"This Meeting Is Being Recorded" (w/ Patti Harrison)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Look mad oh, I see you? Why why and look
over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness ding dong
lost cultures calling Hey, sister, who just woke up? Sister,
I just woke up. It's five pm Sunday. Good morning,
Sunday morning. You look fresh as a daisy, you feel

(00:25):
in the words of Katy Perry, oh right, And this
is how we do. And this is how we do.
She says, fresh as a daisy? What she what she invented? Yes,
and the sun daisy. She said the word daisies many times,
it being the title of the song. And all um,
thank you for saying that. I feel good. I feel
pretty good today, definitely good. One of the better days.
You were outside the absolute morning hour. We don't we

(00:47):
don't have to talk about it. We don't. I don't
know why we bring my private life into this space.
People's examine and take a scalpel and look at the
layers underneath. No, no, no, listen to your voice. It
was a rough night, wasn't it. As it was so
like a base. I was the base. I'm a base.

(01:10):
I'm not my my. This is too much. You're confronting
me and you have a low voice. You have the
low voice of a partier. You have a low party
boy voice. How do we feel? Should I feel bad
for partying? I feel like Lindsay Lohan being being asked
to feel bad about partying. No. I think that you
and Lindsay Lohan should both not even think about any

(01:31):
of the like sort of people that get in your ear,
because I feel like the second you sort of like
just get this out of your system, you can just
focus on acting and then we can get back to
what is really good, okay, which is the talent, because
people forget about the talent of Bowen and Lindsay Lohan
and it's really about to let them party and dance
on a table. But you know, rumors is like such

(01:52):
a bob. I know I was gonna say a prophecy
like I'm I'm tired of rumors starting. Should we do
a close right on it? Yeah, Saturday, stepping into the club,
people taking pictures. Don't you think they get enough? Don't
you think it's funny that you're pilling up the lyrics
and I know these by heart? Can I say something?

(02:12):
I never really like this song never connected with me
because at this point, at this point, Lindsay like I
was being very put off by Lindsay lohanon and and
this time in her career, I was obsessed. I was obsessed.
Went to go see Freaky Friday in the theater, went
to go see Confessions of a Team and Teendays Drop
Queen in the theater, Like was so so so team Lindsay.

(02:34):
And then and then somehow I got pulled into the
Hillary Duff were a bit and I was just like,
you were teaming Hillary Duff. Of course, the Great Aaron
Carter War of let's call it two thousand four four
two three, So there was a great war in two
thousand four. A lot of people remember, a lot of
people think that the Iraq War was the sort of

(02:54):
the big war of the time, but the really big
war was the Great Aaron Carter War of two thousand four,
And that was sort of you were either team Hillary
Duff and you are a Hillary Duff sort of navy
or you were a sort of Lindsay Lohan air force
air force. Yeah. And that actually connected to the video
for Rumors where she was on sort of like a
helicopter on the roof. Yeah, and she did that amazing

(03:17):
Coreo Saturday, stepping into the cloud people taking pictures don't
get enough. Well, that's the that's the that's the second verse.
You're you're combining the first verse in the second or see,
this is why I pulled. I didn't want to miss
quote what's the quote unquote first verse? Saturday stepping into
the club. Somebody, somebody want to tell the DJ to
turn it up. Somebody want to tell you to turn
it up. I feel the energy all around and my

(03:40):
let it can't stop moving to the sound because I
can sound that you're watching me, and you're probably gonna
write what you didn't see. Go ahead, and then, well
I just need a little space degree can you please
step my praty? Why why you just let me do
the thing I want to do? I just me? Why

(04:03):
would you want to bring down if I'm only having
I'm gonna live my life. But and here's the big chorus,
and this is where she sort of declares, and oftentimes
in a chorus of a pop song, and our guest
knows a lot about this, and this sort of sounds
like a song that this sounds like and we we've
known all about our our our guests pop star story past,

(04:26):
and in terms of her concerts, even sort of you know,
storied conflict she's gotten into on in her concerts before,
which we have to follow up about that, and we have.
But this is the chorus, right, so this is this
is where she says, well, she's meaning, I'm tired of
rumors starting. I'm sick of being followed. I'm tired of
people lying, saying what they want about me. Why can't

(04:47):
they back up off me? Why can't they let me live?
I'm gonna do it my way. Take this for just
what it is. Robert Frost could never. Robert Frost could never.
Emily Dickinson found Hayley Steinfeld sound Dead please, Queen of Pop,
Queen of Flop, Queen Flop. And oh and this this
Rumors has a lyric that Rumors shares a lyric with

(05:11):
um just in my Pants, the Lonely Island classic, which
is um, which is here we are back up in
the club, in the club and then and just in
my Pants. It's that was weird, but now we're back. Yeah,
just my Pants was. You couldn't have told me that
there was any other song other than just my Pants
came out. It was just my funniest thing in the world.

(05:32):
And it's like, right, okay, and I love take this
for just what it is. That that is like meta layer,
like talking about how the meaning is implicit, what the
declaration is implicit, like this is what it is. Take
it for what it is, and you already know what
it is. And so I guess what you're saying is
that you feel the same way as Lindsay does in

(05:53):
the song when I ask you about why your voice
is so fucking low garbage, why you come to the
to the record record of the podcast with this like
Peebo Bryce in tone. Oh my god, yeah, it's not
not Piebo Peebo. Um, I just relate. I think we

(06:14):
all relate to I'm saying we all relate to Lindsay
in some way, don't we. All Right, So I guess
what we're saying is like you're saying, take it for
just what it is. My voice, my vocal quality on
the episode today, and I want you won't elaborate on
your partying ways. Okay, it was poppy, it was poppy, juice,
it was amazing. It was really fun, that's see. And
now that's all we wanted. That's all we wanted, which

(06:35):
we know now we know we're good we can move
on with our life. Let's move on with our life. Okay,
how are you, queen? Before we bring the guests? Fine,
I had three coffees today, too many to probably too
too many. I probably suld have just had one. Probably
all I needed was one ice coffee. Sometimes you just
get a taste of the stuff and can't stop. I
know that's right, I know that's right. I know that's right.

(06:57):
Not me having three coffees today. Me a f having
three coffees today. Not this, not this jan Oh my god.
Let's bring in our guests, one of the one of
the best guests, one of the best guests. People really
cream for the guest. They're like, when is she coming back,
especially after a narrative has been sort of concluded, reached

(07:21):
full circle with this feud that she's really kept going
for five years now. I couldn't believe we watched it
come to a head on television and just to say
that it's true that the guests, it's been a really
long time since the guest was on, and it's just
it's time. Certainly flies, doesn't it, Certainly it flies. But

(07:43):
I sort of find myself on a show with the guests,
dream so exciting to me dream. I can't wait tonight
at midnight. As And here's the deal. We actually sort
of play very close friends on the show and colleagues, okay,
and that's true in real life. You're close friends often

(08:04):
often colleagues. Sometimes we are, right, I guess today we're
sort of working together, you know what I mean. Today,
we're sort of collaborating to build, hopefully, what is a
comedic piece that people enjoy? You know? Absolutely? And I,
oh my god, not to center myself in this, but
recently I was a colleague of hers. Yes, and you're
swimming a pull together in your off hours, were swimming
a pool together. It was really fun. I heard all

(08:24):
about the swimming, and I would love to hear more
about it. We'll talk more about it, I hope. So anyway,
we just love her so much, so let's we don't
even have to do We're not doing credits. This is
take it, Take it for what it is, Take it
for just but it is. I wonder what the guest
vocal quality will be me too, So let's find not
so excited, let's find everyone. Welcome Patty Harrison. Girl this okay, son,

(09:01):
peel back the layers let them so not everyone might
know what it's like to be on a zoom when
it starts being recorded. So what what was that? What
was so that this is my this is in bowing.
I know you hate this, but this is my andl
audition and uh and and you hate well, I know
that you hate how often I am I try and

(09:22):
get on this s and l through you three times
a week in like personal interactions or you think that
do you think that I'm asking out to lunch because
I want to catch up? And really it's because I
have a character, and and sometimes that character is that
teacher you remember who just like had that big stack
of papers on the desk. But what is this like? Like,

(09:52):
please don't put that out there? Yeah, please don't set
don't turn it in any of yours because there's too
much stuff it is. Wait and suddenly I'm back in school. Yeah, Lauren,
this zoom. Wait, they don't say what did she say?
This dooom is being recorded better than me not being recorded?

(10:17):
Now that was kind of just Matt Rogers trying product,
That was it? So yeah, when you record zoom if
anybody doesn't use Zoom, the video chat app which we
are using right now. Um, if someone who is hosting records,
it gives the audio message to everyone on the um

(10:38):
in the zoom room, so they up they're being recorded. Yeah,
can I do what? Can I do an impression? It's
not it's not of that, but it's it's of a
zoom thing. Yes, okay, bo oh my god. You know what?
You know what that sort of character you know what
that character reminded me of to the character of when

(10:59):
the subway opens. Yeah, I know that that character. That character.
It's like that's my thing. It's like it's a lot
of like wacky physical stuff and then like you know,
like chimes, that's that's my style. Wait, okay, can I
do an impression? And is okay? So this is an impression?
It is um, it's the train voice. It's um, it's

(11:21):
the train voice. But he went to my high school.
How about that? Please stand clear of the closing doors.
Fragg It did not just say fraggett. You know what
happened this character that was the high school character of

(11:42):
the high school person. It's like he started to say
friend and then remind remembered that he would have felt
pressured in high school to be a bully. So he said, faggot.
They couldn't see, but I did look over to I
like looked that way at my friends that I remembered.
And then I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, So tell us
about well in high school, you're really popular. Well, yeah,

(12:05):
I had a lot of friends in high school. Um,
and I think people know that. I don't think people
know because of the way that I dress and the
way that I dress, how like how tall I am,
my way, my cup size, my curves in all the
right places, people know that I was very was popular

(12:27):
in high school. Probably never had any problem. No I had.
I did have. Um, I didn't like really start having
friends until my I always had friends, like a lot
of popular right, this is definitely the way people talk
when they had a lot of friends. Well, I just

(12:50):
think you need to stop right there. I think you
need to stop right there. I'm trying to tell you
something and I'm giving you a real answer, give a
real Please drops Patty. I'm sorry, but this is Patty
dropping into her a net betting and the kids are
all right, good register No, I feel bow and I
say you stop, you stop stop right there. Stop you

(13:15):
can just stop right there. Wait, do you want to
know something that happens in that movie that people don't
talk about enough. It's completely non verbal, but it's it's
in a netbending moment. It's like the moment after like
she and Julian Moore have this huge fight and then
like a netbending like Julian Moore's in the kitchen the
next morning and then a net bedding goes downstairs and
she's in her scrubs and then she just takes a
banana and says nothing and walks. It's such a powerful moment,

(13:38):
like they're mad at each other and a net betting takes.
All she does is she takes a banana and leaves,
like she goes to work. Wait, why did you say
that's your takeaway? Yeah? That wait, but why did you
say this is your net betting register? Is this something
that Patty was doing sort of in the pool when
you guys were together. No, not, it's not an inside joke.

(13:58):
Not everything's an inside joke. How do he just has
one of her huge impressions that almost got her on
SNL was and that bending in the all right do
it well? I? Yeah? Yeah? And that's true? Is that
um is is I? I can do an impression? That

(14:19):
is just and and know that I'm like, I don't
need to do celebrity impressions, you know that. But I
do know that I think that stuff is shit. Shit,
it's so fucking hack and I don't put energy into
it and I don't try. It's the thing is when

(14:40):
this stuff comes out of me and it like sounds
like I've rehearsed it a lot over years, it's because
it means nothing to me and I haven't even touched
this stuff. It's my first time doing the impression. Every time. Well,
then you're trying to take cover behind the fact that
it's good. You're you're, you're, you're, You're trying to take
cover behind like detachment and not caring even because it's

(15:03):
at that's it's actually a good impression. And that's what's
sucked up because it's a really good impression. And now
you're like just like blue balling us with the can
you just do it? Do it? Well, yeah, I can
do it, but I just want to say that also
I have gravel voice right now too, and why well

(15:25):
we don't have to talk about it. I went to
I went to I went to a comedy show. I
went to Sarah Squirms show last night, and then I
talked it was just loud and there was like a
band that played after and so and the so I
just was talking really loud for the night. I didn't

(15:45):
even say out that late. But I'm just with you
Bowen and so I just want to say that that,
like I don't know, it's my voice isn't doesn't have
the elastic city do it? Do it? Now? Stop? Okay,
there's the only line that I remember from the movie
and from what I looked. I looked at up recently

(16:06):
and I don't even think I'm saying the line right,
even though this is a way it's because there's also
it's one of the things I can't find the clip online,
like it's not a big enough scene to people, I
guess for like no one has put it on you. No,
randomly everyone knows the line. But the thing is is
that I looked it up. I looked at movie quotes,
and they quote it differently than how I say it.

(16:28):
They still use different words, which I'm like, oh, I
don't remember it being that. But any how so, if
if you don't know the conceit of the movie, which
I don't even really remember, there's a scene where it's
like a net Benning and Juliet Moore are a gay couple,
and then Juliet Juliet, Yes, but I don't fucking give

(16:51):
a ship. Ugly cunt popular in high school. Yeah, she's
ugly cunt. Um and I I think I think she's beautiful.
Um uh, they're they're a gay couple, and right, Julian
Moore starts hooking up with Mark Ruffalo. She's like queer

(17:11):
curious and she starts hooking up with Mark Ruffalo and
then and then and that Benning finds out and then
it but is it an open thing? Are they like cheating? Yeah?
What's the line? So I'm going to get to that.
But the first I want to talk about my first assault.

(17:31):
Um so, my first assault was the worst, but definitely
it's always the word first. But is the deepest baby
behind no? Right? Yeah, I love Lord, I love I
love Lord. Oh my gosh. That okay, I don't think
so Hony solar power. Um anyways, well, I guess so

(17:57):
I'm wrapping it up. Um, I I have I have
cox to suck. Um. No, I don't. I don't take that.
I don't. I'm I'm not like trying to do that today.
But okay, so the impression is it's the scene where

(18:17):
she's fighting with Mark Gruffalo and he says something about
their kids, about them being all right, probably this meeting
is okay, son, can you tell me the line and
I'll do the Markufo line and it'll kill you, and
then you'll do the line. I don't know because I

(18:37):
don't know that Matt, you know, but you know the
line it's and that's famous line. Yeah, okay, I'll do
the line. Yeah. Is it? Is it? Um? Is it
something about him being like a cool guy or something? No? No, no, no,
but okay, I'm just gonna do it. I'm not. I
don't actually hate like long cells for like people getting
around because I think it's going to make it less

(18:59):
because what if it doesn't, if it's not as yeah,
well it's it's just don't just be just prepared to
be like, oh that's fine, okay, okay, ready m hm
Well now I'm kind of giggly. Um, I need parenting
advice from you, like I need a dick in my ass. Yeah,
I did parenting advice from you, like, and she does

(19:21):
have that sort of you're so right. And first of all,
that can I say that was so much better than
I ever could have dreamed it was? Do you really
think so that was so good? I need parenting advice
from you, like I need to dick in my ass.
It's the it's the it's the squeak on the coming
with parenting advice in my needing advice from you, like

(19:46):
I needed dick in my ass. And isn't their scene
earlier where they're sort of talking about um Joni Mitchell
and she's like, Okay, I like the guy. I think,
I like the Yeah, an amazing actor. And I wait, wait,
so I did what you did. I don't want to
let it leave. I don't want to leave let it
leave the energy space that we're creating together right now

(20:10):
while it's in my brain. But did you see what
was the I almost said the Jared Fogel movie. That's
not it. He's the guy that this this is us? Oh,
Dan Foegelman, Dan Fogelman, Jared Foegelman, Uh wait, let up
white Pedophile, Dan Voegelman. That movie that he did, he

(20:34):
did ask or Isaac's and and that Betting plays the
therapist life. Yeah, it was life itself life itself. It
looks like a movie that you would enjoy talking about.
It is the funny, it's crazy. It is a crazy, crazy,
crazy fucking movie. And I saw it in Getters and

(20:58):
it really really okay. There are so many you have
to see the movie because it is so I don't
watch this as us. I have a lot of friends
who are really into it and like think it's an
incredible show and that they talk about like the yo
yo ing of like the emotional arcs and stuff. Is
that it really does a good job of being funny

(21:19):
in places but being really heavy in other places. And
I appreciate that the movie is a is kind of
like that in a in a carnival mirror house. They
have to squeeze all that emotional yo yoing into a movie,
which can be really difficult. It's this tiny yo yo

(21:40):
it's tiny. Well, it's too bow into what you're saying.
Earlier in Nette Benning having this huge moment with like
grabbing a banana and not saying anything, there is a
scene that this is going to spoil it if you
haven't seen it. I don't think anyone cares. Well. It
came out in theaters like three years ago, right people have. Yeah. Um,

(22:03):
so there's the scene. The whole thing is that like
Oscar Isaac's is like a struggling screenwriter who's like really depressed.
I think he's like Olivia Wilde X and her. The
whole story arc is it's pretty funny stuff. It's really dark,
but it's just like they really make it so zonkey

(22:25):
wonky tell a Tubby sort of style tone that um
it kind of is. It's like I feel like it's
on par with like Trainspotting. Um. But there's this scene.
There's a scene. It's like the tone of it is
Oscar Isaac being like, yeah, I'm kind of no whiskey

(22:48):
and I'm kinda fuck up. Yeah, not so awesome sauce
kind of now that I'm thinking about kind of like
Damn Locotta. Um and he's like it's sort of like
Dan Locatta vibe of like I think Dan Locatto would
probably really like this movie. Um, but he's Anne Benning

(23:08):
Aette Benning is his Annett Benning therapist an um ann
At Benning and Nette Benning is oh my god, she's
she's a therapist. And um there's a scene in therapy

(23:31):
sect session where he's like screenplay or whatever. It's like
the thing is like he's trying to write the screenplay,
and um, they're coming for me because I said it.
I didn't considered it's because you said that. And then
I called her Anne at Benning and you know that
Annette Benning literally runs Hollywood, so you know that she

(23:53):
knows the police. So she and Warren are sending the
police to your fucking house and you're going to be
arrested tonight. We don't. First you need to get to
the end of the therapy thing. Okay, Well, I'm literally
explaining a scene in a movie which is like this
is already its own help, but taking up time and
poorly explaining the scene in this movie. But um, there's

(24:17):
a therapy scene. It's like maybe it's maybe, like and
it's pretty it's like a quarter shut up parenting advice
for you. That's the same eye from the beginning of
the course of Shai a Lady Gaga that I need

(24:43):
parenting advice for you, like I need to tack avice.
Um that was anyways, cut it together? Sorry into the
line from all right, sorry, keep going. There's a scene
where Oscar Isaac shoots himself in his therapy session, he
pulled out a gun. He pulls out a gun in

(25:04):
front of net Benning and he shoots himself in the head.
His brains go all over the wall. This is and
they make and I know that this isn't recorded right,
you are lying about there is it's so funny, and

(25:26):
it's not funny. It's not funny that he shoots himself,
but they make a Net Benning have a reaction to it,
and he's just literally talking and he's like, well, I'll
ever be a screenwriter. Pulls out a gun and she
blows his brains out in her office. And I know
that your audience won't be able to see it, but
I'll do it for you. This is her reaction I'm taking.

(25:49):
I'm taking my head to head turns out for a moment.
I know that's like anti recording quality. There's just going
to be a moment in the podcast where the sound
quality is bad. I'm sorry, it's but for us to
see you. Actually, I should be seated. This is no.
So she's watching them and he gets up and he

(26:10):
shoots himself and then net Bend goes, no, no, how
do you is that real? I'm making just for the movie. Now, No,
I'm not making it up. She literally does, oh my god,

(26:36):
wait and he really does it? What this sounds like
a pretty Harrison line. Distracted. Abby is struck by a bus. Okay,
so Abby, I guess is a woman in the She
gets hit by a bus. I guess she dies. Um,
she dies, the baby survives. I guess she has a baby. Will,

(26:58):
blaming himself for a wife's death, shoots himself in front
of Kate. Kate is played by oh my god, you
were not lying in her response is She's just like,
I mean, it's honestly, it's honestly. What see. The thing is,

(27:22):
it's her reaction is so real. It feels so it's
so like downplayed that it feels like maybe that's actually
how someone would react if that. And it kind of
felt like, you know how like in the Alien movie,
they didn't tell them the chess, but they didn't tell
the actors like that the chess to get a real
reaction in the one actor actually she fell and like

(27:44):
hit her head or something like she actually got hurt
in that scene because she was so surprised. I feel
like maybe they didn't tell they like redacted or whatever.
That part of the scene to like be like something's
gonna happen that you need to react to. And then
they just had Oscar Isaacs shoot himself in the head
on set and that's do you like see it? They yeah,

(28:07):
they show his like brain like blood shut up. Yeah,
he like it's one of those it's one of those
like squib effects where the actor like puts the gun
in their mouth and the cameras like facing their face
so the blood splatters like on the wall behind them.
This is or whatever. I'm trying to find a video.
So when I when I lightly suggests when I'm like,

(28:28):
ha ha, it is a very traumatic movie to watch,
but it's like trying so hard to like tug on
your heartstrings. They literally they pull out cancer, they pull
out suicide, they pull out pregnant woman getting killed. They
get Yeah, it's like it's so it try. It tries
to hurt you so badly. It's really funny, but it

(28:49):
doesn't pay off. They literally have flashbacks where Olivia Wild
God bless her, they have her and I don't even
think it's a lace front wig. I think it's like
us to like party city right on top of her
head and she's like supposed to be in college. It's
a flashback to her in college and she runs she
runs into the room and she's like, they're like doing

(29:13):
beer there. I think they're like doing keg stands. It's
like her in college and the guys are doing kig stands.
And she runs into the room, uh her party city like,
and she's like, my thesis, I come up with my
thesis statement for me. Thesis life itself is. And I
don't even remember what she says, but she's the movie

(29:34):
title and the thesis of her so she essentially says
that thesis of the whole movie I want to say.
And I'm shocked that this is real, because I of
course saw the trailer for this movie and thought it
was hilarious but didn't pursue the movie. But Scott Chief
film critic for The New York Times calls it inadvertently
hilarious film filled with parental slaughter where mothers and fathers

(29:56):
are hit by buses, parish and car accidents, commits to
side and succumb to cancer. Though he praised the actors
for their acting, That's the thing, That's what I was
just about to say, is that the actors don't sell
it out. The actors, Like every actor in that movie
is a great actor and they have to for how

(30:18):
wacky the story is, they stay committed. It's kind of
why I appreciate like Pretty Little Liars now is that,
like the show is so absurd, but like the thing
the lines that they have to say, but the commitment
that the actors have, it's like, you know, what choice
do they have and they do a good job, but
like I really think that, Um, it's just like it's

(30:41):
really it's a good It would be a good movie,
like if you're hanging out with someone who doesn't have
what doesn't get triggered by like you know, you want
to maybe like do it because there's like suicide and
ship in it. But like it would be a good
party watch for with friends if you're sure with friends,
just to watch a movie that's like so wild. Literally.
The cast is oscar Isaac, Olivia Wild, Mandy Patinkin Jeans Smart,

(31:04):
Olivia Cook, Bow from a Net, Benning, Antonio Bin Derris,
and Samuel L. Jackson as himself, the woman who gets cancer,
the young woman who play ends up playing like it's
like it goes through their lifetimes, so it's like the
guy looks like a young woman. No, she's a I
think she's a Spanish actor. She's like, she's like a

(31:25):
she's like a forward model. Like she's just like like yes,
and Antonia ben banderis um, she's just like the hottest
conventionally hottest girl woman on earth. And then she gets
cancer and also becomes old, and they put age makeup

(31:45):
on her and they literally just wrap like a towel
around her head to make her look sick and like
truly just like put like they darken. It's like middle
school stage theater makeup to make her like she has cancer.
And she's like she's speaking in Spanish, but she's like,
my life was beautiful and yet there's more I wanted

(32:09):
out of it. And then she's like still you can
tell it's like fully a twenty six year old like
Ford model, what my son live on? Mandy Moored her right, Yeah,
but I feel like Mandy Moore, they at least like
the effects from what I've seen, looked a lot better
than what they did. I think they tried to do

(32:30):
it with this girl and she she was so hot
it didn't work. Drag Mandy Moore for not being hot
enough to defeat her old age makeup and have no
regrets about what I said. Yeah, I didn't think I
know exactly what I was implying, and I'm sorry that
I took this whole thing into that. I think, like

(32:55):
people don't talk about Dan Fogelman enough, Like there's something
very like I don't know this much about This Is Us,
but like the fact that like people die because like
an instant pod explodes or croc pod explodes, like that
happens pretty much everything that happens in his shows or
films are I can't believe happening. Like everything that you

(33:17):
guys have even crazy. It's even crazier than Gray's Anatomy
or Desperate House, Like it harkens back to that era
of television where it's like primetime soap, and I guess
This Is Us is like the closest thing we have
to that, Like it's even crazier than that. To me. Yeah,
I see, I love that thought. We need soap operas

(33:38):
to be soap operas. You have to remember, like it
used to be like every episode someone fell down the stairs.
So if there's a lion loose on with Steria Lane,
we're doing the right thing. I feel like, you know,
when you like you think there's graz anatomy, do they
still do every year? There's a huge tragedy. I have
no idea. Well, and now they're doing the COVID stuff,
where like God, they do COVID ony anomy. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(34:05):
it's it's it's it's it's rough. That is such a
choice because now for the rest of time it has
to be about For as long as it's on now
it has to be about COVID. They they got to
hang it up. I mean, make your bed, like literally,
get they I hope they have to keep writing about
COVID that they like, they have to deal with the

(34:28):
choice that they mean. Sandra Oh has done like five
series since that ended. It's it's yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy. Yeah,
she just with the Chair. Have you watched the Chair?
I watched some of it. Yeah I did too, Yeah, yeah,
I thought Sandra was great. I just you don't even

(34:50):
have to go into it. No, but look, if here's
what I'm gonna say, the readers of the pod they
want to hear what we think about stuff, and we've
gone so far into life itself and this is us.
So they really know what we've deal about it, and
they also know that we fucking stand. The kids are
all right. So I'm not going to bring up the
Chair and say I watched some of it but not
all of that without qualifying it. Here's my review. Sandra's
fucking great. I just don't know if I care that

(35:12):
much about the faculty at a liberal arts school. I
just don't know if I care that much. It's a
very dry show, and I think it like knows that
about itself, and it's like it's an entertaining watch. It's not.
It's not asking too much of the audience. It's it's
six episodes their thirty minutes, which it's like it goes

(35:32):
down easy. And I always I never complain about a
show that is like that. I think, And I think
there's great performances and then her and j D pots
of really good chemistry. They're great. I think there could
be a lion in that show that like, I would
like it if they threw a lion. There are like
a disease. So see the Chair is like so on
the opposite end of that of a Dan Filgiman type
of show. Now that we're just like, oh see, we

(35:53):
want we want someone to shoot themselves. I can't believe
that happened way because it's sound real, It's sound you
were describing in the way that you've been describing the
Ellen feud, and I'm like, this is oh, this is
just potty like and I'm not I'm not in a riff.
I'm not How much do you do you wanna? Okay?
I think this is an important time for you to
like close the chapter on Ellen. If you think it's closed,

(36:17):
what was it? Like You've told me a little bit
about how whatever we want to share about going on
Ellen in her last season when you came to face
to face with your arrival, um well, and what I
have to say about the experiences that I was pretty
nervous going into it. I when I was asked to
do it, I was like, I think they're probably going

(36:40):
to find out all the stuff that I've said about
Ellen in the past, and and to be honest, like
a lot of the stuff that I've said on record
about Ellen is off from like like that, like it's
been a while, like since I guess the last time
I had lost caltrisas was yes, since you described the

(37:04):
bloody battle you had at your concert with her right,
which was like it was like yeah, but that was all.
It was very it was absurd and I was making
it up and it was a joke and like I
said stuff about her and like other interviews to um
about like the George Bush stuff, and I just didn't
like for you again. Know they're they're coming again. They're

(37:29):
just now coming for Juliet more. They just they passed
the house once before. Yeah, and they went and they
they arrested Um Taboo from Black Eyed Peace. They're like,
there he is, that's Patty Harrison Um and they arrested.

(37:50):
He keeps getting mistaken for me. And the thing that
sex is that he loves the attention to Asian icons.
Two long haired Asian icons. Taboo wouldn't Patty sitting in
a tree f I n g E r I n
g e A c h O t h E r
I n t h E t r E yes fingering

(38:16):
asshole in the tree, fingering each other, fingering each other.
I can't even spell, and I spelled it so slow. Wait,
I'm sorry, I need to take it back. Taboo was
not Asian. Taboo was Mexican. We're going to keep that
in but okay, so you did some silent research though
I didn't even hear the typing, and I just loved.

(38:38):
I love that The Google search was is taboo from
Black Eyed Peas Asian boo, Asian woman, taboo woman, taboo taboo.
We need to know. I was on Wikipedia. I was
already on with the pen and I looked up taboo
black Eyed Peas. I did not add any like identifiers

(38:59):
or anything, and nothing came up. So I just went
to the black Eyed Peace page and then clicked taboo
and then looked up h Early Life. So is the
Black Eyed Pea website just all the members and next
to them it says their race. I mean it could
be yeah, I think that looks like Fergie White. No,
Fregy's race would be listed and this is there and

(39:19):
this is their wording, not mine. It would be the
R word because they used it. They every time that
song gets played, that's them using the R word. Listening
to that song. Now, listen the clarity in which they
say it in the studio record. How much they enunciate
the word every like every what? What? What? What are

(39:44):
the linguistics behind it? Like t like like is it fricative?
Closive fricative to to I think is closive right because
it's yeah, you're pushing the air right, tend to are
really aggressive on that. But Fergie can, she can. They
can still sing that because Fergie that's her race. She

(40:08):
identifies that the race. Yeah, and that's why people people
need to like get off their fucking little PCs j
W culpits and say that and they need to learn
that like that. She actually has agency to say it
because she identifies as that. Um and she even said
she they say it in the song. They all identify

(40:29):
as that, but um pc W culture bring back the
uncensored version of that song of when You Get It started.
Igzela said it too. And my flow the word she
describes her flow as she is like she I think

(40:54):
is needs she needs some like aloe on her soul. Um.
But I love that. But I do want to say,
because you uh, someone I saw the other day and
I just like looked at on a random Instagram post,

(41:14):
I got a notification and I like I really skimmed them.
That's something that I trained myself to do. It's like
I'm like, don't go through my notifications like with intent
or attention, Just like skim if you see something catch
your eye. Great. It's the same with my message request
because I get like insane messages and it's just not
worth it. But I saw this person just commented Tronny

(41:36):
really big on one of my sixtures. But and I
was like like yeah, like when we were talking like
rahnny um, and I was like, oh, us nice. And
then I looked at their profoule and it's just like
a white Sisters woman. And that was the thing where
I was like, you know, I think she listens to
Lost culturest does I think she is meaning well? And

(42:01):
and so I was like, is this a moment where
I a teachable moment where I can send her like
anx DM. And I was like I just don't. I'm
just gonna let her live in that and she can
just like have her joy around getting to comment TRONI something.
But I think she's like doing it like in fellowship
with me, like feeling like ha ha Trani, We're we
can all see. And I was just like, you know what,

(42:23):
I actually don't want to. I don't I don't care
if like at this point, I'm not even gonna like
put energy into into I guess trying to dissect like
agency around gate keeping language it to that degree. So
I'm just like, you know what, I just don't give
a ship because this is just like a person I

(42:45):
don't know and it won't meet whatever. But um um,
I mean, I mean there's a world where maybe she's
she's they she or something like a fab they she,
But even then it's like that is like an interesting thing.
That is why I have opted out of the conversation

(43:06):
is with like the they she of it all is
like in people who are like gender fluid, and which
I do like I think is valid. I think non
binary identities are completely valid, but I think it's it
is still gives me a jolt when like like cis
presenting a fab they she's that are hyper fem they

(43:28):
she's will like start throwing the word training around in
front of me, and I'm like, oh, I don't think
you've lived with that word or had it used at
you in a way that it's like, I know that
you feel you're integrated into this like culture. Now. I
think the Internet expedites that that feeling of like, oh
this is my I have access to this now, but

(43:51):
it is still jarring for me in a way that
I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna anytime I
see this happening, I'm just not investigating it. I'm gonna
be trying my inner gen tip ordering food from California
Chicken Cafe. Go for Chicken Cafe. In my ass, well,
this is like I don't have that much insightful things
I do. You always say stuff like that, but then

(44:13):
you always say something like no no no no no
no no no. But he's getting your defenses down, so
you assume you're going to hear some dumb ship and
then when he hits you with something wise, that's part
of it. I'm about to say the dumbest thing I've
ever said in my life. But I feel like this
is a thing that I think is part of this
cultural conflict in the trans community between like it's not

(44:34):
quite I feel like the conflict is not quite like
trucecum versus transgender thing like where it's like there are
like there there is like a gate keeping segment of
the trans population that are like you have not had
a lived in trans experience, and therefore you are not
you you you don't you should not like throw around

(44:57):
certain words or concepts and the and the way that
you capitally we are and then but it's like who
but them, like how much how much gatekeeping like is
actually like beneficial or helpful, Like it's it's it is
things where it's like, well if if we're trying to
destroy like gender like ideas that are like very like

(45:20):
deeply programmed into things, and like where do you I think,
like like where do you like rebuild from It's it's
it's tough. Yeah, I mean I get I understand like
the the frustration and the anger around like you know
when when people do use that language that other people
are like, you know, you don't have you haven't done

(45:42):
the ground the footwork or the ground where to like
have that word and your your vocabulary. But I'm like,
I think in terms of like caring for like trans people,
it's like I'm like divesting in my energy into that
because it just seems like people put us so much

(46:02):
energy into this discourse around I don't even call it
discourse I have. I'm like, I think just like being
obsessively online for like most of my twenties, I'm like
I learned a lot, but I also am I'm like

(46:23):
I feel like as long as I'm online, I'm not.
I don't know. I just feel like, what what do
I do in my lived life? In person? I'm not
going to scream this person's head off because I'm like there,
it's just like really hard. It would be really hard
to objectively clock some the level of someone's experience and

(46:46):
agency and their trans experience before they can like start
saying a word whatever. I'm just like, you know what,
Like I would rather just order food from California And
this is how you learn that I have like a
four hundred thousand dollar deal with California ship in cafe
trends if there was less in fighting in the trans community.

(47:07):
Now I get it too. It's like I have frustrations
around that stuff too, but I just like have opted
to to divest and not because I'm like at the
end of the day, at the end of the day,
the only person who knows the authenticity of like a
person and their experience is that person. Like it's just
like there's no I think it just goes across the

(47:30):
board in every situation, in every relationship that you have.
But like I don't have the tools and I will
just simply never know. I can't be a detective to like,
you know, if I am doing detective work, to just
like figure out if this person is like as trans
as they say they are. Something. It's like why do

(47:51):
I care? Like why I'm there are other people who
are much more toxic to me than like this well
meaning commenting in all caps, forty exclamation boards points try, well,
this is this is the thing. This is how It's
not the same. It's not like the same like analog.

(48:12):
But like I heard someone I heard, I heard this
professor say this about like racism as it pertains to
Like this was like right around like March, when like
I was like just I don't know, like taking a
lot of stuff in and you know, there was a
professor who was just like you know, my husband and
I were like waiting at some like bus stop in
Germany and this like old woman was like glaring at
us and like being awful and like like muttering all

(48:34):
these like racist German things under her breath. And then
my husband was like, should we say something? And then
she was like no, Like what am I gonna do?
Like yell at this old woman to stop. Like it's
like they're like the thing to think about is there
are racists who can hurt you and there are racists
who can't. It's like it's like it's the frame of
it should be around like power, and so it's like
does this white person like who like presents super fem

(48:57):
but it's like using the she pronouns like ken they
hurt you, probably not. And so as it relates to
like our white feministenership of this show, like I think
Matt and I remember Matt remember We're not going to
name names, but there was one time where we were
at a show where there was this like I'm not
gonna say which city, but there was a performer, a white,
a fab person who performed in her I don't think so, honey,

(49:19):
was I don't think so, honey. Minions you look like
the kids who make you in factories or whatever, like
you look like Asian people. And I always like literally
five feet away from her, and I was like, and
I think people were like there was there was tension
in the room because they're like, oh, like this is
like blatantly racist Asian people. And in the moment, I
was just like I don't fucking care, like she's this
like she's this person I'm never I'm probably never going

(49:41):
to see again, and like I don't have to waste
any energy on like her like misguided attempt at humor,
like because so humiliating for her that I'm not embarrassed. Yeah,
it's more cringe than it is like offensive, because you're
just like, yeah, God, like this so not right and

(50:03):
so like and and that's not like that that is
also not like the proper and allot to like this
person Patty that's in your comments, but like who thinks that,
like they have this familiarity with you and to like
type in all caps this word that you made up,
um the flur that you made up, you know, I
don't know. Yeah, well, I just I know I appreciate

(50:26):
what you said about that too. I think, like I
think it's just a moment of discernment if you have
the stamina and like engaging kind of the the little
details of each each occurrence case by case basis of
when of when it's like okay, like you know, is
this is this worth my time and energy? Is this

(50:49):
going to be good for me personally? Like? My is
that how you felt with Ellen when you were face
to face with her? You were like, oh right, Well
to get back to that I will say that I
was really you know, going into that interview, I was like,
I'm going to be a good sport. I am excited
to get to do it. It is crazy like my

(51:09):
I literally my fourth grade teacher, Eileen, who was like
my best friends in high school's parents mom. She was
the mom, and she I would like get off the
bus and go watch Ellen with them, or like a
get or like after school when when my friends started driving,
like that's like the first thing we would do when

(51:31):
we'd get back and like, um, so there is this
like internalized magic about that that I'm like, I'm not
above that. I'm not above like wanting the school experience.
And the things that I said were like either jokes
or from years ago. And then our teams talked to

(51:52):
kind of clarify that I wasn't gonna like do anything
to ambush her, like that she wasn't gonna do anything
to like ambush me. It was like very like felt
out in advance. And then but I really went in
with like blank slate, I'm just gonna like I'm here
to kind of promote the movie and that's all it

(52:13):
has to be. I think she's kind of been through
the ringer. I don't again that energy preserved thing. It's
like I don't want to when you're like with somebody
in person, it's like, oh yeah, I remember that this
person as a person. Whatever. So when the day we
were it was really quick. I just went into the studio.

(52:34):
I got there. My makeup artist Kirston came with me.
Kirston Coleman, she's fucking amazing. She's like, she's so sick.
She went with me, and then Ellen came to my
dressing room beforehand and said high and it was very
like very nice, very brief um. And then that we

(52:55):
did like a pre interview, so we knew what we
were going to talk about. In the pre interview, they asked,
do you like a couple of questions, so it's like
the phone call the day before and they just kind
of they're like, okay, so here are some things we
talked about, and then you feel it out to see
if there are any interesting stories so that you optimize
the interview time, like I think every interview talk show
is like that, so that you're not like wildcarding saying

(53:17):
something random um and you know, or giving a boring
interview on TV UM. So we had the pre interview.
It was nice, and then I went on and it's
in COVID, so there's no screens. Yeah, it was literally
like people watching on zoom but there's no audience. Yeah,

(53:39):
it was. It was exactly that. It was very like
like sci fi or whatever. But there was like some
producers standing in the wings and Ellen, you know, she's
sitting there and she's greeting you. The stage is like bigger.
You don't you don't hug her. I can't remember if
we hugged or not. I think I we like elbow

(54:01):
bumped or something, or we sat down or maybe we Yeah,
I don't remember if we hugged, but um, yeah it was.
I literally was. So I was nervous that I was like,
is any of this past stuff gonna come up? And
it was. It was nice, Like you can watch the
interview online. So she leaned in like I don't know

(54:21):
if you saw it, it was okay, yeah, like they
cuts the commercial and like there's a little moment where
she leans in and like we like giggle and then
I like walk off stage or whatever, and that's like
you don't hear what was being said. But like right
after the interview, I was because I was like saying
that I was nervous, and she was like, can you
tell that your tits are so fucking deformed? Your stupid

(54:43):
ugly Your breast implants are like literally hanging lower than
they need to be. And I was like, han, She's like, hey, hey,
you he she tranny, I'm talking to you. And I said,
excuse me, excuse me? Do you hear yourself? Are you serious?
Do you know you're being recorded? She said no, no, no,

(55:04):
no she It was so funked up. She says, no, no,
she the mics are off. Now the eneviews over look
at the little ticker and I looked over. I looked
and there was a little ticker and that had the
time on it. And I said, oh my god, it froze.
Does that mean? And she's like, yeah, the recording stop.

(55:25):
No one knows what the hell I'm saying to you.
And I said, this is fucked up. When I guess what,
I don't have breast implants. I don't have breast implants.
I just started hormone therapy and the tissues not growing
in evenly. She didn't even know. You know what she did?
She stood up, She stood up, and she turned and
she slid down. She slid down her slacks just a

(55:50):
little bit, and she revealed, right right above her butt crack,
there's a little tattoo. I guess that it said, what
did it say? No, No, don't do it. Oh my
don't don't say it. No, I had to can't even
say I can't. I shouldn't, you know, I really shouldn't

(56:11):
say what the tattoos are? So wait, my gosh, it said.
It said, said Jared fogel Free. He said he didn't
do anything. And the people and it said, the people
who said he did something wrong are wrong because I
know them and I know that their liars. She is
so fucking evil. And then she pulled her pants on

(56:32):
a little further and she farted fucking and it fucking reeked.
And you know why why, you know why because she's
Keto And it was just like yeah, and it was
enough and the heart was enough that it gave her
a little boost forward and she kind of like and
her pants were low around her knee, so she was like,

(56:53):
well and she like had to catch herself on her chair.
Did she successfully? Did she wants successfully catch herself? Yeah?
She made it in the chair. She didn't fall. But
I stood up. I told you, I stood up. Well
what did you do? Did you defend yourself or what
or not? This was your last chance to Yeah, I

(57:15):
stood up and I said and I was like, this
is so in approach. And before I could even get
it out, she's points out. She's like, both of your
both of your deformed breasts have fallen out of your shirt.
And I looked down. She was right and they were out.
And I looked and for the first they're not even

(57:37):
they are they are And it's because I sleep on
my stomach and so what they've been growing in my
sleep when I had the hormones and they're growing on
their growing kind of oh my god, you don't even
let me say it. You didn't even let me say it.
Let let me go, let me own my journey. Fucking

(57:57):
oh my god. I want to call you a fagot,
and I'm call me a frogge. You can call me
a fragg I'm talking to my therapist now and she's
saying that I use faggot in an attempt to claim
an adjacent c to being siss, because that's where I
feel power is. And I agreed, and we had sex
and it was really bad. You should not have had

(58:20):
sex with your therapist. That's one of the top rules.
Oh my god, my therapist. He fucking fucking highest, biggest tits.
Oh my god. Chin to her chin like literally literally
when when we're pile driving, she's like she's upside down. Yeah,

(58:44):
and it's into when cheese spreads or her boobs. Both
her eyes are bruised. Oh my god, smacking, smacking like big.
It's like this. Did you did your elementary school have
that phase where you had milk in a bag like chocolate,
you have to stab the bag with the straw. Yeah, exactly,

(59:04):
it's like that slapping. What color is her hair? It
is fire red. Got so hot, hot hot red head
with huge fucking tits and bruised face from the tips
hitting her from getting Yeah, imagine she kind of looks
like Detavantissa glasses. Oh my god. Wait, harder than sucking

(59:28):
a chess game on the queen's gambit. Yeah, I saw
the camera shake. I saw your camera shake on your
laptop because you hit the bottom little bit. Yeah. I
have a really big penis that gets very hard when
I talk when I think about sex. Yeah, does your
therapist your therapist Glasses shot her when the tips head.

(59:48):
Uh No, it's it's like a really thick reinforced plastic
that they've used on the popmobile. Smart lady vibes, Yeah
she's smart, but yeah, anyways, um as I set up
Ellen turning on, she shot me on fucking head and
then but you survived, yea, Ellen, she was an audience

(01:00:10):
and then she went if there was another Ellen in
the audience up and was like, she is so messed up.
It is so messed up that she did that. I know.
But the thing in her house is that in lockdown,
everyone in Lockdown is going through an immense amount of

(01:00:33):
psychological trauma that we don't even We have so easily
and quickly normalized the fact that like we all just
carry on with our day to day lives because we
have to, and we don't think about how lockdown is
affecting us. I don't think if I don't think there's
any world where, like hypothetical world where like if the
pandemic didn't exist, that she would have gotten that Jared

(01:00:54):
Vogel was innocent tattoo like setting free. The first time
she had to do was pre pandemic. This is who
she is, and don't don't let her convince you that
she's changed at all. She's the same person. She's the
same ugly person on the inside and out. She is
picking me up today today. Remember when we thought the

(01:01:18):
podcast was at when I was got worried because the
emails had the time wrong and it said it was
recording it almost completely. Okay, it's really okay because sometimes
people wreak a little havoc, and that havoc is paid
for in hell chaos theory. What are you guys doing today?

(01:01:47):
That's taking you up for? Where are you going? We're
gonna go to Greta v am Fleet concert. No, you
know what's going to happen? Hi me run again? Isn't
a Living of eight? That's rush? Okay? But Patty, I
feel like this is actually a beautiful sort of like

(01:02:07):
I think this is like very like um, you know,
like first like the Harry Potter books, like the Seven
Books are over. But now there's a new sort of
like territory in the I P that we get to explore,
which is the post Ellen talk show era. And now
like the fight is like kind of like really like
entering this new territory. And I think This is really exciting.

(01:02:28):
This is like to big continued, Well, it's like, what
is the other movie with Eddie redmain Um, fantastic The
Danish Girl? Oh yeah, fantastic beasts. Fantastic. Hey, you want
to talk about a fantastic beast, try seeing the Danish girl.
She was ugly dog. She's a dog. That Danish dog

(01:02:51):
should be called fantastic beast. Ugly bit. Damn wow. This
character that you're playing telling no lies, girl, She's telling
no lies, damn Danish girl. More like, get yourself some
fucking highlighter, your damn dog. I learn where your t
zone is, your fucking damn dog. God, there should be there.

(01:03:13):
There's anything like a Jeff Foxworthy type of stand up
and not that that was like a Duff box Worthy
type of just like just Heartland stand up but like
comedy touring, blue cog comedy. Yeah, that's what I was
going for it. But like but like talks specifically and
like specific niche clear references, not that Danish girls specific
in niche, but like it's just like that nearest contrapoint

(01:03:37):
was real? Was a real was a real head scratcher,
wasn't it? That was the worst color they'd never heard
of yellow or Ran. I hated that lesbian film pussies
are fake as meal. They were not even real pussies.
Not even one came on a damn screen prosthetic pussy.
More like more like and see you later, wait me up.

(01:04:00):
When Rachel McAdams spit and Rachel Vox's mouth again, that's
female sociality. I'm gonna be real honest with y'all. I've
never even saw Moonline. Okay, I'm just gonna be the
woman comic on the door. I'm gonna get some ship
for that, but I men't see it, okay, And I

(01:04:25):
just want to stay. I just want to say before
this gets sound bit, did that? I'm from Orient, Ohio
and everybody fucking talks like that, So yeah, I have
the fucking agency to do a voice like this. Have
you have you gone home to Have you gone home
to currn? Hey? Have you gone home to see your

(01:04:46):
fucking hick family recently? Yeah? I did? Yeah? Well, how
was that? It was really emotional on lame. My mom's
moving out of my childhood home. What's gonna go? Yeah,
she's gonna go to another house that is like far
a little bit smaller downside. It is actually a little

(01:05:09):
bit smaller, but I think it's a little nicer. It's
not falling apart as much. And it's it's not like
in an area that I would really like her living in,
just because it's like very trumpy. Um. And well she
can start a movement there. Well, she's also very trumpy.
I mean she could start she should started uprising of

(01:05:34):
trumpers there. Yeah, that's true that you know what, that's true.
She and she just needs a little plush and I'll
be the person that gives her the little zoon she needs. Um.
But then does this mean that will the animals have
a place to roam because she has a lot of animals,
doesn't she Well she no, not a lot, but she

(01:05:55):
had some cats and a dog. But my sister is
taking them, so they're still in the family. They're just
they're going to be with her with my sister and
said and my mom. So I got to see my sisters,
which is really nice. Um, because normally I'm only home
for Christmas. Do you guys go home a lot? I
haven't gone. I used to go home, I would say

(01:06:17):
too much. And I think this is a moment that
we are readjusting because I see my family a good amount.
I don't live I don't live in New York anymore,
and so I don't see them all the time like
I used to do. But I see them a good amount.
But the pandemic it's different. But you know, I see
them and correspond with them a good amount. I wanted

(01:06:37):
to ask you guys a question though, Yeah, it has
to do with what I said earlier. Um, about how
you guys swam together. What happened in the pool that day? Well,
there were multiple days. Well the first day, what happened? Well, well,

(01:06:58):
first off bone when so we we worked on a
movie together, a lot of Hollywood A listers. Juliette, Julianne Julianne,
Juliette more Ptato, julian Posatoes, Um, Julianne Potatoes. What if

(01:07:20):
someone just what if we had you know, we have
these moments where it's like, oh, like someone bursts onto
the scene like likes or whatever. Yeah, like like yeah,
if there was just like someone who bursts onto the
scene in her fifties and her name was Julianne Potatoes,

(01:07:41):
why do you laugh like that? She just happened and
she just showed up in everything. She happened like Clairefoy. Yeah,
she had Clairefoy girl. Mom. No, I felt like Clarifoy
just like kind of was everywhere for a moment. Maybe
that she was. She was in the Crown and then
she know she was in the First Man movie, Neil

(01:08:03):
Armstrong movie. She said, You're a bunch of boys. And
she was the girl in the Dragon girl girl in
the Yeah, she was. She played list Salderned, one of
the great names. I hope I hope that a Julian
and a Julian they're coming back. Um No, but Bowen

(01:08:23):
and I, yeah, we were working has this big part
in the movie. And it's not a big part. It's not.
I'm like, it's a fun part, but it's pretty small,
I think. But I was there for a while. You
were there for the whole thing. No, I wasn't. Oh
they shot for they shot. They just got downe shoot,
I know they did. They did, just get You're right,
So you and I wrapped around the same tip. But

(01:08:44):
I was just there. But I was there for a
month and a half. Yeah, you were there for a week,
and um I love that week. That was really fun.
It was so fun. It really made me want to, Like,
I think I've been fantasizing about going on like some
sort of weird tropical vacation with friends literally for like
years and years and years and years, and I've never
done that. And that still doesn't I don't think that's

(01:09:05):
still I don't think that still counts. Like I think
that is just a preview, because it was we were
still there for work, so we still had to like
go do stuff, and but it was so cool because
the first place we stayed they moved us around, it
was in the Dominican Republic and Bowen got there and
we got a place that had golf carts like ours.

(01:09:26):
They go real fast. No, they went top what's faster
than five ten? So I'll be lucky and gradeful what else?
Thank you? It was it was fun. And then Patty
and I, yeah, Patty moved around a bunch of resorts
and I was there for two of them, and you.
The second one was Punticana, which was kind of like

(01:09:46):
a weird, nasty resort. But our rooms, the rooms they
put us in were cool because they were they had
a swim up They had a swim up pool to
the patio, so like the back pool was there was
a big, like a really long, thin, rectangular pool that
ran along the back of the building. And our rooms

(01:10:09):
are like patios, had steps down into the pool, so
I could go swim over to Bones room. He was
two rooms down, and one of the other actors was
like right beside us, so we could like all like
hang out. And it was really it was really starting
to like be like like text bone and be like, hey,
I am swimming over and literally at like because we

(01:10:30):
would wrap at like midnight or so it was like
night swimming. That's so fun. So who did you guys
ever have a race in the water? No? Oh, but
you don't want to know something there was. There was
a There was a duck. There are multiple ducks that
came into the pool and they were so beautiful. Did
you name her Chlorine? Because what she was all around? No, Chlarine.

(01:10:55):
We didn't name her, but we did. We did sing
Born this Way, like we felt the need to sing
Born this Way too, like a very specific it was
a queer duck. Yeah, well we were. We just saw
the duck and I was like, I need to sing
the song Born this Way by Lady Gaga. It was
it was this, Are you ready? It was your orient

(01:11:24):
That was you Lebanese, your Lebanese, your orientban don't be,
don't be, don't be. Do a remix of it where
I cut it together and just I cut together that
don't be from don't be a bat drag queen or
she goes, don't be so, don't be your Lebanese, don't

(01:11:44):
be don't be gay, straight up, don't be don't be transgender? Yeah, Ori,
and don't be baby baby? I was Orients. They yeah,
what's your baby? I was orient Baby? I was Orient Orient.

(01:12:12):
I'm beautiful in my way because I'm as anyway. That's
the pool. It was really fun and but what I
was going to say, it made me want to like
actually plan a vacation like somewhere, because I've traveled for
work a little bit and I'm always like take it
as a vacation, but it's not an actual vacation because

(01:12:33):
I'm stressing about working all the time. So it would
be nice to do replicate that again. But I think
that's kind of when do you want to do it,
Let's plan it. No, But the fire Island trips, like
there's still like this like social pressure to like do
certain things um and I would love a vacation that
was just like fully like like people like brought food

(01:12:56):
to you, you know, like I need That's what I need. Yeah,
just like completely glazing over and not having any I
don't want to be like, hey, guys, were actually going
to go to this museum and one pm and then
we're going to get in we have reservations at this
place that blah blah blah. It's like those plans every
like maybe like one day on the trip, but like

(01:13:16):
I like the spontaneity of just being like, oh, I
have this free time to just kind of like mosy around. Yeah,
you want to do like a proper relaxing beach vacation. Yeah,
I've never done that. I don't have a trip plans.
I realized I don't have it. I don't have travel
plans at all, Like I have nothing planned. The funny

(01:13:39):
thing is I keep saying let's plan it. I've said
it two times in the past. Literally, it's two times
in the last five let's planet. No one heard it. Well,
I've been saying it, and I have a very my
voice is very resonant. Okay, I would let's planet. The
week of Halloween a spooky really yeah, oh my god,

(01:14:04):
that's your birthday, and that's your birthday, my birthday. But
the thing is is I won't make it about my birthday.
We can, we will know, but my birthday is the
next week, and so we can make it about if
you want to take the pressure off, we can make
you make it about multiple birthdays. I would literally do that.
I have, I have, I don't have anything going on
at that time. Well, Bowen, let's you and me keep

(01:14:25):
let's keep talking, just you and me, Bowen, and then Matt, Matt,
if you want it, I will go on a trip
with you to get butter beer at whatever. Harry sutter
that now I know that you can't get enough of
that dumb gay shit butter beer. Look at your life.

(01:14:48):
Harry Potter fan Daniel Radcliffe says it's okay to go
to Harry Potter world still, because if you look at
something from Harry Potter, her, that's you, good life. Tools
You should not let that turf ruin it for you.
I think that's the thing is is that is that

(01:15:09):
that's hard is that I was a big, very hairy
Potter fan. So talk about your love for Harry Potter,
now so that we can sort of get you on
record doing that. I at a young age, I really
started loving Harry Potter. I think Harry Potter. I really did.
I really did. I only read the first four books,

(01:15:31):
and it was like when I was a kid, and
then the movie started to come out, and I really
loved the first four movies, and then I liked the
other movies after I liked that it. I think it's
because I like, like around the holiday time, Like I
like around Christmas and Thanksgiving, Like I really like that
time of year, and that's when like ABC Family would

(01:15:52):
start playing the marathons of Harry Potter, like it kind
of all signified the same. I think there's just like
a lot a mental tie in with like that season
and feeling like fall and I do you know, I
think there's a lot of really funny, nice moments in
those movies that are you know, ingrained in my brain,

(01:16:12):
but also, you know, there's all the stuff surrounding it
that's just like a big bummer. And I really hope
that j. K. Rowling finds healing um in her life
and that she can come around and that we can
have the first Harry Potter book Room movie Fry Potter

(01:16:34):
becomes a maybe Harry Potter decides one day that she's tired,
she is tired of living, of living a secret, magical life,
and so she's as a polyjuice potion to turn herself
for one day into a woman, just to see what
it feels like. And she goes to hide in the bathroom.

(01:16:57):
And she goes into the bathroom. Yeah, she takes us
a to the woman's bathroom, and as a woman, she
just assaults a bunch of kids in the bathroom. But
she it's like, it's kind of like, I think j
K would really like to write a book like that,
because that's kind of what she she loves to write about.
So it's like, Harry Potter, you could take a pologuice potion,
get all the ingredients. Make sure you get all the

(01:17:18):
ingredients you need the hair of the person you want
to transform into, don't forget and don't forget, and then
you wear you a little invisibility click into the bathrooms
because oh, the transformation is a little painful, but it's well, oh,
I'm very I'm turning into a beautiful girl in the
bathroom who loves kid. Did she ever write in the

(01:17:40):
books like they took the apologies potion and then they
looked at their own dicks or their new genitals and
they're like, WHOA nice? Like that is like, I don't
the first thing you would do. I actually don't think
that there was, but I think it might be a
thing where I don't think a male character turns into
a female character. I don't think. I don't things. I'm

(01:18:00):
from into the cat. I think if I think if
I think if if like the male characters turned into
another male character, the first thing you would do, you know,
like you know, like be like, oh, whoa, I would
And I'm saying male male characters specifically in the Harry
Potter world, because trans people don't exist, and so the

(01:18:21):
male the men have penises. Well, the magic Matt they
there's a magic spell. There's a magic spell that makes
everyone not dysphoric. No one feels any dysphoria in the
Harry Potter world. It's like when you pass through the
platform nine and three quarters into the Magical Realm, you're like, oh, like,

(01:18:42):
sucks all your agenda just for you out of you?
Read is trans The way she acts, the way she
fucking acts, snooping around a little bit. She's nothing going
on in her life. She's trans. She's at home on
the internet all the time, so afraid to leave her
fucking how she can't even take the trash can out

(01:19:03):
because she's has anxiety. She's afraid of getting bashed, and
she's like, what can I do? What else can I do?
I can put on this little gay gass coat ugly
like like ugly old Vinciae, Ralph Laura, not even good stuff,
kind of like stuff Anna Wintour would like, and she
just kind of goes out and just like trying to
pay homage to like ugly starlets of whoever gives a

(01:19:24):
fun time period. She's going around interviewing people. Are a
little dumbass notepad that writes for itself. Yeah, you're a
training queen. We all see it, and it's time for
you to go home. You call your end of chronologist,
to the end of Chronologists, and also like fine support,

(01:19:48):
finally get out of the magical realm. It's not safe
for you there. She doesn't write are the real world,
It would be the villains, like if there were if
they were in Harry Potter, if there were trans characters,
they would be the villains. Um I wanted to before

(01:20:09):
we go into UM, I don't think so, honey. I
feel I would be remiss if we didn't say that
you really were fabulous and together together and I was
very proud of you in a real way, to drop
all pretense orifice, all these things. You were so good
and like, I was very proud of you. And I
went to see you at the Universal CityWalk and and

(01:20:32):
and it was my second movie back. I saw King Kong,
Godzilla and then you, and you were the biggest monster
on screen. J K. You fucking sucked and you're a monster.
Oh my god. Well, mad, thank you for seeing the movie.
I loved it, I really did. You were great. You
were so good, so good, and well that means a

(01:20:53):
lot to me. I really feel like there is this
thing that, um there is. We watched What If We
Flushed Evan. We pulled up the clipping and Patty was like, hey, yeah,
it definitely was a really fun set improvised wise, um,

(01:21:14):
we definitely. I was working with Ed Helms, who was
amazing clap yeah, you know, I'm from the office, and
he was really fun in our trailer, especially nice to
each other. So we would have lunch together and it
was crazy. He would do practical jokes. Here. He put
a spider, a fake spider in my soup, and it
was really fun out And anyway, thanks for having me.

(01:21:35):
That's what you should that's what you were. That is
but a spider of my hair and my soup from
California Chicken Cafine. What were you going to say about
the film? I was just gonna say that it's it's
nice of you. It's really nice of you to say that,

(01:21:55):
And it means a lot to me that you saw it.
An interesting phenomenon after or having the movie come out
is that I think I had I just like promoted
it a lot and so so I think people were
aware that it was happening. But a lot of my
friends not seeing it. And every time I see them,
they they will tell me they haven't seen it yet,
and I'm just like, you don't have to. You don't

(01:22:18):
actually ever have to see it. It is not in
my I told you that because and the reason I
said it was because I genuinely did want to go
see it. The way, do you see I have the
sock on my hand. I don't really have twos. I
have two stocks on my hand and I don't know
how it happened, but it sort of looks like your

(01:22:39):
color scheme. You look like a doctor SEUs. But I remember,
you know what it's when we did the reading. We
did a reading for a movie Patty, and I saw
you and I knew. I was like, oh, I haven't
seen it yet, and I saw you make a little
bit of a face like I didn't know what it was.
I thought maybe you were irritated that I hadn't seen
it or and now and now I know, now I

(01:23:00):
know that you felt like I don't know, Yeah, it's
it's my That look is like me about to be like,
you know, you don't have to like, you don't have
to see it doesn't hurt my feelings if like my
friend I don't like, I don't see a lot of
stuff that like my friends do not like. It's like
if I know something is like really important to somebody

(01:23:20):
and they've expressed that to me and it's like one
of my best friends, then like, yeah, I want to
see my friends work, but I don't get to catch everything.
I feel like that's the thing too, is just like
having a lot of friends that are like being doing
like making stuff. It's like, you don't see everything, so
I don't ever expect anybody to see it. But people

(01:23:42):
see me. If people run into me, and especially like
in like at a lockdown, like they see me somewhere,
the first thing they'll be like, oh, I haven't watched
a movie yet, but I want to see it really badly.
And I'm like, you actually don't have to watch it.
I don't feelings if you don't want to. But so
all of that is to say, no, it's not stupid.

(01:24:04):
I get it, though. I get because I think people
like I think people get that it's like this. I
think social media. I think social media, um really fun.
It's really fun, an amazing time with it. Hell n
set showed me the rock son up. Oh my gosh,

(01:24:26):
there was one time on set the jock even the
spider in myself, you should have done the out inter
you like that for real? She'd been like when I
was when I asked four years off my brother was
killed in a car accident half a mile down the
street from their house. It's informed my entire scope of

(01:24:48):
the world. I interrupt and see empathy and others and
in myself. But anyways, yeah, sorry, I don't know. Thank
you for seeing it. I um, and first of all,
I'm not I. The only reason I bring it up
now because I know how much it fucking bothers you,
is because I want people out there that are listeners

(01:25:10):
of the Pot and readers of the Pots to see
it too, because I think it would enrich their life. Okay,
So that's the only reason I tell you, whether or
not I saw what you've done, is because I actually
liked it a lot and I think it would enrich
their life. Okay, Well, thank you. That's really kind of
you to promote the movie on the podcast. I do
appreciate it. I was about to burn the readers. Don't

(01:25:32):
have you. You don't have to lif you see Patty.
Don't tell her old. Don't tell her that I don't
have to be the first thing you tell her. Don't
tell me you haven't seen the movie. If you have that,
it makes sense. It's like an indie movie. No one
sees that ship. It's it's not god Zilla versus King Kong. Yeah, which,
by the way, I definitely saw first. That was top
of my list. I was like, oh, I can see
a movie. Well, I'm definitely not seeing no indie. I'm

(01:25:53):
going I watched the until I think literally maybe twenty
minutes into the movie when they're fighting on the boats.
They're standing on the big like carrier ship fighting, and
I was like, I've suspended my disbelief for this whole time,
and I just can't suspend it this much, you know.

(01:26:15):
I was like, this, just those boats, this is just
not how the physics would work. Yeah, I was like,
Ed Helms and Patty haven't fucked yet. I was like,
I've suspended my disbelief for this long. I'm like, this
is platonic. Like I was like that they have railed
each other yet. No, we are characters do what everyone

(01:26:36):
says that it's a movie about platonic friendships. But there
is a scene. There's a scene, there's literally a scene, well,
we go for, we go for, Like it's in the
beginning of the movie. Sorry, remember when I said let
me be the one who Earlier earlier in the podcast,

(01:26:59):
I said, hey, can you let me steer my own journey?
You often interrupt me. Well, I am saying it now, Okay, okay, Sorry,
there's a scene earlier in the movie. There's a scene
early in the movie where he felt just me and
then but wait and then are you and a Julio's

(01:27:20):
character platonic in the movie too? Or do you guys
do is there something sexual there? Uh? We are platonic,
but Julio does um, he fus Gavin McGinnis, Gavin McGinnis
the guy, the former vice guy who became the leader.

(01:27:42):
Oh yeah, okay, but he's dressed as a woman and
that's the thing. And then um, and then Gavin McGinnis
like panic beats him up and then it has it's
been off in the works where that's the court case
about like gay panics. Is Nicole doing that one too? Um?
Nicole back with is signed on to do that movie.

(01:28:03):
It is being made by Anna Parna and Radio Shack
and Radio Shacks having a big comeback and they put
a lot of money into this and it's just really
cool and great that they're invested in arts. And I
think that's really that's really commendable, amazing, that's amazing. I'm
so excited for you. I'm so excited. I'm so excited,
so excited. You're like a movie star. That's so amazing. Movies,

(01:28:25):
it feels and I feel it too, is the thing.
The thing is I walk when I go out and
I walked to get my groceries and I'm wearing my
sun dressed and my sneakers that are white, but they
got a little dirt relable what I Um, Yeah, I guess,

(01:28:51):
I don't know. I don't try not to look at
it that way. They're just shoes, after all. Um people
do stop and they look at me, and I'm knowing
in that moment that they're not just looking at me
because if my height or my curve in all the
right places are my rests that are just the right height,
not too big, but a good handful. They're recognizing me

(01:29:15):
from something that they watched and something that they falled
over in a character that they fell in love with.
And there's something incredible about that. And I don't know.
In the COVID nineteen of it all, I feel that
there's so little magic left in ourselves. We're optimistic, We're
not optimistic. We're pessimistic if anything. And I would just

(01:29:38):
like more people to be able to feel what it
feels like to be a movie star. And I think
everyone should give it a try. I hope, I hope
that I hope that thank you it is time for
I don't think so honey, it's a segment podcast that

(01:29:58):
we do, and it's I'm not telling you, it's sixties
seconds of ranting of about something in pop culture or
life that we feel it's it's time for it to
hear it, you know. M hmm. I want to go first. Okay,
this is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so honey, time

(01:30:20):
starts new. I don't think so honey, that I ever
said a bad word about Christin Stewart. And I'm gonna
come on here and say that I apologize because I
have said many sort of as many people would call
shady comments about Christmas Stewart. I have come on this
podcast and said I don't think she does much of
anything at all, and she just sort of shows up
on camera and looks gorgeous and she gets a pass

(01:30:42):
for it. And I thought her lip biting in Twilight
sort of like was really all she did. And then
sort of, you know, she moves on in Time, she
does Clouds of Seals Maria, and she sort of like
impresses me there and then all of a sudden, the
Spencer trailer happens, and I have to say, I don't
think so honey myself because looks like she embodies Diana
Spencer aprint this Diana Diana Partuss of Wales aka the

(01:31:03):
basis for one of the most famous beanie babies of
all time. And it looks like she is doing it beautifully.
And I loved her. Two words that we heard in
the trailer they don't. I thought that was really beautiful.
And I think anyone that can hold their own opposite
Sally Hawkins, one of the best British actresses, there's my respect.
So I don't think so, honey meat for the things
I've said, I eat crow, I eat crow path and

(01:31:24):
that's one minute. You're in crowth. I mean crow actually
said crow pie, but you say it with a Southern
accent like Sutton Strack. I don't think you know who
that is. But it's okay, Um, she's a real housewife
of Beverly Hills. Okay, okay, Well, thank you for explaining
it to me. Yeah, why did you feel the need

(01:31:45):
to apologize about comments you made on about Curse's stewarts,
Because I think I've been I think, honestly something and
this is a this is a real thing, I think,
and I'll just I'll just say this sometimes like I
get very sensitive and for straighted when someone has something
to say about me on the social media and I
heard what you said before about like you know, like

(01:32:07):
people like you couldn't feel like they can say whatever
they want about you on social and then like you
actually are a person and you're rather sensitive. And I've
discovered about myself that I am sensitive. And it's actually
been kind of interesting to have projects come out and
then have them be up for consumption and have them
be you know, discussed, and it's almost like people talk
about you like as if you are not a person.

(01:32:29):
And it's been interesting to know that we've had this
podcast for now going on like six years where we've
sort of like discussed celebrities and like both like serious
and non serious ways, like sometimes we have a lot
of fun with them and other times we're like actually
dissecting the work and stuff. And I think it can
kind of get gray area E. But I think, UM,
I've just been sort of examining the ways in which, um,

(01:32:51):
I've like dragged certain people. And Kristen Stewart is someone
that I dragged quite a bit, and I don't think
she doesn't necessarily had did anything to deserve and and
probably her experience with fame was very painful, and especially
knowing that she's a member of the queer community and
that she probably had a lot of things going on
and was forced to sort of appear oh way that

(01:33:12):
she was uncomfortable with. And I just think that I
did not need to say things I've said about her,
such as you know that she does nothing on screen.
It's not her fault that she doesn't need to do
much on screen to be effective. And I looked at
this trailer and I thought, Wow, here she is like
taking a really big swing, and it looks like it's
really paying off. And I think that I really respect

(01:33:33):
her because I think that she knows that she's someone
that the media and you know, young people, especially as
social media kind of grew to prominence as she became famous,
had a lot of fun with um in ways that
probably were not fun for her. And I examined my
behavior and the way I've contributed to that conversation in
the past, and I would like to say that I'm
excited to see the movie, and I am apologetic about

(01:33:57):
the ways in which I have dragged her in the past.
I feel that it was not fair, and I feel
I was being childish and immature, and now that I
have a little bit more of an experience with it,
I've retracted. Well, this is a very developed, very well
thought out response to this big trailer that was a
lot of fun to watch, very interesting, and that was that. Yeah,

(01:34:19):
that thank you for articulating that. I think that's it's
really wonderful that you show a lot of growth in
your in your perspective shift and kind of the empathy
that you found only through kind of your own success,
which is really it's you know, at least applaud yourself
for that, where now you're in a place where like,
oh yeah, now I see that, you know it is.
It is interesting how dehumanizing it is when people just

(01:34:44):
don't think that, you know. It's like it's like the
way you talk if you're venting and you're talking shit
about someone that you know in your life, but they're
not in the room. You take you take big swings.
You're also trying to make your friends laugh. You're like,
you know, you're maybe saying things that are more like

(01:35:05):
venomous to get a reaction to be hyper You're being hyperbolic,
and you're saying things you don't necessarily fully believe to like,
you know, get a reaction and get a point across,
make your friends left. But if that person was an earshot,
you wouldn't be talking about them that way. And I
feel like that's kind of what the Internet is is
people just think that you're out of the room, but
really you can go that people can go and then

(01:35:27):
like read the things that you say. But people are
so bold as to like comment on your stuff. That's
interesting when people respond to you and like d M
s and say ship or like comment on your stuff,
and then when you're like, hey, that's like a really weird,
mean thing to say, and the backpedal and they're like,
oh my gosh, I just never thought you'd read it.
It's like commented on. So it's like negative attention seeking behavior.

(01:35:49):
And that's like I think it's own like illness of
social media that people need to be like doing some
work on themselves to make sure they're not doing because
a lot of people do it and I used to
do it. I used to and that's the growth of
it all. Is like the growth of it all is
that when I first got Twitter in like two thousand
nine or two thousand ten maybe when, but it was

(01:36:14):
it would have been when I discovered Grimes. I used
to tweet at her that I was doing this running
joke where I would tweet at her every day and
be like, reply to me, I need your reply, Please
reply to me, and like say be really random, say
really random, like fucked up stuff to her, like sexual stuff.

(01:36:35):
And the implicit thing is that you're like, she would
never see this, but the fact, but that's not necessarily
and you're doing it as a big And now people
do ship like that to me, where they'll reply to
everything that I'm doing and I'm like, I see it,
and it's just like, oh, this feels like you know
this person, I don't they want me to see it,
but it's like, what reaction do they think they're going

(01:36:55):
to have. I mean, now I think Grimes is like
pure trash. Um. I say all that, and then I'm like,
she's liquid trash. Um. No, I don't like her. I
don't like what she's choosing, the life that she's choosing now.
And I hope, you know, I hope everything. I hope
she comes out of whatever this this phase of her

(01:37:17):
life and thinks about what she's done. Um. But um. Also,
I'm just not going to put energy into that. You know,
I'm going to keep my amazing tomato soup from California
Chicken Cafe, which does look good. I would feel stupid
if I was one of those people that was like like,

(01:37:37):
now as I become more successful, it's like, how fucking
dare they drag me? When it's like, you know, like
you've done it, Like the real the thing that will
make you straight, the thing that will make you fucking straight,
is when you have to start applying that level of
empathy to every person in the world and in your life.

(01:37:58):
And only then I'll be when you think about who
when you decide, when you decide to have, when you
decide to turn that little valve on, and who you
don't give that empathy to just because you're being like no,
It's like, you know, I bet there's other people who
deserve that same empathy that you need to take that
skeleton of your logic and then like kind of put
it on their situation too. And you know, I don't

(01:38:21):
think a lot of people want to do that, And
I think that's okay. You know, I think people are
in a in a tough mental spot right now I'm
that way too. I think the place that I'm in
right now really hard mentally, is that I loved a
big part of joy that I got a big place
of joy in my life was making fun of bad stuff,

(01:38:45):
making fun of movies and TV shows that I thought
were bad. Um, because that stuff gets crammed down your throat,
especially like really high budget stuff that's bad. It's like,
now we're in this like culture vacuum where it's like
you can't. It's like everything has to be positive, like
you can't. It's like let people enjoy the things they
want to enjoy or whatever. And I'm like, well, this

(01:39:07):
is like a corporate like advertising machine and I'm not
allowed to have like a criticism of it. It's just
like and again, you are allowed to have a criticism
of it. It's just like if you're willing to deal
with the pushback or not. But I will say that
I felt, you know, unable to talk shit about stuff

(01:39:30):
in the way that I, like I thought was fun
too before because yeah, because of like my career and
like now I've met some of the people that are
in movies that I used to make fun of and
and worked on that you never know who produced you're
working with, like a producer who has been working in
TV for years and like also produced this thing that

(01:39:52):
you think sucks, and so you have to be it's like, oh,
now that I know that person, I don't want to
hurt their feeling. Like I now that it's like it's
not just being about like, oh I want to save
my ass. It's like, oh, this person like put a
lot of work into this thing that people really hate.
I think they've kind of like you know, endured the
brunt of it. Yeah, but I don't know. I just like, also,

(01:40:16):
I'm not gonna put energy into dictating how other people
react to that ship because other people have a lot
more anger detachment that they can gleefully, you know, slice
someone up about um. But it does change. I think
that your level of empathy changes, and I'm like, oh man,

(01:40:37):
I think I kind of have to be nice about everything.
Because the other night I was like drunk with my
friend Hillary and we were watching He's All That, and
I was making fun of it on Instagram stories, and
I got a couple replies of people being like, why
are you being so mean to Addison Ray? Like people
who didn't follow me too which was like, oh God,

(01:40:57):
and I'm like, I'm not being mean to her. This
movie just really sucks. Like this movie is really funny,
and like that's what I'm think. I'm being very clear
that I'm like, this is just a stupid array of
decisions people have made that all culminate in this piece
of like work that it's like so fucking funny, how

(01:41:18):
stupid and awful it is. And that's like, it doesn't
mean that the actors in it are bad or that
they're bad people, but I think it does point out
that there are a lot of people in the film
industry who are pure corporate like business people who get
to call creative shots on stuff, and unfortunately they have
notes on stuff. And I wish those people's names were
like on the front of the movie and there's kind

(01:41:40):
of tact information so you could fucking let them feel
like the ire of people when you don't like serve
the community right or something like it's like, yeah, talk
to the fucking like finance department or whatever, the business
affairs department, who's like being like this character actually is
like their sense of humor is not landing with us. Um,

(01:42:04):
so we're actually going to make this character, Caitlyn Jenner,
if that's okay, it's like yeah, and then the and
then the people people online see that and they're like,
oh my god, Caitlyn Jenner. This is like but it's
like the people who are like protecting or concerned about
and at someone like Addison Ray, Let's say, like there's

(01:42:25):
a weird like poisoning of the mind to be like
what she doesn't need like your protector, Like she doesn't
need you to protect her necessarily either, you know. It's like,
I don't know, it's it's weird. Well I think meanwhile,
like people like people like people like us, like we
like did not have We were not like now things

(01:42:46):
are different, but we were not always supported by some
like infrastructure in terms of like knowing like like we
like I don't know, like we like I mean like
between the three of us at least, like we really
like had to like kind of like you know, like
earn our way, earn our keep into like these places
where at And that is that's a different emotional background

(01:43:09):
versus like and this is not to like discount like
what these people go, but like someone like I'm gonna
say someone like Addison, right, and I don't know what
her struggle is necessarily, and she has some of course,
but it's like this is a completely different like echelon
of like fame or of like being like put forward
as someone who like people will like that, Like there's

(01:43:32):
a there's a I don't know, I think there's a
there's a subtle there's there's a more nuanced way to
be like not everything has to be like not everything
gets to be important. Some things get to be stupid. Yeah,
And I think that there is room for humor, you
know what I mean. The reason the reason I take,
the reason I stop and want to do the thing
about Christin Stewart is because I'm thinking about the things

(01:43:55):
I've said her about her, and I think they might
have been just like lazy and like whatever. Like if
I went back throughout this entire podcast or my entire
life online or whatever and like combed through everything I've
said about celebrities, there's no use in doing that because
like it's just silly, like because there should be you

(01:44:16):
like that is like there is something to like combing
through what we get fed in the entertainment industry and
like like calling it out and like making jokes about it.
Like make jokes. I just think I was watching the
trailer for Spencer and I was like, oh, I've been
like nasty about her, and I think it was like
a lazy thing. And it's sort of a thing of
like I think we all do it like, you know,

(01:44:38):
like years ago, when we get on this podcast and
like make comments about Ellen, it's probably because we thought, well,
none of us will ever be actually on her show.
We're never gonna actually have to meet her, so what
then who cares if we drag Ellen? Then all of
a sudden, it's like you're in the green room and
Ellen and she comes and knocks on the door and says, hey,
just wanted to say hey before our big interview with

(01:44:59):
no audience, and our teams have talked beforehand to make
sure that there's a tease fire because of still like
this is some silliness I've said on the podcast Lost
Culture Resta, does you know what I mean. It's just
like it's also surreal and funny that we're all even
successful at all, because I I think about that all
the time. I'm just like wow, like it's really like

(01:45:21):
I'm not I'm not looking at like you know, how
my life has changed in the past five six years
in the way you're the way both of your lives
have changed in the past five six years, and like
not not a little bit in awe of it, because
I'm like, wow, like I never thought anything. I just
thought I would be like on the Brooklyn podcast forever,
you know. And maybe that's why I felt the safety
to be like, yeah, Ellen's dicky, I mean, but also

(01:45:45):
ultimately it was funny, So I don't know, it's like
an interesting thing to all of a sudden have to
deal with that kind of thing, you know what I mean. Well,
with all that said, it's gonna be time for boonen Yanks.
I don't think so, honey, Bona you're ready figure out
and think so honey, I'm ready, Okay, this is bones.
I don't think so honest, time starts now. I don't
think so honey, sucking dick. Let's normalize licking balls. Licking

(01:46:10):
balls to be the top of the list. It's easier
on the mouth. It's you don't have to do all
this crazy stuff. You don't have to like think of it.
It's just easier mentally logistically to just like go for
the balls first and then not even touch the damn shaft. Okay,
I just want to I just want to work on
the balls. I don't want to cartilage. I don't want

(01:46:34):
to touch any cartilage in the penis at all. I
just want to work with the scrotum. That's it, and
that's all I have to say no, because you know what,
balls actually feel more sanitary to me. There's not literal
piss coming out of it. Why the hell would you

(01:46:55):
put something with pete coming out of it in your mouth?
You're gonna love it. No, I don't care. I think
it's less funky. If it's the balls that p is sterile,
you're gonna love it. Clean freaksn't love it. That is
fun vile. What you said balls are the worst. I
don't want to talk about. I don't want them in

(01:47:17):
They smell. The only reason you go down on somebody
like that is to make them come. And if you're
not gonna be able to make them come with the balls,
why are you gonna put them in your You don't
know that. You don't know that you're not gonna be
able to make them come with the balls? Ah? Yeah
I do, Yeah, I do. I go up and down

(01:47:40):
on the side like I'm eating corn and then that
makes them but then that's a dick still in your mouth,
stupid ass. I'm saying I would be open to that,
but I just there's something about like I feel like,
Damn Kirby, I don't like either. I like, I just
feel like I'm sorry that makes me. I feel like
I have nothing to offer if I don't like sucking

(01:48:01):
dick that I'm like, wow, no, because I absolutely love
eating ass. Period me too. I love eating ass. But
then it sends a mixed signal because they're like, oh,
I thought, Oh, I guess is he like, is he
like getting me ready? Like I'm like, oh no, no, no,
I just like doing this, you know, as I feel

(01:48:21):
like it's sucking I and I like, I like sucking dick.
Pick me. I'm a pick me girl. I like dick um,
but I think it's more work. And it depends like
I don't like sucking a big dick. I don't like that,
Like I don't I have a his, I have like

(01:48:42):
a really small amount. And literally I remember when I was,
when I was like thirteen, a dentist, which I wasn't
sucking dick then, but this dentist problem was like, oh
my gosh, your mouth is so small, and put her
fingers in line now and tried to spread my mouth

(01:49:04):
open wider so she could get like this like four
step thing in and she split both my lips like
because they were also really chapped, because I was always
licking my lips trying to get people let me suck
their dicks um, and they never did, and and that's good.
They shouldn't. I wasn't in a mentally good place and
I wasn't old enough. It sounds like it sounds like

(01:49:26):
she was like a Jennifer Coolidge character, like oh my god,
your mouth is so small. She was like, oh my god,
it makes me a hot dog round classic. I wait, hirthday,
Happy birthday, Happy birthday. Um No, I just think it's

(01:49:50):
a lot of it's like my jaw hurts if it's
like big, and then it's just like it's like if
it's if you're trying to It's like there are guys
that like like deeps, like going in deep, and I'm like,
I don't think that feels good. I don't think it's
like not like it's not like nice and soft back there.
It's all like weird and like it's like I think

(01:50:10):
it's just for those the action of like you choking, right,
they want to see you tear up a bit, which
I'm like, well, honey, I can't really break down the
psychology of like two gay men, like the man who's
getting head, the gay man who is getting head from
another man, what psychologically is happening there versus a like

(01:50:34):
a straight or like queer guy who is getting head
from a trans woman. Like I think there might be
a different psychology of like, but I don't know it's
all porn. I think it's probably all Any mistreatment you
get sexually is probably stemmed in something they saw in
a video. Had a guy. I had a guy um

(01:50:56):
a couple of years ago who had a giant dick
who I like literally pulled it. I was like going
down on him, and I pulled out for a second
to like get hair out of my mouth because my
I was like sucking my own hair into my throat,
and so I like stopped for a second and turned
to like get my hair out of my face. And

(01:51:18):
when I turned back, he had like bent his dick
like back, and he like like slingshot and like he
like held it back and then he like smacked me
in the face with it. Oh yeah, like he like
bent it back like like and smacked me in the

(01:51:38):
fit like on my face with his dick. And I
was like, why did you do that? And he was
like I wanted to be rough and I thought that
you would. I don't know if he thought I don't
like that. But it wasn't like, it wasn't sexual trauma.
I wasn't afraid he was. It was just any But
I was like, you just like doi oiling. Yeah, Looney

(01:51:59):
tuned me fucking to Marvin the Martian like that was
actually like Yoda, but how is truck? But if I
did another man Maran, I wrote to the Caitlyn Jenners

(01:52:24):
for Governor of California, and I think that we need
a big Traine in this big state. My Caitlyn general
is Lauren Michaels. And that's just why I am going
to have to accept and I leave it. Lauren general
impression is a Lord Michaels impression. Come back here with
my show. What is the let's Lauren from TV fund

(01:52:44):
from the TV fun House. Yeah, We're back my show.
It's time, It's wine, money or nine. You didn't know
the West corn Rance rates online. Go to the general
Stafjong time it's time for the best car insurance rates
in town. To the general. Wait, what is it for
the West corridorans rates in town? Patty call one night

(01:53:06):
hundred general. No, it's time for I don't think so honey,
now Patty Harrison's I don't think so honey. Hard times
starts now. Are you get okay? Stop? Are you ready? Okay? Yeah,
this is Patty Harrisons. I don't think so on ether
time starts now. I don't think so honey. M hmm.

(01:53:34):
And when people are when people are mad that you
didn't get back to them in time, um, and yeah,
it's fucking that ship piss me off, you know why, bitch.
I'm sorry I cussed so much. I lean on it
too much. I lean on custing so much. I won't
cust time starting over now, I don't think so, honey.

(01:53:55):
People who get mad at you when you don't get
back to them in time? Now, I'm that want one second? No, No,
I don't think so, honey. How much time I have left? Um? Yeah,
we're back at one starting out. I don't think so, honey.
People who get mad at you when you don't get
back to them sometimes I know. No, No, I don't

(01:54:17):
think so, honey. People who get mad at you when
you don't get back to them in time. It's like
sometimes I want to get back. No, I don't think.
I don't think, honey. And that's that was really good
giving a chance. I wasn't even giving a chance. Sometimes
people don't even know. You're just getting busy during the day,

(01:54:38):
you know, and you have time to get back to them.
Yet well, you didn't even know we're adding to here.
I don't think it's nod, she's she's frowning, she's she's
what if that's how you find out I have botox?
Is that you accept me? I have boats? I gets

(01:55:01):
the secret? So wow, this has been incredible in it
was Yeah, I feel like I rambled a lot. No, No,
that's what people were hanging and hang on every word. Okay,
I had fun talking to you, but I hope I
didn't over I feel like, no, don't do since you've

(01:55:26):
been don't do this. I think I did the Innett
bending thing. I drew out the impression to know that
was the bit was that we were waiting for it.
It was incredible. It was perfect, And then I talked
about Alan. I didn't even get into what she really
did to me. Well, we'll say that for another episode.
I didn't even get to do what I don't think so, honey,
no that Patty, I didn't even get to do. I

(01:55:49):
think this was I think this was a really one
of the best episodes. Did imagine? I tell you that
one Bowen when we were in Dominican Republic and we
went swimming really late one night. It was like one
am after we wrapped and Bowen like we're literally sitting there,
We're talking about, like what shows we were watching. I
don't know where. Bowen just turns me and he goes,

(01:56:11):
you know, even if I were straight, I would never
hook up with you because you're you're you lost too
much weight too fast, and it made your skin on
your body. You're kind of that skinny fat situation. He
said that he has a thing, he has a thing
with people that are skinney fat. He's he thinks that
he thinks it's a compliment. He says it like a
backhand and compliment. Meanwhile, it sounds like he was just

(01:56:34):
aggressive to you. He said, I don't want to suck
you because you're skinny fat. It was. It wasn't. Unprompted,
she posed a question to me. She said, Bowen, if
you were straight, what would be the first thing you did?
And I was like, I don't know what the first
thing I would do would be, but I know what
I wouldn't do, which is with you, because I have
a thing with skinny fat. What is the in seed?

(01:56:55):
I really hate that because people will be able to
like corroborate or whatever the stories because I do ask
that question to a lot of guys. I'm trying to turn,
asked me, asked me. I'm one of the I'm one
of the gayest guys. Try to turn me right now
before we go, Matt, if if you had if you
had me for two hours alone, and I couldn't say no,

(01:57:23):
she can't say no, that's getting weird. The first thing
I would do is I would order chicken palm to
the house. I would watch you eat it, and you
would get so I'm not eating, I ate before all
of it. I want you to eat every bite and
the penney that comes on the side. When you're really full. Listen,

(01:57:47):
when you're really full, I'm gonna have you run around
the house out of high speed, and I'm we're gonna
wait forty five minutes to the point where probably have
to use the bathroom. At that point, yes, I'm gonna
take you in the bedroom. I make you put on chains,

(01:58:11):
chain you to the four post bed, and then I
have sex with every one of your full holes. I
only have four your mouth first, I'm going to be
so full, really tired. You know I can't run for

(01:58:35):
more than about a half hour. Yeah, well you're going
to be so tired and full and I'm not gonna
let your ship either. I want you to be chock
full of palm when I fuck you. We always end
every episode with the song happy Harmonize. We had to

(01:58:59):
harmonize Wait, yeah, I just assume that would take the
ha be to Hi me but you Hi. Here we go,

(01:59:29):
horse not in and the whole you can ever sing
de jen a books Hi you all right? Bye bye guys.

(02:00:12):
M

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Matt Rogers

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