April 18, 2024 • 25 mins
Amigas, let’s talk about red flags and why it’s important to keep an eye out for them when dating. As exciting as it is to be dating it is important to protect tu corazon and in this episode Tani Estefy and Lily B. share some responses the Latina Approved community provided that they consider to be red flags.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh last Someone's Latina Proof and we're your host Standni Sefi.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And Lily b. And this podcast is dedicated to our
bilingual Latinas who are resilient.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Pas Latinas that resonates with the phrase zodia ki.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
As first generation Americans daughters of immigrants, we felt empowered
to unite and redefine the narrative of what it means
to be Latina.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Latina Improof is a platform where Latinas can turn to
and feel authentically represented.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Join us on this journey every week where we engage
in relatable conversations.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Share uplifting stories, and empowering insights from everything.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
That is Latina Proof Latina Proof.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Welcome back to another episode on the Latina Proof podcast,
and today we are tackling a crucial topic, which is
recognizing and responding to red flags when dating. Oh be interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is gonna be a good one because, oh my goodness,
red flags.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Red flags like red flags green flags. I mean, I
think red flags are easier to detect or maybe not sometimes,
but they definitely should not be overlooked.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
No, definitely not. And I don't know about you tany
but like I've like in my dating experience, in life,
I've noticed red flags, but I've like liked the guy
so much where I just you know, don't pay attention
to it, and then it's like you should have really
paid attention to it. So let's just, you know, let's
(01:38):
talk about it, because we all know that in the
journey of finding love, it's easy to get swept away
by your emotions, by you know, being attracted to someone,
and you know, in between all those things and the excitement,
it's really important to remain vigilant to you know, potential,
(02:01):
you know, red flags and you know we have got
to call them out.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Yes, And you know what, I like that you said
that we get we tend to like ignore some red
and sometimes it comes from like us imagining I think right,
like the potential or like, well that's not a big deal,
but whatever is not a big deal in that moment
could eventually lead to a big deal. But you know,
we live and we learn, and that's what we're talking
(02:25):
about it so that all of my ahead is listening
to us we're vigilant and that we understand and we
don't let those red flags go because they can really
be a big issue down the line. And trust me,
this is coming from someone that was like in an
eight year relationship. Oh my god, we can talk about it.
(02:48):
We can talk about it that, by the way, did
not have the best outcome, but we can talk about it.
So why are these red flags so important? Because I
feel like these are just warning signs that pop up
when you're talking to someone, even in the talking stage,
able to really determine, like you're able to see some
(03:11):
warning signs that are like just alerting you, like, hey,
this is hazardous. You should not overlook this. But then
we ignore it because you know, we we like the person,
like you said, we're interested, we're probably attracted to them
or we like them. But eventually, what this does and
overlooking it, it leads to heartache. And I think a
(03:32):
lot of us mohees can say, like, you know what, yeah,
it does lead to heartache. It leads to disappointment, disappointment
because in our minds we probably create this certain expectation
and ignore those red flags and we shouldn't and even
get you frustrated or angry or even put you in danger. Right,
So this is why it's important to always don't oversee
(03:54):
these red flags. And something that I've learned is that
first impressions are super iant, right, It's always important, but
that doesn't mean that they're always accurate. Because some people
will put up a certain like mask or a certain
presentation for you at the beginning, but then they start
dropping clues about their character, their values, their intentions, and
(04:18):
who they truly are along the way. So just because
they had maybe a fabulous first impression, it does not
mean that it's fabulous down the road and then you
overlook everything else.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, no, one thousand percent. I feel like, especially in
the talking stages, and like the beginning stages is when
it's crucial to just like keep your eyes open and
you know, like my mom says, mucho O with you
know everything, because and you know, sometimes we get so
(04:52):
excited about someone that we just kind of overlook little
things because, like you said, we kind of start painting
a picture in our minds. We start you know, making
this relationship of what it could be. You see the potential,
and you you know, get all these feelings and you
know it could just lead to you know, a heartbreak, disappointment,
(05:15):
and you know it's important to to you know, keep
in mind these things that are red flags to you,
like inconsistency in communication. One thing that I think is
really important, you know, red flag is if someone disrespects
your boundaries or you know, has a bad attitude. You know,
(05:37):
because by paying attention to these signs early on, you
really empower yourself to make informed decisions about your feelings.
You know, you you're obviously leading with your heart, but
also being very mindful and protecting yourself, you know, because
it's about setting healthy boundaries and respecting ourselves so that
(05:58):
we can ensure, you know, we're investing our time and
emotions wisely.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
One hundred percent. I agree with you, and you know,
I think recognizing red flags is one thing, right, Like
that's half the battle, But then knowing how to respond
to these red flags is equally as important. And I
think sometimes that is the most difficult thing to do,
(06:24):
when it's like, you notice these red flags, but then
either one you walk away from it. But usually that's
not the easiest thing to do because you're probably emotionally
invested at that point, right, So it's having that difficult
conversation with that person and then establishing clear boundaries. I
think you guys will hear us talking about the importance
(06:45):
of setting boundaries throughout this whole podcast episode podcasts pretty
much because we love boundaries and we also love to
respect them too, right, because we're all individuals and we
all have our own perspectives and feelings and emotions, so
always important to respect others, but also you know, being
able to decide, Okay, am I going to have this
difficult conversation? If so, how what is the best way
(07:08):
to go about having this difficult conversation? Or if not,
is it worth like walking away?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Is this person disrespecting you? Is this person verbally or
physically like crossing the line with you? Then yes, walk
away right? While these things can be super uncomfortable, and
to address, whether it's short term or long term, definitely,
I think it's important to call out and address the
(07:38):
red flags because it can literally help us along the way.
It's only going to help us along the way before
you catch yourself and you're deep into these year long
relationships that it's been bothering you for so long, in
so many years that you waited this long, and then
now it's like everything's you've invested time, you've invested your
(07:59):
emotions and reason, it's just overflowing because of something that
wasn't clear at the beginning, or there was no boundary
set at the beginning, or any red flags red dressed
so tightly. Highly encourage everyone listening that set those boundaries,
call those red flags out, but in a mindful way
of course.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yes, yes, yes, okay, So let's get into it. Let's
let's get into the good stuff. Right.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So, a lot of you who.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Are familiar with our Latina Approved page on Instagram, and
you know that we are very you know, open with
our with our audience on there, and we like to
ask our audience questions and really engage with them. So
we asked our Latin aproof community to share some red
(08:51):
some red flags that they, you know, have experienced and
gone through. So we're going to be sharing that with you.
And red flag number one is they are still someone
wrote they are still friends with their ex. Oo.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Oh my god, let's talk about it, Lily.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, let's be real, tell me, Okay, they.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Are friends with their ex. So, and I know this
can be controversial. Some people would be like, that's fine,
you'd be friends with your ex. I personally think if
there are no children involved, because sometimes you know, people
may have children and they separate and then I feel
like they could be friends. But if the person is
(09:36):
single and they don't have children and then they're still
talking to their ex, that would make me feel like,
first of all, I'd like to understand like why, you know,
like what's special about this bond? But I think it
is something that can be a red flag because it's
something personal to you. Right, does something like this affect
(09:58):
you emotionally in the law run? And if your answer
is yes, and it's a red flag for you. If
your answer is no, that's fine, I have no problem.
Or I'm still friends with my ex. If they say that,
then it's like okay, then maybe it's not a red flag.
So I think it just depends. But that's just what
I think.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
What do you think, Lily, Yeah, No, I think it's
like depends on the person, right, But personally in my
personal opinion, for me, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Like, like you said, there's there's the exception, right, there's
the exception if there's a child involved, because you know
that's their child, that it's good that uh, your partner
is you know, has a good relationship with you know,
their person of who they share a child with But
(10:50):
outside of that, I just I don't know. I don't
think I would be like too thrilled or too too
happy about it, but it would be having you would
need to have that like open line and open and
respectful and honest line of communication to address this and
to set those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah, exactly. I mean if they're talking to their X
twenty four to seven and it's just it can become problematic,
but this also becomes a thing of conversation and who
the person is, right, do you have full trust in
this person? If not, then that can be a red
flag within itself because it's like why are you feeling
(11:31):
this way? Do you have some insecurities that you need
to work on or heal from. Does your partner know
that there's some healing that you're doing, or is your
partner providing that safety feeling for you? So I think
if there can be like different components to this, but
it just all applies to how you feel about it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
No, It's like I think one thing is like being
friendly with someone, and then another one is being like
super close friends. You know, it's like you don't need
any other girlfriend, you just you have me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Your friend. Literally are we the red flags. The red flag,
Oh my goodness, of course not no, I'm only kidding,
but yeah, that I can see how that can be problematic.
So thank you for submitting that, you know that transparent
(12:28):
red flag.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah, share another one, Share another one, yes, tell us
dm us Now if we dive into a second red flag,
another red flag that they submit it was they do
not if they do not introduce you to their family
or friends. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about when
(12:54):
a partner hesitates to introduce you to their friends and
family and only wants to keep it on the on
the detail, and how this can really.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Arise insecurities, it can arise concerns, and it can affect
a relationship ultimately because friends and family are really important
for us and for our lives.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Do you what do you think is like the not
that there is a right or wrong answer to this, right,
but like, what do you think is a timing that
you're comfortable with, like you know, someone that you're just
starting to date, or like what do you think is
too long? Like what's too long?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I think too long? It's like over a year. Oh
my god, that's too long. Yeah, And you know I
think there's difference, right. I don't think there's a perfect time,
it's just when the right time is you feel comfortable
with the person to introduce them to your family or
to your friends. But definitely, like you know, and I'll
(13:59):
be transparent with a red flag. So I was in
a really really really long term relationship and this person
did not meet my family or I didn't meet his
family until a year and a half, and that I
think should have been a red flag for me at
the beginning, but I overlooked that it was something that
(14:22):
bothered me. And he didn't meet my family or I
don't mean his family, not because I didn't want to.
I was more than willing. I was like I wanted
that to happen, but more because of on his end.
So that should have been a red flag for me.
We didn't he didn't meet my family until a year
and a half later, but that was due because it
(14:42):
was my graduation and it happened that way, and the
same thing, you know, vice versa, you know, with his family.
So it was just more of something that because the
occasion arised, not because it was planned. So I feel
like now that I've been through that experience and I
seen that red flag. It's very much that totally should
(15:03):
have been a red flag for me. But you know,
I was young, I never really had dated a lot,
and this was you know that that's just how it was.
So but now I don't know, I think that is
a red flag. And I would agree with this listener,
with this follower that yes, introducing does not want to
introduce to friends and family is a red flag. See
(15:26):
see me hh and go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
The next red flag is being dis respectful to service staff.
So like if you're out on a date and you're
the person you're dating is rude to like the weight
staff or you know, you can see if they're impatient
or just you know, how they treat others as a
(15:53):
super like red flag.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yes, yes, no, I agree with you. You right, like
everyone should be respectful to everyone, like beyond like just anyone.
It could be anyone as long as you you need
to respect. They need to be able to respect others.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Well, yeah, because this type of behavior demonstrates their lack
of empathy there, like you said, respect for for for others,
for people, and you know, it really raises questions about
that person's values, their communication skills, and it's things to
definitely pay attention to, right and address for sure, because
(16:35):
you don't you don't really want to be with someone
like that.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, because at the end, like I think, right, if
they're being disrespectful to these, to just people in particular,
it's like, what can you really expect in the road
with you? You know, I feel like these are early signs,
These are early learnings that you should not overlook because
that's already speaking about their character and who they are.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yes, definitely something to pay attention to.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Yeah, so definitely let us know, are you what do
you girls see? Submit more of your red flags or
even green flags. We should do a green flag episode
followed by this one, and so we can talk about
the good stuff, the good experiences.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Right, definitely we need more good, Yeah, we need more good,
but this is more.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
This episode is more so to provide that warning to you, Like, girls,
you gotta look out for these things. Don't overlook it.
Set these boundaries and address them. And you know what,
if they don't want to put effort to understanding where
you're coming from or anything like that, then they're just
(17:49):
not your person. And that's also okay, you know, like
that is okay now, Lily, here's another one. Okay, what
do you think about this red flag being secretive about
their phone or like not having like you can't be
nowhere near their phone because phones, let's be real, everyone
(18:13):
has their phones on them twenty four seven, So let's
talk about that. I think this one can be controversial.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, I mean if you're acting weird, like if I
like ask you for your phone to like I don't know,
look at the time or look at something like not
having to do with invading your privacy, right, I mean,
and you're like weird about it, I think that's a
red flag. If you're just you know, very secretive about
(18:41):
not wanting anyone to touch your phone, especially if that's
gonna be your person, if that's going to be like
your partner.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yes, and you know what, I heard someone say this.
I saw this on a video to have been TikTok
or Instagram. But because I feel like this this flag
is like very debatable, right, It's debatable about well, we
have our own privacy, like it's our own stuff. Right.
So someone said, okay, so your phone, you're you mean
(19:10):
to tell me that you know in this case like
they we're gonna get married. So She's like, you mean
to tell me that we're gonna get married, We're going
to live together, we're going to have children together, We're
going to be like intimate together, We're gonna do a
lot of things together in our lives. And that's that,
and that's very private, she goes. But then the moment
(19:33):
it comes to your to your phone, Oh that now
that's another layer of privacy, Like, how does that make
that make sense? So I thought, you know, she did
make a point. I think it's not about like being
on your partner's phone, but also like making sure like wait,
why are you acting weird with your phone? First of all,
you know, if they're putting their phone faced down all
(19:55):
the time, if they're acting weird when you ask them
like hey can I borrow your phone for X, Y
or C reasons? Maybe your phone died or you don't
have your phone or you lost it and they're being
weird about it, I think that is a red flag
to consider and just you know, thinking about that. But
let me ask you this, what do you think about
(20:15):
passcodes on the phones and should partners You think partners
should have each other's passcodes to their cell phones.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Oh my gosh, that's a terrific line. I mean, I
know we have pass codes, you know, to you know,
protect ourselves from people getting into our passwords and are
like important stuff on our phone.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So definitely, I think it's good to have passwords on
your phone sharing them.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I mean, if that's like your long term boyfriend or girlfriend,
like I think they should have it. Like what, you
don't have anything to hide unless you're hiding like a
surprise from them, right, Like if you're planning, like if
you're planning like a birthday surprise or like a special
surprise for someone, then I would understand, But I don't know.
I don't If you have nothing to hide, then I
(21:07):
just don't think, Like I think you should be able
to have your partners pastcode.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, you know, I agree, And I feel like it's
not it's not about like, oh, what is your password
or nothing like that. Right, I'll give you an example. So,
in the past relationships that I've been in, one was
this red flag which is super secretive about the phone
and all. It's just like I don't even want to
remember that part of my life, which that was a
(21:37):
red flag, right that I should have. Man, I was
like these red flags but there's a reason. Right, So
now we're here, So fast forward to another relationship that
I was in. He was so open about his phone.
He's like, sure, i'll give you my past code in
case of there's an emergency or something, you know how
to get to my phone. And I never went through
(22:00):
his phone. I never even like care to I never
like that. Those thoughts never crossed my mind, you know,
like he was such a like a great person, and
it's like in that sense, that wasn't even like it
wasn't even a concern. It wasn't even a worry because
I think that's how it should be, right, And I
had no problem giving him my past call too, Like
(22:22):
he never went through my phone or asked for it
or anything like that, but it was more like, hey,
in case of an emergency, if you ever need to
get a hold of my phone or something like, here
it is, you know what it is, and that's cool,
all right, cool, like and that's fine. So I think
I don't know. To me, I think that's a healthy
approach to when it comes to devices and phones and passwords.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, no, And I know that a lot of people
can have different opinions on that, and like we respect
all of them and so definitely want to hear your
feedback if you're listening, like dm us, let us know
what do you think? What do you like? Would you
what do you think about you and your partner sharing
past codes?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, maybe some people would be like, oh, heck no,
that is my private which is fine, right, Like yeah,
we would.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
We don't want you to know what's going on in
the with my mom, like her texting me like yeah,
or like you know, some conversations are meant to be private,
right with your friends, like with your girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
If a girlfriend is telling you like, hey, I'm going
through this, like that's not something you want your partner
to know. So it's not like about you shouldn't be
sharing your conversations with your partner. You shouldn't be sharing
your past code for that reason, or them going through
your phone because that's not healthy. But in terms of
(23:44):
like what if you do need to access my phone
one day, like sure, like.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
For an emergency right then, like because you're being you know,
trustworthy to give them your past code. Then if they
break your trust by you know, snooping into your messages
and then they see you know, a very sensitive you
know private message with you know, a relative or friend
or you know something, then like they're breaking your trust.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh yeah, no, that's now a whole different story because
that's like, Okay, you're being invasive in this private conversation
that you shouldn't have. That's like they're already snooping. So
snooping within itself is another red friend. You should never
have to snoop or want to snoop in someone's business.
Like that is just beyond like rude and just crossing
(24:36):
the line. Like if you want to know something, just
ask me, you know, like it shouldn't be there.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yes, And I think we can have like a whole
nother conversation about that. But definitely want to thank you
all for listening. This has been so much fun. As
I've been listening, as I've been talking, I'm like, oh
my gosh, why didn't I have something like this to
guide me and all of my years of dating?
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I could have avoided a lot of disappointment a lot
of heartache. But that's where we why we're here.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
We just want to guide you and you know, just
provide you with, you know, some some love and attention.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And just knowledge. Hey, you know what I feel like
this can be like a part two. There could definitely
be a part two episode where we talk about the
other red flags that you dropped, your girls dropped in
the in the comments for this post that we did
very engaging.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Yeah, so make sure to subscribe if you already haven't
too Latin A Proof podcast and follow us on Instagram
and Facebook at Latina Approved and we'll talk to you
later at Leo
Oh last Someone's Latina Proof and we're your host Standni Sefi.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
And Lily b. And this podcast is dedicated to our
bilingual Latinas who are resilient.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Pas Latinas that resonates with the phrase zodia ki.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
As first generation Americans daughters of immigrants, we felt empowered
to unite and redefine the narrative of what it means
to be Latina.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Latina Improof is a platform where Latinas can turn to
and feel authentically represented.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Join us on this journey every week where we engage
in relatable conversations.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Share uplifting stories, and empowering insights from everything.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
That is Latina Proof Latina Proof.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Welcome back to another episode on the Latina Proof podcast,
and today we are tackling a crucial topic, which is
recognizing and responding to red flags when dating. Oh be interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
This is gonna be a good one because, oh my goodness,
red flags.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Red flags like red flags green flags. I mean, I
think red flags are easier to detect or maybe not sometimes,
but they definitely should not be overlooked.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
No, definitely not. And I don't know about you tany
but like I've like in my dating experience, in life,
I've noticed red flags, but I've like liked the guy
so much where I just you know, don't pay attention
to it, and then it's like you should have really
paid attention to it. So let's just, you know, let's
(01:38):
talk about it, because we all know that in the
journey of finding love, it's easy to get swept away
by your emotions, by you know, being attracted to someone,
and you know, in between all those things and the excitement,
it's really important to remain vigilant to you know, potential,
(02:01):
you know, red flags and you know we have got
to call them out.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Yes, And you know what, I like that you said
that we get we tend to like ignore some red
and sometimes it comes from like us imagining I think right,
like the potential or like, well that's not a big deal,
but whatever is not a big deal in that moment
could eventually lead to a big deal. But you know,
we live and we learn, and that's what we're talking
(02:25):
about it so that all of my ahead is listening
to us we're vigilant and that we understand and we
don't let those red flags go because they can really
be a big issue down the line. And trust me,
this is coming from someone that was like in an
eight year relationship. Oh my god, we can talk about it.
(02:48):
We can talk about it that, by the way, did
not have the best outcome, but we can talk about it.
So why are these red flags so important? Because I
feel like these are just warning signs that pop up
when you're talking to someone, even in the talking stage,
able to really determine, like you're able to see some
(03:11):
warning signs that are like just alerting you, like, hey,
this is hazardous. You should not overlook this. But then
we ignore it because you know, we we like the person,
like you said, we're interested, we're probably attracted to them
or we like them. But eventually, what this does and
overlooking it, it leads to heartache. And I think a
(03:32):
lot of us mohees can say, like, you know what, yeah,
it does lead to heartache. It leads to disappointment, disappointment
because in our minds we probably create this certain expectation
and ignore those red flags and we shouldn't and even
get you frustrated or angry or even put you in danger. Right,
So this is why it's important to always don't oversee
(03:54):
these red flags. And something that I've learned is that
first impressions are super iant, right, It's always important, but
that doesn't mean that they're always accurate. Because some people
will put up a certain like mask or a certain
presentation for you at the beginning, but then they start
dropping clues about their character, their values, their intentions, and
(04:18):
who they truly are along the way. So just because
they had maybe a fabulous first impression, it does not
mean that it's fabulous down the road and then you
overlook everything else.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, no, one thousand percent. I feel like, especially in
the talking stages, and like the beginning stages is when
it's crucial to just like keep your eyes open and
you know, like my mom says, mucho O with you
know everything, because and you know, sometimes we get so
(04:52):
excited about someone that we just kind of overlook little
things because, like you said, we kind of start painting
a picture in our minds. We start you know, making
this relationship of what it could be. You see the potential,
and you you know, get all these feelings and you
know it could just lead to you know, a heartbreak, disappointment,
(05:15):
and you know it's important to to you know, keep
in mind these things that are red flags to you,
like inconsistency in communication. One thing that I think is
really important, you know, red flag is if someone disrespects
your boundaries or you know, has a bad attitude. You know,
(05:37):
because by paying attention to these signs early on, you
really empower yourself to make informed decisions about your feelings.
You know, you you're obviously leading with your heart, but
also being very mindful and protecting yourself, you know, because
it's about setting healthy boundaries and respecting ourselves so that
(05:58):
we can ensure, you know, we're investing our time and
emotions wisely.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
One hundred percent. I agree with you, and you know,
I think recognizing red flags is one thing, right, Like
that's half the battle, But then knowing how to respond
to these red flags is equally as important. And I
think sometimes that is the most difficult thing to do,
(06:24):
when it's like, you notice these red flags, but then
either one you walk away from it. But usually that's
not the easiest thing to do because you're probably emotionally
invested at that point, right, So it's having that difficult
conversation with that person and then establishing clear boundaries. I
think you guys will hear us talking about the importance
(06:45):
of setting boundaries throughout this whole podcast episode podcasts pretty
much because we love boundaries and we also love to
respect them too, right, because we're all individuals and we
all have our own perspectives and feelings and emotions, so
always important to respect others, but also you know, being
able to decide, Okay, am I going to have this
difficult conversation? If so, how what is the best way
(07:08):
to go about having this difficult conversation? Or if not,
is it worth like walking away?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Right?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Is this person disrespecting you? Is this person verbally or
physically like crossing the line with you? Then yes, walk
away right? While these things can be super uncomfortable, and
to address, whether it's short term or long term, definitely,
I think it's important to call out and address the
(07:38):
red flags because it can literally help us along the way.
It's only going to help us along the way before
you catch yourself and you're deep into these year long
relationships that it's been bothering you for so long, in
so many years that you waited this long, and then
now it's like everything's you've invested time, you've invested your
(07:59):
emotions and reason, it's just overflowing because of something that
wasn't clear at the beginning, or there was no boundary
set at the beginning, or any red flags red dressed
so tightly. Highly encourage everyone listening that set those boundaries,
call those red flags out, but in a mindful way
of course.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yes, yes, yes, okay, So let's get into it. Let's
let's get into the good stuff. Right.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
So, a lot of you who.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Are familiar with our Latina Approved page on Instagram, and
you know that we are very you know, open with
our with our audience on there, and we like to
ask our audience questions and really engage with them. So
we asked our Latin aproof community to share some red
(08:51):
some red flags that they, you know, have experienced and
gone through. So we're going to be sharing that with you.
And red flag number one is they are still someone
wrote they are still friends with their ex. Oo.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Oh my god, let's talk about it, Lily.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, let's be real, tell me, Okay, they.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Are friends with their ex. So, and I know this
can be controversial. Some people would be like, that's fine,
you'd be friends with your ex. I personally think if
there are no children involved, because sometimes you know, people
may have children and they separate and then I feel
like they could be friends. But if the person is
(09:36):
single and they don't have children and then they're still
talking to their ex, that would make me feel like,
first of all, I'd like to understand like why, you know,
like what's special about this bond? But I think it
is something that can be a red flag because it's
something personal to you. Right, does something like this affect
(09:58):
you emotionally in the law run? And if your answer
is yes, and it's a red flag for you. If
your answer is no, that's fine, I have no problem.
Or I'm still friends with my ex. If they say that,
then it's like okay, then maybe it's not a red flag.
So I think it just depends. But that's just what
I think.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
What do you think, Lily, Yeah, No, I think it's
like depends on the person, right, But personally in my
personal opinion, for me, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I just don't.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Like, like you said, there's there's the exception, right, there's
the exception if there's a child involved, because you know
that's their child, that it's good that uh, your partner
is you know, has a good relationship with you know,
their person of who they share a child with But
(10:50):
outside of that, I just I don't know. I don't
think I would be like too thrilled or too too
happy about it, but it would be having you would
need to have that like open line and open and
respectful and honest line of communication to address this and
to set those boundaries.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Yeah, exactly. I mean if they're talking to their X
twenty four to seven and it's just it can become problematic,
but this also becomes a thing of conversation and who
the person is, right, do you have full trust in
this person? If not, then that can be a red
flag within itself because it's like why are you feeling
(11:31):
this way? Do you have some insecurities that you need
to work on or heal from. Does your partner know
that there's some healing that you're doing, or is your
partner providing that safety feeling for you? So I think
if there can be like different components to this, but
it just all applies to how you feel about it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
No, It's like I think one thing is like being
friendly with someone, and then another one is being like
super close friends. You know, it's like you don't need
any other girlfriend, you just you have me.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Your friend. Literally are we the red flags. The red flag,
Oh my goodness, of course not no, I'm only kidding,
but yeah, that I can see how that can be problematic.
So thank you for submitting that, you know that transparent
(12:28):
red flag.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah, share another one, Share another one, yes, tell us
dm us Now if we dive into a second red flag,
another red flag that they submit it was they do
not if they do not introduce you to their family
or friends. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about when
(12:54):
a partner hesitates to introduce you to their friends and
family and only wants to keep it on the on
the detail, and how this can really.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Arise insecurities, it can arise concerns, and it can affect
a relationship ultimately because friends and family are really important
for us and for our lives.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Do you what do you think is like the not
that there is a right or wrong answer to this, right,
but like, what do you think is a timing that
you're comfortable with, like you know, someone that you're just
starting to date, or like what do you think is
too long? Like what's too long?
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I think too long? It's like over a year. Oh
my god, that's too long. Yeah, And you know I
think there's difference, right. I don't think there's a perfect time,
it's just when the right time is you feel comfortable
with the person to introduce them to your family or
to your friends. But definitely, like you know, and I'll
(13:59):
be transparent with a red flag. So I was in
a really really really long term relationship and this person
did not meet my family or I didn't meet his
family until a year and a half, and that I
think should have been a red flag for me at
the beginning, but I overlooked that it was something that
(14:22):
bothered me. And he didn't meet my family or I
don't mean his family, not because I didn't want to.
I was more than willing. I was like I wanted
that to happen, but more because of on his end.
So that should have been a red flag for me.
We didn't he didn't meet my family until a year
and a half later, but that was due because it
(14:42):
was my graduation and it happened that way, and the
same thing, you know, vice versa, you know, with his family.
So it was just more of something that because the
occasion arised, not because it was planned. So I feel
like now that I've been through that experience and I
seen that red flag. It's very much that totally should
(15:03):
have been a red flag for me. But you know,
I was young, I never really had dated a lot,
and this was you know that that's just how it was.
So but now I don't know, I think that is
a red flag. And I would agree with this listener,
with this follower that yes, introducing does not want to
introduce to friends and family is a red flag. See
(15:26):
see me hh and go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
The next red flag is being dis respectful to service staff.
So like if you're out on a date and you're
the person you're dating is rude to like the weight
staff or you know, you can see if they're impatient
or just you know, how they treat others as a
(15:53):
super like red flag.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yes, yes, no, I agree with you. You right, like
everyone should be respectful to everyone, like beyond like just anyone.
It could be anyone as long as you you need
to respect. They need to be able to respect others.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Well, yeah, because this type of behavior demonstrates their lack
of empathy there, like you said, respect for for for others,
for people, and you know, it really raises questions about
that person's values, their communication skills, and it's things to
definitely pay attention to, right and address for sure, because
(16:35):
you don't you don't really want to be with someone
like that.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
No, because at the end, like I think, right, if
they're being disrespectful to these, to just people in particular,
it's like, what can you really expect in the road
with you? You know, I feel like these are early signs,
These are early learnings that you should not overlook because
that's already speaking about their character and who they are.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Yes, definitely something to pay attention to.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Yeah, so definitely let us know, are you what do
you girls see? Submit more of your red flags or
even green flags. We should do a green flag episode
followed by this one, and so we can talk about
the good stuff, the good experiences.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Right, definitely we need more good, Yeah, we need more good,
but this is more.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
This episode is more so to provide that warning to you, Like, girls,
you gotta look out for these things. Don't overlook it.
Set these boundaries and address them. And you know what,
if they don't want to put effort to understanding where
you're coming from or anything like that, then they're just
(17:49):
not your person. And that's also okay, you know, like
that is okay now, Lily, here's another one. Okay, what
do you think about this red flag being secretive about
their phone or like not having like you can't be
nowhere near their phone because phones, let's be real, everyone
(18:13):
has their phones on them twenty four seven, So let's
talk about that. I think this one can be controversial.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, I mean if you're acting weird, like if I
like ask you for your phone to like I don't know,
look at the time or look at something like not
having to do with invading your privacy, right, I mean,
and you're like weird about it, I think that's a
red flag. If you're just you know, very secretive about
(18:41):
not wanting anyone to touch your phone, especially if that's
gonna be your person, if that's going to be like
your partner.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Yes, and you know what, I heard someone say this.
I saw this on a video to have been TikTok
or Instagram. But because I feel like this this flag
is like very debatable, right, It's debatable about well, we
have our own privacy, like it's our own stuff. Right.
So someone said, okay, so your phone, you're you mean
(19:10):
to tell me that you know in this case like
they we're gonna get married. So She's like, you mean
to tell me that we're gonna get married, We're going
to live together, we're going to have children together, We're
going to be like intimate together, We're gonna do a
lot of things together in our lives. And that's that,
and that's very private, she goes. But then the moment
(19:33):
it comes to your to your phone, Oh that now
that's another layer of privacy, Like, how does that make
that make sense? So I thought, you know, she did
make a point. I think it's not about like being
on your partner's phone, but also like making sure like wait,
why are you acting weird with your phone? First of all,
you know, if they're putting their phone faced down all
(19:55):
the time, if they're acting weird when you ask them
like hey can I borrow your phone for X, Y
or C reasons? Maybe your phone died or you don't
have your phone or you lost it and they're being
weird about it, I think that is a red flag
to consider and just you know, thinking about that. But
let me ask you this, what do you think about
(20:15):
passcodes on the phones and should partners You think partners
should have each other's passcodes to their cell phones.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Oh my gosh, that's a terrific line. I mean, I
know we have pass codes, you know, to you know,
protect ourselves from people getting into our passwords and are
like important stuff on our phone.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
So definitely, I think it's good to have passwords on
your phone sharing them.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I mean, if that's like your long term boyfriend or girlfriend,
like I think they should have it. Like what, you
don't have anything to hide unless you're hiding like a
surprise from them, right, Like if you're planning, like if
you're planning like a birthday surprise or like a special
surprise for someone, then I would understand, But I don't know.
I don't If you have nothing to hide, then I
(21:07):
just don't think, Like I think you should be able
to have your partners pastcode.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, you know, I agree, And I feel like it's
not it's not about like, oh, what is your password
or nothing like that. Right, I'll give you an example. So,
in the past relationships that I've been in, one was
this red flag which is super secretive about the phone
and all. It's just like I don't even want to
remember that part of my life, which that was a
(21:37):
red flag, right that I should have. Man, I was
like these red flags but there's a reason. Right, So
now we're here, So fast forward to another relationship that
I was in. He was so open about his phone.
He's like, sure, i'll give you my past code in
case of there's an emergency or something, you know how
to get to my phone. And I never went through
(22:00):
his phone. I never even like care to I never
like that. Those thoughts never crossed my mind, you know,
like he was such a like a great person, and
it's like in that sense, that wasn't even like it
wasn't even a concern. It wasn't even a worry because
I think that's how it should be, right, And I
had no problem giving him my past call too, Like
(22:22):
he never went through my phone or asked for it
or anything like that, but it was more like, hey,
in case of an emergency, if you ever need to
get a hold of my phone or something like, here
it is, you know what it is, and that's cool,
all right, cool, like and that's fine. So I think
I don't know. To me, I think that's a healthy
approach to when it comes to devices and phones and passwords.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, no, And I know that a lot of people
can have different opinions on that, and like we respect
all of them and so definitely want to hear your
feedback if you're listening, like dm us, let us know
what do you think? What do you like? Would you
what do you think about you and your partner sharing
past codes?
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yeah, maybe some people would be like, oh, heck no,
that is my private which is fine, right, Like yeah,
we would.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
We don't want you to know what's going on in
the with my mom, like her texting me like yeah,
or like you know, some conversations are meant to be private,
right with your friends, like with your girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
If a girlfriend is telling you like, hey, I'm going
through this, like that's not something you want your partner
to know. So it's not like about you shouldn't be
sharing your conversations with your partner. You shouldn't be sharing
your past code for that reason, or them going through
your phone because that's not healthy. But in terms of
(23:44):
like what if you do need to access my phone
one day, like sure, like.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
For an emergency right then, like because you're being you know,
trustworthy to give them your past code. Then if they
break your trust by you know, snooping into your messages
and then they see you know, a very sensitive you
know private message with you know, a relative or friend
or you know something, then like they're breaking your trust.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh yeah, no, that's now a whole different story because
that's like, Okay, you're being invasive in this private conversation
that you shouldn't have. That's like they're already snooping. So
snooping within itself is another red friend. You should never
have to snoop or want to snoop in someone's business.
Like that is just beyond like rude and just crossing
(24:36):
the line. Like if you want to know something, just
ask me, you know, like it shouldn't be there.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yes, And I think we can have like a whole
nother conversation about that. But definitely want to thank you
all for listening. This has been so much fun. As
I've been listening, as I've been talking, I'm like, oh
my gosh, why didn't I have something like this to
guide me and all of my years of dating?
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I could have avoided a lot of disappointment a lot
of heartache. But that's where we why we're here.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
We just want to guide you and you know, just
provide you with, you know, some some love and attention.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
And just knowledge. Hey, you know what I feel like
this can be like a part two. There could definitely
be a part two episode where we talk about the
other red flags that you dropped, your girls dropped in
the in the comments for this post that we did
very engaging.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Yeah, so make sure to subscribe if you already haven't
too Latin A Proof podcast and follow us on Instagram
and Facebook at Latina Approved and we'll talk to you
later at Leo
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