Scheduling Sex with Atsuko Okatsuka

Atsuko Okatsuka is back to chat about the time she didn’t do laundry for 7 years, the weirdest things about touring in Europe, and why she’ll never be allowed to get another haircut.  Then: A singer sends inappropriate texts.  A sister-in-law spat needs to be dragged out in the open.  And a burnt-out lawyer hits the breaks.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Hi, How are you, hi, Chelsea?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
You've got some interesting looking fish behind you.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
I'm in Greece. I'm in Paro's, Greece with my family.
It's my sister's sixtieth birthday. So there are twelve women,
eleven women here from our family, my sisters, my nieces,
my cousins, my aunt and my Oh my god, am
I going to say, great niece.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
I'm not going to say that.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
We can fudge the numbers there.

Speaker 4 (00:26):
It's fine, Please please fudge them.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
That's wonderful. How long How long are you guys there?
How long are you going to be there?

Speaker 4 (00:32):
We're on a Roman holiday.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
We've been here for two days, three days, and we're
here for a full week and it's beautiful and it's
Grecian and we are eating the best food in the world,
and our family is together and without so like, there
is really nothing better than being with all the women
in your life.

Speaker 4 (00:52):
Without men. I mean, there were no men that even
come to the house to like work at the house.

Speaker 5 (00:57):
It's all women.

Speaker 4 (00:58):
My aunt goes, do you only request female chefs? I'm like, no,
but that's a great idea.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
I was listening to some interview with a pop star
who shall not be named, and she was like, you know,
usually I'm the only woman in the room. And I
was like, you're big enough that that's your choice. So
I'm glad that you're choosing to be with all women.
Just makes things a little more peaceful.

Speaker 4 (01:17):
Totally, meg and more reasonable.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Like last night, all the girls, the young girls made
dinner together and they made fish tacos and it was
Jordan and Charlie and Ella and they were all just like,
it was so cute to see these little butterflies roaming around,
like going from the outdoor kitchen to the indoor kitchen
and we're just sitting there like, you know, I'm drinking
obviously because that's what I do, and I was just

(01:40):
observing it. I was like, this is so sweet, you know,
watching all of the family members kind of you know, interrelate.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
It's just so sweet. We have so many girls in
our family, so it's so nice.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah, and it's great that like everybody seems like they
vibe really well.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
And if there is any sort of you know, interpersonal.

Speaker 4 (01:59):
It's me, by the way, I'm always the problem. So
I'm always the biggest problem.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Excellent, Well, I'm glad. We you know, we're all self aware.
We can take a responsibility for our stuff.

Speaker 5 (02:11):
Awesome.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Well, Chelsea, you have some new dates coming up?

Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yes, I'm adding some dates. Well, I'm doing Vegas on
July fifth, so.

Speaker 5 (02:18):
Come to that.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
And I added a couple of stand up dates to
round out the year. I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first,
I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and
I will be in NAPA on October third, So that's
how I'm rounding out the year. I feel slightly guilty
about being in Europe during everything that's happening in America,

(02:39):
but I also feel like I'm gathering my strength.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yes, you have to like sharpen the acts before you
can go back to work.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
And also like you are someone.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Because you have such a large following. It's like you
can also still be doing the work from other places
and you are.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
So I think that's great.

Speaker 5 (02:58):
Thanks Koth.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Yeah, we have a lovely returning guest who we love today.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
Oh yeh, so we love her and she has a
new special called Father out on Hulu which you all
must go watch. And you know how much we love
female comedians on this podcast, So please welcome Otsco oh Kotskott.

Speaker 5 (03:16):
Chelsea, my daughter is that you?

Speaker 4 (03:18):
Uh, you're my ba, You're my baby and I'm your mother.

Speaker 5 (03:22):
That's all right.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
I'm not your daughter.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
You're my baby and my baby got a new bowl
cut because it looks very, very fresh.

Speaker 4 (03:30):
Did you just cut it right now?

Speaker 5 (03:32):
Yeah, she's been trimming it. She's talking about your work current,
she's so you're here here, I'll put this.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Is kurn and if you're not watching on YouTube, just
so you know, Osco's finishing up a haircut right now.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
I don't know if her cut actually I thought maybe
her cut. Her hair actually just starts cutting itself when
it gets too long.

Speaker 5 (03:52):
Well, let's not talk about that, Chelsea.

Speaker 4 (03:53):
I have you out of a jump.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
Oh okay, copy that. So there is somebody tending to it.
Okay like a gardener. Okay, got it.

Speaker 5 (03:59):
I'm a yes ahead, guys, thank you, I am yeah, no,
can you believe? Yeah? This is today for I said,
I'm gonna see Chelsea, let's get that pristine cut going.
And Hi, Catherine, Hi, how are you?

Speaker 4 (04:13):
Otsco? Okotska's here? Everybody?

Speaker 3 (04:15):
If that took me a long time to say that
name properly, and now it just rolls right off the tongue.
Otsko Okotska. You're gonna tell me I'm saying it wrong,
are you?

Speaker 5 (04:23):
No, not at all? And it was and it was
Shell say yeah, Shelley, Actually, we love, we love. We
love a woman that's always updating herself.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
You know, absolutely, I mean, yeah, there's so many seasons
to being a woman.

Speaker 5 (04:39):
It's just it's always a surprise your own body.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
Now that I'm fifty, I'm like, oh god, so many
different things. Like I remember when I when I was younger,
my boobs were so big, right, they were so big.
And now as I've gotten more in shape and like
leaner and older, they've gotten to the exact size that
I like, they're not too much, like I can contain them,
and like all of the different changes that you go
through in your body. Like I always heard such negative

(05:04):
things about aging, and I have to say, I'm having
a positive aging experience, and I wish the same for you, Otsco,
because I know you're not old.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
How old are you?

Speaker 5 (05:13):
I'm thirty six.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
Thirty six, okay, so I'm fourteen years older than you,
And I want you to know, well, you're Asian, so
your aging experience is already going to be superior to Caucasians.
Asian aging aging experience, aging is not to be used
with Asians.

Speaker 5 (05:30):
Hey, happy aging months, which is me? Happy ag Yeah,
which is me? Yeah? Anyway, you know yeah, wait right,
I'm wondering. Have we started recording?

Speaker 4 (05:42):
Yeah, we're recording. Yeah, what is wrying?

Speaker 1 (05:44):
He's rolling for you?

Speaker 5 (05:46):
Incredible? No, I was like, we're catching up so good already.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
No, No, we're all we're going to use all of this.
Don't worry.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
We want our audience to know the ins and outs
of all of our relationships. No.

Speaker 5 (05:57):
I appreciate that what you just said about that aging.
I don't relate to the big boobs, to the finally
good boobs or like perfect size boobs. For me, it's
always been the same.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
Double A since you were born pretty much.

Speaker 5 (06:12):
Yeah, yeah, which is nice. I like consistency, so.

Speaker 4 (06:16):
Yeah, and a double A.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
That's almost like you don't even have to wear a bra,
right or do you do you wear bra?

Speaker 5 (06:22):
I was being humble. I just realized I'm actually a
b thank you.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
Oh excuse me? Oh I didn't realize that. So you've
graduated now, you're a bee.

Speaker 5 (06:31):
Okay, and my grandma d's double d's who knew. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:36):
See, some people get bigger boobs as they get older.
Did she always have bigger boobs?

Speaker 5 (06:40):
We never. I don't think she ever was measured until
more recently when we were buying bras for her and
she didn't seem faced because it's not like she really
has girlfriends that she talks about bra sizes with. So
I said, Grandma, what was the measurement? She goes thirty
six double D like a softlex. My jaw dropped and

(07:03):
she said, what, that's not normal? I said, I mean,
it's not what I have. I thought we were related.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Otsco has a new special out on Hulu. It's called Father.
By the time this comes out, your special will be airing.
This is your sophomore special on Hulu and Disney It's
called Father. Now, without giving away any of the jokes
in the special, why did you call it Father?

Speaker 5 (07:26):
Well, so I do talk a little bit about reconnecting
with my dad in it, but also, like my fans
call me mother. You know, we were talking about well,
I call you mother, but my friends call me mother,
and you know, but mothers have it together, right, so
I'm more.

Speaker 4 (07:41):
Father, right, you know, I'm also kind of more of
a father than a mother.

Speaker 5 (07:45):
You know.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
A stepfather is where I come into my own you know.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
Yeah, where we're like both thriving in life, but sometimes
clueless about everyday basics, like we're like the sun and
the moon are different. Or that was you but you know,
thank you just and or that I didn't know I
hadn't been doing the laundry for the past seven years,
like that kind of thing.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
Who but Ran is Ryan doing the laundry.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
Ryan is Otsco's husband, Yes, who I refer to as
her captor because he takes care of all things Otsco.
And if Otsco didn't have Ryan in her life, Otsco,
she probably wouldn't even be alive.

Speaker 5 (08:22):
I would live outside and and you know and maybe thrive,
you know, because of my personality. But Ryan is mother. Yeah,
he's the one that's been doing the laundry this whole time.
We were both surprised though. It was like this devastating
moment where we both realized, wait, that means you, that
means it's been you this whole time.

Speaker 4 (08:45):
And that was a surprise to you.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yeah, and it alway was it a surprise to Ryan,
who was doing the laundry.

Speaker 5 (08:51):
Yes, because sometimes you just go, oh, here's fresh new laundry,
and you forget that, you know what I mean. We
sometimes you just don't know you're the one that's been
doing it. And the times he's not doing it, he
thought I'd been doing mine, but I just wasn't washing
my clothes, right.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
I believe No, No, it doesn't make sense at all,
but I believe you. I believe you when I when
I come to Whistler, I don't have a housekeeper here.
It couldn't be farther afield than my life in La
or my life anywhere else for that matter. But I
have a cleaning lady that comes like once a week
and that's it. And my place here is small enough
that I can't really blow anything up. But when I
first came here for two weeks in COVID, I was

(09:31):
using the I was washing my own clothes for the
first time in many, many years, and I was using
the dryer as a washer, and I was putting the
detergent in the dryer, and then my clothes would come
out and they were like stained and tide eyed. They
were dry, though, and so I was so confused because
the dryer's on top of the washer, the washers, and

(09:52):
it's like one of those stacked things. And so for
the longest time I was like, I don't understand. It's like,
I can't be this bad at washing clothes, and and
it struck me that I was. Yes, that was a
big wake up call for me. I thought, Wow, you're
a real fucking idiot.

Speaker 5 (10:07):
Oh my god, me too. Why are we twins? Yeah,
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (10:10):
And we don't look like Choin's but we have a
lot in common.

Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yes, yeah, we're literally fra turtle.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
We're fraternal. We're fraternal from different continents.

Speaker 5 (10:21):
In the seventh grade, I did have blonde hair, so
I did wonder yeaheah.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Well that was you looking for your real mother. So
you were in the New York Times talking about the
joke that changed your life. It says that there's a
joke that Tig Nataro told that What was that joke
from Tig It's.

Speaker 5 (10:37):
Called no moleste if we name jokes, right, And yeah,
it's just about how when she was performing in Mexico. Right,
every time she's in a hotel, she puts that do
not disturb sign up but in Spanish it's no moleeste
and you just laugh if you're like an English speaker,
because you know that's scary to have to put that
up every night.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
And so, by the way, we should have signs that's
say that at our hotel rooms in America anyway, we
should have signs that say no molested.

Speaker 5 (11:04):
You know what, Actually, that's very true. That joke didn't
age well, because these days you do need that.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
Literally, I remember that joke from Tig. Tig has a
great joke writing ability. You do that too, because you
have great jokes, but you're also telling personal stories.

Speaker 4 (11:18):
So you combine the two because you know.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
There's comics that just tell jokes, set up, premise, set up,
and like a punchline. Whereas many comedians are storytellers, I'm
a storyteller. I tell stories, and there are jokes within
the stories and punchlines within the stories. But you blend
both of those things together. I think very nicely.

Speaker 5 (11:36):
Thank you. I mean, we all didn't live forty years
each year like you did. You know what I mean?
Where every time I hear your stories, I'm like, okay,
but she's only eight years old and she already did
what she's she's spiking people's lemonades. You know what I mean,
like you know at a young age.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
Yeahah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Speaker 5 (11:56):
Yeah, I need to blend, you know, sometimes jokes about
them because I'm like, you know, big old things didn't
happen every month.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
Right, absolutely, I understand. Ots go.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
So, how has it been going with you and Ryan
on the road? What where have you guys been lately?
I mean, I can't I didn't see I haven't seen
you in almost like, I don't know, has it been
a year.

Speaker 4 (12:14):
I don't think it's been a year. I haven't seen
you since. We had a dinner party at my friend's
house while she was upstairs in her bedroom.

Speaker 5 (12:20):
I know, right, we just took over her place and
her dinner time. I feel like we were just eating
your friend's tacos. It was meant for her kids, and
we were eating them.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
I said, I was staying at my friend Allison's house,
and I was like, Alison, can I have some people
over for dinner tonight?

Speaker 4 (12:34):
No, I wasn't even staying there.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
I just said that was a good meeting point because
you guys are so far east and my house wasn't
really fully done, and I was dating someone at the time.
Oh yeah, I had my mountain man there and I
was like, oh, let's all have dinner. And I was like,
this is a good middle spot. So I just called
my friend and she said, I said, can I have
some people over for dinner? And she's like, well, I'm
getting my eyelashes done and I'm like, no, no, you're
not invited, Like can I have people over for dinner?

Speaker 4 (12:57):
And we're doing our own thing and she's like, oh,
oh oh yeah absolutely. So that was the last time
I think we saw each other, right.

Speaker 5 (13:05):
Yes, yeah, It's like a very classic hangout with Chelsea
handler moment. Yeah, we're at one point we were hanging out,
drinking tequilas, eating tacos. I went inside and saw kids.
I screamed because for a second I was like, wait, right,
this isn't Chelsea's house. I was like, who are they?
Who are they? They're exactly their house.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Imagine how I felt when I saw the kids and
I was like, whoaa, I just asked to have a
dinner party here. I didn't sign up for this sort
of chicanery.

Speaker 5 (13:33):
That's right. I didn't know we were all eating the
same meal. Oh this is your meal.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
Where are you on the subject of having children? Are
you ever going to procreate?

Speaker 5 (13:41):
Do you think?

Speaker 6 (13:42):
No?

Speaker 5 (13:42):
Remember that's our sisterhood promise.

Speaker 4 (13:46):
Okay, I just wanted to make sure nothing has changed.

Speaker 5 (13:49):
Yeah. No, that biological clock they talk about that doesn't
exist within me. I don't even own a real clock, right,
So no, I don't you know that's such a big
thing that's supposedly quickly changes within you. No, it's not
like my favorite color changing.

Speaker 4 (14:05):
Right, I understand that. So how has it been traveling
with Ryan? What have you guys learned?

Speaker 3 (14:09):
Like your relationship? You spend so much time with your husband.
I mean, I don't know anyone who spends more time
with their with their husband. Do you guys ever fight?

Speaker 5 (14:18):
We do? Yes, we do, But what do you fight about?
Mostly it's you know, oh, let's go. You have to
put the keys in the right place every time, the
same place. It's very simple, you know, it's a lot
of that. I do ask a lot of him because
he works with me and you know, for me, and
so yeah, sometimes it's that. And I've been I've been

(14:39):
keeping up. I've been trying to be more organized because
it's a reciprocal thing right, relationships. But we've we've been
we've been to Asia, We've been to Australia, New Zealand
and Europe with my tour together.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
And you brought your Did you bring your grandmother or
your mother on one of those trips you, I mean,
on a.

Speaker 4 (14:56):
Couple of those trips, right.

Speaker 5 (14:58):
I wanted to, but honestly they're too old now. So
uh yeah, So it's just me and Ryan, you know,
going to see parents together. Took him to a cabaret
that was fun, you know, and so yeah, I love
seeing different cultures. We love traveling together. And just based
on how people laugh, I feel like you can really

(15:18):
learn a lot about a culture, you know.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
Uh huh, Like why what culture surprised you?

Speaker 6 (15:24):
Like?

Speaker 4 (15:24):
Which cultures were the most surprising to you?

Speaker 5 (15:27):
Okay, the Scandinavians really surprised me in a pleasant way.
I didn't know anything about them. I had seen the
movie Frozen. It's an animated movie. I said, is it
kind of like that?

Speaker 6 (15:37):
You know?

Speaker 5 (15:37):
And because I was so worried, I said, all my
life right in America, I've had to teach people how
to pronounce my name Otsko that you is there. But
it's silent, right, So I said, how am I gonna,
you know, connect to Norway? How am I going to
explain that to people in Iceland? Are they going to
understand me? Are they going to get my jokes? And
then I go there and they're like, bitch, my name

(15:58):
is thiro biro Jon's daughter. Okay, I have a one girl,
she said, my cousin. I have a cousin. Her name
is your four East is not a problem for me.
I felt so seen, you know what I mean? And
so I loved the Scandinavians. They are true weirdos. You're

(16:20):
doing Scandinavia too, right, Yes, yes, I.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Think we're doing like sixteen shows, thirteen countries. Yes, So
I fucking love this schedule. I mean I would like
a little bit more downtime in between, but fuck it.
I mean I go, you know what it's like, you
go at this pace and then you acclimate to this
pace and then you just survive it, like it's like
you're surviving your own.

Speaker 5 (16:40):
Tour, right, totally. Yeah, we extended it. We did it
over a month. We have the same tour people. I
knew you were going to Europe. I was so excited.
I was like ah, I want to tell her all
about it. And you know the I ranked the countries
based on shyest to liveliest that I've performed.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
In Okay, which and ones are the shyest.

Speaker 5 (17:00):
Shyest number twenty eight. Sitting at number twenty eight is
the Belgians.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
Oh really.

Speaker 5 (17:06):
My opener did a backflip to silence during his set
and then he had to that's the Belgians. He had
to then walk back to the mic, also in silence
because he was far away from it by then. Isn't
that wild?

Speaker 4 (17:23):
That's good to know, though, That's good to know.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:25):
I'm going to Brussels, so I'll be there.

Speaker 5 (17:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:27):
What about the Swiss?

Speaker 5 (17:29):
The Swiss? The Swiss, Oh, they were pretty lively, Actually
they were pretty They were more lively. The Swedish too,
and Parisians. I was told they're going to be very quiet,
but they were one of the liveliest crowds I had.
They were very locals too. They're getting weirder and they're
getting into English speaking stand up. It's really beautiful.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yeah, I know, because half the places I'm going, I'm like,
are we sure they speak English? My friend and who
lives in Sweden, he's like, listen, no one speaks English
and Sweden.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
I'm like, what are you fucking talking about.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
I've been there people, everyone speaks English and sweet He's like,
nobody speaks English. So I don't know if he's fucking
with me. I assume he's fucking with me because I
just stopped responding. I don't like those kinds of antagonistic texts.

Speaker 5 (18:09):
I agree. He just he just wants to see if
you'll get on stage and speak slower because you've been
lied to.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
I know, I know.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
It's so hard for me to speak slowly. You know,
I just don't have that clip. Even when I was
recording my book, they're like, can you slow it down?
I'm like, that's not authentic. I'm like, me slowing down
my talking doesn't sound like how I tell a story.
I have to tell a story like this. So yeah,
and so either they're going to catch on or they're not.
The great thing is I'll just be in one place
for each day and then I'm out, so you know,

(18:38):
we'll see.

Speaker 5 (18:40):
Oh gosh, it was it was my favorite. Yeah, one
day is enough. I feel like my opener also was
newly single, so it's fun to see him going out
every night to hook up with different men, you know.

Speaker 4 (18:52):
Oh, oh yeah, of course I love that.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
Well, I'm bringing Yaminika to a few of my dates.
You know, Yaminika, and she is me for Dick, So
we are hoping to just get her plucked left, right
and center throughout Europe. Europe is not going to know
what hit them once they meet Yaminika.

Speaker 5 (19:09):
Oh my god, the two of you together arrested Ja.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
We have a real hard time together keeping our shit together.
It's one bad decision after another.

Speaker 5 (19:18):
Yeah you are You're that White Castle movie, Harold and
Kumar Kumar. Yeah, the two of you trying to find
weed in Sweden exactly.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
Yes, because I can't travel with drugs anymore because I've
talked so openly about my love for them, so I
can no longer transport them. So that leaves me with
having to find drugs when I get there. But luckily,
my reputation procedes itself, and people are very hip to
bringing as you've seen yourself, people are very hip to
bringing me drugs, and I encourage that.

Speaker 5 (19:51):
That's where that's the only that's where our brands differ
a little bit. Where people do throw like mushrooms at
you from the crowd on the stage right. And then
for me, people show up to my shows in wigs
of my bull cut, so it's a little different. I'm
more I'm more like Mini Mouse, you know what I mean? Yeah, right, yeah, yeah,

(20:11):
and you're like, you're like Papa Smurf.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
I'm more like Papa Smurf and you're more like Mini Mouse.

Speaker 5 (20:16):
I knew it. Papas Murph was definitely a drug dealer.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be
right back with Otsco.

Speaker 4 (20:22):
Okotska, We're back with Otsco.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
Okay, we're gonna take some callers. Catherine, what do we
what do we got in?

Speaker 4 (20:34):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (20:34):
So this first one is a written one.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
This is Anne Marie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
listener in the UK. I listen every week and love
the show. This is an off pieced topic, but one
that I'd love for you to answer. I'm a writer,
mainly TV comedy shows and more recently I turned my
attention to drama. I'm the same age as you, Chelsea,
and I want to write a show to perform myself.

(20:58):
It'll be kind of stand up. But despite my my
ability around creating a story. I don't really know where
to start with stand up. Do I just go to
a comedy club and watch and learn? Do I just
get up? My TV writing centers on complicated female dynamics,
and I'd love to expand on that. I'm not exactly
shy and retiring, but I've never done anything near stand up.
So I'd love your advice as I love your comedy

(21:19):
and the way you present yourself in the world. I'm
also super impressed slash envious by how you vacation, the people,
the locations, the edibles. Anyway, thank you, Anne, Marie, Oh
and Marie.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
Well, that's easy ots go. Don't you think you got
to get up on stage? First of all, you have
to just get up on stage, and you don't have
to have a huge plan. You have to have like
five minutes of an idea, like you if you have
like three or four premises. I mean, some people beat
out every single joke that they're going to tell, and
your storytelling will evolve once you start getting comfortable being

(21:53):
on stage. So I wouldn't worry about getting into the
story so much as I would be as just getting
staged high in front of people and exercising that muscle.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
Have a couple of.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Jokes, but they don't have to be like, you don't
have to have fifteen jokes set up. You can take
your time, like connecting with the audience, doing crowd work,
asking questions, because that could spur something in you, and
that could spur a joke. You know, It's very easy
to talk to people and then get a new idea
about how to come back with something.

Speaker 4 (22:22):
But the most important thing is to get on stage.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Just get on stage and start getting your stage time prepare. Like,
look at this, I just got a text. My phone
just lit up, Yaminika Saunders. I swear, I swear I
watched this. This is off topic, but I want to
talk about it. I swear when you talk about people
that the texts are being held in the iCloud and
then they come through when your phone here is that name,

(22:46):
because your phone wants you on your phone as much
as possible, so that some of these texts are just
waiting and waiting and waiting, and then when you say
their name, they come up. I saw this in a
movie and I didn't believe it. I'm like, there's no
way they're holding the text, But I believe they are
and today is proof.

Speaker 5 (23:02):
So yeah, I swear that's the real science.

Speaker 3 (23:05):
Yeah, don't you think as go don't you think you
just have to get on stage, Like what was your
first time on stage?

Speaker 5 (23:10):
Like, yeah, for sure, getting on stage, but also watching
a lot of it is nice, so like, you know,
go go catch Chelsea when she's in London. You know,
like watching other people and then just the way they
storytell is very inspiring, you know, especially if you feel
like stuck right because then you know, just to see
someone else and how they structured together a bunch of

(23:32):
their stories or what they found interesting about their stories
to make it to punch line, that's really helpful. And
then going on stage, you know, because just consuming other artists,
I think so good, even if it's like in the
back of your head and you're like, oh, I don't
know where I learned to realize the cut sounds funny
or whatever. Oh, it's because I saw, you know, that

(23:54):
comedian do it on stage and that made me laugh.
I took a stand up class, so that was how
I got up on stage for the first time. So
that's a little bit of a different journey.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
I feel like, but you should map out what you're
gonna say, you know, you should map out and have
an idea if you're one of those people who needs
like and you can take it on stage with you. You
can take a piece of paper up there, don't be
shy about that to look and see. You know, sometimes
with all that adrenaline you can kind of forget a
couple of things that you want to say, but have
a plan of what you're gonna do when you get
up there, and it can be a story, it can

(24:24):
be jokes, but like just start to just use that
as a way to get comfortable on stage so that
then when you have longer periods of time to be
on stage, that's where the storytelling can come in. But
I would treat the initial time as just like an introduction,
you know, to stand up and to have a couple
of good jokes that you're willing to tell and try

(24:46):
and do some crowd work, because some people don't even
know they're good at crowd work, and so they do
it for the first time and then it's great. If
you're scared of it, then try it once and see
if you like it. You might not be scared of it,
but definitely just put the hours in you know you
need the hours to get comfortable with something right.

Speaker 1 (25:04):
Well, our next question comes from Alex. She is calling in.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
She's thirty three, so the subject line is tips to
avoid identity crisis after quitting your dream job. Hey, Chelsea,
I took a gummy before writing this, so bear with me.
I was an annoying overachiever my whole life. Double major
in college, graduated cum laudie while working the whole time,
straight to law school, graduated with honors, passed the bar
exam first time, and got hired at what I thought

(25:30):
was my dream job at twenty five.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Blah blah blah, gross.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
I have wanted to be a public defender since the
moment I found out the job existed, and I started
interning at my local public defender's office when I was nineteen.
Everything I know and love came from this office. I
met my husband here, many of my closest friends. I
got my insane rescue dog from one of our unhoused clients, etc.

Speaker 5 (25:51):
Etc.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
However, these last two years and full time mental health rotation,
I'll spare you the details unless you're truly thirsty. Reached
critical mass, extreme burnout. I was a pin prick away
from sobbing or screaming in your face at any time
I was so emotionally exhausted. After lots of overthinking, doubting,
self hatred over the last several months, I finally made
the brave, correct decision and quit. I'm thirty three and unemployed.

(26:16):
My heart rate spiked just typing that out. But I'm
calling it a sabbatical to avoid a few panic attacks
if I can. My therapist and I agreed, I'm taking
three months off. The first month to truly rest, the
next month to get the juices flowing for what the
next chapter will look like, and the third month to
execute on those ideas. I'm very confident in the decision
I made, but shitting bricks over the next chapter. How

(26:38):
do I handle these next three months as I figure
out the direction I'm going to go? Because when I
was twenty five, I thought this was my endgame. And
I know that sounds naivestits, but I believe that to
my bones it was my identity. How do I best
spend this time disentangling from the job, the job, from
my identity and being okay with it signed while trying
not to increase my SSRI dosage.

Speaker 3 (26:59):
Alex Oh, Alex, you're fucking crushing it. First of all,
what are you talking about. You may have all these
great decisions for your own mental health. You got out
of a job that you thought was your dream job
that proved to be mentally debilitating to you and mentally
harmful to your health.

Speaker 4 (27:15):
Like that is amazing.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Now you have a whole and you're thirty three, you
have your whole life ahead of you to do phase two.
Like you're an example to so many people that are
in jobs that they hate to actually walk away.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
I think you're already on the right track.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
Everything you said is great, Like, of course there's gonna
be some anxiety about what you're gonna do next, but
you should also trust in the fact that you just
got yourself out of a situation that was harmful to you.
So you are the best person to take care of yourself,
which means you're gonna get to the place that you're
going and you're going to figure out what that next
step is in a natural amount of time. You're giving

(27:52):
yourself a month to do this, a month to do that.
These are all amazing things, Like you don't even need
any advice from me, Hotsco.

Speaker 4 (27:58):
You could probably give Osco summed, do you need advice?

Speaker 5 (28:03):
Help me out?

Speaker 6 (28:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (28:04):
I'm like, I have to keep this bowl cup forever.
Speaking of an identity crisis, I'm like, can I ever
grow my hair out ever? Again? What happens if I
lose my hairstylist friend? You know, to other clients, what
am I going to do?

Speaker 6 (28:16):
No?

Speaker 5 (28:16):
But for real you it's it's kind of like a divorce.
Whenever someone's reached a point of having to do that,
it's because it needed to be done. Yeah, and so
this realization is badass. I would just say, like, I
would just say, clock the moments of joy that you
feel when you're trying different things and different and then
you go okay, So that's a that's what I like.
It's good to start to realize what you do like

(28:39):
now you know. And so that's all because you knew
what you didn't like. Yeah, so that's I guess.

Speaker 7 (28:44):
It's it's also knowing how much rest is like too
much rest. I've never rested in my life. My parents
are immigrants. Let's go a huge fan. I know you
can relate to this. Productivity is beaten into your head
with a bat. So the idea of not doing any
thing because I have to and there's an expectation on
the other side. But just resting is a very foreign concept.

(29:06):
So I guess balancing what is rest and healing versus
what is productive steps to be taking because I still
have to work at some point, Like I'm only thirty three,
Guys still have to actually make money.

Speaker 6 (29:15):
Have you guys taken time like this before in your lives?

Speaker 4 (29:18):
Yes?

Speaker 5 (29:19):
I have.

Speaker 4 (29:19):
I have all the time.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
I look at that rest as like filling up my bank,
do you know what I mean? Like my emotional well being,
Like I have burnt out so many times in my life,
and now I understand the balance, Like I understand that
the rest is as important as the work. The play
and the vacation is as important as the work. And
so just because you're not doing anything for a month,

(29:41):
like yeah, if you're not doing anything for six months,
that's a different story. If you say, Okay, I'm assigning
this month to resting and decompressing so that I can
get focused and get re energized. And you know, get
I almost said get fucked. Maybe you need to get
fucked too. But all of these things, like fill yourself
up with all of the stuff that you're are going
to need to get you to that next phase, which

(30:02):
is going to be a more productive phase of actually
thinking about where you want to go in your career,
what the next steps are. I think you're completely healthy
and you know what you're doing. You're breaking a cycle.
You're talking about your parents coming to this country and
this work ethic, which is of course immigrants have. You know,
you come to America and you want to be successful,
so you can't really blame people for doing that. But
you don't need to be working all the time. You

(30:25):
need to be like mentally healthy and then your work
can be joyful. You know, you want to be able
to put everything positive into your work. So I totally
think everything.

Speaker 4 (30:34):
You're doing is just spot on.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Thanks Alex, Can I ask what are some of the
things that you're doing in this period of active rest,
Like are you going outside?

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Are you meditate? Like what sort of in your day
to day?

Speaker 7 (30:44):
So it's actually really funny. So I walk the dog
more than he's everyone walked in his entire life. I
am reading all of the nerdy, romanticy books that I've
never had time to read before and making no apologies
for it. Like my husband comes home, and I've been
on the CA for eight and a half hours, and
I'm very I'm journaling and taking a lot of gummies
because it helps me med it like it helps you

(31:06):
be creative, and.

Speaker 5 (31:09):
I'm with you.

Speaker 6 (31:10):
So I'm journaling a lot.

Speaker 7 (31:13):
And there's a huge scary part of me that realizes
that maybe I don't even want to be a lawyer,
which is a bummer because I spent so much time
and energy and money towards this education and I feel
like I gained the skill set of not having any
fear of public speaking, not being afraid of grumpy old
white men yelling at me because they did that every
day in a robe like that doesn't scare me in
any field.

Speaker 6 (31:33):
And I really like to write.

Speaker 7 (31:34):
So there's a huge part of me that wants to
take a risk, even in that direction and something that's
not adjacent to my education at all.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Well, and as a person who like everyone in my
family is a lawyer except for me, I can say, like,
there are a lot of ways to use your law
degree that like do not involve going to court, that
don't involve sort of like a traditional sort of like
legal profession as we think about it, but also like, yeah,
you have the freedom now to like reconsider. Maybe you
use it again in fifteen years when you want to

(32:05):
do something different.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
It's you know, it doesn't mean that that's a wasted experience.
And like you said, you've gained all these other tools
in your toolbox.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
My sister was an attorney, hated it, hated working for
a law firm, quit that and got a job for
this health company where she was writing.

Speaker 4 (32:20):
She was as a lawyer writing all.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
Of like the healthcare laws, like helping to create the
healthcare laws around it. So she kind of switched because
she was like I hate this, I hate defending people,
I hate like this kind of litigation aspect. She's like,
I'm going to take this healthcare degree and turn it
into something else where she can use her other skill sets,
which is writing and editing and all of that stuff.
So she's kind of made a different career out of

(32:43):
being a healthcare attorney. And you can do the same thing.
You just have to find out what drives you and
what moves you, and and your degree is going to
help you in many ways. Yes, I mean you just
listed a bunch of them, so like you should be
doing a podcast where you're giving advice to people.

Speaker 4 (32:56):
Yeah, you're so mucky. Maybe that's your next marriage.

Speaker 7 (32:59):
Maybe that's yeah, the landmark of the overconfident only daughter.

Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah yeah, right, dear Alex, there's no reason.

Speaker 5 (33:07):
Yeah, leave it to Chelsea to try to put you
back to work. She just said she needed rest. Chelsea. Okay,
she's like, oh, you start a podcast, come up with merch.
I love it.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Thank you guys so much.

Speaker 4 (33:21):
Thank I take care, Alex, thank you, I'll take care.
Well that was fucking easy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:26):
I know that girl was already doing everything that she
needed to be told.

Speaker 5 (33:30):
I do.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
She's doing great.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
And you know, we don't think of like taking these
periods of rest as like rest is part of the work,
like you said, Chelsea, Like, we don't think of it
that way, but I think it's important to think of
it that way.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Yeah, yeah, no, I do. I'm a big proponent of that.
I mean, how do you feel about that? Ots go,
do you guys get do you guys get rest? Do
you actually rest?

Speaker 5 (33:51):
You said you found the balance of work and play.
I'm still finding that. But I think it's because if
you're really into work and you're as fraid to like
rest too long. You can totally schedule it in. You
can put it in a calendar, you know what I mean,
so that you know, oh, this week is for play
and then next week is for work. So if you

(34:11):
feel anxiety about playing too hard, then you can do that,
you know, just like I think you can schedule in
six I'm a big, you.

Speaker 3 (34:18):
Know, scheduler of sex. I actually scheduled the sex between
you and Ryan. I don't know if you knew that,
but I actually am the one that puts that on
your calendar.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
It's in Chelsea for seven years.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
Yeah, no wonder. I was like, wow, it's very frequent
this month for some reason.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yes, yeah, I decided to step things up this month. Specifically,
I said, we need to work.

Speaker 5 (34:36):
Who's making us do it from eight am to eight pm? Yours?

Speaker 4 (34:40):
Surely?

Speaker 5 (34:41):
Thank you well.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Our next color is Sarah. She's as dear Chelsea. I've
been in my husband's family for almost fifteen years and
recently had a falling out with my sister in law,
my husband's brother's wife. She's been icing me out ever
since I found out. She had the whole family over
for our niece's birthday and my husband and I I
were not invited. In her words, it wasn't a quote

(35:03):
party but a quote drop by with cake and gifts.
I can accept this, but the problem is now my
sister in law will not speak to me at family
events or text me back ever since I expressed my
hurt at not being invited. My biggest concern is she's
the aunt to my two children and continues to fawn
over them while ignoring me at family events. I was
in her wedding, yet I feel as though I'm being

(35:24):
treated as a complete stranger. I've kept my side of
the street clean by reaching out to her, and she
continues to talk to members of my husband's family, but
not directly to me about what she's upset about. I
need a real bitch's advice on how to move forward
from this. Do I humble myself and try to discuss
the miscommunication again or does act like nothing happened. We've
been closed for eight years, so this is quite the

(35:46):
proverbial slap in the face.

Speaker 5 (35:47):
Help.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
Sarah, Hi Sarah Oh, Hi Hi otsco Okotska's our special
guest today.

Speaker 4 (35:54):
Hello, Hi, Hi, So what was the falling out? What happened?

Speaker 6 (36:00):
So the actual falling out was like, it was her
daughter's birthday, and we had been texting like that morning.
I had given her a gift earlier on in the week,
like to give to her daughter, because I knew I
wasn't going to see her on her birthday, because she
was like, you know, well we're going out of town
and all this stuff. So then the morning of her birthday,

(36:21):
she actually sent me like, I sent her a video
from my daughter who's her cousin, saying, you know, happy birthday,
hope you have a great day. And then she sent
a video back of like the whole family singing happy
birthday to her daughter. There was a cake, you know,
there were the president, the president I had given her
like earlier that week, and they were all like singing,

(36:41):
and I was like, so everyone was invited. So I
responded and I said.

Speaker 3 (36:45):
Wait a second, I'm sorry, hold on back up. You
gave her a gift because you weren't going to be
able to see her on her birthday exactly, and then
she had a birthday party on her birthday.

Speaker 6 (36:55):
Yes, But when I said that, my feelings were hurt
because we lived three minutes away, literally right up the road.

Speaker 3 (37:01):
But how did you know you weren't going to see
her on your birthday, her birthday.

Speaker 6 (37:04):
Because she said that they were going out of town,
like she her and you know, her daughter and her
husband were going out of town, and she was like, well,
we're just going on our trip, you know, for our
daughter's birthday. So you know, thanks for giving me the gift, now,
you know. And so I felt like it was kind
of omitted. But so then when I expressed that, I
was like her, you know, by not being invited because

(37:26):
she sent me that video. So I was like, this
is kind of like really strange, right, I said, you know,
I'm hurt that, like, you know, we weren't invited because
we lived right up the road. And then she didn't
talk to me after that.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
All that was the falling out. That there was no
prior falling out. Oh yes, that's confusing.

Speaker 6 (37:46):
Isn't a falling out? Like what is it? No?

Speaker 3 (37:49):
I I would the way I listened to your letter,
I thought I heard that you guys had a falling out,
and then this was like the aftermath of the falling out.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
So this is the actual incident.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
What does your husband does any one in the family,
has anyone conveyed to you what the issue is or
why she didn't invite.

Speaker 6 (38:05):
You or no, I was never really given a conversation
because she just didn't talk to me after that. So
it was in a message with her and her husband,
and he did say right away, he was like, oh, sorry,
we didn't mean to exclude you, but she was like
radio silent. So I was like, was it something else
that happened.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yeah, it sounds like something else happened that you're not
aware of. So I would reach out to her again,
first of all, your family members, so like, it's not
really helpful to not be speaking, especially when you don't
know what happened. So maybe you did something that you
don't realize that hurt her feelings.

Speaker 4 (38:40):
And I would start with that.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
I would send her a text or an email or
whatever's like the best way to contact her and just
say I'm sorry, so sorry. I don't know did I
do something to hurt you, because it feels like I did,
and I want to make sure that I'm fully accountable,
like totally, just be the bigger person and ask her
why she's upset with you, Like you're not responding to
my text.

Speaker 4 (39:01):
We've been friends for eight years. This is very strange.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
Please feel free to tell me if I've done something
to hurt your feelings.

Speaker 6 (39:07):
Yeah, hands down, like good old fashioned communication.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Right, absolutely, You're part of the same family, so as
long as there's not some huge rift like this should
be fixable, right.

Speaker 6 (39:17):
I totally agree, Oh fantastic, you're the best.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
Well, I mean it's pretty obvious advice, no offense.

Speaker 6 (39:23):
Freaking obvious. But you know what it's been creating, like
just so much awkwardness, you know.

Speaker 5 (39:28):
Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker 6 (39:30):
It tends like we have a lot of family events,
you know, together we all close, and then like, you know,
I'll go to these events and like recently she started
kind of being like hey, you know, like maybe that's
her way of trying to get a little closer. But
then she still will not text. And this is like
going from us texting multiple times a week. You know,
our kids are going to the same daycare, like going

(39:50):
to exercise classes together too, you know. Now she'll talk
to me at the events every now and again, like
she'll be like oh hey, like at least a high
but still like no text, no personal contact. So I'm like,
I wonder if she's trying to just like show face
for like the in laws and stuff.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
I wonder if this is a like to pull her
aside at one of the family events sort of thing
and like get her face to face, because I feel
like sometimes when people are being weird like this, if
you actually just like address it to their face, they'll
like totally back down like oh no, no, there's like
nothing weird, and then it's like, well, they do sort
of have to stick to their guns a little bit more,
Whereas via text, like she might give you like a
one word like I'm fine, everything's fine or whatever, and

(40:27):
then continue to be a weirdo s.

Speaker 6 (40:30):
Right, like humanize myself a little bit.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
Yeah, yeah, I would say that's right.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
I would say to do it in person so that
she can't just not respond, because then it's just more
of the same. It's so weird to not respond, but
something must have happened that you're not aware of.

Speaker 6 (40:42):
Yeah, you're right, you know. And I'm like I've been
overthinking it going through it, like I'm like, what could
this possibly be? You know. I thought of addressing it
with my mother in law myself, because she's one of
the people that she's been talking to, you know, like
about my mother in law is super cool, like she
I know that you'd be open to a conversation, but
I don't want to open it up to that, you know,

(41:03):
Like I thought I was being the better person initially
by not doing that. Like I was like, this is
between her and I, like, let's just knock it out.
But I think an in person conversation would have been better.
I just thought maybe she needed space, Like I didn't know,
really you know, how to approach it, because this has
never happened to me before, especially in my tight knit group.

(41:23):
You know, your rider dies, right, so this is like
totally crazy.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, I would say, like, yeah, tug to her in person.
If she's still it's sort of like then she has
to either commit to like no, everything's fine, or like
if she keeps acting weird after that, then you got
to address it again and be like, all right, what's
the deeper thing here?

Speaker 1 (41:40):
Is there anything? And then if she.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Keeps being weird, just I guess just let her be
kind of weird, you know, like you don't necessarily have
to be talking to her the entire time of family
events sort of thing, but just know that, you know,
you're still keeping your side of the street clean.

Speaker 3 (41:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because if you ask her what's up,
and she hasn't and she's like there's nothing, nothing wrong.
Then you're like, okay, fine, I tried whatever, Like I
don't know what to do with you. I don't know
what happened. You're not going to tell me the truth,
and there's nothing else you could do.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Yeah, and hopefully she will change her tune, you know, I.

Speaker 6 (42:08):
Hope so, I mean, because yeah, I feel like I've
always been a good friend. Like I did like a
speech at her wedding because her like sister didn't want
to do it, stuff like that, whatever, But there hasn't
been anything I can think of that was just like, oh,
I really like pissed her off.

Speaker 5 (42:21):
You know.

Speaker 6 (42:21):
It was like just I feel maybe she I don't know,
I've like been going around like you're pulling back for
a while, like.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
They hit it straight on, and then you know, if
you don't get the answer, you like, then wait a
little bit and then talk to her mother, your mother
in law, and be like listen, I don't know what's
going on here, but this isn't like a healthy dynamic,
like we all have kids. I want to be friends.
I don't understand what happened. I asked her what happened.
She won't tell me, So how can I you know
what I mean, but start with her and just be
be direct so that she has to answer.

Speaker 6 (42:50):
You totally and like, and I'm okay with not being
like bestie sister in law's too. We've been friends for
a long time. But I'm like, it's all right if
if that's what it's going to be, you know, us
just seeing each other at the family events.

Speaker 4 (43:03):
It's just there was no I.

Speaker 6 (43:05):
Guess that would be a weird conversation for her to
have with me, to be like, hey, I don't want
to be as close as we are, you know, like, but.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
Yeah, maybe that is it, But that seems a little odd.

Speaker 6 (43:17):
Weird way to go about it, right.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Will you check in with us after you guys have
a conversation, let us know if things get better?

Speaker 4 (43:22):
Absolutely right, Okay, Well, good luck, thanks Sarah.

Speaker 6 (43:26):
Good luck, bye bye, Thanks bye, let's go.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
You don't have a sister in law, right, de Ryan
doesn't have siblings, or does he?

Speaker 5 (43:33):
He does? He has too. Yeah, and so that's still
a newer dynamic for me too to learn, you know. Yeah,
because it's like they are relatives, but they kind of
are not, you know, and so it's like how much.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
Well they are your relatives cots go. First of all, they.

Speaker 5 (43:49):
Are I know, they're like listening, They're like, excuse me,
what are we? And I'm like, are you friends?

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Now you're gonna be fighting with your sisters?

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Ima.

Speaker 5 (43:57):
I had a small family growing up, so I'm like, okay,
I guess it's new. I'm still learning this chosen family
versus regular family thing, you know, because I married Ryan
and then suddenly I'm an aunt too, right, So that's
a lot to figure out. It's like, whoa, maybe I'm
not good at being an aunt and I'm okay, I'm
not great.

Speaker 4 (44:16):
Yeah, but you know what, you can always improve on
your aunting skills.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
It's a new role. So you know, like I don't know,
being an ant is kind of the best of both worlds.
You get to be an aunt and with no responsibility, you.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
Know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (44:27):
You get to just be like a fun infuser, which
is I take Yeah, I take a lot of joy
in that, and especially I take a lot of joy
when things get serious. It's like get the fuck out
of here, you know, Like, if you've got real problems,
go talk to your parents.

Speaker 5 (44:40):
No it's true. I know you love it. Yeah, I'm
just I'm always trying. I'm still not completely me around them.
I think when I can I see yeah, yeah, because
I'm like still getting to know the sister in laws.
So I'm I'm like, yes, you know, I will not
curse around you, and yes, I you know I will
give you money. And I'm like, god, I'm going, oh.

Speaker 3 (45:03):
A great setup. I won't curse around you and I
have to pay you perfect.

Speaker 5 (45:08):
Oh my god. Yeah, I'm like, what am I in
a church?

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Maybe you should start swearing and then you can put
money in a tip jar or in a zag.

Speaker 4 (45:14):
Every time you swear, you get to give them a dollar.

Speaker 6 (45:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (45:17):
Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right
back with Otsco.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
And we're back with Otsko Okotska, who's got a new
special out on Disney and Hulu. You can watch it
on Hulu and Disney Plus. It is called Father and
it is her sophomore special. Okay, what else do we got?
What do we have to wrap things up today?

Speaker 2 (45:38):
I have one quickie to wrap up with, Abby, says
dear Chelsea. I have a close friend that has recently
started sending me voice recordings of her singing.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
Oh, she sings, she sings.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
Beautifully, but her boyfriend doesn't really care to hear her sing.
So I think I'm the only one getting these, which
makes me sad. I don't ever listen to them and
their entire sometimes not at all. How do I respond
in a text to the constant voice recording messages? Or
should I even respond?

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Abby?

Speaker 5 (46:09):
Wow?

Speaker 4 (46:10):
Yeah wow.

Speaker 5 (46:11):
This is a very specific, very specific, very specific incident
and very specific.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, but it is like text etiquette, it's evolving, well etiquette.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
I mean the etiquette is blown out the window by
the person recording songs and sending them to.

Speaker 4 (46:27):
Her fucking friend. Who does that?

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Yeah, I mean, I guess somebody who has a boyfriend
that won't listen to her singing, which is another problem
that she has.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
I would just.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
Write, honestly, I would write beautiful a couple of times
and then I would stop responding.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
That's what I would do. But I don't know.

Speaker 3 (46:44):
I mean, you want to give your friend some positive
feedback because she clearly isn't getting it at home, and
if she is a beautiful singer, and you're not telling
a lie even if it was bad singing.

Speaker 4 (46:53):
I would write, that's beautiful.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
And then I would write that a couple times, I
would write the same thing exactly like that's beautiful, and
then the next time, that's beautiful, and then I stop
responding Yeah.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
Yeah. It's kind of like when a kid is showing
you a rock over and over. Yeah that's and you're like,
that's really good, that's so good. And then they're like,
here's a song that's really cute too, that's so good.
And then and then you know, if you exactly like
you know, it's a positive reinforcement thing. Once they stop
hearing it, they go, Okay, I've had my feel of

(47:28):
feeling good.

Speaker 4 (47:29):
Yes, yes, I mean I get emails.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
I have a friend who is like, just keep sending
me emails and she wants like our relationship ended a
long time ago, and she's trying to rekindle our relationship
and I'm not interested, but I'm not. I don't want
to be mean. I'm just seriously like, I'm not interested
in rekindling. Like it's I don't have the bandwidth where
let's move on. So I wrote back the first time,
like this is very sweet. I want nothing but the

(47:55):
best for you. I'm sending you so much love. I
really don't have any space in my life right now
to recar to our friendship. I don't mean that as
an affront to you. I don't hold any ill will
towards you, but that's how I feel. And I'm you know,
I'm pretty busy, So let's just move on in our
separate ways and let go. Then I get another email.
Then I get a fourth email. I got four emails,

(48:16):
and I'm like, she's trying to basically harass me into
rekindling our friendship. And now I have to be like,
so I stopped responding, you know, but if I get
another one, I'm gonna be like, you're now you're harassing me,
Like I set.

Speaker 4 (48:28):
A boundary that you're not like. You know, this isn't now.
This isn't the same as getting a voice memo of
a song.

Speaker 5 (48:35):
But either way, they're both attacks. Okay, either way, they're
both attacks. And you were trapped and you didn't ask
for it.

Speaker 4 (48:43):
It's an assault. It's an assault.

Speaker 5 (48:45):
We all deserve our own boundaries. You know, her boyfriend
created one with that with her, and now you might
need two with her too.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
I had a friend years ago who would like, actually
do this in person, she'd be like, oh, new song
for my album, and she would be like, let me
just play as a little snippet, and then she would
play it, but she'd play the whole song and then
sing it like a foot from my face to my face.
And I'm like, too much of a people pleaser to
just like, go away, but just be grateful.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
This is a voice memo, and you can.

Speaker 5 (49:17):
Tell her to post it online. That's validation she can
get from somewhere.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
To go beautiful post. You should post this on Instagram.

Speaker 3 (49:23):
You should post this that's great and brilliant, brilliant, and
hopefully the response is positive, because otherwise you're going to
be dealing with a different friend after.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
She gets some public public shaming critique.

Speaker 3 (49:36):
I've hooked up with a couple of guys that are
in the industry, and when I've hooked up with them,
I've had one guy show me his pilot, an episode
of a pilot that he shot from start to finish,
and this was before we were supposed to have sex.
Of course, I couldn't have sex with him after because
I don't want to see your pilot. And then I
had another guy show me a sizzle reel from a
movie that he was producing, and I was like, you're

(49:57):
killing my boner, Like I don't know why people don't
and understand that. That's like me inviting people over and
saying watch my stand up special, or Otsco inviting people
over and being like, hey, not even inviting them to
watch a special, saying hey, do you want to hear
some jokes from my special? It's like if they did,
they'd fucking come see you perform. It's just all so
like it's so unself aware, like nobody wants to do that.

(50:19):
It's like taking videos. I can compare it to when
I'm in Whistler. I take videos for like when I'm
skiing with the kids. They want videos all the time
of them they're gonna jump off this or they're gonna
go in the park and they're gonna ride this rail.
And I don't fucking have time for that shit. I'm
not here to take videos of children. If I wanted
to take videos of children, I would have had children.

Speaker 4 (50:38):
You know what I mean, I don't. I'm not the one.

Speaker 5 (50:41):
You go, here's a GoPro. What's beautiful is it captures
your actions while you move without someone else doing it.
You know, it's these things. Guy. I had a guy
read me poetry before sex too, and I told him
to say I said, that was good, that was beautiful,
that same thing you told her to do. And afterwards
he goes, thank you. I'm either thinking of being a

(51:03):
poet that travels around the world or be a cop.
I said, those are two very different things, sweetie. And
by then it was like an hour in you know,
so exactly. It's like respect, I came here for you.
I'm going to offer you my body.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
Yeah, my body in my choice. And yeah you should.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
Actually, anyone who's on the fence about becoming a poet,
who's going to travel the world and their other option
is a cop, you should just have them become a cop.

Speaker 4 (51:30):
Yeah, we need more poetry and police work.

Speaker 5 (51:34):
Yes, I agree, Yeah, but I don't know. His poems
were intense.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
So anyway, Well, first of all, this is the first
time hearing that you took another lover before you met Ryan.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
And does he know about it? Does Ryan know about it? Ryan?
Do you know about this?

Speaker 5 (51:49):
You're like, as a good Well, I'll put it in
the calendar or shared calendar that the three of us share.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
Yeah, I want to, Yeah, I like that we share
a calendar, and I want to continue that. I want
to continue that through twenty twenty at the very least.

Speaker 5 (52:01):
Yeah, just put any thoughts notes in there that you want.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
I have thoughts and notes for all all of us,
all three of us.

Speaker 4 (52:08):
I'll be the leader of our calendar.

Speaker 5 (52:10):
Yes, please, thank you, mother.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
Thank you daughter. Okay, Otsco love talking to you.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
I'm sorry that this is the way we have to
catch up now, I mean with our busy travel schedules.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
But I'm going to send you, guys.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
I'm going to send you guys some dates and see
if you couldn't want to come to Mayorca this summer.

Speaker 4 (52:27):
We'll see what you're doing.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
I'm only going for a week this summer, but I
have a little fun group of comics, so maybe you
guys can come.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
I'll send you dates.

Speaker 5 (52:34):
Yeah, okayay, it sounds good.

Speaker 4 (52:35):
Yes, Okay, love you. Congrats on your new special.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
I haven't seen it yet, you guys, because they haven't
sent it to me, so otherwise I would be waxing
poetic about how funny it is, because I know it's
fucking funny because it's Otsco and she's ridiculous, so it's
called Father and you can watch it on Hulu Disney Plus.

Speaker 5 (52:51):
You're incredible.

Speaker 4 (52:52):
Good Bye, we have a great day. Bye bye. So
I added a couple of new dates.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple
of dates just because I felt like we need a
little bit more laughter and a little bit.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
More medicine for the end of the year.

Speaker 3 (53:06):
And I was wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe
let me do a couple more. So I'm adding three
more dates in addition to my Vegas residency. I'm doing
Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe
Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in Napa
on October third, So those will be my last.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
Dates of the year.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Dear Chelsea is edited

Speaker 2 (53:38):
And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahanler dot com.