May 15, 2025 • 54 mins
Chelsea’s pal Ed Helms shows up to talk about why the US government bought the world’s supply of LSD, his love of historical blunders, and the best way to go heli-skiing. Then: An actor wrestles with the choice to give up his day job. A coworker divulges her previous bad behavior at the office. And a brokenhearted yachtie finds her footing on dry land.
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Pick up a copy of Ed’s new book SNAFU!
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, how I see.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm great. I'm great.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
I just got back from a few days in Mexico
with some of my girlfriends and I love getting away
with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Oh nice, where'd you go in Mexico?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
We went to kan Kun.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
We've got like a few hotels that we go to
and they just opened up a brand new ones.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We went to their brand new one. It was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Nice. Nice. I am in Europe, you, guys. I am
in Parie, Grand Parie or great Peri And I'm never
really sure how you say it, gayperi, gaperi.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Of course my husband would get that one.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
And we're having a hell of a time.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I'm with Molly, my cousin, Yaminika, Eric my tour manager
who we call Erica, and I have shows coming up
in Brussels as I'm in Brussels on May seventeenth, I'm
in Amsterdam on May eighteenth, and then Oslo on May nineteenth.
And I have managed to keep my shit together in
Europe so far, so good, right, Yes, and we've.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Adjusted to the time.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
We had three days in Rekuvic and we and yeah,
we're ready to rumble. So we're getting it all in.
We're getting it all in. I've been reading lots of
books on my flights. Yes, I'm just a happy camper,
very happy.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
We'll do a little miniso soon with a round up
of all the books you've been reading and can recommend.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Okay, wonderful, wonderful, And our guest today, you know from
the Office and The Hangover movies, he has a new
book called Snap Foo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest
screw Ups. It is out now and it's very enjoyable.
Please welcome actor, comedian and writer Ed helms Hi. Ed
helms I ran into Ed recently. We were in Where
were we? Oh, we were in Austin, right south by Southwest.
(01:39):
I had I had podcast towards.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
We weread I had Pasta Pasta Awards, the Pasta Awards.
We were talking about all of your credits, but you
missed that conversation. We were talking about where all people
would know you from places like The Hangover, the Office,
the Vacation Reboot movie, the Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Were you a correspondent on the day.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Yeah, I was a correspondent from two thousand and two
to two thousand and six.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I forgot about that one. I forgot that you did that.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I mean it was I made a huge impact. It was.
Speaker 6 (02:13):
No.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Actually, it was a pretty incredible time because it was
the w years and there was a chunk of time
there where it was just Colbert, Me, Corderie and Sam
b were the four correspondents and it was a hell
of a lot of fun and an unbelievable amount of work,
Like it almost broke me.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Yeah, yeah, Do you ever think that you wish you
were doing that during this kind of administration?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Never, I don't either. It's too much garbage to talk
about all.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
It's too overwhelming. John goes on once a week now
and absolutely crushes it, and I love it, and the
other the other correspondents now also host the show for
the rest of the week, which I think is a
great format because it, like yeah, gets the it really
builds the I don't know the communal vibe of the show.
They're killing it. It's so good. I'm going to leave
(03:05):
it to them.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
And I don't want to sound sexist right now, but
I just want to say, since women are allowed to
talk about men in this way now, because you guys
had your way with us.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I just want to say that you've had some sort
of glow up.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
And I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing it
in a way, but I just want to say, you've
burst into manhood.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
In such a way.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
And I think I told you this that the iHeart
Podcast Awards. But you really look very handsome, your hair,
You've taken off the glasses.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I'm very debonair almost. I want to say, all right.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
All right, yeah, well I finally went through puberty.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I think that's what I was. Yeah, that's what I
was getting to.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
I was like, have you gone through it feels like
you must have hit it late and that you hit
it hard.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Can I tell you something. I just turned fifty, First
of all, I really appreciate you saying that. And I
just turned fifty. Well I'm a little over a year ago, so.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I'm fifty one day fifty one.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
But uh, I'm still in my head. I just turned fifty,
and I I just kind of I'm like healthier than
I've ever been. I don't know, I'm eating so much better,
I'm more active. I also have two little kids that
keep me like very much on my toes.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Have you dot maternity test for the children?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
No, why should I just to make sure.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
You're their father. I mean, yeah, why wouldn't you should?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Why wouldn't I? Yeah, because I'm pretty sure I'm their dad.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, but that's not one hundred guarantee.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Wait, what are you doing? You're just lobbing doubt into
my my long term marriage out there.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I just want you to be you know, have all
the information. I don't know that you.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Do arbitrarily ruthless thing to just like throw into a conversation,
have you had a paternity? Is good?
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I like that, right, I like that combo platter.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
You would also know ed Helms from his podcast because
it's called Snaphu, just like his new book that's out.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
It's called Snaphoo, which.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Is a great book to have around the house, and
I would eat Catherine even suggested to have in your bathroom.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It's a perfect bathroom.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
It's a perfect hardrom book.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I'm not judging. Read it anywhere you want, and it's
and you're right, Actually it is a good bathroom book
because it's so episodic. Right, it's Snapfoo, the Definitive Guide
to History's Greatest screw ups, and each chapter is a
different historical screw up. So yeah, it's perfect. If you
got five minutes here, just pick up, read a few pages, enjoy.
(05:31):
Might even help get things moving. I don't know.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Absolutely, I mean it is it's a very relaxing book
because I mean, and it's very interesting. I mean, you're
a big history buff and you kind of take all
of history's blunders and talk about them.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Not all of them, but I mean, who could count
all of them?
Speaker 5 (05:47):
I mean, can you imagine what's going to happen after
this administration in one hundred years when people, I mean,
if they're still the planet and people can reflect. This
is a great piece of This book is comprised of
lots of stuff that nobody I mean, what I've read
so far, none of these stories I've ever heard, so
it's very interesting.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I of course was drawn to the LSD story immediately.
Speaker 7 (06:10):
You go.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Let me just read the title of that chapter or
the caption for that chapter. In the nineteen fifties, a
CIA scientists secretly bought the entire world supply of LSD,
embarking on a horrific attempt to discover the secrets to
mind control.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Mm hmmm, yeah, that's the story of mk Ultra, which
a lot of people know it's a relatively out there incident.
But yeah, Sidney Gottlieb was this CIA scientist who just
started drugging people, and George white Wash one of his underlings,
who actually, this is so insane. This was all under
(06:50):
like official government activity. They built a apartment in San
Francisco that had a double wall with a glass mirror
where he could sit there and watch, and he had
sex workers bring customers back and then they would drug
these customers and presumably also have their sexy time, and
he was just sort of taking notes and god knows
(07:11):
what else behind this double mirror. And this was all
in the name.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Of science, your tax dollars at work.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Your tax dollars. And at the end of it, when
it was all exposed, they came clean, like we actually
gathered zero scientific data from this. It's like, this guy,
we learned nothing behind a wall.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
It does, and so I don't know why, And so
I don't like the way it besmirches LSD's reputation, you
know what I mean, Why did LSD have to be
involved in this?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
This guy was just trying to get his rocks off.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
When I read this, I was like, where does LSD
even come into play that you're able to control someone
sexually via LSD.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
Well, there was a big LSD was so new, and
there was there was this sort of like international competition
with the Soviets, like the Cold War was flaring up,
like is mind control a weapon that we can use?
Or is LSD maybe this crazy truth serum like how
does it affect people? And can we weaponize it or
use it in advantageous ways? And yes, it just devolved
(08:10):
into like a guy jerking off behind a glass mirror,
like watching people. And it's so much darker than that too,
Like they wound up drugging prisoners. They wound up drugging
people that they would go into bars and drug people
and then observe them for hours afterwards and just basically
watch them melt down on these crazy acid trips that
(08:30):
they had no idea that they were going on. People
thought they were going insane. And this is a very
weird factoid. Whitey Bulger, who is the famous Boston mob
boss who recently died, when he was in federal prison
in Atlanta, I think in the sixties, he agreed to
(08:50):
be experimented on in this way and for months he
was given these intense psychedelics, and he says that it
gave him these like violent visions or the rest of
his life, like he would have horrible nightmares and violent visions.
So I don't know, maybe the CIA helped create the
monster that Whitey Bulger became.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
I would just also like to say, this is not
how LSD is anymore. You don't have to take LSD
like this. LSD can be microdose. I'm a big proponent
of microdosing LSD. This is not a microdis this is
like megato.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
These are mega doses. They're also involuntary, and they're in
terrible contexts torturous.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Imagine being put on that, yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Literally torturous. So wait, I am so curious about this.
I've never done like a serious I've never had like
a serious psychedelic experience, and I want you to tell
me what I should do, Like how do I dip
my toe into this? Because I'm fascinated by it and
I don't want to.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
I mean, microdosing is kind of like a whole New
World head like it just you could easily take one
on a workday, take a microdose of LSD.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You could even rip it in half.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Their little paper tablets like they've always but I get
mine from Canada. I get all the best drugs from Canada,
the purest drugs, I should say, from Canada. But microdos
really changes the game because then you don't ever have
to feel like you're being overwhelmed or you have to
go sit down in a corner while you get you know,
like you don't feel that way, just like watch the
(10:18):
clock and you're like, I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, And it's not like that.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
I don't want anybody sitting in a corner. I don't
want anyone freaking out. But I do think of it
as like an enhancement, like a life enhancement, a performance enhancement,
especially if I'm outdoor exercising, if I'm on a big
bike ride, or if I'm on a big ski day.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I love to take a little LSD.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
It just is like it's like an upper of energy, enthusiasm, calm,
Like it makes you less nervous if I'm going helly skiing,
Like it just really intensifies your focus in a way
that is beneficial.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
To your experience.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Who are you?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
I actually write that down because hell, what did I
just say? It feels like I'm on LC right now and.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I'm not now would you have a start with LSD
or like try a mushroom situation for I think they're.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
All different, Like mushrooms are good too, I'm not, you know,
I'm more into the LSD right now, just because it's
had such a positive impact on so many people in
my life. The MDMA is different MDMA. Some people can
have a great reaction to that that's also a microdose.
But MDMA to me is the love drugs. So that's
a heart opener. And what I love ed about all
these drugs is that they kill the ego, So there's
(11:25):
no ego, like you're just like open instead of any
sort of negative thoughts, you're just kind of eradicated, like
even people you dislike you like when you're on these drugs.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And I think that really just says it all.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
So a lot of couples counseling, like a lot of
couples will have MDMA guided couples counseling, because when you
take the MDMA, there's no defensiveness. You're both just open
to hearing the other person's argument. So there's been a
lot of success and the reason why I was drawn
to it in the first place and I don't really
I don't know if I have massive PTSD to anything,
but is that it's helped so many people with PTSD,
(12:01):
so many veterans, so many people who have been through
bad experiences.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And that's scientific.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I mean, like the data is there, so so yeah,
you can't argue with that. And you know, I think
we're in a place where, you know, drugs come on
the scene in the way that you describe in your
book in this chapter, and then over this period of time,
look where we've come. You know, we've realized, Okay, that's
too much, this is the right amount. So it's like
any other substance, you have to figure out what the
(12:28):
right balance is.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Wow, But I'm an advocate.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
That's so fascinating and I'm so curious. And I have
had friends, you know, do the MDMA couples counseling and
had had wonderful experiences. And I had a lot of
friends in college just kind of having fun with various psychedelics.
And I've always been a little bit I don't know,
(12:53):
intimidated or something, but micro dosing feels like a nice,
a good baby step because I do want to I
just want to kind of like I don't know, mix
it up a little bit. I like what you're saying.
If it allows me to go Hella skiing, then yeah,
I'm a Hella on board.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
So where did you go to college?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
At Oberlin College in Ohio that used.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
To do it?
Speaker 7 (13:15):
Well?
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I know Oberlin. Yeah, that's a very well respected school.
I thought that was a women's college. Did it used
to be a women's college?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh no.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
In fact, it's the first college in the United States
to admit women. So yeah, that's one of its claims
to fame. It's always been a very progressive, kind of
intellectually exciting place. And it has a Conservatory of music
as well, the Oberlin Conservatory that is a world renowned,
(13:43):
you know, music study place.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
And what did you study there? Did you study? Did
you study acting?
Speaker 4 (13:48):
No? I mean I did. I took I was in
some plays and took some acting classes. But I studied
I kind of out of a funny academic journey.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I started out hynecology.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Yeah. I was like, guys, I want to be a
gynecology major. They're like, we don't have that, you can't
do that, And I was like, well, here's my natology.
When's kidding? So I said, I wanted to be a
geology major because I loved being outdoors. I was kind
of like, I loved camping and hiking and all these things.
I was like, geology, that's the that's what geologists do
(14:21):
for a living. And then I got into the hard
science courses and I was like, none, this is terrible.
I am not cut out for this. And I kind
of did a gut check and I really wanted to
make movies and be in movies and work on movies,
and so I became a film major. But Oberlin didn't
really have that at the time. They do now, but
(14:42):
at the time they had a film minor, and so
I was able to do this weird thing where you
design your own major. And I cobbled together like different
acting classes and directing, you know, theater directing with the
film courses, and then I spent a semester at the
in You Film School one spring. I spent the whole
semester there and that was so so cool and eye opening,
(15:06):
and so I graduated with a kind of made up
major that was a basically a film major.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well that's nice that they were able. You're able to
do that. There's not a lot of schools that allow
you to make up your own major.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
You really have to make it sound legit. But I
was always a good kind of salesman. I could. I could, like,
you know, charm the committee and then and it worked.
I got Yeah, I graduated.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Yeah, yeah, well you did. I mean, you've been entertaining
us for a long time. I like that you're able
to marry your careers together and do this kind of
stuff that you're really interested in, also this historical stuff,
while being very entertaining. I also I worked closely with
Zach alifan Acus for a while on the road, well
not as long as you did on the hangover, but
(15:51):
on the road. And I have a great Zach Alfanakas
story that I shared recently about him. Well, I have
a couple of Zach elephant stories. But I want to
know about your experience working with Zach Alifanakis because I
think Zach is probably the funniest person I know.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
He's the thing.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I think you're right. I think he's the funniest person.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
He reminds me of a human snufhalophagus, and that's not
because his scalp also isn't quite set to the top
of his head. He doesn't have a hard scalp. He
has a baby scalp. Okay, I've tugged on it. I
haven't seen him in years, but when I was spending
time with him, I couldn't. He'd always be like, touched
my scalp and it was always soft. You know how
baby scalps are soft while they're forming and like a skull. Yeah, yeah,
(16:36):
and they've got that little spot where until he doesn't
really get hard. His is never hardened. So I'm not
sure what kind of creature he is.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Well, he's a snuffs like you said, he's yeah, he's
a humanus. I love a Sesame Street reference. Thank you
for bringing that in.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, no problem, absolutely, it's history.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
I you know someone I read somewhere that someone described
Oscar Wilde as like the sharpest wit they had ever known,
and that he was like the fastest with a with
azinger or a comeback or just a kind of quip
or a joke or a comment on a moment. And
that's Zach. I've never seen the speed that he like
(17:21):
delivers a quip off of a situation, like or you
say something dumb, and he like instantly has the the
kind of zinger or or come back, and it's not
always it's not always a zinger like a kind of
mean spirited thing. Sometimes it's just a silly, ridiculous thing.
But it's it's sharp, and it's it's smart, and it's
(17:42):
so fast. Like his brain is just in a different
gear than everyone else's. It's sort of like when Keanu
reeves in the Matrix, like realizes he's the one, and
all of a sudden, he's like everyone else's is in
slow motion because they're in reality, and he's just like, oh,
this is easy. That's how I think Zach's comedy brain works.
(18:04):
He's just ahead of everybody else. And Todd used to
Todd Phillips the director on the Hangover. Sometimes he direct
from afar, like a lot of directors. He s would
sort of sit at the monitors or somewhere sort of
off to the side with his own little monitor, and
he'd call out things to us, and then Zach would
always kind of zing back at him, and Todd was
(18:27):
just like always like, unbelievable, unbelievable.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
He just has the quickest, highest and the driest because
he's never laughing at himself.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
No, he's and he's not loud. He's quiet. Yes, it's
like quiet and under the radar and sweet.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
There's a sweetness to all of it. You know. I
feel like there's certain comedians that can get away with
pretty aggressive insults or yes, just kind of like dark, darker,
or things that would on paper be extremely mean spirited,
but because you know that they have such a big
heart and they're such kind of sweet people, you're just like,
(19:04):
it's the funniest thing. You give them so much leeway
with that. And he's definitely one of those people.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, he used to. He probably still does this where
he plays a piano on set.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
He goes on, he'll go up to the improv and
just play the piano in between jokes, so there's just
like this dramatic effect for absolutely no reason. And he
had this joke where he's like, I thought about killing
myself today and then plays like three bars and he's like,
so I jumped off the roof of a pizza hut,
but I.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Only broke my leg.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
And you're like, that wouldn't be funny from anyone else
at all except for you in that fucking piano. And
he's just so ridiculous. So he used to we I
had to sleep. I was really broke and I was
doing San Francisco Punchline. He was the middle David Tel
was the headliner, and I was opening and I had
no money. So to Zach's like, you can sleep in
(19:53):
my hotel room at the Commodore, and I was like, okay,
thank you. And then and he said, you know, I
promise you're safe with me, and I was like, I
believe you. I think I could take you physically, so
I'm not concerned. And we would get to bed and
I and I had a terrible week. I was like
my first week on the professional road with like two big,
like heavy hitters, and I, you know, I didn't know
(20:15):
what I was doing. And every night I'd be so upset, like, fuck,
what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
What am I gonna do? He's like, this is part
of it. You know, you got a bomb. You got
a bomb.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
And then he'd put we'd go to bed and we'd
sleep in the same bed with our clothes on, and
he would rub my hair before I went to sleep,
and he would whisper in my ear, I will never
rape you.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
God, Oh my god, such a sweet memory.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Is it a sweet memory?
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
I think it is it is a sweet, sweet memory.
I've never had anyone say that to me.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
You're right that in the in just yeah, that's just
what I was saying before, Like he's such a big hearted,
sweet person that he can make that joke and actually
make you laugh, because anyone else who said that to somebody,
it almost sounds like I'm definitely going to do that.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
On that note, we're going to take a break with
ed Helm, so we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to
hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
If you have an issue with a family member, or
you need.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
And we're back with ed Helm. So you have to
pick up this book.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
It's called Snaffoo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups,
and it's all the greatest grew ups historically in this
country and others. Actually lots of it takes place on
other lands. But it's a great book to have around,
especially to pick up and put down when you want
to get a little piece of information. And it's great.
They're great talking points for conversation starters. I know a
(21:56):
lot of people conversation starters.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Yeah, and it'll make you like a killer at dinner parties.
You've just got you've got a whole arsenal of great stories.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
And it's a great gift, by the way, it's a
great gift to give to somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, especially a great guy gift I feel like.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
And I also like that you say in the beginning,
You're like, you know what we've been through, like shit
before and like problems and like stupid mistakes before, Like
hopefully we'll survive everything that's going on now as well.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Yes, it's a great reminder of that everybody thought that
it was the end of the world many many times
in our history, especially in the fifties, where some people
look back at as one of the best times in America.
People were scared to death of dying from a nuclear
bomb during that time.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, Ed depicts in his book.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Yeah, it's always like the history of human folly is
so overwhelming when you look back on it and Weirdly,
I find that calming because we just keep moving. Yeah,
this is a scary time that we're in right now.
It just it doesn't matter what your political disposition is.
(22:59):
Like it feels volatile, it feels like the division is crazy,
like unusual, but it isn't that unusual. We have been
in very similar situations in the past. I'm not saying
don't be afraid or don't be like, don't work to
make the changes you want to see in the world.
But I am saying I'm just there's reassurance in this,
(23:20):
in looking back and seeing like, oh, people did sort
of fight through something or get through something and we
got to a better place.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Well, are we ready for some advice?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yes, it's going to give advice and you're gonna be
great at this.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, you actually you're gonna be We.
Speaker 5 (23:34):
Have live callers, we've written callers, people calling in they
need help, and here you are at helms.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Here you are to help.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
All right, I'm here for it.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Well, our first question has to do with having a
long history with someone, since we're talking a lot about
history today. The subject is office friendship gone awry, and
this one's just an email. She's not calling in Okay,
Dear Chelsea. I work with a friend who have known
for twelve years. She referred me to the job we
work at. She trained me and everything. However, she's a
gatekeeper and always wants to be the hero at work.
(24:04):
She's also loud and obnoxious when she talks about how
we used to be ratchet and all, which was so
long ago.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
She's kind of annoying in that sense.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I find myself at times asking her to keep it
down because we're at work. Also, nobody wants to hear that,
and frankly, it's embarrassing. I'm now avoiding her outside of
work too. I don't know how to handle her. She
overshares and I don't want to be a part of it.
She also seems jealous when I hang with other managers
and coworkers. I'm not kissing ass, but I'm a social person.
How do I manage the situation? Since I have to
(24:33):
see her every day, I'm becoming resentful?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Ugh, love you and take care, Sammy.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Did she say at the beginning that this person was
her superior at work?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
No, but she got her the job?
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Oh she the woman got hurt the job?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Or she yeah, the other the woman got her the job.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Oh, I see, I see. So that's also but.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
We don't know if they're we don't know if what
their status is.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, we don't.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
We're not sure about that.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
But all right, I think that's it easy.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
I think that you just that's a conversation and in
person conversation on one where you go to lunch, you
go to coffee, and you say, listen, I know we
had a lot of like wild times and a fun past,
but like I feel like I've grown up a lot,
and I feel like we've both grown up a lot.
You know, don't make it just about you being like
superior to her in that way, like you're mature and
(25:17):
she isn't be Like, we've both grown up a lot,
and like sometimes it's like I feel like it's a
little embarrassing when I hear you talk about our past
in front of our co workers. And I totally get it,
Like it's fun and those were the best times. But like,
I think we have to have some sort of evolution,
especially professionally in a setting where I want to be
taken seriously and I don't want to take the fun
out of it. But I also don't want to start
(25:39):
avoiding you, you know, don't.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Act like it's already happened.
Speaker 5 (25:42):
Just say like I'm starting to feel like I do
want to kind of avoid you and take my own space,
and I don't want to feel that way about you
at all. I want to maintain this relationship but also
take it to the next level of like maturity and evolution.
Like we're all going to have to grow up at
some point, and you don't have to grow up and
make it sound boring, but grow up and make it
sound like, Okay, now we're going to do different stuff.
(26:04):
And we don't have to like live in the past,
because that's also a thing that people get stuck in.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
It's like living.
Speaker 5 (26:10):
They want to constantly live in like the best time
that they had, which is like that varsity high school attitude,
like when you peak in high school, you want to
live in high school for the.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Rest of your life. God damn, that's good, Chelsea. You're
good at this, And that's the real deal. That's the
that's like the that's the advice. That is good advice. Whoever,
the listener should definitely follow that advice. Now, I'm gonna
give you some bad advice. Great, I think that you
should fight the woman start slipping like massive doses of
(26:43):
LSD into their coffee. Perfect, And it's also just mk
ultra them and then also just subtly sabotage them at
work in all kinds of different ways, you know, just
like mess up their files. Like if they hand something in,
see if you can grab it and take it so
it's late, So it's late and they get in trouble.
Is that helpful?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I don't know, perfect, I think that's going to be
very helpful.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
No, I but truly, Chelsea, it's so fun hearing you
just like jump on that with the most constructive angle,
just like hey, jump in and talk to this person
and just everything that you wrote in that email, that's
pretty much what that's your script. Like you can say
that to this person and find the positive top spin
(27:24):
on it, find the language that gives it connectivity instead
of just like accusation and frustration. But get into it.
That's what I heard. That was like the main thing
was like just jump right into.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
It, get into it, because I think avoidance is just
always the you know that is like nobody gets anywhere by.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Being an avoidant.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Where did you grow up, Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
In New Jersey?
Speaker 4 (27:45):
There you go. See, I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia,
and my mom's from Tennessee, my dad's from Alabama, and
it's a lot of like we don't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Lot of like discomfort with like avoidance is a is
like on like a policy in the South. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Did you grow up Southern Baptist?
Speaker 5 (28:04):
No?
Speaker 4 (28:05):
No, my parents were pretty progressive politically and religiously, but
we went to a Presbyterian church, which I liked, actually
liked a lot, and I know my parents valued a lot.
But they also after church, they would always be like,
this stuff is kind of made up, but we just
(28:25):
this is a good community institution and we like a
lot of the people. But you don't have to believe
the actual you know, they would sort of undermine the
religiosity of it, which.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Is a great attitude.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
I read a quote one saying, like, you know, you're
not praying people who sit down and pray. It's not
about who you're praying to, it's the act of praying.
It creates a better surrounding for the whole world. Yes, right,
like the fact that people are praying, you know, as
long as you're praying for like peace, and the world
and love and goodness. It doesn't matter what you're saying,
it's the act of It is an act in itself.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Yeah, it's the articulation of thoughts and ideas that have
power in you. And I kind of think of therapy
as the same way. It's like, weirdly, therapy can be
a sort of prayer because you're giving voice and externalizing
these things that have sort of may have chewed you
up inside for a long time or felt insurmountable, but
(29:24):
as soon as they're outside of your body, literally just
the words take form and leave your mouth and then
it's outside of you in a way that feels manageable
or feels like you're approaching manageable of these like difficult things.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
Yeah, therapy is like helping you be a better person
in the world. Right, So that's that's a gift to
everybody who has to come into contact with you by
not internalizing all of those thoughts or things that you're
going through. Also, meditation is a form of prayer, you know,
if you look at it that way, it's a form
of like, Okay, I'm trying you know, you're setting an intention,
you're trying to calm your thoughts and actually be a
(30:01):
more well balanced person. So that's a form of prior too,
So all of that stuff is good as a tool
to be a better person.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
In the world.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Well, our next question comes from Amanda, and before we
let Amanda in, I thought this would be a perfect
question for you, Ed, since you played a character who
was broken up with while on a yacht, so Amanda
is really going through it. Subject line is heartbreak on
a yacht Dear Chelsea. A month ago, me and my
partner of four years split up. Three weeks prior he
(30:32):
had ended it and I was devastated.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
He resigned. We work on a yacht together and I
packed my bags.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
I didn't want to give him an opportunity to panic
and change his mind, but sure enough he asked me
to stay and I did. Three weeks later, he hooks
up with our friend and coworker. The relationship ended and
he told me he would resign. Typically on boats, as
we all live and work together, when a couple splits up,
there's an honor code that the one who ends it
is the one to leave. I took six weeks unpaid
leave so I could fly home and be with my
(30:59):
support system and give him time to finish out his
contract and not risk losing any pay. When I was leaving,
he told me he was going to do everything he
could to find a way forward for us. A month
after the breakup, he calls to say this separation is
the right thing and he won't be resigning. Neither he
nor the person he hooked up with resigned. The last
thing I want to do is give up my job.
I love what I do. I just got a new contract,
(31:21):
but the thought of being trapped on a boat together
and having to see him every day feels daunting. And
there is an update that happened just yesterday. She got
a call that her contract was canceled and theirs was not.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So Amanda's really going through it.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Oh, I'm sorry, Hi Amanda, Hi, Hi Hidy miss ed
Helm's our special guest today.
Speaker 7 (31:41):
Oh my gosh, hello, lovely to meet you.
Speaker 4 (31:43):
Likewise, I'm so sorry for all this. Yah, just this
hard ship. Get it. I'm gonna throw a pun in there,
right right out of.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Zach Alfanakus territory.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, mad, this does sound tough. So are you with
your support system now?
Speaker 6 (32:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (32:03):
I've been with my family and my friends, so I'm
very fortunate to have them. But yes, as Catherine said,
as of yesterday, I've been let go as a result.
So I guess now it's a whole different ballgame of
how to proceed.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
So, did you lose this lose this contract because of
the sort of messiness of the situation?
Speaker 7 (32:23):
Yes, I was told it was due to the extenuating circumstances.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
So is he it has a senior position, a more
senior position than you do.
Speaker 7 (32:34):
Yes, he is a high ranking person, so yeah, he,
I guess, got priority.
Speaker 5 (32:40):
Okay, and does a woman work on the yacht too?
I was confused by who resigned and who resigned?
Speaker 7 (32:45):
Okay, no one's resigned, but yes, the person he hooked
up with, they both are still Okay.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Well that's in.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
You can't go back to that situation, so it's time
to find another position, right on a different yacht.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Yeah, how hard is that?
Speaker 7 (33:02):
I have no doubt that I'll be able to find
another job. I'm not concerned about that. I'm very capable. Yeah,
so I guess with Catherine. Initially, I was just I guess,
hoping to find a way to navigate through this. But
even now people are telling me to try to peel
the termination. So yeah, I'm just a bit of a
loss right now.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
I honestly really wouldn't pursue that. What a waste of
your time and energy?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Why why you're ya?
Speaker 4 (33:27):
It seems like winning that appeal puts you in a
worse position right where you're not where you're on the
boat with this sort of toxic.
Speaker 6 (33:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
I agree, And there's something there is something about like
having distance from having physical distance from the pain the
source of the of this pain can be incredibly healing.
Just have just not like you said, like you intuitively
understood kind of being in that presence seeing him every
(34:00):
day so forth, that would just kind of keep you
in this laundry cycle of frustration, anger, hurt, all of it.
So embrace the distance.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Are you okay with doing that?
Speaker 7 (34:13):
Like?
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Are you are you ready to do that?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
Like, I mean, I think you need to heal and
move on and go and find yourself in a completely
new environment. I'm so happy to hear that you know
that you're capable enough to get another job.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I mean, I know this is kind of it's a.
Speaker 5 (34:26):
Small community of people who work on boats and meaning
it can seem like a large one, but really it
isn't it's a smaller community. So like, if you're good
at your job, you're going to get another job on
a yacht.
Speaker 7 (34:36):
Yeah, No, I have no doubts about that. I guess
it's just been the whole process has been so devastating,
just at every turn. And then yeah, yesterday was like
I didn't even I didn't believe that it could get
to this point where I would be fired. And I understand,
I'm like big picture eyes, like you guys are saying
this is the best thing to get away from it
(34:58):
and all that. I guess I'm just still reeling from totally,
which is totally understandable.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
And give yourself grace, give yourself time, Like you're not
supposed to get over these things in a week or
two weeks or even a month or two months.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
This is a big situation. You were with him for
four years.
Speaker 5 (35:14):
You have every right to be upset, to feel your grief,
to go through all of the emotions and all the
stages of emotions that don't come in the order that
people tell you that they're going to come in and
just when you think you're out of the woods, it
hits you again. But be honest about your feelings, which
you are doing. You're called in here, You're having an
honest conversation with people you don't know about how you're
(35:34):
feeling and how hurtful this is and how shocking it is.
Have you heard about the new Mail Robbins book Let
Them the Let Them theory?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (35:42):
I have. I actually listened to the episode with you
and Herry yesterday on a run. I was like, I
need something.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
Yeah, read that book, because you have to let him,
let her, let them, let them do their thing, and
be grateful that you're not in the mix to have
to witness any of that.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Are you concerned at all about yours sort of standing
in this community?
Speaker 7 (36:04):
Well, that's the other thing, is I feel like because
it's such a small industry and everyone knows somebody on
a boat, you know, when you're applying for something, everyone
knows whoever's applying. It's a very small community. So that's
the the reason why I've been trying to be as
peaceful as possible through this whole process, because I'm like,
I don't want it to reflect poorly on me. Sure,
(36:25):
So that's another thing with appealing this. I'm just like,
I feel like it's I hope my integrity would speak
for itself moving forward.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
And people talk like they'll get I think the real
story of like that you are the one who got
the short end of the stick on this.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I had a spiritual.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Teacher once tell me you know God or the universe
or your your you know better angels. When something's not
right for you, they'll like tap you on the shoulder
and try to tell you, and if you don't listen,
they'll like tap you harder, and then if you still
don't listen, you get like the two by.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Four across the head and like this ending of.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
The kind feels like this is the two by four
of just like this is not for you.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
There's something way better for you.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (37:07):
I believe that too.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
Yeah, and it's really too picture and listen and just
and appreciate where you are in this moment and all
of that.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Don't try to fast forward. You're healing, go through it.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
The only way to get through to something is to
really really feel it and be honest about your emotions.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (37:24):
Lean on the people that love and care about you.
Unfortunately this relationship is over, but you're going to move
forward in a better and a stronger sense of self
that's always what happens when we get our hearts broken,
we always come out stronger. And that's you know, that's
not debatable. So like, that's what's going to happen with you.
You're capable, you're confident, you're strong. I'm so happy you
have a support system that you were able to fly
(37:45):
home to.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And I'm so glad.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
You do need a letter of recommendation from these people,
so you do need to contact him back.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I'm sure that's a given, but you do.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
At the very minimum, they have to guarantee you for
I mean, they don't give you any reason to fire you,
so they have to give you a letter of recommendation
when you go out and look for a new job.
And I do know a few people who do own yachts,
and I'd be happy to pass on your resume to them.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
That's incredibly I.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Know that comes as a huge surprise to all of ours.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
She's Chelsea's so right here. It's so easy to kind
of like intellectually understand why getting fired in this situation
might be a positive thing, and why like the math
might be might look good on paper. Oh we're gonna
have distance now. But Chelsea's so right, the the emotions,
all the feelings, all of the pain and the trajectory
(38:36):
of your grief is something to just submit to. Even
when it's on paper, it feels like, oh, I'm these
I'm making the right steps. It just doesn't always feel
that way. And I and and so embrace that and yeah,
move through it feeling.
Speaker 7 (38:52):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Yeah, I agree, you're going to be just fine. You're
going to be better than fine.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Yeah, you are going to be better than fine. Not
right now, but very very soon.
Speaker 7 (39:01):
Yeah, Chelsea, I obviously read your book as soon as
I came out Life Will Be the Death Knees what
got me to therapy in twenty nineteen, and so I
do think my ability to handle this has been because
of all that work in the last few years. And
I've even been rereading little bits of your book talking
about moving through heartache, and it's been very helpful. Amongst
(39:22):
everything else, it's been very helpful. And I can't express
enough how much.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. I'm glad. We'll
take care of yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
And send me your resume, will Yeah, it passed along
the change for sure.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
That's incredibly kind.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
All so much. This is very just so lovely. Thank
you so much, Thanks Amanda, and thanks for joining us.
Speaker 7 (39:42):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Bye, and you're really good at this too.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I know that was very compassionate. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (39:48):
I love how stable she is and so normal, you know,
like I love how our listeners are normal and they're
like they can handle these situations. Like she's going to
be just fine. She should be counseling other people going
through breakups.
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Well.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Our next color is Jonathan. Dear Chelsea, I need your
help getting unstuck. I'm in a job I have a
deep bond with working as a nanny to a child
with special needs, one that has given me financial stability
and a strong sense of purpose. But as much as
I love it, I know it's time to move on
to fully commit to my acting career.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
The problem I feel.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Paralyzed by guilt over leaving something that has meant the
world to me. I worry about losing a part of
my identity and the people who've become my family. On
top of that, there's a financial risk. I have bills
to pay, and while I want to take the leap,
I also don't want to put myself in a situation
where I'm struggling just to get by.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
That said, I've been putting in the work.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
I've taken real steps to get my mental and physical
health together, and I've been submitting for everything I can
to open new doors.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I've worked hard to build a creative life.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
I perform on stage, I dance, I even made a
name for myself.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
In the drag world.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
But I know I need to take bigger risks if
I want acting to be my main focus. I moved
to la from Iowa with two hundred and fifty bucks
to my name, and for the last seven years, I've
made it work as a gay man from a small town,
and I take pride that everything I've built has been entirely.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
On my own.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
I keep telling myself to be patient and trust the process,
but after turning thirty this past year, I feel like
I'm starting to lose my spark. I don't want to
give up, but I also don't want to wake up
one day and realize.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I played it too safe.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
How do I take this leap without losing myself or
my rent money in the process?
Speaker 5 (41:19):
Best Jonathan, Hi, Jonathan, Hello, how are we doing good?
We have another actor here on the show today. Ed
Helms is our special guest.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
Oh wow, Hi Jonathan. Hello, Gosh. I know you're in
a difficult spot what feels like a crossroads, but you
have already made so many tough decisions and taken so
many risks. You have so much to be proud of already.
Speaker 6 (41:46):
Thank you. I appreciate that. And you know, I think
that just these last couple of years, I feel like
I've the momentum, like something has kind of happened where
I just feel like I'm a little bit of a
functional freeze right now. And yeah, I'm just kind of
thinking about you know. I guess I was wanting to
kind of ask when you guys were starting out, what
kind of helped you get through to like take those
(42:08):
kind of risky steps towards making your passion like your
main source, you know. And I know that it's a process,
but I also, like I said, I have a deep
bond with this family and I don't necessarily want to
give that up either.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
You know, so outside of acting, you're not feeling like
there's a need to leave the job.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
It's more like the conflict between the two.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
Yeah, yeah, is it an every day, five day week job.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
It is Yes, I does this family that they're they're
aware of your acting ambitions or no?
Speaker 6 (42:43):
No, Yes, they definitely are, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (42:46):
And they and this this is a very positive and
nurturing relationship with this family. I assume they adore you
and appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (42:54):
Yes, Yes, they feel like family for sure.
Speaker 4 (42:57):
Which is amazing and an attribute to you. You and
I would also encourage you to explore the possibility dare
I say likelihood that this family wants you to thrive
and this family wants what's best for you as well.
Of course they depend on you in some very critical ways,
(43:17):
but it sounds like they also would not only be understanding,
but supportive. Is that a leap?
Speaker 6 (43:26):
You know? I think that I think sometimes I have
to kind of get real with myself and realize that, like,
you know, I'm also here for a reason. And I
think that's kind of been the issue that I've been
working with. As you know, I've I've got a couple
gigs here and there, and those have been fine, But
I guess I really kind of it's kind of stopped
me from like pursuing something that would be like a
(43:48):
large block of time away from them, because I don't
know if you know that would be the case, if
you know, they'd be able to kind of keep me around,
And I think more so, I'm just like okay, like
I I know I need to take the next step,
and I've been really lucky with the opportunities that I've had,
but I just feel like I've been kind of in
this in between now for these last couple of years,
(44:11):
and I just it's.
Speaker 5 (44:13):
Because you are in between, yeah, you know what I mean,
Like I understand, and it would be great if you
could work around your schedule and they could be accommodating
to you, but then you're still in between. Like when
you want to go for something, especially in this business,
you have to go like one hundred and fifty five
percent in that direction. You can't have like other side
(44:35):
gigs going on. You know, if you really want to
achieve this and this is your dream, you kind of
have to go full throttle. It's like a fucking bowling
ball down a hallway, like nothing is going to get
in your way until you get to your goal, and
then that goal leads to the next thing, and that
job leads to the next job. So you do kind
of have to throw everything you have at what you
want in order to obtain that and attain it. And
(44:58):
so I get that part, and I think, I think
this stuff. It would be great if they could be
malleable and work around you. I don't know how realistic
that is. Is it realistic for them to like work
with your schedule and give you the opportunities you need
to go and seek auditions? Like how does that work
with a child with special needs? You can't just bring
a lot.
Speaker 6 (45:17):
So that's kind of the difficult thing. They are amazing
co parents, but they both have very high level jobs
that require a lot of time away, you know, and
I think they rely on me a lot more than
you know. Maybe is it healthy. But I'm kind of
okay with that. And I think that i i because
of like the connection that I've built. I just feel
(45:39):
like I'm torn between what's right for me, like taking
those steps to advocate for myself, you know, because I
feel like I'm just kind of a third parent at
this point.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Well, I think what happens a lot with caregivers, whether
that's hired caregiver, family caregiver, is like it feels like
it's all on one person. It's on the main caregiver.
Which right now is you so because the parents can't
be someone to like take a day off and take
care of the child when when you're unavailable so you
have to go to an audition or you know, if
(46:12):
you do get a longer term gig, like in a
play or something like that, that you can't be there
every day, it maybe worth sitting down with them and
proposing another solution, which is like, I want to be
the main person, but like, let's bring in a specific
other person who can be kind of on call, who
we can call on on those days when like I
know I need to go drive across town to an
audition or I need to do something else. And it
(46:35):
just feels like if we if we feel that sort
of missing system, then you have a little bit more
freedom to do what.
Speaker 6 (46:41):
You need to do right And you know, it's funny,
I actually just kind of brought that up to them.
So I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction,
you know, but I just want to feel unstuck. Yeah,
I think that That's kind of where I'm at right now,
is just feeling like, ah, like you know, I'm I'm
really proud of how far I've come, and I feel
like I can recognize that, but I also want to
(47:03):
push myself in the other direction, you know, and I
want to keep the momentum going, and I just feel
like I've lost that, and so I think I just
I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.
Speaker 5 (47:15):
And I think a great solution would also be for
you to be the person in charge of training the
new person and bringing them in so that will free
up so, you know, like once you get them situated
and understanding of like all of the dynamics and all
of the things that need to happen each day and
the relationship, Like, once you get that situated, then you'll
have time to like kind of float in and float
(47:36):
out of the job when needed. And how were they
responsive to you when you brought this up to them?
Speaker 6 (47:42):
Yeah, they were, they were responsive, but I think they
really struggled. I don't think they've ever had anyone as
long as they've had me and the bond that I
have with their child, and I'm nervous that it's going
to be kind of hard to find somebody that can
match that.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
It will be.
Speaker 4 (48:01):
But also you can be the as Chelsea said, like
be the constructive part of this transition. You know, lay
the groundwork for the transition. Be the person who's really
like leading the search for this new person, have a
heavy overlap with them in a training sort of almost
(48:24):
like an apprentice process perhaps. And then and then the
other thing to keep in mind is that this relationship
with this family and this child that clearly means so
much to you and to them and the child, it
doesn't go away with you thriving in another area. If
(48:44):
you start to really you know, get more work in
the acting space and your career starts to blossom, they're
still there and they still care about you. And it's
not like a breakup. It's a it's just branches of
a tree kind of maybe growing apart, but they're still
(49:06):
attached to the trunk. And you've built so much with
this family. It sounds like this, this is a very
poignant moment, and I can sense your your struggle, But
just remember that the struggle you're feeling is rooted in
how much love there is in this family unit that
(49:26):
you're a part of now. And I think you're you
keep checking, you keep saying things that make it clear
that this transition feels necessary, it feels important. And then
the question starts to become. So what are the steps
and what are the how do I manage it? And
how do I do it in a way that's responsible
and loving to these people I care so much about,
(49:49):
and that might that's going to take some work, and
it will be hard, and it'll be painful at times.
They'll be the emotional pain of the separation eventually, whenever hot,
whatever form it takes will be hard. But also the
you thriving and and pursuing this thing that you literally
came here to do, or at least taking that risk
(50:12):
and taking that jump. I'm hearing that that feels very critical.
Speaker 6 (50:16):
It does. It does, and I think that I feel
like through the pandemic, I just kind of lost my
spark a little bit. I mean, like I said, I
moved here with nothing and I just kind of made
it work. And you know, I think I'm trying to
rediscover that that part of me right and understand that,
Like I've been really lucky to not really kind of
(50:36):
fall on my face, but I'm nervous, I think right
now about especially like with just the economy and everything
the world is right now to kind of take that leap.
But I feel and you know, my heart and my
body that it's it's ready to I'm ready to do that,
you know. Good right, good, awesome, Well, thank you guys
(50:59):
so much.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for calling in, Jonathan. Good job, well done.
Speaker 5 (51:03):
I mean, you can always maintain that relationship, you know
what I mean, always regardless of whether you're their point
person or his main caregiver or not, you can always
you know, create a long standing relationship with and maintain
a long standing relationship with that family.
Speaker 6 (51:17):
Right, Yeah, Well, thank you so much, Chelsea. I really
appreciate it. Okay, Yeah, I just I really, I mean,
this podcast has done so much for me. Your episode
with Cody Rigsby about all the body issues really kind
of healed something in me. And I just appreciate the
work you guys are doing.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
You're that love that, Jonathan.
Speaker 6 (51:35):
Okay, thank you guys.
Speaker 5 (51:36):
Have a great day and good luck with everything. Thank you, okay,
and we'll be right back to wrap up with Ed Helms.
Please tag me for the special because I get so
many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as
many about my special, and my special is the newest
thing out, so I want to make sure all my
Ardent fans are watching it. And tagging me and I'll
repost you. And yes, it's called the Feeling. And we're
(52:01):
back with Ed Helms, whose newest project is called.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
Is a book. He has a podcast by the same name.
Speaker 5 (52:08):
It's called Snapfoo The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups.
It's a great gift for all of you readers out there.
It's a great book to put by your pool, put
by your toilet, put on your coffee.
Speaker 4 (52:20):
Table, anything liquid related.
Speaker 5 (52:23):
Any yes, anytime you're around liquid, we want you to
pick up the book and read a couple of chapters.
It's fascinating and entertaining, just like Ed Helms himself. Ed,
you have been an incredible guest today. You are very
helpful to all of our callers and I am so grateful.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Well, this has been a blast. This is Yes, it's
it's really amazing to hear these people call in and
just talk about how much you have affected them. Chelsea, Oh,
I know it's you. You have some superpowers for sure.
Speaker 1 (52:52):
Thank you, Ed.
Speaker 5 (52:53):
Thank you with such a pleasure to see you twice
in like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I love this.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I know me too. Let's do it you.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
I'll see you by the next toilet or swimming pool.
That'll be you bump into each other.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Bye, all right, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
Okay, take care bye bye bye.
Speaker 5 (53:07):
Do do do do do drum roll, Catherine, please and
abroad broad is my European tour. So I'm coming to
obviously find.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
A husband abroad.
Speaker 5 (53:20):
I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
coming to Rekuvik. I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
In May and June.
Speaker 5 (53:36):
I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,
and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad that.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
Sounds like fun.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
want to go.
Speaker 5 (53:55):
See me abroad and there all be there, all be excellent.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (54:00):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
And then November one and twenty ninth.
Speaker 5 (54:21):
November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in
Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3 (54:45):
And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
Hi, Catherine, how I see.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm great. I'm great.
Speaker 3 (00:04):
I just got back from a few days in Mexico
with some of my girlfriends and I love getting away
with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Oh nice, where'd you go in Mexico?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
We went to kan Kun.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
We've got like a few hotels that we go to
and they just opened up a brand new ones.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We went to their brand new one. It was fantastic.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Nice. Nice. I am in Europe, you, guys. I am
in Parie, Grand Parie or great Peri And I'm never
really sure how you say it, gayperi, gaperi.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
Guys.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Of course my husband would get that one.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
And we're having a hell of a time.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
I'm with Molly, my cousin, Yaminika, Eric my tour manager
who we call Erica, and I have shows coming up
in Brussels as I'm in Brussels on May seventeenth, I'm
in Amsterdam on May eighteenth, and then Oslo on May nineteenth.
And I have managed to keep my shit together in
Europe so far, so good, right, Yes, and we've.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Adjusted to the time.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
We had three days in Rekuvic and we and yeah,
we're ready to rumble. So we're getting it all in.
We're getting it all in. I've been reading lots of
books on my flights. Yes, I'm just a happy camper,
very happy.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
We'll do a little miniso soon with a round up
of all the books you've been reading and can recommend.
Speaker 5 (01:15):
Okay, wonderful, wonderful, And our guest today, you know from
the Office and The Hangover movies, he has a new
book called Snap Foo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest
screw Ups. It is out now and it's very enjoyable.
Please welcome actor, comedian and writer Ed helms Hi. Ed
helms I ran into Ed recently. We were in Where
were we? Oh, we were in Austin, right south by Southwest.
(01:39):
I had I had podcast towards.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 5 (01:43):
We weread I had Pasta Pasta Awards, the Pasta Awards.
We were talking about all of your credits, but you
missed that conversation. We were talking about where all people
would know you from places like The Hangover, the Office,
the Vacation Reboot movie, the Daily Show.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Were you a correspondent on the day.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Yeah, I was a correspondent from two thousand and two
to two thousand and six.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I forgot about that one. I forgot that you did that.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I mean it was I made a huge impact. It was.
Speaker 6 (02:13):
No.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Actually, it was a pretty incredible time because it was
the w years and there was a chunk of time
there where it was just Colbert, Me, Corderie and Sam
b were the four correspondents and it was a hell
of a lot of fun and an unbelievable amount of work,
Like it almost broke me.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Yeah, yeah, Do you ever think that you wish you
were doing that during this kind of administration?
Speaker 4 (02:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Never, I don't either. It's too much garbage to talk
about all.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
It's too overwhelming. John goes on once a week now
and absolutely crushes it, and I love it, and the
other the other correspondents now also host the show for
the rest of the week, which I think is a
great format because it, like yeah, gets the it really
builds the I don't know the communal vibe of the show.
They're killing it. It's so good. I'm going to leave
(03:05):
it to them.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
And I don't want to sound sexist right now, but
I just want to say, since women are allowed to
talk about men in this way now, because you guys
had your way with us.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I just want to say that you've had some sort
of glow up.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
And I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing it
in a way, but I just want to say, you've
burst into manhood.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
In such a way.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
And I think I told you this that the iHeart
Podcast Awards. But you really look very handsome, your hair,
You've taken off the glasses.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I'm very debonair almost. I want to say, all right.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
All right, yeah, well I finally went through puberty.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I think that's what I was. Yeah, that's what I
was getting to.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
I was like, have you gone through it feels like
you must have hit it late and that you hit
it hard.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Can I tell you something. I just turned fifty, First
of all, I really appreciate you saying that. And I
just turned fifty. Well I'm a little over a year ago, so.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I'm fifty one day fifty one.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
But uh, I'm still in my head. I just turned fifty,
and I I just kind of I'm like healthier than
I've ever been. I don't know, I'm eating so much better,
I'm more active. I also have two little kids that
keep me like very much on my toes.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Have you dot maternity test for the children?
Speaker 4 (04:18):
No, why should I just to make sure.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
You're their father. I mean, yeah, why wouldn't you should?
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Why wouldn't I? Yeah, because I'm pretty sure I'm their dad.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Yeah, but that's not one hundred guarantee.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
You know.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Wait, what are you doing? You're just lobbing doubt into
my my long term marriage out there.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
I just want you to be you know, have all
the information. I don't know that you.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Do arbitrarily ruthless thing to just like throw into a conversation,
have you had a paternity? Is good?
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I like that, right, I like that combo platter.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
You would also know ed Helms from his podcast because
it's called Snaphu, just like his new book that's out.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
It's called Snaphoo, which.
Speaker 5 (05:01):
Is a great book to have around the house, and
I would eat Catherine even suggested to have in your bathroom.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It's a perfect bathroom.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
It's a perfect hardrom book.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I'm not judging. Read it anywhere you want, and it's
and you're right, Actually it is a good bathroom book
because it's so episodic. Right, it's Snapfoo, the Definitive Guide
to History's Greatest screw ups, and each chapter is a
different historical screw up. So yeah, it's perfect. If you
got five minutes here, just pick up, read a few pages, enjoy.
(05:31):
Might even help get things moving. I don't know.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Absolutely, I mean it is it's a very relaxing book
because I mean, and it's very interesting. I mean, you're
a big history buff and you kind of take all
of history's blunders and talk about them.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Not all of them, but I mean, who could count
all of them?
Speaker 5 (05:47):
I mean, can you imagine what's going to happen after
this administration in one hundred years when people, I mean,
if they're still the planet and people can reflect. This
is a great piece of This book is comprised of
lots of stuff that nobody I mean, what I've read
so far, none of these stories I've ever heard, so
it's very interesting.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I of course was drawn to the LSD story immediately.
Speaker 7 (06:10):
You go.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Let me just read the title of that chapter or
the caption for that chapter. In the nineteen fifties, a
CIA scientists secretly bought the entire world supply of LSD,
embarking on a horrific attempt to discover the secrets to
mind control.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Mm hmmm, yeah, that's the story of mk Ultra, which
a lot of people know it's a relatively out there incident.
But yeah, Sidney Gottlieb was this CIA scientist who just
started drugging people, and George white Wash one of his underlings,
who actually, this is so insane. This was all under
(06:50):
like official government activity. They built a apartment in San
Francisco that had a double wall with a glass mirror
where he could sit there and watch, and he had
sex workers bring customers back and then they would drug
these customers and presumably also have their sexy time, and
he was just sort of taking notes and god knows
(07:11):
what else behind this double mirror. And this was all
in the name.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Of science, your tax dollars at work.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Your tax dollars. And at the end of it, when
it was all exposed, they came clean, like we actually
gathered zero scientific data from this. It's like, this guy,
we learned nothing behind a wall.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
It does, and so I don't know why, And so
I don't like the way it besmirches LSD's reputation, you
know what I mean, Why did LSD have to be
involved in this?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
This guy was just trying to get his rocks off.
Speaker 5 (07:41):
When I read this, I was like, where does LSD
even come into play that you're able to control someone
sexually via LSD.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
Well, there was a big LSD was so new, and
there was there was this sort of like international competition
with the Soviets, like the Cold War was flaring up,
like is mind control a weapon that we can use?
Or is LSD maybe this crazy truth serum like how
does it affect people? And can we weaponize it or
use it in advantageous ways? And yes, it just devolved
(08:10):
into like a guy jerking off behind a glass mirror,
like watching people. And it's so much darker than that too,
Like they wound up drugging prisoners. They wound up drugging
people that they would go into bars and drug people
and then observe them for hours afterwards and just basically
watch them melt down on these crazy acid trips that
(08:30):
they had no idea that they were going on. People
thought they were going insane. And this is a very
weird factoid. Whitey Bulger, who is the famous Boston mob
boss who recently died, when he was in federal prison
in Atlanta, I think in the sixties, he agreed to
(08:50):
be experimented on in this way and for months he
was given these intense psychedelics, and he says that it
gave him these like violent visions or the rest of
his life, like he would have horrible nightmares and violent visions.
So I don't know, maybe the CIA helped create the
monster that Whitey Bulger became.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
I would just also like to say, this is not
how LSD is anymore. You don't have to take LSD
like this. LSD can be microdose. I'm a big proponent
of microdosing LSD. This is not a microdis this is
like megato.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
These are mega doses. They're also involuntary, and they're in
terrible contexts torturous.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Imagine being put on that, yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Literally torturous. So wait, I am so curious about this.
I've never done like a serious I've never had like
a serious psychedelic experience, and I want you to tell
me what I should do, Like how do I dip
my toe into this? Because I'm fascinated by it and
I don't want to.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
I mean, microdosing is kind of like a whole New
World head like it just you could easily take one
on a workday, take a microdose of LSD.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You could even rip it in half.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Their little paper tablets like they've always but I get
mine from Canada. I get all the best drugs from Canada,
the purest drugs, I should say, from Canada. But microdos
really changes the game because then you don't ever have
to feel like you're being overwhelmed or you have to
go sit down in a corner while you get you know,
like you don't feel that way, just like watch the
(10:18):
clock and you're like, I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, And it's not like that.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
I don't want anybody sitting in a corner. I don't
want anyone freaking out. But I do think of it
as like an enhancement, like a life enhancement, a performance enhancement,
especially if I'm outdoor exercising, if I'm on a big
bike ride, or if I'm on a big ski day.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I love to take a little LSD.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
It just is like it's like an upper of energy, enthusiasm, calm,
Like it makes you less nervous if I'm going helly skiing,
Like it just really intensifies your focus in a way
that is beneficial.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
To your experience.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Who are you?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
I actually write that down because hell, what did I
just say? It feels like I'm on LC right now and.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
I'm not now would you have a start with LSD
or like try a mushroom situation for I think they're.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
All different, Like mushrooms are good too, I'm not, you know,
I'm more into the LSD right now, just because it's
had such a positive impact on so many people in
my life. The MDMA is different MDMA. Some people can
have a great reaction to that that's also a microdose.
But MDMA to me is the love drugs. So that's
a heart opener. And what I love ed about all
these drugs is that they kill the ego, So there's
(11:25):
no ego, like you're just like open instead of any
sort of negative thoughts, you're just kind of eradicated, like
even people you dislike you like when you're on these drugs.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And I think that really just says it all.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
So a lot of couples counseling, like a lot of
couples will have MDMA guided couples counseling, because when you
take the MDMA, there's no defensiveness. You're both just open
to hearing the other person's argument. So there's been a
lot of success and the reason why I was drawn
to it in the first place and I don't really
I don't know if I have massive PTSD to anything,
but is that it's helped so many people with PTSD,
(12:01):
so many veterans, so many people who have been through
bad experiences.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And that's scientific.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I mean, like the data is there, so so yeah,
you can't argue with that. And you know, I think
we're in a place where, you know, drugs come on
the scene in the way that you describe in your
book in this chapter, and then over this period of time,
look where we've come. You know, we've realized, Okay, that's
too much, this is the right amount. So it's like
any other substance, you have to figure out what the
(12:28):
right balance is.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Wow, But I'm an advocate.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
That's so fascinating and I'm so curious. And I have
had friends, you know, do the MDMA couples counseling and
had had wonderful experiences. And I had a lot of
friends in college just kind of having fun with various psychedelics.
And I've always been a little bit I don't know,
(12:53):
intimidated or something, but micro dosing feels like a nice,
a good baby step because I do want to I
just want to kind of like I don't know, mix
it up a little bit. I like what you're saying.
If it allows me to go Hella skiing, then yeah,
I'm a Hella on board.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
So where did you go to college?
Speaker 4 (13:11):
At Oberlin College in Ohio that used.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
To do it?
Speaker 7 (13:15):
Well?
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I know Oberlin. Yeah, that's a very well respected school.
I thought that was a women's college. Did it used
to be a women's college?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
No?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Oh no.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
In fact, it's the first college in the United States
to admit women. So yeah, that's one of its claims
to fame. It's always been a very progressive, kind of
intellectually exciting place. And it has a Conservatory of music
as well, the Oberlin Conservatory that is a world renowned,
(13:43):
you know, music study place.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
And what did you study there? Did you study? Did
you study acting?
Speaker 4 (13:48):
No? I mean I did. I took I was in
some plays and took some acting classes. But I studied
I kind of out of a funny academic journey.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I started out hynecology.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Yeah. I was like, guys, I want to be a
gynecology major. They're like, we don't have that, you can't
do that, And I was like, well, here's my natology.
When's kidding? So I said, I wanted to be a
geology major because I loved being outdoors. I was kind
of like, I loved camping and hiking and all these things.
I was like, geology, that's the that's what geologists do
(14:21):
for a living. And then I got into the hard
science courses and I was like, none, this is terrible.
I am not cut out for this. And I kind
of did a gut check and I really wanted to
make movies and be in movies and work on movies,
and so I became a film major. But Oberlin didn't
really have that at the time. They do now, but
(14:42):
at the time they had a film minor, and so
I was able to do this weird thing where you
design your own major. And I cobbled together like different
acting classes and directing, you know, theater directing with the
film courses, and then I spent a semester at the
in You Film School one spring. I spent the whole
semester there and that was so so cool and eye opening,
(15:06):
and so I graduated with a kind of made up
major that was a basically a film major.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Well that's nice that they were able. You're able to
do that. There's not a lot of schools that allow
you to make up your own major.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
You really have to make it sound legit. But I
was always a good kind of salesman. I could. I could, like,
you know, charm the committee and then and it worked.
I got Yeah, I graduated.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Yeah, yeah, well you did. I mean, you've been entertaining
us for a long time. I like that you're able
to marry your careers together and do this kind of
stuff that you're really interested in, also this historical stuff,
while being very entertaining. I also I worked closely with
Zach alifan Acus for a while on the road, well
not as long as you did on the hangover, but
(15:51):
on the road. And I have a great Zach Alfanakas
story that I shared recently about him. Well, I have
a couple of Zach elephant stories. But I want to
know about your experience working with Zach Alifanakis because I
think Zach is probably the funniest person I know.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
He's the thing.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I think you're right. I think he's the funniest person.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
He reminds me of a human snufhalophagus, and that's not
because his scalp also isn't quite set to the top
of his head. He doesn't have a hard scalp. He
has a baby scalp. Okay, I've tugged on it. I
haven't seen him in years, but when I was spending
time with him, I couldn't. He'd always be like, touched
my scalp and it was always soft. You know how
baby scalps are soft while they're forming and like a skull. Yeah, yeah,
(16:36):
and they've got that little spot where until he doesn't
really get hard. His is never hardened. So I'm not
sure what kind of creature he is.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Well, he's a snuffs like you said, he's yeah, he's
a humanus. I love a Sesame Street reference. Thank you
for bringing that in.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, no problem, absolutely, it's history.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
I you know someone I read somewhere that someone described
Oscar Wilde as like the sharpest wit they had ever known,
and that he was like the fastest with a with
azinger or a comeback or just a kind of quip
or a joke or a comment on a moment. And
that's Zach. I've never seen the speed that he like
(17:21):
delivers a quip off of a situation, like or you
say something dumb, and he like instantly has the the
kind of zinger or or come back, and it's not
always it's not always a zinger like a kind of
mean spirited thing. Sometimes it's just a silly, ridiculous thing.
But it's it's sharp, and it's it's smart, and it's
(17:42):
so fast. Like his brain is just in a different
gear than everyone else's. It's sort of like when Keanu
reeves in the Matrix, like realizes he's the one, and
all of a sudden, he's like everyone else's is in
slow motion because they're in reality, and he's just like, oh,
this is easy. That's how I think Zach's comedy brain works.
(18:04):
He's just ahead of everybody else. And Todd used to
Todd Phillips the director on the Hangover. Sometimes he direct
from afar, like a lot of directors. He s would
sort of sit at the monitors or somewhere sort of
off to the side with his own little monitor, and
he'd call out things to us, and then Zach would
always kind of zing back at him, and Todd was
(18:27):
just like always like, unbelievable, unbelievable.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
He just has the quickest, highest and the driest because
he's never laughing at himself.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
No, he's and he's not loud. He's quiet. Yes, it's
like quiet and under the radar and sweet.
Speaker 4 (18:43):
There's a sweetness to all of it. You know. I
feel like there's certain comedians that can get away with
pretty aggressive insults or yes, just kind of like dark, darker,
or things that would on paper be extremely mean spirited,
but because you know that they have such a big
heart and they're such kind of sweet people, you're just like,
(19:04):
it's the funniest thing. You give them so much leeway
with that. And he's definitely one of those people.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, he used to. He probably still does this where
he plays a piano on set.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
He goes on, he'll go up to the improv and
just play the piano in between jokes, so there's just
like this dramatic effect for absolutely no reason. And he
had this joke where he's like, I thought about killing
myself today and then plays like three bars and he's like,
so I jumped off the roof of a pizza hut,
but I.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Only broke my leg.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
And you're like, that wouldn't be funny from anyone else
at all except for you in that fucking piano. And
he's just so ridiculous. So he used to we I
had to sleep. I was really broke and I was
doing San Francisco Punchline. He was the middle David Tel
was the headliner, and I was opening and I had
no money. So to Zach's like, you can sleep in
(19:53):
my hotel room at the Commodore, and I was like, okay,
thank you. And then and he said, you know, I
promise you're safe with me, and I was like, I
believe you. I think I could take you physically, so
I'm not concerned. And we would get to bed and
I and I had a terrible week. I was like
my first week on the professional road with like two big,
like heavy hitters, and I, you know, I didn't know
(20:15):
what I was doing. And every night I'd be so upset, like, fuck,
what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
What am I gonna do? He's like, this is part
of it. You know, you got a bomb. You got
a bomb.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
And then he'd put we'd go to bed and we'd
sleep in the same bed with our clothes on, and
he would rub my hair before I went to sleep,
and he would whisper in my ear, I will never
rape you.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
God, Oh my god, such a sweet memory.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Is it a sweet memory?
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
I think it is it is a sweet, sweet memory.
I've never had anyone say that to me.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
You're right that in the in just yeah, that's just
what I was saying before, Like he's such a big hearted,
sweet person that he can make that joke and actually
make you laugh, because anyone else who said that to somebody,
it almost sounds like I'm definitely going to do that.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
On that note, we're going to take a break with
ed Helm, so we'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to
hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
If you have an issue with a family member, or
you need.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
And we're back with ed Helm. So you have to
pick up this book.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
It's called Snaffoo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups,
and it's all the greatest grew ups historically in this
country and others. Actually lots of it takes place on
other lands. But it's a great book to have around,
especially to pick up and put down when you want
to get a little piece of information. And it's great.
They're great talking points for conversation starters. I know a
(21:56):
lot of people conversation starters.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Yeah, and it'll make you like a killer at dinner parties.
You've just got you've got a whole arsenal of great stories.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
And it's a great gift, by the way, it's a
great gift to give to somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, especially a great guy gift I feel like.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
And I also like that you say in the beginning,
You're like, you know what we've been through, like shit
before and like problems and like stupid mistakes before, Like
hopefully we'll survive everything that's going on now as well.
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Yes, it's a great reminder of that everybody thought that
it was the end of the world many many times
in our history, especially in the fifties, where some people
look back at as one of the best times in America.
People were scared to death of dying from a nuclear
bomb during that time.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, Ed depicts in his book.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Yeah, it's always like the history of human folly is
so overwhelming when you look back on it and Weirdly,
I find that calming because we just keep moving. Yeah,
this is a scary time that we're in right now.
It just it doesn't matter what your political disposition is.
(22:59):
Like it feels volatile, it feels like the division is crazy,
like unusual, but it isn't that unusual. We have been
in very similar situations in the past. I'm not saying
don't be afraid or don't be like, don't work to
make the changes you want to see in the world.
But I am saying I'm just there's reassurance in this,
(23:20):
in looking back and seeing like, oh, people did sort
of fight through something or get through something and we
got to a better place.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Well, are we ready for some advice?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yes, it's going to give advice and you're gonna be
great at this.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, you actually you're gonna be We.
Speaker 5 (23:34):
Have live callers, we've written callers, people calling in they
need help, and here you are at helms.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Here you are to help.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
All right, I'm here for it.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Well, our first question has to do with having a
long history with someone, since we're talking a lot about
history today. The subject is office friendship gone awry, and
this one's just an email. She's not calling in Okay,
Dear Chelsea. I work with a friend who have known
for twelve years. She referred me to the job we
work at. She trained me and everything. However, she's a
gatekeeper and always wants to be the hero at work.
(24:04):
She's also loud and obnoxious when she talks about how
we used to be ratchet and all, which was so
long ago.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
She's kind of annoying in that sense.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I find myself at times asking her to keep it
down because we're at work. Also, nobody wants to hear that,
and frankly, it's embarrassing. I'm now avoiding her outside of
work too. I don't know how to handle her. She
overshares and I don't want to be a part of it.
She also seems jealous when I hang with other managers
and coworkers. I'm not kissing ass, but I'm a social person.
How do I manage the situation? Since I have to
(24:33):
see her every day, I'm becoming resentful?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Ugh, love you and take care, Sammy.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Did she say at the beginning that this person was
her superior at work?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
No, but she got her the job?
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Oh she the woman got hurt the job?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Or she yeah, the other the woman got her the job.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Oh, I see, I see. So that's also but.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
We don't know if they're we don't know if what
their status is.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, we don't.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
We're not sure about that.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
But all right, I think that's it easy.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
I think that you just that's a conversation and in
person conversation on one where you go to lunch, you
go to coffee, and you say, listen, I know we
had a lot of like wild times and a fun past,
but like I feel like I've grown up a lot,
and I feel like we've both grown up a lot.
You know, don't make it just about you being like
superior to her in that way, like you're mature and
(25:17):
she isn't be Like, we've both grown up a lot,
and like sometimes it's like I feel like it's a
little embarrassing when I hear you talk about our past
in front of our co workers. And I totally get it,
Like it's fun and those were the best times. But like,
I think we have to have some sort of evolution,
especially professionally in a setting where I want to be
taken seriously and I don't want to take the fun
out of it. But I also don't want to start
(25:39):
avoiding you, you know, don't.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
Act like it's already happened.
Speaker 5 (25:42):
Just say like I'm starting to feel like I do
want to kind of avoid you and take my own space,
and I don't want to feel that way about you
at all. I want to maintain this relationship but also
take it to the next level of like maturity and evolution.
Like we're all going to have to grow up at
some point, and you don't have to grow up and
make it sound boring, but grow up and make it
sound like, Okay, now we're going to do different stuff.
(26:04):
And we don't have to like live in the past,
because that's also a thing that people get stuck in.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
It's like living.
Speaker 5 (26:10):
They want to constantly live in like the best time
that they had, which is like that varsity high school attitude,
like when you peak in high school, you want to
live in high school for the.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
Rest of your life. God damn, that's good, Chelsea. You're
good at this, And that's the real deal. That's the
that's like the that's the advice. That is good advice. Whoever,
the listener should definitely follow that advice. Now, I'm gonna
give you some bad advice. Great, I think that you
should fight the woman start slipping like massive doses of
(26:43):
LSD into their coffee. Perfect, And it's also just mk
ultra them and then also just subtly sabotage them at
work in all kinds of different ways, you know, just
like mess up their files. Like if they hand something in,
see if you can grab it and take it so
it's late, So it's late and they get in trouble.
Is that helpful?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I don't know, perfect, I think that's going to be
very helpful.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
No, I but truly, Chelsea, it's so fun hearing you
just like jump on that with the most constructive angle,
just like hey, jump in and talk to this person
and just everything that you wrote in that email, that's
pretty much what that's your script. Like you can say
that to this person and find the positive top spin
(27:24):
on it, find the language that gives it connectivity instead
of just like accusation and frustration. But get into it.
That's what I heard. That was like the main thing
was like just jump right into.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
It, get into it, because I think avoidance is just
always the you know that is like nobody gets anywhere by.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Being an avoidant.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
Where did you grow up, Chelsea?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
In New Jersey?
Speaker 4 (27:45):
There you go. See, I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia,
and my mom's from Tennessee, my dad's from Alabama, and
it's a lot of like we don't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Lot of like discomfort with like avoidance is a is
like on like a policy in the South. Sometimes.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Did you grow up Southern Baptist?
Speaker 5 (28:04):
No?
Speaker 4 (28:05):
No, my parents were pretty progressive politically and religiously, but
we went to a Presbyterian church, which I liked, actually
liked a lot, and I know my parents valued a lot.
But they also after church, they would always be like,
this stuff is kind of made up, but we just
(28:25):
this is a good community institution and we like a
lot of the people. But you don't have to believe
the actual you know, they would sort of undermine the
religiosity of it, which.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Is a great attitude.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
I read a quote one saying, like, you know, you're
not praying people who sit down and pray. It's not
about who you're praying to, it's the act of praying.
It creates a better surrounding for the whole world. Yes, right,
like the fact that people are praying, you know, as
long as you're praying for like peace, and the world
and love and goodness. It doesn't matter what you're saying,
it's the act of It is an act in itself.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Yeah, it's the articulation of thoughts and ideas that have
power in you. And I kind of think of therapy
as the same way. It's like, weirdly, therapy can be
a sort of prayer because you're giving voice and externalizing
these things that have sort of may have chewed you
up inside for a long time or felt insurmountable, but
(29:24):
as soon as they're outside of your body, literally just
the words take form and leave your mouth and then
it's outside of you in a way that feels manageable
or feels like you're approaching manageable of these like difficult things.
Speaker 5 (29:39):
Yeah, therapy is like helping you be a better person
in the world. Right, So that's that's a gift to
everybody who has to come into contact with you by
not internalizing all of those thoughts or things that you're
going through. Also, meditation is a form of prayer, you know,
if you look at it that way, it's a form
of like, Okay, I'm trying you know, you're setting an intention,
you're trying to calm your thoughts and actually be a
(30:01):
more well balanced person. So that's a form of prior too,
So all of that stuff is good as a tool
to be a better person.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
In the world.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Well, our next question comes from Amanda, and before we
let Amanda in, I thought this would be a perfect
question for you, Ed, since you played a character who
was broken up with while on a yacht, so Amanda
is really going through it. Subject line is heartbreak on
a yacht Dear Chelsea. A month ago, me and my
partner of four years split up. Three weeks prior he
(30:32):
had ended it and I was devastated.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
He resigned. We work on a yacht together and I
packed my bags.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
I didn't want to give him an opportunity to panic
and change his mind, but sure enough he asked me
to stay and I did. Three weeks later, he hooks
up with our friend and coworker. The relationship ended and
he told me he would resign. Typically on boats, as
we all live and work together, when a couple splits up,
there's an honor code that the one who ends it
is the one to leave. I took six weeks unpaid
leave so I could fly home and be with my
(30:59):
support system and give him time to finish out his
contract and not risk losing any pay. When I was leaving,
he told me he was going to do everything he
could to find a way forward for us. A month
after the breakup, he calls to say this separation is
the right thing and he won't be resigning. Neither he
nor the person he hooked up with resigned. The last
thing I want to do is give up my job.
I love what I do. I just got a new contract,
(31:21):
but the thought of being trapped on a boat together
and having to see him every day feels daunting. And
there is an update that happened just yesterday. She got
a call that her contract was canceled and theirs was not.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
So Amanda's really going through it.
Speaker 5 (31:34):
Oh, I'm sorry, Hi Amanda, Hi, Hi Hidy miss ed
Helm's our special guest today.
Speaker 7 (31:41):
Oh my gosh, hello, lovely to meet you.
Speaker 4 (31:43):
Likewise, I'm so sorry for all this. Yah, just this
hard ship. Get it. I'm gonna throw a pun in there,
right right out of.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Zach Alfanakus territory.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Yeah, mad, this does sound tough. So are you with
your support system now?
Speaker 6 (32:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (32:03):
I've been with my family and my friends, so I'm
very fortunate to have them. But yes, as Catherine said,
as of yesterday, I've been let go as a result.
So I guess now it's a whole different ballgame of
how to proceed.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
So, did you lose this lose this contract because of
the sort of messiness of the situation?
Speaker 7 (32:23):
Yes, I was told it was due to the extenuating circumstances.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
So is he it has a senior position, a more
senior position than you do.
Speaker 7 (32:34):
Yes, he is a high ranking person, so yeah, he,
I guess, got priority.
Speaker 5 (32:40):
Okay, and does a woman work on the yacht too?
I was confused by who resigned and who resigned?
Speaker 7 (32:45):
Okay, no one's resigned, but yes, the person he hooked
up with, they both are still Okay.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Well that's in.
Speaker 5 (32:52):
You can't go back to that situation, so it's time
to find another position, right on a different yacht.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Yeah, how hard is that?
Speaker 7 (33:02):
I have no doubt that I'll be able to find
another job. I'm not concerned about that. I'm very capable. Yeah,
so I guess with Catherine. Initially, I was just I guess,
hoping to find a way to navigate through this. But
even now people are telling me to try to peel
the termination. So yeah, I'm just a bit of a
loss right now.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
I honestly really wouldn't pursue that. What a waste of
your time and energy?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Why why you're ya?
Speaker 4 (33:27):
It seems like winning that appeal puts you in a
worse position right where you're not where you're on the
boat with this sort of toxic.
Speaker 6 (33:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
I agree, And there's something there is something about like
having distance from having physical distance from the pain the
source of the of this pain can be incredibly healing.
Just have just not like you said, like you intuitively
understood kind of being in that presence seeing him every
(34:00):
day so forth, that would just kind of keep you
in this laundry cycle of frustration, anger, hurt, all of it.
So embrace the distance.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Are you okay with doing that?
Speaker 7 (34:13):
Like?
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Are you are you ready to do that?
Speaker 5 (34:15):
Like, I mean, I think you need to heal and
move on and go and find yourself in a completely
new environment. I'm so happy to hear that you know
that you're capable enough to get another job.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I mean, I know this is kind of it's a.
Speaker 5 (34:26):
Small community of people who work on boats and meaning
it can seem like a large one, but really it
isn't it's a smaller community. So like, if you're good
at your job, you're going to get another job on
a yacht.
Speaker 7 (34:36):
Yeah, No, I have no doubts about that. I guess
it's just been the whole process has been so devastating,
just at every turn. And then yeah, yesterday was like
I didn't even I didn't believe that it could get
to this point where I would be fired. And I understand,
I'm like big picture eyes, like you guys are saying
this is the best thing to get away from it
(34:58):
and all that. I guess I'm just still reeling from totally,
which is totally understandable.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
And give yourself grace, give yourself time, Like you're not
supposed to get over these things in a week or
two weeks or even a month or two months.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
This is a big situation. You were with him for
four years.
Speaker 5 (35:14):
You have every right to be upset, to feel your grief,
to go through all of the emotions and all the
stages of emotions that don't come in the order that
people tell you that they're going to come in and
just when you think you're out of the woods, it
hits you again. But be honest about your feelings, which
you are doing. You're called in here, You're having an
honest conversation with people you don't know about how you're
(35:34):
feeling and how hurtful this is and how shocking it is.
Have you heard about the new Mail Robbins book Let
Them the Let Them theory?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (35:42):
I have. I actually listened to the episode with you
and Herry yesterday on a run. I was like, I
need something.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
Yeah, read that book, because you have to let him,
let her, let them, let them do their thing, and
be grateful that you're not in the mix to have
to witness any of that.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Are you concerned at all about yours sort of standing
in this community?
Speaker 7 (36:04):
Well, that's the other thing, is I feel like because
it's such a small industry and everyone knows somebody on
a boat, you know, when you're applying for something, everyone
knows whoever's applying. It's a very small community. So that's
the the reason why I've been trying to be as
peaceful as possible through this whole process, because I'm like,
I don't want it to reflect poorly on me. Sure,
(36:25):
So that's another thing with appealing this. I'm just like,
I feel like it's I hope my integrity would speak
for itself moving forward.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
And people talk like they'll get I think the real
story of like that you are the one who got
the short end of the stick on this.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I had a spiritual.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
Teacher once tell me you know God or the universe
or your your you know better angels. When something's not
right for you, they'll like tap you on the shoulder
and try to tell you, and if you don't listen,
they'll like tap you harder, and then if you still
don't listen, you get like the two by.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Four across the head and like this ending of.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
The kind feels like this is the two by four
of just like this is not for you.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
There's something way better for you.
Speaker 4 (37:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (37:07):
I believe that too.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
Yeah, and it's really too picture and listen and just
and appreciate where you are in this moment and all
of that.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Don't try to fast forward. You're healing, go through it.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
The only way to get through to something is to
really really feel it and be honest about your emotions.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (37:24):
Lean on the people that love and care about you.
Unfortunately this relationship is over, but you're going to move
forward in a better and a stronger sense of self
that's always what happens when we get our hearts broken,
we always come out stronger. And that's you know, that's
not debatable. So like, that's what's going to happen with you.
You're capable, you're confident, you're strong. I'm so happy you
have a support system that you were able to fly
(37:45):
home to.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
And I'm so glad.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
You do need a letter of recommendation from these people,
so you do need to contact him back.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I'm sure that's a given, but you do.
Speaker 5 (37:53):
At the very minimum, they have to guarantee you for
I mean, they don't give you any reason to fire you,
so they have to give you a letter of recommendation
when you go out and look for a new job.
And I do know a few people who do own yachts,
and I'd be happy to pass on your resume to them.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
That's incredibly I.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Know that comes as a huge surprise to all of ours.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
She's Chelsea's so right here. It's so easy to kind
of like intellectually understand why getting fired in this situation
might be a positive thing, and why like the math
might be might look good on paper. Oh we're gonna
have distance now. But Chelsea's so right, the the emotions,
all the feelings, all of the pain and the trajectory
(38:36):
of your grief is something to just submit to. Even
when it's on paper, it feels like, oh, I'm these
I'm making the right steps. It just doesn't always feel
that way. And I and and so embrace that and yeah,
move through it feeling.
Speaker 7 (38:52):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (38:53):
Yeah, I agree, you're going to be just fine. You're
going to be better than fine.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Yeah, you are going to be better than fine. Not
right now, but very very soon.
Speaker 7 (39:01):
Yeah, Chelsea, I obviously read your book as soon as
I came out Life Will Be the Death Knees what
got me to therapy in twenty nineteen, and so I
do think my ability to handle this has been because
of all that work in the last few years. And
I've even been rereading little bits of your book talking
about moving through heartache, and it's been very helpful. Amongst
(39:22):
everything else, it's been very helpful. And I can't express
enough how much.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
Yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. I'm glad. We'll
take care of yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
And send me your resume, will Yeah, it passed along
the change for sure.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
That's incredibly kind.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
All so much. This is very just so lovely. Thank
you so much, Thanks Amanda, and thanks for joining us.
Speaker 7 (39:42):
Thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Bye, and you're really good at this too.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
I know that was very compassionate. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (39:48):
I love how stable she is and so normal, you know,
like I love how our listeners are normal and they're
like they can handle these situations. Like she's going to
be just fine. She should be counseling other people going
through breakups.
Speaker 4 (39:58):
Well.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
Our next color is Jonathan. Dear Chelsea, I need your
help getting unstuck. I'm in a job I have a
deep bond with working as a nanny to a child
with special needs, one that has given me financial stability
and a strong sense of purpose. But as much as
I love it, I know it's time to move on
to fully commit to my acting career.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
The problem I feel.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Paralyzed by guilt over leaving something that has meant the
world to me. I worry about losing a part of
my identity and the people who've become my family. On
top of that, there's a financial risk. I have bills
to pay, and while I want to take the leap,
I also don't want to put myself in a situation
where I'm struggling just to get by.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
That said, I've been putting in the work.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
I've taken real steps to get my mental and physical
health together, and I've been submitting for everything I can
to open new doors.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I've worked hard to build a creative life.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
I perform on stage, I dance, I even made a
name for myself.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
In the drag world.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
But I know I need to take bigger risks if
I want acting to be my main focus. I moved
to la from Iowa with two hundred and fifty bucks
to my name, and for the last seven years, I've
made it work as a gay man from a small town,
and I take pride that everything I've built has been entirely.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
On my own.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
I keep telling myself to be patient and trust the process,
but after turning thirty this past year, I feel like
I'm starting to lose my spark. I don't want to
give up, but I also don't want to wake up
one day and realize.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
I played it too safe.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
How do I take this leap without losing myself or
my rent money in the process?
Speaker 5 (41:19):
Best Jonathan, Hi, Jonathan, Hello, how are we doing good?
We have another actor here on the show today. Ed
Helms is our special guest.
Speaker 4 (41:29):
Oh wow, Hi Jonathan. Hello, Gosh. I know you're in
a difficult spot what feels like a crossroads, but you
have already made so many tough decisions and taken so
many risks. You have so much to be proud of already.
Speaker 6 (41:46):
Thank you. I appreciate that. And you know, I think
that just these last couple of years, I feel like
I've the momentum, like something has kind of happened where
I just feel like I'm a little bit of a
functional freeze right now. And yeah, I'm just kind of
thinking about you know. I guess I was wanting to
kind of ask when you guys were starting out, what
kind of helped you get through to like take those
(42:08):
kind of risky steps towards making your passion like your
main source, you know. And I know that it's a process,
but I also, like I said, I have a deep
bond with this family and I don't necessarily want to
give that up either.
Speaker 3 (42:23):
You know, so outside of acting, you're not feeling like
there's a need to leave the job.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
It's more like the conflict between the two.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
Yeah, yeah, is it an every day, five day week job.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
It is Yes, I does this family that they're they're
aware of your acting ambitions or no?
Speaker 6 (42:43):
No, Yes, they definitely are, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (42:46):
And they and this this is a very positive and
nurturing relationship with this family. I assume they adore you
and appreciate it.
Speaker 6 (42:54):
Yes, Yes, they feel like family for sure.
Speaker 4 (42:57):
Which is amazing and an attribute to you. You and
I would also encourage you to explore the possibility dare
I say likelihood that this family wants you to thrive
and this family wants what's best for you as well.
Of course they depend on you in some very critical ways,
(43:17):
but it sounds like they also would not only be understanding,
but supportive. Is that a leap?
Speaker 6 (43:26):
You know? I think that I think sometimes I have
to kind of get real with myself and realize that, like,
you know, I'm also here for a reason. And I
think that's kind of been the issue that I've been
working with. As you know, I've I've got a couple
gigs here and there, and those have been fine, But
I guess I really kind of it's kind of stopped
me from like pursuing something that would be like a
(43:48):
large block of time away from them, because I don't
know if you know that would be the case, if
you know, they'd be able to kind of keep me around,
And I think more so, I'm just like okay, like
I I know I need to take the next step,
and I've been really lucky with the opportunities that I've had,
but I just feel like I've been kind of in
this in between now for these last couple of years,
(44:11):
and I just it's.
Speaker 5 (44:13):
Because you are in between, yeah, you know what I mean,
Like I understand, and it would be great if you
could work around your schedule and they could be accommodating
to you, but then you're still in between. Like when
you want to go for something, especially in this business,
you have to go like one hundred and fifty five
percent in that direction. You can't have like other side
(44:35):
gigs going on. You know, if you really want to
achieve this and this is your dream, you kind of
have to go full throttle. It's like a fucking bowling
ball down a hallway, like nothing is going to get
in your way until you get to your goal, and
then that goal leads to the next thing, and that
job leads to the next job. So you do kind
of have to throw everything you have at what you
want in order to obtain that and attain it. And
(44:58):
so I get that part, and I think, I think
this stuff. It would be great if they could be
malleable and work around you. I don't know how realistic
that is. Is it realistic for them to like work
with your schedule and give you the opportunities you need
to go and seek auditions? Like how does that work
with a child with special needs? You can't just bring
a lot.
Speaker 6 (45:17):
So that's kind of the difficult thing. They are amazing
co parents, but they both have very high level jobs
that require a lot of time away, you know, and
I think they rely on me a lot more than
you know. Maybe is it healthy. But I'm kind of
okay with that. And I think that i i because
of like the connection that I've built. I just feel
(45:39):
like I'm torn between what's right for me, like taking
those steps to advocate for myself, you know, because I
feel like I'm just kind of a third parent at
this point.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Well, I think what happens a lot with caregivers, whether
that's hired caregiver, family caregiver, is like it feels like
it's all on one person. It's on the main caregiver.
Which right now is you so because the parents can't
be someone to like take a day off and take
care of the child when when you're unavailable so you
have to go to an audition or you know, if
(46:12):
you do get a longer term gig, like in a
play or something like that, that you can't be there
every day, it maybe worth sitting down with them and
proposing another solution, which is like, I want to be
the main person, but like, let's bring in a specific
other person who can be kind of on call, who
we can call on on those days when like I
know I need to go drive across town to an
audition or I need to do something else. And it
(46:35):
just feels like if we if we feel that sort
of missing system, then you have a little bit more
freedom to do what.
Speaker 6 (46:41):
You need to do right And you know, it's funny,
I actually just kind of brought that up to them.
So I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction,
you know, but I just want to feel unstuck. Yeah,
I think that That's kind of where I'm at right now,
is just feeling like, ah, like you know, I'm I'm
really proud of how far I've come, and I feel
like I can recognize that, but I also want to
(47:03):
push myself in the other direction, you know, and I
want to keep the momentum going, and I just feel
like I've lost that, and so I think I just
I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.
Speaker 5 (47:15):
And I think a great solution would also be for
you to be the person in charge of training the
new person and bringing them in so that will free
up so, you know, like once you get them situated
and understanding of like all of the dynamics and all
of the things that need to happen each day and
the relationship, Like, once you get that situated, then you'll
have time to like kind of float in and float
(47:36):
out of the job when needed. And how were they
responsive to you when you brought this up to them?
Speaker 6 (47:42):
Yeah, they were, they were responsive, but I think they
really struggled. I don't think they've ever had anyone as
long as they've had me and the bond that I
have with their child, and I'm nervous that it's going
to be kind of hard to find somebody that can
match that.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
It will be.
Speaker 4 (48:01):
But also you can be the as Chelsea said, like
be the constructive part of this transition. You know, lay
the groundwork for the transition. Be the person who's really
like leading the search for this new person, have a
heavy overlap with them in a training sort of almost
(48:24):
like an apprentice process perhaps. And then and then the
other thing to keep in mind is that this relationship
with this family and this child that clearly means so
much to you and to them and the child, it
doesn't go away with you thriving in another area. If
(48:44):
you start to really you know, get more work in
the acting space and your career starts to blossom, they're
still there and they still care about you. And it's
not like a breakup. It's a it's just branches of
a tree kind of maybe growing apart, but they're still
(49:06):
attached to the trunk. And you've built so much with
this family. It sounds like this, this is a very
poignant moment, and I can sense your your struggle, But
just remember that the struggle you're feeling is rooted in
how much love there is in this family unit that
(49:26):
you're a part of now. And I think you're you
keep checking, you keep saying things that make it clear
that this transition feels necessary, it feels important. And then
the question starts to become. So what are the steps
and what are the how do I manage it? And
how do I do it in a way that's responsible
and loving to these people I care so much about,
(49:49):
and that might that's going to take some work, and
it will be hard, and it'll be painful at times.
They'll be the emotional pain of the separation eventually, whenever hot,
whatever form it takes will be hard. But also the
you thriving and and pursuing this thing that you literally
came here to do, or at least taking that risk
(50:12):
and taking that jump. I'm hearing that that feels very critical.
Speaker 6 (50:16):
It does. It does, and I think that I feel
like through the pandemic, I just kind of lost my
spark a little bit. I mean, like I said, I
moved here with nothing and I just kind of made
it work. And you know, I think I'm trying to
rediscover that that part of me right and understand that,
Like I've been really lucky to not really kind of
(50:36):
fall on my face, but I'm nervous, I think right
now about especially like with just the economy and everything
the world is right now to kind of take that leap.
But I feel and you know, my heart and my
body that it's it's ready to I'm ready to do that,
you know. Good right, good, awesome, Well, thank you guys
(50:59):
so much.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Yeah, yeah, thanks for calling in, Jonathan. Good job, well done.
Speaker 5 (51:03):
I mean, you can always maintain that relationship, you know
what I mean, always regardless of whether you're their point
person or his main caregiver or not, you can always
you know, create a long standing relationship with and maintain
a long standing relationship with that family.
Speaker 6 (51:17):
Right, Yeah, Well, thank you so much, Chelsea. I really
appreciate it. Okay, Yeah, I just I really, I mean,
this podcast has done so much for me. Your episode
with Cody Rigsby about all the body issues really kind
of healed something in me. And I just appreciate the
work you guys are doing.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
You're that love that, Jonathan.
Speaker 6 (51:35):
Okay, thank you guys.
Speaker 5 (51:36):
Have a great day and good luck with everything. Thank you, okay,
and we'll be right back to wrap up with Ed Helms.
Please tag me for the special because I get so
many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as
many about my special, and my special is the newest
thing out, so I want to make sure all my
Ardent fans are watching it. And tagging me and I'll
repost you. And yes, it's called the Feeling. And we're
(52:01):
back with Ed Helms, whose newest project is called.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
Is a book. He has a podcast by the same name.
Speaker 5 (52:08):
It's called Snapfoo The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups.
It's a great gift for all of you readers out there.
It's a great book to put by your pool, put
by your toilet, put on your coffee.
Speaker 4 (52:20):
Table, anything liquid related.
Speaker 5 (52:23):
Any yes, anytime you're around liquid, we want you to
pick up the book and read a couple of chapters.
It's fascinating and entertaining, just like Ed Helms himself. Ed,
you have been an incredible guest today. You are very
helpful to all of our callers and I am so grateful.
Speaker 4 (52:37):
Well, this has been a blast. This is Yes, it's
it's really amazing to hear these people call in and
just talk about how much you have affected them. Chelsea, Oh,
I know it's you. You have some superpowers for sure.
Speaker 1 (52:52):
Thank you, Ed.
Speaker 5 (52:53):
Thank you with such a pleasure to see you twice
in like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
I love this.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I know me too. Let's do it you.
Speaker 1 (52:59):
I'll see you by the next toilet or swimming pool.
That'll be you bump into each other.
Speaker 4 (53:03):
Bye, all right, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
Okay, take care bye bye bye.
Speaker 5 (53:07):
Do do do do do drum roll, Catherine, please and
abroad broad is my European tour. So I'm coming to
obviously find.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
A husband abroad.
Speaker 5 (53:20):
I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
coming to Rekuvik. I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.
Speaker 1 (53:35):
In May and June.
Speaker 5 (53:36):
I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,
and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad that.
Speaker 2 (53:52):
Sounds like fun.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
want to go.
Speaker 5 (53:55):
See me abroad and there all be there, all be excellent.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (54:00):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth.
Speaker 1 (54:18):
And then November one and twenty ninth.
Speaker 5 (54:21):
November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in
Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Speaker 2 (54:44):
Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3 (54:45):
And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
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