May 22, 2025 • 53 mins
Jay Shetty is here to chat with Chelsea about leading with love, managing difficult relationships, and why we’re all just kids at heart. Then: A son tries to break up his mom and dad. A mom who wants to be an empty-nester isn’t sure how to get her twenty-something kids out of the nest. And a caller with an invisible illness wants to get laid.
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Get tickets to Jay’s tour at Jayshetty.me/tour
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Should we get right into it?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Sure? I don't see why not. J Sheddy's back. Oh okay, a.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
J Sheddy is here. He's on his first live tour
with the podcast, The On Purpose Tour.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
And he'll be telling us all about it. Hi. J Sheddy?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Hello, how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Top of the morning to you? Where are you?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I am at home in La.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Oh, you're always at home in La. Well, you're not
always at home in La, but whenever I see you
on podcasts, which is primarily where I see you, you're
at home in La.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Yes, yes, exactly. How are you are you? Where are you?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I'm in Whistler, Canada, enjoying the very last days of
ski season.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Which are Wow, that's amazing. Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It's my happy place. I wrote about it in my
book that investing my time and learning how to ski
and buying a place up in Whistler was the best
medicine I could have ever given myself to achieve the
next level of joyfulness in my life.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Good for you, kay, We have well, we have a
lot to talk about. Your start. You're launching a tour,
your first in person tour on purpose.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yeah, first time I'm doing a podcast tour.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
So you're going to do live tapings of the podcast exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And will the audience be able to participate?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, one the audience stars questions. It's going to be
highly interactive. I'm going to go out to the audience.
We're going to bring them up on stage. There's there's
a lot of exciting experiential stuff plans. So I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Oh, that's very exciting. I'm glad for you. Congrats on
all of your success. You're everywhere. I know you've been
working with lots of celebs, from Jada Pinkett Smith to
Michelle Obama to all of these inspiring people. I want
to ask you, how has your experience now now that
you like live in Hollywood. I mean, you know, so
to speak, your big presence in the healing meditation self
(01:50):
help space and just kind of working on yourself. How
has being exposed to all of these celebrities, how has
that packeded your life? And how do you think our
industry works with like benefiting from the work that you do.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
That's such an interesting question. I mean, I think the
first thing it's made me realize is just how human
everyone is, and how no matter what our career paths are,
trajectories are, or how successful or famous someone is, that
we're all dealing with the same challenges. You know, everyone
is living in the same world, is stressed and anxious
(02:29):
about their family, about what's happening outside of what they
can't control, and so there's a real humanity that comes
with it, which I really really love. I think that
what I've found is there are far more people who
also want to use their platform for a higher purpose
and may just not know how. And a lot of
people kind of found themselves into these very influential, pivotal positions,
(02:55):
and a lot of people will say I want to
do something purposeful, I want to do something meaningful. I
just don't know how to do that. I don't know
what that looks like because this is what my life
has looked like for the past few decades. And so
I find that there is quite an earnest, genuine desire
to want to do good things and want to make
a change, but not necessarily know what the vehicle for
(03:16):
that is. And that's a really interesting conversation. And I
think the other side of it is, I mean, how
it's impacted my life is it's also challenged me to
be really clear about what am I pursuing and what
am I building, And so it's almost been a challenge
for me in a healthy sense of being really clear
about my purpose. I'm reminded of how valuable it is.
(03:39):
I'll tell you a story. I remember talking to my
monk teacher, who's been a monk for the last four decades.
He's seventy five years old, and when I first moved
to La, he said, you've got to be really cautious
because you're moving to the capital of illusion. Those were
his words. And I was really excited to move to
LA and me and my wife loved LA and we
were really looking forward to it, and we just love
(04:02):
the sunshine and the nature. And I said to him,
I'm working with a couple of people. I mentioned to him,
and he had no idea who they were because he
hasn't what TV or movies in like, you know, decades.
And he said to me, he said, you're so lucky
that you get to coach them on all your future challenges.
And I love that statement because it was this really
(04:23):
beautiful way of reminding me that my life would not
be free of those challenges and issues and you know, dichotomies.
And I think that that connection has always kept me
focused on making sure that I keep doing the work
while I'm trying to help people do the work, And
so it's been a beautiful constant reminder as well. I
(04:43):
don't know if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
No, it totally makes sense because I always find it
more grounding to help other people that are Like when
you're involved with someone who's the situation is dissimilar than
your own, it's always like a nice salve on your
soul to be able to step out of your self
in order in service of another person. Like whenever I'm
feeling down, I'm like, okay, go pay attention to someone
(05:07):
else's life. Help somebody else like that's going through something,
because that is a spirit lifter as well.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Absolutely, and you you expand your radius of compassion with
anyone you work with, because I think a lot of
us have this. It's like we all feel like our
problems are the worst, which they are when you're feeling them,
but guess what everyone else is feeling that way about
their problems. And when you start to learn about how
intricate the human mind is and how emotions work and
(05:34):
how they're created. You start to recognize how everyone looks
at their set of problems as really difficult and really challenging,
even if for you it'd be a walk in the park.
And so it's really fascinating expanding your radius of compassion
because you start to be able to take on more
understand people more. And I think that's what I'm excited about,
is I get to travel across the world and work
(05:56):
with people from all different backgrounds and all different walks
of life. It's not just Hollywood. And to me, when
I get to see people in different spaces and places,
it kind of just allows me to recognize how much
I don't understand about the human condition, how much more
there still is to learn, how judgmental I can be,
how critical I can be, how small minded I can be.
(06:18):
And I love challenging all of that because I think
it's really easy to think, oh, I have all the
answers and I have the solutions, and then actually, when
you start working with more people, you realize you don't.
And the most human thing you know to do is
to sit with someone and hold their hands and look
into their eyes and just be present with them. And
then you start realizing that that is the realist thing
that people need and the truest wisdom. So it's like
(06:40):
this counterintuitive idea of that. I mean, we've heard this
for ages, but it's true. The more you know, the
more you realize you don't know, and how much more
there is to learn.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
And also to meet everything with love, right when you
can come from a place of love, even when you're
dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things
that don't make you feel good, to just turn it
with love is a beautiful lesson that's not always easy
to practice with every single person, but it's a great
thing to remember. Not to meet anger with anger, not
to meet resistance with more resistance. It's like treating I
(07:13):
always think about how you're supposed to treat children. You know,
when they're having a temper tantrum. You don't scream and
yell at them. That doesn't get results. You have to
sit there and be patient and love them up. You know,
I don't this whole punishment and argument arguing like that
doesn't lead anywhere. It's just like this air. It's like
hot air that goes nowhere.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, you've reminded me of this beautiful, beautiful thought from
Russell Barkley. Russell Barkley once said that the people who
need the most love often ask for it in the
most unloving ways. And so when I see someone's behavior,
the first thing I try and think of is, how
is that a plea for love? How is that a
(07:52):
pledge for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, whether
it's anger, whether it's frustration, whether it's judgment, whether it's criticism,
whether it's fear, it's them asking for love in some way.
And I think we see it in children the most.
Where when a child's throwing a tantrum or on the floor,
like crying and bashing their feet and hands, they're simply
(08:15):
asking for presence, love and connection. That's what they're looking for.
And I think we're all just big children who are
still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting
that connection and that embrace. And the sad thing is
we don't get it. And because we don't get it,
well you retaliate even further. So I love what you said.
And that's what I try and always imagine is when
(08:35):
I sit with someone and I look at them, I
try to look at them as the child that was neglected, mistreated, lost, confused, stuck,
because that allows me to have the compassion for them
that I might not have now that you assume they're
an adult. As soon as you assume someone's an adult,
you assume they should have certain behavior as manners, traits.
(08:56):
As soon as you recognize, well, they're just a kid
in an adult's body, you start thinking differently about problems
and challenges. So that always helps me for sure.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
And then how do you frame like accountability with people
who are doing the work who are adults. But obviously
we can we can take that framework and that attitude
that everyone's a little kid. But then say you have
a long friendship with somebody and their intention is to
spiritually grow. They're having conversations and there, but they don't
seem to be making any movement or making better decisions
(09:25):
for themselves. They keep getting themselves in the same situation.
It's just like a psych you know, a cyclical behavior.
And like, I have something somebody in my life that
I struggle with because I'm like, I can't help you anymore,
Like I don't know what to do and I I
honestly don't have the bandwidth. And it's not that I
don't love you. I do, but I don't know how
to help you move towards what you think you want.
(09:47):
You know what I mean, And so how do you
handle those people who just kind of keep hitting a wall?
At an age where like I went to therapy, I
learned my I got my shit together, and I made
huge improvements. So I don't I want to be a
spiritual narcissist and say I'm better than anyone. But I
did the work I learned, I absorbed it, and then
my output is different. So when someone can't get that
(10:10):
ball rolling, how would you handle that?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
The first thing I do, and I think you've already
done this, but I think it's important to point it out.
The first thing I do is I think about how
many steps forward I took and how many steps back
I took, and how often I did that on my
own spiritual journey. So I think about the time when
I was that person who had all these grand ambitions
and grand aspirations but still fell short. And I know
(10:35):
in my spiritual journey it was plenty cyclical and plenty
two steps forward three steps back, and that allows me
to have an expansion of my compassion again and empathy
to be like, actually, when I was on that transition
and that journey, that's exactly what it looked like for me.
I just forgot it because I'm somewhat on the other
side now and I've got better at those habits. So
(10:57):
that definitely is what avoids being as spiritual narcissists, because
you know, I think that's such an important part. The
second part is this, I really look at it. If
I don't have a professional relationship with someone, I try
not to force accountability on them. I look at my
relationship as being one of patients, of being one of encouragement,
of being one of support. And what I've found is
(11:21):
that those people who aren't accountable, who are cyclical. There's
this amazing meme I saw the other day and I
loved it, and on the top it had five water
cups and they were all perfectly filled at the same level,
so they were all half full, and it said, this
is not consistency. And on the second tier it had
(11:41):
one water cup that was full, one that was little,
one that was half, one that was three quarters, one
that was a quarter, and it said, this is what
consistency looks like. And I thought to myself, that's so true.
We think consistency is I worked out five days a week,
every day, every week of the year, fifty two weeks
of year. And the truth is, for all of us
who work out or try and stay healthy, it's like
(12:02):
this week, I've worked out five days a week. Next
week I might do three. The next week I might
do seven, The next week I might do four. And
so I think recognizing that consistency on a machine looks perfect,
but consistency and accountability on a human looks sporadic. And
then the third thing when it comes to you feeling exhausted,
and by the way I relate to you, I have
friends who have given the same piece of advice to
(12:25):
for seven years, and after seven years, I have stopped
giving that advice because I realized that it is wasted
because that advice is not changing their life and they
don't have the capacity, the emotional availability, or the intention
to change, or the attraction to change. And again, I
focus on what I can control. I've realized that often
(12:47):
I was giving that advice because it sounded right, but
they didn't really ask for it, they didn't really want it.
They never told me they were accountable, And so I've started.
I've stopped giving unsolicited advice unless someone tells me, Jay,
I am accountable to you for thirty days, tell me
what to do and I will do it. Unless someone
says that to me and commits that way, I just
keep it as a casual friendship. I'm happy for them
(13:08):
to have the same problems. Of course, I may not
talk to them as often, and I'm okay with the
fact that my life's going to move on, because I
don't want to take on keeping you accountable when you
haven't committed to that, And I think that's on us
to make sure that we create that clarification.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Because like, okay, So that leads me to the next question,
which is people who are not doing the work, which
I think you kind of answer just now, like how
do you deal and especially I think right now, you know,
with the political landscape the way it is, and people
are so frustrated and angry and scared, and people are
dealing with, you know, people and their family who've voted
differently politically and having to kind of maintain relationships in
(13:49):
the name of being a bigger person, like not just
cutting off relationships because someone voted for the person that
you didn't want to win. But how do you advise
people to handle this in the times we're living in
because it is really obviously divisive and really scary for
all of us.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, no, you're You're so right, And the amount of
phone calls I get about that topic is high. I
genuinely believe there's two ways this goes right. You either
have someone in your life who's willing to have an
open and honest conversation and this is probably rare, and
someone who's actually willing to hold space for your perspective.
I think that's actually become quite rare, and the problem
(14:28):
is that's what we actually need. On the other hand,
every time the topic comes up, someone's fuse flips, someone
starts being derogatory, someone starts being combative, someone starts being judgmental,
someone starts being a debater, and no one wants to
have a professional and unprofessional debate at the dining table.
(14:48):
And so I think the challenge is that's what we're
dealing with. We've lost the ability to have healthy conversations
where we have disagreements. There's a beautiful statement that I
love from f Scott Fitzgerald where he said that the
sign of a first rate intelligence is the ability to
hold two ideas, two opposing ideas, at the same time,
(15:12):
and still retain the ability to function. So the fact
that you could actually hold two ideas that are completely opposite,
that's actually what he calls a first rate intelligence. I
think we've lost that completely. And the second part he
says to that statement, which I love, is he says
one should therefore be able to see that everything is hopeless,
(15:33):
but be determined to make it otherwise. In other words,
you also able to hold the idea that the world
isn't a mess. It's chaotic, it gets crazy, this is insane,
and we can still do something about it. And so
I think now we've got very good at picking aside,
even in hope. So you're either hopeless, the world's a mess,
it's all over, or you're full of hope and optimistic.
(15:55):
But we don't need either of them. We need to
lean into the dark as much as the light in
order to actually deal with the darkness. And so what
I would suggest is, if you don't have someone in
your life who's willing to open up and have that conversation, sadly,
that is a disconnect. It is someone you have to
distance from and it's not worth engaging because it's just
going to create more turmoil, more stress, more ignorance, and
(16:18):
more pain in both of your lives. And that's just
the real that's just the truth. I wish it wasn't that,
but it is that. On the other hand, I would
encourage the individual to find those people they can have
those conversations with, because that's just healthy for us as humans.
Because guess what, when you wake up, you may be
in a really positive mood, but it starts raining outside.
(16:39):
That's what life is. Accepting that you can be in
a positive mood and it can be raining outside at
the same time. That's what we're trying to get to.
We're not trying to get into a positive mood all
the time, and we're not trying to be negative all
the time. We're trying to accept that I can see
both these things coexist, and I'm going to coexist in
reality with them. And so I think sadly the reality
(17:00):
is that a lot of people can't talk to the
people in their life because that person will turn it
into an argument and a debate, not a healthy disagreement.
But I would challenge each person listening to say, can
you be that person to have healthy conversations, to see
other sides, to see other opinions without making it a debate,
because that's the kind of world we need to live in.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And also, and if it's not a relationship that's going
to work for you, how do you feel about putting
a pause on a relationship or cutting someone off if
it's not affecting you in a positive way, or if
it's just proven to be too exhaustive.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Yeah, if something's always stressing you out and draining you
and triggering you, you don't belong there. That's what I'd
like to remind people. You don't belong in places that
constantly drain and trigger you. Now you start there. Over time,
as you strengthen and as you grow, you actually are
open to the challenge. So the same environment that used
(17:55):
to drain and trigger you when you grow and strengthen spiritually,
now you're welcoming the challenge, You're welcoming the discomfort because
you recognize you can hold space for it. And finally,
you can actually find a way to even thrive in
environments that originally used to drain you. And that's what
spiritual growth is. Spiritual growth is not running away from
(18:16):
painful places. Spiritual growth is strengthening yourself so much that
something that used to drain you now challenges you and
now actually helps you thrive. In the Geeta, which is
the ancient text of India around five thousand years old,
the language that's used when translated from Sanskrit is relishing
the battle. This idea that you relish the battle because
(18:39):
you recognize the battle makes you more alert, The battle
makes you more conscious, the battle makes you more present.
It's the old adage from Buddhism that says better to
be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in
a war, and that idea that it's always good to
train like a warrior to be able to be able
(18:59):
to battle or when you need to, but live in
a peaceful garden. Then it is to be a gardener
in a war who doesn't know how to deal with
that stress and pressure. And so I love to remind
people that spiritual growth is strengthening yourself to the point
that what used to drain you now actually helps you thrive.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Love it, love it. Okay, we're going to take a
break and we're going to be right back with Jayshetty If.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
You'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at Dear
Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
If you have an issue with a family member, or
you need.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And we're back with Jayshetty. This is off topic, Jay,
but you look at yops very nice. Have you been
working out?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
I have been working out. That's the best. I love
I appreciate that. That's very sweet. I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Okay, great, we're going to take some callers. Catherine, what
do we got.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
We have some tricky ones today, so Jay, I know
you'll bring your a game. So our first caller is Michelle.
She's calling in from the Midwest. She says, Dear Chelsea,
my husband and I have two adult children living at home,
twenty five and twenty three, a daughter and a son, respectively.
Both my kids, who are really adults, are paying very
minimal rent. Our daughter is working full time, planning her
(20:20):
future and saving money while paying off her school loan.
She has a significant other and plans on moving eventually
when the right opportunity presents itself, hopefully soon. Meanwhile, our son,
who is on the autism spectrum, is working a part
time job about twenty hours a week maximum and has
absolutely no plan to try and better himself, forget any
kind of schooling training, even though it has all been
(20:41):
offered to him countless times. We've tried our best to
encourage him his whole life and have given him all
the tools he needs to launch himself into adulthood, but
he simply refuses. We've set boundaries for behaviors and expectations
in regards to his computer gaming, and taught him how
to look after himself and the pets in the house
when we sometimes travel, but we worry that everything we've
given him, why would he ever want to leave? Is
(21:03):
it cruel to want him out of the house. There
seem to be lots of state programs for people who
fall on different places on the spectrum than him, but
he doesn't want to explore anything past his current situation.
He's just stuck and we don't know what to do
to move him forward. Any suggestions, Michelle oh.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Hi, Michelle Hi Telsey, Hi, this is our special guest,
Jay Shetty's here today.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Hi, Jajachelle, thank you so much for taking my question.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Oh absolutely, Where is he on the spectrum? Is it
prohibitive of him? I mean you said he could do
many things, but he's able to work, right, He does work.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
He has a part time position.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
It's at a grocery store. He gets a little anxiety,
you know, he gets heightened at times. I would consider
him high functioning on the spectrum. However, he does have
some challenges and he's not building a skill set for
himself because you think he's limiting himself.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Right, right, And he does he have the right counseling?
Does he have the right therapist? Like does you have
a support system in that aspect?
Speaker 4 (22:02):
He does have a therapist currently, and he's working for
the last six years, I think since high school. He's
been working with this wonderful person. But he has to
want to take the tools from the toolkit and use them,
so we're trying to.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I mean, it sounds to me like he's got a
pretty good gig, so why would he want to leave?
Which is what you basically said in your letter, Jayre,
What are your opening thoughts on this.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Well, Michelle, first of all, thanks thanks for your question,
and I'm sure it's been challenging on both sides. Right
These things are not easy. And when I think about
like the question of when's the right time for him
to move out, I think the better question is is
is he aware of what it's going to take. And
it sounds like he is, and as you both just said,
(22:49):
he seems very comfortable where he is, and so he
has no need And I think when I see people
in that situation, sadly, what really helps someone move is
recognizing that what is comfortable for them right now isn't
going to sustain and that actually allows people to build independence.
And as you said, he has the right support. It's
not like you're you know, it seems like he's surrounded
(23:11):
by a really great support system, which is so important
in this scenario. I would encourage you to find ways
to do it in smaller doses. Is there the ability
for you to travel where he's spending a day on
his own with support of course, a weekend on his
own at home, even at the house on his own, right,
so he's not moving out yet, how do you kind
(23:33):
of get into that middle ground where he's starting to
learn to take care of himself in small doses, whether
it's a weekend, a week whatever that may be. So
he starts to recognize A he gets confidence that he
can do it, and b he loses the comfort that
he gets to fall back on with you. And I
think that is what we're really looking at. It's a
confidence and comfort place. And of course we want him
(23:53):
to be supported, we want him to be surrounded, making
sure that he's not, you know, in a position that
would compromise him or cause discomfort to an extreme sense.
But at the same time, I think it's doing that.
You need to go and travel, you need to go
and live your life. You need to go and you
know it sounds like you want to go and experience
things and have more freedom for yourself. I think that
has to happen first in order to help him recognize
(24:15):
that this isn't a sustainable long term position for him,
and for him to have to build the tools and
rather than going through the big leap and the big
jump of having his own place, having an apartment, whatever
that may mean for him, it's starting to do that
at home. And I think if he starts to see
that and starts to recognize that you're living your life.
He'll then get the conscious independence to go and do
(24:36):
the same.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
Yes, I agree, we have done that.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Actually, we just returned from a trip.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
We were gone for a solid week and the house
didn't burn down. He's, of course, his sister's here as
while my daughter was here, so she's a couple of
years older, so she's here to facilitate some things, you know,
problem solving things if needed. But basically we've been able
to travel, so I'm grateful for that. It's just the
point of moving him to the next step to get
(25:01):
him confident enough to and also have the income to
support it as well, which is a challenge because he
is working a part time position and I don't know
that We're going to have to lean into something that's
a little bit more sustainable.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Also, I think include him in the planning, you know,
work together with him to come up with a plan
so that he is part of his own future, you
know what I mean. There's one thing to give somebody
else a plan and be like, okay, you have sixty
days and we need you to figure it out, which
is not what you're suggesting anyway. But to actually give
him some agency in his own future so that he
(25:33):
can also work with you, Like I we're going to
all sit together and figure out how we're going to
move forward and what our timeframe is, what you want
to do, you know, how you're going to do this.
You're going to have to move out at some point,
so let's figure out what the plan is to get
you in a space, in a spot where you are
taken care of and you're making enough money to support yourself,
(25:54):
and let him be a part of that process, of course.
And also when you go away the next time, you know,
maybe make sure your daughter does give him more of
the responsibility so that he can't depend on her and
that she's not like insurance. You know, let him have
like two days where he's doing everything and he's not
allowed to ask her for stuff and she he's not
allowed to ask her for backup, to start actually demonstrating
(26:16):
independence and start acting and living it, and I think
that will infuse in him some more kind of self
confidence and self assuredness.
Speaker 6 (26:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
I think that's you just kind of have to build
somebody up before you let them fly away. And that's
what it sounds like. You guys maybe need to do
in addition to you know, everything you've already done.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Right, Yeah, I would agree with Chelsea. I think this
it sounds like naturally, you've done this for so long
and been amazing and been so supportive and been so loving,
and it's always hard when it's almost like you've done
all of that and then you want it to change.
And I think you're in that in between stage. And
when I look at it from his position, I think
Chelsea's planning point is spot on. Like I think he
(26:59):
needs to be in vested in his future, recognize the
value of it, be able to set timelines with you.
I think when you set a timeline for someone, it
becomes a deadline that puts too much pressure on them,
Whereas if they set the timeline with them, it becomes
something they can aspire for and work towards. And for me,
for him, confidence is going to come from competence, and
(27:21):
competence is going to come from discomfort, and so it's
the removal of comfort that's going to build competence. And
exactly as Chelsea said that if you can find a
way to really set those boundaries with him and his sister,
so that he's not overly supported beyond what he truly
does need that couldn't be taken away. And it's not
a punishment. It's not done in a negative way. It's
not like, oh, we're going to take this away, you know.
(27:43):
I think it's done in a way to just say, like,
we already believe in you. We can see that you
have all these amazing skills and you've been working so hard.
And I think that tone is so important too. I
think when someone feels discouraged, they get disengaged and they
start to feel like it's not exciting for them, whereas
this could be a really exciting opportunity for him to
(28:04):
really raise to that burians raise to that next level.
And so I really feel looking at it from encouragement, excitement,
aspiration rather than like frustration, stress and comfort, if that
makes sense.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Definitely.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Yeah, So we are working on encouraging him all the time.
It's just you know, it's it's going to be a
process and we're working through it. And I think the
first step would be to move the twenty five year
old out so she wouldn't even be a crutch in
the first place.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
So we're worrying, Yeah, and you can motivate her by
telling her that you really are trying to get his
independence going and that you know, like yeah, like but.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
We're doing together.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You're doing the lord's work. Thank you for taking care
of your children. Yeah, and the way it's past the
time that you're obligated to. So that's very nice.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Also, And if you're finding that you're having like a
difficult time having these conversations and like really seeing movement,
you could loop in like a counselor you know, somebody
who's a third party or fourth party in this case
with you and your husband and your son, just to
sort of like help you set those boundaries, feel out
what's appropriate in this really specific situation.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
Yes, I actually saw a therapist about a year ago,
and her suggestion to me was to wait it out
and let him make the decisions.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Which you might be waiting forever.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah, you'll never mind that advice. Let's my mom, this
is your new these are your new marching orders.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yes, yeah, thank you, all right, thanks so much.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
And Michelle, thank you, Michelle.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Jay bye bye. I feel like more parents just need
to start, like when they're in that situation and the
child is ready, just start raising the rent like fifty
or one hundred bucks a month, and soon enough they'll one.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Funny, you have children and you're like, this is gonna
be amazing, and then they're twenty five and twenty six,
you're like, why are they still here? Shinester.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
It's so hard. I see. It's it's in South Asian culture.
It's very prominent as well for people to stay at
home until they get married. And I'm not I'm not
for that at all, And you know, I think it's
so unhealthy. It's almost like, well, now you get married
and you have to become an adult as soon as
you get married, and it makes the marriage so much harder.
It's it's really really tough in so many different circumstances.
Of course, this was very specific in challenging with Michelle.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yeah, yeah, well we'll check in with her in a
couple months and see where she's at with that.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
So yeah, yeah, you do that.
Speaker 5 (30:17):
Well.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Our next call comes from Libby. She's thirty one. She says,
Dear Chelsea, I was born with a rare medical condition
that has required over fifty surgeries over the course of
my thirty one years. It has to do with my
urinary digestive and reproductive tracks and continues to present a
host of issues. Half my organs are made up of
other organs, and most recently, this one's fun. I had
(30:39):
to have a vaginal reconstruction using buckle mucoset tissue for
my lower lip like the goddamn movie Teeth. The surgeon
who operated on me was the first physician to understand
how to treat people with my condition. Had I been
born just a handful of years earlier, who knows what
the outcome would have been. This actor was brilliant, but
had an ego the size of King Kong. When I
first googled my condition, I found article in which he
(31:01):
was interviewed. The title of the article the doctor Repairs
Damaged Babies. It goes on to describe people with my
medical condition as experiencing anatomical anarchy, and the physician is
quoted as saying it's hard not to believe in a
Satanic power when looking at bodies ravaged by such a condition.
Needless to say, I didn't take it well, especially as
(31:21):
an Irish Catholic from Boston. I could go on about
my medical trauma, but I'm looking for advice on how
to date with such a complicated medical history. I have
scars and different medical devices on my body. I have
to do several medical procedures every day just to live
a somewhat normal life. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends, that's right,
twenty first century bitch. But for the last three years
I've felt stuck. As I got closer to thirty, people
(31:44):
began talking about marriage and having kids. I shut down
because the likelihood of me having a child is low,
and even just the idea of letting another person close
to the mayhem that is my jack in the box
body is exhausting. I'm not lonely, I have lots of friends,
and I don't even know if I want to get
married or have CAD, but I'd sure like to at
least be at risk of getting pregnant in my what
(32:04):
feels like hundreds of medical appointments each year. When they
ask any chance of pregnancy, sometimes I lie just to
make the medical assistant think I'm getting some but I'm
not and haven't for well, that's not important. The thing is,
I know this is a mental block more than anything.
What should I do? How do I let people in?
In every sense of the word.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Libby, Wow, Hi, Libby Hi, nice to meet you. This
is our special guest, Jay Shaddy's here today.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Hello, Hey, Lebby, nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Well, Libby, the first thing I would say to you
is that you really need to flip the script in
your head. The fact that you have survived all these
things makes you a fucking badass. You're a badass. Your
body has served you, even though it doesn't feel like that.
And the story that you've been telling yourself is one
and I totally get it. You've been through hell, it
sounds like and that doctor forget about him? Also, you
(32:54):
know what I mean, who cares about him? He helped you,
and who cares what that article said? That's not your problem.
Let him go do his thing and you move on
to a happy, healthier life. But you're like a survivor.
You have survived all of this. That is a superpower.
That is not a negative. That is a positive. That
means you are resilient. That means you are tough, and
that means you are able to probably handle anything that
(33:17):
comes your way. And you need to write that down
and read it to yourself every morning when you wake up,
that you are a survivor, that you are strong, that
you are resilient and that you are a badass period.
That's what you need to be telling yourself and change
this whole narrative around. Because you're sitting here, you're beautiful,
you're healthy. Yes, you have contraptions on your body. That
(33:39):
doesn't make you any less of a person. In my opinion,
that makes you more of a person.
Speaker 5 (33:43):
Yeah, it's definitely an interesting story. It's a good ice
breaker when I meet people.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Absolutely, absolutely a.
Speaker 5 (33:50):
Lot of stories to tell.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I guess well, a lot of stories to tell. But
think about how you're telling those stories too. You know,
you don't want to be a victim. You want to
be like a survivor. You want to be somebody who
has experienced the biggest lows or the you know, the
worst lows that a person can feel physically, emotionally, all
of the things that you've experienced. And you're still sitting
here and you're vibrant, and you're youthful, and you have
(34:14):
your whole life ahead of you. So you have your
whole life to change this narrative, and it's going to
be much more bountiful for you if you change it
right now. Jay, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah, Libby, I so agree with Chelsea when we were
reading your submission just now, I was like, Libby's funny,
she's clever, she's witty, she's smart, I mean, And that
was just your description of what you've experienced. And now
getting to meet you, really, what you've been through makes
(34:45):
you stronger than pretty much anyone I know. And I
actually think that that's what relationships really need. Is strength,
is power, is empathy, is compassion. You must have the
amount you've been through, you must have so much grit
of compared to anyone I know, And that to me
makes you incredible, like an incredible, incredible person to me.
(35:09):
And here's the reality about dating. Dating's tough for everyone,
and it's the worst, and it's challenging and everything else. Right,
we know that we've heard that, everyone talks about it.
But what's beautiful about love and what we often forget
is we think that we say like things like, oh,
I don't think I'm going to find someone. Well, the
truth is love is rare. Real love is rare. If
(35:32):
it wasn't rare, a would we want it? And B
if we could be with anyone, then why would this
person be special? The fact that love is rare means
You're going to find someone who sees all of this
and has the reaction that me and Chelsea have where
they go Libby, you are the strongest person I know,
Like I am in awe of you and I admire
(35:54):
you deeply. That's the reaction you want. And by the way,
that's not going to be an easy process. But that
person does exist. That person does exist. There is someone
out there who may have been through their own stuff,
whether it be emotionally or physically. There's someone out there
who's been through their own challenges, and there's someone out
there who sees you for your truth. Now, when you
(36:14):
decide to share the stories, which stories you decide to
share is totally up to you. Never feel pressured, never
feel stressed. The pacing has to be at your own time.
It has to be when you feel comfortable. But the
reality is that these stories will keep the right person close.
And that's what I say to anyone who has any
(36:36):
challenge like yours. Is something that you've been through that's
really difficult, even someone who has a particular anxiety about something.
The truth is that just disconnects the wrong people. It
just you know, it attracts the right people, and it
distracts the wrong people. And that's how I look at it,
where it's like you're just trying to attract the rare
love that has the ability to understand, be in or
(36:58):
be loving and compassionate and recognize what you've been through.
And you know, I was inspired hearing your story. I'm
amazed that you're sitting here smiling and laughing with us
and telling jokes in your submission, and to me, that's spectacular.
So honestly, you've inspired me today, and I think you're
going to inspire a lot of people. And I really,
really truly am rooting for you. Thank you.
Speaker 5 (37:18):
Yeah, I definitely it's a vetting process for sure. I
have a lot of really really good friends who you know,
it's funny because I'm very open with them, and I
work in healthcare. I tell my disability story all the time.
It's interesting too because it's an invisible disability, like unless
I'm naked, basically you can't see anything different about me.
So there's always kind of this this shock factor when
I reveal it because it's not obvious. So I'm very
(37:42):
very open about it in my professional life because it's
you know, I'm an advocate and with my friends very
open about it, and you know people have fallen to
the wayside and the way that you're describing, even just platonically,
people over jerks about whatever surgery I had or whatever
this thing that went on, or people just not showing
up for me, you know, right, Like this surgery that
(38:03):
I had in December was again a weird one, a
very interesting one using mouth tissue in a vaginal reconstruction.
And you know, it was funny with my friends. I
was excited to tell them in a sense because isn't
that fucking sick? Is that weird that they can do that?
And I can be open about it with them. But
it's hard that somebody you want to be sexual with,
you know, because you're like this is this is weird.
(38:24):
You know you're going to see this up close and personal.
It doesn't look different. I had a gynecology appointment the
other day, got pop reviews. Looks amazing. But you know,
it's just hard. It's hard.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
It's also something that you don't have to share until
you want to share, you know what I mean. It's
not like you have to It's not like a resume
where you have to be like this is everything that
I've been through and now, okay, do you want to
have sex with me? Or do you want to date me? Like,
it's not like that. You as you learn and you
grow with someone and you start to trust them, then
you are able to tell them and only when you
feel like it. It's not you know, obviously, there are certain
(38:54):
things on your body that you're going to want to
like identify because of your letter that you have to address.
But like what you just mentioned and your vaginal reconstruction
with your like, who cares. Nobody's gonna know about that anyway.
I mean, it's a good story, so save it for
somebody who deserves to hear it. And also you have
a huge advantage also that you're not you don't know
if you want children, you don't know if you want
a husband, so the pressure also isn't there in that sense.
(39:17):
So you have like all of these great things going.
So please write those first things down that I mentioned
to you as a reminder every single morning when you
get up, what you've survived. How strong you are.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I want to recognize too. You know some of these
like joking terms that you use, like the jack in
the box body and that sort of thing, like that
is hard one for you, I know, because you've been
through so much so in order to have like lightness
and levity around this, that probably is something you had
to like cultivate and like it's it's a life saver
for you. But I also want for you to be
(39:49):
able to rename some of the tougher stuff and be
able to like send some gratitude and kindness to your body,
even if that's just like doing a breathing exercise. I'm
sure Jay can give us one. But putting your hand
on your heart and thanking your body every day, even
if it's just for a couple seconds, like really recognizing that,
like your your body is doing wonderful things for you,
(40:10):
even though it's you know, it might feel like a
betrayal at times. I'm sure it does. But you know,
some of the tougher stuff, maybe renaming that with something
that feels kinder to your body, that's beautiful.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
I'm really grateful some days because I do feel more
in touch with my body than other people. And even
you know, I'm still very young, but even as my
friends get older, they come to me when there's weird
things happening in their body and and they know that
I have kind of greater awareness of. Yeah, I've just
had to listen to my body, but now I mean
thanking it. I yes, you know, that's it in a
(40:46):
different way.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Yeah, exactly. Okay, I love it. I love it. Thank
you so much for.
Speaker 5 (40:49):
Calling me today. Yeah, thank you so much. This is
really sweet, very cool.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Great, Okay, we're going to take a break and we're
going to come back and up with We'll take one
more caller and we'll wrap up with Jay Shetty. Please
tag me for the special because I get so many
tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many
about my special, and my special is the newest thing out,
so I want to make sure all my ardent fans
are watching it and tagging me, and I'll repost you.
And yes, it's called the Feeling. And we're back with
(41:22):
Jay Shetty, who's going on tour you guys, you can
see him live or is it Jayshetty dot com where
people can get.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Tickets Jayshetty mean Forward slash.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Tour, Jayshetty dot me Forward slash tour Jshetty dot me
Forward slash Tour. Okay, great, Okay, Catherine, what do we
have for our last caller.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
All right, our last caller is James, he says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm a thirty three year old gay man, and I'm
the youngest of four. I have two sisters and a brother.
My sisters have kids ranging from three to ten years old,
six total between the two of them. For all of
our lives, it Wo've been severely emotionally abused by my
narcissist dad, who also doesn't acknowledge that I'm gay because
(42:01):
he's so conservative. He recently had one of his explosions,
this time in front of the grandkids. My whole family
was crying and emotional, but I was sitting there stoic.
I accepted a long time ago there's no point in
trying to tame a monster. My family always seems to
let him back in after some time has passed, and
I'm getting to my breaking point with what I should
do if we all continue to allow this behavior. My
(42:24):
mom recently made an appointment with a divorce attorney, but
I'm skeptical of the follow through. I've been a vocal
advocate for separation, and I love my mom more than anything,
so I don't see a scenario where I can leave
her behind. Yet it seems clear that we all need
to leave him behind. How do I navigate this if
not everyone is on board? Sincerely, James, Hi, cutie, how
(42:44):
are you good?
Speaker 5 (42:45):
How are you good?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Your cute little dog is there? This is Jay Shtty,
our special guest today.
Speaker 6 (42:51):
Oh Hi, this is the coolest therapy session I've ever had.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
Hey, James, it's so nice to meet here, you too,
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Okay, Jay, I'm gonna let you stick. What are your
thoughts initially?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
Well, James, first of all, I'm sorry you're having to
go through that, because it's the worst when you're in
a family setup where you're not accepted, you're not seen
for who you are, especially you know, by your father.
And of course it's really really challenging when I find
that everyone else is able to look beyond someone's flaws
because it may not affect them directly, or it does,
(43:22):
but not as deeply as it's affecting you. I think
the really big challenge here. Having worked with many people
in similar setups, even been through similar things on my
own for myself, I've found that it's really really tough
to push someone in a certain direction, or to want
other people to make decisions that then benefit us better.
(43:45):
So I'm sure, and I agree with you. I'm sure
you'd want everyone around you to treat your dad in
a particular way so that it would be better for you,
And I get why, I understand it. The challenge is
all of those people are not going to change completely,
and even if they change, they're not going to change sustainably.
They're not going to be consistent. As you said, They'll
(44:05):
push them out, let him back in, push them out,
let him back in. And so if I was you,
i'd really really be focused on what you can control
and what you can solve for yourself that allows to
be allows you to be around people who are empowering
of you, encouraging of you, supportive of you, that are
not draining you, that are not, you know, denouncing who
you are, that are not taking away parts of your identity.
(44:27):
But I don't think wanting and wishing and waiting for
all of them to change and see what's happening is
going to do the job. And I think you could
waste a lot of your time and energy trying to
convince them to get them there, and you're just going
to be exhausted by it. And I'd rather you use
all of that energy not to be exhausted, but to
(44:47):
be engaged in things you love, to move forward with
your life, to build a beautiful life, because I think
a lot of us waste a lot of time trying
to fix something, then we do trying to move forward.
And when you're trying to fix something, especially when you're
trying to fix people and their responses and their behaviors
and their loyalties and their affinities, you will literally waste
(45:07):
years of your life. And I don't want to see
you waste years of your life because it seems like
you want to have a good life and build a
good one and build a great one. And I can
see that from your face right now, and I'd rather
you be focusing all your energy on that because that
will leave you in a place where you'll be able
to feel fulfilled have the life that you desire. And now,
whether everyone here gets you, understands you or not, it
(45:28):
really doesn't matter. It really truly doesn't matter. So that's
where i'd like to start.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
What do you think about that, James?
Speaker 6 (45:35):
That's kind of where it's like gone since I wrote
in boundaries have been set and it's really it's just
really hard because I'm like, I'm just disappointed in my
sister specifically because I'm like, we up all had the
same shared experience with my dad, and like, why aren't
we all rallying around my mom like we should be,
but they're not because of the grandkids and stuff. And
(45:58):
so I'm just you know, I've started invest more of
my time and like my neighbors and friends and stuff
that support me for all these things, and my mom,
like I've just been inviting her to more things. I'm
trying to just invest a lot of my time and
can we just start doing things me and you?
Speaker 1 (46:14):
You know, yeah, I think that's great, And I think
that's great. There's no reason that you need to have
any further exposure to your father, and you can't control
what anyone else in your family's going to do, but
you can set an example by extricating yourself from the situation.
You know, you love your mom, You could spend time
with your mom. That doesn't mean you have to spend
time with your father. It doesn't mean you have to
have exposure to his abusive behavior, his outbursts, any of that. Like,
(46:36):
you taking care of yourself is setting the best example.
That you can set for your family, because you don't
change people by asking them to change, you actually change
by changing you know you, changing your behavior is going
to have more of an impact on them than telling
them what they can do. So it sounds like you're
halfway there, and so double down on all of that
love and happiness and your friends and your neighbors and
(46:56):
spending time with your mom alone and making sure that
you show up for and it's not your fault to
actually usher in their separation or divorce either. Just show
up with love and compassion and be there for her.
And that is the best way for you to like
move through this and just really take care of yourself.
Boundaries have been set. Great, that's the healthiest thing you
can do. You don't have to have exposure to someone
(47:18):
who's abusive to you.
Speaker 6 (47:20):
That's the hardest part because like when we have these
family get togethers and stuff, I feel like I am
forced to be exposed to him, and I'm like, I
am exposed to him, but at the same time, like
the mental boundaries are there where I'm like, I can
be around you, but I just I have zero respect
for you. I don't like you at all, Like I
wish you would go away because we get together like
(47:40):
every week, so it's it's hard constantly exposed.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
But do you have to go and expose yourself? Like
can't you skip those and spend separate time with your
family where your dad's not there.
Speaker 6 (47:53):
I would love to, like that's kind of where I
would like to be, but I feel like the family
dynamic of it, especially with my sisters and stuff. They
would start kind of hounding me, like you don't want
to be part of our kids' lives, like why are
you skipping this and that? But I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
But no, that's not fair, that's not fair. They can't
expect you to show up in a situation that doesn't
make you feel good. You can foster a relationship with
all of these kids without your dad. You can go
over there when he's not there, so you can do
all of those things, and I would encourage you to
do so, just say, I actually am setting a boundary
for my mental health. I'm happy to see your kids.
I want to see your kids, but not with our
(48:30):
dad there. I'll do my own thing with them. I'll
make my own plans.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
Certainly exactly, And I think setting that intention and making
it aware that actually, I love you know, I love
the kids. I want to spend time with my niece
and nephews. I'm going to make memories with them. We're
going to set experiences with them, Like I think, you
can be incredible in that area. And actually being in
that group dynamic is probably stopping you from being your
whole self with them, and so they're probably not even
(48:54):
getting the best version of you. They're not getting the
most loving, most beautiful, abundant version of you because you
don't get to show that there because you're too busy
having to keep your walls up and your guards up
and of course protect yourself. And so I really think
that it's also explaining to them that, hey, actually this
is going to be better for everyone because I get
to be my whole self when I'm with you all.
(49:14):
I don't get to be my whole self there, and
I want more spaces. I can be my whole self
with my niece and my nephew, with you know, with
your sisters, with your mom, as you said, and that's
just going to bring so much more light and joy,
and actually they're going to see it. And the truth is, James,
this is probably going to remind them of the courage
that they know they don't have, because chances are they
feel the same way. Chances are they'd love to set
(49:36):
the same boundaries. But it's really hard to do what
you're doing. And so if anything, as time goes on,
I wouldn't be surprised if someone said to you privately, James,
well done for doing that. I've been wanting to do
that my whole life. You know, it's off. And that
goes back to what Chelsea was saying, is that when
you're setting the example and doing it not with bitterness,
not with this like you know, anger, but you're doing
(49:58):
it to say, I'm going to be my whole self.
I want to be my best self, right, I don't
want to be my bitter self. And that's going to
create so much more joy and love in your family
than they're even used to, and so that will be
a really, really beautiful experience for everyone.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (50:12):
That's where again, I want to get to and I
feel like I'm on the way there, but it's just
hard with seeing them every single week.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah no, no, that's too much. It's too much. You're
not too many anymore. Just take little steps in the
right direction of everything that we've said, and you're going
to be in a better healthy space and you're going
to actually be more emotionally available for your family and
friends once you have less exposure to your father. So okay, well,
will you touch base with us in a couple of
months and let us know how everything's going.
Speaker 6 (50:40):
Yes, thank you?
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Okay, cutie, this was so great.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
You're so welcome. Thanks for calling in Bie. Okay, Jay,
we have to get you out of here now. Everyone
can go see Jay on tour. It's his on Purpose tour.
You can listen to his On Purpose podcast, which is
an award winning podcast. He has a best selling book.
I mean, he's everywhere. You can follow him on instag,
Graham at j Shenny and if you want tickets, it's
jashddy dot com Forward slash Tour righta met.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
Sell it to me Ja Shetty won't sell me the
dot com whoever?
Speaker 1 (51:15):
I know I had that problem once too, but I
got my name back the Sorry.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Sorry, I know, I'm trying. I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Okay, have a great day. Jay was so wonderful to see.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
Enjoy the rest of your time skiing, and I hope
I get to see you soon in best and this
is so much fun. Thanks for having me, You're the best.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Bye bye, Thank you you guys, thank you.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
So much, so much fun.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Do do do do do do, drum roll, Catherine please
and abroad broad is my European tour. So I'm coming
to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get
the health out of this fucking country. And it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm,
(51:58):
to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never
ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming
abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
That sounds like fun.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
want to go see me abroad and there all be there,
all be excellent.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth, November
(52:42):
first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. In full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Should we get right into it?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Sure? I don't see why not. J Sheddy's back. Oh okay, a.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
J Sheddy is here. He's on his first live tour
with the podcast, The On Purpose Tour.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
And he'll be telling us all about it. Hi. J Sheddy?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
Hello, how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Top of the morning to you? Where are you?
Speaker 3 (00:21):
I am at home in La.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Oh, you're always at home in La. Well, you're not
always at home in La, but whenever I see you
on podcasts, which is primarily where I see you, you're
at home in La.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Yes, yes, exactly. How are you are you? Where are you?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I'm in Whistler, Canada, enjoying the very last days of
ski season.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Which are Wow, that's amazing. Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
It's my happy place. I wrote about it in my
book that investing my time and learning how to ski
and buying a place up in Whistler was the best
medicine I could have ever given myself to achieve the
next level of joyfulness in my life.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Good for you, kay, We have well, we have a
lot to talk about. Your start. You're launching a tour,
your first in person tour on purpose.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yeah, first time I'm doing a podcast tour.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
So you're going to do live tapings of the podcast exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And will the audience be able to participate?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Yeah, one the audience stars questions. It's going to be
highly interactive. I'm going to go out to the audience.
We're going to bring them up on stage. There's there's
a lot of exciting experiential stuff plans. So I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Oh, that's very exciting. I'm glad for you. Congrats on
all of your success. You're everywhere. I know you've been
working with lots of celebs, from Jada Pinkett Smith to
Michelle Obama to all of these inspiring people. I want
to ask you, how has your experience now now that
you like live in Hollywood. I mean, you know, so
to speak, your big presence in the healing meditation self
(01:50):
help space and just kind of working on yourself. How
has being exposed to all of these celebrities, how has
that packeded your life? And how do you think our
industry works with like benefiting from the work that you do.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
That's such an interesting question. I mean, I think the
first thing it's made me realize is just how human
everyone is, and how no matter what our career paths are,
trajectories are, or how successful or famous someone is, that
we're all dealing with the same challenges. You know, everyone
is living in the same world, is stressed and anxious
(02:29):
about their family, about what's happening outside of what they
can't control, and so there's a real humanity that comes
with it, which I really really love. I think that
what I've found is there are far more people who
also want to use their platform for a higher purpose
and may just not know how. And a lot of
people kind of found themselves into these very influential, pivotal positions,
(02:55):
and a lot of people will say I want to
do something purposeful, I want to do something meaningful. I
just don't know how to do that. I don't know
what that looks like because this is what my life
has looked like for the past few decades. And so
I find that there is quite an earnest, genuine desire
to want to do good things and want to make
a change, but not necessarily know what the vehicle for
(03:16):
that is. And that's a really interesting conversation. And I
think the other side of it is, I mean, how
it's impacted my life is it's also challenged me to
be really clear about what am I pursuing and what
am I building, And so it's almost been a challenge
for me in a healthy sense of being really clear
about my purpose. I'm reminded of how valuable it is.
(03:39):
I'll tell you a story. I remember talking to my
monk teacher, who's been a monk for the last four decades.
He's seventy five years old, and when I first moved
to La, he said, you've got to be really cautious
because you're moving to the capital of illusion. Those were
his words. And I was really excited to move to
LA and me and my wife loved LA and we
were really looking forward to it, and we just love
(04:02):
the sunshine and the nature. And I said to him,
I'm working with a couple of people. I mentioned to him,
and he had no idea who they were because he
hasn't what TV or movies in like, you know, decades.
And he said to me, he said, you're so lucky
that you get to coach them on all your future challenges.
And I love that statement because it was this really
(04:23):
beautiful way of reminding me that my life would not
be free of those challenges and issues and you know, dichotomies.
And I think that that connection has always kept me
focused on making sure that I keep doing the work
while I'm trying to help people do the work, And
so it's been a beautiful constant reminder as well. I
(04:43):
don't know if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
No, it totally makes sense because I always find it
more grounding to help other people that are Like when
you're involved with someone who's the situation is dissimilar than
your own, it's always like a nice salve on your
soul to be able to step out of your self
in order in service of another person. Like whenever I'm
feeling down, I'm like, okay, go pay attention to someone
(05:07):
else's life. Help somebody else like that's going through something,
because that is a spirit lifter as well.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Absolutely, and you you expand your radius of compassion with
anyone you work with, because I think a lot of
us have this. It's like we all feel like our
problems are the worst, which they are when you're feeling them,
but guess what everyone else is feeling that way about
their problems. And when you start to learn about how
intricate the human mind is and how emotions work and
(05:34):
how they're created. You start to recognize how everyone looks
at their set of problems as really difficult and really challenging,
even if for you it'd be a walk in the park.
And so it's really fascinating expanding your radius of compassion
because you start to be able to take on more
understand people more. And I think that's what I'm excited about,
is I get to travel across the world and work
(05:56):
with people from all different backgrounds and all different walks
of life. It's not just Hollywood. And to me, when
I get to see people in different spaces and places,
it kind of just allows me to recognize how much
I don't understand about the human condition, how much more
there still is to learn, how judgmental I can be,
how critical I can be, how small minded I can be.
(06:18):
And I love challenging all of that because I think
it's really easy to think, oh, I have all the
answers and I have the solutions, and then actually, when
you start working with more people, you realize you don't.
And the most human thing you know to do is
to sit with someone and hold their hands and look
into their eyes and just be present with them. And
then you start realizing that that is the realist thing
that people need and the truest wisdom. So it's like
(06:40):
this counterintuitive idea of that. I mean, we've heard this
for ages, but it's true. The more you know, the
more you realize you don't know, and how much more
there is to learn.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
And also to meet everything with love, right when you
can come from a place of love, even when you're
dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things
that don't make you feel good, to just turn it
with love is a beautiful lesson that's not always easy
to practice with every single person, but it's a great
thing to remember. Not to meet anger with anger, not
to meet resistance with more resistance. It's like treating I
(07:13):
always think about how you're supposed to treat children. You know,
when they're having a temper tantrum. You don't scream and
yell at them. That doesn't get results. You have to
sit there and be patient and love them up. You know,
I don't this whole punishment and argument arguing like that
doesn't lead anywhere. It's just like this air. It's like
hot air that goes nowhere.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, you've reminded me of this beautiful, beautiful thought from
Russell Barkley. Russell Barkley once said that the people who
need the most love often ask for it in the
most unloving ways. And so when I see someone's behavior,
the first thing I try and think of is, how
is that a plea for love? How is that a
(07:52):
pledge for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, whether
it's anger, whether it's frustration, whether it's judgment, whether it's criticism,
whether it's fear, it's them asking for love in some way.
And I think we see it in children the most.
Where when a child's throwing a tantrum or on the floor,
like crying and bashing their feet and hands, they're simply
(08:15):
asking for presence, love and connection. That's what they're looking for.
And I think we're all just big children who are
still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting
that connection and that embrace. And the sad thing is
we don't get it. And because we don't get it,
well you retaliate even further. So I love what you said.
And that's what I try and always imagine is when
(08:35):
I sit with someone and I look at them, I
try to look at them as the child that was neglected, mistreated, lost, confused, stuck,
because that allows me to have the compassion for them
that I might not have now that you assume they're
an adult. As soon as you assume someone's an adult,
you assume they should have certain behavior as manners, traits.
(08:56):
As soon as you recognize, well, they're just a kid
in an adult's body, you start thinking differently about problems
and challenges. So that always helps me for sure.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
And then how do you frame like accountability with people
who are doing the work who are adults. But obviously
we can we can take that framework and that attitude
that everyone's a little kid. But then say you have
a long friendship with somebody and their intention is to
spiritually grow. They're having conversations and there, but they don't
seem to be making any movement or making better decisions
(09:25):
for themselves. They keep getting themselves in the same situation.
It's just like a psych you know, a cyclical behavior.
And like, I have something somebody in my life that
I struggle with because I'm like, I can't help you anymore,
Like I don't know what to do and I I
honestly don't have the bandwidth. And it's not that I
don't love you. I do, but I don't know how
to help you move towards what you think you want.
(09:47):
You know what I mean, And so how do you
handle those people who just kind of keep hitting a wall?
At an age where like I went to therapy, I
learned my I got my shit together, and I made
huge improvements. So I don't I want to be a
spiritual narcissist and say I'm better than anyone. But I
did the work I learned, I absorbed it, and then
my output is different. So when someone can't get that
(10:10):
ball rolling, how would you handle that?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
The first thing I do, and I think you've already
done this, but I think it's important to point it out.
The first thing I do is I think about how
many steps forward I took and how many steps back
I took, and how often I did that on my
own spiritual journey. So I think about the time when
I was that person who had all these grand ambitions
and grand aspirations but still fell short. And I know
(10:35):
in my spiritual journey it was plenty cyclical and plenty
two steps forward three steps back, and that allows me
to have an expansion of my compassion again and empathy
to be like, actually, when I was on that transition
and that journey, that's exactly what it looked like for me.
I just forgot it because I'm somewhat on the other
side now and I've got better at those habits. So
(10:57):
that definitely is what avoids being as spiritual narcissists, because
you know, I think that's such an important part. The
second part is this, I really look at it. If
I don't have a professional relationship with someone, I try
not to force accountability on them. I look at my
relationship as being one of patients, of being one of encouragement,
of being one of support. And what I've found is
(11:21):
that those people who aren't accountable, who are cyclical. There's
this amazing meme I saw the other day and I
loved it, and on the top it had five water
cups and they were all perfectly filled at the same level,
so they were all half full, and it said, this
is not consistency. And on the second tier it had
(11:41):
one water cup that was full, one that was little,
one that was half, one that was three quarters, one
that was a quarter, and it said, this is what
consistency looks like. And I thought to myself, that's so true.
We think consistency is I worked out five days a week,
every day, every week of the year, fifty two weeks
of year. And the truth is, for all of us
who work out or try and stay healthy, it's like
(12:02):
this week, I've worked out five days a week. Next
week I might do three. The next week I might
do seven, The next week I might do four. And
so I think recognizing that consistency on a machine looks perfect,
but consistency and accountability on a human looks sporadic. And
then the third thing when it comes to you feeling exhausted,
and by the way I relate to you, I have
friends who have given the same piece of advice to
(12:25):
for seven years, and after seven years, I have stopped
giving that advice because I realized that it is wasted
because that advice is not changing their life and they
don't have the capacity, the emotional availability, or the intention
to change, or the attraction to change. And again, I
focus on what I can control. I've realized that often
(12:47):
I was giving that advice because it sounded right, but
they didn't really ask for it, they didn't really want it.
They never told me they were accountable, And so I've started.
I've stopped giving unsolicited advice unless someone tells me, Jay,
I am accountable to you for thirty days, tell me
what to do and I will do it. Unless someone
says that to me and commits that way, I just
keep it as a casual friendship. I'm happy for them
(13:08):
to have the same problems. Of course, I may not
talk to them as often, and I'm okay with the
fact that my life's going to move on, because I
don't want to take on keeping you accountable when you
haven't committed to that, And I think that's on us
to make sure that we create that clarification.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Because like, okay, So that leads me to the next question,
which is people who are not doing the work, which
I think you kind of answer just now, like how
do you deal and especially I think right now, you know,
with the political landscape the way it is, and people
are so frustrated and angry and scared, and people are
dealing with, you know, people and their family who've voted
differently politically and having to kind of maintain relationships in
(13:49):
the name of being a bigger person, like not just
cutting off relationships because someone voted for the person that
you didn't want to win. But how do you advise
people to handle this in the times we're living in
because it is really obviously divisive and really scary for
all of us.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, no, you're You're so right, And the amount of
phone calls I get about that topic is high. I
genuinely believe there's two ways this goes right. You either
have someone in your life who's willing to have an
open and honest conversation and this is probably rare, and
someone who's actually willing to hold space for your perspective.
I think that's actually become quite rare, and the problem
(14:28):
is that's what we actually need. On the other hand,
every time the topic comes up, someone's fuse flips, someone
starts being derogatory, someone starts being combative, someone starts being judgmental,
someone starts being a debater, and no one wants to
have a professional and unprofessional debate at the dining table.
(14:48):
And so I think the challenge is that's what we're
dealing with. We've lost the ability to have healthy conversations
where we have disagreements. There's a beautiful statement that I
love from f Scott Fitzgerald where he said that the
sign of a first rate intelligence is the ability to
hold two ideas, two opposing ideas, at the same time,
(15:12):
and still retain the ability to function. So the fact
that you could actually hold two ideas that are completely opposite,
that's actually what he calls a first rate intelligence. I
think we've lost that completely. And the second part he
says to that statement, which I love, is he says
one should therefore be able to see that everything is hopeless,
(15:33):
but be determined to make it otherwise. In other words,
you also able to hold the idea that the world
isn't a mess. It's chaotic, it gets crazy, this is insane,
and we can still do something about it. And so
I think now we've got very good at picking aside,
even in hope. So you're either hopeless, the world's a mess,
it's all over, or you're full of hope and optimistic.
(15:55):
But we don't need either of them. We need to
lean into the dark as much as the light in
order to actually deal with the darkness. And so what
I would suggest is, if you don't have someone in
your life who's willing to open up and have that conversation, sadly,
that is a disconnect. It is someone you have to
distance from and it's not worth engaging because it's just
going to create more turmoil, more stress, more ignorance, and
(16:18):
more pain in both of your lives. And that's just
the real that's just the truth. I wish it wasn't that,
but it is that. On the other hand, I would
encourage the individual to find those people they can have
those conversations with, because that's just healthy for us as humans.
Because guess what, when you wake up, you may be
in a really positive mood, but it starts raining outside.
(16:39):
That's what life is. Accepting that you can be in
a positive mood and it can be raining outside at
the same time. That's what we're trying to get to.
We're not trying to get into a positive mood all
the time, and we're not trying to be negative all
the time. We're trying to accept that I can see
both these things coexist, and I'm going to coexist in
reality with them. And so I think sadly the reality
(17:00):
is that a lot of people can't talk to the
people in their life because that person will turn it
into an argument and a debate, not a healthy disagreement.
But I would challenge each person listening to say, can
you be that person to have healthy conversations, to see
other sides, to see other opinions without making it a debate,
because that's the kind of world we need to live in.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And also, and if it's not a relationship that's going
to work for you, how do you feel about putting
a pause on a relationship or cutting someone off if
it's not affecting you in a positive way, or if
it's just proven to be too exhaustive.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Yeah, if something's always stressing you out and draining you
and triggering you, you don't belong there. That's what I'd
like to remind people. You don't belong in places that
constantly drain and trigger you. Now you start there. Over time,
as you strengthen and as you grow, you actually are
open to the challenge. So the same environment that used
(17:55):
to drain and trigger you when you grow and strengthen spiritually,
now you're welcoming the challenge, You're welcoming the discomfort because
you recognize you can hold space for it. And finally,
you can actually find a way to even thrive in
environments that originally used to drain you. And that's what
spiritual growth is. Spiritual growth is not running away from
(18:16):
painful places. Spiritual growth is strengthening yourself so much that
something that used to drain you now challenges you and
now actually helps you thrive. In the Geeta, which is
the ancient text of India around five thousand years old,
the language that's used when translated from Sanskrit is relishing
the battle. This idea that you relish the battle because
(18:39):
you recognize the battle makes you more alert, The battle
makes you more conscious, the battle makes you more present.
It's the old adage from Buddhism that says better to
be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in
a war, and that idea that it's always good to
train like a warrior to be able to be able
(18:59):
to battle or when you need to, but live in
a peaceful garden. Then it is to be a gardener
in a war who doesn't know how to deal with
that stress and pressure. And so I love to remind
people that spiritual growth is strengthening yourself to the point
that what used to drain you now actually helps you thrive.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Love it, love it. Okay, we're going to take a
break and we're going to be right back with Jayshetty If.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
You'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us at Dear
Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
If you have an issue with a family member, or
you need.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at
Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
And we're back with Jayshetty. This is off topic, Jay,
but you look at yops very nice. Have you been
working out?
Speaker 3 (19:50):
I have been working out. That's the best. I love
I appreciate that. That's very sweet. I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Okay, great, we're going to take some callers. Catherine, what
do we got.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
We have some tricky ones today, so Jay, I know
you'll bring your a game. So our first caller is Michelle.
She's calling in from the Midwest. She says, Dear Chelsea,
my husband and I have two adult children living at home,
twenty five and twenty three, a daughter and a son, respectively.
Both my kids, who are really adults, are paying very
minimal rent. Our daughter is working full time, planning her
(20:20):
future and saving money while paying off her school loan.
She has a significant other and plans on moving eventually
when the right opportunity presents itself, hopefully soon. Meanwhile, our son,
who is on the autism spectrum, is working a part
time job about twenty hours a week maximum and has
absolutely no plan to try and better himself, forget any
kind of schooling training, even though it has all been
(20:41):
offered to him countless times. We've tried our best to
encourage him his whole life and have given him all
the tools he needs to launch himself into adulthood, but
he simply refuses. We've set boundaries for behaviors and expectations
in regards to his computer gaming, and taught him how
to look after himself and the pets in the house
when we sometimes travel, but we worry that everything we've
given him, why would he ever want to leave? Is
(21:03):
it cruel to want him out of the house. There
seem to be lots of state programs for people who
fall on different places on the spectrum than him, but
he doesn't want to explore anything past his current situation.
He's just stuck and we don't know what to do
to move him forward. Any suggestions, Michelle oh.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Hi, Michelle Hi Telsey, Hi, this is our special guest,
Jay Shetty's here today.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
Hi, Jajachelle, thank you so much for taking my question.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Oh absolutely, Where is he on the spectrum? Is it
prohibitive of him? I mean you said he could do
many things, but he's able to work, right, He does work.
Speaker 5 (21:36):
He has a part time position.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
It's at a grocery store. He gets a little anxiety,
you know, he gets heightened at times. I would consider
him high functioning on the spectrum. However, he does have
some challenges and he's not building a skill set for
himself because you think he's limiting himself.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Right, right, And he does he have the right counseling?
Does he have the right therapist? Like does you have
a support system in that aspect?
Speaker 4 (22:02):
He does have a therapist currently, and he's working for
the last six years, I think since high school. He's
been working with this wonderful person. But he has to
want to take the tools from the toolkit and use them,
so we're trying to.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
I mean, it sounds to me like he's got a
pretty good gig, so why would he want to leave?
Which is what you basically said in your letter, Jayre,
What are your opening thoughts on this.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Well, Michelle, first of all, thanks thanks for your question,
and I'm sure it's been challenging on both sides. Right
These things are not easy. And when I think about
like the question of when's the right time for him
to move out, I think the better question is is
is he aware of what it's going to take. And
it sounds like he is, and as you both just said,
(22:49):
he seems very comfortable where he is, and so he
has no need And I think when I see people
in that situation, sadly, what really helps someone move is
recognizing that what is comfortable for them right now isn't
going to sustain and that actually allows people to build independence.
And as you said, he has the right support. It's
not like you're you know, it seems like he's surrounded
(23:11):
by a really great support system, which is so important
in this scenario. I would encourage you to find ways
to do it in smaller doses. Is there the ability
for you to travel where he's spending a day on
his own with support of course, a weekend on his
own at home, even at the house on his own, right,
so he's not moving out yet, how do you kind
(23:33):
of get into that middle ground where he's starting to
learn to take care of himself in small doses, whether
it's a weekend, a week whatever that may be. So
he starts to recognize A he gets confidence that he
can do it, and b he loses the comfort that
he gets to fall back on with you. And I
think that is what we're really looking at. It's a
confidence and comfort place. And of course we want him
(23:53):
to be supported, we want him to be surrounded, making
sure that he's not, you know, in a position that
would compromise him or cause discomfort to an extreme sense.
But at the same time, I think it's doing that.
You need to go and travel, you need to go
and live your life. You need to go and you
know it sounds like you want to go and experience
things and have more freedom for yourself. I think that
has to happen first in order to help him recognize
(24:15):
that this isn't a sustainable long term position for him,
and for him to have to build the tools and
rather than going through the big leap and the big
jump of having his own place, having an apartment, whatever
that may mean for him, it's starting to do that
at home. And I think if he starts to see
that and starts to recognize that you're living your life.
He'll then get the conscious independence to go and do
(24:36):
the same.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
Yes, I agree, we have done that.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Actually, we just returned from a trip.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
We were gone for a solid week and the house
didn't burn down. He's, of course, his sister's here as
while my daughter was here, so she's a couple of
years older, so she's here to facilitate some things, you know,
problem solving things if needed. But basically we've been able
to travel, so I'm grateful for that. It's just the
point of moving him to the next step to get
(25:01):
him confident enough to and also have the income to
support it as well, which is a challenge because he
is working a part time position and I don't know
that We're going to have to lean into something that's
a little bit more sustainable.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Also, I think include him in the planning, you know,
work together with him to come up with a plan
so that he is part of his own future, you
know what I mean. There's one thing to give somebody
else a plan and be like, okay, you have sixty
days and we need you to figure it out, which
is not what you're suggesting anyway. But to actually give
him some agency in his own future so that he
(25:33):
can also work with you, Like I we're going to
all sit together and figure out how we're going to
move forward and what our timeframe is, what you want
to do, you know, how you're going to do this.
You're going to have to move out at some point,
so let's figure out what the plan is to get
you in a space, in a spot where you are
taken care of and you're making enough money to support yourself,
(25:54):
and let him be a part of that process, of course.
And also when you go away the next time, you know,
maybe make sure your daughter does give him more of
the responsibility so that he can't depend on her and
that she's not like insurance. You know, let him have
like two days where he's doing everything and he's not
allowed to ask her for stuff and she he's not
allowed to ask her for backup, to start actually demonstrating
(26:16):
independence and start acting and living it, and I think
that will infuse in him some more kind of self
confidence and self assuredness.
Speaker 6 (26:25):
You know.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
I think that's you just kind of have to build
somebody up before you let them fly away. And that's
what it sounds like. You guys maybe need to do
in addition to you know, everything you've already done.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Right, Yeah, I would agree with Chelsea. I think this
it sounds like naturally, you've done this for so long
and been amazing and been so supportive and been so loving,
and it's always hard when it's almost like you've done
all of that and then you want it to change.
And I think you're in that in between stage. And
when I look at it from his position, I think
Chelsea's planning point is spot on. Like I think he
(26:59):
needs to be in vested in his future, recognize the
value of it, be able to set timelines with you.
I think when you set a timeline for someone, it
becomes a deadline that puts too much pressure on them,
Whereas if they set the timeline with them, it becomes
something they can aspire for and work towards. And for me,
for him, confidence is going to come from competence, and
(27:21):
competence is going to come from discomfort, and so it's
the removal of comfort that's going to build competence. And
exactly as Chelsea said that if you can find a
way to really set those boundaries with him and his sister,
so that he's not overly supported beyond what he truly
does need that couldn't be taken away. And it's not
a punishment. It's not done in a negative way. It's
not like, oh, we're going to take this away, you know.
(27:43):
I think it's done in a way to just say, like,
we already believe in you. We can see that you
have all these amazing skills and you've been working so hard.
And I think that tone is so important too. I
think when someone feels discouraged, they get disengaged and they
start to feel like it's not exciting for them, whereas
this could be a really exciting opportunity for him to
(28:04):
really raise to that burians raise to that next level.
And so I really feel looking at it from encouragement, excitement,
aspiration rather than like frustration, stress and comfort, if that
makes sense.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Definitely.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Yeah, So we are working on encouraging him all the time.
It's just you know, it's it's going to be a
process and we're working through it. And I think the
first step would be to move the twenty five year
old out so she wouldn't even be a crutch in
the first place.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
So we're worrying, Yeah, and you can motivate her by
telling her that you really are trying to get his
independence going and that you know, like yeah, like but.
Speaker 5 (28:40):
We're doing together.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
You're doing the lord's work. Thank you for taking care
of your children. Yeah, and the way it's past the
time that you're obligated to. So that's very nice.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Also, And if you're finding that you're having like a
difficult time having these conversations and like really seeing movement,
you could loop in like a counselor you know, somebody
who's a third party or fourth party in this case
with you and your husband and your son, just to
sort of like help you set those boundaries, feel out
what's appropriate in this really specific situation.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
Yes, I actually saw a therapist about a year ago,
and her suggestion to me was to wait it out
and let him make the decisions.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Which you might be waiting forever.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah, you'll never mind that advice. Let's my mom, this
is your new these are your new marching orders.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Yes, yeah, thank you, all right, thanks so much.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
And Michelle, thank you, Michelle.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Jay bye bye. I feel like more parents just need
to start, like when they're in that situation and the
child is ready, just start raising the rent like fifty
or one hundred bucks a month, and soon enough they'll one.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Funny, you have children and you're like, this is gonna
be amazing, and then they're twenty five and twenty six,
you're like, why are they still here? Shinester.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
It's so hard. I see. It's it's in South Asian culture.
It's very prominent as well for people to stay at
home until they get married. And I'm not I'm not
for that at all, And you know, I think it's
so unhealthy. It's almost like, well, now you get married
and you have to become an adult as soon as
you get married, and it makes the marriage so much harder.
It's it's really really tough in so many different circumstances.
Of course, this was very specific in challenging with Michelle.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yeah, yeah, well we'll check in with her in a
couple months and see where she's at with that.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
So yeah, yeah, you do that.
Speaker 5 (30:17):
Well.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Our next call comes from Libby. She's thirty one. She says,
Dear Chelsea, I was born with a rare medical condition
that has required over fifty surgeries over the course of
my thirty one years. It has to do with my
urinary digestive and reproductive tracks and continues to present a
host of issues. Half my organs are made up of
other organs, and most recently, this one's fun. I had
(30:39):
to have a vaginal reconstruction using buckle mucoset tissue for
my lower lip like the goddamn movie Teeth. The surgeon
who operated on me was the first physician to understand
how to treat people with my condition. Had I been
born just a handful of years earlier, who knows what
the outcome would have been. This actor was brilliant, but
had an ego the size of King Kong. When I
first googled my condition, I found article in which he
(31:01):
was interviewed. The title of the article the doctor Repairs
Damaged Babies. It goes on to describe people with my
medical condition as experiencing anatomical anarchy, and the physician is
quoted as saying it's hard not to believe in a
Satanic power when looking at bodies ravaged by such a condition.
Needless to say, I didn't take it well, especially as
(31:21):
an Irish Catholic from Boston. I could go on about
my medical trauma, but I'm looking for advice on how
to date with such a complicated medical history. I have
scars and different medical devices on my body. I have
to do several medical procedures every day just to live
a somewhat normal life. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends, that's right,
twenty first century bitch. But for the last three years
I've felt stuck. As I got closer to thirty, people
(31:44):
began talking about marriage and having kids. I shut down
because the likelihood of me having a child is low,
and even just the idea of letting another person close
to the mayhem that is my jack in the box
body is exhausting. I'm not lonely, I have lots of friends,
and I don't even know if I want to get
married or have CAD, but I'd sure like to at
least be at risk of getting pregnant in my what
(32:04):
feels like hundreds of medical appointments each year. When they
ask any chance of pregnancy, sometimes I lie just to
make the medical assistant think I'm getting some but I'm
not and haven't for well, that's not important. The thing is,
I know this is a mental block more than anything.
What should I do? How do I let people in?
In every sense of the word.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
Libby, Wow, Hi, Libby Hi, nice to meet you. This
is our special guest, Jay Shaddy's here today.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Hello, Hey, Lebby, nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
Well, Libby, the first thing I would say to you
is that you really need to flip the script in
your head. The fact that you have survived all these
things makes you a fucking badass. You're a badass. Your
body has served you, even though it doesn't feel like that.
And the story that you've been telling yourself is one
and I totally get it. You've been through hell, it
sounds like and that doctor forget about him? Also, you
(32:54):
know what I mean, who cares about him? He helped you,
and who cares what that article said? That's not your problem.
Let him go do his thing and you move on
to a happy, healthier life. But you're like a survivor.
You have survived all of this. That is a superpower.
That is not a negative. That is a positive. That
means you are resilient. That means you are tough, and
that means you are able to probably handle anything that
(33:17):
comes your way. And you need to write that down
and read it to yourself every morning when you wake up,
that you are a survivor, that you are strong, that
you are resilient and that you are a badass period.
That's what you need to be telling yourself and change
this whole narrative around. Because you're sitting here, you're beautiful,
you're healthy. Yes, you have contraptions on your body. That
(33:39):
doesn't make you any less of a person. In my opinion,
that makes you more of a person.
Speaker 5 (33:43):
Yeah, it's definitely an interesting story. It's a good ice
breaker when I meet people.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Absolutely, absolutely a.
Speaker 5 (33:50):
Lot of stories to tell.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I guess well, a lot of stories to tell. But
think about how you're telling those stories too. You know,
you don't want to be a victim. You want to
be like a survivor. You want to be somebody who
has experienced the biggest lows or the you know, the
worst lows that a person can feel physically, emotionally, all
of the things that you've experienced. And you're still sitting
here and you're vibrant, and you're youthful, and you have
(34:14):
your whole life ahead of you. So you have your
whole life to change this narrative, and it's going to
be much more bountiful for you if you change it
right now. Jay, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Yeah, Libby, I so agree with Chelsea when we were
reading your submission just now, I was like, Libby's funny,
she's clever, she's witty, she's smart, I mean, And that
was just your description of what you've experienced. And now
getting to meet you, really, what you've been through makes
(34:45):
you stronger than pretty much anyone I know. And I
actually think that that's what relationships really need. Is strength,
is power, is empathy, is compassion. You must have the
amount you've been through, you must have so much grit
of compared to anyone I know, And that to me
makes you incredible, like an incredible, incredible person to me.
(35:09):
And here's the reality about dating. Dating's tough for everyone,
and it's the worst, and it's challenging and everything else. Right,
we know that we've heard that, everyone talks about it.
But what's beautiful about love and what we often forget
is we think that we say like things like, oh,
I don't think I'm going to find someone. Well, the
truth is love is rare. Real love is rare. If
(35:32):
it wasn't rare, a would we want it? And B
if we could be with anyone, then why would this
person be special? The fact that love is rare means
You're going to find someone who sees all of this
and has the reaction that me and Chelsea have where
they go Libby, you are the strongest person I know,
Like I am in awe of you and I admire
(35:54):
you deeply. That's the reaction you want. And by the way,
that's not going to be an easy process. But that
person does exist. That person does exist. There is someone
out there who may have been through their own stuff,
whether it be emotionally or physically. There's someone out there
who's been through their own challenges, and there's someone out
there who sees you for your truth. Now, when you
(36:14):
decide to share the stories, which stories you decide to
share is totally up to you. Never feel pressured, never
feel stressed. The pacing has to be at your own time.
It has to be when you feel comfortable. But the
reality is that these stories will keep the right person close.
And that's what I say to anyone who has any
(36:36):
challenge like yours. Is something that you've been through that's
really difficult, even someone who has a particular anxiety about something.
The truth is that just disconnects the wrong people. It
just you know, it attracts the right people, and it
distracts the wrong people. And that's how I look at it,
where it's like you're just trying to attract the rare
love that has the ability to understand, be in or
(36:58):
be loving and compassionate and recognize what you've been through.
And you know, I was inspired hearing your story. I'm
amazed that you're sitting here smiling and laughing with us
and telling jokes in your submission, and to me, that's spectacular.
So honestly, you've inspired me today, and I think you're
going to inspire a lot of people. And I really,
really truly am rooting for you. Thank you.
Speaker 5 (37:18):
Yeah, I definitely it's a vetting process for sure. I
have a lot of really really good friends who you know,
it's funny because I'm very open with them, and I
work in healthcare. I tell my disability story all the time.
It's interesting too because it's an invisible disability, like unless
I'm naked, basically you can't see anything different about me.
So there's always kind of this this shock factor when
I reveal it because it's not obvious. So I'm very
(37:42):
very open about it in my professional life because it's
you know, I'm an advocate and with my friends very
open about it, and you know people have fallen to
the wayside and the way that you're describing, even just platonically,
people over jerks about whatever surgery I had or whatever
this thing that went on, or people just not showing
up for me, you know, right, Like this surgery that
(38:03):
I had in December was again a weird one, a
very interesting one using mouth tissue in a vaginal reconstruction.
And you know, it was funny with my friends. I
was excited to tell them in a sense because isn't
that fucking sick? Is that weird that they can do that?
And I can be open about it with them. But
it's hard that somebody you want to be sexual with,
you know, because you're like this is this is weird.
(38:24):
You know you're going to see this up close and personal.
It doesn't look different. I had a gynecology appointment the
other day, got pop reviews. Looks amazing. But you know,
it's just hard. It's hard.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
It's also something that you don't have to share until
you want to share, you know what I mean. It's
not like you have to It's not like a resume
where you have to be like this is everything that
I've been through and now, okay, do you want to
have sex with me? Or do you want to date me? Like,
it's not like that. You as you learn and you
grow with someone and you start to trust them, then
you are able to tell them and only when you
feel like it. It's not you know, obviously, there are certain
(38:54):
things on your body that you're going to want to
like identify because of your letter that you have to address.
But like what you just mentioned and your vaginal reconstruction
with your like, who cares. Nobody's gonna know about that anyway.
I mean, it's a good story, so save it for
somebody who deserves to hear it. And also you have
a huge advantage also that you're not you don't know
if you want children, you don't know if you want
a husband, so the pressure also isn't there in that sense.
(39:17):
So you have like all of these great things going.
So please write those first things down that I mentioned
to you as a reminder every single morning when you
get up, what you've survived. How strong you are.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I want to recognize too. You know some of these
like joking terms that you use, like the jack in
the box body and that sort of thing, like that
is hard one for you, I know, because you've been
through so much so in order to have like lightness
and levity around this, that probably is something you had
to like cultivate and like it's it's a life saver
for you. But I also want for you to be
(39:49):
able to rename some of the tougher stuff and be
able to like send some gratitude and kindness to your body,
even if that's just like doing a breathing exercise. I'm
sure Jay can give us one. But putting your hand
on your heart and thanking your body every day, even
if it's just for a couple seconds, like really recognizing that,
like your your body is doing wonderful things for you,
(40:10):
even though it's you know, it might feel like a
betrayal at times. I'm sure it does. But you know,
some of the tougher stuff, maybe renaming that with something
that feels kinder to your body, that's beautiful.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
I'm really grateful some days because I do feel more
in touch with my body than other people. And even
you know, I'm still very young, but even as my
friends get older, they come to me when there's weird
things happening in their body and and they know that
I have kind of greater awareness of. Yeah, I've just
had to listen to my body, but now I mean
thanking it. I yes, you know, that's it in a
(40:46):
different way.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Yeah, exactly. Okay, I love it. I love it. Thank
you so much for.
Speaker 5 (40:49):
Calling me today. Yeah, thank you so much. This is
really sweet, very cool.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Great, Okay, we're going to take a break and we're
going to come back and up with We'll take one
more caller and we'll wrap up with Jay Shetty. Please
tag me for the special because I get so many
tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many
about my special, and my special is the newest thing out,
so I want to make sure all my ardent fans
are watching it and tagging me, and I'll repost you.
And yes, it's called the Feeling. And we're back with
(41:22):
Jay Shetty, who's going on tour you guys, you can
see him live or is it Jayshetty dot com where
people can get.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Tickets Jayshetty mean Forward slash.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Tour, Jayshetty dot me Forward slash tour Jshetty dot me
Forward slash Tour. Okay, great, Okay, Catherine, what do we
have for our last caller.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
All right, our last caller is James, he says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm a thirty three year old gay man, and I'm
the youngest of four. I have two sisters and a brother.
My sisters have kids ranging from three to ten years old,
six total between the two of them. For all of
our lives, it Wo've been severely emotionally abused by my
narcissist dad, who also doesn't acknowledge that I'm gay because
(42:01):
he's so conservative. He recently had one of his explosions,
this time in front of the grandkids. My whole family
was crying and emotional, but I was sitting there stoic.
I accepted a long time ago there's no point in
trying to tame a monster. My family always seems to
let him back in after some time has passed, and
I'm getting to my breaking point with what I should
do if we all continue to allow this behavior. My
(42:24):
mom recently made an appointment with a divorce attorney, but
I'm skeptical of the follow through. I've been a vocal
advocate for separation, and I love my mom more than anything,
so I don't see a scenario where I can leave
her behind. Yet it seems clear that we all need
to leave him behind. How do I navigate this if
not everyone is on board? Sincerely, James, Hi, cutie, how
(42:44):
are you good?
Speaker 5 (42:45):
How are you good?
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Your cute little dog is there? This is Jay Shtty,
our special guest today.
Speaker 6 (42:51):
Oh Hi, this is the coolest therapy session I've ever had.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
Hey, James, it's so nice to meet here, you too,
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Okay, Jay, I'm gonna let you stick. What are your
thoughts initially?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
Well, James, first of all, I'm sorry you're having to
go through that, because it's the worst when you're in
a family setup where you're not accepted, you're not seen
for who you are, especially you know, by your father.
And of course it's really really challenging when I find
that everyone else is able to look beyond someone's flaws
because it may not affect them directly, or it does,
(43:22):
but not as deeply as it's affecting you. I think
the really big challenge here. Having worked with many people
in similar setups, even been through similar things on my
own for myself, I've found that it's really really tough
to push someone in a certain direction, or to want
other people to make decisions that then benefit us better.
(43:45):
So I'm sure, and I agree with you. I'm sure
you'd want everyone around you to treat your dad in
a particular way so that it would be better for you,
And I get why, I understand it. The challenge is
all of those people are not going to change completely,
and even if they change, they're not going to change sustainably.
They're not going to be consistent. As you said, They'll
(44:05):
push them out, let him back in, push them out,
let him back in. And so if I was you,
i'd really really be focused on what you can control
and what you can solve for yourself that allows to
be allows you to be around people who are empowering
of you, encouraging of you, supportive of you, that are
not draining you, that are not, you know, denouncing who
you are, that are not taking away parts of your identity.
(44:27):
But I don't think wanting and wishing and waiting for
all of them to change and see what's happening is
going to do the job. And I think you could
waste a lot of your time and energy trying to
convince them to get them there, and you're just going
to be exhausted by it. And I'd rather you use
all of that energy not to be exhausted, but to
(44:47):
be engaged in things you love, to move forward with
your life, to build a beautiful life, because I think
a lot of us waste a lot of time trying
to fix something, then we do trying to move forward.
And when you're trying to fix something, especially when you're
trying to fix people and their responses and their behaviors
and their loyalties and their affinities, you will literally waste
(45:07):
years of your life. And I don't want to see
you waste years of your life because it seems like
you want to have a good life and build a
good one and build a great one. And I can
see that from your face right now, and I'd rather
you be focusing all your energy on that because that
will leave you in a place where you'll be able
to feel fulfilled have the life that you desire. And now,
whether everyone here gets you, understands you or not, it
(45:28):
really doesn't matter. It really truly doesn't matter. So that's
where i'd like to start.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
What do you think about that, James?
Speaker 6 (45:35):
That's kind of where it's like gone since I wrote
in boundaries have been set and it's really it's just
really hard because I'm like, I'm just disappointed in my
sister specifically because I'm like, we up all had the
same shared experience with my dad, and like, why aren't
we all rallying around my mom like we should be,
but they're not because of the grandkids and stuff. And
(45:58):
so I'm just you know, I've started invest more of
my time and like my neighbors and friends and stuff
that support me for all these things, and my mom,
like I've just been inviting her to more things. I'm
trying to just invest a lot of my time and
can we just start doing things me and you?
Speaker 1 (46:14):
You know, yeah, I think that's great, And I think
that's great. There's no reason that you need to have
any further exposure to your father, and you can't control
what anyone else in your family's going to do, but
you can set an example by extricating yourself from the situation.
You know, you love your mom, You could spend time
with your mom. That doesn't mean you have to spend
time with your father. It doesn't mean you have to
have exposure to his abusive behavior, his outbursts, any of that. Like,
(46:36):
you taking care of yourself is setting the best example.
That you can set for your family, because you don't
change people by asking them to change, you actually change
by changing you know you, changing your behavior is going
to have more of an impact on them than telling
them what they can do. So it sounds like you're
halfway there, and so double down on all of that
love and happiness and your friends and your neighbors and
(46:56):
spending time with your mom alone and making sure that
you show up for and it's not your fault to
actually usher in their separation or divorce either. Just show
up with love and compassion and be there for her.
And that is the best way for you to like
move through this and just really take care of yourself.
Boundaries have been set. Great, that's the healthiest thing you
can do. You don't have to have exposure to someone
(47:18):
who's abusive to you.
Speaker 6 (47:20):
That's the hardest part because like when we have these
family get togethers and stuff, I feel like I am
forced to be exposed to him, and I'm like, I
am exposed to him, but at the same time, like
the mental boundaries are there where I'm like, I can
be around you, but I just I have zero respect
for you. I don't like you at all, Like I
wish you would go away because we get together like
(47:40):
every week, so it's it's hard constantly exposed.
Speaker 1 (47:45):
But do you have to go and expose yourself? Like
can't you skip those and spend separate time with your
family where your dad's not there.
Speaker 6 (47:53):
I would love to, like that's kind of where I
would like to be, but I feel like the family
dynamic of it, especially with my sisters and stuff. They
would start kind of hounding me, like you don't want
to be part of our kids' lives, like why are
you skipping this and that? But I mean, I.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
But no, that's not fair, that's not fair. They can't
expect you to show up in a situation that doesn't
make you feel good. You can foster a relationship with
all of these kids without your dad. You can go
over there when he's not there, so you can do
all of those things, and I would encourage you to
do so, just say, I actually am setting a boundary
for my mental health. I'm happy to see your kids.
I want to see your kids, but not with our
(48:30):
dad there. I'll do my own thing with them. I'll
make my own plans.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
Certainly exactly, And I think setting that intention and making
it aware that actually, I love you know, I love
the kids. I want to spend time with my niece
and nephews. I'm going to make memories with them. We're
going to set experiences with them, Like I think, you
can be incredible in that area. And actually being in
that group dynamic is probably stopping you from being your
whole self with them, and so they're probably not even
(48:54):
getting the best version of you. They're not getting the
most loving, most beautiful, abundant version of you because you
don't get to show that there because you're too busy
having to keep your walls up and your guards up
and of course protect yourself. And so I really think
that it's also explaining to them that, hey, actually this
is going to be better for everyone because I get
to be my whole self when I'm with you all.
(49:14):
I don't get to be my whole self there, and
I want more spaces. I can be my whole self
with my niece and my nephew, with you know, with
your sisters, with your mom, as you said, and that's
just going to bring so much more light and joy,
and actually they're going to see it. And the truth is, James,
this is probably going to remind them of the courage
that they know they don't have, because chances are they
feel the same way. Chances are they'd love to set
(49:36):
the same boundaries. But it's really hard to do what
you're doing. And so if anything, as time goes on,
I wouldn't be surprised if someone said to you privately, James,
well done for doing that. I've been wanting to do
that my whole life. You know, it's off. And that
goes back to what Chelsea was saying, is that when
you're setting the example and doing it not with bitterness,
not with this like you know, anger, but you're doing
(49:58):
it to say, I'm going to be my whole self.
I want to be my best self, right, I don't
want to be my bitter self. And that's going to
create so much more joy and love in your family
than they're even used to, and so that will be
a really, really beautiful experience for everyone.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (50:12):
That's where again, I want to get to and I
feel like I'm on the way there, but it's just
hard with seeing them every single week.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah no, no, that's too much. It's too much. You're
not too many anymore. Just take little steps in the
right direction of everything that we've said, and you're going
to be in a better healthy space and you're going
to actually be more emotionally available for your family and
friends once you have less exposure to your father. So okay, well,
will you touch base with us in a couple of
months and let us know how everything's going.
Speaker 6 (50:40):
Yes, thank you?
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Okay, cutie, this was so great.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
You're so welcome. Thanks for calling in Bie. Okay, Jay,
we have to get you out of here now. Everyone
can go see Jay on tour. It's his on Purpose tour.
You can listen to his On Purpose podcast, which is
an award winning podcast. He has a best selling book.
I mean, he's everywhere. You can follow him on instag,
Graham at j Shenny and if you want tickets, it's
jashddy dot com Forward slash Tour righta met.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
Sell it to me Ja Shetty won't sell me the
dot com whoever?
Speaker 1 (51:15):
I know I had that problem once too, but I
got my name back the Sorry.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Sorry, I know, I'm trying. I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Okay, have a great day. Jay was so wonderful to see.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
Enjoy the rest of your time skiing, and I hope
I get to see you soon in best and this
is so much fun. Thanks for having me, You're the best.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Bye bye, Thank you you guys, thank you.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
So much, so much fun.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Do do do do do do, drum roll, Catherine please
and abroad broad is my European tour. So I'm coming
to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get
the health out of this fucking country. And it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm,
(51:58):
to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never
ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming
abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2 (52:13):
That sounds like fun.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
want to go see me abroad and there all be there,
all be excellent.
Speaker 2 (52:21):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (52:21):
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth, November
(52:42):
first and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las
Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. In full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
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