June 13, 2024 • 49 mins
Comedian Alex Edelman joins Chelsea to discuss gambling together in Vegas, what it’s like when your heroes are in the audience, and balancing success with showing up for your friends. Then: A roommate wants to cohabitate with her friend… not her friend’s boyfriend. A widowed mom of two dips her toe back in the dating scene. And a world traveler can’t stop dating much-younger men.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
How are you.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Oh, I'm well, I'm just a stoy and my oorca.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I know it's week two for you.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I know it's very very relaxing here.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Anything exciting that you are doing on a regular basis.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Well, I'm supposed to be in full vacation mode. I
could not find my LSD for this trip, so we
looked High in Love in my house in LA and
we could not find it. Got lost in transport, so
I don't have my usual toolkit here. So it is
just very much being in the present moment with my family.
It is very much in the present moment. So a
(00:38):
lot of the left, and there's a couple still, a
couple of stragglers still here. And then I have a
new group arriving tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh that's exciting.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
The best development is that the guy that works at
our house, he makes sure that I have a frozen
mango dackery every time I come home from a bike ride.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh lovely.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's like I'm not even eating food anymore. It's there's
so much caloric intake from those dackerries that it's like
a full smoothie meal.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I mean, if it's the same guy as a couple
of years ago, and he's always handing out orange drinks.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Appral sprits, dackyries. Yeah, it's really good times, really good ones. Well,
the good news is I had a great time with
my nieces and nephews. Though we all bonded big time.
They all really really appreciated the trip, and yeah, all right,
we're just one big fucking happy family.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
The Handlers.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
I was talking to your nieces and one of them
mentioned that you had told her whole family when they
stayed with you during the pandemic that they needed to
go get family therapy, and.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That you called the therapist on them.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I did, I did? I did?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I mean, listen, if you're a sister, can't call the
therapist on you.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I was like, we're gonna do a therapy session.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
And I sat them all down in front of a
zoom and then I was like, what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Am I doing here? Why do I have to be
in this session? It's for you guys?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Use myself?
Speaker 5 (01:53):
I know.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Excellent, Chelsea. What should people write in about this week?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Roommate problems if you're if you're having an affair with
a married man or a man who is a girlfriend
or anyone who was a girlfriend or significant other, please
write in call in, we want to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
And also roommate problems.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Love those those are very juy.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
I've had a lot of those in my life, so yeah,
and they always get messy because it's like that's supposed
to be sort of your safe space, and I don't know,
it gets very messy.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Very that's right.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
I once had a roommate who had a tramp stamp
of the Cleveland Skyline. I think that tells you everything
you need to know about a person. No shade to
our Cleveland listeners.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Of course, that's a pretty big tradise. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
She was so proud of it too.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Oh, I do have a I do have an update,
one that made me respond to this caller with hell
y ask girl.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, great.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
So this was from the Joan Biez episode that we did,
and she had bipolar disorder and had to kind of
like go into some treatment and was back in with
mom and sort of struggling with like what's my place
in the world as I go back into the workforce.
But Abigail says, it's been about seven months since I
was on the show, and I have a wonderful update
to share. Thanks to your advice, I interviewed like crazy
(03:07):
and only applied to jobs I was genuinely interested in.
After some time, I landed a position at the Museum
of Fine Arts, Boston, which I just adore. It's been
a great joy to be immersed in art, and I
feel that I've found myself again.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
While I'm still living at home.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
I will never forget what Chelsea said about being under
her parents until she was in her thirties. I'm currently
in the process of rebuilding my life. Thank you for
your wise words of wisdom then and now. I so
appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Gail, What do you mean under her parents until she
was thirty? She's talking about me being under a reliant
on them until.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
I was Maybe I would, but you didn't live with
your parents when we were thirty. Right now, you came
to La.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Fucking kidding me, kidding me. I once tried to have
my dad moved out here to La and my family
vetoed it. They're like, Chelsea, can't handle that. What are
you doing? I was like, what, I've got the money,
I've got the space. We could just put them in
the next room and know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Chelsea. Our guest today is Alex Edelman. I just watched
his special just for us.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I met Alex first in Vegas. This is when you
were dating Hannah Einbinder and I was, oh, this was
the night you were there, the night I got together
with Joe Coy for the first time.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, no, we didn't get together.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He was there and that was when I decided I'm
gonna I'm gonna date him.
Speaker 6 (04:21):
I remember that. I remember you talking to us about
that and he like, I think he loved the guy. Yeah,
Joe also used us. I'm not sure if you remember this,
but Joe used us all as like proxy gamblers. We
all went to like a blackjack table and I was like,
I'm gonna stay, and Joe was like, You're gonna hit.
And I was like, I'm gonna hit, and so like
Joe was like, and Hannah is like I'm gonna stay,
(04:43):
and just like you're gonna stay and Chelsea and he
was like go down. Like it was. It was actually
like kind of amazing. And at the end he was like,
you want eleven hundred dollars. I'm like, no, Joe, you
want eleven hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
The real good luckturem there, just so we're clear, is
fucking me.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I'm the gambler, and I'm the one who wins, and
I'm the one who gives money to everyone so that
they win. Okay, so let's not get that fucking twisted.
Then I knew Alex, of course, so charming and lovely.
And then I kept hearing about his show, which is
called Just for Us, which was playing in New York,
and all of my friends were talking about it. Everyone
was going, everyone was going, so obviously I had to go.
(05:20):
I went with some friends and it blew. I mean,
it blows everyone away.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And he recently won a fucking Tony for it. How
fucking awesome is that it was?
Speaker 6 (05:30):
It's so crazy. It feels like such a weird, like
make a wish thing. Everyone's like, good for him, you know,
good for good for this guy, and gosh, buddy, here's
a thing to keep going like it really is so
so nice. But yeah, it's so weird to do the
show and then your comedy heroes and the people that
you look up to just start coming like I remember,
I just saw Chelsea in the audience. I'll never forget it.
(05:52):
She was like sitting on the aisle and I heard
the laugh and I was like, what, Chelsea's here tonight,
And then like I looked down in the audience and
they see Chelsea, and I was like I kept having
you not look at her because I want don't want
to be like, what does Chelsea you think of that
shoke is enjoying the story like I did the show
like this, Like I was looking over well you.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I mean, you had legends every single night coming to
your show. You had everybody like Steve Martin and shit right,
like you had crazy people that you were taking pictures
with that you or I would see you posting every day.
So that must have just felt incredible to have so
much support from the community that you are in.
Speaker 6 (06:32):
It was just nuts. And also I felt like a
real imposter syndrome. Although also it's nice to do a
thing that people are enjoying. Like I have done a
couple of solid shows, not all of them have resonated
like this one, and so and like you've experienced this.
We've talked about like you are so prolific in terms
of like writing new material and doing new tours, and
(06:52):
it's so hard to like put away a thing that
is really successful because you've you've worked so hard and
so long, and I know you worked things out on
the road times, so you'll like get to a place
where it's like finished and cruising in a way that
it wasn't at like the beginning of a tour, and
then you're like time to film it and put it out.
Like it's a totally it's a real like exhausting mind
(07:14):
fuck experience.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Because you were working on this show for about six years, right, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (07:18):
I mean I worked on it for a year and
then I sort of put away for like a year
to work on a television show. And then I was like,
all right, I'm going to recommit myself to my show
in this year of twenty twenty. And then like after
two months of like a four month tour, the whole
thing shut down and we didn't come back until twenty
twenty two. But like I've been working on it in
(07:38):
massaging this thing for you know, like robber Craft, I've
been massaging this thing for you know.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And now it's a special on HBO or on Max.
I should say, yeah, it's.
Speaker 6 (07:48):
On It's on Max and air on HBO. Like it
really like it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So I know, Okay, So tell for our listeners who
are not familiar or haven't seen The Special yet, let's
talk about it. Why don't you tell us about it?
It's very fucking funny.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Well, it's obviously it's kind of special. It's full of jokes,
but there's a story at the center of it. I
went to this meeting of white nationalists and queens and
eventually one of them was like, sorry, but this guy's Jew,
and I'm like, yamma Jew, and so like that's what
the show is about. It is like this meeting, and
there are obviously tangents and stuff like that, and there's
like a cute one of the white nationalists and so
there's like a little daydream about that. But yeah, it's
(08:25):
mostly it's mostly about this meeting. And there are lots
of other stuff.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
A lot of the twists and turns, but basically the
crux of the evening is you're meeting with a white
supremacy group, white nationalist group and them discovering that you're Jewish,
and then your reaction to that, which was what fear.
Speaker 6 (08:43):
I mean, not really, it was mostly a conversation. You know,
it was mostly like, hey, maybe there's stuff we can
talk about, and it turned out there wasn't. But like,
it's just just an argument. Guys, listen, you just come
over for Shovis. We'll figure it all out, you know.
But like, but it really there's actually a critic once
pointed out correctly that not much happens is that, like
(09:05):
I go to this meeting and I eat a muffin
and then they find out that I'm Jewish and I leave.
But in between it's a useful like inflection point for
like conversations and like some tensions and some characters and
stuff like.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
That, a lot of tension. I always like terrified the entire
time watching it.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Well, that's why it's so enthralling, and why so many
people are you know, so interested in seeing it and
talking about it and you're getting awards for it, is
because it is touching on a subject matter that people
are loath to tackle a and you know, it makes
people nervous. So many people are so conflict avoidant that
they don't even want to hear about anything like that,
(09:42):
you know what I mean. Luckily, there's a whole other
group of people that feel the opposite, but.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
You've done that a lot. Like That's one of the
reasons that I think you're your uh beloved. Seems too simple,
but like you are because you tackle difficult stuff and
you're pro and not only you prolific, you like I've
always I preferred comedy that was like a little bit
of a high wire act. I've always preferred comedy that
took a little bit of like, we just have so
(10:07):
much comedy, and there's so many funny people, and there
are truly many brilliantly funny comedians. But now I think
we want a little like you want great comedy, but
you also want a little bit of like insight, or
you want a little bit of daring, or you want
like someone to talk face to face with someone about
race or about drugs, and you've done this in your
specials and your books and your series is and so like,
(10:28):
I think that's a really it's like a weird imperative
now for comedians who aren't just uploading short clips to
Instagram or TikTok, which is like a perfectly acceptable, fine
important way to like build your following. But I've always
been team long form, and I think when you're like
team long form. You have to give people like a little.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Like you know, yeah, well, because you want an arc, right,
You want to beginning, a middle, and an end of
a story, because that's what you are. You're telling a story.
And some comics are just telling jokes. But a lot
of comedians all are telling stories that that hour is
one long story. So tell me about how you're dealing
with all of your success and everything. Because I run
(11:07):
into Alex all the time. We run into each other,
so at social engagements all the time. He's the first
person I see every time I go anywhere. I said
to him the other day at that Kevin Hart brunch
that Kevin showed up two and a half hours late,
to tell me how you're handling everything, because we've had
a couple of conversations and I'm curious. I know that
you're special.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
I mean, my family always did say that that was
a concern of theirs, that I was special. But look
I in terms of success it all. First of all,
there's a huge amount of imposter syndrome, like I said.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And second of all, still are you still feeling that
imposter syndrome.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
A little bit? And also like a little bit less
just because I'm doing new stand up for the first time,
and like I had a show at Netflix as a joke,
which was like an hour and a half of material
that wasn't just for us. So that was really like comforting.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
To have great good for you.
Speaker 6 (11:55):
I know what that'll be. I don't know if it'll
be like another show. I'm pretty tight from doing this
one for years and years and years, but yeah, that
could be a good thing. And it's amazing to meet
like really interesting people, Like I went to this I
got to be one of the Time one hundred this year,
and I had like a really fulsome conversation with this
Skuy Motoza Zisa, who's like a Palestin Indian photojournalist. I mean,
had like a really visceral, intense personal conversation about like
(12:19):
this thing that obviously he and I have probably very
different opinions on. You know, some things we agree on,
some things we don't. And so like it's really cool
to be in new spaces meeting like new people, and
like it's amazing to be like a Time one hundred person,
or it's amazing to like get a Tony Award, and
so like, yeah, I really enjoy like getting to go
to some stuff. But I've also like learned to say
(12:40):
no a little bit. The last couple of months. I
used to say yes to everything because there wasn't very much.
It's very manageable to say yes to everything, but now
sometimes like it's just not feasible to go. And also
not to be too like granular here, there's something very
concerning about your iteration techniques taken away. I used to
(13:03):
just like nurture things at like open mics or small
work in progress shows, and now you know, when I
try to put work in progress shows on sale, it's
nice that they sell in tiny rooms, like very small rooms,
but the expectation has changed, and the idea that I'll
be able to sort of like labor away at something
tricky for a long time until I get it right,
that's changed a little bit. So like that's the element
(13:25):
of like success that concerns me. And also sometimes people
will feel comfortable saying a lot of stuff to me
that I was like that I'm like, oh gosh, I
would never say that to another person, or I can't
believe you're saying that to me, And like what my
director passed away right before we started on on Broadway,
and he was my best friend. We were really close,
and you know, sometimes people come to me in the
(13:47):
street and want to talk about him, and I'm like, okay,
you know, I want to write something about him at
some point because he was because they think about him
every day, and he's still like, you know, a big
part of my mental capacity. But someone came out to
me after a show. I was like, is it true
that your show would have been a little better if
your director was still alive? And I was like, my god,
it's like funny. I was like, I can't believe you'd
(14:08):
say that to me, and he was like, and by
the way, yes, a thousand percent would be better if
Adam was here, but there's nothing I can do about that.
And also like, yeah, I'm I just people ask me
a lot for my takes in Israel and Palestine, speaking
of Motaz, and like when I had that conversation with Motaz,
(14:29):
someone took a picture of it and I wound up
in the newspaper, and I'm like, that's fine, but I
still need to be able to have those conversations. I
still need to be able to talk about tricky things
with like an aspect of grace that you would afford
a person as opposed to an entity, So like that
is really tricky and really scary. And also I'm stretched
pretty thin, so it means it's hard for me to
like give correctly of myself to like friends and family
(14:53):
in a way that I used to be able to.
Like now it feels like a lot of times good
once in a life stuff is happening. So even though
I've learned to say no, you know, I just can't
show up for people in the way that I used to.
And I think that that will affect my friendships and
affect my ability to like date, and affect my ability
to like be a you know, like a person who
(15:14):
is like regular as a like a constant struggle between
these like exciting new things that I get to do
and the person that I still like very much want
to say sorry. I hope that answer is like I'm
being extremely transparent about like my biggest insecurity about this,
but like, but for the most part, my life is
very similar to the way it was before, with the
(15:35):
exception of like now I get to go to like
the Tonys or like I got to go to the
met Gala, So like that's a very very salubrious event
to get to go to. It's very but like at
the end, I still like page an uber home and
like wait a few minutes for surch pricing to go
down until I get the uber. You know, It's not
like I'm rich now or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I think what you're saying about your family and your
friends and everything, I think that always finds its balance,
you know, because you're like at the beginning, not at
the very beginning, but you're at the beginning of a
long career. And when you are in this phase of
excitement and offers and opportunities, it is very hard to
say no. And family and friends always understand that as
long as that doesn't become your defining thing, like that's
(16:15):
all you care about. I've had that struggle before too, like, oh,
I've got this opportunity, but I'm supposed to go here
with my family. And I always err on the side
of family because that really is the most important thing.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And I have.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Flown, you know, made plans where I've had to fly
around the world in twenty four hours to accommodate everybody,
you know, But I always do find that it is
worth it because your bandwidth is the most important thing.
But as long as you are constantly filling your cup up,
you are more readily available to give to the people
(16:46):
in your life that deserve your attention and your space
and your time.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You don't ever want to give that away, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Like people are understanding in the beginning, but those are
the people that are going to be there for you
when times are good or when you're struggling with something
or something's disappointed. So it is a tricky balance, but
it's totally doable.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
Yeah, It's just like when there's like when the special
came out, there's a really intense like period of like
pr and so it's still like intense and also very nice.
You get to like do things like like this. You
get to talk about your like project at the same time,
Like I let a couple like friends down. My friend
made a trip from Boston to like see me at
(17:26):
the sort of like screening of the special that HBO had,
and I couldn't like really spend any time with her
because I had just like done the Tonight Show that day,
which was amazing, and like I had been on like
morning television, and then I got to the thing and
I was pulled like hither, thither and yon and so
like I really didn't have a chance to like talk
to my friend. And then my friend called me the
(17:47):
next day and very like appropriately was like I felt disrespected,
and I was like I understand because like I think
I saw her and I don't know they've even said
thank you or like if I was like appropriately like
great full for like this huge amount of effort, and
like she came like four hours on training then stayed
in a hotel, went back on the train the next
day like it's the day of her life and I
(18:08):
don't even know. So, like, you know, it's a thing
where it just requires a lot more intention than I
used to that I'm used to like expanding, and so
I'm gonna have to like be more thoughtful and intentional
in a way where I used to just be like, oh, yeah,
I'll go to that thing because the only thing I'm
invited to this week. When you have like a project,
every day feels like your birthday a little bit. People
(18:29):
were like, oh, look at this thing you made, and
you're like, yeah, look at this thing I made. And
then but like after like two weeks of.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
That, yeah, because you don't want to take yourself that seriously.
And on that note, we're going to take a break and.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And we're back with Alex Edelman, who's special is on
Max called Just for Us.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So if you haven't seen it, go see it.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
It is very eye opening and hilarious and you see
how talented this person is.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Okay, Alex on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I know, I know you're Jewish, so you've been to
a lot of therapy, all Jews have, and we are
going to use that therapy and spit it back out.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
I'm so excited to hear this, and I know kind
of your thing is you love to use comedy to
sort of tackle tough issues. So we're going to put
that a little bit to the test today, starting with
our first question. So Courtney says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
big fan of the podcast. I lost my husband two
years ago to suicide. I was twenty nine at the
(19:33):
time and he was thirty three. I found comedy and
dark humor to be a very helpful tool, as well
as therapy and support groups. I was pregnant with my
second baby when he passed away. I now have a
four year old and an eighteen month old. I've done
lots of work on myself and have started a fundraiser
in memory of my late husband. I've started dating again
and feel very out of my depth. I don't want
(19:53):
to waste my time, and I tend to overshare. I
don't want someone who can't handle my situation, but I
know I need to balance the information I'm sharing. I
also need to have someone who can understand that my
late husband will always be a big part of my life.
Any tips for dating after trauma? Courtney Alex, What do
you think off the top of your head on that.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
I think that it's a really this is like a
really tough struggle that comes down to a thing that's
actually very universal, which is I am a certain way
I feel certain things at a cellular level. Some of
those things may be more socially valid than others, right Like,
someone's political opinions might be as you know, ingrained in
them as a trauma, right Like, And so you make
(20:33):
allowances for a trauma where you wouldn't make them for
you know, various political opinions, do you know what I mean?
Like Like, people have a thing about themselves that is
who they are, And the big question is can other
people handle those things, and how much of myself do
I have to hide or how much of myself my
comfortable sublimating in order for someone to see me? How
much do I gradually like reveal of myself? And I
think the answer is it's a personal comfort thing, right, Like,
(20:58):
if you feel like it's really important for you for
someone to like be able to understand how you relate
to your late husband right off the bat, even if
it makes them uncomfortable, you will like find that person
like that person will that person exists. But also like,
I think this person should be progressing it with the
comfort level that they feel, but they should be fully
(21:18):
aware that like that is a thing that may be
difficult for some folks who are as secure or evolved
or sensitive in the right way to handle.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I think you have to like gauge all of us
individually when we're dealing with trauma or whatever. Have to
gauge when we are ready to get back on the scene.
And it sounds like you think you are ready to
get back on the scene. And a good test of
that is this is such an important issue to you
that it has to be kind of at the forefront
of any dating scenario. It sounds like it doesn't sound
(21:49):
like something you can hold back and like tell somebody
about three months into a relationship, because that's not fair.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
You really are dealing with trauma.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And circling back to what Alex said about trauma is like,
there are more allowances made for people who have been
traumatized and have been through something difficult, and this is
as difficult as it gets. Your husband committing suicide, well,
you have two young children, pregnant with one and have another.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's all crazy. No one is prepared for that.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
So Mazeltov, that's Jewish for congratulations on getting it, getting
this far, and for being a parent to those two
children by yourself, because nobody signed up for that, and
I know you didn't, and you're doing it, and I'm
sure you're doing a hell of a job. So as
far as the dating goes, I would say, really, it's
a great way to read people out, you know what
(22:36):
I mean. Somebody who doesn't get them out of there
right away?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, somebody who does.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
You keep them around and you grow into a friendship,
hopefully like a love ship or whatever ship you're looking for.
But I would be frontloading this information with potential dates,
not on the apps or whatever, but like once you
meet them and get to know them, like on the
second or third date, explain you know, if you really
think that there's a there and there's some chemistry, you'd
(23:02):
be surprised by other people's capabilities to deal with situations
like this. Just like you're surprised in the in the
disappointing sense, you can also be surprised in the other way.
People will surprise you with how capable they are at
dealing with something like this, or someone else who might
have had some sort of similar experience could be out
there and that would and that would be amazing for you,
(23:25):
or someone you know who lost their wife and wanted children.
You know, there's just so many different variations of what
could possibly be your future. So I would just try
to step toward that and really get out there and
start dating as your schedule permits.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You know, you don't have to go on five dates a.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Week, but because it's also good practice for you to
understand your comfort level with discussing this issue, and the
more you talk about it, the easier it will become
and the farther away.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
The sharpness of the trauma.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
So yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
My one thought is, and I haven't used the apps,
but well, you're married, Yes, I've I'm married for a
long time, so I'm not.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Ashley Madison still available? Is that still an app? Or
did they go to jail?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I think yeah, but I think they still exists. I
interviewed them once for one of my Netflix specials.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I went up to Toronto where they're based out of,
and they're a couple of fucking I was like, looking
at this woman, I'm like, really, this was your husband's idea,
stupid ass.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
She's like, were monogamous though, and he's like, uh yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
I think he got caught a couple of weeks later
after our interview for having multiple affairs.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
Anyway, so we think she should not preempt the conversation
on the apps, right, Like, so, I'm a widow, I've
got two kids.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I don't think widow is a good word to be
using that. I just don't think. I old, no, it does.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
It's not inviting widow is you can say I'm a
single mom with two kids, and then when you meet
in person you talk about the real stuff.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
You can you can just say, you can just say
two kids. I would even be more concise, because they're
going to be like, well, that makes sense unless they're
unless it's Ashley Madison that you're on, people are going
to assume that you means you have two kids. But yeah,
the word widow, through no fault of widows themselves, has
become uninviting it based on its association with various unbeloved
superhero movies and the most poisonous spider known to man.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, or single mother of two looking to get after it, that's.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
Fun, But Chelsea's right, like, congrats to you for like
getting back out there after a thing that requires so much,
like unseen courage to actually like being the parent of
two small children, that alone is enough. And to be
with and to be a widow, that alone is enough.
To be in a widow in that fashion having to
deal with so much that that is truly a feat
(25:40):
so mis altoven.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
I have a question for you. Do people ever compare
you to Woody Allen? But only for artistic aspect?
Speaker 6 (25:47):
Yeah, but only no getting well, only because I love
the clarinets so much and I know it's trying. Yes,
I get I get compared sometimes artistically.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
To let's hope ends there let's keep it that way.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
But yeah, no, I do. I love some of his
movies and also the anecdot. And I also love your anecdote.
Well you can cut it out of you don't, but
it's my favorite thing. You've done it.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
You've mentioned, you said this, I mention it, I've mentioned it.
People will hear will have heard it.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
I love it so much.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
But yeah, thanks, I'm going to throw that into my
next special.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Okay, what's the next, Catherine?
Speaker 6 (26:23):
What do we got?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
All right? We have a caller. Things get lighter from here.
Speaker 6 (26:26):
On my caller.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
He can be heavy, he's he can be happy or
you're doing great.
Speaker 6 (26:32):
I'm not happy with it.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
On nothing, he's very bright. Yeah, and emotionally adept.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
That's very clear. Well, let's see. Let's talk to Jessica next.
Jessica is calling in from Mexico City. She says, I'm
a forty year old woman who's lived outside of the
United States for six years. I've been single for seven
years after a bad breakup, and have been chronically dating
men under thirty for far too long. Each year, I
(26:59):
make a resolution to not date anyone younger than thirty five.
But here are the problems. One I'm young at heart,
and older guys my own age seem like they want
to be my dad. Yes, possibly abandonment and daddy issues there.
I still go to music festivals, concerts and quote younger
crowd places, and I want someone who can keep up.
Two guys my age who are single are either absolute trash,
(27:22):
not actually single, or want kids. I'd rather collect passport
stamps and burn through my disposable income. So I end
up going out a few times with these young guys,
and of course they are always two immature in one
way or another except the bedroom, and that's where they excel.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
And it ends.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
I really want to get married eventually, but I'm stuck
in this vicious cycle and I can't seem to get out.
My questions are, should I give up the gen Z
dating life even though I'm very popular for those more
aligned to my maturity?
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Jessica, Hi, Jessica, Hi Jessica. Hi guys, this is Alex Edelman,
our special guest. Today we need a male's perspective. How
old are you again? How old? I'm forty two, forty two,
and you like guys that are under thirty five?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Is that the right bracket? Or under thirty.
Speaker 5 (28:08):
Thirty five but over thirty. But right now it's like
late twenties, early thirties. But my goal is thirty.
Speaker 6 (28:13):
Five and over.
Speaker 5 (28:14):
But it hasn't happened that frequently.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
But I'm curious what you're You say that you're looking
for you're looking for marriage, but you're not looking for children. Yeah,
so you're looking for your person and you also like
guys who who know who like dou alpa.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Is Listen, Like I travel a lot, and I go
to music vessels to show all the time, like I said.
And so when you know, I try to go to
like maybe restaurant bars that have older people in it,
and they're either married or I don't know. It feels
(28:52):
like there's no one left my age anyways, Like I've
been trying to wait for these divorces.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
That's not true. I'm so sick of people's There are
no men around. There are men everywhere.
Speaker 6 (29:03):
They're falling out of trees, Jessica, they are.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
You have to change your dating your number on your app?
Speaker 6 (29:08):
What apps are you doing?
Speaker 5 (29:10):
You're right, My friends made me do this last year,
two years ago. So my dating range is thirty five
to forty five on my on my dating apps, but
you know, the ones that I meet out which are
end up being more successful for me just happened to
be younger. And some of the younger guys are like,
they kind of are nicer, and I like how you know,
(29:34):
there's more consent talk, there's more like talking about your feelings, like,
there's more respect in some ways, whereas like men who
are older like think that they know more than me,
and it's not true.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, but you're generalizing everybody.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
You realize you're generalizing younger guys that they're the only
ones that are good and bad and that are communicative
and emotionally sound or have an emotional like And then
you're saying that all guys older than you are idiots
or chauvinistic or whatever. Neither of those things are true.
You're right, you don't want children.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Is that right?
Speaker 6 (30:05):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Okay, So there's no rush for anything right now. A
you should be having a.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Good time any way that suits you. You don't have
to like find your partner at forty two years old.
I'm forty nine years old and I still haven't found
my partner, and I'm not fucking stressed about it.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I've got lots of options.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I'm just trying to figure out if what is worth
my time, you know what I mean. You don't have
to look at everything like there's a time frame, because
that's not being present at all, and present was where
all the joyfulness comes from, being absolutely present minded enjoying
the sex with these younger guys. Let's try not to
go below thirty. I mean, that's just not necessary.
Speaker 5 (30:41):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
We can't get mad at men for behaving that way
when we're also going to behave that way.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Or the opposite argument is it's our turn. But I
think just for.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
What you're looking for, you do want a companion more
like you are looking for a steady guy.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I think, just keep going doing what.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
You're doing, like you don't have to judge your but
just like you know, set it up so that you're
gonna have success between the ages of what is it,
thirty five and forty five?
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Is what you decided. I think that's perfect, Alex.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
I mean, look, I've dated older people. I was in
a relationship with someone who's seven years older than me,
and then I was relationship with someone who's sixties younger
than me, and like the people I've dated since then
have been pretty much two or three years older than me,
so like everything, So like I understand in terms of
like maturity and also if you're going to generalize, I
have found that maturity can be like tied to different things,
(31:33):
especially in like urban environments. Right, you meet people who
are in an urban environment, they have like a preternatural
hardness to them. Like every Los Angeles person feels like
twenty five years older because they're all like smoking cigarettes
and like jaded with the business already. So like, by
the same time, like maturity is so multi varied. Someone
(31:53):
can be mature in an economic way but not mature
in an emotional way, or mature in an emotional way
but not mature and in a communication way. And like
we're mature in a communication way and not mature sexually,
and so like you have to figure out which maturities
are like most important to you, because if you're not
stressed about children, then what is the stress about dating
(32:16):
someone who is, you know, thirty three instead of thirty five?
Is this like an imposed thing? Is I say? Or
are you looking for someone to keep pace with you?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Yeah, it's two things. I've been single for seven years,
so like not any dating for more than like three
months for seven years, so like, no, I love you,
you know, no like huddles at home, I travel all
the time, but I want to be with that person.
And absolutely I work really hard on being in the
president and I have a lot of fun for sure,
And it is something that's always in the back of
(32:48):
my head that I know I have to stop worrying
about it. I've been telling myself that for years. My
therapist tells me that too. But at the seven years,
especially after seeing all of your friends partner up, and
I'm like, I'm with the seventeenth wheel to my own birthday,
you know, and You're just like, all right, I'm freaking
tired of this. My thing is like, yes, I am
looking for someone to have to share my life with,
(33:11):
but I'm in this like hamster wheel of like meeting
a young guy and they don't want the same thing
as me, and then yes they are out there, but
I haven't met the older guy that wants the same
thing as me either, Like they're they're either fucking off
from like their dictul divorce or nobody wanted them in
the first place. That's just been my opinion. And I
(33:31):
haven't lived in the States for like six years, and
so dating is even a little bit more complicated when
if there's language barriers and cultural differences and I'm really tall.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Where are you living?
Speaker 5 (33:43):
I live in Mexico City now and I lived in
Indonesia before this.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That's fun.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
I mean it sounds to me, Jessica, like you have
a pretty parapatetic lifestyle, right, Like you travel a lot,
and it's like you're you're on the go in a
macro sance and a micro one right like you. I
assume your days are full of fun and a tip
and stuff like that. They sure are, and you're not
like tethered. But also what you're looking for as an anchor,
and so I have this exact same problem because I'm
(34:08):
a touring comedian, And so if you're looking for someone
to be an anchor, you might also have to like
anchor yourself a little bit. You might have to like
spend time in a way in an environment that's like
a little more interior focus. You might have to like
not be going to a bazillion events constantly, because it
feels like you have two desires and they may be
(34:29):
like slightly competing. And that's my two sentences.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Very sagacious advice, and a great vocabulary. I love all
of the things you're saying, Alex. Do you hear what
he's saying, Jessica, I could. I totally agree with that.
It seems like you're what your desires and your actions
are in conflict.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Yeah. I mean, I've lived in the same apartment for
three years, so when I say I travel, it's like
weekends or like for the summer. I'm going to Europe
tomorrow for like the summer.
Speaker 6 (34:56):
But that's a big thing, that's Jessica. That's like a
big It's like you're like, I, look, I live in
the same apartment, but I am gonna leave to go
to halfway across the world.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
I know, but I'm very popular in Europe, you guys,
And there's so much taller.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
There's a lot of sex to be had in Europe,
so it's definitely have a great time over there.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I feel the same way about Europe.
Speaker 6 (35:17):
But what are you gonna do. You're gonna meet a
guy in like France or Albania or Croatia or something,
and then like at.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
The end of the year going to tomorrow Alex, Okay,
I understand, but then you're gonna like meet a guy
after that, that is the plan, and then I can
move there because I'm remote.
Speaker 6 (35:32):
So I'm like, so I'm like, I'm not trying to
like read you to filth here, Jessica. Out of the
many countries in Europe, I picked the two that I
thought were them. I was sort of like farm flung
and impractical. I thought, like, I'll say Estonia, that'd be
too much. But like, but so you're gonna meet these
You're gonna meet these guys. But presumably you go and
(35:55):
meet someone and you're only there for the summer and
then like what you take them back to Mexico City,
you move to Croatia, Like these are not like this
is it is? It is hard to and by the way,
which isn't just say you shouldn't do it, Like you're
living your life. It seems like you really enjoy your
life and this is like not a front burner of
your brain problem all the way through, but like it is,
(36:17):
it does make it difficult. And I'm only saying this
because of way too much experience. It does really make
it difficult to maintain a relationship when like there is
a deadline and where you're leaving and so like if
you go for the summer, Let's say you're going for
like three months or three and a half months, and
you meet a guy like two weeks in, that's still
like a lot of pressure to put on a three
month relationship. Be like, hey, do you want to move
to Mexico City with me? Mister Croatia, Like, and you're
(36:40):
not even staying in cross You're going to Albania, So
like that's two countries. It's anomaly. I somehow doubt that
if I'm being.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Honestly, there are only the two months of the year,
Like I'm in Mexico City the rest of the year.
That's only two months of that year.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Okay, listen, I'm going to reroute. You just lean into
your lifestyle.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Yes, until you're home and grounded now place for a
long period of time. I mean, you can do a
lot of inner work, and you can meditate, and you
could write down what you're looking for. And I find
all of that manifestation stuff is impactful. As long as
you believe in it, it works, you know what I mean.
That's all we all need to do is believe what
we're doing. It sounds to me a couple of the
(37:18):
things that you've said, is that you're comparing yourself to
all of these other people around you instead of leaning
in and enjoying your life.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Yes, your life is your own life. You're on a
different path.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
None of your friends are going from Mexico City to Croatia, Albania, Montenegro, Estonia,
you know for the summer, right, well besides the one's
going with me.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
But yeah, all.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Right, I think you should just stop putting pressure on yourself.
Speaker 5 (37:46):
Yeah that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, yeah, stop that. Stop looking outside of your own life.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
That's what social media is for, and that's why it
is so damaging because people look and see, oh I
want to do that. I should be doing that, And
that's what you're doing in your real life. It sounds
like and just because someone else has had a partner
and you haven't had one for seven years, you're on
a different path.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
That's okay.
Speaker 6 (38:08):
Do you know who?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
You know?
Speaker 6 (38:09):
The IRA, the Irish Republican Army. They were like Irish
terrorists and all that stuff. Someone asked, yeah, yeah, they
were trying to kill Margaret Thatcher. And a reporter asked
someone to this goes somewhere, I promise, And a reporter
asked the head of the IRA how they felt, and
they went, you know, pretty good actually about our chances
(38:31):
And they said why and they said, well, she needs
to be perfect every time. We only need to be
perfect ones. And so I think this about like dating
in high stress environments in the sense that like you're
looking for a specific type of person and you only
need to be right once, and so like, I think
that takes a little bit of pressure of you're the
(38:52):
Irish Republican Army, like you don't you know, and the
world and the dating pool is Margaret Thatcher, right, like
they like, you need to just find you're one target.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Parallel, Yeah, you can't.
Speaker 6 (39:02):
Find your one target, and and that one target is
a person who also is mature in the ways that
you value and kinetic and fun and young at heart
and cool with going to Albania for the summer. You'll
fucking you'll figure it out. You'll find that person and
in the meantime you'll have like a good amount of time.
So I totally agree with Chelsea and that like should
like not pathologize.
Speaker 5 (39:23):
You're like, yeah, yeah, it's not, it's not even one
hundred percent of comparison. It's sometimes it's just like, it's
just what it is, what I want inside. But the
incongruency is exactly the thing, because what I'm entertaining isn't
exactly going to serve me in the long term. But
also maybe it's not as werner as I thought it
(39:45):
was because fun is like my number one value, and
like freedom is my number one value and all this.
Speaker 4 (39:51):
You know, so maybe you're gonna bet a thirty year
old who's an old soul, you know, I think I
think what Chelsea said.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
About old thirty five to forty, When are we going
back to thirty? No, I gave you thirty, Okay, forget it.
I take it back. I was wrong. I wasn't even
paying attention to what I was saying. No, I think
I think that's right.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Also, there's a lot of self love that needs to
go into having a fun life.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Like I take fun very seriously.
Speaker 5 (40:16):
I know, I know you do.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I look up to you, and that's the right attitude.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
But you there's also a lot of self respect and
self love that you have to instill in yourself to
not feel the pressure that of these outside sources because
you're just looking around feeling pressure. I understand you're saying
that you feel it within yourself. But like when you
love yourself enough and you have all of that going on,
that is like, oh, that would be a great addition,
(40:42):
but it's not necessary.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
Right, And that is what I hope I come across
as I don't want to justinate anyone Otherwise I would
have by now right, Like it has to be. He
has to be additive to my life because my life
is full and complete and I have a bunch of
girlfriends and I you know, I have all fun in
the world.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Listen, you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
Go have fun in Albania, Go fuck your brains out,
or have fun with your friends. Whatever you want is fine.
But just be in a place of acceptance instead of craving.
You know what I mean, except your life. You've said
like five times in this short time, how much fun
you have?
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Focus on that.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Yeah, I consider that you waited this long because you're
waiting for the right one. As they would say an Espanol,
di vertte. Okay, thank you so much for calling.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
In, bye bye, thank you. Okay, that was all over
the shop.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
What that was great?
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Actually?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
I know it was funny. Yeah, I like it when
it's ate you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Sometimes things get very seriously and then I have to
go home and smoke a big fatty. Great, we'll take
a break and we'll be right back with Alex Edelman.
And we're back with Alex Edelman for our last caller.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
We are back, so any he says, Dear Chelsea, I
have a bit of a situation at home. My roommate
and I have lived together for two and a half years,
and I absolutely love our living situation. We get all
on great and we haven't had any issues, aside from
her being late on rent a few times. Unfortunately, the
past couple of weeks, she has been bringing this guy
she's dating home every single night.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
A year ago, when.
Speaker 4 (42:19):
They first tried dating, she'd come home constantly in tears
about him.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
He'd start arguments in public.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
The works.
Speaker 4 (42:25):
Now out of nowhere, she is back with him, and
she's taking a break from drinking.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I didn't think much about it.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
A break is always good, but now I know why
he's in her life, and if they're going to date,
they cannot drink around each other per his terms. She's
gone out with him and partied with other friends, something
she very much enjoys. Being social and hanging out with
groups of friends and going to shows. Now she can't
do that as much as she'd like, because every single night,
around ten or eleven, she sneaks him into our home
and he stays the night. I should note she goes
(42:53):
for the bad guys and not the nice ones. So
to me, this isn't worth her time. He's a scrub.
Women's intuition iscrew me inside me that he has to
control her. I can't even acknowledge his presence when he's here,
he says hi, and I can't even look at him,
let alone say hi back. It's extremely uncomfortable for me,
and I don't trust him in my home. I've looked
here for five years and it's my safety net where
(43:13):
I can relax, chill out and feel comfortable. But now
because I'm getting so angry every night he walks in
with her, it has ruined my nights for the past
couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Oh that's a bummer, Hi, Amy, this is Alex, our
special guest today, Alex Edelman. Amy, So it sounds like
you're gonna have to ask you You're going to have
to just tell your roommate you don't feel comfortable with
him in the house, and if she wants to continue
dating him, then she's gonna have to get a new place, okay,
or find a new place to live. I mean, you
should never feel unsafe in your own house.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
That's just thank you. Never ever, ever, ever.
Speaker 7 (43:45):
That's like the one place that like I've made it
for her and myself, like yes, safe zone, safety net,
And I've just been like, how do I handle this?
I don't want to be polite because in a way,
I'm like, this is like I need to be strict
about this. Your conversations been like super agreeable, like I
love living here. I don't want it to be uncomfortable
(44:06):
for anybody. Let's make this a safety place.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And then and then she's sneaking him in, right, and.
Speaker 7 (44:12):
Then yeah, like four times in the past like six days.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Does she think you don't know that he's being snuck in?
Speaker 7 (44:17):
I'm right there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Oh you're because you're saying hi to well, he's saying
hi to you and you're not responding, right, Okay, Well,
it's very reasonable for you to want to feel safe. Well,
the conversation will go probably something like this. You'll say this,
and then she'll say, how could you feel unsafe around him?
Da da da da. It doesn't matter why you feel unsafe,
it matters that you do. Yeah, And it matters that
she respects that, because that's what a friendship is.
Speaker 6 (44:40):
Okay.
Speaker 7 (44:40):
See, And I didn't want to be like push, you'd
be like, I know this is your place too, blah
blah blah. I want to be able to come home
and walk around in my underwear T shirt, yes, and
not have to worry about whatever?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
And are you prepared to have someone else come? And
like do you know? I know this is new, but
are you prepared to have somebody else? If she does
choose to move out?
Speaker 7 (44:58):
I'm like financially stable and enough to like wait, like
wait that distance between transitioning?
Speaker 1 (45:04):
And also, can't she go to his house? Isn't that
an option?
Speaker 7 (45:07):
She's not allowed to She's not allowed his roommates like no.
Speaker 6 (45:11):
Oh, okay, Amy, Can I ask you a question? Is
a bit? Ye? Are you conflict avoidant?
Speaker 5 (45:19):
No?
Speaker 6 (45:20):
All right, well then I would how hard are to be?
Speaker 5 (45:22):
You?
Speaker 3 (45:22):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Wait? Can you move in with his roommates and she
and him.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
Just move into your place?
Speaker 6 (45:28):
Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Why seems like the obvious solution.
Speaker 7 (45:32):
It's so funny I mean, if I knew them, it
might have it might be work. But I'm also like
not in.
Speaker 3 (45:38):
You seem together and mature. Alex, what go ahead? I
interrupted you this time? What were you going to say?
Speaker 6 (45:42):
We've had too it's of advice so far that we're
like long, difficult, drawn out things and like not that
this isn't difficult, but like this is fairly simple. You
don't feel safe in your own home your roommates not
respecting your wishes. By the way, if you if it
hasn't been made clear to your roommate that these are
you wish is, then it's uncomment on you to do that.
But if you have made this clear, then you guys
(46:03):
have to stopped living together. It's like not a compatible situation.
And like roommates is.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Actually like a very it's an intimate thing.
Speaker 6 (46:10):
It's a very intimate. It's this very serious relationship. You
are living together. You are huge parts of each other's life,
and there is a huge incongruity here. This situation is
like completely untenable and like you need to be like hey,
can you leave or be like hey, this is how
I feel. It's not okay with me. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 7 (46:27):
Chelsea's Chelsea's idea of just being like, look, this is
how it's got to be. Otherwise we're going to have
to just go our separate.
Speaker 6 (46:33):
I think it's very simple. I should have just said,
Chelsea's right, that's literally, that's literally, that's.
Speaker 7 (46:39):
How this podcast is.
Speaker 6 (46:40):
It's always like I've just super cut and dry here.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I believe in you, Amy.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I know you're going to handle this and you're strong
and that you have nothing to worry about. So go
have the conversation and you know it'll take her a
minute to digest it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I'm sure, but that's not your problem. It's not your problem.
I'm your pro exactly. Okay, we'll have a great day,
and thanks for calling in.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Thank you so much for having me take care.
Speaker 6 (47:04):
That was easy.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, that was nice.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
That was a nice way to end our day together,
our afternoon together, our morning.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Alex.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
I loved your advice. You're so bright, you're so smart.
I mean, I've already I already knew that, but it's
nice to hear. It's nice to hear it within the
podcast and giving advice to people in a very fruitful way.
Speaker 6 (47:22):
I love it. And I by the way, it's so
funny in each of these bits of advice, I see
like little problems that I've dealt with, or little situations
where I've been like deficient, or little situations where I like,
you should have been clear or spoken out for myself,
or in the case of that of the parapatetic person,
I was like, lady, I totally hear you, and also
feel that maybe you either need to make lifestyle change
(47:44):
or just be comfortable with the life that you're living.
And so like, it's amazing how many people who ask
tough questions. You're like, I've had a little bit of
that somewhere.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
So I don't know, yeah, yeah, And also it's always
nice to know, Like it's always nice to get an
outside opinion of a situation where people who don't know
anything about you are telling you objectively what the situation
looks like.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Like that's what a counselor is, you know.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Okay, So Alex, we're gonna bid you ado congrats on
your special.
Speaker 6 (48:08):
With thanks so much for having me, guys true.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Anytime, honey, anytime, I love you. And the specialist called
just for Us and it's streaming on Max.
Speaker 6 (48:16):
Yes and please watch it if you're listening. Please do
watch yeah, watch it.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
It's worth it.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Okay, take sure, Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,
Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to
places that have sold out the first and then I'm
gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahulue, and Honolulu. I
will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming
(48:40):
to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,
Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.
I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then
Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August
seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want
to miss that. And then I will be all over
me Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas.
(49:05):
I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then
I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea
Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in
Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and then November
two and November thirtieth.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater
on November eighth.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
And i have tickets on sale throughout the end of
the year in December, so if you're in a city
like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
Okay, if you'd like.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to
check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
How are you.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Oh, I'm well, I'm just a stoy and my oorca.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I know it's week two for you.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I know it's very very relaxing here.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Anything exciting that you are doing on a regular basis.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Well, I'm supposed to be in full vacation mode. I
could not find my LSD for this trip, so we
looked High in Love in my house in LA and
we could not find it. Got lost in transport, so
I don't have my usual toolkit here. So it is
just very much being in the present moment with my family.
It is very much in the present moment. So a
(00:38):
lot of the left, and there's a couple still, a
couple of stragglers still here. And then I have a
new group arriving tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Oh that's exciting.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
The best development is that the guy that works at
our house, he makes sure that I have a frozen
mango dackery every time I come home from a bike ride.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Oh lovely.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's like I'm not even eating food anymore. It's there's
so much caloric intake from those dackerries that it's like
a full smoothie meal.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
I mean, if it's the same guy as a couple
of years ago, and he's always handing out orange drinks.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Appral sprits, dackyries. Yeah, it's really good times, really good ones. Well,
the good news is I had a great time with
my nieces and nephews. Though we all bonded big time.
They all really really appreciated the trip, and yeah, all right,
we're just one big fucking happy family.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
The Handlers.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
I was talking to your nieces and one of them
mentioned that you had told her whole family when they
stayed with you during the pandemic that they needed to
go get family therapy, and.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
That you called the therapist on them.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I did, I did? I did?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I mean, listen, if you're a sister, can't call the
therapist on you.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
I was like, we're gonna do a therapy session.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
And I sat them all down in front of a
zoom and then I was like, what the fuck.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Am I doing here? Why do I have to be
in this session? It's for you guys?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Use myself?
Speaker 5 (01:53):
I know.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Excellent, Chelsea. What should people write in about this week?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Roommate problems if you're if you're having an affair with
a married man or a man who is a girlfriend
or anyone who was a girlfriend or significant other, please
write in call in, we want to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
And also roommate problems.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Love those those are very juy.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
I've had a lot of those in my life, so yeah,
and they always get messy because it's like that's supposed
to be sort of your safe space, and I don't know,
it gets very messy.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Very that's right.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
I once had a roommate who had a tramp stamp
of the Cleveland Skyline. I think that tells you everything
you need to know about a person. No shade to
our Cleveland listeners.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Of course, that's a pretty big tradise. No, it was.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
She was so proud of it too.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Oh, I do have a I do have an update,
one that made me respond to this caller with hell
y ask girl.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Okay, great.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
So this was from the Joan Biez episode that we did,
and she had bipolar disorder and had to kind of
like go into some treatment and was back in with
mom and sort of struggling with like what's my place
in the world as I go back into the workforce.
But Abigail says, it's been about seven months since I
was on the show, and I have a wonderful update
to share. Thanks to your advice, I interviewed like crazy
(03:07):
and only applied to jobs I was genuinely interested in.
After some time, I landed a position at the Museum
of Fine Arts, Boston, which I just adore. It's been
a great joy to be immersed in art, and I
feel that I've found myself again.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
While I'm still living at home.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
I will never forget what Chelsea said about being under
her parents until she was in her thirties. I'm currently
in the process of rebuilding my life. Thank you for
your wise words of wisdom then and now. I so
appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Gail, What do you mean under her parents until she
was thirty? She's talking about me being under a reliant
on them until.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
I was Maybe I would, but you didn't live with
your parents when we were thirty. Right now, you came
to La.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Fucking kidding me, kidding me. I once tried to have
my dad moved out here to La and my family
vetoed it. They're like, Chelsea, can't handle that. What are
you doing? I was like, what, I've got the money,
I've got the space. We could just put them in
the next room and know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Chelsea. Our guest today is Alex Edelman. I just watched
his special just for us.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I met Alex first in Vegas. This is when you
were dating Hannah Einbinder and I was, oh, this was
the night you were there, the night I got together
with Joe Coy for the first time.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
No, no, we didn't get together.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
He was there and that was when I decided I'm
gonna I'm gonna date him.
Speaker 6 (04:21):
I remember that. I remember you talking to us about
that and he like, I think he loved the guy. Yeah,
Joe also used us. I'm not sure if you remember this,
but Joe used us all as like proxy gamblers. We
all went to like a blackjack table and I was like,
I'm gonna stay, and Joe was like, You're gonna hit.
And I was like, I'm gonna hit, and so like
Joe was like, and Hannah is like I'm gonna stay,
(04:43):
and just like you're gonna stay and Chelsea and he
was like go down. Like it was. It was actually
like kind of amazing. And at the end he was like,
you want eleven hundred dollars. I'm like, no, Joe, you
want eleven hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
The real good luckturem there, just so we're clear, is
fucking me.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I'm the gambler, and I'm the one who wins, and
I'm the one who gives money to everyone so that
they win. Okay, so let's not get that fucking twisted.
Then I knew Alex, of course, so charming and lovely.
And then I kept hearing about his show, which is
called Just for Us, which was playing in New York,
and all of my friends were talking about it. Everyone
was going, everyone was going, so obviously I had to go.
(05:20):
I went with some friends and it blew. I mean,
it blows everyone away.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And he recently won a fucking Tony for it. How
fucking awesome is that it was?
Speaker 6 (05:30):
It's so crazy. It feels like such a weird, like
make a wish thing. Everyone's like, good for him, you know,
good for good for this guy, and gosh, buddy, here's
a thing to keep going like it really is so
so nice. But yeah, it's so weird to do the
show and then your comedy heroes and the people that
you look up to just start coming like I remember,
I just saw Chelsea in the audience. I'll never forget it.
(05:52):
She was like sitting on the aisle and I heard
the laugh and I was like, what, Chelsea's here tonight,
And then like I looked down in the audience and
they see Chelsea, and I was like I kept having
you not look at her because I want don't want
to be like, what does Chelsea you think of that
shoke is enjoying the story like I did the show
like this, Like I was looking over well you.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
I mean, you had legends every single night coming to
your show. You had everybody like Steve Martin and shit right,
like you had crazy people that you were taking pictures
with that you or I would see you posting every day.
So that must have just felt incredible to have so
much support from the community that you are in.
Speaker 6 (06:32):
It was just nuts. And also I felt like a
real imposter syndrome. Although also it's nice to do a
thing that people are enjoying. Like I have done a
couple of solid shows, not all of them have resonated
like this one, and so and like you've experienced this.
We've talked about like you are so prolific in terms
of like writing new material and doing new tours, and
(06:52):
it's so hard to like put away a thing that
is really successful because you've you've worked so hard and
so long, and I know you worked things out on
the road times, so you'll like get to a place
where it's like finished and cruising in a way that
it wasn't at like the beginning of a tour, and
then you're like time to film it and put it out.
Like it's a totally it's a real like exhausting mind
(07:14):
fuck experience.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Because you were working on this show for about six years, right, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (07:18):
I mean I worked on it for a year and
then I sort of put away for like a year
to work on a television show. And then I was like,
all right, I'm going to recommit myself to my show
in this year of twenty twenty. And then like after
two months of like a four month tour, the whole
thing shut down and we didn't come back until twenty
twenty two. But like I've been working on it in
(07:38):
massaging this thing for you know, like robber Craft, I've
been massaging this thing for you know.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And now it's a special on HBO or on Max.
I should say, yeah, it's.
Speaker 6 (07:48):
On It's on Max and air on HBO. Like it
really like it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So I know, Okay, So tell for our listeners who
are not familiar or haven't seen The Special yet, let's
talk about it. Why don't you tell us about it?
It's very fucking funny.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Well, it's obviously it's kind of special. It's full of jokes,
but there's a story at the center of it. I
went to this meeting of white nationalists and queens and
eventually one of them was like, sorry, but this guy's Jew,
and I'm like, yamma Jew, and so like that's what
the show is about. It is like this meeting, and
there are obviously tangents and stuff like that, and there's
like a cute one of the white nationalists and so
there's like a little daydream about that. But yeah, it's
(08:25):
mostly it's mostly about this meeting. And there are lots
of other stuff.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
A lot of the twists and turns, but basically the
crux of the evening is you're meeting with a white
supremacy group, white nationalist group and them discovering that you're Jewish,
and then your reaction to that, which was what fear.
Speaker 6 (08:43):
I mean, not really, it was mostly a conversation. You know,
it was mostly like, hey, maybe there's stuff we can
talk about, and it turned out there wasn't. But like,
it's just just an argument. Guys, listen, you just come
over for Shovis. We'll figure it all out, you know.
But like, but it really there's actually a critic once
pointed out correctly that not much happens is that, like
(09:05):
I go to this meeting and I eat a muffin
and then they find out that I'm Jewish and I leave.
But in between it's a useful like inflection point for
like conversations and like some tensions and some characters and
stuff like.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
That, a lot of tension. I always like terrified the entire
time watching it.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Well, that's why it's so enthralling, and why so many
people are you know, so interested in seeing it and
talking about it and you're getting awards for it, is
because it is touching on a subject matter that people
are loath to tackle a and you know, it makes
people nervous. So many people are so conflict avoidant that
they don't even want to hear about anything like that,
(09:42):
you know what I mean. Luckily, there's a whole other
group of people that feel the opposite, but.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
You've done that a lot. Like That's one of the
reasons that I think you're your uh beloved. Seems too simple,
but like you are because you tackle difficult stuff and
you're pro and not only you prolific, you like I've
always I preferred comedy that was like a little bit
of a high wire act. I've always preferred comedy that
took a little bit of like, we just have so
(10:07):
much comedy, and there's so many funny people, and there
are truly many brilliantly funny comedians. But now I think
we want a little like you want great comedy, but
you also want a little bit of like insight, or
you want a little bit of daring, or you want
like someone to talk face to face with someone about
race or about drugs, and you've done this in your
specials and your books and your series is and so like,
(10:28):
I think that's a really it's like a weird imperative
now for comedians who aren't just uploading short clips to
Instagram or TikTok, which is like a perfectly acceptable, fine
important way to like build your following. But I've always
been team long form, and I think when you're like
team long form. You have to give people like a little.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Like you know, yeah, well, because you want an arc, right,
You want to beginning, a middle, and an end of
a story, because that's what you are. You're telling a story.
And some comics are just telling jokes. But a lot
of comedians all are telling stories that that hour is
one long story. So tell me about how you're dealing
with all of your success and everything. Because I run
(11:07):
into Alex all the time. We run into each other,
so at social engagements all the time. He's the first
person I see every time I go anywhere. I said
to him the other day at that Kevin Hart brunch
that Kevin showed up two and a half hours late,
to tell me how you're handling everything, because we've had
a couple of conversations and I'm curious. I know that
you're special.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
I mean, my family always did say that that was
a concern of theirs, that I was special. But look
I in terms of success it all. First of all,
there's a huge amount of imposter syndrome, like I said.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
And second of all, still are you still feeling that
imposter syndrome.
Speaker 6 (11:42):
A little bit? And also like a little bit less
just because I'm doing new stand up for the first time,
and like I had a show at Netflix as a joke,
which was like an hour and a half of material
that wasn't just for us. So that was really like comforting.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
To have great good for you.
Speaker 6 (11:55):
I know what that'll be. I don't know if it'll
be like another show. I'm pretty tight from doing this
one for years and years and years, but yeah, that
could be a good thing. And it's amazing to meet
like really interesting people, Like I went to this I
got to be one of the Time one hundred this year,
and I had like a really fulsome conversation with this
Skuy Motoza Zisa, who's like a Palestin Indian photojournalist. I mean,
had like a really visceral, intense personal conversation about like
(12:19):
this thing that obviously he and I have probably very
different opinions on. You know, some things we agree on,
some things we don't. And so like it's really cool
to be in new spaces meeting like new people, and
like it's amazing to be like a Time one hundred person,
or it's amazing to like get a Tony Award, and
so like, yeah, I really enjoy like getting to go
to some stuff. But I've also like learned to say
(12:40):
no a little bit. The last couple of months. I
used to say yes to everything because there wasn't very much.
It's very manageable to say yes to everything, but now
sometimes like it's just not feasible to go. And also
not to be too like granular here, there's something very
concerning about your iteration techniques taken away. I used to
(13:03):
just like nurture things at like open mics or small
work in progress shows, and now you know, when I
try to put work in progress shows on sale, it's
nice that they sell in tiny rooms, like very small rooms,
but the expectation has changed, and the idea that I'll
be able to sort of like labor away at something
tricky for a long time until I get it right,
that's changed a little bit. So like that's the element
(13:25):
of like success that concerns me. And also sometimes people
will feel comfortable saying a lot of stuff to me
that I was like that I'm like, oh gosh, I
would never say that to another person, or I can't
believe you're saying that to me, And like what my
director passed away right before we started on on Broadway,
and he was my best friend. We were really close,
and you know, sometimes people come to me in the
(13:47):
street and want to talk about him, and I'm like, okay,
you know, I want to write something about him at
some point because he was because they think about him
every day, and he's still like, you know, a big
part of my mental capacity. But someone came out to
me after a show. I was like, is it true
that your show would have been a little better if
your director was still alive? And I was like, my god,
it's like funny. I was like, I can't believe you'd
(14:08):
say that to me, and he was like, and by
the way, yes, a thousand percent would be better if
Adam was here, but there's nothing I can do about that.
And also like, yeah, I'm I just people ask me
a lot for my takes in Israel and Palestine, speaking
of Motaz, and like when I had that conversation with Motaz,
(14:29):
someone took a picture of it and I wound up
in the newspaper, and I'm like, that's fine, but I
still need to be able to have those conversations. I
still need to be able to talk about tricky things
with like an aspect of grace that you would afford
a person as opposed to an entity, So like that
is really tricky and really scary. And also I'm stretched
pretty thin, so it means it's hard for me to
like give correctly of myself to like friends and family
(14:53):
in a way that I used to be able to.
Like now it feels like a lot of times good
once in a life stuff is happening. So even though
I've learned to say no, you know, I just can't
show up for people in the way that I used to.
And I think that that will affect my friendships and
affect my ability to like date, and affect my ability
to like be a you know, like a person who
(15:14):
is like regular as a like a constant struggle between
these like exciting new things that I get to do
and the person that I still like very much want
to say sorry. I hope that answer is like I'm
being extremely transparent about like my biggest insecurity about this,
but like, but for the most part, my life is
very similar to the way it was before, with the
(15:35):
exception of like now I get to go to like
the Tonys or like I got to go to the
met Gala, So like that's a very very salubrious event
to get to go to. It's very but like at
the end, I still like page an uber home and
like wait a few minutes for surch pricing to go
down until I get the uber. You know, It's not
like I'm rich now or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
I think what you're saying about your family and your
friends and everything, I think that always finds its balance,
you know, because you're like at the beginning, not at
the very beginning, but you're at the beginning of a
long career. And when you are in this phase of
excitement and offers and opportunities, it is very hard to
say no. And family and friends always understand that as
long as that doesn't become your defining thing, like that's
(16:15):
all you care about. I've had that struggle before too, like, oh,
I've got this opportunity, but I'm supposed to go here
with my family. And I always err on the side
of family because that really is the most important thing.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
And I have.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Flown, you know, made plans where I've had to fly
around the world in twenty four hours to accommodate everybody,
you know, But I always do find that it is
worth it because your bandwidth is the most important thing.
But as long as you are constantly filling your cup up,
you are more readily available to give to the people
(16:46):
in your life that deserve your attention and your space
and your time.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You don't ever want to give that away, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Like people are understanding in the beginning, but those are
the people that are going to be there for you
when times are good or when you're struggling with something
or something's disappointed. So it is a tricky balance, but
it's totally doable.
Speaker 6 (17:04):
Yeah, It's just like when there's like when the special
came out, there's a really intense like period of like
pr and so it's still like intense and also very nice.
You get to like do things like like this. You
get to talk about your like project at the same time,
Like I let a couple like friends down. My friend
made a trip from Boston to like see me at
(17:26):
the sort of like screening of the special that HBO had,
and I couldn't like really spend any time with her
because I had just like done the Tonight Show that day,
which was amazing, and like I had been on like
morning television, and then I got to the thing and
I was pulled like hither, thither and yon and so
like I really didn't have a chance to like talk
to my friend. And then my friend called me the
(17:47):
next day and very like appropriately was like I felt disrespected,
and I was like I understand because like I think
I saw her and I don't know they've even said
thank you or like if I was like appropriately like
great full for like this huge amount of effort, and
like she came like four hours on training then stayed
in a hotel, went back on the train the next
day like it's the day of her life and I
(18:08):
don't even know. So, like, you know, it's a thing
where it just requires a lot more intention than I
used to that I'm used to like expanding, and so
I'm gonna have to like be more thoughtful and intentional
in a way where I used to just be like, oh, yeah,
I'll go to that thing because the only thing I'm
invited to this week. When you have like a project,
every day feels like your birthday a little bit. People
(18:29):
were like, oh, look at this thing you made, and
you're like, yeah, look at this thing I made. And
then but like after like two weeks of.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
That, yeah, because you don't want to take yourself that seriously.
And on that note, we're going to take a break and.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
And we're back with Alex Edelman, who's special is on
Max called Just for Us.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
So if you haven't seen it, go see it.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
It is very eye opening and hilarious and you see
how talented this person is.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Okay, Alex on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I know, I know you're Jewish, so you've been to
a lot of therapy, all Jews have, and we are
going to use that therapy and spit it back out.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
I'm so excited to hear this, and I know kind
of your thing is you love to use comedy to
sort of tackle tough issues. So we're going to put
that a little bit to the test today, starting with
our first question. So Courtney says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
big fan of the podcast. I lost my husband two
years ago to suicide. I was twenty nine at the
(19:33):
time and he was thirty three. I found comedy and
dark humor to be a very helpful tool, as well
as therapy and support groups. I was pregnant with my
second baby when he passed away. I now have a
four year old and an eighteen month old. I've done
lots of work on myself and have started a fundraiser
in memory of my late husband. I've started dating again
and feel very out of my depth. I don't want
(19:53):
to waste my time, and I tend to overshare. I
don't want someone who can't handle my situation, but I
know I need to balance the information I'm sharing. I
also need to have someone who can understand that my
late husband will always be a big part of my life.
Any tips for dating after trauma? Courtney Alex, What do
you think off the top of your head on that.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
I think that it's a really this is like a
really tough struggle that comes down to a thing that's
actually very universal, which is I am a certain way
I feel certain things at a cellular level. Some of
those things may be more socially valid than others, right Like,
someone's political opinions might be as you know, ingrained in
them as a trauma, right Like, And so you make
(20:33):
allowances for a trauma where you wouldn't make them for
you know, various political opinions, do you know what I mean?
Like Like, people have a thing about themselves that is
who they are, And the big question is can other
people handle those things, and how much of myself do
I have to hide or how much of myself my
comfortable sublimating in order for someone to see me? How
much do I gradually like reveal of myself? And I
think the answer is it's a personal comfort thing, right, Like,
(20:58):
if you feel like it's really important for you for
someone to like be able to understand how you relate
to your late husband right off the bat, even if
it makes them uncomfortable, you will like find that person
like that person will that person exists. But also like,
I think this person should be progressing it with the
comfort level that they feel, but they should be fully
(21:18):
aware that like that is a thing that may be
difficult for some folks who are as secure or evolved
or sensitive in the right way to handle.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I think you have to like gauge all of us
individually when we're dealing with trauma or whatever. Have to
gauge when we are ready to get back on the scene.
And it sounds like you think you are ready to
get back on the scene. And a good test of
that is this is such an important issue to you
that it has to be kind of at the forefront
of any dating scenario. It sounds like it doesn't sound
(21:49):
like something you can hold back and like tell somebody
about three months into a relationship, because that's not fair.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
You really are dealing with trauma.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And circling back to what Alex said about trauma is like,
there are more allowances made for people who have been
traumatized and have been through something difficult, and this is
as difficult as it gets. Your husband committing suicide, well,
you have two young children, pregnant with one and have another.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's all crazy. No one is prepared for that.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
So Mazeltov, that's Jewish for congratulations on getting it, getting
this far, and for being a parent to those two
children by yourself, because nobody signed up for that, and
I know you didn't, and you're doing it, and I'm
sure you're doing a hell of a job. So as
far as the dating goes, I would say, really, it's
a great way to read people out, you know what
(22:36):
I mean. Somebody who doesn't get them out of there
right away?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, somebody who does.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
You keep them around and you grow into a friendship,
hopefully like a love ship or whatever ship you're looking for.
But I would be frontloading this information with potential dates,
not on the apps or whatever, but like once you
meet them and get to know them, like on the
second or third date, explain you know, if you really
think that there's a there and there's some chemistry, you'd
(23:02):
be surprised by other people's capabilities to deal with situations
like this. Just like you're surprised in the in the
disappointing sense, you can also be surprised in the other way.
People will surprise you with how capable they are at
dealing with something like this, or someone else who might
have had some sort of similar experience could be out
there and that would and that would be amazing for you,
(23:25):
or someone you know who lost their wife and wanted children.
You know, there's just so many different variations of what
could possibly be your future. So I would just try
to step toward that and really get out there and
start dating as your schedule permits.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
You know, you don't have to go on five dates a.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Week, but because it's also good practice for you to
understand your comfort level with discussing this issue, and the
more you talk about it, the easier it will become
and the farther away.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
The sharpness of the trauma.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
So yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
My one thought is, and I haven't used the apps,
but well, you're married, Yes, I've I'm married for a
long time, so I'm not.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Ashley Madison still available? Is that still an app? Or
did they go to jail?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I think yeah, but I think they still exists. I
interviewed them once for one of my Netflix specials.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
I went up to Toronto where they're based out of,
and they're a couple of fucking I was like, looking
at this woman, I'm like, really, this was your husband's idea,
stupid ass.
Speaker 6 (24:20):
She's like, were monogamous though, and he's like, uh yeah,
I think.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
I think he got caught a couple of weeks later
after our interview for having multiple affairs.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
Anyway, so we think she should not preempt the conversation
on the apps, right, Like, so, I'm a widow, I've
got two kids.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I don't think widow is a good word to be
using that. I just don't think. I old, no, it does.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
It's not inviting widow is you can say I'm a
single mom with two kids, and then when you meet
in person you talk about the real stuff.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
You can you can just say, you can just say
two kids. I would even be more concise, because they're
going to be like, well, that makes sense unless they're
unless it's Ashley Madison that you're on, people are going
to assume that you means you have two kids. But yeah,
the word widow, through no fault of widows themselves, has
become uninviting it based on its association with various unbeloved
superhero movies and the most poisonous spider known to man.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah, or single mother of two looking to get after it, that's.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
Fun, But Chelsea's right, like, congrats to you for like
getting back out there after a thing that requires so much,
like unseen courage to actually like being the parent of
two small children, that alone is enough. And to be
with and to be a widow, that alone is enough.
To be in a widow in that fashion having to
deal with so much that that is truly a feat
(25:40):
so mis altoven.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
I have a question for you. Do people ever compare
you to Woody Allen? But only for artistic aspect?
Speaker 6 (25:47):
Yeah, but only no getting well, only because I love
the clarinets so much and I know it's trying. Yes,
I get I get compared sometimes artistically.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
To let's hope ends there let's keep it that way.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
But yeah, no, I do. I love some of his
movies and also the anecdot. And I also love your anecdote.
Well you can cut it out of you don't, but
it's my favorite thing. You've done it.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
You've mentioned, you said this, I mention it, I've mentioned it.
People will hear will have heard it.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
I love it so much.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
But yeah, thanks, I'm going to throw that into my
next special.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Okay, what's the next, Catherine?
Speaker 6 (26:23):
What do we got?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
All right? We have a caller. Things get lighter from here.
Speaker 6 (26:26):
On my caller.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
He can be heavy, he's he can be happy or
you're doing great.
Speaker 6 (26:32):
I'm not happy with it.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
On nothing, he's very bright. Yeah, and emotionally adept.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
That's very clear. Well, let's see. Let's talk to Jessica next.
Jessica is calling in from Mexico City. She says, I'm
a forty year old woman who's lived outside of the
United States for six years. I've been single for seven
years after a bad breakup, and have been chronically dating
men under thirty for far too long. Each year, I
(26:59):
make a resolution to not date anyone younger than thirty five.
But here are the problems. One I'm young at heart,
and older guys my own age seem like they want
to be my dad. Yes, possibly abandonment and daddy issues there.
I still go to music festivals, concerts and quote younger
crowd places, and I want someone who can keep up.
Two guys my age who are single are either absolute trash,
(27:22):
not actually single, or want kids. I'd rather collect passport
stamps and burn through my disposable income. So I end
up going out a few times with these young guys,
and of course they are always two immature in one
way or another except the bedroom, and that's where they excel.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
And it ends.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
I really want to get married eventually, but I'm stuck
in this vicious cycle and I can't seem to get out.
My questions are, should I give up the gen Z
dating life even though I'm very popular for those more
aligned to my maturity?
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Jessica, Hi, Jessica, Hi Jessica. Hi guys, this is Alex Edelman,
our special guest. Today we need a male's perspective. How
old are you again? How old? I'm forty two, forty two,
and you like guys that are under thirty five?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Is that the right bracket? Or under thirty.
Speaker 5 (28:08):
Thirty five but over thirty. But right now it's like
late twenties, early thirties. But my goal is thirty.
Speaker 6 (28:13):
Five and over.
Speaker 5 (28:14):
But it hasn't happened that frequently.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
But I'm curious what you're You say that you're looking
for you're looking for marriage, but you're not looking for children. Yeah,
so you're looking for your person and you also like
guys who who know who like dou alpa.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
Is Listen, Like I travel a lot, and I go
to music vessels to show all the time, like I said.
And so when you know, I try to go to
like maybe restaurant bars that have older people in it,
and they're either married or I don't know. It feels
(28:52):
like there's no one left my age anyways, Like I've
been trying to wait for these divorces.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
That's not true. I'm so sick of people's There are
no men around. There are men everywhere.
Speaker 6 (29:03):
They're falling out of trees, Jessica, they are.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
You have to change your dating your number on your app?
Speaker 6 (29:08):
What apps are you doing?
Speaker 5 (29:10):
You're right, My friends made me do this last year,
two years ago. So my dating range is thirty five
to forty five on my on my dating apps, but
you know, the ones that I meet out which are
end up being more successful for me just happened to
be younger. And some of the younger guys are like,
they kind of are nicer, and I like how you know,
(29:34):
there's more consent talk, there's more like talking about your feelings, like,
there's more respect in some ways, whereas like men who
are older like think that they know more than me,
and it's not true.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
Okay, but you're generalizing everybody.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
You realize you're generalizing younger guys that they're the only
ones that are good and bad and that are communicative
and emotionally sound or have an emotional like And then
you're saying that all guys older than you are idiots
or chauvinistic or whatever. Neither of those things are true.
You're right, you don't want children.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Is that right?
Speaker 6 (30:05):
Correct?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Okay, So there's no rush for anything right now. A
you should be having a.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Good time any way that suits you. You don't have
to like find your partner at forty two years old.
I'm forty nine years old and I still haven't found
my partner, and I'm not fucking stressed about it.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I've got lots of options.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I'm just trying to figure out if what is worth
my time, you know what I mean. You don't have
to look at everything like there's a time frame, because
that's not being present at all, and present was where
all the joyfulness comes from, being absolutely present minded enjoying
the sex with these younger guys. Let's try not to
go below thirty. I mean, that's just not necessary.
Speaker 5 (30:41):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
We can't get mad at men for behaving that way
when we're also going to behave that way.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Or the opposite argument is it's our turn. But I
think just for.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
What you're looking for, you do want a companion more
like you are looking for a steady guy.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I think, just keep going doing what.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
You're doing, like you don't have to judge your but
just like you know, set it up so that you're
gonna have success between the ages of what is it,
thirty five and forty five?
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Is what you decided. I think that's perfect, Alex.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
I mean, look, I've dated older people. I was in
a relationship with someone who's seven years older than me,
and then I was relationship with someone who's sixties younger
than me, and like the people I've dated since then
have been pretty much two or three years older than me,
so like everything, So like I understand in terms of
like maturity and also if you're going to generalize, I
have found that maturity can be like tied to different things,
(31:33):
especially in like urban environments. Right, you meet people who
are in an urban environment, they have like a preternatural
hardness to them. Like every Los Angeles person feels like
twenty five years older because they're all like smoking cigarettes
and like jaded with the business already. So like, by
the same time, like maturity is so multi varied. Someone
(31:53):
can be mature in an economic way but not mature
in an emotional way, or mature in an emotional way
but not mature and in a communication way. And like
we're mature in a communication way and not mature sexually,
and so like you have to figure out which maturities
are like most important to you, because if you're not
stressed about children, then what is the stress about dating
(32:16):
someone who is, you know, thirty three instead of thirty five?
Is this like an imposed thing? Is I say? Or
are you looking for someone to keep pace with you?
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Yeah, it's two things. I've been single for seven years,
so like not any dating for more than like three
months for seven years, so like, no, I love you,
you know, no like huddles at home, I travel all
the time, but I want to be with that person.
And absolutely I work really hard on being in the
president and I have a lot of fun for sure,
And it is something that's always in the back of
(32:48):
my head that I know I have to stop worrying
about it. I've been telling myself that for years. My
therapist tells me that too. But at the seven years,
especially after seeing all of your friends partner up, and
I'm like, I'm with the seventeenth wheel to my own birthday,
you know, and You're just like, all right, I'm freaking
tired of this. My thing is like, yes, I am
looking for someone to have to share my life with,
(33:11):
but I'm in this like hamster wheel of like meeting
a young guy and they don't want the same thing
as me, and then yes they are out there, but
I haven't met the older guy that wants the same
thing as me either, Like they're they're either fucking off
from like their dictul divorce or nobody wanted them in
the first place. That's just been my opinion. And I
(33:31):
haven't lived in the States for like six years, and
so dating is even a little bit more complicated when
if there's language barriers and cultural differences and I'm really tall.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Where are you living?
Speaker 5 (33:43):
I live in Mexico City now and I lived in
Indonesia before this.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
That's fun.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
I mean it sounds to me, Jessica, like you have
a pretty parapatetic lifestyle, right, Like you travel a lot,
and it's like you're you're on the go in a
macro sance and a micro one right like you. I
assume your days are full of fun and a tip
and stuff like that. They sure are, and you're not
like tethered. But also what you're looking for as an anchor,
and so I have this exact same problem because I'm
(34:08):
a touring comedian, And so if you're looking for someone
to be an anchor, you might also have to like
anchor yourself a little bit. You might have to like
spend time in a way in an environment that's like
a little more interior focus. You might have to like
not be going to a bazillion events constantly, because it
feels like you have two desires and they may be
(34:29):
like slightly competing. And that's my two sentences.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Very sagacious advice, and a great vocabulary. I love all
of the things you're saying, Alex. Do you hear what
he's saying, Jessica, I could. I totally agree with that.
It seems like you're what your desires and your actions
are in conflict.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Yeah. I mean, I've lived in the same apartment for
three years, so when I say I travel, it's like
weekends or like for the summer. I'm going to Europe
tomorrow for like the summer.
Speaker 6 (34:56):
But that's a big thing, that's Jessica. That's like a
big It's like you're like, I, look, I live in
the same apartment, but I am gonna leave to go
to halfway across the world.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
I know, but I'm very popular in Europe, you guys,
And there's so much taller.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
There's a lot of sex to be had in Europe,
so it's definitely have a great time over there.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
I feel the same way about Europe.
Speaker 6 (35:17):
But what are you gonna do. You're gonna meet a
guy in like France or Albania or Croatia or something,
and then like at.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
The end of the year going to tomorrow Alex, Okay,
I understand, but then you're gonna like meet a guy
after that, that is the plan, and then I can
move there because I'm remote.
Speaker 6 (35:32):
So I'm like, so I'm like, I'm not trying to
like read you to filth here, Jessica. Out of the
many countries in Europe, I picked the two that I
thought were them. I was sort of like farm flung
and impractical. I thought, like, I'll say Estonia, that'd be
too much. But like, but so you're gonna meet these
You're gonna meet these guys. But presumably you go and
(35:55):
meet someone and you're only there for the summer and
then like what you take them back to Mexico City,
you move to Croatia, Like these are not like this
is it is? It is hard to and by the way,
which isn't just say you shouldn't do it, Like you're
living your life. It seems like you really enjoy your
life and this is like not a front burner of
your brain problem all the way through, but like it is,
(36:17):
it does make it difficult. And I'm only saying this
because of way too much experience. It does really make
it difficult to maintain a relationship when like there is
a deadline and where you're leaving and so like if
you go for the summer, Let's say you're going for
like three months or three and a half months, and
you meet a guy like two weeks in, that's still
like a lot of pressure to put on a three
month relationship. Be like, hey, do you want to move
to Mexico City with me? Mister Croatia, Like, and you're
(36:40):
not even staying in cross You're going to Albania, So
like that's two countries. It's anomaly. I somehow doubt that
if I'm being.
Speaker 5 (36:48):
Honestly, there are only the two months of the year,
Like I'm in Mexico City the rest of the year.
That's only two months of that year.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Okay, listen, I'm going to reroute. You just lean into
your lifestyle.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Yes, until you're home and grounded now place for a
long period of time. I mean, you can do a
lot of inner work, and you can meditate, and you
could write down what you're looking for. And I find
all of that manifestation stuff is impactful. As long as
you believe in it, it works, you know what I mean.
That's all we all need to do is believe what
we're doing. It sounds to me a couple of the
(37:18):
things that you've said, is that you're comparing yourself to
all of these other people around you instead of leaning
in and enjoying your life.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
Yes, your life is your own life. You're on a
different path.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
None of your friends are going from Mexico City to Croatia, Albania, Montenegro, Estonia,
you know for the summer, right, well besides the one's
going with me.
Speaker 5 (37:39):
But yeah, all.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Right, I think you should just stop putting pressure on yourself.
Speaker 5 (37:46):
Yeah that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, yeah, stop that. Stop looking outside of your own life.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
That's what social media is for, and that's why it
is so damaging because people look and see, oh I
want to do that. I should be doing that, And
that's what you're doing in your real life. It sounds
like and just because someone else has had a partner
and you haven't had one for seven years, you're on
a different path.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
That's okay.
Speaker 6 (38:08):
Do you know who?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
You know?
Speaker 6 (38:09):
The IRA, the Irish Republican Army. They were like Irish
terrorists and all that stuff. Someone asked, yeah, yeah, they
were trying to kill Margaret Thatcher. And a reporter asked
someone to this goes somewhere, I promise, And a reporter
asked the head of the IRA how they felt, and
they went, you know, pretty good actually about our chances
(38:31):
And they said why and they said, well, she needs
to be perfect every time. We only need to be
perfect ones. And so I think this about like dating
in high stress environments in the sense that like you're
looking for a specific type of person and you only
need to be right once, and so like, I think
that takes a little bit of pressure of you're the
(38:52):
Irish Republican Army, like you don't you know, and the
world and the dating pool is Margaret Thatcher, right, like
they like, you need to just find you're one target.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Parallel, Yeah, you can't.
Speaker 6 (39:02):
Find your one target, and and that one target is
a person who also is mature in the ways that
you value and kinetic and fun and young at heart
and cool with going to Albania for the summer. You'll
fucking you'll figure it out. You'll find that person and
in the meantime you'll have like a good amount of time.
So I totally agree with Chelsea and that like should
like not pathologize.
Speaker 5 (39:23):
You're like, yeah, yeah, it's not, it's not even one
hundred percent of comparison. It's sometimes it's just like, it's
just what it is, what I want inside. But the
incongruency is exactly the thing, because what I'm entertaining isn't
exactly going to serve me in the long term. But
also maybe it's not as werner as I thought it
(39:45):
was because fun is like my number one value, and
like freedom is my number one value and all this.
Speaker 4 (39:51):
You know, so maybe you're gonna bet a thirty year
old who's an old soul, you know, I think I
think what Chelsea said.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
About old thirty five to forty, When are we going
back to thirty? No, I gave you thirty, Okay, forget it.
I take it back. I was wrong. I wasn't even
paying attention to what I was saying. No, I think
I think that's right.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Also, there's a lot of self love that needs to
go into having a fun life.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Like I take fun very seriously.
Speaker 5 (40:16):
I know, I know you do.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
I look up to you, and that's the right attitude.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
But you there's also a lot of self respect and
self love that you have to instill in yourself to
not feel the pressure that of these outside sources because
you're just looking around feeling pressure. I understand you're saying
that you feel it within yourself. But like when you
love yourself enough and you have all of that going on,
that is like, oh, that would be a great addition,
(40:42):
but it's not necessary.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
Right, And that is what I hope I come across
as I don't want to justinate anyone Otherwise I would
have by now right, Like it has to be. He
has to be additive to my life because my life
is full and complete and I have a bunch of
girlfriends and I you know, I have all fun in
the world.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Listen, you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 3 (41:03):
Go have fun in Albania, Go fuck your brains out,
or have fun with your friends. Whatever you want is fine.
But just be in a place of acceptance instead of craving.
You know what I mean, except your life. You've said
like five times in this short time, how much fun
you have?
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Focus on that.
Speaker 4 (41:19):
Yeah, I consider that you waited this long because you're
waiting for the right one. As they would say an Espanol,
di vertte. Okay, thank you so much for calling.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
In, bye bye, thank you. Okay, that was all over
the shop.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
What that was great?
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Actually?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
I know it was funny. Yeah, I like it when
it's ate you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Sometimes things get very seriously and then I have to
go home and smoke a big fatty. Great, we'll take
a break and we'll be right back with Alex Edelman.
And we're back with Alex Edelman for our last caller.
Speaker 4 (41:57):
We are back, so any he says, Dear Chelsea, I
have a bit of a situation at home. My roommate
and I have lived together for two and a half years,
and I absolutely love our living situation. We get all
on great and we haven't had any issues, aside from
her being late on rent a few times. Unfortunately, the
past couple of weeks, she has been bringing this guy
she's dating home every single night.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
A year ago, when.
Speaker 4 (42:19):
They first tried dating, she'd come home constantly in tears
about him.
Speaker 2 (42:22):
He'd start arguments in public.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
The works.
Speaker 4 (42:25):
Now out of nowhere, she is back with him, and
she's taking a break from drinking.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I didn't think much about it.
Speaker 4 (42:31):
A break is always good, but now I know why
he's in her life, and if they're going to date,
they cannot drink around each other per his terms. She's
gone out with him and partied with other friends, something
she very much enjoys. Being social and hanging out with
groups of friends and going to shows. Now she can't
do that as much as she'd like, because every single night,
around ten or eleven, she sneaks him into our home
and he stays the night. I should note she goes
(42:53):
for the bad guys and not the nice ones. So
to me, this isn't worth her time. He's a scrub.
Women's intuition iscrew me inside me that he has to
control her. I can't even acknowledge his presence when he's here,
he says hi, and I can't even look at him,
let alone say hi back. It's extremely uncomfortable for me,
and I don't trust him in my home. I've looked
here for five years and it's my safety net where
(43:13):
I can relax, chill out and feel comfortable. But now
because I'm getting so angry every night he walks in
with her, it has ruined my nights for the past
couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Oh that's a bummer, Hi, Amy, this is Alex, our
special guest today, Alex Edelman. Amy, So it sounds like
you're gonna have to ask you You're going to have
to just tell your roommate you don't feel comfortable with
him in the house, and if she wants to continue
dating him, then she's gonna have to get a new place, okay,
or find a new place to live. I mean, you
should never feel unsafe in your own house.
Speaker 1 (43:42):
That's just thank you. Never ever, ever, ever.
Speaker 7 (43:45):
That's like the one place that like I've made it
for her and myself, like yes, safe zone, safety net,
And I've just been like, how do I handle this?
I don't want to be polite because in a way,
I'm like, this is like I need to be strict
about this. Your conversations been like super agreeable, like I
love living here. I don't want it to be uncomfortable
(44:06):
for anybody. Let's make this a safety place.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And then and then she's sneaking him in, right, and.
Speaker 7 (44:12):
Then yeah, like four times in the past like six days.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Does she think you don't know that he's being snuck in?
Speaker 7 (44:17):
I'm right there.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Oh you're because you're saying hi to well, he's saying
hi to you and you're not responding, right, Okay, Well,
it's very reasonable for you to want to feel safe. Well,
the conversation will go probably something like this. You'll say this,
and then she'll say, how could you feel unsafe around him?
Da da da da. It doesn't matter why you feel unsafe,
it matters that you do. Yeah, And it matters that
she respects that, because that's what a friendship is.
Speaker 6 (44:40):
Okay.
Speaker 7 (44:40):
See, And I didn't want to be like push, you'd
be like, I know this is your place too, blah
blah blah. I want to be able to come home
and walk around in my underwear T shirt, yes, and
not have to worry about whatever?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
And are you prepared to have someone else come? And
like do you know? I know this is new, but
are you prepared to have somebody else? If she does
choose to move out?
Speaker 7 (44:58):
I'm like financially stable and enough to like wait, like
wait that distance between transitioning?
Speaker 1 (45:04):
And also, can't she go to his house? Isn't that
an option?
Speaker 7 (45:07):
She's not allowed to She's not allowed his roommates like no.
Speaker 6 (45:11):
Oh, okay, Amy, Can I ask you a question? Is
a bit? Ye? Are you conflict avoidant?
Speaker 5 (45:19):
No?
Speaker 6 (45:20):
All right, well then I would how hard are to be?
Speaker 5 (45:22):
You?
Speaker 3 (45:22):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Wait? Can you move in with his roommates and she
and him.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
Just move into your place?
Speaker 6 (45:28):
Oh my god?
Speaker 1 (45:29):
Why seems like the obvious solution.
Speaker 7 (45:32):
It's so funny I mean, if I knew them, it
might have it might be work. But I'm also like
not in.
Speaker 3 (45:38):
You seem together and mature. Alex, what go ahead? I
interrupted you this time? What were you going to say?
Speaker 6 (45:42):
We've had too it's of advice so far that we're
like long, difficult, drawn out things and like not that
this isn't difficult, but like this is fairly simple. You
don't feel safe in your own home your roommates not
respecting your wishes. By the way, if you if it
hasn't been made clear to your roommate that these are
you wish is, then it's uncomment on you to do that.
But if you have made this clear, then you guys
(46:03):
have to stopped living together. It's like not a compatible situation.
And like roommates is.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Actually like a very it's an intimate thing.
Speaker 6 (46:10):
It's a very intimate. It's this very serious relationship. You
are living together. You are huge parts of each other's life,
and there is a huge incongruity here. This situation is
like completely untenable and like you need to be like hey,
can you leave or be like hey, this is how
I feel. It's not okay with me. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 7 (46:27):
Chelsea's Chelsea's idea of just being like, look, this is
how it's got to be. Otherwise we're going to have
to just go our separate.
Speaker 6 (46:33):
I think it's very simple. I should have just said,
Chelsea's right, that's literally, that's literally, that's.
Speaker 7 (46:39):
How this podcast is.
Speaker 6 (46:40):
It's always like I've just super cut and dry here.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I believe in you, Amy.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
I know you're going to handle this and you're strong
and that you have nothing to worry about. So go
have the conversation and you know it'll take her a
minute to digest it.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I'm sure, but that's not your problem. It's not your problem.
I'm your pro exactly. Okay, we'll have a great day,
and thanks for calling in.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Thank you so much for having me take care.
Speaker 6 (47:04):
That was easy.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, that was nice.
Speaker 3 (47:06):
That was a nice way to end our day together,
our afternoon together, our morning.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
Alex.
Speaker 3 (47:10):
I loved your advice. You're so bright, you're so smart.
I mean, I've already I already knew that, but it's
nice to hear. It's nice to hear it within the
podcast and giving advice to people in a very fruitful way.
Speaker 6 (47:22):
I love it. And I by the way, it's so
funny in each of these bits of advice, I see
like little problems that I've dealt with, or little situations
where I've been like deficient, or little situations where I like,
you should have been clear or spoken out for myself,
or in the case of that of the parapatetic person,
I was like, lady, I totally hear you, and also
feel that maybe you either need to make lifestyle change
(47:44):
or just be comfortable with the life that you're living.
And so like, it's amazing how many people who ask
tough questions. You're like, I've had a little bit of
that somewhere.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
So I don't know, yeah, yeah, And also it's always
nice to know, Like it's always nice to get an
outside opinion of a situation where people who don't know
anything about you are telling you objectively what the situation
looks like.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Like that's what a counselor is, you know.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Okay, So Alex, we're gonna bid you ado congrats on
your special.
Speaker 6 (48:08):
With thanks so much for having me, guys true.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Anytime, honey, anytime, I love you. And the specialist called
just for Us and it's streaming on Max.
Speaker 6 (48:16):
Yes and please watch it if you're listening. Please do
watch yeah, watch it.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
It's worth it.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Okay, take sure, Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,
Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to
places that have sold out the first and then I'm
gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahulue, and Honolulu. I
will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming
(48:40):
to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,
Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.
I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then
Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August
seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want
to miss that. And then I will be all over
me Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas.
(49:05):
I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then
I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea
Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in
Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and then November
two and November thirtieth.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater
on November eighth.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
And i have tickets on sale throughout the end of
the year in December, so if you're in a city
like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
Okay, if you'd like.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to
check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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