June 26, 2025 • 55 mins
Sophia Bush is here to talk about her acceptance into the club of Hot Celesbians, takes the reins on how to weather the political landscape, and wonders why nobody noticed she’s been kissing girls onscreen for quite some time. Then: A FWB situation has a caller dickmatized. A lesbian is angry about politics - but should she hold back? And a best friend wonders how to tell her bestie she’s in love with her.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Oh hello, jealousy.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I'm fresh off the boat, fresh off the boat from Greece.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
I mean you're even wearing a floe white shirt like.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We took because I'm headed back to Europe as soon
as we get we were done with this. I'm going back. No,
we actually did take a boat to Greece. We took
a ferry boat from Athens to Paros, which was like
three and a half hours. Oh yeah, so, and then
I took the flight back. I took a flight from
Paros to Athens, and so I can't decide which one
was more unpleasant, the flight or the boat.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Was the flight bumpy?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
No, it was just the airport. You know when there's
those little, small, tiny airports and there's like a line
and it takes like an hour to check in and
there's nobody really there. It was just one of those.
It was fine. We got there safely. I think that's
probably the most important thing. But I'm not positive. I'm
not positive that's the most important thing, but I think
it might be the most important thing. I announced three dates.
(00:56):
I'm doing three more stand up dates to close out
the year because I just I wanted to spread a
little bit more of joy and sunshine around this country.
Since you know things are in such a good place.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
We need a little escapism.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yes, So aside from my Vegas residency, my next date
is July fifth, I'll be in Vegas, everybody, so hopefully
you'll be joining me there. I'm going to do West
Hampton Beach, New York on August twenty first. Then I'm
going to headline the Fringe, a festival in Rochester, New
York on September third, and then I'm going to be
in Napa, California on October third. So I'm just adding
those three dates. It's not like a tour. I'm just
(01:31):
doing some stand up to round out the year. So
I hope you get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
And it's fresh material, right.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It's all new material. It's all a lot of LSD
in there, a lot of stuff that we've touched upon
on the show, and a lot of me smuggling LSD
from country to country. Basically, I've just started leaving stashus
in different countries that I visit so that I don't
have to keep continue traveling with it. Now that I'm
talking about it so publicly, on stay. I mean, I've
(02:00):
always talked about it publicly, but on stage specifically, I'm like, okay,
I better stop talking about it and also continuing to
carry it with you.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah, traveling with it is not that that's.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
The that's probably not the best idea.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
It's is going to be there waiting for you when
you get there. That's perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, yes, yes, So I'm assuming that at some point
I'll be on some sort of list that will prevent
me from returning to my homeland. I'm just making that assumption.
But I've been to so many countries already and it's
only June. I'm so excited. But I'm getting surgery when
I get back on July seventh. I'm getting foot surgery
on my little bunyan net. I'm calling it a buny
net because it makes it sound cuter.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
It's much cuter. Did your ear little toast spacers didn't
do the trick?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Now, the toast spacers probably would work if you're like
twenty and you're really trying to nip it in the bud.
I bet those are helpful. But I'm fifty and mine
isn't on the the inside of my foot. It's on
the outside of my foot. I think it's related to
my knee injury because I like lean a certain way
on one leg. So I just can't look at it
like that, I mean, and so I have to remove it.
(03:02):
And it's apparently a little bit of a hectic recovery.
But we'll see, we'll see. I like recoveries.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, you get to like take a bunch of fun
drugs and like chill at home.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Yeah, unless I'm making it work because I'm like, oh,
you want to just schedule a bunch of podcasts while
you're well.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Ideally that would be me walking downstairs. But apparently my
house will not be ready for the fiftieth time in
my life, and my house is not ready for move in.
I just got that news. It did not go over well.
But we are in the home stretch. I'm being told, Oh,
I'm very happy to hear that for you.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
I'm sorry, Chell's it's really tough to be displaced for
that long, and the gross and competence of it all
is just mind boggling.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I know, it's unreal. I can't believe it. I can't,
I mean, I can't believe I'm even still talking about it.
It's just absolutely absurd. My family's like, why don't you
talk to a therapist? I'm like, about my house? You
want me to talk to a therapist about my house?
I did, actually a year ago. I had a conversation.
It should I have the same fucking conversation I had
year ago. For some reason, I'm so resentful every time
(04:04):
something happens with the house. I am so angry towards
my family. Like I'm like, I'm always the one who's
getting everybody out of bad situations. Yet here I am,
and no one's getting me out of this situation. I
keep waiting for someone to come and rescue me, but
oh my god, no one's rescuing me.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
I mean, if anyone out there has advice on how
to get RFK juju out of a.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Home, you try a priest.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
I have had.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I haven't tried an exorcism, but I did have a
healer and like a house cleanser come by that obviously
didn't take. And I'm now in a lawsuit with my
prior contractor. So it's just just the hits cheeks oncoming.
But listen, you know what, It's just a house, and
I have other homes, and obviously I don't I don't whatever.
I can't complain about my life, so I won't continue to.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Well, you know what, pretty soon you'll be out of
the country anyway, and you'll have to be in Canada
or Spain, so it'll, you know, it'll just come out
the wash.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, I'm heading out here from as soon as we
got off today, I'm going up to Boston. I'm gonna
record Mel Robbins's podcast tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Nice nice, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
And they gave me instructions, specific instructions not to arrive
early because there's no waiting room. Well, that's delightful. Thank
you for that warm, warm welcome.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
That's the worst thing they can say to a person
who's always early.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
God, yeah, I know exactly. Who's our guest this week?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Oh, our guest this week is your buddy, Sophia Bush.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Oh Bush, She's a bush lover, Sophia Bush Lover. It's
our guest this week. This week. I was gonna say
this weekend, I'm already in Glastonbury in my head. Yes,
Sophia Bush. Oh, this is a great interview. I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
And her new movie The Stranger in My Home is
out now on video on demand.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Love it. Hi guys, Oh baby, it's your baby. Hi baby,
baby baby, Hi babyback ribs. How are you and good?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
What are you doing?
Speaker 6 (06:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You know, just getting ready to talk to you. I've
been seeing a lot of you. Actually, we've been seeing
a lot of each other.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Yes, well not as much as I would like, but
it has been fun to do.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's never enough. It's never enough. Congrats on your interview
with Michelle Obama on Sophia's podcast Work in Progress. She
did a two part episode with Michelle Obama that was
all over the place, and that was a fucking great interview.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Thank you. I had so much fun. It's like hanging
with her for that section of time, you know, felt
a lot like when we all get together, Like it's
crazy to you know, look up to someone like her
for so long and to watch the way she navigates
the global stage and then to like hang out and
(06:49):
wish you had a cocktail to shoot the shit. I
was like, God, the world must forget that You're also
just this wonderful human. You don't always have to be
like a leader or a figurehead. She's funny and sassy
and has such great advice about life and love and
parenting and all the things, and it was really cool.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, I mean I think she does. It's so annoying
when everybody always, like, you know, I'm in Canada, Everyone's like,
why can't Michelle Obama run. I'm like, Michelle Obama doesn't
want to be the fucking president of the United States.
She didn't want anything to do with it the first
eight years, like, as if it's her responsibility to run.
And I always just think about how annoying that must
be for her to constantly hear that, as if it's
(07:29):
that simple, you know, as if she's just supposed to
give away the next eight years of her life. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
I think people don't understand what a service is required
to be in public office, Like any sort of real
political organizing takes so much work, and you certainly can
become a target for things. You have to give up
a lot of things when you run for office. It's
like it's not a one plus one equals two situation.
(07:57):
It's like to the power of fifty, everything is amplified
and enlarged, and at the same time your life really shrinks.
And I think people, I don't know, probably because the
internet's full of trolls who say, shitty things that travel
very far. But people are like, oh, yeah, you know,
they're doing it for the money or the exposure, and
(08:18):
I'm like, they don't make any money and they literally
can't go outside, like like she can't go for a
walk anymore without guards. So everybody take it just relax.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, she seems like she's really kind of you know,
since she left office, also really letting her hair down
and being more of herself to the public and yeah,
which is really you know, she doesn't have to do
that either. She doesn't have to like bother with at
the public. She doesn't have to do anything. But when
I mean, that's just how devoted they are to public service.
Is that they all are over you know, they're always involved.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
I think so. And I really think it's also something
when you have to bite your tongue for so long,
when you have to put your you know, sort of
professionalism or decorum first. I think, yes, decorum is something
we should aspire to have, especially in public life. I
think they are people of incredible class and integrity, and
(09:12):
I think eventually it gets really tiresome to always have
to be quiet or be perfect or whatever. And she's
kind of like guys, I'm also just a lady and
I'm gonna have cocktails with my girlfriends. I want to
go play tennis. My kids are out of the house.
I'm gonna go visit them, and then I'm gonna enjoy
my life like this is my time. And I think,
(09:33):
I know, that's such an exciting example for me to
see among my friends. Imagine the power that you know,
a former first lady has to do that, let alone
one with like Princeton and Harvard degrees. Who I mean,
she's just like the coolest person.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Yeah, she really is the coolest person. Let's talk about
your cool person. Tell me how that feels to be
a hot considered a hot lesbian.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Quite an honor. I mean, you know what's funny is
you do this. We math like if you're dating, if
you're a woman dating men, nobody wants to talk to
you about your sexuality. They just want to either say
like you're a prude or a slot. You know, if
you date too much, they criticize you. If you don't date,
you must be frigid, whatever. And then the thing that
(10:15):
gets added when you're actually more fluid with your sexuality
is the swing goes from nobody gives a shit who
you're sleeping with too. You better identify exactly who you
are so we can figure out what name to call you.
And it's like okay, And you know, I sort of
looked around and was like, has nobody been paying attention
to like all the hot girls I've been kissing on
camera and like, you know, maybe not in front of
(10:37):
you off camera, but Hi, I've always been.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Here, right, But let's talk about that a little because
that seems to be the kind of calculus or the
consensus now that we have some retrospection of the election.
And yeah, and people are talking about the identity politics
of the left, and I know you talk a lot,
you know, we both talk a lot politically together and
you know, without each other, what is your view of
(11:00):
us focusing so much? Because my view is like when
we say, oh, you guys focused too much on the
trans issue, you guys were too inclusive. It didn't have
to be like that big of an issue. And it
was like, well, but trans people were starting to have
problems with other people and there were lawsuits and somebody
has to get on the side of that, like on
the right side of things. So it wasn't like it
(11:22):
wasn't like liberals were like, oh my god, what's another
issue we can tackle that's going to be really exclusionary
to white supremacy. Oh, trans people will go be with them.
That's not how it happened. Wow, how do you think
about when you reflect about that issue and LGBTQ rights
issues and the left being too focused on that In
(11:43):
many people's opinions, I.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Think it's all just such bullshit, Chelsea. Honestly, it's like,
what do you mean, we're too focused on being nice
to people? What the fuck are you talking about? And
we're not too focused. To be clear, the Trump campaign
spent something like it was either twenty seven million or
fifty seven million dollars on those ads that were like
(12:06):
She's for they them, and I'm for you, Like, ew,
you fucking creepy sexual predator. Stop talking about people's genitalia.
They they have outsized an issue in a way that
makes me so sad. You know, just this week they're
ranting on Fox News about like, oh, you know, all
the athletes are trans, and it's like there are less
(12:28):
than ten trans athletes out of five hundred and ten
thousand athletes in the NCAA leave these people alone. Like
to be the smallest and most vulnerable group in the
world and to constantly have people project all their shit
(12:48):
and fear and anger at you. It's it's not only
traumatizing for people, it's so dangerous. And when you start
seeing these these rollbacks of protections, you know, homosexuality being
criminalized in Trinidad and Tobago this year, when you see
right wingers literally trying to encourage the Supreme Court to
overturn marriage equality, Like, let me be clear, I've tried
(13:11):
that with some dudes who turned out not to be great.
I deserve to try to just to be just as
miserable with any fucking woman of my choosing as I
was in my past. Like what you think the lesbians
don't deserve to be as unhappy as you all? Like,
shut up, And it's you know, joking aside. It's like
a right doesn't matter if it's not a right for everyone,
(13:33):
because then you're not concerned with freedom. This is something
Tim Walls says a lot. He goes, you know, you
can't say you're concerned with freedom and then try to
deny freedoms for people. Then what you really want is
privilege and like for what, And I don't know why
the right has been able to so effectively weaponize the
(13:53):
idea that a quality is somehow an attack, Like it's not, guys,
I hate to tell you, maga, folks, nobody's thinking about
you that much. We're all just trying to like, raise
our kids and pay our bills and do our shit.
I don't care whose marriage makes you uncomfortable. Don't be
in a marriage that makes you uncomfortable, and move along
with your day. Same for people's healthcare, same for how
(14:16):
people live. Like maybe if you stop running around with
baseball bats, attacking people in tiki torches and beating up cops,
like you could just live peacefully in whatever weird way
you want to live, Like we're living well and kindly,
like back off. I just don't. I don't want to
fall into the trap that we're supposed to abandon people
(14:38):
to somehow seem more neutral, Like neutrality never got anybody anywhere.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
That's true. How do you feel about everything? Like? Are
you what's your state of mind right now?
Speaker 7 (14:48):
Politically? I, oh, man, I think things are very bad, and.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
I think they're moving in such a terrible direction at
such speed that in a way. A lot of people
are looking around going, look, I know it's a lot
of noise, but nothing's really happening. And I'm like, you
don't get where you're going to be in eighteen months,
Like if as retribution because Gavin Newsom won't kiss the ring,
Donald Trump clear cuts all of California's forests, Like do
(15:22):
you understand what that's going to do, not just to California,
to the nation. You know, this guy wanted to crash
the stock market so his friends could make hundreds of
billions of dollars and he said so in the Oval
office and bragged about it, and you know, pointed out
how many billions they all made when he went JK,
no tariffs. It's like, I just want to know, honestly,
how Martha Stewart feel about it. I'm like, bitch, you
went to prison for so much less, Like how are
(15:44):
you doing in Bedford? Are you mad? Are you getting stoned?
Are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Like?
Speaker 5 (15:49):
What is going on here? It's it's so crazy and
what's coming, you know, the the RFK at you know
HHS and and the dismantling of lead protection teams at
the CDC, and like, I mean, it's about to get
like so bad.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And what would be the motivation for them poisoning people,
because that's effectively what they're doing by dismantling these agencies,
Like people are going to get sick and die. What
would be the advantage? What would their mob going into.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
That they want everybody to get sick and die, Chelsea,
And I know that might sound crazy, but you're not
trying to defund Medicare if you don't want people to die,
because dead people are less expensive to take care of.
They don't care. These are people who have, you know,
the fifty thousand dollar a year concierge doctor who flies
(16:43):
to them. These are people who who have now the
whole White House medical apparatus serving as their own personal dispensary.
I don't know if you saw that writer's article about
how during the last Trump administration they were handing out
like I mean, amphetamines, opioids, like they were just prescribed
shited to people who worked in the White House like
willy nilly. They're gonna get what they need, just like
(17:05):
any mistress of Donald Trump who's ever been pregnant that
he's wanted to have an abortion has had one allegedly.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
You know, allegedly allegedly.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I'm like, I'm not about to get sued for calling
an adjudicated rapist or rapist, like what a ridiculous man
he is and clearly a tyrant. But they're gonna get
what they need. They just don't care. They don't care
if your you know, elderly grandparent doesn't get their Social
Security check, because if they did, they wouldn't be Supposedly
(17:34):
this hit the news last week, moving all the comms
for Social Security onto Twitter, Like what what eighty year
olds know how to use x dot com? Like the
shock and awe is the goal. And you see it
in the way that they behave, in what they're doing,
and in how they talk about people, right, Like you
(17:55):
see the way Donald Trump loves Putin, He loves dictator.
He says, you know, oh yeah, the dictator of North
Korea is people all really bowed to him, they really
respect him. I want that. And then you've got JD.
Vance using absolutely derogatory language, not only to insult our
allies in Europe and you know, on the base in Greenland,
(18:16):
but talking about China and saying, quote, these Chinese peasants
and he says the word it is like dripping with judgment.
They want to create a peasant class and an oligarchy
in America so that we can't ever get out from
under it. Like they love this shit. They're they're like
they're horny for oligarchs and kleptocrats, like they want to
(18:40):
be that. And it's interesting now that you sort of
see a lot of people go, WHOA. I thought maybe
the federal government was too big, maybe it wasn't efficient,
but I didn't realize what they did. I didn't realize
what their programs ran. I didn't realize how much of
my life they took care of. And it's like, well, yeah,
you didn't realize it. Because Mitch McConnell his mission over
(19:01):
forty years ago to defund education in America because they
started to see that uneducated people vote for them and
that's it. And I don't say that to judge people
like it's hard to get a good education because they've
made it hard. They make having an intellect seem like
it's elitist. And it's like that's the whole reason my
(19:21):
great grandparents came here for a better life and to
be like, we want to pursue the American education system.
We want to give that to our children, Like my
family built a great, big, beautiful American dream life for that.
So when you start to really peel the layers back,
and I think see that these folks have tried to
(19:42):
tarnish everything that actually makes America any word you want
to fill in the blank, great, exceptional, special, something worth
fighting for. They want to break it down and sell
it for parts. And once you start to look at
these guys like a bunch of used car salesmen, I
think it gets easier to understand why they behave the
way they behave, and also where their suits are so bad?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh, the suits are the worst. Oh, there's nothing grosser
than seeing him in a suit. Honestly, all of them,
all of them, they're all so physically part of the
part of the stipulation of being a member of that
administration is being physically repugnant. That is a number one.
Speaker 8 (20:20):
Isn't it funny?
Speaker 4 (20:21):
How like all the bad guys look disgusting like bad guys,
like in.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
A like villains.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Yeah, because what you are on the inside starts to
come out. It's like Mitch McConnell's neck has been trying
to swallow his head for the last twenty years. Even
his body is like we gotta go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And his brain is gone. It's his head is unfortunately still there.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
Sadly, but it's like, you know, I wonder what it
must be like. Maybe they like it. Maybe it's the
same kind of thing that they get off on a
little bit that they're the they're a group of people
that when they walk in the room, all the women
cover their drinks, like just instinctively. You're like, oh, oh,
the Roofie patrol is here, and it's like this is
our best and brightest really just because people couldn't vote
(21:02):
for the lady, just because they were like, oh my god,
if gay people aren't getting assaulted or trans people aren't hiding, do.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
I have any power?
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Like what that's your metric?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Come on, Okay, On that note, we're going to take
a break and we're going to be right back with
Sophia Bush. And we're back with Sophia Buchus, who has
The Wonderful Podcast a work in progress, and she also
has a film coming out called The Stranger in My Home,
which is an adaptation of a Dell Park's novel. Okay, Sofia,
(21:35):
we're gonna give advice. We have callers calling in. I
love Catherine. What are we focusing on today? What is
our topic?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (21:42):
We have so many things, you know what We're actually
gonna start with a caller. So Lauren is thirty six
and she says, how do I get on the friends
with benefits to wifey pipeline? Dear Chelsea, I've been in
a casual friends with benefits type relationship for a year
and a half. It's worked out great for both the us,
especially since I'm a solo parent to my young daughter
(22:02):
and he's a workaholic. His dick is better than anyone else's.
He's sweeter and more considerate than anyone I've dated, maybe ever,
and I care for him deeply. Here's where I need
the advice. For the last few months, I've been having
feelings of wanting more from him. I want him to
stay longer, to come over more often. I want us
to be more official. Essentially, I want him to make
(22:23):
an honest woman out of me. But I'm so scared
to talk to him about it because I don't want
to ruin what we have. When I think of these things,
I usually end up reconciling with myself that this is
the relationship I can handle right now.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
But what do you think?
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Is it because his dick is so good that I
want him to wife me up? Or is it a
sign that I need to end things with him so
I can pursue a quote unquote serious relationship. Will it
be worth sacrificing what I have already? Thanks so much, Lauren,
Hi Lo, Lauren hi there.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Thanks so much for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
You're so welcome. This is our special guest, Sophia Bush
is here today.
Speaker 6 (22:56):
Wow, amazing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
We're here to assess your The dick that's so great?
I don't think ever, you know, I honestly, I'm just thinking,
like I don't think I've ever dated anyone where I
thought the dick is so great. Like it's usually if
an emotional relationship that makes you love the sex, Yes,
but you're saying you just love the sex, and then
that's bringing you in emotionally.
Speaker 5 (23:20):
I mean both. Really, it's all it's all good.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It's been really great, and so what's the vibe? He
just you only comes up. Did you guys ever spend
time together that's not sexual?
Speaker 6 (23:32):
We did in the beginning a little more, but our
schedules are kind of crazy, and so we got into
a bit of a routine of just getting together at
night and enjoying each other's company.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
And do you get the impression from him that that's
all he wants.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
It's a tough read.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
It's a real tough read because he doesn't talk too
much about his feelings and that's kind of worked for us.
So yeah, it's really tough to read at the moment.
And that's why I'm like a little scared about bringing
it up, because I don't want to lose what we have.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah, well, that's how you can bring it up. You
can just say, you know, hey, I like one night
when you're not having sex, or when you're done having sex,
or when just you know, you can say, hey, I
really enjoy spending time together and I know this is
kind of a sexual thing, but if you're ever interested
in more than that, I'm down for that, and make
it light like so that there's not a huge like repercussion.
(24:30):
If he doesn't feel the same way that you can't
continue to have sex unless you think, I mean, Ken,
do you think you can handle continuing to have sex?
If his answer is.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, I hope, So I really hope.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So yeah, right, Sophia don't you think you should just
you have to bridge that, you have to say something
at some point.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Yeah, I mean, I think to Chelsea's point, at the
end of the day, it's always a good idea to
tell people how you feel. It can be really scary,
I mean, especially when you know you're considering shifting a
dynamic into perhaps a more serious one, whether you're gonna
tell a friend you have fallen for them, or you
(25:08):
know you're gonna you're gonna tell mister dickmatized that you
want more than just that. Like, I don't know, but
I think it's I think the advice of just sort
of start there is good to say this is great,
nothing's wrong. I'm having a great time with you, and
if you're open to more than that, I am as well. Like,
(25:31):
I don't know, maybe after you guys sleep together the
next time, like ask him if he wants a grilled
cheese and like eat a snack, talk to each other
for ten minutes and see what happens.
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah, I did broach very delicately the idea of him
meeting my daughter. We had dinner out one time, and
you know, I got the impression, like, you know, she's
almost four so she's kind of wild right now. And
I I don't know if it was like the vibe,
but he was.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well what what what did he What was his response
to that?
Speaker 6 (26:06):
He's so caring and generous and like he just kind
of went with the flow. And so that part of
that reaction of his makes me think like he's kind
of taking my lead. But at the same time, maybe
he's like, uh, this is too much for me.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
So well, you don't have to have to meet your
daughter right away. That is a lot. That's a big
jump from just it was right away. But but I
mean there's this in between there somewhere, so like the
next time you bring it up, you can bring it
up more lightly. And also you should bring it up
because you want that, like you have to go after
what you want. It's not just gonna like not necessarily
happen without you saying it and facilitating it. And also
(26:43):
just to have like a conversation with yourself beforehand. Like
I know, it's like a little bit like you know,
we get nervous to say these things, but they're so
important for us to express ourselves. It's very important as
a woman, just like think of your daughter, you know
what I mean, think of doing it for your daughter,
like standing up for what you saying what you want
and if you don't get it, then okay, fine, and
then you can continue having sex with him if that's
(27:05):
what you want to do. But yeah, just do it
with a little sense of female empowerment like yeah, I
got this, I want this, I'm gonna ask for it.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:14):
And on the meeting the kid thing, if I may,
I think there's also something it's a big deal for
somebody to meet your kid. You know, it signifies, I think,
a certain level of a relationship. So if you want
to go from the friends with benefits with him to
see if you guys are compatible for a real relationship,
(27:36):
work on building the relationship between you two as adults,
and if that really does take off, then he can
meet your kid. You know, your kid is the center
of your world, and the reward for him actually showing
up as a partner. I agree with Chelsea, like I
think skipping to that probably would feel a little overwhelming
for someone you know, cent her as she's advising you,
(27:59):
like yourself, you deserve that.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Do you feel like this desire for something more serious
is because of him, or because maybe you're just like
ready for a relationship that's a little more traditional.
Speaker 5 (28:13):
Yeah, that's part of what I think as well.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
It could be that it could be like, because my
daughter's getting older, it could be like a little bit
of a sign that I'm ready for something. But you know,
I tested the waters with other people and dating like
more seriously, and he's still he's kind of it.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
He's still it.
Speaker 6 (28:36):
That's why I want to try it out with him.
Speaker 8 (28:39):
Yeah, I think you should.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Okay, Yeah, you definitely should do it. Get come up
with a plan and do it and be you know,
be proud of yourself for like and pushed forward. Like
if you do this act regardless of the outcome, you
just have to like try to detach from the outcome.
I know what you want, you know what you want.
You can say that, but it's a good exercise period,
you know, to start yourself in that way.
Speaker 6 (29:01):
That's excellent advice.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
That's totally what I need to hear.
Speaker 6 (29:04):
I was kind of hoping you guys would give me
some like feminine wiles that I can tap into and
convince him to yeah, to wipe me up.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
But you're right, I think the feminine whiles come from
the casual approach that Chelsea mentioned, just like, hey, like,
what do you feel about this? This sounds good to
me if that's where we want to take. You know,
I think that is like a perfect way to do it,
rather than being like, here are two choices.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Do we do this or is it over?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
You know?
Speaker 8 (29:27):
I think that puts a little too fine a point
on it.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Absolutely Yeah, Okay, well, good luck, report back. Okay, let
us know what happens. Please, thank you so much. I
will niceay bye. I want to get a dimple like Sophia.
Why don't people try and get dimples when they get
plastic surgery because you never see somebody just all of
a sudden show up with a dimple Like that should
be a good request for plastic surgery, you know, Like
(29:51):
I would like a dimple on my left cheek, like
like ordering it up like a cabbage patch.
Speaker 8 (29:54):
I do think there's a certain child actor that did
do that. Oh I don't want to name any names.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I'll have to. I'll have to bring that up with
my next plastic surgery appointment.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
But I think a dimple is technically a deformity.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
But yeah, it's so cute. Who cares?
Speaker 5 (30:10):
I mean, I like I like mine, but it's literally
I think it's like a I think we're it's some
sort of a situation where like your muscles don't completely
all the way and you just have like a hole
in your face. So I don't know how they would
make one for you.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I'm sure they can make one for you. I'm sure.
I'm sure they can come up with something.
Speaker 5 (30:30):
Yeah, they can give you a whole new face. They
can probably give you exactly right, exactly right.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
Well, our next question comes from Katie. It's kind of
moost of some of the political stuff that we have
been talking about, so she says, you're Chelsea, I have
so much anger at the world. I have ADHD's justice sensitivity,
which is a phrase I only learned a couple of
years ago when I was first diagnosed. It explained a
lot my whole life. I've been jokingly prodded at for
(30:58):
my anger. It often comes out in exaggerated and dramatic jokes,
where I'm known to be brutally honest, crass, and passionate.
It's been a blessing and a curse where I've been
thanked throughout my life for speaking up.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
And calling out wrongs.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
But then I've also been seen in my family as
constantly angry about something I know deep down anger is grief.
I've seen therapists before, and I'm open to it again,
but I can't help but shrug it off as futile.
Considering a therapist can't fix the selfishness and stupidity of
most humans. The pandemic, the elections, the denial of climate change,
and the weaponization of marginalized communities weighs on me daily.
Speaker 8 (31:33):
I'm finding that I'm.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
Growing so angry I'm compartmentalizing just to operate. My faith
in humanity is wrecked. I can't look at people who
I love as worthy of my love because I feel
their integrity has reached unfathomable lows and their support of
a serial sex predator in the White House. All in all,
people love me, and I know that I have enough
support to be happy. Overall, I don't want to change
the fiery passion I have regarding the injustices of the world,
(31:57):
and I thrive on bullying the bullies. It feels good,
but rage is unhealthy. I need a shift in perspective.
I've related to Chelsea my whole life for being honest
and calling people out so maybe you can help.
Speaker 8 (32:07):
Thank you, Katie Hi, Katie Hi, kt Hi.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
This is Sophia Bush, our special guest today.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
I'm a fellow Justice Sensitivity girly. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, I think we can both relate to how you're feeling. Absolutely.
I think a good word that you used is integrity
in that email, and I think we should talk about
that word because I think that when you have a
lot of integrity and you see people that don't have it,
we can be judgmental of that. We can be like
in dismissive of those people, but we don't know that
they're not acting within their own integrity, you know. Like
(32:44):
to me, the genuflecting to Donald Trump after he's become
elected is lacking integrity. He's supporting him from the beginning.
That's a different set of rules because that could be
an integrity or that could really be your belief system
and you believe you are acting with integrity. But the
one thing I want you to hold on to is
your integrity. And having integrity means being able to treat
(33:06):
situations with respect even when you don't respect them, and
when you have high levels of anger like you're talking about,
You've got to harness that rage and turn it into
something positive, and something like that is loving. And in
order to do that, you got to figure out where
your deep anger is coming from. Because it's not like
(33:26):
when this happened in twenty this happened in twenty sixteen.
I was exactly what I was going off the rails.
I was screaming at people, arguing with people if I
didn't agree with them politically, they were no longer my friends.
I was freaking out, and I realized when I went
to therapy that that anger was that was just a
place for me to put my anger, Like that was
an obvious place to store it. Now I had somewhere
(33:48):
to direct it and a reason. But really what it
was was a much deeper kind of delayed grief, delayed
pain that I had never experienced from my childhood. Right, So,
you really want to find somebody, a therapist that's going
to be good, and it might not be the first
one or the third one that you meet with. And
I know that sounds exhausting, but like you're talking about
your mental well being and your mental health for the
(34:10):
rest of your life, because if you can invest some
time into getting into like getting in with a good therapist.
It's going to yield so many benefits for your life
moving forward when you have to deal with all of
these unpalatable situations that we're all dealing with and conversations,
because it's much more meaningful to be able to disagree
with somebody without becoming rageful. It's much more powerful to
(34:34):
have an argument without losing your shit.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right right, and the rate Like I'll put it this way,
I stay articulate, I stay informed, I know what I'm
talking about when I engage with people, and I try
to approach it with respect. But it's like we keep
reaching new lows every week, every month, every day, it's
just new lows where the justification for this kind of
cult mentality is driving me absolutely insane, where I'm like,
(35:00):
you believe one thing, you know, you advocate for the constitution,
and then all of a sudden, we're seeing that get
bypassed and you're now justifying why it makes sense and
why authoritarianism makes sense.
Speaker 9 (35:12):
And it's like I'm seeing just this like degradation in.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Moral values in logic where I like, yeah, like I'm
totally down for therapy like that is something I've advocated
for my whole life, but I just don't know like
how to approach that from a sense of respect, because
I start to lose respect for those people because they're
now almost hypocritical in what they've always claimed to be
(35:39):
their values.
Speaker 9 (35:40):
And that's where I'm having trouble is reconciling.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Hey, this is who you say you are, this is
how you represent yourself, but how you vote and how
you reflect your politics does not mirror what you claim
to be. And it's happening with some loved ones. I've
got a great support system, a lot of people who
you know, support me and agree, and we don't all
have to agree, but it's getting to a point now
where it's just so inhumane that that's where I'm struggling,
(36:07):
Like degree, the sadness, the fear. I recognize that my
rage comes from that, but getting it out in a
healthy way other than going online and trolling somebody and
berating them or logically making an argument that holds up,
like you know, sure, that'll give me some adrenaline, but
that's not sustainable.
Speaker 9 (36:26):
We keep reaching these new lows, and only lately we're.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Seeing people regret their decision because the markets are in turmoil.
There's just chaos, and that kind of is another angle
where I'm like, well, now they care because their wallets
are getting hit, and I need that shift in perspective
of like, Okay, well maybe the silver lining is they're
starting to regret the decision.
Speaker 9 (36:45):
They're starting to question their decision. But I need to
get away from this. Well they're stupid and lazy and
misinformed the end they're late.
Speaker 5 (36:53):
Can I offer you something on that?
Speaker 9 (36:55):
Absolutely, And I'm not.
Speaker 5 (36:57):
Going to say that it's like a magic soul, but
something that I've really had to reckon with because I've
I think I've had the exact verbatim conversation you're having,
Like we could, we could do a freaky Friday.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Swap in this moment.
Speaker 5 (37:11):
Chelsea and I have both been in the thing, like
we I think we all know what it is to
be so angry at what is so apparent, and so
let's be frank like hurt by it. The idea, you know,
we were talking about this earlier. The idea of the
American dream is that we built a democracy to allow
for people to be free. Granted, we fucked up a
lot along the way, but like we're supposed to be
(37:33):
generationally getting closer and closer to those ideals. And when
you see people take the collective agreement on the ideal
and just torch it for personal gain or so that
someone else can be the butt of the joke or
the center of the target, it's really it's not just hard,
it's like traumatizing. It's very destabilizing because you realize, like
(37:55):
real isn't real. What's been helpful for me to understand
about people is actually to do some of the nerdier
research on confirmation bias and to understand that we're not
having a conversation about logic, we're having a conversation about shame.
And when people have put all their eggs in a
basket that operates like a cult, that is abusive, that
(38:17):
is absolutely fascist, and they've been told that it is
the most American, most patriotic thing, when they start to
have facts that push up against their confirmation bias hit,
it's more likely that they're going to double down on
the lie that they believe than admit that it was
a lie, because it's personally individually traumatizing and it creates
(38:41):
so much shame to realize you bought a lie to
realize you bought the snake oil from the salesman. And
so I've had to take a deep breath and try
to And I don't say this to be a dick.
I really like I put myself in the space that
I used to when I nannied I was a camp counselor.
(39:01):
When I'm dealing with a three and a half year
old who like irrationally doesn't want to eat even though
they're having a meltdown because they're hungry, I have to
remind myself that I know something about the irrationality that
they're experiencing in their body that they haven't quite dealt
with yet. And it gives me just enough pause and
grace to say, the trauma's going to hit them too,
(39:24):
and what are we going to do about it when
they get here? And that's really a self preservation tactic
for me. It is a way for me to be
more human instead of more enraged, because the angrier we are,
the more they're winning, the more they get to be like,
look at these fucking screaming, you know, screaming leftists, and
(39:45):
it's like I'm not screaming. Actually, I'm desperate to save
the American experiment.
Speaker 9 (39:53):
Right, and I will heartily agree with all of that.
Speaker 5 (39:56):
And so I think if you can give yourself a
little bit of the psychology in your own personal interaction,
it can help you. And then, honestly, one of the
greatest things I learned from a friend was instead of
doing the thing which you know many of us neurodivergent
girlies do, which is like, I have every fact in
every stat and I know this, and let me tell
you about this. And if I can just give you
enough information, you're gonna see because math is not emotional,
(40:18):
and then you won't be emotional, and then you'll know
that this is true that and you get yourself like
really psyched out. Sometimes you just need to lean in
and go, well, why do you believe that? Where'd you
hear that? Ask people questions, because if they can't defend
their own position, it'll do more for your conversation than
you trying to defend yours. So those will be my two.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I've definitely taken that approach of asking leading questions and
the why and the how and trying to relate of
like you know, at the end of the day, we
want similar things for our country. We want save communities
we want, you know, good paying jobs, like we were
not that different, and I try to kind of point
that out. And I definitely am trying to take it
from a standpoint of like, yes, they're a shamed to
(41:00):
admit that they've been wrong, or like nobody likes admitting
they've been wrong, but it's just at what point, like
how much longer will it take? And that is where
I've been struggling, and I'm trying to approach it from
a softer approach. My wife has kind of taught me
about being vulnerable instead of being on the attack, you know,
my whole life.
Speaker 9 (41:17):
I'm like, Okay, that's that's weak.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Don't portray vulnerability because then you'll show who what you're
afraid of. So I've in recent years kind of been
trying to do that, but it's just I just feel
like it just gets worse and worse and worse.
Speaker 9 (41:31):
And I do productive things.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
I nourish myself, I nourish my life, but it's just
weighing on me and I just don't know how much
more I can take. Like I've been compartmentalizing, disassociating, throwing
myself into my work, like just all of that just
to get by, and I know that that's kind of,
like you said, a trauma response and relating it to
them having their own almost delayed trauma response is a
(41:53):
helpful way to think of it, just because but then
I'm like, well, I pity them and they're they're slow,
and I have to shift. I have to get rid
of that, because that's still a negative look at somebody
who deserves compassion as well.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Well. I mean, you remind me so much of myself,
Like when I've went into therapy, because one of the
first things I said to my psychiatrist was I think
everyone's annoyed. He's like, okay, let's talk about your childhood.
I'm like, that's not important, I said. I find everyone
very annoying and I have no patience for stupid people.
This is my biggest issue right now. So it sounds
a lot like you're echoing that kind of sentiment. And
(42:27):
when you have that kind of attitude, something is deeper,
deeper is happening, and I understand circumstantially what we're all
dealing with. I completely get it. I completely understand being angry,
being disappointed, blah blah blah, But there is stuff within
you that you need to talk to someone about to
help you. And even if you go in there and
you're talking about fucking Donald Trump for an hour, that's okay.
(42:47):
But just exhaust the anger, you know what I mean,
So like learn how to get through your anger and
learn how to turn that anger into positivity, because that's
what therapy taught me, how to do, how to turn
everything into like gratitude. Even when you wake up and
you read the news and you're like, what the fuck
am I going to be grateful for? There's plenty to
be grateful for. There's always plenty to be grateful for.
(43:08):
We're not at a point yet where we're all there's
nothing to live for, Like that's not happening yet. So
you want to be able to, like, you know, and
inject people with that, you know. And and when you're
coming at people with a softer with a softer self,
you're gonna get a lot farther.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Right right, And and you saying that, I mean, I've
been watching you since I was a teenager, and like
I kind of had the joke in my head that
you were the first time I saw representation because it
was the first time I felt like a.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Woman's representation you stop bag representation. You're like, this looks good.
Speaker 9 (43:35):
This is the first white lady that represented me.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
So but it was just like the first time that
I saw somebody speaking their mind, being flaughty about it,
and just being able to kind of just say things
out loud that people are afraid to say.
Speaker 9 (43:47):
I need to probably get back into the therapy I've been.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
In and out that my family's always advocated for it,
like it, but it's just yeah, like getting that the
passion out in a way that enact change. And like
I said, like like I have pride in my work,
and what I do is like semi political. It's related
to the environments, related to plants, and it's just like
that's helpful, but I need something just for myself because
(44:12):
like you said, it is probably deeper. It is probably
something ingrained from childhood, but it's just like, damn, like
how much more of this? And yeah, watching your journey
has helped a lot because I was thinking, like I
do need a practice gratitude, and every day I'm trying
to think of like, like I am happy overall, then
of course I think of I'm happy in my own
little bubble. I've got all these things and here we
(44:33):
have all these people suffering and it's getting worse for
your average American and not enough Americans give a shit.
And that's in like yes, like it is external, but
like the practice of which I express it is something
that I need to seek therapy for. But I'm still
just like you know, like do I just keep this
(44:54):
associating until then?
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like I don't know, but no, you really just need
to get into a therapist. You have to get this
out because you could be happy and angry. That's not
an uncommon combination. You can be happy and angry. But
what you really want to do is learn patience for
the other people and learn compassion for other people and
not be so set in your own opinion even no
(45:17):
matter how right it is. Just to be unable to
understand and take in other people without it making you
fucking angry, and without yelling, without screaming, just it's going
to give you the toolbox you need that you're gonna
need to get through the next three years of this, right.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Patience is a good way to put it for me,
because patience is something that I need a practice.
Speaker 5 (45:37):
Yeah, it's something you have to cultivate too, Like it
really is to Chelsea's point, it's a practice. It requires work.
It's like a muscle you have to build. And I
also think, you know, for a lot of us that
are really justice minded, that can't kind of look away
from the news, it's also really important to do something
(45:58):
that isn't about act divism, that isn't about learning a fact,
that isn't about having a conversation, but that gives you
a reminder of why those things matter to you. Like truly,
if you can figure out where the Feeding America food
pantry is closest to you, and like every other Sunday,
for two hours, go volunteer with some people you love,
(46:20):
it will shift your energy, Like therapy and service will
be the two greatest things that will shift your energy.
Because when you get caught on the hamster wheel of
I always have to be doing or fixing or learning
or speaking, You're you're not existing, You're trying to solve
something all the time. And like that is a way
(46:40):
to stay in trauma. And so to go out and
like hang with your neighbors and serve a meal or
go somewhere even with a family member you disagree with
and agree on something for an hour, it really it's
like a not to sound like the most la person,
but it's like a psychic kind of healing.
Speaker 9 (46:58):
Too, right.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I did start looking into volunteer opportunities, but then there
was one that was like political, climate change and all that,
and I was like, maybe maybe I shouldn't go there.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
You're doing enough of that.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
You're doing enough of that.
Speaker 9 (47:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Yeah, so, but I have looked into a few volunteer
opportunities and it is something that I thought would nourish
my soul, but I just you know, ADHD procrastinated.
Speaker 9 (47:20):
Haven't done yet.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, but that's great advice. Do that. Do that, look
for a therapist, go and just start getting this out
so that you're just you're just going to bring yourself.
You're going to be so much more centered, so that
it doesn't feel like this all the time, like it's
at the level where it's going to fucking blow. Like
I know exactly what you're talking about and you just
want to break you You're going to be so much
more valuable to all the people in your life when
(47:44):
you are able to really ground yourself and center yourself right.
And that involves a lot of self awareness, and that's
where therapy comes in. You know, it's like the it's
it's like you're purchasing the gift of self awareness.
Speaker 9 (47:56):
Right absolutely, So I'm glad you called.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
I'm glad you called. I'm like, yeah, this was perfect,
perfect time, perfect guests for you to speak with and
you know, do what we say, okay, and because we
want you to be useful, we don't want you to
burn out.
Speaker 9 (48:11):
Right right then, that's the main thing.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
I have been operating at just this high frequency of
just ready to respond whenever I needed, like like almost
like I'm ready to be called the action.
Speaker 9 (48:21):
And that is exhausting.
Speaker 8 (48:23):
Yeah, hypervigilance.
Speaker 9 (48:24):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hopefully we'll see better news.
Speaker 5 (48:28):
Ahead, but let's hope.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
So yeah that would be great news.
Speaker 9 (48:35):
Would Yeah, We'll all get that text someday.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
So, yes, we're all in it together, that's the thing.
Speaker 9 (48:40):
Yeah, yeah, yes, and I do. I'm again great community.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Around me, and I'm leaning on my friends more than ever.
It's just feeling it so deeply. I'm exhausted. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
do you take solace in that.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
Let's do it, Okay, keep us updated with your with
your progress.
Speaker 9 (48:59):
Okay, absolutely, Okay, thank you so much to meet.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
You, hy Katie. Ya oh God. I mean, she's speaking
for half the world right now. Yeah, how everybody feels.
Let's take a break and we'll be right back with
Sofia Bush. And we're back with Sepia Bush, Like, do
we have time for one more? Let's do a little
(49:23):
yeah collar.
Speaker 8 (49:24):
A quickie.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
Well, this one isn't a caller. I try to get
her to call in, but she is currently staying with
the person in question, so wasn't able to. So this
is a good, good, juicy one, she says. Dear Chelsea,
this is Shannon. I need some advice. I have a
slow burn crush on my long term best friend. I
met her eight years ago through work on a trip abroad.
Speaker 8 (49:43):
At the time, I was.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Assigned to travel one on one with her to visit
business partners in another country. She's a few years older
than me, and I was so attracted by her intelligence
and powerful presence and confidence. Every time we went out
for dinner, I would get butterflies whenever I made her laugh. However,
my stomach dropped when she said I reminded her of
her favorite gay younger brother. At that point, she also
had a long term boyfriend and I assumed she was straight,
(50:06):
so my crush faded, and we've developed a solid friendship
over the years, going on trips and I've visited her
her a few times. I never thought much more of
these feelings because she was always in a relationship. Two
years ago, she ended things with her boyfriend, and last
year she told me she was attracted to women and
wasn't completely straight, although I don't think she has explored
this since. After staying with her for a month, my
(50:27):
feelings came rushing back, and since then, I've moved to
her city for work, living in the same place for
the first time. We've been spending a lot of time
together and my feelings for her and those butterflies.
Speaker 8 (50:38):
Are only growing.
Speaker 4 (50:39):
Sometimes when we're together, I catch myself thinking my girlfriend
and quickly remind myself that she's just my friend.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
I'm torn.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
On the one hand, I feel this intense attraction and
just want to be around her more. On the other,
I'm unsure if she feels the same way. She's a
generally flirty person, so sometimes I wonder if it's just
me reading too much into things. I don't want to
risk ruining our friendship or making things awkward, but I
also don't want to look back and wonder, what if
what should I do? Chelsea Shannon, Well, you know what
I'm going to say, Sophia, what are you going to say?
Speaker 5 (51:07):
No, I want to know what you're going to say.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
I'm going to say, go for it. Always go for it.
I'm like, hello, I don't like when people wait around
for things. You know, it's your life. You got to
grab it, grab life by the balls, get after what
you want. And if she doesn't feel the same way,
that's not a loss, that's like, oh okay, it's a
disappointment that then you know, then you have even more
information moving forward, so she's not an option moving forward,
(51:30):
and then you like and then you can decide if
you want to spend time with her. But like, always
go for it. I feel, what do you think?
Speaker 5 (51:37):
Yeah, I think there's nothing worse than to wonder, you know,
and and listen, I think all of us, you know,
we were talking earlier about hindsight, Like you look back
and you go, oh, maybe I should have let myself
wonder about that one, you know, like, but but if
you had, who knows what would have happened? And I
think I think, no matter what, to throw yourself toward
(51:59):
what you want to be willing to risk for love,
like what else are we here for? And so yeah,
I kind of think it harkens back to the way
you advised our first caller to you know, maybe don't
read that whole letter to this person, but just say, hey,
(52:20):
I could be off base. I feel like there's a
little bit of a shift in our dynamic. I don't know,
it feels like there's something else going on here. And
if I'm misreading it, we can pretend we never had
this conversation. But if I'm not, I want to talk
about it, and I'm kind of liking it, and like,
just see, I think it's always worth saying is there
(52:45):
something happening here? If there is, what might happen next?
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Like Also, one thing to think about is like I
understand you want to preserve the relationship and that you
don't want to ruin the relationship in case she doesn't
have the those mutual feelings. But when you go after
something in life and the reason, the thing that's stopping
you is what if it's what if the answers know?
Then you're not going to find out a lot of
things in life, Like you have to be ready to
(53:12):
accept a no then you now you have the truth,
and then you could move on with your life in
a different way and knowing she's not an option. So
it's like thinking that, oh, what if the answers know
if this guy, if I bring up our relationship in
this guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with
me from our earlier caller, he doesn't want to go
from a booty call to something more serious. Okay, well
then you have that information. That's an advantage, not a disadvantage.
(53:35):
So we all have to look at No's with a
more positive outlook, like that's one step closer to getting
where you're going.
Speaker 5 (53:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
One thing that also like just popped into my mind
is like every woman who dates other women that I know,
Like if there is like a dating situation and they break.
Speaker 8 (53:50):
Up, like generally people stay friends, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (53:53):
Like women often stay friends with exes who are other
women in my experience, so I don't think it's a bad.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
Well that's the theme of today's episode. Everybody go for it. Okay,
the whole world could end in about fucking six months.
We don't know what the fuck's going to happen, So
definitely get after it. Go for it. Make sure you
tune into Sofia's podcast if you're not already a listener.
It's called Work in Progress and her new movie is
coming out in June, and it's up to you to
go find it.
Speaker 5 (54:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
We did it. We did it. I God you, Sofia.
I'll see you soon, will you?
Speaker 5 (54:26):
I will see you soon?
Speaker 3 (54:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
(54:50):
one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 8 (55:02):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 4 (55:03):
Write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
Hi, Catherine, Oh hello, jealousy.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I'm fresh off the boat, fresh off the boat from Greece.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
I mean you're even wearing a floe white shirt like.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
We took because I'm headed back to Europe as soon
as we get we were done with this. I'm going back. No,
we actually did take a boat to Greece. We took
a ferry boat from Athens to Paros, which was like
three and a half hours. Oh yeah, so, and then
I took the flight back. I took a flight from
Paros to Athens, and so I can't decide which one
was more unpleasant, the flight or the boat.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Was the flight bumpy?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
No, it was just the airport. You know when there's
those little, small, tiny airports and there's like a line
and it takes like an hour to check in and
there's nobody really there. It was just one of those.
It was fine. We got there safely. I think that's
probably the most important thing. But I'm not positive. I'm
not positive that's the most important thing, but I think
it might be the most important thing. I announced three dates.
(00:56):
I'm doing three more stand up dates to close out
the year because I just I wanted to spread a
little bit more of joy and sunshine around this country.
Since you know things are in such a good place.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
We need a little escapism.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yes, So aside from my Vegas residency, my next date
is July fifth, I'll be in Vegas, everybody, so hopefully
you'll be joining me there. I'm going to do West
Hampton Beach, New York on August twenty first. Then I'm
going to headline the Fringe, a festival in Rochester, New
York on September third, and then I'm going to be
in Napa, California on October third. So I'm just adding
those three dates. It's not like a tour. I'm just
(01:31):
doing some stand up to round out the year. So
I hope you get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
And it's fresh material, right.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It's all new material. It's all a lot of LSD
in there, a lot of stuff that we've touched upon
on the show, and a lot of me smuggling LSD
from country to country. Basically, I've just started leaving stashus
in different countries that I visit so that I don't
have to keep continue traveling with it. Now that I'm
talking about it so publicly, on stay. I mean, I've
(02:00):
always talked about it publicly, but on stage specifically, I'm like, okay,
I better stop talking about it and also continuing to
carry it with you.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah, traveling with it is not that that's.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
The that's probably not the best idea.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
It's is going to be there waiting for you when
you get there. That's perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, yes, yes, So I'm assuming that at some point
I'll be on some sort of list that will prevent
me from returning to my homeland. I'm just making that assumption.
But I've been to so many countries already and it's
only June. I'm so excited. But I'm getting surgery when
I get back on July seventh. I'm getting foot surgery
on my little bunyan net. I'm calling it a buny
net because it makes it sound cuter.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
It's much cuter. Did your ear little toast spacers didn't
do the trick?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Now, the toast spacers probably would work if you're like
twenty and you're really trying to nip it in the bud.
I bet those are helpful. But I'm fifty and mine
isn't on the the inside of my foot. It's on
the outside of my foot. I think it's related to
my knee injury because I like lean a certain way
on one leg. So I just can't look at it
like that, I mean, and so I have to remove it.
(03:02):
And it's apparently a little bit of a hectic recovery.
But we'll see, we'll see. I like recoveries.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Yeah, you get to like take a bunch of fun
drugs and like chill at home.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Yeah, unless I'm making it work because I'm like, oh,
you want to just schedule a bunch of podcasts while
you're well.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Ideally that would be me walking downstairs. But apparently my
house will not be ready for the fiftieth time in
my life, and my house is not ready for move in.
I just got that news. It did not go over well.
But we are in the home stretch. I'm being told, Oh,
I'm very happy to hear that for you.
Speaker 5 (03:34):
I'm sorry, Chell's it's really tough to be displaced for
that long, and the gross and competence of it all
is just mind boggling.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I know, it's unreal. I can't believe it. I can't,
I mean, I can't believe I'm even still talking about it.
It's just absolutely absurd. My family's like, why don't you
talk to a therapist? I'm like, about my house? You
want me to talk to a therapist about my house?
I did, actually a year ago. I had a conversation.
It should I have the same fucking conversation I had
year ago. For some reason, I'm so resentful every time
(04:04):
something happens with the house. I am so angry towards
my family. Like I'm like, I'm always the one who's
getting everybody out of bad situations. Yet here I am,
and no one's getting me out of this situation. I
keep waiting for someone to come and rescue me, but
oh my god, no one's rescuing me.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
I mean, if anyone out there has advice on how
to get RFK juju out of a.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Home, you try a priest.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
I have had.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I haven't tried an exorcism, but I did have a
healer and like a house cleanser come by that obviously
didn't take. And I'm now in a lawsuit with my
prior contractor. So it's just just the hits cheeks oncoming.
But listen, you know what, It's just a house, and
I have other homes, and obviously I don't I don't whatever.
I can't complain about my life, so I won't continue to.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Well, you know what, pretty soon you'll be out of
the country anyway, and you'll have to be in Canada
or Spain, so it'll, you know, it'll just come out
the wash.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
Right.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, I'm heading out here from as soon as we
got off today, I'm going up to Boston. I'm gonna
record Mel Robbins's podcast tomorrow morning.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Nice nice, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
And they gave me instructions, specific instructions not to arrive
early because there's no waiting room. Well, that's delightful. Thank
you for that warm, warm welcome.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
That's the worst thing they can say to a person
who's always early.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
God, yeah, I know exactly. Who's our guest this week?
Speaker 4 (05:27):
Oh, our guest this week is your buddy, Sophia Bush.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Oh Bush, She's a bush lover, Sophia Bush Lover. It's
our guest this week. This week. I was gonna say
this weekend, I'm already in Glastonbury in my head. Yes,
Sophia Bush. Oh, this is a great interview. I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
And her new movie The Stranger in My Home is
out now on video on demand.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Love it. Hi guys, Oh baby, it's your baby. Hi baby,
baby baby, Hi babyback ribs. How are you and good?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
What are you doing?
Speaker 6 (06:02):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You know, just getting ready to talk to you. I've
been seeing a lot of you. Actually, we've been seeing
a lot of each other.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Yes, well not as much as I would like, but
it has been fun to do.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
It's never enough. It's never enough. Congrats on your interview
with Michelle Obama on Sophia's podcast Work in Progress. She
did a two part episode with Michelle Obama that was
all over the place, and that was a fucking great interview.
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Thank you. I had so much fun. It's like hanging
with her for that section of time, you know, felt
a lot like when we all get together, Like it's
crazy to you know, look up to someone like her
for so long and to watch the way she navigates
the global stage and then to like hang out and
(06:49):
wish you had a cocktail to shoot the shit. I
was like, God, the world must forget that You're also
just this wonderful human. You don't always have to be
like a leader or a figurehead. She's funny and sassy
and has such great advice about life and love and
parenting and all the things, and it was really cool.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, I mean I think she does. It's so annoying
when everybody always, like, you know, I'm in Canada, Everyone's like,
why can't Michelle Obama run. I'm like, Michelle Obama doesn't
want to be the fucking president of the United States.
She didn't want anything to do with it the first
eight years, like, as if it's her responsibility to run.
And I always just think about how annoying that must
be for her to constantly hear that, as if it's
(07:29):
that simple, you know, as if she's just supposed to
give away the next eight years of her life. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
I think people don't understand what a service is required
to be in public office, Like any sort of real
political organizing takes so much work, and you certainly can
become a target for things. You have to give up
a lot of things when you run for office. It's
like it's not a one plus one equals two situation.
(07:57):
It's like to the power of fifty, everything is amplified
and enlarged, and at the same time your life really shrinks.
And I think people, I don't know, probably because the
internet's full of trolls who say, shitty things that travel
very far. But people are like, oh, yeah, you know,
they're doing it for the money or the exposure, and
(08:18):
I'm like, they don't make any money and they literally
can't go outside, like like she can't go for a
walk anymore without guards. So everybody take it just relax.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, she seems like she's really kind of you know,
since she left office, also really letting her hair down
and being more of herself to the public and yeah,
which is really you know, she doesn't have to do
that either. She doesn't have to like bother with at
the public. She doesn't have to do anything. But when
I mean, that's just how devoted they are to public service.
Is that they all are over you know, they're always involved.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
I think so. And I really think it's also something
when you have to bite your tongue for so long,
when you have to put your you know, sort of
professionalism or decorum first. I think, yes, decorum is something
we should aspire to have, especially in public life. I
think they are people of incredible class and integrity, and
(09:12):
I think eventually it gets really tiresome to always have
to be quiet or be perfect or whatever. And she's
kind of like guys, I'm also just a lady and
I'm gonna have cocktails with my girlfriends. I want to
go play tennis. My kids are out of the house.
I'm gonna go visit them, and then I'm gonna enjoy
my life like this is my time. And I think,
(09:33):
I know, that's such an exciting example for me to
see among my friends. Imagine the power that you know,
a former first lady has to do that, let alone
one with like Princeton and Harvard degrees. Who I mean,
she's just like the coolest person.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Yeah, she really is the coolest person. Let's talk about
your cool person. Tell me how that feels to be
a hot considered a hot lesbian.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Quite an honor. I mean, you know what's funny is
you do this. We math like if you're dating, if
you're a woman dating men, nobody wants to talk to
you about your sexuality. They just want to either say
like you're a prude or a slot. You know, if
you date too much, they criticize you. If you don't date,
you must be frigid, whatever. And then the thing that
(10:15):
gets added when you're actually more fluid with your sexuality
is the swing goes from nobody gives a shit who
you're sleeping with too. You better identify exactly who you
are so we can figure out what name to call you.
And it's like okay, And you know, I sort of
looked around and was like, has nobody been paying attention
to like all the hot girls I've been kissing on
camera and like, you know, maybe not in front of
(10:37):
you off camera, but Hi, I've always been.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Here, right, But let's talk about that a little because
that seems to be the kind of calculus or the
consensus now that we have some retrospection of the election.
And yeah, and people are talking about the identity politics
of the left, and I know you talk a lot,
you know, we both talk a lot politically together and
you know, without each other, what is your view of
(11:00):
us focusing so much? Because my view is like when
we say, oh, you guys focused too much on the
trans issue, you guys were too inclusive. It didn't have
to be like that big of an issue. And it
was like, well, but trans people were starting to have
problems with other people and there were lawsuits and somebody
has to get on the side of that, like on
the right side of things. So it wasn't like it
(11:22):
wasn't like liberals were like, oh my god, what's another
issue we can tackle that's going to be really exclusionary
to white supremacy. Oh, trans people will go be with them.
That's not how it happened. Wow, how do you think
about when you reflect about that issue and LGBTQ rights
issues and the left being too focused on that In
(11:43):
many people's opinions, I.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Think it's all just such bullshit, Chelsea. Honestly, it's like,
what do you mean, we're too focused on being nice
to people? What the fuck are you talking about? And
we're not too focused. To be clear, the Trump campaign
spent something like it was either twenty seven million or
fifty seven million dollars on those ads that were like
(12:06):
She's for they them, and I'm for you, Like, ew,
you fucking creepy sexual predator. Stop talking about people's genitalia.
They they have outsized an issue in a way that
makes me so sad. You know, just this week they're
ranting on Fox News about like, oh, you know, all
the athletes are trans, and it's like there are less
(12:28):
than ten trans athletes out of five hundred and ten
thousand athletes in the NCAA leave these people alone. Like
to be the smallest and most vulnerable group in the
world and to constantly have people project all their shit
(12:48):
and fear and anger at you. It's it's not only
traumatizing for people, it's so dangerous. And when you start
seeing these these rollbacks of protections, you know, homosexuality being
criminalized in Trinidad and Tobago this year, when you see
right wingers literally trying to encourage the Supreme Court to
overturn marriage equality, Like, let me be clear, I've tried
(13:11):
that with some dudes who turned out not to be great.
I deserve to try to just to be just as
miserable with any fucking woman of my choosing as I
was in my past. Like what you think the lesbians
don't deserve to be as unhappy as you all? Like,
shut up, And it's you know, joking aside. It's like
a right doesn't matter if it's not a right for everyone,
(13:33):
because then you're not concerned with freedom. This is something
Tim Walls says a lot. He goes, you know, you
can't say you're concerned with freedom and then try to
deny freedoms for people. Then what you really want is
privilege and like for what, And I don't know why
the right has been able to so effectively weaponize the
(13:53):
idea that a quality is somehow an attack, Like it's not, guys,
I hate to tell you, maga, folks, nobody's thinking about
you that much. We're all just trying to like, raise
our kids and pay our bills and do our shit.
I don't care whose marriage makes you uncomfortable. Don't be
in a marriage that makes you uncomfortable, and move along
with your day. Same for people's healthcare, same for how
(14:16):
people live. Like maybe if you stop running around with
baseball bats, attacking people in tiki torches and beating up cops,
like you could just live peacefully in whatever weird way
you want to live, Like we're living well and kindly,
like back off. I just don't. I don't want to
fall into the trap that we're supposed to abandon people
(14:38):
to somehow seem more neutral, Like neutrality never got anybody anywhere.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
That's true. How do you feel about everything? Like? Are
you what's your state of mind right now?
Speaker 7 (14:48):
Politically? I, oh, man, I think things are very bad, and.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
I think they're moving in such a terrible direction at
such speed that in a way. A lot of people
are looking around going, look, I know it's a lot
of noise, but nothing's really happening. And I'm like, you
don't get where you're going to be in eighteen months,
Like if as retribution because Gavin Newsom won't kiss the ring,
Donald Trump clear cuts all of California's forests, Like do
(15:22):
you understand what that's going to do, not just to California,
to the nation. You know, this guy wanted to crash
the stock market so his friends could make hundreds of
billions of dollars and he said so in the Oval
office and bragged about it, and you know, pointed out
how many billions they all made when he went JK,
no tariffs. It's like, I just want to know, honestly,
how Martha Stewart feel about it. I'm like, bitch, you
went to prison for so much less, Like how are
(15:44):
you doing in Bedford? Are you mad? Are you getting stoned?
Are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Like?
Speaker 5 (15:49):
What is going on here? It's it's so crazy and
what's coming, you know, the the RFK at you know
HHS and and the dismantling of lead protection teams at
the CDC, and like, I mean, it's about to get
like so bad.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
And what would be the motivation for them poisoning people,
because that's effectively what they're doing by dismantling these agencies,
Like people are going to get sick and die. What
would be the advantage? What would their mob going into.
Speaker 5 (16:22):
That they want everybody to get sick and die, Chelsea,
And I know that might sound crazy, but you're not
trying to defund Medicare if you don't want people to die,
because dead people are less expensive to take care of.
They don't care. These are people who have, you know,
the fifty thousand dollar a year concierge doctor who flies
(16:43):
to them. These are people who who have now the
whole White House medical apparatus serving as their own personal dispensary.
I don't know if you saw that writer's article about
how during the last Trump administration they were handing out
like I mean, amphetamines, opioids, like they were just prescribed
shited to people who worked in the White House like
willy nilly. They're gonna get what they need, just like
(17:05):
any mistress of Donald Trump who's ever been pregnant that
he's wanted to have an abortion has had one allegedly.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
You know, allegedly allegedly.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
I'm like, I'm not about to get sued for calling
an adjudicated rapist or rapist, like what a ridiculous man
he is and clearly a tyrant. But they're gonna get
what they need. They just don't care. They don't care
if your you know, elderly grandparent doesn't get their Social
Security check, because if they did, they wouldn't be Supposedly
(17:34):
this hit the news last week, moving all the comms
for Social Security onto Twitter, Like what what eighty year
olds know how to use x dot com? Like the
shock and awe is the goal. And you see it
in the way that they behave, in what they're doing,
and in how they talk about people, right, Like you
(17:55):
see the way Donald Trump loves Putin, He loves dictator.
He says, you know, oh yeah, the dictator of North
Korea is people all really bowed to him, they really
respect him. I want that. And then you've got JD.
Vance using absolutely derogatory language, not only to insult our
allies in Europe and you know, on the base in Greenland,
(18:16):
but talking about China and saying, quote, these Chinese peasants
and he says the word it is like dripping with judgment.
They want to create a peasant class and an oligarchy
in America so that we can't ever get out from
under it. Like they love this shit. They're they're like
they're horny for oligarchs and kleptocrats, like they want to
(18:40):
be that. And it's interesting now that you sort of
see a lot of people go, WHOA. I thought maybe
the federal government was too big, maybe it wasn't efficient,
but I didn't realize what they did. I didn't realize
what their programs ran. I didn't realize how much of
my life they took care of. And it's like, well, yeah,
you didn't realize it. Because Mitch McConnell his mission over
(19:01):
forty years ago to defund education in America because they
started to see that uneducated people vote for them and
that's it. And I don't say that to judge people
like it's hard to get a good education because they've
made it hard. They make having an intellect seem like
it's elitist. And it's like that's the whole reason my
(19:21):
great grandparents came here for a better life and to
be like, we want to pursue the American education system.
We want to give that to our children, Like my
family built a great, big, beautiful American dream life for that.
So when you start to really peel the layers back,
and I think see that these folks have tried to
(19:42):
tarnish everything that actually makes America any word you want
to fill in the blank, great, exceptional, special, something worth
fighting for. They want to break it down and sell
it for parts. And once you start to look at
these guys like a bunch of used car salesmen, I
think it gets easier to understand why they behave the
way they behave, and also where their suits are so bad?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh, the suits are the worst. Oh, there's nothing grosser
than seeing him in a suit. Honestly, all of them,
all of them, they're all so physically part of the
part of the stipulation of being a member of that
administration is being physically repugnant. That is a number one.
Speaker 8 (20:20):
Isn't it funny?
Speaker 4 (20:21):
How like all the bad guys look disgusting like bad guys,
like in.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
A like villains.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Yeah, because what you are on the inside starts to
come out. It's like Mitch McConnell's neck has been trying
to swallow his head for the last twenty years. Even
his body is like we gotta go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And his brain is gone. It's his head is unfortunately still there.
Speaker 5 (20:39):
Sadly, but it's like, you know, I wonder what it
must be like. Maybe they like it. Maybe it's the
same kind of thing that they get off on a
little bit that they're the they're a group of people
that when they walk in the room, all the women
cover their drinks, like just instinctively. You're like, oh, oh,
the Roofie patrol is here, and it's like this is
our best and brightest really just because people couldn't vote
(21:02):
for the lady, just because they were like, oh my god,
if gay people aren't getting assaulted or trans people aren't hiding, do.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
I have any power?
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Like what that's your metric?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Come on, Okay, On that note, we're going to take
a break and we're going to be right back with
Sophia Bush. And we're back with Sophia Buchus, who has
The Wonderful Podcast a work in progress, and she also
has a film coming out called The Stranger in My Home,
which is an adaptation of a Dell Park's novel. Okay, Sofia,
(21:35):
we're gonna give advice. We have callers calling in. I
love Catherine. What are we focusing on today? What is
our topic?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (21:42):
We have so many things, you know what We're actually
gonna start with a caller. So Lauren is thirty six
and she says, how do I get on the friends
with benefits to wifey pipeline? Dear Chelsea, I've been in
a casual friends with benefits type relationship for a year
and a half. It's worked out great for both the us,
especially since I'm a solo parent to my young daughter
(22:02):
and he's a workaholic. His dick is better than anyone else's.
He's sweeter and more considerate than anyone I've dated, maybe ever,
and I care for him deeply. Here's where I need
the advice. For the last few months, I've been having
feelings of wanting more from him. I want him to
stay longer, to come over more often. I want us
to be more official. Essentially, I want him to make
(22:23):
an honest woman out of me. But I'm so scared
to talk to him about it because I don't want
to ruin what we have. When I think of these things,
I usually end up reconciling with myself that this is
the relationship I can handle right now.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
But what do you think?
Speaker 4 (22:36):
Is it because his dick is so good that I
want him to wife me up? Or is it a
sign that I need to end things with him so
I can pursue a quote unquote serious relationship. Will it
be worth sacrificing what I have already? Thanks so much, Lauren,
Hi Lo, Lauren hi there.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Thanks so much for taking my call.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
You're so welcome. This is our special guest, Sophia Bush
is here today.
Speaker 6 (22:56):
Wow, amazing.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
We're here to assess your The dick that's so great?
I don't think ever, you know, I honestly, I'm just thinking,
like I don't think I've ever dated anyone where I
thought the dick is so great. Like it's usually if
an emotional relationship that makes you love the sex, Yes,
but you're saying you just love the sex, and then
that's bringing you in emotionally.
Speaker 5 (23:20):
I mean both. Really, it's all it's all good.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It's been really great, and so what's the vibe? He
just you only comes up. Did you guys ever spend
time together that's not sexual?
Speaker 6 (23:32):
We did in the beginning a little more, but our
schedules are kind of crazy, and so we got into
a bit of a routine of just getting together at
night and enjoying each other's company.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
And do you get the impression from him that that's
all he wants.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
It's a tough read.
Speaker 6 (23:49):
It's a real tough read because he doesn't talk too
much about his feelings and that's kind of worked for us.
So yeah, it's really tough to read at the moment.
And that's why I'm like a little scared about bringing
it up, because I don't want to lose what we have.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah, well, that's how you can bring it up. You
can just say, you know, hey, I like one night
when you're not having sex, or when you're done having sex,
or when just you know, you can say, hey, I
really enjoy spending time together and I know this is
kind of a sexual thing, but if you're ever interested
in more than that, I'm down for that, and make
it light like so that there's not a huge like repercussion.
(24:30):
If he doesn't feel the same way that you can't
continue to have sex unless you think, I mean, Ken,
do you think you can handle continuing to have sex?
If his answer is.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, I hope, So I really hope.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
So yeah, right, Sophia don't you think you should just
you have to bridge that, you have to say something
at some point.
Speaker 5 (24:46):
Yeah, I mean, I think to Chelsea's point, at the
end of the day, it's always a good idea to
tell people how you feel. It can be really scary,
I mean, especially when you know you're considering shifting a
dynamic into perhaps a more serious one, whether you're gonna
tell a friend you have fallen for them, or you
(25:08):
know you're gonna you're gonna tell mister dickmatized that you
want more than just that. Like, I don't know, but
I think it's I think the advice of just sort
of start there is good to say this is great,
nothing's wrong. I'm having a great time with you, and
if you're open to more than that, I am as well. Like,
(25:31):
I don't know, maybe after you guys sleep together the
next time, like ask him if he wants a grilled
cheese and like eat a snack, talk to each other
for ten minutes and see what happens.
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Yeah, I did broach very delicately the idea of him
meeting my daughter. We had dinner out one time, and
you know, I got the impression, like, you know, she's
almost four so she's kind of wild right now. And
I I don't know if it was like the vibe,
but he was.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Well what what what did he What was his response
to that?
Speaker 6 (26:06):
He's so caring and generous and like he just kind
of went with the flow. And so that part of
that reaction of his makes me think like he's kind
of taking my lead. But at the same time, maybe
he's like, uh, this is too much for me.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
So well, you don't have to have to meet your
daughter right away. That is a lot. That's a big
jump from just it was right away. But but I
mean there's this in between there somewhere, so like the
next time you bring it up, you can bring it
up more lightly. And also you should bring it up
because you want that, like you have to go after
what you want. It's not just gonna like not necessarily
happen without you saying it and facilitating it. And also
(26:43):
just to have like a conversation with yourself beforehand. Like
I know, it's like a little bit like you know,
we get nervous to say these things, but they're so
important for us to express ourselves. It's very important as
a woman, just like think of your daughter, you know
what I mean, think of doing it for your daughter,
like standing up for what you saying what you want
and if you don't get it, then okay, fine, and
then you can continue having sex with him if that's
(27:05):
what you want to do. But yeah, just do it
with a little sense of female empowerment like yeah, I
got this, I want this, I'm gonna ask for it.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:14):
And on the meeting the kid thing, if I may,
I think there's also something it's a big deal for
somebody to meet your kid. You know, it signifies, I think,
a certain level of a relationship. So if you want
to go from the friends with benefits with him to
see if you guys are compatible for a real relationship,
(27:36):
work on building the relationship between you two as adults,
and if that really does take off, then he can
meet your kid. You know, your kid is the center
of your world, and the reward for him actually showing
up as a partner. I agree with Chelsea, like I
think skipping to that probably would feel a little overwhelming
for someone you know, cent her as she's advising you,
(27:59):
like yourself, you deserve that.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Do you feel like this desire for something more serious
is because of him, or because maybe you're just like
ready for a relationship that's a little more traditional.
Speaker 5 (28:13):
Yeah, that's part of what I think as well.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
It could be that it could be like, because my
daughter's getting older, it could be like a little bit
of a sign that I'm ready for something. But you know,
I tested the waters with other people and dating like
more seriously, and he's still he's kind of it.
Speaker 5 (28:35):
He's still it.
Speaker 6 (28:36):
That's why I want to try it out with him.
Speaker 8 (28:39):
Yeah, I think you should.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Okay, Yeah, you definitely should do it. Get come up
with a plan and do it and be you know,
be proud of yourself for like and pushed forward. Like
if you do this act regardless of the outcome, you
just have to like try to detach from the outcome.
I know what you want, you know what you want.
You can say that, but it's a good exercise period,
you know, to start yourself in that way.
Speaker 6 (29:01):
That's excellent advice.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
That's totally what I need to hear.
Speaker 6 (29:04):
I was kind of hoping you guys would give me
some like feminine wiles that I can tap into and
convince him to yeah, to wipe me up.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
But you're right, I think the feminine whiles come from
the casual approach that Chelsea mentioned, just like, hey, like,
what do you feel about this? This sounds good to
me if that's where we want to take. You know,
I think that is like a perfect way to do it,
rather than being like, here are two choices.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Do we do this or is it over?
Speaker 2 (29:27):
You know?
Speaker 8 (29:27):
I think that puts a little too fine a point
on it.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Absolutely Yeah, Okay, well, good luck, report back. Okay, let
us know what happens. Please, thank you so much. I
will niceay bye. I want to get a dimple like Sophia.
Why don't people try and get dimples when they get
plastic surgery because you never see somebody just all of
a sudden show up with a dimple Like that should
be a good request for plastic surgery, you know, Like
(29:51):
I would like a dimple on my left cheek, like
like ordering it up like a cabbage patch.
Speaker 8 (29:54):
I do think there's a certain child actor that did
do that. Oh I don't want to name any names.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I'll have to. I'll have to bring that up with
my next plastic surgery appointment.
Speaker 5 (30:05):
But I think a dimple is technically a deformity.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
But yeah, it's so cute. Who cares?
Speaker 5 (30:10):
I mean, I like I like mine, but it's literally
I think it's like a I think we're it's some
sort of a situation where like your muscles don't completely
all the way and you just have like a hole
in your face. So I don't know how they would
make one for you.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I'm sure they can make one for you. I'm sure.
I'm sure they can come up with something.
Speaker 5 (30:30):
Yeah, they can give you a whole new face. They
can probably give you exactly right, exactly right.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
Well, our next question comes from Katie. It's kind of
moost of some of the political stuff that we have
been talking about, so she says, you're Chelsea, I have
so much anger at the world. I have ADHD's justice sensitivity,
which is a phrase I only learned a couple of
years ago when I was first diagnosed. It explained a
lot my whole life. I've been jokingly prodded at for
(30:58):
my anger. It often comes out in exaggerated and dramatic jokes,
where I'm known to be brutally honest, crass, and passionate.
It's been a blessing and a curse where I've been
thanked throughout my life for speaking up.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
And calling out wrongs.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
But then I've also been seen in my family as
constantly angry about something I know deep down anger is grief.
I've seen therapists before, and I'm open to it again,
but I can't help but shrug it off as futile.
Considering a therapist can't fix the selfishness and stupidity of
most humans. The pandemic, the elections, the denial of climate change,
and the weaponization of marginalized communities weighs on me daily.
Speaker 8 (31:33):
I'm finding that I'm.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
Growing so angry I'm compartmentalizing just to operate. My faith
in humanity is wrecked. I can't look at people who
I love as worthy of my love because I feel
their integrity has reached unfathomable lows and their support of
a serial sex predator in the White House. All in all,
people love me, and I know that I have enough
support to be happy. Overall, I don't want to change
the fiery passion I have regarding the injustices of the world,
(31:57):
and I thrive on bullying the bullies. It feels good,
but rage is unhealthy. I need a shift in perspective.
I've related to Chelsea my whole life for being honest
and calling people out so maybe you can help.
Speaker 8 (32:07):
Thank you, Katie Hi, Katie Hi, kt Hi.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
This is Sophia Bush, our special guest today.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
I'm a fellow Justice Sensitivity girly. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, I think we can both relate to how you're feeling. Absolutely.
I think a good word that you used is integrity
in that email, and I think we should talk about
that word because I think that when you have a
lot of integrity and you see people that don't have it,
we can be judgmental of that. We can be like
in dismissive of those people, but we don't know that
they're not acting within their own integrity, you know. Like
(32:44):
to me, the genuflecting to Donald Trump after he's become
elected is lacking integrity. He's supporting him from the beginning.
That's a different set of rules because that could be
an integrity or that could really be your belief system
and you believe you are acting with integrity. But the
one thing I want you to hold on to is
your integrity. And having integrity means being able to treat
(33:06):
situations with respect even when you don't respect them, and
when you have high levels of anger like you're talking about,
You've got to harness that rage and turn it into
something positive, and something like that is loving. And in
order to do that, you got to figure out where
your deep anger is coming from. Because it's not like
(33:26):
when this happened in twenty this happened in twenty sixteen.
I was exactly what I was going off the rails.
I was screaming at people, arguing with people if I
didn't agree with them politically, they were no longer my friends.
I was freaking out, and I realized when I went
to therapy that that anger was that was just a
place for me to put my anger, Like that was
an obvious place to store it. Now I had somewhere
(33:48):
to direct it and a reason. But really what it
was was a much deeper kind of delayed grief, delayed
pain that I had never experienced from my childhood. Right, So,
you really want to find somebody, a therapist that's going
to be good, and it might not be the first
one or the third one that you meet with. And
I know that sounds exhausting, but like you're talking about
your mental well being and your mental health for the
(34:10):
rest of your life, because if you can invest some
time into getting into like getting in with a good therapist.
It's going to yield so many benefits for your life
moving forward when you have to deal with all of
these unpalatable situations that we're all dealing with and conversations,
because it's much more meaningful to be able to disagree
with somebody without becoming rageful. It's much more powerful to
(34:34):
have an argument without losing your shit.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right right, and the rate Like I'll put it this way,
I stay articulate, I stay informed, I know what I'm
talking about when I engage with people, and I try
to approach it with respect. But it's like we keep
reaching new lows every week, every month, every day, it's
just new lows where the justification for this kind of
cult mentality is driving me absolutely insane, where I'm like,
(35:00):
you believe one thing, you know, you advocate for the constitution,
and then all of a sudden, we're seeing that get
bypassed and you're now justifying why it makes sense and
why authoritarianism makes sense.
Speaker 9 (35:12):
And it's like I'm seeing just this like degradation in.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
Moral values in logic where I like, yeah, like I'm
totally down for therapy like that is something I've advocated
for my whole life, but I just don't know like
how to approach that from a sense of respect, because
I start to lose respect for those people because they're
now almost hypocritical in what they've always claimed to be
(35:39):
their values.
Speaker 9 (35:40):
And that's where I'm having trouble is reconciling.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
Hey, this is who you say you are, this is
how you represent yourself, but how you vote and how
you reflect your politics does not mirror what you claim
to be. And it's happening with some loved ones. I've
got a great support system, a lot of people who
you know, support me and agree, and we don't all
have to agree, but it's getting to a point now
where it's just so inhumane that that's where I'm struggling,
(36:07):
Like degree, the sadness, the fear. I recognize that my
rage comes from that, but getting it out in a
healthy way other than going online and trolling somebody and
berating them or logically making an argument that holds up,
like you know, sure, that'll give me some adrenaline, but
that's not sustainable.
Speaker 9 (36:26):
We keep reaching these new lows, and only lately we're.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Seeing people regret their decision because the markets are in turmoil.
There's just chaos, and that kind of is another angle
where I'm like, well, now they care because their wallets
are getting hit, and I need that shift in perspective
of like, Okay, well maybe the silver lining is they're
starting to regret the decision.
Speaker 9 (36:45):
They're starting to question their decision. But I need to
get away from this. Well they're stupid and lazy and
misinformed the end they're late.
Speaker 5 (36:53):
Can I offer you something on that?
Speaker 9 (36:55):
Absolutely, And I'm not.
Speaker 5 (36:57):
Going to say that it's like a magic soul, but
something that I've really had to reckon with because I've
I think I've had the exact verbatim conversation you're having,
Like we could, we could do a freaky Friday.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Swap in this moment.
Speaker 5 (37:11):
Chelsea and I have both been in the thing, like
we I think we all know what it is to
be so angry at what is so apparent, and so
let's be frank like hurt by it. The idea, you know,
we were talking about this earlier. The idea of the
American dream is that we built a democracy to allow
for people to be free. Granted, we fucked up a
lot along the way, but like we're supposed to be
(37:33):
generationally getting closer and closer to those ideals. And when
you see people take the collective agreement on the ideal
and just torch it for personal gain or so that
someone else can be the butt of the joke or
the center of the target, it's really it's not just hard,
it's like traumatizing. It's very destabilizing because you realize, like
(37:55):
real isn't real. What's been helpful for me to understand
about people is actually to do some of the nerdier
research on confirmation bias and to understand that we're not
having a conversation about logic, we're having a conversation about shame.
And when people have put all their eggs in a
basket that operates like a cult, that is abusive, that
(38:17):
is absolutely fascist, and they've been told that it is
the most American, most patriotic thing, when they start to
have facts that push up against their confirmation bias hit,
it's more likely that they're going to double down on
the lie that they believe than admit that it was
a lie, because it's personally individually traumatizing and it creates
(38:41):
so much shame to realize you bought a lie to
realize you bought the snake oil from the salesman. And
so I've had to take a deep breath and try
to And I don't say this to be a dick.
I really like I put myself in the space that
I used to when I nannied I was a camp counselor.
(39:01):
When I'm dealing with a three and a half year
old who like irrationally doesn't want to eat even though
they're having a meltdown because they're hungry, I have to
remind myself that I know something about the irrationality that
they're experiencing in their body that they haven't quite dealt
with yet. And it gives me just enough pause and
grace to say, the trauma's going to hit them too,
(39:24):
and what are we going to do about it when
they get here? And that's really a self preservation tactic
for me. It is a way for me to be
more human instead of more enraged, because the angrier we are,
the more they're winning, the more they get to be like,
look at these fucking screaming, you know, screaming leftists, and
(39:45):
it's like I'm not screaming. Actually, I'm desperate to save
the American experiment.
Speaker 9 (39:53):
Right, and I will heartily agree with all of that.
Speaker 5 (39:56):
And so I think if you can give yourself a
little bit of the psychology in your own personal interaction,
it can help you. And then, honestly, one of the
greatest things I learned from a friend was instead of
doing the thing which you know many of us neurodivergent
girlies do, which is like, I have every fact in
every stat and I know this, and let me tell
you about this. And if I can just give you
enough information, you're gonna see because math is not emotional,
(40:18):
and then you won't be emotional, and then you'll know
that this is true that and you get yourself like
really psyched out. Sometimes you just need to lean in
and go, well, why do you believe that? Where'd you
hear that? Ask people questions, because if they can't defend
their own position, it'll do more for your conversation than
you trying to defend yours. So those will be my two.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I've definitely taken that approach of asking leading questions and
the why and the how and trying to relate of
like you know, at the end of the day, we
want similar things for our country. We want save communities
we want, you know, good paying jobs, like we were
not that different, and I try to kind of point
that out. And I definitely am trying to take it
from a standpoint of like, yes, they're a shamed to
(41:00):
admit that they've been wrong, or like nobody likes admitting
they've been wrong, but it's just at what point, like
how much longer will it take? And that is where
I've been struggling, and I'm trying to approach it from
a softer approach. My wife has kind of taught me
about being vulnerable instead of being on the attack, you know,
my whole life.
Speaker 9 (41:17):
I'm like, Okay, that's that's weak.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
Don't portray vulnerability because then you'll show who what you're
afraid of. So I've in recent years kind of been
trying to do that, but it's just I just feel
like it just gets worse and worse and worse.
Speaker 9 (41:31):
And I do productive things.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
I nourish myself, I nourish my life, but it's just
weighing on me and I just don't know how much
more I can take. Like I've been compartmentalizing, disassociating, throwing
myself into my work, like just all of that just
to get by, and I know that that's kind of,
like you said, a trauma response and relating it to
them having their own almost delayed trauma response is a
(41:53):
helpful way to think of it, just because but then
I'm like, well, I pity them and they're they're slow,
and I have to shift. I have to get rid
of that, because that's still a negative look at somebody
who deserves compassion as well.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Well. I mean, you remind me so much of myself,
Like when I've went into therapy, because one of the
first things I said to my psychiatrist was I think
everyone's annoyed. He's like, okay, let's talk about your childhood.
I'm like, that's not important, I said. I find everyone
very annoying and I have no patience for stupid people.
This is my biggest issue right now. So it sounds
a lot like you're echoing that kind of sentiment. And
(42:27):
when you have that kind of attitude, something is deeper,
deeper is happening, and I understand circumstantially what we're all
dealing with. I completely get it. I completely understand being angry,
being disappointed, blah blah blah, But there is stuff within
you that you need to talk to someone about to
help you. And even if you go in there and
you're talking about fucking Donald Trump for an hour, that's okay.
(42:47):
But just exhaust the anger, you know what I mean,
So like learn how to get through your anger and
learn how to turn that anger into positivity, because that's
what therapy taught me, how to do, how to turn
everything into like gratitude. Even when you wake up and
you read the news and you're like, what the fuck
am I going to be grateful for? There's plenty to
be grateful for. There's always plenty to be grateful for.
(43:08):
We're not at a point yet where we're all there's
nothing to live for, Like that's not happening yet. So
you want to be able to, like, you know, and
inject people with that, you know. And and when you're
coming at people with a softer with a softer self,
you're gonna get a lot farther.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Right right, And and you saying that, I mean, I've
been watching you since I was a teenager, and like
I kind of had the joke in my head that
you were the first time I saw representation because it
was the first time I felt like a.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Woman's representation you stop bag representation. You're like, this looks good.
Speaker 9 (43:35):
This is the first white lady that represented me.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
So but it was just like the first time that
I saw somebody speaking their mind, being flaughty about it,
and just being able to kind of just say things
out loud that people are afraid to say.
Speaker 9 (43:47):
I need to probably get back into the therapy I've been.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
In and out that my family's always advocated for it,
like it, but it's just yeah, like getting that the
passion out in a way that enact change. And like
I said, like like I have pride in my work,
and what I do is like semi political. It's related
to the environments, related to plants, and it's just like
that's helpful, but I need something just for myself because
(44:12):
like you said, it is probably deeper. It is probably
something ingrained from childhood, but it's just like, damn, like
how much more of this? And yeah, watching your journey
has helped a lot because I was thinking, like I
do need a practice gratitude, and every day I'm trying
to think of like, like I am happy overall, then
of course I think of I'm happy in my own
little bubble. I've got all these things and here we
(44:33):
have all these people suffering and it's getting worse for
your average American and not enough Americans give a shit.
And that's in like yes, like it is external, but
like the practice of which I express it is something
that I need to seek therapy for. But I'm still
just like you know, like do I just keep this
(44:54):
associating until then?
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Like I don't know, but no, you really just need
to get into a therapist. You have to get this
out because you could be happy and angry. That's not
an uncommon combination. You can be happy and angry. But
what you really want to do is learn patience for
the other people and learn compassion for other people and
not be so set in your own opinion even no
(45:17):
matter how right it is. Just to be unable to
understand and take in other people without it making you
fucking angry, and without yelling, without screaming, just it's going
to give you the toolbox you need that you're gonna
need to get through the next three years of this, right.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Patience is a good way to put it for me,
because patience is something that I need a practice.
Speaker 5 (45:37):
Yeah, it's something you have to cultivate too, Like it
really is to Chelsea's point, it's a practice. It requires work.
It's like a muscle you have to build. And I
also think, you know, for a lot of us that
are really justice minded, that can't kind of look away
from the news, it's also really important to do something
(45:58):
that isn't about act divism, that isn't about learning a fact,
that isn't about having a conversation, but that gives you
a reminder of why those things matter to you. Like truly,
if you can figure out where the Feeding America food
pantry is closest to you, and like every other Sunday,
for two hours, go volunteer with some people you love,
(46:20):
it will shift your energy, Like therapy and service will
be the two greatest things that will shift your energy.
Because when you get caught on the hamster wheel of
I always have to be doing or fixing or learning
or speaking, You're you're not existing, You're trying to solve
something all the time. And like that is a way
(46:40):
to stay in trauma. And so to go out and
like hang with your neighbors and serve a meal or
go somewhere even with a family member you disagree with
and agree on something for an hour, it really it's
like a not to sound like the most la person,
but it's like a psychic kind of healing.
Speaker 9 (46:58):
Too, right.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
I did start looking into volunteer opportunities, but then there
was one that was like political, climate change and all that,
and I was like, maybe maybe I shouldn't go there.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
You're doing enough of that.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
You're doing enough of that.
Speaker 9 (47:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Yeah, so, but I have looked into a few volunteer
opportunities and it is something that I thought would nourish
my soul, but I just you know, ADHD procrastinated.
Speaker 9 (47:20):
Haven't done yet.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, but that's great advice. Do that. Do that, look
for a therapist, go and just start getting this out
so that you're just you're just going to bring yourself.
You're going to be so much more centered, so that
it doesn't feel like this all the time, like it's
at the level where it's going to fucking blow. Like
I know exactly what you're talking about and you just
want to break you You're going to be so much
more valuable to all the people in your life when
(47:44):
you are able to really ground yourself and center yourself right.
And that involves a lot of self awareness, and that's
where therapy comes in. You know, it's like the it's
it's like you're purchasing the gift of self awareness.
Speaker 9 (47:56):
Right absolutely, So I'm glad you called.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
I'm glad you called. I'm like, yeah, this was perfect,
perfect time, perfect guests for you to speak with and
you know, do what we say, okay, and because we
want you to be useful, we don't want you to
burn out.
Speaker 9 (48:11):
Right right then, that's the main thing.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
I have been operating at just this high frequency of
just ready to respond whenever I needed, like like almost
like I'm ready to be called the action.
Speaker 9 (48:21):
And that is exhausting.
Speaker 8 (48:23):
Yeah, hypervigilance.
Speaker 9 (48:24):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hopefully we'll see better news.
Speaker 5 (48:28):
Ahead, but let's hope.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
So yeah that would be great news.
Speaker 9 (48:35):
Would Yeah, We'll all get that text someday.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
So, yes, we're all in it together, that's the thing.
Speaker 9 (48:40):
Yeah, yeah, yes, and I do. I'm again great community.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
Around me, and I'm leaning on my friends more than ever.
It's just feeling it so deeply. I'm exhausted. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
do you take solace in that.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
Let's do it, Okay, keep us updated with your with
your progress.
Speaker 9 (48:59):
Okay, absolutely, Okay, thank you so much to meet.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
You, hy Katie. Ya oh God. I mean, she's speaking
for half the world right now. Yeah, how everybody feels.
Let's take a break and we'll be right back with
Sofia Bush. And we're back with Sepia Bush, Like, do
we have time for one more? Let's do a little
(49:23):
yeah collar.
Speaker 8 (49:24):
A quickie.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
Well, this one isn't a caller. I try to get
her to call in, but she is currently staying with
the person in question, so wasn't able to. So this
is a good, good, juicy one, she says. Dear Chelsea,
this is Shannon. I need some advice. I have a
slow burn crush on my long term best friend. I
met her eight years ago through work on a trip abroad.
Speaker 8 (49:43):
At the time, I was.
Speaker 4 (49:44):
Assigned to travel one on one with her to visit
business partners in another country. She's a few years older
than me, and I was so attracted by her intelligence
and powerful presence and confidence. Every time we went out
for dinner, I would get butterflies whenever I made her laugh. However,
my stomach dropped when she said I reminded her of
her favorite gay younger brother. At that point, she also
had a long term boyfriend and I assumed she was straight,
(50:06):
so my crush faded, and we've developed a solid friendship
over the years, going on trips and I've visited her
her a few times. I never thought much more of
these feelings because she was always in a relationship. Two
years ago, she ended things with her boyfriend, and last
year she told me she was attracted to women and
wasn't completely straight, although I don't think she has explored
this since. After staying with her for a month, my
(50:27):
feelings came rushing back, and since then, I've moved to
her city for work, living in the same place for
the first time. We've been spending a lot of time
together and my feelings for her and those butterflies.
Speaker 8 (50:38):
Are only growing.
Speaker 4 (50:39):
Sometimes when we're together, I catch myself thinking my girlfriend
and quickly remind myself that she's just my friend.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
I'm torn.
Speaker 4 (50:45):
On the one hand, I feel this intense attraction and
just want to be around her more. On the other,
I'm unsure if she feels the same way. She's a
generally flirty person, so sometimes I wonder if it's just
me reading too much into things. I don't want to
risk ruining our friendship or making things awkward, but I
also don't want to look back and wonder, what if
what should I do? Chelsea Shannon, Well, you know what
I'm going to say, Sophia, what are you going to say?
Speaker 5 (51:07):
No, I want to know what you're going to say.
Speaker 1 (51:08):
I'm going to say, go for it. Always go for it.
I'm like, hello, I don't like when people wait around
for things. You know, it's your life. You got to
grab it, grab life by the balls, get after what
you want. And if she doesn't feel the same way,
that's not a loss, that's like, oh okay, it's a
disappointment that then you know, then you have even more
information moving forward, so she's not an option moving forward,
(51:30):
and then you like and then you can decide if
you want to spend time with her. But like, always
go for it. I feel, what do you think?
Speaker 5 (51:37):
Yeah, I think there's nothing worse than to wonder, you know,
and and listen, I think all of us, you know,
we were talking earlier about hindsight, Like you look back
and you go, oh, maybe I should have let myself
wonder about that one, you know, like, but but if
you had, who knows what would have happened? And I
think I think, no matter what, to throw yourself toward
(51:59):
what you want to be willing to risk for love,
like what else are we here for? And so yeah,
I kind of think it harkens back to the way
you advised our first caller to you know, maybe don't
read that whole letter to this person, but just say, hey,
(52:20):
I could be off base. I feel like there's a
little bit of a shift in our dynamic. I don't know,
it feels like there's something else going on here. And
if I'm misreading it, we can pretend we never had
this conversation. But if I'm not, I want to talk
about it, and I'm kind of liking it, and like,
just see, I think it's always worth saying is there
(52:45):
something happening here? If there is, what might happen next?
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Like Also, one thing to think about is like I
understand you want to preserve the relationship and that you
don't want to ruin the relationship in case she doesn't
have the those mutual feelings. But when you go after
something in life and the reason, the thing that's stopping
you is what if it's what if the answers know?
Then you're not going to find out a lot of
things in life, Like you have to be ready to
(53:12):
accept a no then you now you have the truth,
and then you could move on with your life in
a different way and knowing she's not an option. So
it's like thinking that, oh, what if the answers know
if this guy, if I bring up our relationship in
this guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with
me from our earlier caller, he doesn't want to go
from a booty call to something more serious. Okay, well
then you have that information. That's an advantage, not a disadvantage.
(53:35):
So we all have to look at No's with a
more positive outlook, like that's one step closer to getting
where you're going.
Speaker 5 (53:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
One thing that also like just popped into my mind
is like every woman who dates other women that I know,
Like if there is like a dating situation and they break.
Speaker 8 (53:50):
Up, like generally people stay friends, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (53:53):
Like women often stay friends with exes who are other
women in my experience, so I don't think it's a bad.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
Well that's the theme of today's episode. Everybody go for it. Okay,
the whole world could end in about fucking six months.
We don't know what the fuck's going to happen, So
definitely get after it. Go for it. Make sure you
tune into Sofia's podcast if you're not already a listener.
It's called Work in Progress and her new movie is
coming out in June, and it's up to you to
go find it.
Speaker 5 (54:21):
Right.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
We did it. We did it. I God you, Sofia.
I'll see you soon, will you?
Speaker 5 (54:26):
I will see you soon?
Speaker 3 (54:28):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November
(54:50):
one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 8 (55:02):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 4 (55:03):
Write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
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