April 14, 2022 • 39 mins
Kelsey Porter, wife of “Friday Night Lights” actor Scott Porter, discusses with Katie her personal experience of having Huntington's disease, and how she was able to birth and raise children without passing down the condition.
The mother of two outlined the details of how she and her husband met, and how they made it through the PGD-IVF process. Kelsey also described the differences between her and her husband’s parenting styles.
Plus, Kelsey goes into graphic detail about her rather awkward experience dealing with a Foley balloon while being in labor! Tune in for more.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio
in partnership with I Heart Radio. Have you and Scott,
I mean they're so young, but like, have you guys
talked to them at all about Huntington's disease? They know
what it is. I was just telling Scott we needed
to talk to our nursery's school about how we're going
to approach it kind of going forward, because Scott and
(00:20):
I am very open that I have Huntington's and always
getting older, and he does not know that I have it.
He knows Gammy has it. What do you call my
mom um? But he doesn't know I have it. It's
so wonderful and I feel like everyone should use their
teachers more because they I think if you have a teacher,
(00:40):
you love getting their advice of how to approach kids
with some big, big hard topics is always another avenue
of where to get advice from. I'm sure they will
be very helpful, you know. I feel like that what
you're saying goes back to just allowing your community to
help you, right, Like reaching out and finding somebody in
(01:01):
your community to help you navigate a tough subject is good. Hello, everybody,
and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Today's episode fills my
heart and I personally just love our guests so much.
(01:22):
Her name is Kelsey Porter. Her and I have kids
at the same preschool, and I've known Nerve for years.
We have so many mutual friends, a lot of whom
have been on Katie's Crib before. She is the wife
of actor Scott Porter, who you guys might know is
his portrayal of Jason Street in the NBC television drama
(01:42):
Friday Night Lights, which is my favorite pilot ever. Kelsey
previously worked as a casting director and a producer for
a ton of shows, including Like The Biggest Loser and
ABC is The Taste. Kelsey currently serves as a member
of the National Board of Trustees at Huntington's Disease Society
of America, and she raises money for the organization annually.
She herself was diagnosed with Huntington's disease and has an
(02:05):
absolutely fascinating story of how she became a mom knowing
that she has a disease that could be passed on genetically.
It's just a very interesting, amazing topic that I've wanted
to get into for a while. She and her husband
Scott have two children. Their son McCoy's six, their daughter
Clover is four. And I am so proud of this
(02:27):
episode and I'm so honored. Hi, Kelsey, Welcome to Katie's Crib.
Kelsey and I go to the same preschool and that
is how we first met, right, yes, yeah, yeah, it
is right before you started. Because Rebecca in her duce
stuff was Rebecca b and out of your dula too.
(02:47):
Oh of course Rebecca was my dula and my mommy
and me teacher through all of my pregnancies with both kids.
Oh my god. Okay, so first tell the listeners, Okay,
you have two kids with a muzing names. Tell him.
I have two kids, my son McCoy who is six,
and my daughter Clover is four. It's crazy how many
(03:08):
people we have in common, you guys who are listening
at who have been on the podcast. Rebecca and Nadi
obviously was both of our dulas, and Jolie cabral is
a mutual friend. Mary O'Malley is a mutual friend. Tally Moore,
who we've had on for both postpartum depression anxiety talk
but also for amazing nutrition. You and Scott met this
is just my love loving anecdote. But like you guys
(03:30):
met Friday night Lights. Scott Porter, as you know, was
one of the leads of Friday Night Lights, which is
literally my favorite pilot that I've ever seen. Um, and
he played Jason Street. And you met because he shot
it in Texas, and you're a little cheerleader in Texas
where you like, I mean, you weren't five years old,
you were over eighteen, but tell me that I was
(03:51):
twenty two. But that's so young and cute I cannot.
We met in Austin. He was there for our Finite
Lights and I was going to college and we met
playing beer pong against each other at a Halloween party.
It is perfect, it writes itself. Was it love at
(04:11):
first sight? It was love at first sight? Ye, it
was like instantaneous. I bent and was it like so serious? Quickly?
I moved in with him two weeks after knowing him.
And funny story, I moved me and my bunny because
I had a bunny, like a live bunny named I
hop Um. I moved myself and my bunny genius okay,
(04:36):
in with Scott Porter. In with Scott Porter, and guess
what he had a roommate at the time, Zach Guildford. Oh,
but Zach was traveling and out of town a lot,
and so Scott and I would like basically stay in
Scott's room and then Zach would come back and Zach's like,
who is this? You have a new girlfriend? I mean bunny? Yeah?
(05:00):
Got wow, wow, wow wow wow. Well, you guys are
such a wonderful couple. You guys are such a great
parenting couple. And just I just see how you guys work.
We've been lucky enough that you guys have come over
a few times for hangs, and I just feel like,
you guys are great parents. Um, You're both so involved,
and you both work. You just have it all going on.
(05:22):
You guys are really supportive of each other. And god,
I just feel like you guys have really been through
something that you know, even my you know, my husband
and I have been together sixteen years and we've never
gone through anything like this, like anything even remotely as serious.
I think we got like thrown into the deep end
after the Huntington's. I think of our relationship as like
(05:43):
before Huntington's and after Huntington's, just because of the effect
it has had on our relationship. But honestly, it's tightened
our bond. So it's like like a zipper, Like we
were just inseparable after that, and we've depended on each
other through so much that it has strengthened our relationship
(06:04):
quite a bit. I've wanted you to come on forever
because I think you're just such an amazing mom, but
also you have such a wild story. Tell us about
Huntington's disease, what it is, how you found out you
had it, and how that affected your wanting to have babies. Yeah, um, okay,
(06:25):
So for anybody that doesn't know, Huntington's disease is a
genetic disorder and it causes the breakdown of nerve cells
in the brain, so it deteriorates your physical and mental
abilities at the same time. So people describe it. The
easy way to say it is it's a l S
and Parkinson's and Alzheimer's simultaneously. Come the fuck. Yeah, it's
(06:49):
a really fucked up And like, how did you and
we can curse, how did you find it? Wondering? I
was like, yeah, I curse all the time, I have
a mess, but but how did you find out that
you had this? Right? So, um, the year after Scott
and I got married, we were at Christmas with my
family in San Antonio, Texas. My mom set us down
(07:09):
and she had been seeing some doctors because she had
she felt like she had numbness and she couldn't really
understand what was going on. The neurologist diagnosed or with
Huntington's disease, and she went and she got tested without
telling any of us, and she had it. How do
they test for it? Is it like they draw blood
(07:30):
or how do you know? Yes, it's a blood draw
and it cheeks blob I'm trying to remember. Um. But
it's the kind of good thing is that we know
where it comes from. So with Alzheimer's we don't really
understand where it comes from. But with Huntington's, it's a
specific gene and it's a defective gene, so it releases
this protein that basically attacks everything from your body. There's
(07:52):
a test for it. You can go get tested to
see if you have this gene, and any child of
a parent that has HD, which is what it's called,
has a fifty chance of having it. Holy shit balls
And not like, oh you might develop this thing later
in life or no, you are going to develop it,
(08:14):
and it's just you don't know when. Was it a
big question for you whether or not to find out
you were carrying the gene? No, you were like, I'm
a finding out. Hundred was finding out. Like when we
first found out, my biggest concern was my mom dealing
with this progressive degenerative disease. It was earth shattering or
(08:39):
you know our family earth shattering. Is there varying grades
of how severe and also how quickly it comes on?
So yes to all of those, but there's no way
of knowing. So some people get it earlier in their life,
some people get it later in their lives. Life. There
(09:01):
is such a thing as juvenile Huntington's about ten people
that have HD have juvenile Huntingtons, which is good and
more devastating because now you're talking about it in children. Um.
But the cognitive and the physical it's called Korea where
your body has tips and movement. It's awful. There's an
(09:21):
awful disease. There's not a cure. And that's why you know,
Scott and I are super involved with the organizations. Now, yeah,
you guys are super involved with and what is the
organization called We are involved with HD s A and
it's the Huntington's Disease Society of America. And I'm actually
on the board of directors now ye are yeah, um,
(09:45):
And we always participate very heavily and freeze h D,
which is the gallop that we do for a year
freeze HD. That's usually in the fall and then throughout
the year. If you want to get involved find out
more information. It's h D s A, which is Huntington's
Disease Society of America. HM. When you got the earth
(10:05):
shattering news that you're dealing with a your mom who
has a very awful disease that will change her life.
Now you're looking at it if for your own life,
and you find out the news that you too carry
the gene, how did you start to come around to
the idea of I want to be a mom. I'm
(10:26):
going to figure this out. What are my options? Because
I think this is science, that it's best. This is unbelievable,
for sure, it is. It's science. Is the only way
that we had kids h D free like it is
the only way. The second that we left Christmas with
my parents, after finding out my mom how to h D,
(10:47):
I looked at Scott and I said, I've got to
go get tested. I want to be a mom for
as long as I can. We've got to get tested
so that we can have kids. That became my drive
and the phoecus um And because of that, I think
I was able to deal with everything that came along
with it a little easier because I had a focus,
(11:09):
had a purpose. I was gonna go get tested, and
then if I didn't have it, whatever, we would have
kids the good old fashioned fun way. And I had it,
we could then focus on how to make it happen
that way. And it's called UM pg D I VF right,
(11:29):
which stands for guys, here we go. Pre am plantation,
genetic diagnosis in vitro fertilization. Yes, you get a star.
It's written down in my note. So basically you have
an egg retrieval process. They shoot you up with hormones
like you and I VF. You get put out for
(11:51):
a short in it twenty minutes or whatever. They take
out the eggs when it's they say it's go time,
and then they test each embryo. They test the embryo,
so they have to make the embryo because what happens
is Scott also has that gene, but his gene is good.
My gene is the faulty gene. So they have to
(12:13):
make the embryo and then they have to test to
see what embryo's inherited my faulty gene and what embryo's
got Scott's good gene. Oh my god, this is so crazy.
In order to do this, they explained it to us
as they had to make a probe to stick into
the embryos, and they needed the d n A of me,
(12:36):
of Scott, of my mom, and my dad so that
they could figure out what genes. Guys, are you listening
to this? Like, what the fucking hell? This is unbelievable
to me? And then how do you pick choose? What
were the conversations you and Scott were having at this time?
(12:59):
So then we got twelve embryos and seven had Huntington's
and five were clear. So those seven that had Huntington's
we actually donated back to Science for research because we
were not going to use them um and Science had
already given us a lot, so we did that, and
(13:21):
then we were left with five. Think of it this way,
it's a coin flip, right, So everyone is a coin flip.
So it's just you don't know, the odds are not
there fifty per embryo, so it could have swung all
in that direction. Wow. But I was young and I
didn't have fertility problems. That's why I wish because we
(13:42):
had a lot of embryos, right, twelve. Yeah, I mean
I've I've just been through egg freezing with like four
of my friends this past year, and the lack of
dating has put a real wake up call and a
lot of my friends who don't have a significant others
and they're over forty and let me tell you, twelve
is a very good number, Like that is high as buck. Yeah. No,
I had they retrieved thirty. I had thirty three follicles.
(14:06):
Oh my god. Trying to remember how old I was.
I was like in my twenties. So there, I was like, right,
So the implantation process, did it take right away the
first embryo that was chosen? Did you pick I don't
know if you want to talk. Did you pick a
boy on purpose? Did you just like, how do you
do that? Yeah? Well, I don't know. I don't know
(14:27):
what the right answer is. We just told our doctor, like,
you choose one that you think is healthiest and put
it in me and we'll see what happens. And so
she did and it took and uh then it was
a little boy and we were over the moon. How
(14:53):
was your pregnancy? Does Huntington's show up at all when
there's this many hormones and changes in fluctuation in your
body or is it completely dormant and doesn't matter? No? Yeah,
the Huntington's basically is just building up. The protein builds
up inside your body until you finally see symptoms. So,
but it doesn't affect until it's built up enough. Got it.
(15:16):
So it didn't affect my pregnancies. My pregnancies weren't that.
I had collistasis with McCoy. Do you even know what
that is? That? What's that? Well? Are you ready for this?
It's a weird disease seem to hit the lottery on um.
It's basically where your liver stops processing the bile and
your body. And so at thirty seven weeks I went
(15:38):
in for my checkup and uh, my O B was like, uh,
is there any symptoms that have been happening? You're feeling fine?
I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And Scott's like she's been
really itchy on her hands and her feet, like crazy itchy,
Like I would make him scratch my feet and weight
me up at night. And I was like, maybe that's
not anything. And my b said, well, just let's run
(16:02):
this test. It's real rare, but we'll run it. They
ran it, and sure enough, I had what's called cola stasis,
and one of the symptoms is having insanely itchy hands
and feet. I know one other person, Casey Wilson. Do
you know this actress, Casey Wilson. No, she's been a
guest on Katie scrib but she was on Happy Endings.
She had cola stasis and her calfs and lower legs
(16:28):
were itching like a fucking motherfucker. And rushed her in.
They induced her, but like, so your liver just stops functioning. Yeah,
it just stops, like the bio builds up in your body. Basically,
it's bizarre. Good. They did the same thing. Rushed me
in potosan forced it out forty forty four hours of
(16:48):
labor and it ended in a section No what so
And you're like the most so for you guys listening.
You can't see her, but she's like literally the physically
strongest woman. I know, I'm not kidding, Like how many
you can run like a lot of miles like you
are like very physically fit. Okay, I want you to
picture like a hard core cheerleader, like you run, you
(17:10):
do pilates, like you worked out so like the fact
that you ended up in a C section, like was
it just stopping? Like did you get the epidural in
the potocon and your body was not responding or the
baby was in stress? I got the potosan no epidural
and then twenty four hours in ended up with the
epidural and then uh yeah, he was just stuck. So
(17:33):
you were dilating anymore and he just and you were like,
I mean they were forced, they were forcing me, right,
So they did the fully balloon? Oh yeah, I had
is all of it. I have the most embarrassing story
about the fully balloon what like I shouldn't say it, Okay,
then don't, but if you want to, if you want to,
you can. But there is absolutely no pressure here. I
(17:54):
had a fully balloon to which, by the way, then
I went to work on Scandal and I said to
Scott fully is this from your fun? You like you?
This medieval torture device that's in the shape of a
balloon that's like put intoside my vagina and slowly, over
time the balloon is blown up. Yeah, I'll tell you
the story. Tell me. So when I went in, they
(18:15):
gave me like the pill on your cervix to soften
it and start opening, and then they inserted the fully balloon.
And I had been there a while, and I, being
a woman who had knocked one through birth before, I
was terrified of pooping. Of great, I did not want
to poop while giving birth. Now I could give two ships,
but back then I was tear literally, I was terrified
(18:37):
of it. So I had the fully balloon in and
I was like, oh my god, I think you have
to poop. This is great. I'll poop before I give
birth and then I won't poop while giving birth. Great.
I like, take my little ivy bag of potocin and
the fully balloon and I'm like, babe, helped me get
to the bathroom. Scott takes me to the bathroom and
(18:57):
I sit down and I'm like, this is great poop
and the fucking fully balloon comes out into the poop
and I fully balloon. I am freaking out because one
nobody told me it was supposed to come out, so
I thought something wrong. So I'm like Scott, Scott, and
(19:17):
he comes rushing it and I'm like, I pooped in
the thing came out, and he's like, okay, and God
bless him, God bless his knees, and he's like plucking
the way. I think if I hold the balloon and
we flushed the toilet, the poop will go down. But
the jack we're devising this plan together to try and
(19:38):
get out of this situation. I've gotten us in and
the nurse walks around the corner and she's like, honey,
what are you doing. Get up off the floor. This
is my job. This is no big deal. O my god. Yes,
and everybody fucking poops. Also the fully balloon, what it
meant was that you were probably forced meters dilated and
(20:01):
the fully balloon came out when it was supposed to. Yes, exactly,
but we did not know that. And I love my
husband so much because he did not care. He was
going to get me out of the situation. I'd tell
you know, he's the real deal. That was the only
poop I had prior and then with Clover I had
already had a c section, and I had already done
forty four hours of labor, and I just didn't feel
like doing it again. So I just scheduled a c
(20:24):
section with her perfect And did you always know you
wanted to? Yes, we always wanted to. At one point,
Scott one at three and then we had one, and
he's like two is good? Great? Great? Great? And how
did you pay? Did you want a girl? Did you
do the same thing to the to your doctor, like
pick the healthiest one, or you were like, I want
a girl. Yeah. We looked at it as our silver lining.
(20:47):
We're just gonna choose the girl after all the crap
I would have, Are you kidding? Yes, after all the
like shit, I would like to be a mother of
a girl. Also, you know, yes, please, thank so much. Yep,
that's what we did. We love to say that my
daughter is like very old for her age. She's very mature.
Is she's always been that way, Like she's just very mature.
(21:11):
And we we always say, well, she sat on ice
for two years, so she just must she must have
this old soult. Because her and McCoy were the same group.
Oh yeah, they're kind of I mean it's so weird.
That's so weird. They're the same embryonic age. Is that
a thing? I don't know, but it's like, you know,
(21:32):
they would have been if it would have been normal,
they would have been fraternal twins. Wow, this is so weird. Cool,
it's so cool. Have you and Scott, I mean they're
so young, but like, have you guys talked to them
at all about hunting this disease? They know what it is?
How did those conversations happen? Do we have a plan
for that? That's funny should say that because I was
(21:56):
just telling Scott we needed to talk to our nursery
school about how we're going to approach it kind of
going forward. Because Scott and I am very open that
I have Huntington's and always getting older, and he does
not know that I have it. Um. He knows that
my mom has it, and we've talked to him about
what it does because she does have symptoms and we
(22:19):
want him to be emphatic um more than anything. So
he knows Gammy has it what he calls my mom
cute um, but he doesn't know I have it, and
Clover doesn't either, So there's so little they're so little,
but they know so much. It's so wonderful. And I
(22:40):
feel like everyone should use their teachers more because they
I think if you have a teacher, you love getting
their advice of how to approach kids with some big,
big hard topics is always another avenue of where to
get advice from. I'm sure they will be very helpful,
you know. I feel that what you're saying goes back
(23:01):
to just allowing your community to help you, right, Like
reaching out and finding somebody in your community to help
you navigate a tough subject is good. That's what we
should be doing that with people in our community. For sure.
You take such a better left turn at boundaries and
limits than I do. You are so good at setting
(23:25):
loving boundaries, which I've had to learn as a parent
that that is a form of love. Like I was
such a goody two shoe as a kid. I didn't
need limits set. I was such a rule follower, and
my son is really not. And it took me so
long to understand that setting boundaries and limits is like
a loving thing to do. It's not like a bad
thing to do. I suck at it. So if you're no,
(23:51):
you're great, Like, how are you so good at it,
but it's not. I might be good at it, but
one I've had more practice than you. My son is
six years old and he's pushing the boundaries like crazy
right now. But I am a huge, huge believer in
boundaries because I feel like it's the only way where
I actually get them to listen to me. And it sucks,
(24:14):
and it sucks to say fifty times, I will not
let you do that. I cannot let you do that. McCoy,
I cannot let you do that, but I won't give in.
And when that boundary is set, they know they're safe
and they're secure in there, and they just feel better
in life. I feel like they feel better in their
emotions and their feelings. You can have the big cry.
(24:38):
I am okay with you expressing your emotions. I'll hold
you while you do it, but we're not going to
do the thing you want to do. Can you give
an example right now, like a boundary, Like tell me
what I'm looking down the pipe? That's a six year
old son. He's just very um, what's the word I'm
looking for. So he's just very defiant right now. He's
(25:01):
very not defiant. He's a very good kid. He's great
in school, but defiant in I was like, okay, it's
bed time, and now we've regressed back to like, no,
I don't want to go to bed where it's like
we've moved past that. It's been years since he did that,
but it seems like the defiancy. Yep, so I'm in
(25:24):
defiancy too. I don't know, but my four year I mean,
Albie is unbelievably defiant, challenging, strategic. Give him an inch,
she takes a mile. I mean it's like mastermindful. It's
crazy well, and I feel like when I do give
them an inch, it gets a million times worse. I
just try to like lock down the boundaries and tighten them.
(25:46):
And when I feel them really pushing, I pushed the
boundary even farther and I almost make I almost pick
a fight, if that makes sense. Like I can see
that they're teetering on their emotions, that it's there, it's
ready to come out, but it hasn't come out yet,
and I will choose something to say no one, just
out of the blue, like well, let's read this book tonight.
(26:09):
Well we're not going to read that book tonight, just no,
just so that we can get the feelings out, because
I feel like once he cries and has the feelings,
we can move past them. But until that moment of
him having the outburst, they're just sitting at the surface, bubbling,
and it disturbs everything we have for the day. I know,
(26:31):
it's so true. I know, and you know the feeling
has nothing to do with that. Oh my god, I'm like,
so it's just like I just pick an arbitrary thing
to pick the fight about. Wow, it's smart, just STI
get it out. Yeah, that's really good. How are they
and getting along? They love it too? And do they
(26:52):
ever physically fight? I'm just asking because I'm like, is
that what's coming? What am I gonna do? My kids
don't physically fight? Is she trying to take choice from him?
Him take choice from her? What does that look like? No,
I think the pandemic had something to do with it,
But my kids are insanely blips. They spend every night
that they can't in a bed together. They have slumber
(27:14):
parties on the weekends because that's what they want to do. Um.
I told him no school nights, and like, you can't
do it on a school night. Do they share a bedroom?
Or no, No. We thought about moving Clover in because
they wanted to. But I just want to be able
to put them in separate beds if I need. It's
all about that boundary, right, Like if I if they
shared a bedroom, um, then I couldn't say, like if
(27:35):
they're testing bed okay, well tonight, it's going to be
a night. You can't sleep together if you can't follow
the rules and listen to mom or progress forward in bedtime.
But they want to be together. That is so cute
that they are so close. You know what a blessing
that is. I mean, it's just so wonderful that they
have each other, you know, like through everything that will
(27:57):
come their way, it's just got And that they're close
and that they get along. You know, I'm really really
close with my brother, and I'm so fucking grateful. I
love that. I hope it sticks. And like I said,
I think COVID then just look, if you're gonna play
with them, your sister is the person you're gonna play with,
so figure it out, you know. Wow. And also that
they were in the same pod at school. They were
(28:20):
in the same pod at school, they were together all
the time. They didn't have time apart. Wow, Wow, parenting styles?
Who is the disciplinarian? Because I think it's you? Is
(28:41):
it you? Yeah, it's for sure. Scott can discipline as well.
But I'm with them, you know, more more discient. I
am with them, so I probably over explain everything, um
to the point of them not and knowing what I'm
talking about. No, you are very verbal. You don't talk
(29:03):
to them like their babies. You respect them as individuals.
Do you and Scott ever have major Are you guys
always united? I mean we always try to be united
front in front of our kids no matter what. But
do you guys have major any like differing parenting styles
that someone's had to budge on or move or learn change?
(29:24):
I mean, for sure, we There's been quite a few.
I think that that both of us have had to
decide how we were going to move forward together with
right and especially because when you become a parent, you
don't know how to parent, You don't know what your
parenting style is going to be. You couldn't even define that.
So especially me, I am a I like knowledge. I
(29:50):
like information, So I read books, I research everything, um,
and then I send it to Scott and I'm like, hey,
read this and then let's get on the same page,
you know, because he doesn't have all that time. They
get more as my job to try and figure out
the right moves. Can you think of any like one
or two favorite books or or resources that have been
(30:13):
instrumental to you in parenting? Um? Yeah, but they're not
even parenting book? Does that matter? Are they? It does
not matter? What My one of my favorites is a
book called Never an Anger, And it's what's that It's
so obscure. It's so obscure. And you can blame Mary
O'Malley for me even finding this book because she sent
(30:34):
me this blurb from an article about like talking to
your children calmly and the effect that it has on
them versus raising your voice and being upset. And they
were referencing back to like how Inuit family used to
do it. And so of course I'm reading this article
and I'm like, well, where is this information from? Because
(30:55):
that's just who I am. So I'm like, bibliography and bibliography,
and I go and I find this book and it's
I don't know, it's probably like six hundred pages or something,
and it's just the portrait of an Eskimo family from
like the sixties and seventies, and an anthropologist went and
lived with them, and she observed them, and she observed
how they raised their children, and she wrote it all down.
(31:20):
She had like a typewriter that she keeping the iglue
like she lived with a god. And it not only
is it a fascinating book because she's living with an
Eskimo family. Yeah, in the sixties, right before before the internet,
before the you know, the share of information and happened.
And she dispensed this knowledge of how they raised their children.
(31:42):
And they believe that a child does not have reason.
You're born without reason, and so you should be treated
as such. If you are acting out, it's not because
you're being mean, it's because you have no reason. But
as an adult, we have reason. We should be able
to control our emotions because we are the older one,
(32:05):
we have the experience to do so. And it really
struck me. Right, It's like, yeah, you're right, And it
could have been anybody telling me that, right, It didn't
have to read this book. No, I I think you
don't get rational thought till they're like seven. Yeah, they
don't know what they're doing. No, you're negotiating with a
terrorist so to like and also to put on them,
(32:25):
like when I would say like, oh, he's manipulating the situation,
it's like he doesn't know, he doesn't know what the
funk he's doing, Like he has no idea. And is
there anything else that is like a go to guide
for you? Like were you like a big Magda Gerber reader?
Janet Landsberry was always Janet Janetmazing, She's amazing. She's an
(32:47):
amazing podcast called Unruffled. She's fucking brill Yeah, there's a
Janet Landsbury book that I swear by called No Bad Kids.
I Um, it's funny. I had a friend who had
just the come a mom and she told me that
she was at her friend's house and Janet Landsbury lived
next door, and it was like celebrity siding right because
(33:09):
it was Janet Landsbury. And she was so excited to
tell me because I was the other mom, and I
was like, you saw Janet Landsbury? It was like it
was so funny. Is the best? I'm like, the best,
the best? Okay, as we're wrapping up, what the heck
is your parenting advice? And teach me how to be
as good at it as you are. I think I
(33:30):
have to have more play dates with you. Honestly, I
think if I had more play dates, you would just
rub off on me. Well, we will have you over
when the other you want, please, Okay, okay. So my
number one thing, my motto in life, which reflects down
to my parenting, is everyone is different. I want to
put it on a T shirt. I want to ride
it on my kids walls. Everyone is different, and it
(33:51):
literally works for any situation everything. Yes, so my son
comes home, you know, why does my friend get to
go to Disneyland all the time. Well, every family is different,
and every family value is going to Disneyland different. So
while you know they go often because it's something that's
important to them, we treat it like a celebration. So
(34:13):
we go list. Everyone is different, works for everything, works
for everything, especially as they get older, like it really does.
So everyone is different is my number one saying in
life and in my family. I love it. I'm stealing
that ship. It's good. Everyone is different. Everyone is different, different,
(34:34):
I mean it works for everything. And you know, McCoy
came home the other day and he wears his hair
in a ponytail long and shaved underneath, and he wears
in pony Town and he said, Mom, my friend. My
friend said I have girl's hair, which I'm like, really like,
aren't we And we live in l A. And I said,
what did you say? And he said I just told
(34:56):
him that everyone is different and everyone wears their hair afferently.
And I said, yeah, buddy, that's right, Yeah, buddy, that's right.
And then I said, also, it's only an insult if
you think being a girl is an insult. Do you
think being a girl is an insult? Like, no, Mom,
you're cool glower school. Yeah, so we're all good. Great answer,
(35:20):
great answer, um. And then I have three things that
I want my children to be always kind, adaptable, intolerant.
I don't care what else they learn in the world.
They will academics and all that stuff. They'll figure it out,
but I want them to be kind, adaptable. All right,
big doors, see you guys listening. Do you see why
(35:44):
Kelsey Porter is a fucking incredible mom. You're also just
so grounded and strong. I'm just like so wishy washy.
I'm like, what's happening. It's just it's great. We gotta
hang out more. You gotta rub off on me a
good best to you, this is amazing. Tell me, I
think we touched on it a little bit, but again
(36:04):
just to say it. You guys. HD Freeze is a
yearly gala um. There's awesome stuff that's auctioned off every year,
like awesome holiday like Hollywood celebrity ship, sports stuff, memorabilia,
signed stuff, and all of the proceeds go to it.
All goes to h d s A. And to date
we've raised over one point three million dollars and just
(36:29):
like the past seven years. So it's a huge event
and it's actually changing people's lives because all of that
money goes back to making centers and making sure that
people and families have the support that they need to
battle this awful disease. Because it's not just the person
that has HD, right, it's the whole family. You all
(36:49):
become caretakers. Everybody has a chance of having it and
it just spreads like wildfire. No, it affects a lot
of people. Do you know what the number how many
people in America to have? So people in America are
symptomatic with it and then another like four hundred thousand
or are at risk of having it. Wow, most people
(37:13):
don't get tested, so most people in my situation, they
choose not to know. Um, it's very it's hard. I
think you know you're saying I'm grounded. I think I
think it grounds me. I think that's what it does
for me. It's heavy, and I'm constantly reminded that the kids,
(37:36):
the mother that my kids see right now is not
the mother they will see you later in live and
so I want to be a good mom to them
now and I think that's why I put so much
effort into it. You're unfucking believable. What made me feel
so uncomfortable? No, I know so many moms, and let
(38:00):
me tell you, you are fucking tops like you are.
So you are doing an incredible job and your children
are incredible, and um, they're so lucky to have you.
Let's all work on getting some of these trials started,
(38:22):
new ones, different ones. Figure this shit out, h d
SA dot org, freeze HD. We're going to be linking
to a bunch of stuff at the time when this
podcast comes out, and I will also always be blasting
and posting when the Gala happens every year. But come on, guys,
let's get this going. Kelsey Porter, thank you so much
for being on Katie's Crapy, You're fucking awesome. You have
(38:42):
to come back on. Thank you for having me and
making me feel like what I have to say is
valuable because I don't look at you like that. I
really what you have to say is so valuable. I'm
thank you, Katie. Thank you guys so much for listening
(39:05):
to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's
chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always
find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in
partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from shandaland Audio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:27):
you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio
in partnership with I Heart Radio. Have you and Scott,
I mean they're so young, but like, have you guys
talked to them at all about Huntington's disease? They know
what it is. I was just telling Scott we needed
to talk to our nursery's school about how we're going
to approach it kind of going forward, because Scott and
(00:20):
I am very open that I have Huntington's and always
getting older, and he does not know that I have it.
He knows Gammy has it. What do you call my
mom um? But he doesn't know I have it. It's
so wonderful and I feel like everyone should use their
teachers more because they I think if you have a teacher,
(00:40):
you love getting their advice of how to approach kids
with some big, big hard topics is always another avenue
of where to get advice from. I'm sure they will
be very helpful, you know. I feel like that what
you're saying goes back to just allowing your community to
help you, right, Like reaching out and finding somebody in
(01:01):
your community to help you navigate a tough subject is good. Hello, everybody,
and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Today's episode fills my
heart and I personally just love our guests so much.
(01:22):
Her name is Kelsey Porter. Her and I have kids
at the same preschool, and I've known Nerve for years.
We have so many mutual friends, a lot of whom
have been on Katie's Crib before. She is the wife
of actor Scott Porter, who you guys might know is
his portrayal of Jason Street in the NBC television drama
(01:42):
Friday Night Lights, which is my favorite pilot ever. Kelsey
previously worked as a casting director and a producer for
a ton of shows, including Like The Biggest Loser and
ABC is The Taste. Kelsey currently serves as a member
of the National Board of Trustees at Huntington's Disease Society
of America, and she raises money for the organization annually.
She herself was diagnosed with Huntington's disease and has an
(02:05):
absolutely fascinating story of how she became a mom knowing
that she has a disease that could be passed on genetically.
It's just a very interesting, amazing topic that I've wanted
to get into for a while. She and her husband
Scott have two children. Their son McCoy's six, their daughter
Clover is four. And I am so proud of this
(02:27):
episode and I'm so honored. Hi, Kelsey, Welcome to Katie's Crib.
Kelsey and I go to the same preschool and that
is how we first met, right, yes, yeah, yeah, it
is right before you started. Because Rebecca in her duce
stuff was Rebecca b and out of your dula too.
(02:47):
Oh of course Rebecca was my dula and my mommy
and me teacher through all of my pregnancies with both kids.
Oh my god. Okay, so first tell the listeners, Okay,
you have two kids with a muzing names. Tell him.
I have two kids, my son McCoy who is six,
and my daughter Clover is four. It's crazy how many
(03:08):
people we have in common, you guys who are listening
at who have been on the podcast. Rebecca and Nadi
obviously was both of our dulas, and Jolie cabral is
a mutual friend. Mary O'Malley is a mutual friend. Tally Moore,
who we've had on for both postpartum depression anxiety talk
but also for amazing nutrition. You and Scott met this
is just my love loving anecdote. But like you guys
(03:30):
met Friday night Lights. Scott Porter, as you know, was
one of the leads of Friday Night Lights, which is
literally my favorite pilot that I've ever seen. Um, and
he played Jason Street. And you met because he shot
it in Texas, and you're a little cheerleader in Texas
where you like, I mean, you weren't five years old,
you were over eighteen, but tell me that I was
(03:51):
twenty two. But that's so young and cute I cannot.
We met in Austin. He was there for our Finite
Lights and I was going to college and we met
playing beer pong against each other at a Halloween party.
It is perfect, it writes itself. Was it love at
(04:11):
first sight? It was love at first sight? Ye, it
was like instantaneous. I bent and was it like so serious? Quickly?
I moved in with him two weeks after knowing him.
And funny story, I moved me and my bunny because
I had a bunny, like a live bunny named I
hop Um. I moved myself and my bunny genius okay,
(04:36):
in with Scott Porter. In with Scott Porter, and guess
what he had a roommate at the time, Zach Guildford. Oh,
but Zach was traveling and out of town a lot,
and so Scott and I would like basically stay in
Scott's room and then Zach would come back and Zach's like,
who is this? You have a new girlfriend? I mean bunny? Yeah?
(05:00):
Got wow, wow, wow wow wow. Well, you guys are
such a wonderful couple. You guys are such a great
parenting couple. And just I just see how you guys work.
We've been lucky enough that you guys have come over
a few times for hangs, and I just feel like,
you guys are great parents. Um, You're both so involved,
and you both work. You just have it all going on.
(05:22):
You guys are really supportive of each other. And god,
I just feel like you guys have really been through
something that you know, even my you know, my husband
and I have been together sixteen years and we've never
gone through anything like this, like anything even remotely as serious.
I think we got like thrown into the deep end
after the Huntington's. I think of our relationship as like
(05:43):
before Huntington's and after Huntington's, just because of the effect
it has had on our relationship. But honestly, it's tightened
our bond. So it's like like a zipper, Like we
were just inseparable after that, and we've depended on each
other through so much that it has strengthened our relationship
(06:04):
quite a bit. I've wanted you to come on forever
because I think you're just such an amazing mom, but
also you have such a wild story. Tell us about
Huntington's disease, what it is, how you found out you
had it, and how that affected your wanting to have babies. Yeah, um, okay,
(06:25):
So for anybody that doesn't know, Huntington's disease is a
genetic disorder and it causes the breakdown of nerve cells
in the brain, so it deteriorates your physical and mental
abilities at the same time. So people describe it. The
easy way to say it is it's a l S
and Parkinson's and Alzheimer's simultaneously. Come the fuck. Yeah, it's
(06:49):
a really fucked up And like, how did you and
we can curse, how did you find it? Wondering? I
was like, yeah, I curse all the time, I have
a mess, but but how did you find out that
you had this? Right? So, um, the year after Scott
and I got married, we were at Christmas with my
family in San Antonio, Texas. My mom set us down
(07:09):
and she had been seeing some doctors because she had
she felt like she had numbness and she couldn't really
understand what was going on. The neurologist diagnosed or with
Huntington's disease, and she went and she got tested without
telling any of us, and she had it. How do
they test for it? Is it like they draw blood
(07:30):
or how do you know? Yes, it's a blood draw
and it cheeks blob I'm trying to remember. Um. But
it's the kind of good thing is that we know
where it comes from. So with Alzheimer's we don't really
understand where it comes from. But with Huntington's, it's a
specific gene and it's a defective gene, so it releases
this protein that basically attacks everything from your body. There's
(07:52):
a test for it. You can go get tested to
see if you have this gene, and any child of
a parent that has HD, which is what it's called,
has a fifty chance of having it. Holy shit balls
And not like, oh you might develop this thing later
in life or no, you are going to develop it,
(08:14):
and it's just you don't know when. Was it a
big question for you whether or not to find out
you were carrying the gene? No, you were like, I'm
a finding out. Hundred was finding out. Like when we
first found out, my biggest concern was my mom dealing
with this progressive degenerative disease. It was earth shattering or
(08:39):
you know our family earth shattering. Is there varying grades
of how severe and also how quickly it comes on?
So yes to all of those, but there's no way
of knowing. So some people get it earlier in their life,
some people get it later in their lives. Life. There
(09:01):
is such a thing as juvenile Huntington's about ten people
that have HD have juvenile Huntingtons, which is good and
more devastating because now you're talking about it in children. Um.
But the cognitive and the physical it's called Korea where
your body has tips and movement. It's awful. There's an
(09:21):
awful disease. There's not a cure. And that's why you know,
Scott and I are super involved with the organizations. Now, yeah,
you guys are super involved with and what is the
organization called We are involved with HD s A and
it's the Huntington's Disease Society of America. And I'm actually
on the board of directors now ye are yeah, um,
(09:45):
And we always participate very heavily and freeze h D,
which is the gallop that we do for a year
freeze HD. That's usually in the fall and then throughout
the year. If you want to get involved find out
more information. It's h D s A, which is Huntington's
Disease Society of America. HM. When you got the earth
(10:05):
shattering news that you're dealing with a your mom who
has a very awful disease that will change her life.
Now you're looking at it if for your own life,
and you find out the news that you too carry
the gene, how did you start to come around to
the idea of I want to be a mom. I'm
(10:26):
going to figure this out. What are my options? Because
I think this is science, that it's best. This is unbelievable,
for sure, it is. It's science. Is the only way
that we had kids h D free like it is
the only way. The second that we left Christmas with
my parents, after finding out my mom how to h D,
(10:47):
I looked at Scott and I said, I've got to
go get tested. I want to be a mom for
as long as I can. We've got to get tested
so that we can have kids. That became my drive
and the phoecus um And because of that, I think
I was able to deal with everything that came along
with it a little easier because I had a focus,
(11:09):
had a purpose. I was gonna go get tested, and
then if I didn't have it, whatever, we would have
kids the good old fashioned fun way. And I had it,
we could then focus on how to make it happen
that way. And it's called UM pg D I VF right,
(11:29):
which stands for guys, here we go. Pre am plantation,
genetic diagnosis in vitro fertilization. Yes, you get a star.
It's written down in my note. So basically you have
an egg retrieval process. They shoot you up with hormones
like you and I VF. You get put out for
(11:51):
a short in it twenty minutes or whatever. They take
out the eggs when it's they say it's go time,
and then they test each embryo. They test the embryo,
so they have to make the embryo because what happens
is Scott also has that gene, but his gene is good.
My gene is the faulty gene. So they have to
(12:13):
make the embryo and then they have to test to
see what embryo's inherited my faulty gene and what embryo's
got Scott's good gene. Oh my god, this is so crazy.
In order to do this, they explained it to us
as they had to make a probe to stick into
the embryos, and they needed the d n A of me,
(12:36):
of Scott, of my mom, and my dad so that
they could figure out what genes. Guys, are you listening
to this? Like, what the fucking hell? This is unbelievable
to me? And then how do you pick choose? What
were the conversations you and Scott were having at this time?
(12:59):
So then we got twelve embryos and seven had Huntington's
and five were clear. So those seven that had Huntington's
we actually donated back to Science for research because we
were not going to use them um and Science had
already given us a lot, so we did that, and
(13:21):
then we were left with five. Think of it this way,
it's a coin flip, right, So everyone is a coin flip.
So it's just you don't know, the odds are not
there fifty per embryo, so it could have swung all
in that direction. Wow. But I was young and I
didn't have fertility problems. That's why I wish because we
(13:42):
had a lot of embryos, right, twelve. Yeah, I mean
I've I've just been through egg freezing with like four
of my friends this past year, and the lack of
dating has put a real wake up call and a
lot of my friends who don't have a significant others
and they're over forty and let me tell you, twelve
is a very good number, Like that is high as buck. Yeah. No,
I had they retrieved thirty. I had thirty three follicles.
(14:06):
Oh my god. Trying to remember how old I was.
I was like in my twenties. So there, I was like, right,
So the implantation process, did it take right away the
first embryo that was chosen? Did you pick I don't
know if you want to talk. Did you pick a
boy on purpose? Did you just like, how do you
do that? Yeah? Well, I don't know. I don't know
(14:27):
what the right answer is. We just told our doctor, like,
you choose one that you think is healthiest and put
it in me and we'll see what happens. And so
she did and it took and uh then it was
a little boy and we were over the moon. How
(14:53):
was your pregnancy? Does Huntington's show up at all when
there's this many hormones and changes in fluctuation in your
body or is it completely dormant and doesn't matter? No? Yeah,
the Huntington's basically is just building up. The protein builds
up inside your body until you finally see symptoms. So,
but it doesn't affect until it's built up enough. Got it.
(15:16):
So it didn't affect my pregnancies. My pregnancies weren't that.
I had collistasis with McCoy. Do you even know what
that is? That? What's that? Well? Are you ready for this?
It's a weird disease seem to hit the lottery on um.
It's basically where your liver stops processing the bile and
your body. And so at thirty seven weeks I went
(15:38):
in for my checkup and uh, my O B was like, uh,
is there any symptoms that have been happening? You're feeling fine?
I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And Scott's like she's been
really itchy on her hands and her feet, like crazy itchy,
Like I would make him scratch my feet and weight
me up at night. And I was like, maybe that's
not anything. And my b said, well, just let's run
(16:02):
this test. It's real rare, but we'll run it. They
ran it, and sure enough, I had what's called cola stasis,
and one of the symptoms is having insanely itchy hands
and feet. I know one other person, Casey Wilson. Do
you know this actress, Casey Wilson. No, she's been a
guest on Katie scrib but she was on Happy Endings.
She had cola stasis and her calfs and lower legs
(16:28):
were itching like a fucking motherfucker. And rushed her in.
They induced her, but like, so your liver just stops functioning. Yeah,
it just stops, like the bio builds up in your body. Basically,
it's bizarre. Good. They did the same thing. Rushed me
in potosan forced it out forty forty four hours of
(16:48):
labor and it ended in a section No what so
And you're like the most so for you guys listening.
You can't see her, but she's like literally the physically
strongest woman. I know, I'm not kidding, Like how many
you can run like a lot of miles like you
are like very physically fit. Okay, I want you to
picture like a hard core cheerleader, like you run, you
(17:10):
do pilates, like you worked out so like the fact
that you ended up in a C section, like was
it just stopping? Like did you get the epidural in
the potocon and your body was not responding or the
baby was in stress? I got the potosan no epidural
and then twenty four hours in ended up with the
epidural and then uh yeah, he was just stuck. So
(17:33):
you were dilating anymore and he just and you were like,
I mean they were forced, they were forcing me, right,
So they did the fully balloon? Oh yeah, I had
is all of it. I have the most embarrassing story
about the fully balloon what like I shouldn't say it, Okay,
then don't, but if you want to, if you want to,
you can. But there is absolutely no pressure here. I
(17:54):
had a fully balloon to which, by the way, then
I went to work on Scandal and I said to
Scott fully is this from your fun? You like you?
This medieval torture device that's in the shape of a
balloon that's like put intoside my vagina and slowly, over
time the balloon is blown up. Yeah, I'll tell you
the story. Tell me. So when I went in, they
(18:15):
gave me like the pill on your cervix to soften
it and start opening, and then they inserted the fully balloon.
And I had been there a while, and I, being
a woman who had knocked one through birth before, I
was terrified of pooping. Of great, I did not want
to poop while giving birth. Now I could give two ships,
but back then I was tear literally, I was terrified
(18:37):
of it. So I had the fully balloon in and
I was like, oh my god, I think you have
to poop. This is great. I'll poop before I give
birth and then I won't poop while giving birth. Great.
I like, take my little ivy bag of potocin and
the fully balloon and I'm like, babe, helped me get
to the bathroom. Scott takes me to the bathroom and
(18:57):
I sit down and I'm like, this is great poop
and the fucking fully balloon comes out into the poop
and I fully balloon. I am freaking out because one
nobody told me it was supposed to come out, so
I thought something wrong. So I'm like Scott, Scott, and
(19:17):
he comes rushing it and I'm like, I pooped in
the thing came out, and he's like, okay, and God
bless him, God bless his knees, and he's like plucking
the way. I think if I hold the balloon and
we flushed the toilet, the poop will go down. But
the jack we're devising this plan together to try and
(19:38):
get out of this situation. I've gotten us in and
the nurse walks around the corner and she's like, honey,
what are you doing. Get up off the floor. This
is my job. This is no big deal. O my god. Yes,
and everybody fucking poops. Also the fully balloon, what it
meant was that you were probably forced meters dilated and
(20:01):
the fully balloon came out when it was supposed to. Yes, exactly,
but we did not know that. And I love my
husband so much because he did not care. He was
going to get me out of the situation. I'd tell
you know, he's the real deal. That was the only
poop I had prior and then with Clover I had
already had a c section, and I had already done
forty four hours of labor, and I just didn't feel
like doing it again. So I just scheduled a c
(20:24):
section with her perfect And did you always know you
wanted to? Yes, we always wanted to. At one point,
Scott one at three and then we had one, and
he's like two is good? Great? Great? Great? And how
did you pay? Did you want a girl? Did you
do the same thing to the to your doctor, like
pick the healthiest one, or you were like, I want
a girl. Yeah. We looked at it as our silver lining.
(20:47):
We're just gonna choose the girl after all the crap
I would have, Are you kidding? Yes, after all the
like shit, I would like to be a mother of
a girl. Also, you know, yes, please, thank so much. Yep,
that's what we did. We love to say that my
daughter is like very old for her age. She's very mature.
Is she's always been that way, Like she's just very mature.
(21:11):
And we we always say, well, she sat on ice
for two years, so she just must she must have
this old soult. Because her and McCoy were the same group.
Oh yeah, they're kind of I mean it's so weird.
That's so weird. They're the same embryonic age. Is that
a thing? I don't know, but it's like, you know,
(21:32):
they would have been if it would have been normal,
they would have been fraternal twins. Wow, this is so weird. Cool,
it's so cool. Have you and Scott, I mean they're
so young, but like, have you guys talked to them
at all about hunting this disease? They know what it is?
How did those conversations happen? Do we have a plan
for that? That's funny should say that because I was
(21:56):
just telling Scott we needed to talk to our nursery
school about how we're going to approach it kind of
going forward. Because Scott and I am very open that
I have Huntington's and always getting older, and he does
not know that I have it. Um. He knows that
my mom has it, and we've talked to him about
what it does because she does have symptoms and we
(22:19):
want him to be emphatic um more than anything. So
he knows Gammy has it what he calls my mom
cute um, but he doesn't know I have it, and
Clover doesn't either, So there's so little they're so little,
but they know so much. It's so wonderful. And I
(22:40):
feel like everyone should use their teachers more because they
I think if you have a teacher, you love getting
their advice of how to approach kids with some big,
big hard topics is always another avenue of where to
get advice from. I'm sure they will be very helpful,
you know. I feel that what you're saying goes back
(23:01):
to just allowing your community to help you, right, Like
reaching out and finding somebody in your community to help
you navigate a tough subject is good. That's what we
should be doing that with people in our community. For sure.
You take such a better left turn at boundaries and
limits than I do. You are so good at setting
(23:25):
loving boundaries, which I've had to learn as a parent
that that is a form of love. Like I was
such a goody two shoe as a kid. I didn't
need limits set. I was such a rule follower, and
my son is really not. And it took me so
long to understand that setting boundaries and limits is like
a loving thing to do. It's not like a bad
thing to do. I suck at it. So if you're no,
(23:51):
you're great, Like, how are you so good at it,
but it's not. I might be good at it, but
one I've had more practice than you. My son is
six years old and he's pushing the boundaries like crazy
right now. But I am a huge, huge believer in
boundaries because I feel like it's the only way where
I actually get them to listen to me. And it sucks,
(24:14):
and it sucks to say fifty times, I will not
let you do that. I cannot let you do that. McCoy,
I cannot let you do that, but I won't give in.
And when that boundary is set, they know they're safe
and they're secure in there, and they just feel better
in life. I feel like they feel better in their
emotions and their feelings. You can have the big cry.
(24:38):
I am okay with you expressing your emotions. I'll hold
you while you do it, but we're not going to
do the thing you want to do. Can you give
an example right now, like a boundary, Like tell me
what I'm looking down the pipe? That's a six year
old son. He's just very um, what's the word I'm
looking for. So he's just very defiant right now. He's
(25:01):
very not defiant. He's a very good kid. He's great
in school, but defiant in I was like, okay, it's
bed time, and now we've regressed back to like, no,
I don't want to go to bed where it's like
we've moved past that. It's been years since he did that,
but it seems like the defiancy. Yep, so I'm in
(25:24):
defiancy too. I don't know, but my four year I mean,
Albie is unbelievably defiant, challenging, strategic. Give him an inch,
she takes a mile. I mean it's like mastermindful. It's
crazy well, and I feel like when I do give
them an inch, it gets a million times worse. I
just try to like lock down the boundaries and tighten them.
(25:46):
And when I feel them really pushing, I pushed the
boundary even farther and I almost make I almost pick
a fight, if that makes sense. Like I can see
that they're teetering on their emotions, that it's there, it's
ready to come out, but it hasn't come out yet,
and I will choose something to say no one, just
out of the blue, like well, let's read this book tonight.
(26:09):
Well we're not going to read that book tonight, just no,
just so that we can get the feelings out, because
I feel like once he cries and has the feelings,
we can move past them. But until that moment of
him having the outburst, they're just sitting at the surface, bubbling,
and it disturbs everything we have for the day. I know,
(26:31):
it's so true. I know, and you know the feeling
has nothing to do with that. Oh my god, I'm like,
so it's just like I just pick an arbitrary thing
to pick the fight about. Wow, it's smart, just STI
get it out. Yeah, that's really good. How are they
and getting along? They love it too? And do they
(26:52):
ever physically fight? I'm just asking because I'm like, is
that what's coming? What am I gonna do? My kids
don't physically fight? Is she trying to take choice from him?
Him take choice from her? What does that look like? No,
I think the pandemic had something to do with it,
But my kids are insanely blips. They spend every night
that they can't in a bed together. They have slumber
(27:14):
parties on the weekends because that's what they want to do. Um.
I told him no school nights, and like, you can't
do it on a school night. Do they share a bedroom?
Or no, No. We thought about moving Clover in because
they wanted to. But I just want to be able
to put them in separate beds if I need. It's
all about that boundary, right, Like if I if they
shared a bedroom, um, then I couldn't say, like if
(27:35):
they're testing bed okay, well tonight, it's going to be
a night. You can't sleep together if you can't follow
the rules and listen to mom or progress forward in bedtime.
But they want to be together. That is so cute
that they are so close. You know what a blessing
that is. I mean, it's just so wonderful that they
have each other, you know, like through everything that will
(27:57):
come their way, it's just got And that they're close
and that they get along. You know, I'm really really
close with my brother, and I'm so fucking grateful. I
love that. I hope it sticks. And like I said,
I think COVID then just look, if you're gonna play
with them, your sister is the person you're gonna play with,
so figure it out, you know. Wow. And also that
they were in the same pod at school. They were
(28:20):
in the same pod at school, they were together all
the time. They didn't have time apart. Wow, Wow, parenting styles?
Who is the disciplinarian? Because I think it's you? Is
(28:41):
it you? Yeah, it's for sure. Scott can discipline as well.
But I'm with them, you know, more more discient. I
am with them, so I probably over explain everything, um
to the point of them not and knowing what I'm
talking about. No, you are very verbal. You don't talk
(29:03):
to them like their babies. You respect them as individuals.
Do you and Scott ever have major Are you guys
always united? I mean we always try to be united
front in front of our kids no matter what. But
do you guys have major any like differing parenting styles
that someone's had to budge on or move or learn change?
(29:24):
I mean, for sure, we There's been quite a few.
I think that that both of us have had to
decide how we were going to move forward together with
right and especially because when you become a parent, you
don't know how to parent, You don't know what your
parenting style is going to be. You couldn't even define that.
So especially me, I am a I like knowledge. I
(29:50):
like information, So I read books, I research everything, um,
and then I send it to Scott and I'm like, hey,
read this and then let's get on the same page,
you know, because he doesn't have all that time. They
get more as my job to try and figure out
the right moves. Can you think of any like one
or two favorite books or or resources that have been
(30:13):
instrumental to you in parenting? Um? Yeah, but they're not
even parenting book? Does that matter? Are they? It does
not matter? What My one of my favorites is a
book called Never an Anger, And it's what's that It's
so obscure. It's so obscure. And you can blame Mary
O'Malley for me even finding this book because she sent
(30:34):
me this blurb from an article about like talking to
your children calmly and the effect that it has on
them versus raising your voice and being upset. And they
were referencing back to like how Inuit family used to
do it. And so of course I'm reading this article
and I'm like, well, where is this information from? Because
(30:55):
that's just who I am. So I'm like, bibliography and bibliography,
and I go and I find this book and it's
I don't know, it's probably like six hundred pages or something,
and it's just the portrait of an Eskimo family from
like the sixties and seventies, and an anthropologist went and
lived with them, and she observed them, and she observed
how they raised their children, and she wrote it all down.
(31:20):
She had like a typewriter that she keeping the iglue
like she lived with a god. And it not only
is it a fascinating book because she's living with an
Eskimo family. Yeah, in the sixties, right before before the internet,
before the you know, the share of information and happened.
And she dispensed this knowledge of how they raised their children.
(31:42):
And they believe that a child does not have reason.
You're born without reason, and so you should be treated
as such. If you are acting out, it's not because
you're being mean, it's because you have no reason. But
as an adult, we have reason. We should be able
to control our emotions because we are the older one,
(32:05):
we have the experience to do so. And it really
struck me. Right, It's like, yeah, you're right, And it
could have been anybody telling me that, right, It didn't
have to read this book. No, I I think you
don't get rational thought till they're like seven. Yeah, they
don't know what they're doing. No, you're negotiating with a
terrorist so to like and also to put on them,
(32:25):
like when I would say like, oh, he's manipulating the situation,
it's like he doesn't know, he doesn't know what the
funk he's doing, Like he has no idea. And is
there anything else that is like a go to guide
for you? Like were you like a big Magda Gerber reader?
Janet Landsberry was always Janet Janetmazing, She's amazing. She's an
(32:47):
amazing podcast called Unruffled. She's fucking brill Yeah, there's a
Janet Landsbury book that I swear by called No Bad Kids.
I Um, it's funny. I had a friend who had
just the come a mom and she told me that
she was at her friend's house and Janet Landsbury lived
next door, and it was like celebrity siding right because
(33:09):
it was Janet Landsbury. And she was so excited to
tell me because I was the other mom, and I
was like, you saw Janet Landsbury? It was like it
was so funny. Is the best? I'm like, the best,
the best? Okay, as we're wrapping up, what the heck
is your parenting advice? And teach me how to be
as good at it as you are. I think I
(33:30):
have to have more play dates with you. Honestly, I
think if I had more play dates, you would just
rub off on me. Well, we will have you over
when the other you want, please, Okay, okay. So my
number one thing, my motto in life, which reflects down
to my parenting, is everyone is different. I want to
put it on a T shirt. I want to ride
it on my kids walls. Everyone is different, and it
(33:51):
literally works for any situation everything. Yes, so my son
comes home, you know, why does my friend get to
go to Disneyland all the time. Well, every family is different,
and every family value is going to Disneyland different. So
while you know they go often because it's something that's
important to them, we treat it like a celebration. So
(34:13):
we go list. Everyone is different, works for everything, works
for everything, especially as they get older, like it really does.
So everyone is different is my number one saying in
life and in my family. I love it. I'm stealing
that ship. It's good. Everyone is different. Everyone is different, different,
(34:34):
I mean it works for everything. And you know, McCoy
came home the other day and he wears his hair
in a ponytail long and shaved underneath, and he wears
in pony Town and he said, Mom, my friend. My
friend said I have girl's hair, which I'm like, really like,
aren't we And we live in l A. And I said,
what did you say? And he said I just told
(34:56):
him that everyone is different and everyone wears their hair afferently.
And I said, yeah, buddy, that's right, Yeah, buddy, that's right.
And then I said, also, it's only an insult if
you think being a girl is an insult. Do you
think being a girl is an insult? Like, no, Mom,
you're cool glower school. Yeah, so we're all good. Great answer,
(35:20):
great answer, um. And then I have three things that
I want my children to be always kind, adaptable, intolerant.
I don't care what else they learn in the world.
They will academics and all that stuff. They'll figure it out,
but I want them to be kind, adaptable. All right,
big doors, see you guys listening. Do you see why
(35:44):
Kelsey Porter is a fucking incredible mom. You're also just
so grounded and strong. I'm just like so wishy washy.
I'm like, what's happening. It's just it's great. We gotta
hang out more. You gotta rub off on me a
good best to you, this is amazing. Tell me, I
think we touched on it a little bit, but again
(36:04):
just to say it. You guys. HD Freeze is a
yearly gala um. There's awesome stuff that's auctioned off every year,
like awesome holiday like Hollywood celebrity ship, sports stuff, memorabilia,
signed stuff, and all of the proceeds go to it.
All goes to h d s A. And to date
we've raised over one point three million dollars and just
(36:29):
like the past seven years. So it's a huge event
and it's actually changing people's lives because all of that
money goes back to making centers and making sure that
people and families have the support that they need to
battle this awful disease. Because it's not just the person
that has HD, right, it's the whole family. You all
(36:49):
become caretakers. Everybody has a chance of having it and
it just spreads like wildfire. No, it affects a lot
of people. Do you know what the number how many
people in America to have? So people in America are
symptomatic with it and then another like four hundred thousand
or are at risk of having it. Wow, most people
(37:13):
don't get tested, so most people in my situation, they
choose not to know. Um, it's very it's hard. I
think you know you're saying I'm grounded. I think I
think it grounds me. I think that's what it does
for me. It's heavy, and I'm constantly reminded that the kids,
(37:36):
the mother that my kids see right now is not
the mother they will see you later in live and
so I want to be a good mom to them
now and I think that's why I put so much
effort into it. You're unfucking believable. What made me feel
so uncomfortable? No, I know so many moms, and let
(38:00):
me tell you, you are fucking tops like you are.
So you are doing an incredible job and your children
are incredible, and um, they're so lucky to have you.
Let's all work on getting some of these trials started,
(38:22):
new ones, different ones. Figure this shit out, h d
SA dot org, freeze HD. We're going to be linking
to a bunch of stuff at the time when this
podcast comes out, and I will also always be blasting
and posting when the Gala happens every year. But come on, guys,
let's get this going. Kelsey Porter, thank you so much
for being on Katie's Crapy, You're fucking awesome. You have
(38:42):
to come back on. Thank you for having me and
making me feel like what I have to say is
valuable because I don't look at you like that. I
really what you have to say is so valuable. I'm
thank you, Katie. Thank you guys so much for listening
(39:05):
to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's
chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always
find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in
partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from shandaland Audio,
visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:27):
you listen to your favorite shows.
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