know, just all
of that stuff of like knowing that you're held and
and being like, okay, it's just us. It's me and
Ryan and and our son, and we do thank god,
we're our nanny is quarantining with us, so she's here

(26:41):
to help us. Um, but we're just like here we go.
You know. It's like it's unprecedented this time, and we're
just going to stay focused on how lucky we are
to have all the things we do have and trust
that like we can get through this and it's going
to be okay. And and and it might even be
wonderful and beautiful and it might bring about, you know,

(27:04):
some circumstances that we feel great about. Have you been
super into like how do you talk to Baz about
becoming an older sibling? How do you plan on introducing him?

(27:25):
Are you big into that or you just sort of
like will trust or instincts and see how it goes,
or you like like you have a whole thing you've
got planned. Yeah. I was super anxious about it because
I was definitely one of those moms who like you know,
held baths and I'm like, I'm going to ruin your
life by bringing in another. Meanwhile, I'm the youngest of
six children, like you know, and I'm probably projecting a

(27:48):
lot onto him of like like, um, now you're gonna
have to like fight for attention, my attention. Um. But
I did right classes with as UM and we do
UM parent child classes at the Waldorf Steiner Schools, and

(28:09):
we sort of, you know, off their recommendations. And also
one of our mutual friends, Angelique Cabral, who is like
my go to mama for everything, and also she just
had her second so I was like, tell me everything,
and you know, her first was basically around Basie's age,
so I'd just like tell me everything. So he's so
young he can't really conceptualize it, so like burdening him

(28:32):
too early on with the fact that like everything's going
to change and a baby is coming and and it
just s and they you know, and the advice was like,
don't put that on them too soon, you know, and
when the time starts to come, which is around now,
like you can talk about it and you know, trying
to talk about it in ways that are that won't

(28:54):
trigger like scariness, you know, just even you know, Angelie
mentioned the like you know, not saying like you're going
to be a big brother and she's going to be
your little sister and she's the baby and you're a
big boy, is like just trying to imagine like, well,
he's not even two, so like he's a baby too,
and he and that might be scary to be like

(29:15):
get out of the baby's seat, kid like babies coming,
you know, like just even stuff like that that like
oh yeah, that makes sense. Like I don't want to
make him feel like he's not little and small and
and has these needs and and has the right to
need me in these ways. So like small things like
that are helpful. Yeah. She was the person who first

(29:36):
told me, like she brought her second home from the
hospital and that's where they met, and I it had
never even occurred to me. I mean, however, anyone wants
to do it is how they want to do it.
But but because we're so conditioned in movies and stuff
like that to be like, well, no, like the sibling
comes to the hospital and that's where they meet the baby.
And she was the first person who ever said to me, like, well,
he might be scared, like to go to a hospital

(29:58):
he has never been to before, Like why don't you
just the baby home and you can do it? Like
when I was like, oh my god, that's an option,
Like I just didn't even occur to me. Yeah. Yeah,
and that's going to be our situation because he can't
even come visit us. So so which is like that
decision was made for us. But yeah, just even the
you know, Angelie gave me such great advice. She was

(30:18):
like what she did was spend time alone with her first,
you know, say mommy's back, I used you and like
read a book and have a little bit of time
of just like mommy and and toddler, and and then
she had her partner walk in, her husband walking with
the baby and put the baby in in her toddler's
arms so that it wasn't like, oh, mommy came home

(30:41):
and she's holding the baby, and now the baby's in
her arms, like even just those psychological things of like
oh yeah, like let the introduction not be like this
is now Mommy's new attachment, Like this is now Mommy's
new sidekicks. So you know, just small things like that,
and who knows. I mean, her daughter seems to be
us doing really well. Yeah, she's great, she's doing great,

(31:03):
So we'll see. I mean, I have all these nerves
about it, but I've also had so many friends say like,
you know, it's also really beautiful to see the kids together.
It's a lot of times like the toddlers are really excited,
you know, And so so I've been anticipating all the
like stressful things, but I'm also trying to stay open

(31:24):
that like that this will that he'll love it, you know,
and that he'll love the new baby and love love
that he has a role to play. I mean, I've
started saying to him, like I keep telling Angelicia to
like write a mommy book or something. Because every day
she's been on this podcast two times and it's coming
back up for another one. Like for sure, um, you

(31:45):
know she said, uh, oh wait now pregnancy bright and
I lost my train. She was giving you advice about, oh,
empowering them to give them a job or something. Yeah,
or just to say, like, you're older, so you know
more things, So you get to teach the baby be
the things you know. You know, like you know how
to wash your hands, you get to teach the baby
how to do that. You know how to put your

(32:06):
choice away, You get to teach the baby how to
do that. So just giving him like a role in
in the baby, in the baby's life and that sort
of thing. But you know, I'm sure there's gonna be
ups and downs. I what I love about Rye and
what I love about Waldorf and that there's some intersections
there is that there's just at the core of it,
it just assumes like a deep respect for the child,

(32:30):
that they're a little human being, budding and growing, experiencing
the world with all these big feelings and emotions, and
that while it's easy as an adult to be like
because I said so, because Mommy can't because I like
that there's that that there's just that reminder to really
acknowledge that that their feelings are like big and real

(32:53):
and valid and and let them in on it, I mean,
the amount and they can take the lead to like
I think he is going to be so like That's
what I always loved about Rye stuff, was like, oh,
like I think they don't know. Like I'm just like
like they know, like they just sort of give them
the space and you're like, oh, they already know that,
Like you know what I mean. Like he blows my

(33:14):
mind with how much he understands every day. Absolutely. Um.
Can we talk about like sharing your Latin X culture
with bas and the baby. Do you have a lot
of like rituals or traditions or how you do that
in your household? Um? Yeah, So you know I was
raised in a Spanish speaking home. My parents were immigrants. Um,

(33:37):
but I was also like very americanized. You know. I
was number six, so all my siblings, so my older
siblings like who who, I can't even imagine that, Like
I can't now having one and you're about to do
like six. I mean, wow, I know, I don't know.
Just like what in the world. But my like my
older siblings, they spoke only Spanish until they went to school, right,

(34:00):
so they had that foundation. But by the time I
came around, all my oldert winds are speaking English. So
so I just went like straight to English. I mean
I understood Spanish because my mother spoke Spanish, my father
spoke Spanished, my aunt and grandparents and like everyone spoke
Spanish around me, So that was a big part of it.
But but I was also like very very American and

(34:21):
English speaking from the get go. So you know, I
struggle with ways just in my own life to to
feel you know, connected to my my cultural roots. And
it's really important to me that Baz and baby too,
like feel that connection. And I almost, I like overcompensating

(34:43):
for for the connection that you know, that that I
didn't get. It was really important to me that he'd
be surrounded by people who speak Spanish. My Spanish is okay,
but it's not like amazing. So our nanny speaks to
him in Spanish all day. You know, we have so
many friends who are in and out of the house,
not right now obviously, who speak to him in Spanish

(35:06):
all day. Like he uses a lot of Spanish words.
He understands Spanish really well, so the language and giving
him the gift of like the gift of the language
and hoping really hoping fingers crossed that like that just
always feels like a natural thing to him in a
way that it wasn't always for me, Like is really

(35:28):
important to me. And we blast Latino music all the time, Like,
I mean, his favorite song that he asked for twenty
five times a day is Jay Valvin's Local Contigo, and
like it's like literally any Latin beat that comes on,
he starts moving. I'm like, Oh, you've got it. You're
like a little Latino brother. I love it. Um my

(35:51):
husband plays, oh brother, we're art that like the Whitest
Hike is soundtrack you can imagine. I'm like, you are
equal parts both of these things, so you get to
be both of them. But um, you know, yeah, it
is really important to me that he feels that cultural connection.
But I think I think for me, my feeling of
connection had so much to do with the people I

(36:13):
knew and loved to are part of that culture. So
surrounding him with people who represent that culture for him,
whom he loves, Yeah, it's going to take care of
itself translates into him loving his culture and and feeling
deeply connected to that. But it is really important to me.

(36:40):
So you just helped launch the drama Dentified on Netflix
and you're the executive producer. You've directed a number of episodes.
I can't even believe, like what you've been doing in
this year, which is the most insane year that I've
ever lived. But please tell me what your work life
This is a huge topic on Katie's crib always Um
your work life balance as a mom and as a director, actress, producer, activist.

(37:06):
I mean, your list is very long. Clearly you mentioned
you have a nanny. You have a great village of
it sounds like friends who are ahead of you in
the mom department that you text and ask questions and
ask for help. Um, is it? Was it a hard
transition for you to go back to work. Do you
love that you work? And you also like, how do

(37:26):
you feel about being a mom and working the crazy
hours you do? I mean, I love working and I
love being the person that I am out in the world,
and I love my work and I feel connected to
it and I can't imagine not having that. You know,
there are certainly times where, like like I said, like
last summer, going away and being like for this amount

(37:49):
of time, like that is not what I'm doing, Like
I'm just here, I'm just with my family, I'm just
I can certainly sink into times where you know, I
don't feel the need to be constantly connected to that work,
you know, outer world identity, but you know, it's the
totality of my life and my identity like has a

(38:10):
lot to do with who I am in the world
and the work I do and the work I care about.
And it was a bit excruciating. I mean not physically
and logistically. To me, it was all mental and psychological.
And I feel like I'm still kind of working through that.
And I from what I hear, like it doesn't necessarily
ever go away that yeah, And for me it was

(38:34):
like I loved going. I went back to work when
bas was like ten weeks. We went back to set.
I had a baby nurse with me. He was there.
I was pumping, but I was so hard on myself,
where like if I had a ten minute turnaround on set,
I would run back to the trailer and like be
with him, play with him, hold him, and then run
back to set and work. And at the end of

(38:54):
the day, I was like, I'm exhausted and I feel
like I'm always failing and and you're doing like at
both You're just so You're like, it's like you're not
doing your best at either. But I like, I called
all my friends you were moms, and I'm just like,
what do I do? And you know, they have given
me such incredible advice, and they're just like, you gotta

(39:15):
be you gotta take those ten minutes and be by yourself.
It's okay to you know, BAS was fourteen months I
think before I let myself go back to working out,
because that wasn't an hour. An hour that you weren't
with him, or you weren't working on your rash project
or whatever. Wasn't exactly. It's like if I wasn't working

(39:36):
because I had to be working, then I felt like
I had to be with him, and if I wasn't,
I felt guilty. Like I remember a moment where I
went to get my teeth cleaned at the dentist. I
brought my baby nurse and Baz and I let her
walk around the block as I got my teeth cleaned.
Up the dentist, and I sat in the chair feeling

(39:57):
like if something happens to my baby while I'm getting
my teeth cleaned, like it's going to be all I'll
never forget. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I was
like I can't believe that I can't go and get
my teeth cleaned at the dentist without feeling like I'm
a terrible wasting and and I think there was an

(40:18):
awareness of like this isn't sustainable, it's not fair to me.
I also have the awareness that like mothers go back
to work and spend the whole day away from their
children because they have to, like my mom did, and
those kids turn out fine. So I need to get
my I don't got my ship under the drol Like

(40:39):
I've been in therapy for like decades, Like I am
great with therapy, so I just to me it was
just about not isolating myself. It was like I could
and forgiving myself. It's like my body is full of hormones.
I'm this new person. I've got a lot on my plate.
Like I'm physically a new person, I'm hormonally you know, new,

(41:01):
Like I got to forgive myself for the crazy thoughts.
I have to forgive myself for how tough I am
on myself. I have to forgive myself for the irrationality
and and just not isolate. I just kept reaching out.
I kept reaching out to my friends. I reached out
to my therapist. That's so good. You're so conscious, you're
so with I mean, I feel like that in itself,

(41:21):
Like you said, therapy for years and really knowing to
reach out and ask for help. I feel like that
is where a lot of moms trip up, is that
they go so inward and they feel ashamed or embarrassed
that they're not doing their best, and they don't want
anyone to know, so they don't ask um. And that's
the biggest thing because even if no one could give
you a good answer, and just like being able to

(41:41):
say it out loud and have a friend who's a
mom be like yeah, that sucks, just like Okay, I'm
not a terrible human being, Like like I'm It's like
it's okay that I feel guilty that I'm taking ten
extra minutes in the shower. It's okay that I want
to take ten minutes away from my baby, And it's
okay that I feel guilty about it, like it's all okay, Yeah,

(42:04):
it's okay. I remember someone, my friend came on the
podcast ran Bill Sorry, and she was the first person
that was like, oh no, like you know in the
airplane where you you put your mask on first. And
I was like, oh what and she was like yeah,
like if you like do the things that you need, like,
you're probably going to be better at all the stuff
you want to do. And I was like, oh right,
you know, all right, like because I think my husband

(42:26):
is much better at putting his own mask on, which
creates a lot of resentment because you're like, why don't
you feel the constant guilt I feel? Why don't you like,
how dare you take a shower? Before you know, we
had the exact same thing with my husband and I.
We both we had our son. He was seven months old.
We made our Broadway debuts together and Waitress the Musical,

(42:48):
And this is the exact example. During two show days,
I would I made the apartments that it was close
by the theater. I would run home between two shows
three hours days, breastfeed, be with him for three hours,
give him his dinner, put his bath, do his bottle,
get him down and then rush back for my half
hour and your husbandam would say, stay as the theater,
take a nap, have lunch, maybe stop by, do some

(43:09):
like crunches or whatever, like to get himself warmed up,
like chill the funk out so that he could perform
like crazy at night. I was like, that's not good parenting,
Like you're not seeing our kid like and he was like,
I don't. I'm committed to my job today, like I
will kick ass on Monday when I'm off, Like I'm
going to be a kick asstad on Monday. But like
and I was like, you're a dick, I know. I

(43:31):
mean there was a lot of judgment and a lot
of resentment going on, um of just like you're not
as committed, you don't care as much. And I mean,
I think a lot of things contribute to it. I'm
no biologist or social scientists, but you know, clearly the
physical experience that new moms have, or the physical experience

(43:54):
I had as a new mom that attached me to
my child and like makes my heart ace when he
cries in a way that it doesn't make Ryan's heart race.
Is like it's biological and there there that is a
real thing. But you know there's a there so acknowledging
just that like, okay, biologically we're having different experiences of
becoming parents and so that that means different things. And

(44:17):
it took me a while to like let go of
the anger and the resentment that he was better at
taking care of himself in this transition and then just
take his cues and be like, oh, yeah, I should
do that, Like I should go like get my nails
done once a month and like not feel bad about it,
you know, or go work out because I because that

(44:38):
does make me feel better, That does make me feel
more connected to myself. That like when I did finally
go back to working out, my commitment to the working
out had nothing to do with my body and had
everything to do with I will give myself this one
hour a day and that's what it was about. And
it was like and you know, really it was two
hours a day because it took me half an hour

(44:59):
to get to my train to get care what happened?
I want to get back. Did you struggle with body
image stuff at all? Like I'm you and I both
share this to you were on television at well, and
you way more than me. But you're far more in
the public eye than I am. Being pregnant the first
time and the second time. Did you struggle with that
at all? Did you embrace it? Did you? You know?

(45:20):
I've struggled with body image my whole life, and I
feel like I've gotten to such a place of like
fuck that ship, Like what a waste of time and energy,
and like fuck the patriarchy, and funk what my body
is supposed to look like, and also fuck you even
more when I just brought life into the world and
then my body was supposed to look like something like

(45:41):
fuck all of it. And I was so in that
place that like post baby, I didn't really struggle with
it because I was just like, I fucking dare somebody
to tell me to lose weight. I will like gouge you.
I t donuts to spite you, like fuck you, Like
I'm breastfeeding, I like you're wearing diapers. You're like I'm

(46:05):
I'm figuring out who I am and I'm a mother,
which is one of the most wonderful experiences. So so
when you went back to working out, finally, it was
more about the mental space of giving yourself the time
totally back into your body, connect to yourself, like feel
the endorphins that you get totally and like when I

(46:27):
got pregnant with Bass, I was training for my third triathlon,
like I had gotten into this like best shape of
my life again not for body reasons. Uh. I wrote
an article about it for The New York Times called
my first triathlon actually, but it was like really like
kind of a soul evolution to like do something that
I never really identified myself as somebody who could do that. Yeah,

(46:50):
the triathlon is the one where you swim in the ocean, right,
that's so hard. I when you swim a mile in
the ocean and then my by Fried play miles and
then you run a ka kay um And it was
you know, I spent like a year and a half
kind of in that kind of mentality and mindset of
like it felt so good to be this connected to

(47:15):
my strength and to my health and to feel like,
you know, there was nothing I couldn't do if I
wanted to do it. And so it had been a
long time since I I mean, I felt connected to
my body through my pregnancy and even through postpartum. I
felt I was very kind to myself. I gave myself
that space and time. And then I when I realized,
I'm like again more than anything, of like, I need

(47:37):
to start learning how to do things for me and
give myself time. The hour working out was more about
the hour of giving myself time than it was about
my body. But of course I got stronger and felt
great about how I was looking and feeling and um,
and then I got pregnant again. So and but you know,
in a way, I'm like, great, I don't want to

(47:58):
go back to like getting track long body and then
getting pregnant again. You know, but this time I was like, Okay,
this time, I'm gonna work out through my whole pregnancy,
even if it's just a little bit, I'm gonna work out.
I'm gonna feel strong. And then the placentic thing happened,
and the doctors were like you And that's the thing,
is like, I feel like there's an older version of
myself who would have felt like that. I that that

(48:23):
it was this deeper part of myself if something in
my plan wasn't going to go my way, that I
couldn't be pregnant and and stay fit the whole time,
that I that I, you know, couldn't be pregnant and
have the doctor that I needed or thought I needed,
Like five years ago or ten years ago, America, going
through this moment would have been a really different story.

(48:44):
You know, where you where you attached to these notions
in these plans that you have as if you're only
capable of doing the thing you need to do because
you have these other things that are making you capable.
And I feel like it's been in a journey of
letting go of that attachment and realizing like, no, I'm

(49:05):
capable because I'm capable, and these things helped me feel
more prepared, more connected. But without all of those things,
I still have everything I need and do what I
need to be and do, and I'm enough. And it
really like that's a place that I've had to work
really really hard to get to. M hmm. There's one

(49:28):
last thing I want to talk to you about that
you are a very politically active person, and I want
to know how being a mom has shifted at all
your view of politics, what good Lord is hasn't been insane.
We're going into election time, and how do you plan
on going through that being a mom? Like I'm you know,

(49:52):
I wasn't a mom the last time around, and I'm
thankful actually that I wasn't because I I just was
an emotional wreck. And I don't know, I just I
don't think I have that option this time around, if
that makes sense to you know what I mean, Like,
I just think I really have. I've never felt between

(50:13):
pandemic and election season, and you know, having a two
and a half year old during this administration, I've never
had to like call so much on not letting those
things affect my mothering. I might be different if my
kid was older, to be honest, it probably would be um.
But how do you feel about those things? Yeah, I
think it's it's really it's really challenging and in ways

(50:36):
contradictory because you have a child that heightens your sensitivity
to everything happening in the world so much more. But
it also calls for all your energy and time and attention,
and you know, even in the midst of big, crazy
things happening that can feel overwhelming. You have to find

(50:56):
a centered nous and a calmness to be present with
your child and to give them the experience of you
and and of the world that you want them to have.
Like I don't want bays, it two years old to
feel all the anxiety of this moment. He doesn't need that.
What is he going to do with that? And he
doesn't need to feel it in me, And he doesn't
need to feel it through me. So you know, in
a way, the child forces you to find perspective and

(51:21):
grounding and not get lost in the throes of you know,
the hell fire that's happening. And at the same time,
the stakes are higher because you're like, this is the
world that I'm putting my children into. Um, you know,
after I had Bays, it was like right at the
time summer when all of those images of like the

(51:45):
children in cages were emerging, and you know, I sat
there and like sobbed and felt all these emotions and
and you know, got on a train and went to
d C and and march. You know, I had there
four week old child at home, and like still felt
compelled to get on that train and go to d

(52:06):
C and march with people and rally and and you know,
it was a relief to feel that passion to be like, Okay,
I'm not all of a sudden, I'm not going to
become a mom and all of a sudden not care
about the things I care about. But it was also
a moment where I had to realize, like I can't
be all things to everything and everyone all the time,

(52:27):
and that's narcissism and my own stuff that I have
to deal with and say, the world isn't going to
end if I have to sit this out the world,
you know, the work isn't good, not going to get
done because America is not there. It's like it's like,
in a way, your world gets bigger and your world
gets smaller at the same time, and learning to navigate

(52:48):
like where can I put my resources to make an
impact and a difference in the world, And where are
the times where it's like, actually, my resources have to
go to my child, them to my family and to
what's right in front of me right now, and that
has to be enough. And I don't need to be
driven by a hero complex that that tells me that

(53:09):
like the world's going to fall apart if I'm not
out there marching. So you know, it's it's a balance
and and um and and I and I imagine it's
one that will just keep changing. You know, I'm kind
of excited for the time, or I don't know if
excited is the right word. But you know, I'm interested
in the time where my children have an awareness of

(53:32):
the world, and that has to be a totally different
kind of discussion of like who they're going to be
and who we're going to be together in the world,
and being able to do things and explain to them
why those things are important, why those things matter, why
we're a part of something bigger than ourselves. So yeah,
I've definitely especially like like in this moment, you know,

(53:54):
I have felt a real sense of helplessness because part
of what we're being told to do is isolate and quarantine,
and that's that's the best way to help, you know.
And yet you see and it's so anti what I
do and you too. It's like we're so active, and
I'm so like hands on, and I'm so like want
to race to the fire, and it's like no, no, no no, no,

(54:16):
that's actually not what you're being asked to do right
It's not what you're being asked to do right now.
And also it's like it's that it's that struggle that
I deal with sometimes where I'm like, I actually, in
this moment, don't feel the urge to race to the
front line and help. I actually feel a deep internal
call to rest and be with my child or be

(54:39):
with this pregnancy, and like and then dealing with the
guilt of that, I'm like, oh, what does that mean
about me? That that that, you know, my activist self
isn't like firing on all cylinders right now and running
out to to to the front lines like that to me?
Is it? I think that's a struggle that anybody who
kind of has an activist spirit and and I want

(55:01):
to be out in the world making things better struggles
with I think when you're a mom, it's a parent,
it intensifies because you only have so much to give
and you only have so much energy and resources and focus.
And I have just had to learn to go easy
on myself and to know that like my just because

(55:24):
in one moment, this aspect of my identity is resting
and this aspect is calling me to it and then
vice versa, it doesn't mean I've lost something. It means
that in this moment, this is what is needed of me,
and I can trust that, and I can trust myself,
and I can trust that I'm not going to lose
myself by allowing myself to go to what is calling

(55:46):
me at this time, and that's that's that can be
a struggle sometimes fraught with like a lot of guilt
and doubt and uncertainty that that I just have to
keep on working on letting that extra bad. Did you
go mhm um, this is God. I'm I'm so I

(56:07):
could talk to you for a hundred hours. Is there
any last parting words? This one's always the worst. I'm like,
why do we ask this? Because I hate when it
has to be but because I'm I just I think
it's hard to pick one thing. But is there any
one thing you would give moms of advice or a
mantra or something that has worked for you, or or

(56:31):
anything you want to say to mothers out there right now.
It doesn't have to be advice. I would just say
that every that you're doing great, that you're doing great,
and that nothing that happens in this moment most likely
is going to scar or ruin your children or ruin

(56:54):
your relationship to them. You know, give yourself a break
and and allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up
without judging it, and know that that you're doing great
and you're going to be fine, and your kids are
going to be fine, as long as you're healthy and

(57:15):
you have all the basics that you need, like the
small decisions that you're making from moment to moment about
how long they get to be on a screen or
how you know, have they had enough school stimulation, have
they played enough? Have they eaten healthy enough? Like I
always just go back to my childhood and think, like
my mom was in survival mode all the time. I

(57:38):
was one of she she's a single mom. Was your
single mom raising six children at work, constantly trying to
provide and feed for feed us. Like we grew up
kind of in a madhouse. And and I survived, and
we survived, and like kids are strong and resilient and

(57:58):
they'll get through it. And and I would just say
that you're that, that you're doing great, and you have
you have everything you need to get through this. And
just give yourself a little bit of give yourself a
little bit of slack, and allow whatever emotions and feelings

(58:18):
are coming up to come up. Yeah, and just extend
the kindness to yourself that that you would to to
your children or to your best friend. You know, Oh
my gosh, hallelujah. I need to take that for my
advice I'm sitting here like I got to teach my
husband how to give a low back massage. I'm like,
oh god, there's nowhere to go. I just it's so weird.

(58:43):
I've like in this quarantine. I'm like, I just want
to be touched by a stranger. I want to pay
him assuse, I know, to rub my body like very bad. Like, ah,
this was so wonderful America. I can't thank you for
taking it, like an hour of your time when you
are so close to meeting your next child and it

(59:04):
was so helpful and so inspiring and it's just very needed. Well,
thank you. I mean, I know nothing, Like what do
I know? I know nothing. All I know is like
my experience. Um, and I'm happy to be as honest
and open about it as possible if it makes other
people feel more connected and more seen. And you know,

(59:24):
that's the thing is, like we don't have to have
the same experience as to just be able to see
each other and witness and say yep, yep, yes I
see that and I feel that and and it's all okay,
and it's all good. You know, we deserve that, and um,
you know, it's nice to connect. It's nice to talk
to moms who you know are are experiencing so many

(59:47):
of these internal journeys and and it's so sad that
anyone ever feels like they have to go through those
by themselves, like they just don't. We don't have to
do it alone. Yeah, that's the whole Katie's Group thing.
It's like we have moms on here, and every single
time anyone says any story, and they can be small,

(01:00:07):
they can be huge, they can be dramatic, they can
be completely uneventful, and yet it's just being able to
sit and be like, oh, like I felt that way,
Like I totally felt that way, or I just I've
been feeling like ship and that made me laugh, or
that gave me the reason to say, hey, if America
Freyre says, I can just chill for a second, not
be so hard on myself, Like got like yeah, it's

(01:00:29):
like that's the whole thing. Um, So thank you so much.
I really appreciate it. I wish you the best journey,
most beautiful birth experience and bringing your child home and
expansion of your already beautiful and glowing family. I'm happy

(01:00:50):
to share, I'm happy to update how it goes, and
i really am thinking about all the moms out there
who who are birthing and delivering in this time, um
in all the different ways, and you know, I just
think women are amazing and women and moms and their

(01:01:12):
bodies are a miracle. And just the fact that like
we don't have a choice, you have to kind of
put your big girl pants on and get through it,
and like that doesn't make it any less powerful and
a miracle and amazing, and like all of them, all
of the pregnant mamas out there right now, like I

(01:01:32):
feel you, it's a lot. If you got this, you
got it. Thanks so much for listening, you guys, And
if you love hearing from a phenomenal guests like America Ferrara,
be sure to share Katie's Crip with your crew and

(01:01:55):
show us some love by rating and subscribing. And if
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or Twitter at Katie's Crib until next week. Katie's Crib
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For more podcasts from I Heeart Radio, visit the I
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(01:02:31):
Inde