November 28, 2025 • 13 mins
Chelsea and Catherine get an update from a caller whose bestie is about to be barefoot and pregnant. Then: A boyfriend struggles with asking his partner to open things up.
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, what are we doing. We're
doing a minnisode today. Today's welcome to our minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, we have a follow up actually from our Heather
McMahon episode. This is Carly and she had that friend
who was dating sort of like a Maga Yokul guy
who wanted her barefoot and pregnant and was like already
talking about the prenup.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Do you remember this one?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I do, yeah, saying that I remember, but I do
once there's enough specifics we remember, so she says, Dear Chelsea,
I wish I was writing in with a better update.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
My friends and I tried our best to get h
to leave her boyfriend. We promised her that she wasn't stuck,
that we were always there for her, and that she
didn't have to settle. This always came after she had
a couple drinks and told us how unhappy she was
with him. Well, despite all this, they got engaged last night.
I kept it together during the phone call, but immediately
broke down. After She's throwing her life away to move
(00:59):
to Alabama just to pop out babies for the rest
of her life. I'm so sad for her. All that
being said, I'm now on bridesmaid duty. Oh how do
I keep it together?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
No? No, yes, you know the question. How am I
supposed to be happy for her?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She's generally so happy and I want to be, but
it doesn't come naturally.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I just think you have to say, I can't support
this marriage. Honestly, if someone like that, who's basically telling
her or not that you can't work, I mean, she's
giving her life away to some man. And in this
day and age, when you make a decision, when I
make a decision, I consider all women.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Like I am making a decision on behalf of all women.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Most often when it's something like related to men, or
it's related to work, or it's related how I'm going
to stand up for myself. It's always about what would
you know, thinking about all the other women, And that's
just ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
You're throwing yourself away.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah, basically in Alabama, no less with a guy that
doesn't think you're supposed to work for a living. So
I would I would like, if there's any way to
put your foot down, this is it. I mean, if
if there were any time, this is it that I
can't be it.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I'm so sorry. I love you.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
So much, but this is breaking my heart and I
cannot be involved in this wedding. You are making the
wrong decision right now?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, how would you even go to the wedding?
Speaker 4 (02:17):
No, right, I wouldn't. That friendship is over, she's gone.
She's gone, she's going to move to Alabama, and she's
not going to be allowed to talk to her friends
after that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So what's the point.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Men they're that controlling often are like, well, no, you
can't talk to these friends. I had one friend who,
like her controlling husband, cut her off from like her
two gay best friends because they introduced her to her
ex boyfriend. Like it's just when it gets to this
point of so controlling, it's like it doesn't make any sense.
So I would not be surprised if they got cut off.
So let her know you're here for her, and I think, yeah,
(02:50):
and a loving.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Way, I just say, I can't support this.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
You have to find it an analogy or a comparison
that will strike a chord and hopefully your lack of
participation and her wedding will be a wake up call.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah, and you know what, sometimes weddings get canceled.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
So yeah, you should listen to your friends when they
know better and I should. And when a group of
people is telling you something like you could obviously you
can't assud that everyone knows better than you. But when
a group of people that care about you tells you something,
you need to fucking listen.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Those are your friends.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
For me, when I was in a similar sort of
situation as this friend, it was like, oh, all my
college friends and all my high school friends and my family,
like these different groups who I knew all loved me
and were all telling me the same thing about this person.
I was like, oh, I still think this is great,
but like maybe I should leave because all these people
(03:39):
are upset for me, you know. And that was what
was the catalyst. And two weeks later I like snapped
out of it and I was like, oh wait, that
was terrible. Yeah, all right, Carly? Was she the best
of luck and you have some hard conversations with how
do you?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
And they told her how they felt. Oh yeah, yeah,
it's okay, all right, Well we'll take a quick break
and be back with a question. Okay, and we're back,
all right. So Jeff says the subject of his.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Email is am I a hoe or just a guy?
Dear Chelsea? My boyfriend and I have been going out
for eight months and he's a good guy. The problem
I'm having now is part way through I realized I'm
not meant for a monogamous relationship all my life. When
we met, that's what I thought I wanted, but learned
further on that this might not be the case. I
told him this one day and he acknowledged it and
thanked me for sharing, but it never came up again,
(04:28):
and I've not yet asked to open things up. My
issue is I'm in a great relationship, but our sex
life has fallen flat and frankly, he doesn't offer the
dominant energy I like.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I spend a lot of my workday being in control
of things, so sometimes it's fun to let someone else
take over. But he doesn't seem to naturally have that
side to him. AKA he has low top energy. I
have told him I'd like him to top sometimes, but
it seems like he would need to force that side
of him to make matters more complicated. I have developed
quite the crush. It's nothing crazy or consuming or really
(04:59):
anything yet. He's a bartender at a spot where I
like to get a drink after work. But what I
have to note is my inability to speak to him.
Just the thought of talking to him puts my stomach
in my throat. I don't usually get that way, but
he quite possibly could be the most attractive guy I've
ever met. I'll get mesmerized watching a bartend another bonus,
as I think other hospitality professionals are wired the same
way I am. I want to see what other connection
(05:22):
I could have with him beyond liking what I see.
But obviously there's some guilt being in a relationship, so
I keep my distance.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I'm going to finish this where I started. Am I
a hoe?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Or do you think this is normal for guys wanting
a relationship but also to have sex with other people?
Am I awful for having a crush when I'm already
in a committed relationship. Am I awful for wanting to
be possibly be open one day?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Jeff, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Oh? I'm so good. This is like the best day
of my life right now.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
First of all, you're a gay man, so everything you're
feeling is completely natural. Did you have a conversation about
opening up your relationship where you were just thinking about
having a conversation.
Speaker 6 (05:58):
So can I just also say that I don't say
the word ho and a malevolent no.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Thank you because the times how I mean it.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
So no, no, no, no, you don't have to explain
yourself hole positive. You're in a safe place right now,
safe home, positive place.
Speaker 6 (06:15):
I appreciate that. So I did one day, you know,
And you know it's funny. I think it's from actually
hearing some of your podcasts in my drive where I
kind of rethought about this where I was like, I
don't know if monogamy forever is fair. I just think
it's a lot to ask now it is, And I
kind of brought it up where I said, you know,
(06:38):
I know when we met, I said I thought I
wanted something very I would say normally monogamous or whatever,
but I've kind of changed my mind on that and
I may want to change things at some point.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
And he kind of was just like okay, and it
never came up again.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Okay, So you have two options.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
You could either pursue this behind his back and cheat
on him, or you can go to him and be like,
let's revisit the conversation about having an open relationship.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Yeah, but I don't I never want to become the cheater.
I've never cheated on anybody in my life. I don't
want to say today that's your answer, But you know,
it's one of those things where it's like, well if
one day, you know, let's take the crush totally out
of the equation for a second. If one day I
want to be open. I kind of was saying to
Catherine in to my pre interview, like how do I
(07:25):
ask for that without making him feel unloved or small
or anything negative.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Well, I think you just have a really honest conversation,
like what you said in your letter, Like, listen, we're
in a relationship. Obviously, it's hopefully you're hoping it for
it to be long term.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
It is long term already. How long have you guys
been together?
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Probably nine going on ten months?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
So oh ten months okay, okay, copy, yeah, okay, so
what you but you're hoping to be in a long
term relationship.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
I'm enjoying what it is right now. I don't feel
the need to change it.
Speaker 6 (07:55):
It's just, you know, I've always kind of been one
of those people who's like, I don't know what, like
it's going to throw at me one day, So it's
hard to say, well, I, you know, definitely pan out
with this person forever. So I guess maybe that's why
the openness is kind of on my mind.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
But don't you want to pursue this other guy at
work that you're talking about.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
I do, but I just think I'm going to get
myself into trouble if I do it, so like, because
I just think there's going to be no like honest
way to do it without it being like kind of
deceptive or feeling like, you know, kind of criminal.
Speaker 5 (08:28):
So I think I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I think the way to do that is to have
the conversation. And it sounds like he wasn't he didn't
shut it down right away. I mean, and okay, is
like a all right, like let's revisit this later.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
I mean, the way to not feel criminal or deceptive
is to have the conversation with him now and be like, Okay,
I know we talked about this before, but do you
want to like formally have an open relationship. I think
that will be healthy moving forward, like eight or nine
months if you already guys aren't having like hot sex
at eight to nine or eight nine months together? The
likelihood is that you're not going to stay together for
that much longer.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You know what I mean. That's just like kind of
gay male behavior.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
You guys want action, and it should be Your honeymoon
period is usually more than eight or nine months.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
Yeah, I agree, I think it should be at least
that's you know, but it's.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
A great practice to just have an honest conversation. He
seemed open to it. It might be the easiest thing
in the world to say, Hey, can we open up
our relationship? What are the rules do you want to know? Like,
are we going to be open and just not tell
each other? Or are we going to be open and
tell each other? It's probably healthiest to be open and
not divulge every single detail, But what do you feel
comfortable with knowing?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
And you know, without making it about.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
A specific person like the guy that you're referencing, just say,
as a general rule, I've been thinking about it, and
I would like to keep my options open, although maintain
I would like to remain in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You know, and be really respectful of you.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I want to make sure you're comfortable with this and
just come to an agreement where you're both having.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Input Okay, Yeah, I think I could do that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
It's a totally acceptable thing to do, especially as a
gay man.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
It is totally fine for you to do that.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's not going to be that disruptive, especially since you
already introduced the topic.
Speaker 6 (10:04):
Yeah, I suppose so, I just I do worry about
hurting his feelings.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
I guess doesn't seem warm to it.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It's more hurtful to be dishonest and deceptive.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So it's more you know what I mean, that's you
don't carry his feelings for him, give him enough credit,
have enough respect for him that you actually give him
the truth of the of the matter and how you're feeling,
and then let him tell you how that makes him feel.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, and it can be an ongoing conversation, like he
doesn't have to like say yes after the first conversation
you both go out and sleep with other people. Like
that's it's just opening up the conversation about opening things up.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
The other thing I wanted to address is you say,
you know, you said.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Like, oh, I'm not sure if I can force him
to do this, Like being in a relationship with someone
is all about experimenting, especially in the bedroom. And I
think like there's definitely room for, you know, things to change,
things to evolve. I mean, Brad and I have been
together twenty years, and I would say even in the
last like three or four years, things are still evolving. Yea,
(11:00):
he calls her Chelsea, which is really weird in that
but you know, an unprofessional workplace. But yeah, I mean
I think I would just like tell him, like, hey,
I'm thinking about this. I would love if you do
this in bed, if you're a little more controlling, et cetera,
et cetera, and like.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
See if he is into it.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah, I mean, listen, you're at a great place in
your relationship to start having really honest conversations, because that
is also a sign of how long the relationship can last.
If you can tell somebody something that is you know,
hard for you to say, or opens the doorway to
like a further conversation about sexual freedom, about sexual liberty,
about how you're going to move around in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
You're only going to like build.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
A stronger foundation, stronger foundation for moving forward and with
other relationships if this relationship doesn't last long. But I
think you should also give him more credit than you're
giving him, Like, don't be so worried about his feelings
until there's something to worry about. But being honest and
forthright and upfront with your partner is the most respectful
way you can behave.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Okay, yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Maybe I'm kind of like anticipating the worst maybe, which
is something i've.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah, so stop you professionally doing stop that? Sure, right, right, okay, good, good? Right,
thanks Jeff. And then hopefully you can go fuck that
guy that you want to fuck. Yeah, please report back
when you fuck that guy.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
Alrighty, yeah, no, I'll definitely follow up with you.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I mean, maybe your boyfriend wants to go fuck that
guy with you? Who knows? Yeah, yes, get it? Actually
a great idea, Yeah, love it.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
Yeah, I mean anything's possible.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Sure, all right, Thanks Jeff, bye, Jeff, thanks so much.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Chase, take care.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Okay, yeah, all right, Well we're good to go and
d okay, and we're wrapped on another episode of der Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Thanks guys for listening.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Make sure you go to Chelseahandler dot com to find
tickets for my stand up shows.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Come see me, come see me live. It's gonna be
a good time going. I just announced all my tour dates.
It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
I will be touring from February through June, so go
get your tickets now. If you want to come see
me perform, I will be on the Hot and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. Find full
video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at
Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure to
check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, what are we doing. We're
doing a minnisode today. Today's welcome to our minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yes, we have a follow up actually from our Heather
McMahon episode. This is Carly and she had that friend
who was dating sort of like a Maga Yokul guy
who wanted her barefoot and pregnant and was like already
talking about the prenup.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Do you remember this one?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I do, yeah, saying that I remember, but I do
once there's enough specifics we remember, so she says, Dear Chelsea,
I wish I was writing in with a better update.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
My friends and I tried our best to get h
to leave her boyfriend. We promised her that she wasn't stuck,
that we were always there for her, and that she
didn't have to settle. This always came after she had
a couple drinks and told us how unhappy she was
with him. Well, despite all this, they got engaged last night.
I kept it together during the phone call, but immediately
broke down. After She's throwing her life away to move
(00:59):
to Alabama just to pop out babies for the rest
of her life. I'm so sad for her. All that
being said, I'm now on bridesmaid duty. Oh how do
I keep it together?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
No? No, yes, you know the question. How am I
supposed to be happy for her?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
She's generally so happy and I want to be, but
it doesn't come naturally.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
I just think you have to say, I can't support
this marriage. Honestly, if someone like that, who's basically telling
her or not that you can't work, I mean, she's
giving her life away to some man. And in this
day and age, when you make a decision, when I
make a decision, I consider all women.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Like I am making a decision on behalf of all women.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
Most often when it's something like related to men, or
it's related to work, or it's related how I'm going
to stand up for myself. It's always about what would
you know, thinking about all the other women, And that's
just ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
You're throwing yourself away.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah, basically in Alabama, no less with a guy that
doesn't think you're supposed to work for a living. So
I would I would like, if there's any way to
put your foot down, this is it. I mean, if
if there were any time, this is it that I
can't be it.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
I'm so sorry. I love you.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
So much, but this is breaking my heart and I
cannot be involved in this wedding. You are making the
wrong decision right now?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yeah, how would you even go to the wedding?
Speaker 4 (02:17):
No, right, I wouldn't. That friendship is over, she's gone.
She's gone, she's going to move to Alabama, and she's
not going to be allowed to talk to her friends
after that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So what's the point.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Men they're that controlling often are like, well, no, you
can't talk to these friends. I had one friend who,
like her controlling husband, cut her off from like her
two gay best friends because they introduced her to her
ex boyfriend. Like it's just when it gets to this
point of so controlling, it's like it doesn't make any sense.
So I would not be surprised if they got cut off.
So let her know you're here for her, and I think, yeah,
(02:50):
and a loving.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Way, I just say, I can't support this.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
You have to find it an analogy or a comparison
that will strike a chord and hopefully your lack of
participation and her wedding will be a wake up call.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah, and you know what, sometimes weddings get canceled.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
So yeah, you should listen to your friends when they
know better and I should. And when a group of
people is telling you something like you could obviously you
can't assud that everyone knows better than you. But when
a group of people that care about you tells you something,
you need to fucking listen.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Those are your friends.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
For me, when I was in a similar sort of
situation as this friend, it was like, oh, all my
college friends and all my high school friends and my family,
like these different groups who I knew all loved me
and were all telling me the same thing about this person.
I was like, oh, I still think this is great,
but like maybe I should leave because all these people
(03:39):
are upset for me, you know. And that was what
was the catalyst. And two weeks later I like snapped
out of it and I was like, oh wait, that
was terrible. Yeah, all right, Carly? Was she the best
of luck and you have some hard conversations with how
do you?
Speaker 1 (03:50):
And they told her how they felt. Oh yeah, yeah,
it's okay, all right, Well we'll take a quick break
and be back with a question. Okay, and we're back,
all right. So Jeff says the subject of his.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Email is am I a hoe or just a guy?
Dear Chelsea? My boyfriend and I have been going out
for eight months and he's a good guy. The problem
I'm having now is part way through I realized I'm
not meant for a monogamous relationship all my life. When
we met, that's what I thought I wanted, but learned
further on that this might not be the case. I
told him this one day and he acknowledged it and
thanked me for sharing, but it never came up again,
(04:28):
and I've not yet asked to open things up. My
issue is I'm in a great relationship, but our sex
life has fallen flat and frankly, he doesn't offer the
dominant energy I like.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
I spend a lot of my workday being in control
of things, so sometimes it's fun to let someone else
take over. But he doesn't seem to naturally have that
side to him. AKA he has low top energy. I
have told him I'd like him to top sometimes, but
it seems like he would need to force that side
of him to make matters more complicated. I have developed
quite the crush. It's nothing crazy or consuming or really
(04:59):
anything yet. He's a bartender at a spot where I
like to get a drink after work. But what I
have to note is my inability to speak to him.
Just the thought of talking to him puts my stomach
in my throat. I don't usually get that way, but
he quite possibly could be the most attractive guy I've
ever met. I'll get mesmerized watching a bartend another bonus,
as I think other hospitality professionals are wired the same
way I am. I want to see what other connection
(05:22):
I could have with him beyond liking what I see.
But obviously there's some guilt being in a relationship, so
I keep my distance.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I'm going to finish this where I started. Am I
a hoe?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Or do you think this is normal for guys wanting
a relationship but also to have sex with other people?
Am I awful for having a crush when I'm already
in a committed relationship. Am I awful for wanting to
be possibly be open one day?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Jeff, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Oh? I'm so good. This is like the best day
of my life right now.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Oh, I love it. I love it.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
First of all, you're a gay man, so everything you're
feeling is completely natural. Did you have a conversation about
opening up your relationship where you were just thinking about
having a conversation.
Speaker 6 (05:58):
So can I just also say that I don't say
the word ho and a malevolent no.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
Thank you because the times how I mean it.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
So no, no, no, no, you don't have to explain
yourself hole positive. You're in a safe place right now,
safe home, positive place.
Speaker 6 (06:15):
I appreciate that. So I did one day, you know,
And you know it's funny. I think it's from actually
hearing some of your podcasts in my drive where I
kind of rethought about this where I was like, I
don't know if monogamy forever is fair. I just think
it's a lot to ask now it is, And I
kind of brought it up where I said, you know,
(06:38):
I know when we met, I said I thought I
wanted something very I would say normally monogamous or whatever,
but I've kind of changed my mind on that and
I may want to change things at some point.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
And he kind of was just like okay, and it
never came up again.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Okay, So you have two options.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
You could either pursue this behind his back and cheat
on him, or you can go to him and be like,
let's revisit the conversation about having an open relationship.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Yeah, but I don't I never want to become the cheater.
I've never cheated on anybody in my life. I don't
want to say today that's your answer, But you know,
it's one of those things where it's like, well if
one day, you know, let's take the crush totally out
of the equation for a second. If one day I
want to be open. I kind of was saying to
Catherine in to my pre interview, like how do I
(07:25):
ask for that without making him feel unloved or small
or anything negative.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Well, I think you just have a really honest conversation,
like what you said in your letter, Like, listen, we're
in a relationship. Obviously, it's hopefully you're hoping it for
it to be long term.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
It is long term already. How long have you guys
been together?
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Probably nine going on ten months?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
So oh ten months okay, okay, copy, yeah, okay, so
what you but you're hoping to be in a long
term relationship.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
I'm enjoying what it is right now. I don't feel
the need to change it.
Speaker 6 (07:55):
It's just, you know, I've always kind of been one
of those people who's like, I don't know what, like
it's going to throw at me one day, So it's
hard to say, well, I, you know, definitely pan out
with this person forever. So I guess maybe that's why
the openness is kind of on my mind.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
But don't you want to pursue this other guy at
work that you're talking about.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
I do, but I just think I'm going to get
myself into trouble if I do it, so like, because
I just think there's going to be no like honest
way to do it without it being like kind of
deceptive or feeling like, you know, kind of criminal.
Speaker 5 (08:28):
So I think I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I think the way to do that is to have
the conversation. And it sounds like he wasn't he didn't
shut it down right away. I mean, and okay, is
like a all right, like let's revisit this later.
Speaker 5 (08:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
I mean, the way to not feel criminal or deceptive
is to have the conversation with him now and be like, Okay,
I know we talked about this before, but do you
want to like formally have an open relationship. I think
that will be healthy moving forward, like eight or nine
months if you already guys aren't having like hot sex
at eight to nine or eight nine months together? The
likelihood is that you're not going to stay together for
that much longer.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
You know what I mean. That's just like kind of
gay male behavior.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
You guys want action, and it should be Your honeymoon
period is usually more than eight or nine months.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
Yeah, I agree, I think it should be at least
that's you know, but it's.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
A great practice to just have an honest conversation. He
seemed open to it. It might be the easiest thing
in the world to say, Hey, can we open up
our relationship? What are the rules do you want to know? Like,
are we going to be open and just not tell
each other? Or are we going to be open and
tell each other? It's probably healthiest to be open and
not divulge every single detail, But what do you feel
comfortable with knowing?
Speaker 1 (09:31):
And you know, without making it about.
Speaker 4 (09:33):
A specific person like the guy that you're referencing, just say,
as a general rule, I've been thinking about it, and
I would like to keep my options open, although maintain
I would like to remain in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You know, and be really respectful of you.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
I want to make sure you're comfortable with this and
just come to an agreement where you're both having.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Input Okay, Yeah, I think I could do that.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
It's a totally acceptable thing to do, especially as a
gay man.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
It is totally fine for you to do that.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's not going to be that disruptive, especially since you
already introduced the topic.
Speaker 6 (10:04):
Yeah, I suppose so, I just I do worry about
hurting his feelings.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
I guess doesn't seem warm to it.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
It's more hurtful to be dishonest and deceptive.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So it's more you know what I mean, that's you
don't carry his feelings for him, give him enough credit,
have enough respect for him that you actually give him
the truth of the of the matter and how you're feeling,
and then let him tell you how that makes him feel.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yeah, and it can be an ongoing conversation, like he
doesn't have to like say yes after the first conversation
you both go out and sleep with other people. Like
that's it's just opening up the conversation about opening things up.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
The other thing I wanted to address is you say,
you know, you said.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Like, oh, I'm not sure if I can force him
to do this, Like being in a relationship with someone
is all about experimenting, especially in the bedroom. And I
think like there's definitely room for, you know, things to change,
things to evolve. I mean, Brad and I have been
together twenty years, and I would say even in the
last like three or four years, things are still evolving. Yea,
(11:00):
he calls her Chelsea, which is really weird in that
but you know, an unprofessional workplace. But yeah, I mean
I think I would just like tell him, like, hey,
I'm thinking about this. I would love if you do
this in bed, if you're a little more controlling, et cetera,
et cetera, and like.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
See if he is into it.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah, I mean, listen, you're at a great place in
your relationship to start having really honest conversations, because that
is also a sign of how long the relationship can last.
If you can tell somebody something that is you know,
hard for you to say, or opens the doorway to
like a further conversation about sexual freedom, about sexual liberty,
about how you're going to move around in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
You're only going to like build.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
A stronger foundation, stronger foundation for moving forward and with
other relationships if this relationship doesn't last long. But I
think you should also give him more credit than you're
giving him, Like, don't be so worried about his feelings
until there's something to worry about. But being honest and
forthright and upfront with your partner is the most respectful
way you can behave.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Okay, yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
Maybe I'm kind of like anticipating the worst maybe, which
is something i've.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Yeah, so stop you professionally doing stop that? Sure, right, right, okay, good, good? Right,
thanks Jeff. And then hopefully you can go fuck that
guy that you want to fuck. Yeah, please report back
when you fuck that guy.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
Alrighty, yeah, no, I'll definitely follow up with you.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I mean, maybe your boyfriend wants to go fuck that
guy with you? Who knows? Yeah, yes, get it? Actually
a great idea, Yeah, love it.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
Yeah, I mean anything's possible.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Sure, all right, Thanks Jeff, bye, Jeff, thanks so much.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Chase, take care.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Okay, yeah, all right, Well we're good to go and
d okay, and we're wrapped on another episode of der Chelsea.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Thanks guys for listening.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Make sure you go to Chelseahandler dot com to find
tickets for my stand up shows.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Come see me, come see me live. It's gonna be
a good time going. I just announced all my tour dates.
It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
I will be touring from February through June, so go
get your tickets now. If you want to come see
me perform, I will be on the Hot and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. Find full
video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at
Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure to
check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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