July 6, 2024 • 55 mins
This week, Chelsea’s Nieces Jordan and Charley join in to chat about generational personality traits, technical difficulties, and who’s kicked out of the family. Then: A Utah Zillennial struggles to keep up the good fight. A friendless fiance wonders if her wedding will be a bust. And twenty-something needs help kicking out her roommate - who happens to be the landlord’s granddaughter.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you're on the move. I am
almost on my way to New Zealand.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Oh how exciting.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I mean my last week. I have my friends here.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
It's my friend's birthday week, so there's a lot of
men and women.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
At my house.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
They're all out right now, so I can record my
podcast because I'm the only one who's remaining professional while
I'm on vacation.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Have you reconnected with any old flames from MAJORCA from
before or anything.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
That I have, Catherine, you know that I have. I'm
not here spinning my wheels on a bicycle all the time, Okay,
I'm getting a lot of activity, just spending something else. Yes, yes,
I'm very busy, Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Paula wrote in, and I think this is something really
good to share because we talk a lot about like
go get some therapy, but not everybody can afford that therapy.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
But Paula says, and support groups are typically free, right,
exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
If you can't afford something, a lot of times there's
free group therapy, support groups, all that kind of stuff.
So take a look at what exists in your area.
Paula says, I run a therapy center and I have
to tell you I have plout what you're doing and
think you would both make fabulous therapists. That's very sweet.
I'm an avid listener. I heard one of your callers
share that they would like to go to therapy but
can't afford it, and I'm reaching out to let you
(01:11):
know there are options for low income individuals to access
quality therapy. If any of your callers are from California
specifically and need mental health assistance, please let them know
about Pelican Cove Counseling Center, where a nonprofit and offer
a sliding scale fee structure to ensure all have access
to quality, long term therapy. You can just direct them
to our website and hit the contact link at the
top navigation bar. A therapist will reach out in twenty
(01:33):
four hours Pelicancove dot org. And I think that's amazing.
There are resources like that in every single state, so like,
really this stuff is a Google away.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, thank you for that writing that in.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yeah, thank you, Paula. And people reach out to Pelican Cove.
A lot of places have sliding scale and that sort
of thing.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
If lighting scales where it's at for payments and for grades.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I appreciated slighting scales when I was growing up exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
It's like I really got a seventy.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
But because everybody else is, I'm an idiot too, I
got an idea.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I'm like, thank you, love it, Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
We have some very special guests today, maybe even more
special than our normal guests.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, these are my nieces.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I have three nieces, and two of my nieces are
represented in today's episode.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Jordan Ray and Charlie Day. How cute is that?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And they're both very good at giving advice Catherine in
their own peer groups and within our family. So I
thought there would be a great addition to the podcast
because they're both very smart. Charlie's in college, Jordan's just graduate,
well not just graduated from college, but she's a college
graduate making her way in the world today as a
working woe man, and which Charlie will be soon following suit.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
So Hi girls, Hi, Hello, how are you?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Thanks for coming on the podcast together. How cute a
is this?
Speaker 6 (02:47):
I love it me too, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Okay, Charlie, I know you're a year ended at Emory
University and Jordan just started a new job a few
months ago. So these girls are very busy, and one
of them is living in Sinn currently on the east coast. Yeah,
and then start yeah, and it's also called a river.
She's living with her she has a living lover.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What's the river?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh, the Jordan river.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Sorry, I was gonna say it's also the name of
a river, but it came out wrong. I'm so busy
about putting my verbs announce in opposite directions in Spanish
every morning that now I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Doing it in English. I'm like, wait, what river Jordan?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
No, Jordan lives with her boyfriend on the east coast
and she just started a cool job. So I want
to hear about how your this past year went for
both of you. Jordan, you tell us how your new
job is going, how your new city is going.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Yeah. So it's funny because right around this time last year,
I actually quit my last job, like I think it
was like on my birthday last year. So that was
really fun.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And what kind of job was that? Tell everybody what
you did there?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
It was a content creating kind of job, but it
was in the techy kind of well being space. It
was just very corporate and it just wasn't fun like
it was supposed to be. Purposeful, but then you get
so jaded in those kinds of environments. It just was
not fun anymore. So I kind of decided, like, I
want to change career paths. I want to move to
(04:07):
a new city. I want to try out somewhere other
than New Jersey because we've all been in New Jersey
for so long. I just wanted to try a different state.
And so we moved and I am now a company.
It's a production company that's social impact driven and mission driven,
and so it feels a lot more purposeful than before.
And I'm getting into I don't know if I'm stepping
(04:29):
on your toes content of being in the entertainment space
trying not to, but.
Speaker 7 (04:35):
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
She got a job working with Shelley to Gilsky Pandemic
of Love, as everyone knows on this podcast, among many
other things, copious amounts of things. Shelley is she's a
busy lady. So she and Samoe and my sister are
very close. And she met Jordan and so she yeah,
she helped Jordan get a job in her company.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So that's awesome. And Charlie tell us about.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Your freshman year in college, because the pictures were they
looked like you were having a great time.
Speaker 6 (05:03):
That's absolutely correct, Listen, I was looking forward to college,
but I didn't even know what was one step away.
It was great.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
You didn't know how exciting this experience was gonna be, right, No, I.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Mean so many different areas of my life have been
improved after moving away from suburban New Jersey.
Speaker 8 (05:28):
Who could have known?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you like actually going to school, right, yeah?
Speaker 6 (05:34):
I mean I'm a bit of a nerd and I
actually really enjoy school. But I mean there are so
many great parts of freshman year outside of school.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
How would you balance your work life, Charlie in school
this year with your party life? What would you say
the appropriate college balance has been that you found?
Speaker 6 (05:55):
Well, Chelsea, I'm I've been towing the line more and
more and I'm waiting for things to blow up and
they haven't yet. So I'm just kind of upping the anti.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Blow up in a good way or blow up in
a and like deleterious manner, Which which kind of blow
up are you looking for?
Speaker 6 (06:15):
As the year progressed, party levels went up more, I
upped the anti and things haven't exactly crashed and burned yet,
So I'm just kind of waiting for that point.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Okay, right, so you're just going to enjoy the ride
until you have to tone it down a notch. I
understand what you're saying. I think, yes exactly, Jordan. Was
that your experience your first year in college as well?
Speaker 5 (06:37):
No, I was super lame in college and you didn't
go out very much. I also am a nerd and I.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
Just was like super obsessed with getting good grades.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
And also I did not go to like a good
school for partying, but I figured it out over time.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, you figured out how to get your party on.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
You mean, oh yeah, it's mostly involved alcohol and just
not worrying too much.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yes, we're a very pro cannabis family. I don't know
if anyone's picked up on that vibe yet. Now, girls,
I know that you recently went on a trip the
three girls, so you know, everyone has knows. I have
two sisters and I have three nieces, so it's perfect.
So we have three three and three, and then our
closest cousins are also three girls, so it's perfect because
we just like to multiply females in groups of three.
(07:20):
I know you recently went on a cousin's trip with
Seneca the three of you, Can you tell me about
that and what kind of cousin bonding you guys got
up to.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
We all live in different areas of the country. I'm
in the South, Jordan's always moving around, Sennny's in San
Francisco or wherever. So we always need to squeeze in
as much bonding as possible and in a short amount
of time. And if you think it can't be done,
we always prove you wrong. Every time we ate, we laughed,
(07:54):
we drank other things.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
It was beautiful, other things like your aunt Chelsea would
encourage you to do.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
By the way, girls, I sent you all boxes of
clothes close I'm moving into my new house.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I edited my closet.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I sent you all boxes of clothes, and at the
very last minute, Mollie came over and put a vibrator
in each one of your packages. So just so you know,
that is not from me, that's from Mollie trying to
be funny.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
That's actually would be the third vibrator that you have
sent me, so I expect the first.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. Now
back to your cousinly vacation. I wanted you to talk
a little bit about your dynamic between the three of
you and how or if you think it mimiced the
other three women in our families dynamic at all.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Oh interesting, I don't really think about it that way.
I mean, Chelsea, you're like such a standout, Like I
don't think we really fully have a Chelsea in our generation.
But I'd say Charlie is the closest because she just
literally cracks me up. Twenty four to seven. She woke
up one day and she goes, oh my God, like
(09:02):
I had a great night of sleep, and then I
woke up this morning in said of her and I
were like a parfit all layered together, and who just
comes up with it? She just cracks me up constantly.
So maybe that's my only comparison to you is Charles.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Charlie does have some really good, really good singers. She
comes out with some stuff that you're like, are you
a poet? Or are you on something? But it always
makes sense once you start to think about it.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Well, over the years, the three girls, we would always
try and see which sister we were, and it has
definitely changed over the years, But there's always a gap.
You're right, Jordan, it doesn't really fit. We've added some
new things to the parfait, if you will.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And then when we double, when we mix in our cousins,
it's even better because they have young kids and they
have babies, so then we can keep it youthful like
this past year and Martha's Vineyard. I know you weren't there, Charlie,
but we were, and we really enjoyed having.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
A younger dynamic there.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
And we actually that's when we started to threaten members
of the family about doing that non anonymous three p.
Sixty where we review each family member's performance and then
make cuts based on that.
Speaker 7 (10:18):
Have you made the cuts?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yes, well I've made them into you know.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
I mean, I know what the cuts are, and everyone
knows what my cuts are, so I don't even need
to say it out loud.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It seems like there's some people not invited to Myerica
this year.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
But there's also so many other people to consider.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
We have so many cousins and everybody, I mean, and
the girls and the kids all have are taking lovers.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Oh my goodness, you.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Know, I mean, there's just so many people in the
mix to consider.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You're out here multiplying.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Maybe we need a new draft.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think so. I think I think that's what we need.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
We could hold some auditions, well yeah, I mean, or
we test them out on a vacation and see what
kind of grade they get. You know, like Molly's obviously
an A plus, carries another A plus. Both of their
babies are A pluses as far as I'm concerned, And
I don't say that very often, but you know what
I'm talking about. Do you guys think it's an advantage
that you come from such a big family? Do you
(11:14):
feel like you come from a big family?
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I mean it's fun because I
think like one of the things that I learned from
this family is just leaning into chaos because there is
no way of getting around it. And I think it's
so easy to panic and be like, oh fuck, like
everybody's a mess, and yeah, like they are a mess,
but you just kind of go with it and you're like,
(11:37):
appreciate everybody for the mess that they are.
Speaker 7 (11:39):
Instead of time.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Yeah, that's a nice outlook to have. It's took me
a long time to figure that out. I'd be like,
why are you so fucking annoying, and then I have
to realize, oh, they're just annoying. Go in the other direction.
Speaker 9 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Sometimes it's hard to get away from people though in
our house, especially when there's so many of them.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
And especially when we're bunking up to the degree that
we do.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
We do bunk up a lot because there's we have
so many people that we have to get places that,
you know, like half of us are sleeping in bunk beds.
Obviously not us, mostly the boys, but sometimes it happens. Charlie,
what about you? Do you feel like you come from
a big family.
Speaker 7 (12:11):
I do.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
But the thing that kind of has resonated with me
is the fection in our family, because I don't really
I haven't really seen that in other people's family dynamics
or my dad's branch of the family. Everybody's just super
warm and loving and literally just touching each other struggling
(12:32):
on the couch.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Some would say it's slightly inappropriate, and I will take
the responsibility for the inappropriateness. Jordan hasn't really been one
of my victims because she because she rebuffed my advances
from an early time, she had set a boundary.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Oh see, that's my no No square.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Yeah, and I was like, oh, and then I looked
for another no No square, and then I found Charlie
and Seneca and they loved my advances and they welcome them,
and so I'm still doing it, you know. But yeah,
there is a lot of affection going on. That's nice.
That's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I mean, how could you argue with affection? Any family
that's not.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Affection is where the problems are. So we're problem we
have problems, but nobody has any secrets.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah, how do you guys work out issues that come
up in the family or when somebody is being annoying?
Do you hash it out? How does that work from
the next generation's perspective.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Well, Seneca usually, who's not here to speak for herself,
usually yells at everyone. So in that way, she's very
much like me and her spot in the generation. She
has no tolerance for the boys in our family, so
she's like, shut that fuck up.
Speaker 6 (13:36):
Everything's out on the table, everything's up for grabs. Nobody's
hiding anything, and if you're doing something that's weird, you're
gonna get called out, and you deserve to be called out.
I made Jordan and I two very strong, independent women
and we call people out and we're okay with criticism.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love that too.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
And on that note, we're going to take a break
and we're going to be right back with my two
nieces on Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
This week, we're looking for questions about dating, whether you're single,
just starting to see someone, or out there on the apps.
Right in with your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at
gmail dot.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Com, and we're back with Jordan and Charlie. Okay, my
nieces are here today.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So this is so cute. I love it.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Hit it all right.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Well, our first question comes from cc CC says Dear Chelsea.
I'm a twenty three year old student. My current boyfriend
and I met in an art class about four months ago.
We've been dating for three months. At the beginning of
our relationship, I told him I'm a person that's really
afraid of commitment and that we need to take it
slow because of that. Since then, we've met each other's
families a few times, gotten each other really personal gifts,
(14:48):
and just recently came back from a five day trip
to Colorado with him and his family. So as you
can see, the taking it slow quickly got out of hand.
As much as I like him, I've always been used
to being very independent, self sufficient and alone, and lately
I've been extremely focused on my career and my life,
and I haven't really given too much thought or worry
to my relationship since in my head, I was still
(15:10):
taking it slow. However, a couple of days after coming
back from Colorado, my boyfriend texted me that he's in
love with me. Yes, he texted you, he texted me.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
She says.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
This is also the time to point out that he's
three years younger than me, so he's twenty. I told
him this was a conversation to be had in person,
not over tich someone else, but that I was not
on the same page as him. I'm writing to you
because I officially do not know what to do. How
do I go about this? Should I still be with him?
(15:42):
Or is this a big enough issue to break up?
I don't want to lead him on by telling him
I might or might not fall in love with him
later down the line, but I do like being with him.
I just feel too young still, and saying I love
you to someone is just something I don't see myself
doing for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Cci, Okay, who wants to go first?
Speaker 6 (16:00):
I have some comments I think with the whole commitment issue.
This is something I've been thinking about myself recently, just
the idea of commitment, because I was in a pretty
long relationship before college and now I'm on the other
end of the spectrum. But you can't really force yourself
into wanting commitment. If it's not there, it's not going
(16:23):
to be there, and that's not something that can artificially
come about. So I think you might owe it to
yourself and to your little lover to kind of establish
a boundary and maybe distance yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Establish a boundary, and then distance yourself from a boundary
back away.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Jordan, I actually went through something very similar when I
first started dating my partner. It was a long time ago,
and he asked me if if I wanted to be
a his girlfriend, and I had said no originally because
I just wasn't ready, like.
Speaker 7 (17:04):
It seemed too serious. For whatever reason.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Certain labels or certain words I feel like trigger us
and it tells you a little bit something about yourself
that you should probably dig into. But then he was
like okay, and then he kind of bounced, and I
was like, whoa wha, whoa. Wait a minute, Like I
thought we could sort of do this half half in,
half out thing, and then I realized I missed him,
and I was like, wait, wait, let's pick this back
(17:28):
up and just move a little slower. And So I
feel like, if you step away and you don't miss
that person, or you're just not really interested in reconnecting,
that's a big sign that you shouldn't be moving in
that direction or spending any more time. But I also
feel like when we say we have commitment issues, it's
something like you need to challenge or dig into a
(17:49):
little bit more. Because for me, it was something of
like I just wanted to be this strong person and
I didn't ever want to be vulnerable. But if you
ever want to have a relationship that matters and that
you actually care about, you have to do that. So
I don't know, I would look at both sides of it.
It's like, if it's not this person, it's not this person.
(18:09):
But if it's a commitment issue and you want to
figure that out, I would figure that out.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Yeah, I think that's very sagacious because you know, it's
it is two things she's.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Talking about a little bit.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
But also with with you know, when someone says that
I love you and you don't feel that way, I
really believe it is the person, the recipient's responsibility to
make it very clear that those feelings are not being reciprocated,
so that that person can have some truth on their side.
They just said something that's very vulnerable, and even though
(18:40):
you are not matching it, it's nice to be like,
I'm sorry, I don't feel that way yet, or I
don't feel that way now, or however you can say
it to kind of, but be honest about it, you know,
and also be honest about the fact that if they're
in love with you and you don't feel that way,
it probably means that you're not in love with them.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Usually if people are in love, they're feeling it, not.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
One being like you back.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
And the other person's look, I'm closer. No, it's not
like that, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
And also to anyone listening, when someone says I love
you and it makes you have a reaction like that's
not a good thing, that's not good. That's not because
you're too young or you're a commitment foe. That just
means that person is not your person or one of
your people. If you think you're too young at twenty three, right, yeah, yeah,
you are too young to be like in love or
(19:31):
expectations of being love. But if this is a like
a recurring theme in your life, or it becomes one
where you're like, I just don't want a relationship, I
don't want a relationship, then yes, it probably is a
commitment issue.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I've definitely been there myself as well.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
But I think being honest with the other person, you know,
is also really the most important thing.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's just everyone has so nobody gets confused, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And if you really don't think you're going down that road,
be honest about that too, and like or not be honest,
but you know, separate yourself from that person so that
you can give them a chance to find someone who
also does feel the same way. So yeah, yeah, especially
if you if you don't care, you know, Okay, So good.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Luck with that. What's her name Charlotte cec Cca, Charlotte, Charlotte.
She's a sophomore. She's her name is Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It's probably short for Carlett. Let's be honest.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Well, Sophie is our first caller today, and she's calling
from Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sophie,
and Anna.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Is a trigger for me, A happy trigger, now still
a trigger.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of leaving home
and going to university. I got into McGill, a university
in Montreal, which is a couple hours from where I
live right now, so I will have to move out
in the fall. McGill is my dream university, although I
don't feel excited or any of the feelings you're supposed
to feel when you get into your dream university, because
I know this means it's the end of the part
(20:54):
of my life that's familiar and the beginning of a
new one that's so unknown. Although I do know moving
away is the best thing for me, it makes me
really sad to think that once I move out, it's
going to be the end, not to be dramatic of
basically my childhood. I'm so grateful that I'm able to
go to such a nice university and be supported by
my family, but I'm really dreading this new part of
my life. I'm wondering how Jordan Charlie dealt with these
(21:16):
kinds of changes in their lives, and if they have
any advice kind regards Sophie.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Hi, Sophie, Hi, so Hi.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Oh my god, how cute are you too? Look at
Charlie and Sophie are side by side. They look like
they could be sitting in the same room on the zoom. Well,
you came to the right place since we have some
college students and college graduates here.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Okay, girls, go ahead. Jordan, why don't you go first?
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Well, I was going to say, I actually think Charlie
should take this one first because she did this more
recently than I did.
Speaker 7 (21:45):
So no, I'm happy to.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
It's really scary, kind of it seems like a very
official end to your childhood in a way, and it's
kind of scary to separate yourself from your parents. I
don't know if that's something that you're feeling, but.
Speaker 8 (22:04):
Yeah, I know it is.
Speaker 6 (22:06):
You don't have to feel guilty about growing up and
starting your life. That's not something that you have to
feel guilty about. And it's really difficult to kind of
separate the excitement of doing that from the guilt of
spending less time with your family or in your hometown.
I think when you actually get to college, you'll see
(22:28):
that there's this whole world out there waiting for you,
and there's so much newness. And I'm telling you, when
you go home, this was something I was afraid of.
I was afraid that I would go home and things
would feel kind of different, the dynamics or just the
feeling of my house even.
Speaker 8 (22:48):
And it's not.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
I assure you you'll come home and things just kind
of rev back up and almost resume where they were.
But it's definitely a scary time.
Speaker 10 (23:00):
Yeah, And I think it's just scary for me to
think that, like, once I do move out, I can
move back home, but it's not the same, it's not
like the same dynamic, I feel like.
Speaker 8 (23:10):
I think that's what also freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
But like the end of an era, it is the
end of the era, but it's also like a rite
of passage, like you're moving into something and everyone's a
little bit scared to go to college. There's also a
huge beginning happening, and it's really not the end. It's
the end of your childhood. It is, but you're always
going to come home and you have so much to
be excited about. What better time is there in life
(23:34):
than to be a freshman in college.
Speaker 8 (23:37):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Did you have a hard time Jordan leaving?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
No, I didn't. I felt very ready when I went.
But also, you know, over time, you start to miss
the people that you grew up with, and it makes
total sense, And I think it sounds like you have
a great family, which is a total blessing.
Speaker 7 (23:56):
Because not everybody has that.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
So it's nice that you have something that you don't
want to leave and something that you can come back to.
But I think one of the cool things about coming
back from college for the first time is figuring out
those new dynamics. It's not all bad. You still get
to be your parents' baby. They still they actually like
babying you when you come back, believe it or not.
And also you get to figure out like how to
(24:20):
sort of be an adult with them without really having
the responsibilities of being an adult.
Speaker 7 (24:25):
Yet.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
It's a really cool in between stage where you get
to figure out how to be friends with your parents
and you see parts of your parents that you didn't
see before. It's like unlocking also those relationships in a
different way. So I get the fear, I get the anxiety.
It's totally normal. I would try making a mental switch
in your head to excitement from that because there is
(24:48):
a lot to be excited about and when you come
home you just see just like absorb it, sit in
it and be happy to be there and see kind
of where it takes you.
Speaker 7 (24:58):
But yeah, you have a lot to look forward to it.
Speaker 10 (25:00):
Yeah, that's the thing because I'm a really, like I
think I'm a slow to warm up person.
Speaker 8 (25:05):
Like right now, I know, I'm really nervous.
Speaker 10 (25:07):
About it, but i know once I'm there, I'll warm
up to it and I'll enjoy it.
Speaker 8 (25:10):
It's like the in between stage.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But I think Jorady brought up a great point for
something that you can do. Whether it's like an exercise
of you writing it down all the time, but like,
think about how lucky you are to have grown up
in a home that you really are like sad to leave.
You're grateful for your parents, You're grateful for your bedroom,
You're grateful for your house, You're grateful for all of
your neighbors and all of the things that come with it.
Just keep a journal of that, or write down a
gratitude list, because that's going to help you move into
(25:35):
the next phase of your life with a little bit
more grace and a little less fear and it's okay
to be scared. It's exciting. That means you care, you
know what I mean. Being scared of something means you're
nervous and that you care, and that's okay too.
Speaker 8 (25:47):
Yeah, that's totally true.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Do you have any friends that from high school that
are going to your college?
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (25:52):
Actually pretty much everyone I know is going to make Yelle.
But I do have my best friend who's going to
be and it's like pretty much across the country, So
I'm really gonna miss her.
Speaker 8 (26:04):
That's really gonna suck.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But yeah, I.
Speaker 8 (26:07):
Didn't like you that I have so many friends going.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
So yeah, make sure you just like set up a
nice like set time that you're gonna like see if
people you know throughout the year, whether it's once a
week or twice a week. Get a high school group
together and be like, I want to make sure we
stay you know, close while we're in college, and like
get something going like a support group for like being you.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Know, new freshman or whatever you want to do or
call it.
Speaker 6 (26:31):
Yeah, one thing that I did with my best friend
she went to college up north and I'm down south.
Every Monday, we would send five pictures from our week
as a little dump to kind of fill each other in. Yeah,
and it was a lot of fun because I would
take pictures throughout the week thinking like, oh, I'm gonna
send this to my friends, She's gonna think this is
(26:53):
so funny. Yeah, and we could keep each other up
to date and it was a ton of fun.
Speaker 8 (26:59):
Yeah, it's a really great idea.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Now you just have to find a social media platform
where you can do that.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
On a couple little tricks too, to bring with you.
First of all, like when you go if you're in
a situation where you don't know anybody, like none of
your friends are in that mixer or whatever, just know
like everybody else there has no friends there either, So like,
don't be afraid to go up to people and be like, Hi,
I'm so and so and like what's your name, and
(27:24):
you know, because they might be feeling really out of
place or nervous as well.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Well, that is a good point because everyone's in the
same boat as you. It's not like you're going off
to war alone. And well that's not a good example
either because people are going together to example, but you know,
at least you're in the same boat with everyone, Like
everyone is new, so it's a perfect opportunity.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Especially that first semester. It's the best time to make friends.
Oh you can make friends over nothing. You can like,
you know, have a lecture hall together and sit next
to each other once and now.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
You yeah okay.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
And the other thing I would say is say yes
to everything that sounds fun. So if someone invites you
or there's something you see that's like an event, you
can go to say yes to absolutely everything for the
first like six months, just so you can like be
out there meeting people because you're not going to meet
people sitting in your dorm room.
Speaker 8 (28:15):
Yeah, okay, thank you guys so much.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Oh good, I feel like they gave me some really
great advice today. Yeah, change that frame of mind around.
I'm excited for you. You get excited for you too, good luck. Well,
thank you Okay, bye, Sophie.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
Bye bye. What a total cutie.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Oh I know.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I just love the idea of wanting to stay home
after or like really missing like I could not fucking
meet when I was like nine or ten, I was
like looking in the like want ads to see how
old you?
Speaker 6 (28:50):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:50):
I was like, are there apartments that I could possibly afford, like,
do you know in Australia?
Speaker 1 (28:55):
How do I get the fuck out of here?
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Well, our next question comes from G and this is
a write in, so she's not joining us today. G says,
Dear Chelsea. A few years ago, I lost all of
my friends because I chose to stop being friends with
the toxic one. Unfortunately, she was very manipulative and influenced
the entire group to stop hanging out with me. Despite
(29:20):
the fallout being just between us two, I recently got engaged,
and as excited as I am, I'm also dreading the
wedding planning because of my new lack of friends. I
won't have the excitement of having a typical bridal party
or bachelorette getaway, nor do I expect to ever be
part of one. Don't get me wrong, I have a
few friends, but they're all spread out across the country
and I don't think it would be feasible for any
(29:41):
of us to happen. My question is how can I
make this process an exciting one despite the lack of support?
How do I get over being so sad and lonely
in the social aspect of my life? Best?
Speaker 1 (29:52):
G Oh, that sounds like a bummer.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
No, No, well, it just sounds like you're going to
have to make a new group of friends, and it's
going to take an from where you live. Like I've
heard of these things happening with adult women before. It's
so embarrassing, but it's happened to me, and I'm sure
I've done it to plenty of people.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So yeah, you just have to make a new set
of friends.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
And it does suck, but it is a time to
be like celebratory in your life, right, girls. I mean,
you're getting married, You've got a great husband, and it's unfortunate,
but at least you don't have that toxicity in your life.
It's sad that it's at the expense of like all
the other friendships. But I would just focus on, you know,
be open minded about who else you're going to hang
out with, and and and it will take time to
(30:33):
make a new circle of friends, and I would try.
I would encourage you to do something for your wedding.
As much as I fucking hate bachelorette parties, I would
encourage you to celebrate yourself if that's what you want
to do with your friends across the country and those
who can come could come, and if they can't, they can't.
And yeah, I don't assume things can't happen just because
you say they can't.
Speaker 7 (30:53):
Agreed, I totally agree.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
Don't assume that they won't want to come or that
they can't make it. Always the least you can do
is ask, And honestly, I mean, I don't know if
you still want to be friends with any of those girls,
but these kind of events are a great way to
reconnect with people that you haven't talked to in a while.
If they're toxic, leave them behind. But if there was
one or two of them that you were really close with,
(31:16):
this might be your opportunity to reconnect with them and
kind of sidestep that toxic person. I'd also say avoid
feeling like you getting married has to be this perfect
momentous thing where all of these people come together in
the most perfect way. Like we get so pressured into
feeling like it has to be your fairy tale moment
(31:36):
and everything has to align perfectly. That's never going to
happen no matter what. So lean into it just being
a happy day for you, whatever that means, and focus
on the people that are there for you. Because even
if it's not female friends. There are going to be
people that are going to show up for you that day,
and I'm sure you'll be surprised by the fact that
(31:57):
you don't miss them.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yeah that is really good advice.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Yeah, that's great advice.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Charlie. What do you think.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
Well, I'd like to applaud you for, you know, distancing
yourself from somebody who wasn't good for you. A lot
of people, myself included, struggle with kind of setting those
boundaries and taking themselves out of situations that aren't good
for them, and I don't know, separating yourself from people
(32:27):
who aren't lifting you up. So first of all, I'd
like to say, good job knowing yourself and getting out
of that situation.
Speaker 8 (32:37):
And second, this.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
Whole friend group, it's not an end all, be all.
There's so many other people out there who want to
make friends and people who will actually be good and
kind to you and who have things in common with you.
So I say, and not just for the purpose of
bridesmaids or wedding preparations, that you should put yourself out
(33:01):
there depending on where you live, go outside, go to
a park, go to some sort of event. People always
want to make friends that's I mean, of course, something
big in college, which is what we were just talking about,
but it doesn't really change. People want to make friends.
So yeah, I think it's time to shift that mindset.
Speaker 7 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I make friends all the time. Every week I make friends.
And it's not because I'm a celebrity. I talk to
people Rando's all the time and I make friends. So
it's just about your attitude. Sometimes I don't want to
make friends and I make friends. You know that can
be very tricky.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Girls.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Before we go to the next color, I had your
mother's on the podcast. Did you hear about this trun? Okay,
what did you hear?
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I heard that it was a catastrophe.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Well, oh, now, Simone was fine as a normal.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
And then there was Shashana, who is Charlie's mother, who
was walking around with her laptop throughout the entire house
throughout the episode with callers on going I.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Can't get a signal.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I can't get a signal, so we're all getting motion
sickness while watching her try to get a fucking Wi
Fi signal in her own house, I'm like, have you
never you've never checked your WiFi before?
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Are you on WiFi? She's like, I don't know. I
don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
I'm like, you, you've never done a zoom and she's like, no,
not usually. I'm like, oh my god, Shashana, I am
gonna throw up. And then Simone came down to California
and she goes A couple days later, she goes, uh,
we're not doing that again.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
And I go what?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
And she goes to the podcast, I'm not doing that again,
not with Shashawana and not alone. I go, we can
do it without Shauna and she goes, I don't want
anything to do with it anymore.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Then yesterday I was talking to Shawna and she goes,
oh my god, I'm so sorry about the other day.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I don't know what happened. I go, what, I know
what happened.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Every time I've spoken to you on the phone, there's
been an issue since I moved to California.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I'm forty nine years old.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I've been here for thirty years, and I've never had
a conversation with you that didn't somehow drop the call
or there was fuzz or you know, there was like
a loud beeping sound and she's like, I'm really sorry.
She's like, please don't air that. I'm like, well, I
think we're going to because Simon moves.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
Don't worry. Tell her we're going to clean it up.
We'll cut out all the like funky bits and it'll sound.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
She goes, and then she said this doozy.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
She said, oh, And I felt so bad because that
one caller I was giving advice to I didn't even
hear the questions. So I was just She's like, I
was just shooting fish into a barrel. That's what she
said to me, shooting fish into a barrel. I'm like,
you're playing with people's lives.
Speaker 6 (35:42):
Meanwhile, I'm in the same house, on the same computer.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Absolutely, I can't wait to tell her that it was
fine with you. She's unreal. She's unreal. There's like a
loud sire and sometimes I'm like, what is that sound.
She's like, I don't hear it. I'm like, you don't
hear that loud sign in the phone.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
We sent her into the basement to get closer to
the Wi Fi, and then she was like sitting on
the stick.
Speaker 8 (36:06):
Oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
If okay, so you asked before, if there's a Chelsea
of our generation, I think that Shoshana is the Seymour
of your general.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Shanna is the Chelsea. I'm like, what, we don't have
anything in common. Shawna wouldn't like to be called Seymour.
That's our father, their grandfather, and no one wants to
be compared to him because he was up to some sneaky.
Speaker 7 (36:27):
Actually, no, that was sneaky.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
That was the problem. It wasn't sneaky at all. If
he had been sneakier, it might have been more dignified.
But he didn't sneak anything.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
He had some really, and again, we don't sneak everything
down on the table, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
But I will say you also did compare her to
Seymour on I know, but.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
She doesn't like it, so I don't say it to her.
But yes, believe me, I see the similarity.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
My dad he puts it, well, he thinks that she
is like the ultimate mix of Rita and Seymour.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
How so, because she's.
Speaker 6 (37:00):
Very warm and she also really likes to bargain.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Yeah, right, so that's Seymour. And then warm is my mother?
My mother was very warm. Yeah, she is very warm. Okay, well,
we we'll figure that.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Problem out as we see it.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
We'll just have to keep dealing with it until we
come to an actual prognosis.
Speaker 5 (37:21):
And then follow that up with an intervention.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Diagnosis. We need a diagnosis, a prognosis, and an.
Speaker 8 (37:29):
Intervention and a prescription.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
with my nieces and we're back.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Okay, Okay, So Evelyn's are she her? Evelyn says, dear Chelsea.
My name's Evelyn, and I'm a trans woman on the
cusp of Millennial and gen Z. I've been doing intense
therapy for the last two years or so since realizing
I was trans, and have been making major progress in
healing religious and family traumas. On one hand, I'm so
(38:07):
proud of myself for the incredible progress they've made. But
on the other, I'm incredibly nihilistic about the future, the world,
and my place in it, knowing that nihilism runs rampant
in gen Z. How do you fight this? Anytime I
try to get involved in fighting for LGBTQIA plus rights,
women's rights, gun control, are really any social justice, I
(38:28):
get burnt out so quickly. I want to feel positive
when looking to the future, and I want to be
that person who's on the front lines of the good fight,
but I just can't seem to do it. How can
I take the good vibes and self love I'm developing
through therapy and apply it to the future. Love this podcast.
Thanks for all the wonderful advice over the years.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Avelyn, Hi, Evelyn.
Speaker 5 (38:46):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Hello, that's Jordan and that's Charlie.
Speaker 5 (38:50):
Hi.
Speaker 9 (38:50):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Okay, so well, let's talk about what you're ingesting.
Speaker 9 (38:55):
What are you ingesting A lot of social media doom
scrolling and ticked talk and X and all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Yeah, well, I had your problem for a long time,
and I just I'm not uninformed, but I'm less. I
check in with the news in a written form, and
I don't pay attention to that. I hardly go on
Instagram anymore. I hardly ever go on TikTok. I honestly,
it eats at your brain, and it eats at your
self esteem.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
It has such a corrosive effect.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I mean, I can tell if I look at social media,
if for three or five minutes, I get something bothers
me about it, something brings me down about it. You know,
whether you're comparing yourself to someone you think is a
better life or you're looking at someone that you can't
stand and say, you know what I mean, or you're
hearing all this loud noise. You have to minimize your
access to social media. And one of the things that
(39:43):
I'm so impressed and proud of with all of my
nieces and many of my nephews too, is they're not
consumed with social media at all, are you guys? Not really,
they don't care and they're happy arth you know what
I mean. It is a definite component of being happy
and unhappy, you know, social media is a component in that.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
So you really have to limit your time.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
That's the very first thing you could do that will
definitely have a positive impact, right girls, for sure?
Speaker 7 (40:11):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (40:13):
I think one thing that I do is I have
this function on my phone where if I double tap
the back of my phone, it goes from color to
black and white. Whenever I go onto social media, I
switch it to black and white, and I'm not as
tempted to keep scrolling as long. So that's something that
really helps me. But then you can switch it back
(40:33):
to color when you're like looking at a photo somebody
sent you or whatever. But I would say, what you're
going through is completely relatable, like so many people are agent.
I'm also in between gen Z and millennials. I'm kind
of neither. I'm sort of in this in between space,
and there is a lot of eco anxiety. There's a
lot of just fear for the future and whether or
(40:55):
not we're going to have any rights. And so I
would say though all the media you're consuming is meant
to make you feel that way. It's meant to make
you feel hopeless. It's meant to make you feel like
you don't have any power. And so when you do anything,
it could be supporting a content creator that you think
deserves support. It could be donating five dollars to the ACLU.
(41:19):
It could be you know, volunteering for one hour of
the week. Whatever little thing you can do, it's better
than nothing, right, And I think when we do those
little things, it gives you that spark of hope back.
And it doesn't have to be doing something major or
like fixing the world. All we all have to do
is do one thing. If we all did one thing,
(41:43):
we could move everything way further. But if we all
sit in this space of like, oh God, like I
don't know what to do, I'm just going to give
up and not do anything.
Speaker 7 (41:52):
Then nothing gets accomplished.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
And so I think a lot of people our age
are falling into that where they're like, if I can't
change everything now, that's the point. But then we stop
progress all together, and we have to think twenty years
from now, we stop now, like it's coming to a
complete hall and then nothing's happening.
Speaker 7 (42:10):
So we just have to take those little steps every day.
Speaker 5 (42:12):
So if you can do one small thing every day
that makes you feel like, Okay, I contributed, that's all
I had to do, don't feel like it has to
be some massive thing.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I love that. That's great advice. Do you love that, Evelyn?
Speaker 9 (42:25):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (42:26):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (42:26):
Where where would you start? Do you have any recommendations
for like how to consume the news and make sure
you're still informed without getting it all from like social
media or like bias sources.
Speaker 5 (42:39):
Yeah, I mean I think that's a constant issue for
a lot of people.
Speaker 7 (42:42):
I think you have to watch I.
Speaker 5 (42:44):
Think you have to look at anything that's in the
middle of the road, and you have to look at fact.
You can't just look at a headline and assume that
it's true. You have to actually dig in sure.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Yeah, And it's like reading it on social media. The
news is not how you should be consuming your news.
You should find an app, whether it's like like I
listen to the Daily from the New York Times every morning.
You find whether you like the Huffington Post, whether you
like the Daily News, whether you like Ben Shapiro, whatever
you're into. Obviously you're not into Ben Shapiro, but whatever
you're into, just find, just get a little like the Skim.
(43:14):
You know, the Skim has a great little roundup, or
the week that political magazine has like a roundup of everything.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Find those things that are going.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
To get delivered to your email that keep you off
of social media, so that's not one more thing you're
looking at on social media. And set that timer, you know,
that Instagram timer or that says you've been on your
phone for an hour today or forty minutes or whatever
it is. Just take those little steps in conjunction with
the steps you're going to take to make the world
a better place. And so you already have like a
(43:42):
fifty things to do so far, and Charlie hasn't even
spoken yet.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
So Charlie, what do you wanted to do?
Speaker 6 (43:49):
Yeah? I mean that funk. I think everybody knows everybody
in our generation is familiar with that kind of funk
that you get into.
Speaker 8 (43:58):
But don't let that win.
Speaker 6 (44:00):
Don't let that funk win. Everybody wants.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Everybody wants women to give up.
Speaker 6 (44:06):
You know, yes, the system wants that funk to win,
wants women to give up, wants you to just kind
of not do anything. And number one, doing stuff feels great.
It's just doing one thing can lift you out of
that funk. And if you keep doing that instead of pattern,
(44:26):
you feel good about yourself. You feel like you're looking
at the world and maybe there are problems, but you're
actively making a contribution to change that and that's really great.
Speaker 8 (44:37):
And also it.
Speaker 6 (44:38):
Comes with so many other benefits. The people you meet
when you're I don't know, at a protest or you're
at a rally or working on a campaign.
Speaker 7 (44:48):
I've made some friends years.
Speaker 6 (44:49):
Ago that I still talk to today through that kind
of activism, and it's great to kind of be able
to find community that way. You can talk with people
about feeling in a slump and get lifted up. But
just don't let it win, is my advice, because then
(45:10):
you're letting everybody who has ever wanted you to shut
up or disagree with you. You're letting them win and
that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 4 (45:20):
Love that, maybe once a month or once every couple months,
volunteer somewhere where you can like see the tangible results
of what you're doing. So maybe that's like helping out
with folks who are learning English as a second language,
or like at a homeless shelter or something like that
where you really see the direct results of.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
The time that you're spending.
Speaker 4 (45:39):
Just to sort of like mix that in to because
it can feel a little bit like you're shouting into
the void when you're just like sending out texts or
you know, canvassing or whatever else. So that might be
helpful just nourishing to your soul.
Speaker 7 (45:52):
Gotcha.
Speaker 9 (45:53):
Yeah, there's a lot of I'm in Utah, so there's
a lot of lgbtqya plus like charities and like homes
for kids and stuff. So I have been looking into
volunteering at some of those places.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
That kind of stuff makes you just happy, you know,
when you do that stuff, it feels like you're because
it's so purposeful, especially when you can have interaction one
on one with other people. All you have to do,
all you have to do is give one kid, you
know what I mean, give one kid your love and
your praise and make them believe in themselves. And like
then you're gonna be off to the races. You're gonna
feel so good about having that kind of impact.
Speaker 9 (46:26):
Yeah, I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Okay, Well, get going, Evelyn. Do everything we said.
Speaker 9 (46:29):
Okay, everything, Yes, awesome, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
So our last question comes from Angela. She says, my
roommate is the effing worst. Dear Chelsea, I really need
your help since I have a situation with my roommate
and I'm not as confrontational as you are goals. A
couple of years ago, I was really struggling to find
a roommate since I was unable to pay for the
entire apartment by myself at the time. I asked my
landlord if he knew anyone, and he suggested his granddaughter
(47:05):
since she was looking for apartments at the time. Too.
Turns out, she is the worst. She does not clean
up after herself. She does not broom or vacuum or
mop or even take out the trash.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Room is broom of broom.
Speaker 4 (47:18):
The most she will do is take out the trash
in one of the bathrooms, but leave the trash right
by the trash can, which I then take to the dumpster.
Her sisters sleep over and are extremely loud in the
middle of the night. She also hides the dog in
her room and ignores that I have called her out
on it. When I clean the apartment, it takes up
most of my weekend, since I feel like I have
to clean for two It has gotten so frustrating that
(47:41):
I do not have the energy to clean, because what's
the point She's going to mess it up in a
few days. I send her text to help clean, and
she either ignores it or washes her own dishes for
a few days, and then it's back to how it's
always been. Here is the real issue. Of course, I've
thought about moving out, but my landlord is the nicest
old man and charges me almost nothing thing because of
how long I've loved in the apartment. Rent is not
(48:03):
cheap in LA and so I'm stuck here until I
come buy a house later on. Also, I've come to
realize that I don't think she's even paying rent because
her grandpa now has her pay it directly to him,
quote unquote, I do not want to embarrass him with this,
with the fact that his granddaughter is a slob. Please
help me in solving this issue. How do I ask
her to move out? Angela?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
One of you has a bad roommate passed m M.
Speaker 7 (48:29):
That would be me.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
What was your roommate's situation? I don't remember.
Speaker 5 (48:34):
Wait, Charles, did you too?
Speaker 6 (48:36):
She wasn't the greatest, but not at this degree.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (48:42):
This is tough because it's like, so it's the landlord's granddaughter.
Yeah hmmm, I mean that cheap rent. It's worth it
if you can stick.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
It out, But not if that girl's paying her father
grandfather directly.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
That sounds fishy.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I don't like that set up. That sounds like what's
going on there? The no grandfather is going to take
money from their granddaughter.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
I'm sorry, right right, it's she's getting a freebee and
then she's slapping on top of it.
Speaker 6 (49:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (49:11):
I wonder if you could like find another roommate that's
like willing to pay more and be like, hey, so
win win for you. But I don't know, I don't
really know what you do in that situation because there's
like a nepotism situation going on.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
I know, and it's like the only way to do
it is actually to talk to the grandfather, because you're
not going to be able to reason with a girl
who's like doing cleaning like that.
Speaker 6 (49:35):
I mean, that could go one of two ways. Either
they're going to be the grandpa is not going to
be receptive to that, or which I think is more likely,
he's going to say, yeah, I totally agree, my granddaughter's
a mess and I should probably talk to her and
tell her to get her shit together.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yeah he could do that too, and he or he
could be like, totally go, I totally understand. That's why
I would talk to him first, Like, I listen, this
isn't working out. She's really messy and we just don't
have the same living styles and she has people over
all the time.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
I'm not getting sleep. I really like to get a
new roommate, Like.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
I would do that, but I'm like, I'm just thinking
about how that looks going behind her back if the
grandfather goes it's all a little bit. I mean, the
best thing to do would say, tell her directly and
when she doesn't change her behavior to tell her grandfather
that you've already spoken to her about it, because if
you go to him first, he's going to say, did
you talk to her about it?
Speaker 6 (50:30):
Yeah, well it seems like she has talked to her
about it, So I think we are at the step
of going.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
To Charlie's like full, she's ready, she's ready to a victor.
Speaker 5 (50:41):
Yeah, I don't know. And I think also one thing
that always helps, because you get so frustrated in these situations,
and I've had bad roommates before, that you become so
like just angry all the time that you're angry at
the smallest things. Actually write down the things that are
annoying you about it so that you can take it
to the landlord and be like, hey, these are the things,
(51:03):
these are the things I don't care about, but these
are the things that I can't live with. And so
that's always helpful because I get so like pissed off
that I like am not even coherent.
Speaker 7 (51:13):
So I would try that.
Speaker 5 (51:15):
But yeah, if you've already talked to her, it's time
to talk to the landlord. And it doesn't have to
be super confrontational, like if he's a sweet old man,
you can just be.
Speaker 7 (51:23):
Like, hey, blah blah blah, and probably.
Speaker 5 (51:25):
If he is a sweet old man, be compassionate about.
Speaker 7 (51:28):
It, hopefully.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
And it kind of I kind of get the vibe
that maybe she can afford the entire apartment by herself now,
so like maybe that's the move, is just to be like,
if you.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Can't afford the apartment by yourself, definitely that is your move.
Speaker 8 (51:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Oh yeah, that makes it even simpler because you just
say I'm ready to live alone.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
I've been saving up for this, and I'm ready. This
is it.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
And since your granddaughter's not paying you rent any right,
shouldn't make a difference.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (51:52):
We had so we have this friend who lived in
this group of like five guys in a house, and
you know how during the pandemic, like rent was sort
of for a little while, and you know, there was
a point where they wanted to all have a conversation
with the landlord to like figure out how much they
owed and rent. And so all five of them were
on the call, but only one guy was on the
lease and they'd all lived there for years. And as
(52:14):
they like started to figure out like how much they
owed the guy, they realized that the guy who was
on the lease had been charging them all splitting the
rent between the other guys, So that guy wasn't paying
rent at all for like five years.
Speaker 7 (52:28):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
So I love what you said about like just find
somebody who'll pay more.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
I know, Like, first of all, how do people react
with when they find that out?
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Like what is your defense? You haven't been paying rent?
You know you're not paying rent? What is your possible
defense when you get caught?
Speaker 4 (52:44):
And the thing is like they all worked together and
they were friends, they were it all blew up and
all totally blow up. That guy like moved back to
the Midwest or whatever, but.
Speaker 5 (52:53):
They're probably like you owe me like ten grands.
Speaker 4 (52:56):
Exactly, Like oh, a lot of things have started to
make sense, like why he's like, you know, a part
time bar back and like can afford to live in
La So you know.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Well, yeah, I think ask her to move out.
Speaker 4 (53:08):
And if you can't do that, like find somebody else
it's willing to pay a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
Okay, Well that's the pro that problem has been solved.
You girls were very impressive today. I knew you would be,
so I'm not surprised.
Speaker 5 (53:19):
Thank you for having us Charlie.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
How would you rate your experience giving advice on the
podcast for the first time on a scale of one
to ten.
Speaker 6 (53:26):
I'll say nine, because who knows. I mean, I'll need
some room for improvement. I don't want to limit myself.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
Jordan, Jordan, how would you rate your own performance on
a scale of one to ten?
Speaker 7 (53:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (53:40):
An eighth Okay, I think you guys both deserve an eye.
Speaker 6 (53:43):
But well that I would like to say for the record,
I was rating my experience, not my own performance.
Speaker 7 (53:51):
I'm not like an asshole.
Speaker 5 (53:54):
That was my experience.
Speaker 4 (53:56):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (53:56):
Well this was really fun and we're gonna have to
do it again because people are probably going to love
listening to these two. Thank you girls, have a great
rest of your day and I'll see you soon, you
very soon.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
I love you. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
you guys.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.
We've added second shows to places that have sold out
the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui,
Kahulue and Honolulu I will be there in July. Also
in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh.
I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in
(54:32):
Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington
on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my
second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
You do not want to miss that.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,
South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint
Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in
Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor
Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm
(55:07):
coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the Kings Theater on
November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the
end of the year in December, so if you're in
a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or
New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 4 (55:26):
Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
dot com
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you're on the move. I am
almost on my way to New Zealand.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Oh how exciting.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
I mean my last week. I have my friends here.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
It's my friend's birthday week, so there's a lot of
men and women.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
At my house.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
They're all out right now, so I can record my
podcast because I'm the only one who's remaining professional while
I'm on vacation.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Have you reconnected with any old flames from MAJORCA from
before or anything.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
That I have, Catherine, you know that I have. I'm
not here spinning my wheels on a bicycle all the time, Okay,
I'm getting a lot of activity, just spending something else. Yes, yes,
I'm very busy, Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Paula wrote in, and I think this is something really
good to share because we talk a lot about like
go get some therapy, but not everybody can afford that therapy.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
But Paula says, and support groups are typically free, right,
exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
If you can't afford something, a lot of times there's
free group therapy, support groups, all that kind of stuff.
So take a look at what exists in your area.
Paula says, I run a therapy center and I have
to tell you I have plout what you're doing and
think you would both make fabulous therapists. That's very sweet.
I'm an avid listener. I heard one of your callers
share that they would like to go to therapy but
can't afford it, and I'm reaching out to let you
(01:11):
know there are options for low income individuals to access
quality therapy. If any of your callers are from California
specifically and need mental health assistance, please let them know
about Pelican Cove Counseling Center, where a nonprofit and offer
a sliding scale fee structure to ensure all have access
to quality, long term therapy. You can just direct them
to our website and hit the contact link at the
top navigation bar. A therapist will reach out in twenty
(01:33):
four hours Pelicancove dot org. And I think that's amazing.
There are resources like that in every single state, so like,
really this stuff is a Google away.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, thank you for that writing that in.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yeah, thank you, Paula. And people reach out to Pelican Cove.
A lot of places have sliding scale and that sort
of thing.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
If lighting scales where it's at for payments and for grades.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I appreciated slighting scales when I was growing up exactly.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
It's like I really got a seventy.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
But because everybody else is, I'm an idiot too, I
got an idea.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I'm like, thank you, love it, Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (02:04):
We have some very special guests today, maybe even more
special than our normal guests.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, these are my nieces.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I have three nieces, and two of my nieces are
represented in today's episode.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Jordan Ray and Charlie Day. How cute is that?
Speaker 3 (02:18):
And they're both very good at giving advice Catherine in
their own peer groups and within our family. So I
thought there would be a great addition to the podcast
because they're both very smart. Charlie's in college, Jordan's just graduate,
well not just graduated from college, but she's a college
graduate making her way in the world today as a
working woe man, and which Charlie will be soon following suit.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
So Hi girls, Hi, Hello, how are you?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Thanks for coming on the podcast together. How cute a
is this?
Speaker 6 (02:47):
I love it me too, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Okay, Charlie, I know you're a year ended at Emory
University and Jordan just started a new job a few
months ago. So these girls are very busy, and one
of them is living in Sinn currently on the east coast. Yeah,
and then start yeah, and it's also called a river.
She's living with her she has a living lover.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What's the river?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Oh, the Jordan river.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Sorry, I was gonna say it's also the name of
a river, but it came out wrong. I'm so busy
about putting my verbs announce in opposite directions in Spanish
every morning that now I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Doing it in English. I'm like, wait, what river Jordan?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
No, Jordan lives with her boyfriend on the east coast
and she just started a cool job. So I want
to hear about how your this past year went for
both of you. Jordan, you tell us how your new
job is going, how your new city is going.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Yeah. So it's funny because right around this time last year,
I actually quit my last job, like I think it
was like on my birthday last year. So that was
really fun.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And what kind of job was that? Tell everybody what
you did there?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
It was a content creating kind of job, but it
was in the techy kind of well being space. It
was just very corporate and it just wasn't fun like
it was supposed to be. Purposeful, but then you get
so jaded in those kinds of environments. It just was
not fun anymore. So I kind of decided, like, I
want to change career paths. I want to move to
(04:07):
a new city. I want to try out somewhere other
than New Jersey because we've all been in New Jersey
for so long. I just wanted to try a different state.
And so we moved and I am now a company.
It's a production company that's social impact driven and mission driven,
and so it feels a lot more purposeful than before.
And I'm getting into I don't know if I'm stepping
(04:29):
on your toes content of being in the entertainment space
trying not to, but.
Speaker 7 (04:35):
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
She got a job working with Shelley to Gilsky Pandemic
of Love, as everyone knows on this podcast, among many
other things, copious amounts of things. Shelley is she's a
busy lady. So she and Samoe and my sister are
very close. And she met Jordan and so she yeah,
she helped Jordan get a job in her company.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So that's awesome. And Charlie tell us about.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Your freshman year in college, because the pictures were they
looked like you were having a great time.
Speaker 6 (05:03):
That's absolutely correct, Listen, I was looking forward to college,
but I didn't even know what was one step away.
It was great.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
You didn't know how exciting this experience was gonna be, right, No, I.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Mean so many different areas of my life have been
improved after moving away from suburban New Jersey.
Speaker 8 (05:28):
Who could have known?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you like actually going to school, right, yeah?
Speaker 6 (05:34):
I mean I'm a bit of a nerd and I
actually really enjoy school. But I mean there are so
many great parts of freshman year outside of school.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
How would you balance your work life, Charlie in school
this year with your party life? What would you say
the appropriate college balance has been that you found?
Speaker 6 (05:55):
Well, Chelsea, I'm I've been towing the line more and
more and I'm waiting for things to blow up and
they haven't yet. So I'm just kind of upping the anti.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Blow up in a good way or blow up in
a and like deleterious manner, Which which kind of blow
up are you looking for?
Speaker 6 (06:15):
As the year progressed, party levels went up more, I
upped the anti and things haven't exactly crashed and burned yet,
So I'm just kind of waiting for that point.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
Okay, right, so you're just going to enjoy the ride
until you have to tone it down a notch. I
understand what you're saying. I think, yes exactly, Jordan. Was
that your experience your first year in college as well?
Speaker 5 (06:37):
No, I was super lame in college and you didn't
go out very much. I also am a nerd and I.
Speaker 7 (06:44):
Just was like super obsessed with getting good grades.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
And also I did not go to like a good
school for partying, but I figured it out over time.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah, you figured out how to get your party on.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
You mean, oh yeah, it's mostly involved alcohol and just
not worrying too much.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Yes, we're a very pro cannabis family. I don't know
if anyone's picked up on that vibe yet. Now, girls,
I know that you recently went on a trip the
three girls, so you know, everyone has knows. I have
two sisters and I have three nieces, so it's perfect.
So we have three three and three, and then our
closest cousins are also three girls, so it's perfect because
we just like to multiply females in groups of three.
(07:20):
I know you recently went on a cousin's trip with
Seneca the three of you, Can you tell me about
that and what kind of cousin bonding you guys got
up to.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
We all live in different areas of the country. I'm
in the South, Jordan's always moving around, Sennny's in San
Francisco or wherever. So we always need to squeeze in
as much bonding as possible and in a short amount
of time. And if you think it can't be done,
we always prove you wrong. Every time we ate, we laughed,
(07:54):
we drank other things.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
It was beautiful, other things like your aunt Chelsea would
encourage you to do.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
By the way, girls, I sent you all boxes of
clothes close I'm moving into my new house.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I edited my closet.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I sent you all boxes of clothes, and at the
very last minute, Mollie came over and put a vibrator
in each one of your packages. So just so you know,
that is not from me, that's from Mollie trying to
be funny.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
That's actually would be the third vibrator that you have
sent me, so I expect the first.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. Now
back to your cousinly vacation. I wanted you to talk
a little bit about your dynamic between the three of
you and how or if you think it mimiced the
other three women in our families dynamic at all.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
Oh interesting, I don't really think about it that way.
I mean, Chelsea, you're like such a standout, Like I
don't think we really fully have a Chelsea in our generation.
But I'd say Charlie is the closest because she just
literally cracks me up. Twenty four to seven. She woke
up one day and she goes, oh my God, like
(09:02):
I had a great night of sleep, and then I
woke up this morning in said of her and I
were like a parfit all layered together, and who just
comes up with it? She just cracks me up constantly.
So maybe that's my only comparison to you is Charles.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Charlie does have some really good, really good singers. She
comes out with some stuff that you're like, are you
a poet? Or are you on something? But it always
makes sense once you start to think about it.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Well, over the years, the three girls, we would always
try and see which sister we were, and it has
definitely changed over the years, But there's always a gap.
You're right, Jordan, it doesn't really fit. We've added some
new things to the parfait, if you will.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And then when we double, when we mix in our cousins,
it's even better because they have young kids and they
have babies, so then we can keep it youthful like
this past year and Martha's Vineyard. I know you weren't there, Charlie,
but we were, and we really enjoyed having.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
A younger dynamic there.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
And we actually that's when we started to threaten members
of the family about doing that non anonymous three p.
Sixty where we review each family member's performance and then
make cuts based on that.
Speaker 7 (10:18):
Have you made the cuts?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yes, well I've made them into you know.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
I mean, I know what the cuts are, and everyone
knows what my cuts are, so I don't even need
to say it out loud.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It seems like there's some people not invited to Myerica
this year.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
But there's also so many other people to consider.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
We have so many cousins and everybody, I mean, and
the girls and the kids all have are taking lovers.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Oh my goodness, you.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Know, I mean, there's just so many people in the
mix to consider.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
You're out here multiplying.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Maybe we need a new draft.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I think so. I think I think that's what we need.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
We could hold some auditions, well yeah, I mean, or
we test them out on a vacation and see what
kind of grade they get. You know, like Molly's obviously
an A plus, carries another A plus. Both of their
babies are A pluses as far as I'm concerned, And
I don't say that very often, but you know what
I'm talking about. Do you guys think it's an advantage
that you come from such a big family? Do you
(11:14):
feel like you come from a big family?
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I mean it's fun because I
think like one of the things that I learned from
this family is just leaning into chaos because there is
no way of getting around it. And I think it's
so easy to panic and be like, oh fuck, like
everybody's a mess, and yeah, like they are a mess,
but you just kind of go with it and you're like,
(11:37):
appreciate everybody for the mess that they are.
Speaker 7 (11:39):
Instead of time.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Yeah, that's a nice outlook to have. It's took me
a long time to figure that out. I'd be like,
why are you so fucking annoying, and then I have
to realize, oh, they're just annoying. Go in the other direction.
Speaker 9 (11:50):
You know.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Sometimes it's hard to get away from people though in
our house, especially when there's so many of them.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
And especially when we're bunking up to the degree that
we do.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
We do bunk up a lot because there's we have
so many people that we have to get places that,
you know, like half of us are sleeping in bunk beds.
Obviously not us, mostly the boys, but sometimes it happens. Charlie,
what about you? Do you feel like you come from
a big family.
Speaker 7 (12:11):
I do.
Speaker 6 (12:12):
But the thing that kind of has resonated with me
is the fection in our family, because I don't really
I haven't really seen that in other people's family dynamics
or my dad's branch of the family. Everybody's just super
warm and loving and literally just touching each other struggling
(12:32):
on the couch.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Some would say it's slightly inappropriate, and I will take
the responsibility for the inappropriateness. Jordan hasn't really been one
of my victims because she because she rebuffed my advances
from an early time, she had set a boundary.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Oh see, that's my no No square.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Yeah, and I was like, oh, and then I looked
for another no No square, and then I found Charlie
and Seneca and they loved my advances and they welcome them,
and so I'm still doing it, you know. But yeah,
there is a lot of affection going on. That's nice.
That's nice.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I mean, how could you argue with affection? Any family
that's not.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
Affection is where the problems are. So we're problem we
have problems, but nobody has any secrets.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah, how do you guys work out issues that come
up in the family or when somebody is being annoying?
Do you hash it out? How does that work from
the next generation's perspective.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Well, Seneca usually, who's not here to speak for herself,
usually yells at everyone. So in that way, she's very
much like me and her spot in the generation. She
has no tolerance for the boys in our family, so
she's like, shut that fuck up.
Speaker 6 (13:36):
Everything's out on the table, everything's up for grabs. Nobody's
hiding anything, and if you're doing something that's weird, you're
gonna get called out, and you deserve to be called out.
I made Jordan and I two very strong, independent women
and we call people out and we're okay with criticism.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love that too.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
And on that note, we're going to take a break
and we're going to be right back with my two
nieces on Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
This week, we're looking for questions about dating, whether you're single,
just starting to see someone, or out there on the apps.
Right in with your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at
gmail dot.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Com, and we're back with Jordan and Charlie. Okay, my
nieces are here today.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So this is so cute. I love it.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Hit it all right.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Well, our first question comes from cc CC says Dear Chelsea.
I'm a twenty three year old student. My current boyfriend
and I met in an art class about four months ago.
We've been dating for three months. At the beginning of
our relationship, I told him I'm a person that's really
afraid of commitment and that we need to take it
slow because of that. Since then, we've met each other's
families a few times, gotten each other really personal gifts,
(14:48):
and just recently came back from a five day trip
to Colorado with him and his family. So as you
can see, the taking it slow quickly got out of hand.
As much as I like him, I've always been used
to being very independent, self sufficient and alone, and lately
I've been extremely focused on my career and my life,
and I haven't really given too much thought or worry
to my relationship since in my head, I was still
(15:10):
taking it slow. However, a couple of days after coming
back from Colorado, my boyfriend texted me that he's in
love with me. Yes, he texted you, he texted me.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
She says.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
This is also the time to point out that he's
three years younger than me, so he's twenty. I told
him this was a conversation to be had in person,
not over tich someone else, but that I was not
on the same page as him. I'm writing to you
because I officially do not know what to do. How
do I go about this? Should I still be with him?
(15:42):
Or is this a big enough issue to break up?
I don't want to lead him on by telling him
I might or might not fall in love with him
later down the line, but I do like being with him.
I just feel too young still, and saying I love
you to someone is just something I don't see myself
doing for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Cci, Okay, who wants to go first?
Speaker 6 (16:00):
I have some comments I think with the whole commitment issue.
This is something I've been thinking about myself recently, just
the idea of commitment, because I was in a pretty
long relationship before college and now I'm on the other
end of the spectrum. But you can't really force yourself
into wanting commitment. If it's not there, it's not going
(16:23):
to be there, and that's not something that can artificially
come about. So I think you might owe it to
yourself and to your little lover to kind of establish
a boundary and maybe distance yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Establish a boundary, and then distance yourself from a boundary
back away.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
Jordan, I actually went through something very similar when I
first started dating my partner. It was a long time ago,
and he asked me if if I wanted to be
a his girlfriend, and I had said no originally because
I just wasn't ready, like.
Speaker 7 (17:04):
It seemed too serious. For whatever reason.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Certain labels or certain words I feel like trigger us
and it tells you a little bit something about yourself
that you should probably dig into. But then he was
like okay, and then he kind of bounced, and I
was like, whoa wha, whoa. Wait a minute, Like I
thought we could sort of do this half half in,
half out thing, and then I realized I missed him,
and I was like, wait, wait, let's pick this back
(17:28):
up and just move a little slower. And So I
feel like, if you step away and you don't miss
that person, or you're just not really interested in reconnecting,
that's a big sign that you shouldn't be moving in
that direction or spending any more time. But I also
feel like when we say we have commitment issues, it's
something like you need to challenge or dig into a
(17:49):
little bit more. Because for me, it was something of
like I just wanted to be this strong person and
I didn't ever want to be vulnerable. But if you
ever want to have a relationship that matters and that
you actually care about, you have to do that. So
I don't know, I would look at both sides of it.
It's like, if it's not this person, it's not this person.
(18:09):
But if it's a commitment issue and you want to
figure that out, I would figure that out.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Yeah, I think that's very sagacious because you know, it's
it is two things she's.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Talking about a little bit.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
But also with with you know, when someone says that
I love you and you don't feel that way, I
really believe it is the person, the recipient's responsibility to
make it very clear that those feelings are not being reciprocated,
so that that person can have some truth on their side.
They just said something that's very vulnerable, and even though
(18:40):
you are not matching it, it's nice to be like,
I'm sorry, I don't feel that way yet, or I
don't feel that way now, or however you can say
it to kind of, but be honest about it, you know,
and also be honest about the fact that if they're
in love with you and you don't feel that way,
it probably means that you're not in love with them.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Usually if people are in love, they're feeling it, not.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
One being like you back.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
And the other person's look, I'm closer. No, it's not
like that, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
And also to anyone listening, when someone says I love
you and it makes you have a reaction like that's
not a good thing, that's not good. That's not because
you're too young or you're a commitment foe. That just
means that person is not your person or one of
your people. If you think you're too young at twenty three, right, yeah, yeah,
you are too young to be like in love or
(19:31):
expectations of being love. But if this is a like
a recurring theme in your life, or it becomes one
where you're like, I just don't want a relationship, I
don't want a relationship, then yes, it probably is a
commitment issue.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I've definitely been there myself as well.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
But I think being honest with the other person, you know,
is also really the most important thing.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's just everyone has so nobody gets confused, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
And if you really don't think you're going down that road,
be honest about that too, and like or not be honest,
but you know, separate yourself from that person so that
you can give them a chance to find someone who
also does feel the same way. So yeah, yeah, especially
if you if you don't care, you know, Okay, So good.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Luck with that. What's her name Charlotte cec Cca, Charlotte, Charlotte.
She's a sophomore. She's her name is Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
It's probably short for Carlett. Let's be honest.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
Well, Sophie is our first caller today, and she's calling
from Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sophie,
and Anna.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Is a trigger for me, A happy trigger, now still
a trigger.
Speaker 4 (20:33):
Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of leaving home
and going to university. I got into McGill, a university
in Montreal, which is a couple hours from where I
live right now, so I will have to move out
in the fall. McGill is my dream university, although I
don't feel excited or any of the feelings you're supposed
to feel when you get into your dream university, because
I know this means it's the end of the part
(20:54):
of my life that's familiar and the beginning of a
new one that's so unknown. Although I do know moving
away is the best thing for me, it makes me
really sad to think that once I move out, it's
going to be the end, not to be dramatic of
basically my childhood. I'm so grateful that I'm able to
go to such a nice university and be supported by
my family, but I'm really dreading this new part of
my life. I'm wondering how Jordan Charlie dealt with these
(21:16):
kinds of changes in their lives, and if they have
any advice kind regards Sophie.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Hi, Sophie, Hi, so Hi.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
Oh my god, how cute are you too? Look at
Charlie and Sophie are side by side. They look like
they could be sitting in the same room on the zoom. Well,
you came to the right place since we have some
college students and college graduates here.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Okay, girls, go ahead. Jordan, why don't you go first?
Speaker 5 (21:39):
Well, I was going to say, I actually think Charlie
should take this one first because she did this more
recently than I did.
Speaker 7 (21:45):
So no, I'm happy to.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
It's really scary, kind of it seems like a very
official end to your childhood in a way, and it's
kind of scary to separate yourself from your parents. I
don't know if that's something that you're feeling, but.
Speaker 8 (22:04):
Yeah, I know it is.
Speaker 6 (22:06):
You don't have to feel guilty about growing up and
starting your life. That's not something that you have to
feel guilty about. And it's really difficult to kind of
separate the excitement of doing that from the guilt of
spending less time with your family or in your hometown.
I think when you actually get to college, you'll see
(22:28):
that there's this whole world out there waiting for you,
and there's so much newness. And I'm telling you, when
you go home, this was something I was afraid of.
I was afraid that I would go home and things
would feel kind of different, the dynamics or just the
feeling of my house even.
Speaker 8 (22:48):
And it's not.
Speaker 6 (22:49):
I assure you you'll come home and things just kind
of rev back up and almost resume where they were.
But it's definitely a scary time.
Speaker 10 (23:00):
Yeah, And I think it's just scary for me to
think that, like, once I do move out, I can
move back home, but it's not the same, it's not
like the same dynamic, I feel like.
Speaker 8 (23:10):
I think that's what also freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
But like the end of an era, it is the
end of the era, but it's also like a rite
of passage, like you're moving into something and everyone's a
little bit scared to go to college. There's also a
huge beginning happening, and it's really not the end. It's
the end of your childhood. It is, but you're always
going to come home and you have so much to
be excited about. What better time is there in life
(23:34):
than to be a freshman in college.
Speaker 8 (23:37):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Did you have a hard time Jordan leaving?
Speaker 5 (23:40):
No, I didn't. I felt very ready when I went.
But also, you know, over time, you start to miss
the people that you grew up with, and it makes
total sense, And I think it sounds like you have
a great family, which is a total blessing.
Speaker 7 (23:56):
Because not everybody has that.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
So it's nice that you have something that you don't
want to leave and something that you can come back to.
But I think one of the cool things about coming
back from college for the first time is figuring out
those new dynamics. It's not all bad. You still get
to be your parents' baby. They still they actually like
babying you when you come back, believe it or not.
And also you get to figure out like how to
(24:20):
sort of be an adult with them without really having
the responsibilities of being an adult.
Speaker 7 (24:25):
Yet.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
It's a really cool in between stage where you get
to figure out how to be friends with your parents
and you see parts of your parents that you didn't
see before. It's like unlocking also those relationships in a
different way. So I get the fear, I get the anxiety.
It's totally normal. I would try making a mental switch
in your head to excitement from that because there is
(24:48):
a lot to be excited about and when you come
home you just see just like absorb it, sit in
it and be happy to be there and see kind
of where it takes you.
Speaker 7 (24:58):
But yeah, you have a lot to look forward to it.
Speaker 10 (25:00):
Yeah, that's the thing because I'm a really, like I
think I'm a slow to warm up person.
Speaker 8 (25:05):
Like right now, I know, I'm really nervous.
Speaker 10 (25:07):
About it, but i know once I'm there, I'll warm
up to it and I'll enjoy it.
Speaker 8 (25:10):
It's like the in between stage.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
But I think Jorady brought up a great point for
something that you can do. Whether it's like an exercise
of you writing it down all the time, but like,
think about how lucky you are to have grown up
in a home that you really are like sad to leave.
You're grateful for your parents, You're grateful for your bedroom,
You're grateful for your house, You're grateful for all of
your neighbors and all of the things that come with it.
Just keep a journal of that, or write down a
gratitude list, because that's going to help you move into
(25:35):
the next phase of your life with a little bit
more grace and a little less fear and it's okay
to be scared. It's exciting. That means you care, you
know what I mean. Being scared of something means you're
nervous and that you care, and that's okay too.
Speaker 8 (25:47):
Yeah, that's totally true.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Do you have any friends that from high school that
are going to your college?
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (25:52):
Actually pretty much everyone I know is going to make Yelle.
But I do have my best friend who's going to
be and it's like pretty much across the country, So
I'm really gonna miss her.
Speaker 8 (26:04):
That's really gonna suck.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
But yeah, I.
Speaker 8 (26:07):
Didn't like you that I have so many friends going.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
So yeah, make sure you just like set up a
nice like set time that you're gonna like see if
people you know throughout the year, whether it's once a
week or twice a week. Get a high school group
together and be like, I want to make sure we
stay you know, close while we're in college, and like
get something going like a support group for like being you.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Know, new freshman or whatever you want to do or
call it.
Speaker 6 (26:31):
Yeah, one thing that I did with my best friend
she went to college up north and I'm down south.
Every Monday, we would send five pictures from our week
as a little dump to kind of fill each other in. Yeah,
and it was a lot of fun because I would
take pictures throughout the week thinking like, oh, I'm gonna
send this to my friends, She's gonna think this is
(26:53):
so funny. Yeah, and we could keep each other up
to date and it was a ton of fun.
Speaker 8 (26:59):
Yeah, it's a really great idea.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Now you just have to find a social media platform
where you can do that.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
On a couple little tricks too, to bring with you.
First of all, like when you go if you're in
a situation where you don't know anybody, like none of
your friends are in that mixer or whatever, just know
like everybody else there has no friends there either, So like,
don't be afraid to go up to people and be like, Hi,
I'm so and so and like what's your name, and
(27:24):
you know, because they might be feeling really out of
place or nervous as well.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Well, that is a good point because everyone's in the
same boat as you. It's not like you're going off
to war alone. And well that's not a good example
either because people are going together to example, but you know,
at least you're in the same boat with everyone, Like
everyone is new, so it's a perfect opportunity.
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Especially that first semester. It's the best time to make friends.
Oh you can make friends over nothing. You can like,
you know, have a lecture hall together and sit next
to each other once and now.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
You yeah okay.
Speaker 4 (27:59):
And the other thing I would say is say yes
to everything that sounds fun. So if someone invites you
or there's something you see that's like an event, you
can go to say yes to absolutely everything for the
first like six months, just so you can like be
out there meeting people because you're not going to meet
people sitting in your dorm room.
Speaker 8 (28:15):
Yeah, okay, thank you guys so much.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Oh good, I feel like they gave me some really
great advice today. Yeah, change that frame of mind around.
I'm excited for you. You get excited for you too, good luck. Well,
thank you Okay, bye, Sophie.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
Bye bye. What a total cutie.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Oh I know.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
I just love the idea of wanting to stay home
after or like really missing like I could not fucking
meet when I was like nine or ten, I was
like looking in the like want ads to see how
old you?
Speaker 6 (28:50):
Like?
Speaker 3 (28:50):
I was like, are there apartments that I could possibly afford, like,
do you know in Australia?
Speaker 1 (28:55):
How do I get the fuck out of here?
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Well, our next question comes from G and this is
a write in, so she's not joining us today. G says,
Dear Chelsea. A few years ago, I lost all of
my friends because I chose to stop being friends with
the toxic one. Unfortunately, she was very manipulative and influenced
the entire group to stop hanging out with me. Despite
(29:20):
the fallout being just between us two, I recently got engaged,
and as excited as I am, I'm also dreading the
wedding planning because of my new lack of friends. I
won't have the excitement of having a typical bridal party
or bachelorette getaway, nor do I expect to ever be
part of one. Don't get me wrong, I have a
few friends, but they're all spread out across the country
and I don't think it would be feasible for any
(29:41):
of us to happen. My question is how can I
make this process an exciting one despite the lack of support?
How do I get over being so sad and lonely
in the social aspect of my life? Best?
Speaker 1 (29:52):
G Oh, that sounds like a bummer.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
No, No, well, it just sounds like you're going to
have to make a new group of friends, and it's
going to take an from where you live. Like I've
heard of these things happening with adult women before. It's
so embarrassing, but it's happened to me, and I'm sure
I've done it to plenty of people.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So yeah, you just have to make a new set
of friends.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
And it does suck, but it is a time to
be like celebratory in your life, right, girls. I mean,
you're getting married, You've got a great husband, and it's unfortunate,
but at least you don't have that toxicity in your life.
It's sad that it's at the expense of like all
the other friendships. But I would just focus on, you know,
be open minded about who else you're going to hang
out with, and and and it will take time to
(30:33):
make a new circle of friends, and I would try.
I would encourage you to do something for your wedding.
As much as I fucking hate bachelorette parties, I would
encourage you to celebrate yourself if that's what you want
to do with your friends across the country and those
who can come could come, and if they can't, they can't.
And yeah, I don't assume things can't happen just because
you say they can't.
Speaker 7 (30:53):
Agreed, I totally agree.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
Don't assume that they won't want to come or that
they can't make it. Always the least you can do
is ask, And honestly, I mean, I don't know if
you still want to be friends with any of those girls,
but these kind of events are a great way to
reconnect with people that you haven't talked to in a while.
If they're toxic, leave them behind. But if there was
one or two of them that you were really close with,
(31:16):
this might be your opportunity to reconnect with them and
kind of sidestep that toxic person. I'd also say avoid
feeling like you getting married has to be this perfect
momentous thing where all of these people come together in
the most perfect way. Like we get so pressured into
feeling like it has to be your fairy tale moment
(31:36):
and everything has to align perfectly. That's never going to
happen no matter what. So lean into it just being
a happy day for you, whatever that means, and focus
on the people that are there for you. Because even
if it's not female friends. There are going to be
people that are going to show up for you that day,
and I'm sure you'll be surprised by the fact that
(31:57):
you don't miss them.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yeah that is really good advice.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Yeah, that's great advice.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Charlie. What do you think.
Speaker 6 (32:05):
Well, I'd like to applaud you for, you know, distancing
yourself from somebody who wasn't good for you. A lot
of people, myself included, struggle with kind of setting those
boundaries and taking themselves out of situations that aren't good
for them, and I don't know, separating yourself from people
(32:27):
who aren't lifting you up. So first of all, I'd
like to say, good job knowing yourself and getting out
of that situation.
Speaker 8 (32:37):
And second, this.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
Whole friend group, it's not an end all, be all.
There's so many other people out there who want to
make friends and people who will actually be good and
kind to you and who have things in common with you.
So I say, and not just for the purpose of
bridesmaids or wedding preparations, that you should put yourself out
(33:01):
there depending on where you live, go outside, go to
a park, go to some sort of event. People always
want to make friends that's I mean, of course, something
big in college, which is what we were just talking about,
but it doesn't really change. People want to make friends.
So yeah, I think it's time to shift that mindset.
Speaker 7 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
I make friends all the time. Every week I make friends.
And it's not because I'm a celebrity. I talk to
people Rando's all the time and I make friends. So
it's just about your attitude. Sometimes I don't want to
make friends and I make friends. You know that can
be very tricky.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Girls.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Before we go to the next color, I had your
mother's on the podcast. Did you hear about this trun? Okay,
what did you hear?
Speaker 6 (33:45):
I heard that it was a catastrophe.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Well, oh, now, Simone was fine as a normal.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
And then there was Shashana, who is Charlie's mother, who
was walking around with her laptop throughout the entire house
throughout the episode with callers on going I.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Can't get a signal.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I can't get a signal, so we're all getting motion
sickness while watching her try to get a fucking Wi
Fi signal in her own house, I'm like, have you
never you've never checked your WiFi before?
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Are you on WiFi? She's like, I don't know. I
don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
I'm like, you, you've never done a zoom and she's like, no,
not usually. I'm like, oh my god, Shashana, I am
gonna throw up. And then Simone came down to California
and she goes A couple days later, she goes, uh,
we're not doing that again.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
And I go what?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
And she goes to the podcast, I'm not doing that again,
not with Shashawana and not alone. I go, we can
do it without Shauna and she goes, I don't want
anything to do with it anymore.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Then yesterday I was talking to Shawna and she goes,
oh my god, I'm so sorry about the other day.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I don't know what happened. I go, what, I know
what happened.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Every time I've spoken to you on the phone, there's
been an issue since I moved to California.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I'm forty nine years old.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
I've been here for thirty years, and I've never had
a conversation with you that didn't somehow drop the call
or there was fuzz or you know, there was like
a loud beeping sound and she's like, I'm really sorry.
She's like, please don't air that. I'm like, well, I
think we're going to because Simon moves.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
Don't worry. Tell her we're going to clean it up.
We'll cut out all the like funky bits and it'll sound.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
She goes, and then she said this doozy.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
She said, oh, And I felt so bad because that
one caller I was giving advice to I didn't even
hear the questions. So I was just She's like, I
was just shooting fish into a barrel. That's what she
said to me, shooting fish into a barrel. I'm like,
you're playing with people's lives.
Speaker 6 (35:42):
Meanwhile, I'm in the same house, on the same computer.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Absolutely, I can't wait to tell her that it was
fine with you. She's unreal. She's unreal. There's like a
loud sire and sometimes I'm like, what is that sound.
She's like, I don't hear it. I'm like, you don't
hear that loud sign in the phone.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
We sent her into the basement to get closer to
the Wi Fi, and then she was like sitting on
the stick.
Speaker 8 (36:06):
Oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
If okay, so you asked before, if there's a Chelsea
of our generation, I think that Shoshana is the Seymour
of your general.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Shanna is the Chelsea. I'm like, what, we don't have
anything in common. Shawna wouldn't like to be called Seymour.
That's our father, their grandfather, and no one wants to
be compared to him because he was up to some sneaky.
Speaker 7 (36:27):
Actually, no, that was sneaky.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
That was the problem. It wasn't sneaky at all. If
he had been sneakier, it might have been more dignified.
But he didn't sneak anything.
Speaker 5 (36:36):
He had some really, and again, we don't sneak everything
down on the table, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
But I will say you also did compare her to
Seymour on I know, but.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
She doesn't like it, so I don't say it to her.
But yes, believe me, I see the similarity.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
My dad he puts it, well, he thinks that she
is like the ultimate mix of Rita and Seymour.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
How so, because she's.
Speaker 6 (37:00):
Very warm and she also really likes to bargain.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Yeah, right, so that's Seymour. And then warm is my mother?
My mother was very warm. Yeah, she is very warm. Okay, well,
we we'll figure that.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Problem out as we see it.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
We'll just have to keep dealing with it until we
come to an actual prognosis.
Speaker 5 (37:21):
And then follow that up with an intervention.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Diagnosis. We need a diagnosis, a prognosis, and an.
Speaker 8 (37:29):
Intervention and a prescription.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
with my nieces and we're back.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Okay, Okay, So Evelyn's are she her? Evelyn says, dear Chelsea.
My name's Evelyn, and I'm a trans woman on the
cusp of Millennial and gen Z. I've been doing intense
therapy for the last two years or so since realizing
I was trans, and have been making major progress in
healing religious and family traumas. On one hand, I'm so
(38:07):
proud of myself for the incredible progress they've made. But
on the other, I'm incredibly nihilistic about the future, the world,
and my place in it, knowing that nihilism runs rampant
in gen Z. How do you fight this? Anytime I
try to get involved in fighting for LGBTQIA plus rights,
women's rights, gun control, are really any social justice, I
(38:28):
get burnt out so quickly. I want to feel positive
when looking to the future, and I want to be
that person who's on the front lines of the good fight,
but I just can't seem to do it. How can
I take the good vibes and self love I'm developing
through therapy and apply it to the future. Love this podcast.
Thanks for all the wonderful advice over the years.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Avelyn, Hi, Evelyn.
Speaker 5 (38:46):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Hello, that's Jordan and that's Charlie.
Speaker 5 (38:50):
Hi.
Speaker 9 (38:50):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Okay, so well, let's talk about what you're ingesting.
Speaker 9 (38:55):
What are you ingesting A lot of social media doom
scrolling and ticked talk and X and all that stuff.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Yeah, well, I had your problem for a long time,
and I just I'm not uninformed, but I'm less. I
check in with the news in a written form, and
I don't pay attention to that. I hardly go on
Instagram anymore. I hardly ever go on TikTok. I honestly,
it eats at your brain, and it eats at your
self esteem.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
It has such a corrosive effect.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
I mean, I can tell if I look at social media,
if for three or five minutes, I get something bothers
me about it, something brings me down about it. You know,
whether you're comparing yourself to someone you think is a
better life or you're looking at someone that you can't
stand and say, you know what I mean, or you're
hearing all this loud noise. You have to minimize your
access to social media. And one of the things that
(39:43):
I'm so impressed and proud of with all of my
nieces and many of my nephews too, is they're not
consumed with social media at all, are you guys? Not really,
they don't care and they're happy arth you know what
I mean. It is a definite component of being happy
and unhappy, you know, social media is a component in that.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
So you really have to limit your time.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
That's the very first thing you could do that will
definitely have a positive impact, right girls, for sure?
Speaker 7 (40:11):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (40:13):
I think one thing that I do is I have
this function on my phone where if I double tap
the back of my phone, it goes from color to
black and white. Whenever I go onto social media, I
switch it to black and white, and I'm not as
tempted to keep scrolling as long. So that's something that
really helps me. But then you can switch it back
(40:33):
to color when you're like looking at a photo somebody
sent you or whatever. But I would say, what you're
going through is completely relatable, like so many people are agent.
I'm also in between gen Z and millennials. I'm kind
of neither. I'm sort of in this in between space,
and there is a lot of eco anxiety. There's a
lot of just fear for the future and whether or
(40:55):
not we're going to have any rights. And so I
would say though all the media you're consuming is meant
to make you feel that way. It's meant to make
you feel hopeless. It's meant to make you feel like
you don't have any power. And so when you do anything,
it could be supporting a content creator that you think
deserves support. It could be donating five dollars to the ACLU.
(41:19):
It could be you know, volunteering for one hour of
the week. Whatever little thing you can do, it's better
than nothing, right, And I think when we do those
little things, it gives you that spark of hope back.
And it doesn't have to be doing something major or
like fixing the world. All we all have to do
is do one thing. If we all did one thing,
(41:43):
we could move everything way further. But if we all
sit in this space of like, oh God, like I
don't know what to do, I'm just going to give
up and not do anything.
Speaker 7 (41:52):
Then nothing gets accomplished.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
And so I think a lot of people our age
are falling into that where they're like, if I can't
change everything now, that's the point. But then we stop
progress all together, and we have to think twenty years
from now, we stop now, like it's coming to a
complete hall and then nothing's happening.
Speaker 7 (42:10):
So we just have to take those little steps every day.
Speaker 5 (42:12):
So if you can do one small thing every day
that makes you feel like, Okay, I contributed, that's all
I had to do, don't feel like it has to
be some massive thing.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
I love that. That's great advice. Do you love that, Evelyn?
Speaker 9 (42:25):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (42:26):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (42:26):
Where where would you start? Do you have any recommendations
for like how to consume the news and make sure
you're still informed without getting it all from like social
media or like bias sources.
Speaker 5 (42:39):
Yeah, I mean I think that's a constant issue for
a lot of people.
Speaker 7 (42:42):
I think you have to watch I.
Speaker 5 (42:44):
Think you have to look at anything that's in the
middle of the road, and you have to look at fact.
You can't just look at a headline and assume that
it's true. You have to actually dig in sure.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Yeah, And it's like reading it on social media. The
news is not how you should be consuming your news.
You should find an app, whether it's like like I
listen to the Daily from the New York Times every morning.
You find whether you like the Huffington Post, whether you
like the Daily News, whether you like Ben Shapiro, whatever
you're into. Obviously you're not into Ben Shapiro, but whatever
you're into, just find, just get a little like the Skim.
(43:14):
You know, the Skim has a great little roundup, or
the week that political magazine has like a roundup of everything.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Find those things that are going.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
To get delivered to your email that keep you off
of social media, so that's not one more thing you're
looking at on social media. And set that timer, you know,
that Instagram timer or that says you've been on your
phone for an hour today or forty minutes or whatever
it is. Just take those little steps in conjunction with
the steps you're going to take to make the world
a better place. And so you already have like a
(43:42):
fifty things to do so far, and Charlie hasn't even
spoken yet.
Speaker 1 (43:46):
So Charlie, what do you wanted to do?
Speaker 6 (43:49):
Yeah? I mean that funk. I think everybody knows everybody
in our generation is familiar with that kind of funk
that you get into.
Speaker 8 (43:58):
But don't let that win.
Speaker 6 (44:00):
Don't let that funk win. Everybody wants.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Everybody wants women to give up.
Speaker 6 (44:06):
You know, yes, the system wants that funk to win,
wants women to give up, wants you to just kind
of not do anything. And number one, doing stuff feels great.
It's just doing one thing can lift you out of
that funk. And if you keep doing that instead of pattern,
(44:26):
you feel good about yourself. You feel like you're looking
at the world and maybe there are problems, but you're
actively making a contribution to change that and that's really great.
Speaker 8 (44:37):
And also it.
Speaker 6 (44:38):
Comes with so many other benefits. The people you meet
when you're I don't know, at a protest or you're
at a rally or working on a campaign.
Speaker 7 (44:48):
I've made some friends years.
Speaker 6 (44:49):
Ago that I still talk to today through that kind
of activism, and it's great to kind of be able
to find community that way. You can talk with people
about feeling in a slump and get lifted up. But
just don't let it win, is my advice, because then
(45:10):
you're letting everybody who has ever wanted you to shut
up or disagree with you. You're letting them win and
that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 4 (45:20):
Love that, maybe once a month or once every couple months,
volunteer somewhere where you can like see the tangible results
of what you're doing. So maybe that's like helping out
with folks who are learning English as a second language,
or like at a homeless shelter or something like that
where you really see the direct results of.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
The time that you're spending.
Speaker 4 (45:39):
Just to sort of like mix that in to because
it can feel a little bit like you're shouting into
the void when you're just like sending out texts or
you know, canvassing or whatever else. So that might be
helpful just nourishing to your soul.
Speaker 7 (45:52):
Gotcha.
Speaker 9 (45:53):
Yeah, there's a lot of I'm in Utah, so there's
a lot of lgbtqya plus like charities and like homes
for kids and stuff. So I have been looking into
volunteering at some of those places.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Amazing.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
That kind of stuff makes you just happy, you know,
when you do that stuff, it feels like you're because
it's so purposeful, especially when you can have interaction one
on one with other people. All you have to do,
all you have to do is give one kid, you
know what I mean, give one kid your love and
your praise and make them believe in themselves. And like
then you're gonna be off to the races. You're gonna
feel so good about having that kind of impact.
Speaker 9 (46:26):
Yeah, I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Okay, Well, get going, Evelyn. Do everything we said.
Speaker 9 (46:29):
Okay, everything, Yes, awesome, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
So our last question comes from Angela. She says, my
roommate is the effing worst. Dear Chelsea, I really need
your help since I have a situation with my roommate
and I'm not as confrontational as you are goals. A
couple of years ago, I was really struggling to find
a roommate since I was unable to pay for the
entire apartment by myself at the time. I asked my
landlord if he knew anyone, and he suggested his granddaughter
(47:05):
since she was looking for apartments at the time. Too.
Turns out, she is the worst. She does not clean
up after herself. She does not broom or vacuum or
mop or even take out the trash.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Room is broom of broom.
Speaker 4 (47:18):
The most she will do is take out the trash
in one of the bathrooms, but leave the trash right
by the trash can, which I then take to the dumpster.
Her sisters sleep over and are extremely loud in the
middle of the night. She also hides the dog in
her room and ignores that I have called her out
on it. When I clean the apartment, it takes up
most of my weekend, since I feel like I have
to clean for two It has gotten so frustrating that
(47:41):
I do not have the energy to clean, because what's
the point She's going to mess it up in a
few days. I send her text to help clean, and
she either ignores it or washes her own dishes for
a few days, and then it's back to how it's
always been. Here is the real issue. Of course, I've
thought about moving out, but my landlord is the nicest
old man and charges me almost nothing thing because of
how long I've loved in the apartment. Rent is not
(48:03):
cheap in LA and so I'm stuck here until I
come buy a house later on. Also, I've come to
realize that I don't think she's even paying rent because
her grandpa now has her pay it directly to him,
quote unquote, I do not want to embarrass him with this,
with the fact that his granddaughter is a slob. Please
help me in solving this issue. How do I ask
her to move out? Angela?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
One of you has a bad roommate passed m M.
Speaker 7 (48:29):
That would be me.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
What was your roommate's situation? I don't remember.
Speaker 5 (48:34):
Wait, Charles, did you too?
Speaker 6 (48:36):
She wasn't the greatest, but not at this degree.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (48:42):
This is tough because it's like, so it's the landlord's granddaughter.
Yeah hmmm, I mean that cheap rent. It's worth it
if you can stick.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
It out, But not if that girl's paying her father
grandfather directly.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
That sounds fishy.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
I don't like that set up. That sounds like what's
going on there? The no grandfather is going to take
money from their granddaughter.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
I'm sorry, right right, it's she's getting a freebee and
then she's slapping on top of it.
Speaker 6 (49:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (49:11):
I wonder if you could like find another roommate that's
like willing to pay more and be like, hey, so
win win for you. But I don't know, I don't
really know what you do in that situation because there's
like a nepotism situation going on.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
I know, and it's like the only way to do
it is actually to talk to the grandfather, because you're
not going to be able to reason with a girl
who's like doing cleaning like that.
Speaker 6 (49:35):
I mean, that could go one of two ways. Either
they're going to be the grandpa is not going to
be receptive to that, or which I think is more likely,
he's going to say, yeah, I totally agree, my granddaughter's
a mess and I should probably talk to her and
tell her to get her shit together.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yeah he could do that too, and he or he
could be like, totally go, I totally understand. That's why
I would talk to him first, Like, I listen, this
isn't working out. She's really messy and we just don't
have the same living styles and she has people over
all the time.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
I'm not getting sleep. I really like to get a
new roommate, Like.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
I would do that, but I'm like, I'm just thinking
about how that looks going behind her back if the
grandfather goes it's all a little bit. I mean, the
best thing to do would say, tell her directly and
when she doesn't change her behavior to tell her grandfather
that you've already spoken to her about it, because if
you go to him first, he's going to say, did
you talk to her about it?
Speaker 6 (50:30):
Yeah, well it seems like she has talked to her
about it, So I think we are at the step
of going.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
To Charlie's like full, she's ready, she's ready to a victor.
Speaker 5 (50:41):
Yeah, I don't know. And I think also one thing
that always helps, because you get so frustrated in these situations,
and I've had bad roommates before, that you become so
like just angry all the time that you're angry at
the smallest things. Actually write down the things that are
annoying you about it so that you can take it
to the landlord and be like, hey, these are the things,
(51:03):
these are the things I don't care about, but these
are the things that I can't live with. And so
that's always helpful because I get so like pissed off
that I like am not even coherent.
Speaker 7 (51:13):
So I would try that.
Speaker 5 (51:15):
But yeah, if you've already talked to her, it's time
to talk to the landlord. And it doesn't have to
be super confrontational, like if he's a sweet old man,
you can just be.
Speaker 7 (51:23):
Like, hey, blah blah blah, and probably.
Speaker 5 (51:25):
If he is a sweet old man, be compassionate about.
Speaker 7 (51:28):
It, hopefully.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
And it kind of I kind of get the vibe
that maybe she can afford the entire apartment by herself now,
so like maybe that's the move, is just to be like,
if you.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Can't afford the apartment by yourself, definitely that is your move.
Speaker 8 (51:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Oh yeah, that makes it even simpler because you just
say I'm ready to live alone.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
I've been saving up for this, and I'm ready. This
is it.
Speaker 3 (51:48):
And since your granddaughter's not paying you rent any right,
shouldn't make a difference.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (51:52):
We had so we have this friend who lived in
this group of like five guys in a house, and
you know how during the pandemic, like rent was sort
of for a little while, and you know, there was
a point where they wanted to all have a conversation
with the landlord to like figure out how much they
owed and rent. And so all five of them were
on the call, but only one guy was on the
lease and they'd all lived there for years. And as
(52:14):
they like started to figure out like how much they
owed the guy, they realized that the guy who was
on the lease had been charging them all splitting the
rent between the other guys, So that guy wasn't paying
rent at all for like five years.
Speaker 7 (52:28):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (52:30):
So I love what you said about like just find
somebody who'll pay more.
Speaker 3 (52:32):
I know, Like, first of all, how do people react
with when they find that out?
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Like what is your defense? You haven't been paying rent?
You know you're not paying rent? What is your possible
defense when you get caught?
Speaker 4 (52:44):
And the thing is like they all worked together and
they were friends, they were it all blew up and
all totally blow up. That guy like moved back to
the Midwest or whatever, but.
Speaker 5 (52:53):
They're probably like you owe me like ten grands.
Speaker 4 (52:56):
Exactly, Like oh, a lot of things have started to
make sense, like why he's like, you know, a part
time bar back and like can afford to live in
La So you know.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Well, yeah, I think ask her to move out.
Speaker 4 (53:08):
And if you can't do that, like find somebody else
it's willing to pay a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
Okay, Well that's the pro that problem has been solved.
You girls were very impressive today. I knew you would be,
so I'm not surprised.
Speaker 5 (53:19):
Thank you for having us Charlie.
Speaker 3 (53:21):
How would you rate your experience giving advice on the
podcast for the first time on a scale of one
to ten.
Speaker 6 (53:26):
I'll say nine, because who knows. I mean, I'll need
some room for improvement. I don't want to limit myself.
Speaker 3 (53:35):
Jordan, Jordan, how would you rate your own performance on
a scale of one to ten?
Speaker 7 (53:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (53:40):
An eighth Okay, I think you guys both deserve an eye.
Speaker 6 (53:43):
But well that I would like to say for the record,
I was rating my experience, not my own performance.
Speaker 7 (53:51):
I'm not like an asshole.
Speaker 5 (53:54):
That was my experience.
Speaker 4 (53:56):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (53:56):
Well this was really fun and we're gonna have to
do it again because people are probably going to love
listening to these two. Thank you girls, have a great
rest of your day and I'll see you soon, you
very soon.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
I love you. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
you guys.
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.
We've added second shows to places that have sold out
the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui,
Kahulue and Honolulu I will be there in July. Also
in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh.
I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in
(54:32):
Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington
on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my
second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
You do not want to miss that.
Speaker 3 (54:44):
And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,
South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint
Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in
Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor
Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm
(55:07):
coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the Kings Theater on
November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the
end of the year in December, so if you're in
a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or
New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 4 (55:26):
Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
dot com
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