"Choppin’ It Up!" (w/ Jon Gabrus)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Forever. Look mad oh, I see you? Why look over there?
How is that culture? Yeah? Goodness, ding dong less? Culture
is just calling? Can I say something? Yes, it is.

(00:21):
I paid five dollars for an iced coffee in this
goddamn city, the city of angels, more like the city
of fuckery. What am I doing with my money? Honey? Honey?
Five dollars for a nice coffee? Um. I looked at
you and I said, what. First of all, the pace
of life here is great. It's it's sort of he

(00:43):
doesn't draw for some people. No, But I'm about to say, like,
I cannot with these gorgeous these young girls, these gorgeous
baristas who spend like twelve minutes on an espresso cocktail.
It crazy, who whatever? But we will say this, if

(01:04):
you work in service in l A, you are drop
dead gorgeous? Is that? Because they're all trying to be models,
actress you know, the glamorous roles in entertainment. The producers.
The producers are the hottest people in Hollywood. This is
something that you don't know about about l A. You
get here and it's the producers who have the star quality.
And how can you tell that their producers? Because they're hot.

(01:26):
This is fake. But the other day I saw Kelly
Quocum on the street. Now this is fake, but this
is fake. But next to her was her producer and
oh my god, she made Kaylee Kuoko look like a dog.
And this is fake and this is fake. Um okay, listen,
but you know what's real. You make me feel my

(01:47):
hoty real because I feel validated. Yes. And speaking of money, well,
first of all, what a great segway, m h. I
commend you on your segway. I get myself a seven seven,
but if you're over A qualifies is great. Yes. Um,
oh my god. Speaking of Mighty, we love him. He's
the host of the High Mighty podcast. Ah he is.

(02:08):
Oh my god, I didn't even realize I did that.
You didn't, but there you go. He didn't even realize
your own segway. If you can't realize your own segway,
how now, how are you going to realize? I got
an amen? Amen. And he's a co host of Race
by TV gorgeous podcast with ms lap and oh and

(02:30):
and this guest. And we had a little key Key
had a dressing rooms at Cluster Fast. Truly, what a
beautiful moment. We were a dressing room neighbors. Yes, and
I always feel a connection to our guests because of
our long island roots and culture, your culture, and so
please welcome Amy. So let's talk politics at Uncle Chuck. Yeah,

(02:57):
Uncle tell us, come on, let's get real. Our guest
today is John Gabriel. Oh, guys, thank you so much.
Listen having me on despite my inability to get laptus
in the room. Let's stop. It was not about that,
but but but Laura Labkis was a busy girl this week.

(03:17):
You're telling me, you're telling me it's a nice reminder
what the career is supposed to be like. But can
I put you on blast? Please? So we were in
the dressing rooms having a key key and then I
know exactly what that is. It's a hangout. I was
gonna ask what John, I was gonna q is it
spelled q I q I? So I wish it was.

(03:39):
That's like more LGBT. It's more wo. I forgot the queue.
Damn it's key I can't. Yeah, it's it's less interesting. Well,
I guess you should give the definessition. A kiki is
a party Wait what really? Kiki is a party for
calling all your we're spilling tea and giving just deserts.

(04:00):
It's when people hang out together and they talk like
old friends call it chopping it up. Are you serious?
Some people call that chopping it up, choping like to
get on last culture East isn't chopping my buds. But
I love it. I love it as I'm at the

(04:21):
water fountain in high school and and John Demos is
walking over to me calling me a fagot like this
is where it's. That is the masculinity, that is like
a pall, and I feel comfortable. This is, by the way,
my move though is to do podcasts like this so
I can feel masculine. I got called a fag at
the water fountain too. Yeah, I was straight and just

(04:44):
at older. Let me just explain why how I'll put
John Gabrison blast right now because lap Gust was at
a rehearsal working hard, and you got a text from
lap Gas. I said where are you? And he was like,
I'm having a Kiki with the girl. I'm chopping it up.
I'm stopping it up with the boys. I'm having some
greyhounds with last we were drinking greyhounds. We earned it.

(05:07):
I had a little screwdriver. I don't know about you, guys.
I think I think I technically had a screwdriver with
some soda water. I think Greyhound is grapefruit juice, right, yeah,
technically yeah. Yeah. As you can tell by my low
level of attractiveness, I've never been a bartender our barista here.
Don't don't you do that? Don't you do that? Are
you kidding me? You're prized you'd be. I can show

(05:27):
you my d M S right now and tell you
that I have a fandom of the club in there.
Really you know the deal? Okay, So how does that
make you feel? I mean, are you is there a
discomfort with with the way that the years absolutely flattered? Good?
Be honest, I'm serious. Okay, great? Being good then? Because
I don't care. I mean, unattractive women tell me that

(05:48):
they think I'm sexy too, and it's not the same
thing I'm type you are. Who's Michael Hartney? Oh that
makes sense. I find that it's really money in the
bear world that bears are attracted to other bears, you
know what I mean. It's sort of weird, narcissistic thing
in the backdrop of it all. They're so narcissistic. It's

(06:10):
actually a real little culture. Number bears are not narcissistic cubs.
Um No, but like there is I think, look, I
think this view being here is really good. Widen the
scope of other cubs seeking out another comedic cub. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Anyway,

(06:30):
that's cub cub comic, cub comic. That's a riff on
on club comic aunt. And you know it's a good
one when you have to tell you tell the audience
where you started. And actually kind of funny because now
let me tell you why this is funny. You know
who apparently did that? Oh, Marcia Belski was telling us that, um,

(06:52):
like recently, like Ricky Gervais was like having a talk
and he was like explaining why whose problematic jokes were
finding it almost like you fucking suck. That's so. But yeah,
this is a Long Island connection. And you have a
tattoo of Long Island. Yeah it's my only I look
hot sunburned by the way, Yes, that's good. Honestly, Like

(07:16):
my my big struggle is that I'll go out like
and I'll wear you know, two shirts, tank tops whatever,
and I'll get the really bad tan line that's like
not attractive. Yes, you know that's why you gotta go
shirt off as soon as you can, as as soon
as possible. If I had Rogers, if I had your body,
I'd be shirtless so often do you mean I'm already
and look at my body, I'm like a fucking white

(07:39):
Rick Ross or like he's fitter than I am. The
thing is about the gay community is you're never happy,
You're never satisfied because the people that you're attracted to
or else you can compare yourselves to that That is hard, right,
and also like is this an over generalization and you

(07:59):
can you can spill tea on me whatever we will
tell you, we will spill tea on you. Because because
men are maybe a little shallower or a little more
visually stimulated too, So like men being attracted to men,
you're it's you know, like that first impression that looks
things is even more important. Well that's what I no, No,
you're right like that that's pretty on point. Like like

(08:21):
gay culture, well, like the sexual aspect of being gay
is like the patriarchy turning in on itself. It's like, oh,
we were we want to fuck And that's sort of
like for some people like currency because it's urge driven
because men are just like I think with my dick,
like I think that that causes them to make like

(08:42):
decisions and like it allows them to get on grinder
and be like no fats, no fems, no Asians. I
have a dick that telling me what to do and
guess what, I'm upfront about it, and that a lot
of dudes would be turned off by someone who said
that because it's like I'm a guy because yeah, right,
because they're like I feel the same way, and it's
it's sort of like a racism just like wild, like
like I don't know, it's it's crazy. The apps are crazy.

(09:03):
I am a big proponent that everyone should delete the apps.
The apps are apps are a weird situation because as
someone who's like I found my part, Like I started
dating my wife when I was twenty, so I'm still
with her fifteen years later, and uh, don't remind me.
It's just a bigger, bigger chunk of my life every year,
you know, like the fraction goes up, and uh, but

(09:26):
like if we were to try to meet on apps,
she has a couple of traits about her that I
would have written off not knowing her, you know, or
you would be like, for example, women on apps they
want to date a guy who's six ft tall or
over five ft ten or whatever, um, and everyone like
you might be missing out on someone who's five eight
and a half who's perfect, Like I'm not. I never

(09:47):
wanted a like growing up and still to this date, Like,
makeup is not a big thing to me, but it
is a huge thing to my wife. And I was like,
if I were just swiping on an app, I'd be like,
she seems difficult, and she is difficult, but in like
the best way. But but I would not know that
if I didn't give my chance a chance to get
to know her. So I feel like, if you're swiping
and you're just like I don't really like like light

(10:08):
skinned guys or whatever, You're like, you don't know what
if that guy? What if? I think you should be
okay with five things being wrong with your partner, because
we all have things wrong with us, so I might
as well be like, hey, look, Bowen is my type,
but it's weird that he does He does this for
a living, and it's like, you know what, that's one
of the five things I gotta be okay with I
don't want a performer for a husband. Well, it's like,

(10:29):
wait and find out. You know. Maybe my favorite thing
is when there's like a profile that comes up and
it's like if you have a head shot, forget it
and okay, so unpacked that oh you're talking about this
is for other people like apps. I'll go through and
it's like and it will say like I'll be like, oh,
this person looks interesting, and it says they'll be like,
if you have a head shot, keep been moving, Like

(10:51):
I don't want to date an actor. I don't want
to date a comedian. I don't want to do someone
in show biz, but like, I guess what, honey, A
lot of businessmen, real estate people, they of head shots. Yeah,
and I feel like I get why someone might not
want to date an actor or a comedian. I totally
understand that. But that again, isn't that an over generalization? Yeah,
because it's like, of course I know what the negative

(11:12):
aspects of dating an actor. I have been demonstrating them
for a decade, But why not just be like, well,
what if this actor is cool or perfect for me
and every other way except that because I feel like
the same thing goes the other way, where creative sides
are like I want a partner who's like a creative
I want someone who works in the creative field. And
then it's like you can meet someone who uh scratches

(11:34):
all those creative itches, but they could be a real
estate Everyone contains multitude. The good thing is I think
we're everyone multitudes. The good thing is that, um we are.
I think we're like a post app were hurled where
it's like when Angelum is swinging back the other way,
well where where it's like it's just apps for like

(11:55):
a thing of the past, where it's like, now people
are hooking up through d ms alone. D ms are
a thing. Now, sliding into the d ms makes sense
because then it's sort of more open. And yeah, also
now I think we're at the point. I agree with
you because I think we're now we're at the point
where a lot of people are having these conversations about
the apps, and yeah, like it's now the narrative is
like apps aren't cool, and that's the number one thing

(12:15):
is people just want to be cool and like apps
are for fucking right. It feels not even anymore. Well,
this is a thing apps for for like I missed
apps complete right and like and and their their son setting.
It's fine, but like apps now are for like and
I love this. This is great for people who make
this work, but apps for for for like agend daddy,
which means like he wants to like spoil you and

(12:37):
pay you. It's like for very specific niche things, someone
can approach you without any sort of um, we don't
have to hide who they are. Ye in where it's
like I'm looking for blank. You want to the other
end of that puzzle? Exactly? Can you piss on me
and do this and all that stuff? How much have
you been walking today? Great? What are your how big
are your feet? It's which is you know cool or

(13:00):
some people? But now we're now we're in this post
up Apple world space where everyone's like, um oh, I
will slide into your d M because I like your
Instagram and let's talk which I which I can support.
But here's support that because that's that's dialogue, right, That's
that if Instagram is the new bar that everyone happens

(13:20):
to be hanging out, right, yeah, there literally everyone everyone
is at the bar. Everyone's can go back through and
you can see if they have like a highly curated
Instagram or they like, look they seem to hang out
with friends. They take pictures of other things besides themselves,
you know, and the verified people are like out on
the back patio yea, and there's like a really like
a nasty bouncer that's like no bit. Yeah. The back

(13:40):
patio was formerly called RYA. How did you meet your wife? Um?
Communications principles A communications one on one and what a
fitting place to meet a partner? Communications principle And we
use with my way into her group because she was
hot and she had like some hot friends in the
group with her, and I was nineteen, any of you,

(14:01):
I'm like to dude, exactly, I'm like the dude in
pajama pants who shows up the class. And I'm like,
I think I'm Van Wilder, but really I'm going to
have liver issues in the you know. And I just
saw her and she had like this will date it too,
since it'll put it at like two thousand and two.
She had like a studded belt and black chucks and
like a full tron T shirt or whatever. And I
was like, yes, you might be the one not to

(14:24):
mention a great assent tits and the ass. The belt
is the belt had to go. The belt you can
use as a problem. Yeah, oh the belt is still
in play apart. Man, we don't wear it right. So
you guys were in New York for how long we we? Uh?

(14:47):
After college? We moved in together, like a year after
college we moved to me. I lived with some guy
friends for a little bit, just because I knew we
were going to move in together eventually and that'll be it.
So I was like, let me do one time living
with dudes, and I like lived not at all, not
at all. In my head, I had the I was
ready to move out because my my family I have.

(15:09):
I have a harder time getting along with my family
than my wife did with her family. So I was like,
I need to move out sooner. She wasn't financially ready,
but she expected me to wait for her, and I
kind of was like, let me do one year with
some friends. And it was the hardest part of our relationship.
She's living at her mom's house in Westchester. I'm living
in Brooklyn and Aloft with some friends. It's all new
to me, you know. I went from a college dorm

(15:30):
to my mom's house to that and and then I
was like, moved in with my wife, and I was like,
and another dude, some Brooklyn ass ship right there? You know,
three people living in a two yeah, a thruple um
and thruppy one toilet. Three humans brutal that when everyone
ships in the same spot. I would like from my

(15:52):
life to ship into my own place. Yeah, it doesn't
have to be a toilet, it's your where, your ship.
I now have one and a half paths in my
house and in my apartment, and it's a goddamn dream.
We can we can stay together forever now, especially because
she's a makeup focused person, She's a get ready. Her

(16:14):
getting ready process is a long time, and it's that
something I had to resolved to deal with over the years.
I've learned to cope because I'm a anxious when running late.
You can tell if you listen to the voicemail I
left your producing I heard. Because when I'm running late,
I get so panicky. And I don't even care if
someone runs late on me. You can beat twenty minutes
late to meet me, but if I'm five minutes late

(16:34):
to meet you, I'm in the car going out. Fuck,
you know, and I don't know what it is. I
think it's because my dad was German or something. And
I'm like so stressed, and I'm like, I'm like, Brett,
you know the fucking parking lot is clothes man. And
he's like, I'm like, oh, I found another one. He
was like one minute later, I was like, wait, here's
another one. The whole he was like, I was panicked.

(16:55):
I just don't want anyone to think I'm rude. I mean,
unless I am choosing that, I'm the same way as you,
In the same way as you don't care if someone
else is late, I will. I will be as chill
as hell about that. And the thing is being with
him in l A is funny because I've kind of
made the decision like it's okay if we're late, because
that's l A. Yeah, and eleven, like you know, ten
after is like on time and bowen when when we

(17:18):
call our lifts, but when we'll be running into the street,
like he's run into traffic several times, and I'm like, no,
no, no no, it doesn't work like that. Here, they're going
to pull over, don't slow down. I had like pull
him back and I said, we said yesterday. He was like,
what if you watched me get hit by a car.
I said, I would look down at your ass and said,
I told you, bitch, I don't I don't know. I

(17:40):
don't know if I like it's like that pace of
life thing I was talking. Yeah, No, it's different, it's different.
I know you guys are still young though, right, we're
still Yeah. So because I always I now with hindsight,
being thirty six, have a little bit of New York
in your twenties, l do you feel that's the way
it works? Because I was ready for the pay shift.

(18:02):
I didn't realize it at the time because I was
so New York centric, and then moving here, I was like, oh,
I kind of like that. Everyone is stoned, and Joe,
you know it is. I think overall it's a dumber city,
or at least uh less of a priority put on
intelligence or demonstrating intelligence in any capacity. Like like you
get in the f train in New York and everyone's

(18:24):
got books and and and then you get in a
car and LA and everyone's screaming and blasting music and
driving like fucking lunatics. Know they drive crazy here, But
here's the thing. There is a theater of like New
York per performing New York. When you're in New York's
like you're on the F train. Everyone has a book.
I guess this is what New York is. And then

(18:45):
when you come here it's like, oh no, everyone's just
on their own, on their own sort of wavelength whatever,
like udence, and it's great and like you don't feel
guilty wasting a day, not wasting, but like spending a
day to smoking and like, yeah, playing video games. L
A has like that weird thing where you don't have
to actually like new One time when someone said to
me is like, I'm like, yo, people at l A

(19:06):
dress crazy, and they're like, that's because there's not gonna
be a fifteen year old Blackett on the subway going
what the funk are you wearing? You're not gonna get
You're not gonna get roasted by high school. You're in
your car, you get out of your car, you go
immediately to the vegan restaurant, and you get back into
your car. In New York, it's like you can't dress
like a true free because you've gotta like kind of
walk nine blocks and whatever. But here in l A

(19:28):
you can have like eight inch platform Chuck Taylors and
it's like that's reasonable. Yeah, you've been into your platforms lately. Yeah,
but they're they're cheap. And I brought so many looks
to l A like I thought, like, I'll bring I'll
have something good to where every single day nobody fucking cares.
You can things about l A. You guys need to
learn you can literally wear whatever you want wherever you want.

(19:50):
It's literally like what kind of place is this, And
it's like some somebody's gonna be there in a tank top,
a woman's you're gonna have visible nipples, and someone else
is gonna be in the tucks. They all get served
the same food or And the other thing is you
can create the climate you dress. You dress for whatever
weather you want. Like if you're like a cart again,
it's like it might just be cool enough for a

(20:11):
card again, or you might be a little warm, or
you could be like I'm gonna wear shorts and a
tank top today and it might be a little but
you can just like call it because it's a dry heat.
It's a sure Speaking of speaking of wardrobe choices, I'm
looking at two products of Long Island Glorious Long Island
Masculinity Wearing tank tops, boots, hats down, and then like

(20:32):
maybe Chuck taylors On on John and then some like
incomparable denim sneaker on Yeah, a little denim van talk
about let's bring it up Long Island. I have a
theory about this the gay community. If you go to
like a gay club, it's so funny to watch how
everyone is dressed, because we're all addressing up like our

(20:53):
high school bullies, Like we have like the backward like
literally like not that you were a bully. I don't
know you in high school made were a bully. I
could be both. Yeah, I was a bully, but not
to gay people everyone. Yeah, but also I was a
member of the Gay Straight Alliance nine. That's pretty crazy

(21:14):
to be the one straight kid in there. And also
you're the kind of person where it's like, I bet
like everyone was like that is like a really good
guy because like because it's so true, like when straight
men are like they get it, like we were graded
on such a curve. Yeah, you're like if you're a
white straight male, who's like, yeah, well you know actually
Stonewall was, They're like everyone's like, holy ship. He should

(21:38):
give the speech to the event. It's like he has
a black friend, he said. Honestly, he gets the leader,
he gets his own float in a parade. Yeah, it's such.
That's how low the bar is for ally ship amongst
fucking you know white We love it. It's true though.
I mean, like my best friend in high school, Kenny,

(21:58):
I was so nervous about telling him that I was
gay that I didn't make it through it. I started
to cry and he was and he just like and
he gave me a hug. I was like, it's okay,
I know, and it was just like I'll never forget
like that experience. But it meant so much to me,
I think because like, well he was he was who
he was to me. But also like being like a

(22:19):
straight guy, it's like I know that you guys don't
have to accept us and like love us, and you
could just keep on living your life, you know what
I mean. That's I think that doesn't affect you. It
doesn't affect him, or at least that's the mentality at
the time. It's like the thing is like I'm taking
a huge risk here by like literally being myself and
it doesn't affect you know, straight dudes. So that's like a.

(22:42):
I think that's that's something that's like in US, which
you know, I don't know. I don't know how the
kids feel nowadays. I don't dress like my bellies. I
dressed like my fucking self anyway. Well, you're the hardest
bully you've ever dealt with. Wow, he you just you

(23:03):
yourself talk about dressing like your bullies. The other day,
I Sunday, I was outside my apartment I live in
West Hollywood, smoking a joint, and I was in my
traditional housewear, which is a tank top, short flower print shorts, uh,
sockless shoes of some sort, and backwards hat, and like
seven dudes start walking down my block, all dressed exactly

(23:25):
like me. And I'm like, and literally, it looks like
we are a group of cartoon dogs, are you know
what I mean? Like where a cartoon cast about like
surfers who you know, got gained weight or whatever. And
I was just like all these like big dudes, stocky
muscular guys and walking by and the smoking to joint
and them waving to them, and I'm like kind of like, hey,
look at our outfits. And I'm like, oh my god,
am I I'm flirting with this is And it was

(23:48):
it all coming back. It was like the Pride parade.
They were walking back to their car and I'm like,
who are these bros? What's up? Guys were oh, never mind,
put it all together, and they were like, but that's
how it should be. Yeah, it was so awesome. I
was like, well, fun, I've talked about this and let's fun.
I talked about this on another podcast once. But I
just want to say the bear community has done so

(24:09):
much for my fashion, you know, because now there's cool
clothes that comes. You can get short shorts in a
forty two ways now, and I think it's because big
dudes are started dressing like that. And it's for a
straight guy who's always dressed like a gay dude. I
just never had gay dude bodies. I was like, this
is so fucking awesome. Yeah, that body positivity in the community. Sure, although,

(24:31):
oh my god, I have to read this. Hold on,
I have to pull up this, this into headline and
this is me being shady, but whatever. And while he's
doing that, I want to ask, when did you get
the tattoo? I got this tattoo at thirty last Christmas. Okay,
so it's recent. It's a reason it's my first tattoo,
me and both my brothers. We all got them together,
and it's a large one. It's a big one besides

(24:52):
my whole ba. The world is changing. That might be
very real, God forbid. But that's why I've always loved
This is so stupid, but I always loved living on
the island because I was like, I mean, no natural
disaster can really get us, except that a huge tsunami, Like,
well could a tsunami happen there? I don't know how

(25:13):
it works. The way I read it was like there
was no fault lines like in the but so we
were kind of safe from sandy, right that until Sandy
happened and I was like, oh no, we can get
fucked up. I moved to l A the week of Sandy.
It was a very weird experience because I lived in
like Red Hook, Brooklyn. There's waste deep water in the streets.
One day and five days later, I'm flying. I'm paying

(25:34):
a hundred and fifty dollars to a car service because
gas is still not able to get anywhere, paying a
hundred fifty dollars to take me to JFK from Brooklyn,
and I'm driving out of the city. Leaving the city,
I have like pots and pans in my suitcase with
my wife a dog in our lap, and the city
is black. There's no lights on. It's like a five
And I'm like, this is an insane way to say
it was wild. Well that's how you know you gotta go.

(25:56):
He lives in red Hook, Yeah, like Carol Garden's Red
Hook Border. Like I worked at Brooklyn Crab, did you Yeah?
I worked there for four years. Holy hold on, we have,
I guarantee we have. Do you know do you know
the Rob them Rob, Rob Robb who built the place
built the place. Yeah, he's an old Do you know
Justin Tyler from New York? Because you guys did, I

(26:18):
was welcome. Oh awesome, we all met. I met y'all
know at UM that weird Comedy Central pilot. I yes,
over and I was so pumped to have met you
and that I didn't even know you guys were UCB
guys at the time. Too. Came up and I was like,
oh ship, we have so many friends. But Justin Tyler
and I were are old friends Rob because we all

(26:39):
lived in that neighborhood and the Carol I didn't have
a bunch probably before honestly, Job built the building. Well
he was like a co owner, co manager, but he's
got some title there, this guy, and he was like
always like I never really knew how to interact with him.
But then later on like we kind of you know,
just assume he faced way to deal with. But like always,
like whenever there was like a straw true problem with

(27:00):
the building, everyone was like, well Rob built it. He's good.
He has He owns his own restaurant now, and like,
uh yeah, like what's the neighborhood four Green his own restaurant. Yeah,
that's awesome. Lot's changed there over the past two years.
And they went through like a couple of general managers.
But I think it's like on its way. Sarah Grace
Wellborn works there another up. I got her the job

(27:22):
and then they kept her for the winter and not me,
and I was like, well, I'm never coming back. What
kind of business does it do in the winter, shitty? Yeah,
I can imagine, Like, but the summer is popping off
all day, dumping off the amount of money Corn Hall literally,
and it's good for everybody, you know what I mean,
Like it's good for families, it's good for like you
can get ship faced there. You can also take your

(27:42):
kid thereoutely, and there's like so many different levels. Well
this is a big um, I guess ad for Brooklyn
crab check out. So here's the fucking deal when I
get back in there, and I don't know if anyone
from the from the place listens, like the managerial staff,
but I still want my employee discount as a result.
There you're an ambassador. Yeah, why don't you pull up? Okay,
So we were talking about bout it body positivity. I
just whatever, maybe this I'll get some ship for this.

(28:04):
But um, this this Okay? So there's this twurtter can
I follow um and she and they tweeted um no
tea or shadow? But what do any of these words mean?
And it's this into headline that says thickness is getting
co opted by the mask muscular gaze, gay body fascism
and the gentrification of body positivity. And it's like and

(28:24):
this is this is like another care account being like
what the funk are you talking? Like like you get
like John, like you gotta know that, like there is
this like there there is some degree of infighting in
the gay community where it's like you gotta like get
off this look. Just because it can be a headline
doesn't mean it should be well and the guy and
the guy who wrote this article also is a great comedian,
but he um confused me and Joel Kim Booster. He

(28:46):
introduced joelkin Booster wants at a show by saying, this
guy's great. He's on the sketch group called pop Roulette.
Please welcome to the stage of Dool Kim Booster. So
I'm like, okay, well that's that's that's where we're at
now anyway, But like that happens all the time, happen
I'm assuming, Yeah, I get confused for John Gemberling all
the time. Oh yeah, yeah you and definitely I'm sure
are always confused. And I'm not saying like that's allowed.

(29:07):
And three times, like several time, that's racist, that's racist,
and several times it's we've been most recently this last
pilot season it was down to the two of us pilot. Literally, yeah,
he booked. You know what that means. It'll open up
the doors for something. I know that's all the joke is,
because it's happened now like two or three times. The

(29:28):
joke is I'm like, I need you to get a
show that goes two seasons, so the next pilot season,
you're not available. I felt like that about He definitely
doesn't feel this way about me. But I'm so happy,
like he's gonna work now because like it cancels him
in the equation or you kidding me, Like people the
Gaze in New York are just picking up the crumbs
that are left that were left behind when John like

(29:49):
moved to La John Early. Yeah, they'll tell me sometimes
they'll be like, yeah, oh my god, I'm so happy
to have you. John couldn't do it. Take it books
something where I looked the the script is like, where's
my part? And then it was literally the name was
John and I was like, oh, really couldn't do it?
And then Cole Scholler couldn't do it, and then joe

(30:09):
Kie Booster couldn't do it, and then but when Ye
couldn't do it, and then Josh Sharp couldn't do it,
and then Aaron Jackson couldn't do it. So we thought,
oh my god, we love that Rogers. You're allowed to
love ten comedians are I don't want to know on
the tenth hap to you know what it was it
was like, shot I shot this thing with Linda Donald
for funny or diet. Was like she did a rap

(30:29):
for the Hillary campaign. Finally why she lost? Um, but
you're you're like, why can't generally be available? But they
like um by the way that she was great? Though.
Can you imagine saying that sentence to like a cousin
from Tennessee. I was actually in a video with Lena
Dunham where she would they would hate it. We actually

(30:53):
can I just say, Tina, they did this? Um did this?
Made this joke Once she was giving like some like
speech out of breakfast, like a variety women and women
in Hollywood breakfast, and she goes and this is right
after election, and she goes, you know, it's really tough,
like we're going through a tough time now, and like,
you know, I just think like Hillary would have one
if we had just had one more music video of
a celebrity wrapping about Hillary. And it was like, like,

(31:18):
why am I talking about someone? But literally it's like
is that spilling tea by the way, Yeah, well here's
the thing. Spilling the tea is just telling the truth.
YEA spilling tea isn't like burning someone necessarily you know
what I mean. That's reading them, Okay, burning someone is
reading exactly like when you go out like you burnt

(31:39):
by that person, like they've been read someone else read
them to filth um. I love this, I think. I
think I can't wait to bring this back to all
my nearly forty year old straight friends and explain it.
Can I tell you something I think I think Gabris is,
I think we should start handing out an award another
award here Lost Cultures? Does all I have the year?
I'll I have the year and gave risk I think
Gabris has ever said yeah, all over the year. I

(32:02):
knew it would be here, of course. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Member,
come on, that's crazy, I mean, especially because like even
doing that, you had to have everyone saying you are
a fagot. Yes, yeah, And that was part of the
fun for me though, was sort of like trolling them. Yeah.
It was kind of like, well, if you're going to
call these guys the F word, I'm going to stand

(32:25):
there and take it alongside them. Because also I feel
like too at the time, because it was the g
s A was made up of maybe just also a
more broader thing than gay, and it was more like
these people feel not home. Yeah, they don't feel comfortable
here at school because there was people who I'm like,
in hindsight, I'm like, I don't think that woman was

(32:45):
gay as much as she was, you know exactly. I'm sure. Yeah,
especially now with like all the all the letters, like
you know, I'm sure there was an umbrella we were
all covered under. What high school is that? That was
map Um High School met him War Americ Central High
School District. Yes, I went to ice Lip, Oh you did.
I grew up in a Freeport. My parents both went

(33:07):
to Freeport High School. Well, my mom went to free
Port High School. My dad would have gone if he had.
That's kind of w T I'm from. This is my
favorite thing about being from Long Island. It's like you're like,
where are you from? And someone says a town, and
then I say a town and then we go, oh,
yeah we know that town. We call it Jewish geography. Okay,

(33:28):
do you know Brad Brad Brad? Of course that's my mom. Uh.
I was in Vegas. Took my mom, me and my wife,
my mom and her friend. We went to the like
the restaurant in the Eiffel Tower. Because we're staying at
the Paris, we went to the restaurant, the Smilier. There
it happens to listen to comedy bank bang in High
and Mighty and knows me, and he's so excited and

(33:49):
he's like, I just want to introduce myself, blah blah blah.
And then I was like, oh, that's so nice. He leaves.
My mom doesn't react at all. A stranger came up
to me in a suit and said he was and
he shook my hand and Paris and then uh, he leaves.
And then the woman comes over and she goes, he
was so nervous to talk to you. Was so he
was being so cute backstage, Like back in the backstage

(34:10):
in the kitchen I still called. When I played sports,
I called rugby practice rehearsal and they were like, all right,
boy in trouble um. And she's like, and he's from
Long Island too, And my mom goes, he's from Long Island.
Kept him out here and then he goes out and

(34:31):
then my mom goes, where are you from? And he
says some town and she's like it's so and so.
Still the music teacher there he was, and he was like,
I don't think so. And my mom was like, that's
weird because I think he's I think he's still there.
And I'm like, she didn't react at all to her
son getting recognized, and uh, and but she's going apeshit
over the fact that she's playing Jewish geography with a ram.
Long Island people are very proud to be from Long Island,

(34:53):
you know what I mean, like if they're still there.
A lot of people who leave. I it took me
a while to gain the pride of I found. I
want to do good pr from Long Island because there's
a it is Tim Tim Dillon one time Long Island,
another Long Island comedian. Uh he one time said, uh,
thirty minutes subway thirty years behind, thirty minute train ride
thirty years behind. Because it's so close to Manhattan, you

(35:15):
would think it would be more progressive. It's really, but
it is people who choose not to go to Manhattan
despite living thirty minutes away from it. And that blows
my Like my family will be like, it's too much traffic.
It's like, it's fucking Long Island has traffic. This is
New York City. There's the fucking Natural History Museum is
here at the moment, Like, that's in New York City.
You can go to that. You got to name any

(35:36):
food or bar you want to try, it's there. And
they're still like, no, I like to see food place
in my hometown. You know, all right, well then what
can you do? I don't know. I definitely like I
didn't realize this growing up, and then afterwards, like I
kind of was like, oh, wow, that was actually really
hard to grow up there, Like you're not hard to
hard to go up there and be different, right, you

(35:56):
know what I mean? It's because it's it's blue collar
in like in like a prideful way. Yeah. You know,
even though even though maybe maybe the person is a
dentist or a hedge fund operator manager or whatever and
now they make they have a million dollar home or whatever,
but their parents were probably Electricians or Irish or Italian
immigrants of some sort, or Jewish or whatever, and so

(36:18):
they are have that weird blue collar attitude. And I
think that you can have a negative side to it too,
just sort of like I don't fucking want this fancy shit,
fucking oh you know, chicken on pizza, having chex with men.
You know, I feel like the people who like chicken
on pizza having sex with men is the title of

(36:39):
this Oh my god, I like chopping the block, chopping,
the chopping, the chopping it up, chopping it up, I'm sorry,
chopping it up. I'm sorry. Chopping it up is the title. Yes,
if you know what's insane watching the same people who
like like Bill Clinton become the people who liked Donald
Trump one and it is just because the white male

(37:00):
choice on right and right. And also I do think
it's the blue collar people they they've Hillary lost them. Yeah.
Trump is huge in my family because of casinos and
all my family like and the people I know who
are into Trump are before they were became closed minded

(37:22):
sort of bigots, like anti immigration. Before that ship didn't
even matter to a lot of these people, I know.
They were just excited that someone who they knew, who's
from New York makes a bunch of money and despite
the fact that he doesn't like we finally a business
like that ship. A businessman is running America. It's like
he was a businessman who burned businesses to the ground
and became and he got money out of it. Yeah,

(37:45):
that's so funny. That was such a narrative too. In
high school, when Mitt Romney was running and he was like, um,
going to be the nominee, everyone was like, you know,
the country needs to be run like a business. And
I'm like, wow, your parents are like really brainwashed you
with yeah, it's great. And then people are so adamant
or so anti Hillary or so pro this idea of
Trump business that when he got elected, they just adopted

(38:07):
other ideas of theirs that they never even had before. Right,
You're not so Christian relatives who are conservative all of
a sudden are like have like these weird Christian values
that are like You're just You're like, because you don't
have to just wholeheartedly adopt every belief, you can be like, look,
I I like this Trump thing. I like the tax breaks.
I love that I'm rich and getting richer. But let's

(38:29):
let Mexicans live here. You know, No, you have to
like you have to swallow the whole pill. And you
I'm just rambling now. I'm on my second coffee. I realized.
But when you were saying like that weird headline where
inside the gay community people are still like they're picking
you see that ship amongst liberals too right, you can't

(38:50):
back Kamala Harris, she said this five years ago. None
of that, yeah, exactly, And where I'm like, I don't
think this is the time for us to like be
hemming and hawing of like we're not going to build
the perfect candidate that scratches all the liberal itches because
that we're all too fraction because we're so like, well,
that's Bowen's belief, so let's support that. That's Matt's belief,

(39:11):
that's Gaber's belief. Let's all support those. We can't go Bowen,
shut the funk up. We need a person who can
win right now. Or if you do say that, then
it's like how dare you? And that that is a
little yes, you know what I mean? Like that is
like this kind of like thing of you know, like

(39:32):
I don't I don't even really know, but I just
feel like if I would feel more confident going forward
if there was someone we could all agree on. And
the thing is, there are so many good choices. There
are so many people that like I feel like could
go up against Donald Trump, and I can't believe we're
gonna watch him campaign again like that when what the
day he wont I was like, what I'm so scared

(39:52):
of is like that we're gonna all have to watch
this again, like and it's gonna get worse because if
they put Kamala Harris up there, you I don't know
what he's gonna say. And also Kirsten Gila Brand, he's
gonna like make comments about her voice, you know what
I mean? You can just see. And that's what sucks
is like everyone that we have as an option, I'm

(40:12):
thinking to myself, how is he going to be horrible
to that person? Right? I think we need to like
and look, I'm all for whoever can win can win,
So I'm you know, I'm open to whatever person we need.
But part of me thinks like we need to fight
alpha with alpha, you know what I mean. Gavin Newsome,
get like some fucking street tough training and be like,

(40:33):
you know, some sort But again, I don't know anything.
Everyone is going to have a problem with some somebody.
It's almost like we're in a huge street fight and
we keep getting mad at each other for bumping into
each other, like we're being surrounded by the other team
and we're fist fighting, and then we bump into each
other and it's like, can you please stay over there?
You know. It's like, guys, we're gonna She's gonna hit

(40:54):
the fan asap. Let's just make sure we beat the
other guys. Guys, we were all supposed to be in
the shame shade of blue arguing about that you are
an eggshell, um Robin egg show. Yo, No you didn't.
There are no mistakes which actively will just make that

(41:14):
the truth. You know, when they said that Oprah, like
when she made the speech of the Golden Globes and
everyone was like, oh, bro, we'll be president. I literally
said to myself, I was like, maybe she's the only
person that is the answer to That's why people, that's
why the enthusiasm was there, and because everyone who can
argue with like her what she's done. Like, I mean,
it does feel like the answer to Trump. It scares me.

(41:35):
It scares me though, like what we may find out
about her if she were to go, you know what
I mean, I can't have one strike against her in anyway.
It would hurt too bad. Like and also if she
were to lose, that would feel I think even worse
than you recover from that. Right, it's not worth it.
It's not worth it for her. No, no, and she
knows that, and I truly don't think it was ever

(41:57):
an option. She should just come out there and fucking
who back somebody hard and go in. But then there's
the thing, like we said about Lena Dunham, it's like
I think Lena should Lena should run. Oh my god, Yeah,
that would be a weird like sort of sacrificial lamb.
Let's put her up early and just have her get
thank you for taking all the slings and arrows for us.

(42:17):
A Republican she would probably that would be awesome. She should.
We should sucking go troll. We should go troll on
these guys. Honestly, they fucking that's how they want that
way trolled their fucking way into the White House. He
is a good bully, he's a fantastic but he's very
still at being all yeah, yeah, he's very good at

(42:39):
like I feel like I know your weakness and I'm
gonna just keep saying it until other people are saying it. Yeah.
All you had to say was the word emails. All
you had to say was the word. He's still like that,
like it was Patlilvian, Like no one on the left
is saying collusion, Like, that's not even what Mueller is after, right,
he just keeps saying no collusion, no collusion. Now it's

(43:00):
of now that's a phrase because Republicans are too stupid
to say obstruction of justice in one sentence. Just in general.
Also the thing we just talked about this the other day.
But honestly, like you can't even I think almost think
there are so many controversies almost on purpose, because it's
like you can't even remember one of them anymore. There's
so much bullshit every single day. Yeah, it's a needle,

(43:21):
and it's needle and a stack of needle. Yeah. Like
I feel the same way, like, uh, you know, saying
something problematic on a podcast or on a tweet can
get you fired or unhired from something like as for
most people, I feel like I've said enough pseudo problematic
things that it's sort of like everything else gets put
under the umbrella of like, wow, what are we gonna do?

(43:42):
It's got three of podcast content where he's got stupid views.
I think Trump is like the peak version of that,
where you're like, well, are we really going to get
mad at him for this? Because he just did this
thing that was worse yesterday, and it's going to do
a worse thing tomorrow. We didn't do anything. Then it's weird.
You can get fully fired for one bad tweet, but
you can do thousands of bad things, and everyone's like, well,
that's what it is. Yeah, you can't you can't be

(44:04):
if you're super, you can't have You can't get a
nineties seven on the test. You can either get a
hundred or you can get a zero a thousand times.
You know what, I'm truly and I'm gonna admit to
something I'm truly horrified at. Is like the enthusiasm, my
own enthusiasm of like activism, just like getting out there
and like doing doing the work is like has just

(44:27):
tanked in the last three months because you get tired.
And that's what I'm truly fatigued. I'm with you. It's
like I'm sober in town. I was. I would listen
to him. I would watch Matter or listen to the
podcast version every single night and be like with it.
And now I'm just like, oh, what New York is?
Because it feels food feels because you're like honestly, and

(44:48):
also you have to remember that's also an industry, so
they want you to keep watching. So she has watched
this space, watch this space, and it's like we're watching
the space. Nothing is happening. And so it's almost like
every day since he's been elected, they've been promising that
it's gonna end, and it's like, this is what's gonna
but it's gonna be. This is what it's gonna be.
That we're exhausted on it now and they won't get
they won't get advertising if they say, look, it's gonna

(45:09):
be a slow fucking grind some information over the course
the next few years. Hopefully we could trip this guy
and his cronies up. Instead, they go, tomorrow, we have
tax returns, and it's like a page that was upsetting.
That was a very upsetting that I I was like, well,
I'm pumping the brakes on Mattow. For a while after that,
I was like, you you used us, you know, I

(45:32):
felt I felt used in that moment. I felt like, yeah,
you fucking snake oiled me. You said like, I've got
the cure for what you're feeling right now, tune in tonight.
And it was like try this, you know, I mean,
the only good thing that came out of that was
that she was able to get everyone to watch at
the same time and explain very cogently like Okay, these
these are the things that have happened that have lent

(45:54):
up to us. Um. But yeah, like I'm just I'm
just I'm just here to say, like I feel a
certain amount of guilt to with that fatigue, which is
so dumb and layered. But like it's like it's like
you think back on then you think you think back
on like the day after he got inaugurated, the week
after the Muslim band, and then all of us going
to JF, like New York going to jfkra people go
to ALIAX, Like like I don't know what. I don't

(46:16):
know if there's gonna be another thing that's gonna like
ignite that same passion and like on like a mass level,
I know, and I don't know, Like it seems every
time it seems like, well, if it's not uh, if
it's banning people from arriving in the country, that's all.
If it's making Mexicans build up, if it's separating parents
from their children at the border, and it's like all
the ship keeps coming out and you're like this has

(46:38):
to be the thing, and then it's just sort of
like next you know, it's a month later, and then
you start to feel fatigue with so when you're like
Michael Cohen has been indicted or whatever, you're like, Okay,
well nothing's gonna happen, and then you you talk about
the guilt with fatigue. I've started to get so far
around that where I feel guilt with the bullshit that
I do for a living, you know what I mean,
Where I'm like I can't be at the protests on

(47:00):
a Saturday because I have to go do a show
or whatever. I'm like, this is awful. Also, I don't
have enough free weekends to be a full time activist,
like it seems crazy. And then also it's like you
find like I just saw people chemically changed before the
election and after the election, like especially a lot of
comics to like all of a sudden, like what that
what they were talking about exclusively with political stuff? And

(47:22):
I'm like, actually, maybe this is what you're supposed to do.
And it's like how do you say that to someone,
But like you really get a sense that they might
be more useful like that. And then I did see
a lot of them land at jobs where they can
be politically active. And I saw that with a few
people like Buddies who ended up at like Pods of America,
Like this is the job I need right now. There's
some great folks working at Samantha by which I think
it's exactly where they're supposed to be, right, But like

(47:43):
you know what I mean, it's just like you know,
it was a confusing time. It's through we just talked
about this. Actually the world just felt differently before and after,
like it was like a nine situation. It was like
the chemistry change, Like it was just darkness. It was weird.
But then there's also like an odd like hunger game
this kind of thing to it now where it's like
what side are you on? Used to you're not used

(48:06):
to not even ask, and now you're like, no one
wants conservatives. Super conservatives don't want to do with super liberals.
Super liberals don't want to deal with super conservatives. And
that's why going to the island is so hard because
I had, for the first like twenty six years of
my life just like loved everyone from for their like
if they were had different views, it was just like

(48:26):
not it didn't really matter because at the end of
the day, we weren't gonna die. If Mitt Romney was
like the president, you know what I mean, Like, it
would have been fine. It would have been hard, but
it would have been fine. And we lived through George
Bush and there were differences and opinions and like, yes,
that was a very dark time and it felt bad.
But Trump, when you understand that someone supports Trump and

(48:46):
then you start talking to them about it, and you realize, oh,
this isn't going to be as simple as me expressing
my feelings and then expressing them. Our feelings are not
getting to a place. It's like when you understand that
there are ideological, lived in differences between these people that
you loved so much and still loving anyways, if you're sibling,
like so when you grew up next to and you're like,
I thought we had the same exact point of view

(49:10):
on our fellow people, you know, like or you're in laws,
You're like, Okay, well, how do you feel? I get
like some element of what you're feeling because you're just
we have a different life. You're from like a little
bit more of a hick up here in upstate New
York or whatever. But why the funk, like, how does
how do you expand all the way? How do you
get like, how do you bring in that other part

(49:31):
of you where? Because there's always it's always bubbling on
Long Island too, where it's like when your uncle said,
I don't know that place gets a little dark on
the weekends. You're like, oh, you don't realize what they're
talking about it first, and then you're like, wow, okay,
you felt good enough to say that. Yeah, yeah, you
felt comfortable enough to say that. And then now you're like,
you feel like these people are just getting more and
more embold And I'm like, if that's what they were

(49:51):
saying in nine, what are they saying now? First of all,
I put on a red hat this morning, and I
was like, can I even wear this? It's a surf
shop corduroy hat. But I got panicked that. I was like,
I can't wear a red hat. I'm a fat white
guy with a red hat on, and I'm gonna get
a I have an eleven year old cousin and right

(50:14):
before the election, my mom was like babysitting him and
he's in the back of the car and they're driving
somewhere and he starts talking about Hillary and he called
her a murderer, And like, what's going in about how
you know Hillary is a murder This is an eleven
year old kid, And I'm like, this is what's really
fucked up. It is that you can just casually pass

(50:38):
down to your eleven year old child that Hillary Clinton
is a murderer and that he thinks now that he's
like informed about this and it's eleven years old, and
if that's just I can't let that go. I can.
It feels that's like I will leave the person out
of this for their privacy. But someone said to me
it was like someone uninformed about politics. I was talking

(51:00):
in them and they were like, uh, They're like, oh,
you're probably gonna vote for Hillary, right, this is before that.
I was like, yeah, I mean, what's the other option?
They were like, well, what about the bombs? And I go,
I go, what bombs? They're like the bombs and they're Hillary.
My friend was telling me that Hillary was dropping bombs
on something and I go, and why does that have

(51:21):
set you? And I know they're wrong, and I know
I think this person was talking about Benghazi and just
didn't even understand what it was. And I'm like, so,
what do you think happened? You think Hillary Clinton as
secretary of State dropped bombs and now we're only hearing
about this days before the it didn't happen, and like,
uh the stock like uh, the same person went The
stock market went up when Trump got elected on like

(51:44):
one percent of the world owned stocks, you know what
I mean? Like you happen to own stocks, so you
feel a direct benefit. And that's the ship that drives
me crazy is where it's like I love a direct benefit,
but I can't help but think, like what about these
other sex amount of people? What if we all benefit
totally or just the lie like it none of that.

(52:05):
That's the thing. But here's my thing too in now
thought experiment, what's our liberally like when we say ship,
like oh, Stormy Daniels or whatever are we is that
are BEng Ghazi over? Are we getting caught up in
some bullshit too? Yeah? You know the crazy thing that
we believe uniformly right that they would that conservatives. That

(52:27):
sounds insane, You're nuts. Honestly, I think us us all
the tape maybe like that, yes, yes, maybe the pe tape.
But even that's like that's in adoscia there's like that
was investigated. I don't know. And we don't even feel
the way about the pe tape as these monsters felt about.
We're not saying I'm not gonna vote for Donald Trump
because the hook or piste on. Yeah, as a matter

(52:48):
of fact, that's one of the more humanizing things about it.
And honestly, I feel like, I again, my sister was
like not for me, But then again, neither is conservatives.
I even tweeted like when when the dossier came out
and like pe tape was like the word I was
just like, but honestly like kind of like kind of
kind of happy for Trump. It makes him more rounded,

(53:09):
like makes more well rounded as a person. And it's
the thing I mean, I mean, I'm not saying that
he's like not know you love him Donald Trump. And
he has a funny story about he was at the
after part. I've told us a million times, but I
will say it to John. So Donald Trump hosted us
an L and that was the episode that Bond happened
to go to and like they had like a he
had like an interaction with a Vanka that was like insane,

(53:31):
and then Donald Trump was leaving the restaurant, and I was, yeah, great, um,
and yeah, you know he I was hammered and like
and like like people are just like he didn't have
secret service. I mean, he has his own security, but
he like Keith Um. But yeah, they just just like

(53:54):
pushing people aside. But then like I was like along
the procession of him walking and I was hammered. And
he passes by a go great show tonight. And you guys,
thank you didn't doesn't make eye contact, complimented Donald Trump
on his comedy after his show, your comedian Jimmy fallon

(54:16):
you guys in the same Um, I do think the
Stormy Daniels is the thing that they can't believe, Like
why are you guys, like supporting a porn star? How
could you? Because they they don't understand like the idea
of like, you know, um, embracing sex work as like
a thing that like people do and pay her bills.
Like I don't think people think porn star. They think

(54:36):
or they think like and that's like a horrible thing,
Like how dare you like? But it's Trump is like
porn star. Like the thing you liked about him in
the eighties and nineties is that he was more a
porn star with Yeah, Um, it's so it's so weird. Also,
that's my favorite ship too, is like, I think the

(54:58):
thing that drives me most crazy about this DIVI and
amongst sides is like the reason we're into porn stars
is because I think we're all honest with ourselves. It's like,
we watch porn, like the least you could do is
respect the people in it, you know what I mean. Like,
and the other side definitely watches porn. Yeah, and that's
what bothers me where it's like they definitely watch pornography,

(55:20):
they definitely watch sports, they definitely watch entertainment featuring minorities
and LGBT people and they can't see also that it's like, hey,
maybe I should support them outside of you know that,
I would be more stars struck if I saw Carter
Dane than I saw Julia Roberts star I assumed card.
You don't have to do. We haven't asked this questions

(55:41):
two grays anatomy names good. We should ask this question
before we get into I don't think so, honey, So
we ask all of our guests that come through, Um,
what was the culture that that you experienced that made
you say culture was for you, Like what was the
defining thing as you were growing up, Like there was

(56:01):
a movie like Musical Artist, a television show and it
was like defining for you kind of like made you
follow it in a way that was like I'm yeah,
that's really Oh that's a very good questions question. I
like that question. I guess I would say the first
time I saw like, uh, like I watched action movies

(56:26):
with my dad growing up, and I'd be like, this
is so cool. And then I remember when I saw
a comedy movie I was watching, maybe it was like
a cable guy or like, you know, one of the
dumb and dumber at one of those Tommy boy that
generates movies, like these are so funny, These are so funny.
I was so into comedy. And then my dad said, uh,
and we didn't have a good relationship, but like movies,
where are connection? And he was like, oh, you should

(56:46):
see this movie called Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
And I was a little D and D kid and
a budding comedy kid. I didn't know it at the time,
and then I was I watched that and I was like,
these guys are adults being silly riding horses, carrying swords.
I don't think there's a cooler thing you can do.
And I felt in that moment. And then when I

(57:07):
eventually came to UCB as as unlike what it was
in my head, it still was, Hey, we're all a
bunch of comedy people. We have like sort of the
same reference points. And I felt and I was like, oh,
this is this is the AMA And then I sort
of just felt that vibe and continued that, like continued
that and the and then did that open the door

(57:28):
to the Monty Python stuff? Oh yeah, But like I've
eventually got all of Flying Circus on DVD, you know. Uh,
And even late way later in life got into British
comedy more. But for me that was more just about like, hey,
this comedy movie is. And then also another one, another
version of that was when I first saw the movie
hot Shots, which is like a top gun parody. So

(57:49):
it's parodying films that I love, like the mask bullshit
mask in action movies. And I can get the both
the comedy, but I also love all the reference and
I'm like, oh my god, I even though this is
a thing you could do, it's like, hold both of
those believes. I've sort of always been as uh, now
that I'm less cultus ally the year, I've always sort

(58:10):
of been like this weird dichotomy of like meathead and
nerd or like yeah, you know, like I was a
theater kid and a rugby player. It was like I
did short form improv and drinking games. Yeah, so I
was like I was kind of was always had like
a foot on both sides, so I felt. And then
when I found those like parody movies and I was like,
oh my god, like in Monty Python of course stands
out like right, yeah, that's I'm glad you can textualized

(58:32):
it with um that the action movies was the thing
that like major Dad say, oh, actually there's this, here's
this totally different thing that sort of has some connection
to it, like spiritual connection to that. I fucking love
the moment that I rented Monty Python and the Holy
Girl from the library and like popped it. I didn't
really know like people were like kids at school be

(58:52):
like oh it's so funny, and I just like read
it from the library, popped into the DCR fucking lost
my mind. Like the the opening title cards, like he's
been sacked, like that person has been sacked. I was like,
what is this right? And it's really you would I
would have written it off a year earlier just based
on the lighting, you know what I mean. Like when

(59:13):
I was a kid, I could not get my head
around seventies ships, you know what I mean, like even classics.
And then now I like, yeah, I really, I'm like,
this is not a multi camp sitcom. It's super well lit,
so it's garbage. I remember the first time I saw
like a Doctor Who episode when I was young, I'm like,
who watches this? And then when I got like, as
I got older and you like get appreciation for that

(59:33):
like look and all of a sudden you're like, oh
my god, this whole world. Yeah, it's just man. I
have to ask you about your preferred drinking game in
high school, um or in general. In high school it
was beer pong was the big one. And then when
I was eventually here some long island ship, when I
was eventually a Jones Beach lifeguard, Oh, we would do
a hell of a lot of beer pongs. Shout out

(59:55):
to my I'm not even to give his last name
because I feel like he's a businessman now Shout out
to my s or beer punk partner. Five summers running
kicked ass every time. Shout out to Joe. See I
was a flip cup bit. Oh I could play a
game of flip cup. And then in college we got
into rugby team did boat races, which is just chuck
a beer and put it on your head. See I
haven't a college was different because we went to n

(01:00:17):
y U and it was like we did the more
cerebral drinking games, like like Kings. I love Kings. Is
that like a cup of death or whatever? You like
when you flipped the cards over? And like every every
does something different. But flip Cup I loved because of
the racing as when I did cross country and so
I was on the track and I was like, oh yeah,
it's about speed. I love it. And it's just like
I love that you only had to drink like a

(01:00:38):
little bit. Yeah. And then it was also there's like
a performative aspect and a sort of like you get
to be you're you're kind of always playing with flip cup.
Once you flipped you can just you can hang you
can Also like when you got it over on the
first try, that felt that there's nothing There's no better
feeling in the world. Truly, There's not a cooler move
than casually drinking your beer, no rush, placing it down

(01:01:00):
and then just flipping it. And you're a flip cup assassin,
right and you can take if you take your time
and do it with confidence. It's the coolest looking Did
you play those games? Now? I was the only time
I remember ever playing flip Cup in college was when
we went to d C d C together and like
we went to some kids basement and like we we

(01:01:20):
played it on a door. I mean there was beer
pong that was played on a door, remember that plays horizontal,
And then like played flip Cup once and I was like,
oh yeah, I don't like it. No, we would just
we would just be like fucking idiot theater kids in
high school and just do like never have I ever
and like I like that, Oh my god. We would

(01:01:42):
when I would my friends in high school, we used
to get like a beach house on Fire Island every
every year and like we would just have like twenty
four verse twenty four, you know what I mean, Like
it would be tables aligned. Honestly, I loved it and
I still would love it to this day, like that's
just a part of that's like a part of my

(01:02:03):
history that I'm still like my days doing that are
not open, but they can't be. I think the gays
can reclaim beer pong. I want, I don't really need
flip beer pong gays. Fire Island. We're gonna go to
Fire Island in a few weeks, I think. I think
we propose that. I think you're going to Fire Island.
We're going we're going from the fifth to the twelve,
so we're gonna miss the fourth. I'm from the first. Oh,

(01:02:28):
that's cool, that'll be great. I think we're gonna be
there for the invasion, which is when they get all
a bunch of drag queens on the ferry coming in
Hell and then everyone's in Dragon. So we're probably gonna
go and Dragon and go to the pier and that's amazing.
I'm gonna get like, I'm gonna get my eyebrows blocked.
What's the which beaches that the Pines and then Cherry. Yeah,
and then people talk people on any other beach like

(01:02:53):
they talk about like Fire Island and then they have
they associate gay with it. But you know from growing
up there, you know it is mostly yeah, or like
Tina Fey as a house, and because I went to
Kismid every summer. Kisman was where we went as eighteen
year olds and got so fucked up. I had my
one of my best friends in high school, Carl, went

(01:03:13):
to r p I and he was like a sick
engineer and he made this funnel that would had two
handles and they held six beers, three on each side.
I used to be able to take three natty ices
to the chest. No, I was a tank like I
would have We would have hard right now because I
got a guy in the tank top telling me takes

(01:03:34):
three nat lights natty lighting the needle of sexuality and homosexuality.
In my mind right here said if Jesus turned water
into wine, the devil turned water into natty ice. And
we would do a beer sickle course which was flip
cup into beer pong into like some other game, uh
into It ended in the and it was epic. We

(01:03:56):
should do insane bullshit like that. Yeah. One time beer
pong tournament uh at a friend's house. His mom was
out of town for weekend. Like twelve teams. Me and
my buddy, We're like, we're gonna win this. We're better
drinkers than everyone. Here's the plan. You have to you
have to drink the cups at the end. So we
thought we'll fill our cups up to all the time
and then if we win fast, someone's gonna drink six

(01:04:16):
beers and not be able to play the later round. Instead,
we want to buy one cup three games in a row,
and had drank beers just just the two of us.
No one else was as drunk as we were, and
we were throwing up in between rounds. And we actually
left that party and stole the entire bar. And they
were like, did you guys take all the Bailey? Like

(01:04:37):
we like grabbed two bottles of liquor each out of there,
like parents bar, Like did you take the Bailey's Amaretto,
blue Curasao? And just drinking And it was just about
taking it. I just wanted The last listeners are like,
who the funk is Matt Rogers, We don't even know.
I'm having like an out experience. Yeah, your octaves are
all over the place. Literally, I knew when you came in.

(01:05:00):
I was like the Long Island and me is gonna
come roaring out that to other people also, and me
on this podcast is bringing out all my late and
Almo sexually. Wait, and that's the crossover, and that's the
costsover and that in the middle. Yeah, me and me,
I think it's time. I think it's time. I don't
think so, honey. Now John is now a seasoned veteran

(01:05:22):
in thefore, I know what I don't now, I know
what I don't think so so funny you m you
slipped into my d Hell, yeah, you're like, what the
fun is that? I was like excited for the show?
What is? And I don't think so, honey. I don't
know if the Custer first episode, no, they will have
come out. I don't know. Can can confirm ors and
I we're not sure. But the best part was also

(01:05:42):
that I was like a third two. Yeah, you were like.
I was like, I think I know what it is.
We didn't we didn't set the order right, but anyway,
I was fine. And I said to him, he was like,
is this the most hetero sexual question ever? Asked like,
what isn't I don't think so, honey, And I was like, no,
I'll tell you why. It's queer because you want to
put yourself in a position to win and want to
be cut throat and that, honey, it's quick. That's exactly

(01:06:07):
what you wrote to me, and I went, it's actually
a rule of culture number forty seven. Being cut throat
is queer. Okay, okay, great, this is a we're doing all.
I don't think we're doing some relegance culture. You know
what it is. So if I don't have anything planned
right now, but maybe you can always great. This is

(01:06:30):
not Rogers. I don't think so, honey. As time starts now,
I actually don't think so honey. Karaoke, and I'll tell
you why, because I'm a perfectionist about these kinds of
things and when and the songs that I want to
sing are very commonly out of my range, honey. And
so unless it's a cutting edge karaoke machine that I
can lower the key, which is often what I need
to do, honey, because I can't sing if I can

(01:06:51):
turn back time and the original key needs to be
like a step down, like maybe get half a step down.
If it's not, I don't think so, honey. And I
don't think so karaoke because oftentimes at the end of
then I will have a ruined voice. I don't think so, honey,
that karaoke is taking my gift and stomping on it
and stomping on it. And also, I don't think so, honey,
when you go to karaoke with all your gay friends
and you know it's a competition. So I don't think

(01:07:12):
so honey when it becomes a competition bitch, because guess what,
it's about the joy of singing. And also, if you
ever hear me sing in a real way, you will
know I am a shanto. But unfortunately I am the
elusive Sean Too's like Mariah carry herself, honey, because guess
what a lot of times I'm just on karaoke and
I have nothing to offer you. I don't think so, honey.
Karaoke also a lot of times the bad fonts on

(01:07:33):
the screen, And that's one minute. I don't like very
much seeing it live, seeing it up close, seeing an
official loss culture stas, I don't think, sony happening on
my face. I can get it now, it's intimate, get it,
get it now. But you got it in the beginning.
I got it. You did trouble. What did you pick
out of the trouble? I got people named Tori, people
named Tori. That was Matt Rodgers was like, I tried

(01:08:00):
Gavers made it work. Okay, this is Bowen Yanks. I
don't think you already and this is gonna this make
me some enemies. Yeah, you're making a lot of enemies
on this podcast today and his time starts now. I
don't think so many fucking food halls, bitch, I'm talking
about Grand Central Market, talking about fucking Decal market in Brooklyn, bitch,
I'm talking about Italy even let's let's throw Italy in
the mix. It is perfore you are watching, You're watching

(01:08:24):
people eat, people are watching you eat and slurp up
some poke a or whatever the fuck. I don't think so, honey.
It is theater, but it is bad. It is theater
of mastication. That's what it is, honey. And I do
not like excelet At eight in the morning that we
tried to go to car breakfast, we thought we'd beat
the rush. No, the line was around every fucking booth,
and I was like, this is bullshit. Was excellent. I

(01:08:46):
can fry an egg, and I can make what do
they calling Bohemian eggs. Fry my egg with the bacon,
put it on between two pieces of toast. I don't
think so many food halls. I do not like the
culture of having to like pick out. It's listen, it's
a mall. It's a fucking mall. Don't glorify it. Give
me a Panda Express and then I'm going to go
that far. Give me some actual options. I don't want

(01:09:07):
to have to figure out your menu and decide for
all that. I don't think, so, honey. And that's one minute. Wow,
I wanted. I was started off disagreeing with you, and
by the end, I'm like, there's nothing more humiliating than
walking around with a tray of food trying to find
a place. High school. It's the worst part about high schools.
It's strangers and it's kids, and it's like all the bullshit.

(01:09:29):
I don't know, I don't think so, I'm going to
save this for another episode. Can you preview what's the topic? Okay,
I don't think, so honey. Of the name eggs, okay,
it didn't make me want to eat the food, that's
fair enough. And literally we went I said this, we
were hungry, and then we got to that food hall
in l A. What's that one called? And then I
saw eggs, and I'm like, oh, I'm not hungry anymore.

(01:09:50):
It could be called bacon slut and it would be
less bad. Egg. It's the it's not even the slut,
it's the egg. It's it's the idea of being a
slut for Eggs where we're gonna do an episode with
Frank Glaspie. That's gonna be there. You go, okay, great,
And this is John Gabs's Ally of the Year. John
Gabers is, I don't think so honey, and his time
starts now. I don't think so honey. Chatty Uber drivers,

(01:10:13):
I'm sorry. I don't even use lift anymore. I know
hashtag delete Uber. Sorry, I just lost my ally ship
because I found on anecdotally that lift drivers talk more
than Uber drivers. Because I'm I'm in here, I want
to talk to New York versus l A. I miss
a fucking harrowing drive home from someone who doesn't even
seem like they want to pick me up. I love

(01:10:35):
someone that's mad that I'm even making them do their
job here. And when I get an Uber driver and
it says armand it will be there in five minutes,
I'm pumped. I want to dude in a Honda Civic
who is talking in a different language to a fucking
cousin back home. I don't want him to even look
at me. I want to watch movie. I'm stoned, I'm drunk.
I'm in an Uber for a reason. I want to
be just looking at my fucking phone. I don't want

(01:10:57):
to get in the lift and fist bump you and
then here or you wreck, ignize me, or tell me
about your podcast. Put on second Uber a one dollar
up charge if you ask for a quiet driver and
a business proposal to end the whole thing. And you
know what. Today my lift getting here, his name was Charlie,
and I was like, fuck, Charlie's gonna talk. Yeah, he's

(01:11:17):
gonna talk. But he didn't. And this is I think
Joel pointed that out, pointed this out for us. An
Uber lift driver with with to bring it back to
head shots, a driver with a head like an actual
head shot. Bad. They were going to talk to you
about their podcast. They're gonna talk you about whatever. I
cannot listen to another conversation about a small business. I
literally I love small business. It's insane. But I also

(01:11:39):
don't want to hear like how long you've been driving for?
Like I just want to just I know more about
my lift driver Jasmine from last night than I know
about Bowen Yang. Yeah, who really does know Bowen? Though?
Here you go, who really knows you? I'm intrinsically he does.
I've been Joel combusted this whole time. Oh my god,

(01:12:02):
it was Joel. It was Joel. Um, oh my god,
these I was. I will say some solid I don't
and I'm going to include myself in this solid. I
don't think yes your own I'm not great. Thank you.
This was a dynamic episode. I pick a political honey. Yeah,
we got a little pop cultural honey. We talked about
our upbringing. Honey. That's an episode of Last culturesas right there.

(01:12:22):
This is quintessential Last Colts, and it took a straight
man in a red baseball cap to bring it out.
We were wrong before and now we're right. John Gabriel
Gabriel listen, raised my TV high mighty and just and
Oliver TV. Everywhere you go. Um, this man is going

(01:12:43):
place there. What do you want to say to everyone?
I miss you, guys, everyone people in general. John John
Gabriel misses humanity. He's married, so I don't really know. Yeah,
we'll catch him smoking out a joint outside and outside

(01:13:04):
of his house in Hollywood. Draw us like you catch
catch me walking in short shorts with a tiny dog
smoking a joint in West Hollywood. Name Arthur. Oh, that's amazing, Arthur.
I used to want to name my dog Anderson Cooper.
But now no, Anderson Cooper. Dude left left hay out

(01:13:27):
to dry and I don't like that. Bring Arthur next time.
We're gonna have gabs back, please, And you guys should
come to high and mighty. At some points, I am
very high, and might I have I have some littletables
in your purse. Sativa. That's what I remember. I can't do.
I can't do Indica because it makes me anxious and
tired when it. Sativa makes me fucking Mattie and horny.

(01:13:49):
That's what it is. That's what is right, Brett. How
chatty and horny can I get? But not very? But
not a driver? You know you're never a driver if
you're chatty and no, no, no, no, okay, Well great,
this has been lost. Culture is death with John Gabriels,
let's sing a song to close out, as we always
do every night. In my dreams, I see a fear you.

(01:14:13):
That's how I Know you Go on, and if you
want to hear the rest of that song, go to
listen to the Titanic soundtrack. Fye Bye Forever. This has
been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham,
Joe Silio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please

(01:14:36):
visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our
shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following
us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and
liking our page on Facebook.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Hosts And Creators

Bowen Yang

Matt Rogers

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}"Choppin’ It Up!" (w/ Jon Gabrus)