September 26, 2024 • 52 mins
Crooked Media co-founder, host of Lovett or Leave It, and co-host of Pod Save America Jon Lovett is here to talk about the dire plight of America, how we can help save democracy by getting involved, and most importantly, his new life as a reality TV star - on Survivor season 47. Then: A little sister finds her big sister’s baby daddy on a dating app. A soon-to-be-bride takes umbrage with a bridesmaid’s bad habit. And a boyfriend struggles with telling his girlfriend’s parents that he’s trans, but is afraid of what could happen if they find out from another source.
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Get Involved at VoteSaveAmerica.com
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Catherine, coming to you live from my Orca Chelsea.
My Spanish gets good and then it gets worse. It's
so many dips of Spanish when I get here. So
my trip here this time, I'm only here for two weeks.
This time is to not put too much pressure on
myself and to just let I say the words that
I know in Spanish. I don't try to practice them
(00:21):
on my bike rides going wood. It is the past tense,
the future tense. I'm just saying what I know. It's Spanish,
and then the rest I say in English.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, you know, if you just use the verbs, someone
else can conjugate for you.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
That's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Or if you start everything with puaitus, which is can you,
then I can just then I don't have to think about.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Any other verbs. Yeah, exactly, you know.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
And of course like an aperall spirits or two doesn't
really help with our commands of Spanish.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I wish I could get back into aperol spritzes.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I've kind of like I used to love aperaol spritses,
and I guess I over It's like everything with me,
I overdo everything and then I can never have it again.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I got really into Elderflower Martiniz for a while.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Elderflower is delicious, and they have Elderflowers Britzes, which are.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Which actually I wouldn't mind having. Okay, right, actually again, Hey,
Brian White, nice joy heir may who not spritz Elderflower.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Our guest today is one of the top five smartest
people that I know. He's a co founder of Crooked Media.
He's a co host of Podsave America. He is the
host of Love It or Leave It, And he is
the co author of the number one New York Times
bestseller Democracy or Else. And he's a contestant on the
upcoming season of Survivor. Please well, and we don't know
(01:33):
who won because it's not out and he can't say,
but watch this.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Please welcome John Lovett. Oh yeah, baby.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
This has been a long time coming. Yeah, here we are,
John Lovett.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
God.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I was just listening to you in the car on
my way from my anal rectum exam this morning.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I had one of those.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I'm not sure if you've had one of those recently,
but it was pretty demoralizing.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Was that for pleasure? For medical This was.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
At a doctor's office. It was at a doctor's office.
I know where you're going with that question, and I
wanted to get out of it. John Lovett, Welcome to
Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Great to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I mean, it must be so exciting for you to
be able to add one more podcast to your list
of the things that.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
You do for a living.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Listen. I just I spend more time speaking into a
microphone than not speaking into a microphone. I've growing extremely
comfortable in this medium. He's just so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
You're so good at this medium.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I mean, nothing makes me laugh on a podcast more
than your comments, whether it's pot Save America or love
It or Leave It. I mean, I know, love It
or Leave It is more comedy based. And you're having
a really fucking good time doing it. I can tell,
and I can hear, and I know you're touring a
lot with the show and you're having a really good time,
especially with this election season happening. But one of the
(02:47):
most exciting developments that's happened to you is that you
were you were on the newest season of Survivor.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
Yeah, no, I am. It seems ridiculous, but it's true.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It does seem But knowing you and knowing what a
fan you are of the show. I'm going to project
that you one Survivor.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
No, thank you. That means a lot, That means the
world to me.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yes, I mean I would think that you we know
exactly what you were doing going in there. I don't
think the physical ailments that you're dealing with in a
sort of permanent way, you know, his physical kind of
shortcomings in terms of athleticism, et cetera.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
No, And I hear that. Yeah, just so people you're
saying that I'm not athletic, but I'm just sort of
an awkward kind of yes, careening jew barely able to
walk one foot in front of the other, let alone
balance and jump and so.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
And then I think what you lack in your physical
prowess you make up intellectually.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So I don't really feel like it's a shortcoming.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I would think if you do as well as I
think you will have done during Survivor. And this, by
the way, will be the first, yes, the season of
Survivor that I watch, because I'm going to have to
watch you.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
I think what you lack in the physicality, you are.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
Goodes during gesturing vaguely.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And direct, so you can't say anything about Survivor right, No,
I can't say a thing.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Did you want to say it was a positive experience?
Speaker 5 (04:08):
It was. I'm glad I did it. It was a
fascinating experience. I learned a lot, and I am excited
and nervous for people to see it.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Did you lose any weight during Survivor?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
That's always the most fascinating aspect to me of the
weight watching the weight loss transition.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Well, so I will say two things. First of all,
I am not going to answer, because I do believe
that is a clue information I see. But I will
say that Munjaro does prepare one for the experience.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
But you can only you couldn't take the Manjaro with you, right,
You could only do it before you left, right, theoretically.
Theoretically theoretically, but who knows what the new rules of
Survivor are.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Maybe they let you bring that.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's actually probably pretty good for the contestants, but it
probably defeats the purpose anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So we can't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Then, let's talk about what you missed while you were
on Survivor, Which were a couple of big political moments.
Which political moment are you most upset about missing or
are you happy that you missed it.
Speaker 5 (05:12):
So Trump conviction was obviously a very big deal.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
It feels like six years ago.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Now, it feels like forever ago. We've completely moved on.
But the story that was to me the most shocking
to have just completely missed was the fact that Samuel
Alito and his wife were flying these insurrectionist right wing flags.
I believe it. They're beach house and it was like
(05:38):
a it was like a short lived news cycle. But
the idea that a Supreme Court justice is like connecting
himself with that sort of awful group of people. And
the fact that he claimed that it wasn't his flag
but it was his wife's flag. So he's saying that
in front of his house there is a I guess
a flagpole, which again read but you know, listen, what
(06:04):
are we doing? Are we doing a morning bugle? What
are we doing here? But then he's claiming that it
wasn't his flag, it was his wife's flag. That's not
how flags work. If there's a flag bowl in front
of your house and there's a flag waving on it,
that flag speaks for you. That's the nature of flags.
They're not per person.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Great point, absolutely, it don't send specific messages. It's not
his and hers flags, right.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yes, And it wasn't just one of their houses, it
was two of their houses.
Speaker 5 (06:32):
So two of their houses.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, So okay, as if that's not a family discussion.
When somebody's hoisting a fucking flag up in front of
your house, you're like, oh, like if you put up
a KKK flag And I came home and I completely
disagreed with that and didn't say anything to Doug, my dog,
who hung it. That's not realistic at all to be like, oh,
I guess that's there now.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
The Supreme Court will never cease to amaze me. The
current Supreme Court.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I have this ideation that it's going to change in
the future.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I have fantasies about.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
What will happen to the Supreme Court if we get
the right people elected.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
How are you finding this election season, John.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Well So a lot of twist and turns. It is like,
we have never lived through an election like this before.
I know, we said that in twenty sixteen, we said
that in twenty twenty. They've all been unique in their
own special way. But the fact that what sixty days
(07:28):
ago or so, Joe Biden was still the nominee and
we all felt like we were slowly marching towards the
edge of a cliff and with no hope of stopping ourselves.
And then there's an assassination attempt. There is the most
consequential debate any of us have ever seen in our lifetime.
(07:48):
No debate has ever mattered more. Then there is this
several week period of staring into an abyss, of truly
coming to believe that Donald Trump would win, while everyone
collectively I hope that Joe Biden would do what was
in the best interest of Democrats and the country and
listen to the better angels of his nature than he does.
Then Kamala Harris comes out of the gate as like
(08:12):
a fully formed, ready to go national nominee for presidential ticket,
an extraordinary talent and skill and confidence and self resolved
to stand up and carry this mantle, even though she
hadn't had the year and a half that most candidates
would have had, and is taking this pressure and responding
(08:33):
so well to it better than I think. There are
people that are critical of Kamala Harris. I've been critical
of Kamala Harris in the past, but I don't even
think her biggest fans could have predicted how ready and
capable and up to this challenge she would be, how
much she would rise to the occasion. And then on
top of all that, we go through this extraordinary change.
(08:53):
There's this incredible momentum, there's this incredible enthusiasm, and the
polls are still fucking tied. So we head into this
election feeling like the wind is at our backs. And
yet we all have to recognize that the vibes are good,
the enthusiasm is good, but we could lose this election.
And that can keep you up at night. Maybe it should,
But the more important thing is how we respond to
(09:15):
it in this next what eight weeks to make sure
we do everything we can because no matter how whether
they'll be good polls or bad polls, like we should
just assume that we are down by a quarter of
a point everywhere.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, well, what would you suggest to those people that
are listening? I know I have a lot of listeners
who don't feel like they have a platform big enough
to do anything. And what would you suggest, canvassing your neighborhoods,
canvassing the states? What?
Speaker 5 (09:38):
So? First of all, if you've donated even like five
dollars to a Democrat, somewhere in America, you're being dluged
with text messages asking you for more money. Some of
the texts are reel, some of them you don't know
if they're real. At a time when people don't really
trust the news and they don't really trust politicians, friends
and neighbors matter more than they have ever mattered before.
So there's I would say read big things people can do.
(10:02):
One is they can donate campaigns need to be up
on the air, especially in the home stretch. Two, they
can volunteer for campaigns and do the phone banking and
door knocking, the face to face, in person to person
in directions that will matter the most. And three, you
can talk to the people in your life in a generous, open,
(10:22):
respectful way while trying to make them understand the stakes
and why it's so important that whether or not you're
an independent who doesn't really pay attention to politics or
a lefty who's super frustrated with Democrats, generally both important
groups of people that we have to reach. Everybody needs
to come together to stop Donald Trump. Then we can
(10:43):
have a whole bunch of fights after we got a
whole bunch of fights we have to have and we're
going to have them. And if you want to protest
Kamala Harris at our inauguration, you go for it. If
you want to be angry at Democrats are not delivering
in their promises, you should make your voices heard. We
will have those fights, we need to have those fights,
but we have just a few weeks to do everything
we can to stop Donald Trump. And unless we stop
Donald Trump, we don't get to have any of those conversations.
We don't get to have any of those debates. So
(11:05):
people should go to vote Save America dot com. We
will give you the most effective ways to volunteer, We
will give you the most effective ways to donate, We
will give you the most effective ways to help. You
can tune out a lot of the kind of texts
and noise and bullshit and pulls and just vote Save America.
Will give you some steps that you can take day
to day and if you do just a few things
between now and election date, just you don't have to
(11:27):
become volunteer of the year. You don't have to, you
don't have to be out there every hour of every day.
But if you just do a little bit more than
you did last time, if you make sure you vote,
and then make sure you if you didn't volunteer before volunteer,
if you did one shift, do two shifts. If you
just get out there you can, like that will make
the difference. So vote Save America dot com. Sign up,
we will we will help you through this.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Yeah, And I feel like, you know, as a woman,
I just feel like this one single issue is probably
the most paramount issue for women.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Whether or not you care or you're not enthused.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
About Kamala Harris, if you have that kind of attitude,
like I'm not sure, it's like we're voting about our
reproductive rights, Like that is the most important single issue
I can think of that is going to affect the
next five generations of people and so on. If you
can't think of anything that you care enough about to
get you to the ballot, think about your fucking rights
(12:17):
as a woman, Like how could you possibly say I'm
gonna sit this election out when that's on the ballot.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
That's unconscionable. And even for the men in my.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Family, Like I like what you're saying, John, Obviously, it's
you know, you have to be open and be able
to talk to people who disagree with you. In a
way that is deferential to all people involved. But I
have a nephew who was asking to come to one
of my Vegas residency dates and wanted to come on
the private plane. And I was like, well, you know,
he airs towards being conservative. I'm like, first of all,
you're not old enough. He's like, I'm fiscally conservative. I'm like,
(12:47):
you don't make enough money to be fiscally conservative, and
you're not old enough to be fiscally conservative, so please
stop that. And he's like, can I come to this,
you know, November second date in Vegas. I said, well,
it depends who you're voting for, you know, like, and
he goes, come on, really, no, No, really, the person
who is providing you with this time and this opportunity
and all of the other fucking five star vacations you've
(13:08):
been on in your life were given to you by
somebody who had the right to choose, and who have
the right to pursue her dreams and go after what
she wanted to in life. And you cannot disregard that,
because I think a lot of young guys seem to
forget about all the women in their lives and how
important of a decision that this is.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
So.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I know there's not a lot of straight men listening
to this podcast, but for the gay men and for
the women out here, please make sure the men and
your family are aware of how damaging this is and
how important this is. Because you can't have a debate
about all these issues. It just doesn't work, you know.
Then you go back and forth about Ukraine, about Gaza,
about this and about that, and these are unwinnable topics
(13:48):
and arguments. But the right for a female to choose
is not an unwinnable argument.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
No, and most people agree, and most people understand that.
I think. Look, I think for the typical person, if
you're listening to this and you're one, well, I can't
hang a private jet flight over the head of my relative.
Is there something else I could do? Thankfully? Yes, you
don't need a private jet to do the persuasion work.
I mean it helps, Chelsea knows it helps.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah, It's all I've got basically to you know what
I mean.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
I do think there's something like interesting right now, Like
there's a New Times poll that came out shows what
polls have been showing for a long time. There's just
this big gender gap that women by a big majority
are going to vote for Kamala Harrison and men are
going to vote for Donald Trump. That's been true. That
was true in twenty twenty, that was true in twenty sixteen.
I do think that like there's a missing part of
(14:37):
this debate where it's like like Trump pretends he's very masculine,
like he's some like you know, big tough guys. Obviously
not true. I do you think there's like an argument
that we need to be making two men that's about
like if you believe and like you can have a
problem with the gender politics of this, you can wonder
if this is like the best way to think about it. Whatever.
(14:57):
There are a lot of men out there that take
a lot of pride and believe they are going to
protect women, like that they're protectors and that like they're
going to protect the women in their lives. And to me, like,
I do think there's an argument worth making to the
men in your life that's like, Hey, you believe in
being tough, you believe in being strong, you believe in
protecting women. If you want to stand in front of
(15:19):
the women in your life and help them and support
them and protect them from the world. The way you
do that is by voting for Kamala Harris, Like women
need you to be their protectors in this election. And
I do think there's a lot of men out there
that feel a little bit like there's a reason right
wingers are using trans issues and gender issues to try
to bring young men into the tent, because I do
think we spend a lot of time talking about like
(15:41):
toxic masculinity and not enough time talking about positive examples
of masculinity. And if people don't feel comfortable inside of
a movement, if they don't feel welcome, if they feel
a bit confused about what their place is, I think
that leaves them vulnerable to the right. And I think
saying to like young men, like hey, come on in,
like we actually need your help. If you want to
show what it means to be a man, this is
what it means to be a man right now. I
(16:01):
mean standing with the women in your life and doing
what they need.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I'm going to text that to my nephew as soon
as we're done on this podcast today.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
See if it works.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I have a personal question for you, John.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I know that you are so busy and you're flying
around and you're always recording podcasts and you're always and
I could tell when I listened to Love It or
Leavia that you write a lot beforehand. How do you
keep your stamina up and your brain cells firing?
Speaker 5 (16:27):
So, first of all, love to re leave it. We
have these incredible comedy writers, Hallie Keefer, Sarah Lazarus, a
great team of writers, great producers that kind of make
sure that the show stays on the rails and that
I can plug in and do a fair amount of
writing on Tuesdays before we record the Tuesday show, and
then a lot of the day Thursday before we record
the Thursday show. But like, I really do rely on them,
(16:48):
and there are definitely days where I'll go to Sarah
and Hallie and be like, you got to just hand
me the show right now. Like I did as much
as I could, but I am fully we were on
the road and I'm tired, and like I'm We've spent
years working together and they really understand the voice of
the show and so I can really trust them. And
I couldn't do it without a group of people that
I really trust. I really worry that, like I could
(17:09):
do this indefinitely, but I think it's sort of a
larger example of like the way Twitter breaks people's brains,
because if you're thinking in little, tiny increments all the time,
you can have smart, funny thoughts to share, but they're
not going to be that new. You're not going to synthesize,
You're not going to be able to step back and
like really take a look at what's happening right Like
(17:30):
you can like kind of deal with your bit like
Lucy on the conveyor belt, kind of like trying to
keep things moving and trying to stay ahead of the
next box of chocolates. But I don't think there's space
to really step back. One thing I think we still
have to grapple with all of us is what is
the longer term way we are going to stop having
(17:52):
presidential elections where the stakes feel fucking total? Right? How
do we get to the point where we don't have
to worry that the report publicans are going to put
out somebody who, if they win, may try to take
away basic human rights, basic democratic rights, Like why does
every election have to feel like our last? And what
is it that we're failing to do? Like I think
(18:12):
there's a lot of reasons this is something that's happening
all over the world. There's right wing figures rising all
over the world. I think it's a result of what's
happening the economy, it's the results of the media, it's
in larger political trends, social media, the Internet. There's a
lot of things causing it. But we really should step
back and like look at this and say, hold on
twenty sixteen, twenty twenty, twenty twenty four, we have seen
Donald Trump. We know who Donald Trump is. Election after election,
(18:35):
there's still forty seven percent of people that are like,
thumbs up, that's my pick, right, that's like fucked up.
There's no equity in pointing it out all the time.
It's that, you know, it's not practical to be like,
I can't believe someone like Donald Trump is this close.
We all know it. I think it's actually part of
what is driven a lot of liberals and progressives and
democrats a little bit mad over the last decade. It's
like there are certain kinds of I think, like online resistance,
(18:58):
people that like their phones having lock since twenty sixteen,
and they're just like fucked up. But I think that's
like the core reason, which is like they can't understand
how we live in a world where anybody would pull
the lever for this guy. We should stop asking it
like a rhetorical question and understand, like what does it
look like to really fucking defeat this extremist version of
Republicans beyond just beating them so often, so many times
that a bunch of craven Republicans decide they need a
(19:19):
better way. That's one important step we have to take.
But like there's deeper rot here, like there's a there's
like there are roots through the foundation, and we gotta
we gotta figure that out.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Period. That was the end of his thought. It was
a period. I'm gonna put it there, Okay. On that,
we're going to take a break and we're going to
be right back with John Lovett. And we're back with
John Lovett. John, we're gonna give advice to callers, and
I know how passionately you feel about giving advice, so
we're going to get right into it.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
What do we've got, Catherine.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
Our first email comes from Ella. Her subject line is
to tell her not to tell my sister had her
first baby two weeks ago and her partner, slash baby Daddy,
is on a dating app. Dear Chelsea, I need your advice.
My older sister just had her first baby. It's the
first in the family. She's in her early thirties thirteen
days ago. Her relationship is the epitome of non traditional.
(20:09):
She's been seeing her boyfriend partner on and off for
over five years. Earlier on, he had a pattern of
sleeping with other women, mostly fans. It seems he was
an athlete for several years until retiring a few years ago.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
That's so weird. Athletes hardly ever do that.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I know, that's so bizarre, and my sister justified it once,
telling me, you know, as long as he's going to
therapy and working on himself, the cheating is okay, insane.
Speaker 7 (20:31):
I know.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
My middle sister isn't a fan of him, claiming she
saw him four years ago or so while they were dating.
While the sister and the guy were dating leave a
bar with another girl, not even trying to hide it.
I like him plenty, but I don't know him terribly well.
She likes to keep parts of their lives compartmentalized anyway.
He has a separate apartment that he keeps as a
quote bachelor pad. Not my words, his now here's the
(20:55):
huge thing I need your advice on. I just reopened
two different dating apps. Haven't in months, but I gotta
get back on the proverbial horse. I opened one, swiped
no on just two people, and lo and behold, my
sister's partner pops up. Keep in mind this happened just
three days after they got new family portraits taken with
my baby nephew.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I am shook.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
I screen recorded and screen grabbed for safe keeping. Do
I tell my sister that I saw him there active
on said app? Do I avoid it and ask her
if they've had a shift and are no longer exclusive,
which I'm doubtful about. Do I say something to him?
Do I pretend it didn't happen. I can't tell my
other sister, who already hates him. So what do I
do if I tell my oldest sister? What's the best
way to approach it? I'm also afraid he'll see me
(21:35):
on the app and blow his cover.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Let me know, Ella, Okay, Well everyone knows how I
feel about this, John, why don't we let you?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I want to know how you feel about this.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
So you're saying your quote shook unquote, Why what about this?
Is shocking. Everything you've described as a situation, which, of
course this person would be on dating apps. It seems
like the keeping of a bachelor pad described as such
as sort of indicative of where they're at, like the
(22:05):
person having the baby, like they've made a series of choices.
Those are their choices. Were support women making their own choices.
It seems like this is this the sister yeah, being
like a little bit of a busybody here, like you know,
it's like.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I don't know, she was just on a dating app
scrolling John. I don't know, is she being a business
on her feed?
Speaker 5 (22:25):
Yeah? I don't think there's anything wrong to me with
being like to your sister, like, hey, what's up with
how's the relationship been? Although I have a feeling that
the question like how has the relationship been is like
a loaded question between these sisters because it is very
clear the sister writing does not approve of their sister's choices, right,
and so I find it hard to believe that doesn't
come across with the like, hey, just a quick question
(22:48):
like what's happening with the father your child? Because together,
what's going on there? So, like you know, that's sort
of where I'm at on this, which is like, you
do want to tell your sister, you like, you want
to point out that this guy fucking soff and like
it seems like he does, but you're not dating him.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
True, since it's an older sister, I feel like maybe
they have an open relationship and she just doesn't like
share that with the rest of her family.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Well, yeah, first of all, I'm the I'm always tell
on everyone, tell on them, tell on him, tell on him.
But also I would agree it sounds like this woman
who already said, okay, you know, like he we as
long as he's going to therapy and working on it,
blah blah blah. I mean she just had a baby
thirteen years ago. I think she knows what she's dealing
with and she's okay with it. That wouldn't prevent me
(23:33):
from saying, first of all, clicking yes on him when
you scroll on him and go, hey, what's up?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Funny meeting you here?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Hey, B if I can get him from all sides,
or B take the screen grab and make sure they're
both together when you go, oh, funny, I saw you
on my dating app this week. Just together together? I
like to but no, but as a sister. I know, John,
you're you're not a sister to anyone. You're a because
(24:01):
you're a male and you identify as one. But I
as a woman, will always especially if it's your sister,
and I guarantee you it will have no impact on
their relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
But at least then you can know. And if you
know that and you know it's not going to have
any impact, then fine.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
But at some point she's gonna get sick of it
or she's not, but she's it's not going to have
an impact on the relationship. So it's just a matter
of how honest do you want to be, because you
have every right to tell her. It's not like you
were snooping. You weren't over at his apartment looking through shit.
You were on a public platform where you saw him
actively pursuing dating. So there's really nothing there's no question
(24:39):
about saying that you saw it. In my opinion, I
think you should absolutely say something to your sister because
hopefully she can get rid of him sooner than later.
It doesn't like seem like he's going to stop cheating
on her, especially with a bachelor pad. And if you
have a new baby and you want to start a
new life, which she's not going to want to do.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
She's going to feel vulnerable and go, oh, I'm with him.
It's okay, he's.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Working on it's not working on it, so just FYI
is not working on it. You know, anyone who's working
on a relationship isn't on a dating app when their
significant other gives birth to their child.
Speaker 5 (25:08):
It's a very funny idea. That's like, as long as
we're in therapy working on the cheating, you can keep cheating.
It's well, that's not it's not how I mean like,
that's this is not how like oh, it's not like
it's not like plugging the BP oil spill. You know,
it's not like, oh, like there's still leakage, but we're
making progress. Like he is actively cheating on you.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, it's like I want to stop doing heroin, but
I'm going to continue snorting it while we talk about
me stopping it.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
There's a question that comes up for me, which is,
even if she's fine with him sleeping with other people,
she is someone who just had a baby with this guy,
what's she going to feel like when he comes home?
Like not if, but when he comes home and says like, hey,
I got.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Someone else pregnant. Oh right you now, oh yeah, there
might be something to talk to your sister about.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah exactly. But you know, people don't want to hear shit.
No they don't. But I mean, when it is your sister,
you really have to be honest with your sisters. And
there's a reason why her other sister hates him. Hopefully
your sister will snap out of it sooner than later.
But there's your advice from us.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, Chelsea says, bring it up in a family party.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I'm of the school hotel on everyone.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
No secret keeping here.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
That's good now, actually.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Not for men, not for straight men. I don't think
keep secrets for straight man. If I was like, did
you watch Lady Peterson documentary?
Speaker 5 (26:23):
I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Okay, well you know this one. There's two. Now there's two.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
There's one on Netflix and then there's a secondary one
on Prime which people are like, oh, that actually shows
some doubts. I'm like, only if you're a fucking moron,
does it so any doubts. There couldn't be anyone more
guilty than Scott Peterson. And I don't have to say
allegedly because he actually got convicted of the fucking crime.
So I also want to say, like, these two sisters,
how they're still on his side? One of him became
a lawyer to represent him.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
And like the innocence project has taken on his Oh.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Oh yes, the innocent project.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
First of all, if I fuck your brother, okay, I
don't care if he is your brother. When you come home,
when you find out that your brother's wife is missing,
then the next piece of information you find out is
that he had a bowl of cereal and was like, Oh,
my wife is missing, let me call her parents. And
then the next piece of information is that he had
(27:15):
a boat that no one fucking knew about. I would
if that were my brother, I'd be like, you're a murderer,
and I know it. I'm not on your side anymore.
You took it too far this time. Forget about the
Amber Fry of it all. There's already enough evidence leading
up to the fact that before even they even revealed
that he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
It's like that kind of blind loyalty.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And the only two people who believe he's innocent, well's
parents obviously are his sister. One is not even a
real sister, it's a sister in law. She's the one
who got a legal degree. It's so crazy to me
that these women they found him at the border with
blonde hair and fucking forty thousand dollars. And she's like,
it's not what you think, bitch, is exactly what we think,
(27:54):
and you need to get your fucking head examined.
Speaker 7 (27:56):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
And I think, oh, that brings us right back to Ella,
exactly what you think. That's exactly what you think, right well.
Our next question comes from Penny. Penny is thirty three,
and she says, Dear Chelsea, I was wondering if you
would have any advice on letting your very close friend
know that she has a very annoying tick. My friend
(28:17):
is constantly sniffing, like constantly. During my bachelorette party, while
laying in bed trying to will my hangover away, all
I could hear was sniff, sniff, sniff, and I was
in a separate room. I just about screamed, Tiffany, please
stop sniffing. I thought about it again, as I'll be
riding with her to the beach tomorrow and I'm already
(28:38):
getting annoyed knowing she will be sniffing the whole way.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
She does not do cocaine that I know of.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
She does not have Thank you, thank you for putting
that aside, because that was my first question.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Okay, when she finally blows her nose, it sounds like
pure air. I firmly believe this is a nervous tick,
and I think someone needs to make her aware of it.
Every single person I mentioned it too has said, OMG,
know what is with the sniffing? So I'm not the
only one any who Let me know what you think.
Lots of love, Penny, and she's going to join us here.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Oh good, this seems like a long conversation. We really
have time to delve into this.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Hello, Penny, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 6 (29:18):
Guys?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You're with our special guest John love It today.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Hey, Oh my gosh, Hi Amy, he's a survivor.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
I yeah, I think you should say something. I would say.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I would say something to my friend, especially if people
are talking about her behind her back. You should just say, hey,
you sniff a lot. It's kind of annoying. Do you
know if it's a nervous tick or what?
Speaker 8 (29:40):
Okay, Okay, I mean yeah, why not?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Why wouldn't you say something?
Speaker 5 (29:45):
Yeah? And I would not reference. I would not mention
that you brought this up not just to people behind
your friends back, but also on a podcast with Chelsea Handler. Yeah,
let the first conversation play out. See where that lands you.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Yeah, definitely that makes sense.
Speaker 7 (29:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Can I just ask, since we have you, what, what
would be your hesitation in telling her that it's a
pretty innocuous thing to say to someone. I know it's
kind of uncomfortable, but it's helpful too.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Oh, definitely.
Speaker 8 (30:14):
It's just she's an overthinker, and I just don't want
to give her anything else to be nervous about. And
I feel like maybe it'll even make it worse, or
she'll just retract even more.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Well, was if you yelled at her, like if you
did a Chelsea style, that would not be well received
if she's an overthinker. But you can, in a very gentle,
loving way, go you know, hey, I wanted to bring
something up with you, and I hope this isn't I mean,
this might be a little sensitive for you to hear,
but I've noticed that you sniff a lot, and I
remember sitting in my bed the other day hearing it,
and I kind of felt myself being like what And
(30:46):
then I thought, Oh, I.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Should just talk to you about it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I just want to let you know, like maybe you're
not aware that you do it, and I want to
you know, you can do this in a totally loving,
friend loving way, because it is helpful to know if
you're doing something that annoys other people.
Speaker 8 (30:59):
Yeah, definitely, I would want to know for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
My cousin, my nick niece, told me the reason I
had to stop smoking pot was because it was having
this deleterious impact on my esophagus. And I was going
like this all the time, and she goes, do you
know how fucking annoying that is? And I was like, oh,
I didn't realize anyone else heard me. She goes, you
do it all the time, and I was like, oh,
I have to stop smoking pot, Like I can't do
that anymore. So that's sad for all of us.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
I know, Gummy's only Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
I do wonder and maybe it is like a legitimate tick,
like it is diagnosed OCD or something like that, and
maybe this will.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
Yeah, see energy, could you post nasal drip?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Yeah, and then she could get some medicine for that
as well. But it's everybody does better with a little
self awareness and as long as it comes from a
place of love, then you have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 6 (31:46):
Yeah, that's true. Yes, as long as.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You're not screamaters, stop fucking sniffing, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5 (31:53):
Yeah. And if her name really is Tiffany, Sniffeney's right there,
just so you know, if you need something in your
back pocket, there you.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Go in case you go back to elementary school and
want to make fun of her behind her back.
Speaker 5 (32:05):
And then two No, I'm saying that's exactly what not
to do, even though Sniffiny is very good sitting right there,
leave it, leave it there, leave it on the shelf.
Don't take that one down.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Leave it on the table. Okay, Well, thanks for calling in.
This was an important one.
Speaker 6 (32:20):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Bye bye. Listen.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
John is here to do hard hitting news and here
we are.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
That's absolutely right. That is hard hitting for sure for snizzle.
Speaker 5 (32:29):
Yes, I just think that like, look, if I had
a delicate overthinker as a friend with a small and
ultimately harmless tick, I'd want it on a pretty big
podcast as soon as possible.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I used to do this thing where I would scratch
my hand all the time.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
You guys can see me.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
But I would scratch my hand when I was on
camera and my producers were like, hey, do you are you?
Is this a nervous tick that you scratched your hand
And I was like, oh, I didn't even know I
did it. And then when I tried to stop it,
I couldn't and scratch you even more.
Speaker 5 (33:01):
I was doing something which was like on stage, putting
the cards like in front of my face, and like,
of course you can't don't cover your face when you're
on stage. Sort of one of those rules your moneymaker.
Yeah right, this is yeah right, this is These are
my surgeon's hands exactly.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
You don't want to fuck up that plastic surgery.
Speaker 5 (33:19):
M hm.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
Well.
Speaker 4 (33:22):
Our next question comes from wit wit Is thirty eight
in Quebec. Dear Chelsea, I'm a trans man in a
relationship with a wonderful SIS woman.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
It's been a little over a year and we're very
much in love.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
She's only ever dated SIS men and sees me as
a man and embraces all parts of me. The thing
is her family doesn't know I'm trans. I'm not exactly stealth.
You can easily find out I'm trans by googling my name,
and I'm just living my quiet, normal life. But I've
never been a fan of having to come out to anyone.
I hate that it's an issue or something that has
to be done, and so I guess that's why I'm
(33:55):
hesitant to do it. I don't want me being trans
to be a thing that defines me their eyes. That
and there's always the worry of rejection. My girlfriend has
no issue telling them, but wants me to make the
decision about when I'm comfortable doing so. I really really
like her family and they like me, and she and
I plan on being together and I've talked about having
kids eventually, but the issue of.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Telling her parents does weigh on me.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
I'm not sure how or when to go about it,
or if we need to, but I guess they deserve
to know. I'd rather them find out from us than
from some interaction with my family or friends or an
Internet article that.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Makes them think we've been keeping a big secret from them.
Any advice? Thanks?
Speaker 6 (34:31):
Wit Hi, wit Hi? Hi.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
This is John Lovet. He's our special guest today.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
How are you?
Speaker 7 (34:38):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (34:38):
John?
Speaker 7 (34:39):
I listened to all of y'all's podcast past Dream Team.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
That's awesome.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
That's exactly what this is exactly?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Well, I mean I would just say, you don't why
do they need to know? That's what my instinct says.
But then I understand what you're saying. You don't want
them to find out going down the road, Like I
just don't feel like I just don't feel like that's
pertinent information at this stage in the game, Like why
why do they need to know that you know? And
and I hear what you're saying. I don't, John, what
do you think? What do you have to say about this?
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Let me say some more.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
It's interesting, right, And there's this debate around passing, right
because there are trans people that can pass, and there
are trans people that can't pass. I'm actually dating a
non binary person uses they then pronounce assigned female at
birth now more masculine presenting. And I do think the
challenge is that, like this is an important part of
(35:34):
who they are, right, Like their past is their biography,
how they got to where they are. It's like, as
you're getting closer to a family, the family of your partner,
you want them to know who you are, that is
who who you are. And so I guess it's like
maybe the answer is somewhere in between coming out and
(35:55):
not talking about it, right, Like everyone is focused on
the election and everybody's talking about politics. I find it
hard to believe that at family gatherings and other settings
that trans issues aren't coming up and just saying oh,
just so you know, by the way, they're trans and
they've been through a transition and it was a really
hard and important decision, but it made their life a
(36:16):
lot better, right. Like, I think that can be a
really valuable thing for people who might not realize when
they see the news demagoguing around LGBT issues, that actually
there's a trans person they really like and have come
to know. So that's sort of where I fall.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
On this because I guess it is the question of John.
You bring up a good point.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Of course, it's part of who you are, but it's
almost like I don't want to be light about something
that's serious. But it's like, I think certain things in
your past are not pertinent information for the family that
you're about to marry into. It's like my previous sex
life and my previous sexual partners, that's not necessary, that's
not pertinent information for my future partner's family to know.
(36:59):
I kind of feel that way about a person who
has transitioned.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Although I'm not trans, so I can't speak to that.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
I would just think, like, you've worked so hard to
become this person that you want it to be, that
you feel comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't feel
fair that you have to even explain your.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Past to these people. That's where I'm coming from.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
But if that is a huge part of who you
consider yourself to be today, then that is a different
story than that is sharing with them. You know your
innermost feelings and like being as intimate as possible with
your partner's family, And the question is do you need
to be that intimate with them?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
Wait?
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Wait, wait, I'm sorry, is you or your partner?
Speaker 7 (37:42):
No, it's my girlfriend's it's your girlfriend parents. Yeah, my
girlfriend's family doesn't know.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
It's your girlfriend's family. Well, I guess it's sort of
like there should be just zero pressure. I think there's
a lot of people who live in the kind of
gray middle where they like, maybe don't know a trans person,
maybe they haven't thought about it very hard, Maybe they're
going to say some weird stuff, maybe they're going to
screw up, but ultimately are want to be empathetic.
Speaker 7 (38:04):
What do you think, Yeah, well, I think I kind
of have feelings of both John and Chelsea. On the
one side, I am fortunate enough to pass, and I
feel like it's really unfair that it's a piece of
information that this society and the climate that we're kind
of political climate that we're living in, feels like you
(38:25):
have to disclose this very personal piece of information. Unfortunately,
it's what we live in. At the same time, I
don't want them to find out in some other way,
whether it be through an interaction or online or whatnot,
and them have a worse reaction, like we've been lining
to them or or didn't trust them with the information.
(38:47):
So wanting to avoid that reaction, but also being kind
of like, you know, it's it's very personal. It's something
that I don't think defines me. I think it's a
part of who I am, but I have a chip
on my shoulder and I think it's just an insecurity
that once you divulge the information, you have this feeling.
It's like when you go in public and you think
(39:08):
people are looking at you, but no one gives a shit.
Speaker 6 (39:11):
It's like the same thing is, as soon as they
know that about me.
Speaker 7 (39:13):
I feel like, oh, that's the first thing they're going
to think about me, which is probably not true. I
think it's just this insecurity that I have.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
You mentioned there are certain situations where it would be
maybe helpful for them to know ahead of time, like
you mentioned like oh, we're all going to the lake,
or and there was going to be maybe a swimsuit situation,
and so like to have them know ahead of time
would be helpful. But then it's also like, are you
going to ask your potential future in laws about their
(39:41):
medical history?
Speaker 5 (39:42):
No?
Speaker 3 (39:43):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
It's I think I would say, just from a completely
objective point of view, that if there's an organic time
where it comes up, like you know, Will Ferrell has
this new documentary out with his best friend and she
and they talk about like like say they bring that
up to you or sell some and that comes up
in conversation, that would be a nice organic time to
go oh yeah, because you don't really want to put
(40:06):
so much weight on an issue that is no longer
an issue.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You are a man now.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
So you present as a man, you're living as a man.
That would be a great opportunity to be like, oh god, yeah,
don't I know that story. You know I'm trans as well,
like in a way where it's not like we're sitting down,
we're having this big conversation.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
We have to tell you I used to be a woman.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It doesn't deserve all of that because that it's totally
unfair to you, and it's totally unfair to any trans
person to have to sit there and explain themselves over
and over again. So I feel like if you have
an opportunity to say it lightly and kind of extract
yourself from that situation and let them deal with the
aftermath and the questions they have, that shouldn't be on
(40:48):
you to explain to them. And if anything, it's more
on your partner to have to explain to them, because
she's the one who's decided to be with you and
she can answer their questions.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
I just don't think it's fair for people who make.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
These decisions to constantly have to explain themselves, especially when
you're in a loving relationship and they already love you
and you know what I mean. So I think maybe
if you can wait for something organic like that to happen,
wait for them to see that movie, or wait until
you see that trans person or the subject of transit.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
You know, trans people, gad transgender comes.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Up, or you know whatever, and then just say it
lightly and anyone's going to look at you and think
you're a man. And I think that's all you owe anybody.
Speaker 7 (41:28):
Yeah, Like and talking with my therapist who's very I
guess protective and is like it's nobody's business.
Speaker 6 (41:35):
I understand that side.
Speaker 7 (41:36):
But my partner had talked to her therapist and she's
a little older and I guess uninformed, and she asked
really invasive questions, like about my body. So it really
scared because her parents are in their seventies. But we're thinking,
maybe take me out of the equation because it isn't
fair or something organic, not like at a dinner and
(41:57):
be like, hey, mom passes salt and by the way,
but like have an organic conversation that is, isn't so
much weight while sitting them down.
Speaker 6 (42:07):
If we don't think it's a big deal, we shouldn't
make it a big deal.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Do you want them to know?
Speaker 7 (42:12):
In the perfect world, I wish that nobody knew. I
think that's kind of a part of being trans. I mean,
not everybody's the same. Some people are very out and
loud and proud, and that's okay, that's not where I stand.
Speaker 6 (42:26):
Although I'm not.
Speaker 7 (42:26):
I don't hide it because, like I had said to Catherine,
as you could easily find on trends, whether it's by
googling my name or lots of people that I know.
So I don't hide it, but I don't outwardly, you know,
disclose it to everybody.
Speaker 6 (42:41):
But I think it's not even that they deserve to know.
It's just I don't.
Speaker 7 (42:45):
We don't want to feel like we're walking on eggshells,
whether we're around a group of friends that are like
very open and talk about things and then it just
come out in that way.
Speaker 6 (42:55):
So it's more so that. But yeah, I wish that
they didn't have to know.
Speaker 5 (43:01):
To do what other fuck you want? You know, you
don't know these people anything.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Yeah, and if they do find out, it's like, yeah.
Speaker 5 (43:08):
It's on them to fit, it's on them to it's
on them for how they handle it.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
There was no reason.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
And also when they find out and say, oh, you
were hiding, We weren't hiding anything.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
There was no reason to tell you.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
It's a google away that's that's yeah, that's you could
find that information.
Speaker 7 (43:19):
Out.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
We know that information's out there, it just never came
up and what we didn't feel like we had that
you know, we needed to tell you. But I do
think if you do tell them, you decide differently. Yes,
let your let your partner deal with it and let
her tell them, you know, in your absence.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
It's like, haven't you been through enough?
Speaker 5 (43:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (43:37):
And I think, like, I mean, our politics in Canada
are a little less entertaining, but also a let less scary,
a lot less, a.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Lot more civilized, and a lot less funny, let's be honest, exactly.
Speaker 7 (43:49):
Yeah, but you know, I mean we're surrounded by US politics,
and the political climate is very wacky over there, and
there's a lot of things that I don't see reflected
back and like who I am about like trans politics
and that kind of stuff. That that's the only that's
one thing that sort of sways me of being like,
you know, I wish there wasn't this big fireball about
(44:10):
all these policies and issues coming up that is really
non issues.
Speaker 6 (44:14):
It's not people's business and everything.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
It really is it.
Speaker 5 (44:16):
You're not responsible for people's reactions. You're not responsible for
how important someone judges this or how the fact that
they didn't know becomes a stand in for their discomfort
or uncertainty or a lack of knowledge or lack of empathy. Like,
you don't You're not responsible for that at all, and
so whatever reaction they have has nothing to do with you.
When they find out how they found out and what
that means to them has nothing to do with you.
(44:40):
So like, I think that's to me important. I was
at a wedding and the person I'm seeing saw a
bunch of people from their childhood that hadn't seen them
since they were presenting as a woman. And these are
people that probably, like a lot of older people, don't
know trans people. This is all does a little bit
(45:00):
new and confusing, but it was really just interesting watching
an older person say like, nice to meet you, and
then the person I'm seeing saying, you know me, remember,
like we grew up together, and then you see on
their face the sort of dawning recognition and a little
bit of like, oh my god, a transperson, one of
those trans people that I've heard about in the news.
Speaker 6 (45:22):
It's like the new my gay best friend.
Speaker 5 (45:24):
Yeah yeah, And so like like I don't know, you
don't know what their reaction is going to be. But
you also don't know in a good way, right, Like
some people will surprise you.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I also think you know what you were just saying,
talking about Canadian politics versus American politics, and how there's
a shadow of us in your country, a big one,
a big, dark one. It's almost like this conversation is
becoming necessary to you because of the way America is
acting around this issue. And if you took that out
of the equation, how would you feel about telling your
(45:55):
significant other's family, Like it would probably be a lesser issue,
it wouldn't be such a big thing. So you're letting
all of this and all of the noise kind of
complicate your own personal life. So I would say to
think about that as well.
Speaker 7 (46:09):
Yeah, you're right, And I think what's important is just
remembering that I'm not responsible for their reactions and I
can't control their reaction, so whether we decide to tell
them or when we do, and how that, I just
have to remember that it can't control any of that.
But yeah, you're right, if there wasn't all this political
crap going around, the weight would be a lot later.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, And I would I always think about when I
have a big decision or something like what you're talking about,
thinking about making it less of an issue for the
people that come after you. Right, so you not addressing
it and say you go through, say her parents never
find out, and they're in their seventies and you have children,
(46:54):
and they never know, they never needed to know. It's
almost like you're kind of paving the way for future
people to go, Oh, yeah, I don't have to make
this proclamation and declaration to everybody.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
It's not necessary. Absolutely necessary.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
It could be necessary in different areas of your life,
but it's really not in this So I just think
that's something you should think about too.
Speaker 4 (47:16):
Okay, Well, you keep us posted on how things go
if you decide to tell them or not.
Speaker 6 (47:21):
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 7 (47:22):
It's And I had said to Katherine that it was
like one of the last things off the books.
Speaker 6 (47:27):
And I've been together like a little over a year.
Speaker 7 (47:30):
We lived together, now, both of our families, we've met
both of families quite a few times, and it was
like the last it's the last thing that I think
is weighing on me. It really doesn't care. She's like,
we can tell them or not. It's no big deal
for me. But she wants me to be comfortable. So
it's like the last thing before I don't know, a proposal,
or we'd like to get married and have a future together.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
So yeah, yeah, well I think you will. I think
you will.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
And if for some reason, say you decide not to
tell them, and for some reason down the road they
find out I have a big problem with them, have.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Them call into the podcast and we can explain everything perfect.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
We'll tell them, we'll talk back and everything.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
It'll be perfect. It'll be like a reunion.
Speaker 6 (48:10):
It sounds good.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Okay, take care, thank you with thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
I heard something recently that really stuck out to me,
and it's a It was from a trans creator that
I follow on TikTok mother Birdie, and they said, you know, people,
even queer people, are like, well, what were you assigned
at birth? Like really trying to like get in the comments,
being like, but you know, what are your pronouns? What
were your pronouns? Sort of thing, And they said, a
(48:36):
signed female at birth or a sign male at birth
isn't a thing that represents who you are. It's a
moment in time and a thing that happened to you,
a medical thing that happened to you, and it's just
really really stuck out to me. It's not doesn't really
have anything to do with who the person is.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Yeah, well, that's what people don't understand is that you know,
that's what Republicans who are who think that you know,
you're you go to school. I mean, what did Trump
say the other day that that what did he say
that people are changing people's sexiest. Oh yeah, they're doing
They're changing their sexes at schools, and people are assassinating
their children after childbirth. People are killing their babies after
(49:16):
they're born. Mike, you mean at schools where they get
shot every day because the fucking NRA helps spun the
Republican Party. Okay, we're out of time. We're gonna take
a break and we're gonna come back and we're gonna.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Wrap up with John Lovit and we're back. John Lovid
and I just took a virtual bath together. It was epic.
But John, thank you for.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Your knowledge on everything and for being here today.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
You make me fucking laugh so hard anytime you're on
pod Save America and insert yourself with one of your
ridiculous jokes and the rest of the boy and the
other boys are just like, ah, fuck, here we go,
Like nothing gives me more pleasure than when you pull
that shit. I wish I could quote one right off,
but I can't because I listened to too many of them.
But anyway, John is the funniest, So go see him
(50:03):
on tour. He goes on tour with Pod Save America,
and he's on tour with Love It or Leave It,
and you can listen to all of their podcasts on
the Pod Save America channel, Pod Say World, Save America,
Pod Save the World, blah blah blah, saving countries, oceans.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
Boulevards, you name it. John, did you have any Yes?
Speaker 5 (50:21):
I thought there was the end. I didn't want to.
I think we're I think we're in that fucking outro
Go to vote save America dot com. I'm just I'm
trying to be respectful. I'm a guest that's right to
vote America dot com. Sign up and.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
Do something, do something, do something to save democracy.
Speaker 3 (50:37):
People. This is it. We're in the home stretch.
Speaker 5 (50:39):
And tell WIT's future in laws that he's trance.
Speaker 3 (50:47):
Go do one of your other podcasts now, Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (50:49):
I just hope the rest of your day anally is
going as well as it could go. That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
So far, there have been no repercussion, so I appreciate
your concern.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
I'm gonna investigate after this and that's.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
A good way to close.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
That's what your doctors said. Oh, this is good, exactly
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
All right, bye, Jo.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm
coming to Texas.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing
at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel November two
and November thirtieth.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
I'm coming to.
Speaker 1 (51:28):
Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth,
and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
the year in December, So if you're in a city
like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law, and
be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
com
Hi, Catherine, coming to you live from my Orca Chelsea.
My Spanish gets good and then it gets worse. It's
so many dips of Spanish when I get here. So
my trip here this time, I'm only here for two weeks.
This time is to not put too much pressure on
myself and to just let I say the words that
I know in Spanish. I don't try to practice them
(00:21):
on my bike rides going wood. It is the past tense,
the future tense. I'm just saying what I know. It's Spanish,
and then the rest I say in English.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah, you know, if you just use the verbs, someone
else can conjugate for you.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
That's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Or if you start everything with puaitus, which is can you,
then I can just then I don't have to think about.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Any other verbs. Yeah, exactly, you know.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
And of course like an aperall spirits or two doesn't
really help with our commands of Spanish.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I wish I could get back into aperol spritzes.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I've kind of like I used to love aperaol spritses,
and I guess I over It's like everything with me,
I overdo everything and then I can never have it again.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I got really into Elderflower Martiniz for a while.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Elderflower is delicious, and they have Elderflowers Britzes, which are.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Which actually I wouldn't mind having. Okay, right, actually again, Hey,
Brian White, nice joy heir may who not spritz Elderflower.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Our guest today is one of the top five smartest
people that I know. He's a co founder of Crooked Media.
He's a co host of Podsave America. He is the
host of Love It or Leave It, And he is
the co author of the number one New York Times
bestseller Democracy or Else. And he's a contestant on the
upcoming season of Survivor. Please well, and we don't know
(01:33):
who won because it's not out and he can't say,
but watch this.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Please welcome John Lovett. Oh yeah, baby.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
This has been a long time coming. Yeah, here we are,
John Lovett.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
God.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I was just listening to you in the car on
my way from my anal rectum exam this morning.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
I had one of those.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I'm not sure if you've had one of those recently,
but it was pretty demoralizing.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Was that for pleasure? For medical This was.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
At a doctor's office. It was at a doctor's office.
I know where you're going with that question, and I
wanted to get out of it. John Lovett, Welcome to
Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
Great to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I mean, it must be so exciting for you to
be able to add one more podcast to your list
of the things that.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
You do for a living.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Listen. I just I spend more time speaking into a
microphone than not speaking into a microphone. I've growing extremely
comfortable in this medium. He's just so happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
You're so good at this medium.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I mean, nothing makes me laugh on a podcast more
than your comments, whether it's pot Save America or love
It or Leave It. I mean, I know, love It
or Leave It is more comedy based. And you're having
a really fucking good time doing it. I can tell,
and I can hear, and I know you're touring a
lot with the show and you're having a really good time,
especially with this election season happening. But one of the
(02:47):
most exciting developments that's happened to you is that you
were you were on the newest season of Survivor.
Speaker 5 (02:54):
Yeah, no, I am. It seems ridiculous, but it's true.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It does seem But knowing you and knowing what a
fan you are of the show. I'm going to project
that you one Survivor.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
No, thank you. That means a lot, That means the
world to me.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yes, I mean I would think that you we know
exactly what you were doing going in there. I don't
think the physical ailments that you're dealing with in a
sort of permanent way, you know, his physical kind of
shortcomings in terms of athleticism, et cetera.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
No, And I hear that. Yeah, just so people you're
saying that I'm not athletic, but I'm just sort of
an awkward kind of yes, careening jew barely able to
walk one foot in front of the other, let alone
balance and jump and so.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
And then I think what you lack in your physical
prowess you make up intellectually.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So I don't really feel like it's a shortcoming.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I would think if you do as well as I
think you will have done during Survivor. And this, by
the way, will be the first, yes, the season of
Survivor that I watch, because I'm going to have to
watch you.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
I think what you lack in the physicality, you are.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
Goodes during gesturing vaguely.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
And direct, so you can't say anything about Survivor right, No,
I can't say a thing.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Did you want to say it was a positive experience?
Speaker 5 (04:08):
It was. I'm glad I did it. It was a
fascinating experience. I learned a lot, and I am excited
and nervous for people to see it.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Did you lose any weight during Survivor?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
That's always the most fascinating aspect to me of the
weight watching the weight loss transition.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Well, so I will say two things. First of all,
I am not going to answer, because I do believe
that is a clue information I see. But I will
say that Munjaro does prepare one for the experience.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
But you can only you couldn't take the Manjaro with you, right,
You could only do it before you left, right, theoretically.
Theoretically theoretically, but who knows what the new rules of
Survivor are.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
Maybe they let you bring that.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's actually probably pretty good for the contestants, but it
probably defeats the purpose anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So we can't talk about that.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Then, let's talk about what you missed while you were
on Survivor, Which were a couple of big political moments.
Which political moment are you most upset about missing or
are you happy that you missed it.
Speaker 5 (05:12):
So Trump conviction was obviously a very big deal.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
It feels like six years ago.
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Now, it feels like forever ago. We've completely moved on.
But the story that was to me the most shocking
to have just completely missed was the fact that Samuel
Alito and his wife were flying these insurrectionist right wing flags.
I believe it. They're beach house and it was like
(05:38):
a it was like a short lived news cycle. But
the idea that a Supreme Court justice is like connecting
himself with that sort of awful group of people. And
the fact that he claimed that it wasn't his flag
but it was his wife's flag. So he's saying that
in front of his house there is a I guess
a flagpole, which again read but you know, listen, what
(06:04):
are we doing? Are we doing a morning bugle? What
are we doing here? But then he's claiming that it
wasn't his flag, it was his wife's flag. That's not
how flags work. If there's a flag bowl in front
of your house and there's a flag waving on it,
that flag speaks for you. That's the nature of flags.
They're not per person.
Speaker 4 (06:23):
Great point, absolutely, it don't send specific messages. It's not
his and hers flags, right.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Yes, And it wasn't just one of their houses, it
was two of their houses.
Speaker 5 (06:32):
So two of their houses.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, So okay, as if that's not a family discussion.
When somebody's hoisting a fucking flag up in front of
your house, you're like, oh, like if you put up
a KKK flag And I came home and I completely
disagreed with that and didn't say anything to Doug, my dog,
who hung it. That's not realistic at all to be like, oh,
I guess that's there now.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
The Supreme Court will never cease to amaze me. The
current Supreme Court.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
I have this ideation that it's going to change in
the future.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I have fantasies about.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
What will happen to the Supreme Court if we get
the right people elected.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
How are you finding this election season, John.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Well So a lot of twist and turns. It is like,
we have never lived through an election like this before.
I know, we said that in twenty sixteen, we said
that in twenty twenty. They've all been unique in their
own special way. But the fact that what sixty days
(07:28):
ago or so, Joe Biden was still the nominee and
we all felt like we were slowly marching towards the
edge of a cliff and with no hope of stopping ourselves.
And then there's an assassination attempt. There is the most
consequential debate any of us have ever seen in our lifetime.
(07:48):
No debate has ever mattered more. Then there is this
several week period of staring into an abyss, of truly
coming to believe that Donald Trump would win, while everyone
collectively I hope that Joe Biden would do what was
in the best interest of Democrats and the country and
listen to the better angels of his nature than he does.
Then Kamala Harris comes out of the gate as like
(08:12):
a fully formed, ready to go national nominee for presidential ticket,
an extraordinary talent and skill and confidence and self resolved
to stand up and carry this mantle, even though she
hadn't had the year and a half that most candidates
would have had, and is taking this pressure and responding
(08:33):
so well to it better than I think. There are
people that are critical of Kamala Harris. I've been critical
of Kamala Harris in the past, but I don't even
think her biggest fans could have predicted how ready and
capable and up to this challenge she would be, how
much she would rise to the occasion. And then on
top of all that, we go through this extraordinary change.
(08:53):
There's this incredible momentum, there's this incredible enthusiasm, and the
polls are still fucking tied. So we head into this
election feeling like the wind is at our backs. And
yet we all have to recognize that the vibes are good,
the enthusiasm is good, but we could lose this election.
And that can keep you up at night. Maybe it should,
But the more important thing is how we respond to
(09:15):
it in this next what eight weeks to make sure
we do everything we can because no matter how whether
they'll be good polls or bad polls, like we should
just assume that we are down by a quarter of
a point everywhere.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, well, what would you suggest to those people that
are listening? I know I have a lot of listeners
who don't feel like they have a platform big enough
to do anything. And what would you suggest, canvassing your neighborhoods,
canvassing the states? What?
Speaker 5 (09:38):
So? First of all, if you've donated even like five
dollars to a Democrat, somewhere in America, you're being dluged
with text messages asking you for more money. Some of
the texts are reel, some of them you don't know
if they're real. At a time when people don't really
trust the news and they don't really trust politicians, friends
and neighbors matter more than they have ever mattered before.
So there's I would say read big things people can do.
(10:02):
One is they can donate campaigns need to be up
on the air, especially in the home stretch. Two, they
can volunteer for campaigns and do the phone banking and
door knocking, the face to face, in person to person
in directions that will matter the most. And three, you
can talk to the people in your life in a generous, open,
(10:22):
respectful way while trying to make them understand the stakes
and why it's so important that whether or not you're
an independent who doesn't really pay attention to politics or
a lefty who's super frustrated with Democrats, generally both important
groups of people that we have to reach. Everybody needs
to come together to stop Donald Trump. Then we can
(10:43):
have a whole bunch of fights after we got a
whole bunch of fights we have to have and we're
going to have them. And if you want to protest
Kamala Harris at our inauguration, you go for it. If
you want to be angry at Democrats are not delivering
in their promises, you should make your voices heard. We
will have those fights, we need to have those fights,
but we have just a few weeks to do everything
we can to stop Donald Trump. And unless we stop
Donald Trump, we don't get to have any of those conversations.
We don't get to have any of those debates. So
(11:05):
people should go to vote Save America dot com. We
will give you the most effective ways to volunteer, We
will give you the most effective ways to donate, We
will give you the most effective ways to help. You
can tune out a lot of the kind of texts
and noise and bullshit and pulls and just vote Save America.
Will give you some steps that you can take day
to day and if you do just a few things
between now and election date, just you don't have to
(11:27):
become volunteer of the year. You don't have to, you
don't have to be out there every hour of every day.
But if you just do a little bit more than
you did last time, if you make sure you vote,
and then make sure you if you didn't volunteer before volunteer,
if you did one shift, do two shifts. If you
just get out there you can, like that will make
the difference. So vote Save America dot com. Sign up,
we will we will help you through this.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Yeah, And I feel like, you know, as a woman,
I just feel like this one single issue is probably
the most paramount issue for women.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Whether or not you care or you're not enthused.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
About Kamala Harris, if you have that kind of attitude,
like I'm not sure, it's like we're voting about our
reproductive rights, Like that is the most important single issue
I can think of that is going to affect the
next five generations of people and so on. If you
can't think of anything that you care enough about to
get you to the ballot, think about your fucking rights
(12:17):
as a woman, Like how could you possibly say I'm
gonna sit this election out when that's on the ballot.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
That's unconscionable. And even for the men in my.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Family, Like I like what you're saying, John, Obviously, it's
you know, you have to be open and be able
to talk to people who disagree with you. In a
way that is deferential to all people involved. But I
have a nephew who was asking to come to one
of my Vegas residency dates and wanted to come on
the private plane. And I was like, well, you know,
he airs towards being conservative. I'm like, first of all,
you're not old enough. He's like, I'm fiscally conservative. I'm like,
(12:47):
you don't make enough money to be fiscally conservative, and
you're not old enough to be fiscally conservative, so please
stop that. And he's like, can I come to this,
you know, November second date in Vegas. I said, well,
it depends who you're voting for, you know, like, and
he goes, come on, really, no, No, really, the person
who is providing you with this time and this opportunity
and all of the other fucking five star vacations you've
(13:08):
been on in your life were given to you by
somebody who had the right to choose, and who have
the right to pursue her dreams and go after what
she wanted to in life. And you cannot disregard that,
because I think a lot of young guys seem to
forget about all the women in their lives and how
important of a decision that this is.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
So.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I know there's not a lot of straight men listening
to this podcast, but for the gay men and for
the women out here, please make sure the men and
your family are aware of how damaging this is and
how important this is. Because you can't have a debate
about all these issues. It just doesn't work, you know.
Then you go back and forth about Ukraine, about Gaza,
about this and about that, and these are unwinnable topics
(13:48):
and arguments. But the right for a female to choose
is not an unwinnable argument.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
No, and most people agree, and most people understand that.
I think. Look, I think for the typical person, if
you're listening to this and you're one, well, I can't
hang a private jet flight over the head of my relative.
Is there something else I could do? Thankfully? Yes, you
don't need a private jet to do the persuasion work.
I mean it helps, Chelsea knows it helps.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah, It's all I've got basically to you know what
I mean.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
I do think there's something like interesting right now, Like
there's a New Times poll that came out shows what
polls have been showing for a long time. There's just
this big gender gap that women by a big majority
are going to vote for Kamala Harrison and men are
going to vote for Donald Trump. That's been true. That
was true in twenty twenty, that was true in twenty sixteen.
I do think that like there's a missing part of
(14:37):
this debate where it's like like Trump pretends he's very masculine,
like he's some like you know, big tough guys. Obviously
not true. I do you think there's like an argument
that we need to be making two men that's about
like if you believe and like you can have a
problem with the gender politics of this, you can wonder
if this is like the best way to think about it. Whatever.
(14:57):
There are a lot of men out there that take
a lot of pride and believe they are going to
protect women, like that they're protectors and that like they're
going to protect the women in their lives. And to me, like,
I do think there's an argument worth making to the
men in your life that's like, Hey, you believe in
being tough, you believe in being strong, you believe in
protecting women. If you want to stand in front of
(15:19):
the women in your life and help them and support
them and protect them from the world. The way you
do that is by voting for Kamala Harris, Like women
need you to be their protectors in this election. And
I do think there's a lot of men out there
that feel a little bit like there's a reason right
wingers are using trans issues and gender issues to try
to bring young men into the tent, because I do
think we spend a lot of time talking about like
(15:41):
toxic masculinity and not enough time talking about positive examples
of masculinity. And if people don't feel comfortable inside of
a movement, if they don't feel welcome, if they feel
a bit confused about what their place is, I think
that leaves them vulnerable to the right. And I think
saying to like young men, like hey, come on in,
like we actually need your help. If you want to
show what it means to be a man, this is
what it means to be a man right now. I
(16:01):
mean standing with the women in your life and doing
what they need.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I'm going to text that to my nephew as soon
as we're done on this podcast today.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
See if it works.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I have a personal question for you, John.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I know that you are so busy and you're flying
around and you're always recording podcasts and you're always and
I could tell when I listened to Love It or
Leavia that you write a lot beforehand. How do you
keep your stamina up and your brain cells firing?
Speaker 5 (16:27):
So, first of all, love to re leave it. We
have these incredible comedy writers, Hallie Keefer, Sarah Lazarus, a
great team of writers, great producers that kind of make
sure that the show stays on the rails and that
I can plug in and do a fair amount of
writing on Tuesdays before we record the Tuesday show, and
then a lot of the day Thursday before we record
the Thursday show. But like, I really do rely on them,
(16:48):
and there are definitely days where I'll go to Sarah
and Hallie and be like, you got to just hand
me the show right now. Like I did as much
as I could, but I am fully we were on
the road and I'm tired, and like I'm We've spent
years working together and they really understand the voice of
the show and so I can really trust them. And
I couldn't do it without a group of people that
I really trust. I really worry that, like I could
(17:09):
do this indefinitely, but I think it's sort of a
larger example of like the way Twitter breaks people's brains,
because if you're thinking in little, tiny increments all the time,
you can have smart, funny thoughts to share, but they're
not going to be that new. You're not going to synthesize,
You're not going to be able to step back and
like really take a look at what's happening right Like
(17:30):
you can like kind of deal with your bit like
Lucy on the conveyor belt, kind of like trying to
keep things moving and trying to stay ahead of the
next box of chocolates. But I don't think there's space
to really step back. One thing I think we still
have to grapple with all of us is what is
the longer term way we are going to stop having
(17:52):
presidential elections where the stakes feel fucking total? Right? How
do we get to the point where we don't have
to worry that the report publicans are going to put
out somebody who, if they win, may try to take
away basic human rights, basic democratic rights, Like why does
every election have to feel like our last? And what
is it that we're failing to do? Like I think
(18:12):
there's a lot of reasons this is something that's happening
all over the world. There's right wing figures rising all
over the world. I think it's a result of what's
happening the economy, it's the results of the media, it's
in larger political trends, social media, the Internet. There's a
lot of things causing it. But we really should step
back and like look at this and say, hold on
twenty sixteen, twenty twenty, twenty twenty four, we have seen
Donald Trump. We know who Donald Trump is. Election after election,
(18:35):
there's still forty seven percent of people that are like,
thumbs up, that's my pick, right, that's like fucked up.
There's no equity in pointing it out all the time.
It's that, you know, it's not practical to be like,
I can't believe someone like Donald Trump is this close.
We all know it. I think it's actually part of
what is driven a lot of liberals and progressives and
democrats a little bit mad over the last decade. It's
like there are certain kinds of I think, like online resistance,
(18:58):
people that like their phones having lock since twenty sixteen,
and they're just like fucked up. But I think that's
like the core reason, which is like they can't understand
how we live in a world where anybody would pull
the lever for this guy. We should stop asking it
like a rhetorical question and understand, like what does it
look like to really fucking defeat this extremist version of
Republicans beyond just beating them so often, so many times
that a bunch of craven Republicans decide they need a
(19:19):
better way. That's one important step we have to take.
But like there's deeper rot here, like there's a there's
like there are roots through the foundation, and we gotta
we gotta figure that out.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Period. That was the end of his thought. It was
a period. I'm gonna put it there, Okay. On that,
we're going to take a break and we're going to
be right back with John Lovett. And we're back with
John Lovett. John, we're gonna give advice to callers, and
I know how passionately you feel about giving advice, so
we're going to get right into it.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
What do we've got, Catherine.
Speaker 4 (19:48):
Our first email comes from Ella. Her subject line is
to tell her not to tell my sister had her
first baby two weeks ago and her partner, slash baby Daddy,
is on a dating app. Dear Chelsea, I need your advice.
My older sister just had her first baby. It's the
first in the family. She's in her early thirties thirteen
days ago. Her relationship is the epitome of non traditional.
(20:09):
She's been seeing her boyfriend partner on and off for
over five years. Earlier on, he had a pattern of
sleeping with other women, mostly fans. It seems he was
an athlete for several years until retiring a few years ago.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
That's so weird. Athletes hardly ever do that.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I know, that's so bizarre, and my sister justified it once,
telling me, you know, as long as he's going to
therapy and working on himself, the cheating is okay, insane.
Speaker 7 (20:31):
I know.
Speaker 4 (20:32):
My middle sister isn't a fan of him, claiming she
saw him four years ago or so while they were dating.
While the sister and the guy were dating leave a
bar with another girl, not even trying to hide it.
I like him plenty, but I don't know him terribly well.
She likes to keep parts of their lives compartmentalized anyway.
He has a separate apartment that he keeps as a
quote bachelor pad. Not my words, his now here's the
(20:55):
huge thing I need your advice on. I just reopened
two different dating apps. Haven't in months, but I gotta
get back on the proverbial horse. I opened one, swiped
no on just two people, and lo and behold, my
sister's partner pops up. Keep in mind this happened just
three days after they got new family portraits taken with
my baby nephew.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I am shook.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
I screen recorded and screen grabbed for safe keeping. Do
I tell my sister that I saw him there active
on said app? Do I avoid it and ask her
if they've had a shift and are no longer exclusive,
which I'm doubtful about. Do I say something to him?
Do I pretend it didn't happen. I can't tell my
other sister, who already hates him. So what do I
do if I tell my oldest sister? What's the best
way to approach it? I'm also afraid he'll see me
(21:35):
on the app and blow his cover.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Let me know, Ella, Okay, Well everyone knows how I
feel about this, John, why don't we let you?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
I want to know how you feel about this.
Speaker 5 (21:45):
So you're saying your quote shook unquote, Why what about this?
Is shocking. Everything you've described as a situation, which, of
course this person would be on dating apps. It seems
like the keeping of a bachelor pad described as such
as sort of indicative of where they're at, like the
(22:05):
person having the baby, like they've made a series of choices.
Those are their choices. Were support women making their own choices.
It seems like this is this the sister yeah, being
like a little bit of a busybody here, like you know,
it's like.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I don't know, she was just on a dating app
scrolling John. I don't know, is she being a business
on her feed?
Speaker 5 (22:25):
Yeah? I don't think there's anything wrong to me with
being like to your sister, like, hey, what's up with
how's the relationship been? Although I have a feeling that
the question like how has the relationship been is like
a loaded question between these sisters because it is very
clear the sister writing does not approve of their sister's choices, right,
and so I find it hard to believe that doesn't
come across with the like, hey, just a quick question
(22:48):
like what's happening with the father your child? Because together,
what's going on there? So, like you know, that's sort
of where I'm at on this, which is like, you
do want to tell your sister, you like, you want
to point out that this guy fucking soff and like
it seems like he does, but you're not dating him.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
True, since it's an older sister, I feel like maybe
they have an open relationship and she just doesn't like
share that with the rest of her family.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Well, yeah, first of all, I'm the I'm always tell
on everyone, tell on them, tell on him, tell on him.
But also I would agree it sounds like this woman
who already said, okay, you know, like he we as
long as he's going to therapy and working on it,
blah blah blah. I mean she just had a baby
thirteen years ago. I think she knows what she's dealing
with and she's okay with it. That wouldn't prevent me
(23:33):
from saying, first of all, clicking yes on him when
you scroll on him and go, hey, what's up?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Funny meeting you here?
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Hey, B if I can get him from all sides,
or B take the screen grab and make sure they're
both together when you go, oh, funny, I saw you
on my dating app this week. Just together together? I
like to but no, but as a sister. I know, John,
you're you're not a sister to anyone. You're a because
(24:01):
you're a male and you identify as one. But I
as a woman, will always especially if it's your sister,
and I guarantee you it will have no impact on
their relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
But at least then you can know. And if you
know that and you know it's not going to have
any impact, then fine.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
But at some point she's gonna get sick of it
or she's not, but she's it's not going to have
an impact on the relationship. So it's just a matter
of how honest do you want to be, because you
have every right to tell her. It's not like you
were snooping. You weren't over at his apartment looking through shit.
You were on a public platform where you saw him
actively pursuing dating. So there's really nothing there's no question
(24:39):
about saying that you saw it. In my opinion, I
think you should absolutely say something to your sister because
hopefully she can get rid of him sooner than later.
It doesn't like seem like he's going to stop cheating
on her, especially with a bachelor pad. And if you
have a new baby and you want to start a
new life, which she's not going to want to do.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
She's going to feel vulnerable and go, oh, I'm with him.
It's okay, he's.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Working on it's not working on it, so just FYI
is not working on it. You know, anyone who's working
on a relationship isn't on a dating app when their
significant other gives birth to their child.
Speaker 5 (25:08):
It's a very funny idea. That's like, as long as
we're in therapy working on the cheating, you can keep cheating.
It's well, that's not it's not how I mean like,
that's this is not how like oh, it's not like
it's not like plugging the BP oil spill. You know,
it's not like, oh, like there's still leakage, but we're
making progress. Like he is actively cheating on you.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
Yeah, it's like I want to stop doing heroin, but
I'm going to continue snorting it while we talk about
me stopping it.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Exactly.
Speaker 4 (25:34):
There's a question that comes up for me, which is,
even if she's fine with him sleeping with other people,
she is someone who just had a baby with this guy,
what's she going to feel like when he comes home?
Like not if, but when he comes home and says like, hey,
I got.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Someone else pregnant. Oh right you now, oh yeah, there
might be something to talk to your sister about.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yeah exactly. But you know, people don't want to hear shit.
No they don't. But I mean, when it is your sister,
you really have to be honest with your sisters. And
there's a reason why her other sister hates him. Hopefully
your sister will snap out of it sooner than later.
But there's your advice from us.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, Chelsea says, bring it up in a family party.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I'm of the school hotel on everyone.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
No secret keeping here.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
That's good now, actually.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Not for men, not for straight men. I don't think
keep secrets for straight man. If I was like, did
you watch Lady Peterson documentary?
Speaker 5 (26:23):
I didn't. I didn't.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Okay, well you know this one. There's two. Now there's two.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
There's one on Netflix and then there's a secondary one
on Prime which people are like, oh, that actually shows
some doubts. I'm like, only if you're a fucking moron,
does it so any doubts. There couldn't be anyone more
guilty than Scott Peterson. And I don't have to say
allegedly because he actually got convicted of the fucking crime.
So I also want to say, like, these two sisters,
how they're still on his side? One of him became
a lawyer to represent him.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
And like the innocence project has taken on his Oh.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Oh yes, the innocent project.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
First of all, if I fuck your brother, okay, I
don't care if he is your brother. When you come home,
when you find out that your brother's wife is missing,
then the next piece of information you find out is
that he had a bowl of cereal and was like, Oh,
my wife is missing, let me call her parents. And
then the next piece of information is that he had
(27:15):
a boat that no one fucking knew about. I would
if that were my brother, I'd be like, you're a murderer,
and I know it. I'm not on your side anymore.
You took it too far this time. Forget about the
Amber Fry of it all. There's already enough evidence leading
up to the fact that before even they even revealed
that he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
It's like that kind of blind loyalty.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
And the only two people who believe he's innocent, well's
parents obviously are his sister. One is not even a
real sister, it's a sister in law. She's the one
who got a legal degree. It's so crazy to me
that these women they found him at the border with
blonde hair and fucking forty thousand dollars. And she's like,
it's not what you think, bitch, is exactly what we think,
(27:54):
and you need to get your fucking head examined.
Speaker 7 (27:56):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
And I think, oh, that brings us right back to Ella,
exactly what you think. That's exactly what you think, right well.
Our next question comes from Penny. Penny is thirty three,
and she says, Dear Chelsea, I was wondering if you
would have any advice on letting your very close friend
know that she has a very annoying tick. My friend
(28:17):
is constantly sniffing, like constantly. During my bachelorette party, while
laying in bed trying to will my hangover away, all
I could hear was sniff, sniff, sniff, and I was
in a separate room. I just about screamed, Tiffany, please
stop sniffing. I thought about it again, as I'll be
riding with her to the beach tomorrow and I'm already
(28:38):
getting annoyed knowing she will be sniffing the whole way.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
She does not do cocaine that I know of.
Speaker 5 (28:43):
She does not have Thank you, thank you for putting
that aside, because that was my first question.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
Okay, when she finally blows her nose, it sounds like
pure air. I firmly believe this is a nervous tick,
and I think someone needs to make her aware of it.
Every single person I mentioned it too has said, OMG,
know what is with the sniffing? So I'm not the
only one any who Let me know what you think.
Lots of love, Penny, and she's going to join us here.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Oh good, this seems like a long conversation. We really
have time to delve into this.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Hello, Penny, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 6 (29:18):
Guys?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You're with our special guest John love It today.
Speaker 7 (29:21):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Hey, Oh my gosh, Hi Amy, he's a survivor.
Speaker 5 (29:27):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
I yeah, I think you should say something. I would say.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I would say something to my friend, especially if people
are talking about her behind her back. You should just say, hey,
you sniff a lot. It's kind of annoying. Do you
know if it's a nervous tick or what?
Speaker 8 (29:40):
Okay, Okay, I mean yeah, why not?
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Why wouldn't you say something?
Speaker 5 (29:45):
Yeah? And I would not reference. I would not mention
that you brought this up not just to people behind
your friends back, but also on a podcast with Chelsea Handler. Yeah,
let the first conversation play out. See where that lands you.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Yeah, definitely that makes sense.
Speaker 7 (29:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Can I just ask, since we have you, what, what
would be your hesitation in telling her that it's a
pretty innocuous thing to say to someone. I know it's
kind of uncomfortable, but it's helpful too.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Oh, definitely.
Speaker 8 (30:14):
It's just she's an overthinker, and I just don't want
to give her anything else to be nervous about. And
I feel like maybe it'll even make it worse, or
she'll just retract even more.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Well, was if you yelled at her, like if you
did a Chelsea style, that would not be well received
if she's an overthinker. But you can, in a very gentle,
loving way, go you know, hey, I wanted to bring
something up with you, and I hope this isn't I mean,
this might be a little sensitive for you to hear,
but I've noticed that you sniff a lot, and I
remember sitting in my bed the other day hearing it,
and I kind of felt myself being like what And
(30:46):
then I thought, Oh, I.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Should just talk to you about it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I just want to let you know, like maybe you're
not aware that you do it, and I want to
you know, you can do this in a totally loving,
friend loving way, because it is helpful to know if
you're doing something that annoys other people.
Speaker 8 (30:59):
Yeah, definitely, I would want to know for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
My cousin, my nick niece, told me the reason I
had to stop smoking pot was because it was having
this deleterious impact on my esophagus. And I was going
like this all the time, and she goes, do you
know how fucking annoying that is? And I was like, oh,
I didn't realize anyone else heard me. She goes, you
do it all the time, and I was like, oh,
I have to stop smoking pot, Like I can't do
that anymore. So that's sad for all of us.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
I know, Gummy's only Yeah.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
I do wonder and maybe it is like a legitimate tick,
like it is diagnosed OCD or something like that, and
maybe this will.
Speaker 5 (31:36):
Yeah, see energy, could you post nasal drip?
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Yeah, and then she could get some medicine for that
as well. But it's everybody does better with a little
self awareness and as long as it comes from a
place of love, then you have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 6 (31:46):
Yeah, that's true. Yes, as long as.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
You're not screamaters, stop fucking sniffing, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5 (31:53):
Yeah. And if her name really is Tiffany, Sniffeney's right there,
just so you know, if you need something in your
back pocket, there you.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Go in case you go back to elementary school and
want to make fun of her behind her back.
Speaker 5 (32:05):
And then two No, I'm saying that's exactly what not
to do, even though Sniffiny is very good sitting right there,
leave it, leave it there, leave it on the shelf.
Don't take that one down.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Leave it on the table. Okay, Well, thanks for calling in.
This was an important one.
Speaker 6 (32:20):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Bye bye. Listen.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
John is here to do hard hitting news and here
we are.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
That's absolutely right. That is hard hitting for sure for snizzle.
Speaker 5 (32:29):
Yes, I just think that like, look, if I had
a delicate overthinker as a friend with a small and
ultimately harmless tick, I'd want it on a pretty big
podcast as soon as possible.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I used to do this thing where I would scratch
my hand all the time.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
You guys can see me.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
But I would scratch my hand when I was on
camera and my producers were like, hey, do you are you?
Is this a nervous tick that you scratched your hand
And I was like, oh, I didn't even know I
did it. And then when I tried to stop it,
I couldn't and scratch you even more.
Speaker 5 (33:01):
I was doing something which was like on stage, putting
the cards like in front of my face, and like,
of course you can't don't cover your face when you're
on stage. Sort of one of those rules your moneymaker.
Yeah right, this is yeah right, this is These are
my surgeon's hands exactly.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
You don't want to fuck up that plastic surgery.
Speaker 5 (33:19):
M hm.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
Well.
Speaker 4 (33:22):
Our next question comes from wit wit Is thirty eight
in Quebec. Dear Chelsea, I'm a trans man in a
relationship with a wonderful SIS woman.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
It's been a little over a year and we're very
much in love.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
She's only ever dated SIS men and sees me as
a man and embraces all parts of me. The thing
is her family doesn't know I'm trans. I'm not exactly stealth.
You can easily find out I'm trans by googling my name,
and I'm just living my quiet, normal life. But I've
never been a fan of having to come out to anyone.
I hate that it's an issue or something that has
to be done, and so I guess that's why I'm
(33:55):
hesitant to do it. I don't want me being trans
to be a thing that defines me their eyes. That
and there's always the worry of rejection. My girlfriend has
no issue telling them, but wants me to make the
decision about when I'm comfortable doing so. I really really
like her family and they like me, and she and
I plan on being together and I've talked about having
kids eventually, but the issue of.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Telling her parents does weigh on me.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
I'm not sure how or when to go about it,
or if we need to, but I guess they deserve
to know. I'd rather them find out from us than
from some interaction with my family or friends or an
Internet article that.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Makes them think we've been keeping a big secret from them.
Any advice? Thanks?
Speaker 6 (34:31):
Wit Hi, wit Hi? Hi.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
This is John Lovet. He's our special guest today.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
How are you?
Speaker 7 (34:38):
Hi?
Speaker 6 (34:38):
John?
Speaker 7 (34:39):
I listened to all of y'all's podcast past Dream Team.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
That's awesome.
Speaker 5 (34:47):
That's exactly what this is exactly?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Well, I mean I would just say, you don't why
do they need to know? That's what my instinct says.
But then I understand what you're saying. You don't want
them to find out going down the road, Like I
just don't feel like I just don't feel like that's
pertinent information at this stage in the game, Like why
why do they need to know that you know? And
and I hear what you're saying. I don't, John, what
do you think? What do you have to say about this?
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Let me say some more.
Speaker 5 (35:13):
It's interesting, right, And there's this debate around passing, right
because there are trans people that can pass, and there
are trans people that can't pass. I'm actually dating a
non binary person uses they then pronounce assigned female at
birth now more masculine presenting. And I do think the
challenge is that, like this is an important part of
(35:34):
who they are, right, Like their past is their biography,
how they got to where they are. It's like, as
you're getting closer to a family, the family of your partner,
you want them to know who you are, that is
who who you are. And so I guess it's like
maybe the answer is somewhere in between coming out and
(35:55):
not talking about it, right, Like everyone is focused on
the election and everybody's talking about politics. I find it
hard to believe that at family gatherings and other settings
that trans issues aren't coming up and just saying oh,
just so you know, by the way, they're trans and
they've been through a transition and it was a really
hard and important decision, but it made their life a
(36:16):
lot better, right. Like, I think that can be a
really valuable thing for people who might not realize when
they see the news demagoguing around LGBT issues, that actually
there's a trans person they really like and have come
to know. So that's sort of where I fall.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
On this because I guess it is the question of John.
You bring up a good point.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Of course, it's part of who you are, but it's
almost like I don't want to be light about something
that's serious. But it's like, I think certain things in
your past are not pertinent information for the family that
you're about to marry into. It's like my previous sex
life and my previous sexual partners, that's not necessary, that's
not pertinent information for my future partner's family to know.
(36:59):
I kind of feel that way about a person who
has transitioned.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Although I'm not trans, so I can't speak to that.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
I would just think, like, you've worked so hard to
become this person that you want it to be, that
you feel comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't feel
fair that you have to even explain your.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Past to these people. That's where I'm coming from.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
But if that is a huge part of who you
consider yourself to be today, then that is a different
story than that is sharing with them. You know your
innermost feelings and like being as intimate as possible with
your partner's family, And the question is do you need
to be that intimate with them?
Speaker 6 (37:39):
Wait?
Speaker 5 (37:39):
Wait, wait, I'm sorry, is you or your partner?
Speaker 7 (37:42):
No, it's my girlfriend's it's your girlfriend parents. Yeah, my
girlfriend's family doesn't know.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
It's your girlfriend's family. Well, I guess it's sort of
like there should be just zero pressure. I think there's
a lot of people who live in the kind of
gray middle where they like, maybe don't know a trans person,
maybe they haven't thought about it very hard, Maybe they're
going to say some weird stuff, maybe they're going to
screw up, but ultimately are want to be empathetic.
Speaker 7 (38:04):
What do you think, Yeah, well, I think I kind
of have feelings of both John and Chelsea. On the
one side, I am fortunate enough to pass, and I
feel like it's really unfair that it's a piece of
information that this society and the climate that we're kind
of political climate that we're living in, feels like you
(38:25):
have to disclose this very personal piece of information. Unfortunately,
it's what we live in. At the same time, I
don't want them to find out in some other way,
whether it be through an interaction or online or whatnot,
and them have a worse reaction, like we've been lining
to them or or didn't trust them with the information.
(38:47):
So wanting to avoid that reaction, but also being kind
of like, you know, it's it's very personal. It's something
that I don't think defines me. I think it's a
part of who I am, but I have a chip
on my shoulder and I think it's just an insecurity
that once you divulge the information, you have this feeling.
It's like when you go in public and you think
(39:08):
people are looking at you, but no one gives a shit.
Speaker 6 (39:11):
It's like the same thing is, as soon as they
know that about me.
Speaker 7 (39:13):
I feel like, oh, that's the first thing they're going
to think about me, which is probably not true. I
think it's just this insecurity that I have.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
You mentioned there are certain situations where it would be
maybe helpful for them to know ahead of time, like
you mentioned like oh, we're all going to the lake,
or and there was going to be maybe a swimsuit situation,
and so like to have them know ahead of time
would be helpful. But then it's also like, are you
going to ask your potential future in laws about their
(39:41):
medical history?
Speaker 5 (39:42):
No?
Speaker 3 (39:43):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
It's I think I would say, just from a completely
objective point of view, that if there's an organic time
where it comes up, like you know, Will Ferrell has
this new documentary out with his best friend and she
and they talk about like like say they bring that
up to you or sell some and that comes up
in conversation, that would be a nice organic time to
go oh yeah, because you don't really want to put
(40:06):
so much weight on an issue that is no longer
an issue.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
You are a man now.
Speaker 1 (40:10):
So you present as a man, you're living as a man.
That would be a great opportunity to be like, oh god, yeah,
don't I know that story. You know I'm trans as well,
like in a way where it's not like we're sitting down,
we're having this big conversation.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
We have to tell you I used to be a woman.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It doesn't deserve all of that because that it's totally
unfair to you, and it's totally unfair to any trans
person to have to sit there and explain themselves over
and over again. So I feel like if you have
an opportunity to say it lightly and kind of extract
yourself from that situation and let them deal with the
aftermath and the questions they have, that shouldn't be on
(40:48):
you to explain to them. And if anything, it's more
on your partner to have to explain to them, because
she's the one who's decided to be with you and
she can answer their questions.
Speaker 3 (40:58):
I just don't think it's fair for people who make.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
These decisions to constantly have to explain themselves, especially when
you're in a loving relationship and they already love you
and you know what I mean. So I think maybe
if you can wait for something organic like that to happen,
wait for them to see that movie, or wait until
you see that trans person or the subject of transit.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
You know, trans people, gad transgender comes.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Up, or you know whatever, and then just say it
lightly and anyone's going to look at you and think
you're a man. And I think that's all you owe anybody.
Speaker 7 (41:28):
Yeah, Like and talking with my therapist who's very I
guess protective and is like it's nobody's business.
Speaker 6 (41:35):
I understand that side.
Speaker 7 (41:36):
But my partner had talked to her therapist and she's
a little older and I guess uninformed, and she asked
really invasive questions, like about my body. So it really
scared because her parents are in their seventies. But we're thinking,
maybe take me out of the equation because it isn't
fair or something organic, not like at a dinner and
(41:57):
be like, hey, mom passes salt and by the way,
but like have an organic conversation that is, isn't so
much weight while sitting them down.
Speaker 6 (42:07):
If we don't think it's a big deal, we shouldn't
make it a big deal.
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Do you want them to know?
Speaker 7 (42:12):
In the perfect world, I wish that nobody knew. I
think that's kind of a part of being trans. I mean,
not everybody's the same. Some people are very out and
loud and proud, and that's okay, that's not where I stand.
Speaker 6 (42:26):
Although I'm not.
Speaker 7 (42:26):
I don't hide it because, like I had said to Catherine,
as you could easily find on trends, whether it's by
googling my name or lots of people that I know.
So I don't hide it, but I don't outwardly, you know,
disclose it to everybody.
Speaker 6 (42:41):
But I think it's not even that they deserve to know.
It's just I don't.
Speaker 7 (42:45):
We don't want to feel like we're walking on eggshells,
whether we're around a group of friends that are like
very open and talk about things and then it just
come out in that way.
Speaker 6 (42:55):
So it's more so that. But yeah, I wish that
they didn't have to know.
Speaker 5 (43:01):
To do what other fuck you want? You know, you
don't know these people anything.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Yeah, and if they do find out, it's like, yeah.
Speaker 5 (43:08):
It's on them to fit, it's on them to it's
on them for how they handle it.
Speaker 3 (43:11):
There was no reason.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
And also when they find out and say, oh, you
were hiding, We weren't hiding anything.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
There was no reason to tell you.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
It's a google away that's that's yeah, that's you could
find that information.
Speaker 7 (43:19):
Out.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
We know that information's out there, it just never came
up and what we didn't feel like we had that
you know, we needed to tell you. But I do
think if you do tell them, you decide differently. Yes,
let your let your partner deal with it and let
her tell them, you know, in your absence.
Speaker 3 (43:33):
It's like, haven't you been through enough?
Speaker 5 (43:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (43:37):
And I think, like, I mean, our politics in Canada
are a little less entertaining, but also a let less scary,
a lot less, a.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Lot more civilized, and a lot less funny, let's be honest, exactly.
Speaker 7 (43:49):
Yeah, but you know, I mean we're surrounded by US politics,
and the political climate is very wacky over there, and
there's a lot of things that I don't see reflected
back and like who I am about like trans politics
and that kind of stuff. That that's the only that's
one thing that sort of sways me of being like,
you know, I wish there wasn't this big fireball about
(44:10):
all these policies and issues coming up that is really
non issues.
Speaker 6 (44:14):
It's not people's business and everything.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
It really is it.
Speaker 5 (44:16):
You're not responsible for people's reactions. You're not responsible for
how important someone judges this or how the fact that
they didn't know becomes a stand in for their discomfort
or uncertainty or a lack of knowledge or lack of empathy. Like,
you don't You're not responsible for that at all, and
so whatever reaction they have has nothing to do with you.
When they find out how they found out and what
that means to them has nothing to do with you.
(44:40):
So like, I think that's to me important. I was
at a wedding and the person I'm seeing saw a
bunch of people from their childhood that hadn't seen them
since they were presenting as a woman. And these are
people that probably, like a lot of older people, don't
know trans people. This is all does a little bit
(45:00):
new and confusing, but it was really just interesting watching
an older person say like, nice to meet you, and
then the person I'm seeing saying, you know me, remember,
like we grew up together, and then you see on
their face the sort of dawning recognition and a little
bit of like, oh my god, a transperson, one of
those trans people that I've heard about in the news.
Speaker 6 (45:22):
It's like the new my gay best friend.
Speaker 5 (45:24):
Yeah yeah, And so like like I don't know, you
don't know what their reaction is going to be. But
you also don't know in a good way, right, Like
some people will surprise you.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
I also think you know what you were just saying,
talking about Canadian politics versus American politics, and how there's
a shadow of us in your country, a big one,
a big, dark one. It's almost like this conversation is
becoming necessary to you because of the way America is
acting around this issue. And if you took that out
of the equation, how would you feel about telling your
(45:55):
significant other's family, Like it would probably be a lesser issue,
it wouldn't be such a big thing. So you're letting
all of this and all of the noise kind of
complicate your own personal life. So I would say to
think about that as well.
Speaker 7 (46:09):
Yeah, you're right, And I think what's important is just
remembering that I'm not responsible for their reactions and I
can't control their reaction, so whether we decide to tell
them or when we do, and how that, I just
have to remember that it can't control any of that.
But yeah, you're right, if there wasn't all this political
crap going around, the weight would be a lot later.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, And I would I always think about when I
have a big decision or something like what you're talking about,
thinking about making it less of an issue for the
people that come after you. Right, so you not addressing
it and say you go through, say her parents never
find out, and they're in their seventies and you have children,
(46:54):
and they never know, they never needed to know. It's
almost like you're kind of paving the way for future
people to go, Oh, yeah, I don't have to make
this proclamation and declaration to everybody.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
It's not necessary. Absolutely necessary.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
It could be necessary in different areas of your life,
but it's really not in this So I just think
that's something you should think about too.
Speaker 4 (47:16):
Okay, Well, you keep us posted on how things go
if you decide to tell them or not.
Speaker 6 (47:21):
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 7 (47:22):
It's And I had said to Katherine that it was
like one of the last things off the books.
Speaker 6 (47:27):
And I've been together like a little over a year.
Speaker 7 (47:30):
We lived together, now, both of our families, we've met
both of families quite a few times, and it was
like the last it's the last thing that I think
is weighing on me. It really doesn't care. She's like,
we can tell them or not. It's no big deal
for me. But she wants me to be comfortable. So
it's like the last thing before I don't know, a proposal,
or we'd like to get married and have a future together.
Speaker 3 (47:52):
So yeah, yeah, well I think you will. I think
you will.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
And if for some reason, say you decide not to
tell them, and for some reason down the road they
find out I have a big problem with them, have.
Speaker 3 (48:01):
Them call into the podcast and we can explain everything perfect.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
We'll tell them, we'll talk back and everything.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
It'll be perfect. It'll be like a reunion.
Speaker 6 (48:10):
It sounds good.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Okay, take care, thank you with thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
I heard something recently that really stuck out to me,
and it's a It was from a trans creator that
I follow on TikTok mother Birdie, and they said, you know, people,
even queer people, are like, well, what were you assigned
at birth? Like really trying to like get in the comments,
being like, but you know, what are your pronouns? What
were your pronouns? Sort of thing, And they said, a
(48:36):
signed female at birth or a sign male at birth
isn't a thing that represents who you are. It's a
moment in time and a thing that happened to you,
a medical thing that happened to you, and it's just
really really stuck out to me. It's not doesn't really
have anything to do with who the person is.
Speaker 1 (48:51):
Yeah, well, that's what people don't understand is that you know,
that's what Republicans who are who think that you know,
you're you go to school. I mean, what did Trump
say the other day that that what did he say
that people are changing people's sexiest. Oh yeah, they're doing
They're changing their sexes at schools, and people are assassinating
their children after childbirth. People are killing their babies after
(49:16):
they're born. Mike, you mean at schools where they get
shot every day because the fucking NRA helps spun the
Republican Party. Okay, we're out of time. We're gonna take
a break and we're gonna come back and we're gonna.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Wrap up with John Lovit and we're back. John Lovid
and I just took a virtual bath together. It was epic.
But John, thank you for.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Your knowledge on everything and for being here today.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
I love you so much.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
You make me fucking laugh so hard anytime you're on
pod Save America and insert yourself with one of your
ridiculous jokes and the rest of the boy and the
other boys are just like, ah, fuck, here we go,
Like nothing gives me more pleasure than when you pull
that shit. I wish I could quote one right off,
but I can't because I listened to too many of them.
But anyway, John is the funniest, So go see him
(50:03):
on tour. He goes on tour with Pod Save America,
and he's on tour with Love It or Leave It,
and you can listen to all of their podcasts on
the Pod Save America channel, Pod Say World, Save America,
Pod Save the World, blah blah blah, saving countries, oceans.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
Boulevards, you name it. John, did you have any Yes?
Speaker 5 (50:21):
I thought there was the end. I didn't want to.
I think we're I think we're in that fucking outro
Go to vote save America dot com. I'm just I'm
trying to be respectful. I'm a guest that's right to
vote America dot com. Sign up and.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
Do something, do something, do something to save democracy.
Speaker 3 (50:37):
People. This is it. We're in the home stretch.
Speaker 5 (50:39):
And tell WIT's future in laws that he's trance.
Speaker 3 (50:47):
Go do one of your other podcasts now, Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (50:49):
I just hope the rest of your day anally is
going as well as it could go. That's what I want.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
So far, there have been no repercussion, so I appreciate
your concern.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
I'm gonna investigate after this and that's.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
A good way to close.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
That's what your doctors said. Oh, this is good, exactly
what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
All right, bye, Jo.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, I'm
coming to Texas.
Speaker 3 (51:17):
I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
City, and then I will be in Las Vegas performing
at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel November two
and November thirtieth.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
I'm coming to.
Speaker 1 (51:28):
Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth,
and I have tickets on sale throughout the end of
the year in December, So if you're in a city
like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans
or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law, and
be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
com
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