November 28, 2024 • 52 mins
Kelly Rizzo joins Chelsea to discuss her marriage to Bob Saget, why gratitude is so important in times of grief, and what life is like now that she’s found love again. Then: An event planner struggles to spread the word about her unique business. A sporty newbie spirals about an overheard comment. And a young widower wonders about family coming out of the woodwork.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Everybody, Happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. I will
be in Vegas this weekend at the third night of
my residency at the Cosmo with my whole entire family
and all of my cousins nice and then I'm going
to do the tree lighting the next night at the Cosmo.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Oh that's the kind of team player I am.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Are you a family that like goes around and makes
everyone say what they're thankful for?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh, no, see I am. I do that in other families,
but my family sucks. No one does stuff like that
in our family.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
No, they all think I'm you know, if I say
something like that, it's like, oh, Chelsea, so just spiritual.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
She's in a cult, you know. It's like corny.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, everyone's It's more like who do you who's the
most annoying person at the stable?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
To you would be a better question for my family members.
I see. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
So now I will be in Vegas for almost I
think for seventy two hours. This will be my longest
stretch in Vegas because my family is all coming and
they wanted, you know, the free rooms and I'm sure
whatever else I pay for. You know, So who knows,
I'll probably just break even performing and then leaving.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Yeah, I feel like twenty four to forty eight hours
is like kind of the max that you should be
in Vegas.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, And just to be clarified, I don't I am
not paying for those free rooms the casino is, but
I'm just saying, like that's why they're coming because it's free.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I mean, hey, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
This will be my longest stretch in Vegas.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So if I'm alive next week, that'll be a miracle,
especially with all of my family members.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
You're not a big gambler, right, you just like want
like gambell No.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I have exactly.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I have a little stipend that I use, and I
every time I come home exactly with what I left with,
and I just keep repurposing it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Oh that's pretty good.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
I love to gamble.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I like to gamble, and my sister likes to gamble too.
But my sister who likes to gamble isn't coming.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh dang.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, it's all my cousins and all of like there's
like forty of them and my cousins.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
I'm gonna guess that's Shoshana that likes to gamble.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Shoshana exactly. Shoshana loves to gamble.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
The last weekend we were on tour together, she came
to the show in Philly and Bethlehem, and Bethlehem was
a casino, so she went and gambled and came back
and I was on stage.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I take photos with.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
People after like people come up to the stage and
I take some selfies. And she came out while I
was taking photos and said, Okay, let's go. It's she
was done, she was wrapped. And then the next night
she came out. I called for my opener to come
out to take a picture with me on stage, and
she was six, so she had already gone home. My
sister came out when I called. I was like, Megan,
keep it going for Megan Gailey. And my sister came
running out and I'm like, what are you doing here?
(02:26):
And she said, she goes tell them I'm the Virgin
because I talk about her in my set. She goes
tell them I'm the Virgin, and then she waved to
the crowd. It was so ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
She a little bit of a ham like.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
She like she's got some She's definitely got a very
distinctive personality. She's kind of like she's a lot like
my father. Like my father was a used car dealer.
She won't like this because she doesn't see it, but
she's very she's got side hustles going, you know, she's
always got like things going on in the side. But
she's got her ear piercing business. But she's also probably
like trading furniture online that she rides like or at
(02:59):
a sale and then like resells it on Craigslist. You know,
she's a scammer a little bit like that. She's like
my dad in that way and innovated. Yeah, she's yeah,
and she's always like she came on the vacation with us,
Molly and I, my cousin and I who she's been
traveling with me. Molly and I have carry on bags,
and my sister brought a suitcase for three days, a
(03:20):
huge suitcase with six pairs of shoes.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
We're like, where are you? Where are you? I don't
even have that much and I'm the one performing what
are you? Where are you going?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
She's like, I have to be ready for anything. I
don't know what we're going to get up to. I'm like, well,
we didn't get up to anything besides sitting around in
our hotel rooms all day.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
That's kind of nice.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Our family's not motivated, we're not activity. Like you know,
I'm the one who's like that in my family.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Yeah, so you just push everybody to do.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, they think I'm on crack. I'm like, no, you
guys are fucking lazy. But when I'm with them, I
become also lazy.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
I can kind of feel like if she's traveling with you,
she's like feels like she's got to be ready for anything.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
She brought six pairs of sneakers. They were all the same,
Like what she was just clearly trying to show up
the shoes.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
No heels.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
She can't fit her feet into heels. Her feet are
like bricks, rectangular bricks. Remember Kathy the cartoon character that's
my sister's feet or like that.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Okay, great, well, Happy Thanksgiving every.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Our special guest today is Kelly Rizzo.
Please welcome Kelly.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Hi, Kelly Rizzo. I'm so happy to be here. I'm
always so happy to see you.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You're such a sweet person and you're always just you
have a nice aura around you.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I don't really see Auras.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
But you have such kind eyes and you're always so
kind and Bob was. I met you obviously through Bob,
but Bob was also that way, like he was so
kind hearted, which is why he was so beloved. For
those of you listening, Kelly Rizseau was married to Bob
Saggat for how many years were you guys doing?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Only we were together six years but only married three
and a half years.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Three and a half years.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, well that's probably for the best. I mean, you know,
marriages don't really need to go beyond No, it ran
its course.
Speaker 6 (04:57):
We did the thing that's all need to be. That's
really all it needed to be. It was cut short. However,
it was one of those things where I remember at
Bob's funeral or at the after party, Jeff Ross said,
and I don't blame him for saying this, but he goes,
you know, Kelly, you got robbed, And I'm like, even then,
even the week that we lost him, I was like, no,
(05:18):
I didn't I remember.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I don't know where I heard you talking about it,
but I remember you.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
I had a hard time thinking I got robbed because
I felt so grateful for the time I got to
have with him.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So yeah, and since then, the things that you have
done with your grief, which is a real tenet of
this podcast is talking to people about how to deal
with grief, how to mobilize out of fear or grief.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
For starters, you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Have a podcast, right yeah, comfort Food, Comfort Food, which
is where you basically talk to someone about grieving over
a nice meal, right yeah, about their grief.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I mean it's a way to.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Make it a little bit more palatable and a little
bit more inviting because it's not a fun topic and
people hate talking about It's still really taboo, which is
so strang because we all go through it at some point.
So I was like, how can I make this a
little easier and a little bit more you know, fun
for lack of a better word.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Who were the people that helped you when you lost Bob, Like,
who were the people that helped put you in perspective?
Or was that just something that was innate in within
you that you were able to have kind of like a.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
I mean it's one of those things where you know
when you go through something and somebody's like, oh, you're
so strong. I mean I didn't feel strong. I didn't
know what I was doing I'd never been through this before.
It was very new to me, never really lost anyone.
And I was very fortunate because Bob had had so
much death in his life and so much loss that
it was almost like I was leaning on him even
(06:40):
though he wasn't here, based on what he had taught
me about death and how to get through it, which
was laughing and you know, having really good people around
you and just understanding that this is life and this
is what happens, but to kind of always look at
(07:00):
the silver linings. And fortunately, because Bob was such a wonderful,
special human, he was surrounded by really wonderful people. So
I got through with his friends, his daughters, My sister
was the most instrumental person by far. I mean she's
slept in bed with me every single night for like
(07:22):
two months straight. But yeah, his friends, I mean, Jeff Ross,
John Mayer, all the full house people, they really were
his family. And so that kind of got imparted on
to me because they were so wonderful and they loved
him so much that they're like, we're going to be
there for her too.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, and then you started a grief kind of like
support group right online.
Speaker 6 (07:43):
Yeah, so this is so brand new, so thanks for
letting me talk about it. It's called Comfort Club and
it's a membership and just an online kind of support
system where it's its own little social media network so
people feel. What I've learned in this past almost three
years now, which is crazy, is that so many people
(08:03):
are reaching out to me all the time, and a
lot of people feel very very alone in this and
they don't really know where to go. They don't know,
you know, and grief support groups are not really fun places.
I'm sure it's a lot of people who are in
the thick of it, really going through it. And I
get all these messages all the time and all these
(08:23):
dms like I just lost my husband, What do I
do help? And it's can't DM somebody back and have
it be really effective? So I'm like, how can I
create something that is a little bit more immersive and
a little bit more interactive and can really help people,
and that where they can meet each other and then
help each other. So I'm having great guests on, you know,
whether they're therapists or people who I would have had
(08:46):
on my podcast, and they come on and talk live
to the group and they can ask questions because on
a podcast you can't really I mean yours is different
because you can't take questions. But a lot of times,
you know, it's not really interactive, right, so these people
can actually talk to the guests, talk to the expert,
talk to the therapist, whoever it is. Because you know,
I make a big disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm
(09:07):
just here to help facilitate this community.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So I do really on my podcast, I pretend I
am a therapist, and that I have a medical degree,
that I'm a PhD, that I am a certified Board
of pharmacologist, I'm a gynecologist, I'm a pharmacologist, on whatever
you need me to be. I'm actually none of those things,
but I do pretend that I am because I feel
like all of the things that you learn when you
(09:31):
go through something difficult and you lose somebody and you
go through the proper channels of therapy and grieving are
such valuable lessons. You know, it's so important to impart
that to other people who are struggling, and you know,
grief isn't necessarily only doesn't only have to do with
us losing someone. That's the most obvious way to be
grieving but you know, people are grieving this election. People
are grieving, you know, losses of relationships. When people don't die,
(09:55):
you know, there's grief everywhere.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Divorce, relationship, I mean friendships. People grieve friendships. So I
also am very specific about that, like, this is not
just if you're lost a spouse or lost anybody. This
is for any type of or some people just I
have some people that haven't really had a specific loss,
but they're just they're like, I just want a good
community that's comforting. I'm just having a tough time, and
(10:19):
I just want to meet some great people.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Well, when you talk so much about grief and loss
on your Instagram and on your podcast, so it seems
like a natural progression from the sorts of conversations you're
already having, then Yeah, And it's.
Speaker 6 (10:30):
So strange because you know, you just said that going
through things does kind of give you this expertise in
a sense. But I still always feel like I'm not
an expert. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
But I think people are always just looking for some support,
you know, like a ballast. And and because you've gone
through something, you do have something to say about it,
and you do have your personal experience to draw from,
and that is valuable, especially when somebody needs a reference
point or a perspective, and it's it's always helpful to
be able to talk to somebody who's been through something
(11:02):
that you're going through. So it doesn't matter if your expertise,
like it's you become an expert in humanity, you know,
and wanting to actually make other people feel better and
less alone. I think that's what it really comes down
to when even when you're going through the depths of
your despair and loss, it's like you're not the only
one you know someone else lost someone. There's millions of
(11:22):
people who are losing people every day, and for some reason,
there's comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that there's
a sheer volume of people who may be going through
a similar experience.
Speaker 6 (11:31):
And I think because it's also very unusual to have
to go through it publicly usually. I mean, that's not
a thing that typically people have to you know, if
you typically lose your spouse or something, it's you do
it privately. And because everyone loved Bob so much, I
felt that there was this you know, I almost didn't
(11:52):
need to help keep his legacy alive because he does
that on his own, but because he was such a
special one in a billion person, I'm like, I owe
it to him and to myself to do everything I
can to share about him. And while doing that, I
started talking a little bit more about the grief stuff too,
and then people naturally were like, hey, help me or
(12:16):
I want more of this, and I was like, oh gosh,
Like normally I talk about food and travel and music.
I'm like, so all of a sudden, here I am
talking about grief. But it when I saw that one
that that was actually helping people, I'm like, okay, this
needs to be more of the direction I go in.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So yeah, okay, So how can people join this group?
Speaker 6 (12:33):
It's just comfort Club online dot com and it's it's
just yeah membership that there's different live events every month.
I do a Comfort Food Sundays every month where I
do live cooking so for you know, people get the
Sunday scaries, they don't want to be alone on a Sunday,
and so here, I, you know, will cook a recipe
that we can all cook together and then eat dinner
(12:54):
together virtually sweet and then yeah, it's it's only been
a little over a month, but it's been really wonderful
so far.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So I love that, And so I want.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
To just honor Bob for a little bit because since
you were, tell me, what are you with some of
the things that made him so unique and special to
you and to the world.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
Well, it's so interesting to say this to a comedian
because a lot of people don't understand this about comedians,
but comedians are incredibly deep and incredibly complex and have
usually gone through a really tough time, which is how
they became comedians. Incredibly deep, incredibly deep, incredibly complex, And
(13:35):
Bob was just this mix of He was hilarious but
also insanely neurotic, and also so giving and nurturing and
helpful and thoughtful, but also so needy, you know. I mean,
he was just everything. And it was truly you know,
I certainly did not go into this before I met him,
(13:56):
thinking like, oh, I'm gonna end up dating Bob Saggot
one day. Like that was just so strange. It was
when I first met him, it was such a foreign
concept to me. I was like, I can't like Bob Saget.
That's so weird, Like that's that Danny Tanner.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Guy, Like that's so weird. It was so bizarre to me.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
But then I slowly started to realize, I'm like this,
I will never ever meet another person like this in
my entire life. He was just the most unique, special, hilarious, introspective,
deep person who just truly cared so much about the
people in his life and also just cared about That
was his last big hurrah where you know, his last
(14:35):
tour was called I Don't Do Negative.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
All he wanted to do.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
It was, you know, tough time in the world, and
he just wanted to make people happy. That's all he
ever wanted was just to make people happy.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
So I think the thing that stands out most to
me about Bob is his enthusiasm. He was so enthusiastic.
You know, anytime I saw him, he was like, oh
my god, Chelsea, tell me everything, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Like so excited to see you.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And it wasn't just me that he was like that
with obviously, that's what he exuded to everyone. It was
so genuine, genuine, right, It wasn't both full of shit
and it wasn't He wasn't jaded and he was never
a negative guy like there was. I don't know if
he had a dark side to him. I mean, I
guess we all do, but as far as male comedians go,
he was, you know, one of the least dark comedians
(15:17):
that I've ever met.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
Yeah, it was more personally just because he always felt
the way to the world and he had so much
loss in his own life.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
He did have. And when I say a dark side.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
I don't mean you know where he was like secretly,
you know, off yelling at people or something like that.
I mean, he it was more he would just feel sad,
you know, and he just wanted to make people happy,
and so he was always struggling with like, oh God,
like the world can be a tough place, and but
all I want to do is help people, and y
(15:48):
you know, at the same time trying to be a
good dad and balance with his work. And you know,
even though he you know, was an actor and a
producer and director and all this stuff, like being a
comedian was what made him the happiest.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
So yeah, and you're still very close with his girls,
obviously so close.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
How old are they now?
Speaker 6 (16:04):
They're all in their thirties, so almost thirty two, thirty four,
thirty five, and thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (16:13):
Yeah, So it was nice because you know, I never
I never wanted kids. Well I didn't think I wanted kids,
and then I ended up not wanting kids, and which
is well, that was kind of a He's like I
at first he kept the option open, and then he's like,
I can't do it, and I was like, I don't
blame you. I wouldn't want to be pushing a stroller.
I don't want to push a stroller now, let alone.
It's seventy right.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
You know.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
And it was great because I had these three incredible
step daughters, so I just got to like drink martinis
with I didn't have to change.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
I mean, that's really the way to do it, is
to get into some sort of step parenting situation if
you must, you know, because that can pay such dividends
too to joyfulness and happiness.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I have lots of step children in my life.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
Well, I will say that you being so outspoken about
being child free inspired me to also be more outspoken
about it, because it is something that's a little taboo also,
and you always talking about it in the way that
you do in such a hilarious way, which I can't
do that, but you know, it just made me much
more open to talking about it more and making it
(17:12):
trying to normalize that a little bit, because it's weird
that it's not as normalized.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah, I know, it's weird that.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
And what's weird to me is for any man to
think that we all automatically want to be mothers. It's like,
excuse me, where would you get that fucking idea?
Speaker 6 (17:25):
Yeah, it's really crazy to me because it is something
that like, when you were let's say fifteen, did you
think you wanted or did you know? From a very
early age, it.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Was like, wait, this isn't something I would ever want.
I don't want a newborn baby.
Speaker 6 (17:40):
I never wanted it, and being pregnant always terrified me,
and I never want Even when I was a kid,
I was like, I don't really like being around kids,
but I just still thought that I would because it's
just what you do, you know, It's just kind of
the way.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Of the world.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
And so I was like, oh, I'm sure what they're
counting on everyone for us to think we're supposed to
do what we want, what we're you know, we're supposed
to do things and not think too much about it,
think about it, you know, And it got to the
point where I was like, wait, I do have a
choice in this.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
That's crazy interesting. And then when I met Bob at
first I still kind of wanted the option, and then
he's like, no, I can't. I can't do it again.
And then I was like, all right, well, choice made
for me because it reminded me always of that Sex
and the City Line with Carrie and Charlotte, when Charlotte's like,
I can't believe you're gonna give up a baby for
a man you hardly know, and She's like, why would
(18:34):
I give up a man for a baby I hardly
know I want? And I was like, it's Mike drop,
end of story, you know. I was like, that's that's it.
So I was like, I'm not going to give up
this wonderful person for something I don't even think I want.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
So and so now you're dating someone else. Can we
talk about who you're dating? Ye breck and Meyer, who's
an actor.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yes, I've known him for many, many years and we
were all at the Sarah Silverman party recently.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It's like yellow, I say hello back, He's a sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
That's a big arity, by the way, between Bob and
Brecon it is it is.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
And but Bob was also Bob was so he surprised
people with how tall he was. Nobody thought that he
was that tall until they saw him.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
A person six fourka, that's tall.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (19:18):
It's so interesting because they do have a lot of similarities.
They're both incredibly devoted fathers, and they're both probably the
two funniest people I've ever known. But then they're also
different in so many ways. And it's great because you know,
I've joked about this recently, is that I feel that
Brecan is the only person that Bob would be okay about.
(19:39):
He like, would not want me dating anybody, but he's like, oh,
it's going to be somebody. Fine, at least it's Brecon,
because he really loved Brecon and respected him. But they
weren't really close. It would be weird if they were
really close. But there they were close enough to where
they really really liked and respected each other, but not
best friends.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And you like to be with funny men.
Speaker 6 (20:02):
Apparently Apparently now looking back, I'm like, how how did
I ever think that that was a non negotiable, Like
that's that's a mandatory It's.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, yeah, right right.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I mean, it's really nice to be around a funny
guy it is.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
That's very helpful.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Yeah, we just laugh all day every day.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We just crack each other up. Okay, we're going to
take a break and we're going to be right back
with Kelly Rizzo. We're back with Kelly. Okay, We're going
to take some callers. We're gonna give advice, We're going
to give out comfort. Okay, so I'm pretending I'm a therapist.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Okay, here we got exactly exactly so, Sandy says Dear Chelsea.
In twenty twelve, I lost my beautiful sixteen year old son.
I spent the next several years participating in weekly grief
support groups, where it wasn't uncommon for people to express
their guilt and dissatisfaction for the type of memorial service
they were able to provide for their loved one while
(20:57):
in the depths of their grief. It bothered me that
a people's lives were not being appropriately honored, and b
grieving people were feeling badly about this on top of
all the emotions that come along with grief. So five
years ago I started an event planning business specializing in
celebrations of life. This work taps into a perfect combination
of my life experience, my education in psychology, my organizational skills,
(21:20):
and several of my creative talents. I'm known for hosting
the best parties, and I have a deep compassion and
unending patience for people in the depths of grief. The
trouble is, since this is a unique business model in
the United States, I'm afraid that I'm a bit ahead
of my time. I'm an introverted creative type who is
uncomfortable selling myself and have been struggling with figuring out
how to reach people who need my services. After some
(21:42):
slow periods last year, I incorporated planning other types of
events into my business. I've heard you talk about your
preference for celebrations of life over funerals on past episodes
of Dear Chelsea, so I thought i'd ask you for
your thoughts on this career path I've chosen and desperately
do not want to give up, because truly, no one
needs an event planner more than people suffering from grief.
Am I too ahead of my time for this endeavor?
(22:03):
How do I lead the way into establishing new norms
for celebrating our dead in a society that doesn't seem
quite ready to think outside the box.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I'd love your input. All the best, Sandy.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Hi, Sandy, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Hi there, this is our special guest Kelly Rizzos with
us today.
Speaker 6 (22:19):
Hi Kelly, Hi Sandy.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I love that idea. I mean, that's what we had
for Bob right celebration of life.
Speaker 6 (22:25):
Yeah, I mean, I just have to say, that is
the most incredible idea I have ever heard. And I
can't tell you how incredibly valuable that would have been
for me at the time I was in I mean,
I was incapable of doing anything, but I also fortunately
didn't have to do anything because a lot of people
stepped up. But there, to me is such a need
(22:49):
for that, and for you to even feel the slightest
bit of negativity around that, I just I hope that
you can embrace it fully because it is so neat,
is so important, and I've never heard of anyone doing that.
So to me, it's like you're kind of one in
a million.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, it feels like I'm like, it feels like a
service that will help many, many people. I think it's
just a matter of you getting the message out there.
It sounds like, so what is your like, where are
you what's your business strategy?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
What have you been doing thus far?
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Well, like I said, I did have to switch to
adding more events to my repertoire and just offering my
services to a wider scope of events, which has been fun.
But my heart really is with the grieving. So after
the pandemic, I was slammed with work. I had a
bunch and then it just suddenly dropped off and it
(23:43):
wasn't even people who died of COVID.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
And where do you live?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
I live in Bellingham, Washington, Okay?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so is there?
Speaker 5 (23:48):
How are you marketing this social media? Mostly I've reached
out to other event planners to let them know that
I specialize in this in case it's something that they
don't want to take on. I have, you know, all
of the funeral homes know that I exist. I've pretty
much covered everything that I can think.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Well, what about advertising with the obituaries?
Speaker 5 (24:08):
You know, people don't really do obituaries very much anymore,
do they?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I guess not in the hard papers. They don't do
them online?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Yeah, not very often. They are done through the funeral homes.
And honestly, I'm kind of in competition with the funeral homes.
So they don't, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I would think A.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I think obviously you want to broad in your social
media advertisement as much as you can by spreading the
word and having people who have used your business continue
to spread the word, but also making sure that your
messaging is in temples and churches and congregations that are
in your area to let people know that there's another
option other than a funeral organizations or like even retirement
(24:46):
homes going into their Have you done that?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
There might also be an opportunity, sort of a business
to business opportunity talking to elder law and estate planning attorneys.
Speaker 5 (24:59):
I did that as well. Did you already it saturate?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
I sent out marketing materials to all of them. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
It may be a little bit more of interacting with
them on a personal basis, like calling, having a meeting,
sitting down talking to them a little bit about why
this is something somebody might want to include actually in
their estate plans, because marketing like it's so like you said,
outside the box four people in the US, that it
might take more like maybe you are having events and
(25:26):
speaking for fifteen minutes about like why you feel like
this is an even better way to celebrate someone's life.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Yeah, yeah, if you could do that, Like if you
could talk to people's families at a retirement community, or
you go in and.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
You talk to all the people in the home.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
You know, how do you want to spend how do
you want to be celebrated when your life is over?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Here? Do you want to have a funeral?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Like I'm here to offer something If this sounds I mean,
you really do have to kind of have a conversation
with them about it. I think that's how you get
people to convert to the idea of not you know,
a funeral is so funereal, so depressing. You know, there
is an upbeat, more positive way of looking at like
transitioning out of life. And I mean even talking to
(26:08):
people in hospitals, you know, who are dealing with like
difficult decisions and stuff like that. But I feel like
retirement communities are just so like if you could talk
to the people that are there, and if you could
talk to family members of the people that are there
to give them the option, because I'm sure it's more.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
I mean, everyone has to either bury or.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Cremate somebody, right, Yeah, so there's that cost anyway, But
are your costs kind of commensurate with the cost of
a funeral?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Yeah, And I mean I've had to keep them that way,
even though what I create is far better than, yes,
what the average funeral is. And I'll tell you what
I have found is elderly people. They have their plans
kind of set in place, and a lot of them
don't want anything. And they also have lived long enough
(26:54):
that a lot of their friends are no longer here
to participate. So those aren't really the people that have
hired me. It has been people who have lost somebody tragically, suddenly, unexpectedly,
far too young, who are just wiped out by grief
and need somebody to step in and celebrate. I've helped
celebrate some pretty incredible people in some pretty incredible ways.
(27:18):
So it's been, you know, it's all been just a
learning curve because there's no like literally, I think there's
five businesses in the entire country that do what I do,
and I was one of the first, so and none
of us are getting very much work. So it's just
a really new concept.
Speaker 6 (27:34):
Isn't One of the big selling points also, that a
funeral is usually within a few days to a week
or so after somebody passes, where what you're doing kind
of gives them more time to prepare and to plan something.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
W'ere a funeral.
Speaker 6 (27:50):
I mean, you're so rushed, and sometimes you're like, I mean,
for instance, Bob and I never ever talked about what
he wanted. Fortunately, you know, obviously with his family and
everything so involved, Like we did what we think he
would actually really have loved, but we never talked about it,
so I didn't know, and we were so rushed, you know,
everything happened so quickly that you're like, oh God, am
(28:11):
I doing this right? What am I doing to where
your services? You know, you can have much more time
to prepare and do it right and do what you
think the person would really have wanted.
Speaker 5 (28:21):
And I do always encourage my people not to try
not to rush it. There's some who just need it
to be over with that For the most part, people
want to take the time so they can get used
to the idea that they need to do this thing.
And the more time I have, the more epic I
can truly make the event be for them and really
dig into who the person was and find ways to
(28:42):
reflect who they were in this celebration that we're creating
of their life, and everybody loves the events. I've had
families tell me that, you know, they were absolutely terrified
and dreading coming to their person's celebration of life, but
felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they left.
(29:05):
So it's kind of a magical service that I can
provide for people. And beyond just creating the event, I
provide I know what grief is like, and I provide
support and let them know that they're not crazy while
they're going through you know, what they're experiencing, sometimes for
the first time in their lives.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, okay, well we're going to we'll help you. Promoted
on this podcast. What is the name of your.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Business, Epic Celebrations and.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
You service anywhere in the country or is it just
in your area?
Speaker 5 (29:34):
I generally work between Bellingham and Seattle, Okay in county.
Excuse me, but I am certainly willing to travel for
my services.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, yeah, well I think Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I'm sorry, we don't have a better like mark business
strategy for you, but we will try to spread the
word over here because I think that is the definite
way to deal with losing a loved one, especially in
a tragic way, you know, you don't you want to
go out with remembering all of the beauty that they
brought and kind of having a more modern way of
looking at death rather than death being the final you know,
(30:07):
and such an ending and such a smack in the face.
And especially for people who you who lose loved ones unexpectedly,
that's exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
What you need, you know, in the face of that.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah, well, I.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
Will definitely keep it in mind too since I deal with, yeah,
a lot of greeting people all the time.
Speaker 5 (30:22):
H Yeah, Well, I think it's just really important to, like,
I appreciate the opportunity to put the idea out there
in a larger sphere, you know, so people are thinking about,
you know, different ways, and that there are people who
can help in that, and just to start thinking about
thinking outside the box of what you know, we how
we celebrate the lives of our people once they're not here.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
And also, you know, another way to kind of maybe
outreach for you to do is people are able to
get euthanized in Oregon, so if they're planning that and Washington, right,
oh right, yeah, So I mean, is there any way
to kind of couple your services or with with those
with those programs that are actually because those people know
(31:04):
they're going to die, and that's kind of what they.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Can be around for their celebration of life.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
Right. Yeah, And one of the services that I offer.
You spoke with Katie Kuric about this on a previous podcast,
which was part of what led me to contact you,
was she talked about the idea of living memorials for
when somebody is sick and know they're going to pass,
and then having a celebration when they have all of
the people around them who can hug them and love
on them one last time so that they leave this
(31:28):
world feeling full of love instead of fear. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
That's really beautiful idea too.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
So yeah, yeah, and that's one of the services I offer.
But haven't been taken up on that one yet.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Okay, Well, I think it will happen. I think people
will come around to this idea. It's very you. You
are a little ahead of your time, but that's a
good thing. That's not a bad thing. What are the
other events that you're doing to supplement your company.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
I've done some corporate events and I've done some baby showers.
So it's been kind of fun to work on the
opposite end of things. Yeah, I did some birthday parties,
and it's been really joyful to actually get to meet
the people that I'm helping plan parties for. You know,
I tend to fall in love with the honorees that
I create celebrations of life for, and then I don't
(32:11):
get to meet them. I just have to find ways
of bringing a piece of who they were into me
and holding them in my heart even though I never
get to meet them. But it's really it's pretty heartbreaking
to know that I've missed out on knowing some really
really cool people in this world.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah, the circle of life, Yeah, the whole spectrum.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Well, good for you for doing this work. It's really
really you meaningful, you know.
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Thank you. Thanks for bringing attention to it.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Yeah, Sandy, so tell us one more time. It's Epic
Celebrations dot.
Speaker 5 (32:41):
Com, Epic Celebrations NW for Northwest dot Com.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
All right, great, Well, let's also offline a little bit
more about potential B to B strategies. I'd like to
hear kind of like what all of you tried and
and offer some suggestions for more stuff to try.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Okay, all right, thanks Sandy, Thanks everybody.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Thank you bye bye bye. That is it?
Speaker 3 (33:02):
That is a really cool idea, really cool, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:05):
I just feel like getting that idea in front of
people in a way where you know, obviously you don't
know if somebody's going to have a sudden death, but
where it's sort of like they remember, like, oh my gosh,
there's a woman who came and spoke at such and
such like two years ago, and she would be perfect
to jump in and help out with this.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Oh well, now I know about it'll be on my radar.
And yeah, as you said, she's a bit ahead of
her time, but there's also very little competition, so m m.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Yeah, right exactly.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
That's also nice for people who have a terminal diagnosis
to make this kind of plan, you know, people who
know that they're not going to make it, and they
could plan an either life celebration before they pass on,
or you know, employ her to actually make their funeral
something that they're going to want to be at.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You know, you know, what do you think about that?
Speaker 6 (33:51):
The where you're at your own funeral almost.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
I mean, I'm down for that. I don't mind that idea.
Hardy's like, wait, that'd be amazing.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
The part of me is like, oh wow, that's you
always have those dreams of like being at your own funeral,
like what that would be like, you know, like did
would anybody show up?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
And then it's like you get to see who shows up? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Yeah, I like the idea of a celebration of life
for sure, because I don't want a funeral.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I want a party.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
Yeah, but it's a little easier to party while the
person's still there.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Yeah, or have a party in my honor without me.
I'm fine either way.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah. And there's just been plates of drugs everywhere.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Yeah, plates of drugs. Musham's to see all of that
good stuff more.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
Next question is not about grief, but this comes from
they're using thoseudonyms spiraling. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty year
old woman who recently moved to a new city and state.
I really enjoy playing tennis, and since moving, I've joined
some leagues and have been meeting a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Last Sunday, I was.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Playing tennis with one of my teams, and I think
I overheard our team captain talking about me to another teammate.
She said about me, she doesn't look like she'd be good,
but she is right. I cannot stop thinking about it.
Always been self conscious, so the comment cut really deep.
I don't think the captain was trying to talk bad
about me. I actually think she was trying to say
something nice about me. But it's really caused me to
(35:09):
spiral a bit. She also doesn't know I overheard her.
I mean, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just
focus on the good part and not on the looks part?
Any advice, sincerely, Spiraling.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
We're talking about we were talking about dark you know,
your dark side, Like we all have a shadow self,
and our shadow self is you know some psychiatrists refer
to that. Some people is like, oh, it's just your ego,
however you want to frame it. We have voices in
our head that are telling us one story, and then
there's reality. And the reality is that she was giving
(35:42):
you a compliment, and who gives a shit what she
thinks about whether or not you look like you're a
good athlete or not. The compliment is that you are,
and she's surprised. That's all her business, Like, it's none
of your business. But the thoughts that you're having that
are related to this are your insecure thoughts, your ego thoughts,
your shut of self thoughts. That is your job to
(36:02):
quiet those thoughts, and that is through like daily work
to understand that other people's opinions of you don't matter.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
They're not your business.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And sometimes even when they tell you about their opinions
of you, it doesn't matter. You're not as long as
you're not hurting someone, hurting someone's feelings, or be acting
in a destructive way towards yourself or towards others. That
is work you have to do on yourself, and that's
can be daily affirmations of why of all the things
that you see about yourself, that you are strong, that
(36:32):
you are capable, that you're active in your sport, and
all of the other good things that you have in
your life, or a gratitude journal, you know, writing down
ten things that you're happy and grateful about. You just
kind of have to get to like a little bit
of a higher frequency than to let all these little
comments from other people that you weren't even supposed to
(36:52):
hear in the first place. Remember, you weren't supposed to
hear that in the first place. If she had a
choice to say that with knowing you would hear it,
she wouldn't I have chosen for you to hear it.
Therefore there's nothing for you to do about it. You're
definitely not gonna say anything to her about it.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Who cares? You don't want to? Like that's aggravating an issue.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
But I think all of our negative self talk like
that is a daily exercise that you have to recognize
that you're doing a And now you recognize that you're
doing it, I'm telling you that you're doing it. You
wrote in because of this, and you have to start
to disassemble that. And every day is like, I am
not what other people think about me. I am what
I am, And you're contributing in a valuable way to
(37:33):
something that you really enjoy. That's your takeaway, not the
negative thing that is meaningless to me. So, while I
know it's difficult to hear things about yourself sometime, I
really just would want to implore you to like dig
a little deeper into who you really are, the essence
of who you are as a person, and then you
become a lot less affected by what other people think
(37:54):
of you. And that can work with meditation too. You
can achieve that goal through meditation, through graditude lists, through
affirmations every day. But I would pick one of those
things and really focus on doing that activity every single
day to just kind of bring yourself up a little
bit more so you're not as vulnerable to others in
things that are not that important.
Speaker 6 (38:15):
Yeah, you nailed that one thousand percent. I mean I
was just thinking the same thing, like, what other people
think of you is.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Not your business.
Speaker 6 (38:23):
And it can be hard, of course to you know,
you hear something gossipy and negative.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
It sounds it's a high.
Speaker 6 (38:31):
School thing, you know, it's that thing that you would
let can you latch on to when you were when
you were younger, And it can be hard to you know,
if you hear somebody saying something about about you. But
as you said, she wasn't meant to hear it. It
was ultimately a positive. And didn't she say, like, I'm
not even sure she was talking about me. Let's just
pretend she wasn't even talking about you, it wasn't even
(38:53):
about you. Just pretend that you didn't even hear because
it wasn't even about you. It could have been about
somebody else. You don't know for sure, that's true.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Also, Yeah, So just work on your stuff, work on it.
We all have a responsibility to each other as women
and as human beings to get better at being ourselves.
We all have a responsibility to kind of improve our
own mental health and our own mental self assuredness. Our
self assuredness is like, you have to be aware of
your behavior and then oh, oh, look at what I
(39:23):
got hurt about. Oh that's me being silly or insecure
or small. Never mind, wipe that away like it's like
water off a duck's back. Let it fall off of you,
and actually physically think about those comments falling off of you,
because that's something that I do a lot, and it works.
You just think about the fact that, Okay, I've set
with this emotion. It didn't feel nice, and now I'm
(39:45):
letting it go and moving on.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (39:47):
I like that envisioning the water off a ducts back.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
Mm hmmm hm. So Luke says dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
I'm a thirty four year old single gay man, and
life has been equal parts horrible and generous to me.
I met my husband online when I was seventeen, he
was eighteen. There wasn't a weird age gap. Even talking
about it now, I want to pull younger me aside
and say Oh, honey, you have so much time to
fall in love.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Don't rush it.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
Well, we rushed it, and I rebelled against every piece
of guidance my family had to offer. We got married
and never looked back. We both ended up being successful
in our careers and build a great life together. And
then he died in a car accident. I was and
still am, completely devastated. And this was four years ago.
Three months after he died, I learned that I was
the sole beneficiary of a one million dollar life insurance policy.
(40:34):
That policy has since paid out, and I donated a
large chunk of that to charities that I know he loved.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
The rest I invested.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
As you can imagine, his family is coming out of
the woodwork with their handout, and my inclination is to
tell them to fuck off entirely.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
What are your thoughts? Thank you, Luke. This is tricky.
This is tricky.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I mean, I don't think it's fair to have to
give handouts to everybody, and his family if those were
his wishes. Yeah, is it the insurance policy or was
it an insurance policy?
Speaker 6 (41:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I see, so that is a little bit different. What
do you think about this?
Speaker 6 (41:08):
An insurance policy is a very deliberate, very calculated situation,
you know, like he set that up for him. It
wasn't This wasn't like a probate situation where he died
and left a bunch of money and it's like who does.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
It go to?
Speaker 6 (41:28):
Well, they were married, and the family's like what about me?
Where his family? This was a very deliberate situation. Obviously,
if it was a different type of inheritance, that maybe
is a little bit more disputable. But I feel like
life insurance policy is just very specific.
Speaker 4 (41:43):
Right right, And I think my big question is what
kind of relationship did you have with them before this?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
You know, did you have a good relationship with them?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Were they people that you saw it Thanksgiving and holidays
and this sort of thing, or are you just hearing
from them now. I think that makes a big difference
and sort of the answers to that.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, But it's also not your responsibility to be doling
out like you know, we're talking about a million dollars,
and while that may sound like a lot of money,
that goes very quickly, you know when you start giving
it away to different people, And as you just said,
and insurance policy is not set up for your other
family members like your brothers and your sisters.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
It's set up for your partner. That's what it is, right.
Speaker 6 (42:23):
And that's that coming from his bank account. It's not
like it's not like this is his money. He worked
for his whole life and he's leaving it all to
him like this is insurance money, right.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
I don't know if you're feeling really guilty that you
want to give them money, that's that's really a personal decision.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
I don't think you have any obligation to do that.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
And yes, are you in regular communication with these people,
or if they came out of nowhere, if they came
out of nowhere, or you hadn't heard from them for
a while, one more reason to not worry about it.
But I wouldn't let yourself be racked with guilt. You
were in that relationship for a really long time, and
I believe that you deserve that insurance policy.
Speaker 6 (43:01):
And I will say that you are not alone in this.
This is so common and is almost a little bit
more the norm when somebody passes away and there's you know,
whether there's a step situation and exes and all this
stuff and children involved that it usually can be very
messy and it usually can create so many problems. I
(43:23):
was so fortunate that we had none of that, thank god.
But that's not the norm my situation. We talk all
the time. We're always like, we are so lucky that
we didn't have that type of because a lot of times,
just somebody passes away, it is just a catalyst for
your worst self.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
To come from. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
I mean I was just with a friend on vacation
who was dealing with this and I could not believe
the stories. I was just like, oh my god, money
brings out the worst in everybody.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
My family is all in elder law and estate planning,
So like, everybody, go get your estate plan done because
that you know, when you do pass, you can make
these choices before any of that happens. You can say
how you want things to go and nobody has to
argue about it.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yeah, I've done my estate planning.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
I just re up to my estate planning and make
sure that my cousin doesn't get to make medical decisions
in my favor because she'll keep me alive no matter what.
And I was like, listen, bitch, I have another cousin
that will euthanize me. And so he's gonna be the
one that has the medical decision making.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
I don't want to fight anything. I'm ready. I'm ready
to go if need.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Be all right.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
And you know, one other thing that Luke brought up
when we did sort of a pre interview call was
being a very young widower is something very unique or
is uncommon?
Speaker 3 (44:38):
Would you have any words of advice for him?
Speaker 6 (44:41):
Yeah, just knowing that you feel like when it happens
to you that you're the only one because you're like,
oh my god, I was not planning this. I was
anticipating that. I mean, in my situation, I knew that
I'd probably be a widow maybe in my sixties or seventies,
(45:01):
but I certainly wasn't anticipating it at forty two when
it was three years ago. And I will say, when
you go through it, you start like so many people
start to come out of the woodworks, and you do
have such a support group of people that you meet
who they're like, i'm a young widow too, or I'm
(45:21):
a young widower also, and I've met so many people
who have and then you feel less alone and it
sounds like this was four years ago.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So it's really tough.
Speaker 6 (45:31):
But if he can find that support from other people
who have gone through it at a similar age. You
do feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so
many people.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
And it's really important not to let people put guilt
on you. I know you might feel that like that's
a natural reaction to them coming and saying we want
money to.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Or whatever they're doing. You can't let people guilt you
into things.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
You have to kind of really sit with this decision
and think about what's right for you and what's appropriate
for you, and that is appropriate insurance policy is for
the partner.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That's appropriate.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So anything other complicated feelings you have around it have
been brought on by his family, and so I want
you to be very aware of that and where the
feelings of guilt are coming from.
Speaker 6 (46:15):
Yes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It's hard enough to
go through the loss of the partner without all of
this other stuff and a lot of people who aren't
in your shoes and who haven't experienced a loss of
a spouse and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. It
just goes back to the hole. When someone is grieving,
there's no wrong way to do it. You can't judge
(46:36):
them because if you haven't been through it. You don't
know what it's like.
Speaker 4 (46:41):
Yeah, all right, Luke, check back in with us, keep
us posted, and we can take a quick break and
come back with a kind of silly little question to
wrap up.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Perfect.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Let's go, Let's let's end on something light today. It's
been a bit heavier. Okay, we're gonna take a break up.
We'll be right back with Kelly Rizzo. And we're back.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
We are back.
Speaker 5 (47:04):
Well.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
I identify with Cindy here because, you know, being a Midwestern kid,
as I know you are, Kelly, you know our families
are a little more conservative when it comes to what
we do with our body modification. So Cindy says, Dear Chelsea.
I'm in my thirties and recently got a little lip
filler for the first time. I'm happy with the results,
but I find myself constantly afraid of being judged by
(47:27):
my friends and coworkers. I also live far away from
my parents, and I'm dreading their reaction. They screamed at
my sister when she got her nose pierced, so they
definitely don't like body modifications. My fear is that my
parents will be disappointed in me for changing the features
they gave me, and I don't want to break their hearts.
Do you think I should give my parents a heads
up about the filler or should I just act normal
(47:49):
and not say anything when I finally see them. Thanks
so much for your advice, Cindy.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
I definitely don't think you should give the heads up
to anyone about anything, Like it's really not their fucking
problem or their business. And if it's noticeable enough, like
if it's a big change from how you looked before,
then I think you should go in there with like
a plan about why you did it, explaining to them
that it was important for you and that this has
been something you've felt insecure about and that you've seen
(48:15):
everybody else.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Everybody fucking does this. Everybody does it.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
I've done it, Like it's okay, it doesn't matter, Like
whatever's going to make you feel better. First of all,
your lips get thinner as you get older, so like
there's that a men's get thicker as they get older.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
How that happens?
Speaker 2 (48:31):
It's like, but also like whatever you need to do
to make yourself feel better, who gives a shit? Like
you don't owe them an explanation, And if they if
it's not noticeable enough. They probably won't even fucking notice.
So I don't know how much you got done. But
like everyone is doing this and it's that's it. You
always wanted bigger lips. That's all you have to say
(48:51):
is I wish I had bigger lips. I've always wanted
bigger lips. Can you believe how lucky I am that
they provide this and you could just go and get
it done. It didn't have to get so, I didn't
have to go under the knife. I didn't have to
do anything drastic. I just got a little lip injector
that will dissolve if I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
I mean, life is a miracle.
Speaker 6 (49:09):
Yeah, I mean, I'm with you completely, and that you're
an adult, you're in your thirties. I understand the still
appreciation for what your parents think. But it's one thing
if you were like in high school and they're like,
I'm not gonna pay for college if you do this, okay,
it's like you're kind of still under their thumb, like
they can't just go out and do that.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
However, I mean I.
Speaker 6 (49:32):
Come from a very different like my mom lived in
the Playboy mansion in the sixties, when I had like
my nose done in my boobs on, she was like,
you go girl, Like she loved all that stuff. But
then again, like they hated all the tattoos. I have
so many tattoos. And my dad is you know, born
in Sicily, very old school Sicilian, and he's would freak
out about them. But I still just didn't care. I'm like,
(49:54):
they're still gonna love me no matter what. They're not
gonna disown me, and they get over it.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
They get over it.
Speaker 6 (50:01):
Yeah, they might be mad for a few minutes and
well like why'd you do that? Five minutes later, they're
not going to care. So just you're building this up
too much. Yeah, they'll get over it.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
Yeah, And it's the way you feel, isn't silly. That's
not what I'm trying to say by this is a
silly question. But if this gives you confidence, that's the
thing that matters. And I do think that's true. Like
parents sometimes are like weird about something like a nose ring,
but like not about hey, your lips look a little
bit different.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
But also just come from a place of like when
you do deal with it, your enthusiasm has to override
their criticism, Like I'm so happy I did this. Thank goodness,
this service is available, Thank god I can afford it.
You can just pop into someone's office and do this, like,
oh my god, I'm so grateful. Like you have to
overshadow their pessimism or negativity and with the fact that
(50:49):
their daughter's happy that you made that choice.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (50:52):
Yeah, Like I feel good about myself. And if you
want to be mad at me, be mad at me.
But I'm sure you'll get over it. And yeah, we'll
have a wonderful holidays.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Cut to I want to see it before and after picture.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
Please send that Cindy you.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
Okay, So, Kelly, thank you for coming today.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
So listen to people if you want to be in
a support group for grief or you know, probably other
things too. I imagine it will expand beyond just grief. Right,
you can go.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
To comfort Club online dot com.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Comfort Club online dot com, and then you can also
tune into Kelly's podcast, which is comfort Food, which.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
Is available on anywhere you get podcasts.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Which is also about grief and handling grief with a
little bit more support and more comfort over food and
actually using it as a guide to not even for yourself.
If you're necessarily going through grief, but if for someone
that you love is going through grief, figuring out a
better way to be available for them exactly.
Speaker 6 (51:46):
And it's just really great advice for not only how
to get through it yourself, but how to help people
going through it in your life. Because if we haven't
gone through it yet, someone we know has gone through
it or is going through it. Yeah, thank you so
much for thank you so much for having me. Yes,
so lovely to see you. Yeah, always always. Okay, we'll
see you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Okay, guys. Stand up shows that I have coming up.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
I am going to San Diego on eleven, twenty nine,
that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on
November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that.
And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth.
December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm
coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then
(52:31):
I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth. And
those are the rest of my stand up dates for
this year. It's over New Tour New Year.
Speaker 4 (52:40):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
It's Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Everybody, Happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. I will
be in Vegas this weekend at the third night of
my residency at the Cosmo with my whole entire family
and all of my cousins nice and then I'm going
to do the tree lighting the next night at the Cosmo.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Oh that's the kind of team player I am.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Are you a family that like goes around and makes
everyone say what they're thankful for?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
No?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Oh, no, see I am. I do that in other families,
but my family sucks. No one does stuff like that
in our family.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
No.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
No, they all think I'm you know, if I say
something like that, it's like, oh, Chelsea, so just spiritual.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
She's in a cult, you know. It's like corny.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, everyone's It's more like who do you who's the
most annoying person at the stable?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
To you would be a better question for my family members.
I see. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
So now I will be in Vegas for almost I
think for seventy two hours. This will be my longest
stretch in Vegas because my family is all coming and
they wanted, you know, the free rooms and I'm sure
whatever else I pay for. You know, So who knows,
I'll probably just break even performing and then leaving.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Yeah, I feel like twenty four to forty eight hours
is like kind of the max that you should be
in Vegas.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah, And just to be clarified, I don't I am
not paying for those free rooms the casino is, but
I'm just saying, like that's why they're coming because it's free.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
I mean, hey, yeah, so.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
This will be my longest stretch in Vegas.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So if I'm alive next week, that'll be a miracle,
especially with all of my family members.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
You're not a big gambler, right, you just like want
like gambell No.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
I have exactly.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I have a little stipend that I use, and I
every time I come home exactly with what I left with,
and I just keep repurposing it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Oh that's pretty good.
Speaker 5 (01:36):
I love to gamble.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I like to gamble, and my sister likes to gamble too.
But my sister who likes to gamble isn't coming.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Oh dang.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, it's all my cousins and all of like there's
like forty of them and my cousins.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
I'm gonna guess that's Shoshana that likes to gamble.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Shoshana exactly. Shoshana loves to gamble.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
The last weekend we were on tour together, she came
to the show in Philly and Bethlehem, and Bethlehem was
a casino, so she went and gambled and came back
and I was on stage.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I take photos with.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
People after like people come up to the stage and
I take some selfies. And she came out while I
was taking photos and said, Okay, let's go. It's she
was done, she was wrapped. And then the next night
she came out. I called for my opener to come
out to take a picture with me on stage, and
she was six, so she had already gone home. My
sister came out when I called. I was like, Megan,
keep it going for Megan Gailey. And my sister came
running out and I'm like, what are you doing here?
(02:26):
And she said, she goes tell them I'm the Virgin
because I talk about her in my set. She goes
tell them I'm the Virgin, and then she waved to
the crowd. It was so ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
She a little bit of a ham like.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
She like she's got some She's definitely got a very
distinctive personality. She's kind of like she's a lot like
my father. Like my father was a used car dealer.
She won't like this because she doesn't see it, but
she's very she's got side hustles going, you know, she's
always got like things going on in the side. But
she's got her ear piercing business. But she's also probably
like trading furniture online that she rides like or at
(02:59):
a sale and then like resells it on Craigslist. You know,
she's a scammer a little bit like that. She's like
my dad in that way and innovated. Yeah, she's yeah,
and she's always like she came on the vacation with us,
Molly and I, my cousin and I who she's been
traveling with me. Molly and I have carry on bags,
and my sister brought a suitcase for three days, a
(03:20):
huge suitcase with six pairs of shoes.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
We're like, where are you? Where are you? I don't
even have that much and I'm the one performing what
are you? Where are you going?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
She's like, I have to be ready for anything. I
don't know what we're going to get up to. I'm like, well,
we didn't get up to anything besides sitting around in
our hotel rooms all day.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
That's kind of nice.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Our family's not motivated, we're not activity. Like you know,
I'm the one who's like that in my family.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Yeah, so you just push everybody to do.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, they think I'm on crack. I'm like, no, you
guys are fucking lazy. But when I'm with them, I
become also lazy.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
I can kind of feel like if she's traveling with you,
she's like feels like she's got to be ready for anything.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
She brought six pairs of sneakers. They were all the same,
Like what she was just clearly trying to show up
the shoes.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
No heels.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
She can't fit her feet into heels. Her feet are
like bricks, rectangular bricks. Remember Kathy the cartoon character that's
my sister's feet or like that.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Okay, great, well, Happy Thanksgiving every.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Our special guest today is Kelly Rizzo.
Please welcome Kelly.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Hi, Kelly Rizzo. I'm so happy to be here. I'm
always so happy to see you.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
You're such a sweet person and you're always just you
have a nice aura around you.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I don't really see Auras.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
But you have such kind eyes and you're always so
kind and Bob was. I met you obviously through Bob,
but Bob was also that way, like he was so
kind hearted, which is why he was so beloved. For
those of you listening, Kelly Rizseau was married to Bob
Saggat for how many years were you guys doing?
Speaker 6 (04:47):
Only we were together six years but only married three
and a half years.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Three and a half years.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, well that's probably for the best. I mean, you know,
marriages don't really need to go beyond No, it ran
its course.
Speaker 6 (04:57):
We did the thing that's all need to be. That's
really all it needed to be. It was cut short. However,
it was one of those things where I remember at
Bob's funeral or at the after party, Jeff Ross said,
and I don't blame him for saying this, but he goes,
you know, Kelly, you got robbed, And I'm like, even then,
even the week that we lost him, I was like, no,
(05:18):
I didn't I remember.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I don't know where I heard you talking about it,
but I remember you.
Speaker 6 (05:23):
I had a hard time thinking I got robbed because
I felt so grateful for the time I got to
have with him.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So yeah, and since then, the things that you have
done with your grief, which is a real tenet of
this podcast is talking to people about how to deal
with grief, how to mobilize out of fear or grief.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
For starters, you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Have a podcast, right yeah, comfort Food, Comfort Food, which
is where you basically talk to someone about grieving over
a nice meal, right yeah, about their grief.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
I mean it's a way to.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Make it a little bit more palatable and a little
bit more inviting because it's not a fun topic and
people hate talking about It's still really taboo, which is
so strang because we all go through it at some point.
So I was like, how can I make this a
little easier and a little bit more you know, fun
for lack of a better word.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Who were the people that helped you when you lost Bob, Like,
who were the people that helped put you in perspective?
Or was that just something that was innate in within
you that you were able to have kind of like a.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
I mean it's one of those things where you know
when you go through something and somebody's like, oh, you're
so strong. I mean I didn't feel strong. I didn't
know what I was doing I'd never been through this before.
It was very new to me, never really lost anyone.
And I was very fortunate because Bob had had so
much death in his life and so much loss that
it was almost like I was leaning on him even
(06:40):
though he wasn't here, based on what he had taught
me about death and how to get through it, which
was laughing and you know, having really good people around
you and just understanding that this is life and this
is what happens, but to kind of always look at
(07:00):
the silver linings. And fortunately, because Bob was such a wonderful,
special human, he was surrounded by really wonderful people. So
I got through with his friends, his daughters, My sister
was the most instrumental person by far. I mean she's
slept in bed with me every single night for like
(07:22):
two months straight. But yeah, his friends, I mean, Jeff Ross,
John Mayer, all the full house people, they really were
his family. And so that kind of got imparted on
to me because they were so wonderful and they loved
him so much that they're like, we're going to be
there for her too.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Yeah, and then you started a grief kind of like
support group right online.
Speaker 6 (07:43):
Yeah, so this is so brand new, so thanks for
letting me talk about it. It's called Comfort Club and
it's a membership and just an online kind of support
system where it's its own little social media network so
people feel. What I've learned in this past almost three
years now, which is crazy, is that so many people
(08:03):
are reaching out to me all the time, and a
lot of people feel very very alone in this and
they don't really know where to go. They don't know,
you know, and grief support groups are not really fun places.
I'm sure it's a lot of people who are in
the thick of it, really going through it. And I
get all these messages all the time and all these
(08:23):
dms like I just lost my husband, What do I
do help? And it's can't DM somebody back and have
it be really effective? So I'm like, how can I
create something that is a little bit more immersive and
a little bit more interactive and can really help people,
and that where they can meet each other and then
help each other. So I'm having great guests on, you know,
whether they're therapists or people who I would have had
(08:46):
on my podcast, and they come on and talk live
to the group and they can ask questions because on
a podcast you can't really I mean yours is different
because you can't take questions. But a lot of times,
you know, it's not really interactive, right, so these people
can actually talk to the guests, talk to the expert,
talk to the therapist, whoever it is. Because you know,
I make a big disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm
(09:07):
just here to help facilitate this community.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So I do really on my podcast, I pretend I
am a therapist, and that I have a medical degree,
that I'm a PhD, that I am a certified Board
of pharmacologist, I'm a gynecologist, I'm a pharmacologist, on whatever
you need me to be. I'm actually none of those things,
but I do pretend that I am because I feel
like all of the things that you learn when you
(09:31):
go through something difficult and you lose somebody and you
go through the proper channels of therapy and grieving are
such valuable lessons. You know, it's so important to impart
that to other people who are struggling, and you know,
grief isn't necessarily only doesn't only have to do with
us losing someone. That's the most obvious way to be
grieving but you know, people are grieving this election. People
are grieving, you know, losses of relationships. When people don't die,
(09:55):
you know, there's grief everywhere.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
Divorce, relationship, I mean friendships. People grieve friendships. So I
also am very specific about that, like, this is not
just if you're lost a spouse or lost anybody. This
is for any type of or some people just I
have some people that haven't really had a specific loss,
but they're just they're like, I just want a good
community that's comforting. I'm just having a tough time, and
(10:19):
I just want to meet some great people.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Well, when you talk so much about grief and loss
on your Instagram and on your podcast, so it seems
like a natural progression from the sorts of conversations you're
already having, then Yeah, And it's.
Speaker 6 (10:30):
So strange because you know, you just said that going
through things does kind of give you this expertise in
a sense. But I still always feel like I'm not
an expert. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
But I think people are always just looking for some support,
you know, like a ballast. And and because you've gone
through something, you do have something to say about it,
and you do have your personal experience to draw from,
and that is valuable, especially when somebody needs a reference
point or a perspective, and it's it's always helpful to
be able to talk to somebody who's been through something
(11:02):
that you're going through. So it doesn't matter if your expertise,
like it's you become an expert in humanity, you know,
and wanting to actually make other people feel better and
less alone. I think that's what it really comes down
to when even when you're going through the depths of
your despair and loss, it's like you're not the only
one you know someone else lost someone. There's millions of
(11:22):
people who are losing people every day, and for some reason,
there's comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that there's
a sheer volume of people who may be going through
a similar experience.
Speaker 6 (11:31):
And I think because it's also very unusual to have
to go through it publicly usually. I mean, that's not
a thing that typically people have to you know, if
you typically lose your spouse or something, it's you do
it privately. And because everyone loved Bob so much, I
felt that there was this you know, I almost didn't
(11:52):
need to help keep his legacy alive because he does
that on his own, but because he was such a
special one in a billion person, I'm like, I owe
it to him and to myself to do everything I
can to share about him. And while doing that, I
started talking a little bit more about the grief stuff too,
and then people naturally were like, hey, help me or
(12:16):
I want more of this, and I was like, oh gosh,
Like normally I talk about food and travel and music.
I'm like, so all of a sudden, here I am
talking about grief. But it when I saw that one
that that was actually helping people, I'm like, okay, this
needs to be more of the direction I go in.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So yeah, okay, So how can people join this group?
Speaker 6 (12:33):
It's just comfort Club online dot com and it's it's
just yeah membership that there's different live events every month.
I do a Comfort Food Sundays every month where I
do live cooking so for you know, people get the
Sunday scaries, they don't want to be alone on a Sunday,
and so here, I, you know, will cook a recipe
that we can all cook together and then eat dinner
(12:54):
together virtually sweet and then yeah, it's it's only been
a little over a month, but it's been really wonderful
so far.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
So I love that, And so I want.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
To just honor Bob for a little bit because since
you were, tell me, what are you with some of
the things that made him so unique and special to
you and to the world.
Speaker 6 (13:13):
Well, it's so interesting to say this to a comedian
because a lot of people don't understand this about comedians,
but comedians are incredibly deep and incredibly complex and have
usually gone through a really tough time, which is how
they became comedians. Incredibly deep, incredibly deep, incredibly complex, And
(13:35):
Bob was just this mix of He was hilarious but
also insanely neurotic, and also so giving and nurturing and
helpful and thoughtful, but also so needy, you know. I mean,
he was just everything. And it was truly you know,
I certainly did not go into this before I met him,
(13:56):
thinking like, oh, I'm gonna end up dating Bob Saggot
one day. Like that was just so strange. It was
when I first met him, it was such a foreign
concept to me. I was like, I can't like Bob Saget.
That's so weird, Like that's that Danny Tanner.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Guy, Like that's so weird. It was so bizarre to me.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
But then I slowly started to realize, I'm like this,
I will never ever meet another person like this in
my entire life. He was just the most unique, special, hilarious, introspective,
deep person who just truly cared so much about the
people in his life and also just cared about That
was his last big hurrah where you know, his last
(14:35):
tour was called I Don't Do Negative.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
All he wanted to do.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
It was, you know, tough time in the world, and
he just wanted to make people happy. That's all he
ever wanted was just to make people happy.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
So I think the thing that stands out most to
me about Bob is his enthusiasm. He was so enthusiastic.
You know, anytime I saw him, he was like, oh
my god, Chelsea, tell me everything, what's going on?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Like so excited to see you.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
And it wasn't just me that he was like that
with obviously, that's what he exuded to everyone. It was
so genuine, genuine, right, It wasn't both full of shit
and it wasn't He wasn't jaded and he was never
a negative guy like there was. I don't know if
he had a dark side to him. I mean, I
guess we all do, but as far as male comedians go,
he was, you know, one of the least dark comedians
(15:17):
that I've ever met.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
Yeah, it was more personally just because he always felt
the way to the world and he had so much
loss in his own life.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
He did have. And when I say a dark side.
Speaker 6 (15:26):
I don't mean you know where he was like secretly,
you know, off yelling at people or something like that.
I mean, he it was more he would just feel sad,
you know, and he just wanted to make people happy,
and so he was always struggling with like, oh God,
like the world can be a tough place, and but
all I want to do is help people, and y
(15:48):
you know, at the same time trying to be a
good dad and balance with his work. And you know,
even though he you know, was an actor and a
producer and director and all this stuff, like being a
comedian was what made him the happiest.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
So yeah, and you're still very close with his girls,
obviously so close.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
How old are they now?
Speaker 6 (16:04):
They're all in their thirties, so almost thirty two, thirty four,
thirty five, and thirty seven.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (16:13):
Yeah, So it was nice because you know, I never
I never wanted kids. Well I didn't think I wanted kids,
and then I ended up not wanting kids, and which
is well, that was kind of a He's like I
at first he kept the option open, and then he's like,
I can't do it, and I was like, I don't
blame you. I wouldn't want to be pushing a stroller.
I don't want to push a stroller now, let alone.
It's seventy right.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
You know.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
And it was great because I had these three incredible
step daughters, so I just got to like drink martinis
with I didn't have to change.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
I mean, that's really the way to do it, is
to get into some sort of step parenting situation if
you must, you know, because that can pay such dividends
too to joyfulness and happiness.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
I have lots of step children in my life.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
Well, I will say that you being so outspoken about
being child free inspired me to also be more outspoken
about it, because it is something that's a little taboo also,
and you always talking about it in the way that
you do in such a hilarious way, which I can't
do that, but you know, it just made me much
more open to talking about it more and making it
(17:12):
trying to normalize that a little bit, because it's weird
that it's not as normalized.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah, I know, it's weird that.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
And what's weird to me is for any man to
think that we all automatically want to be mothers. It's like,
excuse me, where would you get that fucking idea?
Speaker 6 (17:25):
Yeah, it's really crazy to me because it is something
that like, when you were let's say fifteen, did you
think you wanted or did you know? From a very
early age, it.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Was like, wait, this isn't something I would ever want.
I don't want a newborn baby.
Speaker 6 (17:40):
I never wanted it, and being pregnant always terrified me,
and I never want Even when I was a kid,
I was like, I don't really like being around kids,
but I just still thought that I would because it's
just what you do, you know, It's just kind of
the way.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Of the world.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
And so I was like, oh, I'm sure what they're
counting on everyone for us to think we're supposed to
do what we want, what we're you know, we're supposed
to do things and not think too much about it,
think about it, you know, And it got to the
point where I was like, wait, I do have a
choice in this.
Speaker 6 (18:13):
That's crazy interesting. And then when I met Bob at
first I still kind of wanted the option, and then
he's like, no, I can't. I can't do it again.
And then I was like, all right, well, choice made
for me because it reminded me always of that Sex
and the City Line with Carrie and Charlotte, when Charlotte's like,
I can't believe you're gonna give up a baby for
a man you hardly know, and She's like, why would
(18:34):
I give up a man for a baby I hardly
know I want? And I was like, it's Mike drop,
end of story, you know. I was like, that's that's it.
So I was like, I'm not going to give up
this wonderful person for something I don't even think I want.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
So and so now you're dating someone else. Can we
talk about who you're dating? Ye breck and Meyer, who's
an actor.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yes, I've known him for many, many years and we
were all at the Sarah Silverman party recently.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
It's like yellow, I say hello back, He's a sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
That's a big arity, by the way, between Bob and
Brecon it is it is.
Speaker 6 (19:06):
And but Bob was also Bob was so he surprised
people with how tall he was. Nobody thought that he
was that tall until they saw him.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
A person six fourka, that's tall.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (19:18):
It's so interesting because they do have a lot of similarities.
They're both incredibly devoted fathers, and they're both probably the
two funniest people I've ever known. But then they're also
different in so many ways. And it's great because you know,
I've joked about this recently, is that I feel that
Brecan is the only person that Bob would be okay about.
(19:39):
He like, would not want me dating anybody, but he's like, oh,
it's going to be somebody. Fine, at least it's Brecon,
because he really loved Brecon and respected him. But they
weren't really close. It would be weird if they were
really close. But there they were close enough to where
they really really liked and respected each other, but not
best friends.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And you like to be with funny men.
Speaker 6 (20:02):
Apparently Apparently now looking back, I'm like, how how did
I ever think that that was a non negotiable, Like
that's that's a mandatory It's.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, yeah, right right.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
I mean, it's really nice to be around a funny
guy it is.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
That's very helpful.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Yeah, we just laugh all day every day.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We just crack each other up. Okay, we're going to
take a break and we're going to be right back
with Kelly Rizzo. We're back with Kelly. Okay, We're going
to take some callers. We're gonna give advice, We're going
to give out comfort. Okay, so I'm pretending I'm a therapist.
Speaker 4 (20:36):
Okay, here we got exactly exactly so, Sandy says Dear Chelsea.
In twenty twelve, I lost my beautiful sixteen year old son.
I spent the next several years participating in weekly grief
support groups, where it wasn't uncommon for people to express
their guilt and dissatisfaction for the type of memorial service
they were able to provide for their loved one while
(20:57):
in the depths of their grief. It bothered me that
a people's lives were not being appropriately honored, and b
grieving people were feeling badly about this on top of
all the emotions that come along with grief. So five
years ago I started an event planning business specializing in
celebrations of life. This work taps into a perfect combination
of my life experience, my education in psychology, my organizational skills,
(21:20):
and several of my creative talents. I'm known for hosting
the best parties, and I have a deep compassion and
unending patience for people in the depths of grief. The
trouble is, since this is a unique business model in
the United States, I'm afraid that I'm a bit ahead
of my time. I'm an introverted creative type who is
uncomfortable selling myself and have been struggling with figuring out
how to reach people who need my services. After some
(21:42):
slow periods last year, I incorporated planning other types of
events into my business. I've heard you talk about your
preference for celebrations of life over funerals on past episodes
of Dear Chelsea, so I thought i'd ask you for
your thoughts on this career path I've chosen and desperately
do not want to give up, because truly, no one
needs an event planner more than people suffering from grief.
Am I too ahead of my time for this endeavor?
(22:03):
How do I lead the way into establishing new norms
for celebrating our dead in a society that doesn't seem
quite ready to think outside the box.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
I'd love your input. All the best, Sandy.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Hi, Sandy, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Hi there, this is our special guest Kelly Rizzos with
us today.
Speaker 6 (22:19):
Hi Kelly, Hi Sandy.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I love that idea. I mean, that's what we had
for Bob right celebration of life.
Speaker 6 (22:25):
Yeah, I mean, I just have to say, that is
the most incredible idea I have ever heard. And I
can't tell you how incredibly valuable that would have been
for me at the time I was in I mean,
I was incapable of doing anything, but I also fortunately
didn't have to do anything because a lot of people
stepped up. But there, to me is such a need
(22:49):
for that, and for you to even feel the slightest
bit of negativity around that, I just I hope that
you can embrace it fully because it is so neat,
is so important, and I've never heard of anyone doing that.
So to me, it's like you're kind of one in
a million.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Yeah, it feels like I'm like, it feels like a
service that will help many, many people. I think it's
just a matter of you getting the message out there.
It sounds like, so what is your like, where are
you what's your business strategy?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
What have you been doing thus far?
Speaker 5 (23:22):
Well, like I said, I did have to switch to
adding more events to my repertoire and just offering my
services to a wider scope of events, which has been fun.
But my heart really is with the grieving. So after
the pandemic, I was slammed with work. I had a
bunch and then it just suddenly dropped off and it
(23:43):
wasn't even people who died of COVID.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
And where do you live?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
I live in Bellingham, Washington, Okay?
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so is there?
Speaker 5 (23:48):
How are you marketing this social media? Mostly I've reached
out to other event planners to let them know that
I specialize in this in case it's something that they
don't want to take on. I have, you know, all
of the funeral homes know that I exist. I've pretty
much covered everything that I can think.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Well, what about advertising with the obituaries?
Speaker 5 (24:08):
You know, people don't really do obituaries very much anymore,
do they?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I guess not in the hard papers. They don't do
them online?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Yeah, not very often. They are done through the funeral homes.
And honestly, I'm kind of in competition with the funeral homes.
So they don't, you know.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
I would think A.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I think obviously you want to broad in your social
media advertisement as much as you can by spreading the
word and having people who have used your business continue
to spread the word, but also making sure that your
messaging is in temples and churches and congregations that are
in your area to let people know that there's another
option other than a funeral organizations or like even retirement
(24:46):
homes going into their Have you done that?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
There might also be an opportunity, sort of a business
to business opportunity talking to elder law and estate planning attorneys.
Speaker 5 (24:59):
I did that as well. Did you already it saturate?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (25:01):
I sent out marketing materials to all of them. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
It may be a little bit more of interacting with
them on a personal basis, like calling, having a meeting,
sitting down talking to them a little bit about why
this is something somebody might want to include actually in
their estate plans, because marketing like it's so like you said,
outside the box four people in the US, that it
might take more like maybe you are having events and
(25:26):
speaking for fifteen minutes about like why you feel like
this is an even better way to celebrate someone's life.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Yeah, yeah, if you could do that, Like if you
could talk to people's families at a retirement community, or
you go in and.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
You talk to all the people in the home.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
You know, how do you want to spend how do
you want to be celebrated when your life is over?
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Here? Do you want to have a funeral?
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Like I'm here to offer something If this sounds I mean,
you really do have to kind of have a conversation
with them about it. I think that's how you get
people to convert to the idea of not you know,
a funeral is so funereal, so depressing. You know, there
is an upbeat, more positive way of looking at like
transitioning out of life. And I mean even talking to
(26:08):
people in hospitals, you know, who are dealing with like
difficult decisions and stuff like that. But I feel like
retirement communities are just so like if you could talk
to the people that are there, and if you could
talk to family members of the people that are there
to give them the option, because I'm sure it's more.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
I mean, everyone has to either bury or.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Cremate somebody, right, Yeah, so there's that cost anyway, But
are your costs kind of commensurate with the cost of
a funeral?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Yeah, And I mean I've had to keep them that way,
even though what I create is far better than, yes,
what the average funeral is. And I'll tell you what
I have found is elderly people. They have their plans
kind of set in place, and a lot of them
don't want anything. And they also have lived long enough
(26:54):
that a lot of their friends are no longer here
to participate. So those aren't really the people that have
hired me. It has been people who have lost somebody tragically, suddenly, unexpectedly,
far too young, who are just wiped out by grief
and need somebody to step in and celebrate. I've helped
celebrate some pretty incredible people in some pretty incredible ways.
(27:18):
So it's been, you know, it's all been just a
learning curve because there's no like literally, I think there's
five businesses in the entire country that do what I do,
and I was one of the first, so and none
of us are getting very much work. So it's just
a really new concept.
Speaker 6 (27:34):
Isn't One of the big selling points also, that a
funeral is usually within a few days to a week
or so after somebody passes, where what you're doing kind
of gives them more time to prepare and to plan something.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
W'ere a funeral.
Speaker 6 (27:50):
I mean, you're so rushed, and sometimes you're like, I mean,
for instance, Bob and I never ever talked about what
he wanted. Fortunately, you know, obviously with his family and
everything so involved, Like we did what we think he
would actually really have loved, but we never talked about it,
so I didn't know, and we were so rushed, you know,
everything happened so quickly that you're like, oh God, am
(28:11):
I doing this right? What am I doing to where
your services? You know, you can have much more time
to prepare and do it right and do what you
think the person would really have wanted.
Speaker 5 (28:21):
And I do always encourage my people not to try
not to rush it. There's some who just need it
to be over with that For the most part, people
want to take the time so they can get used
to the idea that they need to do this thing.
And the more time I have, the more epic I
can truly make the event be for them and really
dig into who the person was and find ways to
(28:42):
reflect who they were in this celebration that we're creating
of their life, and everybody loves the events. I've had
families tell me that, you know, they were absolutely terrified
and dreading coming to their person's celebration of life, but
felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they left.
(29:05):
So it's kind of a magical service that I can
provide for people. And beyond just creating the event, I
provide I know what grief is like, and I provide
support and let them know that they're not crazy while
they're going through you know, what they're experiencing, sometimes for
the first time in their lives.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, okay, well we're going to we'll help you. Promoted
on this podcast. What is the name of your.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Business, Epic Celebrations and.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
You service anywhere in the country or is it just
in your area?
Speaker 5 (29:34):
I generally work between Bellingham and Seattle, Okay in county.
Excuse me, but I am certainly willing to travel for
my services.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, yeah, well I think Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
I'm sorry, we don't have a better like mark business
strategy for you, but we will try to spread the
word over here because I think that is the definite
way to deal with losing a loved one, especially in
a tragic way, you know, you don't you want to
go out with remembering all of the beauty that they
brought and kind of having a more modern way of
looking at death rather than death being the final you know,
(30:07):
and such an ending and such a smack in the face.
And especially for people who you who lose loved ones unexpectedly,
that's exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
What you need, you know, in the face of that.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah, well, I.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
Will definitely keep it in mind too since I deal with, yeah,
a lot of greeting people all the time.
Speaker 5 (30:22):
H Yeah, Well, I think it's just really important to, like,
I appreciate the opportunity to put the idea out there
in a larger sphere, you know, so people are thinking about,
you know, different ways, and that there are people who
can help in that, and just to start thinking about
thinking outside the box of what you know, we how
we celebrate the lives of our people once they're not here.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
And also, you know, another way to kind of maybe
outreach for you to do is people are able to
get euthanized in Oregon, so if they're planning that and Washington, right,
oh right, yeah, So I mean, is there any way
to kind of couple your services or with with those
with those programs that are actually because those people know
(31:04):
they're going to die, and that's kind of what they.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Can be around for their celebration of life.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
Right. Yeah, And one of the services that I offer.
You spoke with Katie Kuric about this on a previous podcast,
which was part of what led me to contact you,
was she talked about the idea of living memorials for
when somebody is sick and know they're going to pass,
and then having a celebration when they have all of
the people around them who can hug them and love
on them one last time so that they leave this
(31:28):
world feeling full of love instead of fear. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
That's really beautiful idea too.
Speaker 5 (31:35):
So yeah, yeah, and that's one of the services I offer.
But haven't been taken up on that one yet.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Okay, Well, I think it will happen. I think people
will come around to this idea. It's very you. You
are a little ahead of your time, but that's a
good thing. That's not a bad thing. What are the
other events that you're doing to supplement your company.
Speaker 5 (31:51):
I've done some corporate events and I've done some baby showers.
So it's been kind of fun to work on the
opposite end of things. Yeah, I did some birthday parties,
and it's been really joyful to actually get to meet
the people that I'm helping plan parties for. You know,
I tend to fall in love with the honorees that
I create celebrations of life for, and then I don't
(32:11):
get to meet them. I just have to find ways
of bringing a piece of who they were into me
and holding them in my heart even though I never
get to meet them. But it's really it's pretty heartbreaking
to know that I've missed out on knowing some really
really cool people in this world.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Yeah, the circle of life, Yeah, the whole spectrum.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Well, good for you for doing this work. It's really
really you meaningful, you know.
Speaker 5 (32:35):
Thank you. Thanks for bringing attention to it.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Yeah, Sandy, so tell us one more time. It's Epic
Celebrations dot.
Speaker 5 (32:41):
Com, Epic Celebrations NW for Northwest dot Com.
Speaker 4 (32:45):
All right, great, Well, let's also offline a little bit
more about potential B to B strategies. I'd like to
hear kind of like what all of you tried and
and offer some suggestions for more stuff to try.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Okay, all right, thanks Sandy, Thanks everybody.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Thank you bye bye bye. That is it?
Speaker 3 (33:02):
That is a really cool idea, really cool, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:05):
I just feel like getting that idea in front of
people in a way where you know, obviously you don't
know if somebody's going to have a sudden death, but
where it's sort of like they remember, like, oh my gosh,
there's a woman who came and spoke at such and
such like two years ago, and she would be perfect
to jump in and help out with this.
Speaker 6 (33:20):
Oh well, now I know about it'll be on my radar.
And yeah, as you said, she's a bit ahead of
her time, but there's also very little competition, so m m.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Yeah, right exactly.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
That's also nice for people who have a terminal diagnosis
to make this kind of plan, you know, people who
know that they're not going to make it, and they
could plan an either life celebration before they pass on,
or you know, employ her to actually make their funeral
something that they're going to want to be at.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
You know, you know, what do you think about that?
Speaker 6 (33:51):
The where you're at your own funeral almost.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
I mean, I'm down for that. I don't mind that idea.
Hardy's like, wait, that'd be amazing.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
The part of me is like, oh wow, that's you
always have those dreams of like being at your own funeral,
like what that would be like, you know, like did
would anybody show up?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
And then it's like you get to see who shows up? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Yeah, I like the idea of a celebration of life
for sure, because I don't want a funeral.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I want a party.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
Yeah, but it's a little easier to party while the
person's still there.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Yeah, or have a party in my honor without me.
I'm fine either way.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah. And there's just been plates of drugs everywhere.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Yeah, plates of drugs. Musham's to see all of that
good stuff more.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
Next question is not about grief, but this comes from
they're using thoseudonyms spiraling. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty year
old woman who recently moved to a new city and state.
I really enjoy playing tennis, and since moving, I've joined
some leagues and have been meeting a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Last Sunday, I was.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Playing tennis with one of my teams, and I think
I overheard our team captain talking about me to another teammate.
She said about me, she doesn't look like she'd be good,
but she is right. I cannot stop thinking about it.
Always been self conscious, so the comment cut really deep.
I don't think the captain was trying to talk bad
about me. I actually think she was trying to say
something nice about me. But it's really caused me to
(35:09):
spiral a bit. She also doesn't know I overheard her.
I mean, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just
focus on the good part and not on the looks part?
Any advice, sincerely, Spiraling.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
We're talking about we were talking about dark you know,
your dark side, Like we all have a shadow self,
and our shadow self is you know some psychiatrists refer
to that. Some people is like, oh, it's just your ego,
however you want to frame it. We have voices in
our head that are telling us one story, and then
there's reality. And the reality is that she was giving
(35:42):
you a compliment, and who gives a shit what she
thinks about whether or not you look like you're a
good athlete or not. The compliment is that you are,
and she's surprised. That's all her business, Like, it's none
of your business. But the thoughts that you're having that
are related to this are your insecure thoughts, your ego thoughts,
your shut of self thoughts. That is your job to
(36:02):
quiet those thoughts, and that is through like daily work
to understand that other people's opinions of you don't matter.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
They're not your business.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And sometimes even when they tell you about their opinions
of you, it doesn't matter. You're not as long as
you're not hurting someone, hurting someone's feelings, or be acting
in a destructive way towards yourself or towards others. That
is work you have to do on yourself, and that's
can be daily affirmations of why of all the things
that you see about yourself, that you are strong, that
(36:32):
you are capable, that you're active in your sport, and
all of the other good things that you have in
your life, or a gratitude journal, you know, writing down
ten things that you're happy and grateful about. You just
kind of have to get to like a little bit
of a higher frequency than to let all these little
comments from other people that you weren't even supposed to
(36:52):
hear in the first place. Remember, you weren't supposed to
hear that in the first place. If she had a
choice to say that with knowing you would hear it,
she wouldn't I have chosen for you to hear it.
Therefore there's nothing for you to do about it. You're
definitely not gonna say anything to her about it.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Who cares? You don't want to? Like that's aggravating an issue.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
But I think all of our negative self talk like
that is a daily exercise that you have to recognize
that you're doing a And now you recognize that you're
doing it, I'm telling you that you're doing it. You
wrote in because of this, and you have to start
to disassemble that. And every day is like, I am
not what other people think about me. I am what
I am, And you're contributing in a valuable way to
(37:33):
something that you really enjoy. That's your takeaway, not the
negative thing that is meaningless to me. So, while I
know it's difficult to hear things about yourself sometime, I
really just would want to implore you to like dig
a little deeper into who you really are, the essence
of who you are as a person, and then you
become a lot less affected by what other people think
(37:54):
of you. And that can work with meditation too. You
can achieve that goal through meditation, through graditude lists, through
affirmations every day. But I would pick one of those
things and really focus on doing that activity every single
day to just kind of bring yourself up a little
bit more so you're not as vulnerable to others in
things that are not that important.
Speaker 6 (38:15):
Yeah, you nailed that one thousand percent. I mean I
was just thinking the same thing, like, what other people
think of you is.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Not your business.
Speaker 6 (38:23):
And it can be hard, of course to you know,
you hear something gossipy and negative.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
It sounds it's a high.
Speaker 6 (38:31):
School thing, you know, it's that thing that you would
let can you latch on to when you were when
you were younger, And it can be hard to you know,
if you hear somebody saying something about about you. But
as you said, she wasn't meant to hear it. It
was ultimately a positive. And didn't she say, like, I'm
not even sure she was talking about me. Let's just
pretend she wasn't even talking about you, it wasn't even
(38:53):
about you. Just pretend that you didn't even hear because
it wasn't even about you. It could have been about
somebody else. You don't know for sure, that's true.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Also, Yeah, So just work on your stuff, work on it.
We all have a responsibility to each other as women
and as human beings to get better at being ourselves.
We all have a responsibility to kind of improve our
own mental health and our own mental self assuredness. Our
self assuredness is like, you have to be aware of
your behavior and then oh, oh, look at what I
(39:23):
got hurt about. Oh that's me being silly or insecure
or small. Never mind, wipe that away like it's like
water off a duck's back. Let it fall off of you,
and actually physically think about those comments falling off of you,
because that's something that I do a lot, and it works.
You just think about the fact that, Okay, I've set
with this emotion. It didn't feel nice, and now I'm
(39:45):
letting it go and moving on.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
That's good.
Speaker 6 (39:47):
I like that envisioning the water off a ducts back.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
Mm hmmm hm. So Luke says dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4 (39:54):
I'm a thirty four year old single gay man, and
life has been equal parts horrible and generous to me.
I met my husband online when I was seventeen, he
was eighteen. There wasn't a weird age gap. Even talking
about it now, I want to pull younger me aside
and say Oh, honey, you have so much time to
fall in love.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Don't rush it.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
Well, we rushed it, and I rebelled against every piece
of guidance my family had to offer. We got married
and never looked back. We both ended up being successful
in our careers and build a great life together. And
then he died in a car accident. I was and
still am, completely devastated. And this was four years ago.
Three months after he died, I learned that I was
the sole beneficiary of a one million dollar life insurance policy.
(40:34):
That policy has since paid out, and I donated a
large chunk of that to charities that I know he loved.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
The rest I invested.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
As you can imagine, his family is coming out of
the woodwork with their handout, and my inclination is to
tell them to fuck off entirely.
Speaker 3 (40:48):
What are your thoughts? Thank you, Luke. This is tricky.
This is tricky.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
I mean, I don't think it's fair to have to
give handouts to everybody, and his family if those were
his wishes. Yeah, is it the insurance policy or was
it an insurance policy?
Speaker 6 (41:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (41:05):
I see, so that is a little bit different. What
do you think about this?
Speaker 6 (41:08):
An insurance policy is a very deliberate, very calculated situation,
you know, like he set that up for him. It
wasn't This wasn't like a probate situation where he died
and left a bunch of money and it's like who does.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
It go to?
Speaker 6 (41:28):
Well, they were married, and the family's like what about me?
Where his family? This was a very deliberate situation. Obviously,
if it was a different type of inheritance, that maybe
is a little bit more disputable. But I feel like
life insurance policy is just very specific.
Speaker 4 (41:43):
Right right, And I think my big question is what
kind of relationship did you have with them before this?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
You know, did you have a good relationship with them?
Speaker 4 (41:52):
Were they people that you saw it Thanksgiving and holidays
and this sort of thing, or are you just hearing
from them now. I think that makes a big difference
and sort of the answers to that.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, But it's also not your responsibility to be doling
out like you know, we're talking about a million dollars,
and while that may sound like a lot of money,
that goes very quickly, you know when you start giving
it away to different people, And as you just said,
and insurance policy is not set up for your other
family members like your brothers and your sisters.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
It's set up for your partner. That's what it is, right.
Speaker 6 (42:23):
And that's that coming from his bank account. It's not
like it's not like this is his money. He worked
for his whole life and he's leaving it all to
him like this is insurance money, right.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
I don't know if you're feeling really guilty that you
want to give them money, that's that's really a personal decision.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
I don't think you have any obligation to do that.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
And yes, are you in regular communication with these people,
or if they came out of nowhere, if they came
out of nowhere, or you hadn't heard from them for
a while, one more reason to not worry about it.
But I wouldn't let yourself be racked with guilt. You
were in that relationship for a really long time, and
I believe that you deserve that insurance policy.
Speaker 6 (43:01):
And I will say that you are not alone in this.
This is so common and is almost a little bit
more the norm when somebody passes away and there's you know,
whether there's a step situation and exes and all this
stuff and children involved that it usually can be very
messy and it usually can create so many problems. I
(43:23):
was so fortunate that we had none of that, thank god.
But that's not the norm my situation. We talk all
the time. We're always like, we are so lucky that
we didn't have that type of because a lot of times,
just somebody passes away, it is just a catalyst for
your worst self.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
To come from. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
I mean I was just with a friend on vacation
who was dealing with this and I could not believe
the stories. I was just like, oh my god, money
brings out the worst in everybody.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
My family is all in elder law and estate planning,
So like, everybody, go get your estate plan done because
that you know, when you do pass, you can make
these choices before any of that happens. You can say
how you want things to go and nobody has to
argue about it.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yeah, I've done my estate planning.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
I just re up to my estate planning and make
sure that my cousin doesn't get to make medical decisions
in my favor because she'll keep me alive no matter what.
And I was like, listen, bitch, I have another cousin
that will euthanize me. And so he's gonna be the
one that has the medical decision making.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
I don't want to fight anything. I'm ready. I'm ready
to go if need.
Speaker 3 (44:25):
Be all right.
Speaker 4 (44:27):
And you know, one other thing that Luke brought up
when we did sort of a pre interview call was
being a very young widower is something very unique or
is uncommon?
Speaker 3 (44:38):
Would you have any words of advice for him?
Speaker 6 (44:41):
Yeah, just knowing that you feel like when it happens
to you that you're the only one because you're like,
oh my god, I was not planning this. I was
anticipating that. I mean, in my situation, I knew that
I'd probably be a widow maybe in my sixties or seventies,
(45:01):
but I certainly wasn't anticipating it at forty two when
it was three years ago. And I will say, when
you go through it, you start like so many people
start to come out of the woodworks, and you do
have such a support group of people that you meet
who they're like, i'm a young widow too, or I'm
(45:21):
a young widower also, and I've met so many people
who have and then you feel less alone and it
sounds like this was four years ago.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So it's really tough.
Speaker 6 (45:31):
But if he can find that support from other people
who have gone through it at a similar age. You
do feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so
many people.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
And it's really important not to let people put guilt
on you. I know you might feel that like that's
a natural reaction to them coming and saying we want
money to.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Or whatever they're doing. You can't let people guilt you
into things.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
You have to kind of really sit with this decision
and think about what's right for you and what's appropriate
for you, and that is appropriate insurance policy is for
the partner.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That's appropriate.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So anything other complicated feelings you have around it have
been brought on by his family, and so I want
you to be very aware of that and where the
feelings of guilt are coming from.
Speaker 6 (46:15):
Yes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It's hard enough to
go through the loss of the partner without all of
this other stuff and a lot of people who aren't
in your shoes and who haven't experienced a loss of
a spouse and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. It
just goes back to the hole. When someone is grieving,
there's no wrong way to do it. You can't judge
(46:36):
them because if you haven't been through it. You don't
know what it's like.
Speaker 4 (46:41):
Yeah, all right, Luke, check back in with us, keep
us posted, and we can take a quick break and
come back with a kind of silly little question to
wrap up.
Speaker 1 (46:49):
Perfect.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
Let's go, Let's let's end on something light today. It's
been a bit heavier. Okay, we're gonna take a break up.
We'll be right back with Kelly Rizzo. And we're back.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
We are back.
Speaker 5 (47:04):
Well.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
I identify with Cindy here because, you know, being a Midwestern kid,
as I know you are, Kelly, you know our families
are a little more conservative when it comes to what
we do with our body modification. So Cindy says, Dear Chelsea.
I'm in my thirties and recently got a little lip
filler for the first time. I'm happy with the results,
but I find myself constantly afraid of being judged by
(47:27):
my friends and coworkers. I also live far away from
my parents, and I'm dreading their reaction. They screamed at
my sister when she got her nose pierced, so they
definitely don't like body modifications. My fear is that my
parents will be disappointed in me for changing the features
they gave me, and I don't want to break their hearts.
Do you think I should give my parents a heads
up about the filler or should I just act normal
(47:49):
and not say anything when I finally see them. Thanks
so much for your advice, Cindy.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
I definitely don't think you should give the heads up
to anyone about anything, Like it's really not their fucking
problem or their business. And if it's noticeable enough, like
if it's a big change from how you looked before,
then I think you should go in there with like
a plan about why you did it, explaining to them
that it was important for you and that this has
been something you've felt insecure about and that you've seen
(48:15):
everybody else.
Speaker 1 (48:15):
Everybody fucking does this. Everybody does it.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
I've done it, Like it's okay, it doesn't matter, Like
whatever's going to make you feel better. First of all,
your lips get thinner as you get older, so like
there's that a men's get thicker as they get older.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
How that happens?
Speaker 2 (48:31):
It's like, but also like whatever you need to do
to make yourself feel better, who gives a shit? Like
you don't owe them an explanation, And if they if
it's not noticeable enough. They probably won't even fucking notice.
So I don't know how much you got done. But
like everyone is doing this and it's that's it. You
always wanted bigger lips. That's all you have to say
(48:51):
is I wish I had bigger lips. I've always wanted
bigger lips. Can you believe how lucky I am that
they provide this and you could just go and get
it done. It didn't have to get so, I didn't
have to go under the knife. I didn't have to
do anything drastic. I just got a little lip injector
that will dissolve if I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
I mean, life is a miracle.
Speaker 6 (49:09):
Yeah, I mean, I'm with you completely, and that you're
an adult, you're in your thirties. I understand the still
appreciation for what your parents think. But it's one thing
if you were like in high school and they're like,
I'm not gonna pay for college if you do this, okay,
it's like you're kind of still under their thumb, like
they can't just go out and do that.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
However, I mean I.
Speaker 6 (49:32):
Come from a very different like my mom lived in
the Playboy mansion in the sixties, when I had like
my nose done in my boobs on, she was like,
you go girl, Like she loved all that stuff. But
then again, like they hated all the tattoos. I have
so many tattoos. And my dad is you know, born
in Sicily, very old school Sicilian, and he's would freak
out about them. But I still just didn't care. I'm like,
(49:54):
they're still gonna love me no matter what. They're not
gonna disown me, and they get over it.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
They get over it.
Speaker 6 (50:01):
Yeah, they might be mad for a few minutes and
well like why'd you do that? Five minutes later, they're
not going to care. So just you're building this up
too much. Yeah, they'll get over it.
Speaker 4 (50:11):
Yeah, And it's the way you feel, isn't silly. That's
not what I'm trying to say by this is a
silly question. But if this gives you confidence, that's the
thing that matters. And I do think that's true. Like
parents sometimes are like weird about something like a nose ring,
but like not about hey, your lips look a little
bit different.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
But also just come from a place of like when
you do deal with it, your enthusiasm has to override
their criticism, Like I'm so happy I did this. Thank goodness,
this service is available, Thank god I can afford it.
You can just pop into someone's office and do this, like,
oh my god, I'm so grateful. Like you have to
overshadow their pessimism or negativity and with the fact that
(50:49):
their daughter's happy that you made that choice.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (50:52):
Yeah, Like I feel good about myself. And if you
want to be mad at me, be mad at me.
But I'm sure you'll get over it. And yeah, we'll
have a wonderful holidays.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Cut to I want to see it before and after picture.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
Please send that Cindy you.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
Okay, So, Kelly, thank you for coming today.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
So listen to people if you want to be in
a support group for grief or you know, probably other
things too. I imagine it will expand beyond just grief. Right,
you can go.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
To comfort Club online dot com.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Comfort Club online dot com, and then you can also
tune into Kelly's podcast, which is comfort Food, which.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
Is available on anywhere you get podcasts.
Speaker 2 (51:29):
Which is also about grief and handling grief with a
little bit more support and more comfort over food and
actually using it as a guide to not even for yourself.
If you're necessarily going through grief, but if for someone
that you love is going through grief, figuring out a
better way to be available for them exactly.
Speaker 6 (51:46):
And it's just really great advice for not only how
to get through it yourself, but how to help people
going through it in your life. Because if we haven't
gone through it yet, someone we know has gone through
it or is going through it. Yeah, thank you so
much for thank you so much for having me. Yes,
so lovely to see you. Yeah, always always. Okay, we'll
see you guys next week.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Okay, guys. Stand up shows that I have coming up.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
I am going to San Diego on eleven, twenty nine,
that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on
November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that.
And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth.
December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm
coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then
(52:31):
I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth. And
those are the rest of my stand up dates for
this year. It's over New Tour New Year.
Speaker 4 (52:40):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
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