In this episode, we delve into the pain of generational trauma which can affect us in ways we aren’t even aware of, especially for immigrant communities. In order to heal, we need to have open conversations about what trauma is and how Latinos can become better at destigmatizing mental health. To guide us through all of these complexities, we talk to Psychotherapist and Psycho-educator Jeannette Sandoval.
This episode is very personal to me, as I have a heart to heart with my own father.
If you need help, you can reach the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by Calling or Texting 988. The Lifeline provides free and confidential support for people in distress and is available 24 hours.
Jeantte’s Recommendations:
GROK Cards and
The Body Keeps Score Book
You can find Jeannette on her website.
JeanntteSandoval.com
Naibe Reynoso is the Host and Executive Producer of Latinas Take the Lead.
Production Assistant is Ana Sophia Monzon.
Follow Latinas Take the Lead on Instagram
If you loved this episode please follow us, subscribe and leave a review!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Why are you wearing an outfit where you're going to
go to a game and show your underwear. Yes, we
did show our underwear, of course, you know, if you
want to put it that way. But he made me
feel shame about something so innocent and so beautiful and
so part of the American culture, but it wasn't part
of the Mexican culture, and being bad for being a
(00:27):
cheerleader for like doing high kicks because I'm showing my underwear.
Welcome to Latina's take the lead Today. We have an
episode that deals with something very close to my heart
and I think is so important for anybody to fully
become a thriving and successful person, and that is making
(00:50):
sure you take care of your mental health Hermanas. According
to Statista in twenty twenty, only ten point seven percent
of Latinos in the United States received mental health treatment
or counseling. Now I'm not a psychologist, but in this episode,
we will dive a little into mental health in our
community and generational trauma, which is what it sounds like,
(01:13):
trauma that just isn't experienced by one person, but it
extends from one generation to the next. According to licensed
clinical psychologist Melanie English. It can be silent, covert and
undefined surfacing through nuances and inadvertently taught or implied throughout
someone's life from an early age onward. Now, before I
(01:37):
bring on today's guest, I wanted to open up the
topic by interviewing Latinas about their experience with mental health.
So I went to Pleasitalvea, a popular area here in
Los Angeles where a lot of US Latinas and Latinos
love to congregate and so to tourists by the way,
and I spoke with someone that I will call Norma,
who talks to us about how she's confronting her traumas.
(02:00):
Because it's about time Latinas take the lead on our
mental health. We're right here in on Vera Street in
downtown Los Angeles. Talk to me about what you think
about therapy in the Latino community. Is it something that
we all do that we talk about, or what do you.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Think don't do and we don't talk about? It is
needed and it needs to be talked about. I'm the
first one in my family to go to therapy. My
dad doesn't believe in therapy. Why do you think that
is because of how they were brought up it wasn't
talked about, it wasn't known. You're not supposed to be emotional,
especially as a man, You're not supposed to be emotional.
(02:45):
And then, like my dad's case, I think it's they
had such a hard upbringing that to them. Our problems
aren't big because we didn't experience the things that they experienced,
so they minimize it and look asking as not like Aya, it's.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
A statement kind of like keep a strong face, like
just suck it up type of mentality.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Right, yeah, yeah, you should be fine. We gave you
a roof, we gave you what you needed.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
You are in therapy. How is that beneficial?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm learning that we have a lot of generational trays.
I'm the one that's doing it for myself, but also
setting the example for my younger brother and cousins that
it's okay to show emotion. There's a lot that we
need to talk about, and I'm making my parents have
conversations with their siblings that they normally wouldn't have. So
(03:37):
I'm not only healing me, but I'm witnessing cycles break
between them.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Amazing. What Norma said is something a lot of us
could probably relate to. Seeking therapy is something that hasn't
been widely talked about, or worse, it's been stigmatized in
the Latino community. So today's guest will help us dive
(04:05):
into the topic. Her name is Jeanette Sandoval. She is
a good friend of mine, but she is also a
licensed psychotherapist, mental health educator, speaker, and consultant. She is
the founder of well Education, a social emotional wellness program.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Hi, Jeanette hei naive.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Thank you so much for being here on Latinas take
the lead.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Oh, this is very exciting. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
We just listen to someone that I found on Borvera Street,
which is a very popular place in downtown Los Angeles.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I'll have to say I really appreciated her candor the
one that you were interviewing, and just listening to her
say what she did about her experience with her parents
is something sadly, we hear a lot about and I think,
for whatever reason, sometimes people see mental health as a weakness.
(05:04):
I think it's been definitely a challenge for folks in
the mental health space to really sort of cheerlead the
work forward for the Latino community because so many people
see it as a weakness and folks don't really they're embarrassed,
(05:25):
they feel shame around it. It's definitely a problem that
we see.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
One thing that she mentioned that the person that I
interviewed was generational trauma.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah, I you know, trauma is such such a hot
topic right now. I mean, we are kind of walking
through collective trauma in the community, and so I think
these words are and these sort of concepts people are
leaning further and further into, which which I think is
great to move this message forward.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Every culture has their own set of general trauma that
we pass down from generation to generation. But can you
kind of explain a little bit what it is and
what is the generational trauma that we as a Latino
community are carrying.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Yes, so we see in the immigrant community, when immigrants
flee their homeland, sometimes they're escaping hunger, poverty, oppression. So
they're escaping many times a traumatic situation. And even the
journey in escaping, even the journey in finding a new life,
(06:32):
comes with its own set of trauma. Right. So it's
trauma on top of trauma. And we say that that's
vicarious trauma right in the field, and this is handed
down to generations beyond the immigrant generation. Right, So this
is this becomes sort of the texture of the family,
This becomes the human story of the community. Even in
(06:57):
that journey, there's an experience, right that keeps getting handed
down even if you yourself didn't walk that journey, hearing
about it and having it embedded in your human experience
and your human story is part of the trauma that
we see showing up again and again in in therapy
(07:19):
and in mental health frankly, and and so it runs
very deep, and you know, I think it's really affected
kind of the way folks see mental health in and
of itself because a lot of the earlier generations they'll say, well,
we went through X, Y, and Z, and we made it,
and there's pride in that, and so there unfortunately it's
(07:42):
a company with shame for getting mental health support.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Many times, like you said, we have that immigrant the
trauma of how the immigrant experience has been painful for
a lot of us, and how does that translate to
like non immigrant like the first generation. So, for example,
my dad went through immigrant trauma, but how does that translate?
(08:07):
How do I carry that as a first generation person?
And a lot of times we carry this trauma without
even realizing that we're carrying it. Right, So how does
it manifest itself?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Well, it can manifest itself in a number of ways.
You know, I for one, have seen that. Folks can
you know, feel a certain way when it comes to
even seeing police officers or feeling threatened by you know,
systems in this country that feel intimidating, and folks will
(08:41):
normally see maybe a physiological shift in particular moments and
those are you know, due to triggers that are happening.
And many times it's all unconscious, right, People aren't aware
that they're having it. They may feel anxiety in particular
settings and not understand why. It could be you know,
(09:02):
clouded thought, or it could be just really dysregulation of
not only the body but the mind right knowing that
you know, I can't think clearly, I can't. I don't
feel safe right now, having trauma responses like you know,
feeling like a lot of anger, like you have to fight.
(09:22):
You know, we talk about the fight, flight, flea, FAWND
trauma responses and they really manifest in a number of
ways in relationships. You know, it could be the person
who is constantly wanting to fight or flee or just
sort of avoid connection with others. It could be the
(09:43):
person who just wants to focus on another person's experience
and take care of them and almost be almost be
like parentified. Sometimes we see this with kids where they
want to parentify, you know, they want to be the
parentified child that takes care of their parents. So this,
this really does manifest in a number of ways, and
(10:05):
unfortunately it's something we see a lot of.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I could recognize a lot of generational traumas that now
I could recognize as generational traumas. For example, you know,
the whole concept that sexuality is something bad, right, and
that's something that comes from our generation of Catholicism, of
feeling you're either a sled or a saint. And when
(10:31):
you and I'll give you a very specific example. I
mean when I was in high school, I was a
cheerleader and I remember my dad I was in my
little cheerleading outfit and instead of him like saying something nice,
he was like, whyun outfit? Getros carlsones. Basically, basically, I
(10:55):
will translate for those of you that don't know Spanish,
he was saying, why are you wearing an aw where
you're going to go? To a game and show your underwear. Yes,
we did show our underwear, of course, you know, if
you want to put it that way. But he made
me feel shame about something so innocent and so beautiful
and so part of the American culture, but it wasn't
part of the Mexican culture. So I felt that trauma
(11:20):
of like, I'm being bad for being a cheerleader for
like doing high kicks because I'm showing my underwear. That's
not cool. Okay, So I have to make a quick
pause here. While reflecting on generational trauma, I realized that
(11:41):
I never resolved the pain that my dad caused when
something I thought was good cheerleading was interpreted as bad
by my very conservative Catholic Mexican father. But he was
also raised in a Catholic household in a deeply conservative culture.
He was born in a generation that told him that
(12:04):
women should not take up too much space, much less
jump up and down and scream in a mini skirt
during the high school football games. I realized that I
was still deeply hurt by what he had told me
so many years ago. So I decided, with his permission,
to finally talk to him about this, because in order
to break cycles, we must confront them. So here we go,
(12:29):
guando CHEERLEADERA yes, when I was a cheer yeah, they
said cheerleader that I was just showing my underwear to
the school.
Speaker 5 (12:52):
No, I can remember, perro.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yo yo. Miss. I felt very proud to be a cheerleader.
And then when you told me like, oh, you're just
going to show your underwear kind of like dismissed my
achievement in something that is nice. And do you remember
why you would say that or why you would think that?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
No?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Probably I was young too, so I was a little crazy,
but I don't remember I told you that.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
What do you think about the fact that you said that?
And it hurt my feelings and I never shared it
to you. And I've carried you know, that's something like
I've carried with me like, oh, my dad instead of
him being proud of me, he thought I was just
showing my underwear to my school. So it hurt me
a lot.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Yeah, I'm very very sorry. But you know, like I say,
was young, I don't what's exactly what I say. It's
like run now you know my granddaughter, she do a
lot of things and I say, oh, happy, happy, you know,
(14:22):
I like to see happy only time. Yeah, but when
you was kid, I was too young, too stupid.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And if she wanted to be a cheerleader, what would
you tell her?
Speaker 5 (14:33):
I tell her to go ahead and do it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
You know, I looked at it from your perspective, and
I'm like, well, cheerleading was really not a thing when
you were growing up, right, so I understand that culturally
it's something that you weren't used to, is that right?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Yeah? This because you know, like if I told if
I tell you that when you was a kid, I
was because I have, like you say, I have their minds.
They my family get in Mexico, so but uh af
(15:12):
you know, when their years passed, I think you know,
I was too wrong. I was too wrong and a
lot of teens because now this, uh is very very
very different. Right, you can nice my granddaughters.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Yeah, your granddaughters can be cheerleaders and that's.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
Okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, anything else you'd like to.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Say, Well, I say to tell you very very sorry
what I told you when you was very smart and nice? Yeah,
and I was so stupid. Yeah, yeah, this is this
is all I can say.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And we've never talked about it.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
No, no messia. I like to my daughters, tell me
what wrong I did it with them? Yeah, and why
you know when the rites I did it?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Okay, Well, I accept your apology.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Thank you very very much, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
So you probably noticed that I giggled a lot during
this conversation with my dad. Laughing for me is how
I cope with uncomfortable situations. And I know a conversation
about underwear and dismantling generational trauma may sound trivial. In fact,
I'm sure it even sounds silly, but for me it
(17:02):
was symbolic. There were a lot of things that my
dad did while I was growing up that hurt my feelings.
But I also understand where he is coming from, a
macho culture and one where feelings, especially for men, are
not expressed and oftentimes misplaced. But I had never sat
(17:26):
and talked about this with my dad. I had never
received an apology. I had never asked for an apology.
This for me was a breakthrough. It was really really nice,
and for the first time in many years, we hugged
a nice, big, tight hug. So this is an invitation
(17:51):
for you to open a conversation with your parent or
anyone that has hurt you, it's difficult, but for me
it was a sweet moment. So let's continue with this
topic and my invited guest therapist, Jeanette Sandoval.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I think that's I think it's great that you're bringing
light to this because I think most of the work
that's ahead of us in dismantling this is normalizing it,
is actually naming it. And so it's a powerful thing
to be able to share your story like you just did,
because it says that, hey, we're not alone in this.
I think people listening can hear that story and and
(18:31):
it resonates with them because they too walk through a
situation where you know, an older parent or grandparent judge
them for the changes the differences right as we assimilated here,
and it just I think part of it is just
talking about it and normalizing that, yes, there is a
delta when we think of the changes of generations before us.
(18:55):
But also, I want to just say, naive it. We've
been talking a lot about the generation trauma on the
part of family dynamics, but I think we need to
also speak about what it's like to come to this
country and to have that story, that narrative that we
have that spills into sometimes work places, sometimes it spills
(19:18):
into our experience with non Latinos.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Give me an example.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
So I'll give you an example I have. I remember
being a teenager and being followed in a store, and
I thought it was strange because I went shopping with
my friends who were all Caucasian, and I was the
only one being followed. You know. I remember when I
had my SPA and I took all my staff out
(19:44):
for a holiday dinner, and I remember the server went
and handed the check to an employee of mine who
was blonde, blue eyes, and she laughed and handed it
to me.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
There are many There are many moments. It's where I
see some of these preconceived notions sort of spill into
how how the public.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Views me as a Latin.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
And so I think, I think that is also.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Something that that listeners may be, you know, wrestling with
as they're listening to us today.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Why is getting therapy a human right?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Well, it's interesting people always think you know of a
human right, human rights being things like you know, the
right to vote, or the right to take care of
your physical health, even but when we think about our health,
it has to be the complete state of our health, right,
which includes our mental health. And I think many times
(20:51):
in our society we sort of compartmentalize that as a
separate thing. It's really interesting that we've done that, and
what what happens is that folks start to feel like
that is a problem. If you address you know, your
mental health, there's something wrong with you, and that messaging,
I think it runs so deep in society and it's
(21:13):
we have a lot of work to to turn that around.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Right, No, definitely, definitely, And I know that you have
to go, but before we go, because you have your
very busy woman and I know you have another appointment,
but I wanted to quickly ask you three questions that
are so important. How can people get connected to mental health?
(21:41):
Because we know that there's a lot of barriers to
access mental health. There's it's expensive, you know, there's it's
a little confusing to find a therapist sometimes where do
you go? So how can people seek mental health or
get connected to mental health?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
Yes, I'm so I'm so glad you asked that. There
is a crisis line if you are listening here in
the Los Angeles area, and you can actually text seven
four seven four to one and that's the Department of
Mental Health. That is one resource that I think is
really really helpful to folks. Another one that just came out,
(22:22):
was just released was the nine eight eight numbers, a
three digit dialing code, and that's connected to the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline and it went live on July sixteenth,
So this is a fairly new resource. So those two
are are probably the easiest to remember.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Okay, and to button up this interview on something completely different.
But I also like to leave gems for our listeners.
What is something you are reading, listening to, or using
that you are completely in love with or you want
to recommend.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
I appreciate that question, Naibe. I work with a lot
of teens and families, and I discovered this incredible resource.
I hear over and over again Latino family is telling
me I can't connect with my team, I can't connect
with my kiddo. And I discovered a game. It's a
card game called grock gr K and I found it
(23:23):
on Amazon and basically it's a way to connect with
one another. So the game is you pull a card
and you talk about your different feelings. You talk about
when the last time was that you felt that emotion.
It's a really great way to connect with parents with
their kids and even couples with one another. So that's
probably my favorite right now. And then if you love
(23:47):
to read, I'm going to recommend a book called The
Body Keeps the Score. And this book is pretty incredible.
It talks about the brain, mind and body and the
healing of trauma and really just kind of gives a palatable,
you know, approachable way of considering the neuroscience behind trauma.
(24:07):
So those are my two faves right now.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Finally, where can people find you? Because we know that
you have a well education company and so many different
things that hopefully we can talk about when when there's
more time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Absolutely well, I can be found at Jeanette's on the
LA dot com and uh and I am happy to
connect folks with mental health professionals if they want to
send me a question asking for recommendations. I also do
speaking engagements, I do trainings, and I also consult for
(24:43):
organizations around wellness. And again that's Jeanette's on LA dot com.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Thank you so much, Jeanette. I am so happy that
you are my friend and that you are a gem
to us as a society because we need more people
like you that are compassionate, that understand importance of well
being and mental health. And thank you for doing all
the work that you do.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Oh, thank you, Naive.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
And I'm so excited for all that you're doing with
this podcast. I'm going to tune in every time.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
All right, thank you. I'm Naive Reinoso signing off. I
hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, please
like and subscribe, follow us on Instagram at latinas take
the lead, and remember, don't be afraid to break barriers.
It's about time latinus take the lead.
Why are you wearing an outfit where you're going to
go to a game and show your underwear. Yes, we
did show our underwear, of course, you know, if you
want to put it that way. But he made me
feel shame about something so innocent and so beautiful and
so part of the American culture, but it wasn't part
of the Mexican culture, and being bad for being a
(00:27):
cheerleader for like doing high kicks because I'm showing my underwear.
Welcome to Latina's take the lead Today. We have an
episode that deals with something very close to my heart
and I think is so important for anybody to fully
become a thriving and successful person, and that is making
(00:50):
sure you take care of your mental health Hermanas. According
to Statista in twenty twenty, only ten point seven percent
of Latinos in the United States received mental health treatment
or counseling. Now I'm not a psychologist, but in this episode,
we will dive a little into mental health in our
community and generational trauma, which is what it sounds like,
(01:13):
trauma that just isn't experienced by one person, but it
extends from one generation to the next. According to licensed
clinical psychologist Melanie English. It can be silent, covert and
undefined surfacing through nuances and inadvertently taught or implied throughout
someone's life from an early age onward. Now, before I
(01:37):
bring on today's guest, I wanted to open up the
topic by interviewing Latinas about their experience with mental health.
So I went to Pleasitalvea, a popular area here in
Los Angeles where a lot of US Latinas and Latinos
love to congregate and so to tourists by the way,
and I spoke with someone that I will call Norma,
who talks to us about how she's confronting her traumas.
(02:00):
Because it's about time Latinas take the lead on our
mental health. We're right here in on Vera Street in
downtown Los Angeles. Talk to me about what you think
about therapy in the Latino community. Is it something that
we all do that we talk about, or what do you.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Think don't do and we don't talk about? It is
needed and it needs to be talked about. I'm the
first one in my family to go to therapy. My
dad doesn't believe in therapy. Why do you think that
is because of how they were brought up it wasn't
talked about, it wasn't known. You're not supposed to be emotional,
especially as a man, You're not supposed to be emotional.
(02:45):
And then, like my dad's case, I think it's they
had such a hard upbringing that to them. Our problems
aren't big because we didn't experience the things that they experienced,
so they minimize it and look asking as not like Aya, it's.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
A statement kind of like keep a strong face, like
just suck it up type of mentality.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Right, yeah, yeah, you should be fine. We gave you
a roof, we gave you what you needed.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
You are in therapy. How is that beneficial?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I'm learning that we have a lot of generational trays.
I'm the one that's doing it for myself, but also
setting the example for my younger brother and cousins that
it's okay to show emotion. There's a lot that we
need to talk about, and I'm making my parents have
conversations with their siblings that they normally wouldn't have. So
(03:37):
I'm not only healing me, but I'm witnessing cycles break
between them.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Amazing. What Norma said is something a lot of us
could probably relate to. Seeking therapy is something that hasn't
been widely talked about, or worse, it's been stigmatized in
the Latino community. So today's guest will help us dive
(04:05):
into the topic. Her name is Jeanette Sandoval. She is
a good friend of mine, but she is also a
licensed psychotherapist, mental health educator, speaker, and consultant. She is
the founder of well Education, a social emotional wellness program.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Hi, Jeanette hei naive.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Thank you so much for being here on Latinas take
the lead.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Oh, this is very exciting. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
We just listen to someone that I found on Borvera Street,
which is a very popular place in downtown Los Angeles.
Speaker 4 (04:42):
I'll have to say I really appreciated her candor the
one that you were interviewing, and just listening to her
say what she did about her experience with her parents
is something sadly, we hear a lot about and I think,
for whatever reason, sometimes people see mental health as a weakness.
(05:04):
I think it's been definitely a challenge for folks in
the mental health space to really sort of cheerlead the
work forward for the Latino community because so many people
see it as a weakness and folks don't really they're embarrassed,
(05:25):
they feel shame around it. It's definitely a problem that
we see.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
One thing that she mentioned that the person that I
interviewed was generational trauma.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah, I you know, trauma is such such a hot
topic right now. I mean, we are kind of walking
through collective trauma in the community, and so I think
these words are and these sort of concepts people are
leaning further and further into, which which I think is
great to move this message forward.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Every culture has their own set of general trauma that
we pass down from generation to generation. But can you
kind of explain a little bit what it is and
what is the generational trauma that we as a Latino
community are carrying.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Yes, so we see in the immigrant community, when immigrants
flee their homeland, sometimes they're escaping hunger, poverty, oppression. So
they're escaping many times a traumatic situation. And even the
journey in escaping, even the journey in finding a new life,
(06:32):
comes with its own set of trauma. Right. So it's
trauma on top of trauma. And we say that that's
vicarious trauma right in the field, and this is handed
down to generations beyond the immigrant generation. Right, So this
is this becomes sort of the texture of the family,
This becomes the human story of the community. Even in
(06:57):
that journey, there's an experience, right that keeps getting handed
down even if you yourself didn't walk that journey, hearing
about it and having it embedded in your human experience
and your human story is part of the trauma that
we see showing up again and again in in therapy
(07:19):
and in mental health frankly, and and so it runs
very deep, and you know, I think it's really affected
kind of the way folks see mental health in and
of itself because a lot of the earlier generations they'll say, well,
we went through X, Y, and Z, and we made it,
and there's pride in that, and so there unfortunately it's
(07:42):
a company with shame for getting mental health support.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Many times, like you said, we have that immigrant the
trauma of how the immigrant experience has been painful for
a lot of us, and how does that translate to
like non immigrant like the first generation. So, for example,
my dad went through immigrant trauma, but how does that translate?
(08:07):
How do I carry that as a first generation person?
And a lot of times we carry this trauma without
even realizing that we're carrying it. Right, So how does
it manifest itself?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Well, it can manifest itself in a number of ways.
You know, I for one, have seen that. Folks can
you know, feel a certain way when it comes to
even seeing police officers or feeling threatened by you know,
systems in this country that feel intimidating, and folks will
(08:41):
normally see maybe a physiological shift in particular moments and
those are you know, due to triggers that are happening.
And many times it's all unconscious, right, People aren't aware
that they're having it. They may feel anxiety in particular
settings and not understand why. It could be you know,
(09:02):
clouded thought, or it could be just really dysregulation of
not only the body but the mind right knowing that
you know, I can't think clearly, I can't. I don't
feel safe right now, having trauma responses like you know,
feeling like a lot of anger, like you have to fight.
(09:22):
You know, we talk about the fight, flight, flea, FAWND
trauma responses and they really manifest in a number of
ways in relationships. You know, it could be the person
who is constantly wanting to fight or flee or just
sort of avoid connection with others. It could be the
(09:43):
person who just wants to focus on another person's experience
and take care of them and almost be almost be
like parentified. Sometimes we see this with kids where they
want to parentify, you know, they want to be the
parentified child that takes care of their parents. So this,
this really does manifest in a number of ways, and
(10:05):
unfortunately it's something we see a lot of.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I could recognize a lot of generational traumas that now
I could recognize as generational traumas. For example, you know,
the whole concept that sexuality is something bad, right, and
that's something that comes from our generation of Catholicism, of
feeling you're either a sled or a saint. And when
(10:31):
you and I'll give you a very specific example. I
mean when I was in high school, I was a
cheerleader and I remember my dad I was in my
little cheerleading outfit and instead of him like saying something nice,
he was like, whyun outfit? Getros carlsones. Basically, basically, I
(10:55):
will translate for those of you that don't know Spanish,
he was saying, why are you wearing an aw where
you're going to go? To a game and show your underwear. Yes,
we did show our underwear, of course, you know, if
you want to put it that way. But he made
me feel shame about something so innocent and so beautiful
and so part of the American culture, but it wasn't
part of the Mexican culture. So I felt that trauma
(11:20):
of like, I'm being bad for being a cheerleader for
like doing high kicks because I'm showing my underwear. That's
not cool. Okay, So I have to make a quick
pause here. While reflecting on generational trauma, I realized that
(11:41):
I never resolved the pain that my dad caused when
something I thought was good cheerleading was interpreted as bad
by my very conservative Catholic Mexican father. But he was
also raised in a Catholic household in a deeply conservative culture.
He was born in a generation that told him that
(12:04):
women should not take up too much space, much less
jump up and down and scream in a mini skirt
during the high school football games. I realized that I
was still deeply hurt by what he had told me
so many years ago. So I decided, with his permission,
to finally talk to him about this, because in order
to break cycles, we must confront them. So here we go,
(12:29):
guando CHEERLEADERA yes, when I was a cheer yeah, they
said cheerleader that I was just showing my underwear to
the school.
Speaker 5 (12:52):
No, I can remember, perro.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yo yo. Miss. I felt very proud to be a cheerleader.
And then when you told me like, oh, you're just
going to show your underwear kind of like dismissed my
achievement in something that is nice. And do you remember
why you would say that or why you would think that?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
No?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Probably I was young too, so I was a little crazy,
but I don't remember I told you that.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
What do you think about the fact that you said that?
And it hurt my feelings and I never shared it
to you. And I've carried you know, that's something like
I've carried with me like, oh, my dad instead of
him being proud of me, he thought I was just
showing my underwear to my school. So it hurt me
a lot.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Yeah, I'm very very sorry. But you know, like I say,
was young, I don't what's exactly what I say. It's
like run now you know my granddaughter, she do a
lot of things and I say, oh, happy, happy, you know,
(14:22):
I like to see happy only time. Yeah, but when
you was kid, I was too young, too stupid.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
And if she wanted to be a cheerleader, what would
you tell her?
Speaker 5 (14:33):
I tell her to go ahead and do it.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
You know, I looked at it from your perspective, and
I'm like, well, cheerleading was really not a thing when
you were growing up, right, so I understand that culturally
it's something that you weren't used to, is that right?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Yeah? This because you know, like if I told if
I tell you that when you was a kid, I
was because I have, like you say, I have their minds.
They my family get in Mexico, so but uh af
(15:12):
you know, when their years passed, I think you know,
I was too wrong. I was too wrong and a
lot of teens because now this, uh is very very
very different. Right, you can nice my granddaughters.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Yeah, your granddaughters can be cheerleaders and that's.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
Okay, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, anything else you'd like to.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Say, Well, I say to tell you very very sorry
what I told you when you was very smart and nice? Yeah,
and I was so stupid. Yeah, yeah, this is this
is all I can say.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And we've never talked about it.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
No, no messia. I like to my daughters, tell me
what wrong I did it with them? Yeah, and why
you know when the rites I did it?
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Okay, Well, I accept your apology.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Thank you very very much, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
So you probably noticed that I giggled a lot during
this conversation with my dad. Laughing for me is how
I cope with uncomfortable situations. And I know a conversation
about underwear and dismantling generational trauma may sound trivial. In fact,
I'm sure it even sounds silly, but for me it
(17:02):
was symbolic. There were a lot of things that my
dad did while I was growing up that hurt my feelings.
But I also understand where he is coming from, a
macho culture and one where feelings, especially for men, are
not expressed and oftentimes misplaced. But I had never sat
(17:26):
and talked about this with my dad. I had never
received an apology. I had never asked for an apology.
This for me was a breakthrough. It was really really nice,
and for the first time in many years, we hugged
a nice, big, tight hug. So this is an invitation
(17:51):
for you to open a conversation with your parent or
anyone that has hurt you, it's difficult, but for me
it was a sweet moment. So let's continue with this
topic and my invited guest therapist, Jeanette Sandoval.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
I think that's I think it's great that you're bringing
light to this because I think most of the work
that's ahead of us in dismantling this is normalizing it,
is actually naming it. And so it's a powerful thing
to be able to share your story like you just did,
because it says that, hey, we're not alone in this.
I think people listening can hear that story and and
(18:31):
it resonates with them because they too walk through a
situation where you know, an older parent or grandparent judge
them for the changes the differences right as we assimilated here,
and it just I think part of it is just
talking about it and normalizing that, yes, there is a
delta when we think of the changes of generations before us.
(18:55):
But also, I want to just say, naive it. We've
been talking a lot about the generation trauma on the
part of family dynamics, but I think we need to
also speak about what it's like to come to this
country and to have that story, that narrative that we
have that spills into sometimes work places, sometimes it spills
(19:18):
into our experience with non Latinos.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Give me an example.
Speaker 4 (19:23):
So I'll give you an example I have. I remember
being a teenager and being followed in a store, and
I thought it was strange because I went shopping with
my friends who were all Caucasian, and I was the
only one being followed. You know. I remember when I
had my SPA and I took all my staff out
(19:44):
for a holiday dinner, and I remember the server went
and handed the check to an employee of mine who
was blonde, blue eyes, and she laughed and handed it
to me.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
There are many There are many moments. It's where I
see some of these preconceived notions sort of spill into
how how the public.
Speaker 4 (20:12):
Views me as a Latin.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
And so I think, I think that is also.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Something that that listeners may be, you know, wrestling with
as they're listening to us today.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Why is getting therapy a human right?
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Well, it's interesting people always think you know of a
human right, human rights being things like you know, the
right to vote, or the right to take care of
your physical health, even but when we think about our health,
it has to be the complete state of our health, right,
which includes our mental health. And I think many times
(20:51):
in our society we sort of compartmentalize that as a
separate thing. It's really interesting that we've done that, and
what what happens is that folks start to feel like
that is a problem. If you address you know, your
mental health, there's something wrong with you, and that messaging,
I think it runs so deep in society and it's
(21:13):
we have a lot of work to to turn that around.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Right, No, definitely, definitely, And I know that you have
to go, but before we go, because you have your
very busy woman and I know you have another appointment,
but I wanted to quickly ask you three questions that
are so important. How can people get connected to mental health?
(21:41):
Because we know that there's a lot of barriers to
access mental health. There's it's expensive, you know, there's it's
a little confusing to find a therapist sometimes where do
you go? So how can people seek mental health or
get connected to mental health?
Speaker 4 (21:59):
Yes, I'm so I'm so glad you asked that. There
is a crisis line if you are listening here in
the Los Angeles area, and you can actually text seven
four seven four to one and that's the Department of
Mental Health. That is one resource that I think is
really really helpful to folks. Another one that just came out,
(22:22):
was just released was the nine eight eight numbers, a
three digit dialing code, and that's connected to the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline and it went live on July sixteenth,
So this is a fairly new resource. So those two
are are probably the easiest to remember.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Okay, and to button up this interview on something completely different.
But I also like to leave gems for our listeners.
What is something you are reading, listening to, or using
that you are completely in love with or you want
to recommend.
Speaker 4 (22:58):
I appreciate that question, Naibe. I work with a lot
of teens and families, and I discovered this incredible resource.
I hear over and over again Latino family is telling
me I can't connect with my team, I can't connect
with my kiddo. And I discovered a game. It's a
card game called grock gr K and I found it
(23:23):
on Amazon and basically it's a way to connect with
one another. So the game is you pull a card
and you talk about your different feelings. You talk about
when the last time was that you felt that emotion.
It's a really great way to connect with parents with
their kids and even couples with one another. So that's
probably my favorite right now. And then if you love
(23:47):
to read, I'm going to recommend a book called The
Body Keeps the Score. And this book is pretty incredible.
It talks about the brain, mind and body and the
healing of trauma and really just kind of gives a palatable,
you know, approachable way of considering the neuroscience behind trauma.
(24:07):
So those are my two faves right now.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Finally, where can people find you? Because we know that
you have a well education company and so many different
things that hopefully we can talk about when when there's
more time.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Absolutely well, I can be found at Jeanette's on the
LA dot com and uh and I am happy to
connect folks with mental health professionals if they want to
send me a question asking for recommendations. I also do
speaking engagements, I do trainings, and I also consult for
(24:43):
organizations around wellness. And again that's Jeanette's on LA dot com.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Thank you so much, Jeanette. I am so happy that
you are my friend and that you are a gem
to us as a society because we need more people
like you that are compassionate, that understand importance of well
being and mental health. And thank you for doing all
the work that you do.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Oh, thank you, Naive.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
And I'm so excited for all that you're doing with
this podcast. I'm going to tune in every time.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
All right, thank you. I'm Naive Reinoso signing off. I
hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, please
like and subscribe, follow us on Instagram at latinas take
the lead, and remember, don't be afraid to break barriers.
It's about time latinus take the lead.
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