September 5, 2025 • 17 mins
Chelsea and Catherine learn about the need for a new vocab segment, a son wants his mom to move in, and an auntie gets caught playing favorites.
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Hello, Hello Chelsea. How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm great, Thank you for feeding my meter today for me,
because I'm incompetent and I can't park in a parking structure.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I mean, I am incompetent when it comes to knowing
what cars are.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
So I knew it was a silver car.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
There were a lot of silver cars, and I definitely
had to like beep the key raids.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Very first of all.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
But okay, and I yesterday, you guys gave me as
like a I want to say, certification, validation, validation for
my car.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
And I get down to the parking lot pull out.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I have everything but the fucking ticket, of course, and
I'm a hot mess. You know, everything's a hot mess
with me and I so I'm like, fuck it. I
pay twenty five dollars to record my own podcast and
then this morning I got out of the car and
there's the validation ticket. I'm like, this is a mess.
Everything I do is a mess.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You know what, It's okay, we're gonna give you validation.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
It's like somebody needs to just come and park my
car every single day.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah. Well, I have a suggestion from a listener, and
I thought was kind of funny is that for me personally?
Kind of? I am actually curious what you're gonna think
about this?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
So great, Justine says, she wrote in and her subject
line of her email is you think Rob Low knows
what perspicacious means?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Vocal queen?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
She said, Dear Chelsea, I think my vocabulary is pretty respectable,
particularly for an American at this point in time.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yet my workouts are.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Routinely interrupted when I have to pause and google the
definition of some big word, one that you know, damn well,
your guest does not know the meaning of You think
Rob Low knows what chicanery means?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Perspicacious? Please?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
He's too beautiful and so am I. I mean, you're
a goddamn hero for our culture. You're educating the masses,
but you're also interrupting my flow.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So here's my pitch.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Can you decode your superior dialect for the rest of
us plebeians at the end of each episode so we
can all become less stupid together. Maybe it can be
a new mini segment. Thanks in advance, Justine. Yeah, that's
a great I was like, I love that. I love
that idea of vocab words. We all need to build
our vocab yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
So now when I hear like big words, I'll just
just to clarify.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Perspicacious means very perceptive.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So I'm just being a kunt by saying perspicacious because
I love the way, because it's such a belifluous word.
There's another word there, euphotious, molifluous words that roll.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Right off your tongue or that are fun to say.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I love to say perspicacious is one of them, like perspicacity,
But you could say is another version of perspicacious, right,
you know, it's another tense, but it basically just means
very perceptive. Chicanery is something that just means like silliness
and foul play, not foul play, like silliness and like
like like hy drinks. Yeah, like you're up to shenanigans.
(02:46):
Chicanery is shenanigans, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Which I certainly had to google after the first couple times.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, but I have I have like about fifteen words
that I rotate that I love and then I throw
in some new ones all the time. But I'm like you,
when I hear a word I don't know, I have
to look it up immediately.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah, well we'll add that in and we'll just start
doing a little second at the end.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Yeah, yub words, that's cute.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Well, our first caller today is Dwayne, and it's a
little bit of a long email, but.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
No one loves a long email more than.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Catherine, and I cut them down. That's the thing. I
cut them down.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
This is probably a third of what it was, so
Dwayne says, Dear Chelsea. I'm a diehard fan of yours
and have followed your career for decades and I never
miss an episode of Dear Chelsea. This podcast keeps me
saying during my thirty mile commute each way to and
from work. I'm forty seven and an only child. My
dad passed away suddenly of heart issues in two thousand
and four. He and my mom were married for over
(03:37):
thirty years at the time of his passing. For the
first few years following, she never had an interest in
dating or finding another partner. Then she met Bob somewhere
around twenty fifteen. At first, I didn't mind Bob. He
was a little annoying because he always had to be
a part of every conversation and topic. He's hard of
hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. He talks
a lot about himself and has a story about himself
(03:58):
for almost every topic. Even though he could be painful
to be around, he seemed to care for my mom and.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Trade her well.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
He moved into her house somewhere around six months into
their relationship. I should mention Bob had supposedly been married twice.
Eventually I came to find out that Bob was not
just sometimes annoying, but he was also misogynistic. I know
it all, dishonest, and quite frankly, an asshole. My mom
had kicked him out after she had discovered that he
lied to her about being twice married. Turns out he
(04:23):
was in the middle of a divorce from his third wife.
Not to mention, she caught him talking to a woman
on a dating site. Jump ahead about six months after
she kicked him out, and I heard through the grapevine
that she was back with him. I confronted her and
she came clean that he was back in the picture.
I voiced my concerns and said how much I disapproved,
and she could find someone so much better. He was
trying overly hard to get my approval by forcing conversations
(04:46):
no matter if it's a topic. He knows I have
no interest in I try to have the minimum interaction
with him as possible and still remain respectful. But I'm
the type of person who can't hide my thoughts and
I speak my mind. I will give him credit that
he does accept me for being gay, but honestly, it's
one of the very few things about him that I
will say is positive. They sleep in separate bedrooms, and
when I ask my mom why she stays with him,
(05:06):
she says his company is better than nothing. I've even
tried to get her to move either close to me
and my husband, but I haven't had much luck, with
her being eighty and soon to be eighty one in
a couple months. I don't want anything to happen where
I regret something or that Bob takes time away from
me and my mom. What can I do to either
convince her to leave him, leave him by moving us,
or just get the situation to change, but that means
(05:28):
he would have to change. Additionally, I'm going to stay
with them for a bit after she has hip surgery
in a couple months.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
How am I going to survive that much time with Bob? Dwayne?
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Hi, Dwayne, how are you good?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
How are you thanks for picking my question?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I appreciate it, of course.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Of course, do you really think there's a reality of
your mom leaving him?
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Sometimes sometimes not. So there's times that she actually will
be She'll come to come visit us in Washington, and
she doesn't tell him that it's planned until like a
week before she's going to leave, and she she will
know him for a while and stuff, and so she
does some stuff to annoy him because of how much
(06:11):
he annoys her sometimes and stuff too. So I think
I think she needs that extra push and stuff. But
she's also in the town she grew up in, and
that's also where my dad is buried and her parents
are buried, and her brothers and stuff too, and her
(06:34):
she has one brother still there, but she does have
one brother over here in Washington as well. I'm very
protective of my mom, and so one of the things
that breaks my heart is that she is more in
like a roommate type of situation and that she basically
lives in her upstairs. She's always doing like diamond painting,
(06:57):
crochete and stuff like that, but doesn't interact with him
as much, and so it's more of a lonely thing definitely.
I don't know how to. I don't know how to
kind of break that or try to get her out
of something that is more just where she feels kind
(07:21):
of stuck, I guess, or that is just better than nothing.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
This is a situation where I feel like going into
a senior living situation. We're not talking necessarily assisted living,
although she might need that, like with the hip surgery
coming up and everything, but like a sun city, Like,
is there anything like that by you? I mean those
are places that are designed to help you continue to
have social interaction and like not just one person, but
(07:45):
there's activities all day long.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
She can participate as much or as little as she wants.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
But you're in a community of other people who are
like you, and you don't just have this one person's
like living in your house.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I've me and my
husband have talked about that, but I haven't really brought
it up to her necessarily.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Well, I mean, if she's getting this hip surgery, listen,
if that's even on the table, that she would be
open to, like leaving him then and getting this hip
surgery would be the perfect kind of break because she
could move into one of these facilities. You could move
in with her while she's healing, and that could be
like her introduction into one of those places, into like
a retirement community.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
But like that's I don't know how realistic that is.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I mean that she you're going to convince her to
because there's other company to be had. Absolutely, if she
were a lot younger, I would say go for it.
I would say go for it at any age. But
I mean it just might not be a reality. Like
she is living with a roommate, And if that's the case,
why not meet a bunch of other people that could
be much more you know, fun to be around and
(08:48):
have like what and play games with and socialized with.
If she's not sleeping in bed with him either, I
mean that's pretty common for older people at this point.
I mean, nobody likes to sleep with each other at
this age.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Yeah, they don't really have a whole lot in Yeah,
So for him, it's all about sports. My mom couldn't
care less about sports, right, and so she likes her
Hallmark movies and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
We want to hang out with your mom diamond painting
and watching movies.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Why don't you go?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
And did you say, there was a place that you saw,
like a retirement place that would be appealing for her.
Is there any place like would she move where you
guys are? I know you said, like have her family
is buried there?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Yeah, so I would really like her too. I don't
know how realistic it is that she would actually pick
up and move. She owns her home, so it's a
matter of selling her house and everything, which I don't
think she's a post opposed to, because there is a
retirement community back in her town that she has told
me before that she wouldn't mind going to, and it's
(09:52):
a it's a senior community, and they have ones that
are like condos and cottages and stuff, so it's not
full on like apartment. It's almost like a Grayson franky
type of place in a way.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Well, that would be great, I mean, but would he
want to come with her to that if that were
an option, because even then she's surrounded by other people,
you know what I mean, So that would open up
her socializing.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Yeah, it's possible that he would. He would want to
because it is her house that they live in. That's
kind of the other thing that I'm also afraid of
is that if something does happen to her, how much
of a nightmare is going to be with him of
wanting to try to take stuff that isn't his or
try to say that there's common.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Law and they're not married, right, No, they're not. Okay, Yeah,
you got to see an elder law attorney. Yeah, not
just an estate planner, but an elder law attorney, and
they'll help you put protections in place to like, you know,
follow the bloodlines and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
You should.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
All of this hip surgery is a perfect excuse to
do all of this stuff, you know what I mean,
Like you want to get everything in order in case
something goes wrong.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
It won't.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
But as a Responsele's son, this is what you have
to do for her. I've spoken, you know, get your
ducks in a row. That you've spoken to an elder
law attorney, spoken to an estate planner. You want to
make sure that if anything happens to her that Bob
doesn't is his name Bob, Yeah, Bob doesn't get all
of her money, doesn't get her house.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
She doesn't want that, I'm sure you know.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
And then open up the conversation to her potentially or
what I would love to see happen is for you
to move into a retirement community where you could actually
have some friends around who have more in common with
you than Bob does. And more importantly, do you really
want to be in this relationship with Bob at this point? Like,
what about transitioning you into this retirement community. I'll stay
(11:40):
with you, we can sell your house, we could get
you better while you're recovering from hip surgery, and we
can kind of move your life into a different direction,
which I think would be more positive for you.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
I mean, there's no harm in suggesting all of these things.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Right, Yeah, And what I have suggested to her is
we have a fairly big lot, and we were talking about,
you know, getting her a tiny home and putting it
on our on our property where she was basically our
neighbor in a way, she still has independence. She we're
right there. We have we have a dog that she
calls her her grandpuppy and stuff, so she would be
(12:17):
all in her glory with him and stuff, or even
adding on to our house and stuff too. But me
and my husband have talked about the senior community, but
never I never really approached to her, And I think
that makes a lot of sense though, with you know,
having excuse of her hip replacement surgery as part of
that of this is a great place for you to heal,
(12:41):
you'd be able to have like a community of people
around that you'd be able to make friends with at
the same time and not just be sitting around board.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And nurses and stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
See what their nursing situation is like if do they
have that on Some of those as places do and
some of those places don't. But I think for this,
for the specifics of this, like you're not not pawning her.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Off to these people that you want to make career.
You're going to be involved within whatever happens.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Even if she moves into this place, you're still going
to be there to help her with her hip bafter.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
And at eighty, like she doesn't necessarily.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Even want to be taken care of a whole house
like that becomes a lot of work for someone as
they age. So this I mean, just present all these options,
Like we can talk about a tiny home, we can
talk about like let's go see this in place that's
nearby you while I'm here, Like before you get your
hip surgery, like there's a lot of conversation you guys have.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I think that
that's probably a good way to go. And there's the
option of if she wants to stay there, that there's
one there that she has shown a little bit of
interest in from like a few years ago that she mentioned.
And then even in my area, there's quite a few
around my area, not far away, I would say, within
(13:48):
anywhere from one to five miles maximum from our house.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Great, So get this stuff going.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
This hip surgery is actually a blessing in disguise in
terms of all these conversations, and then also to get
the estate planning story so that that guy doesn't you know,
you know, because she's going to want to be reminded
of that too, right. She doesn't want that to you know, happen,
like if anything were to happen, she does does it
definitely doesn't want him to get her house, based on
what you're telling us.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Right right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Thanks Wayne, thank you.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
I appreciate it so much. I really am thankful for
the advice and the help and even not even just
my question, all the advice that you guys give other people.
I find some of it, you know, pertaining to me
a little bit. I take a little bit of that
every episode.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Love that, love that.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Well, thanks for calling in, and you're a great son.
I'm glad you're.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Take care all right.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Well we'll take a quick break and wrap up.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
With a quikie okay, and we'll be back in a minute.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
And we're back.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
We're We're back. That was so fast, okay, and as well,
She writes.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
In her subject line as picking favorites, Dear Chelsea, love favorites.
I live in Pennsylvania and have a large family who
lives all over the country. My sisters both have kids.
Since my older sister had her kids first, I feel
a strong bond with three of her three of her
four kids. The fourth is just okay, and I don't
feel it as much with my middle sister's oldest child.
(15:22):
I just came home from visiting my middle sister's newborn
with her new husband, and I've never experienced that sort
of baby fever and love before. I'm thirty years old.
For reference and child free, living my best life. I
wonder if part of the reason I'm closer with my
oldest sister's kids is because I was younger and had
fewer responsibilities, so being an aunt was more of a priority,
(15:43):
and I would visit home all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Now I have a life and I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Since meeting my freshest nephew, I have a newfound desire
to spend more time with my family. But I want
to be a better aunt to my sister's oldest daughter.
Whom is the least favorite? How do you spread the
love and not choose and subliminally advertise favorite?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
And well, I would just know you've already chosen your favorites, Like, Okay,
that's obvious, but go and put in the time to
the one that you haven't that has been neglected.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
She'll appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
It's go spread the love and make an actual effort
to be like, Okay, you know what I fucked up here.
I didn't give her the right amount of energy I
had my other favorites. It was very obvious to everyone,
And I'm going to go put in the time and
effort now.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Absolutely, it's never too late.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
You know what I mean, And especially because they're growing
and changing and getting more.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Interesting, Sure that she knows you're making the effort, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Keep showing up and if you don't get.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
The response you want, that's okay, but just keep making
yourself available to her.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, and like little little gestures, one on one dates
and gestures.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Are dates noticing what they like. Yes, you know, getting
her little trinkets or of or gifts of stuff that
you know she likes. Or you know, if there's a
movie or an actress that she likes, making sure you
send her clips of that person on DM stuff like that,
or take her to movies when they come out, Like,
I know you really love Marvel, I'm going to take
(17:04):
you to this movie, you know when it comes out. Like,
just pay attention to what her interests are and try
and figure out a way for you guys to connect.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah, you're such a good auntie.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Okay, thanks guys for listening.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Make sure you go to Chelsea Handler dot com to
find tickets for my stand up shows for the rest
of the year. There's only like five or six, so
come see me, Come see me live.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
It's gonna be a good time.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Guys, Guys, do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video
episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear
Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad
Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check
out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi, Hello, Hello Chelsea. How are you.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm great, Thank you for feeding my meter today for me,
because I'm incompetent and I can't park in a parking structure.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I mean, I am incompetent when it comes to knowing
what cars are.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
So I knew it was a silver car.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
There were a lot of silver cars, and I definitely
had to like beep the key raids.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Very first of all.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
But okay, and I yesterday, you guys gave me as
like a I want to say, certification, validation, validation for
my car.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
And I get down to the parking lot pull out.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I have everything but the fucking ticket, of course, and
I'm a hot mess. You know, everything's a hot mess
with me and I so I'm like, fuck it. I
pay twenty five dollars to record my own podcast and
then this morning I got out of the car and
there's the validation ticket. I'm like, this is a mess.
Everything I do is a mess.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You know what, It's okay, we're gonna give you validation.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
It's like somebody needs to just come and park my
car every single day.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah. Well, I have a suggestion from a listener, and
I thought was kind of funny is that for me personally?
Kind of? I am actually curious what you're gonna think
about this?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
So great, Justine says, she wrote in and her subject
line of her email is you think Rob Low knows
what perspicacious means?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Vocal queen?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
She said, Dear Chelsea, I think my vocabulary is pretty respectable,
particularly for an American at this point in time.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yet my workouts are.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Routinely interrupted when I have to pause and google the
definition of some big word, one that you know, damn well,
your guest does not know the meaning of You think
Rob Low knows what chicanery means?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Perspicacious? Please?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
He's too beautiful and so am I. I mean, you're
a goddamn hero for our culture. You're educating the masses,
but you're also interrupting my flow.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
So here's my pitch.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Can you decode your superior dialect for the rest of
us plebeians at the end of each episode so we
can all become less stupid together. Maybe it can be
a new mini segment. Thanks in advance, Justine. Yeah, that's
a great I was like, I love that. I love
that idea of vocab words. We all need to build
our vocab yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:05):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
So now when I hear like big words, I'll just
just to clarify.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Perspicacious means very perceptive.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So I'm just being a kunt by saying perspicacious because
I love the way, because it's such a belifluous word.
There's another word there, euphotious, molifluous words that roll.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Right off your tongue or that are fun to say.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I love to say perspicacious is one of them, like perspicacity,
But you could say is another version of perspicacious, right,
you know, it's another tense, but it basically just means
very perceptive. Chicanery is something that just means like silliness
and foul play, not foul play, like silliness and like
like like hy drinks. Yeah, like you're up to shenanigans.
(02:46):
Chicanery is shenanigans, yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Which I certainly had to google after the first couple times.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, but I have I have like about fifteen words
that I rotate that I love and then I throw
in some new ones all the time. But I'm like you,
when I hear a word I don't know, I have
to look it up immediately.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Yeah, well we'll add that in and we'll just start
doing a little second at the end.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
Yeah, yub words, that's cute.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Well, our first caller today is Dwayne, and it's a
little bit of a long email, but.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
No one loves a long email more than.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Catherine, and I cut them down. That's the thing. I
cut them down.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
This is probably a third of what it was, so
Dwayne says, Dear Chelsea. I'm a diehard fan of yours
and have followed your career for decades and I never
miss an episode of Dear Chelsea. This podcast keeps me
saying during my thirty mile commute each way to and
from work. I'm forty seven and an only child. My
dad passed away suddenly of heart issues in two thousand
and four. He and my mom were married for over
(03:37):
thirty years at the time of his passing. For the
first few years following, she never had an interest in
dating or finding another partner. Then she met Bob somewhere
around twenty fifteen. At first, I didn't mind Bob. He
was a little annoying because he always had to be
a part of every conversation and topic. He's hard of
hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. He talks
a lot about himself and has a story about himself
(03:58):
for almost every topic. Even though he could be painful
to be around, he seemed to care for my mom and.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Trade her well.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
He moved into her house somewhere around six months into
their relationship. I should mention Bob had supposedly been married twice.
Eventually I came to find out that Bob was not
just sometimes annoying, but he was also misogynistic. I know
it all, dishonest, and quite frankly, an asshole. My mom
had kicked him out after she had discovered that he
lied to her about being twice married. Turns out he
(04:23):
was in the middle of a divorce from his third wife.
Not to mention, she caught him talking to a woman
on a dating site. Jump ahead about six months after
she kicked him out, and I heard through the grapevine
that she was back with him. I confronted her and
she came clean that he was back in the picture.
I voiced my concerns and said how much I disapproved,
and she could find someone so much better. He was
trying overly hard to get my approval by forcing conversations
(04:46):
no matter if it's a topic. He knows I have
no interest in I try to have the minimum interaction
with him as possible and still remain respectful. But I'm
the type of person who can't hide my thoughts and
I speak my mind. I will give him credit that
he does accept me for being gay, but honestly, it's
one of the very few things about him that I
will say is positive. They sleep in separate bedrooms, and
when I ask my mom why she stays with him,
(05:06):
she says his company is better than nothing. I've even
tried to get her to move either close to me
and my husband, but I haven't had much luck, with
her being eighty and soon to be eighty one in
a couple months. I don't want anything to happen where
I regret something or that Bob takes time away from
me and my mom. What can I do to either
convince her to leave him, leave him by moving us,
or just get the situation to change, but that means
(05:28):
he would have to change. Additionally, I'm going to stay
with them for a bit after she has hip surgery
in a couple months.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
How am I going to survive that much time with Bob? Dwayne?
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Hi, Dwayne, how are you good?
Speaker 5 (05:39):
How are you thanks for picking my question?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I appreciate it, of course.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Of course, do you really think there's a reality of
your mom leaving him?
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Sometimes sometimes not. So there's times that she actually will
be She'll come to come visit us in Washington, and
she doesn't tell him that it's planned until like a
week before she's going to leave, and she she will
know him for a while and stuff, and so she
does some stuff to annoy him because of how much
(06:11):
he annoys her sometimes and stuff too. So I think
I think she needs that extra push and stuff. But
she's also in the town she grew up in, and
that's also where my dad is buried and her parents
are buried, and her brothers and stuff too, and her
(06:34):
she has one brother still there, but she does have
one brother over here in Washington as well. I'm very
protective of my mom, and so one of the things
that breaks my heart is that she is more in
like a roommate type of situation and that she basically
lives in her upstairs. She's always doing like diamond painting,
(06:57):
crochete and stuff like that, but doesn't interact with him
as much, and so it's more of a lonely thing definitely.
I don't know how to. I don't know how to
kind of break that or try to get her out
of something that is more just where she feels kind
(07:21):
of stuck, I guess, or that is just better than nothing.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
This is a situation where I feel like going into
a senior living situation. We're not talking necessarily assisted living,
although she might need that, like with the hip surgery
coming up and everything, but like a sun city, Like,
is there anything like that by you? I mean those
are places that are designed to help you continue to
have social interaction and like not just one person, but
(07:45):
there's activities all day long.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
She can participate as much or as little as she wants.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
But you're in a community of other people who are
like you, and you don't just have this one person's
like living in your house.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I've me and my
husband have talked about that, but I haven't really brought
it up to her necessarily.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Well, I mean, if she's getting this hip surgery, listen,
if that's even on the table, that she would be
open to, like leaving him then and getting this hip
surgery would be the perfect kind of break because she
could move into one of these facilities. You could move
in with her while she's healing, and that could be
like her introduction into one of those places, into like
a retirement community.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
But like that's I don't know how realistic that is.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
I mean that she you're going to convince her to
because there's other company to be had. Absolutely, if she
were a lot younger, I would say go for it.
I would say go for it at any age. But
I mean it just might not be a reality. Like
she is living with a roommate, And if that's the case,
why not meet a bunch of other people that could
be much more you know, fun to be around and
(08:48):
have like what and play games with and socialized with.
If she's not sleeping in bed with him either, I
mean that's pretty common for older people at this point.
I mean, nobody likes to sleep with each other at
this age.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
Yeah, they don't really have a whole lot in Yeah,
So for him, it's all about sports. My mom couldn't
care less about sports, right, and so she likes her
Hallmark movies and stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
We want to hang out with your mom diamond painting
and watching movies.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Why don't you go?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
And did you say, there was a place that you saw,
like a retirement place that would be appealing for her.
Is there any place like would she move where you
guys are? I know you said, like have her family
is buried there?
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Yeah, so I would really like her too. I don't
know how realistic it is that she would actually pick
up and move. She owns her home, so it's a
matter of selling her house and everything, which I don't
think she's a post opposed to, because there is a
retirement community back in her town that she has told
me before that she wouldn't mind going to, and it's
(09:52):
a it's a senior community, and they have ones that
are like condos and cottages and stuff, so it's not
full on like apartment. It's almost like a Grayson franky
type of place in a way.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Well, that would be great, I mean, but would he
want to come with her to that if that were
an option, because even then she's surrounded by other people,
you know what I mean, So that would open up
her socializing.
Speaker 5 (10:16):
Yeah, it's possible that he would. He would want to
because it is her house that they live in. That's
kind of the other thing that I'm also afraid of
is that if something does happen to her, how much
of a nightmare is going to be with him of
wanting to try to take stuff that isn't his or
try to say that there's common.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Law and they're not married, right, No, they're not. Okay, Yeah,
you got to see an elder law attorney. Yeah, not
just an estate planner, but an elder law attorney, and
they'll help you put protections in place to like, you know,
follow the bloodlines and that sort of thing.
Speaker 4 (10:50):
You should.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
All of this hip surgery is a perfect excuse to
do all of this stuff, you know what I mean,
Like you want to get everything in order in case
something goes wrong.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
It won't.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
But as a Responsele's son, this is what you have
to do for her. I've spoken, you know, get your
ducks in a row. That you've spoken to an elder
law attorney, spoken to an estate planner. You want to
make sure that if anything happens to her that Bob
doesn't is his name Bob, Yeah, Bob doesn't get all
of her money, doesn't get her house.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
She doesn't want that, I'm sure you know.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
And then open up the conversation to her potentially or
what I would love to see happen is for you
to move into a retirement community where you could actually
have some friends around who have more in common with
you than Bob does. And more importantly, do you really
want to be in this relationship with Bob at this point? Like,
what about transitioning you into this retirement community. I'll stay
(11:40):
with you, we can sell your house, we could get
you better while you're recovering from hip surgery, and we
can kind of move your life into a different direction,
which I think would be more positive for you.
Speaker 4 (11:51):
I mean, there's no harm in suggesting all of these things.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Right, Yeah, And what I have suggested to her is
we have a fairly big lot, and we were talking about,
you know, getting her a tiny home and putting it
on our on our property where she was basically our
neighbor in a way, she still has independence. She we're
right there. We have we have a dog that she
calls her her grandpuppy and stuff, so she would be
(12:17):
all in her glory with him and stuff, or even
adding on to our house and stuff too. But me
and my husband have talked about the senior community, but
never I never really approached to her, And I think
that makes a lot of sense though, with you know,
having excuse of her hip replacement surgery as part of
that of this is a great place for you to heal,
(12:41):
you'd be able to have like a community of people
around that you'd be able to make friends with at
the same time and not just be sitting around board.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
And nurses and stuff.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
See what their nursing situation is like if do they
have that on Some of those as places do and
some of those places don't. But I think for this,
for the specifics of this, like you're not not pawning her.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Off to these people that you want to make career.
You're going to be involved within whatever happens.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Even if she moves into this place, you're still going
to be there to help her with her hip bafter.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
And at eighty, like she doesn't necessarily.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Even want to be taken care of a whole house
like that becomes a lot of work for someone as
they age. So this I mean, just present all these options,
Like we can talk about a tiny home, we can
talk about like let's go see this in place that's
nearby you while I'm here, Like before you get your
hip surgery, like there's a lot of conversation you guys have.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea. I think that
that's probably a good way to go. And there's the
option of if she wants to stay there, that there's
one there that she has shown a little bit of
interest in from like a few years ago that she mentioned.
And then even in my area, there's quite a few
around my area, not far away, I would say, within
(13:48):
anywhere from one to five miles maximum from our house.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Great, So get this stuff going.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
This hip surgery is actually a blessing in disguise in
terms of all these conversations, and then also to get
the estate planning story so that that guy doesn't you know,
you know, because she's going to want to be reminded
of that too, right. She doesn't want that to you know, happen,
like if anything were to happen, she does does it
definitely doesn't want him to get her house, based on
what you're telling us.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Right right, Yeah, that's that's a good idea.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Thanks Wayne, thank you.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
I appreciate it so much. I really am thankful for
the advice and the help and even not even just
my question, all the advice that you guys give other people.
I find some of it, you know, pertaining to me
a little bit. I take a little bit of that
every episode.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Love that, love that.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Well, thanks for calling in, and you're a great son.
I'm glad you're.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Take care all right.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Well we'll take a quick break and wrap up.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
With a quikie okay, and we'll be back in a minute.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
And we're back.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
We're We're back. That was so fast, okay, and as well,
She writes.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
In her subject line as picking favorites, Dear Chelsea, love favorites.
I live in Pennsylvania and have a large family who
lives all over the country. My sisters both have kids.
Since my older sister had her kids first, I feel
a strong bond with three of her three of her
four kids. The fourth is just okay, and I don't
feel it as much with my middle sister's oldest child.
(15:22):
I just came home from visiting my middle sister's newborn
with her new husband, and I've never experienced that sort
of baby fever and love before. I'm thirty years old.
For reference and child free, living my best life. I
wonder if part of the reason I'm closer with my
oldest sister's kids is because I was younger and had
fewer responsibilities, so being an aunt was more of a priority,
(15:43):
and I would visit home all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Now I have a life and I'm tired.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Since meeting my freshest nephew, I have a newfound desire
to spend more time with my family. But I want
to be a better aunt to my sister's oldest daughter.
Whom is the least favorite? How do you spread the
love and not choose and subliminally advertise favorite?
Speaker 2 (16:00):
And well, I would just know you've already chosen your favorites, Like, Okay,
that's obvious, but go and put in the time to
the one that you haven't that has been neglected.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
She'll appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
It's go spread the love and make an actual effort
to be like, Okay, you know what I fucked up here.
I didn't give her the right amount of energy I
had my other favorites. It was very obvious to everyone,
And I'm going to go put in the time and
effort now.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Absolutely, it's never too late.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
You know what I mean, And especially because they're growing
and changing and getting more.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Interesting, Sure that she knows you're making the effort, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
Keep showing up and if you don't get.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
The response you want, that's okay, but just keep making
yourself available to her.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, and like little little gestures, one on one dates
and gestures.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Are dates noticing what they like. Yes, you know, getting
her little trinkets or of or gifts of stuff that
you know she likes. Or you know, if there's a
movie or an actress that she likes, making sure you
send her clips of that person on DM stuff like that,
or take her to movies when they come out, Like,
I know you really love Marvel, I'm going to take
(17:04):
you to this movie, you know when it comes out. Like,
just pay attention to what her interests are and try
and figure out a way for you guys to connect.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yeah, you're such a good auntie.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Okay, thanks guys for listening.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Make sure you go to Chelsea Handler dot com to
find tickets for my stand up shows for the rest
of the year. There's only like five or six, so
come see me, Come see me live.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
It's gonna be a good time.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Guys, Guys, do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video
episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear
Chelsea pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad
Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check
out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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