August 3, 2021 • 29 mins
Hoe phase, party phase, single phase, or whatever else you want to call it; Dramos breaks down why he thinks it's essential for our generation to go through this phase while we're young, if we want to have a healthy love life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Let me talk about talk we go. He said he
lived in Life as a ring where you question when
you fit in every time you mingo Ley say you
do this with not really yes, Man, welcome to another
episode of Life as a Gringo. I am Dramas of course,
(00:27):
big shots, everybody that's been tuning in. Man, we've been
getting a lot of love in the last couple of episodes.
So thank you all so much, all our new listeners
on here. I really do appreciate you. Of course, I
appreciate the o g who've been with me since day
one on this whole ride. If this is your first
time tuning in, of course, this is a podcast for
those of us who live in this gray area. Right.
Maybe your Spanish is trash like mine. Maybe you never
(00:48):
quite fit in with your family back up on the
native land. But also when you're you're back home where
you grew up, your friends might make fun of you
because your house smells a little different, or your parents
got an accent, or listen to some different kinds of
music than the normal kids in the neighborhoods parents do.
So if that's you, you like me, this is the
podcast for you. Now the topic for today's show man. Um,
(01:10):
this one is probably gonna get me a little bit
of trouble. So Mom and dad, if you guys are
listening to this one, you should probably tune out. I
don't think you want to hear this episode. I've already
been pretty warmed with my girl for this episode that
this is uh, this is a topic that she is
not interested in hearing me talk about, so she will
not be tuning into this episode. And what is the
topic that could have my parents and girlfriend in the
(01:31):
sirve Well, I wanted to talk about ho phases, Yes,
whole phases and listen, I know some people I was
hearing this feedback when I was asking questions from my
i G followers. Whole phase doesn't necessarily just mean like
when you're out there being a player and doing all
those kinds of things. I'm also encompassing it into like
your party phase, your single phase, maybe like your dating phase. Um,
(01:51):
it doesn't just have to mean sex to me when
I talk whole phase, I'm just kind of having fun
with it. But it really for me just means like
the time you were out here single, meeting people, dating, uh,
ving it up, not really worried about settling down all
that good stuff. And even though it is um a
bit of a joke when I say whole phase, I
also think that this is an incredibly crucial part of
anybody's adult life as you send into adulthood and settling
(02:14):
down in your life. It's my opinion that this whole
phase is incredibly necessary. I know I personally definitely went
through this phase, and I'll get into it and kind
of get into the mindset that I was in while
I was doing it, as well as kind of where
I was when I decided to end in a certain
phase of my life and kind of move on into
the next chapter of my life and where I wanted
to be and what I wanted my future to look like.
So we'll get into all that, specifically my own hope phase.
(02:37):
Of course, get some help from my followers on Instagram
with our ask a Gringo segment, and we'll get into
all that stuff. But first let's start to show it
like more of a deep dive into my own connection
to this particular topic and also what the experts are
saying into We're gonna do a little deep dive in
a segment that we call for the people in the back,
(02:58):
the people in the back, same amount of the people
in the people back. All. Yeah, this is a confession time.
I'd be lying to you if I said I did
not go through a pretty extended hole phase. Okay, And
(03:20):
I'd like to clarify first and foremost personally, I have
never cheated on a girlfriend before. But I have definitely
been guilty of enjoying myself a lot when I was single,
and well, I'm not necessarily proud of all of it.
I also just think it was an incredibly necessary time
period of my life in order for me to get
to the place that I'm at right now. And I've
(03:41):
heard from many women and men before when you talk
about like body counts and things like that, where they're
just like, oh, I could never date somebody who slept
with this amount of people, and it's like, we all
just need to chill a little bit, Okay. I've never
heard somebody talk about, you know, they're single phases, and
I've never really judged them when it comes to that
kind of stuff, Like anything you did before you got
to me is not really my business to judge. And
(04:03):
that's the expectation I've had with women when I've gone
on dates, and I've talked about my past and I've
always been very open and honest about it with the
people that I've been seriously dating, because I don't think
dating a lot of people when you're single makes you
a bad person. I think you should be out there
seeing what you like, seeing what you don't like, what
kind of qualities you like in a person. And that
could be personality wise as well as sexually. And I
(04:24):
will say for me, especially working in the industry that
I am in, I think it was it was necessary
for me to have like those stupid moments of like
living the life of somebody who works in the entertainment industry,
living the life of somebody who is a DJ and
and all these different things, gets to travel around and
meet different people and all that kind of stuff. Because
let's be real, like, as somebody who grew up loving music,
(04:46):
idolizing different musicians, like a part of you always heard
like those rock star stories, and you kind of always
wanted to experience it, you know, And it's not to
you start experiencing it and being involved in that world
that you start realizing it's really not all that you
thought it would be. But I would have never known
that had I have not gotten to experience it, and
aside from my own escapades and just being out young
(05:07):
and dumb and just having fun. But there is also
some some data here to back me up. So I
found this article on on Business Inside. It was written
by Hillary Hoffer Word and if I if I butchered
your name, I apologize. But she brings up a lot
of good points when it comes to millennials that I
kind of feel like makes my case a little bit right.
So she has a lot of good tippets. One of
(05:28):
them is, uh, millennials are being strategic when it comes
love and it's changing marriage. And when speaking of millennials,
just for clarification, we're talking about people born between one
and nineteen. She goes on to say millennials tend to
fear getting divorced and our financially burdened. So the marrying
later in life as they take time to get to
know their partner, accumulate assets, and become financially successful. Now,
(05:50):
when I bring this up and notice the part about
taking their time, right, we have the luxury that our
parents did not have, like a lot of our parents.
I think my mom mentioned this in the first episode,
but talked about my grandmother, right, she got married when
she was seventeen and then had my mother when she
was eighteen, you know, so she really had no experience
outside of my grandfather and sadly that led to a
(06:11):
divorce later on in life. So our generation and we
have like the luxury of being able to take our time.
We're not rushing into marriage. We don't feel like we
have to get married to leave the house, because that
is what you hear a lot of people talk about
from the previous generations is that like marriage was like
their way of being able to get out of the house,
being able to get out of the parents house. The
only way to get out of it, especially for women,
was getting married. And that's just not the norm anymore.
(06:33):
Many people live on their own, have roommates, whatever the
case would be. That's just kind of the norm these days.
And what's interesting about this, which I feel that kind
of supports my, uh my thesis on a hop phase
being necessary. It says that millennials are driving what experts
have estimated is a decline in the US divorce rate
since the nineteen eighties. Many millennials feel breakups and are
(06:56):
taking more time to find the right partner and to
avoid an un stable marriage. And of course finding the
right partner means, you know, kissing a lot of frogs,
so to speak, going on dates, being single, allowing yourself
to just experience and enjoy life. And a part of
that is the hook of culture. Part of that is
dating around, meeting different people, understanding what you like and
not just kind of jumping into things. I feel like
(07:18):
our generation is refusing to do that. Like the median
age of a first marriage in the US is now
twenty seven for women and twenty nine for men, and
those who have found the right partner are also waiting
longer in their relationships to get married, in average of
almost five years. People are saying, so to gather from that,
I mean, it's obvious that our generation and the younger generation,
even our understanding there is no rush or understanding the
(07:41):
value and taking time to get yourself set up, to
get your life set up in a way that you want,
and understand the heaviness of meeting and marrying somebody and
understanding that you don't really know what you want. So
you've had, you know, some different life experiences and some
different relationships. Now, what's interesting about all this as I
was going through data. This was a real soccer to
me because you hear so much that you know, this
(08:02):
generation doesn't care about love. All they care about is sex,
Like we hear that all the time. You hear uh,
you know a lot of angry single women like men
these days. All they care about is fucking. They don't
care about finding love, and you hear all these different notions.
The irony is here. The statistics are showing that the
generation before mine, generation X, which is anyway that was
(08:25):
born before nineteen six to nineteen eighty, they're actually saying
they had more sex than outward generation than my generations.
So on average, a Generation X female has had ten
point one partners, and on average a male from Generation
X has had sixteen point one partners, which is not
much more than my generation, but it still is shocking,
(08:45):
especially when you hear the stereotypes of of dating apps
and all these different things. The Internet is ruining all
of us. Social media is ruining all of us, which
I do stand by my previous statements about social media
possibly leading you to more hook up culture and or cheating,
but the numbers do show our generation is not I
guess fucking as much as as the previous generation, which
(09:06):
I think we'll be shocking for a lot of people
to hear, especially because, like I mentioned, everybody always likes
to say our generation is kind of like rotting away
because of technology. So there are multiple theories on why
this is happening. I mean, one theory that I saw
in the Washington Post that um, this generation brought attention
to the idea of friends with benefits that our generation
is actually having sex within a smaller circle of people,
(09:28):
which basically means like we're having like a lot of
repeat offenders in the bedroom. I still find that statistic
in dibly hard to believe when you think about kind
of hook up culture and how normal it is for
our generation. But I also think people just look for
any excuse to shoot on millennials whenever they can, Like,
your generation knows nothing about hard work, your generation knows
nothing about settling down, Your generation is insert whatever terrible
(09:50):
thing they want to say about us, And I'm not
gonnaw to be real. When I first read this, I
was kind of like, oh shit, Like, is my whole
point that I was trying to make about a whole
phase being necessary? Did it just implode on me when
it comes to numbers, and maybe some people will interpret
it that way. For me, I kind of looked at
it as people are having like a single phase. Right,
so instead of maybe hooking up with a lot of
random people, they're hooking up with a lot of the
(10:10):
same people, but just in a casual way. They're not
getting tied down to labels and being exclusive. They kind
of just like hooking up with the same circle of people,
but also just kind of doing their thing. Which I'm
not trying to, you know, pat myself in the back
too much, but I think that it does prove my
point a little bit. The articles also go on to
kind of say we're a little bit more educated when
it comes to sex. We're a little bit more cautious.
I mean things like st d S on planning pregnancies.
(10:31):
Our generation is a little bit more educated when it
comes to sex, thus far more cautious. Now, with that said,
you have heard my opinion for kind of the first
half of the show. So now I want to give
you all a chance to have your opinion heard. I'm
curious to see what other people think about this. Where
you land when it comes to whole faces and uh,
and their necessity or lack there up. So we'll get
(10:52):
into all that. We'll get into people's responses. I also
do the poll, so I'll reveal the results of that
in our segment that we call Asked a Goodingo. But
before we do that, let's take a quicker break and
we'll be right back ask All right, So I asked
my Instagram followers, as I always do every single show,
(11:14):
I want to get your feedback. I want you to
be a part of the show at DJ Dramos on
Instagram if you want to join in on the conversations.
I usually post them to my Instagram stories. But with
this one, I asked my followers. I did a poll. Actually,
I did a poll asking do you think a whole
slash party phase is necessary before you settled down and
lo and behold. Overwhelmingly, y'all agree with me that yes,
(11:38):
it is necessary. Actually, seventy two of you guys agreed
with me that a whole phase is absolutely necessary. So
I'm glad to hear I'm not far off on that one,
because y'all threw me off when it came to the
social media one. So we're back on track now. I
feel like I could read read the audience a little
bit more um and then um, and then I did
two more things on here, right, So I I asked
(11:59):
another question because I know a lot of people will
give their potential partnership based upon uh, you know, their
past numbers as far as you know, sleeping with other
people or even you here kind of you know, women
or men making rules like I could never date somebody
who's slept with this amount of people, right, And for me,
that's not really something that I've I've kept in mind,
especially in my adult life. It's not something my trip on.
(12:20):
You know, like we all have a life before we
meet one another, And how can I judge you for
something that you know you did before you met me?
You know, it's all about who you are when I
meet you and who you are currently. So I do
want to put that out there. I gotta say, like,
generally speaking, most of y'all said the same kind of thing.
I mean, I'm gonna kind of read um at Robert
Dilley's answer because it kind of summed up most of
(12:40):
the ones that I was getting was you shouldn't be
judged for having a hole phase. And I think it's
a pretty simple easy way to go back. I mean, listen,
I think there's so many things in our lives that
we do when we're young, some things that we might
not be proud of, some things that were phased when
we were growing up. And I just think you can't
judge us based on certain past actions. I mean, obviously
certain things are pretty egregious, but when we're talking about
(13:00):
things like dating and how many people you've maybe slept
with or been with, um, I don't know. I personally,
I don't think you can hold that against somebody, you know.
I think we all have a past, we all have
a story, and that story helped us get to be
the human being that we are today. And I very
much believe that when it comes to my own case,
you know, so I would never judge them in the past.
And I'm glad to see that mostly are kind on
the same page with that. Now, the other part of
(13:22):
this that you all seem to latch onto was asking
me questions. So I asked people to ask, you know,
any questions they might have regarding hope phases or my
own personal experiences. Uh. And I really enjoyed the questions
that I got on here, so I might answer a
few of them. Uh tage underscore dot X asked, Uh,
I'm from a traditional, strict family, never had friends with
the whole phase? Is whole phase a white thing? I
(13:45):
don't think hope phase is a white thing. It feels
like everybody that I asked or or it just seems
to be everybody that answered it right away, had a
remark about it and knew what it was, so it
seems like it might be a pretty universal thing. Um,
maybe you just grew up in a very very strict household.
Uh that man, somehow this this missed you, and maybe
(14:06):
that's a good thing. I don't know. I hope you're
having a healthy day in life. But yeah, I think
your your bubble that you grew up in allowed you
to escape the I don't know trials and the roller
coaster ride of of a hope phase. Let me see
at true? Lacy asked, is there an age limits to
different phases? Um? I mean, I'm not gonna like hold
anybody into something because I mean, at the end of day,
(14:26):
it is your life. But what I would say is
you do or you should get to a certain point
in your life where you know, you kind of grow
out of some of these childish things. I mean, let's
be real, I know I don't and I don't think
anybody aspires to be the old dude in the club,
you know, Like I don't want to be that dude
who's like partying with people half my age that I
can't relate to, and like dancing or listening to music
(14:47):
that I don't really funk with that I just don't
get just because I want to keep trying to relive
my glory days. I think there is something incredibly beautiful
about growing up, and like that next stage of your
life is a lot of fun as well, you know.
I mean obviously going out getting drunk with your friends
every night and kind of living care free, it is
incredibly fun. But I would also argue, man, like this
phase I'm in my life right now, like owning a
(15:08):
home and having a consistent routine and schedule and being
able to just enjoy like a much slower lifestyle, is
incredibly enjoyable and just as much, if not more enjoyable
than like those young dumb phases that I had before.
And also putting my money in the right places and
like being able to really enjoy it instead of like
burning it on like random dates with women just to
hope that I would like I get to sleep with them,
you know what I mean, Or like nights out at
(15:30):
the bar for no reason pain you know whatever it
is eight dollars for a bud wise or at the
bar at Mama Sita underscore to ask why a male
whole phase takes so long for it to end, man um,
Maybe men just have a little bit less shame about it,
you know what I mean? Uh? And I think also,
I mean, to be real, men don't have like that
(15:50):
biological clock that women have. I mean, obviously a lot
of things have change, and I don't want that to
come across as like, um an incredibly sexist comment or
anything that that's not my my pension. Um. But I mean,
there is like this fear when it comes to women
and getting to be a certain age that getting pregnant
or having a healthy birth does become a little bit
more dangerous or questionable, you know, as you start getting older.
(16:12):
So I think women unfortunately bear this burden of like
you know, a clock kind of running down them a
little bit, whereas men we're just kind of out here,
you know what I'm saying, Like we're lucky in that
way where where we don't really have to deal with
that internal clock with say until maybe get a little
bit older and we get start worried about like you know, uh,
not being able to get and like maintain direction. But
I feel like that comes to the later in life
um for men at junior Underscore Now Underscore asked me,
(16:35):
and I'm thinking this is a breakfast cup of reference
because we talked about me having a roommate before I
bought my house a roommate in my thirties, he has
Uh did having a roommate ever affect your whole phase?
Slow you down, get you blocked? Answers? No, Like I
had a good roommate who was just like the homing
you know what I mean, Like like granted, it was
like more things you gotta worry about, Like you would
definitely have to like send that text like hey, bro,
(16:57):
I'm gonna wait to the house with a girl like
stay in your room, you know what I'm saying, Like
that kind of stuff you might have to might have
to like give that kind of warning to your roommate
isn't on the couch and his underwear, you know, I'm saying.
Watching wrestling Um. But but like other than that, man, No,
I don't think it change thing. I think it kind
of like added almost to the experience because it just
makes like a funnier thing between guy friends, like tell
(17:17):
me about this girl and you're brought home, you know
what I'm saying, Like you kind of give each other
shit about it. I mean, I don't know, that's just
like a dumb child just thing. But yeah, I don't know.
It never, it definitely never never got in the way.
I can tell you that. At Jade Underscore, Gerani asked
what up Jade Um one of my day ones. She asked, Um,
as a DJ, where the quote unquote party phase is
(17:38):
your job, do you think that prolonged the whole phase
or got old quicker? Um, this is a really good question.
I think it definitely prolonged the whole phase because I
think that as you start growing in this industry, you
get a bigger name or maybe just even like having
more connections, you know, uh, more access to like cooler things.
(17:59):
You know, it's easy to kind of keep going in
on this journey, you know what I'm saying, Like, when
you're able to now have a table at like the
hottest clubs and you're in the DJ booth or your dejaying,
like you know, women in those types of environments are
automatically going to kind of be drawn to you, and
it's easier to kind of get sucked into that whole
lifestyle and and go down that path, you know, if
(18:19):
you're if you're not careful. So I think it definitely,
you know, made me prolong it just a little bit
because it was like every time I unlock this new
level of my career, it just seems like, you know,
there's more opportunity for like that hook up culture and
and and to be honest with you, it's insecurity at
the end of the day, because it's like, oh, ship,
Like the girls that never used to look twice at me,
like in high school or in college, are now like
(18:40):
throwing themselves at me. And and like the insecure little
kid that you know, all of that all those men
have in us, like you sometimes get lost in that,
you know what I mean. And I'm not proud of that.
I don't think it's anything to brag about, but that
kind of just is what it is, you know. So
I think it was easier for me given the job
that I had and the environment that I was constantly
finding myself and yet to like really like feed that insecure,
(19:03):
you know, a kid that was still laying around inside
of me. And it took maybe a longer period of
time than than most for me to kind of get
get over that and kind of put that that kid
to bed for good. At b G O five O
seven asked did you have a type during the whole
phase or was it equal opportunity? Listen, I'm not proud
of this, but let me tell you it was equal opportunity.
(19:24):
It was. It was, you know, whatever girl that I
found to be attractive, um, and that would come home
with me at the end of the night. Like that was.
It didn't matter if it's blind, burnette, whatever the case
would be. Again, I'm not saying this stuff with somebody
who's like proud of these things, but yeah, I didn't.
I didn't discriminate, you know what I'm saying. It was
like equal opportunity hoage on my end over here, um
(19:46):
when it came to the to that whole phase you know,
in my life. And that's kind of another thing about it,
because you start doing that and you're like, yo, like
I kind of wasn't even really attracted to that woman
that I took home last night, you know, Like it's like, Damn,
I really just like went and did all this work
or or took home this girl, um, just to be
able to say I took home or girl, you know
(20:06):
what I mean, just for like the pure sport of it,
you know. And half the time I tell the people
this all time, Like half the time, it wasn't even
like about sex. It was just knowing that I could
meet a random stranger at a bar get interested enough
in me to want to come home with me and
have sex with me. Like it wasn't even about the
sex itself. Like generally it was probably like mediocre and
not very memorable at best most of the time. So
it really was just like this game, and it became
(20:28):
this this whole game, you know, and looking back on
it now, I'm like, damn, like I'm so glad I'm
not involved in that anymore because I'm just like really cheapening.
The entire experience of like meeting somebody, um, and even
like just sex itself, like you know, became like this
very secondary thing when it came to that kind of stuff.
It wasn't even something that I was necessarily doing for
like enjoyment of pleasure. It really was just like trying
(20:50):
to feed my ego again that in a child man
and last one one of my friends out here being
stupid at Anthony Lagatti says, I have a friend that
says he's past the whole phase. Is there any chance
of a comeback? No, I can unequivocally tell you that
this man has retired from the whole lifestyle that he wants,
uh embraced. I am not coming back. I am enjoying
(21:12):
my new status as a old man hanging out at
the house and just relaxing and uh and not putting
more and more miles on my body and waking up
in like a disgusted hangover state. Those days along gone,
and I couldn't be happy about it. Now. With that said, man,
thank you all so much. Who participated in this segment
of the show, asked a gringo, if you want to
(21:33):
be a part of it, agatting. We do the show
every Tuesday and Thursdays, so I do this segment for
every single show, getting you involved in the show. You
want to be a part of it at DJ Dramas
and look out for my Instagram stories I'll usually start
posting up some of the questions that I want to
ask and I want to get some answers for when
it comes to the podcast. Now with that said, man,
let's let's wrap everything up over here. Let's let's kind
(21:56):
of get to the whole point of this entire conversation
that we were having um with a segment that I
call conclusion, Stu. But before we get into that, let's
take a quick break and we'll be right back time. Alright,
So let's kind of tie everything that we learned and
(22:17):
talked about in a nice little neat boat. Now listen to.
I still think it's necessary for everybody to go through
a whole phase. Yes, absolutely, I think it's incredibly healthy
for everybody to go through a whole phase now safely,
of course. I mean, I feel like that should go
without saying, but just in case, I want to put
the disclaimer out there. I mean, to me, like, even
just reading the statistics and what the experts say about
(22:37):
all this stuff, like the takeaway from me is like
it's good to explore your options, right, and to not
just rush into settling down with somebody you know, and
exploring your options doesn't necessarily have to mean just like
sleeping around. It could mean like dating a bunch of
people could mean going on a bunch of different dates,
meeting different people, being open to meeting people because you
really don't know kind of who is your type or
(22:59):
like what kind of vibe you're looking for until you've
kind of met a few different people and you can
kind of start picking and choosing, like, Okay, I really
like this thing about this person, you know, Um, I
wish they had this other quality though, right, And and
also I just point out you can't be too picky.
Not everybody's gonna have every single thing. But I think
going out on some dates and meeting different people and
kind of getting a feel for for what's out there
(23:19):
allows you to kind of really understand what is incredibly
important to you, Like what are your factors when it
comes to a person, Like there's no settling on you
know what I'm saying, Like these are concrete, like cornerstone
sweet relationship that you cannot move on. And a lot
of times you don't know those things until you start
meeting other people and you start seeing how other people
kind of see the world, you know, And that's like
the big thing I took away when it came to
(23:40):
the stats and like millennials and waiting longer to get married,
which I think is a beautiful thing, and you're seeing
the results, like our generation is not getting divorced as
often as previous ones, and from what the experts are saying,
it's because we're taking a lot more time to figure
out what exactly we want in a partner and and
not being afraid to kind of be patient until we
find that. But also the key is not to hang
(24:00):
on too long to this idea of like your whole phase,
your party phase, your single phase, right, Like like I said,
I mean, there is no perfect person out there, And
I think you also just have to be intentional when
it comes to life in general. I think dating is
of course going to be a part of that. Like
you have to be intentionally kind of thinking to yourself like, Okay,
I'm at the point where I'm ready to settle down.
And not to say there aren't people who meet like
their future husband or wife like during their party phase
(24:21):
or whatever, but I think if you've been single for
a minute, you've been kind of patient meeting people. You
also have to think it serious about like it's time
for me to settle down, you have to start putting
out an energy out there that that shows that you
want to settle down, you know what I mean? Like,
I think you have to be living a lifestyle that
makes sense with that right, Like you can't wait until
you meet that person to decide that, you know. Okay, now,
when I start changing my lifestyle completely, like to me,
(24:42):
should already be kind of moving into that phase of
your life. And your actions and your hobbies and how
you spend your time should be a reflection of kind
of this phase that you want to get into your
life if you're at that point where you want to
settle down. I mean, like I said before, I do
not want to be the old dude at the club
trying to relive his glory days for as long as
humanly possible. Like no, I don't want that want to
be able to enjoy all the aspects of life. I mean,
(25:02):
because I'll be I'll be all the way real, Like
what what really got me? Kind of like Okay, I
think it's time to to hang it up. Like I
know that I started to notice that, Like I couldn't
even go out and enjoy hanging out with my friends, anymore,
because like if I went to a bar with them,
we would maybe grab a drink together, hang out for
a little bit, but like the rest of the night
would be like us splitting up, wandering on the bar
(25:23):
and trying to meet a girl. And then like if
I didn't pick up a girl at the bar, like
I felt like my whole night was a failure. Like
I literally felt bad about myself, like I couldn't pick
up a girl, and I couldn't find a girl that
was into me enough to want to come home. Like
I started to view and I'm not proud of this,
by the way, like this is something that I would
I kind of just want to like put out there,
would be very honest and very transparent about just the
evolution of my growth as a man. But like I
(25:44):
definitely started to view every woman that I met as
like a potential hookup rather than like actually a person.
And again that's not something that I'm proud of. I
don't want to look at women as an object, you know,
I want to see them as the human beings that
they are. But that was just where my mind was.
If you were an attractive woman, my first inclination was,
how can I you know, flirt with you and get
your attention in that way. And that's just a really
(26:05):
exhausting and just just terrible way to be as a man.
I mean, it's so demeaning to look at a person
as just like this potential hook up object. And and
in general, I think all this just becomes a distraction,
you know what I mean, Like not having something consistent
to lean on during the good and bad times. Man,
Like your mind just ends up everywhere. I know, for me,
like I'm having probably one of the best years of
(26:26):
my life, you know, um in my career, my personal life,
and a lot of that, I have to give things
to my girlfriend, you know, and not necessarily something she's
like intentionally doing for me, even though she does do
so much for me, you know, helping me out with
my busy schedule and like helping out with the house
and all these different things, but just having that person
there right to like be there with you, like I said,
through all the ups and downs and like that consistent
(26:47):
person in your life, Like I know, okay, you know,
when I finish a work, I'm gonna call my girl,
you know, or when I finish a work, I'm gonna
go downstairs and end my night watching a movie with
my girl. Like all that kind of stuff like mentally
brings me into such a good play. You know, Like
my life is pretty chaotic as it is, especially when
it comes to my career and my schedule and and
being in a relationship for me gives me this incredible
(27:08):
stability that allows me to really just like escape at all,
you know, especially with how stressful a lot of things
that I do and like time consuming they are, having
that consistent relationship to kind of just be like oof, Okay,
I can relax, you know what I mean. I don't
have to put on a show for somebody. I can
go take a nice walk around the block with my
dog and my girl, and like everything in the world
just feels right. Like that's something I wasn't getting when
(27:29):
I was out here in these bars, you know, like
I wasn't taking the time to like to get myself together,
you know what I mean. I wasn't like if I
had a free Friday Saturday night off, man, I would
like hit up my friends, yo, let's go the bar,
and it would just be like another exhausting night on
top of an already exhausting week, you know, what I'm saying,
Like my summers were spent every night, every free moment
partying down like the Jersey Show or something, you know,
(27:51):
and like, while it's fun, I have so many great memories,
at the same time, it's like, man, I wasn't taking
care of myself. And I think when you truly find somebody,
when you find that relationship, you you lives. Man, just
how much like how much better that is than the
life that you were living before. You know, Like, I'm
definitely I know before I said, uh, I'm having as
much fun, if not more, I'm definitely having far more
fun being more settled down in a relationship, having this
(28:13):
like consistency that I can depend on from somebody, um
than I was when I was just running around recklessly,
you know. And not to say those weren't fun times.
Those weren't good times. That I'm appreciative of the times
that I got to spell my friends and just being
young and dumb. Um, there's nothing like having somebody that's
there by your side, that has your back at all times. Uh.
And and it's just that consistent rock for you and
(28:33):
and and to kind of just tie every single thing together.
I would have never gotten to that place where I
was able to truly appreciate having that consistency without having
gone for that phase of my life where I was
just absolutely reckless out here in these streets. You know
what I'm saying, Like, now I know what that life
has to offer, and I know for a fact it
is not what I want for myself. And it's because
(28:54):
I got to experience it firsthand that I know exactly
what it is and I know that it is not
what I want whatsoever. And that's been like the theme
of it all. You know. I think being able to
go out there in your single phase, your party phase,
your whole phase, if you will, allows you to figure
out exactly what you do like and what you don't like.
And that's just my opinion. But the experts also kind
of agree with me on this one, so you know,
humble brag over there. But man, with that said, thank
(29:16):
you all so much for tuning into another episode and
being involved in it. Um. I just want to use
this platform to talk on so many different things. You know,
some episodes might be fun and light hearted. Other ones, Man,
we're gonna talk about real things that are really affecting
our communities. So I welcome you all to come along
for the journey with me, and thank you to everybody
who's been doing so thus far. Man, that's it. Another
episode on Thursday. I'll talk to you all then. Everybody
(29:36):
be safe. Life as a Good Goal is a production
of The Michael Through Podcast Network and I Heart Radio
Let me talk about talk we go. He said he
lived in Life as a ring where you question when
you fit in every time you mingo Ley say you
do this with not really yes, Man, welcome to another
episode of Life as a Gringo. I am Dramas of course,
(00:27):
big shots, everybody that's been tuning in. Man, we've been
getting a lot of love in the last couple of episodes.
So thank you all so much, all our new listeners
on here. I really do appreciate you. Of course, I
appreciate the o g who've been with me since day
one on this whole ride. If this is your first
time tuning in, of course, this is a podcast for
those of us who live in this gray area. Right.
Maybe your Spanish is trash like mine. Maybe you never
(00:48):
quite fit in with your family back up on the
native land. But also when you're you're back home where
you grew up, your friends might make fun of you
because your house smells a little different, or your parents
got an accent, or listen to some different kinds of
music than the normal kids in the neighborhoods parents do.
So if that's you, you like me, this is the
podcast for you. Now the topic for today's show man. Um,
(01:10):
this one is probably gonna get me a little bit
of trouble. So Mom and dad, if you guys are
listening to this one, you should probably tune out. I
don't think you want to hear this episode. I've already
been pretty warmed with my girl for this episode that
this is uh, this is a topic that she is
not interested in hearing me talk about, so she will
not be tuning into this episode. And what is the
topic that could have my parents and girlfriend in the
(01:31):
sirve Well, I wanted to talk about ho phases, Yes,
whole phases and listen, I know some people I was
hearing this feedback when I was asking questions from my
i G followers. Whole phase doesn't necessarily just mean like
when you're out there being a player and doing all
those kinds of things. I'm also encompassing it into like
your party phase, your single phase, maybe like your dating phase. Um,
(01:51):
it doesn't just have to mean sex to me when
I talk whole phase, I'm just kind of having fun
with it. But it really for me just means like
the time you were out here single, meeting people, dating, uh,
ving it up, not really worried about settling down all
that good stuff. And even though it is um a
bit of a joke when I say whole phase, I
also think that this is an incredibly crucial part of
anybody's adult life as you send into adulthood and settling
(02:14):
down in your life. It's my opinion that this whole
phase is incredibly necessary. I know I personally definitely went
through this phase, and I'll get into it and kind
of get into the mindset that I was in while
I was doing it, as well as kind of where
I was when I decided to end in a certain
phase of my life and kind of move on into
the next chapter of my life and where I wanted
to be and what I wanted my future to look like.
So we'll get into all that, specifically my own hope phase.
(02:37):
Of course, get some help from my followers on Instagram
with our ask a Gringo segment, and we'll get into
all that stuff. But first let's start to show it
like more of a deep dive into my own connection
to this particular topic and also what the experts are
saying into We're gonna do a little deep dive in
a segment that we call for the people in the back,
(02:58):
the people in the back, same amount of the people
in the people back. All. Yeah, this is a confession time.
I'd be lying to you if I said I did
not go through a pretty extended hole phase. Okay, And
(03:20):
I'd like to clarify first and foremost personally, I have
never cheated on a girlfriend before. But I have definitely
been guilty of enjoying myself a lot when I was single,
and well, I'm not necessarily proud of all of it.
I also just think it was an incredibly necessary time
period of my life in order for me to get
to the place that I'm at right now. And I've
(03:41):
heard from many women and men before when you talk
about like body counts and things like that, where they're
just like, oh, I could never date somebody who slept
with this amount of people, and it's like, we all
just need to chill a little bit, Okay. I've never
heard somebody talk about, you know, they're single phases, and
I've never really judged them when it comes to that
kind of stuff, Like anything you did before you got
to me is not really my business to judge. And
(04:03):
that's the expectation I've had with women when I've gone
on dates, and I've talked about my past and I've
always been very open and honest about it with the
people that I've been seriously dating, because I don't think
dating a lot of people when you're single makes you
a bad person. I think you should be out there
seeing what you like, seeing what you don't like, what
kind of qualities you like in a person. And that
could be personality wise as well as sexually. And I
(04:24):
will say for me, especially working in the industry that
I am in, I think it was it was necessary
for me to have like those stupid moments of like
living the life of somebody who works in the entertainment industry,
living the life of somebody who is a DJ and
and all these different things, gets to travel around and
meet different people and all that kind of stuff. Because
let's be real, like, as somebody who grew up loving music,
(04:46):
idolizing different musicians, like a part of you always heard
like those rock star stories, and you kind of always
wanted to experience it, you know, And it's not to
you start experiencing it and being involved in that world
that you start realizing it's really not all that you
thought it would be. But I would have never known
that had I have not gotten to experience it, and
aside from my own escapades and just being out young
(05:07):
and dumb and just having fun. But there is also
some some data here to back me up. So I
found this article on on Business Inside. It was written
by Hillary Hoffer Word and if I if I butchered
your name, I apologize. But she brings up a lot
of good points when it comes to millennials that I
kind of feel like makes my case a little bit right.
So she has a lot of good tippets. One of
(05:28):
them is, uh, millennials are being strategic when it comes
love and it's changing marriage. And when speaking of millennials,
just for clarification, we're talking about people born between one
and nineteen. She goes on to say millennials tend to
fear getting divorced and our financially burdened. So the marrying
later in life as they take time to get to
know their partner, accumulate assets, and become financially successful. Now,
(05:50):
when I bring this up and notice the part about
taking their time, right, we have the luxury that our
parents did not have, like a lot of our parents.
I think my mom mentioned this in the first episode,
but talked about my grandmother, right, she got married when
she was seventeen and then had my mother when she
was eighteen, you know, so she really had no experience
outside of my grandfather and sadly that led to a
(06:11):
divorce later on in life. So our generation and we
have like the luxury of being able to take our time.
We're not rushing into marriage. We don't feel like we
have to get married to leave the house, because that
is what you hear a lot of people talk about
from the previous generations is that like marriage was like
their way of being able to get out of the house,
being able to get out of the parents house. The
only way to get out of it, especially for women,
was getting married. And that's just not the norm anymore.
(06:33):
Many people live on their own, have roommates, whatever the
case would be. That's just kind of the norm these days.
And what's interesting about this, which I feel that kind
of supports my, uh my thesis on a hop phase
being necessary. It says that millennials are driving what experts
have estimated is a decline in the US divorce rate
since the nineteen eighties. Many millennials feel breakups and are
(06:56):
taking more time to find the right partner and to
avoid an un stable marriage. And of course finding the
right partner means, you know, kissing a lot of frogs,
so to speak, going on dates, being single, allowing yourself
to just experience and enjoy life. And a part of
that is the hook of culture. Part of that is
dating around, meeting different people, understanding what you like and
not just kind of jumping into things. I feel like
(07:18):
our generation is refusing to do that. Like the median
age of a first marriage in the US is now
twenty seven for women and twenty nine for men, and
those who have found the right partner are also waiting
longer in their relationships to get married, in average of
almost five years. People are saying, so to gather from that,
I mean, it's obvious that our generation and the younger generation,
even our understanding there is no rush or understanding the
(07:41):
value and taking time to get yourself set up, to
get your life set up in a way that you want,
and understand the heaviness of meeting and marrying somebody and
understanding that you don't really know what you want. So
you've had, you know, some different life experiences and some
different relationships. Now, what's interesting about all this as I
was going through data. This was a real soccer to
me because you hear so much that you know, this
(08:02):
generation doesn't care about love. All they care about is sex,
Like we hear that all the time. You hear uh,
you know a lot of angry single women like men
these days. All they care about is fucking. They don't
care about finding love, and you hear all these different notions.
The irony is here. The statistics are showing that the
generation before mine, generation X, which is anyway that was
(08:25):
born before nineteen six to nineteen eighty, they're actually saying
they had more sex than outward generation than my generations.
So on average, a Generation X female has had ten
point one partners, and on average a male from Generation
X has had sixteen point one partners, which is not
much more than my generation, but it still is shocking,
(08:45):
especially when you hear the stereotypes of of dating apps
and all these different things. The Internet is ruining all
of us. Social media is ruining all of us, which
I do stand by my previous statements about social media
possibly leading you to more hook up culture and or cheating,
but the numbers do show our generation is not I
guess fucking as much as as the previous generation, which
(09:06):
I think we'll be shocking for a lot of people
to hear, especially because, like I mentioned, everybody always likes
to say our generation is kind of like rotting away
because of technology. So there are multiple theories on why
this is happening. I mean, one theory that I saw
in the Washington Post that um, this generation brought attention
to the idea of friends with benefits that our generation
is actually having sex within a smaller circle of people,
(09:28):
which basically means like we're having like a lot of
repeat offenders in the bedroom. I still find that statistic
in dibly hard to believe when you think about kind
of hook up culture and how normal it is for
our generation. But I also think people just look for
any excuse to shoot on millennials whenever they can, Like,
your generation knows nothing about hard work, your generation knows
nothing about settling down, Your generation is insert whatever terrible
(09:50):
thing they want to say about us, And I'm not
gonnaw to be real. When I first read this, I
was kind of like, oh shit, Like, is my whole
point that I was trying to make about a whole
phase being necessary? Did it just implode on me when
it comes to numbers, and maybe some people will interpret
it that way. For me, I kind of looked at
it as people are having like a single phase. Right,
so instead of maybe hooking up with a lot of
random people, they're hooking up with a lot of the
(10:10):
same people, but just in a casual way. They're not
getting tied down to labels and being exclusive. They kind
of just like hooking up with the same circle of people,
but also just kind of doing their thing. Which I'm
not trying to, you know, pat myself in the back
too much, but I think that it does prove my
point a little bit. The articles also go on to
kind of say we're a little bit more educated when
it comes to sex. We're a little bit more cautious.
I mean things like st d S on planning pregnancies.
(10:31):
Our generation is a little bit more educated when it
comes to sex, thus far more cautious. Now, with that said,
you have heard my opinion for kind of the first
half of the show. So now I want to give
you all a chance to have your opinion heard. I'm
curious to see what other people think about this. Where
you land when it comes to whole faces and uh,
and their necessity or lack there up. So we'll get
(10:52):
into all that. We'll get into people's responses. I also
do the poll, so I'll reveal the results of that
in our segment that we call Asked a Goodingo. But
before we do that, let's take a quicker break and
we'll be right back ask All right, So I asked
my Instagram followers, as I always do every single show,
(11:14):
I want to get your feedback. I want you to
be a part of the show at DJ Dramos on
Instagram if you want to join in on the conversations.
I usually post them to my Instagram stories. But with
this one, I asked my followers. I did a poll. Actually,
I did a poll asking do you think a whole
slash party phase is necessary before you settled down and
lo and behold. Overwhelmingly, y'all agree with me that yes,
(11:38):
it is necessary. Actually, seventy two of you guys agreed
with me that a whole phase is absolutely necessary. So
I'm glad to hear I'm not far off on that one,
because y'all threw me off when it came to the
social media one. So we're back on track now. I
feel like I could read read the audience a little
bit more um and then um, and then I did
two more things on here, right, So I I asked
(11:59):
another question because I know a lot of people will
give their potential partnership based upon uh, you know, their
past numbers as far as you know, sleeping with other
people or even you here kind of you know, women
or men making rules like I could never date somebody
who's slept with this amount of people, right, And for me,
that's not really something that I've I've kept in mind,
especially in my adult life. It's not something my trip on.
(12:20):
You know, like we all have a life before we
meet one another, And how can I judge you for
something that you know you did before you met me?
You know, it's all about who you are when I
meet you and who you are currently. So I do
want to put that out there. I gotta say, like,
generally speaking, most of y'all said the same kind of thing.
I mean, I'm gonna kind of read um at Robert
Dilley's answer because it kind of summed up most of
(12:40):
the ones that I was getting was you shouldn't be
judged for having a hole phase. And I think it's
a pretty simple easy way to go back. I mean, listen,
I think there's so many things in our lives that
we do when we're young, some things that we might
not be proud of, some things that were phased when
we were growing up. And I just think you can't
judge us based on certain past actions. I mean, obviously
certain things are pretty egregious, but when we're talking about
(13:00):
things like dating and how many people you've maybe slept
with or been with, um, I don't know. I personally,
I don't think you can hold that against somebody, you know.
I think we all have a past, we all have
a story, and that story helped us get to be
the human being that we are today. And I very
much believe that when it comes to my own case,
you know, so I would never judge them in the past.
And I'm glad to see that mostly are kind on
the same page with that. Now, the other part of
(13:22):
this that you all seem to latch onto was asking
me questions. So I asked people to ask, you know,
any questions they might have regarding hope phases or my
own personal experiences. Uh. And I really enjoyed the questions
that I got on here, so I might answer a
few of them. Uh tage underscore dot X asked, Uh,
I'm from a traditional, strict family, never had friends with
the whole phase? Is whole phase a white thing? I
(13:45):
don't think hope phase is a white thing. It feels
like everybody that I asked or or it just seems
to be everybody that answered it right away, had a
remark about it and knew what it was, so it
seems like it might be a pretty universal thing. Um,
maybe you just grew up in a very very strict household.
Uh that man, somehow this this missed you, and maybe
(14:06):
that's a good thing. I don't know. I hope you're
having a healthy day in life. But yeah, I think
your your bubble that you grew up in allowed you
to escape the I don't know trials and the roller
coaster ride of of a hope phase. Let me see
at true? Lacy asked, is there an age limits to
different phases? Um? I mean, I'm not gonna like hold
anybody into something because I mean, at the end of day,
(14:26):
it is your life. But what I would say is
you do or you should get to a certain point
in your life where you know, you kind of grow
out of some of these childish things. I mean, let's
be real, I know I don't and I don't think
anybody aspires to be the old dude in the club,
you know, Like I don't want to be that dude
who's like partying with people half my age that I
can't relate to, and like dancing or listening to music
(14:47):
that I don't really funk with that I just don't
get just because I want to keep trying to relive
my glory days. I think there is something incredibly beautiful
about growing up, and like that next stage of your
life is a lot of fun as well, you know.
I mean obviously going out getting drunk with your friends
every night and kind of living care free, it is
incredibly fun. But I would also argue, man, like this
phase I'm in my life right now, like owning a
(15:08):
home and having a consistent routine and schedule and being
able to just enjoy like a much slower lifestyle, is
incredibly enjoyable and just as much, if not more enjoyable
than like those young dumb phases that I had before.
And also putting my money in the right places and
like being able to really enjoy it instead of like
burning it on like random dates with women just to
hope that I would like I get to sleep with them,
you know what I mean, Or like nights out at
(15:30):
the bar for no reason pain you know whatever it
is eight dollars for a bud wise or at the
bar at Mama Sita underscore to ask why a male
whole phase takes so long for it to end, man um,
Maybe men just have a little bit less shame about it,
you know what I mean? Uh? And I think also,
I mean, to be real, men don't have like that
(15:50):
biological clock that women have. I mean, obviously a lot
of things have change, and I don't want that to
come across as like, um an incredibly sexist comment or
anything that that's not my my pension. Um. But I mean,
there is like this fear when it comes to women
and getting to be a certain age that getting pregnant
or having a healthy birth does become a little bit
more dangerous or questionable, you know, as you start getting older.
(16:12):
So I think women unfortunately bear this burden of like
you know, a clock kind of running down them a
little bit, whereas men we're just kind of out here,
you know what I'm saying, Like we're lucky in that
way where where we don't really have to deal with
that internal clock with say until maybe get a little
bit older and we get start worried about like you know, uh,
not being able to get and like maintain direction. But
I feel like that comes to the later in life
um for men at junior Underscore Now Underscore asked me,
(16:35):
and I'm thinking this is a breakfast cup of reference
because we talked about me having a roommate before I
bought my house a roommate in my thirties, he has
Uh did having a roommate ever affect your whole phase?
Slow you down, get you blocked? Answers? No, Like I
had a good roommate who was just like the homing
you know what I mean, Like like granted, it was
like more things you gotta worry about, Like you would
definitely have to like send that text like hey, bro,
(16:57):
I'm gonna wait to the house with a girl like
stay in your room, you know what I'm saying, Like
that kind of stuff you might have to might have
to like give that kind of warning to your roommate
isn't on the couch and his underwear, you know, I'm saying.
Watching wrestling Um. But but like other than that, man, No,
I don't think it change thing. I think it kind
of like added almost to the experience because it just
makes like a funnier thing between guy friends, like tell
(17:17):
me about this girl and you're brought home, you know
what I'm saying, Like you kind of give each other
shit about it. I mean, I don't know, that's just
like a dumb child just thing. But yeah, I don't know.
It never, it definitely never never got in the way.
I can tell you that. At Jade Underscore, Gerani asked
what up Jade Um one of my day ones. She asked, Um,
as a DJ, where the quote unquote party phase is
(17:38):
your job, do you think that prolonged the whole phase
or got old quicker? Um, this is a really good question.
I think it definitely prolonged the whole phase because I
think that as you start growing in this industry, you
get a bigger name or maybe just even like having
more connections, you know, uh, more access to like cooler things.
(17:59):
You know, it's easy to kind of keep going in
on this journey, you know what I'm saying, Like, when
you're able to now have a table at like the
hottest clubs and you're in the DJ booth or your dejaying,
like you know, women in those types of environments are
automatically going to kind of be drawn to you, and
it's easier to kind of get sucked into that whole
lifestyle and and go down that path, you know, if
(18:19):
you're if you're not careful. So I think it definitely,
you know, made me prolong it just a little bit
because it was like every time I unlock this new
level of my career, it just seems like, you know,
there's more opportunity for like that hook up culture and
and and to be honest with you, it's insecurity at
the end of the day, because it's like, oh, ship,
Like the girls that never used to look twice at me,
like in high school or in college, are now like
(18:40):
throwing themselves at me. And and like the insecure little
kid that you know, all of that all those men
have in us, like you sometimes get lost in that,
you know what I mean. And I'm not proud of that.
I don't think it's anything to brag about, but that
kind of just is what it is, you know. So
I think it was easier for me given the job
that I had and the environment that I was constantly
finding myself and yet to like really like feed that insecure,
(19:03):
you know, a kid that was still laying around inside
of me. And it took maybe a longer period of
time than than most for me to kind of get
get over that and kind of put that that kid
to bed for good. At b G O five O
seven asked did you have a type during the whole
phase or was it equal opportunity? Listen, I'm not proud
of this, but let me tell you it was equal opportunity.
(19:24):
It was. It was, you know, whatever girl that I
found to be attractive, um, and that would come home
with me at the end of the night. Like that was.
It didn't matter if it's blind, burnette, whatever the case
would be. Again, I'm not saying this stuff with somebody
who's like proud of these things, but yeah, I didn't.
I didn't discriminate, you know what I'm saying. It was
like equal opportunity hoage on my end over here, um
(19:46):
when it came to the to that whole phase you know,
in my life. And that's kind of another thing about it,
because you start doing that and you're like, yo, like
I kind of wasn't even really attracted to that woman
that I took home last night, you know, Like it's like, Damn,
I really just like went and did all this work
or or took home this girl, um, just to be
able to say I took home or girl, you know
(20:06):
what I mean, just for like the pure sport of it,
you know. And half the time I tell the people
this all time, Like half the time, it wasn't even
like about sex. It was just knowing that I could
meet a random stranger at a bar get interested enough
in me to want to come home with me and
have sex with me. Like it wasn't even about the
sex itself. Like generally it was probably like mediocre and
not very memorable at best most of the time. So
it really was just like this game, and it became
(20:28):
this this whole game, you know, and looking back on
it now, I'm like, damn, like I'm so glad I'm
not involved in that anymore because I'm just like really cheapening.
The entire experience of like meeting somebody, um, and even
like just sex itself, like you know, became like this
very secondary thing when it came to that kind of stuff.
It wasn't even something that I was necessarily doing for
like enjoyment of pleasure. It really was just like trying
(20:50):
to feed my ego again that in a child man
and last one one of my friends out here being
stupid at Anthony Lagatti says, I have a friend that
says he's past the whole phase. Is there any chance
of a comeback? No, I can unequivocally tell you that
this man has retired from the whole lifestyle that he wants,
uh embraced. I am not coming back. I am enjoying
(21:12):
my new status as a old man hanging out at
the house and just relaxing and uh and not putting
more and more miles on my body and waking up
in like a disgusted hangover state. Those days along gone,
and I couldn't be happy about it. Now. With that said, man,
thank you all so much. Who participated in this segment
of the show, asked a gringo, if you want to
(21:33):
be a part of it, agatting. We do the show
every Tuesday and Thursdays, so I do this segment for
every single show, getting you involved in the show. You
want to be a part of it at DJ Dramas
and look out for my Instagram stories I'll usually start
posting up some of the questions that I want to
ask and I want to get some answers for when
it comes to the podcast. Now with that said, man,
let's let's wrap everything up over here. Let's let's kind
(21:56):
of get to the whole point of this entire conversation
that we were having um with a segment that I
call conclusion, Stu. But before we get into that, let's
take a quick break and we'll be right back time. Alright,
So let's kind of tie everything that we learned and
(22:17):
talked about in a nice little neat boat. Now listen to.
I still think it's necessary for everybody to go through
a whole phase. Yes, absolutely, I think it's incredibly healthy
for everybody to go through a whole phase now safely,
of course. I mean, I feel like that should go
without saying, but just in case, I want to put
the disclaimer out there. I mean, to me, like, even
just reading the statistics and what the experts say about
(22:37):
all this stuff, like the takeaway from me is like
it's good to explore your options, right, and to not
just rush into settling down with somebody you know, and
exploring your options doesn't necessarily have to mean just like
sleeping around. It could mean like dating a bunch of
people could mean going on a bunch of different dates,
meeting different people, being open to meeting people because you
really don't know kind of who is your type or
(22:59):
like what kind of vibe you're looking for until you've
kind of met a few different people and you can
kind of start picking and choosing, like, Okay, I really
like this thing about this person, you know, Um, I
wish they had this other quality though, right, And and
also I just point out you can't be too picky.
Not everybody's gonna have every single thing. But I think
going out on some dates and meeting different people and
kind of getting a feel for for what's out there
(23:19):
allows you to kind of really understand what is incredibly
important to you, Like what are your factors when it
comes to a person, Like there's no settling on you
know what I'm saying, Like these are concrete, like cornerstone
sweet relationship that you cannot move on. And a lot
of times you don't know those things until you start
meeting other people and you start seeing how other people
kind of see the world, you know, And that's like
the big thing I took away when it came to
(23:40):
the stats and like millennials and waiting longer to get married,
which I think is a beautiful thing, and you're seeing
the results, like our generation is not getting divorced as
often as previous ones, and from what the experts are saying,
it's because we're taking a lot more time to figure
out what exactly we want in a partner and and
not being afraid to kind of be patient until we
find that. But also the key is not to hang
(24:00):
on too long to this idea of like your whole phase,
your party phase, your single phase, right, Like like I said,
I mean, there is no perfect person out there, And
I think you also just have to be intentional when
it comes to life in general. I think dating is
of course going to be a part of that. Like
you have to be intentionally kind of thinking to yourself like, Okay,
I'm at the point where I'm ready to settle down.
And not to say there aren't people who meet like
their future husband or wife like during their party phase
(24:21):
or whatever, but I think if you've been single for
a minute, you've been kind of patient meeting people. You
also have to think it serious about like it's time
for me to settle down, you have to start putting
out an energy out there that that shows that you
want to settle down, you know what I mean? Like,
I think you have to be living a lifestyle that
makes sense with that right, Like you can't wait until
you meet that person to decide that, you know. Okay, now,
when I start changing my lifestyle completely, like to me,
(24:42):
should already be kind of moving into that phase of
your life. And your actions and your hobbies and how
you spend your time should be a reflection of kind
of this phase that you want to get into your
life if you're at that point where you want to
settle down. I mean, like I said before, I do
not want to be the old dude at the club
trying to relive his glory days for as long as
humanly possible. Like no, I don't want that want to
be able to enjoy all the aspects of life. I mean,
(25:02):
because I'll be I'll be all the way real, Like
what what really got me? Kind of like Okay, I
think it's time to to hang it up. Like I
know that I started to notice that, Like I couldn't
even go out and enjoy hanging out with my friends, anymore,
because like if I went to a bar with them,
we would maybe grab a drink together, hang out for
a little bit, but like the rest of the night
would be like us splitting up, wandering on the bar
(25:23):
and trying to meet a girl. And then like if
I didn't pick up a girl at the bar, like
I felt like my whole night was a failure. Like
I literally felt bad about myself, like I couldn't pick
up a girl, and I couldn't find a girl that
was into me enough to want to come home. Like
I started to view and I'm not proud of this,
by the way, like this is something that I would
I kind of just want to like put out there,
would be very honest and very transparent about just the
evolution of my growth as a man. But like I
(25:44):
definitely started to view every woman that I met as
like a potential hookup rather than like actually a person.
And again that's not something that I'm proud of. I
don't want to look at women as an object, you know,
I want to see them as the human beings that
they are. But that was just where my mind was.
If you were an attractive woman, my first inclination was,
how can I you know, flirt with you and get
your attention in that way. And that's just a really
(26:05):
exhausting and just just terrible way to be as a man.
I mean, it's so demeaning to look at a person
as just like this potential hook up object. And and
in general, I think all this just becomes a distraction,
you know what I mean, Like not having something consistent
to lean on during the good and bad times. Man,
Like your mind just ends up everywhere. I know, for me,
like I'm having probably one of the best years of
(26:26):
my life, you know, um in my career, my personal life,
and a lot of that, I have to give things
to my girlfriend, you know, and not necessarily something she's
like intentionally doing for me, even though she does do
so much for me, you know, helping me out with
my busy schedule and like helping out with the house
and all these different things, but just having that person
there right to like be there with you, like I said,
through all the ups and downs and like that consistent
(26:47):
person in your life, Like I know, okay, you know,
when I finish a work, I'm gonna call my girl,
you know, or when I finish a work, I'm gonna
go downstairs and end my night watching a movie with
my girl. Like all that kind of stuff like mentally
brings me into such a good play. You know, Like
my life is pretty chaotic as it is, especially when
it comes to my career and my schedule and and
being in a relationship for me gives me this incredible
(27:08):
stability that allows me to really just like escape at all,
you know, especially with how stressful a lot of things
that I do and like time consuming they are, having
that consistent relationship to kind of just be like oof, Okay,
I can relax, you know what I mean. I don't
have to put on a show for somebody. I can
go take a nice walk around the block with my
dog and my girl, and like everything in the world
just feels right. Like that's something I wasn't getting when
(27:29):
I was out here in these bars, you know, like
I wasn't taking the time to like to get myself together,
you know what I mean. I wasn't like if I
had a free Friday Saturday night off, man, I would
like hit up my friends, yo, let's go the bar,
and it would just be like another exhausting night on
top of an already exhausting week, you know, what I'm saying,
Like my summers were spent every night, every free moment
partying down like the Jersey Show or something, you know,
(27:51):
and like, while it's fun, I have so many great memories,
at the same time, it's like, man, I wasn't taking
care of myself. And I think when you truly find somebody,
when you find that relationship, you you lives. Man, just
how much like how much better that is than the
life that you were living before. You know, Like, I'm
definitely I know before I said, uh, I'm having as
much fun, if not more, I'm definitely having far more
fun being more settled down in a relationship, having this
(28:13):
like consistency that I can depend on from somebody, um
than I was when I was just running around recklessly,
you know. And not to say those weren't fun times.
Those weren't good times. That I'm appreciative of the times
that I got to spell my friends and just being
young and dumb. Um, there's nothing like having somebody that's
there by your side, that has your back at all times. Uh.
And and it's just that consistent rock for you and
(28:33):
and and to kind of just tie every single thing together.
I would have never gotten to that place where I
was able to truly appreciate having that consistency without having
gone for that phase of my life where I was
just absolutely reckless out here in these streets. You know
what I'm saying, Like, now I know what that life
has to offer, and I know for a fact it
is not what I want for myself. And it's because
(28:54):
I got to experience it firsthand that I know exactly
what it is and I know that it is not
what I want whatsoever. And that's been like the theme
of it all. You know. I think being able to
go out there in your single phase, your party phase,
your whole phase, if you will, allows you to figure
out exactly what you do like and what you don't like.
And that's just my opinion. But the experts also kind
of agree with me on this one, so you know,
humble brag over there. But man, with that said, thank
(29:16):
you all so much for tuning into another episode and
being involved in it. Um. I just want to use
this platform to talk on so many different things. You know,
some episodes might be fun and light hearted. Other ones, Man,
we're gonna talk about real things that are really affecting
our communities. So I welcome you all to come along
for the journey with me, and thank you to everybody
who's been doing so thus far. Man, that's it. Another
episode on Thursday. I'll talk to you all then. Everybody
(29:36):
be safe. Life as a Good Goal is a production
of The Michael Through Podcast Network and I Heart Radio
Host
DJ Dramos
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