I Am A Noise with Joan Baez

Joan Baez in-studio this week to discuss quaaludes, standing up for what you know is right, and digging deep to overcome childhood trauma.   Then: A Venezuelan struggles with racism in the workplace.  A job-seeker faces setbacks after taking a break to focus on her mental health.  And a fiance meets her family where they’re at - even if they don’t accept her for who she is.

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Oh, hello Chelsea, Chelsea. I've got a couple of little
updates for us.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
This is Emily who called in on our Lake Bell
episode a while back. She was about to go into
our last year of law school and was really intimidated
about going out and trying to find fellowships, find a job.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
I remember, Yeah, So she.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wrote in and said, Hi, Chelsea, just wanted to give
you an update since my podcast episode. I'm headed into
my last year of law school feeling more and more
confident about interviewing, getting a job outside of Ohio, etc.
But even more so, many of my classmates resonated with
what we discussed, especially the fear of rejection, and I
think it helped so many of us realize that we

(00:44):
are really in a collective experience and it's going to
work out in the end. Also, I just went to
Chelsea's touristop in Columbus, Ohio, and it was the perfect
way to start off my last year of school after
the wonderful advice that you provided me last year. All
the best, Emily, awesome.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
Some love it, Emily love it.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
People are moving and shaken, which is off into the world, Chelsea.
Do you have some new dates for us.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Oh you know, I do?

Speaker 1 (01:09):
You know, I do. I have a lot of We
added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. We added
about fifteen new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again,
Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary
and Diana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates

(01:35):
in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am
performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the
rest of the year through December, and then next year,
I'm going to be touring all year. So come and
get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a
very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's
going on in this world. So I'm here to bring

(01:57):
joy and sunshine.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yep, go see Chelsea and do some laughing because her
show was fantastic.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Oh thanks, okay. Our guest has a new documentary out
about her life, Joan Bias. I am a noise. Please
welcome singer, songwriter and social justice warrior Joan Bias. What
an absolute delight, Joe Bias.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Nice to meet you, so.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
Nice to meet you. I was so enjoyed your documentary
that I watched last night in preparation. It's called I
Am a Noise And there's a lot to cover.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
There is fire away.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
So yeah. So you start out you grew up with
two sisters, and you guys were pretty tight growing up, right.
I grew up with two sisters too, So I under
I understand that sister. I knew which one oldest, mid
I was the youngest, youngest, yes, and you were middle
middle yep. And so Mimi was younger than you.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
She was four years younger than me. Yeah, yeah, and
the older one was two years older. So okay.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
And so you guys grew up in Yeah we grew
up Yeah, which is a success in it and of itself.
Growing up. And in the beginning of the documentary, you
talk about your childhood and you're with your older sister
and you just kind of are discussing your different kind
of takes on your childhood. You didn't have such happy
memories but while you were growing up. The way I

(03:18):
took it, in the way it was depicted in the film,
was that you weren't really sure what had happened during
your childhood, but that something had happened, that was just
had disrupted you some sort of trauma that you were
kind of dealing with throughout your young adult life and
adult life and really couldn't put your finger on it
until you went to the deeper stuff.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I had help all the way through,
starting at age fifteen, because I didn't you know, we
didn't have the expression panic attack back then, but my
life was one big panic attack to the next, and
so that was a clue, but we didn't understand that,
you know. So I saw good therapists and they helped
me in round and under, but never to this since

(04:00):
So that's what was my aim that I had to do.
And in the film we try to depict that as
cleverly an understated way as possible. I'm not interested in
giving details. It's too confusing for people. So I would
say the film speaks for itself as much as it can,
as much as I can.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
And when you say you saw a therapist at fifteen,
but that was so like supplied by your parents.

Speaker 3 (04:26):
Well yeah, I mean I have to hand it to
my mom. She kind of she kind of got it
because back then people didn't go to psychiatrists, right, right,
Our job with the film was to try and make
that section about childhood trauma not so overwhelming that that's
all anybody remembers. It's the most startling parts, so people

(04:50):
refer to it. But the stuff, there's stuff that I
learned from the film. I mean, I had no idea
really what my sisters felt. You don't say that to
your sister, but they trusted Karen and O'Connor, who was directing,
and so they were able to speak and say how
they You know, my older sister that I basically sucked
all the oxygen out of the room and when I

(05:12):
walked in then she couldn't survive that and MADEI wanted
to be a singer and was totally you know, confused
about her place in the world. And my father was
pissed off that I wasn't making a lot of money.
I mean, it was all it was all a big jumble.
But I see it in the film in a way

(05:32):
that I didn't see it before.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
And how did it make you feel to learn that
that's how your sisters felt about your success and in
relation to you.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Well, I knew in a sense, but I never heard
them really really say it. So I mean, watching the film.
Each time I watch it, and I've watched it at
a bunch of openings, is always a gut punch here
and there of stuff that I'm learning for the first time,
but there's also positive stuff that I'm learning for the
first time. It is a big learning experience.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah, I think it's really well done because you hint
at some sort of trauma, but you don't reveal that
it was sexual abuse until the end of the film.
But I suspected that as soon as you said something
earlier in the film about the panic attacks.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
And well, it's interesting that you suspected. It just means
that you know something about that world because some people
don't know.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, I don't get it. Yeah, Well, when kids are
having panic attacks and they can't really put their finger
on it's something, right, Something is always up. And I
think it's interesting that the domino effect of a career
and a big life that can have on your siblings,
Like you know, one of your sisters, your older sister,
as you mentioned, had to retreat. She didn't want anything

(06:42):
to do with it. She didn't like that, you know,
she didn't want any attention on her. And your other
sister tried to kind of mimic what you did and
ended up with a guy that she went and created
a lot of music with, but who sadly passed away
much earlier than expected. And then there's also just so
much activism in this film that you did. It's so beautiful.
I love it and can relate so much to your

(07:03):
passion for activism, and then your relationship with Bob Dylan,
which was heartbreaking. I didn't know that that's how it ended.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Well. I think it's sort of unique that I just said,
I guess he broke my heart. You know, these people
don't usually say that kind of stuff, but I just
blurted out a lot of truths in the film. I
figure it's supposed to be an honest legacy. I can't
afford to hide stuff now, I mean my eighties. You know,

(07:31):
I've gotten nothing to lose. Family's gone not gonna hurt
any feelings in the immediate family. So I turned over
the keys literally to that storage unit. I had never
walked in there until the film filmed me walking into
my storage unit. I had no idea that my mother
kept absolutely every letter, every little tape recording I'd said,

(07:53):
and my father was a camera buff by the time
he was ten, kept every eight millimeter he took of
us and all his photographs, and it was all in
that room. I mean, I knew about some of my
own tapes that I knew, but I didn't know was
that orderly. I had nothing to do with that. Somebody
else had to put it in order. You know. I said,

(08:14):
do what you need to do. And if I had
been involved with the making of the film, it would
have just been a nightmare. I would have not wanted this,
not wanted that, and chosen this. And I look good here,
and we joke about courage. You know, took courage to
be in the bombshelter, to courage to deal with the
kou Klux Klan. But the real courage was letting them

(08:34):
fill this with natural light. You know. I didn't have
any help from that, and I think that's important.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Well listen, if this is what eighty looks like, and
this is what I'm rolling into, I'm pretty psyched about
it because you're adoraball. I think you're beautiful, you're sexy,
you're all of the things that nobody equates with being
in your eighties. So thank you all done on that front,
Well done on the superficial front. Let's get to the
deeper stuff. Okay, let's talk about when you became successful

(09:02):
on a level that you weren't anticipating. You're talking in
the movie about. I mean, it was obviously the time
you were living in right that had an impact on
the success of what people needed to hear. But what
was the moment where everything changed. I know with Bob
Dylan you were talking about it being in London, but
for you.

Speaker 3 (09:19):
The beginning probably bang, it was Newport. I mean I'd
been seeing that wonderful little club and I had a
following there, and it's kind of it was kind of
leaking out of Cambridge and into Boston to New York.
But then you know, Odetta invited me up to go
to Newport, and then Bob Gibson, who was well known
at the time folk singer, invited me up on stage,

(09:41):
and that kind of did it. I mean it was
a big First of all, there thirteen thousand people. I
didn't know that many people got in one place at
one time. That was very cool, and I was very
very nervous. I mean literally, you know the expression of
my knees were shaking. Yeah, my knees were shaking, and
I was, how am I going to do this? But
then I went up, I did it, and it was
a huge response, and you know, as Mimi says in

(10:04):
the film, it was an overnight thing. And the next
thing I knew, I was on the cover of Time magazine.
And yeah, it was fast. It was fast, and you
try to absorb that as a seventeen eighteen, nineteen year old.
And I was determined to not become commercial. And I,
you know, I was a big pain in the ass
because I didn't want all the stuff that people usually want.

(10:26):
I didn't want red carpets, and I didn't want limousines.
I didn't want flowers on the stage. And apparently I
was just as difficult as anybody else.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
And the whole time, you're writing letters to your parents saying,
you know, I'm not growing enough. You're you're disappointed kind
of in the path that you had taken in your success.
You weren't able to maybe enjoy it as much because
you were worried about your other skill sets in life
and your other learnings that you felt like you were
kind of missing out on. Is that accurate?

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (10:54):
And also it was my father and somehow it translated
to me that I would go to hell literally if
I did certain things and did them wrong. So everything
was measured a little bit. I was just a good thing.
This is a bad thing. It's going to hurt somebody.
So I know you're right. I didn't have time to
really enjoy myself.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
And then when did you meet Bobby Bobby Bobby Dylan?

Speaker 3 (11:19):
I must have met him in sixty one or two.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
And how long had you been successful and in the
public eye.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
At that point until fifty nine?

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay, so a couple of years. So there's a there's
a sequence in the in the film of you two
singing together, and it is adorable. I have never seen
him smile like that. I was like, whoa, these two
are obviously having something. Something's happening with these two. You
could see that. And at that point, was something happening
or were you just friends?

Speaker 3 (11:47):
I was a version of that point, you know, shock
of ball shocks that moved on at some point. But
so was a question about mom.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
I was saying the scene in the film where you're
postinging together on stage, Yeah, I don't know where that was.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Well, I wasn't a virgin anymore, so wow.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
Okay, So were you guys in a romantic relationship at
that point? Okay, yeah, it.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Seemed like and you know, and we were so young.
I look at that and I just keep thinking we
had our baby fat. You know, we were just kids,
and so it was as fun as it looked. It
was just adorable. That was the word you said.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah, pretty adorable, very obvious the chemistry. And so how
long did you guys stay together?

Speaker 3 (12:26):
You and Bob Dylan on and off for a couple
of years, I guess, I don't honestly remember how long
this part of it lasted. And we stayed with me
for a while in Carmel Valley and he wrote a
lot of stuff. He wrote four letter word and dropped
it on the floor and forgot about it, and I
picked it up. I said, oh wow, this is really cool.
And he would say something like tell me what it means?

(12:50):
Can you tell me what it means? And I would
give my best interpretation and he say, yeah, it's pretty good.
You know, after I dropped it, everybody's going to say this,
this is a this is what this was? Violent? What
the fuck is about? So yeah, and there he was
this kid writing these amazing songs.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
And that was your first love. Would you say no, no,
would you say he was a love or yeah?

Speaker 3 (13:14):
Yeah, yeah, my first love was a Harvard student. I
was goga about for four years. We hadn't matching the rosies,
so it went on really quite a long time.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Okay, so he was your second love?

Speaker 3 (13:27):
He was?

Speaker 1 (13:28):
Oh is there another one in between there? Wow, you
were busy between seventeen.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
And twenty one? Was but if people don't recognize the name,
they don't count, well, yeah, I guess.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
And there was Kimmy also oh yeah, yes, yes.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
There was a young woman. Yeah that was. And it
says in the film it was just a relief. I
mean it was it was something new, and it was
something sweet and I didn't have to get all riled
up that it was a guy.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Right right. I always feel that I'm always like, just
to block away from becoming a lesbian, you know, with
the the dynamic between men and women, You're always like, well,
at least that's an option later, maybe sooner than later,
could you know, I know? And whenever. So when you
guys went to London with Bob Dylan, like that was
when his fame just became a jug or not. And

(14:16):
that's when things you felt, I think you used demoralized.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Demoralizing, Yeah, I mean the act, the action was totally
around Bob, and I could have jumped in there and
hung on to his shirt sleeves and gone everywhere with
him and been the center of attention as well, and
I thought I just didn't want to do that, so
I was peripheral and I suffered from that. But and

(14:43):
then maybe it became too late to try and enter
the boys club, but they were doing drugs. I didn't.
I didn't do this little folky addendum outside of you know,
it's a fringe of everybody of the guys.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
And there was an I mean, they were asking him
directly questions about dating you, and he said, no, we're
not together. She's just a friend, right right, right, which
is in the film, And that was that was devastating.

Speaker 3 (15:12):
But I really bring in now that the years of
resentment and years of bullshit. And then I was painting
his portrait. Bob was a younger, maybe the photograph was
he was twenty one or something. And while I was
painting this, I put on this music and I started
to cry and it was gratitude. It was just gratitude
and all of the bullshit just literally fell away, and

(15:36):
I was left with this gratitude that I was there,
I was singing then, that I met him, then that
his songs were then and at the moment, there's no reason.
I mean, I'll joke about him because he's nuts, but
it's not internally hurt and all that angst is gone.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
Did he ever apologize to you?

Speaker 3 (15:56):
You know, I didn't expect him to apologize when I
look at that film, and maybe I'm just keeping myself
from feeling anything, but I just see this kid. I
don't know what was going on in him. I don't
know if he was for some reason hurting as well.
You can't tell, right, right, So that's a fair assessment. Yeah,
I don't blame him. I mean, I'm sure I did

(16:17):
then and for years philt. You know, I'd been done wrong,
But I don't know what he was feeling and I
never will.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Right, And because you went back on tour with him later.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
Yeah, and that was that was a totally different scene,
you know, And that was crazy and fun and I
was on kuailude then, so yes, that was my drug experience.
Was that was the only one.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
What did quailudes do for you?

Speaker 3 (16:40):
I just didn't worry about stuff so much, and for
sex as well, you know, made it easier to get
over the first number of hurdles you have to go through.
I don't know, maybe you don't have to go through.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
No, I think I have some of the same issues.
You talk a lot about intimacy in this documentary. You
talk a lot about about your not necessarily fear of it.
It's it seems like you're kind of admittingly not so
well versed.

Speaker 3 (17:03):
In into inability.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah, and over time, you don't think that you've been
able to address that in therapy.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
Or oh, sure I have on some levels. Well, I
would say I went through this deep stuff and it
was tremendous amount of work, the bone shattering work of remembering.
And I did that for a number of years until
I literally began to feel whole, which comes at the
end of the film. Yes, I feel whole. And at
the end of the hard work, when I felt like, oh,

(17:31):
this is what it must feel like to be a person.
It was sort of hinted at by this therapist, well,
now you can go on and sort of start dating,
and I said, no way, no fucking way. I'm comfortable
where I am. I don't want to wreck my life
by taking on another level of work, and I didn't
see it as a goody and start dating was oh

(17:53):
my god, I can't do that. And that was a
decision I made, and I've been very happy with it.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
And do you directly link that that lack of intimacy
to your childhood.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
I would say to that, I call it trauma.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
I mean we're molded by our childhoods. And even though
I had repressed mine for half a century, I was
being molded by it anyway. So all of that I did,
all the sad songs I sang for three years without
I think there was nothing happy in there at all.
I didn't know why, and people had asked me why
it suited me. I had no uncertainty ever about the voice. Yeah,

(18:29):
I had inhibitions insecurities, but never about the sound of
the gift that I had. And because I consider it
a gift, I never claimed it or felt proud of it.
My I mean proud, yes, because the work I did,
and my job was maintenance and delivery all the way through,

(18:50):
you know. And I could talk about it from the outside.
I WHOA what a voice? I listened to it sometimes
that early stuff, I am blown away. I'm just it's
just amazed me.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah. Well, during one of the interviews in the film,
someone asks you, you know, do you still have this voice,
and if not, do you miss it? And You're like,
I absolutely do not have.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
That voice, and I absolutely do miss it.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
And I do miss it, but I'm focusing on what
I do have.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that got harder and harder, and
that comes out at the beginning of the film. I'm
struggling away with vocalizing and happily my Bouvier dog vocalizes
with me at the same time to ease up on them,
you know, on the pressure of it. But it go
harder and harder, and so it just became effortful. During

(19:37):
the tour, the last tour, yes, and leading up to that.
Yeah yeah. Just as the years went by, I got
I bought myself about ten years by seeing the right
vocal therapist, not just a trainer, not just a coach,
but a therapist who could sort of manipulate on every
level what I was doing with my voice. And it
was a huge help that literally bought me sometime.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
And how many shows did you do for this farewell tour.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Total usually we did about twenty between twenty and twenty
five shows in general.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
When I go out, yeah, on a tour bus with
your son, yes.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
And you know. The only thing and I kind of
wished it had gotten in the film, but I didn't
have any say about anything, was that the parties we
did on the bus. We did the dancing and drinking
and roaring down the highway. We call it bus dancing
because periodically you're thrown into the seats. But we were family.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
And it was a big, nice kind of repair. Can
I say with your relationship with your son, spending that
kind of time together on the road.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
It began something I mean we had started and earlier
on when your kids says weren't there for me, and
you think, well, fuck you, I was. And then little
by little, going through the therapy thing, you know what
wasn't I was incapable of being present from my boy.
And we've talked about this with a couple of moms

(21:03):
in the last few days, and they said, all moms
think that they weren't present enough for their kids. And
I think this is an exaggerated version of it, though,
that I was gone so much and that he's so
eloquent in the film and so forgiving, you know. But
we started years ago going to therapist together, went to
therapy together to begin, you know, the process of healing

(21:26):
those wounds which were big. We're still going. I mean,
we hit a bump in the rowe say, come on,
who's gonna call first? And set up with our latest referee,
and we do and we go back, and you know,
I just think that that gives hope to some people.
The different things in the film we've discovered have been
helpful to other people that you know, you can know

(21:49):
you can go to therapy with your son. Wow, what
a concept and make it through the tunnel with him.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
And in the relationship his father. Spend some time in jail, yeah,
for you know, activism, and you were assuming that you
were going to probably spend some time in jail too.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
But you did it, did you? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (22:06):
I did. Yeah. When I'm stepping into the little patty
wagon in the oh oh right, right, okay, but it
was I mean it was rehabilitation center. Ha ha, Okay,
it was kind of a joke. As far as jail
time went, I enjoyed it. I gained eight pounds just
eating commissary and really good food.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
Weight gained been a problem for you in your life.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
No, but I was lying on my stomach and my
mom was in there with me. And the next event,
I said, my stomachers turned out too, I had gained
a bunch of weight and I shouldn't be sleeping on
my stomach. So you know, it was not a big
problem for me, but it was an important piece of
political work. There were thirty women in there with me

(22:49):
the first time and sixty the second time. Yeah, and
it was an important part of that movement, supporting draft resistance.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Draft resistance, and you had you supported the civil rights
movement a great deal too. There's some footage of you
walking a little black girl into school for the very
first time, and you say a beautiful thing, which you
just said earlier about courage. It's not courageous to be
holding that girl's hands. She's the one with courage to
be walking into that situation. So there's so many beautiful

(23:16):
moments in it, and it's just a real beautiful tapestry
I think of your life, and it starts out when
you say something very powerful as well, which is I
think there's a time in every artist's life where you
realize you're not who you used to be, or you
don't have the same quote unquote value that you used
to have. Yeah, so talk to me a little bit
about that, because you say anyone who doesn't admit that

(23:39):
is lying, well kind of. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
People have different ways of sugarcoating. I remember hearing one
I won't give the name, a very famous singer who'd
had a little dip, should we say, And then she
came back and the interviewer were saying, what's the comeback
feel like you? Why didn't really go away? Well you
probably did a little bit, but it's really hard to
deal with. I blamed everybody but myself when the audiences

(24:03):
weren't as full as big as they were. Well, they
didn't advertise it properly. Well, they got the haul wrong,
I mean anything, but oh my god, things have moved
on and I haven't moved with them. And then I
was a dummy. And I think he says in the
film too, I dropped my wonderful manager and hooked up
with my cute road manager. Was taking too many drugs

(24:25):
and was a little stupid.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yeah it sounds like an idiot sort of.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
It was the whole thing was idiotic and the bottom
dropped out. I had no machinery and no decent record company, etc. Etc.
It took a while for me to realize that's what
was happening.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
Yeah, And I think for all careers there are dips,
and you know, there are ebbs and flows also, So
just because you're out, does it mean you're over, because
there is a comeback. It's just the recognition of that
being a comeback for some of the artists is also
hard to grasp because you had one of your hit
records after that.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
In the middle of it kind of what was the
name of that? The song, well, the Diamonds and Rust
was the one during that time period, and that wasn't
I mean, I've had only literally three things that ever
were two things that ever made the quote charts, and
it was Dixie and Diamonds and Rust. Diamonds, Yeah, Dixie
had been before, and then it was Diamonds and Rust.

(25:19):
And then began the Great Desert. You know, beautiful albums
I made. And then I woke up in the middle
of the night when I was was completely obscure and thought,
sat up in bed, I thought, why am I making
this beautiful, beautiful album? When nobody's gonna hear but my family,
you know, I mean I was. That's when I realized, Yeah,

(25:41):
I had to get moving on something. In the hired
a manager, wonderful manager.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
Yeah. I want to let you know. I was texting
with my friend Juliana Marguley's yesterday. You know her. She's
an actress. She was she played the nurse on er.
She's she's done the good wife anyway. She was like,
I can't believe you're interviewing bias. She's like, you don't understand.
She's like, that was the only music I played on
guitar in college. She's like, I could only play Jones

(26:07):
songs because I was so obsessed with her.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
So oh, I love hearing it.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yeah, of course. And then towards the end of the film,
you start you kind of reconcile your relationship with your mother,
your father, your sisters. In a sense. Do you feel
at peace with the way that all of those relationships? Yeah,
I did.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
I do. There's a saying I've heard, I'm sure one
of my Buddhist friends. You can forgive a little bit
and feel a little bit better, You can forgive a
lot feel a lot better, or you can forgive everything
and be free. So it's hard work. And somebody in
a Q and A once said, well, how do you
do forgiveness? I mean, it's so difficult. I said, yeah,

(26:48):
you do it a little bit at a time. You
don't have to all of a sudden forgive what seems unforgivable.
You know, you do it a little bit at a time,
keep plugging away at it.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
And was it was it hard for your son to
watch that film or to know all of this information.
Was he privy to this before.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
The Yeah somewhat, but the film still was a shocker
for anybody in my family or anybody in general. Yeah, yeah,
I think you know. Yeah, he's seen it on the
big screen twice and once, you know, on a link
so he could see whether he wanted to come to
see the big screen one or not. And he did
and he appreciates it. And as I say, I appreciate

(27:30):
his participating in it the way he did, same as
I do with my sisters. I mean, my older sister
would never get in front of a camera or talk
to anybody, but Karen O'Connor, who's the main director, really
won her confidence. They became friends and Pauline was willing
to say what she said.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
When you say, you had no control over the film,
so they just came to you with a concept and
you didn't have any approval at the end or anything.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
I had no approval and nothing to say to the
whole thing. That's why I mean, would I say handed
them the keys and it was the keys of the
storage room, literally, because if I had tried to have
some control, which I couldn't anyway, But if I had
tried to, oh, don't put that, no, I look horrible, now,
oh can you do this one? It would have been
impossible to make the film. So I just said go

(28:17):
with it. And when I see it sometimes I think
I wish that hadn't been in there, And then I
realized what a brilliant movie it is, and that was
a part of that movie. So maybe my ego might
be a little bruise here and there, but for the
most part, wrinkles and all I think the film is.

Speaker 1 (28:36):
I think you should cut your slack into the wrinkle
aspect of things. I think you don't realize how beautiful
you naturally beautiful you are. You really are. You don't
look like an old person.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Thank you. I don't feeling and old.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Wow, you don't act like one, and you don't seem
like one, and you could still see the beauty of
your youth in you today. Thank you, Mike. You were
gorgeous and you are gorgeous.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
When do I get to come back?

Speaker 1 (28:56):
And here tomorrow?

Speaker 3 (28:57):
You're coming back this week.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
We didn't tell you yet. Where can people watch this film,
by the way.

Speaker 3 (29:02):
In theater and then it starts streaming on November twenty second,
Hulu on Hulu.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Exactly check out Joan Bias I Am a Noise in
theaters now or on video on demand on November twenty first.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Okay, let's take a break and we will be right back.
And we're back.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
We're back. Well, Joan, are you ready to give some advice?

Speaker 1 (29:25):
Oh? Sure, Okay, what a joke? Okay, no, no, what
are you talking about? So many years on this earth,
everyone's advice is valuable.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
Okay, they have to they have to believe it, whether
they believe it or not. So yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
Well, our first question comes from Blanca and her question
is a little delicate, but you know you have been
so I was spoken about your Mexican American heritage, and
so I thought this would be a good question for you,
she says, Dear Chelsea, I've always been a go getter.
I was born in Venezuela to Spanish parents. I wanted
to go to university in Spain, and although the process

(29:58):
and odds seemed to be against me at the time,
both financially and academically, I did it. I also wanted
to have my own business in my early twenties, and
while I failed in many ways, I also succeeded and
learned a lot from the experience. I moved to England
nine years ago. I'm in my mid thirties now and
I love it here. However, professionally it's been really hard.
No matter how hard I work or how many great

(30:20):
results I achieve, I have to fight really hard for
the bare minimum. I've had to work double hours compared
to everyone else and show real results in all my jobs,
thinking it would bring positive outcomes, but instead I've received
a lot of hate in return, especially from my direct manager.
Once at a large corporation, the HR director told me directly,
you have come in and done a great job very quickly,

(30:40):
and have angered a lot of white men. I'm not paraphrasing.
Those were his exact words. The cycle has repeated in
different forms throughout the years. On the face of it,
I have continued to push through and not given up
on my dream to have a career I love. I
have also taken the hardship as an opportunity to work
on myself and be the kind of manager I never had,
which has been very rewarding. So here's the issue. I

(31:03):
left a job and a team I loved three months
ago because of the same circumstances repeating. Unlike other times,
I find myself deeply sad and my confidence has taken
a big hit. During job interviews, I seem to have
lost my confidence and I can't sell myself or the
great work I've done. I'm not sure if I'm being
realistic about the dream of having a career or if
I'm just part of a system that wants to see
my potential die. I don't want to give up, but

(31:24):
I'm out of ideas as to what's best to do next.
What should I do? Thanks for creating this space, Blanca.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
Oh gosh, tough one.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
It's a tough one.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
I know. I would definitely say never to give up
on what you are passionate about. Because of a bunch
of white men telling you that you can't do it.
But Joan, let me. I'll let you speak a little
bit about your own experience or your thoughts on this matter.

Speaker 3 (31:50):
What's standing out to me is some old white men,
because it really is a symbol of the fascism that's
traveling around the world. I have a friend, an Italian friend.
He's in his nineties now, but I remember him telling
me stories about when he was a kid and he
woke up with the sound of tanks running through, you know,

(32:10):
running through his block where he lived. When I called
now a half a year ago, a year ago, I said,
how are you? He said, Oh, he's the Interday's thing.
I was born in fascis, I will die in fascis,
and it's coming, and it's here. It's hard for us
to admit that or see it. So it's going to
be a struggle for everybody. And I, you know, I

(32:33):
don't know how to give advice from from here my
privileged position, except that somehow all of us will need
to hang on to decency, so, you know, try to
promote just human decency with each other. Would be different
years ago, I would have said, you know, link arms
we shall overcome. Let's go march and right now the

(32:55):
odds are so huge that you somehow have to find
your I mean, what do we with that you said,
don't give up your passion. You have to find something
that you really believe in, and I just suggest that'd
be something that benefit other people as well as yourself.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
Is there anything that either of you would say to
help her sort of reading her confidence? I mean, in
my mind, I'm like, tell your future employers this that
you've had to work twice as hard, you know, talk
about the extra steps you've taken to make sure that
you shine in your roles. But is there anything that
you would say to the confidence aspect and like helping
her pick herself emotionally off the ground.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
I think letting other people deteriorate your confidence is exactly
what they want. You know, people when they tear you
down or they don't, you know, want to acknowledge your
good work, it is because they want you to think
less of yourself because they also think less of you,
and they want to impress their opinion on you. So
allowing that to happen is letting them win. I know,

(33:55):
it's not a choice. You're not choosing to lose your confidence,
but you're allowing them to ship away at your confidence.
And I think you have to do some inside work,
whether it be mantras to yourself, whether it be journaling
every day to reclaim your value.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
And find people who of like mind and that's who's
really important. Maybe she has that, but to have people
who support you is absolutely essential. Maybe not that easy
to find, but they're there. If you're there with your struggles,
there's somebody else who's there as will. And the power
begins to come when you have each other. It makes

(34:32):
it easier to speak out, makes it easier to have courage,
find three people.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Yeah, men can be very insecure about their own standing
and they can be very intimidated by women who have
something to offer because it means we don't need anything
from them, you know what I mean, that's their insecurity.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
You know.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
I've been told, well, just play into it, work it,
work it. I'm not really in a position that I
need to work it or play into any of that bullshit,
you know, And I'm lucky because sure that you are
not in the same position, because you do need to work,
you need to take these job opportunities. But I just
want you to know it's men. It's not only because

(35:10):
you're a woman of color. Men are scared of women
that are strong, and men are scared of women that
are capable. So I hope you can take some solace
in knowing that that happens to people in different positions
and you're not alone, and it's up to you to
instill in yourself the confidence and not let people chip
away at that. And I promise you like the power

(35:31):
of positive thinking, the power of positive mantras, the power
of meditation, and positive just feeding yourself in a positive
loop of like value of what your value is, all
the things you're good at, you know, waking up and
telling yourself this is what this is what I'm great at,
and naming ten things and just kind of building your
confidence back up so that their slaps and strikes against

(35:53):
you don't knock you over.

Speaker 4 (35:55):
You know.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
It just kind of becomes like a breeze that blows
right past you. And it's easier said than done, but
it's definitely doable. So that's what I have to say
on it.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
And I'm thinking of a friend of mine who wanted
people of like mind to be part of his life.
New apartment after a few weeks not really making any friends,
put a signed up saying I will be meditating at
eight o'clock in the morning. Here's the place, join me
if you feel like it. And it took a while
and then pretty soon there was a group of people
who really were comfortable with each other and they spent

(36:26):
half an hour hour in silence. I don't know how
many days a week, but really important bonds that way.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Community building, Yeah, yeah, you have to create a scene
that is safe for you. It's funny. I was talking
to Brandy Carlisle the other day. We're at the Angel
City game, the soccer game, and she was talking about
creating a music scene because she said where there was
no scene when she came up, she needed a scene.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
Like she's made a scene.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
Yeah, she's made exactly, she created a scene. And it's like,
I think that can apply to community as well. You
create your community. You know, there are ways, like I
love what you just I don't know if this woman
is a meditator or anything like that, but there are
ways to find solace within all of the chaos. And
you're definitely not alone in the chaos. So anyway you

(37:11):
can community build create a scene for yourself that is
a safe space that refortifies you right and kind of
rebuilds your self esteem, et cetera. And it still is
a calmness within all of this.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, yeah, well keep us post to Blanca. Our next
question comes from Calli and she's going to be joining
us on the zoom here.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
So, okay, this is a live caller, Joan, you better
get ready.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Okay, I'm ready. I'm live too.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Amazing, so Cally says. I'm a twenty four year old
living in North Carolina with my fiance. I came out
as bisexual a few years ago when I met my fiance,
and she has been the greatest thing to happen in
my life. However, while my mom has been one hundred
percent support of the relationship, my extended family have always
been a little shady. They're devout Christians, the kind that

(38:02):
believed that same sex marriage as a sin. However, when
they met my fiance, they said they loved her, were welcoming,
and I thought maybe they were conflicted with the subject
in their religion. They led me to believe they'd be
coming to our wedding next fall. Recently, my cousin got
engaged and fast tracked her engagement by getting married this
fall well. I accepted my cousin's invitation and a few

(38:22):
days later checked in with my family to see if
they'd be coming to my wedding. The worst forty eight
hours of my life began. One of the messages that
came in said they wouldn't be able to come, but
send their quote best wishes. I wrestled with the decision
of whether to back out of my cousin's wedding and
ended up deciding to go be a part of it.
I felt I was no better than my aunts and
uncles if I didn't go, and I'd be putting the

(38:42):
same negative energy out into the world that they were
moving forward. I don't know the relationship I want to
have with my family. I was extremely close with them
growing up, and it feels like the people I once
knew are gone. Am I ridiculous for thinking I can
hold out in hopes they realize the mistakes they've made?
Or should I save myself more grief by cutting tie?

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Now?

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Callie, Hi, Kelly, Hey, this is Joan Bias, our special
guest today, Lucky you.

Speaker 5 (39:08):
It's great to meet all of you.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
It's nice to meet you.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Sweet, nice to meet you too. First of all, sorry
you're going through this. I'm so fucking over religion. I
really wish everyone would just stop it. I mean, it
is just the basis of all discrimination and war and wreckage.
So that's annoying. We get calls like this a lot
from people calling in with families I can't accept their
children's relationships. And I don't know, Joan, you have more

(39:34):
life experience, so I'll let you speak, obviously, but I
just want to say I don't think there's any time
to waste in having people in your life that don't
support you and love you like I just don't think
it's worthwhile. And I know people feel differently about family members.
I feel very vehemently that you should only be surrounding
yourself with people that love and respect you. And I

(39:55):
totally agree with you going to your cousin's wedding because
it's just another chance to demonstrate what they're missing out
on when they don't want to celebrate you.

Speaker 4 (40:02):
Yeah, exactly, that's kind of I mean, that's part of
the reason why I went. I wanted to see my
family that was supportive. I just wanted a chance to
be with them, and then I was also like, if
I'm not going, I'm just putting that same negative energy
out into this world. And I didn't want her to
feel the way that I felt when I showed up that.

Speaker 5 (40:20):
Day at the wedding.

Speaker 4 (40:21):
I didn't know how she would feel if I didn't
show up, and I just didn't want her to go
through that same pain that I was. And so I
am happy that I went, but it was definitely difficult,
especially to look some of them in the eye and
act I guess civil I don't know, like everything was okay.
It's really hard to do that when it's your identity
that they want.

Speaker 1 (40:37):
A question and how did you feel after that wedding?
Did you feel good about yourself and good about those interactions?
Like how did it make you feel?

Speaker 5 (40:47):
I felt strong when I left.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
I think I was proud of myself for putting up
sort of with those that I know weren't supportive of me,
just to see those that were because I had a
good time with them. I got to spend some time
with my little cousin and that really meant a lot
to me. So when I walked away, I felt strong.
But I'll be honest, the minute I got away from them,
I started to cry. I think it was just that

(41:09):
acceptance of I'm never going to have that feeling, that
comfortable feeling with my family again.

Speaker 5 (41:15):
That is gone.

Speaker 4 (41:17):
And I think that's why I was questioning should I
still try to reach out to them? Should I still
try to have a relationship, because I think for me
it's forever that feeling is going.

Speaker 5 (41:25):
To be gone.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
I think I go directly to Dan Savage, which is
they may come around. They may come around when you
least expect it. And I think you've done absolutely the
right thing because all you can do is have your
own empathy for them, which you've shown, and they will
learn something from that, even if they even if it's
not conscious at the moment. And I think giving it

(41:49):
some time is also important. And it's really frustrating because
you want it to be okay now, But I think
you are doing absolutely the right thing.

Speaker 5 (41:59):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:00):
I think I wonder in the future down the road,
will they regret not getting to come to my wedding,
like making that decision.

Speaker 5 (42:07):
Will they regret it? I don't know, maybe, but.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's something that we all wrestle with,
you know, when people kind of reject us, it's like
a breakup, you know, are you going to regret leaving me?
And hopefully they will, Hopefully they'll come to their senses
at some point and feel like it feel how silly
this is. I mean at this point in the world.
I mean, to honestly not be accepting of gay people

(42:31):
is absolutely ridiculous, you know, And to hide under the
umbrella of religion for that with your own daughter is ridiculous.
So that's not what love is. And I don't think
as much as you're going to wonder or hope for
their regret. It's all about you holding your head up high.
Going to your cousin's wedding. Was you holding your head

(42:51):
up high? You should be proud of that. And then
you note what it made you feel like when you left.
If you felt like shit when you left, which you did,
then that's you and your brain telling you that's not
good enough for me. You're operating at this level. They're
still down here. If they want to come up to
your level, they can come any time, but they have
to accept you and your partner. And that's just it,

(43:13):
And it doesn't have to be mean in the way
you say it or it doesn't have to be heavy handed.
It's just like, that's the reality. This is the person
that I love, and this is who I'm choosing to
spend my life with. And if you can respect us
and show us both respect and love, great. I'm happy
to see you guys anytime, but until then, I don't
need you in my life.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Yeah, And Chelsea talks a lot about sending people love,
and I think this is maybe one of the only
things you can do in this situation, because you don't
know if and when one or more of them might
quote unquote change their minds and talk to you about like, wow,
I can't believe I did that to you back then.
It may never happen, but like it also very well may.
And I think until then, you know, you can send

(43:53):
them love, but you can't stake your own self confidence
on it. And I don't think that you are right.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
I don't neither.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah, And I think you know you could look at
it this way. Once you remove your family, you have
so much room for other people. You can make a
whole new family, you know what I mean. Your bandwidth
becomes bigger because you have more room in your life,
so you could think about it that way as an expansion.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
And how is your fiance's family. Are they all accepting
and loving?

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Yeah, they're all accepting, loving, They're all already intending to
come to the wedding. And so it was a shock
for me when we received the messages from my family
that they wouldn't be attending.

Speaker 5 (44:30):
Due to religious reasons. But it was also a shock
for her.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
I think I was surprised by how much it affected her,
but I know it's because we're in this together and
that was meant to be her family soon and just
so she felt.

Speaker 5 (44:42):
That real same rejection that I felt.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
But you guys were making the point about keeping that
door open, and that's I think what I was intending
to do by going to the wedding is I had
friends in the past who, also because of religion, didn't
believe that my identity was okay or my relationship was okay.
And so I've had practice with understanding how do you
keep a door open but protect yourself, And so I

(45:04):
feel like that's what I was just trying to do
here with going to the wedding, but also setting those boundaries,
like you said, give.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
More time to your fiance's family and the people who
love and support you, because that's where your strength is
going to come from.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
Yeah. Just trying to fill my life with the people
that are going to respect me and my relationship.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Yeah, all right, thank you, Kelly.

Speaker 1 (45:23):
Thank you, and I have a great wedding, Kelly. Lots
of love and support.

Speaker 5 (45:27):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (45:28):
Guys.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yeah, bye bye. I always wonder it's so crazy to
me that you could be a mother and just discount
your child based on who they're attracted to. Like, how
lame is that because of some what? Because God is
telling you in a book that somebody made up? I mean,
it's so stupid.

Speaker 2 (45:50):
Yeah, it wasn't. What Jesus said was love one another.
I mean it's pretty basic.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
And you don't know what turmoil they're in, right, because
they must be some kind oft in there.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
It's like a perpetual intergenerational traumatization. You know, everyone is
so traumatized, and everyone's just got this narrative in their
head that they keep perpetuating and perpetuating, and then with
the cycle breaks, everyone's like wait, what, no, no, no,
we're not doing that. It's like they'd rather be in
the cycle of drama.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
Than break it and they can't be happy. Yeah, no,
it can't be happy.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
Right Well, our next color is Gael. Gail says Dear Chelsea.
I recently moved back in with my mother this May.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was twenty four,
now twenty eight, and learning to cope with this illness
has been a journey. I was hospitalized several times this
year and had to leave my dream job in a
city that I loved, Boston. I currently live on Cape

(46:46):
Cod with my mom and feel blessed, but I'm struggling
to feel connected to my greater sense of purpose. To
say the least, I'm in a period of transition. I
feel out of touch with my dreams and aspirations since
my relocation. The majority of my life, I've been a
type A person and that has not served me. Most recently,
my new motto has been take it easy, and I've
been doing just that. Now my health is back on

(47:08):
track and I'm looking for advice on how to realign
with a future that's meaningful and fulfilling. Since leaving my
job and spending months in the hospital, my finances aren't
great either, but of course, when it rains, it pours.
I know living with my mother isn't permanent, but how
do I reconnect with my goals without feeling too down
about where I am currently? Any advice on how to
make each day count all the best?

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Gail? Hi, Gail, Hi, Hi. This is Joe Biah's our
special guest today.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
Hi you hi.

Speaker 5 (47:36):
I heard her speak with you.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
I know, isn't it? Okay? Let's get you up and running. Okay, Okay,
so you're living with your mother. Listen, who gives a shit?
That's fine. You know, you're not a man, you're a woman.
You're allowed to live with your mother. I'm not sexist
in any way in favor of women. By the way,
how old are you? How old did you say? You are?

Speaker 5 (47:56):
Twenty eight?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Okay, so everything's fine. Just you know what I mean.
You You're going to be fine. You're only twenty eight
years old. This is fine. All of this is fine.
And in terms of reconnecting, you just have to get
yourself in this position of covering the basis of like
every single day to get you towards the goal of
where you want to be. You know, like, let's talk
about where you'd like to see yourself in six months.

(48:17):
You want to have a job, Yes, I.

Speaker 4 (48:20):
Mean I'm doing all these sorts of odd jobs here
and there, but in six months, I like to have something,
you know, full time with benefits like I had, you
know before.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
So yes, okay. And so what is the area that
you're Are you going to move into the same area
you were in before? Are you looking to move into
a different area.

Speaker 4 (48:36):
Well, I'm considering staying where I am, so I also
want to move out in six months. So I'm kind
of thinking wherever I can get a job that's going
to allow me to move out and sustain myself.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Great, So how are you going to do that?

Speaker 4 (48:50):
Oh, I've been applying to a ton of jobs, so
I actually have an interview tomorrow, which is exciting.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
Okay, great. And what field of work are you in?

Speaker 4 (48:59):
So I did design for a while and I want to,
you know, sort of shift out of that in the future.
But this is another job in design. It's sort of
sales consultant.

Speaker 1 (49:08):
Okay. Well that those jobs are plentiful, so you can
definitely line up job interviews for yourself in the next
few weeks so that you have a cascade of them
rather than just one, right, Do you have anything else
lined up in terms of an interview.

Speaker 5 (49:21):
No, that's the only one, So you're right.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
More okay, so more outreach. More. What part of the
country are you in.

Speaker 5 (49:28):
I'm in Massachusetts, Okay.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
Are you close to Boston?

Speaker 5 (49:31):
It's like an hour and a half.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Okay, Well, then there you got to I mean that
should be your aim. No, would you are you interested
in living in Boston?

Speaker 4 (49:38):
Yeah, that's where I moved back from. I was living
in Boston before. I was working at a design firm
and it was great, and then you know, I have
to move back with my mother, so you know, going
back to Boston would be wonderful.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
And your bipolar disorder is you're on medication and that's
completely under control.

Speaker 4 (49:53):
Yeah, but I'm I'm medicated and it's under control.

Speaker 5 (49:57):
Thank goodness.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Okay, yeah, thank goodness for that. So so all you've
taken all the steps in the right direction, like you
are very conscious of where you need to go, and
you first I think your first goal would be, you know,
do a more outreach in the Boston area. So you
have a whole slew of job interviews lined up, reach
out to anyone that you know in this field, anyone
you've worked with before, letting them know you're interested in

(50:19):
getting back into it, that you're interested in getting back
into the Boston area, because that's where you're going to
probably have the most you know, luck in finding a job.
I would think in that city, since there is so
much action there, and even while you could even commute there,
you know, it being an hour away, you could take
a train, and you could take a bus, you could
drive to Boston. Whatever you you know, whatever you need

(50:40):
to do. So I think in the immediate future that
should be what you spend the next couple of weeks
doing is outreach to procure more job interviews.

Speaker 5 (50:49):
Okay, that's great, thanks.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
And I think and Joan, you can chime in anytime
if you want to. I would say, obviously, worry about
the job before you worry about move out. You want
to get situated and get into a stable situation working
for somebody. And I would say after about three months,
once you do get a job, and I'm confident you
will get one sooner than you probably think, then you

(51:12):
can start thinking about where you want to live and
where you can afford to live based on how much
you're earning and maybe you stay with your mother for
six months, maybe you stay with your mom for nine months,
maybe it's a year. Don't beat yourself up about that,
because you want to set yourself up for success, not
for failure.

Speaker 5 (51:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:27):
Thanks, I think I haven't really known what to do first,
so it's nice to hear that go for the job first,
because that will make everything easier. Once I have the job,
then I can plan my next step.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
And I didn't become really successful. I just want you
to know until I was thirty two years old, so
you have four years. I waited tables my all of
my twenties. I wrote a couple books, and I had
a couple gigs, but I wasn't like on my own
doing everything until I was thirty two. Completely independent and

(52:01):
financially free until I was thirty two years old. So
please do not worry about your age. It's about your health,
your mental health, getting yourself in a strong situation so
that you're going to succeed, not so that you're going
to overdo it and then have to come back and
live with your mother. You want to set up like
this ballast of support around you so that when you
leave it's for the last time.

Speaker 5 (52:21):
Yes, absolutely, that's exactly what I want.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
Joan, What do you think I think you've said it all.
I have absolutely nothing to say.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
She became successful at a very early age, and that
can have its shortfalls too, you know what I mean.
It's good to go through this stuff in your earlier
years rather than have this like hit you when you're
thirty eight or forty eight. So there are a lot
of things to be grateful for that you feel probably
like our big stumbling blocks now that are not they're
not stumbling blocks now because you can pick yourself up

(52:51):
more easily at this age. So you live right outside
of a major city, not far outside of a major city,
You're going to have a lot of like opportunity unity there.
And I think you just have to like put out
every antenna you can to any and think and just
write down a list of all the people that you
would feel comfortable reaching out to, and then do research
online about all the companies and design companies that are

(53:13):
in the Boston area and you know what they offer,
and even if it's something that doesn't feel like it
speaks to you exactly, I would say, put out a feeler,
you know, just try and get as much into information
you can about what's out there right now.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Okay, thanks, I've not really been doing that, so that'll
be my next step.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Yeah, you should use your time wisely while you have it,
you know, and also pick up some books on you know,
design and career and like meditation and things that are
going to keep you grounded. Develop some good habits now
while you have the time to add to your toolkit
so that you don't find yourself in this position again.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
And doesn't it help that it's possible that it's the
person you run into or the people you run into
it defines where you want to go.

Speaker 5 (53:59):
Yeah, yeah, that's very true.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
I mean it's like in school, really kind of bored
with the whole thing until you find a teacher you
really love and it almost doesn't matter what the subject is.
So I think that could be in there a little bit.
If you find somebody who inspires you, a group of
people who inspires you, then go from there.

Speaker 5 (54:18):
Okay, thanks.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
One little tip for like, right before you do your
interview tomorrow, look up power poses Google power poses. You
will look and feel very goofy doing them, but it's
basically if you think of you know, when you see
somebody who's like just made a goal in a sports game,
like the power pose that they do, or they're like, yeah,
do those for about three minutes before you go into

(54:40):
your interview. You can do them in the privacy of
your own home, you can do them in the bathroom
at the place you go into. But there's actually like
a marked difference in the ratio of people who get
hired after doing those versus not doing those. It just
does something like to raise your confidence, and it like
puts that confidence into your body, even though it feels
totally goofy.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
So do a quick Google after after this call.

Speaker 5 (55:01):
Okay, power poses, got it?

Speaker 1 (55:03):
And also visualize how you want the interview to go beforehand.
You know, that really matters. Manifesting like positive experiences. Visualize
you being enthusiastic and excited about the potential of this job,
and visualize them being responsive to that excitement and wanting
you to be part of their team, and just visualize
it all being successful. That matters too. You know, sometimes

(55:27):
we do the opposite and it's like, no, we don't.
If you focus on something negative, that always has a
tendency to kind of become a reality. When you focus
on the positive aspects of a situation that tends to
become a reality. So don't undervalue that or underplay that.
Really sit with yourself because you have an intention. You
want to get a job. You're looking for the right job.

(55:48):
You're not just going to take any job. You want
to get into a job that's also going to you know,
use your strengths and play to your strengths and what
your talents are.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
And I agree with Chelsea that visualization and the positive
thing ahead of time. I did that for most of
the second half of my career once I learned how,
which for me it was also with self hypnosis that
somebody taught me, so I could get to a certain
level of subconscious and then talk to myself, this is
how it's going to be, this is how I'm going

(56:17):
to feel, and then even go into what am I
going to wear? How am I going to walk? How
am I going to greet these people? And you just
really lived through a lot of it. Visualize. I'm big
on visualization, I think as Chelsea is as well. That's
my two bits.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Thank you, Okay, I want you to keep us posted. Okay,
check in with us in a few weeks and like
give us an update. I want to know what happens
with you.

Speaker 5 (56:42):
Okay, I will keep you the updated.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Okay, we're invested in your future.

Speaker 5 (56:46):
Thank you, thanks so much.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
Call bye son. Okay, should we take a break first,
Let's take a little break. Okay, we're going to take
a little break and we'll be right back. And we're back.
Jan is undressing. Joan is undressing.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
That's what we do.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
That's what we do. It between breaks, somebody takes their
top off. I was surprised for it to be Joan,
but you know well.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Our last question comes from Jessica. She says, Dear Chelsea,
my curiosity about mushrooms has grown significantly lately, and I'm
interested in trying some micro dosing.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
How I have some in my purse right now. I
wish you were here. I would give them to you,
mushroom gummies.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
Jessica. However, my only experience in this world of self
medication is alcohol and weed. I wanted to ask you
whether you think it's a good idea for my friend
and I to try shrooms for the first time at
your show, since we have tickets. Who better to try
mushrooms with than the doctor handler. My hesitations are worrying
whether it will make me anxious or if I would
get nauseous or anything like that. I essentially don't want

(57:49):
to sign up to embarrass myself in public thoughts. Jessica.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Okay, well, this is what I would recommend, Jessica. You
should microdose. You don't take a whole thing of mushrooms
for the first time, and if you can do it
in a chocolate or form or pure mushroom form. I
don't like those capsules. The only time I've ever felt
nauseous on mushrooms is with those capsules. Every person is different,
so that's my DNA versus your DNA. But I really

(58:12):
would impress upon you you can't really do anything wrong
or too badly if you're microdosing. Like most people can't
even feel a micro dose. So I would start there
and definitely do it at my show because you're not
gonna have to be thinking about anything. I'll be doing
all the work for you. Do you take mushrooms job?

Speaker 3 (58:30):
Not yet? Any time? Do you really have someone you
I will take some with? Okay, perfect?

Speaker 1 (58:35):
Yeah, And I think like it's always good, you know,
like a sit of mushrooms is I believe like three
or four grams. What they put in a microdose is
like point point zero point zero zero one gram or
point zero one gram, so like you're gonna be okay,
but just make sure it's a micro dose. And then
you decide, oh I like this, I like a little more.

(58:57):
Don't say I don't feel it, and then double down,
don't do that.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
Yeah yeah, yeah, great, well, Jessica.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
I love ending on a mushroom note perfect. Now I
have to doast Joan and everyone, you guys, please watch
this documentary because it's so beautifully done. And like I
said before, which I liked the way I said it,
it's a tapestry of someone's life. And I watched it
twice last night because I watched it once and I
just wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything. So
when you said you watch it, you see different things,

(59:25):
you know, I think we all obviously do. You kind
of miss things a certain time, but it's it's just captivating.
It's just it's a snapshot of a time, you know,
when I wasn't old enough to understand, you know, what
was going on, and I but I know about all
those events and I know about you, So it was
really beautiful to see and you're really going to enjoy it,
and especially if you're a music lover, because her voice

(59:47):
is just so unique and so soulful. Thank you, Joan Bias.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
Thank you, Chelsea. I learned a lot today from you.
Oh really long, No, it was just lovely. Thanks, oh,
thank you, thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Do you have a holiday themed question for Chelsea? Please
send us all the questions you need answered about crazy
family get togethers, arguing over which Cranberry sauce recipe to us,
and all your holiday drama. Just send your questions to
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is
edited and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine law

(01:00:22):
And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
dot com