Underwater Boyfriend with Jason Biggs

Chelsea is joined by Jason Biggs to talk about why travel is a value, a Chelsean adventure that landed Jason on a boat surrounded by sharks, and the crossroads of ayahuasca and sobriety. Then: A boyfriend likes kids… he just doesn’t want them. A 30-something smarts whenever she catches her husband looking at thirst traps. And a wife bemoans a husband who’s bad at communication - and even worse in bed.

 

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good afternoon, everybody, Good morning whenever you're listening to this podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Hi Hi, Hi Hi Chelsea. Ye So Chelsea, I know,
I just got back from Mexico with two of my girlfriends,
and I know, for me, there are certain people that
like I don't even want to spend a whole day
at Disneyland with, but I like them. They're my friends,
these couple of girls I have a great time with.
And I'm curious for you, because you travel with people

(00:27):
all the time. What do you think sets apart somebody
that you know you want to travel with or you
know will be good to travel with, versus someone who
won't be.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Well, you can't be annoying first of all, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Like, first of all, you have to be self sufficient
and be able to be on your own, Like when
you're traveling, you can't be dependent on the other person
the entire trip, Like there are moments that you need
to stop and chill out, like go to the gym
or read a book for an hour or whatever.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
So that's I think one criteria, Like the.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Neediness, you know what I mean, You're already on vucation together,
Like you don't need to do every fucking singles thing together.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
But it's different if you're on like an active vacation.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
Or if you're like at you know, like like when
I'm at my house in my Orca and I bring
people or invite people in, like we're usually together as
a group doing stuff. For the most part, it's random
that people are doing their own thing unless you bring
two wrong groups together, which I've done.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
And then yeah, so I don't know. I think it's
always nice to just mix big groups. I've only had,
I honestly have a had.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Maybe I could count on one hand the bad combo
platters I've put together on trips. It's happened once recently
and then one year. Yeah, my birthday trip was just
a hot mess and I invited all the wrong people.
Oh no, yeah, and I just was like fucking paying
for it the whole time because everyone was not like

(01:49):
into each.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Other, not clashing.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
It was just like I just I just hadn't planned
my birthday until the last minute, which is the way
I do things. So I invited just I randomly, and
it wasn't the right group.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's it's hard to find a group of people that
are all going to gel together.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
But it's not.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Actually like, if you're not an asshole, you can pretty
much get along with anybody for a fucking week. That like,
unless somebody is really riling you up and going off
on you, like I'm sorry I've been on.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
I mean, I don't.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Go on other people's vacations very often. I'm gonna be
honest for that reason. So I get it that is
a thing. But I also think when you are at
someone's house, like you do behave yourself, you know what
I mean, You're not gonna have arguments with other people
or not get a wrong with other people.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Like I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
I would figure it out and make it work for
a week, to be a good house guest.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
I take a lot of pride in that, which is
why I don't do.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
It very often, right, So I prefer to arrange the
vacation and bring people along. And I mean, I guess
your family's the only one that everyone can be Like
our family, you can be a dick, and.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
It's fine to say can happen, but we don't.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Fight, Like I only fight with my sister in law
Olga about politics like everyone else in our families on
the same page. So I just have to withdraw from her,
But we don't fight as a family, And I guess
we're pretty lucky that way, because you do hear about
a lot of you know, discord within families. But there
are some people that I've definitely left vacations early when

(03:15):
I've been in a situation where I'm like, uh oh,
this is not this is not what I was in envisioning. Yeah,
And speaking of people to be on vacation with, I
have vacation with our guest a couple of times. He
and his wife and their baby came with me to
Whistler one year for a ski trip, and then we
went on a trip together overseas, and I think we've

(03:37):
been on one other trip together anyway. Yeah, he's somebody
that's good to travel with. I mean when they don't
bring their kids, let's be honest, you know, I don't
need I don't need that.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
I think parents need to go get away from the
kids too.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
I have a good gay couple that I could I
used to go everywhere with, like my boyfriend and I
met him. This is years ago, this couple, Kevin and Brian,
and we went on like eight or nine vacations together.
Work trips and vacations and that was a great.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Combo, right Yeah, and then did they ruin it by
having a kid?

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Yeah, they had twins, so I haven't been on vacation
with them since. Shout out to Kevin and Brian.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
And today's guest is my very old, dear, hilarious friend
who is married to another hot mess.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Right, and that's Jenny Mullen who guessed back in June
of twenty twenty two.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Mister Jason Biggs.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Hello, Hi, Hi, high Penis face, what's up cot? Welcome
to the podcast, Jason Biggs. Jason Biggs is a very
old friend of mine. We have had many, many, well
humiliating experiences together, isn't that right?

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Jason?

Speaker 1 (04:42):
What is your fondest memory that we have experienced together.
Let's not start with most humiliating, because well I know
what mine is, but we're not going to talk about
that on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
But what's your fondest memory of us as a couple?

Speaker 4 (04:55):
Hold on, I need to know why did want we
talk about yours? I'm curious if our is actually sync up? Also,
my fondest could be the most humiliating. Those those also
might sync.

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Up, right right?

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Well, I think our fondest If I was going to
encapsulate the fondest memory, there have been so many. I mean,
I'm sure I've forgotten half of the times that we've
spent together, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
I have a tendency for forgetfulness.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Jason actually has a better memory than I do because
he doesn't drink like I.

Speaker 4 (05:25):
Do so anymore any anymore? Right right, right, Like you said,
old friendship, I mean, we go back to.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
The pre drinking days. Oh yeah, yeah, when things were
really jumping off.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yes, exactly. In fact, I have to say I'm really
impressed that we've maintained such a wonderful friendship even in
my post partying days. I mean, there are people in
my life obviously that knew me pre sobriety. But I
just feel like nothing's changed with you and I, which
I love. I feel like, if anything, our relationship has
gotten stronger. I feel like I've seen a lot more

(05:57):
of you. Weirdly, since I moved to New York in
a certain in a certain way.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
Isn't that funny?

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Isn't that funny how that happens to You have friends
that live in the same city and then you rarely
see them and then they moved to New York, and
then you see them every time you go to New York.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
One hundred percent. Well, it's great. Will you always give
us a heads up when you're here, which I love.
I think that's fantastic, and we love seeing you, and
we love when you pay for dinner. It's great. But
I think there's one memory that I'm constantly reminded of online,
and it's usually from haters. It's never in a positive light,

(06:30):
even though for me the memory is just wonderful. Was
on that incredible boat trip that you very generously took
Jenny and I and a bunch of your other friends on,
and I may have urinated on you while you were
swimming in the ocean.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
He yeah, he did urinate on me, and which I
obviously do not care about, because any parent knows that
urine is urine, and I consider myself a parent.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Any parent worth their thoughts has been urinated on.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
But this was more directed at me, like it wasn't
an accident and I wasn't changing his diaper.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
He actually I was.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
I had jumped off the boat and he was about
to get in the boat, and he just started peeing
on the ocean and then just peed on my head.
And I was laughing so hard because it was so stupid,
and someone recorded it. Jenny had recorded it.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
Yeah, Jenny was recording it, and then Jenny posted it
of course, kind of laughing so hard. I'm pretty sure
I ended up doing just like in the clown's mouth
at the carnival game. I think I got you right
right down the game. And then it was crazy a
balloon up on top.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Of your Yeah, yeah, I pulled my ripcord and so
then then I floated off into space. It's like when
you go Ellie skiing, you have a parachute on your back. Anyway,
I'm not scared of urine like most people are, I guess.
And so Jenny was like, can I post this? And
I said, sure, who cares? And then now to this day,
I get Republicans going, You're a dirty who allowed yourself

(07:55):
to get urinated on instead of seeing, instead of seeing
the wonder full humor in the situation.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
What's interesting is that Jenny asked you if she could post.
She never asked me.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm sure you're not getting that. Are
you getting a lot of Did you ever get a
lot of backlash for urinating on me or a lot
of prey.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, no, no, no backlash. I'm saying I still to
this day, and You're right, it's hugely across a political
line to a certain person that will write in and
just remind me. I'd say, once every couple of weeks,
I'll just see something in my mentions Instagram and or
Twitter where it's like, yeah, never forget, you know, hashtag

(08:36):
never forget you peed on Chelsea's face. I mean, it's
just an every time I read a comment, I chuckle.

Speaker 3 (08:43):
I do too.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
Actually, I think to myself, what was I thinking allowing
someone to post that?

Speaker 3 (08:47):
And then I think to myself, again, who gives a shit?

Speaker 4 (08:51):
Who gives a shit? There's so many memories though, Chelsea.
I mean, you know, it's interesting. Jenny and you go
even further back, obviously, and I met Jenny in two
thousand and seven, and I think I met you pretty
soon after meeting Jenny. I mean it was in those
first couple of months. I mean, shit, we were married,
like after knowing each other for a few months. But

(09:11):
I think right away we started hanging and you had
you just got the E Show. I think you were
maybe like first season or it was early days. I mean,
and you were like killing it, and you were doing
all these wonderful trips and parties, and we were very
lucky to be included. We had some great times. I mean,
the boat trip was for sure one of the one
of the all timers. But you know, I'll still run

(09:33):
into people that were at your party in Cabo, like
randomom people that I have, and they'll be like, you know, Chelsea,
don't you know. I was like, yeah, I know, Chelsea
were friends. She's you know, we've known each other a
long time. Yeah, I think I met you in Cabo
at her party. I said. There were so many people
at that party and I was so fucked up that

(09:55):
entire long weekend. I mean, yeah, so many people I
saw naked by accident, slash on purpose. A lot of
people I did drugs with and I didn't think even
did drugs.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, a lot of nudity all around the one of
the great highlights of our scuba diving trip, which is
the one we were referring to where the urination episode happened.
Jenny and Jason are very bona fide scuba divers. They
have spent a lot of time underwater. Are you guys
master divers?

Speaker 4 (10:22):
Not master we are advanced open water we actually haven't
done in a few years. But no, that's really are
you a master diver?

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Did you get your you saw my performance diving? I'm
not anything. And first of all, they have to take
out the word master diver. I don't think that works
anymore either. It's like master bedroom. If you have to
be a primary diver.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
What about master bait. Do we have to change that
to primary bating?

Speaker 1 (10:42):
No, because that's totally different and there's a U, so
it's not the same thing. But I did masturbate this summer.
I went when I was in my Orca. I went
on three dives because Sophie, who you know, my good girlfriend,
her sister Alex is a real diver. She dives all
over the world as well, so she was coming to
my Orca and I was like, she wanted to die,
and I said, sure, let me get you know, warmed
up again.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
So I went on three dives.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
But Jason was there when I went on my first
like eight dives because the French Polynesia trip was like
we would go on two dives a day, so everyone
was diving and it was my first introduction into diving,
and I had probably the closest thing to a panic
attack that I've ever had, which was being underwater, seeing
a very large shark underneath my feet, and then my
cousin Mollie grabbing my ankle to show me the shark.

(11:27):
So the two combo platters of someone grabbing my leg
and then looking down and seeing the size of the
shark that was underneath me, which was easily eight to
ten feet, I immediately just couldn't understand what.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
I had to go up. Yeah, I had to go up.
I thought the shark had me. Then I saw my cousin.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
I tried to kick her underwater, which anyone knows that
doesn't work. And then this are one of our divers
that we were, you know, with two guys were helping
us right for the whole group, and there were ten
of us, and one of the divers came right over
to me because I couldn't clear my goggles.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
I was starting to kind of hyperventilate, and.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
He grabbed me by the shoulders and he just started
gesticulating the breathing like to calm down, like breathe in,
breathe out, and he was holding my hands and I
was looking into his eyes and I was like, I'm
I'm gonna fuck this guy, you know, like he just
saved my life and he's calming me down, and this man,
I'm going to have to show my love by penetration afterward.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
And afterward.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
He we did the rest of the dive, holding hands
while Jason and Jenny were giving me the finger underwater,
telling me I was such a.

Speaker 3 (12:34):
Baby and I had an underwater boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
I was excited, like I was like, Okay, this is
my underwater boyfriend. And then when we get up, when
we got up from the sea of life to the
natural world and we were above water, he took off
all of his contraptions and I was like, oh, I'm
not gonna fuck this guy. Like that was we if
we were going to have sexy, which would have been.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
Underwater, the goggles did a lot of worse. Yeah, so
that was a bullet dodged.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
But also, you know, one of my typical signatures ailes
of behavior.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
Someone helps me and then I feel attracted to them.

Speaker 4 (13:03):
Yeah, yeah, oh my god, that was that was kind
of amazing. Meanwhile, speaking of sharks, I forget how this
came up. Chelsea was talking to Jenny about this great
white shark dive trip. Chelsea, I believe it, found out
about it, had spoken to someone who was involved in

(13:23):
this charity. You could basically pay in. It's all charitable.

Speaker 1 (13:28):
Like a scientific research trip. Yes, that you could kind
of tagleong for.

Speaker 4 (13:33):
Yeah, And Chelsea was like, I'm doing this, do you
guys want to go? This was after I think the
Polynesian trip, so she was super into the diving.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
And we Gaudalajara, I believe, right somewhere in Guadalajara.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
You go on a science boat.

Speaker 4 (13:51):
Yeah, if you leave from San Diego and you go
out to this Guadaloupe island.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
In Guadalupe, I knew it was guad.

Speaker 4 (13:57):
Yeah, it was a guad. It was a guad and
one of the Yeah, it's this big great white.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
Short one of the gus, one of the gods.

Speaker 4 (14:03):
Yeah, it was a big great white shark breeding ground.
And Chelsea got us in We're like, oh fuck, yeah,
we're definitely doing that. Chelsea's like, cannot wait, this is
going to be so awesome. And I don't know in
my memory it was. It was a couple like we
had planned it for a little while and it was
a couple weeks before the trip, we had booked our flights,

(14:25):
everything was a go. We were flying out, we were
gonna stay with Jenny's mom, who lives in San Diego.
We had a bait. SID was really little. Chelsea talks
to Jenny or me or both. It was like, yeah,
I don't know what I'm thinking. This sounds awful. It's
a twenty four hour boat ride out to this island. Again,
information that we knew from the very beginning, but she

(14:46):
just decided to not let it didn't absorb, and so
she's like, for.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
The record, no, no, excuse me, for the record.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
I just want to say I don't look at details
about things until they come closer. So whether that information
was available or not, I don't I'm not contesting that,
but I am going to say that I wouldn't have
been privy to that information until it came closer. And
then I start to look at details, and I start
to look at pictures of where we're staying.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Right on a science boat.

Speaker 4 (15:15):
Yeah, this is not an excuse, Chelsea. I mean this
is again, all of this information was readily available months
and months prior when we got When you got us
excited and By the way, Chelsea and I live in
different economic brackets for sure, but it wasn't a small
lump of change. I mean, this was like a nice
donation to go on this trip. And She's like, I'm out,

(15:38):
I'm out. Did you guys see the boat? Like this
is disgusting and it's a twenty four hour trip and
the water's insane apparently, and where I'm out and what
happened on our en? I'm like, wait, what really is
this all going to fall apart? Jenny was like, Chelsea's right,

(15:58):
I'm out too. This is horrible. I don't know what
we're thinking. This is this boat looks terrible. So now
she's gone, So now we're left. I'm like, what's gonna
happen in the end? Your cousin stepped up? Molly stepped up,
and well, Molly was always.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Going, Molly was going always and and Dara, I said, Molly,
you take a friend.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
So Dara who you know?

Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yeah, we are in.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
My Orca with her this summer. We wait, Dara who
used to work with me on my Netflix show. She
went with Mollie was and by the way, did you
did you end up going?

Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (16:32):
Yes, such good friends Chelsea. We've known each other so long,
and really.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
I went there, so I mean, you expect me to
remember moments I wasn't even there.

Speaker 4 (16:42):
Fucking out, Yes, I went, and I ended up getting
a friend to go, Like days before, I was able
to find somebody because because Jenny was also like I'm out.
I'm out. Chelsea is right. This boat looks like shit,
it's gonna sink, and I don't want to go when
we have we have one kid. I should stay back
with the kid in case you sink and die. So

(17:03):
I found a friend and it ended up being fantastic.
Ours the best Molly and I. We had the best time.
My buddy was great, Like, we ended up having an
incredible trip. It's a life highlight for sure. But yeah,
it all sort of came together in a very Chelsea
in way where it was like, this is the next
big adventure. We are doing this, and we're all like yes,

(17:24):
and then She's like, ah, have fun, guys out.

Speaker 1 (17:29):
But also Dara was seasick from the time they left.
I don't get seasick, but I think on this kind
of adventure you might get seasick.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
She was sick.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
She lay in her bed and it was a bunk bed,
a cement bunk bed.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
So I was right not to go. I was right
not to go because I.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Would not have been okay with that, Like I need
the right pillow tops.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
You brought Maxi pads.

Speaker 4 (17:53):
That's what we just lend a whole bunch of Mexicans.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
Jason always has Maxi pads on him always. Actually I
prefer the term Maxi shield.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
Anyway. Yes, that's a good story. I'm glad you brought
that up. Jason.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
I have a question for you because I know that
you and Jenny just came back from one of your
adventures and now that you're traveling with two small children.
Well one of them isn't so small anymore, but they're
technically smaller children.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
They're not legal.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
How is that going for you? Because it looks crazy.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Yeah, at the end of every trip that we take
with the boys, Jenny and I say with complete conviction
to each other that we are never going to do
it again. There is no way we can take them.
It ends up being just not fun for us, and
it's just a waste of money and time and energy,

(18:46):
and we're never going to do it again. And then
we're like monkeys touching the electric fence.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
You know.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
A couple of weeks later, we're like, where should we
go next. I will say this last trip that we took,
we went to Dominica Republic on their spring break. It
was the first time that it felt okay. We were hopeful,
like there weren't too many major inconveniences because of their age,

(19:15):
because of their fighting, because of the time and all that.
It was the first trip where you go, oh, okay,
I think we're maybe on the other side of it.
But you know, fully, once I'm sure where it's going
to the next trip we take is going to be
a disaster. It's hard. I mean it's very hard. But we,
like you, we love travel. For us just like you, Chelsea,
I believe we have this in common, like travel is

(19:35):
the number one thing in our lives. It is how
we learned, We want to learn. We're curious people and
we love doing it, and it's it is where we
spend our money. It's our luxury and we like doing it.
And like we always said, we were never going to
let the kids get in the way that and there
for the first couple of years though, you know, we
would still we were still what we should have done.
I think was sort of edited. The kinds of trips

(19:57):
that we took been a little bit less ambitious. But
out the gate we were like, no, we're not going
to not go to Europe, Germanys. We have kids now,
fuck that. But in the end we probably should have
just went to Nantucket, you know, or the shore like
we would have had fun. It wouldn't have been as
big of a put out for us in every way.
But I think we're finally on the other side of

(20:18):
it because our boys are now both I think at
an age where they're you're seeing their curiosity about the
places we go to. They're better with jetlag obviously that
that was always a huge part of it, and I
think they're getting better. So I don't know. I'll keep
you posted. We're going back to Europe over the summer,
so we'll see.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
One other memory before we get started is for anyone listening,
because I know the Ayahuasca episode is one of the
most popular that I did for the Chelsea Does series.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
That was with Jason's wife, Jenny.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
So the woman in that episode, along with my other
friend Dan, was Jenny, and Jenny had a real epiphany,
but she also had a very like emotional reaction to
the ayahuasca. On the first night, and I'll never forget us.
We were in Peru, like on some tributary off the Amazon,
and that night I'll never forget Johnny was just like
all I could see she only had one baby at

(21:09):
the time, Sid and She's like, all I could see
is my baby and my husband and my baby, and
how much I love my baby and how much I
love my husband and how much I love my baby.
And I was like, go call Jason and tell him,
and she's like, she called him, and then she got
off the phone and go, did you tell him how
much you realized you loved him? She's like, no, I'm
not telling him that far. And I just thought that

(21:33):
was so fucking funny. But of course Jason learned about
it all because he was saw the episode.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
But yeah, she doesn't want to give me too much
and that would be that would shift the power balance
and our relationship in her mind. Yeah, but it's so
interesting that ayahuasca. Man, it really, it was just so
profound for her. She came back, she was very clearly
a changed person because you know she Yeah, motherhood for
hers is a very you know she's got the weird mom,

(22:00):
and she she was always afraid to be a mom
and afraid that she couldn't do it and all this stuff.
And so that that specific episode, I mean, was hugely
important and it was incredible. She came back. All the
things that you're that, the positives you hear about ayahuasca,
it all happened to her. I knew your experience was
a little different, but for her, she came back and

(22:21):
she was like a changed person, changed mom, changed wife,
the whole thing.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (22:27):
And I was like, this is amazing. It lasted about
six months, I would say, and then it started to
just peter out and then it was sort of back
to square once. So I've been trying to push for
her to go back to Peru some more ayahuasca.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Well have you you've never done ayahuasca? Have you no?

Speaker 4 (22:44):
And I you know, I was already sober when you
guys did that, And honestly, I didn't really know much
about ayahuasca before that, So when it got on my radar,
I was already sober. And I'm kind of conflicted about it.
The truth is, like I mean, I saw it with Jenny,
and I believe the science behind it that it does
have incredible therapeutic potential, particularly with addiction and substance issues. Actually,

(23:09):
and so interestingly ironically, I think it would be wonderful
for me. But at the same time, because it is
a mind altering substance, I'm on this sort of it's
a sort of a gray area for me as a
sober person to mess with that. You know, I think
everyone sober people I think that you would talk about
it would all have a different answer about it. I

(23:31):
think my sponsor, for example, would probably say, no, don't
do it. But I'm weirdly open to the idea. But
the fact that I haven't yet in how everybody was
that seven years ago. The fact that I haven't yet
speaks volumes. But you know, now it's sort of the psilocybin, right,
that's the new sort of version of ayahuasca. And I'm
in the same boat with that. I'm like, I believe

(23:51):
it's therapy to polic I know that I would benefit
from it.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
Yeah, right, I believe you would too.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
I'm not as your you know, obviously, I'm not your sponsor,
but I think you have the personality that's always like,
you know, I think it's a growth edge drug ayahuasca.
Not to speak to the psilocybin, because I feel like
that could become a habit psilocybin whereas ayahuasca's kind of
a one off.

Speaker 4 (24:11):
Well, I never did ayahuasca recreationally. That wasn't in my
repectation of drugs, whereas psilocybin was something that I would
do to get fucked up a lot, exactly.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
And ayahuasca is more of a therapeutic.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
Even though psilocybin is in the way it's distributed, it
can become more of a habit, whereas ayahuasca is just
kind of like an experience. There are people who do
it multiple times, but I feel like my experience lasted forever.
Knock on wood, I still have the same feelings I
had after I knew that it changed my mindset period
for good with regard to my relationship with my sister.

(24:43):
But anyway, okay, Well that was very entertaining Jason as usual.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
I just love talking to you.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Oh and the other thing I love about Jason, which
is why he's on the show today, is because he's
very into therapy and he's very into talking about his emotions,
and for a straight guy, I appreciate that. I think
he's Jewish because he goes to therapy, but I'm always
reminded that he's actually not Jewish because Jewish men are
so good at therapy. But Jason is very well attuned

(25:10):
to his own emotions and talking through them, and so
I thought it would be very nice to have a
straight guye on to answer our callers questions, and we
curated them towards you so that you will wait.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
Okay, I love that.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll come right
back with some callers, and we're back. We're back. Well,
we'll start with a caller today. Aisha is calling in
about a sensitive subject and we have to get her
back to work. So she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a
thirty six year old woman married with two boys. My

(25:46):
husband and I have been married for about a decade.
He is the epitome of a good man. He never lies,
he's actually incapable of lying. He has never yelled at me.
He respects my friends and family, goes out of his
way to help anyone, and is genuinely one of the
best people I know. Before him and I got married,
we had each been in one other serious relationship. My

(26:06):
first boyfriend, when I was nineteen, was the first man
I'd ever had sex with, and he was much more
experienced than me. The sex with him was amazing, but
he was the epitome of a bad boy and didn't
treat me the greatest. My husband also has had only
one other sexual partner prior, and that relationship he had
was only a few months long. Needless to say, he
was very inexperienced when we got together. The sex between

(26:29):
us has never been great. In the very beginning, things
seemed promising, like it might get really good, but as
time went on it was the same old, lackluster routine.
I know they say you have to teach your partner
what you like, but I don't want to have to
train a man. There's nothing sexier than a man who
knows what he's doing in the bedroom and just takes
full control. I've never had an orgasm with him, and

(26:49):
as the years went on, we've just had less and
less sex. We'd attempt it occasionally after having kids, but
i'd have to stop because nothing was working and I
would just completely shut down. We're to the point now
where we just don't have sex at all. I have
zero romantic interest in him, and I can't even will
myself to want to kiss him. I long for the
days of my twenties when I was having incredible sex
and the feelings of just not being able to get

(27:11):
enough of my partner. I'm now in my mid thirties
and I crave to have that relationship with a man again.
I find that the only pleasure I get comes from
masturbating thinking about the sex I had with my ex.
How do I get the romantic feelings back from my
husband and how do I get a great sex life again?
Please help? Sincerely, Aisha, Hi, Aisha Hi, Chelsey, Hi, Aisha Hi.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
We have Jason Biggs as our special guest today. Say hi, hi, Hiisho.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
I'll jump in first because I just want to say,
you owe it to your partner to express these things
and to try, and it is your responsibility in a sense,
to teach your partner what makes you feel good. It
is because you're in a committed relationship and there's no
way that he's going to figure that out without you
verbalizing it. And as unattractive as that may sound, you're married,

(27:58):
you've been in this relationship for sometime. You owe it
to him to give him a chance to understand what
you're expecting or what you need. Obviously having a no
orgasm and not having great sex is a turnoff, right,
But how can you expect him to know anything unless
you are communicative about it, and you know a sex
therapist will be able to give you the language to

(28:21):
use if you don't feel like you know how.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
To say these things to him.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Okay, Like, you can't give up on your relationship unless
you give somebody the tools to improve and then they
can't do it, then then there's a you know, you
have to kind of overturn all of these things before
you can give up on someone. I would say, I mean,
if you were dating him for a couple of months,
sure fucking say good bye.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
But I think don't you owe him a little bit
more than that?

Speaker 5 (28:45):
No, I agree, as if.

Speaker 6 (28:46):
I just find the communication part very hard because he's
not a good communicator. So whenever we do try to communicate,
it's always like I put myself out there and he
doesn't really know how to respond or how to fully community.
Like we've already gone to like marriage counsel and I
got couple's therapy, and even like the therapists. We started

(29:08):
out together and then they recommended that we do individual
sessions as well. Like, even the therapist had trouble getting
him to communicate and open up. So it's just very
vulnerable for me to put myself out there and then
not get anything back.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
Did he remain in his individual therapy.

Speaker 5 (29:26):
Not very long.

Speaker 6 (29:28):
Even the therapist was like, we're not really getting anywhere
because like he really doesn't know how to communicate.

Speaker 1 (29:35):
This is a very common issue among men, FYI, So
you know that, you know, I know a lot of
my friends who deal with the same thing.

Speaker 4 (29:41):
I mean, obviously, sex is hugely important in a relationship,
especially in a marriage, but I do believe you need
to sort of exhaust every option obviously before you sort
of raise the white flag here. It's a bummer to
hear that he's not a great communicator. It's interesting because
you talked about how could a guy he is, But

(30:01):
I really wish there was a world in which you
could both commit to Does he understand just how important
an issue this is to you, Like, how much has
been conveyed to him in terms of how you specifically
the sex issue, how important it is to you, and
how much it is an issue. Is he aware? He
is aware of it, right?

Speaker 6 (30:21):
I mean I would like to think so, but I
guess we haven't really had that full conversation. But I
mean at this point, I mean, I couldn't even tell
you the last time that we had sex.

Speaker 5 (30:30):
It's probably been years.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
We'll start with that.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Yeah, I think you need to start with that. I
mean it's and not in a threatening way, obviously, but
I think he should know that you're in a really
bad spot. This is something that's incredibly important to you,
and you're not You don't want this relationship to end.
He's the father of your children, and you guys obviously
he's a great guy and you guys have something clearly.
But I think you need to let him know just

(30:54):
how really difficult this particular position is for you. And
if there isn't movement, then you don't don't know what
sort of to do from there. He needs to know
how sort of dire it is, because it is important.
Jenny and I fight. I mean, we've gotten into some
real fight. We'll go we joke about it, but the
truth is we'll go stretches without having sex, and sometimes
the sex is just whatever, And but we know that

(31:16):
the potential is there. We just have to find the
way to talk to each other and let each other
know what the issues are. I really think you should
try to make him go back to therapy, and if
he doesn't want to do individual again, like then the
two of you go back to the Chelsea mentioned a
sex therapy. There's marriage counselors, but then there's ones that
are more specific to sex. I think would be really

(31:39):
good for you to look into. I can really tell
from your letter. But assuming that you want this to work,
I mean, are you kind of at the end where
you're just going I want to be done with this
and I don't know what to do next, or do
you want this to work out?

Speaker 1 (31:51):
No?

Speaker 5 (31:51):
I want it to work. I mean we have two kids.

Speaker 6 (31:53):
I mean it's not something that I'm just going to
walk away from, and I mean I definitely want to
put in the effort, you know, to make it work.

Speaker 4 (32:00):
Yeah, well then I think you need to put in
a little more effort. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
A good person to listen to just on your own
first and foremost is Esther Peril. She's like the great
sex therapist and she has a podcast and she talks
about this exact thing with couples and when their sex
dries up and they don't have any spark left, and
that sounds kind of like where you are. But I
don't know if writing an email to your husband or
sitting down and talking to him, which whatever you think,

(32:25):
would have a greater impact, but really laying it out,
because the only way he's going to learn to communicate, obviously,
is with your communication. I know many men that are
like this, and you have to say, this is exactly
what Jason saying. This is getting dire. I'm starting to
think about maybe we might not make it unless we

(32:45):
start to cultivate some more sexual honesty between us, and
for me, that involves having pleasurable.

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Sex with you.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
If you're interested in that, we have to work to
revitalize our relationship.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
We have two kids.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
I want to stay married you, but I don't want
to live like this forever.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
So it's not a threat.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
It's just an honest assessment of where you are and
maybe therapy and time. But really focus on the sexual therapist.
Like getting a sexual therapist. These people are skilled and
well versed in how do you get the ball rolling
again and communicating Because even if your husband's a shitty
communicator in real life, he could be a great communicator.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
In your sex life.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
There are different compartmentalizations that people have, and once they
learn the language and get the vocabulary, they're excited to
be able to use that vocabulary.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
So you could still have that.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
You know what I mean, Like, you could still have
a good sex life if you put some effort in.

Speaker 3 (33:37):
There's a possibility of that.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
You know, there's no guarantee, but it's worth exploring more
and focusing on that aspect of things rather than maybe.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
Going to couple's counseling.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Since you guys already try that route and it didn't
work out, I would say you didn't have the right counselor,
and it's worth trying again. But first and foremost, I
think you should address this issue because you know, having
sex with people.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
It is always going to bring you closer to that person.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, and Esther also talks a lot about how when
you're more comfortable with your partner, like you talked about
at the top of your email, the more comfortable you
are and the more safe you feel. Sometimes like the
sex get it fizzles and it gets less hot and
less hot. The more comfortable you are with them. So
she has books and she's got a podcast, so I
would check that out as well. I think one other

(34:22):
thing to point out is this conversation that you're gonna
have with him about like this is something that's really
important for the continuation of our marriage. Is something that
while it doesn't seem like there's a huge risk of
that because you guys aren't really having sex anymore, it
should not come at a point where you've like tried
to have sex and it's fizzled. It should be like, hey,
family meeting time, just you and me, let's talk about
how we can jump start our sex life because this

(34:44):
isn't working for me.

Speaker 4 (34:45):
So that family meeting with the boys as well would
be very interesting.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Exactly exactly.

Speaker 5 (34:52):
We just had that conversation with my five year old
the other day. Actually, yeah, about your.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
Sex life with your husband?

Speaker 5 (34:58):
Well no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 6 (34:59):
We were in the and he just randomly said, so,
how do babies actually get.

Speaker 5 (35:05):
Into the mom's bellies? I need all the information.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Maybe your husband just needs all the information.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
It does.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
Here's exactly what I want.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:14):
I could have said, well I used to know, but
it's been so long I couldn't tell you, and.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
I wouldn't say like I've never had an orgasm with you.
I would say, like, it's been a while since I've
had an orgasm with you, Like this is what it
takes for me to have an orgasm, you know, Like
do you feel comfortable with having this conversation with him?

Speaker 6 (35:33):
Not particularly, but I'm going to force myself to do that.
The only thing I'm really struggling with is once we
get through this is like in my head, I always
have this expectation that sex is just gonna be shitty,
so I can never like initiate it. How do I
get over that hurdle of once we get there and
we're starting up again, like getting out of that mindset?

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Well, you should tell him a that you want him
to initiate sex, right, and you're projecting like your past
experience onto the future, which does doesn't ever work for anybody.
Because you can have a new beginning with him. You
have to be present about what you're doing. Now you
have a new approach. You're going to talk to him
in an honest way that you probably have an exercise
for a while. So the result of that has the
potential to be really great, and you should focus on

(36:15):
that instead of what has happened in the past.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
Okay, and just keep telling yourself. If you want different results,
you have to act in a different way.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Your behavior now is going to be different because you're
addressing it head on, and that's going to lead to
different results. And that's what you have to keep telling yourself. Okay,
all right, we'll keep us posted and let us know
what happened.

Speaker 3 (36:34):
Okay, we're back, all right.

Speaker 5 (36:36):
I will thank you.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
So send us some pictures of you guys having wild
sex and I'll post thanks for you.

Speaker 3 (36:41):
Actually, I'll have Jason post them for you.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Okay, okay, shaw bye bye, all right, well, good, we
put a smile on her face. That's the most important thing.

Speaker 6 (36:52):
MS.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
Dude, all my Orange just escape to me. That's my
therapy Orange. I know.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Hopefully this is the point where like she can get
to the point where they're having great sex, like she
talked about, like I was envision.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
At this point because it sounded sex just any sex
and men.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
You know, Jason, your present company excluded because I doubt
you're like this, But I mean, there are so many
men that are not able to communicate anything, and that
the idea of communication is so scary that they would
rather opt out of the relationship than have to deal
with it, you know what I mean. But there's also
a group of men who, when put to the test

(37:31):
and know that it's the end of the rope, will
do whatever they can to salvage the relationship.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
I think that was such a good point that you
guys both made. Was so often when it's like, we
haven't had sex in three years, I'm out, Like it's
the person gets blindsided and they didn't even see it coming,
when like she's obviously been feeling this way for years,
maybe for their entire relationship. So having that conversation where
she's like, I'm getting to the point where I want
to raise the white flag is so important.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
Well, our next caller is Gabriel, and Gabriel says, dear Chelsea.
I'm thirty years old and disabled. I've been in a
very lovely relationship with my girlfriend for the past six years,
and for four of those we've been living together. I'm
one hundred percent sure she's the one that's been settled.
May issue is this all our family and friends ask

(38:24):
when we're getting married and having children. Getting married will
eventually happen because that's something we both want. We just
aren't worried much about it since we're in a great
place in life right now. I take issue with the
question about when we're having kids. My girlfriend and I
are sure that we don't want kids for more reason
than one. Some are personal, some come down to the
fact that we just don't want them. Comments at least

(38:45):
toward me, are always made about how I'm very good
with kids and I must be wanting to become a dad,
when in reality, I don't really like kids. I'm good
with them because they're just that they're kids, but it
doesn't mean I want them for myself. I find myself
not knowing how to answer this question anymore without sounding
like an asshole or what others claim is selfish. When

(39:06):
asked why I don't want kids, no means no. Even
with a seemingly harmless question like this, it does get
very annoying, and I'm running out of things to say
because to some folks, I don't want kids isn't enough.
Thank you all for listening. I hope you can tell
me what to do, because I'm starting to think just
walking away from the question is the way to go.
HI Gabrielle.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
Hi Gabrielle, Hi, gabriel Hello, how are you guys, Eri
Gabriel That's Jason our special guest today.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
Jason Biggs is here, so you have a straight mail
to lean on as well as the two of us.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
Straight ish Finally, Nice to meet you man, Nice to
meet you, Jason.

Speaker 3 (39:41):
What would you like to say out of the gate
on this one?

Speaker 4 (39:44):
Oh boy, Yeah, I actually really want to hear what
Chelsea has to say on this. I think it's more.
I think it applies more to her. I mean, my
situation is this, I always wanted kids. I married someone
who was not as gung ho as I was, you know,
and so there was always a bit of a disparity
in whenever we would answer this particular question for starters,

(40:07):
but also when just our general approach to it. As
time started going by, and we've been married for multiple years,
we didn't have to sit until we were married almost
you know, eight or nine years, anythink, But eventually Jenny
sort of Jenny's big thing was fear. The reason she
didn't want to do is because she was afraid she
would be a terrible moment. Because she didn't have a
particularly great moment right. I think that's sort of my

(40:29):
psychology one on one on the whole thing. But there
was a part of her that sort of knew why
and knew that maybe she should over try to at
least overcome that fear. So I saw an opening, So
I definitely was trying to kind of push it a
little bit more. Ultimately we did it, We got to
that place, and she became a different person as a mom.

(40:53):
I mean, we talked earlier in this episode about Jenny's
yahuasca experience. She for the first few years and even
to this day, sometimes she's like, I don't what am
I doing? Was this the right thing? But I shouldn't
say was this the right thing? She knows it was
the right thing, but she still questions, you know, we
all anyway. My point is she's on the other side
of it now, and it's an incredible thing that we

(41:15):
have the kids. So it's a little different, I suppose,
than where you guys are in that you're both on
the same page about this. That's the great thing about
your situation, I think, is that there's no disagreement, there's
no difference in the way you guys feel about the issue.
So that's wonderful, Chelsea. I really want to defer to

(41:37):
you on this, like what are your.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Thoughts on I think that you should come together with
your fiance and develop a united front answer for each person.
People just don't have any original ideas to talk about.
So when they know that you're in love, they want
to know when you're getting married, and then they want
to know about kids because that's just the way that
society has been built. So the best way to just

(42:00):
confront that, or you don't have to confront I guess
it's more of like, you know, you feel like you're
on the defense when people ask you that question. I mean,
I know that I've been asked that question, even as
public as I've been about, you know, not wanting children.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
Not that I don't like children, I don't.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
It's exactly what you just said in your letter. I'm
nice to them because they're children, but I.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
Don't want them. I don't want one of them.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
And it's a newer idea culturally, but it's not a
new idea. There are plenty of people that have had
children that shouldn't have had them, that didn't want them,
that thought that they had to have them. So a
simple answer is we don't want to be one of
those people who regret having children because.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
We both just don't feel the urge that's good.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
And having people try to convince us otherwise feels really
unfair to an on board child, you.

Speaker 7 (42:43):
Know, That's really all it is. Like I'm I'm someone
that's really happy with my life. My girlfriend Santa, she's great.
She We're both really in great stable areas in our lives.
We love what we do, and like it's just for
one like she has for reasons. I have my reasons.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
For me.

Speaker 7 (43:01):
I know as a disabled person that I cannot have kids,
Like I know that, and that's such a thing that's
like not very common with guys, and that's like spoken about,
like infertility, it's not very talked about. And I think
that's kind of really frustrating in my case because I'm like,
I can't have kids, and then I get the.

Speaker 8 (43:17):
Oh, you should adopt kids.

Speaker 7 (43:19):
I'm like, you're not listening to know. I don't want
exactly the whole experience, the kind of like how Jason
said with the fear at the same time. At first,
I think it was the fear, but I think in
my case, my fear is kind of in a selfish way,
because I have an amazing mom, but as the years passed,
and like with diabeties, I know her life is kind

(43:41):
of ending. And as selfish as it is, like this
is something like I hold to my heart. I don't
want to bring kids into this world and them not
get to meet my mom and enjoy her, because my
grandmother was a huge part of my life and I
only got to enjoy her for eight years and that
like crushed me. And I'm thirty now and every day
I remember her. I try to keep her present in

(44:02):
my life. But at the same time, I'm like my
girlfriend always says that she just doesn't have the desire,
and like, I know that I also don't have the
desire because I've never, like, like I said, I'm good kids.
I've babysat a lot of kids. I've actually even delivered
a kid. Eleven year old should not be delivering kids.
I was an eleven year old delivering a kid. Weird experience.

(44:25):
I know, I was like, WHOA not for me? So
that's another reason it's cool. My friends have kids. A
lot of them kind of bug me about it and
like just even know is like they just won't take
that they bring up an excuse, but maybe Siena does.
And I'm like, I know, I know Sienna doesn't want them.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
But also you don't owe anyone even an explanation, you know,
And I'm a good way to shut it down is say, listen,
I've experienced enough difficulty in my life being handicapped. Like
my experience is enough to take up a lot of
space in our room. We don't have room for a child.
That should shut people the fuck up right away.

Speaker 7 (45:00):
I'm only four to four great, Yeah, I'm really short,
so I'm only going to hold my kid for two
months and then I'm gonna be like, all right, well.

Speaker 4 (45:08):
You're my size. But I also, Gabriel, I think you
should run with. Dude, I think you should run with.
Next time someone asks you, be like, have you ever
delivered a kid? And when they say no, you'll be like,
I have, I don't want to do again. I'm done,
peace out. Just drop the like I literally get delivered
a kid on them. I feel that's your trump card.

Speaker 2 (45:31):
Yeah, and then you can transition to that funny story,
you know, like it traumatize me enough, like I can't
handle it.

Speaker 4 (45:37):
Yeah, it was too much for me.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
I mean, we just gave you three options to shove
people the fuck up, So I mean just write all
three of those down and that way you can fire
that off anytime somebody asks you the question.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
And I will say, as someone who's been married for
a long time, you know, assuming you guys go the
long haul, there is a point at which it stops
being cute, like people think it's cute to ask you
in you're having kids, to where it's awkward for them
to ask you if you're having kids, like after the
ten year mark, they're like, well, if they wanted them,
they'd be having them already, or there might be some
trouble going on there that they, you know, can't get

(46:11):
pregnant or whatever. People make their own assumptions just like
they do assuming that you might want kids. So it
does get a little bit better.

Speaker 7 (46:18):
Yeah, that's that's really what I'm I'm I'm hoping for.
Like it's just very I think I'm in like a
generation where it's in the middle of a transition area
where younger folks want to not have kids and women
and guys are just kind of living a more free
life with like older folks. So you got to get married,

(46:39):
you got to have the kids. And so I'm kind
of like, I enjoy my life. I like to smoke
my weed. I like to enjoy my Dodger games. I
work with homeless veterans. I help house them, so that's
like a job that I absolutely love in a door.
I have a dog, I have my precious partner. Like,
I don't need anything else. I'm fine, I'm happy, We're happy.
Can it just kind of stop there. It's just a

(47:00):
little frustrating and overwhelming, the constant, constant, constant. It's like, damn, y'all,
pull the funk out.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 4 (47:08):
I say this, though, for what it's worth, I would
assume that it's better that it's coming externally as opposed
to within the relationship. The fact that you yeah and
she or on the exact same page about this is
such a beautiful thing, and that's what's ultimately going to
get you through. You know. It sounds like you've got
a lot, a lot of things to be happy for

(47:29):
right now. So yeah, it's a bummer that this kind
of weazy down a bit. But I hope there's a
like Catherine said, I think it'll subside.

Speaker 7 (47:37):
I sure hope so I'm looking forward to that, like
I know, marriage and all that stuff. Eventually, it's something
we want. We've talked that out a million times. The
kids stuff as well. We're just we kind of as
bizarre as it is. I think that was kind of
a turn on which she was like, Oh, I don't
want kids.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
That's not bizarre if you feel that way and you
find someone that's like minded, and a good idea is
when you do get married, a great announcement to make
your wedding is that we don't want to be asked
about children because we're not having any.

Speaker 6 (48:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Well, Gabriel, thank you so much for calling in. Let
us know how it goes next time you tell a
gory story about delivering a child at eleven years old.

Speaker 7 (48:13):
All right, thank you guys so much. I appreciate your words.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (48:18):
Take care, Gabriel. I have a good one.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
Delivering a baby, and I was going to ask him that,
but I was like, shit, I didn't know how much
time we had.

Speaker 4 (48:26):
Yeah, I have more questions than answers after that, You're right,
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
Well, Grace says dear Chelsea, my husband of a couple
months now, who I truly adore, follows, likes and views
what I call first trap influencers on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
I'll admit they're super hot, but you know the kind.
It's almost like watching porn or being on only fans
all day now. As a single guy in the past,

(48:53):
I'm sure he did this prior to our involvement or marriage.
Totally fine, and in fact, I promote healthy porn watch
in and out of a serious relationship. I myself partake
in such pastimes. For some reason, this feels different. When
does it become too much or not acceptable. I'm not
a twenty eight year old with great tits and a
smoking ass, but I do know he finds me attractive,

(49:14):
and I also feel pretty damn sexy myself. I mean, hell,
I do me. He doesn't have many followers on his accounts.
He seems to just use these platforms to follow sports,
politics and these naughty girls. We aren't friends online ourselves,
and I don't sneak looks at his dms. We have
a great sex life and I feel loved, seen and appreciated.
Why do you think I feel sad when he quickly

(49:35):
scrolls past and tries to hide these bang and ask girls,
just wondering what your thoughts on this are and maybe
how to express this to him without seeming incredibly insecure
and tell him it makes me uncomfortable? Should I worry?
Or is it not a big deal? I'm on the
fence all my love, Grace?

Speaker 3 (49:52):
What do you think of that? Jason?

Speaker 4 (49:53):
She said something at the end there about how do
I say this without seeming insecure? What's wrong with seeming insecure? Cure?
I have two thoughts on it that kind of fight
each other. The one is I don't think it's that
big a deal. Hi, baby, big career? We're talking?

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Baby? Is that you?

Speaker 4 (50:11):
I'm getting text?

Speaker 8 (50:12):
Could you be a little bit quieter? By too long
to hear me?

Speaker 3 (50:18):
Jenny? We need your advice on this.

Speaker 4 (50:20):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
So we had someone Collin who said that her husband,
who she loves very much, follows a bunch of thirst
trap type people on Instagram. He follows politics, sports, and
thirst traps, and she's getting insecure about him looking at
these photos of women and she doesn't want to come
off as insecure, but she doesn't know what to do
because it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 8 (50:40):
Well, I just go on, Jason's going to delete anybody.
I don't want him following.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
You're right, right, okay, so that's one option, that's and
Jason never notices.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
That really interesting block them. I still feel like I
follow a couple now, well not for law.

Speaker 8 (51:01):
For him though, are like pictures of like Hooney on
a bit of ripes.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
That's true for real, it's true. No, but hold on,
I do think Look, it's the porn issue, right like,
even when the sex is incredible, but more discrete about well,
that's my thing. He needs to either chill the funk out,
be more discreet. It sounds to me like she's trying
to find it a little bit. No I find baby,
do you see who I find?

Speaker 1 (51:25):
Like?

Speaker 8 (51:25):
Don't you see nothing that Sarah Foster always does when
she sees that, like Tommy like likes a photo of
like some like, well you don't like it, well, first
of all, don't be an idiot.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
Don't like the photos you can follow it, don't post
all right, don't.

Speaker 8 (51:39):
Come all over the.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
I love you, love you.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
But my other thought is there's nothing wrong with being
honest and also showing your vulnerability and your insecurity. But like,
come on, say it like Hey, dude, I if I
was the guy and Jenny came up to me and
it was like, you would not castrate me, and I
do do it.

Speaker 8 (52:00):
I do follow.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
Booth in everybody, this is what's happening at their house.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
I do. There are a few people I follow. Shut
my door.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
So I can follow some more. Okay, I feel like
you need to.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
She needs to tell him that it makes her feel icky,
and I think that's fine.

Speaker 4 (52:17):
Yeah, she should be honest with them. She should be
honest with them, but with the understanding that it's like
he's not doing something wrong. In my opinion, it's if
you make him feel like he's being accused of doing
something wrong. It's how you phrase it. If you make
it about yourself. This is This goes for anything in
the relationship, right you make it not you?

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Not you are making me feel insecure. It makes me
feel insecure. I'm insecure and this doesn't help my insecurity.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
Not you make me insecure, which is such fucking bullshit.
When someone says that to you.

Speaker 4 (52:49):
Thank you, that's it. It's a It's a subtle but
incredibly huge difference. And that would be my approach.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
Maybe the ask is, can you follow those gals on
another count, so like you can look at that in
your private time, so I don't have about.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
That now when you have private stuff and it's like
it's not private, It's not like he's having an affair.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
He's just looking at these accounts.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Listen, when I start dating a guy and I see
that they follow a ton of celebs accounts and they're
not a celebrity, I'm grossed out.

Speaker 3 (53:15):
I'm like, what is he doing? You know what I mean?
Like gives you that? Not in an insecure way.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
I'm just like, wait, why is this guy caring about
so much about celebrities if you're not a celebrity?

Speaker 3 (53:24):
Like, the whole point of dating somebody that's not a
celebrity is that you don't want to deal with that
whole world. Do you want to have a life independent
of that?

Speaker 1 (53:30):
So I can relate to it in a certain certain degree,
Not as in a jealous way.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
I'm more of a turned off way, like what are
you doing?

Speaker 1 (53:37):
But I think when you have insecurities, it's okay to
express them as long as you're not accusing the other
person of making you feel And then see how he
responds to that.

Speaker 4 (53:46):
That's it. See how he responds might go, oh god,
and look joking aside, I follow some pages on there
that I'm not particularly that that are a little voyeuristic
and weird that sometimes then we'll post like sexy photos
of people. Well I don't follow the sexy accounts, but
they'll sometimes be reposted on other accounts that I follow. Sure,
but here's the thing, like he doesn't have to follow them,

(54:08):
Like if you treat it like porn, dude, you want
to go to those pages, go check them out at
another time when you're alone. You don't have to be
sitting there scrolling and have to so that she's just
unfollow and the next time you want to see someone's boots,
whether it's on a porn site or an Instagram follow,
go and do it in privacy. To me, it's an

(54:29):
easy fix. But I do believe if she approaches it
with vulnerability, I think there's no reason he shouldn't react.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
And also he may get defensive in the beginning. But
if that happens, see what he does, how he responds
instead of reacts, you know what I mean, Give it
a little space to see how he responds to your
feelings being heart or you being insecure, about something, because
in a loving relationship, the other person should worry about
the other person's feelings and you know, making sure that

(54:55):
they're okay.

Speaker 4 (54:56):
Yeah, and you're not asking them to like get what
is this to give up? I mean, at the end
of the day, day, it is like compromise, right, is
the key to relationships at the end, it's like compromise
and communications. So at the end of the day, if
it really came down to he needs to not follow
a couple sexily clad models on Instagram, then like, who cares, dude?

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Yeah. I also like, I don't know that it's a
big I mean, I feel like a.

Speaker 3 (55:20):
Girl, it's not a big deal. It's not a deal
breaker as all it is. It's not a deal breaker.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
Yeah, But ultimately you have to decide. See, that's the thing.
I don't think it's a big deal. You have to
kind of see, like whose needs need to be met more?
You want to meet both person's needs. But at the
end of the day, someone may have to bend a
little more, right, right, Yeah, And we don't know who
that person is in this situation, but I can see
either one of them needing to bend and it's not

(55:46):
the fucking end of the world. If you need to
unfollow a couple of people to keep your marriage.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Intact, Yeah, follow them and need to tell.

Speaker 4 (55:54):
Him to look at them in another room and you're
not aware of them, then fucking deal with it like
it's something it has to be at some point.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
Okay, Jason, just calm the fuck down. I need to.
I have to, Okay, obviously, I just we're gonna be
right back. We're going to take a quick break. We're
gonna take a quick break and we'll be back. Okay, bye,
and we're back.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
We're back to wrap up with Jason.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
To wrap up with Jason Biggs. Everybody, what a delight, Jason,
what a.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
Just primary baited during the break.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
It's called white humor. It's called white privileged humor. You guys. Okay, Jason,
thank you so much for being here. I love you
so much, Love you so much.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
Chelse, thank you for having me. Catherine, so great to
meet you. Likewise, You're the best, Chelse, Love you guys.

Speaker 3 (56:48):
Okay, take care, have a great day Banks. Bye.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Okay, guys. We have added more shows to my Little
Big Bitch tour. I added another second show in Toronto,
so I have two shows in Toronto now to December seventh,
December eighth, December ninth, I'm in Ottawa and two new shows.
At December fifteenth, On a Friday, We're doing a seven
thirty and ten pm show with Kevin Hart and Friends
that's in Thackerville, Oklahoma.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
And all my other.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Shows you can buy tickets for at Chelseahandler dot com.
I'm starting my tour backup on September twenty ninth in
New York City at The Beacon, which is sold out,
but the next night there are tickets available September thirtieth
at the Beacon. So for all fall dates you can
go to Chelsea handler dot com for tickets and you'll
see me.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com