October 9, 2025 • 49 mins
Madelaine Petsch joins Chelsea to talk about reconsidering motherhood, her love of horror films, and biting off more than you can chew. Then: A friendship is on the brink after a misunderstanding about the news. A friend wants to help her bestie lose her virginity. And a woman must choose between her boyfriend and her beloved dog.
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
on sale. It's called the Heighth and Mighty Tour. I
will be starting debuting my new material in February of
next year, so I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
(00:27):
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and
(00:48):
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
I will be touring from February through June. Those are
the cities that I'm in. Pre sales started last week,
so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,
but we probably will be to some of these. So
go get your tickets now if you want good seats
(01:10):
and you want to come see me perform. I will
be on the High and Mighty tour. Oh what a
good little beefer you are.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Hi, Madelaine, it's nice to meet you. Hi.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Madeleine has some projects coming out, you guys. The Strangers
Chapter two, which is a horror movie, hits theater September
twenty six, and then she has a rom com called
Maintenance Required, which hits Amazon on October eighth. They are
both now out. So I read that you grew up
in South Africa and Washington State.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Yeah, I mean that's term such an African so we
would go back, but I was primarily in Washington. It's
really interesting how interviews can skew the reality of my
life so much.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So basically all interviews get skewed, and then they like
I don't I talk about being child free, and people
are like.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Chelsea Handler hates children.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Talk about not wanting like I talk about not wanting
to be married, and be like Chelsea Handler hates men,
which is closer to the truth than hating children. But
I don't hate anyone. I don't have the energy to hate.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
But I hear you what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
So you probably were interviewed several times and told them
that your parents are from South Africa and people are
like she commuted on the concord, the one that goes
straight from Joannasburg seventies Johannasburg to Olympia, Washington.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yeah, actually no, I'd go back. I would go back
in the summer and in the winter, so twice a
year we'd go back and see my whole family, because
my entire extended family is there. But I would see
the primary part of my life and the formative years
were spent in Washington.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay, cute I had.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I dated a South African once and then he bought
me this very fancy pair. This was like when I
was in my twenties and I was waitressing and he
bought me this very fancy pair of earrings.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And then I realized, oh, it's time to break up.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Was it a blood diamond?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
It was because it was a blood.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Diamond, that was why it was.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It was just obvious that he and I were on
different pages. If he were buying me jewelry, do you
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I would never say no the jewelry, though, I like,
buy me more before I break up.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I would because you know what, Madeline, we can both
buy ourselves jewelry, So why who cares? You know what
I mean, that's what I like to focus on. What
I need from a man is not jewelry, and the
jewelry that.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
A man is picking is like probably not what you'd
pick for yourself a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
What do you think the biggest cultural differences are between say,
South Africa and the States.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
That's such an interesting question. I think probably.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Manners great fucking answer.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I hate to say that, but people are a lot
more polite in South Africa and like kind to people
they don't know. I feel like people are more of
social awareness, right.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I feel like people are a lot more polite in
many places outside of America, not just South Africa. I
think it's an American problem. But yes, I think manners
is a great thing to bring up.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, I mean Cape Town? Are you from Cape Town?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Durban?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh? Okay?
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I had a safari guide from Durban? So have you've
I bet you've been on a couple of safaris.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I certainly have Kruger National Park you know it?
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I love safaris. That's my dream vacation, minus the snakes.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I didn't have any. I've never had a bad experience
with a snake before.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I've never had like a snake attack me, but I
believe they are out to get me. And when I
see them, my reaction is like, I have a phobia.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It's not it's more than a fear.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's a phobia, like I will freak out and I
start to like, we saw one of those steaks with
their heads up this last time we.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Were on safari, which situation.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It wasn't a cobra, it's a oh, it was like
asp it was something that I it was the most
dangerous snake that they have in Kenya.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I saw it out of the corner of my eye.
I was like, what was that.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
They're like nothing and we were in the jeep luckily,
but they're the ones that could poison you by with
their spit and they could get in your eyes.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I don't think I want to go on a safari
with you.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I I do.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I do have bad luck, although I haven't had one
chase me. Knock on wood. Let's not even talk about
such things. Okay, So tell me about your two projects.
They're very opposite. One's a horror movie, one's a romantic comedy.
What do you have a preference I know this is
a sequel Stranger's Chapter.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Two, Pence, I think I love them both. You can't
take between your children. The Strangers chapter two is like,
it's it's honestly my baby, because I shot all three
at once in Slovakia three or four years ago, and
I've been editing them. By the way, I love Slovakia.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
What's going on in Slovakia.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
I was terrified to go because I just didn't know
anything about it, and it's so far away. I felt
like I was being shipped off to never be seen again.
But I fell in love with Bronislava. I would go
shoot their time and time again.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Where is Slovakia geographically.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Well, it used to be Czechoslovakia, so it's right next
to Austria and the Czech Republic.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh, so that's not that far away. It's just eastern Europe.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Yeah, one says the Czech Republic is gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Chech Republic is gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
That's where Prague is, And so Slovakia is a newer
country than the other one. Well, Czech Republic is a
newer country too, because it used to be Czechoslovakia. It's
all Slovakia. So you had a great time there. What's
it like?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
What's the vibe there? Is it a big city where
you shooting in the country.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We were shooting out in the middle of nowhere. It
was like two hours from broad Aslava. But they've got
a city center that's really sweet and there's a lot
of things to do. And then there's like lots of
lots of lots of land and abandoned hospitals and things
like that, which is why we shot there, right We
needed some abandoned hospitals.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right right, It sounds actually like a place Slovakia sounds
like a place that has a lot of abandoned hospitals.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Well, there you go, and it does can confirm.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
So when you're like crawling into the freezer beds in
the morgue, is that like a real one?
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Okay? So actually I I am a bit of a
germopope and I had a bit of a freak out.
There are certain things that I can do. I'm like,
you want me to run down this hallway hurt myself. Fine,
I'm not getting into a real morg drawer. That feels
like we're a drawa line. It's really a dead body
in there. At one point, I just can't they actually
built the Morgue, okay, god okay, and that they built
it in the hospital, which is such a crazy thing
(07:03):
to think about. But they built the morg allegedly. Actually
you know what they could have actually liked to make.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
They just told you they did and you're like crawling
in there with the old dead Boddy. You now you're
a huge fan of horror, right, like you loved the
original Strangers with the love Tyler to me because that movie,
you know, and the Strangers chapter one, two and three
that you're talking about now, like this is home invasion
that we're talking about. To me, that's kind of like
the scariest possible thing because like slashers, you know whatever,
(07:31):
a guy chasing you through the what like that can
kind of happen in any movie. But you think about
like someone coming into your home and it's just random.
That to me is the most terrifying thing. So tell
me it. Tell us about your love of horror.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Well, it started at a young age. I was forced
to watch it when I was like seven, and it
terrified me, and I was like, I'm going to conquer this.
If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to
be scared again by a film No, and then I
just fell in love with it. I'm not even sure why,
but I think I think horror, similarly to like foreign filmmaking,
is not so risk averse. I think every other genre
in American cinema is very risk averse, and so I
(08:02):
think you could take a lot more risk to have
a lot more fun in horror. It's a lot more
genre bending and rule bending, and probably why I love
it so much.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Honestly, that's a good point though, because you can make
it like campy, you can make it super heightened, or
you could make it a very nuanced horror. So that's
actually a good point that you make that I hadn't
thought about.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Yeah, were you a horror person?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I don't typically love horror movies. I don't like to
be fake scared, you know what I mean. And I
also I don't like violence, but horror is a different
category to violence. I think horror is like you're supposed
to be scared, Like, I don't love that feeling.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It's not my favorite genre, but I respect it.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, it's hard to do. I mean, it's I always say,
I feel like fear is the only the only emotion
you can't really manufacture because your body doesn't know the
difference with fear. So I was actually in fight or
flight the whole time I was shooting those movies. I
don't look back on it fondly by any means, but
I do love the movies very much.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Would you do a horror movie again, having like gone
through because especially shooting them concurrently, Like I know you said,
you know, one day you might be shooting a scene
from the first movie and the third movie, So would
you do that again in maybe a smaller scale with
a single film.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
I definitely would never shoot three movies at once.
Speaker 5 (09:18):
Again.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
That well, I was, you know, you know me four
years ago. I can't talk to her now, but she
was like, this is a fun challenge. But yes, I
actually I love horror because again, it's like I truly
believe right now, the best movies that are being made
are horror because they're the only ones that are like different.
(09:38):
Everything else is so carving copy of something else. This
is actually like every script that I'm getting that's horror
is unique and different, and you can make them for
a small budget, so you can follow the filmmaker's real
vision and you're not arguing with the studio like it's
there's a lot more freedom and horror. I think yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I think people are starting to realize that. You know,
of first, you can have your camp be in silly
horror movies, but to have a really good solid actor
in a horror film is what helps bring it to life.
You know, like I love a shlocky seventies one with
terrible acting.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
But like now you're talking about Berry Catherine, You're talking
about porn right now.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I told you to stop talking about porn. It's always
an allegory that we're here for.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
But like the emotions that you're bringing on screen, I
felt viscerally like they're very real. You are like crying
a lot of the time because you're being stalked. I
will say one thing you very much identified with in
The Strangers chapter two was there is a moment I
hope this is not too much of a spoiler, but
there is a moment that includes a wild bore question mark,
and there's a moment where you're actually like laying still
(10:38):
and get stepped on by the wild boar. And I
identified with that because that's literally exactly what happens with
my dog every single morning. She comes like stands on
my chest and is like sniffing my face seeing if
I'm awake.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So I think that's a lot different than a wild boar. First,
what you know, your fucking dog sniffing in my bedroom.
You're safe with that scene in that movie.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
It's fucking scary, threatening me that it's time to yet, Madeleine.
I know you talk publicly, which I think is such
a nice service, especially for all your fans, and I
know you have like millions, twenty something million followers on
Instagram alone. You talk very openly about like stress, stressful
times in your life, panic attacks, therapy, like how you
calm yourself down, and this podcast we talk a ton
(11:21):
about that because our listeners are we have people who
call in which you'll see in a moment asking for advice.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But like, can you talk a little bit about that
and how.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
You were able to find a way to kind of
soothe your nerves and the steps you took to get
to a place where you were able to identify that
there was even an issue in the first place.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yeah, I mean I grew up in a quite dysfunctional
home as a child, and so I think what I
it all felt normal as a kid and then I
moved to LA and I was alone, and everybody around
me wasn't experiencing that as much. The anxiety, the panic,
the kind of like I would catastrophize everything, everything was
the worst thing in the world. And that kind of
carried into probably in my early to mid twenties, and
(12:02):
during the pandemic actually was the impetus for me to
figure out what was wrong with me. And I got
my brain scammed. Wow, because like, there's got to be
something seriously wrong with me. And it was actually kind
of validated because he was like, oh, your copper. Your
body produces too much copper, so you have to do
this to help fix And it was like, Oh, my
body actually has something that is creating anxiety within me.
It was so validating to understand that at a real
(12:25):
molecular level.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Like a physiology.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That helped a lot. Yeah, Like it wasn't just like, yes,
of course I'm an anxious person, Like I don't know
if that's ever going to go away, but there are
tools I can have to fix that or to help
banage it. But there's actually also something that I can
do right now that makes me feel like, Okay, this
can help, And so I am on some like a
pretty good supplement regimen, and I also do weekly therapy.
I think talk therapy is the thing that changed everything
(12:48):
the most, though, honestly.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
And did you have trouble finding a good therapist that
you connected with?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I've only ever had one. I've had the same one
for almost ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
So I guess the answer is no, you did not
have trouble to find it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Actually, know what, Chelsea. When I first moved to LA
I did. I tried one other therapist, and I mean
it was the hokeiest thing. He was trying to like
hypnotize me on his couch and I was kind of
feeling bad because it didn't work, and so I acted
like I was hypnotized. Oh, I was like, maybe I
should just act like it's working.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
That's an orgasm for a man, acting like therapy is
working when it's not hypnotism.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Especially, Yeah, it was for a man. Yeah, the things
we do.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
But that's the thing is like anxiety can so often
be a physologically induced thing, and you know, people say,
you know, oh I don't want to go get treatment,
or like, oh I can manage it or whatever. But
like if you had a broken leg, you wouldn't say like, no,
I don't want to go to the doctor. And it's
really the same thing.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I remember the first time I ever had like that
kind of shaky leg syndrome thing, when I was on
stage talking.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
The first time it happened.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Like the more conscientious you become of it, the more
it increases, and it gets worse and worse and worse,
and then it's in your head. You're like, fuck, I
can't stand up straight, like I'd stand up for a living,
I'm not gonna be able to stand up and talk.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
And then I was like, oh, it's the heels. Let
me get rid of the heels.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
And then I'd be in flat and then I'd I'd
be like and that was more stabilizing, but like, yeah,
it's not. You can't put a band aid on it.
You kind of have to get to the root of
the issue. And in the meantime, take a beta blocker
or anyone who's listening.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Kit or as a pick. You're in a panic attack,
call it a day. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, that
was my thing for a while.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So why was your family so dysfunctional?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I grew up with a father who uh uh, how
do I describe it. I don't want to like diagnose
him on a podcast, but he was very unpractable, atic
highs and lows all the time, and so I couldn't
really there was no consistency in my household as a child.
Uh huh, So it was there was a lot of
like questioning whether or not I was loved as a kid.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Okay, and what about your mom? Were you? Was your
mom in the house with you, guys?
Speaker 5 (14:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yeah, she's the best ever, And I don't think i'd
be where I am today without her. She's like one
of those people who was meant to be a mom.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, that was where my mom was too. My mom
was so soft and sweet.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Which do you feel like? I have a question for you? Actually,
because I for the longest time sought I didn't want children,
and I feel like having a mom who was to
be a mom made me realize, like, or think that
I realized I don't feel that way, maybe I shouldn't
have kids. And now I've shifted now I actually want children.
But for the longest time, I think my mom being
such a good mom made me be like, oh, I
(15:14):
don't think I can live up to that.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yeah, I think you bring up a good point because
I think that, yes, I'm one of six children.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
How many siblings do you have? Just one?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Okay, So my mom was a mama bear like she
was like but not in a fierce like fierce way.
She just like loved us so much and she wanted
her like cubs around her. She wasn't really that interested
in our friends or our boyfriends. She tolerated those people
and she gave out love to them when they needed it.
Like I had a best friend from high school who
I grew up with, and she was like, your mom
(15:43):
was the first person who told me she loved me.
And I was like, oh my god, that's so my mom.
You know, that was so sweet of my mom. My
mom recognized at her house was pretty dysfunctional, as was mine.
I mean, I don't know anybody who grew up I
have some friends in LA that grew up here and
think they had normal childhoods, and I have to always
remind them, you don't.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
You grew up in fucking Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, you're relative, Like what's relative to you is not
relative to the rest of the world. And there's and
it's no wonder you still live here because you're living
in a fantasy.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
World, you know, like that's not real life.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But yes, back to the question at hand, is my
mom was so loving and such a caretaker and such
a homemaker, Like she was always cooking for us.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
There was always snacks.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
When you got home from school at like three o'clock
in the afternoon, there'd be like a vat of macaroni
and cheese as a snack. And so it was like,
you know, her language was like food and comfort. And
we would go up to her room, you know, before
we went to bed and jump into bed with her
and like hope that we could. I would just always hope, oh,
please don't kick me out of the bed, like let
(16:42):
me sleep in the bed, you know, like like that's
how cozy. And I used to call her chunky because
she was junkie and she had little flaps of skin
like extra meat packets everywhere, and I just loved her
like body but she was but it definitely was. It's
so antithetical to how I saw my life going. So
that is a great thing to bring up. It's like
(17:04):
sometimes when you look at your own mother and you
realize how good at bothering they are, You're like Wow,
I won't be able to hold a cancel to that.
And then conversely, the opposite was true. She didn't have
a lot of independence, she didn't have a lot of
her own money, she didn't have anything in her name,
you know, my dad ran the show. But I looked
at that like, I don't want that either.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Right, right, that's so interesting. I never thought about like that.
I actually recently, just probably in the last eight months
or a year, decided I want to be a mom.
For the longest time, I think, I just like got
so annoyed that society tells you as a woman your
only real purpose is to have children that I was like,
go fuck yourself, Like that's not how I feel. And
then I was like, wait, am I just going just
to be a contrarian, Like, let me really check in
with myself in therapy and see if I really feel
(17:42):
that maternal instinct. And I just there was one day
I had therapy and I was like, I just want
to have a child with my best friend. That would
be so fun. And she goes, hey, wait, you can, yeah,
you can pick who you have your child with. And
that's when I was.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Like, Oh, it's so funny because you're saying child and
it sounds like chow. And I have a chow chaw
in here, and that's how I feel. I wanted a
chow too. That's the only kind of dog I get,
or chow chows. You rescue animals too, I do. Yeah,
how many do you have?
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I have one little girl, Olive right, Olive.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Yeah, I've seen a couple of pictures. It's very cute.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I have her little teeth tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
And you have at with your like something your mom says, too, right,
my darling.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I do. I have bruises there from pole dancing, but
here it is.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Are you pull dancing on the regular?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah? I did it for a movie that I just
wrapped like four or five days ago.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
How was it to learn pole dancing?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well, you know, I am anemic, so I bruised a lot.
But outside of that, it's so much fun. I'm gonna
keep doing it out of the movie.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
And it's a good exercise.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
People say, beyond it's it's really fucking hard. I had
no idea how much arm strength you need. In my head,
it makes sense to need life strength, but it's mostly
your arms.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Yeah, And it's like as women that's something we have
to like work on to have the upper body strength.
Do you ever go to Jumbo's clown room and just
like see the feets of strength?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (19:02):
I love my favorite. It's my favorite. We used to
live on the same block as that actually, so we
went hevery what a for you? And my husband never
wanted to go. I was just like, I want to
go and like cheer for women in bikinis doing feats
of strength, like it's so.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Fun incredible when they're hanging upside down and you're like, hey,
this is crazy. Yeah, how are you even up there?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So Madeleine, you love what you do.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
You can tell that you love what you do, right,
you feel very pad like you feel you must feel
very grateful to have such a successful career at such
a young age, Right I do?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Yeah, I really. I think there's nothing else in the
world to be happy to do.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I think that's how you get into this business is
when everything else just seems on reason. Like I tried
to be a temp and they were like, you're fired.
I fig I got fired from every single job I
every day. And my sister's like, that's because you can't
do anything.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
But be in this business.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Like you're you're a comedian, you're a voice, Like you
want to talk, and that's really all I want to
do is talk. Luckily, I've made a career out of talking,
and I never realized that until I was writing my
last book, and I was like, oh my god, how
lucky are we to get to do the thing that
we want to do? And also, you make such a
good living doing what you want to do. I used
to remember watching baseball players like get traded and I'd
(20:11):
be like so upset at their disloyalty to their original team, like.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
How could you trade?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
How could you go to the from the Boston Red
Sox to the Yankees, Like doesn't any loyalty matter? And
I'm like, you're already making crazy money doing the thing you.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Love to do the most.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Like some people have to work at a job they
fucking hate their whole life and they don't get to
make Like those people deserve to make the big money,
and the people who get to do what they love
should just be able to get by.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
That's how I feel about it.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I mean, I'm not trying to give away, you know,
my good blessings, but that's it doesn't it's all upside down.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
And just kind of interesting, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, I think. So we're going to take a break
and we'll be right back with Madeline Pitch and we're
back with Madelane. Okay, so when do you got Catherine.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
We've got some advice questions.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
People call on for advice and then we give it
to them. You seem very mature that you're going to
be good at this. You've bid to therapy or all decks.
All of our ducks are in a row lack, and
like feel.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Free to pull from experiences like friends have had, and
you know, things just that you've learned in the world.
It doesn't all have to be from your own experience.
So our first question is about dating a bad Texter.
So our first question comes from Jack. This one's just
an email. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty six
year old gay man, single and dating in NYC. About
a month ago, I went on a hinge date and
(21:32):
we really hit it off. He seemed to check a
lot of the boxes since then, and we've gone on
about five dates. Every time we get together, the conversation
is endless and he seems very into me. We have
great sexual chemistry as well, and every time we part
weighs we try to set another date. It's been a
while since I've gone this long talking to someone. Well,
everything is going well. The butt here is that the
(21:52):
man is an awful texter. During the week text can
be pretty sporadic, and sometimes during weekends I'll go a
few days without hearing from him. When I lightly joke
about it, he says, sorry, I'm a bad text and
have been super busy. I personally can be a bad
text for myself and also do not like to look
at my phone too much if I'm with other people
and having a good time. But I'm excited about this
prospect and would like for it to keep moving forward.
(22:15):
I worry that not talking with this guy more often
might cause this to fall through the cracks. I feel
like I'm walking a fine line of not trying to
seem too available or too invested since it's only been
about a month. But I also don't want him to
think I don't care, because, like I said, I don't
want to keep this moving in a positive direction.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Any thoughts, Jack, I think some people just really are
bad at texting, Like I was on this guy's I
was vacationing at this guy's house, and I sent him
this beautiful text, like, well, I thought it was beautiful.
I was like, thank you so much. Your house is
so beautiful, your staff is so beautiful, like just going
on and on like a normal thank you, you know,
And it was almost two paragraphs long, and he wrote
(22:51):
back welcome, and I'm like god, I'm like, what did
I do? Like maybe hates me? And then like two
weeks later he invited me to something else. Some people
just don't communicate like that. I don't know what you
do about that. What do you think, Madeline?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I actually think it's a green flag off someone's bad
at texting. Ooh okay, I'm about a hot take. I
like the idea of somebody not being so obsessed with
their phone.
Speaker 7 (23:13):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I had this like spiritual awakening recently where it's like
this is not communication, Like nothing about this is connection
and communication. Like as long as you're in person, you've
got a good thing going and you feel like somebody
is trustworthy and you can tell them how you feel,
that's kind of all that matters. And if it falls
through the cracks because you guys aren't texting enough, then
that's just not your person.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, I also don't think you should let it fall
through the like you shouldn't have the mindset that it's
going to fall through the cracks because of his because
of his lack of interest in texting. While it annoys you,
it is, like she just said, there are good points too,
like not having somebody addicted to their phone and not
having someone And some people also don't feel confident in
their texting abilities, right, Like I see that with some people,
(23:53):
like they don't know, you know, things get lost in translation.
And I do think our phones have hijacked our lives,
as you know, as we are learning and have learned
for the last ten years. So that's not a deal
breaker in my opinion. I think you should just like
work around that and reset your expectations about what you
want from the relationship. It doesn't really texting doesn't keep
a relationship alive.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, I mean, some people have a different vibe when
they're texting than in person. Like I know one of
my girlfriends she is now married to this woman, but
her now wife was like, yeah when we first were texting,
Like she was oddly formal with texting, which is sort
of a language like, she and I use where it
was like to be a little funny. We use very
formal language and texting, and she was like I thought
she was gonna be kind of weird, and then like
(24:34):
obviously they hit it often. You know are in love
and married now. But I do have one more question
for you about this. So I've heard that amongst people
your age, there is a phenomenon of guys, especially using
chat GPT to like craft their text responses. Have you
or any friends experienced this?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
My best friend she's a chat to be for everyone.
Oh yeah, so actually like input texts and be like
what does this mean? How should I respond? It's really
interesting to watch.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah, We'll tell your friend every time she uses chat GPT,
she's killing about ten water buffalo because every time we
use chat Gypt it is like you have to go
to it goes to a lithium farm. They have these
huge battery operated farms that are providing all the energy
resources that we need. So it's terrible for the environment,
which is something they never fucking talk about. As soon
(25:31):
as I heard that, I'm like, oh my god, I'm
not ever going to use it.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
But probably never heard that.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I'll chat GPT how bad using chat GPT was for
the environment, and it gave me a comprehensive response about
why it is so bad. But ay, I on another
note about talking about guys who would make up like
text or consult chat for like how to talk to
a woman, talking about in cells, like I was at
this thing the other night and this guy was telling me.
(25:58):
I was at the dinner and this guy was telling
me that he's in the tech world.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
He's in AI.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
He's one of these investors in one of these AI groups,
and he was delineating all the you know, the differences
between all of the AI platforms like GROC and chat,
and so he was saying that, you know, it's only
a matter of like a month or two before we're
going to have our own robots that are going to
be available to like you know, the first wave of robots,
and that men are going to be able to customize.
(26:25):
Did I already tell you this or that men aren't
going to be able to as will women be able
to customize the type of person they want as like
a lover or an assistant. Like I could say, oh,
I want some I want someone with red hair, and
I want somebody who doesn't talk back, And I want
somebody who's really good at making Mexican food, and I
also want somebody who's going to also be really good
(26:46):
with the dogs. Like you can basically customize your person.
They can have a working vagina so you can have
sex with your robot. And I was like, okay, well, listen,
as a person, I go, that's something he goes, every
guy is going to want to do that. Who doesn't, like,
really know how to operate with women like that doesn't
And I'm like, yeah, but does human connection not count
for anything anymore? And he said, no, it does, but
(27:09):
only to the people that it matters to, because there's
so many in cell types of people now in the
world that don't have any communication because all they do is,
you know, stay on their phone or communicate via their phone.
But I was like, oh, I could design a robot
that's really good at skiing for the winter, that makes
me drinks when I'm done with skiing, that stretches me
in the morning so I can getting ready for my
(27:31):
skiing and then makes me dinner and then has sex
with me. And he can look like whatever I want
and come and appear as.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
A real man.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
And he's like, well, that's not going to be the
first wave, like you are going to be dealing with
a robot, but eventually you will be able to create
a person who has all the qualities you want.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
And I thought, that is so fucking crazy.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
It's so fucking crazy. I mean, I did see someone
on the street in West Hollywood yesterday with a robot dog,
So I mean, it's happening. It's already happened.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
It is happening.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
And they keep there's a movie companion everybody here needs
to watch clearly, And.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
What was the movie with Scarlett Johansson? What was that
for her? Yeah, that's it too.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
It's literally what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, yeah, And we've basically made movies to give everybody
ideas about how to make this a reality. Like everything
we're turning into the terminator because we Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
Well I read an article about this recently too. Apparently
a lot of like teens, like young teens, like their
first romantic relationships are with AI, Like they're like giving
it a name and it's their boyfriend and they like
check in after school. I mean, I'm so it's dark.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I'm so I just hope that I'm dead before all
of this is. It takes charge. I can't have months.
I can't take any more changes. I can't take this technology.
It's too much. Maybe AI can finish my house.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Oh there you go.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
There, well, Alyssa writes in with a question that hopefully
you both will be able to help with. She says,
Dear Chelsea, I love the podcast and I look forward
to listening every week. I'm a longtime listener, but I've
never written in before, mostly because I always knew what
you would say and figured I should just get my
shit together. But this time I'm truly stuck. I've had
my dog since April of twenty twenty, and he was
(29:09):
my COVID baby. I was home with him twenty four
to seven for a year before going back into the office,
and ever since I got him, he's truly saved me
from the darkest moments in my life. I got him
just a couple months before I ended a ten year
toxic relationship with my high school sweetheart. He helped me
rediscover life for myself, got me out of bed on
my worst days, and reminded me that life is fun
and silly and joyful.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Because he all the responsibilities of a dog by the
way exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
He is my soul dog, and I don't know where
I'd be without him. As many dog owners are, I'm
obsessed with my baby. From April twenty twenty to March
twenty twenty four, he got to do everything with me.
We ran errands together, took drives, he slept with me.
He basically stayed by my hip at all times. Then
I met my now boyfriend, who is wonderful in so
many ways. We have so much in common and he
(29:56):
makes me laugh like no one else can. We have
such a good relationship, but he is isn't the biggest
fan of my dog or dogs in general, and some
days it makes me wonder if this is what I want?
Does that sound crazy? Am I choosing my dog over him?
When I say he isn't the biggest fan. Let me
be clear. He takes care of him, helps walk him
and feed him. He plays with him. But when I
met him, he asked if we could sleep without my dog.
(30:18):
I reluctantly agreed. But over time and now that he's
moved in, it has grown to my dog not being
in the bedroom often at all. I have a one
bedroom apartment, so there isn't anywhere to be other than
the living room or the bedroom when we're watching TV
before bed, or just hanging out or whatever he asks
for dog free time. It's gone from my dog having
my company twenty four to seven to about an hour
(30:38):
in the morning and an hour at night on weekends,
it's a bit more. I can tell my dog is
upset by this. He sits outside of the bedroom door
sometimes when I open the door, he's just waiting for me.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
It breaks my heart because I love my dog more
than anything in life. I tried to talk to my
boyfriend about it before, and he told me that I
can spend time with my dog whenever I want to,
But it still sucks. As I'm writing this now, I
ask my boyfriend and if he could spend some time
with us in the bedroom as we watch TV, and
my boyfriend went out to hang out in his car
alone so I could be in bed with my dog.
He reassured me that nothing was wrong, but it hurts
(31:10):
me so much because I love them both and want
nothing more than to spend time together. For us all
to spend time together.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Melissa Alyssa let that man go.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
The fuck he's in his car to avoid being around
your dog that.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Is fucked up.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
Yeah, he also went to smoke a split, so that's why.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Thank god, thank god he had something to do with
the car.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
I mean that doesn't I think, first of all, listen,
you can't your dog is innocent and defenseless, Like, it's
so unfair to be around something like that, Like it's
like being a bait with a baby and then abandoning
a baby. And I for everyone who's listening who doesn't
love dogs, I understand that dogs aren't the same as children,
but they're defenseless and innocent in the same way that
(31:53):
children are. And so to take away to like to
basically it's like punitive, like this guy setting the tone
for how much time you spend with your dog that
was pre existing. That was a pre existing relationship that
your boyfriend is now disrupting that in and of itself
is unacceptable in my opinion, Madeline, I feel like you
want to say something.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Look, I feel like if he was allergic and there
was an actual issue, then like there's something to be
discussed there, Like there's an actual bodily reason why I
don't trust people who don't like dog. I know there's
something like innately unless he was attacked by a dog
at one point, maybe there someone to discuss in therapy there,
Like I want to give him the benefit of the doubt,
but at the end of the day, like, that's your baby.
Get the guy out of there, Like who meets the
(32:36):
guy seriously?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And why can't the dog sleep on the floor in
the bedroom? Is that in a little dog bad?
Speaker 3 (32:42):
We're on your side.
Speaker 5 (32:43):
Yeah, I've tried that before, and honestly, more so than
him being in the room, I think the he asked
for it initially because I snore really loud and my
dog is a French bulldog, so he snores even louder,
and he just like can't take both snoring at the.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Stat then he should sleep on the floor outside in
the living room, you and your dog and snore together
in your bed like a couple, like the couple that
you are.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yes, I agree.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
And you know what's hypocritical too, is that like, for example,
I went on vacation a couple of months ago, he
watched him for me and he supped in the bedroom
with him every night. So it's not like he has
a problem with him. It's just that he constantly asks
for a dog free time, and I don't want to
be away from him like ever.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
I want to be around with that.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
All that's weird though, Like I did, I know, I
did a guy that wasn't a dog guy like I
could just tell. And I find that suspicious as well.
I find that to be suspicious. It's like if you
don't like dogs, like something's off. But I kind of
gave him a pass and he tried. He made the
effort with my dog. He would take my dog for walks,
like he actually made the effort. I'm like, well, that's
(33:49):
all he can do. I can't make somebody fall in
love with your dog, just like you can't make somebody
love your child like that you had you know before
you met them. So but I do think it's very
strange to ask for dog free times. That's like some
sort of controlling or weird issue. Something is off.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
With that, especially if he's sleeping in bed with your
dog when you're not there. That feels more like a
control piece, like he doesn't want any other attention taken
away from him.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Yes, right, And it really is, honestly, mostly just on
the weekdays. On the weekends, this isn't a problem, Like
I don't even he doesn't most of your days, right.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I think he asked for a boundary. You tried that
boundary out, and it's time to readjust the boundary, like
it's not working for you. And I think that's kind
of the way to maybe start that conversation again. Like
if he needs to sleep in a dog but on
the floor, fine, but you know, dogs are our family
and if he can't be in your family, then like
it's time to reassess some things. But I think he
(34:44):
will actually acquiesce if you're just like, look, we got
to adjust this boundary. It's not working for me. I
need my dog. I need my dog in the room.
Speaker 5 (34:51):
With me, Like I really, I have no other problems
with this man. Yeah, other than the fact that he
is not like as obsessed with my dog as I am.
And like I said, he takes care of him, like
he walks in and he feeds him. He even plays
with him and stuff. It's just like I said, this
dog free time that is the issue.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
So well, then if he's great, then he will be
able to adjust, you know. And if you need to,
like talk to a counselar about this. But I think
you guys can handle this.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah, I suckond that. I actually think he's going to
come through.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, I think so too. So just be you have
to reset the boundary. You gave him the benefit of
the doubt, and now you have to take it back. Yes,
this is a pre existing relationship. You're living, you know,
like he knew he was living with your dog. You
have a one bedroom apartment and it's not like you
have some huge amount of space for him to run around.
It's unfair to the dog, and you're not going to
do that to your dog anymore.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I get a white noise machine if he can't handle
the snoring, like, just like, blast a bunch of fans
in the room. That's what you gotta do.
Speaker 5 (35:45):
That's a good idea too. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Tell him to wear headphones when he goes to sleep.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And then tape his mouth shut so he could breathe
his three breathe through his nose. People are loving that.
Oh no, they tape their mouths shut. Yeah, so they
get me through their nose.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was thinking about that. I'm getting
him like locks, earplugs or something.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Yeah, all right, well let us know how it goes.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Alyssa, Yes, I will thank you guys so much. It
was great to meet you.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Both by That was easy. Probably say this as that
we have two dogs roaming around our room. We're liked
cover your ears first of all. Yeah, if anyone wasn't like.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
I know, it's like when I come to bed and
there's like my husband and our three pugs like taking
up the entire bed. I'm like my family. Not that
there's any room for me, but it's my family. Okay.
So our next question comes from l She says, Dear Chelsea,
I have a conflict with my friend that I can't
seem to get over. My good friend of five years
is a gay man. We're both therapists and met in
(36:47):
an old job, and we've been very close to ever since.
We're aligned on the state of the world, politics all that.
He's just moved to a new city. We were voice memoing,
texting daily, and even though I appreciated this connection and
his friendship, I found his relationship at times to be
negative and draining. We're both therapists, and so we both
already take on the mental load of the job on
a daily basis. I was probably holding in some of
(37:08):
these feelings when he texted me a headline about rights
being taken away recently. He has a tendency to catastrophize,
and therefore, through my own process of taking in daily
news content, I've been careful of where I watch or
read the news. When he messaged me this alarmist headline,
I validated it, but also encouraged him to make sure
the source was credible. He seemed to shut down, and
(37:28):
therefore I did let him know that I personally was
trying to take an emotional distance from all the news
headlines myself and needed that boundary. Ever since then, though
our friendship has changed, I noticed an obvious decrease in
communication and his attempt to see each other. About a
month ago, I told him how I felt that there
was distance ever since that day and wanted to apologize
for it. I opened up about how I was feeling
(37:50):
with the state of the world, which prompted my response
to him that day, and while he appreciated my accountability
and vulnerability, he said at that moment he questioned whether
I was a safe space. I was taken aback by
this because I've always been so empathetic. I couldn't believe
that one message would make him question his ability to
trust me. We ended on good terms from that conversation,
and I've seen him once since things were fine. I'm
(38:11):
still upset that our friendship isn't the same, and I
can't seem to not think it doesn't have anything to
do with what happened, or is it just the natural
shift of our friendship. What do I do work on
accepting the new trajectory of our friendship, know that maybe
this was for the best. Or do I initiate a
conversation again to try and work on the friendship more
With love?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
L hi Elle, how are you? This is our special guest,
Madeleine Pitch.
Speaker 4 (38:34):
Hey, how are you?
Speaker 2 (38:35):
I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 6 (38:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
I could totally understand your situation and your friend's situation,
because that's not the response that they want to get.
You know, when someone finds out about their own rights,
it's like me texting like think about you texting one
of your guy friends and saying, okay, they're about to
overturn Roe v Wade and he's like, check your sources.
You don't know what you're talking about. Like it's so
personal that I totally understand. But now how do you
(38:59):
kind of fix the friendship? I definitely think your friendship
has been impacted by that. I think it would be
if it were in reverse some way, like if he
was dismissive of your rights, I think you would probably
have that same reaction, whether it would play out the
same or not. So taking that into account, I don't know.
Do you address it again? What do you ladies think?
Or do you just keep showing up as the friend
(39:20):
and hoping to get back to the friendship that you had.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
What do you think, Madeleine, I've had situations not similar,
but I've had friend falling out where I wish that
it wouldn't have happened. And I think it feels like
it's more about what you feel aligned with. Does it
feel aligned to you to keep I mean you're a therapist.
Is it more aligned to you to continue trying to communicate?
Does that feel like it's working or does it feel
more aligned to you? Just like to let him come
to you when the time is right and show them
(39:44):
what the love and support is there. It really is
like person dependent, I think, especially with a person you're
in this friendship with, like will they respond better to
that or will they respond better to giving them space
and just making sure they know that you love them.
Speaker 6 (39:56):
Yeah, I feel like I've been trying to, you know,
ask them how they're doing, how their trip was, you know,
like not being soberbearing, but I kind of get the
feeling they've kind of drifted, and I'm kind of like,
then it forced me to take the look at the
friendship as a whole and reflect on it, and I
(40:19):
was like, Okay, you know what, maybe it was a
lot in general.
Speaker 7 (40:23):
I did find myself becoming a little frustrated at other things,
and I don't want to feel like there's this underlying
resentment in this friendship. I guess I would have handled it.
I don't know, like I give people to benefit of
the doubt a little bit, and especially if they apologize,
you know, on That's where I feel like there's all
(40:44):
this grudge and it's just kind of unspoken now and
it's a little awkward.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I don't know how it.
Speaker 7 (40:51):
Would be when we see each other again. I feel
like it's just been continuing this distance, and even when
I got Catherine's email that morning, I was thinking, like,
maybe the distance is okay.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Well, let me ask you this before this happened. You know,
you've said there was some negativity and you felt kind
of drained when you were off the phone with this person.
After having a phone caller and getting a voice memo,
did you feel fuller or did you feel more drained?
Your question?
Speaker 7 (41:18):
I think I felt more dreamed, which is something I
was kind of thinking about as of lately. I think
I felt a little exhausted or a little frustrated at
certain times.
Speaker 5 (41:31):
And that's also sad the kind of think about as well.
So I do love them a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, I think that once you make an apology and
you are clear and you meant it, which I'm assuming
you did, right, you don't really apologize for the same
thing multiple times. You kind of have to apologize once,
put it out there and see how it's received. That's
on them how they want to receive that. If they
get it, great, if they don't. You can't keep apologizing
(41:58):
for the same act you already did that. So I
think you have to let this friendship live in this
kind of new territory that it's in.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
You're admitting that it's draining to you.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Take the space as a gift, like take the space
as like, oh, this is kind of like a little
blessing in disguise, and look at it that way and
just enjoy this time that you don't feel drained by him.
And if he comes back to you in you know,
a few months, or if it takes a year or whatever,
and you guys get back on track, really be conscientious
(42:28):
about how you're going to move forward in the relationship,
because it seems like you did something that shifted the
relationship and that might be for the better in the
long run. You know, I'm glad you apologize. You should
have and now you can just like deal with it
like you would tell one of your clients to deal
with it like an adult. You did the right thing.
Now now you have a different kind of tone in
your relationship.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
That's okay.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Don't fight it and don't resist the reality of the
new situation and just go with it and just be
relaxed about it. Don't put any pressure or any like
timelines on it. Just be cool and I and then
I I think you'll have more information in a few
more months, like about if the relationship is going anywhere
or if it's coming back.
Speaker 5 (43:05):
You know.
Speaker 4 (43:06):
Yeah, And I think weird vibes are like way easier
to get past being in person with someone versus like
doing your normal voice memos and text and stuff. So
maybe it's just like you leave it light until maybe
they're back in town or whatever, and then you know,
you got to dinner and maybe things will be totally
fine or you'll kind of get your answer of like
now the vibes are still just too weird.
Speaker 6 (43:25):
I think you're right.
Speaker 7 (43:26):
I think like it would be less awkward obviously as
a group and we're in person, And.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
I think because you're both therapists, there's like a tendency
to want to like over therapize yourselves about this issue.
So like, I think you can let yourself off the hook. Yeah,
you know, you did your due diligence.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
As a general rule to anyone listening, like you don't
have to keep apologizing for the same thing. People have
to be graceful and accepting their apology in order for
that to work, for the relationship to work. But I
do love that therapists are calling in for advice to
Dear Chelsea. I mean talk about a feather in my cap, Yeah,
I mean.
Speaker 7 (43:57):
Listen that we can't always take our own advice that
would give.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
An outside perspective is the best perspective in my opinion.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Exactly awesome, Elle, Well, let us know how it goes
and what happens down the road. And yeah, it was
she luck.
Speaker 6 (44:12):
Thank you so much, Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
I have a great day, Calee.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Well, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be
right back with battle Aine Pitch.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
And we're back with Batteline.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
All right. Well, our last question comes from Jamie and
she says, Dear Chelsea, I need your help. Girl. I
have a friend, Miranda, who is a thirty two year
old virgin, and when I say virgin, I mean it.
This girl has not even kissed a man, maybe not
even hugged a guy. I wish I was kidding. I
used to think that it was sweet how innocent she was,
(44:47):
but now I'm starting to worry. I shared a funny
story to another friend, Jennifer, of how Miranda has never
worn a thong in her life. Jennifer then commented that
Miranda's innocence actually showed signs of a person who was
sexually abused in their past life. After hearing this from
my friend, it really got me thinking and analyzing some
of the things Miranda has shared with me. Most recently,
(45:07):
Miranda had a family event where I helped her choose
a nice dress to wear, but her parents, specifically, her
dad told her to change her outfit because it quote
wasn't appropriate. To me, this was very weird. How can
a dad tell her thirty two year old daughter to
change her outfit because it's not appropriate? And mind you,
this wasn't the first time he's done this. Obviously this
(45:27):
is a sensitive topic. But I'm really worried about my friend.
She wants to date guys and finally have her first kiss,
but she doesn't even put herself out there. She's on
every dating app and can't match with a guy. She's
also a horrible texture, so that's no help. I want
to help her out and maybe get her a date.
But what if what my friend Jennifer said is true?
Am I overstepping?
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Are they talking about past lives? Past lives? Well, that's
a pretty big leap I need to take from somebody.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I thing like, it's not like looked like they were
the version of the friends they are now.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, I mean that's a pretty big like, that's a leap.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
It's a little bit of a lie.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
I don't think you can jump to conclusions like that
about someone's life either or their past lives.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Like let's not get it twisted crazy.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Yeah, this overbearing dad that like maybe has some real undertones.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
And if your father is telling you what to do
and what to wear at the age of thirty two,
then you are probably stuck at an age that you
were traumatized at, which is probably eight or nine years old.
And that's why she's behaving like a young girl who's
never been kissed, who doesn't know how to text.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
That these are like young girl attributes.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
So I think in order for your friend to, like,
if you want to be helpful to your friend, you
have to get her into like counseling and find a
good therapist for her where she can talk to somebody
about what really happened in her childhood and why she's
taking direction from her dad as a thirty two year
old woman.
Speaker 4 (46:44):
Yeah, even to just like help her get out of
this sort of enmeshment with the dad who's really overbearing,
Like she's got to see somebody to kind of get
her out of that.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
That also isn't your burden, Yeah, you know what I mean. Like,
at the same time, it's like you can love your
friend and you can give them all the resources, but
you also you can't force them into therapy and that
they're not ready for. It's a really tough balance.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Yeah, but you could always I mean, there are soft
to gentle ways to suggest therapy, Like, hey, I saw
a couple of things.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
I saw your father too.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
I thought that was very strange, just so you know,
like that's not normal or it's not common for men,
you know, for people to listen to their fathers about
their outfits at your age, it's also unusual. Don't shame her,
but it's also unusual that you've never been kissed. It's
unusual for you to be a virgin. I'm wondering if
you should really have somebody who has no like opinions.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
About your life.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
That's kind of removing yourself from the situation to bounce
this stuff off of so that you can get a
real idea of if something happened that maybe you're not remembering,
or maybe there's a traumatic event in your life that
you need to uncover.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Your lives, in any of your lives. I love I
love jumping to that.
Speaker 4 (47:51):
I love.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Yeah, Now, did something happen in your past life?
Speaker 1 (47:56):
That you owe that you have this long red hair,
like so presumptuous to say something like that, So don't
say that.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (48:04):
Okay, and tell her she can just use chat JPT
to text boys.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
I mean, that's youah to learn how to do that.
But then she's going to kill all those water buffalo
So well, Madeline, it was so nice to meet you today.
I mean, what a pleasure you are. Yes, absolutely, we
loved having you. You know, Madeleine from Riverdale, Sightless and
The Strangers chapter one, but now we have The Strangers
Chapter two, which is in theaters. It's happening, And you
can also go on Amazon to watch her new rom
(48:30):
com which is called Maintenance Required.
Speaker 4 (48:33):
Awesome. Thank you did it.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
We did it. We're wrapped. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Okay, take care.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
The word of the week is acquiesce to accept something
without protest acquiesce.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
I will be starting in February of next year, so
I will be touring.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
From February through June.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will
be to some of these, So go.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Get your tickets now.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
If you want good seats and you want to come
see me perform, I will be on the High and
Mighty tour.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
on sale. It's called the Heighth and Mighty Tour. I
will be starting debuting my new material in February of
next year, so I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
(00:27):
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and
(00:48):
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
I will be touring from February through June. Those are
the cities that I'm in. Pre sales started last week,
so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,
but we probably will be to some of these. So
go get your tickets now if you want good seats
(01:10):
and you want to come see me perform. I will
be on the High and Mighty tour. Oh what a
good little beefer you are.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Hi, Madelaine, it's nice to meet you. Hi.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Madeleine has some projects coming out, you guys. The Strangers
Chapter two, which is a horror movie, hits theater September
twenty six, and then she has a rom com called
Maintenance Required, which hits Amazon on October eighth. They are
both now out. So I read that you grew up
in South Africa and Washington State.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Yeah, I mean that's term such an African so we
would go back, but I was primarily in Washington. It's
really interesting how interviews can skew the reality of my
life so much.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
So basically all interviews get skewed, and then they like
I don't I talk about being child free, and people
are like.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Chelsea Handler hates children.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Talk about not wanting like I talk about not wanting
to be married, and be like Chelsea Handler hates men,
which is closer to the truth than hating children. But
I don't hate anyone. I don't have the energy to hate.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
But I hear you what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
So you probably were interviewed several times and told them
that your parents are from South Africa and people are
like she commuted on the concord, the one that goes
straight from Joannasburg seventies Johannasburg to Olympia, Washington.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yeah, actually no, I'd go back. I would go back
in the summer and in the winter, so twice a
year we'd go back and see my whole family, because
my entire extended family is there. But I would see
the primary part of my life and the formative years
were spent in Washington.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay, cute I had.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I dated a South African once and then he bought
me this very fancy pair. This was like when I
was in my twenties and I was waitressing and he
bought me this very fancy pair of earrings.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And then I realized, oh, it's time to break up.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Was it a blood diamond?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
It was because it was a blood.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Diamond, that was why it was.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It was just obvious that he and I were on
different pages. If he were buying me jewelry, do you
know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I would never say no the jewelry, though, I like,
buy me more before I break up.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I would because you know what, Madeline, we can both
buy ourselves jewelry, So why who cares? You know what
I mean, that's what I like to focus on. What
I need from a man is not jewelry, and the
jewelry that.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
A man is picking is like probably not what you'd
pick for yourself a lot of times.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
What do you think the biggest cultural differences are between say,
South Africa and the States.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
That's such an interesting question. I think probably.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Manners great fucking answer.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
I hate to say that, but people are a lot
more polite in South Africa and like kind to people
they don't know. I feel like people are more of
social awareness, right.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I feel like people are a lot more polite in
many places outside of America, not just South Africa. I
think it's an American problem. But yes, I think manners
is a great thing to bring up.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, I mean Cape Town? Are you from Cape Town?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Durban?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Oh? Okay?
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
I had a safari guide from Durban? So have you've
I bet you've been on a couple of safaris.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I certainly have Kruger National Park you know it?
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah, I love safaris. That's my dream vacation, minus the snakes.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I didn't have any. I've never had a bad experience
with a snake before.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I've never had like a snake attack me, but I
believe they are out to get me. And when I
see them, my reaction is like, I have a phobia.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
It's not it's more than a fear.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's a phobia, like I will freak out and I
start to like, we saw one of those steaks with
their heads up this last time we.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Were on safari, which situation.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
It wasn't a cobra, it's a oh, it was like
asp it was something that I it was the most
dangerous snake that they have in Kenya.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I saw it out of the corner of my eye.
I was like, what was that.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
They're like nothing and we were in the jeep luckily,
but they're the ones that could poison you by with
their spit and they could get in your eyes.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I don't think I want to go on a safari
with you.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I I do.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
I do have bad luck, although I haven't had one
chase me. Knock on wood. Let's not even talk about
such things. Okay, So tell me about your two projects.
They're very opposite. One's a horror movie, one's a romantic comedy.
What do you have a preference I know this is
a sequel Stranger's Chapter.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Two, Pence, I think I love them both. You can't
take between your children. The Strangers chapter two is like,
it's it's honestly my baby, because I shot all three
at once in Slovakia three or four years ago, and
I've been editing them. By the way, I love Slovakia.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
What's going on in Slovakia.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
I was terrified to go because I just didn't know
anything about it, and it's so far away. I felt
like I was being shipped off to never be seen again.
But I fell in love with Bronislava. I would go
shoot their time and time again.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Where is Slovakia geographically.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Well, it used to be Czechoslovakia, so it's right next
to Austria and the Czech Republic.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Oh, so that's not that far away. It's just eastern Europe.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Yeah, one says the Czech Republic is gorgeous.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Chech Republic is gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
That's where Prague is, And so Slovakia is a newer
country than the other one. Well, Czech Republic is a
newer country too, because it used to be Czechoslovakia. It's
all Slovakia. So you had a great time there. What's
it like?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
What's the vibe there? Is it a big city where
you shooting in the country.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
We were shooting out in the middle of nowhere. It
was like two hours from broad Aslava. But they've got
a city center that's really sweet and there's a lot
of things to do. And then there's like lots of
lots of lots of land and abandoned hospitals and things
like that, which is why we shot there, right We
needed some abandoned hospitals.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Right right, It sounds actually like a place Slovakia sounds
like a place that has a lot of abandoned hospitals.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Well, there you go, and it does can confirm.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
So when you're like crawling into the freezer beds in
the morgue, is that like a real one?
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Okay? So actually I I am a bit of a
germopope and I had a bit of a freak out.
There are certain things that I can do. I'm like,
you want me to run down this hallway hurt myself. Fine,
I'm not getting into a real morg drawer. That feels
like we're a drawa line. It's really a dead body
in there. At one point, I just can't they actually
built the Morgue, okay, god okay, and that they built
it in the hospital, which is such a crazy thing
(07:03):
to think about. But they built the morg allegedly. Actually
you know what they could have actually liked to make.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
They just told you they did and you're like crawling
in there with the old dead Boddy. You now you're
a huge fan of horror, right, like you loved the
original Strangers with the love Tyler to me because that movie,
you know, and the Strangers chapter one, two and three
that you're talking about now, like this is home invasion
that we're talking about. To me, that's kind of like
the scariest possible thing because like slashers, you know whatever,
(07:31):
a guy chasing you through the what like that can
kind of happen in any movie. But you think about
like someone coming into your home and it's just random.
That to me is the most terrifying thing. So tell
me it. Tell us about your love of horror.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Well, it started at a young age. I was forced
to watch it when I was like seven, and it
terrified me, and I was like, I'm going to conquer this.
If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to
be scared again by a film No, and then I
just fell in love with it. I'm not even sure why,
but I think I think horror, similarly to like foreign filmmaking,
is not so risk averse. I think every other genre
in American cinema is very risk averse, and so I
(08:02):
think you could take a lot more risk to have
a lot more fun in horror. It's a lot more
genre bending and rule bending, and probably why I love
it so much.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Honestly, that's a good point though, because you can make
it like campy, you can make it super heightened, or
you could make it a very nuanced horror. So that's
actually a good point that you make that I hadn't
thought about.
Speaker 4 (08:20):
Yeah, were you a horror person?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I don't typically love horror movies. I don't like to
be fake scared, you know what I mean. And I
also I don't like violence, but horror is a different
category to violence. I think horror is like you're supposed
to be scared, Like, I don't love that feeling.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
It's not my favorite genre, but I respect it.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, it's hard to do. I mean, it's I always say,
I feel like fear is the only the only emotion
you can't really manufacture because your body doesn't know the
difference with fear. So I was actually in fight or
flight the whole time I was shooting those movies. I
don't look back on it fondly by any means, but
I do love the movies very much.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
Would you do a horror movie again, having like gone
through because especially shooting them concurrently, Like I know you said,
you know, one day you might be shooting a scene
from the first movie and the third movie, So would
you do that again in maybe a smaller scale with
a single film.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
I definitely would never shoot three movies at once.
Speaker 5 (09:18):
Again.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
That well, I was, you know, you know me four
years ago. I can't talk to her now, but she
was like, this is a fun challenge. But yes, I
actually I love horror because again, it's like I truly
believe right now, the best movies that are being made
are horror because they're the only ones that are like different.
(09:38):
Everything else is so carving copy of something else. This
is actually like every script that I'm getting that's horror
is unique and different, and you can make them for
a small budget, so you can follow the filmmaker's real
vision and you're not arguing with the studio like it's
there's a lot more freedom and horror. I think yeah, And.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
I think people are starting to realize that. You know,
of first, you can have your camp be in silly
horror movies, but to have a really good solid actor
in a horror film is what helps bring it to life.
You know, like I love a shlocky seventies one with
terrible acting.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
But like now you're talking about Berry Catherine, You're talking
about porn right now.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I told you to stop talking about porn. It's always
an allegory that we're here for.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
But like the emotions that you're bringing on screen, I
felt viscerally like they're very real. You are like crying
a lot of the time because you're being stalked. I
will say one thing you very much identified with in
The Strangers chapter two was there is a moment I
hope this is not too much of a spoiler, but
there is a moment that includes a wild bore question mark,
and there's a moment where you're actually like laying still
(10:38):
and get stepped on by the wild boar. And I
identified with that because that's literally exactly what happens with
my dog every single morning. She comes like stands on
my chest and is like sniffing my face seeing if
I'm awake.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So I think that's a lot different than a wild boar. First,
what you know, your fucking dog sniffing in my bedroom.
You're safe with that scene in that movie.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
It's fucking scary, threatening me that it's time to yet, Madeleine.
I know you talk publicly, which I think is such
a nice service, especially for all your fans, and I
know you have like millions, twenty something million followers on
Instagram alone. You talk very openly about like stress, stressful
times in your life, panic attacks, therapy, like how you
calm yourself down, and this podcast we talk a ton
(11:21):
about that because our listeners are we have people who
call in which you'll see in a moment asking for advice.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But like, can you talk a little bit about that
and how.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
You were able to find a way to kind of
soothe your nerves and the steps you took to get
to a place where you were able to identify that
there was even an issue in the first place.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yeah, I mean I grew up in a quite dysfunctional
home as a child, and so I think what I
it all felt normal as a kid and then I
moved to LA and I was alone, and everybody around
me wasn't experiencing that as much. The anxiety, the panic,
the kind of like I would catastrophize everything, everything was
the worst thing in the world. And that kind of
carried into probably in my early to mid twenties, and
(12:02):
during the pandemic actually was the impetus for me to
figure out what was wrong with me. And I got
my brain scammed. Wow, because like, there's got to be
something seriously wrong with me. And it was actually kind
of validated because he was like, oh, your copper. Your
body produces too much copper, so you have to do
this to help fix And it was like, Oh, my
body actually has something that is creating anxiety within me.
It was so validating to understand that at a real
(12:25):
molecular level.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
Like a physiology.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That helped a lot. Yeah, Like it wasn't just like, yes,
of course I'm an anxious person, Like I don't know
if that's ever going to go away, but there are
tools I can have to fix that or to help
banage it. But there's actually also something that I can
do right now that makes me feel like, Okay, this
can help, And so I am on some like a
pretty good supplement regimen, and I also do weekly therapy.
I think talk therapy is the thing that changed everything
(12:48):
the most, though, honestly.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
And did you have trouble finding a good therapist that
you connected with?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I've only ever had one. I've had the same one
for almost ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
So I guess the answer is no, you did not
have trouble to find it.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Actually, know what, Chelsea. When I first moved to LA
I did. I tried one other therapist, and I mean
it was the hokeiest thing. He was trying to like
hypnotize me on his couch and I was kind of
feeling bad because it didn't work, and so I acted
like I was hypnotized. Oh, I was like, maybe I
should just act like it's working.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
That's an orgasm for a man, acting like therapy is
working when it's not hypnotism.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Especially, Yeah, it was for a man. Yeah, the things
we do.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
But that's the thing is like anxiety can so often
be a physologically induced thing, and you know, people say,
you know, oh I don't want to go get treatment,
or like, oh I can manage it or whatever. But
like if you had a broken leg, you wouldn't say like, no,
I don't want to go to the doctor. And it's
really the same thing.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
I remember the first time I ever had like that
kind of shaky leg syndrome thing, when I was on
stage talking.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
The first time it happened.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Like the more conscientious you become of it, the more
it increases, and it gets worse and worse and worse,
and then it's in your head. You're like, fuck, I
can't stand up straight, like I'd stand up for a living,
I'm not gonna be able to stand up and talk.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
And then I was like, oh, it's the heels. Let
me get rid of the heels.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
And then I'd be in flat and then I'd I'd
be like and that was more stabilizing, but like, yeah,
it's not. You can't put a band aid on it.
You kind of have to get to the root of
the issue. And in the meantime, take a beta blocker
or anyone who's listening.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Kit or as a pick. You're in a panic attack,
call it a day. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, that
was my thing for a while.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
So why was your family so dysfunctional?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I grew up with a father who uh uh, how
do I describe it. I don't want to like diagnose
him on a podcast, but he was very unpractable, atic
highs and lows all the time, and so I couldn't
really there was no consistency in my household as a child.
Uh huh, So it was there was a lot of
like questioning whether or not I was loved as a kid.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Okay, and what about your mom? Were you? Was your
mom in the house with you, guys?
Speaker 5 (14:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yeah, she's the best ever, And I don't think i'd
be where I am today without her. She's like one
of those people who was meant to be a mom.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, that was where my mom was too. My mom
was so soft and sweet.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Which do you feel like? I have a question for you? Actually,
because I for the longest time sought I didn't want children,
and I feel like having a mom who was to
be a mom made me realize, like, or think that
I realized I don't feel that way, maybe I shouldn't
have kids. And now I've shifted now I actually want children.
But for the longest time, I think my mom being
such a good mom made me be like, oh, I
(15:14):
don't think I can live up to that.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Yeah, I think you bring up a good point because
I think that, yes, I'm one of six children.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
How many siblings do you have? Just one?
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Okay, So my mom was a mama bear like she
was like but not in a fierce like fierce way.
She just like loved us so much and she wanted
her like cubs around her. She wasn't really that interested
in our friends or our boyfriends. She tolerated those people
and she gave out love to them when they needed it.
Like I had a best friend from high school who
I grew up with, and she was like, your mom
(15:43):
was the first person who told me she loved me.
And I was like, oh my god, that's so my mom.
You know, that was so sweet of my mom. My
mom recognized at her house was pretty dysfunctional, as was mine.
I mean, I don't know anybody who grew up I
have some friends in LA that grew up here and
think they had normal childhoods, and I have to always
remind them, you don't.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
You grew up in fucking Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, you're relative, Like what's relative to you is not
relative to the rest of the world. And there's and
it's no wonder you still live here because you're living
in a fantasy.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
World, you know, like that's not real life.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But yes, back to the question at hand, is my
mom was so loving and such a caretaker and such
a homemaker, Like she was always cooking for us.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
There was always snacks.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
When you got home from school at like three o'clock
in the afternoon, there'd be like a vat of macaroni
and cheese as a snack. And so it was like,
you know, her language was like food and comfort. And
we would go up to her room, you know, before
we went to bed and jump into bed with her
and like hope that we could. I would just always hope, oh,
please don't kick me out of the bed, like let
(16:42):
me sleep in the bed, you know, like like that's
how cozy. And I used to call her chunky because
she was junkie and she had little flaps of skin
like extra meat packets everywhere, and I just loved her
like body but she was but it definitely was. It's
so antithetical to how I saw my life going. So
that is a great thing to bring up. It's like
(17:04):
sometimes when you look at your own mother and you
realize how good at bothering they are, You're like Wow,
I won't be able to hold a cancel to that.
And then conversely, the opposite was true. She didn't have
a lot of independence, she didn't have a lot of
her own money, she didn't have anything in her name,
you know, my dad ran the show. But I looked
at that like, I don't want that either.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Right, right, that's so interesting. I never thought about like that.
I actually recently, just probably in the last eight months
or a year, decided I want to be a mom.
For the longest time, I think, I just like got
so annoyed that society tells you as a woman your
only real purpose is to have children that I was like,
go fuck yourself, Like that's not how I feel. And
then I was like, wait, am I just going just
to be a contrarian, Like, let me really check in
with myself in therapy and see if I really feel
(17:42):
that maternal instinct. And I just there was one day
I had therapy and I was like, I just want
to have a child with my best friend. That would
be so fun. And she goes, hey, wait, you can, yeah,
you can pick who you have your child with. And
that's when I was.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Like, Oh, it's so funny because you're saying child and
it sounds like chow. And I have a chow chaw
in here, and that's how I feel. I wanted a
chow too. That's the only kind of dog I get,
or chow chows. You rescue animals too, I do. Yeah,
how many do you have?
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I have one little girl, Olive right, Olive.
Speaker 4 (18:14):
Yeah, I've seen a couple of pictures. It's very cute.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I have her little teeth tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
And you have at with your like something your mom says, too, right,
my darling.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I do. I have bruises there from pole dancing, but
here it is.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Are you pull dancing on the regular?
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah? I did it for a movie that I just
wrapped like four or five days ago.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
How was it to learn pole dancing?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well, you know, I am anemic, so I bruised a lot.
But outside of that, it's so much fun. I'm gonna
keep doing it out of the movie.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
And it's a good exercise.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
People say, beyond it's it's really fucking hard. I had
no idea how much arm strength you need. In my head,
it makes sense to need life strength, but it's mostly
your arms.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Yeah, And it's like as women that's something we have
to like work on to have the upper body strength.
Do you ever go to Jumbo's clown room and just
like see the feets of strength?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (19:02):
I love my favorite. It's my favorite. We used to
live on the same block as that actually, so we
went hevery what a for you? And my husband never
wanted to go. I was just like, I want to
go and like cheer for women in bikinis doing feats
of strength, like it's so.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Fun incredible when they're hanging upside down and you're like, hey,
this is crazy. Yeah, how are you even up there?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
So Madeleine, you love what you do.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
You can tell that you love what you do, right,
you feel very pad like you feel you must feel
very grateful to have such a successful career at such
a young age, Right I do?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Yeah, I really. I think there's nothing else in the
world to be happy to do.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
I think that's how you get into this business is
when everything else just seems on reason. Like I tried
to be a temp and they were like, you're fired.
I fig I got fired from every single job I
every day. And my sister's like, that's because you can't
do anything.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
But be in this business.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Like you're you're a comedian, you're a voice, Like you
want to talk, and that's really all I want to
do is talk. Luckily, I've made a career out of talking,
and I never realized that until I was writing my
last book, and I was like, oh my god, how
lucky are we to get to do the thing that
we want to do? And also, you make such a
good living doing what you want to do. I used
to remember watching baseball players like get traded and I'd
(20:11):
be like so upset at their disloyalty to their original team, like.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
How could you trade?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
How could you go to the from the Boston Red
Sox to the Yankees, Like doesn't any loyalty matter? And
I'm like, you're already making crazy money doing the thing you.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Love to do the most.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Like some people have to work at a job they
fucking hate their whole life and they don't get to
make Like those people deserve to make the big money,
and the people who get to do what they love
should just be able to get by.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
That's how I feel about it.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
I mean, I'm not trying to give away, you know,
my good blessings, but that's it doesn't it's all upside down.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
And just kind of interesting, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yeah, I think. So we're going to take a break
and we'll be right back with Madeline Pitch and we're
back with Madelane. Okay, so when do you got Catherine.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
We've got some advice questions.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
People call on for advice and then we give it
to them. You seem very mature that you're going to
be good at this. You've bid to therapy or all decks.
All of our ducks are in a row lack, and
like feel.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Free to pull from experiences like friends have had, and
you know, things just that you've learned in the world.
It doesn't all have to be from your own experience.
So our first question is about dating a bad Texter.
So our first question comes from Jack. This one's just
an email. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty six
year old gay man, single and dating in NYC. About
a month ago, I went on a hinge date and
(21:32):
we really hit it off. He seemed to check a
lot of the boxes since then, and we've gone on
about five dates. Every time we get together, the conversation
is endless and he seems very into me. We have
great sexual chemistry as well, and every time we part
weighs we try to set another date. It's been a
while since I've gone this long talking to someone. Well,
everything is going well. The butt here is that the
(21:52):
man is an awful texter. During the week text can
be pretty sporadic, and sometimes during weekends I'll go a
few days without hearing from him. When I lightly joke
about it, he says, sorry, I'm a bad text and
have been super busy. I personally can be a bad
text for myself and also do not like to look
at my phone too much if I'm with other people
and having a good time. But I'm excited about this
prospect and would like for it to keep moving forward.
(22:15):
I worry that not talking with this guy more often
might cause this to fall through the cracks. I feel
like I'm walking a fine line of not trying to
seem too available or too invested since it's only been
about a month. But I also don't want him to
think I don't care, because, like I said, I don't
want to keep this moving in a positive direction.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Any thoughts, Jack, I think some people just really are
bad at texting, Like I was on this guy's I
was vacationing at this guy's house, and I sent him
this beautiful text, like, well, I thought it was beautiful.
I was like, thank you so much. Your house is
so beautiful, your staff is so beautiful, like just going
on and on like a normal thank you, you know,
And it was almost two paragraphs long, and he wrote
(22:51):
back welcome, and I'm like god, I'm like, what did
I do? Like maybe hates me? And then like two
weeks later he invited me to something else. Some people
just don't communicate like that. I don't know what you
do about that. What do you think, Madeline?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
I actually think it's a green flag off someone's bad
at texting. Ooh okay, I'm about a hot take. I
like the idea of somebody not being so obsessed with
their phone.
Speaker 7 (23:13):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I had this like spiritual awakening recently where it's like
this is not communication, Like nothing about this is connection
and communication. Like as long as you're in person, you've
got a good thing going and you feel like somebody
is trustworthy and you can tell them how you feel,
that's kind of all that matters. And if it falls
through the cracks because you guys aren't texting enough, then
that's just not your person.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, I also don't think you should let it fall
through the like you shouldn't have the mindset that it's
going to fall through the cracks because of his because
of his lack of interest in texting. While it annoys you,
it is, like she just said, there are good points too,
like not having somebody addicted to their phone and not
having someone And some people also don't feel confident in
their texting abilities, right, Like I see that with some people,
(23:53):
like they don't know, you know, things get lost in translation.
And I do think our phones have hijacked our lives,
as you know, as we are learning and have learned
for the last ten years. So that's not a deal
breaker in my opinion. I think you should just like
work around that and reset your expectations about what you
want from the relationship. It doesn't really texting doesn't keep
a relationship alive.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, I mean, some people have a different vibe when
they're texting than in person. Like I know one of
my girlfriends she is now married to this woman, but
her now wife was like, yeah when we first were texting,
Like she was oddly formal with texting, which is sort
of a language like, she and I use where it
was like to be a little funny. We use very
formal language and texting, and she was like I thought
she was gonna be kind of weird, and then like
(24:34):
obviously they hit it often. You know are in love
and married now. But I do have one more question
for you about this. So I've heard that amongst people
your age, there is a phenomenon of guys, especially using
chat GPT to like craft their text responses. Have you
or any friends experienced this?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
My best friend she's a chat to be for everyone.
Oh yeah, so actually like input texts and be like
what does this mean? How should I respond? It's really
interesting to watch.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah, We'll tell your friend every time she uses chat GPT,
she's killing about ten water buffalo because every time we
use chat Gypt it is like you have to go
to it goes to a lithium farm. They have these
huge battery operated farms that are providing all the energy
resources that we need. So it's terrible for the environment,
which is something they never fucking talk about. As soon
(25:31):
as I heard that, I'm like, oh my god, I'm
not ever going to use it.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
But probably never heard that.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I'll chat GPT how bad using chat GPT was for
the environment, and it gave me a comprehensive response about
why it is so bad. But ay, I on another
note about talking about guys who would make up like
text or consult chat for like how to talk to
a woman, talking about in cells, like I was at
this thing the other night and this guy was telling me.
(25:58):
I was at the dinner and this guy was telling
me that he's in the tech world.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
He's in AI.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
He's one of these investors in one of these AI groups,
and he was delineating all the you know, the differences
between all of the AI platforms like GROC and chat,
and so he was saying that, you know, it's only
a matter of like a month or two before we're
going to have our own robots that are going to
be available to like you know, the first wave of robots,
and that men are going to be able to customize.
(26:25):
Did I already tell you this or that men aren't
going to be able to as will women be able
to customize the type of person they want as like
a lover or an assistant. Like I could say, oh,
I want some I want someone with red hair, and
I want somebody who doesn't talk back, And I want
somebody who's really good at making Mexican food, and I
also want somebody who's going to also be really good
(26:46):
with the dogs. Like you can basically customize your person.
They can have a working vagina so you can have
sex with your robot. And I was like, okay, well, listen,
as a person, I go, that's something he goes, every
guy is going to want to do that. Who doesn't, like,
really know how to operate with women like that doesn't
And I'm like, yeah, but does human connection not count
for anything anymore? And he said, no, it does, but
(27:09):
only to the people that it matters to, because there's
so many in cell types of people now in the
world that don't have any communication because all they do is,
you know, stay on their phone or communicate via their phone.
But I was like, oh, I could design a robot
that's really good at skiing for the winter, that makes
me drinks when I'm done with skiing, that stretches me
in the morning so I can getting ready for my
(27:31):
skiing and then makes me dinner and then has sex
with me. And he can look like whatever I want
and come and appear as.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
A real man.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
And he's like, well, that's not going to be the
first wave, like you are going to be dealing with
a robot, but eventually you will be able to create
a person who has all the qualities you want.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
And I thought, that is so fucking crazy.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
It's so fucking crazy. I mean, I did see someone
on the street in West Hollywood yesterday with a robot dog,
So I mean, it's happening. It's already happened.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
It is happening.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
And they keep there's a movie companion everybody here needs
to watch clearly, And.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
What was the movie with Scarlett Johansson? What was that
for her? Yeah, that's it too.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
It's literally what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Yeah, yeah, And we've basically made movies to give everybody
ideas about how to make this a reality. Like everything
we're turning into the terminator because we Yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
Well I read an article about this recently too. Apparently
a lot of like teens, like young teens, like their
first romantic relationships are with AI, Like they're like giving
it a name and it's their boyfriend and they like
check in after school. I mean, I'm so it's dark.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I'm so I just hope that I'm dead before all
of this is. It takes charge. I can't have months.
I can't take any more changes. I can't take this technology.
It's too much. Maybe AI can finish my house.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Oh there you go.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
There, well, Alyssa writes in with a question that hopefully
you both will be able to help with. She says,
Dear Chelsea, I love the podcast and I look forward
to listening every week. I'm a longtime listener, but I've
never written in before, mostly because I always knew what
you would say and figured I should just get my
shit together. But this time I'm truly stuck. I've had
my dog since April of twenty twenty, and he was
(29:09):
my COVID baby. I was home with him twenty four
to seven for a year before going back into the office,
and ever since I got him, he's truly saved me
from the darkest moments in my life. I got him
just a couple months before I ended a ten year
toxic relationship with my high school sweetheart. He helped me
rediscover life for myself, got me out of bed on
my worst days, and reminded me that life is fun
and silly and joyful.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Because he all the responsibilities of a dog by the
way exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
He is my soul dog, and I don't know where
I'd be without him. As many dog owners are, I'm
obsessed with my baby. From April twenty twenty to March
twenty twenty four, he got to do everything with me.
We ran errands together, took drives, he slept with me.
He basically stayed by my hip at all times. Then
I met my now boyfriend, who is wonderful in so
many ways. We have so much in common and he
(29:56):
makes me laugh like no one else can. We have
such a good relationship, but he is isn't the biggest
fan of my dog or dogs in general, and some
days it makes me wonder if this is what I want?
Does that sound crazy? Am I choosing my dog over him?
When I say he isn't the biggest fan. Let me
be clear. He takes care of him, helps walk him
and feed him. He plays with him. But when I
met him, he asked if we could sleep without my dog.
(30:18):
I reluctantly agreed. But over time and now that he's
moved in, it has grown to my dog not being
in the bedroom often at all. I have a one
bedroom apartment, so there isn't anywhere to be other than
the living room or the bedroom when we're watching TV
before bed, or just hanging out or whatever he asks
for dog free time. It's gone from my dog having
my company twenty four to seven to about an hour
(30:38):
in the morning and an hour at night on weekends,
it's a bit more. I can tell my dog is
upset by this. He sits outside of the bedroom door
sometimes when I open the door, he's just waiting for me.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Oh.
Speaker 4 (30:48):
It breaks my heart because I love my dog more
than anything in life. I tried to talk to my
boyfriend about it before, and he told me that I
can spend time with my dog whenever I want to,
But it still sucks. As I'm writing this now, I
ask my boyfriend and if he could spend some time
with us in the bedroom as we watch TV, and
my boyfriend went out to hang out in his car
alone so I could be in bed with my dog.
He reassured me that nothing was wrong, but it hurts
(31:10):
me so much because I love them both and want
nothing more than to spend time together. For us all
to spend time together.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Melissa Alyssa let that man go.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
The fuck he's in his car to avoid being around
your dog that.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Is fucked up.
Speaker 5 (31:26):
Yeah, he also went to smoke a split, so that's why.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Thank god, thank god he had something to do with
the car.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
I mean that doesn't I think, first of all, listen,
you can't your dog is innocent and defenseless, Like, it's
so unfair to be around something like that, Like it's
like being a bait with a baby and then abandoning
a baby. And I for everyone who's listening who doesn't
love dogs, I understand that dogs aren't the same as children,
but they're defenseless and innocent in the same way that
(31:53):
children are. And so to take away to like to
basically it's like punitive, like this guy setting the tone
for how much time you spend with your dog that
was pre existing. That was a pre existing relationship that
your boyfriend is now disrupting that in and of itself
is unacceptable in my opinion, Madeline, I feel like you
want to say something.
Speaker 3 (32:14):
Look, I feel like if he was allergic and there
was an actual issue, then like there's something to be
discussed there, Like there's an actual bodily reason why I
don't trust people who don't like dog. I know there's
something like innately unless he was attacked by a dog
at one point, maybe there someone to discuss in therapy there,
Like I want to give him the benefit of the doubt,
but at the end of the day, like, that's your baby.
Get the guy out of there, Like who meets the
(32:36):
guy seriously?
Speaker 2 (32:37):
And why can't the dog sleep on the floor in
the bedroom? Is that in a little dog bad?
Speaker 3 (32:42):
We're on your side.
Speaker 5 (32:43):
Yeah, I've tried that before, and honestly, more so than
him being in the room, I think the he asked
for it initially because I snore really loud and my
dog is a French bulldog, so he snores even louder,
and he just like can't take both snoring at the.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Stat then he should sleep on the floor outside in
the living room, you and your dog and snore together
in your bed like a couple, like the couple that
you are.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Yes, I agree.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
And you know what's hypocritical too, is that like, for example,
I went on vacation a couple of months ago, he
watched him for me and he supped in the bedroom
with him every night. So it's not like he has
a problem with him. It's just that he constantly asks
for a dog free time, and I don't want to
be away from him like ever.
Speaker 4 (33:28):
I want to be around with that.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
All that's weird though, Like I did, I know, I
did a guy that wasn't a dog guy like I
could just tell. And I find that suspicious as well.
I find that to be suspicious. It's like if you
don't like dogs, like something's off. But I kind of
gave him a pass and he tried. He made the
effort with my dog. He would take my dog for walks,
like he actually made the effort. I'm like, well, that's
(33:49):
all he can do. I can't make somebody fall in
love with your dog, just like you can't make somebody
love your child like that you had you know before
you met them. So but I do think it's very
strange to ask for dog free times. That's like some
sort of controlling or weird issue. Something is off.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
With that, especially if he's sleeping in bed with your
dog when you're not there. That feels more like a
control piece, like he doesn't want any other attention taken
away from him.
Speaker 5 (34:12):
Yes, right, And it really is, honestly, mostly just on
the weekdays. On the weekends, this isn't a problem, Like
I don't even he doesn't most of your days, right.
Speaker 4 (34:23):
I think he asked for a boundary. You tried that
boundary out, and it's time to readjust the boundary, like
it's not working for you. And I think that's kind
of the way to maybe start that conversation again. Like
if he needs to sleep in a dog but on
the floor, fine, but you know, dogs are our family
and if he can't be in your family, then like
it's time to reassess some things. But I think he
(34:44):
will actually acquiesce if you're just like, look, we got
to adjust this boundary. It's not working for me. I
need my dog. I need my dog in the room.
Speaker 5 (34:51):
With me, Like I really, I have no other problems
with this man. Yeah, other than the fact that he
is not like as obsessed with my dog as I am.
And like I said, he takes care of him, like
he walks in and he feeds him. He even plays
with him and stuff. It's just like I said, this
dog free time that is the issue.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
So well, then if he's great, then he will be
able to adjust, you know. And if you need to,
like talk to a counselar about this. But I think
you guys can handle this.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah, I suckond that. I actually think he's going to
come through.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yeah, I think so too. So just be you have
to reset the boundary. You gave him the benefit of
the doubt, and now you have to take it back. Yes,
this is a pre existing relationship. You're living, you know,
like he knew he was living with your dog. You
have a one bedroom apartment and it's not like you
have some huge amount of space for him to run around.
It's unfair to the dog, and you're not going to
do that to your dog anymore.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
I get a white noise machine if he can't handle
the snoring, like, just like, blast a bunch of fans
in the room. That's what you gotta do.
Speaker 5 (35:45):
That's a good idea too. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Tell him to wear headphones when he goes to sleep.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And then tape his mouth shut so he could breathe
his three breathe through his nose. People are loving that.
Oh no, they tape their mouths shut. Yeah, so they
get me through their nose.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was thinking about that. I'm getting
him like locks, earplugs or something.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Yeah, all right, well let us know how it goes.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Alyssa, Yes, I will thank you guys so much. It
was great to meet you.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Both by That was easy. Probably say this as that
we have two dogs roaming around our room. We're liked
cover your ears first of all. Yeah, if anyone wasn't like.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
I know, it's like when I come to bed and
there's like my husband and our three pugs like taking
up the entire bed. I'm like my family. Not that
there's any room for me, but it's my family. Okay.
So our next question comes from l She says, Dear Chelsea,
I have a conflict with my friend that I can't
seem to get over. My good friend of five years
is a gay man. We're both therapists and met in
(36:47):
an old job, and we've been very close to ever since.
We're aligned on the state of the world, politics all that.
He's just moved to a new city. We were voice memoing,
texting daily, and even though I appreciated this connection and
his friendship, I found his relationship at times to be
negative and draining. We're both therapists, and so we both
already take on the mental load of the job on
a daily basis. I was probably holding in some of
(37:08):
these feelings when he texted me a headline about rights
being taken away recently. He has a tendency to catastrophize,
and therefore, through my own process of taking in daily
news content, I've been careful of where I watch or
read the news. When he messaged me this alarmist headline,
I validated it, but also encouraged him to make sure
the source was credible. He seemed to shut down, and
(37:28):
therefore I did let him know that I personally was
trying to take an emotional distance from all the news
headlines myself and needed that boundary. Ever since then, though
our friendship has changed, I noticed an obvious decrease in
communication and his attempt to see each other. About a
month ago, I told him how I felt that there
was distance ever since that day and wanted to apologize
for it. I opened up about how I was feeling
(37:50):
with the state of the world, which prompted my response
to him that day, and while he appreciated my accountability
and vulnerability, he said at that moment he questioned whether
I was a safe space. I was taken aback by
this because I've always been so empathetic. I couldn't believe
that one message would make him question his ability to
trust me. We ended on good terms from that conversation,
and I've seen him once since things were fine. I'm
(38:11):
still upset that our friendship isn't the same, and I
can't seem to not think it doesn't have anything to
do with what happened, or is it just the natural
shift of our friendship. What do I do work on
accepting the new trajectory of our friendship, know that maybe
this was for the best. Or do I initiate a
conversation again to try and work on the friendship more
With love?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
L hi Elle, how are you? This is our special guest,
Madeleine Pitch.
Speaker 4 (38:34):
Hey, how are you?
Speaker 2 (38:35):
I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 6 (38:36):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
I could totally understand your situation and your friend's situation,
because that's not the response that they want to get.
You know, when someone finds out about their own rights,
it's like me texting like think about you texting one
of your guy friends and saying, okay, they're about to
overturn Roe v Wade and he's like, check your sources.
You don't know what you're talking about. Like it's so
personal that I totally understand. But now how do you
(38:59):
kind of fix the friendship? I definitely think your friendship
has been impacted by that. I think it would be
if it were in reverse some way, like if he
was dismissive of your rights, I think you would probably
have that same reaction, whether it would play out the
same or not. So taking that into account, I don't know.
Do you address it again? What do you ladies think?
Or do you just keep showing up as the friend
(39:20):
and hoping to get back to the friendship that you had.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
What do you think, Madeleine, I've had situations not similar,
but I've had friend falling out where I wish that
it wouldn't have happened. And I think it feels like
it's more about what you feel aligned with. Does it
feel aligned to you to keep I mean you're a therapist.
Is it more aligned to you to continue trying to communicate?
Does that feel like it's working or does it feel
more aligned to you? Just like to let him come
to you when the time is right and show them
(39:44):
what the love and support is there. It really is
like person dependent, I think, especially with a person you're
in this friendship with, like will they respond better to
that or will they respond better to giving them space
and just making sure they know that you love them.
Speaker 6 (39:56):
Yeah, I feel like I've been trying to, you know,
ask them how they're doing, how their trip was, you know,
like not being soberbearing, but I kind of get the
feeling they've kind of drifted, and I'm kind of like,
then it forced me to take the look at the
friendship as a whole and reflect on it, and I
(40:19):
was like, Okay, you know what, maybe it was a
lot in general.
Speaker 7 (40:23):
I did find myself becoming a little frustrated at other things,
and I don't want to feel like there's this underlying
resentment in this friendship. I guess I would have handled it.
I don't know, like I give people to benefit of
the doubt a little bit, and especially if they apologize,
you know, on That's where I feel like there's all
(40:44):
this grudge and it's just kind of unspoken now and
it's a little awkward.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I don't know how it.
Speaker 7 (40:51):
Would be when we see each other again. I feel
like it's just been continuing this distance, and even when
I got Catherine's email that morning, I was thinking, like,
maybe the distance is okay.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Well, let me ask you this before this happened. You know,
you've said there was some negativity and you felt kind
of drained when you were off the phone with this person.
After having a phone caller and getting a voice memo,
did you feel fuller or did you feel more drained?
Your question?
Speaker 7 (41:18):
I think I felt more dreamed, which is something I
was kind of thinking about as of lately. I think
I felt a little exhausted or a little frustrated at
certain times.
Speaker 5 (41:31):
And that's also sad the kind of think about as well.
So I do love them a lot.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, I think that once you make an apology and
you are clear and you meant it, which I'm assuming
you did, right, you don't really apologize for the same
thing multiple times. You kind of have to apologize once,
put it out there and see how it's received. That's
on them how they want to receive that. If they
get it, great, if they don't. You can't keep apologizing
(41:58):
for the same act you already did that. So I
think you have to let this friendship live in this
kind of new territory that it's in.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
You're admitting that it's draining to you.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Take the space as a gift, like take the space
as like, oh, this is kind of like a little
blessing in disguise, and look at it that way and
just enjoy this time that you don't feel drained by him.
And if he comes back to you in you know,
a few months, or if it takes a year or whatever,
and you guys get back on track, really be conscientious
(42:28):
about how you're going to move forward in the relationship,
because it seems like you did something that shifted the
relationship and that might be for the better in the
long run. You know, I'm glad you apologize. You should
have and now you can just like deal with it
like you would tell one of your clients to deal
with it like an adult. You did the right thing.
Now now you have a different kind of tone in
your relationship.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
That's okay.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
Don't fight it and don't resist the reality of the
new situation and just go with it and just be
relaxed about it. Don't put any pressure or any like
timelines on it. Just be cool and I and then
I I think you'll have more information in a few
more months, like about if the relationship is going anywhere
or if it's coming back.
Speaker 5 (43:05):
You know.
Speaker 4 (43:06):
Yeah, And I think weird vibes are like way easier
to get past being in person with someone versus like
doing your normal voice memos and text and stuff. So
maybe it's just like you leave it light until maybe
they're back in town or whatever, and then you know,
you got to dinner and maybe things will be totally
fine or you'll kind of get your answer of like
now the vibes are still just too weird.
Speaker 6 (43:25):
I think you're right.
Speaker 7 (43:26):
I think like it would be less awkward obviously as
a group and we're in person, And.
Speaker 4 (43:30):
I think because you're both therapists, there's like a tendency
to want to like over therapize yourselves about this issue.
So like, I think you can let yourself off the hook. Yeah,
you know, you did your due diligence.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
As a general rule to anyone listening, like you don't
have to keep apologizing for the same thing. People have
to be graceful and accepting their apology in order for
that to work, for the relationship to work. But I
do love that therapists are calling in for advice to
Dear Chelsea. I mean talk about a feather in my cap, Yeah,
I mean.
Speaker 7 (43:57):
Listen that we can't always take our own advice that
would give.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
An outside perspective is the best perspective in my opinion.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Exactly awesome, Elle, Well, let us know how it goes
and what happens down the road. And yeah, it was
she luck.
Speaker 6 (44:12):
Thank you so much, Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
I have a great day, Calee.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Well, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be
right back with battle Aine Pitch.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
And we're back with Batteline.
Speaker 4 (44:26):
All right. Well, our last question comes from Jamie and
she says, Dear Chelsea, I need your help. Girl. I
have a friend, Miranda, who is a thirty two year
old virgin, and when I say virgin, I mean it.
This girl has not even kissed a man, maybe not
even hugged a guy. I wish I was kidding. I
used to think that it was sweet how innocent she was,
(44:47):
but now I'm starting to worry. I shared a funny
story to another friend, Jennifer, of how Miranda has never
worn a thong in her life. Jennifer then commented that
Miranda's innocence actually showed signs of a person who was
sexually abused in their past life. After hearing this from
my friend, it really got me thinking and analyzing some
of the things Miranda has shared with me. Most recently,
(45:07):
Miranda had a family event where I helped her choose
a nice dress to wear, but her parents, specifically, her
dad told her to change her outfit because it quote
wasn't appropriate. To me, this was very weird. How can
a dad tell her thirty two year old daughter to
change her outfit because it's not appropriate? And mind you,
this wasn't the first time he's done this. Obviously this
(45:27):
is a sensitive topic. But I'm really worried about my friend.
She wants to date guys and finally have her first kiss,
but she doesn't even put herself out there. She's on
every dating app and can't match with a guy. She's
also a horrible texture, so that's no help. I want
to help her out and maybe get her a date.
But what if what my friend Jennifer said is true?
Am I overstepping?
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Are they talking about past lives? Past lives? Well, that's
a pretty big leap I need to take from somebody.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
I thing like, it's not like looked like they were
the version of the friends they are now.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, I mean that's a pretty big like, that's a leap.
Speaker 4 (46:00):
It's a little bit of a lie.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
I don't think you can jump to conclusions like that
about someone's life either or their past lives.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Like let's not get it twisted crazy.
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Yeah, this overbearing dad that like maybe has some real undertones.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
And if your father is telling you what to do
and what to wear at the age of thirty two,
then you are probably stuck at an age that you
were traumatized at, which is probably eight or nine years old.
And that's why she's behaving like a young girl who's
never been kissed, who doesn't know how to text.
Speaker 2 (46:27):
That these are like young girl attributes.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
So I think in order for your friend to, like,
if you want to be helpful to your friend, you
have to get her into like counseling and find a
good therapist for her where she can talk to somebody
about what really happened in her childhood and why she's
taking direction from her dad as a thirty two year
old woman.
Speaker 4 (46:44):
Yeah, even to just like help her get out of
this sort of enmeshment with the dad who's really overbearing,
Like she's got to see somebody to kind of get
her out of that.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
That also isn't your burden, Yeah, you know what I mean. Like,
at the same time, it's like you can love your
friend and you can give them all the resources, but
you also you can't force them into therapy and that
they're not ready for. It's a really tough balance.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Yeah, but you could always I mean, there are soft
to gentle ways to suggest therapy, Like, hey, I saw
a couple of things.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
I saw your father too.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
I thought that was very strange, just so you know,
like that's not normal or it's not common for men,
you know, for people to listen to their fathers about
their outfits at your age, it's also unusual. Don't shame her,
but it's also unusual that you've never been kissed. It's
unusual for you to be a virgin. I'm wondering if
you should really have somebody who has no like opinions.
Speaker 2 (47:33):
About your life.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
That's kind of removing yourself from the situation to bounce
this stuff off of so that you can get a
real idea of if something happened that maybe you're not remembering,
or maybe there's a traumatic event in your life that
you need to uncover.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Your lives, in any of your lives. I love I
love jumping to that.
Speaker 4 (47:51):
I love.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
Yeah, Now, did something happen in your past life?
Speaker 1 (47:56):
That you owe that you have this long red hair,
like so presumptuous to say something like that, So don't
say that.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (48:04):
Okay, and tell her she can just use chat JPT
to text boys.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
I mean, that's youah to learn how to do that.
But then she's going to kill all those water buffalo
So well, Madeline, it was so nice to meet you today.
I mean, what a pleasure you are. Yes, absolutely, we
loved having you. You know, Madeleine from Riverdale, Sightless and
The Strangers chapter one, but now we have The Strangers
Chapter two, which is in theaters. It's happening, And you
can also go on Amazon to watch her new rom
(48:30):
com which is called Maintenance Required.
Speaker 4 (48:33):
Awesome. Thank you did it.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
We did it. We're wrapped. Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Okay, take care.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
The word of the week is acquiesce to accept something
without protest acquiesce.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
I just announced all my tour dates. They just went
on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
I will be starting in February of next year, so
I will be touring.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
From February through June.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will
be to some of these, So go.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
Get your tickets now.
Speaker 1 (49:08):
If you want good seats and you want to come
see me perform, I will be on the High and
Mighty tour.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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