Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Death of Me A production of I Heart Radio. Good Afternoon, everybody.
This is um Chelsea Handlers at the Afternoon Britain. Technically speaking,
I think, okay, okay. This week's episode is of my
bestie Mary McCormick and me and Phoenix. She interviewed me
(00:22):
at the show in Phoenix and somebody got emotional. Well,
people need to listen in to find out who that was. Hi.
Oh wait, let me get rid of the stool. We
flew out here together this morning on a commercial flight.
I love. She brags about a commercial flame. Yeah. I'm
trying to talne down my behavior this year, so I'm
flying commercially. I'm getting into it. Let me just put
(00:44):
this here just in case. Let's talk about Robert Mueller,
because I want to talk about our crustion of my
sexual feelings for him, and then I want to talk
about your men well, because I think there's a theme.
There is a theme, so I think Robert Mueller plays
into that theme. Right. It's not hard to figure out
that when your dad leaves you a temple end and
let you swim alone, and your brother says I'm coming back.
I would never leave you like you're and then you
(01:07):
start sucking anyone with the title guide. You're if you're
a guy, you're in luck. This bitch loves a guide.
You wait, obviously you have daddy ship right like it's
it's not, it's not. You don't have to be freud
to figure this out. You want to be told what
to do. You want to be told where to go.
(01:30):
You want to be told, like I know, the guy
for her is a guy who goes like this, hey,
karmanute shut up, like that's what she needs. She's like
my dream for you as somebody who goes, hey, shut
the funk up. Yeah, like private, like full her aside,
like hey, sweetie, came ram secd shut the funk up,
knock it off like too much. We went around Safari
(01:51):
with our friend Shirley's there on for her charity h
C T a OP. And we went with our guide, Christian,
who was like Zulu and he had six or seven wives,
and I felt a strong connection to him for real,
like I'm not killing like we almost lost her to
South Africa and he was the one that was like
(02:11):
tracking the animals. So I was of course turned on
by that any expert, like any expert or masculine, like
if you have a knife on your belt, she's a goner.
It's weird. You're like a little girl that way. Yeah,
he was. We had a connection though, I mean he
understood me. He knew that I had a sense of adventure.
And yeah, until you told me about his six or
(02:32):
seven wives, that was good that you told me about that.
You are looking for some guy, you like a man
to tell you what I mean. We both have a
real attraction to doctors, but more specifically an a the theologist,
because the like, first of all, the scrubs are always hot,
(02:53):
but also then the last thing that they're like, you're
just gonna relax a little bit. I'm just kidding, and
they put their hand on your hand, you know, there's
like a little touching and they're super in charge and
kind of quiet, like a one on one. They're like,
I'm just gonna count backwards from ten. You're like ten nah,
and then you're on the Michael Jackson drug and you
forget everything else. But you are in love. I'm in
love and you are the same problem. I like, we
(03:15):
both have daddy ship. I have daddy sure do like
I like older men are like men who are not available,
like mentally in charge, like a year old who's almost
brain dead. Is what I want for new development though
that's a new development, And I think that that development
has to do with the word guide, meaning I think
a twenty four year old skateboarder would not standish. I
(03:37):
think if they're First of all, let's get this if
anyone knows the right guy, because here's what I want
to say. I have a email address I set up
for it. It's handles Handler at gmail dot com. I'm
gonna screen it, but here's here's what I'm looking for.
First of all, that has to be an excellent skier.
I'm gonna start with that. I know it sounds shallow,
(03:59):
but like she it's a full I don't think skiing
is shallow. Why is skiing shallow? What's a shallow thing
to put on a list of like must have? Well
that he likes to who cares? It's shallow? It's mandatory
because she's sucking into it and it turns her on
and like that can heal it? Like they could have
a fight and then you'd be back on board if
you watch them. Yeah, yeah, anyone who can ski, well,
I will love her really well because she's pretty good,
(04:21):
so it has to be better than her. I think
someone was something going on, right, Like you don't want
to be like like someone with who's passionate about what
they do, someone who's financially independent, somebody I'm not supporting.
I can't do that. That's not interesting or that's you've
tried it. Yeah, I've tried that, and it's expensive and
it's boring. Yeah, so there's that. When I met you,
(04:41):
you were dating Ted. Ted was your boss. Was my
first boyfriend who was like twenty years older than me,
who was my boss and your boss. So it follows
the pattern, right, Like She's like, I understand why it happened.
I mean I understand because I know you and your makeup,
what you're attracted to. I understand how that happened, like
grandma or thing like, well I was. We we both
shared this about Bob Muller and that's I mean, yes,
(05:04):
we both have daddy issues. I'm not sure why you
have daddy issues because your dad's great. He's great. Maybe
that's why. I just I'm into like people in charge.
It's attractive, like I like, uh, looking up to my partner.
I like looking up to a man. I mean I
did feel safe with my dad, but I feel safe
with Bob Muller. I feel like I would feel safe
with Bob Moller. I'm just excited that there was a
(05:26):
Republican that I could allow to penetrate me. But then
you went from Ted. I don't know if people know
about this guy. This was a short lived No, there
was a guy before. There was a guy before Curtis.
But there was a guy before Curtis. It was that
animal trainer guy. Remember how Yeah, Dave Semmony, this Canadian
(05:48):
animal trainer who came to visit me, and remember he
gave chunk. It was like you overcorrecting because Ted was
like like dancing to Michael Jackson, goofy, sweet, like short,
like just just a man, sort of a sweete and
then you were like need masculine. He went got like this.
I remember when I met him, he was jumping off
the roof of your rental house into a pool like
(06:09):
a fucking idiot. Remember that. I was like, that's not
a good decision. You're dumb, But you were just like
I just like I just like, you're not afraid me
up and throw me over. He was big and strong,
and I thought he could handle a lion. Right, he can,
but you're not afraid to overcorrect. She's the dating is
like a series of overcorrections from a big pussy to
(06:31):
another big pussy. Then you went to Curtiss, other big pussy.
He's a big pussy too. He's not. He's not. I
didn't say it, she said it. No, I mean like
he's a big teddy bear. He's not like what he seems.
I mean he did get shot, so I don't know
when I'm like, I'm not calling pussy. Just for the record,
let the rect We would hang out with him and
(06:54):
he wouldn't smoke any pot or drink attying alcohol. My
friends were so bummed, They're like, what this is fifty
cent and he's not gonna get a high with us. Know.
He was the adult in the room for sure. Yeah,
and you go to bed at eight o'clock, So that's silly.
Let's let's get some shut I I'm like a rapper,
are you? It was weird, but he was nice. I
really liked him. Yeah, it was a nice That was
(07:15):
a good moment. It was a good two months. It
couldn't go more than that. It was. It was two
months I was gonna go with him to Anguilla for
my family Christmas trip and he and I got in
some fight. I can't recall what it was about. And
then I said, don't calm to Christmas. And I was like,
thank god he didn't come to Christmas. That would have
been so weird, you know, strolling down Anguilla beaches with
fifty cents like I don't need to be and that.
(07:38):
It was really strange. Curtis am I calling you Curtis um.
That was really weird. And then you moved on to Andre,
which was a long That was a longer thing. And
actually one day I remember you called me I think
you'd broken up and gotten back together. It was one
of those like back and forth and you were like,
I think I should just marry him, and I was like,
(07:59):
I remember as being like, listen to me, you do
not marry anyone like you just you don't have to
marry him. I was on ecstasy when we did that.
By the way, serious, this is a good time to
get proposed to and say yes. I remember him proposing
to me, like on the lawn of this like we're
upstate New York, and I just looked at him and thought,
(08:19):
we're way too funked up for you to be from
fund to say today, even in that moment, I'm like no,
and I go yes, I'll marry you, and I'm Monday,
I'm like, I gotta get the funk out of here.
I remember when you met him though. I was there
and it was a dinner, and I remembered the moment
that you, like, I literally saw hearts in your eyes
because he lit your cigarette. And I don't think like
(08:44):
he was like in an expensive suit. He was really dapper.
He had an accent. We were like one accent, like
we're both Jersey girls, like Central Jersey to like the
gross part European accent. I mean, while he was from Boston,
but we didn't know that. We didn't know that. We
thought he was like and then he he leaned over.
You had a cigarette your mouth and you're about to
(09:04):
light it, and he was like, let me, and he
let your cigarette, and you were like, I know, it's
so embarrassing. I know it's embarrassing, but I had to
say it because it's true. It's like that that felt
like a guy who knew things, like a guy who
would teach you things. And then even in the beginning
of the relationship, like we went to our basil we did,
it was always about like art shows and museums and
(09:27):
find restaurants and we're traveling here and like you really
wanted to learn. And then then and then it was
like oz the right, like then the curtain came up
and you're like, like, one day I said to Andrea,
I was like, you're English, is incredible, Like when when
did you move here? And he's like, she goes, He's
from Boston. It's fake. And that was when it was.
(09:50):
It was like that Transatlantic accent where you're like, hello,
it was just very it. His parents were his parents,
his parents. We're Hungarian, but he grew up in Boston,
so there's no excuse for that. No, just it looks good,
it sounds better with the suit. Yeah. But then you've
sort of wised up and you're like, wait a minute,
this is awful ship. I can go to museums on
(10:12):
my own and light my own cigarette. And then you
moved one. Oh, this one was funny. This is a
good one. One time she called I got this call.
I guess it was from Karen. It may have been
from Karen, who is her tour manager but used to
be her assistant, who's incredible, And she said Mary and
my husband Michael, and she was like, Chelsea needs you, guys,
She's in Where were you? I don't know, billis? I mean,
(10:36):
who even knows, I've never been anywhere, believes and she
she really needs you, She's she's there. How did you meet? First?
We met Flora and the Bahamas. He was working at
a resort and you started sleeping with him, and then
we thought mistakenly that it could continue, and I fund
(10:57):
with him. They had these cottages for the people that
worked at a resort, and we went back to his
little cottage and I was walking out of his cottage
in the morning to our main house and my nephew,
who was like ten, was walking out and I just
ran right into him and I'm like, hey, Mats, carrying
your shoes walk a shame. Which was why it was
work work. It was good because there was a language barrier,
(11:18):
which is always how my relationships, you know, strengthens when
there's no He was so pretty that sometimes he would
face time us and we were just like we would
forget to talk because we're like, you're like looking at
the sun. He was so beautiful, but really not a
you know, that was not a love match, but cad floor.
(11:39):
And then she called so she went decided to go
on vacation with Flora and Belize and then called us
and was like, it's a disaster. I need help, I
need back up. I can't be here alone with him,
remember yeah, Because he couldn't talk unless he was drunk.
And it was like, after a while, the alcohol was
too much. So I was like, can you come and
give me some backup? And then they came down for
four days and then I yeah, I think I saw
him one our time, but it was one And then
(12:01):
paid him a severance package. I paid him as well,
more than he said he was in the hospital. So
I just said a whole like lung thing. Younger guys
crossed you a fortune, don't do it. It's a ski
guy has stole from you too, remember that. Oh no,
before you pay the severance package. One day she gets
(12:23):
a call from a jewelry store. I'm allowed to say this. Yeah.
One day she gets a call from a jewelry store
in Whistler and they're like, um, there's a young man
here charging a lot of jewelry to your credit card,
and it was that fucking kid that you're trying to
charge it. And then when she was an addition to
be giving him a twenty dollars, he had stolen my
(12:43):
credit card. That's why everyone, if you if you know
a decent guy who's smart and funny, great area, and
a great skier, go to handles Handler at gmail dot com. Okay,
we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
I want to give an example of how far I've
come since my therapy, because these are really bad examples
(13:05):
of just stupid behavior. I would like to say that
I took a plane to Clearwater, Uh, Florida. I got
on a plane and there was a man on the
plane next to me. It's a long flight from l A.
It's like five and a half hours, and he looked like,
you know, a bad version of Harvey Kitel, like if
Harvey Kitel was in deliverance. You know, like long hair,
denim sweat pants that looked like jeans until they got
(13:27):
up and you could tell they were sweatpants. Just all
fucking kinds of wrong. So I'm sitting there and I'm like,
just be cool, you're a different person now. You can meditate,
do your breathing exercises. Don't let somebody like he's a person,
he's got a soul, try and think of it that way.
And then he started farting. He started eight times, eight
times on a five and a half hour flight, and
(13:48):
each time was like a fucking hurricane every time. I
couldn't believe it at first because already it was assault
on my eyes, and then it became an assault on
my face, you know, and I started, I was like,
just breathe. This is never time, this is a trigger,
this is okay, this is enough comtunity to meditate and
to breathe, and to breathe deeply, breathe in. And then
with that, I'm like, no, I can't because I'm breathing
in his fucking wet asshole. But I can breathe meet
(14:09):
coming in. I can't breathe in. I can't do my
breathing exercises. I have to sit here and close my
eyes and hope that this is just over soon. And
I just thought, what is the most compassionate way to
tell somebody or ask somebody, can you please stop? Please
stop parting? And then he got up to go to
the bathroom, and I looked over and those denims did
the one I thought were jeans, which were not jeans
(14:31):
that thin material that we're sweatpants, were stuck inside his
wet asshole stuck inside and I gasped, I want and
the flight atent it came over, and I was like,
I'm just breathed, because are you okay? Yes, I'm fine,
I'm fine, No problems here. So I want to say
I've come along fucking way okay, because five years ago
I would have been like, how you fucking paste of
(14:51):
ship tape your asshole? Like I wouldn't have been able
to deal with it, So how your p trying me
is accurate. But I want to say that there has
been growth because of my patients, because I've learned to,
you know, deal with those situations in a normal way.
The growth is incredible for me. It's full windfall. I mean,
(15:15):
like I used to, we'd leave parties, and I always
knew because I know you, all of you. I knew
how wonderful and generous and kind and loyal and and
and reliable and funny, and I knew all the good
right and then I knew some of the bad, and
you know, that's how we love each other. You love
all of them. But some people only got the bad
(15:37):
part because it was like later in the night and
she had a lot of drinks and the patients was
low and there was no therapy and she, you know,
and she'd be like getting the car and then you
were just sitting the car yelling my name where I'm
walking around and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm
really sorry. It's not it's just we're she's tired or
you know. I mean, like the apology tour for me
(15:59):
is ended out because you do your own you do
your own inventory. Now, like I don't have to do that.
It's a great exercise for me. Now I have to
look at everybody I see, going, oh, what's her family? Like?
I see somebody walking, I'm like, what's her house? Like?
Does her husband hit her? What's her family? Like? I'm like,
I'm so much empathy. I'm looking exhausted, But I have
to work on it because I want to get better
(16:19):
at having empathy. And empathy is learned, you can learn it, yes,
And that's you know, he reveals to me. All the
deathy is learned. You can learn you can improve its
patience and patients and empathy are tied. And for those
of you, like you know, sympathy and empathy because we've
had this conversation, because you know, we've been friends for
a long time, so we've seen each other through a
(16:40):
lot of things. But when he said to me, goes,
are you you know, do you feel empathetic like when
you're when you're a great Because I could be the
best friend, I best friend, show up if anyone's going
through anything, I'm there. I don't even have to know you.
It could be a stranger and I will be there
just for the sake of it. But what I realized
is sometimes I was just showing up to be the
person who always showed up so everyone would say, oh,
(17:01):
Chelsea's good at showing up, not because I was thinking
about what it was like to be in a person's
shoes who was going through something difficult. Being sympathetic it's
different than being empathetic. It's still pretty good, though, having
been on the receiving end of it, it's still pretty good.
It's nice to show up. It is. It's nice to
show up. She shows up and shows up and shows up.
(17:21):
Some days I'd be like, don't come, I'm fine, She's like,
and then she is. I was like, oh, I do
need a shower. If you could just in time, I
was like, I'm gonna watch you from here. It is
You're pretty great. I have to say, like, I know,
obviously there's nothing more horrific than losing a sibling, especially
you know your book end, Like, what's more horrible than that?
(17:44):
But it is part of what forms you, and I
do think like you having grown up having to self
parent yourself, or having to become the reliable one, the
fixer because no one was making you feel safe as
a kid, has been a huge benefit to me. Thank you,
know and everyone else whom you love, like you are
(18:05):
the most reliable, the most you know, you are the fixer.
You're incredible. But it is wonderful that now you're fixing yourself,
that you're allowing yourself that love you know that you've
given everyone else. Because I think, I actually I do.
I think I'm not I'll cry cry. You need an orange, girl,
(18:25):
I do need an orange. But I do think like
chat would be so proud. That's so sweet, Thank you,
thank you. This is a more serious night than I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but I love it. It's nice because you
are you do you give so many people, so many
so much love because I think that was what you were.
(18:46):
You know, you were forced into that role as a
nine year old girl. If no one's looking after you
and you have to start to you're like, oh, shoot,
I guess I'll do it myself, and then you start
to do it for everyone else. You know. I think
it's nice for people to you want to be held.
It's why that orange moment was so powerful in the book.
It's just he was being he was keeping you in mind, right,
(19:08):
So to think of him at home having thought of you,
like he's in the backyard and he goes she meant
like that, I'm gonna get that for her and just
bring it in. That's simple. It's a little thing, right,
It's a it's a non it's a non thing, but
it means you were in his mind and so to
be kept in mind is is so lovely. My brother,
(19:29):
my brother, Checked did this thing that was so similar
to the orange, which I always think now, like when
I was I was born going through menopause, I've been
sweating my entire life. I'm just fucking constantly hot, I
have to sleep with sixty five degree temperature fans everywhere.
When I was a little girl, I had like fans
oscillating in my room. They had it on rotation. Like
I was like, you know, the burden victim. And I
and my brother was the only person who took it seriously.
(19:52):
And we had six kids in our family. So I
was the youngest and my brother Chet was the oldest,
and so he was like the captain of our team.
You know. Our parents were fucking out of their minds
and you know, irresponsible and tired from having six kids.
And I was like the little mascot. So I was
his plaything and we were bookends. He would do this thing.
Whenever I would eat soup, I'd have to take my
(20:12):
top off because I would sweat. And then when night,
when once I was like you know, like eight or nine,
I started getting my leg buds in and all of
a sudden, they were like, oh, these are gonna be big.
Dad knew, and they were like, we're on Martha's vineyard.
And I was like, I want to get some clam chowder.
And my brother looked at me. I'll never forget the
(20:32):
look on his face, like you know what that means
I'm gonna to take your top off in a restaurant,
like it's the middle of the daytime, you're getting older,
Like do we want to do this? And he went
and we got take out clam chowder and he went
and put me in the car and he goes, okay,
take your top off in there and eat it in there.
And and I remember he standing outside the door and
just come into the car. He's like, I'm gonna wait
(20:54):
till you're done with the soup. And I was eight
years old and like, just eat the soup in me
when my tips I like, He's like, no, you stay
in the car and I'll be even be done when
And you know, he did those things like he put
me in bed, He carried me up the stairs. You
drive me to Martha's vineyard and back, like it was
a five hour drive to the ferry. And he put
me in bed and put my fan on on high
in my face like and I was wide awake, but
(21:17):
pretending to be asleep because I just wanted to be
carried by him. But it was it was those moments
that taught me what like, oh, this is what love is.
This is the first expression of it. I had my parents,
but this was like a boyfriend, you know, like that's
who took me and stuffed me out of the house.
So that moment for me, you know, I thought, I
really you know, we had talked about it so many
(21:39):
times about oh yeah, my brother died. Anybody would be
like I'm sorry, like you didn't kill him, like you know,
it just a total fuck up reaction to everything. And
then my friends would get into a situation or there'd
have somebody die and I was like on the floor
for them, you know, I'd be like my friends, uh,
marriage broke up Amber who you know, and her fiance
broke up with her, and I more devastated than she was.
(22:01):
Like after three days, she was like I need you
to get away from me. She's like I just got
dumped and you're still crying about it. I'm like, I
know this isn't a normal rection because you need to
go to a psychiatrist. And that was when I was
like twenty five. So you know the point is that
it builds up, and it builds up and it shows up.
It's never gonna go away until you extinguish it yourself.
That deal with your ship, or it deals with you yeah, right,
(22:23):
or it punches you right in the face and then
you're like, fun, what am I doing with my life?
But what's come out of it? It's really good, right obviously,
Chet You know, I would love to have met Chat.
I would love him to be here now. But part
of who you are is that scar, right, That's right.
It's a big part of who you are. I mean,
I think scars are like you're wearing with pride. You
(22:45):
survive something and you're different from it. You know, it's
not a wound, it's a scar, and a scar you
sort of show off. It makes you more fuckable and
without the severance on. Somebody calls handle handles or whatever
that don't suck it up. It's handles handler. It's not great.
I was in a panic. Why did it five minutes
before I came out here? Handlers no, no ship fuck
(23:09):
handles handler at gmail dot com. Okay, well this sounds
like a good time to take a break. I want
to talk about um men because Mary has always been like, listen,
this is a fucking man's world. You you're a woman,
You're to get no respect. And I would always I
was like, what are you talking about? Life was great?
(23:30):
I at my own show. I'm doing great. I didn't
realize that wasn't what it was like for everybody. I
really was in my own ass so hardcore that I
had to rip myself out of it. And and you know,
when we discovered all this disgusting ship, like you know
the fact that Harvey Weinsteiner, Louis c. Cattle, remember it
was who it was. You had no idea me too,
was going on. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't no surprise
(23:52):
to me. I know all the executives who have beds
in their offices, and yeah, it's not what's not a
shock shocking to find out that men were jerking off
into plants something that I knew was going on. I mean, honestly,
one of those guys, Louis c k or no, I
think that was Harvey, Harvey jerking off into a like
That's what I knew that ship was real, because in
(24:14):
no circumstances ever in the history of mankind or in
the future will you find a fucking woman rubbing one
out into a fucking plant. Only a man would do
something so stupid. Oh, I mean, honestly, a plant. It's like, oh,
is there a wall? No, I guess I'll suck this plant.
(24:34):
But I think that is even part of why I
thought Trump was gonna win the whole time. And you
were like, no, no, no, I'm definitely not on most things,
but on that, I just had a I just knew
how much how deep seated that sexism is. Like I
just thought, there's no a lot of men, even men
I like, who were like, no, no, definitely, I know
(24:57):
when the privacy of the booth, the voting booth right,
that people are privates to win when they elected an Africa,
I mean, you know, we're not a traditionally not a
sort of open country to the first black president, like
it took us a while, right, and still anything but
a woman like right, I mean his name was Hussain,
and they're like, just get him. Who cared anyone but her?
(25:17):
Just fucking get him. Get anyone right right now. I mean,
now there's a guy running. Thank God. I love Mayor Peat,
but now we're I love Mayor Pe, love him, love
him so much. But it's interesting because Elizabeth Warren has
policy dripping from her ears and we're still and we're
still even may I'm like, I do love Mayor p
And then I'm like, what am I up to? Like?
What is this? Like? Elizabeth Warren has a solution for everything,
(25:42):
like like for the last like the last episode of
like the last season of Game of Throne. She's like,
I think I can fix that. I mean, she has
a solution for everything, and she has like plan A
through C. And we're still like, I don't know, is
she electable? I like Elizabeth Warren. I like she fuck
knows what she's talking about, and she's somebody that would
(26:03):
win the election. She's not celebrating that night, she's getting
to work. You know. There's like all these ego candidates
and you can tell what that's about. And then there
are there are politicized candidates. But I am warming up
and I like that there are so many people reaching good.
And I also love Mayor Pete. I don't mean to disparage.
I love Mayor Pete. I'm on board for all of them.
All Right, let's see what else should we talk about?
(26:25):
You want to talk about? Sexual history is over? I
think we sealed that well and there's been others, but
we can leave it at that. What I learned contress.
This is an announcement I'd like to make because as
long as I keep saying it, it becomes more and
more real. I'm ready to be in an adult relationship
because it takes a healthy to get a healthy and
now I'm sort of healthy. All right. I have a question. Question.
(26:48):
I mean, I think she would like to fuck her boyfriend.
But I think you would also like a partner who
makes you laugh and challenges you. I would. Yeah, a
lot of skiers in Arizona. I think skiers are everywhere. Um,
all right, here's a question, because I'm interested in how
brave you are, what scares you. I mean I could
(27:10):
jump off a building no problem, and I could fly
like I could skydi have no problem. I could do
all that. I don't have fear like jumping. I love
to jump because then I can just keep moving. You know.
That's like my that's my my speed. When I talked
to Dan about skiing, I was so like, you know,
effusive about skiing and so passionate. And he goes, you know, Chelsea,
if you can achieve that feeling when you're skiing, this
(27:32):
like one with the you know, not one with the universe.
But I was like, I just feel so high when
I ski. He goes, Yeah, that's you. Know, rush like
you're one, you feel like at home in the mountains,
and I'm like, no, I just like to fucking ski, Dan,
and then he goes, you know, if you feel like
that when you're skiing, if you have that that point
of elation, you can feel that at home in your
regular day to day life through meditation. I'm like, oh,
(27:52):
fuck you, Dan, And well now I do feel I
don't feel that I'm working on it, but meditation. Listen,
I gotta tell you guys, I'm not somebody who subscribes
to all of that stuff. And I my psychiatrist said,
meditate for three months. I just want you to commit
three minutes a day. And I was like, three months.
It is like a pregnancy, you know, that's too long.
(28:15):
And he's like, no, that's actually not what a pregnancy is,
and what's my pregnancy is work? But so I did.
I did commit, and I have to tell you I
did three minutes today Headspace. Then I did five minutes
a day, then I did ten minutes a day, and
I swear it has changed my life, like I am
(28:35):
calmer and well, I mean it's everything together. But for
all inedibles, well edibles helped me meditate They were the
gateway drug to get me to fucking sit down long
enough that I could go. Finally, I was like, oh
my god, today I went and I meditated in the
middle of the afternoon and I woke up. But it
feels good. I mean, it's it all fucking works, and
people talk about it because it does work. So if
you're a cynic like me, I just wanted to know
(28:57):
there's hope out there. I want to read you, guys
a passage from my book before I go. So I
have these I decide bracelets, um, and I decide t
shirts that were selling outside. All the proceeds go to
l g B t Q. I a youth, So you're
donating to a good cause to keep them off the
(29:19):
streets and to keep them loved and safe and sound,
just like all of us when we grew up. I
want to read this passage. Don't stare at my ass,
Mary you. I didn't know then that my brother's death
was defining me. I didn't know that I had the
ability to say no to being defined by death. Now
I was with a person Dan, who could help me
(29:40):
process what happened and turned the parts of me that
acted like a nine year old into a self actualized
adult who had come to a better understanding of what
it means to dig deep and admit that you are
in pain, thereby beginning the process of relinquishing that pain.
I was in a place where my brother died. Ying
no longer had to define my existence. It is a
(30:03):
part of who I am, perhaps the biggest part, and
it may have helped steer me in a certain direction,
but it is not all of me. I define me.
No event or person does this. I define me. I
decide who I am and how I'm going to behave
and I choose to be better, to look more carefully,
(30:23):
to trudge deeper, to think about other people's pasts and
not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than
I would. To understand my limitations and my shortcomings. That
is my growth edge, to know I'm not going to
go through something, I'm not going to circle around something
and hoping to avoid it, that I'm going to go
(30:46):
through it, sitting it and experiencing and feeling and not running.
To understand that things take time, and to be okay
sitting with my pain. No one is fully cooked, no
person is complete. I choose to be better I hope
you all choose to be better too. I decided thank
you Phoenix for fronding out tonight, and thank you to
(31:09):
very right that stage where the yeah yeah you guys
wants well, Brandon, what is your review anything with you?
And Mary? I'm on board for really what's been your
favorite show so far? You know, I really like Jake Tapper,
which I think was the first that you did. But Mary,
(31:30):
probably because it's the most natural for me to hear
you on stage. Mary, I only asked Brandon that because
he has to listen to all these podcasts with me
every week. When we listen to them before we let
them before they drop, Mary can challenge you and she
can like stay on beat with you. Were some other
people they don't pick it up quite as quick, and
Mary really serves it back. And that's why this was
(31:52):
probably one of my favorites. Well, it's an important Brandon,
that you have favorites and to express those on a
regular basis us. Can you not be on your phone
while we're recording a podcast? I mean, speaking of favorites,
she's right here in front of you. Julie Novid Goodbye
Life Will be the Death of Me. As a production
of i heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
(32:13):
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.