Swimming Naked with Elizabeth Olsen

Elizabeth Olsen joins Chelsea to chat about why she swims naked every morning, her thoughts on reincarnation, and why she’s the perfect woman for a man with a fish pic in his bio.  Then: A guncle wants to help his niece steer clear of becoming a Mean Girl.  A single mom struggles to connect on the apps.  And a young lawyer can’t get her man to commit - so she’s stuck paying double rent. 

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

(00:27):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

(00:48):
I will be touring from February through June, So go
get your tickets now. If you want to come see
me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Okay, dookey, Hi, Chelsea, how are you well? I am fresh.
You know what I've done since we last spoke.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
I went to Antarctica, then I went to Vegas, and
now I'm in New York.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
I am a globetrotter. You're all over the place. I mean,
like more so than normal. I'm all over the shop.
How was Antarctica? It was ridonculous.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
It was absolute mayhem. I have never been on a
trip that was so ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
And it was like a conference.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
On psychedelics, so half the people were like researching psychedelics
and the other half of the people were doing psychedelics.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Let me guess which category you fell into. Yeah, well
I was somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
I had a blast.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
I met so many fun people. I had an incredible time.
Antarctica was majestic and gorgeous, and I just.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
Was blown away. It really was one of the best
trips of my life. Oh my gosh, that's amazing. Now
did you see penguins?

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Actually, yeah, we were close up to the penguins. We
went kayaking next to whale humpback whales. They breached in
front of us. There was a polar prunge. But I
was a little bit sick that day because I had
a tricky night the night before we crossed Drake's Passage.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
How was it all going through Drake's Passage?

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Crossing Drake's Passage was crazy? I brought my friend Christine.
I made some really cute friends.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I had a blast.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
We had every element of an incredible It was like
adult camp.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
We would just run from one floor to the next
floor and then go knock on each other's cabins. There
was a lot of a lot of shenanigans, like a
very cold summer camp.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
I loved it. Excellent. Oh and also I'll be on
the Today Show. I'm co hosting the Today Show tomorrow
with Jenna Bush, So anybody fantastic can watch us. Yeah,
I co host with her for an hour tomorrow.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Well, we were a really exciting week this week because
we actually have two episodes coming out. Today and tomorrow
will have new episodes coming out. So our guest today,
if you want to tell everybody about that is very exciting.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Well, we have two from the same movie. Elizabeth Olsen
is today and tomorrow is Davine Joy Roundolph.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
We're releasing two episodes this week to promote their movie,
which is called is Arnity. Okay, we're sitting here with Elizabeth. ALSOID,
I'm so excited to talk to you. I watched Love
and Death. I don't know how many times I thought
your performance you and Lily Ravee together. That was Lily
rave yea your performance in that, because they did that

(03:37):
show before with some other kiddy. Yeah, I think Jessica Biale, right,
your performance in that was earth shattering. You were so
fucking good. I couldn't stop watching your performance. And I'm
not some big ardent acting fan or something. I don't
even like. I just thought you were so every nuance
and the subtleties of like the way that you I

(03:58):
was like, I just couldn't wait to see you in
more stuffs.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
So it's so nice for you. Whenever I see your
name and something, I know it's going to be good.

Speaker 5 (04:04):
That is so nice of you. I loved getting to
do that so much. I had so much the time
of my life playing that part. So it's really nice
when other people. I think you can tell if someone's
having fun with something. Baby, but she was just a
great character, and I felt like I could do no
wrong in her shoes and I and I just love
humor and drama, Like I just think there always needs

(04:25):
to be humor no matter how dramatic something is. And
I had so much fun with her, So it's good.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
That's based on a true story. A woman who murdered
her husband.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
For those of you haven't seen Love and Death, you
need to see it.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
It's on HBO Max. Oh thank you.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, I forgot about that part. But it's based on
a true story. But it is the unraveling. It is
just the unraveling of a woman. And I mean, how
do you even like?

Speaker 3 (04:49):
What? Did you?

Speaker 2 (04:50):
Are you a serious I mean you're a serious actress. Obviously,
you remember you memorized your lines and go to work. Yes,
yes I do out of preparation. But would you consider
yourself a serious actress? Do you like? Are you very
serious when you are working? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (05:07):
I'm very serious, but I'm very playful. I feel like
every year I've doubled down how much I love doing
my job. And I come from so many different types
of training that I went to and so many different
types of conservatories. And the fun part to me is
the preparation and the discoveries.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
That you have during that time.

Speaker 5 (05:24):
But I don't take myself seriously, but I do take
everyone else showing up to work. I have to show
up also prepared, and that's a form of respect to
everyone else who's showing up to work, in my opinion,
and so I like setting a standard of you know,
hopefully people aren't like learning their lines on the day,
but you get to set a standard sometimes right that

(05:46):
way without like verbalizing it. And I think that's just
a form of respect for like everyone who shows up
to work.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah, I think that's nice.

Speaker 5 (05:53):
Yeah, So I guess I take myself seriously a little bit.
But I also don't take the job of being like
an actor very serious, right, like the other elements that
come with it, like what like like speaking as myself,
Like I don't want to be a spokesperson for anyone
or anything. No, I don't know how to do that.

(06:14):
I don't know how to do it well. I yet
nervous doing podcasts because they're long. Yeah, and I get
anxious that I'm going to say something that will then
I think is like great in the moment, and then
afterwards you're like, why why does everyone care that.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
I think people should go to the movie theaters like
I should, like I would. Why was I don't I
read that quote? Why was that? What was the issue
with that?

Speaker 5 (06:38):
I don't know. It's just like how I conduct my
own business. It is like that I want to be
in movies that.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Are in theater. I'm not telling.

Speaker 5 (06:45):
Anyone they have to go to the theater or I
think about.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
A problem with that in the first place, Like you
said go and go the people should go to the theater.

Speaker 5 (06:54):
I didn't even say that. I said I only want
to do movies that are in theaters.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
That are not just for streaming.

Speaker 5 (06:59):
Yeah, but extreamers are very important, are great, but they
then release it in another way, like that's an important
part of it because we don't have video I mean,
I go to video stories, but like most people don't,
so I'm not.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (07:12):
It's just I always feel like I'm gonna say something
that I just I'm not even aware is going to
offend people.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
But also who gives a shit? I know I wish
I but I feel like that's how you've lived.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
But that's but I think that just goes to show
you how silly it is.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
You know what I mean. You didn't say anything wrong.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
There's nothing wrong with saying you wanted to be in
movies that are in theaters.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
What's wrong with that? That's what an actor wants.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
But that's good practice to remind yourself that when there
is backlash, it's usually it's so nothing.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
It means nothing.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, you know, so you should be less worried about
what you're not saying anything wrong in the first place,
you know, I get it.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
I mean you're pretty You're a private person.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
You're pretty private, right, you don't have like a big
public profile in terms of your personal life or at all. No, No,
and I want to respect that for you during this interview.
Also because you're in a you don't have to talk
about anything you don't want to talk about.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I love this conversation because.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
So many people call in and we are women, so
this is how women deal with stuff. But it's like
we all have to say this over and over to ourselves.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Who gives a shit?

Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, until it breaks through and it is inside of us.
Yeah you know, yeah, because it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (08:20):
I think that's why I've always been drawn to everything
you do is because it is because it really feels
like you don't give a shit, and you're also very
intelligent and very thing and you're also like you go
to the ends of things, like you have an interest
in something that small, and then you go to the
very ends of it and then you get to.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
Let let us watch you explore it.

Speaker 5 (08:41):
And I find that to be so satisfying as someone
who is a fearful person and like kind of scared
of everything.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Generally speaking, I am I'm one of six children, and
I know you're one of six children.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
What number are you?

Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm four four, I'm number six out of six and
same parents, same parents.

Speaker 2 (08:59):
I know your parents.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
You have parents, six kids from just the first four
oh okay, okay, then different mother for the for the
second two okay.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
Yeah, And so do.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
You think being number four out of six? So you're
a middle child but kind of a baby also a baby,
So a middle child and a baby.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah, I really feel like the baby.

Speaker 5 (09:19):
You feel like the baby because I have like ten
years okay, and yeah, of being because usually the babies
are rebellious, and yeah, that's fearful. Yeah, well I didn't
get that. Gee, I definitely I watched. I watched, I observed,
I decided what I wanted to do, what I didn't

(09:39):
want to do. I was very clever with my parents
about how they set precedence before me, and I held
them to those precedents. As an example, write your boyfriend's
house in high school?

Speaker 2 (09:53):
How old were you when you were allowed to do that.

Speaker 5 (09:55):
They well I wasn't, and I was. I was like, well,
I'm either going to lie to you and tell you
that I'm not, or you're gonna know where I am
and I'm going to tell you that I'm doing that,
and you're framing it's it's how I spoke to them
about underach drinking as well, Well, that's good. It's like
there's vodka in my room because when I go to parties,

(10:16):
I want to bring my own.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
That's nice. I'm smart.

Speaker 5 (10:19):
Yeah, I didn't want to drink other things, and I yeah,
it first starts off as a fight, but then I
think I'm being really rational.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Well you are being rational, that's I mean, if you
frame it that way, as a child to the parent,
what is a parent? It's so responsibility forward, right, So
you were rebellious though I was very rebellious. I'm still
very rebellious.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
I have a problem with anyone telling me what to do, right.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
I don't like that, which is why I wouldn't be
great on a movie set. Because of all the things
that you mentioned about being prepared. I fly by the
seat of my pants. So if someone tells me to
memorize something, I'm like, you mean like, I'll spit it
back out in my own verbiage is what I think,
And they're like, no, no.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
These are the in the script.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
And I'm like the most people pleaser of a person.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
When you go to acting school, because that's serious, you
know that could produce serious actors.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, sure when.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
You go to like what are what is something that
you've learned or what are the things that you learn
in acting?

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Because you know so many people go to.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
School and then they're in a profession that they went
to school for and they're like, I didn't need to
be sure, Like I didn't even need to get that training.
So what are some of the tools that you have
acquired from acting class that you could share with us
that you still use.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Today so much?

Speaker 5 (11:29):
Actually, tell me, I'm interested voice work where you place
where you place your voice depending on the character, depending
on the character's disposition, depending on like for Candy for instance,
and Love and Death, she it comes up in a
time where she's a very performative woman, So I use
like way more vocalizing of different registers and my voice

(11:50):
that were more feminine than what I naturally rest in.
And there's also like more of a sing song quality
because it's more pleasing as a woman in that time.
So those are the kinds of things that you would
start with. Then dialects you play around with script analysis
so that you're not repetitive in an arc like those
kinds of things.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
I guess, wow.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
And so do you use a coach each time you
go on to a different project or you just do
this work on your own.

Speaker 2 (12:13):
It's a bit of both.

Speaker 5 (12:13):
There's a dialect coach named Sarah Shepherd who I've been
working with for fifteen years, and she's also a great
script analysis partner, and so she and I sometimes have
discoveries together. It's amazing how much if you think about
you were just kind of joking about getting more in
touch with what did you say, not the natural world,
but you were talking about just getting in touch with
like the spirit the universe.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Align yourself with the universe. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (12:36):
So I feel that way about when you're trying to
figure out how the character you're about to play, where
they hold their breath, how they breathe, how deep are
those breaths, where do they like hold their body tension.
I feel like there's so many realizations that you have
about people just in that kind of discovery that like
make you feel aligned with like their universe in some

(12:57):
like spiritual way. And I feel so much more comfortable
kind of exploring as these other people interacting in the world,
almost more so than myself at times.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Let's talk about your movie Eternity.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Do you want to tell us how to because I
don't want to ruin anything by describing it myself.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
Sure, try anything, I'll try something, Okay, you try.

Speaker 5 (13:16):
Eternity is about an eighty nine year old woman who
dies and ends up in the afterlife. Eighty nine was
kind of a number I just chose. I don't actually
remember how old she is. But she dies, ends up
in the afterlife, and her husband, who died two weeks
before her, who's her husband for sixty five years, is
there waiting for her, along with her first husband who
died in the Korean War, and she has to choose

(13:37):
which husband she would like to spend eternity with. And
it's a struggle, and it's a very big struggle, because
do you choose the easy comfort that you know of
sixty five years or do you choose the path that
you never got to take, or do you choose something
that's neither. And the thing that I loved is imagining

(13:58):
this woman who I think when by the time you're
about ninety, I'm sure, like there aren't too many really
big decisions you have to make, Like you've kind of
made a lot of big decisions in the first half
of your life and not the second half of your life,
And how shocking it would be to have to and
how overwhelming it would be to have to make such
a big decision that's not menial tasks about like errands

(14:18):
and taxes or something, and yeah, yeah, this is like
the biggest, Like it would kill her all over again.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Does it makes you think?

Speaker 1 (14:26):
It's a very thought provoking movie because it really makes
you consider what you yourself would do in.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
That kind of situation.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Do First of all, do you believe in the afterlife?
Do you believe that there is one?

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Don't?

Speaker 5 (14:39):
I I'm always wanting to hear about other people's experiences
with spirits, with aliens, with afterlife, with religions, I because
I find them to be so comforting and I would
love to be comforted myself. But I am not comforted.
I don't there's nothing that feels exactly like that I

(15:01):
can connect to. I guess, but I'm really happy for
other people having these thoughts and dreams, and.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I'm happy that other people are delusions. It's I think
there's an afterlife. It's really nice and cozy to think about.
I love exactly.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
It's a comfort to talk about it when people talk
about it, because obviously we're never going to fucking know
until we die, and we'll probably won't find out then either.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
No, but.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
It is comforting to think that something does happen after
But where I lose it is like I believe an energy,
and I believe.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
That energy doesn't die.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Right, So if you've met someone there in your heart forever,
whether they're here they're not, I believe in that.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's science, right.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
And we have a Psycha coming on the show in
a few weeks, so I would just read her book,
and she talks about all these people who have, you know,
near life or past death experiences, or people who talk
to you from sure from like if I asked my
mom to show me an orange out of place, my
mom's dead. If I ask her to show me an
orange out of place, I'll see it within twenty four hours,
an oversized orange that's not in a grocery store, right, like,
so I get that every time, but you could.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
It's when people start.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Talking about reincarnation that I they lose me because I'm
like that that involves magic, that involves that.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
Then we're putting a little potion. You dying and then.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Okay, and then you're gonna come back as this dog
or this other person. Like when people talk about past lives.

Speaker 5 (16:21):
Did you ever see Glazer's film Birth with Nicole Kidman
where her dead husband comes back as this little boy.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
I remember it because of her hand cut in it. Yeah,
she had a pixie. What's it? What's it called birth
of birth? Right now? Is it called birth? That's called birth?

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:36):
How did I miss that?

Speaker 5 (16:37):
It's from I don't know, Yeah, two thousand or night. Yeah,
two thousand's early two thousands.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Maybe, And so her husband's reincarnated and then the little.

Speaker 5 (16:47):
Boy and it's very I mean it's she falls in
for this little boy. Nicole Kidman a grown woman, Yeah,
debating whether or no that's not the first time for her.
She's always with little boys. Now remember last year that
was two years ago.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
It's like a seven year old.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
In one of those books and many many lives, many masters,
is that the book have you ever read that book? Okay,
Many Lives, Many Masters opens with this story about correct
me if I'm saying the wrong book I think I'm saying.
Oh is a story about it opens with a story
about this boy who speaks a foreign language that his
parents have never spoken to him. He's like three or
four years old, and he talks about having a wife

(17:27):
and children in another country and I think it's Italy
or Spain. He speaks fluent in Italian or Spanish, whichever
the country is. And he talks about his wife, and
he talks about the village he lives in. And finally
the parents, after a certain amount of time, go and
research it and they find this woman who has two
small children and lost her husband. And he's like, I'm

(17:49):
her husband. So like do you hear stuff like that?
And you're like, oh, yeah, that is inexplicable. It is inexplicable,
but also involves a lot of fairy dustin magic, like
the magic part and the reincarnation.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
I just find that to be Do you believe in that?
I like the idea, I know you don't.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
I mean I also like the idea of her going
to heaven and you know, and there's elevators and people
are working, you know what I mean in this movie like.

Speaker 5 (18:14):
But it's also our movies that kind of nihilistic in
the sense that it's like just like cell cell sell
after it's just like a capitalist afterlife that has like
belief in nothing.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
It's and there are different versions of heaven, right, yeah,
describe you can say that partly.

Speaker 5 (18:28):
Yeah, there's a Yeah, there's a lot of different eternities
that you can choose, and some of them are like
the workout world, or there's the there's the attorney where
you can be infantilized for the rest of your life
and pretend to be a baby and have a mommy,
And there's that kind of world. There is queer World,

(18:49):
there's World, then World. There was a studio Studio fifty four.
Is that what it was called World where people could
just do cocaine and not die. Smoke smokes smoke and
you'll never die again.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
I got it.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, And that sounds like they would have a casino also,
you can get along well there.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, do you love casinos? I hate casino? Okay, No,
I have a residency in Vegas.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
I perform once a month because that's about as much
as I like to work and not excluding present company
excluded obviously, but I I don't like the vibe.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
It makes me uneasy. I had to say, I spent
the day in.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Vegas this last time I was there because we went
to see a Lotus the next night. Yeah, and spending
the day in Vegas makes me uneasy.

Speaker 5 (19:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
I don't like to be there when the lights are
like when it's light out.

Speaker 5 (19:38):
I've only been one. I don't remember sleeping. How have
you avoided Vegas this your entire life? I mean one's
asked me to do like a one woman show there.
But don't you have to do like press ever in Vegas?
Like what about you've never done cinema con or anything
or a bout?

Speaker 2 (19:51):
No? No, luckily no.

Speaker 5 (19:53):
I have very few married friends really, and if they're married,
I met them married.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah. What about astrology? What do you think? What are
your thoughts on a ology?

Speaker 5 (20:01):
So a few of them, So I think a lot
of them sound all of the signs sound like I
could have a piece of myself align with each of them.
Yet someone Patty who is with me today, who does makeup.
She had a friend of hers who reads charts from Iceland.
Just I sent her all the information where you're born,

(20:24):
what time of day, your birthday.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
I think that's kind of all you need for richart.

Speaker 5 (20:28):
And she had said something to me that brought me
to tears. It was so spooky, and she had made
this like thirteen minute voice message. And I journal every
morning for the most part, and I've been doing that
for a few years, and it's kind of where I
have my own realizations about where I am in my

(20:51):
psyche and my mental health. And I was having this
realization a week before listening to this, where I realized,
I just need to travel more. I am so fulfilled
by traveling, and being in one place has never made
me comfortable. I always want to be on the go.
And I had that realization, and then she took like
two minutes to tell me how important travel is for

(21:12):
my birth sign.

Speaker 2 (21:13):
Just days later, when is your birthday? February sixteenth? Okay,
I'm February twenty fifth. Oh interesting, you're pissy, but you're curious. Curious.

Speaker 5 (21:22):
Yeah, yeah, So that moved me, Like, so I do
believe there's something to it.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
I think there's definitely something about that when you were born,
what was going on with the planets when you were
born like that kind of Estereian astrology is when they
I think it's probably what you did, because I've done
something similar to that.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
I think that's pretty like.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
I don't like it when it's a predictor of the future,
like I find I don't want to be nonsense. I
also don't want to know, and yeah, of course, but
what you're yeah right, I don't want to know either,
really because then I'm going to make decisions that are
affected by you just saying that sentence to me, and.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
I can't inher it now.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
It's like a friend of mine, she I think went
to the same mysterious astrologer.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
That you use. J. Yes, but she Jade the woman
in the valley. It's a guy Ja.

Speaker 4 (22:09):
But she was told by him at some point in
your life, you're gonna break both of your ankles. So
she like, there's two ways you can go with this
right the same time, we don't know. So her reaction was, well,
I can't do anything. I can't roller blade or rollerskate,
can do anything dangerous. I just have to be careful,
so I don't. But he said you're going to so

(22:29):
in my mind that means go ahead and do whatever
you want, it's gonna happen one way or.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
The other and get it over with.

Speaker 4 (22:34):
And well, she hasn't done it yet, she hasn't broken
her ankle, so she's just a fraid really to tell somebody.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
It's like, why don't want you just leave that part out?
Who wants to knock about that?

Speaker 5 (22:45):
Also, like, now she's gonna not do so many things
that could create joy in her.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
So wait, talk to me about journaling. How did you
get into the practice of journaling.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
I don't remember where it started. I think I like writing. Yeah,
you handwrite in your journal?

Speaker 5 (23:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Is that how you do it? Yeah? You think that's
more impactful than writing, like typing it in.

Speaker 5 (23:05):
I think there's something that happens when you slow down
your brain to write out a word slower than you
could type it that I think helps you have new thoughts,
Like you're not ahead of it, you have to be slower.
And so it helps me like slow down how fast
my brain is moving. And sometimes it doesn't work and

(23:25):
it's completely scattered thoughts. But I started doing it.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (23:30):
I just started doing it every morning three years ago,
along with jumping naked into my pool and do that
every morning.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
I yeah, I do. Oh my god, I love this.

Speaker 5 (23:39):
It's just yeah, I don't hate it. Sometimes it's not
that hole. But I love swimming naked so much. And
I know you love taking pictures of yourself.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yes, I love to be naked. I mean I like underwear.
I'm bra on. Yeah, I don't like to be full.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
I mean I don't have a problem with nudity, but
I yeah, I just want to be in my.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Broad enderwearl all the time. I want to be naked
in water all the time. What naked a wonder is
a nice feeling.

Speaker 5 (24:01):
Absolutely yeah, and smooving through it. I don't want to
just like sit in a cold plunch.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
I want to move through. So do you swim every
morning or you just jump in just for like three
to five minutes. I just slowly swim.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
So which order do these things happen? And do you
journal first or you get in the pool?

Speaker 2 (24:16):
I get in the pool first.

Speaker 5 (24:18):
What's the very first thing that happens when you wake up?
Did you brush your teeth first? I brush my teeth.
I make coffee while it's being made. I jump in
the pool. I do like a eighty year old calesthetics afterwards,
I don't warm up my body and mobilize and stretching
a blood flow, and then I journal with coffee.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (24:37):
And I do a version of this even when I'm working.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
That's amazing.

Speaker 5 (24:41):
But it usually involves a baptob that I don't swim in,
but sometimes I'll still do the water part.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, And how long will you journal for each morning?
It depends.

Speaker 5 (24:50):
I try and get myself ten minutes minimum.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
And what do you think that's brought to your life
that you didn't have before?

Speaker 5 (24:58):
Enough like self reflection that I think it's been helpful
problem solving, It's been helpful making plans, It's been like
for what I want or what I think I need.
It's been helpful creating a like trying to understand something
that had happened or something that's happened to someone else
and why they respond in certain ways.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
So I think it helps.

Speaker 5 (25:20):
It's it's to me a version of meditation and therapy
without while like trusting your own instincts in some way.
But I'm so therapy as a person.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
You seem very together.

Speaker 5 (25:32):
I spent so much time in talk therapy, and I
started doing a new therapy that I've become obsessed with
what is this called somatic therapy?

Speaker 6 (25:39):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, yeah, therapist.

Speaker 5 (25:41):
And I'm really it's I'm brand new. It's like truly
only a month of a new thing. Yeah, so how
does it work? Can you talk about it?

Speaker 6 (25:49):
Sure?

Speaker 5 (25:49):
I mean I'm not going to do it well, like
I'm not, I just because it's so new to me.
So maybe you can help me.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
But I was surprised to theist, No, you do it.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
Yeah, I mean there are certain you know, exercises, you
can do, mindfulness that, yeah, these sorts of things. But
at the same time, it kind of just feels like
regular therapy. But when I started it, I found I
had a real purge for like every time I talked
to my therapist. It was like like purging, weeping, like
every single time for like six months.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Because somatic means your body, right, your somaticas.

Speaker 5 (26:21):
Yeah, and so what's happening right now at least what
I'm experiencing is they listen to whatever you want to
speak about that day, maybe for like fifteen twenty minutes
until something and you is changing that you're having a
physical response to, and then they want to talk about
that physical response and basically give you tools and exercises
that help your physical response that is connected to your brain,

(26:43):
so that you can at least help yourself have similar
Like if there's something in a relationship that comes up
and that makes you feel a certain way, whether it's
like rage or overwhelmed, you talk about it and then
you work on an exercise that helps try and rewire
your your brain's response that gives you the message to

(27:04):
your body. Yeah, like sooth system. Oh, it's very activated.
So it's not just talking like you're doing. You're doing,
you're interacting right with tools.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, do you know what EMDR is? That's the tool?
Oh okay, because it sounds like em DR a little
bit where I haven't done that yet.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
You change your reaction to something. It's like what you're saying,
and like if you have a traumatic memory, you go
back to that memory while you're holding these kind of instruments.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
I don't really like vibration.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
Yeah, I haven't done a frame the way that you
react to that response. So that's in the neighborhood of
what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, that. Yeah, you seem
very together and grounded. You seem very together.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Well I'm okay, I'm doing just fine.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
Would people would all the people that are closest to
you in your life describe you as together.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Yeah, they would.

Speaker 5 (27:53):
I I think the thing that I'm trying really to
explore now and work is like a why ildness because
I think I need that, especially as I get older.
I think you become like more I do, at least
become almost like more responsible, and I kind of want
to have fewer responsibilities and.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Be a little bit wilder.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (28:13):
And I can do that in in a way with work. Yeah,
and like find an edge that I that I want
in my life.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
I want to see you do that on screen. Yeah,
I like it. I would love that.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yeah, I mean you are like that as an actress,
you kind of you could see that you're not you're
you're acting like you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
And I mean that in the best way. I like
watching people act.

Speaker 5 (28:34):
Yeah, So it's fun to me to get to like
act instead of just be a version of my just
like a version of myself and like be cool or something,
because I don't know how to be cool. But some
people are really good at it, you know, and are
really charming just being themselves. And I much rather like
invent something else.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
That's a sign of an actor. We're going to take
a break and we'll be right back with Elizabeth Olsen.
Elizabeth Olson, and we're back.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Do you go by, Lizzie?

Speaker 3 (29:03):
I do?

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Yeah, Okay, Lizzie Lissen Okay, okay, Catherine. What do we
have in store for us today? Well, we're gonna start
with Dustin.

Speaker 4 (29:10):
His subject line is gunkle with mean girl nieces Wait, gunkle, gunkle,
gay uncle gunkle. So he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
longtime fan and I was actually born on your tenth birthday.
Did you wish for more gaze?

Speaker 2 (29:23):
He says. Probably.

Speaker 4 (29:24):
On your show with Sasha Mammtt, you mentioned that there
is nothing worse than girls who become bullies.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
My nibblings.

Speaker 4 (29:30):
My brother's kids are being raised to want for nothing,
whereas we came from a frugal Jewish household. Not only
does this make it impossible for me to spoil them myself,
but the eldest literally dressed as a mean girl for Halloween.
She's only eleven, but she's already a stunning natural blonde.
So it's clear as vodka that she's going to be
that popular girl and gonna be trouble.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
I love these kids with all my heart.

Speaker 4 (29:52):
And simply want them to be the beautiful human beings
I know they can be as the childless by choice. Uncle,
Do I keep my mouth shut or try to push
this more? I don't get that much quality time with
my family, so I try to be easygoing and conflict
avoidant when I'm around them because I'm a middle child.
I know you're equally obsessed with your nieces and nephews.
What should I do best? Dustin m about him?

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Here? Hid Hi? How are you? This is our special guest,
Elizabeth Olson is here today. Hey Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, Hi
are you? Are you?

Speaker 5 (30:23):
You have nieces and nephews? I do, they're very very little,
though they're very little. Yeah, but I also I don't know.
I I'm really scared of conflict of conflict myself as well.
But I also don't know how to give other people
advice on parenting if they're not your kids or like, like,
you can only just I don't know. So that's kind

(30:44):
of that's kind of the first thing that I was
thinking about.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah, it's pretty tricky even though you are at uncle, like,
you know, you can only really talk to your is
it your sister or your brother.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's my brother, I mean, can.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
You can't you have an honest conversation with him about
because like bullies have been bullied. Someone bullied her right like,
and it's an important conversation to have with young girls.

Speaker 6 (31:05):
And she literally went as a mean girl for Halloween
because I feel like she emulates and like idolizes that.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Uh huh, well, I think okay, first of all, I mean,
would you feel comfortable having a conversation with your brother
about it? So you should do that first. Just be like,
we can't have her grow up to be a mean girl.
So as a team, this is a team effort, you
know what I mean. You join forces and you're like, okay, listen,
let's do this together. Because I don't want you know,
she dressed up as a mean girl. That's a little

(31:29):
bit of a red flag blah blah blah, Like we
don't want her to look at that as a guide
for anything. And then the other thing that you can
do is demonstrate how cool it is to be a
nice girl. Like you can be blowing those you know
what I mean, You can be talking about women who
are supportive of other women, and you can instill that
in your time with her without being preachy about it,

(31:50):
you know what I mean, just by talking about other
women and women helping each other, and like, you know,
nobody wants to be excluded, nobody wants to be left out,
like all of those themes are. I mean, that's what
uncles are for, you know, That's what an aunt and
uncle role is.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
It's not like it's someone else's kid. You are related
to her.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
They're not necessarily going to say you know, I mean,
it is a little preemptive what you're talking about, But
I understand what you mean, and I think you just
have more conversations around it. You know how important is
to be a nice person to other people, to care
about other people and putting yourselves in those situations, because
sometimes when you are growing up and you are young,

(32:27):
you are just like you're looking to the future, as
like you're not even understanding the experience you're in. You're
looking forward so much to what is going to be
right and actually taking the time as a kid to
think about other people and how it makes, how things
make people feel, and when her feelings get hurt, to

(32:49):
also take those moments, you know what I mean. As
a teaching moment to explain to her, you know, to
remind her, because nobody wants to feel excluded or left
out or bullied like that.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
So I don't know if any of that's helpful.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
I feel like you should just start having the conversations
around it.

Speaker 6 (33:04):
I think, so, well, now I'm going to have to
because they're going to hear about this podcast.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
So yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
I also think like you're the cool uncle, so they're
naturally going to gravitate towards you. Want to know what
your opinions are on things. And what I like to
do in these sorts of situations is like have one
on one conversations with the kids and like what's going on,
Like what's happening in the friend group, Like what's the
goss right now, and like act like you're very interested
in it because it is kind of interesting and it's
all sort of high school or you know, junior high

(33:31):
at that age. But when they start telling you about
specific situations, that's where you can kind of get into
the nitty gritty. Like I had a niece who was saying, like, oh,
this one girl in the friend group said something means
we're all ganging up on her on Snapchat and I
was like, well, you know, we had a conversation about it,
and I think she made some different choices because we
talked about it. But it wasn't in the sort of
schooling way. It was like, oh, tell me what's going on,

(33:51):
Like what's the goss girl?

Speaker 5 (33:52):
I think it's really helpful with what you said that
I'm still learning with people in my own life. Is
better grown adults, like trying not to just focus on
what maybe you shouldn't be doing, but highlighting the examples,
like you're saying of the role like this, this is
an example of something positive and showcasing that as opposed
to what not to do.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yes, and sometimes people need to learn like the framework matters.
Always applauding the people that are doing the way you
want her to behave, like whether it's Taylor Swift and
all the wonderful things she does, I mean with her money,
or whether it's an actual person that you see doing
something nice for another person and pointing it.

Speaker 6 (34:31):
Out like he was obsessed with Taylor Swift and is
listening after her.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
So I think that's a great model. And also like
it's also a warning shot.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
It's like be careful who you're you know, who you're
not nice to because you never know when you're gonna
run into that person again in your life, and you're
never gonna know if they're going to have an opportunity
to help you once or you might need something from
that person. Like some people's brains work better like with
almost like a threat.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
To you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Because what's that saying in a Hollywood like being nice
to the people on your way up because you're going
to need them on your way down something like that, right, Like,
it's true, you you be careful. You never know how
people are going to come in and out of your
life or when you're gonna need a favor from someone.
So there's also that tactic if it depending on what
her personality is like.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
So those are a couple of ideas.

Speaker 6 (35:19):
Anyway, we're still learning what the personality is. But she's
definitely super precocious and outgoing.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
Good for you for having your eye on it.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
Precocious and outgoing is all fine, It's all fine, you know,
Like that's good and those things that can end up
as strong, strong assets and will, but definitely be active
about it.

Speaker 4 (35:35):
Yeah, okay, all right, will you follow up with us
if you have a little conversation and get some podcasts
about what's happening with the eleven year olds.

Speaker 6 (35:44):
I will I'll let you all know how they respond
to this.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
Thanks Dusted, Thanks dust I was Were you bullied ever
growing up at school?

Speaker 3 (35:55):
No?

Speaker 5 (35:55):
My husband hates me talking about my elementary school experience
because I had just the loveliest high school elementary school.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Nice.

Speaker 5 (36:04):
Yeah, I mean, there were definitely like we for the
most part, all got along. And there are probably a
few people who don't feel that way, but out of
fifty people and then one hundred and twenty people that graduate,
we all cared a lot about having a cumulative high GPA,
and we cared about supporting the basketball team and the
basketball support of the arts, and it was a very

(36:25):
yeah liked. We would go to rehearsal and then we'd
go to the basketball game, the basketball players would go
watch all of our beallet performances or whatever it was.
There's community again, yeah and so and so I just
had a really positive experience.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
That's amazing, And so let's talk about why that is
important community right now in this time that we're living
in with regards to America, I don't know if that's
what you were talking about politics.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
I feel this way about the political situation.

Speaker 5 (36:51):
For me, it's about actually the things that we have
in common that aren't politics, right, like a bunch of
people going to their local feater to watch a bunch
of kids perform, and like a Halloween show or Christmas show,
like my friends and Snowma. I live there part time.
It's like my way of having a life that feels
like it's part of a community. It's very it's very
community oriented. Being a second homeowner there was very hard

(37:14):
to kind of slip in and be and ingratiate yourselves
with the community. So we started off like bartering and trading,
like genuinely, we're like we have grapes. Who wants them?
We don't want them, We don't want to do anything
with them. Who can, Like, we will trade with you.
You guys have it and then be our friend. And
our friends have like a movie night once a month
that they carried at the Square Theater that's a private theater,

(37:35):
and those kinds of things I just think are really
important for people to get together and have something else
in common, whether it's but I also feel the same
way about sports. I'm a big Dodgers fan. I can't
say I'm a big baseball fan, but I think I
am because of how much I love the Dodgers.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Congratulations and winning the World Series. Thanks. I love those
boys so much.

Speaker 5 (37:55):
And some of them are men, but a lot of
them are boys, and I'm so happy for them.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
It was very surprised.

Speaker 5 (38:00):
I just think when you you just don't know what
people's political points of views are, when everyone has this
other thing in common, yes, that brings them together.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Meaning are you referencing the Dodgers. Yeah, I see what
you're saying. Yes, Yeah, I think it's really important too,
because we're so right now.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
It's it's really hard to not label people. You know,
you want to label people.

Speaker 5 (38:21):
Well, so people are choosing to label themselves a lot
of the time, yes, right, right. We have like a
lot of identifiers now, uh huh, and they just become
more specific.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Yeah, so it is important for us to remember that.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Like, I really need to find ways, I know, personally,
I need to find ways to be more open minded
about about not being so preoccupied with the political landscape
and more focused on the individual person.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Yeah, I have work to do on that.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
Like, I love what you're saying about it's funny when
you say about community, Like that's how I felt when
I was in Spain, Like there's a community there. I'm
not even really part of it, but there is a
community there. It's the same guy at the coffee store
every morning, it's the same guy at the bike shop.
And it's like, and so when I was reading something
you were talking about before you came in, and I
was like, yeah, we need a community reminder, we need
like a community update, you know.

Speaker 5 (39:08):
And we can't do it from our phones. Yeah, Like
that's creating siloed experiences, not actual interaction.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Right, Right.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
You need to be in person with people doing something
that is absent of politics.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
So getting back on a more human level.

Speaker 5 (39:25):
And I think people just have more rituals in other
countries than we do around that, especially in.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Person in rituals.

Speaker 4 (39:32):
Yeah, we were talking a little while back about the
third space. How we used to have, you know, the
local bar you'd go to or the moose lodge or
what church, and people would meet in these communal spaces
that we're not work and we're not home, and we.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
Just don't really have that anymore.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
And suddenly it's like online is the third space, but
it's not actually like it can't actually be our third space.
But it's the place where a lot of people are
spending most of their social time.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
Yeah yeah, and it's not effective, it's not healing, unhealthy.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Well.

Speaker 2 (40:01):
Our next caller is Amy Dear Chelsea.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
I'm a forty one year old single mom of two
running my own business, juggling kids, pets, a mortgage, and
about a thousand responsibilities.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
I've been divorced for over a.

Speaker 4 (40:13):
Decade, tried just about everything in the dating world, apps,
speed dating, matchmakers, even if you ill advised trips back
to ex's, and I've been truly single for the past
two years, partly because the apps are stupid and exhausting,
partly because my kids are in every sport known to humankind,
and partly because I lost faith in men, especially with
the current political climate.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Here's the thing. I want connection.

Speaker 4 (40:34):
I want a partner, someone to share the joy and
the way of this full, messy, beautiful life with someone
who makes me feel cared for, loved and special. But
dating feels daunting. My small town is a red pocket
in a blue state, the kind of place where you
find guys holding a fish in their profile picks, and
you only get five matches if you want someone educated
as a Japanese woman with a unique name and a

(40:55):
career that requires some privacy. Putting myself fully out there
online feels complicated and uncomfortable. So how do I start fresh?
Do I travel to meet people? Am I overlooking ways
to connect and meet people? Or should I just lean
into the single life and adopt more dogs. I do
want to be surrounded by animals when I retire, so
maybe start now.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Amy. Hi, Hi, hi cutie. This is our special guest,
Elizabeth Olson's here today.

Speaker 5 (41:20):
Hi.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
Nice to meet you, me too.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Well, it sounds where do you live.

Speaker 7 (41:24):
I live in southern Oregon, just across the kind of
the border of California.

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Yeah, I mean, listen, the world we live in. You
do kind of have to put yourself out in ways
that are not normal, you know what I mean? Put
yourself out there if you are interested in meeting someone.
First of all, I would say, like, I understand your
disappointment and men. Most women are disappointed in men these days.
It's not unusual. You're not alone Like I can't. I
can't even believe men, you know what I mean? I

(41:50):
am just so I'm an advocate for like remaining true
to myself first and foremost. If someone were to come
along and blow my socks off, absolutely I'm down, but
I'm not, you know, actively looking for it. But I
think if you really are, then you should own it,
and you should put yourself on the apps and you
should go outside of your comfort zone and the out
of your community and just find any ways that you can,

(42:12):
like hiking groups, biking groups, tennis groups, whatever those, you know,
whatever you're into, just engage yourself and like set a
period of time to actually activate yourself to go Okay,
for the next six months, I'm going to focus on
finding somebody that I can connect with, you know, like
really put all your energy towards it, your free energy,
because it sounds like you have a lot going on,

(42:33):
but your free energy towards it, you know, and travel
get out of there.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
How are you far from Portland?

Speaker 3 (42:38):
No, it's about like four foo and a half hour drive.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Yeah, go there for a weekend and sign up for
things that are going to be like intersex, you know
what I mean, where there's like like my friend she
just got divorced, and she went on all the apps
and she loved it.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
She's like, oh my god, this is so exciting. This
is so exciting.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
And then she just joined a bunch and she lives
in Portland actually, and she joined a hiking group and
the next two weeks later she was like dating this guy.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
She's like, oh yeah, we're dating.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
So like things like that where you are forced to
meet and engage new people because you'll probably meet some
really cool friends too, you know. So I would just
say to you know, I don't have anything any problem
with the apps. I just feel like I can be
daunting for a single person to be on apps. It's
kind of depressing, you know. I know what you mean
about men holding fish, Like I don't know. I don't

(43:25):
know who told men to do that, Like why are
they holding a fish in their profile?

Speaker 2 (43:29):
How many women want to go fishing? Not a lot
of them in the bathroom. Would you love to go fishing?
Taking prefences? Oh my god, Oh my god? She do
you she's already married, so we can't set her up
with a fishermen.

Speaker 7 (43:47):
Yes, well, and I with my kids already, so you know,
I do think for my kids.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
But do I really want to do that when I'm.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Not really No, but I do think, like I think
it's important when you want something in your life to
say it, write it down, like you want to change
the energy around it, you know, like the subject matter
you want to meet someone, write down exactly what you
want in them, not physical necessarily, but what are you
looking for in a partner?

Speaker 2 (44:17):
What are you looking for in connection?

Speaker 1 (44:19):
And really reminding yourself spending time with those thoughts a
little bit every morning when you wake up, whether it's
journaling or just writing some affirmations, or devote some area
of your life to putting energy towards meeting somebody, and
see what happens in about six months, because I mean,
this is the first step you called in to see
about this, And like, I think things change and your

(44:41):
energy changes up when you start to take active steps
towards something you know exactly.

Speaker 7 (44:47):
Yes, yeah, And I like the you said put a
timeframe on it, because it is daunting to be just
out there no full the foreseeable future. But if I
say six months, I'm going to prioritize this. That feels
more doable and not like a hopeless amount of time. Right,
Because when you don't meet somebody, or when you go

(45:08):
on horrible dates, It's like, what am I doing?

Speaker 3 (45:11):
I could have stayed home with my dog.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Totally.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Yes, I mean I've just been learning to enjoy my
company more and more and more as I get older.
I really have a good time with myself. And I'm
sure you feel the same way. So it's great that
you have that. You know that that's an option too,
because if you put some if in six months you
have not met anyone worthwhile, then you can really just
start focused on being by yourself, you know what I mean.

(45:37):
You can be like, Okay, I made an effort and
that and I did, I tried, and then see what happens,
you know, and.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Get another dog. If I don't meet.

Speaker 2 (45:45):
Anybody, I think that's your reward. That's the answer really
for everything, is just to get another dog.

Speaker 6 (45:51):
You know.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
Yes, yeah, but I'm glad you have a good attitude
about it, and then you have a good attitude in general,
like you know, that's fun.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Thank you?

Speaker 2 (45:58):
Yeah, totally all right. Well thanks for calling in Amy, thank.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
You, thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Bye bye bye.

Speaker 5 (46:07):
Guys are so good at this. Oh god, I love
watching you do this live. Wow really yeah, oh my god,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Yeah, I'm so quickly and so easily.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Well, most people don't you think about this? This is
how I think about this podcast. And I say it
all the time. Sorry if you're listening to me and
repeating myself as usual. But I think really all you
ever need when you have a situation is you need
someone who has nothing at stake in your life to
give you their opinion, like objectively. Yeah, and that's what
this is, you know, you just need someone else's opinion.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (46:39):
They don't need to know any other details. They don't
even know about your past. They just need to know
about what is this situation specific? Right, what's the context
of the situation. But I would never think about joining
groups like a biking group or a hiking group, whatever
it is. I just think that's such great advice for
people to go and meet people in person instead of
it feeling like so like this thing that that's so

(47:01):
removed from them on their phone.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
I heard this thing the other day. With the apps.
It's like, of course, the apps are a business.

Speaker 4 (47:08):
They're meant to keep you on the apps, not necessarily
to help you find the person. And I read recently
they're they basically like siphon off the good peoples they're
showing you kind of the crappy the crappy ones, so
you stay on it for longer.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
Well, and I had a friend that told me that
you can pay to be put in front of people.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
But then you're like, is she desert because she's paying
to be put in front of people?

Speaker 5 (47:31):
Yes? She was explaining this to me, like about how
it's such a business basically, and how fucked it is.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
Yes. Aren't you happy you don't have to deal with this? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (47:40):
I I don't. I don't know if I would be.
I don't know how to do now. I do enjoy
being on other friends apps, but I do. Sure, I
find it kind of entertaining, but that's because I'm so
removed from it.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
I like to go through my sisters, you know, and
just respond to her from her to other people, I love.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
You or I love that.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
It's so I'm so much more invested when it's someone
else rather than myself.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
Sure, are we going to take a break and come
back in? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (48:05):
Yeah, Okay, we'll take another breakup. We'd be right back
to wrap up with a Lizzie olcind We're back with Lizzielsin.
Do we have one last question?

Speaker 2 (48:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (48:16):
So I think this is a quick answer, even though
it's a little bit of a longer email. So Stella,
her subject line is one foot in, one foot out,
and I'm paying double rent. Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty seven
years old and in my first year of practice as
a lawyer. I met my boyfriend in law school. From
the moment we started seeing one another, he was very casual.
He made it clear to me that he was not

(48:37):
looking for a girlfriend, did not see himself having kids,
and was very very career oriented. At the time, I
was okay with taking things slow and being casual since
we were both in law school. This made sense, and
I was also not desperate to get into a relationship,
had not given kids much thought, and was focusing on
my career. After six or seven months of casual dating,
he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, and we've
been going strong ever since. Now we've been together for

(49:00):
three years, and I'm starting to wonder whether casual for
him is a permanent state of mind rather than something
temporary while he was going through law school and figuring
out life.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
What I thought was a.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Slow, intentional foundation for a deeper relationship is starting to
feel more like a bad omen one where I'm getting
strung along until I finally reached my limit and walk away.
Everyone around us is moving in together, getting engaged, having kids. Meanwhile,
we hardly ever talk about the future. When I bring
it up, he brushes it off by saying every relationship
is different. When both of our leases were ending last year,

(49:30):
I suggested moving in together. At the time, I was
living alone and he was with a roommate. He told
me he wanted at least one year of being on
his own before he could be comfortable settling down. I
respected his wishes, although it was a bit frustrating to
realize we're spending most nights together anyway, it feels like
we live together, just with twice the rent.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Since this is annoying, I know.

Speaker 4 (49:51):
Since then, there has not been a follow up from him,
no renewed conversation about eventually moving in.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
I'm trying to give him grace.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
I'm trying to be patient, but with every passing month
and still I will know real conversations about where we're headed.
I keep asking myself what he's doing, and more importantly,
what the hell I am doing here?

Speaker 2 (50:06):
What are you doing?

Speaker 4 (50:07):
My best friend's older sister was in a relationship with
a man from the time she was twenty two years
old when they broke up just shy of her thirtieth birthday.
She told me, never waste your twenties on a man
who does not see a future with you. It does
not take anyone a decade to decide whether they want
to be with you. Considering I've been with my partner
for the greater part of my twenties, I cannot help
but wonder if I'm failing to take her advice and
I am doomed to make the same mistake.

Speaker 2 (50:29):
So, Chelsea, what do you think? Am I ignoring the
writing on the wall? Am I just being impatient? Yes?

Speaker 5 (50:33):
Stella, I if you can't have that conversation, I don't.
I don't think it's worth your time if he isn't
there to show up just to have the conversation about it.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
Yeah, agreed, it's over. It's three years.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Like, if you love someone, there should be no problem
talking around anything.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
You should be able to talk.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
Around marriage or you know about marriage, a round marriage,
around moving in.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
All of those.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
Things are shouldn't be You shouldn't be scared to bring
something up and you shouldn't be campaigning to be someone's choice. No,
it's your roommate or it's like you're trying to figure
out what he's like. You decide how you're treated by
people in this world, and you're devaluing yourself by being
remaining in this relationship when you're not getting what you want.

(51:19):
If these are all the things that you want, that
you've stated that you want a partner that you're going
to live with, and you want a family, and you
want and you're like, I don't like the compare game.
I don't care that your friends are getting married. Who
gives a shit what your friends are doing. You have
to figure out what you want and then get that,
but also don't lower your level of respect for yourself.
Those are the things you want and you're not getting them,
you must walk out the door and go find somebody

(51:41):
who's gonna give them to you, because somebody will happily
be there for that.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
I also think that when you're in these relationships, the
thing that you keep going back for is the crumb
that you really what you want is just the full
fucking meal, and all they're doing is giving you a
crumb to keep you along for a certain amount of
time later until they realize need to give you another
crumb to keep you along. And it just sounds like
you get stuck in that cycle that you can't really
see the bigger picture. Yeah, and then you're just addicted to.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Yeah, you kind of.

Speaker 1 (52:08):
It's even the way she framed, like he said I
was his girlfriend, he started calling me his girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
It's like that's also your decision. You.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
Why does he have to decide when your girlfriend or boyfriend?
You're my boyfriend?

Speaker 3 (52:18):
You know.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
Like the whole framing of this letter makes me think
that you what's her name, uh, Stella, Stella, You need
to like actually spend some time alone and build up
your self worth, like because I want you to like
respect yourself in a way that you aren't going to
tolerate this behavior from anybody.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Yeah, any man, you don't need that at all period.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
You want somebody who's obsessed with you, who's like excited
to be with that account.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Healthy, healthy, obsessed.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
Do you have a if you don't want to talk
about this, you don't have to do you have a
cute engagement story about how you got how you got engaged?

Speaker 2 (52:52):
Was it romantic?

Speaker 5 (52:53):
Yeah? I think it I mean, it was romantic in
the sense that one of the reasons I loved Eternity
reading that script is because I really think of my
husband as a Larry who will die in his nineties
choking on pretzels. Like my husband is incredibly neurotic, very
uncomfortable all the time, always has something wrong with anything,

(53:14):
like his cocsis, his like his pinky like and he
actually has things wrong with him, but they're always like
this like one percent odd thing and they have real diagnoses.
But so he then like tells himself all the stories.
And so when we got engaged, we went to this
place in northern California and in Verness, and he was
acting just and he.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Was just so annoyed. There wasn't like a cheeseboard.

Speaker 5 (53:35):
He asked for a cheeseboard and we got there and
I was like, you've never cared this much about a
cheeseboard before, and he was freaking out. This place had
a had a wood burning fireplace. It was massive, and
he couldn't start a fire, and he was like, what
kind of man doesn't know how to start a fire?
Like he was just so mean to himself trying to

(53:56):
figure out how to get this fire going.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
It was like, it's embarrassing if I had asked someone
to get a.

Speaker 5 (53:59):
Fire and then and then it was like thirty minutes
later he proposed when we were outside, but like he
needed there to be a cheeseboard going in order for
it to feel romantic or something.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
But the way and then.

Speaker 5 (54:13):
Also he like tried to go down on his knee,
but we were on as I hate me saying this,
it's fine because he's charming, but we're on this wood dock,
so we like goes down on his knee and he's like,
oh sorry.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
This really hurts.

Speaker 5 (54:27):
So it's just and it was just the two of us,
like there's not a single photo, Like it was just
so lovely. I loved it so much just because it
was him and all of his.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Like did you know you were going to marry him? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (54:38):
We talked about it, Like I think it's crazy to
not know if you're about to get engaged.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
No, I mean how soon.

Speaker 5 (54:47):
It is?

Speaker 2 (54:47):
You know?

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Like what yeah, whatexpected so unexpected that I had to leave.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
But how long after you started dating him? Did you know?
Did you know for sure you we were going to marry?
Like was it quick?

Speaker 4 (55:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (55:02):
We moved.

Speaker 5 (55:03):
Yeah, and I didn't know i'd even want to get
married or have kids or anything like that.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
But after a year of being together.

Speaker 5 (55:10):
I was actually renovating a house when first started dating,
and I sort of realized six months in that we'll
probably move into this house together and wanted him to
be a part of making choices. So it didn't feel
like my space and it felt like our space. And
I think after living with each other very for a
very short period of time, it was. I mean, he's
truly the most comfortable person to be around and the

(55:34):
greatest support in my life. And he's so sweet and
funny and clever and smart. It's very funny, and yeah,
his goal every day is to make me laugh, which
is also annoying when I'm mad at him, but he
does it very quickly and early in the morning, and
it's really annoying often.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Well, that's really sweet.

Speaker 5 (55:53):
Yeah, he's great. So I knew pretty early and we
talked about it.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
Well, this is a nice way to end the podcast
talking about a nice, healthy relationship and a nice straight
man in the world.

Speaker 3 (56:04):
He is.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
He's a really good person that's.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
Good for our listeners to hear about and I'm glad,
thank you for sharing that with us. That's sweet, and
I'm happy that you have such a good man.

Speaker 5 (56:12):
Yeah, he's a sensitive kind, very like communications everything.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Yeah, well that's very nice to hear.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
I was just thinking about Miles Teller and in the
movie and Callum callum accent was good. He did a
great American accent. I was attracted to him.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
In that movie. I was rooting.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
I was rooting for Colla. I was like, this guy's hot.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
I don't think I've ever seen him in anything.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
I know who he is, but I was like, yeah, okay,
Nicole Kid.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
I mean, it's funny.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
It's nice to have two men in a movie and
you'd be the center of attention.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
Like, I mean, they really wanted to get John Early
to make them like he wanted. They wanted to make
John Early laugh for the whole time. So really didn't
feel like they wanted my attention unless we were doing
the scene.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
I see.

Speaker 5 (56:58):
They truly were just trying to entertain genreally the whole time.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
Got it. Yeah, John, I was really enjoying it.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Well, he's in the movie too, everybody. It's called Eternity.
It's out in theaters. Now go to the theater and
see a movie.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Go to the movie. Thank you, Elizabeth Elson having me.
Oh it was such a pleasure. Yea, so great having you.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
I will be touring.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
From February through June. So go get your tickets now.
If you want good seats and you want to come
see me perform, I will be on the High and
Mighty Tour.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Speaker 4 (57:39):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.