July 16, 2025 • 22 mins
In this week’s episode, Diosa and Mala explore the dynamics of romantic and platonic love, and what it looks like to treat our friends with the same care we give to lovers. They dive into the importance of decentering men, prioritizing female friendships, the difference between repairing a friendship versus a romantic relationship, making friends as adults, and the value of spending intentional, quality time together.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do you want to go to dinner like a dinner date. Yeah.
I take all my friends on dinner dates.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Yes you do. You're a very romantic platonic friends.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I am. Let's go, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Already.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yo, I'm Theosa and I'm Mala. Today we're talking about
romantic and platonic love and treating your friends like lovers,
because why not.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
This is a really sexy conversation. It really really is.
We're talking about decentering men, prioritizing female friendships and all
that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
To start, our producer Stephanie brought this quote from feminist
thinker writer Belle Hooks from her iconic book All About Love,
where she writes, friendship is the place in which great
majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love
and caring community. And I love this because if I
(00:58):
think about all of the restorative conversations I've had with
my friends versus past like romantic relationships, past lovers, past partners, like, yeah,
like I've really been able to restore a friendship versus
a romantic love. You know, where you can go through
that rupture and then you can go through the repair,
(01:20):
and then you can still rebuild a friendship, you know,
And well, your exes are your exes, and that's it.
When you break up, that's it. And so I really
resonate with this this quote.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, I feel like breakups, at least the vast majority
of them from a romantic situation, means that you don't
want any contact anymore at all. Ever, Yeah, and then
usually if there is, that's a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
However, when friends have some type of a blow up
or a fight or an issue, the hope is that
they can come back together. Yeah, it's the exact opposite, actually,
Like there's this desire for the friendship to repair itself
because it's something I think sometimes even more pure than
like a romantic connection that you have with someone.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Definitely, it can really endure a lot. I think a
good friendship can endure more than even a family bond,
a family tie, or a romantic partner for that reason.
And I think that's a good example is that sometimes
your friends are not rooting for you to get back
with your ex, but they are rooting for you to
repair a friendship. Not always right, but I do think
(02:32):
that that's a good example that sometimes we are rooting
for the friendship to come back to repair itself in
some way.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, And it's so interesting, like like we have friends
that we've known since we were really young, since middle
school and elementary school, and those friendships are so beautiful
because we were literally children, our whole personalities hadn't developed yet,
we still didn't really understand who we were in the world,
and yet we like connected with these other little souls
(02:59):
and just like it clicked. Yeah, usually like immediately.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Yes, I often think about this time when I met
my best friend and I shared this when I read
the speech for her wedding because I was the maid
of honor, and I remember we became friends instantly, just
like you said. It wasn't even we didn't even exchange words.
It was a look. She walked into the classroom late.
(03:24):
We were both the new girls. We didn't know that
we were both the new girls, and we just looked
at each other, locked eyes like a half little smile,
and that was it. Next thing, it's recess, and we
both just walked up to each other and that was it.
Like no words were even spoken. It was just an
instant eye contact and eye lock and like that's it.
(03:44):
And we have somehow maintained not somehow with lots of
work and intention. But I think that it's not necessarily
the norm to keep your childhood best friend and have
them become like your adult best friend. But we were
able to stand the test of like going to different
high schools, going to different colleges, and then eventually like
moving back around the same time working together and now
(04:06):
literally working together at look at. So yeah, it's definitely
something that I cherish. It's one of the relationships I cherish, Like, Wow,
it stood a lot of tests.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, and sometimes, at least in my experience with my
friends that I've known since kindergarten, Like we will go
long periods of time historically without seeing each other, but
once we're all back in town, we're reconnecting. We have
like our annual traditions, you know, like always getting together
for the Fourth of July, like if we can, people
(04:38):
have like left to go to school and such. But
I think it's so beautiful because you can't operate like
that with a romantic relationship, right, You can't go months
without seeing each other, yeah and still maintain the love,
right usually.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Even like I see this term now being used online
of like a long distance bestie. Yeah, and like we know,
long distance relationships are hard to maintain. They often don't
stand that test of distance. But a bestie, a best
friend on the other side of the country or the world, like,
is something we're rooting for.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Yeah, and you just pick up where you left off
when you when you finally do see each other again.
It's a beautiful thing friendship and hard to like, really,
I don't know, pin down and define. Yeah, you know,
And I find even in adulthood, like there are times
when I'll meet someone and again we just like instantly click,
you know, and it's a vibe you know, and I
(05:31):
may not it's harder to, like, I don't know, develop
those friendships now I think into something like big and substantial.
But I see how that spark can still be lit.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, I was gonna ask you, like, I mean, we're
both talking about friendships that we have have had since childhood,
but like, what has been your experience making friends as
an adult?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah. So I feel like I've made a lot of
friends through like our art community. Yeah, through Marijuanetta. I've
made friends in the cannabis space, and that has so
much to do with like having this shared interest. Yeah,
you know, this like kind of like piece of the
lifestyle and then shared politics in that way. I don't know,
(06:12):
the whole vibe of Marijuanetta is like Latinus owners, so
you know you're gonna find cool, cool chicks in that community.
So I've found really cool friends in that community that
I'm still in touch with. And I haven't been smoking
quite as much as I used to because I've been
in school. But you know, and then I think, like
also doing stand up I've met a lot of like
(06:35):
I mean, I love I love laughs, like in my friendships,
and I think a lot of our friendships and a
lot of my friendships are based on like being hilarious
and like making each other laugh. It's like a big
piece of it, and it always has been. So like
meeting very cool women also in the stand up comedy
community has allowed me to make friends in that space
(06:57):
that I think I have a lot in common with.
And through the pot too, like all the events that
we've gone to over the years and the people we've
collaborated with, I consider a lot of those people friends.
So there's something about creativity and getting out in your
creative world where like you can meet kindred.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Spirits definitely, and.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
That's how I've been able to make friends as an adult.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, I've seen this conversation online, especially on TikTok. I
see women share like these lovely like gatherings they have
with their friends, and I'll see in the comments, like
women writing and I assume they're in their twenties, like
writing like oh, this is so nice, Like I don't
have a group of friends. Oh I wish I had
a group of friends, and like that is a recurring
thing that I've seen online when I see women share
(07:41):
like these beautiful gatherings or birthdays or even like women
posting like no one came to my birthday party. So sad,
you know, and so I but and I feel for them,
and I feel for that experience of not having like
a solid group of friends. I have not had that experience,
and I think because of being like in the creative
space and also be very open. Like you, if you
(08:02):
want to make friends, like you have to go to things.
You have to show up. Yeah, and that is sometimes
really hard to do, depending on work, your mental health,
social anxiety. There's so many reasons that people cannot or
may not want to show up, Like in physical spaces,
but I do think that that has lent itself to me,
like creating solid friend groups and even just like little
(08:23):
like not side groups, but like intra space. Like you said,
like I have my tennis homegirls, right, and they are
like women that like we very similar, became fast friends.
We all the three of us love animals. We're constantly
rescuing animals and being like who can take him? Who
can foster somebody? And so that was like a I
(08:44):
think for me, of a little friendship group that I
didn't expect because it was so interspace. It's like, oh,
we're going to play tennis and that's it. Yeah, and
then it's like, oh, let's go get lunch. Oh, let's
go get coffee. Oh can you take this animal?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Like literally, can you please take this animal and foster
this animal? The number of new animals that have come
into your life in a very short period of time,
it's amazing. I don't know anyone else. You are an
animal sanctuary.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I am, and I would like to not be. But
it's like I think it might part. I think it
might be my calling. I'm like, is this my second act?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I see it? Oh my god. If you find a
huge plot of land somewhere beautiful. Yeah, and then you
just have like a beautiful sanctuary.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
It might have to happen. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Wait, I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I know. I know. Don't go anywhere, locomotives. We'll be
right back.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And we're back with more of our episode.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I mean, in speaking of buying a big plot of land,
like I would love to live with all my friends.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
One day commune.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I have like a retirement idea in my mind. And
oh yes, it's like Mariitsa and her partner, You and
your partner, and it's like all of us and our partners,
and it's like we just live in this little commune,
in this little village, and we just all take care
of each other love. Because the reality is like I
might not have children, so I'm also thinking ahead in
(10:02):
that way of like like actually, like your romantic partner
cannot be your everything, neither can like your children. I
don't have children, but it's like as a child, I'm
like I cannot be my parents everything, like they need
their own lives too, And so I see that for myself.
It's like my romantic partner cannot be my everything. They
(10:23):
cannot be my retirement plan. No, like I need a
community beyond my thirties and forties, right, and that goes
into like growing old with a community and aging with
a community. And so that's obviously many years from now,
but it is something that I think about, like what
will retirement life look like for our generation and are
(10:44):
for us? You know, it's true.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I think I've been thinking a lot about this recently.
We've talked about communees before as a community, our little commune,
and my sister loves the idea too of a commune
and having a plot of land where we can all
gather and like each night of the week, a different person.
It can provide entertainment if they like an activity or
(11:09):
a snack whatever, you know, it could be very fun.
But as we get older, I am meeting and understanding,
you know, more and more older women who their husbands die.
And then now these women have all these decades of
life ahead of them because they're still young, you know,
(11:30):
then they're in their sixties or seventies, and understanding that
life moves so quickly and a whole lifetime can pass
by with a person and end in the blink of
an eye. Really, and then what do you do with yourself?
And how do you keep yourself company and how do
you surround yourself with love? And where are your friends?
(11:52):
And you know, you can you build a sense of
community for yourself, understanding that one day you're going to
have to be like on your own again. It's very morbid,
but it's just also very real.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's real. Yeah, I mean, and I think that is
an important reason to treat your friendships like the real relationships.
They are, right, they're like platonic, but there can be
like a level of romancing, you know. It's like, yeah,
I think about like all my friends who have brought
me flowers, you know, who have brought me gifts and
(12:26):
even just random not like a birthday. You brought me
like the cutest little skirt once, like a random gift.
You're like, I saw this and I thought of you.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I've yet to see you wear it, but yes they did.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I tried wearing it for one of our shots. Didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
No, it's really small.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
It's really small, but give me of summer. I have
it in my closet because I'm trying, like I can
fit into this. I know I can.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I found it at this local thrift Latino owned. It's
like a white leather swede. It was pink, pink, bitch,
I forgot. It's a fuchsia swayed mini skirt with friends.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yes, and the fringe goes on and off. Yeah, so
you can give it to lives two looks and it's
a good fine. It is such a good fine. It's
it's still in my closet because I've been trying to
wear it. I think when you gifted it to me,
it did fit, and I was like, I'm saving this,
which is stupid. Don't save things because look now it
doesn't fit. So I'm like, but once I get back
(13:19):
into it, I will wear the f out of it.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm so excited. Yes, I'm so exciting.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yes, yeah, But I do think like there's there's a
level going back to the initial like convo or point
about romancing your friends, Like I think about like all
the women in my life who have like romance to
me or I've romanced right where it's like we go
we go out to the longest dinners. Oh sure, yes,
we go out to long dinners. We're ordering the wine,
we're ordering the champagne, We're having decadent meals. We buy
(13:46):
each other presence. We like carve out space in our
lives for each other, and I just don't see that
men do that for each other for each other. I
really don't. Even with the men the very few straight
men that I know, I would say for a queer
men is very different. But for those few straight men
that I know, I don't see them carving out time
like that for their friendships.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
No, my dad is always like, ah, somebody's birthday every day, right,
you know, like birthdays are not important, but he doesn't
celebrate his friend's birthday because everybody has birthday all the time.
It's constantly birthdays, like, and I feel like there's a
lot of men like that. They just don't do birthdays. Yes,
they just don't acknowledge they not their own, not their bestie,
(14:27):
not their parents.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's like you have to really convince them that birthdays matter.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Birthdays do matter. And I've always loved a birthday. But
I think as I've gotten older, right, as we keep
saying like I really love a birthday, and I love
my parents' birthdays, I'm like, I'm so happy that you're here, Like,
I'm so grateful we get to spend another year celebrating
your birthday. And I do think that, like birthdays are
a really good reason to celebrate. Oh yeah, but there's
(14:54):
also just like celebrating, like just because you know.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Because we love reason to celebrate. We do like we
should celebrate, you know, we just whatever it was, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
This is our two hundred and fortieth episode celebrating in
my book.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We need a glass of champagne.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes we do.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
We launched our courses. We need to celebrate.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, and I do. Yes, we actually do need to celebrate.
We launched our courses.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
We launched season ten, We need to celebrate.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yes, And I think that, especially as women our age,
who maybe are living our lives differently than the generation
before us, like even more reason to celebrate the quote
smaller things or the non like traditional big things that
we expect to be celebrated for as women being marriage
(15:44):
and children, But like what is that in between or
even not in between if that doesn't happen, what is
it that we're celebrating you for? And so I think
that that's also a really important thing to carry in
your friendships, is like how can I celebrate you today?
Or this you did this really great thing at work,
you got promoted, Yeah, like you got a dog, let's huge,
(16:06):
let's celebrate, Let's have a cake.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, don't wait until like your friend gets married to
throw them a big party. Yeah, there's many other reasons
outside of matrimony.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Don't go anywhere, locomotives.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
We'll be right back, and we're back with more of
our episode.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
And I think, I mean, I think there were a
little bit past this maybe thing that I think women
can do or just people can do, but like getting
into relationships and like forgetting your friends. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, has that ever been a thing for you,
like maybe earlier in your life, like in your twenties or.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
You know, I feel like I've been pretty good about
trying to at least like if I'm going somewhere with
my partner, like or there's an event like inviting my friends,
or like do you also want to come? Or there's
another ticket, or you know, do we want to do
this together? And my partner is very social and like
wants to meet everybody and hang out, and so I
(17:08):
think we've been trying to as like much as we've
been so like in our bubble and so into each other,
like just very like in it, you know. Uh he
really wants to like participate in attend when the opportunity allows.
So I think that's what right now, what I've been
trying to do is like are there places where we
(17:29):
can bring it together?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel that way too. I Mean,
my partner is like he I think he has like
a lot of like home body tendencies and that is
his true form, but he also loves to be social
and he's always like who are we inviting? Who's going?
And he's like should we do a group trip? And
I'm like, yeah, let's do a group trip. And even
(17:51):
like my homegirl, who I invited to come to Mexico City,
I was like, so we might like want to go
somewhere else after, like to another city. Would you want
to come with us? And she goes, well, isn't he
going to want to be alone with you? And I
was like, no, we're together all the time. Like a
group trip is fine, you know, fine, it's fun, it's fine.
And so I think that there's I feel really lucky
(18:14):
that I are not lucky because this is my choice,
but I feel really grateful that I'm in a relationship
with someone that values not only alone time but friend time,
Like he's not trying to come to dinner with the girls.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Sometimes he is sometimes happen sometimes he's one of the girls.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Sometimes he's one of the girls.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
He really is.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
He's the group husband, Yes he is. He buys the
drinks for everyone, he picks up the tab.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
But you know, you ask the important questions.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
He does.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
He does, and then we're like Fernando, yeah, We're.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Like can you not right now? But like there's he's
definitely not trying to tag along for like every dinner
or every like gathering. It's like, okay, yeah, you go
do your thing, have your friend time. I'm going to
have my alone time while you have your friend time.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
There's got to be boundaries, there's got to be limits,
and like sometimes like the man needs to know like
when to not invite himself yes or asked to be invited.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah. And sometimes he'll even I'll be like, oh, we're
going to go have dinner and he'll be like, oh,
is you know money, says partner going, And I'm like, no,
he's not going. Oh okay, you guys go have it
be a girl thing. Yeah no, And so it's yeah,
I think it's it can be really easy to get
stuck in that like romance bubble of like my partner
is my everything and I'm only going to hang out
(19:25):
with them, and then you like look up and you're like,
oh my god, my friends are they right there? And
so for me, I think I've tried my best to
like always maintain a balance of the friendships and prioritizing
those in addition to like the romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
It's important. I think you're doing great. Thanks girl, you too,
Thank you, thank you. We're doing our best.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, And I think, yeah, just like prioritizing or giving
the l of the the platonic relationship, the friendship that
it's like just as important as the romantic ones, I
think is my takeaway from this conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I agree completely. So you heard it here. Love your friends,
they'll love you back.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Love your friends, they'll love you back. Date your friends,
write your friend a love letter, take your friend to dinner.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah. You know it's not only your parents who can
teach you like what love looks like. Yeah, your friends
you can show each other what love looks like.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, And I think that definitely goes back to the
Bell Hooks quote. Right, it's sometimes often our first glimpse
of redemptive love and caring community, because Man, I have
had to work through some things in my friendships, you know,
where there was maybe a really big conflict, and not
often and not all of them, but there have been
a couple in particular that I can think of that
(20:43):
stand out where there was twice with two separate people,
I thought like, oh, this friendship might not survive this conflict,
and then we had the really hard, uncomfortable conversations and
it survived and I'm still friends with them now. So
I think even like allowing yourself to have conflict, like,
not everything can be of not everything should be a
(21:04):
friend breakup, but friend breakups do happen, and sometimes they're
for the best. But sometimes the friendships are worth fighting
for and actually having the difficult conversations and acknowledging that
there was a hurt or harm caused and then working
through it if it's possible.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Very important stuff. And thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
We'll catch you next time. Besitos look at Radio is
executive produced by Viosa Fem and Mala Munios.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Stephanie Franco is our producer.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Story editing by me Viosa.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Creative direction by me Mala.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Look at Our Radio is a part of iHeartRadio's Michael
Dura podcast network.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
You can listen to look at Radio on the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Leave us a review and share with your prima or
share with your homegirl.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And thank you to our loc a morees to our
listeners for tuning in each and every week.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Besitos logal Lumdia
Do you want to go to dinner like a dinner date. Yeah.
I take all my friends on dinner dates.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Yes you do. You're a very romantic platonic friends.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I am. Let's go, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Already.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Yo, I'm Theosa and I'm Mala. Today we're talking about
romantic and platonic love and treating your friends like lovers,
because why not.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
This is a really sexy conversation. It really really is.
We're talking about decentering men, prioritizing female friendships and all
that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
To start, our producer Stephanie brought this quote from feminist
thinker writer Belle Hooks from her iconic book All About Love,
where she writes, friendship is the place in which great
majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love
and caring community. And I love this because if I
(00:58):
think about all of the restorative conversations I've had with
my friends versus past like romantic relationships, past lovers, past partners, like, yeah,
like I've really been able to restore a friendship versus
a romantic love. You know, where you can go through
that rupture and then you can go through the repair,
(01:20):
and then you can still rebuild a friendship, you know,
And well, your exes are your exes, and that's it.
When you break up, that's it. And so I really
resonate with this this quote.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, I feel like breakups, at least the vast majority
of them from a romantic situation, means that you don't
want any contact anymore at all. Ever, Yeah, and then
usually if there is, that's a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
However, when friends have some type of a blow up
or a fight or an issue, the hope is that
they can come back together. Yeah, it's the exact opposite, actually,
Like there's this desire for the friendship to repair itself
because it's something I think sometimes even more pure than
like a romantic connection that you have with someone.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Definitely, it can really endure a lot. I think a
good friendship can endure more than even a family bond,
a family tie, or a romantic partner for that reason.
And I think that's a good example is that sometimes
your friends are not rooting for you to get back
with your ex, but they are rooting for you to
repair a friendship. Not always right, but I do think
(02:32):
that that's a good example that sometimes we are rooting
for the friendship to come back to repair itself in
some way.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, And it's so interesting, like like we have friends
that we've known since we were really young, since middle
school and elementary school, and those friendships are so beautiful
because we were literally children, our whole personalities hadn't developed yet,
we still didn't really understand who we were in the world,
and yet we like connected with these other little souls
(02:59):
and just like it clicked. Yeah, usually like immediately.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Yes, I often think about this time when I met
my best friend and I shared this when I read
the speech for her wedding because I was the maid
of honor, and I remember we became friends instantly, just
like you said. It wasn't even we didn't even exchange words.
It was a look. She walked into the classroom late.
(03:24):
We were both the new girls. We didn't know that
we were both the new girls, and we just looked
at each other, locked eyes like a half little smile,
and that was it. Next thing, it's recess, and we
both just walked up to each other and that was it.
Like no words were even spoken. It was just an
instant eye contact and eye lock and like that's it.
(03:44):
And we have somehow maintained not somehow with lots of
work and intention. But I think that it's not necessarily
the norm to keep your childhood best friend and have
them become like your adult best friend. But we were
able to stand the test of like going to different
high schools, going to different colleges, and then eventually like
moving back around the same time working together and now
(04:06):
literally working together at look at. So yeah, it's definitely
something that I cherish. It's one of the relationships I cherish, Like, Wow,
it stood a lot of tests.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, and sometimes, at least in my experience with my
friends that I've known since kindergarten, Like we will go
long periods of time historically without seeing each other, but
once we're all back in town, we're reconnecting. We have
like our annual traditions, you know, like always getting together
for the Fourth of July, like if we can, people
(04:38):
have like left to go to school and such. But
I think it's so beautiful because you can't operate like
that with a romantic relationship, right, You can't go months
without seeing each other, yeah and still maintain the love,
right usually.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Even like I see this term now being used online
of like a long distance bestie. Yeah, and like we know,
long distance relationships are hard to maintain. They often don't
stand that test of distance. But a bestie, a best
friend on the other side of the country or the world, like,
is something we're rooting for.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Yeah, and you just pick up where you left off
when you when you finally do see each other again.
It's a beautiful thing friendship and hard to like, really,
I don't know, pin down and define. Yeah, you know,
And I find even in adulthood, like there are times
when I'll meet someone and again we just like instantly click,
you know, and it's a vibe you know, and I
(05:31):
may not it's harder to, like, I don't know, develop
those friendships now I think into something like big and substantial.
But I see how that spark can still be lit.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, I was gonna ask you, like, I mean, we're
both talking about friendships that we have have had since childhood,
but like, what has been your experience making friends as
an adult?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yeah. So I feel like I've made a lot of
friends through like our art community. Yeah, through Marijuanetta. I've
made friends in the cannabis space, and that has so
much to do with like having this shared interest. Yeah,
you know, this like kind of like piece of the
lifestyle and then shared politics in that way. I don't know,
(06:12):
the whole vibe of Marijuanetta is like Latinus owners, so
you know you're gonna find cool, cool chicks in that community.
So I've found really cool friends in that community that
I'm still in touch with. And I haven't been smoking
quite as much as I used to because I've been
in school. But you know, and then I think, like
also doing stand up I've met a lot of like
(06:35):
I mean, I love I love laughs, like in my friendships,
and I think a lot of our friendships and a
lot of my friendships are based on like being hilarious
and like making each other laugh. It's like a big
piece of it, and it always has been. So like
meeting very cool women also in the stand up comedy
community has allowed me to make friends in that space
(06:57):
that I think I have a lot in common with.
And through the pot too, like all the events that
we've gone to over the years and the people we've
collaborated with, I consider a lot of those people friends.
So there's something about creativity and getting out in your
creative world where like you can meet kindred.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Spirits definitely, and.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
That's how I've been able to make friends as an adult.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, I've seen this conversation online, especially on TikTok. I
see women share like these lovely like gatherings they have
with their friends, and I'll see in the comments, like
women writing and I assume they're in their twenties, like
writing like oh, this is so nice, Like I don't
have a group of friends. Oh I wish I had
a group of friends, and like that is a recurring
thing that I've seen online when I see women share
(07:41):
like these beautiful gatherings or birthdays or even like women
posting like no one came to my birthday party. So sad,
you know, and so I but and I feel for them,
and I feel for that experience of not having like
a solid group of friends. I have not had that experience,
and I think because of being like in the creative
space and also be very open. Like you, if you
(08:02):
want to make friends, like you have to go to things.
You have to show up. Yeah, and that is sometimes
really hard to do, depending on work, your mental health,
social anxiety. There's so many reasons that people cannot or
may not want to show up, Like in physical spaces,
but I do think that that has lent itself to me,
like creating solid friend groups and even just like little
(08:23):
like not side groups, but like intra space. Like you said,
like I have my tennis homegirls, right, and they are
like women that like we very similar, became fast friends.
We all the three of us love animals. We're constantly
rescuing animals and being like who can take him? Who
can foster somebody? And so that was like a I
(08:44):
think for me, of a little friendship group that I
didn't expect because it was so interspace. It's like, oh,
we're going to play tennis and that's it. Yeah, and
then it's like, oh, let's go get lunch. Oh, let's
go get coffee. Oh can you take this animal?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Like literally, can you please take this animal and foster
this animal? The number of new animals that have come
into your life in a very short period of time,
it's amazing. I don't know anyone else. You are an
animal sanctuary.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
I am, and I would like to not be. But
it's like I think it might part. I think it
might be my calling. I'm like, is this my second act?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
I see it? Oh my god. If you find a
huge plot of land somewhere beautiful. Yeah, and then you
just have like a beautiful sanctuary.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
It might have to happen. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Wait, I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I know. I know. Don't go anywhere, locomotives. We'll be
right back.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
And we're back with more of our episode.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
I mean, in speaking of buying a big plot of land,
like I would love to live with all my friends.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
One day commune.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I have like a retirement idea in my mind. And
oh yes, it's like Mariitsa and her partner, You and
your partner, and it's like all of us and our partners,
and it's like we just live in this little commune,
in this little village, and we just all take care
of each other love. Because the reality is like I
might not have children, so I'm also thinking ahead in
(10:02):
that way of like like actually, like your romantic partner
cannot be your everything, neither can like your children. I
don't have children, but it's like as a child, I'm
like I cannot be my parents everything, like they need
their own lives too, And so I see that for myself.
It's like my romantic partner cannot be my everything. They
(10:23):
cannot be my retirement plan. No, like I need a
community beyond my thirties and forties, right, and that goes
into like growing old with a community and aging with
a community. And so that's obviously many years from now,
but it is something that I think about, like what
will retirement life look like for our generation and are
(10:44):
for us? You know, it's true.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
I think I've been thinking a lot about this recently.
We've talked about communees before as a community, our little commune,
and my sister loves the idea too of a commune
and having a plot of land where we can all
gather and like each night of the week, a different person.
It can provide entertainment if they like an activity or
(11:09):
a snack whatever, you know, it could be very fun.
But as we get older, I am meeting and understanding,
you know, more and more older women who their husbands die.
And then now these women have all these decades of
life ahead of them because they're still young, you know,
(11:30):
then they're in their sixties or seventies, and understanding that
life moves so quickly and a whole lifetime can pass
by with a person and end in the blink of
an eye. Really, and then what do you do with yourself?
And how do you keep yourself company and how do
you surround yourself with love? And where are your friends?
(11:52):
And you know, you can you build a sense of
community for yourself, understanding that one day you're going to
have to be like on your own again. It's very morbid,
but it's just also very real.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
It's real. Yeah, I mean, and I think that is
an important reason to treat your friendships like the real relationships.
They are, right, they're like platonic, but there can be
like a level of romancing, you know. It's like, yeah,
I think about like all my friends who have brought
me flowers, you know, who have brought me gifts and
(12:26):
even just random not like a birthday. You brought me
like the cutest little skirt once, like a random gift.
You're like, I saw this and I thought of you.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I've yet to see you wear it, but yes they did.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
I tried wearing it for one of our shots. Didn't.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
No, it's really small.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
It's really small, but give me of summer. I have
it in my closet because I'm trying, like I can
fit into this. I know I can.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I found it at this local thrift Latino owned. It's
like a white leather swede. It was pink, pink, bitch,
I forgot. It's a fuchsia swayed mini skirt with friends.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yes, and the fringe goes on and off. Yeah, so
you can give it to lives two looks and it's
a good fine. It is such a good fine. It's
it's still in my closet because I've been trying to
wear it. I think when you gifted it to me,
it did fit, and I was like, I'm saving this,
which is stupid. Don't save things because look now it
doesn't fit. So I'm like, but once I get back
(13:19):
into it, I will wear the f out of it.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm so excited. Yes, I'm so exciting.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yes, yeah, But I do think like there's there's a
level going back to the initial like convo or point
about romancing your friends, Like I think about like all
the women in my life who have like romance to
me or I've romanced right where it's like we go
we go out to the longest dinners. Oh sure, yes,
we go out to long dinners. We're ordering the wine,
we're ordering the champagne, We're having decadent meals. We buy
(13:46):
each other presence. We like carve out space in our
lives for each other, and I just don't see that
men do that for each other for each other. I
really don't. Even with the men the very few straight
men that I know, I would say for a queer
men is very different. But for those few straight men
that I know, I don't see them carving out time
like that for their friendships.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
No, my dad is always like, ah, somebody's birthday every day, right,
you know, like birthdays are not important, but he doesn't
celebrate his friend's birthday because everybody has birthday all the time.
It's constantly birthdays, like, and I feel like there's a
lot of men like that. They just don't do birthdays. Yes,
they just don't acknowledge they not their own, not their bestie,
(14:27):
not their parents.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's like you have to really convince them that birthdays matter.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Birthdays do matter. And I've always loved a birthday. But
I think as I've gotten older, right, as we keep
saying like I really love a birthday, and I love
my parents' birthdays, I'm like, I'm so happy that you're here, Like,
I'm so grateful we get to spend another year celebrating
your birthday. And I do think that, like birthdays are
a really good reason to celebrate. Oh yeah, but there's
(14:54):
also just like celebrating, like just because you know.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Because we love reason to celebrate. We do like we
should celebrate, you know, we just whatever it was, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
This is our two hundred and fortieth episode celebrating in
my book.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
We need a glass of champagne.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes we do.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
We launched our courses. We need to celebrate.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, and I do. Yes, we actually do need to celebrate.
We launched our courses.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
We launched season ten, We need to celebrate.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yes, And I think that, especially as women our age,
who maybe are living our lives differently than the generation
before us, like even more reason to celebrate the quote
smaller things or the non like traditional big things that
we expect to be celebrated for as women being marriage
(15:44):
and children, But like what is that in between or
even not in between if that doesn't happen, what is
it that we're celebrating you for? And so I think
that that's also a really important thing to carry in
your friendships, is like how can I celebrate you today?
Or this you did this really great thing at work,
you got promoted, Yeah, like you got a dog, let's huge,
(16:06):
let's celebrate, Let's have a cake.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, don't wait until like your friend gets married to
throw them a big party. Yeah, there's many other reasons
outside of matrimony.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Don't go anywhere, locomotives.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
We'll be right back, and we're back with more of
our episode.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
And I think, I mean, I think there were a
little bit past this maybe thing that I think women
can do or just people can do, but like getting
into relationships and like forgetting your friends. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know, has that ever been a thing for you,
like maybe earlier in your life, like in your twenties or.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
You know, I feel like I've been pretty good about
trying to at least like if I'm going somewhere with
my partner, like or there's an event like inviting my friends,
or like do you also want to come? Or there's
another ticket, or you know, do we want to do
this together? And my partner is very social and like
wants to meet everybody and hang out, and so I
(17:08):
think we've been trying to as like much as we've
been so like in our bubble and so into each other,
like just very like in it, you know. Uh he
really wants to like participate in attend when the opportunity allows.
So I think that's what right now, what I've been
trying to do is like are there places where we
(17:29):
can bring it together?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel that way too. I Mean,
my partner is like he I think he has like
a lot of like home body tendencies and that is
his true form, but he also loves to be social
and he's always like who are we inviting? Who's going?
And he's like should we do a group trip? And
I'm like, yeah, let's do a group trip. And even
(17:51):
like my homegirl, who I invited to come to Mexico City,
I was like, so we might like want to go
somewhere else after, like to another city. Would you want
to come with us? And she goes, well, isn't he
going to want to be alone with you? And I
was like, no, we're together all the time. Like a
group trip is fine, you know, fine, it's fun, it's fine.
And so I think that there's I feel really lucky
(18:14):
that I are not lucky because this is my choice,
but I feel really grateful that I'm in a relationship
with someone that values not only alone time but friend time,
Like he's not trying to come to dinner with the girls.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Sometimes he is sometimes happen sometimes he's one of the girls.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Sometimes he's one of the girls.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
He really is.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
He's the group husband, Yes he is. He buys the
drinks for everyone, he picks up the tab.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
But you know, you ask the important questions.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
He does.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
He does, and then we're like Fernando, yeah, We're.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Like can you not right now? But like there's he's
definitely not trying to tag along for like every dinner
or every like gathering. It's like, okay, yeah, you go
do your thing, have your friend time. I'm going to
have my alone time while you have your friend time.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
There's got to be boundaries, there's got to be limits,
and like sometimes like the man needs to know like
when to not invite himself yes or asked to be invited.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah. And sometimes he'll even I'll be like, oh, we're
going to go have dinner and he'll be like, oh,
is you know money, says partner going, And I'm like, no,
he's not going. Oh okay, you guys go have it
be a girl thing. Yeah no, And so it's yeah,
I think it's it can be really easy to get
stuck in that like romance bubble of like my partner
is my everything and I'm only going to hang out
(19:25):
with them, and then you like look up and you're like,
oh my god, my friends are they right there? And
so for me, I think I've tried my best to
like always maintain a balance of the friendships and prioritizing
those in addition to like the romantic relationships.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
It's important. I think you're doing great. Thanks girl, you too,
Thank you, thank you. We're doing our best.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, And I think, yeah, just like prioritizing or giving
the l of the the platonic relationship, the friendship that
it's like just as important as the romantic ones, I
think is my takeaway from this conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I agree completely. So you heard it here. Love your friends,
they'll love you back.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Love your friends, they'll love you back. Date your friends,
write your friend a love letter, take your friend to dinner.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah. You know it's not only your parents who can
teach you like what love looks like. Yeah, your friends
you can show each other what love looks like.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Yeah, And I think that definitely goes back to the
Bell Hooks quote. Right, it's sometimes often our first glimpse
of redemptive love and caring community, because Man, I have
had to work through some things in my friendships, you know,
where there was maybe a really big conflict, and not
often and not all of them, but there have been
a couple in particular that I can think of that
(20:43):
stand out where there was twice with two separate people,
I thought like, oh, this friendship might not survive this conflict,
and then we had the really hard, uncomfortable conversations and
it survived and I'm still friends with them now. So
I think even like allowing yourself to have conflict, like,
not everything can be of not everything should be a
(21:04):
friend breakup, but friend breakups do happen, and sometimes they're
for the best. But sometimes the friendships are worth fighting
for and actually having the difficult conversations and acknowledging that
there was a hurt or harm caused and then working
through it if it's possible.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Very important stuff. And thank you all for listening.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
We'll catch you next time. Besitos look at Radio is
executive produced by Viosa Fem and Mala Munios.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Stephanie Franco is our producer.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Story editing by me Viosa.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Creative direction by me Mala.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Look at Our Radio is a part of iHeartRadio's Michael
Dura podcast network.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
You can listen to look at Radio on the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Leave us a review and share with your prima or
share with your homegirl.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And thank you to our loc a morees to our
listeners for tuning in each and every week.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Besitos logal Lumdia
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