February 27, 2025 • 38 mins
The date who never called back.The driver who flipped you off on the road.The job promotion you didn't get.You can't control the things that spark anger, but actress Daphne Zuniga found a healthy way to fight back feelings of frustration.A big believer in Voice Dialogue Therapy, she shares the practice of listening to AND embracing her many 'selves.'
Follow "Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty" on Instagram @LetsBeClearPod
Daphne Zuniga currently hosts the Melrose Place rewatch podcast @StillThePlace
Follow her on Instagram @DaphneZuniga
For more information about Voice Dialogue Therapy, visit https://voicedialogueinternational.com/index.htm
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Let's be clear with Shannon Doherty. Hello, let's
be clear, listeners. I am Daphne's Niga. I was actually
on the Beverly Hills nine two one OHO spin off
Melvose's Place, and I played Joe Reynolds, and after that,
(00:24):
I did One Tree Hill for about five years. If
you're a comedy person, early on in my career, I
played Princess Vespa for melt Brooks's Spaceballs, and I'm very
honored to be here. I was excited when I was
told this was an opportunity to come and talk to
the listeners here, and then I've spent some time on
the podcast, listening to the different episodes, and I really
(00:48):
love I love the content, and I love that someone
like Shannon Doherty, who I never met, I don't remember
ever meeting her. And it's kind of funny because you
would think the cast of those two shows have met,
and in fact, I have met other cast members of
nine O two one zero, but unless maybe I ran
into her or something, I don't remember meeting her. But
(01:11):
I do admire. I really admire a person who shares
their truth, especially such a profoundly difficult and vulnerable tender
process that she shared with this community. I think truth,
(01:34):
raw truth is very hard to come by, especially these days,
what with technology, which is really kind of the hands
of magic. That the whole point of technology is, well,
it has a lot of points to it, but the
fact that you can manipulate and do anything to it,
you really, truth is a whole thing that's kind of
(01:56):
in what we're in the air right now of like
what is true? What images true? Is that really somebody
saving a turtle? Or is that AI? Is that really
what that person looks like? Or is that photoshop? Is
you know? What is the truth? But I remember years
ago my therapist, she really talked about truth. You know,
(02:17):
I was trying to figure out. I'll get to my
I want to talk about voice dialogue. But as someone
who's been in therapy for twenty five years because I
love it and I love all different modalities of learning oneself,
and voice dialogue really helped me. And I'll tell you
how in a few minutes. But it just came to
me right now that this therapist, wonderful therapist that I
had for a long time, said to put the word
(02:41):
truth because we had I couldn't believe that what she
was teaching me and helping me know is that all
I had to do was to tell my truth. A
lot of my growth and learning came through relationships, so
I'd go I was sort of a serial monogamist. I
would be with one person for a while and then another,
and that's really where I learned a lot of my
(03:02):
lessons of who I was and who I could be
and the woman I wanted to be. And it was
a long journey with a lot of pain and a
lot of emotions in there. But when she would say
is just tell your truth? I think my first thought
was something like, are you out of your mind? What
(03:25):
if my truth doesn't fit what they want? What if
my truth dow is you know, ugly or not? Just
not what the man wanted basically, but which kind of
takes me into this this modality. And if you hear
any snoring in the background, that's my husband. I said,
(03:46):
you can take a nap, but I'm going to be
on a podcast, and so if you're snoring, you can
get a taste of what I what I deal with. Anyway,
love love goes a long way. So taking us to
voice dialogue from that idea of just telling your truth.
You know that saying the truth will set you free. Well,
(04:08):
it's kind of all goes along. Shannon was sharing her truth.
That's what I really really admire and that's where that's
what gives you freedom, and that's what sharing your truth
with others is a very powerful thing. It connects you,
it connects us with each other. So I'm just here
to share some truths as well, and we'll see where
(04:31):
that goes. But my goal, my intention is to share
it and to share this wisdom, this technique, this for
healing and knowing myself more and empowering myselfho Moore, and
being able to connect with others in the world and
with myself more. That's what this stuff taught me, and
(04:52):
so my goal is to share it with you and
see if it's something that can help you. So the
idea voice dialogue is that we have these different selves
in us. It's not a new concept. It's been around
in the world of psychology for a very long time.
And it's that we have a center, which is what
(05:18):
in voice dialogue they call the aware ego. I call
it sort of center neutral awareness, and then we have
these different selves, these different parts, and we have primary
parts primary selves, and we have disowned selves. The primary
selves in us are are the ones that kind of
(05:40):
like run your day by days. It's how you meet situations,
it's how you run your life. It's so a primary
self in me is I'm a doer. I'm a really
I'm really identified as a doer. Get things done. Give
me the challenge's figure out how to do it. Who
do I need to call? You know, I'm feeling something,
(06:01):
look up a therapist, read the book, do the writing.
If it's morning pages, if it's taken a walk, like
I just that's a real part in me. She feels like,
if there's a challenge or a problem, let's fix it.
So that part your primary selves were born in you
(06:23):
as a child into circumstances that you had no power over.
You were a young little baby, and there was a
world going on around you. Your parents were who they were,
your siblings, You're where you lived, and so you developed.
We developed these aspects, these traits to navigate our environment.
(06:47):
I moved around a lot as a kid, and so
I'm okay with moving. I just land in a place,
you know, fix up my environment there. I deal with
introduce myself to the teachers at school figure out sus
out the kids, who's who I remember? And you know,
(07:08):
I I just but I wouldn't. I realized later I
would get really close. I'd have best friends, and then
I'd have to leave them and I would move to
another sometimes state. I lived in Canada for a while,
then I lived in Vermont, I lived in Berkeley. I
lived in the summers, we'd go to Guatemala with my dad.
(07:29):
So it's the good part about that is that I, uh,
I adapted. I'm very adaptive. I'm very adaptable. I'm nothing.
Things don't really scare me. I just focus. I can
do this. And so it's really coming handy for being
on location and being movies and TV for all these years,
because that doesn't freak me out too much. Then you
(07:51):
have disowned selves. So as I'm talking, I want you
to think about yourself. So you may have been brought,
brought and kind of a I was more born into
kind of a scrappy home, meaning you know, I didn't
have like a big, beautiful home where we stayed in
one place and there were other kids around, and there
were traditions and things to do after school. I mean,
(08:13):
it was very like I said, very iorate. We moved
a lot, my mom raised us, My dad and my
mom divorced when I was six, hence all the boyfriends
to figure out what that was all about. But as
I'm talking about myself, think about yourself. Think about what's
the primary self in you? And then we have disone selves,
(08:36):
so disone self and me a dissone self in us
ourselves and there's many, many, many many, but dissone selved
are ones that we don't like that we really judge,
and we want to keep those at bay. We hide them,
we ignore them, we abandon them, we really judge them.
(09:00):
So I remember, when I was younger, a disowned self
might be my needs. I had a self that like
I didn't want to be too needy when I was
in these relationships, I just didn't want to be needy.
I wanted to be fine with whatever they wanted, and
you know I could deal with that. So we're also,
(09:21):
I might say, another disowned self is kind of the
opposite of my doer. That one that's like a producer
or you know, a director, which I've been, and get
things done. That person who likes her lists, he's a pusher.
There's this kind of archetypal self, the pusher. We all
have that. We live in a pusher society. What are
(09:42):
you doing? What are you doing? What do you get done?
What are you producing? You know, what's your worth? Blah
blah blah, as opposed to just the other side of us,
which is not a doer side, it's more of a beer.
The parts of us that are they hold our emotions,
they hold our there are just energy, they hold our spirituality,
(10:02):
that sense of just being a human being. Those are
really important. That's really important, and that's disowned by a
lot of people because it's not very rewarded in our society.
You don't there's no reward for really just experiencing and being,
and that's not enough. So that's why I think there's
(10:26):
a lot of there's a lot of need for that
right now to in our also in our society. And
you know, people are seeking out kind of well therapy,
I would hope and I and I there are a
lot of adds on podcasts, so people are which is
a good thing. But uh, this society disowns the beers.
(10:46):
It's more of a vulnerable or vulnerable selves are in there.
So I disowned that I called a part of me
to needy. But in Voice Dialogue, the whole point is
to get to know these parts and to embrace them
and love them. And Hal and Cidris Stone, who are
(11:08):
both PhDs doctors of psychology, have written books, many books.
One of them is called Embracing Ourselves. One of them
is called Embracing each Other. That's about relationship. You know,
if you have a bond, if you're like in conflict
with your partner, often it's because you guys have different
selves you're identifying with and you disown the other. If
(11:29):
somebody triggers you, triggers you like of you judge them
and you that's a disowned self. They carry a part
that you've disowned in yourself and so you don't like
it in them. So through this work you can get
to know that part of you, and I guarantee you
that person won't trigger you anymore because you're learning to
(11:49):
embrace that self. So I want to use an example
of anger because when I thought about this, coming on
the subject of talking about voice dialogue, because it's helped
me so much, I've embraced more of myself, so I
have more compassion for these selves. Yes, people can be
too needy. But that's because but having needs isn't too needy,
(12:13):
do you know what I mean? There's a difference. Now,
if someone's disowning taking care of their own needs a
friend of yours or in a relationship and they're sort
of abandoning and not taking responsibility for their own needs,
then they're they're going to look to you maybe, And
if you feel like that's happening too much, then that
does become needy. But having needs is not a bad thing.
(12:36):
Having needs is being a human being. It's actually being
a sentient being. Because the plant has needs to a tree,
a plant, a person, we all have needs. So anger
came up to me this moment that I remember so
many years ago. With my incredible facilitator. You have like
(12:57):
a facilitator and voice dialogue like you would therapist, and
some therapists actually are skilled and trained in voice dialogue
and they can do it with you. You know, doing
an actual session requires moving around because you want to
get out of your center. You want to really be
center and aware in a neutral way of what's what
(13:21):
you're feeling. And then you feel into that let's say
mine's anger at they say something's really pissing me off.
You want to feel into that, but you don't want
to feel into it right here, not with Voice Dialogue.
You want to move it because the idea is to
separate these selves and to treat them and listen to
them with non judgment. So I do them, mom, I
(13:42):
do it by myself now when I need to, and
I can try to. I can try to show you
a little bit so you can just do it on
your own, but really, we'll I'll leave some There's a
couple links you can go to in books you can read.
There's a lot of there's a lot of literature on
this with the Voice Dialogue website. But I had this
(14:05):
memory of this session I was doing with my beautiful,
masterful facilitator, Martha leu Wolf, who is no longer with us.
She died a few years ago. I was so sad,
and I'm telling you something. That woman, she was long
white hair, she was a warrior. She was dying and
(14:30):
she was still facilitating her students. She was there on
the couch like no energy, and makes me think of Shannon.
It's such a profound place to be, isn't it. It's
so effing profound that process because it illustrates right there
in the moment what life is. The process of dying
(14:57):
brings immediately the reality of what life is. That it's
this thing that we all have for a period of time.
So fast. Anyway, I remember Martha Low facilitating me with
(15:25):
some really heavy stuff. Someone was triggering me here. I
don't want to go around like I look for triggers,
but I'm just saying, like something got me worked up
a situation I was in, and she helped me with
some deep stuff. But years ago she helped me with anger.
So I was seeing somebody that I was all excited
and when we were together, and you know, I always
just felt so live. You know that feeling why you
(15:47):
just that's what love does. It brings you alive. It
gives you this energy and you feel into all these
other selves and you come out because this other person
and there's been this attraction those selves and you were
in you before that person, and they're going to be
in you after that person. It's up to you to
(16:09):
access and embrace them. And then you don't need another
person to feel like that. You need another person for
other reasons for intimacy, and uh, you know, we're all
still learning with each other. But this particular guy was
(16:30):
he was a great, great man, but he really got
me pissed. Maybe he didn't call, or maybe he changed
his mind about something, or maybe I just felt abandoned
or whatever. But she was in my living room and
she was like, Okay, what are you feeling? And I said, oh,
I'm just so angry, and she's like, yeah, well, let's move.
So you want to move out of where you're recognizing. First,
(16:52):
you recognize it from a state of neutrality, from just
being in the present moment. Here, I am talking on
a podcast. This moment, I feel that feeling come up,
and then I can move. I would get up. I'm
not going to do it now, but I could get
up and go to another chair or stand or do whatever.
(17:14):
But you will feel it in your body. Let you
let that anger come into your body, and you're not
going to hurt anything or hurt anyone, and you're not
going to hurt yourself. The point is to listen to
it with no judgment. So this is what we would do.
I'll just do it kind of quickly. She would go
to another move wherever I wanted to go. And again,
(17:38):
I've been doing this for thirty years, and every time
I do this, it's a different kind of anger. It's
a different self, and I would move to a different place,
or it's other parts, not just anger. But I was
in it. And she said, okay, where are you in
Daphne's body? So where is the anger in your body?
(18:02):
And you can feel into it? And I would feel
my face, the skin, my solar plexus, feel into that.
It's in your solar plexus, in my sometimes it's in
my arms, my arms. You feel into it. You're getting
below the head. You're not thinking, you're feeling, getting out
of your thoughts. We all think too much. We need
(18:24):
to drop down into the rest of ourselves. So from
that place, she'd say, okay, you're in it, and feel
into that, into the energy, into the sensation of the
anger in the in in Daphnie's body. And then she
asked me, how long have you been in Daphne? So
(18:47):
that right there assumes that that anger has been in
me longer, long before I met this person right who
set it off. And I would feel into it and
I remember, you know, I said, when I was a kid,
And it's true, I was an angry child because of
(19:07):
all that moving around because of all the unknown I
had to I was scared a lot. I had to
protect I had to protect my sister, I had to
protect myself. It was a volatile time. This was the
sixties and the seventies. Anyway, think feel into that. How
long have you been in this anger, this feeling? And
(19:29):
you can just feel into it and think, think, this
is where you can think. Think back to your childhood.
Is it your teen years? Did something happen? Do you
have a thought that comes to mind right away? Is
it like on a school yard or is it earlier
than that? Is it when you're even younger. I remember
when I was even younger, I was angry because my
parents were working, they weren't home. A lot that's in
(19:51):
your body. So then she would say, Okay, is there
anything you want to tell Daphne. There's a message this
self has. It's not just this random anger that you
need to squelch down. If you do this stuff, you
use your the tools, these tools, this technique, you can
(20:12):
skillfully mine the gold from it. So, I mean, I
was so angry and I just let it go. I
was swearing and talking about this guy and who does
he think he is? And just so much letting it go,
and I wanted to say to Daphne it turned into this.
(20:34):
All of a sudden, I start to see an art
gallery and these big wall sized paintings of like splashes
of red and orange and yellow and blue, and I
suddenly that just that anger turned into these creativity. Creativity
(20:55):
turned into creative images, and I was talking to her
from that place, the angered kind of left and turned
into flowed into this other energy, which was like, I
want Daphne to create. I don't want her to sit
around and wait for this guy. I don't want the
situation to her to sit around and wait for what's
so great about him? And then I start to see
(21:17):
the things that weren't so great about him, and I
start to see the things that Daphne. Daphne has, She
has a liveness in her, she has creativity in her.
I want her to find a place to use it.
So this goes on for however it goes on. You
have a skilled, uh facilitator or if you'll you know,
read the books, they'll tell you in there how to
(21:37):
work with it. But then you kind of just there's
a natural slowing down of it, and it kind of
just ends and then the facilitator. Then what you can
say to yourself right now, thank you for coming up,
thank you, thank you for showing up right here. I'm
(21:58):
so glad that you came out to talk to me
and so I could hear from Daphne. You know that's
not easy. Anger is not easy, Anger's not fun. But
I'm really glad you said what you have to say,
and I'm going to remember that. We'll write, maybe we'll
write about it. We'll write what you had to say.
(22:20):
So if there's nothing else to say, then let's move
back to center. So then when that part is ready,
comes back to center. And the first thing you notice
is that you don't stay there. See, if we don't
separate and see these different selves that come and go
throughout the course of a day, then we just stay
(22:41):
there and it rules everything, and it's just it's ruining
us our pleasure, our joy. Right, So come back to center,
and the first thing you want to ask yourself is
look around present moment. You're back to neutrality, but you
(23:05):
can still feel over there. So just for a minute,
bring in the anger, Bring in that energy just a
little bit ten percent, Just bring it in so that
you can assure it. You're not going to forget it.
Your parts all want to be heard. They don't want
to wreck the day for you, so you ignore them
and then let it go, let that energy go back out,
(23:28):
So you're back in center. So that's an experience of oneself,
a very intense self. And again these sessions are like
an hour and a half or at least an hour
with a facilitator, and so you're back in center. And
(23:49):
what you might ask yourself is you have compassion for
that part, first of all, because you heard when it
came into your life, You heard how and why it
was born. You have images of your childhood or your
teen years, or when that was had to be activated
to protect to or when you were betrayed or when
(24:10):
you were hurt. There's this is absolutely valid and real reaction,
but you want to work with it now in a
way that's going to help you and not harm you.
When you have anger, when I'll speak for myself, but
I think we're all very similar in a lot of ways.
(24:32):
When you have anger and you don't express it in
a safe way without hurting anybody or yourself, it implodes
and you will take it out on yourself. So for
me back in the days when I was younger and
going through a lot of this where I didn't have
the courage to express my truth because I didn't want
(24:55):
to be too needy. I just want to fit into
what was what they wanted. I mean, I wrote a
article for Oprah Magazine on this. I wanted to just
fit into whatever guy I was seeing their life. You
will implode. You'll either eat too much, drink, use something,
take it out on loved ones, take it out on
(25:15):
or your organs. You know, you might get sick, you
might gain weight, you might You're going to create reasons
to feel the anger. That anger needs to be heard
and met without hurting yourself and without hurting anyone else,
hopefully without hurting furniture and glass in your house, although
(25:38):
I've been known to throw a few things if you've
listened to my podcast. But that's an example of the anger.
Now I've talked about this other needy part, I just
want to quickly go to that other part from center.
What's this disowned self? Think of a disowned self that
you have inside of you apart that you don't like
to show people. Let's I'm going to use my that
(26:01):
part that I thought was too needy, So I would
move to another self over here, sit where it's you.
A lot of times maybe i'd be curled up on
the sofa. You can again when you move, I'll just
do it right here a little bit. And this is
really great for acting. My Martha Loo, my facilitator, would
work with opera singers and actors and zen monks actually,
(26:25):
because it's similar to meditation, where in meditation you just
sit and you watch all the thoughts come and go
like a big sky, and the clouds are your thoughts
and feelings and memories and all this just comes and goes.
So it's very This is similar. You're just stopping spending
some time with some selves, a couple of self, and
(26:49):
then you're coming back to center. But there was a
part of me that was that I thought was needy,
and I would say how long where are you? And
Daphne's body and I already I can feel the contraction.
Too small. She just got small. She didn't want to
have any need. And when I was young, I remember
this situation. I would feel that for sure my parents
(27:13):
were going through a lot, they were young parents, and
I didn't want to be in their way. And I
didn't want to be caught in the fighting or caught
in the fire, so I would get small. So that's
how I would feel it physically. How long have you
been in Daphne? Well, how long has that been in you?
You'll get images, your body will tell you. I have
(27:33):
images of being a young girl, very tried to be small.
Is there anything you want to say? What do you
want to say? Well, I want to say I don't
want to get hurt. I don't want Daphne to push
people away. I don't want her to. I don't want to,
you know, I don't want to. I don't want to
become too much. I don't want to be abandoned or rejected.
(27:56):
Then I will have nobody. So but I'm feeling these things.
I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling disowned. So you try to
feel into that and then say, is there anything else
you want to say to Daphne you've talked about in
the second is that the second or the third person
in the middle. Again, probably best to have a facilitator,
(28:20):
but still again, just to get the idea of that
we're accepting these different selves and from center without judgment,
we can embrace them all when they come up, we go, Oh,
so let me finish over here so I can get
back to center. Is there anything you want to say
to Daphne? Don't forget me. I'm not trying to wreck
(28:43):
anything for her. I just I don't want to be alone.
I just want to be loved and loving, and I
don't want her to forget me. Okay, well let's move.
If you've if you're all done, thank you so much
for coming out. Is what the feeling you want to
(29:04):
have to that part? Thank you for so much for
coming out. Then we're going to move back to center.
So even though I'm just a month, you know, a
couple inches away, I can feel what's the difference between
here and now and center, and that I can totally
feel the difference. Let that part in test ten percent. Yeah,
(29:27):
I feel her, I feel her. Okay, thank you so much,
and let it go. I mean, I can go shopping now.
I'm in the center here, I can you know. I'm good.
These are just selves in me that I've experienced. And
the more I do this, the more you discover different selves,
(29:49):
the happier you get, the less fearful you get, the lighter,
the more energized, positive, gotten Now. Sometimes after these sessions,
(30:16):
I would go somewhere in Martha Low. My facilitator would
suggest that I go and write a paragraph or a
page or pages, but ask at the top, you know, Anger,
thanks for coming out today, what did you experience? And
just write from that place and write down what you
(30:36):
experienced in that self and then also the other self
and why you're writing. You might ask yourself, Anger, what's
the gift? What is the gift here? From center? Here
in the center, I know the gifts. I can feel
into the gifts. So the gift of my anger is
basically what it was saying, it doesn't want to be
(30:59):
that part art didn't want to be was angry, didn't
want to be ignored, didn't want to be I'm thinking
of that movie Fatal Attraction. The gift of the anger
is that there's creativity underneath it. For me in that session,
that's a huge gift. Are you kidding me? That's a gift.
(31:22):
You don't want to squelch this stuff. They have gifts
for you. The gift of this side was she wants
love and closeness and intimacy, and she's a loving, soft,
nurturing part of me. That's a huge gift. So all
(31:42):
of ourselves have gifts, and that is the more that
we can do this, the more that we can accept
the different selves, and I'll just tell you, the more
that we own them and embrace them, and we can
and handle life more. Now it's not to say that
(32:04):
you don't slip back into it or you get triggered
by something or something comes up and this part will
be activated. Guess what I have the ability now to go, oh,
who is this? Where are you? Where is this feeling
in the body? Oh, in my solar plexus? Okay, what's
going on? If you don't have time to do a
(32:25):
whole like how long have you been? And you and
where is it? If you do have the time, do
some investigation, Wow, what are you feeling? Where is it
in the body? A solar plexus? That type of thing? Okay?
And then if that part needs something and you can't
(32:45):
do it right, then you can make a deal to
do it later. So another wonderful thing that Martha Lou
gave me was throughout the day because a primary self
of me, my primary self is a doer, the pusher,
go go, go, go go. I mean I used to
get up and go running. I used to get up
and go walk the dog and then go for a
(33:05):
hike and then go do this. And you know, I
have to do my things. I can't just so. A
disowned self is like dilly dallying couch potato. I am
not a couch potato, but guess what, I have a
couch potato in me, and my job is to get
to know her a little bit because she has gifts.
There are gifts to the couch potato, relaxing, resting, giving
(33:31):
your mind a break. Now, you don't want to do
it too much, you will implode. The idea is to
have balance, but that you can identify if you're sitting
on the couch too much. It's been like I don't know,
Day five for me, like I don't know after an hour,
just check in because you maybe you're on the couch
for reasons that you could be you know, coping with
(33:54):
and dealing with in another way, or sometimes you just
need to be there and watch a rom I get it.
I've been there. Anyway. I want to wrap this up,
and I hope this hasn't been too confusing. I hope it.
I hope the thing I want to leave you with
and maintain in myself is the idea of loving our
(34:16):
different selves. And every time you do this, it's a
different variety of a self. It's never been the same.
I've done this so many times over thirty years. It's
never the same. But you don't take yourself so seriously.
So they oh, yeah, that's so someone triggered someone like
(34:38):
pisses me off. I just go now, I can. I can.
It's not like I always do it, but I can't go. Ah,
that's the part in me that's angry because he's doing that. Okay,
well that's better than why are you out of your
But you know, then you get into a whole thing.
So you can you can be in center and recognize
(35:00):
and nice, get to know yourself, get to know these
parts of you, get to because the goal is to
embrace them. So I just want to maybe maybe let's
leave with knowing that two primary areas of self that
we all have are the doer and the beer pusher
(35:22):
productive masculine action activity and then the beer. There's emotion, feeling, spirituality, experience.
There's this essence and then there's a doer. So you
want to, like, if you're overdoing it here. You don't
want to do that. That could be really bad for
(35:43):
you and make yourself miserable and tire yourself out. So
you want to like check yourself and then go, oh,
I need some of her, I need some of this
part of me. So what I was going to say
is Martha Lou would say, do yourself. In the morning,
you would go, do your activity, go for your walk.
If that's your natural rhythm, great, go do it. Promise yourself.
(36:09):
Promise yourself your other self twelve to one or four
to five, or right after work if you're working all day,
if you're working from home, you can you can do
it fitted in more, but promise yourself some time, some
designated time where it's just resting or being or you know,
(36:30):
she'd say to me, or playing music. There's no end,
there's no result needed. You're not doing it to get
somewhere or get something or create something or produce something. Okay,
So you're just being. It could be literally sitting in
a comfortable chair somewhere. You could be sitting in the park.
You could be watching the birds, going for a walk, resting,
(36:53):
taking a nap, reading, watching a silly thing, laughing, whatever
it is. Just spend some time with that self in you.
And once you get more into balance with these and
more awareness from the center and they can come in
and go out, you're going to be happier because you
(37:18):
will have taken care of yourself and you're not going
to be looking outward for this so much caretaking. Yes
you need caretaking, but you're not going to be angry
if someone doesn't do it for you exactly how you
need it done. So that's where I leave you with
(37:39):
Voice Dialogue. I'll have them put some There's a website,
Voice Dialogue International. That's Hallan said as Stone. They have
a lot of books, they have freed listening, They have
talks on there embracing yourselves, ourselves and embracing each other
is great. They have a lot of relation stuff on there.
And then their daughter has a website. She's also a facilitator.
(38:01):
She has private sessions. I saw. I've actually never met her,
Tamar Stone, and hers's Voice Dialogue connection dot com anyway,
and from there they'll have different resources. But be well,
love yourselves and until next time, thanks for sticking around
(38:23):
for this.
This is Let's be clear with Shannon Doherty. Hello, let's
be clear, listeners. I am Daphne's Niga. I was actually
on the Beverly Hills nine two one OHO spin off
Melvose's Place, and I played Joe Reynolds, and after that,
(00:24):
I did One Tree Hill for about five years. If
you're a comedy person, early on in my career, I
played Princess Vespa for melt Brooks's Spaceballs, and I'm very
honored to be here. I was excited when I was
told this was an opportunity to come and talk to
the listeners here, and then I've spent some time on
the podcast, listening to the different episodes, and I really
(00:48):
love I love the content, and I love that someone
like Shannon Doherty, who I never met, I don't remember
ever meeting her. And it's kind of funny because you
would think the cast of those two shows have met,
and in fact, I have met other cast members of
nine O two one zero, but unless maybe I ran
into her or something, I don't remember meeting her. But
(01:11):
I do admire. I really admire a person who shares
their truth, especially such a profoundly difficult and vulnerable tender
process that she shared with this community. I think truth,
(01:34):
raw truth is very hard to come by, especially these days,
what with technology, which is really kind of the hands
of magic. That the whole point of technology is, well,
it has a lot of points to it, but the
fact that you can manipulate and do anything to it,
you really, truth is a whole thing that's kind of
(01:56):
in what we're in the air right now of like
what is true? What images true? Is that really somebody
saving a turtle? Or is that AI? Is that really
what that person looks like? Or is that photoshop? Is
you know? What is the truth? But I remember years
ago my therapist, she really talked about truth. You know,
(02:17):
I was trying to figure out. I'll get to my
I want to talk about voice dialogue. But as someone
who's been in therapy for twenty five years because I
love it and I love all different modalities of learning oneself,
and voice dialogue really helped me. And I'll tell you
how in a few minutes. But it just came to
me right now that this therapist, wonderful therapist that I
had for a long time, said to put the word
(02:41):
truth because we had I couldn't believe that what she
was teaching me and helping me know is that all
I had to do was to tell my truth. A
lot of my growth and learning came through relationships, so
I'd go I was sort of a serial monogamist. I
would be with one person for a while and then another,
and that's really where I learned a lot of my
(03:02):
lessons of who I was and who I could be
and the woman I wanted to be. And it was
a long journey with a lot of pain and a
lot of emotions in there. But when she would say
is just tell your truth? I think my first thought
was something like, are you out of your mind? What
(03:25):
if my truth doesn't fit what they want? What if
my truth dow is you know, ugly or not? Just
not what the man wanted basically, but which kind of
takes me into this this modality. And if you hear
any snoring in the background, that's my husband. I said,
(03:46):
you can take a nap, but I'm going to be
on a podcast, and so if you're snoring, you can
get a taste of what I what I deal with. Anyway,
love love goes a long way. So taking us to
voice dialogue from that idea of just telling your truth.
You know that saying the truth will set you free. Well,
(04:08):
it's kind of all goes along. Shannon was sharing her truth.
That's what I really really admire and that's where that's
what gives you freedom, and that's what sharing your truth
with others is a very powerful thing. It connects you,
it connects us with each other. So I'm just here
to share some truths as well, and we'll see where
(04:31):
that goes. But my goal, my intention is to share
it and to share this wisdom, this technique, this for
healing and knowing myself more and empowering myselfho Moore, and
being able to connect with others in the world and
with myself more. That's what this stuff taught me, and
(04:52):
so my goal is to share it with you and
see if it's something that can help you. So the
idea voice dialogue is that we have these different selves
in us. It's not a new concept. It's been around
in the world of psychology for a very long time.
And it's that we have a center, which is what
(05:18):
in voice dialogue they call the aware ego. I call
it sort of center neutral awareness, and then we have
these different selves, these different parts, and we have primary
parts primary selves, and we have disowned selves. The primary
selves in us are are the ones that kind of
(05:40):
like run your day by days. It's how you meet situations,
it's how you run your life. It's so a primary
self in me is I'm a doer. I'm a really
I'm really identified as a doer. Get things done. Give
me the challenge's figure out how to do it. Who
do I need to call? You know, I'm feeling something,
(06:01):
look up a therapist, read the book, do the writing.
If it's morning pages, if it's taken a walk, like
I just that's a real part in me. She feels like,
if there's a challenge or a problem, let's fix it.
So that part your primary selves were born in you
(06:23):
as a child into circumstances that you had no power over.
You were a young little baby, and there was a
world going on around you. Your parents were who they were,
your siblings, You're where you lived, and so you developed.
We developed these aspects, these traits to navigate our environment.
(06:47):
I moved around a lot as a kid, and so
I'm okay with moving. I just land in a place,
you know, fix up my environment there. I deal with
introduce myself to the teachers at school figure out sus
out the kids, who's who I remember? And you know,
(07:08):
I I just but I wouldn't. I realized later I
would get really close. I'd have best friends, and then
I'd have to leave them and I would move to
another sometimes state. I lived in Canada for a while,
then I lived in Vermont, I lived in Berkeley. I
lived in the summers, we'd go to Guatemala with my dad.
(07:29):
So it's the good part about that is that I, uh,
I adapted. I'm very adaptive. I'm very adaptable. I'm nothing.
Things don't really scare me. I just focus. I can
do this. And so it's really coming handy for being
on location and being movies and TV for all these years,
because that doesn't freak me out too much. Then you
(07:51):
have disowned selves. So as I'm talking, I want you
to think about yourself. So you may have been brought,
brought and kind of a I was more born into
kind of a scrappy home, meaning you know, I didn't
have like a big, beautiful home where we stayed in
one place and there were other kids around, and there
were traditions and things to do after school. I mean,
(08:13):
it was very like I said, very iorate. We moved
a lot, my mom raised us, My dad and my
mom divorced when I was six, hence all the boyfriends
to figure out what that was all about. But as
I'm talking about myself, think about yourself. Think about what's
the primary self in you? And then we have disone selves,
(08:36):
so disone self and me a dissone self in us
ourselves and there's many, many, many many, but dissone selved
are ones that we don't like that we really judge,
and we want to keep those at bay. We hide them,
we ignore them, we abandon them, we really judge them.
(09:00):
So I remember, when I was younger, a disowned self
might be my needs. I had a self that like
I didn't want to be too needy when I was
in these relationships, I just didn't want to be needy.
I wanted to be fine with whatever they wanted, and
you know I could deal with that. So we're also,
(09:21):
I might say, another disowned self is kind of the
opposite of my doer. That one that's like a producer
or you know, a director, which I've been, and get
things done. That person who likes her lists, he's a pusher.
There's this kind of archetypal self, the pusher. We all
have that. We live in a pusher society. What are
(09:42):
you doing? What are you doing? What do you get done?
What are you producing? You know, what's your worth? Blah
blah blah, as opposed to just the other side of us,
which is not a doer side, it's more of a beer.
The parts of us that are they hold our emotions,
they hold our there are just energy, they hold our spirituality,
(10:02):
that sense of just being a human being. Those are
really important. That's really important, and that's disowned by a
lot of people because it's not very rewarded in our society.
You don't there's no reward for really just experiencing and being,
and that's not enough. So that's why I think there's
(10:26):
a lot of there's a lot of need for that
right now to in our also in our society. And
you know, people are seeking out kind of well therapy,
I would hope and I and I there are a
lot of adds on podcasts, so people are which is
a good thing. But uh, this society disowns the beers.
(10:46):
It's more of a vulnerable or vulnerable selves are in there.
So I disowned that I called a part of me
to needy. But in Voice Dialogue, the whole point is
to get to know these parts and to embrace them
and love them. And Hal and Cidris Stone, who are
(11:08):
both PhDs doctors of psychology, have written books, many books.
One of them is called Embracing Ourselves. One of them
is called Embracing each Other. That's about relationship. You know,
if you have a bond, if you're like in conflict
with your partner, often it's because you guys have different
selves you're identifying with and you disown the other. If
(11:29):
somebody triggers you, triggers you like of you judge them
and you that's a disowned self. They carry a part
that you've disowned in yourself and so you don't like
it in them. So through this work you can get
to know that part of you, and I guarantee you
that person won't trigger you anymore because you're learning to
(11:49):
embrace that self. So I want to use an example
of anger because when I thought about this, coming on
the subject of talking about voice dialogue, because it's helped
me so much, I've embraced more of myself, so I
have more compassion for these selves. Yes, people can be
too needy. But that's because but having needs isn't too needy,
(12:13):
do you know what I mean? There's a difference. Now,
if someone's disowning taking care of their own needs a
friend of yours or in a relationship and they're sort
of abandoning and not taking responsibility for their own needs,
then they're they're going to look to you maybe, And
if you feel like that's happening too much, then that
does become needy. But having needs is not a bad thing.
(12:36):
Having needs is being a human being. It's actually being
a sentient being. Because the plant has needs to a tree,
a plant, a person, we all have needs. So anger
came up to me this moment that I remember so
many years ago. With my incredible facilitator. You have like
(12:57):
a facilitator and voice dialogue like you would therapist, and
some therapists actually are skilled and trained in voice dialogue
and they can do it with you. You know, doing
an actual session requires moving around because you want to
get out of your center. You want to really be
center and aware in a neutral way of what's what
(13:21):
you're feeling. And then you feel into that let's say
mine's anger at they say something's really pissing me off.
You want to feel into that, but you don't want
to feel into it right here, not with Voice Dialogue.
You want to move it because the idea is to
separate these selves and to treat them and listen to
them with non judgment. So I do them, mom, I
(13:42):
do it by myself now when I need to, and
I can try to. I can try to show you
a little bit so you can just do it on
your own, but really, we'll I'll leave some There's a
couple links you can go to in books you can read.
There's a lot of there's a lot of literature on
this with the Voice Dialogue website. But I had this
(14:05):
memory of this session I was doing with my beautiful,
masterful facilitator, Martha leu Wolf, who is no longer with us.
She died a few years ago. I was so sad,
and I'm telling you something. That woman, she was long
white hair, she was a warrior. She was dying and
(14:30):
she was still facilitating her students. She was there on
the couch like no energy, and makes me think of Shannon.
It's such a profound place to be, isn't it. It's
so effing profound that process because it illustrates right there
in the moment what life is. The process of dying
(14:57):
brings immediately the reality of what life is. That it's
this thing that we all have for a period of time.
So fast. Anyway, I remember Martha Low facilitating me with
(15:25):
some really heavy stuff. Someone was triggering me here. I
don't want to go around like I look for triggers,
but I'm just saying, like something got me worked up
a situation I was in, and she helped me with
some deep stuff. But years ago she helped me with anger.
So I was seeing somebody that I was all excited
and when we were together, and you know, I always
just felt so live. You know that feeling why you
(15:47):
just that's what love does. It brings you alive. It
gives you this energy and you feel into all these
other selves and you come out because this other person
and there's been this attraction those selves and you were
in you before that person, and they're going to be
in you after that person. It's up to you to
(16:09):
access and embrace them. And then you don't need another
person to feel like that. You need another person for
other reasons for intimacy, and uh, you know, we're all
still learning with each other. But this particular guy was
(16:30):
he was a great, great man, but he really got
me pissed. Maybe he didn't call, or maybe he changed
his mind about something, or maybe I just felt abandoned
or whatever. But she was in my living room and
she was like, Okay, what are you feeling? And I said, oh,
I'm just so angry, and she's like, yeah, well, let's move.
So you want to move out of where you're recognizing. First,
(16:52):
you recognize it from a state of neutrality, from just
being in the present moment. Here, I am talking on
a podcast. This moment, I feel that feeling come up,
and then I can move. I would get up. I'm
not going to do it now, but I could get
up and go to another chair or stand or do whatever.
(17:14):
But you will feel it in your body. Let you
let that anger come into your body, and you're not
going to hurt anything or hurt anyone, and you're not
going to hurt yourself. The point is to listen to
it with no judgment. So this is what we would do.
I'll just do it kind of quickly. She would go
to another move wherever I wanted to go. And again,
(17:38):
I've been doing this for thirty years, and every time
I do this, it's a different kind of anger. It's
a different self, and I would move to a different place,
or it's other parts, not just anger. But I was
in it. And she said, okay, where are you in
Daphne's body? So where is the anger in your body?
(18:02):
And you can feel into it? And I would feel
my face, the skin, my solar plexus, feel into that.
It's in your solar plexus, in my sometimes it's in
my arms, my arms. You feel into it. You're getting
below the head. You're not thinking, you're feeling, getting out
of your thoughts. We all think too much. We need
(18:24):
to drop down into the rest of ourselves. So from
that place, she'd say, okay, you're in it, and feel
into that, into the energy, into the sensation of the
anger in the in in Daphnie's body. And then she
asked me, how long have you been in Daphne? So
(18:47):
that right there assumes that that anger has been in
me longer, long before I met this person right who
set it off. And I would feel into it and
I remember, you know, I said, when I was a kid,
And it's true, I was an angry child because of
(19:07):
all that moving around because of all the unknown I
had to I was scared a lot. I had to
protect I had to protect my sister, I had to
protect myself. It was a volatile time. This was the
sixties and the seventies. Anyway, think feel into that. How
long have you been in this anger, this feeling? And
(19:29):
you can just feel into it and think, think, this
is where you can think. Think back to your childhood.
Is it your teen years? Did something happen? Do you
have a thought that comes to mind right away? Is
it like on a school yard or is it earlier
than that? Is it when you're even younger. I remember
when I was even younger, I was angry because my
parents were working, they weren't home. A lot that's in
(19:51):
your body. So then she would say, Okay, is there
anything you want to tell Daphne. There's a message this
self has. It's not just this random anger that you
need to squelch down. If you do this stuff, you
use your the tools, these tools, this technique, you can
(20:12):
skillfully mine the gold from it. So, I mean, I
was so angry and I just let it go. I
was swearing and talking about this guy and who does
he think he is? And just so much letting it go,
and I wanted to say to Daphne it turned into this.
(20:34):
All of a sudden, I start to see an art
gallery and these big wall sized paintings of like splashes
of red and orange and yellow and blue, and I
suddenly that just that anger turned into these creativity. Creativity
(20:55):
turned into creative images, and I was talking to her
from that place, the angered kind of left and turned
into flowed into this other energy, which was like, I
want Daphne to create. I don't want her to sit
around and wait for this guy. I don't want the
situation to her to sit around and wait for what's
so great about him? And then I start to see
(21:17):
the things that weren't so great about him, and I
start to see the things that Daphne. Daphne has, She
has a liveness in her, she has creativity in her.
I want her to find a place to use it.
So this goes on for however it goes on. You
have a skilled, uh facilitator or if you'll you know,
read the books, they'll tell you in there how to
(21:37):
work with it. But then you kind of just there's
a natural slowing down of it, and it kind of
just ends and then the facilitator. Then what you can
say to yourself right now, thank you for coming up,
thank you, thank you for showing up right here. I'm
(21:58):
so glad that you came out to talk to me
and so I could hear from Daphne. You know that's
not easy. Anger is not easy, Anger's not fun. But
I'm really glad you said what you have to say,
and I'm going to remember that. We'll write, maybe we'll
write about it. We'll write what you had to say.
(22:20):
So if there's nothing else to say, then let's move
back to center. So then when that part is ready,
comes back to center. And the first thing you notice
is that you don't stay there. See, if we don't
separate and see these different selves that come and go
throughout the course of a day, then we just stay
(22:41):
there and it rules everything, and it's just it's ruining
us our pleasure, our joy. Right, So come back to center,
and the first thing you want to ask yourself is
look around present moment. You're back to neutrality, but you
(23:05):
can still feel over there. So just for a minute,
bring in the anger, Bring in that energy just a
little bit ten percent, Just bring it in so that
you can assure it. You're not going to forget it.
Your parts all want to be heard. They don't want
to wreck the day for you, so you ignore them
and then let it go, let that energy go back out,
(23:28):
So you're back in center. So that's an experience of oneself,
a very intense self. And again these sessions are like
an hour and a half or at least an hour
with a facilitator, and so you're back in center. And
(23:49):
what you might ask yourself is you have compassion for
that part, first of all, because you heard when it
came into your life, You heard how and why it
was born. You have images of your childhood or your
teen years, or when that was had to be activated
to protect to or when you were betrayed or when
(24:10):
you were hurt. There's this is absolutely valid and real reaction,
but you want to work with it now in a
way that's going to help you and not harm you.
When you have anger, when I'll speak for myself, but
I think we're all very similar in a lot of ways.
(24:32):
When you have anger and you don't express it in
a safe way without hurting anybody or yourself, it implodes
and you will take it out on yourself. So for
me back in the days when I was younger and
going through a lot of this where I didn't have
the courage to express my truth because I didn't want
(24:55):
to be too needy. I just want to fit into
what was what they wanted. I mean, I wrote a
article for Oprah Magazine on this. I wanted to just
fit into whatever guy I was seeing their life. You
will implode. You'll either eat too much, drink, use something,
take it out on loved ones, take it out on
(25:15):
or your organs. You know, you might get sick, you
might gain weight, you might You're going to create reasons
to feel the anger. That anger needs to be heard
and met without hurting yourself and without hurting anyone else,
hopefully without hurting furniture and glass in your house, although
(25:38):
I've been known to throw a few things if you've
listened to my podcast. But that's an example of the anger.
Now I've talked about this other needy part, I just
want to quickly go to that other part from center.
What's this disowned self? Think of a disowned self that
you have inside of you apart that you don't like
to show people. Let's I'm going to use my that
(26:01):
part that I thought was too needy, So I would
move to another self over here, sit where it's you.
A lot of times maybe i'd be curled up on
the sofa. You can again when you move, I'll just
do it right here a little bit. And this is
really great for acting. My Martha Loo, my facilitator, would
work with opera singers and actors and zen monks actually,
(26:25):
because it's similar to meditation, where in meditation you just
sit and you watch all the thoughts come and go
like a big sky, and the clouds are your thoughts
and feelings and memories and all this just comes and goes.
So it's very This is similar. You're just stopping spending
some time with some selves, a couple of self, and
(26:49):
then you're coming back to center. But there was a
part of me that was that I thought was needy,
and I would say how long where are you? And
Daphne's body and I already I can feel the contraction.
Too small. She just got small. She didn't want to
have any need. And when I was young, I remember
this situation. I would feel that for sure my parents
(27:13):
were going through a lot, they were young parents, and
I didn't want to be in their way. And I
didn't want to be caught in the fighting or caught
in the fire, so I would get small. So that's
how I would feel it physically. How long have you
been in Daphne? Well, how long has that been in you?
You'll get images, your body will tell you. I have
(27:33):
images of being a young girl, very tried to be small.
Is there anything you want to say? What do you
want to say? Well, I want to say I don't
want to get hurt. I don't want Daphne to push
people away. I don't want her to. I don't want to,
you know, I don't want to. I don't want to
become too much. I don't want to be abandoned or rejected.
(27:56):
Then I will have nobody. So but I'm feeling these things.
I'm feeling abandoned, I'm feeling disowned. So you try to
feel into that and then say, is there anything else
you want to say to Daphne you've talked about in
the second is that the second or the third person
in the middle. Again, probably best to have a facilitator,
(28:20):
but still again, just to get the idea of that
we're accepting these different selves and from center without judgment,
we can embrace them all when they come up, we go, Oh,
so let me finish over here so I can get
back to center. Is there anything you want to say
to Daphne? Don't forget me. I'm not trying to wreck
(28:43):
anything for her. I just I don't want to be alone.
I just want to be loved and loving, and I
don't want her to forget me. Okay, well let's move.
If you've if you're all done, thank you so much
for coming out. Is what the feeling you want to
(29:04):
have to that part? Thank you for so much for
coming out. Then we're going to move back to center.
So even though I'm just a month, you know, a
couple inches away, I can feel what's the difference between
here and now and center, and that I can totally
feel the difference. Let that part in test ten percent. Yeah,
(29:27):
I feel her, I feel her. Okay, thank you so much,
and let it go. I mean, I can go shopping now.
I'm in the center here, I can you know. I'm good.
These are just selves in me that I've experienced. And
the more I do this, the more you discover different selves,
(29:49):
the happier you get, the less fearful you get, the lighter,
the more energized, positive, gotten Now. Sometimes after these sessions,
(30:16):
I would go somewhere in Martha Low. My facilitator would
suggest that I go and write a paragraph or a
page or pages, but ask at the top, you know, Anger,
thanks for coming out today, what did you experience? And
just write from that place and write down what you
(30:36):
experienced in that self and then also the other self
and why you're writing. You might ask yourself, Anger, what's
the gift? What is the gift here? From center? Here
in the center, I know the gifts. I can feel
into the gifts. So the gift of my anger is
basically what it was saying, it doesn't want to be
(30:59):
that part art didn't want to be was angry, didn't
want to be ignored, didn't want to be I'm thinking
of that movie Fatal Attraction. The gift of the anger
is that there's creativity underneath it. For me in that session,
that's a huge gift. Are you kidding me? That's a gift.
(31:22):
You don't want to squelch this stuff. They have gifts
for you. The gift of this side was she wants
love and closeness and intimacy, and she's a loving, soft,
nurturing part of me. That's a huge gift. So all
(31:42):
of ourselves have gifts, and that is the more that
we can do this, the more that we can accept
the different selves, and I'll just tell you, the more
that we own them and embrace them, and we can
and handle life more. Now it's not to say that
(32:04):
you don't slip back into it or you get triggered
by something or something comes up and this part will
be activated. Guess what I have the ability now to go, oh,
who is this? Where are you? Where is this feeling
in the body? Oh, in my solar plexus? Okay, what's
going on? If you don't have time to do a
(32:25):
whole like how long have you been? And you and
where is it? If you do have the time, do
some investigation, Wow, what are you feeling? Where is it
in the body? A solar plexus? That type of thing? Okay?
And then if that part needs something and you can't
(32:45):
do it right, then you can make a deal to
do it later. So another wonderful thing that Martha Lou
gave me was throughout the day because a primary self
of me, my primary self is a doer, the pusher,
go go, go, go go. I mean I used to
get up and go running. I used to get up
and go walk the dog and then go for a
(33:05):
hike and then go do this. And you know, I
have to do my things. I can't just so. A
disowned self is like dilly dallying couch potato. I am
not a couch potato, but guess what, I have a
couch potato in me, and my job is to get
to know her a little bit because she has gifts.
There are gifts to the couch potato, relaxing, resting, giving
(33:31):
your mind a break. Now, you don't want to do
it too much, you will implode. The idea is to
have balance, but that you can identify if you're sitting
on the couch too much. It's been like I don't know,
Day five for me, like I don't know after an hour,
just check in because you maybe you're on the couch
for reasons that you could be you know, coping with
(33:54):
and dealing with in another way, or sometimes you just
need to be there and watch a rom I get it.
I've been there. Anyway. I want to wrap this up,
and I hope this hasn't been too confusing. I hope it.
I hope the thing I want to leave you with
and maintain in myself is the idea of loving our
(34:16):
different selves. And every time you do this, it's a
different variety of a self. It's never been the same.
I've done this so many times over thirty years. It's
never the same. But you don't take yourself so seriously.
So they oh, yeah, that's so someone triggered someone like
(34:38):
pisses me off. I just go now, I can. I can.
It's not like I always do it, but I can't go. Ah,
that's the part in me that's angry because he's doing that. Okay,
well that's better than why are you out of your
But you know, then you get into a whole thing.
So you can you can be in center and recognize
(35:00):
and nice, get to know yourself, get to know these
parts of you, get to because the goal is to
embrace them. So I just want to maybe maybe let's
leave with knowing that two primary areas of self that
we all have are the doer and the beer pusher
(35:22):
productive masculine action activity and then the beer. There's emotion, feeling, spirituality, experience.
There's this essence and then there's a doer. So you
want to, like, if you're overdoing it here. You don't
want to do that. That could be really bad for
(35:43):
you and make yourself miserable and tire yourself out. So
you want to like check yourself and then go, oh,
I need some of her, I need some of this
part of me. So what I was going to say
is Martha Lou would say, do yourself. In the morning,
you would go, do your activity, go for your walk.
If that's your natural rhythm, great, go do it. Promise yourself.
(36:09):
Promise yourself your other self twelve to one or four
to five, or right after work if you're working all day,
if you're working from home, you can you can do
it fitted in more, but promise yourself some time, some
designated time where it's just resting or being or you know,
(36:30):
she'd say to me, or playing music. There's no end,
there's no result needed. You're not doing it to get
somewhere or get something or create something or produce something. Okay,
So you're just being. It could be literally sitting in
a comfortable chair somewhere. You could be sitting in the park.
You could be watching the birds, going for a walk, resting,
(36:53):
taking a nap, reading, watching a silly thing, laughing, whatever
it is. Just spend some time with that self in you.
And once you get more into balance with these and
more awareness from the center and they can come in
and go out, you're going to be happier because you
(37:18):
will have taken care of yourself and you're not going
to be looking outward for this so much caretaking. Yes
you need caretaking, but you're not going to be angry
if someone doesn't do it for you exactly how you
need it done. So that's where I leave you with
(37:39):
Voice Dialogue. I'll have them put some There's a website,
Voice Dialogue International. That's Hallan said as Stone. They have
a lot of books, they have freed listening, They have
talks on there embracing yourselves, ourselves and embracing each other
is great. They have a lot of relation stuff on there.
And then their daughter has a website. She's also a facilitator.
(38:01):
She has private sessions. I saw. I've actually never met her,
Tamar Stone, and hers's Voice Dialogue connection dot com anyway,
and from there they'll have different resources. But be well,
love yourselves and until next time, thanks for sticking around
(38:23):
for this.
Host
Shannen Doherty
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