November 30, 2025 • 63 mins
Today, Crystal Renee welcomes Dr. Jay Barnett, licensed therapist and advocate, to discuss his transformation from a professional athlete to a leading voice in mental health. Barnett shares his powerful personal story of overcoming depression, surviving suicide attempts, and finding purpose through faith and therapy. This candid conversation covers the stigmatization of therapy among Black men, the impact of parental divorce, and the paths to healing and emotional intelligence. Barnett also touches on the role of spirituality in his life, the importance of being vulnerable, and the challenges of navigating relationships while pursuing a higher calling. With deep honesty, both Hayslett and Barnett reflect on their personal journeys, the significance of seeking help, and the power of prayer and stillness.
@luvcrystalrenee @KingJayBarnett
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Calling all my sweeties to the forefront. I'm your host,
christer name and this is the Keeping Positive, Sweetish Show,
Licensed therapists and just his host, Doctor J. Barnett, has
built a national platform around healing and accountability. His story
from athlete to advocate shows that faith and emotional intelligence
(00:22):
can thrive together. Today, he joins us to talk about growth, grief,
and the courage to heal kids. Telly, please give a
very warm welcome to King J. Barnett. Finally, yes, finally,
we got you here.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
We've been talking about this for about what a year?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
A year now?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Yeah, And so I know you was filming and both
of our lives are busy, but I feel like it's purposeful.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Busy it is.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's why I have to tell people like you got
so much going on, but it's all purposeful, baby, it
is purpose I.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Looked at your stories this week alone. I'm like, is
he gonna make it to Atlanta?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I was coming, Crystal, I was coming. I
was coming. I was coming. So yeah, I started out.
I haven't been home in like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I was in Detroit for no. I was in
New York because it started I did the breakfast club
for World Mental Health Day and brought Joel with me,
and then Taraji had her mental health weekends, so I
keynoted for her.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
And then after that I was.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
In Detroit and then Canada seven days, and then Costa
Rica and now here and then I'm in Toronto after
But I'm gonna take a break after this sto. I
got to get this book done and I got to
settle down.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So awesome, awesome, I love it. Well, Jay, you took
the world by storm on the internet, and I first
saw you on social media really giving men a safe
space to even have a voice, to be vulnerable and
to start healing. And I feel like for black men,
therapy has been so stigmatized and you've taken that stigma
off and allowed black men to just be themselves and
(01:59):
speak truth and really like had face on with their trauma.
But that did not come without healing of your own. Yes,
So I want to talk about that. You've been very
open about when football was over, you hit rock bottom,
But how did you know it was time to start healing?
And like what moment happened to You're like, wait a minute,
this is a problem I need to Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, well, really, I didn't know it was time. Crystal.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My second suicide attempt is what really sort of kind
of you know, pushed me to going therapy.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
So I was living with.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
My godmother at the time, and I was living with
her because I was training pro athletes, very successful business
and I had a house, and she was like, you
need to get out of the house and come to
stay with me and cut down your overhead. So my godmother, man,
she's big and finances. So I was just like, man,
I can't do this. Man, I'm like thirty one years old.
(02:54):
I'm like, I can't, you know, take away from what
I you know, what I was building at the time.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So I said, let me pray about it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Because my godmother was never able to have kids, so
she took me under her wings and she says, Jay,
I really think you should focus on the speaking thing,
what you're doing with the teens and the youth. And
I'm like, man, So I make the move and I
get there. By this time, I'm about a year in
(03:22):
living with her, and I have a mental breakdown just
because I felt like a failure number one, because I'm like, man,
I'm trying to figure out life and I'm staying with
my godmother and she has a nice sized house, so
it wasn't like I was in her space, so she
was in my space. And it was good because it
allowed me to really look at life differently. And so
(03:44):
one night I was on a call with my parents
and just kind of sharing how I.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Was still battling this depression thing.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
So and when I share this, because it could take
a spend because at that time, I don't don't think
my father really understood the significant and the severity of
what I was going through. So he makes a statement
on the phone, here we go again. Oh wow, And
that was a trigger. And after he said that, I
(04:15):
told my mom I said, you know what, man, I'm
tired of this man like you know, because I was
really trying to find a way to talk about what
I was going through mentally, but nobody was listening. So
I told her, I said, well, this is probably the
last time that y'all gonna talk to me. And she
says to me, Jay, please don't do nothing. Sign please,
And I said, Mama, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And I had been caring this pain from their divorce,
from the rejection of my mother had remarried her husband,
the god that she remarried, was physically abusive. I lived
with a white family for the last two years of
my high school year. Man, I just gone through a
lot from the time that my parents' divorced up until
(05:00):
you know, thirty, because I had never processed anything. Because
the thing about football, man, you can put that helmet
on and it's a mask.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
You can hide anything.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And I think after years of a neessscizing and all
of that stuff just festering, I didn't have I didn't have,
you know, an outlet anymore. Football was my outlet. I
wasn't playing because I wanted to make money. I was
playing because I needed to place the process its pain
and being able to run over guys and hit allowed
(05:31):
me to get that aggression out. And so my mother
says to me, Jay, if you take your life, do
you know that you possibly go to hell?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And Chris, I remember this so vividly.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Me and her talk about this the other day and
I said to her, I don't give a damn. I
don't care as long as I can get rid of
this pain. So I had a back injury that I
had been battling, and I had a bunch of pills
from that, and I just went in the bathroom and
took everything, like everything, and God knew because had I
(06:09):
been by myself, I would have shot myself. The only
reason that I didn't attempt with the gun because I
was living with my godmother and I did not want
her to have that visual and to have that scene.
So even then I'm still considerate, Yeah, you know what
I mean, even while I'm in pain. So I overdose
(06:31):
and my godmother found me under the bed and I
don't till.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
This day, I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And I know it's God because I can remember standing
in a dark place when I was out or whatever
you know was going on, and I just heard the
voice of God just saying.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
You have got to give this to me. Wow, like literally.
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
After that, my godmother, you know, a day go by,
we don't talk about what had happened.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
And finally she said can we talk?
Speaker 2 (07:07):
And she said why would you do this in my home?
And I just sat there and she says, Jay, if
you're going to stay here, you got to get some help.
Here's the part that people.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Have not heard. My Godmother's white really wow.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And she sat there and she said, you got to
get some help, and that pushed me to go to
therapy because and it wasn't that I wasn't like I
was making money and I was. I was, you know,
it wasn't like I couldn't work or anything like that,
but mentally I wasn't in the best place. And I
(07:55):
said to her, I just don't want to be here.
And a friend of mine sent me a therapist, which
was a Christian Christian guy, and I went to him
for a while. I didn't really connect with him because
my dad is a pastor, so I say, bro, I
don't really need no scriptures.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Man. I got to figure out a way how to
release this.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And most people don't know this that when you think
about depression, it's really a lack of expression.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
That's what depression is.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And so no one had really checked on me when
my parents divorced. My parents were pastors, and when they divorced,
me being the oldest, all the pressure was on me
because everybody said, hey, you gotta look out for your momy,
you gotta look out for your sisters. So I'm in
therapy my first session and that man asked me, how
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Do you know I'm thirty one?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Years old and nobody had never I cannot remember. People
had asked me how I'm doing, but no one had.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Never asked me how I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And that's what led me into therapy at that journey.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
And it's been, Uh, that was I was thirty one,
that was thirty one.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I'm forty three today. So uh, it's been a journey
of healing. It's been. It's been a beautiful journey.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, you know, at times it's still you know, some moments,
but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yeah. Two things, A few things that said out when
you were speaking was one, I was successful, Everything was great,
but I was depressed a lot of there's a misconception
that when your successful, depression can't creep in. Yeah, you know.
And then the fact that your godmother was white because
a lot of times in African American homes, therapy is
not a it's not an option, you know, so to
(09:41):
even I wonder if you would have even got to
that point without having a white godmother to say, hey,
you need to go to therapy, because you wouldn't have
gotten that for your mother therapy.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
No, because I remember when I said to my mom
that I was going to therapy.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Mama Mary as y'all know her.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Mama, I love you, but said to me, you're going
to that telling that white man all our business.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I said, I don't give a damn what color he is.
I'm trying to get some help. Do you hear me? Yes?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
And Crystal cannot tell you. It was. Have you seen
Aine Fisher?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So I wrote my capstone. I did my capstone on
Antone Fisher and the sexual abuse that he you know,
end it. It was just like that when he was
working with Denzel. Remember it was like three sessions before
he opened up. Yes, it was about three sessions before
I opened up. Because one I'm like, dang, I don't
want to open up to this white man. But that
(10:40):
man said to me one day, he said, tell me
about your dad, and then he asked me about football.
I'm talking about you the thought of Sunumbi, and it
broke something. And for the two sessions that I didn't talk,
he would literally say it's okay, when you come back
(11:02):
next week.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I was like, yeah, I come back, bro. I was
so reluctant.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
But when that man asked me and he said, I said, bro,
I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
He said, with you write it down. And I wrote
it down and I never forget this.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
He said, three words that describe what you're feeling now.
I said lost, I said inadequate, and I said like
a failure. I'll never forget those three words. Never get there,
never forget lost, in adequate, and a failure. And man,
something just started to break. And he would always say,
(11:43):
are you going to come back next week? I'd be like, yeah, man,
I'll come back. And I just kept going back, and
you know, and it was crazy because nobody in my
family and nobody around me. I remember, like my home
was like, nigga, you're doing therapy? Are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Bro right?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And I remember one of my homeboys literally just kind
of like like, you know, poking, like, nigga, you really
think that therapies is working?
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, But I was curious because I really wanted to
let go of the pain because for so long the
pain had been a driver in my life. And men
don't realize is that if pain becomes a driver in
your life, you're going to become one of two things. Yeah,
(12:36):
homicidal or suicidal.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Wow, that is powerful. I remember this around twenty twenty
during COVID was the first time we all had to
sit down with ourselves. So for me, that was when
I was like, Okay, I need to talk to someone.
So I got a therapist and I'm like, this is
not working. This is not working. But I was like,
your mama, I'm not going to tell you all my business.
(13:00):
So I wasn't being honest with the lady and that's
why I wasn't working right. So I ended up getting
another therapist and finally I was just like, Okay, if
I want this to work, I gotta just tell her everything.
So I started opening up and I was like, wait,
this is like unlocking a lot of things that I
didn't even remember. You know what was the first honest
thing that you said in a therapy session that really
(13:21):
unlocked something?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Oooh man, my parents' divorce really hurt me. I walked
in the room in my mom's in my parents' bedroom.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I will never forget this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I was ten years old and my mom was sitting
on the bed crying, and I said to my mom,
I knew what was going on. I was a very
precocious kid. I knew and I said, why won't you
leave ten years old and my mom looks at me
and says, God hasn't released me to leave.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
And I couldn't understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And I think when I got to therapy to know
how her and my dad was divorcing, because for me,
we would go to church on Sunday as a family
and Monday through Saturday complete chaos. Wow.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
So none of that made sense to me.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I think when I really sat down and what
really broke in me to really get me to start
open up, how much that impacted me as a son,
not only to watch what happened with just my father
and my mother, but also as a son who had
to fill in this gap because I became this standing
(14:47):
husband from my mother and then this surrogate father to
my sisters, which is also where I learned how to intercede.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Because my mom had me praying for her, wow.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Because she was like, she was like, can you I
remember nice her crying and said can you pray for me?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So I had all of these burdens on me, you know,
at such a young age, because I was spiritually gifted,
you know, early on in my parents realized that I
had this prophetic gift. And you know I was already menacing.
I gave my first sermon at the age of nine
in front of two hundred people. Wow. So from nine
to eleven most people don't notice. Nine to eleven I
(15:27):
preached all over Mississippi as a young pheenom preacher kid.
And it was how we ate because I was getting paid.
And when my parents advorced, I said I would never
preach another sermon. Of course, look at you now, listen, Chris,
(15:49):
I'm in Canada.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I'm in Canada right. Given this keynote.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
On the empowering and restoring families of the Nova Scotian
Unity in Caunada and Halifax.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Powerful keynote. This is how you know you can't run.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Come on now, talk about it.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
This lady walked up to me after the keynote, beautiful
lady with some beautiful white hair man, black woman, and
she said, baby, they heard a doctor.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
I heard a past. Come on now listen, listen.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
I look at that lady. I said, ma'am, could you
please please? I don't want to hear no more prophetic word.
I don't hear nothing. Please don't tell me nothing about
no past, no church. But and I know, Lord, you
know I love you, and I know you probably called
me to that when I'm fifty, but not in this season.
But that thing broke something because I couldn't understand at
(16:45):
that time why would God break up my family? Because
I love seeing my parents. That was nothing more that
I love about having a family, And even to this day,
it bothers me that I don't have a family.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah. Wow, Why do you feel like you don't feel
like it's God assignment? Or do you feel like that's
just maybe you haven't focused on that? What do you
feel is?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
So I'm gonna bring you into this?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, because because people will look at us, right,
they would look at us as if we've arrived. They
would look at us as if we've achieved. But the
more that you expand, because I believe this for you,
(17:31):
as much with you have is as much depth that
you have, yes, as as much reach as you have,
that's also a level of depth that you have. So
dating and trying to build something with the depth that
we have is challenging. Yeah, because you also have the insight,
(17:56):
hindsight and foresight.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Come on, now, hindsight.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I know what I've gone through and I've learned from it.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
The insight is that I have this revelation not only
of myself but also what God has given me. And
the foresight is that I also see where He's taking me.
So I can't yoke up with anybody.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
And I know you like me. I know you like
the idea of me. I know you like you know
what I'm saying, how I smell, how I look. You
know what I'm saying. You know you come across you
know the stream with this beauty. You know what I'm saying.
The teeth popping and their lips are popping, and you
got the makeup and the brows, and I got this
beautiful dark skin. And you listen at the way that
(18:42):
I articulate and the way that I can conceptualize something.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
But if you have not done work on the level,
and not.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just to stand next to us, but to walk with us,
it requires so much, so as much as I have
to more not having a family, and also understand that
because if it ain't equal, I can't yoke up with it. Yeah,
So to answer your question, so it gives me peace,
(19:15):
you know, And and I and I've shared this and
I actually talked about this on the dinner kings. Briefly,
you know, about five years ago, my girlfriend at the
time and I had a miscarriage and that thing broke
to both of us and U and it was something
I didn't talk about and it was so crazy because
(19:37):
our parents are pastors. And I called her mom and said,
can I take you to dinner? Like I want to
talk to you about something? And you know, I don't
know why I thought I could hide it from my mom,
because my mom is like a seer. My mom said, Jay,
I knew it. I knew, I knew and I just
started to break down because I heard it for her.
(19:58):
And then as a man, you know that, I felt
like this was my time to you know what I'm saying,
because you know, we don't talk about miscarriage when it
comes to.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Men, right, and how it affects you all, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Because I feel like it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think it does a number on the woman, on
the woman physically, what her body goes through and emotionally,
and then I think, but it messes with the man
mentally because I remember the scene of walking in the
bathroom and I can't it's hard. Even today, I can
step right into that moment and the picture and it's
(20:36):
just like I can see her face, I can see
her complexion, you know, her whole accountant is changing.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
It's like, Jay, what's just happened?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
So I've had to really I've gone back to therapy
for that and really grieve that I was in therapy
all last year grieving that.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
And I'm at a good place.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
But you know, it's not easy to be who we
are and to feel like, dang, ain't nobody on my level?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Yeah? Jay, I don't need to get my business. Okay, listen,
it's crazy, like you know you are on my street
right now, because it's it's hard, It's really hard, and
I don't want to be like on my level, you
know what I'm saying. But it's like spirits, not just financially, spirually.
(21:27):
How about I can't be yoked up with just anybody
that is real? And I was. We had an episode
with me, Ashan and West and I was saying, I'm
tired of leading men like I'm tired of leading financially,
I'm tired of leading spiritually. I'm tired of leading the household.
Like I want someone that I can trust to lead
in the household and always who can lead me to God?
(21:49):
I'm not the one begging you to come to church
on Sundays or begging you to I'm the one only
one up reading the Bible and then the word like
I need I need to look over or not over
because I don't even don't you ain't sleeping in the
house no more. But I need to know that you
at your house waking up reading your word the same way.
I am like, all right, we in this thing together
so that we're both pulling from the same source. Now
(22:10):
you pulling off of my my resources to the source.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Listen, let me get one of them cards.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Listen, we do something on the Just Here podcastle I
have to tear the car down as the moment you
are crystal my God today. So I'm glad I'm here
because I could be transparent. I was dating this girl
years ago, and to your point, I like, if I'm
(22:40):
dating you and I have to feel like I have
to hold back who I am spiritually, I know it's
not gonna work. Yes, so I go to like when
I go in my bedroom, it don't take me no
time to fall asleep because there's such a piece in
my house.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
You will walk in there and you just fall.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
That's my house is They're like it feels like here's
z in in here.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I'm like, that's how here in. My producer CJ was
at my house a couple of weeks ago. He called me.
He was like, dang, nigga, I can't stay awake. I said,
that's exactly what I want and curates me. So I'm
dating this girl and she stays over, she can't sleep.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Was wrestling in your spirit hooded.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So so I'm like, I wake up. I said, again,
I'm being transparent open because we had been dating for
a while and so you know, she was staying over
and she's always talk about how she had the hard
time sleeping, and I was just like, listen, I woke up.
I said, yo, man, you have got because she was turning, tossing,
turning all night long and I was just like this don't.
(23:43):
So I get up and I'm I'm I'm used to
waking up seeing my mother walk the floor and pray.
So I get up and open my door and I
go open my patio door.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I started walking through the house praying.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And she was just like she wasn't in shock, but
she was just like I never seen a man pray.
I said, I don't know what you're wrestling with. And
I didn't feel like it was a bad spirit on her.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Something.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I felt like her anxiety, like she's just like she
was like she owned her own business and so she
was just.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Going, mind, just going, and.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I just started praying and I said, hey, listen, and
I told her, I said, listen, I'm I have to
do this. And I said, if you don't mind, if
you could just you know, walk with me, or so
she sat on the couch. I'm going through the house.
I don't went up in the spirit. I said, I
have to do this because I got a rest, because
I got a long day tomorrow and I want you
(24:43):
to rest. Yeah, And that showed me something because as
a man, and I want the brothers to hear this. Brother,
if you can't get to God, if you can't get
a prayer through, if you can't be vulnerable enough to
break that stratosphere that him is fear, spiritually, you're doing
(25:05):
your wife, girl, woman who a disservice, especially if you're
walking with a woman who's really called to purpose like
what you're called to, or a woman who's called to
the purpose of business.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Healing, finance or whatever.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
It is, like, I really want to see men get
to a place where we start to carry off.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Me and my mother talk about this and I told
I said, you know, watching you, you've carried every marriage.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Do you think it's do you think that not to
intrust you? But do you feel like because black men
have seen their moms do it, they just feel like
this is what you're supposed to do as a woman.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I think brothers don't even know what it's like to
carry a woman because they've never seen a man really
stand in.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
The position.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
And as a leader, I feel like men should be
a prophet. You should be able to speak over your spouse,
your woman. And this is why I'm waiting on God,
because I don't spoke over too many folks out of
prophesied of business, out of spoke life. I would have
(26:22):
got you in the gym. You done, w got the
business loan. I ain't doing that no more.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Look at all this, look at the fruits like the
fruits of my prayers.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Listen out of prophesiede. I'm a priest. I feel like
you have to be a pro a promoter. You gotta
be able to push and you got to be a
provider and a protect I'm gonna say that again, brothers,
and then for the ladies, because I know y'all, y'all,
y'all love my friend. He has to be a prophet.
He should be able to speak into your life. He
(26:55):
has to be a priest. He should be able to cover.
He has to be a protect there. He should be
able to provide a sense of security for you. He
has to be a provider. And I'm not just talking
about financially. Do you provide insight? And then a promoter,
can you push me? Can you encourage me? The amount
(27:17):
of I have a lot of female friends that are
so amazing, the amount of the amount of them that
are in relationship with men that are jealous of them.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
And the church is saying amen, the congregation is running it.
They're running laps around the building.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't get it. I don't get it. And it
breaks my heart because I'm like, because I've gone through that,
you know, but I don't get it because of the
way I pour it into my sisters and the way
I pour it to my entire team is black women,
from my publicist to my admin, and.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
They'll I speak lifing in it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
And I said, listen, whoever you date, he don't have
to be me, but I hope he embodied what you
guys have seen through. Yes, you know what I mean,
to speak life into you. They called me my admin Christie.
She called me a day she got a speaking gear
for like ten k She's like, bro, you ain't gonna
bleed this. And I said, what did I tell you?
(28:28):
You just had to believe that you were Yes, I
said you had. I knew you were her, And just
to see her and the rest of my people that
believe in me and to be reinforced because I can't
stand to see this attack on black women that are
really doing something. And you guys get made to feel
(28:50):
because my sisters I pushed the hell out of them.
They get tired and they married with men, great men,
and they husband embrace it. Yes, like hey, they'll call
me hey, brother law she's slacking, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
So I don't I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
So I really wanted to give that to the sisters,
like do not give your pearls to swine and to
the brothers, the brothers, because there are some brothers that
are doing things and sometimes because I again, I can
be honest, I've laid in the lout in the in
the lap of a Delilah who took who I was,
(29:27):
took what I shared and explored it. You know what
I'm saying. So I'm talking to me as well. Yeah,
I know I'm a good thing, a good brother. So yeah, man,
we we we we have too much. Uh we we
have to too much of a greatness in us man
(29:48):
to just And And I told God the other day,
I said, Lord, I've been on the road for three
weeks and I and I said that I called my
my my my thing therapist.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Thank God for doctor town.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
No, I have a different therapist now, different therapists because
I feel like there's as seasons change.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
You shouldn't you know, you shouldn't always have the same
therapists because your season would change. And I feel like
certain people are are called to walk with you in
different seasons. Doctor Towns is like a sixty some of
the old black woman. I go to see her in
San Diego. I get by the water. She's a psychologist
and she's spirit led, intelligent and all the things. And
(30:32):
I called and I said, Doc I'm lonely. I know
I'm not alone, but I'm alone.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
There's a difference, yes.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
And she said what about? I said, Doc, I'm on
this road man, pouring and pouring, and it's like, yeah,
I can call people, but the talents with us and
I don't know. You may like you'll be talking to somebody.
They good people, but ain't nothing there.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Man, story of my life? How do you do?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I got to ask you, how do you process that
when it's time to kind.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Of let it go? Yeah, listen, I'm really good at
seeing as I've gotten old. I'm really good at seeing
it before it gets too far. And honestly, I just
had a situation and I was on a trip. I
was on the water in Italy and God literally said
to me. I was wrestling with it, like it might
(31:24):
supposed to end this because it's not there. The alignment
isn't there. And God said, how many times have you
prayed God give me a sign and you felt the
feelings that you're feeling now and you ignored it? And
he was like, or you ignored it and you went
on and then something happened. I showed you what I
was trying to tell you from the beginning, and you're like,
I knew, I felt that in my gut. He said,
(31:46):
I need you to listen to it. Now. Don't make
the same mistake of not hearing my voice and going
through it all over again and getting hurt and then
looking back, like, Lord, you told me that September the fourteenth,
twenty twenty five, and I didn't listen.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So I had to like really just start being obedient
to that intuition that he gave me to say all right,
and I just was honest. I'm brutally honest at this age.
I'm like, it's just not there.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, man, listen, listen, listen. I got to make a
couple of phone calls.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Listen. But being honest it actually frees you.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And because it's like and they're not bad people, but
like like I had to be honest.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
And Bishop Jake's Bishop. I was sitting with him and
Bishop called me out and Bishop.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Said, you have got to stop acting like you are regular.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
He said, that's your biggest challenge, Jake. And he said,
you have because like when I telling you what what
God is doing in my life, I didn't I didn't
want it. I didn't ask for it. I heard God
tell me after the pandemic. He told me, men, I'm calling.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
You to men.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Then he said, I'm getting ready to expose you to
the world. I'm getting ready to reveal you, reveal you
to the world.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
And long after that, not long after.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That, Taraji people called me and I went on the
breakfast club with her virtually and then I mean it
just took off. So I wasn't asking for it. I
was wanted to stay hidden because part of me remaining
hitting was Also I felt like I was secure this
because when God gives you a platform. I heard my brother.
(33:37):
I'm give him credit because I heard it from him.
Stevie Bragg's STEVIEE. Bag said, the bigger the audience, the
bigger the audit. So as you are seen more, you
got more eyes on you, the window of error, and
then everybody got all these opinions, and I feel like
we live in a world where opinions cannibalize the truth.
(33:59):
You got all of this stress and pressure because you
and I we just can't go on.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
A date, no right, even like it could be something
simple as like I was just feeling a movie and
he'saon and I was like, I want to my cast man.
I was like, let's go grab and it's like you
can't because then the eyes like, oh they.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Go together, and it's like exact because you got It's.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Like you can't. Like literally, I have to think about
every single movie.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
You are so blessed me right now.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Because I talked to CJ about this, I'm like, when
people like, hey, Jake, can you I said, I can't,
because if I talk to somebody, if it goes past
couple of weeks, it's like, oh, we locked in together
real and me, I'm talking because I'm feeling, you know
what I'm saying, and you know it ain't no physical stuff.
(34:43):
It's like I'm feeling and I'm sensed because I'm not
a person who I don't use my my doctorate, I
don't use my therapy. I don't come in there trying
to clinical line or therapiize anybody.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Because I would thank you'd be like that. I'm probably
be therapying his girl.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Oh no, oh never, never, Thank God.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
My ex we have such a great friendship and she
always remind me, she says, Jay, and I love her man.
She She's such a good, great friend of mine, and
she says, Jay, what I love about you is you
never brought work in our relationship.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Never.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I never used a clinical term like like.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
If we had a conflict.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
I never said you gassed, like like all these people
use all these like a real clinician like we don't
like I'm not trying to diagnose nobody to analyze. A
matter of fact, Negro, I'm not even thinking about you.
And I appreciate her sharing that because I'm Jay.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I'm not doctor j R.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
You're not you know, what's the carrying fatage? You're not
like I'm a real person. And so if something hurt
me or there was something that was said, I was like, yo,
you know that that wasn't cool.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
I didn't say I feel.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Like, you know you're that die and it's a messing
with my mental health. I never like, I like, I can't.
I don't even listen. I listen. Chris is pulling it
out of me that I was just be honest, I don't.
There's a lot of people that a therapists and clinical
clinicians that have you know, I don't know if you
(36:18):
call it shooting your shadow or they said they're available.
I'm not even interested in dating somebody work in the
field of a lot of people weird.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, people be weird, Jay, people, a lot of people,
not even just therapists, people weird.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Man.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So when they like doc, you so close off because
you all are weird. And then if you hear me
say nigga, you just like like, or you hear me
say something that's not, you know, associated with my internal
degrees or with this idea of this image. Like I'm
a real person and I'm not always talking about.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Mental health, right right, There's more to you.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
So I'm like, man, you know, so when you talk
about that truth thing, Man, I'm like, Man, I.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Just told God, I said, bab brother, listen, I'm forty three.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Man.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
I'm like, Man, could you please like shure.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yoh?
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Jay? Literally you hit me on my Actually, it was
the day you hit me right with my birthday. I
was playing it in Miami and you said in an
incredibly beautiful prayer via DM and that morning I had
wrote in my journal it was a day before my birthday,
and I said God, I was like, I'm ready if
you think I'm ready, because the times I thought I
was ready, I wasn't ready because like I'm the type
(37:39):
of person where I'll be ready and I'll be open
and then they just get on my nerves. I'm like,
oh my gosh. It's like i want somebody that I
can share space with and be like, this is really
my homie.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I'm gonna tell you this, and I'm just getting this download.
You'll see her and even now I'm hearing trust what
you see?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Yes on everything.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
On everything, everything, everything, bro, because you'd be having the
answers before there is a question. Jane, I've had dreams.
I just had a friend come to me and he
said I had told him one night I woke up
and I said, I had a dream that you were
in this girl's room. This was probably three years ago.
(38:19):
He said, I knew that I couldn't play with you.
And I said, what are you talking about. He said,
I was in her room that night you had that dream.
I said, you are lying to me. Then my assistant
sorry to call you out. Herman. Herman was like, he said,
you did the same thing to me the other day.
I said yeah. I was like, I just had this feeling,
like randomly that you were going to get like offered
another job. He said, Crystal, He's like, I got offered
a job that day that you said that. He said
(38:40):
it scared me and I was like, so.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I'm glad you're doing this because I'm gonna let the
spirit shift this the challenge because I have a prophetic
gift and you are seer. I'm gonna say this, I'm
going to pray that God send somebody to see for you,
because with us is we can see for everybody but ourselves.
(39:06):
Like I'm like, I mean yeah, and sometimes I'm like,
but God, I can't see for me.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
But I also feel that in this season that God
has you in, He's also given you the confidence to
not second guess what.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You see and feel he really is he is.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
And to stand on business. I'm sorry, but when because
if I would have?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
That was my biggest challenge because.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
My parents knew that I was prophetic and they had
me with people who could, you know, really really shape
my gift because I hated it because I always was
right or the spirit was right. Yeah, And so I
didn't pick my gift back up until I was like
(39:58):
thirty five. A prophet here in Atlanta that took me
under his wings, and man I gave that man hell,
because he kept telling me. He was like, he's like, yeah,
you're going to school to be a therapist. But this
man said, you're a therapist in the disguise of a prophet.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
He said, you're a prophet in the disguise of a therapist.
And so it I second guessed so much, and then
when I would be right, I was in the I
was it was already too late. Like, man, I dated
a girl and I'm not gonna get in this because
I don't even want to get hurt, this this type
of energy. But it cost me two years of agony
(40:38):
and pain. But God told me so I wouldn't break
up with her. I'm sitting at her house, sitting on
the living room floor, and God said, I'm getting ready
to shift this. This is like right before Christmas. The
girl takes sick. I basically was caring for her for
like several weeks and don't know, don't couldn't figure it out,
(41:00):
and I mean, and I never forget. When she got better,
she says, I think I'm falling out of love with you.
And I was like, wait a minute, I've been bathing you.
But God was ripping that thing apart because my manager,
Crystal had told me she said twelve. She called me twelve,
(41:26):
she said twelve. I don't think you should date that girl.
I don't have a good feeling. And my manager at
the time, it's a seer as well. When all this
stuff happened and this girl, I mean went on just
a tyrant, my manager called me. She stopped managing me.
She said, I can't manage you anymore because I'm afraid
(41:50):
of what's going to happen with this and exactly what
she told me. And I was so disobedient, but then
God was telling me. But I felt because this is
the other thing too, I would say this to people,
stop saying yes to people.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
And we haven't ran it by God.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
But I've had to learn is go before God first
with everything everything, even in my business. God like this this,
this this retreat that I did, I said, God, how
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (42:18):
And I felt they okay? In it spirit, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
So because normally what we do is humans, we make
God decision, then we take it to God. Yeah, He's
a last resort. And then with the itch fall apart, You've.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Been like, oh man, that's so real, Jay, because even
with this live show, that we're doing in DC. We
were thinking of guests and they were like, did you
call someone so because we'll throw our names and I'm like, oh,
I know them. Did you call him? And I was like, no,
I didn't call him. And then I told that. Shanna
Wandal was like, God hasn't like it's not having settled
on my heart that this is the person. And I
was like, so I can't. I can't say that I
can't call him. He would not let me call certain people.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
That's how I be choosing my guest.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
I've have people that will say, hey, doctor j it's
such and such, and they was like, what is your protocol?
I said, it's a god thing. Yeah, because I need
people to experience healing for real and not just because
you want to get on here and tell your story exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
That is.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
You all right with you?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
All right with me?
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Wow, this is crazy, so much synergy faith. It clearly
is a huge part of who you are and your healing.
One thing I do want to know, especially for men
and women listening who may be going through something, what
were your prayers like during that low time? Were they anger?
Were you pleading? Or was it soft? Quiet? Prayers like
(43:36):
how did you talk to God during those times? Because
some people feel like there's only one way to talk
to him.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
No, I was very honest with God and this is,
this is, and I'm gonna be as real as I
can be. I was honest because I really wanted to die,
and I was upset at him because I was not dead.
And I the following morning, I'm sitting in my room
(44:09):
and I'm crying because I did not expect to wake up.
Am I Why am I still here? And this encounter
really transformed my life. I never forget it. Sitting on
the floor and the presence of God walks in my room.
(44:29):
It's so strong, crystal that I can't look up and
I'm just crying. I can't stop crying, and I feel
the presence so powerful, and I'm saying to God. I
was like, man, why am I still here? I'm like,
I'm just and I'm like, man, I gotta figure out
if I'm here, what am I going to do with
(44:49):
this pain? And all I kept hearing them say is
give it to me, Give it to me. I literally
sit on the bed because I can't. I don't know
what to do. I'm crying I'm falling to my knees
and I'm just talking to God and I said, I'm
tired of hurting.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
Just like that, I said, I'm tired of hurting. Man.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah, And I'm just sitting there crying. I say, I'm
just tired. I'm tired. And I'm just hearing him saying,
give it to me, give it to me, And he says,
I promise you, I'm gonna use it. Yes, And I'm
sitting there and I said for what?
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Use it for what?
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I don't know what you're gonna And that is the
most difficult thing. I don't care where you are in
your relationship with God, is to trust him when he
says to give you something, because I don't know what
you're gonna do with the God. And I know that
you say that you love me, and I know that
the plans that you have for me are deprivesed for
me and all these different things.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
I know that you call me blessed.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
I'm to see the Abraham, But I don't know what
you're gonna do with this pain. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this marriage. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this career. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this, this idea, and so it's hard.
And so I wish church people would stop acting like
it's so easy to give something to him.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yeah, because giving it to him is a daily is
a daily walk. I have to release it daily. Yes,
I have been releasing my pain daily because of the memories.
Because trauma it doesn't just impact the body. It doesn't
just impact the way you think you're impacted by it.
(46:31):
Because of the tapes. It's like a videotape, like a
tape that's constantly being played. And this is why I
believe in advanced modalities that therapy may not be the way.
Maybe it's a form of somatic healing. Maybe it's TMS
transcranial magnetic stimulation where you got to set the device
on your head and you got to allow them to
(46:51):
stimulate your brain because of the impact of the trauma.
And I had so much pain and my trauma, I
was just like God, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
And I remember being on my knees and I remember.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Doing this surrendering, surrendering, surrendering, and I'm crying surrendering. So
after this happened, I get on the phone with my
mom and I called her and I said, and I'm
crying still. I said, Mama, I said he came. And
(47:28):
she said what I said, he came. She said, what
are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (47:33):
I said, Mama, Jesus came and visited me today. She
just started crying.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Yeah, she said.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
I was in prayer this morning and I said, God,
go see about my son, my.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Lord, and he did the prayers of a mother.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
She said, God, go see about my boy. And I said, Mama,
I'm gonna try to hold on because he told me to.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
Give this to him.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
And that was that moment for.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
Me that it wasn't a prayer that was playing. It
wasn't some words. I didn't have to pontificate, you know
what I'm saying. I didn't have to be so magniloquent
and speak so eloquent. God just needed out my raw feelings.
God doesn't need us to be so polished. He needs
(48:25):
us to be naked. He need us to be vulnerable.
I think we you know, we try to. Oh God,
I just need you to know. God needs you to sometimes, Hey,
where are you? Where are you man? You told me
you was gonna help me, where's the help. He don't
need these cute prayers. Sometimes it's just Jesus.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
That's it, Because Crystal, that's all I had.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I didn't pray for a couple of years. I didn't
have any words. And I remember sitting still one morning, God.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Said, I hear you without even praying.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, Because sometimes the human mind is so weighted down
from the pain, from the burden, from the atrocities of
just life, that you don't even have anything that's say yes,
and all you can do is just sit there. And
I had to learn that sometimes he just wanted us
(49:32):
to sit there.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's it. That's it. Sit there. It's so funny you
say that. I do a live with on my Patreon
with my Sweeties, and one girl said, what do I
do Like when I can hear God's voice and I'm
trying all these different things and nothing's working. And I
was like, sometimes you're not hearing it because you're going, going, going.
You need to sit down so you can hear him down.
(49:55):
It's like God's trying to stop you from making these
mistakes and from doing these things, but you won't sit
down long enough to sit with him. That listen, there's
power in the stillness.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
You know.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Mother Teresa says something that God is a friend to silence,
stillness and solitude, Like we gotta get still, get silent
and and and and be in that solitude, be in
that state where you can just rest.
Speaker 3 (50:24):
We have such a busy lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
I tell people, I mean people that are not doing
nothing busy because they're busy doing nothing, you know what
I'm saying. So even with myself, it's learning to just
sit with him and not say nothing and just to
rest and his present and to rest even and what
(50:53):
I don't understand because God really just looking for obedience,
and I've had to learn that obedience is best displayed
when you don't understand what he's doing. And Crystal, I've
learned to trust him, to trust his methods when I
(51:14):
don't understand his acts, you know what I mean. Because
he's a God of order, He's a god of strategy. Yes,
you know what I'm saying. He's a great architect, and
so he's moving stuff that we don't even know. As
my mom said, baby, God protects foods and babies. So
there's times where he's working and we don't know he's working.
(51:37):
And I've had to learn and say, you know what,
I don't know what you're doing. Man.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah, but do you think because he always gonna do
his big one, he's always gonna do his biggest one.
We'd be like, wait, this is I wouldn't even thought
of this. He's like, I know because I'm God. And
you're not listen.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
When people say, man, did you ever that my grandma
used to call me doctor J.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Your girl. So that's before you became a doctor.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
She's to call me doctor J wow, or so she'sa
call me doctor J. And you couldn't have told me
because I know the game of football. I loved it.
But man, you could have never told me that I
would be a therapist, would be in this position and
be this voice, to be you know, a reflection of
(52:21):
what healing looks like in real time, to be this
black man who has been in a white house, who
has been all over the country speaking and had a
tour of books.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
And you told me that.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
Man.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Ten years ago, I've been like, man, I've been like Negro,
please please like what therapist?
Speaker 3 (52:40):
Like mental health? Man? And I remember this, this prophet
telling me, he said God.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Is going to use you, and I'm like, whatever, man
like literally Christ.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
He was like, God is going to use you to
transform the world.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
And I remember laughing at this man ever did at
the angel when they tol.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
You're gonna have a baby you okay, listen.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
That man called me ten years later said what I
tell you. I was sitting on the couch. This is
when Taragi had her show Peace of Mind. He prophesied.
He said, I see you sitting on the couch with
the celebrity and you're talking about healing and da da
da da.
Speaker 3 (53:22):
He called me ten years later when.
Speaker 2 (53:24):
The episode aired, Hey, man of God, of God, and
he said, I told you what I saw.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
That God was going to use you the mighty way.
I just broke down.
Speaker 2 (53:38):
So when you say he gonna do his big one,
and here's the other part, I gotta say this.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
People like, uh, we didn't even see this for ourselves.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
No, not to this magnitude. I didn't even want to
do a podcast.
Speaker 3 (53:52):
But let's forget the podcast.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
Like, but even I wanted to be an actor, like
that was a childhood yam. I wanted to be a singer.
But the impact that we had to this magnitude. Never
thought it like I just wanted to be an artist
and then keep all this my personal self to myself,
Like I wasn't trying to share my whole life with
the world, but here we are. You know.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Do you ever wake up any mornings it just be like.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Wow, Like every day every morning. I wake up every day.
I pull into my garage every day. Even just like
I was talking to guy the other day, I was like,
because just seeing cars, Oh, those cars that drive themselves
pull it.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
Out in front of me.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
Wait move, I was like, what is happening right now?
And then I just thought. I was like, God, thank
you for the wrecks that I can't see. You know,
It's like moments I'm always like, wow, this is crazy,
just even my life, like I was on Live last night,
and or even last week. We were this week we
were filming and two people came up to me and
asked me to pray for them. I'm like, my friend
Brenda Palmer, she's you know, Brenda, she's always like she
(54:55):
caused me pastor. And then my other friend called me
first lady.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
I'm like like you like, no, don't, don't y'all put
that on my friend.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
She's gonna say, all right, PC, you have like stopping Brenda.
She hates when people call it but you're a pastor.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
Like, because some people that's what they call to do.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yes, God has blessed us because we're not tied to
the four walls.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
No, we are.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
We minister through entertainment, acting, through podcast, through speaking, and
through curating, curating spaces. Like I told God, I'll do
whatever you want to do, but do not put me
in no church.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
And honestly, I feel like God is doing a restrection
of the church anyway, because it's not that we are
the church. That's not what He meant for it to be.
Speaker 3 (55:39):
But Crystal, this is ministry.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
It is.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
What you're doing is ministry. Ministry is meeting people where
they are.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
This is ministry.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
You're meeting people because not only because if you tell
me to keep it positive, that means I have to
think positive.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yes, yes, you got to change your mind.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
I have to change.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
But but when you think about the word repent is
even in the Greek meta Noah, come on now, the
word so stop.
Speaker 3 (56:05):
Let me Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
So when you when you think about repent is in
the Greek meta, Noah, it is a change to change
the way you think.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
That's what it means.
Speaker 2 (56:16):
So it's not, you know, and even when you think
about sin, like because even we I mean, it's just
like you know, I just love God has given me
such as beautiful mind. You know what I mean to
deconstruct people's mind because even when we look at sin,
it means to miss the mark.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Yep, that's what it means.
Speaker 2 (56:39):
And if you can change the way you think, you
minimize missing the mark. So if we're going to get
people to turn away from sin and to get them
to quote unquote repent, we have to help people change
the way they think. It starts in these spaces. It
starts because this is mental health. What you're doing is
mental health. You getting on them lives. Yeah, that's mental help.
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Yes, no, literally, people leave change. Like we've seen the
testimonies of people like just from coming into this community,
the lives we saved me opening also about suicide, and
opening up about relationships with my family and helping mothers
and daughters heal their relationships. It's been so many positive
outcomes that have come from just speaking our truth.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
And that's why God keep blessing you.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
Wow, that's why God keep giving you more because He
can trust you with it.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
Yeah, that's my prayer too.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
He can trust you with it and you don't have
to keep praying.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
He can trust you with it because he didn't because
as I'm.
Speaker 2 (57:38):
Speaking, I'm speaking to me because it'd be scared me
because I'm like, you give me a lot, God, to
who much is given.
Speaker 3 (57:45):
Yes, it's the.
Speaker 1 (57:46):
Requirement, the big requirements, and the.
Speaker 3 (57:48):
Requirement is really the responsibility.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
Yes, yeah, because I don't want to mishandle the gift.
I don't want to mishandle the call, and I don't
want to mishandle people. Yeah, that's that's my burden. It's
like God, listen, Like even with my prophetic gift, like
I'm in spacing that people pull on.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
It and and.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
And people will ask like you because you can always
because it takes a prophet to identify enough profit like truly,
because it's a difference to walk in the to have
a prophetic gift, but also to walk in the office
of that. But there are spaces that I'm in that
that pulls on that, and I give the word and
(58:36):
I leave because I never like I'm not you know,
I'm just a man and my focus daily is how
can I be a better instrument to fit into God's
hands so he can use me.
Speaker 3 (58:49):
That's it, you know, And that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (58:53):
And that's why God keeps expanding us, because we have
a heart for his people. And she said to me,
he said, here's what people don't realize.
Speaker 3 (59:02):
You didn't ask for that.
Speaker 1 (59:04):
Yeah, and that's why He gave it to you.
Speaker 2 (59:07):
Folks, be mad at what we what we have been given.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
We didn't ask for this. You just wanted to be
an artist. I just wanted to be a football player.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
And my my dream was playball, you know, make a
little money to buy a house, have a family. Like
I never wanted to be all over the country. I
like being at home.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
It was like I have other plans for you.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
Listen, every time I got to leave my house, I
just be like, Lord, only for you, Man, only for you.
Speaker 1 (59:40):
I love home. I'm like I can just say there.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Man, I'm such a homebody.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
I get on that couch and turn that TV on
after I do my workout and my mal prep.
Speaker 3 (59:51):
It's cook, I'm not coming at this house.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
You're like me, I have to recharge, Like home is
like my recharging station, and like for real, like that's right.
Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
How big is your social battery.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Oh very it's very small, very limited. Yeah, yeah, like
my team knows. I'll give him that look like Big West.
I can just look at him and he be like,
all right, come on, like because it's it's a lot.
It's a lot, and they pull they pulled, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
Because you got that all on you. You got their
glow and everybody want the bruise, not who's the master
show enough.
Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
That is so true.
Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
We're telling our age right now for real.
Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Twenty five five, twenty five Christmas, Chris is twenty five,
I'm thirty two forever.
Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
So you got that, you got that glow on you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Man, the warning it is it's joy though honestly, it's
like it's not given by the world. I can definitely
say that this.
Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
Here's the other part, man. They be a t to you.
They don't even know why.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
They don't know why. People say that all the time.
They said, I see you on TV. It's like it's
just something about her, and I always say, it's the Lord.
I ain't got none to do with it.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
I remember my mentor telling me, he said me, tell
you something, man, he gonna know I'm telling this. He said, listen,
what you got on you? Is you gotta steward it well?
He said, you got this football bill, chocolate, you speak well.
He said, everything gonna be attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
And he looked at me, everything, Williams, everything everything, everything.
That's true, man, because some of the stuff, I'll be
looking at me, like.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
I said, but he said, look at me. And when
he said that, man, I'll be daggon man, because the
anointing draws. Yeah, it's a drawer and it draws everyone right, rong,
(01:02:02):
red blue.
Speaker 4 (01:02:04):
It's like I don't know what it is, but I
want it and as we got to review it in
the name of Jesus, because no, but that is so
true and a lot of we don't even be knowing,
like what all comes with I'm sure you didn't know
everything that came with this life and living it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
And like you talked about when when you take these platforms,
it's not just you anymore. It's so you open up
for the audit, as Stevie Bag said, and that is
so true. We open ourselves up to a lot and
we don't realize how much comes along with this man.
Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
I and it's my mother, Mama, I want you to
know publicly, baby, how much I appreciate you. My mother
wakes up every morning at three thirty in the Inner
Seed for me, that means so much to me. Crystal,
every morning she wakes up at three thirty at Inner Seed,
and that's something more.
Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
I'll call at five o'clock. You'd be like, boy, you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Just coming out of the room for you. You traveling
this country healing these men. You got a mighty you
got a mighty mandated mission on you. Boy, boy, you
got a big assignment, but you're gonna complete it. And
she told me recently, she said, King, I pray for
you often because she said you have such a good heart.
(01:03:23):
And when you have a good heart, and I'm sure
you know this, is that you want to see everybody
get there. Yeah, And I think the toughest thing for
me was that the circles would change because everybody can't go.
Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
Please come back next week as we continue this incredibly
insightful conversation with doctor King. J. Barnett
Calling all my sweeties to the forefront. I'm your host,
christer name and this is the Keeping Positive, Sweetish Show,
Licensed therapists and just his host, Doctor J. Barnett, has
built a national platform around healing and accountability. His story
from athlete to advocate shows that faith and emotional intelligence
(00:22):
can thrive together. Today, he joins us to talk about growth, grief,
and the courage to heal kids. Telly, please give a
very warm welcome to King J. Barnett. Finally, yes, finally,
we got you here.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
We've been talking about this for about what a year?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
A year now?
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Yeah, And so I know you was filming and both
of our lives are busy, but I feel like it's purposeful.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Busy it is.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's why I have to tell people like you got
so much going on, but it's all purposeful, baby, it
is purpose I.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Looked at your stories this week alone. I'm like, is
he gonna make it to Atlanta?
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Oh yeah, I was coming, Crystal, I was coming. I
was coming. I was coming. So yeah, I started out.
I haven't been home in like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I was in Detroit for no. I was in
New York because it started I did the breakfast club
for World Mental Health Day and brought Joel with me,
and then Taraji had her mental health weekends, so I
keynoted for her.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
And then after that I was.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
In Detroit and then Canada seven days, and then Costa
Rica and now here and then I'm in Toronto after
But I'm gonna take a break after this sto. I
got to get this book done and I got to
settle down.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So awesome, awesome, I love it. Well, Jay, you took
the world by storm on the internet, and I first
saw you on social media really giving men a safe
space to even have a voice, to be vulnerable and
to start healing. And I feel like for black men,
therapy has been so stigmatized and you've taken that stigma
off and allowed black men to just be themselves and
(01:59):
speak truth and really like had face on with their trauma.
But that did not come without healing of your own. Yes,
So I want to talk about that. You've been very
open about when football was over, you hit rock bottom,
But how did you know it was time to start healing?
And like what moment happened to You're like, wait a minute,
this is a problem I need to Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Yeah, well, really, I didn't know it was time. Crystal.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My second suicide attempt is what really sort of kind
of you know, pushed me to going therapy.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
So I was living with.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
My godmother at the time, and I was living with
her because I was training pro athletes, very successful business
and I had a house, and she was like, you
need to get out of the house and come to
stay with me and cut down your overhead. So my godmother, man,
she's big and finances. So I was just like, man,
I can't do this. Man, I'm like thirty one years old.
(02:54):
I'm like, I can't, you know, take away from what
I you know, what I was building at the time.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
So I said, let me pray about it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Because my godmother was never able to have kids, so
she took me under her wings and she says, Jay,
I really think you should focus on the speaking thing,
what you're doing with the teens and the youth. And
I'm like, man, So I make the move and I
get there. By this time, I'm about a year in
(03:22):
living with her, and I have a mental breakdown just
because I felt like a failure number one, because I'm like, man,
I'm trying to figure out life and I'm staying with
my godmother and she has a nice sized house, so
it wasn't like I was in her space, so she
was in my space. And it was good because it
allowed me to really look at life differently. And so
(03:44):
one night I was on a call with my parents
and just kind of sharing how I.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Was still battling this depression thing.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
So and when I share this, because it could take
a spend because at that time, I don't don't think
my father really understood the significant and the severity of
what I was going through. So he makes a statement
on the phone, here we go again. Oh wow, And
that was a trigger. And after he said that, I
(04:15):
told my mom I said, you know what, man, I'm
tired of this man like you know, because I was
really trying to find a way to talk about what
I was going through mentally, but nobody was listening. So
I told her, I said, well, this is probably the
last time that y'all gonna talk to me. And she
says to me, Jay, please don't do nothing. Sign please,
And I said, Mama, I'm tired.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And I had been caring this pain from their divorce,
from the rejection of my mother had remarried her husband,
the god that she remarried, was physically abusive. I lived
with a white family for the last two years of
my high school year. Man, I just gone through a
lot from the time that my parents' divorced up until
(05:00):
you know, thirty, because I had never processed anything. Because
the thing about football, man, you can put that helmet
on and it's a mask.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
You can hide anything.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And I think after years of a neessscizing and all
of that stuff just festering, I didn't have I didn't have,
you know, an outlet anymore. Football was my outlet. I
wasn't playing because I wanted to make money. I was
playing because I needed to place the process its pain
and being able to run over guys and hit allowed
(05:31):
me to get that aggression out. And so my mother
says to me, Jay, if you take your life, do
you know that you possibly go to hell?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
And Chris, I remember this so vividly.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Me and her talk about this the other day and
I said to her, I don't give a damn. I
don't care as long as I can get rid of
this pain. So I had a back injury that I
had been battling, and I had a bunch of pills
from that, and I just went in the bathroom and
took everything, like everything, and God knew because had I
(06:09):
been by myself, I would have shot myself. The only
reason that I didn't attempt with the gun because I
was living with my godmother and I did not want
her to have that visual and to have that scene.
So even then I'm still considerate, Yeah, you know what
I mean, even while I'm in pain. So I overdose
(06:31):
and my godmother found me under the bed and I
don't till.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
This day, I don't know how.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And I know it's God because I can remember standing
in a dark place when I was out or whatever
you know was going on, and I just heard the
voice of God just saying.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
You have got to give this to me. Wow, like literally.
And so.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
After that, my godmother, you know, a day go by,
we don't talk about what had happened.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
And finally she said can we talk?
Speaker 2 (07:07):
And she said why would you do this in my home?
And I just sat there and she says, Jay, if
you're going to stay here, you got to get some help.
Here's the part that people.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Have not heard. My Godmother's white really wow.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And she sat there and she said, you got to
get some help, and that pushed me to go to
therapy because and it wasn't that I wasn't like I
was making money and I was. I was, you know,
it wasn't like I couldn't work or anything like that,
but mentally I wasn't in the best place. And I
(07:55):
said to her, I just don't want to be here.
And a friend of mine sent me a therapist, which
was a Christian Christian guy, and I went to him
for a while. I didn't really connect with him because
my dad is a pastor, so I say, bro, I
don't really need no scriptures.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Man. I got to figure out a way how to
release this.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And most people don't know this that when you think
about depression, it's really a lack of expression.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
That's what depression is.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And so no one had really checked on me when
my parents divorced. My parents were pastors, and when they divorced,
me being the oldest, all the pressure was on me
because everybody said, hey, you gotta look out for your momy,
you gotta look out for your sisters. So I'm in
therapy my first session and that man asked me, how
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Do you know I'm thirty one?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Years old and nobody had never I cannot remember. People
had asked me how I'm doing, but no one had.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Never asked me how I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And that's what led me into therapy at that journey.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
And it's been, Uh, that was I was thirty one,
that was thirty one.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I'm forty three today. So uh, it's been a journey
of healing. It's been. It's been a beautiful journey.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, you know, at times it's still you know, some moments,
but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Yeah. Two things, A few things that said out when
you were speaking was one, I was successful, Everything was great,
but I was depressed a lot of there's a misconception
that when your successful, depression can't creep in. Yeah, you know.
And then the fact that your godmother was white because
a lot of times in African American homes, therapy is
not a it's not an option, you know, so to
(09:41):
even I wonder if you would have even got to
that point without having a white godmother to say, hey,
you need to go to therapy, because you wouldn't have
gotten that for your mother therapy.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
No, because I remember when I said to my mom
that I was going to therapy.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Mama Mary as y'all know her.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Mama, I love you, but said to me, you're going
to that telling that white man all our business.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
I said, I don't give a damn what color he is.
I'm trying to get some help. Do you hear me? Yes?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
And Crystal cannot tell you. It was. Have you seen
Aine Fisher?
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So I wrote my capstone. I did my capstone on
Antone Fisher and the sexual abuse that he you know,
end it. It was just like that when he was
working with Denzel. Remember it was like three sessions before
he opened up. Yes, it was about three sessions before
I opened up. Because one I'm like, dang, I don't
want to open up to this white man. But that
(10:40):
man said to me one day, he said, tell me
about your dad, and then he asked me about football.
I'm talking about you the thought of Sunumbi, and it
broke something. And for the two sessions that I didn't talk,
he would literally say it's okay, when you come back
(11:02):
next week.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
I was like, yeah, I come back, bro. I was
so reluctant.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
But when that man asked me and he said, I said, bro,
I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
He said, with you write it down. And I wrote
it down and I never forget this.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
He said, three words that describe what you're feeling now.
I said lost, I said inadequate, and I said like
a failure. I'll never forget those three words. Never get there,
never forget lost, in adequate, and a failure. And man,
something just started to break. And he would always say,
(11:43):
are you going to come back next week? I'd be like, yeah, man,
I'll come back. And I just kept going back, and
you know, and it was crazy because nobody in my
family and nobody around me. I remember, like my home
was like, nigga, you're doing therapy? Are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Bro right?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And I remember one of my homeboys literally just kind
of like like, you know, poking, like, nigga, you really
think that therapies is working?
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And I'm like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, But I was curious because I really wanted to
let go of the pain because for so long the
pain had been a driver in my life. And men
don't realize is that if pain becomes a driver in
your life, you're going to become one of two things. Yeah,
(12:36):
homicidal or suicidal.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Wow, that is powerful. I remember this around twenty twenty
during COVID was the first time we all had to
sit down with ourselves. So for me, that was when
I was like, Okay, I need to talk to someone.
So I got a therapist and I'm like, this is
not working. This is not working. But I was like,
your mama, I'm not going to tell you all my business.
(13:00):
So I wasn't being honest with the lady and that's
why I wasn't working right. So I ended up getting
another therapist and finally I was just like, Okay, if
I want this to work, I gotta just tell her everything.
So I started opening up and I was like, wait,
this is like unlocking a lot of things that I
didn't even remember. You know what was the first honest
thing that you said in a therapy session that really
(13:21):
unlocked something?
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Oooh man, my parents' divorce really hurt me. I walked
in the room in my mom's in my parents' bedroom.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I will never forget this.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I was ten years old and my mom was sitting
on the bed crying, and I said to my mom,
I knew what was going on. I was a very
precocious kid. I knew and I said, why won't you
leave ten years old and my mom looks at me
and says, God hasn't released me to leave.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
And I couldn't understand that.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
And I think when I got to therapy to know
how her and my dad was divorcing, because for me,
we would go to church on Sunday as a family
and Monday through Saturday complete chaos. Wow.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
So none of that made sense to me.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And I think when I really sat down and what
really broke in me to really get me to start
open up, how much that impacted me as a son,
not only to watch what happened with just my father
and my mother, but also as a son who had
to fill in this gap because I became this standing
(14:47):
husband from my mother and then this surrogate father to
my sisters, which is also where I learned how to intercede.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Because my mom had me praying for her, wow.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Because she was like, she was like, can you I
remember nice her crying and said can you pray for me?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So I had all of these burdens on me, you know,
at such a young age, because I was spiritually gifted,
you know, early on in my parents realized that I
had this prophetic gift. And you know I was already menacing.
I gave my first sermon at the age of nine
in front of two hundred people. Wow. So from nine
to eleven most people don't notice. Nine to eleven I
(15:27):
preached all over Mississippi as a young pheenom preacher kid.
And it was how we ate because I was getting paid.
And when my parents advorced, I said I would never
preach another sermon. Of course, look at you now, listen, Chris,
(15:49):
I'm in Canada.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I'm in Canada right. Given this keynote.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
On the empowering and restoring families of the Nova Scotian
Unity in Caunada and Halifax.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Powerful keynote. This is how you know you can't run.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Come on now, talk about it.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
This lady walked up to me after the keynote, beautiful
lady with some beautiful white hair man, black woman, and
she said, baby, they heard a doctor.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
I heard a past. Come on now listen, listen.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
I look at that lady. I said, ma'am, could you
please please? I don't want to hear no more prophetic word.
I don't hear nothing. Please don't tell me nothing about
no past, no church. But and I know, Lord, you
know I love you, and I know you probably called
me to that when I'm fifty, but not in this season.
But that thing broke something because I couldn't understand at
(16:45):
that time why would God break up my family? Because
I love seeing my parents. That was nothing more that
I love about having a family, And even to this day,
it bothers me that I don't have a family.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah. Wow, Why do you feel like you don't feel
like it's God assignment? Or do you feel like that's
just maybe you haven't focused on that? What do you
feel is?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
So I'm gonna bring you into this?
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, because because people will look at us, right,
they would look at us as if we've arrived. They
would look at us as if we've achieved. But the
more that you expand, because I believe this for you,
(17:31):
as much with you have is as much depth that
you have, yes, as as much reach as you have,
that's also a level of depth that you have. So
dating and trying to build something with the depth that
we have is challenging. Yeah, because you also have the insight,
(17:56):
hindsight and foresight.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Come on, now, hindsight.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I know what I've gone through and I've learned from it.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
The insight is that I have this revelation not only
of myself but also what God has given me. And
the foresight is that I also see where He's taking me.
So I can't yoke up with anybody.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
And I know you like me. I know you like
the idea of me. I know you like you know
what I'm saying, how I smell, how I look. You
know what I'm saying. You know you come across you
know the stream with this beauty. You know what I'm saying.
The teeth popping and their lips are popping, and you
got the makeup and the brows, and I got this
beautiful dark skin. And you listen at the way that
(18:42):
I articulate and the way that I can conceptualize something.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
But if you have not done work on the level,
and not.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just to stand next to us, but to walk with us,
it requires so much, so as much as I have
to more not having a family, and also understand that
because if it ain't equal, I can't yoke up with it. Yeah,
So to answer your question, so it gives me peace,
(19:15):
you know, And and I and I've shared this and
I actually talked about this on the dinner kings. Briefly,
you know, about five years ago, my girlfriend at the
time and I had a miscarriage and that thing broke
to both of us and U and it was something
I didn't talk about and it was so crazy because
(19:37):
our parents are pastors. And I called her mom and said,
can I take you to dinner? Like I want to
talk to you about something? And you know, I don't
know why I thought I could hide it from my mom,
because my mom is like a seer. My mom said, Jay,
I knew it. I knew, I knew and I just
started to break down because I heard it for her.
(19:58):
And then as a man, you know that, I felt
like this was my time to you know what I'm saying,
because you know, we don't talk about miscarriage when it
comes to.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Men, right, and how it affects you all, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Because I feel like it.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think it does a number on the woman, on
the woman physically, what her body goes through and emotionally,
and then I think, but it messes with the man
mentally because I remember the scene of walking in the
bathroom and I can't it's hard. Even today, I can
step right into that moment and the picture and it's
(20:36):
just like I can see her face, I can see
her complexion, you know, her whole accountant is changing.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
It's like, Jay, what's just happened?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
So I've had to really I've gone back to therapy
for that and really grieve that I was in therapy
all last year grieving that.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
And I'm at a good place.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
But you know, it's not easy to be who we
are and to feel like, dang, ain't nobody on my level?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Right?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Yeah? Jay, I don't need to get my business. Okay, listen,
it's crazy, like you know you are on my street
right now, because it's it's hard, It's really hard, and
I don't want to be like on my level, you
know what I'm saying. But it's like spirits, not just financially, spirually.
(21:27):
How about I can't be yoked up with just anybody
that is real? And I was. We had an episode
with me, Ashan and West and I was saying, I'm
tired of leading men like I'm tired of leading financially,
I'm tired of leading spiritually. I'm tired of leading the household.
Like I want someone that I can trust to lead
in the household and always who can lead me to God?
(21:49):
I'm not the one begging you to come to church
on Sundays or begging you to I'm the one only
one up reading the Bible and then the word like
I need I need to look over or not over
because I don't even don't you ain't sleeping in the
house no more. But I need to know that you
at your house waking up reading your word the same way.
I am like, all right, we in this thing together
so that we're both pulling from the same source. Now
(22:10):
you pulling off of my my resources to the source.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Listen, let me get one of them cards.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Listen, we do something on the Just Here podcastle I
have to tear the car down as the moment you
are crystal my God today. So I'm glad I'm here
because I could be transparent. I was dating this girl
years ago, and to your point, I like, if I'm
(22:40):
dating you and I have to feel like I have
to hold back who I am spiritually, I know it's
not gonna work. Yes, so I go to like when
I go in my bedroom, it don't take me no
time to fall asleep because there's such a piece in
my house.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
You will walk in there and you just fall.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
That's my house is They're like it feels like here's
z in in here.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
I'm like, that's how here in. My producer CJ was
at my house a couple of weeks ago. He called me.
He was like, dang, nigga, I can't stay awake. I said,
that's exactly what I want and curates me. So I'm
dating this girl and she stays over, she can't sleep.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Was wrestling in your spirit hooded.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
So so I'm like, I wake up. I said, again,
I'm being transparent open because we had been dating for
a while and so you know, she was staying over
and she's always talk about how she had the hard
time sleeping, and I was just like, listen, I woke up.
I said, yo, man, you have got because she was turning, tossing,
turning all night long and I was just like this don't.
(23:43):
So I get up and I'm I'm I'm used to
waking up seeing my mother walk the floor and pray.
So I get up and open my door and I
go open my patio door.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
I started walking through the house praying.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And she was just like she wasn't in shock, but
she was just like I never seen a man pray.
I said, I don't know what you're wrestling with. And
I didn't feel like it was a bad spirit on her.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Something.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I felt like her anxiety, like she's just like she
was like she owned her own business and so she
was just.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Going, mind, just going, and.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
I just started praying and I said, hey, listen, and
I told her, I said, listen, I'm I have to
do this. And I said, if you don't mind, if
you could just you know, walk with me, or so
she sat on the couch. I'm going through the house.
I don't went up in the spirit. I said, I
have to do this because I got a rest, because
I got a long day tomorrow and I want you
(24:43):
to rest. Yeah, And that showed me something because as
a man, and I want the brothers to hear this. Brother,
if you can't get to God, if you can't get
a prayer through, if you can't be vulnerable enough to
break that stratosphere that him is fear, spiritually, you're doing
(25:05):
your wife, girl, woman who a disservice, especially if you're
walking with a woman who's really called to purpose like
what you're called to, or a woman who's called to
the purpose of business.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Healing, finance or whatever.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
It is, like, I really want to see men get
to a place where we start to carry off.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Me and my mother talk about this and I told
I said, you know, watching you, you've carried every marriage.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Do you think it's do you think that not to
intrust you? But do you feel like because black men
have seen their moms do it, they just feel like
this is what you're supposed to do as a woman.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
I think brothers don't even know what it's like to
carry a woman because they've never seen a man really
stand in.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
The position.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
And as a leader, I feel like men should be
a prophet. You should be able to speak over your spouse,
your woman. And this is why I'm waiting on God,
because I don't spoke over too many folks out of
prophesied of business, out of spoke life. I would have
(26:22):
got you in the gym. You done, w got the
business loan. I ain't doing that no more.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Look at all this, look at the fruits like the
fruits of my prayers.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Listen out of prophesiede. I'm a priest. I feel like
you have to be a pro a promoter. You gotta
be able to push and you got to be a
provider and a protect I'm gonna say that again, brothers,
and then for the ladies, because I know y'all, y'all,
y'all love my friend. He has to be a prophet.
He should be able to speak into your life. He
(26:55):
has to be a priest. He should be able to cover.
He has to be a protect there. He should be
able to provide a sense of security for you. He
has to be a provider. And I'm not just talking
about financially. Do you provide insight? And then a promoter,
can you push me? Can you encourage me? The amount
(27:17):
of I have a lot of female friends that are
so amazing, the amount of the amount of them that
are in relationship with men that are jealous of them.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
And the church is saying amen, the congregation is running it.
They're running laps around the building.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't get it. I don't get it. And it
breaks my heart because I'm like, because I've gone through that,
you know, but I don't get it because of the
way I pour it into my sisters and the way
I pour it to my entire team is black women,
from my publicist to my admin, and.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
They'll I speak lifing in it. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
And I said, listen, whoever you date, he don't have
to be me, but I hope he embodied what you
guys have seen through. Yes, you know what I mean,
to speak life into you. They called me my admin Christie.
She called me a day she got a speaking gear
for like ten k She's like, bro, you ain't gonna
bleed this. And I said, what did I tell you?
(28:28):
You just had to believe that you were Yes, I
said you had. I knew you were her, And just
to see her and the rest of my people that
believe in me and to be reinforced because I can't
stand to see this attack on black women that are
really doing something. And you guys get made to feel
(28:50):
because my sisters I pushed the hell out of them.
They get tired and they married with men, great men,
and they husband embrace it. Yes, like hey, they'll call
me hey, brother law she's slacking, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
So I don't I don't get that.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
So I really wanted to give that to the sisters,
like do not give your pearls to swine and to
the brothers, the brothers, because there are some brothers that
are doing things and sometimes because I again, I can
be honest, I've laid in the lout in the in
the lap of a Delilah who took who I was,
(29:27):
took what I shared and explored it. You know what
I'm saying. So I'm talking to me as well. Yeah,
I know I'm a good thing, a good brother. So yeah, man,
we we we we have too much. Uh we we
have to too much of a greatness in us man
(29:48):
to just And And I told God the other day,
I said, Lord, I've been on the road for three
weeks and I and I said that I called my
my my my thing therapist.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Thank God for doctor town.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
No, I have a different therapist now, different therapists because
I feel like there's as seasons change.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
You shouldn't you know, you shouldn't always have the same
therapists because your season would change. And I feel like
certain people are are called to walk with you in
different seasons. Doctor Towns is like a sixty some of
the old black woman. I go to see her in
San Diego. I get by the water. She's a psychologist
and she's spirit led, intelligent and all the things. And
(30:32):
I called and I said, Doc I'm lonely. I know
I'm not alone, but I'm alone.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
There's a difference, yes.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
And she said what about? I said, Doc, I'm on
this road man, pouring and pouring, and it's like, yeah,
I can call people, but the talents with us and
I don't know. You may like you'll be talking to somebody.
They good people, but ain't nothing there.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Man, story of my life? How do you do?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I got to ask you, how do you process that
when it's time to kind.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Of let it go? Yeah, listen, I'm really good at
seeing as I've gotten old. I'm really good at seeing
it before it gets too far. And honestly, I just
had a situation and I was on a trip. I
was on the water in Italy and God literally said
to me. I was wrestling with it, like it might
(31:24):
supposed to end this because it's not there. The alignment
isn't there. And God said, how many times have you
prayed God give me a sign and you felt the
feelings that you're feeling now and you ignored it? And
he was like, or you ignored it and you went
on and then something happened. I showed you what I
was trying to tell you from the beginning, and you're like,
I knew, I felt that in my gut. He said,
(31:46):
I need you to listen to it. Now. Don't make
the same mistake of not hearing my voice and going
through it all over again and getting hurt and then
looking back, like, Lord, you told me that September the fourteenth,
twenty twenty five, and I didn't listen.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So I had to like really just start being obedient
to that intuition that he gave me to say all right,
and I just was honest. I'm brutally honest at this age.
I'm like, it's just not there.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, man, listen, listen, listen. I got to make a
couple of phone calls.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Listen. But being honest it actually frees you.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And because it's like and they're not bad people, but
like like I had to be honest.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
And Bishop Jake's Bishop. I was sitting with him and
Bishop called me out and Bishop.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
Said, you have got to stop acting like you are regular.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
He said, that's your biggest challenge, Jake. And he said,
you have because like when I telling you what what
God is doing in my life, I didn't I didn't
want it. I didn't ask for it. I heard God
tell me after the pandemic. He told me, men, I'm calling.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
You to men.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
Then he said, I'm getting ready to expose you to
the world. I'm getting ready to reveal you, reveal you
to the world.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
And long after that, not long after.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
That, Taraji people called me and I went on the
breakfast club with her virtually and then I mean it
just took off. So I wasn't asking for it. I
was wanted to stay hidden because part of me remaining
hitting was Also I felt like I was secure this
because when God gives you a platform. I heard my brother.
(33:37):
I'm give him credit because I heard it from him.
Stevie Bragg's STEVIEE. Bag said, the bigger the audience, the
bigger the audit. So as you are seen more, you
got more eyes on you, the window of error, and
then everybody got all these opinions, and I feel like
we live in a world where opinions cannibalize the truth.
(33:59):
You got all of this stress and pressure because you
and I we just can't go on.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
A date, no right, even like it could be something
simple as like I was just feeling a movie and
he'saon and I was like, I want to my cast man.
I was like, let's go grab and it's like you
can't because then the eyes like, oh they.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Go together, and it's like exact because you got It's.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Like you can't. Like literally, I have to think about
every single movie.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
You are so blessed me right now.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Because I talked to CJ about this, I'm like, when
people like, hey, Jake, can you I said, I can't,
because if I talk to somebody, if it goes past
couple of weeks, it's like, oh, we locked in together
real and me, I'm talking because I'm feeling, you know
what I'm saying, and you know it ain't no physical stuff.
(34:43):
It's like I'm feeling and I'm sensed because I'm not
a person who I don't use my my doctorate, I
don't use my therapy. I don't come in there trying
to clinical line or therapiize anybody.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Because I would thank you'd be like that. I'm probably
be therapying his girl.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Oh no, oh never, never, Thank God.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
My ex we have such a great friendship and she
always remind me, she says, Jay, and I love her man.
She She's such a good, great friend of mine, and
she says, Jay, what I love about you is you
never brought work in our relationship.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Never.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I never used a clinical term like like.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
If we had a conflict.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
I never said you gassed, like like all these people
use all these like a real clinician like we don't
like I'm not trying to diagnose nobody to analyze. A
matter of fact, Negro, I'm not even thinking about you.
And I appreciate her sharing that because I'm Jay.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
I'm not doctor j R.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
You're not you know, what's the carrying fatage? You're not
like I'm a real person. And so if something hurt
me or there was something that was said, I was like, yo,
you know that that wasn't cool.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
I didn't say I feel.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
Like, you know you're that die and it's a messing
with my mental health. I never like, I like, I can't.
I don't even listen. I listen. Chris is pulling it
out of me that I was just be honest, I don't.
There's a lot of people that a therapists and clinical
clinicians that have you know, I don't know if you
(36:18):
call it shooting your shadow or they said they're available.
I'm not even interested in dating somebody work in the
field of a lot of people weird.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No, people be weird, Jay, people, a lot of people,
not even just therapists, people weird.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Man.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
So when they like doc, you so close off because
you all are weird. And then if you hear me
say nigga, you just like like, or you hear me
say something that's not, you know, associated with my internal
degrees or with this idea of this image. Like I'm
a real person and I'm not always talking about.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Mental health, right right, There's more to you.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
So I'm like, man, you know, so when you talk
about that truth thing, Man, I'm like, Man, I.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Just told God, I said, bab brother, listen, I'm forty three.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Man.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
I'm like, Man, could you please like shure.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yoh?
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Jay? Literally you hit me on my Actually, it was
the day you hit me right with my birthday. I
was playing it in Miami and you said in an
incredibly beautiful prayer via DM and that morning I had
wrote in my journal it was a day before my birthday,
and I said God, I was like, I'm ready if
you think I'm ready, because the times I thought I
was ready, I wasn't ready because like I'm the type
(37:39):
of person where I'll be ready and I'll be open
and then they just get on my nerves. I'm like,
oh my gosh. It's like i want somebody that I
can share space with and be like, this is really
my homie.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I'm gonna tell you this, and I'm just getting this download.
You'll see her and even now I'm hearing trust what
you see?
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Yes on everything.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
On everything, everything, everything, bro, because you'd be having the
answers before there is a question. Jane, I've had dreams.
I just had a friend come to me and he
said I had told him one night I woke up
and I said, I had a dream that you were
in this girl's room. This was probably three years ago.
(38:19):
He said, I knew that I couldn't play with you.
And I said, what are you talking about. He said,
I was in her room that night you had that dream.
I said, you are lying to me. Then my assistant
sorry to call you out. Herman. Herman was like, he said,
you did the same thing to me the other day.
I said yeah. I was like, I just had this feeling,
like randomly that you were going to get like offered
another job. He said, Crystal, He's like, I got offered
a job that day that you said that. He said
(38:40):
it scared me and I was like, so.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I'm glad you're doing this because I'm gonna let the
spirit shift this the challenge because I have a prophetic
gift and you are seer. I'm gonna say this, I'm
going to pray that God send somebody to see for you,
because with us is we can see for everybody but ourselves.
(39:06):
Like I'm like, I mean yeah, and sometimes I'm like,
but God, I can't see for me.
Speaker 3 (39:13):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
But I also feel that in this season that God
has you in, He's also given you the confidence to
not second guess what.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
You see and feel he really is he is.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
And to stand on business. I'm sorry, but when because
if I would have?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
That was my biggest challenge because.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
My parents knew that I was prophetic and they had
me with people who could, you know, really really shape
my gift because I hated it because I always was
right or the spirit was right. Yeah, And so I
didn't pick my gift back up until I was like
(39:58):
thirty five. A prophet here in Atlanta that took me
under his wings, and man I gave that man hell,
because he kept telling me. He was like, he's like, yeah,
you're going to school to be a therapist. But this
man said, you're a therapist in the disguise of a prophet.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
He said, you're a prophet in the disguise of a therapist.
And so it I second guessed so much, and then
when I would be right, I was in the I
was it was already too late. Like, man, I dated
a girl and I'm not gonna get in this because
I don't even want to get hurt, this this type
of energy. But it cost me two years of agony
(40:38):
and pain. But God told me so I wouldn't break
up with her. I'm sitting at her house, sitting on
the living room floor, and God said, I'm getting ready
to shift this. This is like right before Christmas. The
girl takes sick. I basically was caring for her for
like several weeks and don't know, don't couldn't figure it out,
(41:00):
and I mean, and I never forget. When she got better,
she says, I think I'm falling out of love with you.
And I was like, wait a minute, I've been bathing you.
But God was ripping that thing apart because my manager,
Crystal had told me she said twelve. She called me twelve,
(41:26):
she said twelve. I don't think you should date that girl.
I don't have a good feeling. And my manager at
the time, it's a seer as well. When all this
stuff happened and this girl, I mean went on just
a tyrant, my manager called me. She stopped managing me.
She said, I can't manage you anymore because I'm afraid
(41:50):
of what's going to happen with this and exactly what
she told me. And I was so disobedient, but then
God was telling me. But I felt because this is
the other thing too, I would say this to people,
stop saying yes to people.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
And we haven't ran it by God.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
But I've had to learn is go before God first
with everything everything, even in my business. God like this this,
this this retreat that I did, I said, God, how
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (42:18):
And I felt they okay? In it spirit, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
So because normally what we do is humans, we make
God decision, then we take it to God. Yeah, He's
a last resort. And then with the itch fall apart, You've.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Been like, oh man, that's so real, Jay, because even
with this live show, that we're doing in DC. We
were thinking of guests and they were like, did you
call someone so because we'll throw our names and I'm like, oh,
I know them. Did you call him? And I was like, no,
I didn't call him. And then I told that. Shanna
Wandal was like, God hasn't like it's not having settled
on my heart that this is the person. And I
was like, so I can't. I can't say that I
can't call him. He would not let me call certain people.
Speaker 3 (42:52):
That's how I be choosing my guest.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
I've have people that will say, hey, doctor j it's
such and such, and they was like, what is your protocol?
I said, it's a god thing. Yeah, because I need
people to experience healing for real and not just because
you want to get on here and tell your story exactly.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
That is.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
You all right with you?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
All right with me?
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Wow, this is crazy, so much synergy faith. It clearly
is a huge part of who you are and your healing.
One thing I do want to know, especially for men
and women listening who may be going through something, what
were your prayers like during that low time? Were they anger?
Were you pleading? Or was it soft? Quiet? Prayers like
(43:36):
how did you talk to God during those times? Because
some people feel like there's only one way to talk
to him.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
No, I was very honest with God and this is,
this is, and I'm gonna be as real as I
can be. I was honest because I really wanted to die,
and I was upset at him because I was not dead.
And I the following morning, I'm sitting in my room
(44:09):
and I'm crying because I did not expect to wake up.
Am I Why am I still here? And this encounter
really transformed my life. I never forget it. Sitting on
the floor and the presence of God walks in my room.
(44:29):
It's so strong, crystal that I can't look up and
I'm just crying. I can't stop crying, and I feel
the presence so powerful, and I'm saying to God. I
was like, man, why am I still here? I'm like,
I'm just and I'm like, man, I gotta figure out
if I'm here, what am I going to do with
(44:49):
this pain? And all I kept hearing them say is
give it to me, Give it to me. I literally
sit on the bed because I can't. I don't know
what to do. I'm crying I'm falling to my knees
and I'm just talking to God and I said, I'm
tired of hurting.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
Just like that, I said, I'm tired of hurting. Man.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah, And I'm just sitting there crying. I say, I'm
just tired. I'm tired. And I'm just hearing him saying,
give it to me, give it to me, And he says,
I promise you, I'm gonna use it. Yes, And I'm
sitting there and I said for what?
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Use it for what?
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I don't know what you're gonna And that is the
most difficult thing. I don't care where you are in
your relationship with God, is to trust him when he
says to give you something, because I don't know what
you're gonna do with the God. And I know that
you say that you love me, and I know that
the plans that you have for me are deprivesed for
me and all these different things.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
I know that you call me blessed.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
I'm to see the Abraham, But I don't know what
you're gonna do with this pain. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this marriage. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this career. I don't know what
you're gonna do with this, this idea, and so it's hard.
And so I wish church people would stop acting like
it's so easy to give something to him.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yeah, because giving it to him is a daily is
a daily walk. I have to release it daily. Yes,
I have been releasing my pain daily because of the memories.
Because trauma it doesn't just impact the body. It doesn't
just impact the way you think you're impacted by it.
(46:31):
Because of the tapes. It's like a videotape, like a
tape that's constantly being played. And this is why I
believe in advanced modalities that therapy may not be the way.
Maybe it's a form of somatic healing. Maybe it's TMS
transcranial magnetic stimulation where you got to set the device
on your head and you got to allow them to
(46:51):
stimulate your brain because of the impact of the trauma.
And I had so much pain and my trauma, I
was just like God, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
And I remember being on my knees and I remember.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Doing this surrendering, surrendering, surrendering, and I'm crying surrendering. So
after this happened, I get on the phone with my
mom and I called her and I said, and I'm
crying still. I said, Mama, I said he came. And
(47:28):
she said what I said, he came. She said, what
are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (47:33):
I said, Mama, Jesus came and visited me today. She
just started crying.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Yeah, she said.
Speaker 2 (47:43):
I was in prayer this morning and I said, God,
go see about my son, my.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
Lord, and he did the prayers of a mother.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
She said, God, go see about my boy. And I said, Mama,
I'm gonna try to hold on because he told me to.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
Give this to him.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
And that was that moment for.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
Me that it wasn't a prayer that was playing. It
wasn't some words. I didn't have to pontificate, you know
what I'm saying. I didn't have to be so magniloquent
and speak so eloquent. God just needed out my raw feelings.
God doesn't need us to be so polished. He needs
(48:25):
us to be naked. He need us to be vulnerable.
I think we you know, we try to. Oh God,
I just need you to know. God needs you to sometimes, Hey,
where are you? Where are you man? You told me
you was gonna help me, where's the help. He don't
need these cute prayers. Sometimes it's just Jesus.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
That's it, Because Crystal, that's all I had.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I didn't pray for a couple of years. I didn't
have any words. And I remember sitting still one morning, God.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Said, I hear you without even praying.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, Because sometimes the human mind is so weighted down
from the pain, from the burden, from the atrocities of
just life, that you don't even have anything that's say yes,
and all you can do is just sit there. And
I had to learn that sometimes he just wanted us
(49:32):
to sit there.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's it. That's it. Sit there. It's so funny you
say that. I do a live with on my Patreon
with my Sweeties, and one girl said, what do I
do Like when I can hear God's voice and I'm
trying all these different things and nothing's working. And I
was like, sometimes you're not hearing it because you're going, going, going.
You need to sit down so you can hear him down.
(49:55):
It's like God's trying to stop you from making these
mistakes and from doing these things, but you won't sit
down long enough to sit with him. That listen, there's
power in the stillness.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
You know.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
Mother Teresa says something that God is a friend to silence,
stillness and solitude, Like we gotta get still, get silent
and and and and be in that solitude, be in
that state where you can just rest.
Speaker 3 (50:24):
We have such a busy lifestyle.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
I tell people, I mean people that are not doing
nothing busy because they're busy doing nothing, you know what
I'm saying. So even with myself, it's learning to just
sit with him and not say nothing and just to
rest and his present and to rest even and what
(50:53):
I don't understand because God really just looking for obedience,
and I've had to learn that obedience is best displayed
when you don't understand what he's doing. And Crystal, I've
learned to trust him, to trust his methods when I
(51:14):
don't understand his acts, you know what I mean. Because
he's a God of order, He's a god of strategy. Yes,
you know what I'm saying. He's a great architect, and
so he's moving stuff that we don't even know. As
my mom said, baby, God protects foods and babies. So
there's times where he's working and we don't know he's working.
(51:37):
And I've had to learn and say, you know what,
I don't know what you're doing. Man.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Yeah, but do you think because he always gonna do
his big one, he's always gonna do his biggest one.
We'd be like, wait, this is I wouldn't even thought
of this. He's like, I know because I'm God. And
you're not listen.
Speaker 2 (51:53):
When people say, man, did you ever that my grandma
used to call me doctor J.
Speaker 1 (51:57):
Your girl. So that's before you became a doctor.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
She's to call me doctor J wow, or so she'sa
call me doctor J. And you couldn't have told me
because I know the game of football. I loved it.
But man, you could have never told me that I
would be a therapist, would be in this position and
be this voice, to be you know, a reflection of
(52:21):
what healing looks like in real time, to be this
black man who has been in a white house, who
has been all over the country speaking and had a
tour of books.
Speaker 3 (52:31):
And you told me that.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
Man.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Ten years ago, I've been like, man, I've been like Negro,
please please like what therapist?
Speaker 3 (52:40):
Like mental health? Man? And I remember this, this prophet
telling me, he said God.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
Is going to use you, and I'm like, whatever, man
like literally Christ.
Speaker 3 (52:53):
He was like, God is going to use you to
transform the world.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
And I remember laughing at this man ever did at
the angel when they tol.
Speaker 1 (53:02):
You're gonna have a baby you okay, listen.
Speaker 2 (53:07):
That man called me ten years later said what I
tell you. I was sitting on the couch. This is
when Taragi had her show Peace of Mind. He prophesied.
He said, I see you sitting on the couch with
the celebrity and you're talking about healing and da da
da da.
Speaker 3 (53:22):
He called me ten years later when.
Speaker 2 (53:24):
The episode aired, Hey, man of God, of God, and
he said, I told you what I saw.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
That God was going to use you the mighty way.
I just broke down.
Speaker 2 (53:38):
So when you say he gonna do his big one,
and here's the other part, I gotta say this.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
People like, uh, we didn't even see this for ourselves.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
No, not to this magnitude. I didn't even want to
do a podcast.
Speaker 3 (53:52):
But let's forget the podcast.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
Like, but even I wanted to be an actor, like
that was a childhood yam. I wanted to be a singer.
But the impact that we had to this magnitude. Never
thought it like I just wanted to be an artist
and then keep all this my personal self to myself,
Like I wasn't trying to share my whole life with
the world, but here we are. You know.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Do you ever wake up any mornings it just be like.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
Wow, Like every day every morning. I wake up every day.
I pull into my garage every day. Even just like
I was talking to guy the other day, I was like,
because just seeing cars, Oh, those cars that drive themselves
pull it.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
Out in front of me.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
Wait move, I was like, what is happening right now?
And then I just thought. I was like, God, thank
you for the wrecks that I can't see. You know,
It's like moments I'm always like, wow, this is crazy,
just even my life, like I was on Live last night,
and or even last week. We were this week we
were filming and two people came up to me and
asked me to pray for them. I'm like, my friend
Brenda Palmer, she's you know, Brenda, she's always like she
(54:55):
caused me pastor. And then my other friend called me
first lady.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
I'm like like you like, no, don't, don't y'all put
that on my friend.
Speaker 1 (55:04):
She's gonna say, all right, PC, you have like stopping Brenda.
She hates when people call it but you're a pastor.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
Like, because some people that's what they call to do.
Speaker 2 (55:12):
Yes, God has blessed us because we're not tied to
the four walls.
Speaker 1 (55:19):
No, we are.
Speaker 2 (55:20):
We minister through entertainment, acting, through podcast, through speaking, and
through curating, curating spaces. Like I told God, I'll do
whatever you want to do, but do not put me
in no church.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
And honestly, I feel like God is doing a restrection
of the church anyway, because it's not that we are
the church. That's not what He meant for it to be.
Speaker 3 (55:39):
But Crystal, this is ministry.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
It is.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
What you're doing is ministry. Ministry is meeting people where
they are.
Speaker 3 (55:45):
This is ministry.
Speaker 2 (55:46):
You're meeting people because not only because if you tell
me to keep it positive, that means I have to
think positive.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yes, yes, you got to change your mind.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
I have to change.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
But but when you think about the word repent is
even in the Greek meta Noah, come on now, the
word so stop.
Speaker 3 (56:05):
Let me Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
So when you when you think about repent is in
the Greek meta, Noah, it is a change to change
the way you think.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
That's what it means.
Speaker 2 (56:16):
So it's not, you know, and even when you think
about sin, like because even we I mean, it's just
like you know, I just love God has given me
such as beautiful mind. You know what I mean to
deconstruct people's mind because even when we look at sin,
it means to miss the mark.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Yep, that's what it means.
Speaker 2 (56:39):
And if you can change the way you think, you
minimize missing the mark. So if we're going to get
people to turn away from sin and to get them
to quote unquote repent, we have to help people change
the way they think. It starts in these spaces. It
starts because this is mental health. What you're doing is
mental health. You getting on them lives. Yeah, that's mental help.
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Yes, no, literally, people leave change. Like we've seen the
testimonies of people like just from coming into this community,
the lives we saved me opening also about suicide, and
opening up about relationships with my family and helping mothers
and daughters heal their relationships. It's been so many positive
outcomes that have come from just speaking our truth.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
And that's why God keep blessing you.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (57:27):
Wow, that's why God keep giving you more because He
can trust you with it.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
Yeah, that's my prayer too.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
He can trust you with it and you don't have
to keep praying.
Speaker 3 (57:35):
He can trust you with it because he didn't because
as I'm.
Speaker 2 (57:38):
Speaking, I'm speaking to me because it'd be scared me
because I'm like, you give me a lot, God, to
who much is given.
Speaker 3 (57:45):
Yes, it's the.
Speaker 1 (57:46):
Requirement, the big requirements, and the.
Speaker 3 (57:48):
Requirement is really the responsibility.
Speaker 2 (57:50):
Yes, yeah, because I don't want to mishandle the gift.
I don't want to mishandle the call, and I don't
want to mishandle people. Yeah, that's that's my burden. It's
like God, listen, Like even with my prophetic gift, like
I'm in spacing that people pull on.
Speaker 3 (58:10):
It and and.
Speaker 2 (58:12):
And people will ask like you because you can always
because it takes a prophet to identify enough profit like truly,
because it's a difference to walk in the to have
a prophetic gift, but also to walk in the office
of that. But there are spaces that I'm in that
that pulls on that, and I give the word and
(58:36):
I leave because I never like I'm not you know,
I'm just a man and my focus daily is how
can I be a better instrument to fit into God's
hands so he can use me.
Speaker 3 (58:49):
That's it, you know, And that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (58:53):
And that's why God keeps expanding us, because we have
a heart for his people. And she said to me,
he said, here's what people don't realize.
Speaker 3 (59:02):
You didn't ask for that.
Speaker 1 (59:04):
Yeah, and that's why He gave it to you.
Speaker 2 (59:07):
Folks, be mad at what we what we have been given.
Speaker 3 (59:10):
We didn't ask for this. You just wanted to be
an artist. I just wanted to be a football player.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
And my my dream was playball, you know, make a
little money to buy a house, have a family. Like
I never wanted to be all over the country. I
like being at home.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
It was like I have other plans for you.
Speaker 2 (59:33):
Listen, every time I got to leave my house, I
just be like, Lord, only for you, Man, only for you.
Speaker 1 (59:40):
I love home. I'm like I can just say there.
Speaker 3 (59:42):
Man, I'm such a homebody.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
I get on that couch and turn that TV on
after I do my workout and my mal prep.
Speaker 3 (59:51):
It's cook, I'm not coming at this house.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
You're like me, I have to recharge, Like home is
like my recharging station, and like for real, like that's right.
Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
How big is your social battery.
Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Oh very it's very small, very limited. Yeah, yeah, like
my team knows. I'll give him that look like Big West.
I can just look at him and he be like,
all right, come on, like because it's it's a lot.
It's a lot, and they pull they pulled, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
Because you got that all on you. You got their
glow and everybody want the bruise, not who's the master
show enough.
Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
That is so true.
Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
We're telling our age right now for real.
Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Twenty five five, twenty five Christmas, Chris is twenty five,
I'm thirty two forever.
Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
So you got that, you got that glow on you.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Man, the warning it is it's joy though honestly, it's
like it's not given by the world. I can definitely
say that this.
Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
Here's the other part, man. They be a t to you.
They don't even know why.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
They don't know why. People say that all the time.
They said, I see you on TV. It's like it's
just something about her, and I always say, it's the Lord.
I ain't got none to do with it.
Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
I remember my mentor telling me, he said me, tell
you something, man, he gonna know I'm telling this. He said, listen,
what you got on you? Is you gotta steward it well?
He said, you got this football bill, chocolate, you speak well.
He said, everything gonna be attracted to you.
Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
And he looked at me, everything, Williams, everything everything, everything.
That's true, man, because some of the stuff, I'll be
looking at me, like.
Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
I said, but he said, look at me. And when
he said that, man, I'll be daggon man, because the
anointing draws. Yeah, it's a drawer and it draws everyone right, rong,
(01:02:02):
red blue.
Speaker 4 (01:02:04):
It's like I don't know what it is, but I
want it and as we got to review it in
the name of Jesus, because no, but that is so
true and a lot of we don't even be knowing,
like what all comes with I'm sure you didn't know
everything that came with this life and living it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
And like you talked about when when you take these platforms,
it's not just you anymore. It's so you open up
for the audit, as Stevie Bag said, and that is
so true. We open ourselves up to a lot and
we don't realize how much comes along with this man.
Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
I and it's my mother, Mama, I want you to
know publicly, baby, how much I appreciate you. My mother
wakes up every morning at three thirty in the Inner
Seed for me, that means so much to me. Crystal,
every morning she wakes up at three thirty at Inner Seed,
and that's something more.
Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
I'll call at five o'clock. You'd be like, boy, you know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Just coming out of the room for you. You traveling
this country healing these men. You got a mighty you
got a mighty mandated mission on you. Boy, boy, you
got a big assignment, but you're gonna complete it. And
she told me recently, she said, King, I pray for
you often because she said you have such a good heart.
(01:03:23):
And when you have a good heart, and I'm sure
you know this, is that you want to see everybody
get there. Yeah, And I think the toughest thing for
me was that the circles would change because everybody can't go.
Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
Please come back next week as we continue this incredibly
insightful conversation with doctor King. J. Barnett
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Brothers Ortiz
The Brothers Ortiz is the story of two brothers–both successful, but in very different ways. Gabe Ortiz becomes a third-highest ranking officer in all of Texas while his younger brother Larry climbs the ranks in Puro Tango Blast, a notorious Texas Prison gang. Gabe doesn’t know all the details of his brother’s nefarious dealings, and he’s made a point not to ask, to protect their relationship. But when Larry is murdered during a home invasion in a rented beach house, Gabe has no choice but to look into what happened that night. To solve Larry’s murder, Gabe, and the whole Ortiz family, must ask each other tough questions.