October 3, 2019 • 38 mins
Chelsea is joined in studio by her assistant, Brandon for a hilarious last episode.
Credits:
Host: Chelsea Handler
Executive Producer: Conal Byrne
Producers: Sophie Lichterman, Jack O’Brien
Writers: Jamie Loftus, Anna Hossnieh & Sophie Lichterman
Consulting Producers: Nick Stumpf, Miles Gray, & Anna Hossnieh
This episode was Engineered, Mixed & Edited by: Danl Goodman
Music by: Kingsbury
Order: "Life Will Be the Death of Me"
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi. I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Okay,
good morning everybody, Hello Brandon, this is me Chelsea. Hi. Hi.
This is going to be our last podcast out of
our twenty episode podcast series. This is our conclusion to
our podcast, our exit interview. This is our exit interview. Yes,
(00:23):
we're going to reflect, maybe talk about some new things.
I think it's very serendipitous that this is the week
that Nancy Pelosi has also decided to go ahead and
impeach the president yciting things. Yeah, to start an impeachment inquiry.
Would you like to explain to people who are listening
who may not know what the impeachment inquiry is, because
last night I had to Marco Polio to get some
insiders to what was really going on. Well, it means
(00:44):
that they're going to investigate whether or not to impeach him,
was my understanding is, and then the trial itself is
the actual impeachment. So whether or not he's found guilty,
at the end of his impeachment, he will have been
impeached if they choose to go to trial, if they
choose to hold an impeachment hearing, what I think. But
I could also be wrong, but I think I'm right,
(01:05):
But yeah, that doesn't matter anyway. I'm very excited about
your participation in the podcast. I think that you probably
had no idea you'd be podcasting so fervently. Yeah. People
ask all the time if this was a planned thing,
and I said, you were literally out the door to
go interview Mary and said Brandon, come along, And I
thought I was just coming along for the ride, not
to actually be on the podcast. And lo and behold, right,
(01:28):
twenty episodes later, people think you're You're a huge hit.
People love you. They want to know what your Instagram
handle is, and I tell them, but I don't really
respond to those kinds of questions. But I think you
can announce that you don't have one, because not have
any social media. Brandon and I are actually eating Wendy's
as we do this conclusion exit interview, because Wendy's was
on the way here and we got the spicy nut
will Powder, Well, I have no will powder powder. And
(01:52):
Brandon is from North Dakota, right south Dakota, right, like
I said, one of the Dakotas, and so he eats
this kind of ship all day long and then goes
to his spin classes for four hours a day. Yeah,
that's true. It's spend a lot of time with I'll
chew off, I'll chew off Mike. Um. Yes, we got
one owner of spicy chicken nuggets, one order of regular
chicken nuggets mine or the regular. I don't even need
(02:14):
sauce with them. They're so fucking delicious. You're really good.
And we got an order of fries, which neither one
of us love their new fries, but it'll do. I
grew up with Wendy's, and I would like to say
that chicken McNuggets from McDonald's I find repulsive, but chicken
nuggets from Wendy's I find a plus plus because you
don't get the weird tendons. God, it's like when you
get those frozen ones where they say with ribbed meat
(02:36):
in that small font or print, you like, excuse me
why the fund is rib meat involved in that. What's
interesting is a lot of places use the small print
for things they don't want you to know. But if
you eat a bag of pork crimes on the bag
in big font, it will say it may cause anal leakage.
I don't know if you remember that controversy pork crimes
cause an a leakage. I think so there was like
a chip, a snack of sorts that came out that
(02:57):
would cause any leakage, and they didn't hide that from you.
They told you in big And what does it have
like methanism? I don't make pork rinds. I'm not sure
the science behind it, but this was a thing. So
I've never eaten pork rins. It's not my thing. I mean,
maybe I've had some real pork skin at some point,
but pork ron's has never been my go to. You know,
(03:19):
it sounds so gross, pork rime. I know people on
Keto diets love a pork rind because people on Keto
diets also like to have an a leakage, I guess.
So bringing it back to hip for the last episode,
but that's all I ever talked about is feculence. Feculence
and ship. Why don't we talk about our journey, Brandon,
our journey together. In the past three years, you've been
(03:40):
witnessed to all of my changes and all of my
self discovery and self awareness, which has prompted you to
do some self discovery. How's your meditation going. It's good.
I've been doing it regularly, not every day, but maybe
every other day, just getting in a better routine. Yeah,
the last couple of days. I had a wedding in Tiles,
New Mexico this weekend, and my friend tried to kill
me with alcohol. So I have been recovering for like
(04:02):
two days. I felt nauseous for the last forty eight
hours because you don't drink anymore, I know, So it's
a real I do drink, but this is a real
conundrum for me because I can't afford to be that hungover.
I mean, I guess I can, but I don't want
to be that hungover. So it's like, if you drink
all the time, you don't get a hangover, which is better,
but then you're just inveterately bloated. And if you cut
(04:24):
back on your drinking and you only drink once in
a while, then you really really feel it. So I'm
at a crossroads. I think you just have to lean
into the cannabis and you have to like let the
drinking go. If you know you're getting to that point, No,
if you know you're getting that point, you're like, this
is gonna be a rough couple of days, you rein
it in just pop another edible. I packed enough Now,
(04:45):
I took a lot of edibles and I drank a
lot of alcohol, like I did both, and so you
double down and that's why you're feeling like ship. Yeah,
I did, I think sometimes so you know, with the cannabis,
you don't want to be too high because then you're
just like out on cloud nine. My friend Mary told me,
she goes, you know, sometimes the cannabis is cute and everything,
but sometimes you're just like not even communicative while you're
sitting there. So that I love about it. So that's
(05:06):
too much unless you're alone, Like when I go home
at night in bed and I like last night, I
took twenty milligrams and I was like, here, just wait
till you fall asleep. Sister, do you remember when we
were in Sun Valley, we watched the entire series of
that show. We'd get in bed on and edible every
night and we'd have to rewatch and rewatch and we
didn't say a word to each other because we didn't
remember what show was it. I can't remember the name
(05:26):
of it. See that's what's great about television. Watch you
can keep rewatching shows you thought you've already watched. Okay,
So in terms of health and self awareness, I want
to just talk about a couple of things. People seem
to be very responsive to me sharing all of my
therapy stuff, So I want to talk about reaction versus response,
because that was my major issue when I went in,
(05:49):
was my lack of patience and my reactivity. I didn't
think before I responded, And what Dan taught me was
there's a space of awareness between those two things. You know,
I talked about this last week a little bit with
Laura Lynn Jackson. But there's a reaction and then there's
a consideration for your reaction because sometimes we react with
our bodies before our minds, and we have a physical
(06:10):
feeling towards something, and there's a space of awareness is
where you can identify that and then respond instead of react.
And that's something that people have mentioned to me has
helped them a lot. So it's really easy to incorporate
that into your life if you've tried it, and then
eventually it just becomes you know, your habit and you
can kind of rehabituate your bad habits. And that goes
(06:33):
back to Dan's and your creation of I'm I am,
I am identification awareness modification. So like if somebody says
something to you two that is annoying or that you
find annoying, or somebody is annoying, it's about, oh wait,
why am I reacting this way? Why do I not
like this person? Is it really because of that person
or is it because of something that that person is
(06:55):
doing that reminds me of myself? Which usually if somebody
is annoying you, it's because you see something in yourself
in them that you do not like. You know, what
I found interesting lately is your vocalization of how you're
feeling because before so when you started therapy, I could
see you making the adjustments even if you weren't saying anything,
like you taking a second before you respond to a
(07:15):
dumb question that I'm asking, or we have a lot
of people around the house that meander through for different reasons.
Brandon loves it because he gets a kickback. Brandon gets
a lot of kickbacks on any improvements that I have
on the house. Oh that's why I have seventeen remote controls,
because I believe he gets ten percent of each remote control.
And every time there's a new TV installed, or there's
(07:36):
always audio visual amount of money is worth the trouble
all those fucking remote cause so I can tell you
what sister outdoor patio furniture gets stained and odd colors,
and then we have to hire outside companies to restain it.
I mean, ever since he's worked here, things are a
hot mass at my house. I mean the money is
going out, out, out, out out, and it's not coming in,
(07:59):
is it. I have to say, for the record, I
am very frugal and very thoughtful about how and where
I spend your money. Look at the house of Spain.
Look at the house in Spain. We leave it to
anyone else, and then there's all these problems. People say,
oh you know, they go there and they said this
wasn't right and this wasn't right. And now Brandon has
to go for two weeks to vacation in Spain. At
(08:20):
my house. They're just to set everything right. Isn't that right? Brandon?
There is some truth? Are you bringing? Are you bringing
your lover with you to Spain? You know I wasn't
going to be able to be he his going what's
coinky dink? That's so funny. That's such a surprise and
is my Bell going to Spain Nobell? Not? Do you
and my Bell have a rivalry? No, I think we're
I think we're on the up and up. You're in
(08:41):
good shape with each other. She doesn't listen to this podcast,
so you can talk about her if you want. Know.
Everything with me and Bell is fine. She doesn't like feedback. Mabel.
Mabel is the head han show at the house. To
be completely honest, like I should really be taking direction
from She's been there forever she deserves. She was with
me when I broke up with Ted and I moved
into my own apartment and she was the first woman
I saw. I moved into some apartment and she was
(09:02):
in house cleaning lady and I walked in and this
was like ten years ago or probably longer, and she
was like, Oh, my husband is terrible. He doesn't have
a car. And I was like, fuck, here we go.
I'm gonna have to buy this woman a car. And
then that's exactly what happened, and now we're still My
father was used car de Lebrandon. Okay, I'm just trying
to keep the business in the family. I understand it. Yeah,
(09:23):
so you've noticed that. Now I'm saying I don't. Okay.
So the other day you and this has happened more
than once, but the most recent you had said that
you were feeling ornery, and and even though you were
saying it in jest, you've done that now where you're like,
I'm not in a good mood, or you'll tell me
before you say something that I might take personally. Perhaps,
(09:46):
how does that come across? I think that's much healthier
that you're acknowledging that you're like, I'm in a bad
mood right now, just letting you know, because like I've
had to say to you, like I'm I feel wound
very tight today. And even though sometimes I feel like
that's not professional, I think it because some of the
job crosses over between personal and professional. Telling you this morning,
what part of the job do you think crosses over
(10:06):
from professional to personal? You prying on my naked body
in the morning when I'm in my broad underwear, or
when I'm coming out of the shower and you're in
the bathroom. Yeah, I mean those are a couple of
examples reverse sexual harassment. Just so you know, I guess
you're right, and I could press charges if I knew
who to talk to. Take into consideration. I mean, seriously,
you're sexually harassing me if I get out of the
shower and my beaver and my boobies are exposed and
(10:27):
you're just, you know, lollygagging around on my night covers.
I always do seem to cross your path right when
you are exposing yourself, right as I'm walking out of
the shower into my bathroom or into my closet to
get dressed. I guess who pops up. Let's talk about
my relationship with Burton Bernice, because I think that one
has improved the most since my therapy. I'm really interested
(10:49):
in all the relationships and how they've because I would
say that I have less people in my life now
socially then I did for a long time, Like I've
not thinned the herd, because that sounds like, but there
are only people really in my life now that I'm
really really close with. I think you're not bringing people
in is the difference. So like in the book, you
(11:09):
talk about the scorched earth basically where it's like if
someone does you wrong, they're donezo. And I don't think
that that's been the case at all really in the
last eighteen months. It's just that you're not as prone
to bringing someone in. You're a little bit more reserved
with well. I think what the biggest differences is that
I enjoy my time alone more than I ever have
in my life. I used to not be able to
(11:30):
hang out alone. I wanted people in my house all
the time. I wanted a full house. So the biggest
difference is that I like coming home alone, and I
like spending time with the dogs alone, and I do
value like my time alone. I spend more time alone.
I sit outside and read more, and I don't need
noise as much as I used to, which is a
nice it's a relief. And I didn't realize how many
(11:52):
times I was leaning on socializing instead of just being
alone with myself. It was a kind of a distraction.
And socializing is good, but I mean, I've done plenty
of socializing in my life, Like I'm good if I
want to take a little break from it. Do you
feel the need to force yourself into those social interactions now, Yeah, yeah,
I do sometimes. I mean I can become a little
bit of a recluse, but that's only because when I go,
(12:14):
I go so hard. And if I'm promoting the book
or if I'm on the road or promoting the documentary,
it's like it's intense, intense, intense, and then I need
to ze compress, which is actually something I never used
to do. I did never like spent a day alone.
But it's good to be interested in doing that. And
it's good to be reading so many books. That's something
that I was missing for a few years. I wasn't
reading as many books as I used to. And uh,
(12:36):
I like that aspect. You're reading more to Brandon, I'm
trying to Yeah, you're finishing more books. Right when I started,
so about three years ago, you would start a lot
of books and they would all have a few chapters
in and now you actually finished and pass it on
to somebody else. Yeah, that's writing, Tampa, because you finished it,
you're still reading that fucking book. I mean, I do
work a full time job. Where where do you work?
(12:58):
Do you think getting all these kick is easy? I
gotta meet with these people, go golfing. It's unbearable. All right.
Well back to kind of the last year, you release
the book, you started in conversations, You've gone into stand up,
you just had a documentary release, I have this podcast. Yeah,
you have the podcast. Has there been one interaction since
your growth that has really stood out to you, either
(13:20):
with a fan or with one of your friends, or
just like a moment in the last year that has
been kind of profound for you. I've gotten I mean,
I've been getting a ton of messages that are just
so much different than the tone of messages I used
to get, and like I get a lot of I guess,
you know, being on the road and doing these backstage
we have these meet and greets after the shows, and
(13:41):
people will say, oh, my gosh, I grew up on
Chelsea Lately. I grew up on Chelsea Lately. Like I
didn't realize at the time how popular that show was.
Very popular. Yeah, I didn't get that. So I think
it's interesting now that I'm in this phase that I'm
hearing all of that feedback, all these girls that are like,
you know, twenty or that are like, oh my god,
we've grew up watching you. That was nice because I
(14:02):
was ready to hear it before when people used to
talk about Chelsea Lately. I'd be like, oh God, up
about that show already. I wasn't as proud of it
as maybe I should have been. In terms of it
being perceived in the way it was and being motivating
two girls to be proud of who they are and
and have a loud voice. So all of those things,
there were good things that came out of it as well.
Um I think I pooh pooed it for a long
(14:24):
time because it was just such a hard job to
leave and it was like one of those ex boyfriends
that I was trying to break up with and I
couldn't and then I did and I was like, please
don't talk to me again. So that's nice to hear.
And I think the feedback in general from the book
and the documentary has been really nice because it feels
like I'm finally contributing something instead of just cashing a
check from my own purposes. Like what's nice to be
(14:45):
able to say I want to do a documentary and
about this subject matter and let and and be able
to you know, that in itself is a privilege, and
it's also being around for so many years and being
able to decide what you're gonna do creatively is a
huge privilege. But I now realize how much privilege I have,
(15:06):
so I'm much more careful with it. I feel like
in terms of what I'm going to use that advantage for.
You can write a book about anything, you know. I
wanted to write a book about something meaningful and true,
and I wanted to do a documentary about an issue
that was going to make people uncomfortable at myself included
and like and get answers and start a conversation. Was
it scary to make that choice to leave a hit show,
(15:29):
go into another show that was doing really well and say, like,
I don't want to do any of it anymore. I
want to focus on myself and helping other people. Yeah,
but it's good to be I mean it was. It
wasn't hard because I'm so impulsive that I didn't really
have to think about it. I just had. I knew
I had to do it. But it's a little bit destabilizing,
but it's I I like that. I like it a
(15:49):
little destabilization because you kind of have to scramble and
figure out what you're gonna do and how you're gonna
do it and what your moves are going to be.
But everything always works out. Do you think you're more
successful ventures have been the ones where you've not thought
about them, or the ones where you've taken a lot
of time. Yeah, I think the ones that are more thoughtful,
the ones that are the most authentic, the ones that
are true. Like the Chelsea Does series on Netflix was
(16:10):
really authentic for me, and that was great, And this documentary,
I mean, that's where I'm what I'm drawn to the
most now is having conversations with real people about real
issues and real ways to get involved, to do actionable things,
to show up for other communities, not just your own. Okay,
we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
(16:30):
Well back to what's important. Okay. So one night I
had this epiphany. I was really stoned, and I was
in my bed and I was like, because you know,
I assault anybody who is listening to this Burton Bernie
or my dogs, and if you don't know that by now,
then you don't know me. So one night they came
over and I was like, you know what, I'm not
(16:51):
going to assault them, because that's my problem. I cannot
keep my hands off of them. I get a little
bit of Harvey Wine stain around my dogs and I
know they don't like it, but I don't get to
spend as much time with them as I would like
because Birt's too fat to travel and Bernice is a
bit so I sometimes want to grab them and put
them in my bed. And I used to take them
upstairs with a leash and force them to go. I
(17:15):
had to guide them or lure them with turkey or
roast beef or whatever. You know, my bell decides to
buy that week, because obviously I'm out of those decisions.
And I one night, I was like, oh, I was all.
You know, I was going through this phase about learning
how to be present and what that meant and and
not trying to get them to come to me, but
just being aware and being there. And as soon as
(17:37):
I stopped tackling them, they both kind of like meandered
over to me and both wanted to like be in
bed with me without me pursuing them. And I was like, Oh,
that's what it's like. You just have to be available,
not be pushing it. And of course I haven't been
able to follow that because you know, you've seen Bird
walking around the house strutting his stuff. It's very hard
for me not to pick him up, spin him around
(17:59):
on his back and rub his balet while his head
is in my lap. He is just such a meaty
little names just so, such a fur ball. And when
I sleep at night and his head is on my chest,
it's like having the lion came with me. Bernice won't
stay in the bed because she knows that I got
to take a piss in the bathroom. Yeah, she likes
to piss in the bathroom. Well, last night I did
go to beds fairly early, so she was probably holding
(18:19):
her bladder. But at least they're going in the bathroom
now on the hardwood instead of the us or on
the hard floors. I should say the success. Yes, but
my relationship with them has blossomed. For those of you concerned,
they do love me more than they used to. Like
Bernice comes in the car with me whenever I go
to ben Bruno or can take her and Bert is
you take her places to that? I have to question.
(18:42):
I'm like, are you sure you can take her into
the doctor's office. Well, in those instances, she doesn't come
into a doctor's office. She sits in the car with
the windows open. And in the tesla they have the
air conditioning for dogs, so when you get out you
can leave the A cr has everything. Yeah, it does.
I wonder how much money you got for that car,
don't worry about it. Yeah. So you've been seeing Dan
now for about two years. You don't go as frequently
as you used to. But has there been an instance
(19:04):
where you're like, oh, I need to recoporate. I better
go see Dan. What was the last time you're like this,
I need to tune up. Uh? Well, I try to
see him, Like, you know, I haven't seen him in
like probably three weeks right now, but I don't see
him as much as I used to because I think
the important thing about therapy, and I maybe read this somewhere,
but is that you get all this information and then
(19:26):
you need to learn how to apply it to your
real life without being in a codependent relationship with your therapist.
Like I don't want to be the type of person
that's calling Dan on the phone in a crisis. I
want to be able to manage my own crisis. Has
there been a time where something happened and you're like
Brandon schedule disappointment. Yes, yeah, I mean not recently, but yeah,
(19:49):
and while I was in therapy, for sure, Like I
went on a trip with a friend and we got
into it and I thought I wasn't doing anything but
you know wrong, And he guided me about apologizing and
I was like, no way am I going to apologize.
I haven't done anything. And he's like, that's not the point,
and he goes, it's not about being right, it's about
being empathetic, Like it doesn't matter if you think you
did anything wrong. You have to just be a good
(20:12):
friend and say I'm so sorry I made you feel
that way, I'm so sorry this and that, And it
was really hard for me to do that, but I
I am so glad I did because that was the
first step in being able to forgive people, especially when
you don't think you've done anything wrong, because it really
is about the need to be right is always wrong.
So the need to prove your point. You know what,
(20:33):
just yesterday you were trying to prove your point to
me because I had sucked up something and you were
right about it. Do you remember what that was. No,
I tried to not do that or make you feel
that way. Well, you did it well and I heard
you loud and clear. You were right. So I hope
you're happy. I wish I knew what it was, and
I'd be thrilled, I'm sure, But the need to be
right was a good thing. And that's also another thing
for people who are like really into learning about I
(20:55):
don't know, I guess presents and like Eckart Toole and
that Oprah win Free. That ten episode podcast about a
New Earth was so helpful to me in terms of
understanding about not sweating the small stuff, about not getting
stressed out about stupid little things, trying not to obviously
I'm not perfect um, and that everything will be okay.
I used to get so annoyed with people when they
(21:17):
said everything's going to be okay, because it's like, what
a pat statement. How can you say everything's gonna be okay?
But the bottom line is, even if people die, even
if people get sick, you are going to be okay.
As long as you're breathing, you have the chance to
be okay. And so that, in conjunction with Dan really
let me understand Okay, there's no reason to stress anymore.
(21:39):
There's no reason to get an email and freak out
and stomp your fingers and responding to it. It's just
better to like let everybody be and just chill and
have a positive vibration. I think that's important to not
bring in, like, you know, the negativity and stuff, because
it's hard when you're like me. You know, everyone knows
what kind of mood I'm in basically the way I look,
(22:00):
So it's it's beneficial for me to be able to
be in a good mood most of the time. And
I would say I am pretty most of the time
in a good mood on the days that you're not.
Do you have a mantra that you use? I think
mantras are so stupid. But you're just saying that everything's
okay because mine is. Is it really worth being mad over?
But I think I've said that to you before because
my aunt told me that I would get so angry
(22:22):
about everything, and one time we were on the phone
and I was bitching about something. She goes, but is
it really worth thing mad over? Like, start asking yourself
that because everything that's not Yeah, that's a good point. Now,
I don't have a mantra, because you know that's the
stupid thing. No, just kidding, I know people have them.
I don't have a mantra. I just kind of just breathe.
I'm really into like taking a deep breath and just
(22:42):
being present. And it sounds really corny, but it's corny
because it's it's like, it's works. It totally works. You know.
I never was conscious about my breathing. I was never like,
if somebody is talking a lot and I feel judgment
and like, oh my god, why won't they shut up?
I take a breath. Anytime I feel judgment towards anyone,
I'm like, take a deep breath and be in the moment,
like you have no right to be judging other people.
(23:03):
And that's nice. I think for a long time, I
felt I had a superiority complex because I felt like
I just knew a little bit more than everybody, and
that was you know, Dan kind of took that away
from me, like he made me understand, oh, we're all
here together, we're all equal. You're not doing more than
(23:25):
another person. You don't have more of a burden than
another person. It's just all part of your perspective. And
once I got on an even playing field and realized, Okay,
I'm down with the people. There's nothing special about me,
then I started to get real. And then you feel
really grounded. I feel way more in control of my
life than I ever have because I know that I've
got my head on straight. Now. So what would you
(23:46):
say to the people listening who feel that they are
too self aware or that they're superior to therapy, that
they feel like they know too much to need to
talk to someone, Well, maybe you know some people. I
don't know that every single person needs therapy. I would
say that most people who claim to be self aware
are probably not. You know, I think anytime you claim
(24:07):
to be something, it's probably not that true. Are those
people who need therapy most? Maybe? I mean I don't
think everybody needs therapy, but everybody needs the space to
like think and reflect and be calm. So it's like
whether that's yoga or meditation, or therapy or going for
a run. You know, there are different forms of it,
but there's great value to me and paying somebody to
(24:30):
tell you what your issues are, you know, I like
that transaction. I like paying Dan to say, hey, you
have an empathy deficit and you have you know, like
that's really helpful. UM so much so, you know what
I watched the other nights UM Couples Therapy on on showtime.
Have you seen that? I heard of it? It was
(24:50):
really good. It's like this it's a real therapist and
she has like five different couples. They rotate in and out,
and they take this whole season takes you through all
these different couple stories and whether break up or stay together,
and then her story with her clinical advisor about how
she deals with being a therapist and getting like a
second opinion on her. It's really good. I mean, I
(25:11):
watched the whole series yesterday when I was in bed
or Sunday. But that's a good recommendation on on Showtime. Okay, well,
this sounds like a good time to take a break.
There's another disgusting show on Showtime about Roger Ailes called
The Loudest Voice, where he gets a blowjob from Annabelle
(25:33):
Wallace that is so revolting, It is so disgusting, and
Roger Ailes just basically went into work every day and
thought he was supposed to get his dick sucked by
any woman that was working there, and a lot of
them did it. And that was one of the most
upsetting series I've ever seen, because I just, I mean,
I literally turned off the TV and just sat in
bed thinking about how disgusting he was and how how
(25:55):
foul men are to assume that women are there to
suck dick. I mean, honestly, aren't they doing a movie
with Charley's Yeah, Charley says, a movie with Nicole kimm
In and Margot Robbie coming out on the Roger Ale story.
I don't know when that comes out, probably soon. It's
fascinating though. I also watched Chernobyl last night. Once we
got you logged into HBO go yeah, yeah, Brandon, once
(26:18):
you got your kick back from HBO co I'll be
able to retire soon for anyone listening, just I thought
I thought we were retiring together. We are. We're gonna
go skiing this winter and we're gonna find a ski
Shelle and I want to tell all our podcast listeners
to that. Um, I will be back with a podcast
when I have something interesting to podcast about. It's just
(26:40):
not something I wanted to do, like ongoing every week.
I'm about to leave for a month on tour, so
I'm going to Australia. I'm going to Brisbane, Sydney and
Melbourne and Auckland to perform, and then I'm going to
go on vacation. I'm going to Portugal and Spain. Am
I meeting up with you in Spain? Brandon? We will
not cross paths, but will have the house set up
(27:01):
for your beautiful Brandon. We're going to Spain for my
sister Shoshana's fiftieth birthday, which means she's been alive for
fifty years, which is so fucking weird. Yeah, aging is
really tricky. And yeah, I'm going to be forty five
this year and you just Brandon, I can't believe I
scored such a young buck. I know, and I'm here
(27:24):
for the long haul. What other questions do you have
for me? Brandon? Well, do you ever feel like you're
plateau ing and your personal growth? Um, that's a good question. Yeah,
I mean I don't know, I think with anything. I
think my friend once told me this that his his
mom was a teacher, and she's like, there's a period
of learning and then there's a period of growth for
(27:44):
all young kids. Like you absorb, you absorb your information
and then you enact it like and you and and
it and it becomes part of your life and then
you actually have time to digest it. So like going
to school, you're like, all this information is thrown at
you and then say you have summer break to attally contemplated,
even though that's not what summer feels like it's kind
of the information and the learning registering in your brain.
(28:07):
And that's how I feel about therapy. I feel like
I went full throttle for about a year and a
half or two years, and then I just decided to
pare it down. The thing that I have a real
issue with is social media is something that I needed
to I need to come like to reconcile with because
(28:29):
I don't approve of it yet I am part of it,
you know. I feel like it's detrimental for so many reasons,
and I don't like myself on it, Like when I'm
when I'm scrolling and read like, I want to be
in engaging with my fans. That's important to me, and
I do that on social media a lot. So it's
kind of like it's actually for people who don't know
(28:51):
it is actually her who's commenting back, And yeah, my
assistants aren't commenting back on d M S. I am
and and but that you know, also, I don't need
any damns about cock sucking or you know, your paintings,
Like I'm just responding to people who have questions and
comments about the work that I'm doing. But I definitely
find you know, like for instance, when my book came
out and my documentary came out, both of those surrounding days,
(29:15):
I was like tied to my screen and checking messages
and responding. And while that's good and it don't I don't,
you know, let it go on for more than that.
It still feels like it's doing me. I'm not doing it.
And what are you checking for? Are you checking for?
I don't know. I mean I'm checking for. No, I'm
checking to engage with my fans, That's what I'm doing.
I try not to scroll around on Instagram for too
(29:36):
long because that just leads to silliness. Um. I try
and support the people that I love that are on
there and leave comments when I can, But I don't
like it. It's like anything in life, like the cannabis.
I don't want cannabis to do me. I want to
do cannabis. I don't want alcohol to do me. I
want to do alcohol. I want to be in control
of all of the extracurricular activities I have. And Twitter
(29:56):
I like because it's actually much more informational, but Instagrams specifically,
there's just like I have a resistance to it. I
think it's so bad for a lot of people's mental health.
I know it was for me that you just it's
also just staring into a black hole at all times,
and it's just dumb. It's dumb like on vacation, when
our families on vacation and you know, anyone's on their phone.
(30:18):
It's annoying. It's like, are you seriously checking Instagram right now?
I mean, I'm guilty of that too, but it just
feels like it's not a good the best use of
anyone's time, and like let's all be a little bit
more cognizant of that. But the therapy has forced you
to kind of reassess things. And again it I hate
to use the word, but in your brand, like that's
had a big change too, because again on Chelsea lately
(30:40):
was basically making fun of brading people all the time,
and you've really dialed that down. Yeah. I mean I
don't even like to do it in my personal life
even now. And some of my friends are you know
that that annoys them. It's like, oh, really, now you're
not going to do that. It's like, well, is that
really how we have to like talk make fun of
every single person? I don't like that anymore. And I'm
you know, I mean not in a way that obviously
(31:02):
if somebody, you know, I can get down with people,
but it's just it's just negative, negative, negative, negative, complaining, complaining,
even if you're complaining about somebody else, you're complaining. And
do you feel like your fans response to that are
people like when you're on social media and you see
that that people have been receptive, because I know, right
when you left Netflix and decided to take the time
off to help people get elected, there were conversations like,
(31:24):
you're going to lose your base. The people who love
you for being kind of a bit they're not going
to like this new you. Yeah, I mean, I don't
really care about the fans that I've lost. If you like,
you know, it doesn't matter, because you're going to have
different fans or new fans, or those people are going
to grow up with you, which is the case with
a lot of my fans are like, wow, this is
(31:45):
so much better than I used to love you. But
now this is great, Like you're teaching me about therapy,
about meditation or whatever it is. And you know, I
think anybody who really is a true fan is going
to be around no matter what, because I'm always talking
about what's happening in my world, and I'm being authentic
about it. I'm never faking it. I'm never making up
a persona that's not true, and I'm always sharing information
(32:06):
about what's working for me in life, so those people
know that they can rely on me for the truth,
which is you know why I feel so passionately about
sharing my stories because that's, I guess you know, ultimately
what I am as a storyteller. And once I accepted that,
it was like so much easier to get back into
stand up. But also the quality of work, I would say,
(32:27):
is different because you've made that change. And so the
people who were saying that, you know, people might not
be as interested if you're not making the jokes about somebody.
There's been a huge cultural shift now to where if
you were still doing that, it may not benefit you
at all because now people are more thoughtful about how
you were ahead of the curve almost right, Yeah, Well,
(32:47):
I've been ahead of a lot of curves luckily. Luckily
I know when to leave and when I went to
get out, when to get out of a situation, and
went to get into one sometimes a little bit, you know,
it takes a little bit longer, or sometimes it's a
little premature. You could argue both, but yeah, yeah, I
like where I am, so it's not really my concern
if other people don't. And the people that love it great.
(33:08):
You know, Well, now you've gotten back into stand up,
which you said you would not do a couple of
years ago. You're like absolutely zero interest, Like, what was
the catalyst for your desire to do it again? Was
it the fact that it was therapeutic being in a
room hearing people laugh at things that you thought were
difficult to discuss. Yeah, I think I just missed. I
didn't really give enough credit to or credence to how
(33:30):
much I enjoyed being in front of a live audience.
I think because I just forgot. And it was so
nice to see how excited people were to be on
that tour, and I just thought, oh, this is so nice, Like,
I don't have anything holding me back from extending this.
And after I did about ten shows of interviews, I
had enough stories from the book that I knew this
(33:50):
is a one woman show, this is a stand up show,
and and then I just realized, oh, okay, this is
what I'm supposed to be doing like now I have
a message. Now I have a native about getting healthy
and it's fucking funny and I can bring people through
that it's not just getting up on stage and telling jokes.
And also I'm not ship faced. I mean, it's a
(34:11):
whole different world being sober on stage when I go
out there, like i've I always took it for granted,
and I thought alcohol was my fuel, like I needed
to drink to get through two shows or one show
and a book signing like I needed it. And so
now I realized, no, you don't. It's much better to
be present and get you know, now I'm on stage
(34:32):
for an hour and a half, whereas before I used
to like be waiting for like your earliest possible minute
to get off stage. So, so how do you keep
that spark going into next year? You know? Are you
are you interested in still doing stand up? And if so,
how are you not going to burn yourself out again?
And you're just gonna take more time between things? Yeah,
I think I'll do this tour And we just added
these fifteen dates and I think I'll do this until
(34:52):
I and then I'll shoot a special. I'm not going
to go at a break next speed for sure, because
I don't want to burn out and I want to
be able to do these other projects. I want to
shoot more documentaries, and I have some other things you
know that I have to do. So I'm excited to
like to do this, to shoot a special, and to
just keep putting out, you know, things throughout the year.
(35:14):
It's it's easy that it feels very lucky that I
was able to find what I was looking for so quickly,
you know, like fulfilling work and doing stuff that mattered
to me as as it felt like as soon as
I did the therapy and was present and focused and calm,
things just started coming to me in a much more
easy way. Everything, so I felt much more effortless. Even
(35:38):
the stuff that was effort full felt okay, well this
is the right thing right now. Um. So it's just
a level of stress that I don't have anymore. I
would say that that was really evident with the stand up,
because you weren't looking to do it at all. You
just kind of fell back into it. Yeah. I mean
every manager and agent was like, please do stand up,
Please do stand up. That's your money maker, that's your
(35:58):
money maker. I'm like, I'm not doing stay end up.
There is no way I'm doing stand up, and then
cut to twenty days later, I'm like, I think I
want to do some stand up shows. But that's me
in a nutshell. I mean, you know, I say no, no, no,
as long as it's anybody else's idea. So that's it.
The cool question, Brandon is when are you going to
start doing stand up? Not even an option. I would
like to give a shout out to Karen for her wedding.
(36:18):
She's on her honeymoon now, bitch. As many of you
know her just got married this weekend to her long
time lover Mica Sligh and uh, they had a very
very beatific wedding in Mexico this weekend. M Is there
anyone else we want to say goodbye to from this podcast? Brandon?
Are you just want to get back to Wendy's for
(36:39):
that Frosty Man? Is that you want right now? Is
that frost I mean? We should. We should thank Dan
for all of his work on you and the multiple
times he came on the pot. Yeah, we should thank Dan.
We should thank Sophie, thank you very much. We should
thank our sound engineer, is it Mike Great? Well, that's
who we meant and originally Sophie's our producer. I don't
think she's been introduced, Okay, so if he's a producer,
(37:00):
she's been here for every episode. And I want to
thank all of you guys for tuning into us. And
you can follow us well, yeah, you can follow us
on Instagram. Make sure you don't abuse it, and uh,
you can keep up with everything I do on Twitter
or my accountable page. If you're looking for ways to
be socially little, socially active, I'm saying it again, social activism.
(37:22):
If you're looking for ways to be social activism, go
there and Twitter, Facebook, Emily's List partnered with Emily's List,
I'm still partnered with them to elect pro uh uh
progressive Democratic woman. And I guess I will just say
(37:43):
I hope everybody is doing a little bit better than
they were when we started our podcast, audios Life will
be the Death of Me as a production of I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows.
Hi. I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Okay,
good morning everybody, Hello Brandon, this is me Chelsea. Hi. Hi.
This is going to be our last podcast out of
our twenty episode podcast series. This is our conclusion to
our podcast, our exit interview. This is our exit interview. Yes,
(00:23):
we're going to reflect, maybe talk about some new things.
I think it's very serendipitous that this is the week
that Nancy Pelosi has also decided to go ahead and
impeach the president yciting things. Yeah, to start an impeachment inquiry.
Would you like to explain to people who are listening
who may not know what the impeachment inquiry is, because
last night I had to Marco Polio to get some
insiders to what was really going on. Well, it means
(00:44):
that they're going to investigate whether or not to impeach him,
was my understanding is, and then the trial itself is
the actual impeachment. So whether or not he's found guilty,
at the end of his impeachment, he will have been
impeached if they choose to go to trial, if they
choose to hold an impeachment hearing, what I think. But
I could also be wrong, but I think I'm right,
(01:05):
But yeah, that doesn't matter anyway. I'm very excited about
your participation in the podcast. I think that you probably
had no idea you'd be podcasting so fervently. Yeah. People
ask all the time if this was a planned thing,
and I said, you were literally out the door to
go interview Mary and said Brandon, come along, And I
thought I was just coming along for the ride, not
to actually be on the podcast. And lo and behold, right,
(01:28):
twenty episodes later, people think you're You're a huge hit.
People love you. They want to know what your Instagram
handle is, and I tell them, but I don't really
respond to those kinds of questions. But I think you
can announce that you don't have one, because not have
any social media. Brandon and I are actually eating Wendy's
as we do this conclusion exit interview, because Wendy's was
on the way here and we got the spicy nut
will Powder, Well, I have no will powder powder. And
(01:52):
Brandon is from North Dakota, right south Dakota, right, like
I said, one of the Dakotas, and so he eats
this kind of ship all day long and then goes
to his spin classes for four hours a day. Yeah,
that's true. It's spend a lot of time with I'll
chew off, I'll chew off Mike. Um. Yes, we got
one owner of spicy chicken nuggets, one order of regular
chicken nuggets mine or the regular. I don't even need
(02:14):
sauce with them. They're so fucking delicious. You're really good.
And we got an order of fries, which neither one
of us love their new fries, but it'll do. I
grew up with Wendy's, and I would like to say
that chicken McNuggets from McDonald's I find repulsive, but chicken
nuggets from Wendy's I find a plus plus because you
don't get the weird tendons. God, it's like when you
get those frozen ones where they say with ribbed meat
(02:36):
in that small font or print, you like, excuse me
why the fund is rib meat involved in that. What's
interesting is a lot of places use the small print
for things they don't want you to know. But if
you eat a bag of pork crimes on the bag
in big font, it will say it may cause anal leakage.
I don't know if you remember that controversy pork crimes
cause an a leakage. I think so there was like
a chip, a snack of sorts that came out that
(02:57):
would cause any leakage, and they didn't hide that from you.
They told you in big And what does it have
like methanism? I don't make pork rinds. I'm not sure
the science behind it, but this was a thing. So
I've never eaten pork rins. It's not my thing. I mean,
maybe I've had some real pork skin at some point,
but pork ron's has never been my go to. You know,
(03:19):
it sounds so gross, pork rime. I know people on
Keto diets love a pork rind because people on Keto
diets also like to have an a leakage, I guess.
So bringing it back to hip for the last episode,
but that's all I ever talked about is feculence. Feculence
and ship. Why don't we talk about our journey, Brandon,
our journey together. In the past three years, you've been
(03:40):
witnessed to all of my changes and all of my
self discovery and self awareness, which has prompted you to
do some self discovery. How's your meditation going. It's good.
I've been doing it regularly, not every day, but maybe
every other day, just getting in a better routine. Yeah,
the last couple of days. I had a wedding in Tiles,
New Mexico this weekend, and my friend tried to kill
me with alcohol. So I have been recovering for like
(04:02):
two days. I felt nauseous for the last forty eight
hours because you don't drink anymore, I know, So it's
a real I do drink, but this is a real
conundrum for me because I can't afford to be that hungover.
I mean, I guess I can, but I don't want
to be that hungover. So it's like, if you drink
all the time, you don't get a hangover, which is better,
but then you're just inveterately bloated. And if you cut
(04:24):
back on your drinking and you only drink once in
a while, then you really really feel it. So I'm
at a crossroads. I think you just have to lean
into the cannabis and you have to like let the
drinking go. If you know you're getting to that point, No,
if you know you're getting that point, you're like, this
is gonna be a rough couple of days, you rein
it in just pop another edible. I packed enough Now,
(04:45):
I took a lot of edibles and I drank a
lot of alcohol, like I did both, and so you
double down and that's why you're feeling like ship. Yeah,
I did, I think sometimes so you know, with the cannabis,
you don't want to be too high because then you're
just like out on cloud nine. My friend Mary told me,
she goes, you know, sometimes the cannabis is cute and everything,
but sometimes you're just like not even communicative while you're
sitting there. So that I love about it. So that's
(05:06):
too much unless you're alone, Like when I go home
at night in bed and I like last night, I
took twenty milligrams and I was like, here, just wait
till you fall asleep. Sister, do you remember when we
were in Sun Valley, we watched the entire series of
that show. We'd get in bed on and edible every
night and we'd have to rewatch and rewatch and we
didn't say a word to each other because we didn't
remember what show was it. I can't remember the name
(05:26):
of it. See that's what's great about television. Watch you
can keep rewatching shows you thought you've already watched. Okay,
So in terms of health and self awareness, I want
to just talk about a couple of things. People seem
to be very responsive to me sharing all of my
therapy stuff, So I want to talk about reaction versus response,
because that was my major issue when I went in,
(05:49):
was my lack of patience and my reactivity. I didn't
think before I responded, And what Dan taught me was
there's a space of awareness between those two things. You know,
I talked about this last week a little bit with
Laura Lynn Jackson. But there's a reaction and then there's
a consideration for your reaction because sometimes we react with
our bodies before our minds, and we have a physical
(06:10):
feeling towards something, and there's a space of awareness is
where you can identify that and then respond instead of react.
And that's something that people have mentioned to me has
helped them a lot. So it's really easy to incorporate
that into your life if you've tried it, and then
eventually it just becomes you know, your habit and you
can kind of rehabituate your bad habits. And that goes
(06:33):
back to Dan's and your creation of I'm I am,
I am identification awareness modification. So like if somebody says
something to you two that is annoying or that you
find annoying, or somebody is annoying, it's about, oh wait,
why am I reacting this way? Why do I not
like this person? Is it really because of that person
or is it because of something that that person is
(06:55):
doing that reminds me of myself? Which usually if somebody
is annoying you, it's because you see something in yourself
in them that you do not like. You know, what
I found interesting lately is your vocalization of how you're
feeling because before so when you started therapy, I could
see you making the adjustments even if you weren't saying anything,
like you taking a second before you respond to a
(07:15):
dumb question that I'm asking, or we have a lot
of people around the house that meander through for different reasons.
Brandon loves it because he gets a kickback. Brandon gets
a lot of kickbacks on any improvements that I have
on the house. Oh that's why I have seventeen remote controls,
because I believe he gets ten percent of each remote control.
And every time there's a new TV installed, or there's
(07:36):
always audio visual amount of money is worth the trouble
all those fucking remote cause so I can tell you
what sister outdoor patio furniture gets stained and odd colors,
and then we have to hire outside companies to restain it.
I mean, ever since he's worked here, things are a
hot mass at my house. I mean the money is
going out, out, out, out out, and it's not coming in,
(07:59):
is it. I have to say, for the record, I
am very frugal and very thoughtful about how and where
I spend your money. Look at the house of Spain.
Look at the house in Spain. We leave it to
anyone else, and then there's all these problems. People say,
oh you know, they go there and they said this
wasn't right and this wasn't right. And now Brandon has
to go for two weeks to vacation in Spain. At
(08:20):
my house. They're just to set everything right. Isn't that right? Brandon?
There is some truth? Are you bringing? Are you bringing
your lover with you to Spain? You know I wasn't
going to be able to be he his going what's
coinky dink? That's so funny. That's such a surprise and
is my Bell going to Spain Nobell? Not? Do you
and my Bell have a rivalry? No, I think we're
I think we're on the up and up. You're in
(08:41):
good shape with each other. She doesn't listen to this podcast,
so you can talk about her if you want. Know.
Everything with me and Bell is fine. She doesn't like feedback. Mabel.
Mabel is the head han show at the house. To
be completely honest, like I should really be taking direction
from She's been there forever she deserves. She was with
me when I broke up with Ted and I moved
into my own apartment and she was the first woman
I saw. I moved into some apartment and she was
(09:02):
in house cleaning lady and I walked in and this
was like ten years ago or probably longer, and she
was like, Oh, my husband is terrible. He doesn't have
a car. And I was like, fuck, here we go.
I'm gonna have to buy this woman a car. And
then that's exactly what happened, and now we're still My
father was used car de Lebrandon. Okay, I'm just trying
to keep the business in the family. I understand it. Yeah,
(09:23):
so you've noticed that. Now I'm saying I don't. Okay.
So the other day you and this has happened more
than once, but the most recent you had said that
you were feeling ornery, and and even though you were
saying it in jest, you've done that now where you're like,
I'm not in a good mood, or you'll tell me
before you say something that I might take personally. Perhaps,
(09:46):
how does that come across? I think that's much healthier
that you're acknowledging that you're like, I'm in a bad
mood right now, just letting you know, because like I've
had to say to you, like I'm I feel wound
very tight today. And even though sometimes I feel like
that's not professional, I think it because some of the
job crosses over between personal and professional. Telling you this morning,
what part of the job do you think crosses over
(10:06):
from professional to personal? You prying on my naked body
in the morning when I'm in my broad underwear, or
when I'm coming out of the shower and you're in
the bathroom. Yeah, I mean those are a couple of
examples reverse sexual harassment. Just so you know, I guess
you're right, and I could press charges if I knew
who to talk to. Take into consideration. I mean, seriously,
you're sexually harassing me if I get out of the
shower and my beaver and my boobies are exposed and
(10:27):
you're just, you know, lollygagging around on my night covers.
I always do seem to cross your path right when
you are exposing yourself, right as I'm walking out of
the shower into my bathroom or into my closet to
get dressed. I guess who pops up. Let's talk about
my relationship with Burton Bernice, because I think that one
has improved the most since my therapy. I'm really interested
(10:49):
in all the relationships and how they've because I would
say that I have less people in my life now
socially then I did for a long time, Like I've
not thinned the herd, because that sounds like, but there
are only people really in my life now that I'm
really really close with. I think you're not bringing people
in is the difference. So like in the book, you
(11:09):
talk about the scorched earth basically where it's like if
someone does you wrong, they're donezo. And I don't think
that that's been the case at all really in the
last eighteen months. It's just that you're not as prone
to bringing someone in. You're a little bit more reserved
with well. I think what the biggest differences is that
I enjoy my time alone more than I ever have
in my life. I used to not be able to
(11:30):
hang out alone. I wanted people in my house all
the time. I wanted a full house. So the biggest
difference is that I like coming home alone, and I
like spending time with the dogs alone, and I do
value like my time alone. I spend more time alone.
I sit outside and read more, and I don't need
noise as much as I used to, which is a
nice it's a relief. And I didn't realize how many
(11:52):
times I was leaning on socializing instead of just being
alone with myself. It was a kind of a distraction.
And socializing is good, but I mean, I've done plenty
of socializing in my life, Like I'm good if I
want to take a little break from it. Do you
feel the need to force yourself into those social interactions now, Yeah, yeah,
I do sometimes. I mean I can become a little
bit of a recluse, but that's only because when I go,
(12:14):
I go so hard. And if I'm promoting the book
or if I'm on the road or promoting the documentary,
it's like it's intense, intense, intense, and then I need
to ze compress, which is actually something I never used
to do. I did never like spent a day alone.
But it's good to be interested in doing that. And
it's good to be reading so many books. That's something
that I was missing for a few years. I wasn't
reading as many books as I used to. And uh,
(12:36):
I like that aspect. You're reading more to Brandon, I'm
trying to Yeah, you're finishing more books. Right when I started,
so about three years ago, you would start a lot
of books and they would all have a few chapters
in and now you actually finished and pass it on
to somebody else. Yeah, that's writing, Tampa, because you finished it,
you're still reading that fucking book. I mean, I do
work a full time job. Where where do you work?
(12:58):
Do you think getting all these kick is easy? I
gotta meet with these people, go golfing. It's unbearable. All right.
Well back to kind of the last year, you release
the book, you started in conversations, You've gone into stand up,
you just had a documentary release, I have this podcast. Yeah,
you have the podcast. Has there been one interaction since
your growth that has really stood out to you, either
(13:20):
with a fan or with one of your friends, or
just like a moment in the last year that has
been kind of profound for you. I've gotten I mean,
I've been getting a ton of messages that are just
so much different than the tone of messages I used
to get, and like I get a lot of I guess,
you know, being on the road and doing these backstage
we have these meet and greets after the shows, and
(13:41):
people will say, oh, my gosh, I grew up on
Chelsea Lately. I grew up on Chelsea Lately. Like I
didn't realize at the time how popular that show was.
Very popular. Yeah, I didn't get that. So I think
it's interesting now that I'm in this phase that I'm
hearing all of that feedback, all these girls that are like,
you know, twenty or that are like, oh my god,
we've grew up watching you. That was nice because I
(14:02):
was ready to hear it before when people used to
talk about Chelsea Lately. I'd be like, oh God, up
about that show already. I wasn't as proud of it
as maybe I should have been. In terms of it
being perceived in the way it was and being motivating
two girls to be proud of who they are and
and have a loud voice. So all of those things,
there were good things that came out of it as well.
Um I think I pooh pooed it for a long
(14:24):
time because it was just such a hard job to
leave and it was like one of those ex boyfriends
that I was trying to break up with and I
couldn't and then I did and I was like, please
don't talk to me again. So that's nice to hear.
And I think the feedback in general from the book
and the documentary has been really nice because it feels
like I'm finally contributing something instead of just cashing a
check from my own purposes. Like what's nice to be
(14:45):
able to say I want to do a documentary and
about this subject matter and let and and be able
to you know, that in itself is a privilege, and
it's also being around for so many years and being
able to decide what you're gonna do creatively is a
huge privilege. But I now realize how much privilege I have,
(15:06):
so I'm much more careful with it. I feel like
in terms of what I'm going to use that advantage for.
You can write a book about anything, you know. I
wanted to write a book about something meaningful and true,
and I wanted to do a documentary about an issue
that was going to make people uncomfortable at myself included
and like and get answers and start a conversation. Was
it scary to make that choice to leave a hit show,
(15:29):
go into another show that was doing really well and say, like,
I don't want to do any of it anymore. I
want to focus on myself and helping other people. Yeah,
but it's good to be I mean it was. It
wasn't hard because I'm so impulsive that I didn't really
have to think about it. I just had. I knew
I had to do it. But it's a little bit destabilizing,
but it's I I like that. I like it a
(15:49):
little destabilization because you kind of have to scramble and
figure out what you're gonna do and how you're gonna
do it and what your moves are going to be.
But everything always works out. Do you think you're more
successful ventures have been the ones where you've not thought
about them, or the ones where you've taken a lot
of time. Yeah, I think the ones that are more thoughtful,
the ones that are the most authentic, the ones that
are true. Like the Chelsea Does series on Netflix was
(16:10):
really authentic for me, and that was great, And this documentary,
I mean, that's where I'm what I'm drawn to the
most now is having conversations with real people about real
issues and real ways to get involved, to do actionable things,
to show up for other communities, not just your own. Okay,
we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
(16:30):
Well back to what's important. Okay. So one night I
had this epiphany. I was really stoned, and I was
in my bed and I was like, because you know,
I assault anybody who is listening to this Burton Bernie
or my dogs, and if you don't know that by now,
then you don't know me. So one night they came
over and I was like, you know what, I'm not
(16:51):
going to assault them, because that's my problem. I cannot
keep my hands off of them. I get a little
bit of Harvey Wine stain around my dogs and I
know they don't like it, but I don't get to
spend as much time with them as I would like
because Birt's too fat to travel and Bernice is a
bit so I sometimes want to grab them and put
them in my bed. And I used to take them
upstairs with a leash and force them to go. I
(17:15):
had to guide them or lure them with turkey or
roast beef or whatever. You know, my bell decides to
buy that week, because obviously I'm out of those decisions.
And I one night, I was like, oh, I was all.
You know, I was going through this phase about learning
how to be present and what that meant and and
not trying to get them to come to me, but
just being aware and being there. And as soon as
(17:37):
I stopped tackling them, they both kind of like meandered
over to me and both wanted to like be in
bed with me without me pursuing them. And I was like, Oh,
that's what it's like. You just have to be available,
not be pushing it. And of course I haven't been
able to follow that because you know, you've seen Bird
walking around the house strutting his stuff. It's very hard
for me not to pick him up, spin him around
(17:59):
on his back and rub his balet while his head
is in my lap. He is just such a meaty
little names just so, such a fur ball. And when
I sleep at night and his head is on my chest,
it's like having the lion came with me. Bernice won't
stay in the bed because she knows that I got
to take a piss in the bathroom. Yeah, she likes
to piss in the bathroom. Well, last night I did
go to beds fairly early, so she was probably holding
(18:19):
her bladder. But at least they're going in the bathroom
now on the hardwood instead of the us or on
the hard floors. I should say the success. Yes, but
my relationship with them has blossomed. For those of you concerned,
they do love me more than they used to. Like
Bernice comes in the car with me whenever I go
to ben Bruno or can take her and Bert is
you take her places to that? I have to question.
(18:42):
I'm like, are you sure you can take her into
the doctor's office. Well, in those instances, she doesn't come
into a doctor's office. She sits in the car with
the windows open. And in the tesla they have the
air conditioning for dogs, so when you get out you
can leave the A cr has everything. Yeah, it does.
I wonder how much money you got for that car,
don't worry about it. Yeah. So you've been seeing Dan
now for about two years. You don't go as frequently
as you used to. But has there been an instance
(19:04):
where you're like, oh, I need to recoporate. I better
go see Dan. What was the last time you're like this,
I need to tune up. Uh? Well, I try to
see him, Like, you know, I haven't seen him in
like probably three weeks right now, but I don't see
him as much as I used to because I think
the important thing about therapy, and I maybe read this somewhere,
but is that you get all this information and then
(19:26):
you need to learn how to apply it to your
real life without being in a codependent relationship with your therapist.
Like I don't want to be the type of person
that's calling Dan on the phone in a crisis. I
want to be able to manage my own crisis. Has
there been a time where something happened and you're like
Brandon schedule disappointment. Yes, yeah, I mean not recently, but yeah,
(19:49):
and while I was in therapy, for sure, Like I
went on a trip with a friend and we got
into it and I thought I wasn't doing anything but
you know wrong, And he guided me about apologizing and
I was like, no way am I going to apologize.
I haven't done anything. And he's like, that's not the point,
and he goes, it's not about being right, it's about
being empathetic, Like it doesn't matter if you think you
did anything wrong. You have to just be a good
(20:12):
friend and say I'm so sorry I made you feel
that way, I'm so sorry this and that, And it
was really hard for me to do that, but I
I am so glad I did because that was the
first step in being able to forgive people, especially when
you don't think you've done anything wrong, because it really
is about the need to be right is always wrong.
So the need to prove your point. You know what,
(20:33):
just yesterday you were trying to prove your point to
me because I had sucked up something and you were
right about it. Do you remember what that was. No,
I tried to not do that or make you feel
that way. Well, you did it well and I heard
you loud and clear. You were right. So I hope
you're happy. I wish I knew what it was, and
I'd be thrilled, I'm sure, But the need to be
right was a good thing. And that's also another thing
for people who are like really into learning about I
(20:55):
don't know, I guess presents and like Eckart Toole and
that Oprah win Free. That ten episode podcast about a
New Earth was so helpful to me in terms of
understanding about not sweating the small stuff, about not getting
stressed out about stupid little things, trying not to obviously
I'm not perfect um, and that everything will be okay.
I used to get so annoyed with people when they
(21:17):
said everything's going to be okay, because it's like, what
a pat statement. How can you say everything's gonna be okay?
But the bottom line is, even if people die, even
if people get sick, you are going to be okay.
As long as you're breathing, you have the chance to
be okay. And so that, in conjunction with Dan really
let me understand Okay, there's no reason to stress anymore.
(21:39):
There's no reason to get an email and freak out
and stomp your fingers and responding to it. It's just
better to like let everybody be and just chill and
have a positive vibration. I think that's important to not
bring in, like, you know, the negativity and stuff, because
it's hard when you're like me. You know, everyone knows
what kind of mood I'm in basically the way I look,
(22:00):
So it's it's beneficial for me to be able to
be in a good mood most of the time. And
I would say I am pretty most of the time
in a good mood on the days that you're not.
Do you have a mantra that you use? I think
mantras are so stupid. But you're just saying that everything's
okay because mine is. Is it really worth being mad over?
But I think I've said that to you before because
my aunt told me that I would get so angry
(22:22):
about everything, and one time we were on the phone
and I was bitching about something. She goes, but is
it really worth thing mad over? Like, start asking yourself
that because everything that's not Yeah, that's a good point. Now,
I don't have a mantra, because you know that's the
stupid thing. No, just kidding, I know people have them.
I don't have a mantra. I just kind of just breathe.
I'm really into like taking a deep breath and just
(22:42):
being present. And it sounds really corny, but it's corny
because it's it's like, it's works. It totally works. You know.
I never was conscious about my breathing. I was never like,
if somebody is talking a lot and I feel judgment
and like, oh my god, why won't they shut up?
I take a breath. Anytime I feel judgment towards anyone,
I'm like, take a deep breath and be in the moment,
like you have no right to be judging other people.
(23:03):
And that's nice. I think for a long time, I
felt I had a superiority complex because I felt like
I just knew a little bit more than everybody, and
that was you know, Dan kind of took that away
from me, like he made me understand, oh, we're all
here together, we're all equal. You're not doing more than
(23:25):
another person. You don't have more of a burden than
another person. It's just all part of your perspective. And
once I got on an even playing field and realized, Okay,
I'm down with the people. There's nothing special about me,
then I started to get real. And then you feel
really grounded. I feel way more in control of my
life than I ever have because I know that I've
got my head on straight. Now. So what would you
(23:46):
say to the people listening who feel that they are
too self aware or that they're superior to therapy, that
they feel like they know too much to need to
talk to someone, Well, maybe you know some people. I
don't know that every single person needs therapy. I would
say that most people who claim to be self aware
are probably not. You know, I think anytime you claim
(24:07):
to be something, it's probably not that true. Are those
people who need therapy most? Maybe? I mean I don't
think everybody needs therapy, but everybody needs the space to
like think and reflect and be calm. So it's like
whether that's yoga or meditation, or therapy or going for
a run. You know, there are different forms of it,
but there's great value to me and paying somebody to
(24:30):
tell you what your issues are, you know, I like
that transaction. I like paying Dan to say, hey, you
have an empathy deficit and you have you know, like
that's really helpful. UM so much so, you know what
I watched the other nights UM Couples Therapy on on showtime.
Have you seen that? I heard of it? It was
(24:50):
really good. It's like this it's a real therapist and
she has like five different couples. They rotate in and out,
and they take this whole season takes you through all
these different couple stories and whether break up or stay together,
and then her story with her clinical advisor about how
she deals with being a therapist and getting like a
second opinion on her. It's really good. I mean, I
(25:11):
watched the whole series yesterday when I was in bed
or Sunday. But that's a good recommendation on on Showtime. Okay, well,
this sounds like a good time to take a break.
There's another disgusting show on Showtime about Roger Ailes called
The Loudest Voice, where he gets a blowjob from Annabelle
(25:33):
Wallace that is so revolting, It is so disgusting, and
Roger Ailes just basically went into work every day and
thought he was supposed to get his dick sucked by
any woman that was working there, and a lot of
them did it. And that was one of the most
upsetting series I've ever seen, because I just, I mean,
I literally turned off the TV and just sat in
bed thinking about how disgusting he was and how how
(25:55):
foul men are to assume that women are there to
suck dick. I mean, honestly, aren't they doing a movie
with Charley's Yeah, Charley says, a movie with Nicole kimm
In and Margot Robbie coming out on the Roger Ale story.
I don't know when that comes out, probably soon. It's
fascinating though. I also watched Chernobyl last night. Once we
got you logged into HBO go yeah, yeah, Brandon, once
(26:18):
you got your kick back from HBO co I'll be
able to retire soon for anyone listening, just I thought
I thought we were retiring together. We are. We're gonna
go skiing this winter and we're gonna find a ski
Shelle and I want to tell all our podcast listeners
to that. Um, I will be back with a podcast
when I have something interesting to podcast about. It's just
(26:40):
not something I wanted to do, like ongoing every week.
I'm about to leave for a month on tour, so
I'm going to Australia. I'm going to Brisbane, Sydney and
Melbourne and Auckland to perform, and then I'm going to
go on vacation. I'm going to Portugal and Spain. Am
I meeting up with you in Spain? Brandon? We will
not cross paths, but will have the house set up
(27:01):
for your beautiful Brandon. We're going to Spain for my
sister Shoshana's fiftieth birthday, which means she's been alive for
fifty years, which is so fucking weird. Yeah, aging is
really tricky. And yeah, I'm going to be forty five
this year and you just Brandon, I can't believe I
scored such a young buck. I know, and I'm here
(27:24):
for the long haul. What other questions do you have
for me? Brandon? Well, do you ever feel like you're
plateau ing and your personal growth? Um, that's a good question. Yeah,
I mean I don't know, I think with anything. I
think my friend once told me this that his his
mom was a teacher, and she's like, there's a period
of learning and then there's a period of growth for
(27:44):
all young kids. Like you absorb, you absorb your information
and then you enact it like and you and and
it and it becomes part of your life and then
you actually have time to digest it. So like going
to school, you're like, all this information is thrown at
you and then say you have summer break to attally contemplated,
even though that's not what summer feels like it's kind
of the information and the learning registering in your brain.
(28:07):
And that's how I feel about therapy. I feel like
I went full throttle for about a year and a
half or two years, and then I just decided to
pare it down. The thing that I have a real
issue with is social media is something that I needed
to I need to come like to reconcile with because
(28:29):
I don't approve of it yet I am part of it,
you know. I feel like it's detrimental for so many reasons,
and I don't like myself on it, Like when I'm
when I'm scrolling and read like, I want to be
in engaging with my fans. That's important to me, and
I do that on social media a lot. So it's
kind of like it's actually for people who don't know
(28:51):
it is actually her who's commenting back, And yeah, my
assistants aren't commenting back on d M S. I am
and and but that you know, also, I don't need
any damns about cock sucking or you know, your paintings,
Like I'm just responding to people who have questions and
comments about the work that I'm doing. But I definitely
find you know, like for instance, when my book came
out and my documentary came out, both of those surrounding days,
(29:15):
I was like tied to my screen and checking messages
and responding. And while that's good and it don't I don't,
you know, let it go on for more than that.
It still feels like it's doing me. I'm not doing it.
And what are you checking for? Are you checking for?
I don't know. I mean I'm checking for. No, I'm
checking to engage with my fans, That's what I'm doing.
I try not to scroll around on Instagram for too
(29:36):
long because that just leads to silliness. Um. I try
and support the people that I love that are on
there and leave comments when I can, But I don't
like it. It's like anything in life, like the cannabis.
I don't want cannabis to do me. I want to
do cannabis. I don't want alcohol to do me. I
want to do alcohol. I want to be in control
of all of the extracurricular activities I have. And Twitter
(29:56):
I like because it's actually much more informational, but Instagrams specifically,
there's just like I have a resistance to it. I
think it's so bad for a lot of people's mental health.
I know it was for me that you just it's
also just staring into a black hole at all times,
and it's just dumb. It's dumb like on vacation, when
our families on vacation and you know, anyone's on their phone.
(30:18):
It's annoying. It's like, are you seriously checking Instagram right now?
I mean, I'm guilty of that too, but it just
feels like it's not a good the best use of
anyone's time, and like let's all be a little bit
more cognizant of that. But the therapy has forced you
to kind of reassess things. And again it I hate
to use the word, but in your brand, like that's
had a big change too, because again on Chelsea lately
(30:40):
was basically making fun of brading people all the time,
and you've really dialed that down. Yeah. I mean I
don't even like to do it in my personal life
even now. And some of my friends are you know
that that annoys them. It's like, oh, really, now you're
not going to do that. It's like, well, is that
really how we have to like talk make fun of
every single person? I don't like that anymore. And I'm
you know, I mean not in a way that obviously
(31:02):
if somebody, you know, I can get down with people,
but it's just it's just negative, negative, negative, negative, complaining, complaining,
even if you're complaining about somebody else, you're complaining. And
do you feel like your fans response to that are
people like when you're on social media and you see
that that people have been receptive, because I know, right
when you left Netflix and decided to take the time
off to help people get elected, there were conversations like,
(31:24):
you're going to lose your base. The people who love
you for being kind of a bit they're not going
to like this new you. Yeah, I mean, I don't
really care about the fans that I've lost. If you like,
you know, it doesn't matter, because you're going to have
different fans or new fans, or those people are going
to grow up with you, which is the case with
a lot of my fans are like, wow, this is
(31:45):
so much better than I used to love you. But
now this is great, Like you're teaching me about therapy,
about meditation or whatever it is. And you know, I
think anybody who really is a true fan is going
to be around no matter what, because I'm always talking
about what's happening in my world, and I'm being authentic
about it. I'm never faking it. I'm never making up
a persona that's not true, and I'm always sharing information
(32:06):
about what's working for me in life, so those people
know that they can rely on me for the truth,
which is you know why I feel so passionately about
sharing my stories because that's, I guess you know, ultimately
what I am as a storyteller. And once I accepted that,
it was like so much easier to get back into
stand up. But also the quality of work, I would say,
(32:27):
is different because you've made that change. And so the
people who were saying that, you know, people might not
be as interested if you're not making the jokes about somebody.
There's been a huge cultural shift now to where if
you were still doing that, it may not benefit you
at all because now people are more thoughtful about how
you were ahead of the curve almost right, Yeah, Well,
(32:47):
I've been ahead of a lot of curves luckily. Luckily
I know when to leave and when I went to
get out, when to get out of a situation, and
went to get into one sometimes a little bit, you know,
it takes a little bit longer, or sometimes it's a
little premature. You could argue both, but yeah, yeah, I
like where I am, so it's not really my concern
if other people don't. And the people that love it great.
(33:08):
You know, Well, now you've gotten back into stand up,
which you said you would not do a couple of
years ago. You're like absolutely zero interest, Like, what was
the catalyst for your desire to do it again? Was
it the fact that it was therapeutic being in a
room hearing people laugh at things that you thought were
difficult to discuss. Yeah, I think I just missed. I
didn't really give enough credit to or credence to how
(33:30):
much I enjoyed being in front of a live audience.
I think because I just forgot. And it was so
nice to see how excited people were to be on
that tour, and I just thought, oh, this is so nice, Like,
I don't have anything holding me back from extending this.
And after I did about ten shows of interviews, I
had enough stories from the book that I knew this
(33:50):
is a one woman show, this is a stand up show,
and and then I just realized, oh, okay, this is
what I'm supposed to be doing like now I have
a message. Now I have a native about getting healthy
and it's fucking funny and I can bring people through
that it's not just getting up on stage and telling jokes.
And also I'm not ship faced. I mean, it's a
(34:11):
whole different world being sober on stage when I go
out there, like i've I always took it for granted,
and I thought alcohol was my fuel, like I needed
to drink to get through two shows or one show
and a book signing like I needed it. And so
now I realized, no, you don't. It's much better to
be present and get you know, now I'm on stage
(34:32):
for an hour and a half, whereas before I used
to like be waiting for like your earliest possible minute
to get off stage. So, so how do you keep
that spark going into next year? You know? Are you
are you interested in still doing stand up? And if so,
how are you not going to burn yourself out again?
And you're just gonna take more time between things? Yeah,
I think I'll do this tour And we just added
these fifteen dates and I think I'll do this until
(34:52):
I and then I'll shoot a special. I'm not going
to go at a break next speed for sure, because
I don't want to burn out and I want to
be able to do these other projects. I want to
shoot more documentaries, and I have some other things you
know that I have to do. So I'm excited to
like to do this, to shoot a special, and to
just keep putting out, you know, things throughout the year.
(35:14):
It's it's easy that it feels very lucky that I
was able to find what I was looking for so quickly,
you know, like fulfilling work and doing stuff that mattered
to me as as it felt like as soon as
I did the therapy and was present and focused and calm,
things just started coming to me in a much more
easy way. Everything, so I felt much more effortless. Even
(35:38):
the stuff that was effort full felt okay, well this
is the right thing right now. Um. So it's just
a level of stress that I don't have anymore. I
would say that that was really evident with the stand up,
because you weren't looking to do it at all. You
just kind of fell back into it. Yeah. I mean
every manager and agent was like, please do stand up,
Please do stand up. That's your money maker, that's your
(35:58):
money maker. I'm like, I'm not doing stay end up.
There is no way I'm doing stand up, and then
cut to twenty days later, I'm like, I think I
want to do some stand up shows. But that's me
in a nutshell. I mean, you know, I say no, no, no,
as long as it's anybody else's idea. So that's it.
The cool question, Brandon is when are you going to
start doing stand up? Not even an option. I would
like to give a shout out to Karen for her wedding.
(36:18):
She's on her honeymoon now, bitch. As many of you
know her just got married this weekend to her long
time lover Mica Sligh and uh, they had a very
very beatific wedding in Mexico this weekend. M Is there
anyone else we want to say goodbye to from this podcast? Brandon?
Are you just want to get back to Wendy's for
(36:39):
that Frosty Man? Is that you want right now? Is
that frost I mean? We should. We should thank Dan
for all of his work on you and the multiple
times he came on the pot. Yeah, we should thank Dan.
We should thank Sophie, thank you very much. We should
thank our sound engineer, is it Mike Great? Well, that's
who we meant and originally Sophie's our producer. I don't
think she's been introduced, Okay, so if he's a producer,
(37:00):
she's been here for every episode. And I want to
thank all of you guys for tuning into us. And
you can follow us well, yeah, you can follow us
on Instagram. Make sure you don't abuse it, and uh,
you can keep up with everything I do on Twitter
or my accountable page. If you're looking for ways to
be socially little, socially active, I'm saying it again, social activism.
(37:22):
If you're looking for ways to be social activism, go
there and Twitter, Facebook, Emily's List partnered with Emily's List,
I'm still partnered with them to elect pro uh uh
progressive Democratic woman. And I guess I will just say
(37:43):
I hope everybody is doing a little bit better than
they were when we started our podcast, audios Life will
be the Death of Me as a production of I
Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
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