October 1, 2024 • 27 mins
Disclaimer: Please note this episode contains themes and conversations about sex.
In this episode of Señora Sex Ed, Diosa and Mala are joined by content creator Naomi Hearts. Naomi shares how she came out to her family twice, first as gay, then as trans. She reflects on how her family's reaction marked her journey into adulthood. Plus, Naomi talks to us about her viral skit, fupanza smash.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm moher. Have you spent any time on TikTok recently?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Have you seen this girl who does the fupantha smash? Well,
let me tell you all about it. You're gonna get
a kick out of this.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Senora, Yora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Hi, Senora.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Senora. Sex Ed Senora sex Said is not
your mommy's sex talk. This show is la platica like
you've never heard it before. With each episode, we're breaking
the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality in LATINX communities.
Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture, but notoriously
(00:53):
denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational conversation between
Latinas from gen X to gen Z. We're covering all
kinds of topics, from puberty and body image to representation
in film, television, and music.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Remember that in this show, a Senora is a woman
with a lot of life experiences and stories to share.
Maybe she's in her thirties or her forties or fifties,
even older. Maybe she's trans, maybe she sis.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We are your host and producers, Viosa and Mala.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You might recognize our voices from our other podcast, Look
at Tora Radio. Since twenty sixteen, we've covered all kinds
of topics, ranging from politics, to mental health, current events,
and of course sex. We still have so much to
learn and we hope you listen to each episode with
the Senoras and Senoritas in Your Life.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Chapter seven, Family First, then God. Before we bring on
today's guest, we want to discuss an instance, a moment
where we taught a senora or a woman older than
us about something in particular. In today's episode, you'll hear
how our guest did that with her family, so we
(02:17):
want to talk about maybe how we did that with ours.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So I have a very specific example that actually relates
back to Senora sex Ed. My mom has been listening
to Senora sex Ed and after her first listen, she
texted me and said, what does sis mean? What is sis?
And that was a moment for me to teach her
(02:41):
about cis gender and transgender identities. And what I said
to my mom is that a cisgender person is someone
who's gender identity and expression in one way or another
matches their sex assigned at birth. And it was a
moment I meant to also talk about how we are
(03:02):
cis gender women. I think that a lot, like a
lot of Senoras and older Latinas, It's likely that she
had never heard the term cis gender and did not
realize that that's what she is and that's what I am.
So that was a very recent teachable moment that came
about because of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I love that example. For me, mine is kind of
in that realm, but mine is with the word queer.
My mom came of age in the seventies and at
the time, saying the word queer was like saying a
derogatory term towards someone, towards a queer person, and so
my mom definitely stayed away from using that word. So
(03:43):
when I was in my early twenties and I started
using it because the queer community started reclaiming it and
I started identifying as queer, my mom had a really
hard time feeling comfortable with that word even hearing it,
because she still felt like, this is not a word
that we say. And so we had that discussion of
what it means to reclaim certain terms and how different
(04:06):
communities decide what they're reclaiming and how they identify. And
so now she is definitely more comfortable when hearing it
or seeing it, And it was one of those open
conversations where I had to tell her it's not necessarily
about you and your comfort level, but it's how a
community identifies. And so that was one instance where we
(04:28):
had to where I had to teach her, if you will,
of the development of a word and how its meaning
can change over the years depending how communities decide to
reclaim it.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I am beautiful, I am worthy of success. My transition
is my transition, and it's my journey.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That's Naomi Heart's, a twenty six year old Chicana trans
woman and content creator.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I feel like my version of sex at is super
blurred because on one hand, I feel like my mom
was pretty active in informing me what sex is, especially
growing up like mel before I transitioned, she really was like,
we're condoms. You don't want to get anyone pregnant, And
I was like, actually, that's not going to happen, but
(05:25):
thank you for letting me know. And then I feel
like I learned more in school as well, But I
guess like my first actual introduction was my mom just
trying to break it down a little bit for me.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
When Naomi was in the seventh grade, she felt compelled
to come out to her mother. While driving to Thanksgiving dinner,
Naomi tried to get the words out.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
And something compelled me to kind of like speak to
her and tell her, like, I'm gay, and it just
didn't come out. It was just tears instead. And then
my mom was like, just say you're gay, like she
just knew, which was so interesting to me, And I
was like, you knew. But in my mind, just being
like Mexican and Latina and like all of that, and
(06:06):
hearing the stories of like families just not being supportive
just because of how they grew up, I was just
really terrified that she was not going to accept me.
But she was really welcoming and opening about it. The
only thing that was crazy to me was that she
was like, Okay, now that you told me at dinner,
we got to tell everyone else. I was like, oh,
(06:27):
so my cousin's already new because like we're pretty close,
we're really tight knit, but like my aunts and uncles
did not know.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Naomi was not ready to be out to her entire family,
But in retrospect, she's kind of grateful she had that push.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
But I think I'm kind of grateful, because I've learned
that the kind of person I am is I'm someone
who sometimes meet that extra push to stand for what
I want to stand for, just because I get nervous
of like ruffling feathers or making people uncomfortable more so
than myself, And so by her pushing me, I feel
like in that moment, I was a little frustrated, and
(07:04):
maybe that stuck with me for a bit, But as
I get older, I realized, like, actually, I think that
was her way of just like, get it over with,
it's okay. And you know, like a lot of people
in my family are LGBT, very very interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Have you ever heard the saying primero dios. It translates
to God first, which signifies exactly that above all, God
comes first. But Naomi's family had a different saying.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
But my grandparents are super duper supportive, like they're really religious.
But my grandma's always told me, like, before God, it's family.
She's always said that, and it's rare to find that,
and she was like, it's always family first. And so
I think that really helped us out a lot, because
we don't get that.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
In the tenth grade, Naomi started questioning her identity once again.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
It doesn't feel that long ago, and it really isn't
that long ago. There wasn't a lot of like knowledge
about what being trans was and being transgender, and so
I was conflicted a lot, like am I just a
really feminine gay man?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Like?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Am I something wrong with me? Because it just I
did not feel like myself. And then I actually joined
this LGBT group in high school where I met a
trans person and they just kind of shared their experience
with me, and I was like, it just clicked.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Naomi sat her mom down a second time to have
another talk.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Here I go again coming to my mom having to
come out a second time, and I was like, you know,
I don't think I'm gay, and she was like confused
for a bed and I told her, I think I'm transgender,
and in that moment she was like, I don't know
what that is. I love you and I'm going to
support you and we're going to do it together.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Once again. Naomi's family motto family first, then God rang true.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
My mom's always been super supportive and like my family
from my mom's side has always been super sip. My
Grandma's always been like that. Her sisters are like aren't
you concerned with all of these people in your family
like queer And she was like okay, Like and what
about it always? And it's just it always makes U
feel comfortable going around, like our family in Mexico, because
we know that she'll say something like she's not going
(09:16):
to allow people to just even her host the blatant's
like bad mouth her kids and her grandkids.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
When Naomi transitioned, she learned how to practice self love
regardless of what others might have to say.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
And then when I transitioned, I learned to kind of
like fall in love with my body because people were like, oh, well,
you're gonna transition and you're gonna be fat, Like why
are you doing it? And I was always getting questioned
about transitioning, and I was like, there are fat women, fascists,
women who exist in this world and are doing fine.
And so as I transitioned and learn how to be confident,
(10:08):
my sex became more about like sex and feeling good
versus like China fill avoid if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Over the decades, Western beauty standards have fluctuated. Generally, beauty
standards have idealized whiteness and thinness.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
There are so many standards that we have for beauty,
for weight, for everything, like we always have to look
some type of way, We always have to do something.
And I learned that for me, as long as I
feel good about my body, as long as I feel
good about myself, as long as I know that I'm
a good person, that's what's important.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Systems like colonialism, white supremacy, and capitalism have made it
impossible for young women not to internalize Western ideas of beauty,
and often the onus has put on the individual to
love themselves. Naomi recognize is that self love is an
ongoing journey.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I always tell everyone this journey is not for the week,
but it's definitely a journey that every person should go
on and realize that everything that you were told, whatever
people said about you that was negative, is not you,
but a projection of them onto you. Because we growing
up right like growing up fat, I never thought it
was a problem.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Like many Latinas, Naomi heard negative comments about her body
from relatives. Did you ever receive unwanted feedback about your body?
From your mother or even you're a wuilita. This is
how Naomi processed those types of comments.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
But it was like my mother or my grandmother telling
me you shouldn't eat that, like that's too much, you know,
And looking at at it now, I realized that it
was their projection and their hurt that they were dealing with.
And I don't blame them for it. I talk to
them about it. I've acknowledged it, but I don't blame
them because they went through the same thing. And so
(11:59):
how do we break these generational curses?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Naomi talks to her bodemass about fatness and invites them
to participate in body positive spaces.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I take them to places where they can see fat joy, right, So,
like there's this place that we love to go to
called thick Thrift, and it's every two months and it's
just like a bunch of plus sized people, plus size vendors,
and just seeing all these fat people together smiling and
happy and like, you know, they're not thinking about the
negative perception of us in the world. Like I'm like,
(12:31):
you want to come to thick Theft, Like let's go,
like just taking them so they can see other people
just living happily in their body, Like that's a way
that I'll do it. We also have conversations too, where
it's more of just like checking it, so like I
if I'm present and I hear a comment that they
make about themselves, we're like, hey, like how can we
work this differently?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Naomi uses that same body positive talk to create content online.
Her content is a blend of self love and comedy.
Some users have claimed her posts are self deprecating, but
Naomi says she's taking her power back.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
I really like making the content I make because I
feel like I was on this journey for so long
of accepting myself and accepting my body, and it's a
way of me reclaiming these things that people say about me.
So they say stuff deprecating I say, reclaiming things that
people say about me already and that they're gonna say
about me regardless of what I do. People say me
(13:27):
using the word fat, even that just me saying like fat,
A lot of people are not comfortable. Even sometimes it's
even like fat people, they're like just uncomfortable with that
word because it's been used so negatively, right, Like it's
just such a negative word that people say towards us,
but I'm like, in reality, it's just the word.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Naomi has a series called fu ban Sa Smash, But
what is a Fupansa?
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Obviously pansa stomach and Spanish, and so I was like,
banza's there, and then fupa is the word everyone gets
wrong because it's they our stomach that kind of SAgs
a little bit a fupa, which that's not what it is.
The pupa's like right above the vagina. And so I
put that together to in two fu panza smash, and
it just kind of blew up.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
So you guys are asking for tutorial, so I'm going
to give it to you. My husband's unaware of what's
going on, so you're gonna face me ever, gonna just
damn And that's how you do the smash, okay, because.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
There's in these videos, Naomi uses her fupanza as her
own form of digital physical comedy, poking fun at herself
and also sort of teasing her husband, who is often
her co star. In a lot of her online content.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Naomi witnesses how the beauty and fashion industry began to
embrace larger bodies, but she also recognizes there's been a
shift once again.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
There's been kind of this turn up of events recently. Specifically,
I feel like it's always been hard for Latinas in
general becoming content creators, getting booked. That's always been something
that's been difficult, even in traditional media, but add in
like being plus sized or being trans. Like I think
in twenty twenty, because COVID was happening and people were
(15:19):
gaining weight, we were stressed all of this stuff that
was happening. It became kind of like a self love
era for a little bit, and then people started to
lose the weight once we got out the house, and
it became like we hate fatties, and I was like, oh,
and so that seeing that landscape change of like brands
being so body positive and then it just going away.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
The media landscape can be harsh, especially to women and
most especially to fat women trans women, and it can
be very easy to internalize negative comments. But Naomi keeps
these words of affirmation close.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
I am beautiful, I am worthy of success. My transition
is my transition and it's my journey. And by that
I mean like I feel like, as humans, we like
to play comparison game, and this is with anything with
work with relationships with transitions, and so for me, it's like,
my transition is my transition, and that's all that matters.
(16:17):
And it does not matter to me if I look
like the next trans person. Like for me, it's how
I look and how I feel. So making sure people
know that, like your transition and your journey is sacred
and you don't have to look like everyone else, I
think is very important.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Thanks for sticking around.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
We are back.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Naomi defines her time after her transition as quote living stealth.
Here's what that means.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
I was fully comfortable in my transition and transness. I
want to say, say, like around the time I finished
high school, so twenty sixteen, and I got a job
pretty quickly, and so for me, out of fear of
like being trans outside of school, right, And so living
stealth means you just don't tell people that you're transgender.
And that's definitely a privilege and the possibility thing because
(17:17):
not everyone has access to medically transition, but I was
one of the few that did. And like grateful forever,
grateful for my family and my mom and all of that,
but I was living stealth.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Once Naomi began dating, she navigated the disclosure of her
trans identity to potential dates.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
When I was dating, This is another thing I don't recommend.
I wouldn't disclose my transition right away, especially if I
didn't feel like it was going to lead anywhere. So
like I would go on a date here or there,
but it was never anything serious. So I was on
like Tinder and I would just go and dates and
I would just go see how it feels and like
have a good time. And I mean, for the most part,
it was good. Like I never had any issues. Again,
(17:59):
I always tell the girl, make sure you disclose it,
make sure you're safe. That's always, for me, the most
important thing. But at that time, like I was young,
I was just going out. But it was definitely an
interesting time.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
When Naomi was out one night, her date grabbed her
hand and revealed this to her.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
I think only one time did I ever feel kind
of like nervous because we were at the movies and
such a weirdo grab my hand and was like doing
this palm reading thing and he was like I know something,
and I was like what, and he was like, you
were born a man, I said. I said ooh, And
I was like, you know, I got in my feelings
(18:38):
or whatever, but it's the truth. So I didn't say anything.
I was like oh, and he was like, I didn't
say you are one. I said you were born one.
And then we went home and had sacks.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
For Naomi, disclosing her trans identity was a safety tool.
If the person reacted well, she could keep dating them.
If not, she stayed away. But Naomi also knows the
decision to disclose is extremely personal.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
I feel like for me, disclosing is just important for
safety one hundred percent, just because like, unfortunately we don't
live in a world where everyone's as accepting to trans people,
and you don't want to ever get in a situation
where it can get violent. And so for me, like
at that time again, doing all of this journey on
my own, without like trans mentors or like people on
(19:25):
social media who I can look at like, I was
just doing what I thought was best at the time
for me, And like now that I'm older and looking
back at it, I'm like, oof, I don't know if
that is something that I necessarily would do again, But yeah,
I think for me. It's like, disclosing is so important,
but I also feel like it is ultimately up to
the trans person.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Like many women her age, Naomi used dating apps to
meet potential love interest.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
On that tender phase. When I went on a lot
of dates and I was just kind of like seeing
what was out there. He super liked me, and I
I was like, oh, and he swears he didn't. He
swears up and down he didn't. But I was like,
at that time, I was like, you're not really my type.
You're like really nerdy. I wasn't really looking at that,
but I was like, you're bold for super likings, so
(20:14):
let's see where it goes. But whatever, to each their own,
that's my truth.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
After two months of dating, Naomi told her then boyfriend
about her identity.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
We started meeting in person, and so when we first
started chatting, I did not disclose that I was trans
to him. I just wanted to kind of chat and
see where it lan. But before we met, I told
him that I was trans, and I texted him I
was like, I understand if you don't want to see
me anymore, understand whatever your feelings are, but I just
want to let you know before we meet in person,
(20:45):
and so he was like, oh cool. That was like,
oh cool.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Cool with me.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
I was like great, no issue is cool.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Two years into their relationship, Naomi's then boyfriend claims not
to actually have known about her transition.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
We end up like going on for a while. We
hooked up even and still didn't know somehow could listen.
I don't want to get to the logistics in the
details of what was happening, but okay. And then I
think in like twenty eighteen, like two years into our relationship,
he was coming over more and more and more and
(21:21):
he found I think it was a picture of me
and my mom when I was younger, pre transition, and
he was like, what is this? And we had to
sit down conversation. I know it's really crazy, but we
had to sit down conversation, and like I explained it
to him because for some reason between then and then
(21:41):
he did not know what trans was. It was okay, cool,
and so his response to me was like, I didn't
fall in love with who you used to be, but
who you are, which I was like, okay, let's get.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Married, and they did get married. Naomi is still not
entirely sure how her identity wasn't clear to him, but
she's not hung up on it.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
We never really got into it. I think he was
kind of like, I don't know, actually I've never I
think he was more so like okay, cool in the
sense that I don't really think he read it, and
then when we had a conversation about it, that's when
he was like understanding it more. I think he was
just misinformed on what it was.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Naomi has advice for anyone that's dating a trans person
that decides to disclose.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
To them with anybody, right, Like, we're not linear, and
so I think there's when it comes to dating and
having those conversations. I always say, for me respectfully, like
I love a pronoun, so preferred pronouns always you never
know with people, and so I think that it's something
that people should think about. I always say tread with
(22:49):
caution when it comes to surgeries, just because like, not
everyone is super open about that, So asking about surgery
is just kind of like tread with caution. And whether
it's a friend, especially early dating, maybe once you get
more into the heavy relationship, like that's a conversation you
guys can have more openly, but that would be it
just kind of just be respectful, like treat us like
(23:12):
we're not different, you know. I think that would be
really important to do.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One of the things Naomi is navigating is whether she
and her husband will have children.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
My husband and I had a really open conversation about kids.
And it's funny because I was always someone who was
against it, and he was someone who always wanted kids,
And now it's kind of switched where it's like he
does not want kids anymore and I do. But we
kind of had like a really deep and open conversation
and we're like, by the time I'm twenty eight and
(23:44):
he's thirty, that we're going to start trying to have kids.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Naomi's husband asked her why she wanted to have kids.
This is what she had to say.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
I don't want a mini me, Like I don't want
a kid to like grow up and be like me.
I think for me, it's more so like being able
to raise someone to just be a better person, being
able to raise someone with the lessons I've learned. Right
going back to that where it's like I feel growing
up word doubt a lot of cards in life, and
(24:14):
we're out a lot of things that we have to learn,
and so I think for me, just being able to
experience raising a good person with someone you love is
something that I really really want to do. And so
we finally I guess the answer was good enough, and
he was like, Okay, like we can go ahead and try.
Whether it Sarah is your adoption, we don't know yet,
but yeah, definitely excited for that.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
On this episode of Senora, seg said, Naomi taught us
how differently life can look for different types of Latinas.
For her, as a trans Latina, puberty, coming out, self actualization,
finding love had a very particular feel and look for her.
(25:05):
She walked us through her multiple transitions in life and
how a supportive family and a loving partner made all
of it a beautiful experience at the end of it all.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Next time on Senora sex Said, we're joined by Mexican
actress Laura Patalano. You might have seen her in Mosquito.
Mari heentified or this fool.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
She even told me explore yourself. I was like, what
what is that? What are you talking about? Explore yourself
because nobody's going to know what it feels like if
you if you know where the points of pleasure are
for your own body, you know. So that was very
important for me because I was I was very young.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
I wasn't eighteen, No Spamma's cell.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Senora Sex Said is a co production between LOCATORA Productions
and My Coltura podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
This show is executive produced by Mala Munos and Them.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Also executive produced by Jisell.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Bances, produced by Stephanie Franco.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Creative direction by Mala Munios.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Story editing by Biosafem.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Music direction by Grisol Lomeli and
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Music produced by Brian Gazzo.
I'm moher. Have you spent any time on TikTok recently?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No?
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Have you seen this girl who does the fupantha smash? Well,
let me tell you all about it. You're gonna get
a kick out of this.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Senora, Yora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Hi, Senora.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Senora. Sex Ed Senora sex Said is not
your mommy's sex talk. This show is la platica like
you've never heard it before. With each episode, we're breaking
the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality in LATINX communities.
Latinas have been hyper sexualized in popular culture, but notoriously
(00:53):
denied sex education. This podcast is an intergenerational conversation between
Latinas from gen X to gen Z. We're covering all
kinds of topics, from puberty and body image to representation
in film, television, and music.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Remember that in this show, a Senora is a woman
with a lot of life experiences and stories to share.
Maybe she's in her thirties or her forties or fifties,
even older. Maybe she's trans, maybe she sis.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We are your host and producers, Viosa and Mala.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
You might recognize our voices from our other podcast, Look
at Tora Radio. Since twenty sixteen, we've covered all kinds
of topics, ranging from politics, to mental health, current events,
and of course sex. We still have so much to
learn and we hope you listen to each episode with
the Senoras and Senoritas in Your Life.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Chapter seven, Family First, then God. Before we bring on
today's guest, we want to discuss an instance, a moment
where we taught a senora or a woman older than
us about something in particular. In today's episode, you'll hear
how our guest did that with her family, so we
(02:17):
want to talk about maybe how we did that with ours.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So I have a very specific example that actually relates
back to Senora sex Ed. My mom has been listening
to Senora sex Ed and after her first listen, she
texted me and said, what does sis mean? What is sis?
And that was a moment for me to teach her
(02:41):
about cis gender and transgender identities. And what I said
to my mom is that a cisgender person is someone
who's gender identity and expression in one way or another
matches their sex assigned at birth. And it was a
moment I meant to also talk about how we are
(03:02):
cis gender women. I think that a lot, like a
lot of Senoras and older Latinas, It's likely that she
had never heard the term cis gender and did not
realize that that's what she is and that's what I am.
So that was a very recent teachable moment that came
about because of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I love that example. For me, mine is kind of
in that realm, but mine is with the word queer.
My mom came of age in the seventies and at
the time, saying the word queer was like saying a
derogatory term towards someone, towards a queer person, and so
my mom definitely stayed away from using that word. So
(03:43):
when I was in my early twenties and I started
using it because the queer community started reclaiming it and
I started identifying as queer, my mom had a really
hard time feeling comfortable with that word even hearing it,
because she still felt like, this is not a word
that we say. And so we had that discussion of
what it means to reclaim certain terms and how different
(04:06):
communities decide what they're reclaiming and how they identify. And
so now she is definitely more comfortable when hearing it
or seeing it, And it was one of those open
conversations where I had to tell her it's not necessarily
about you and your comfort level, but it's how a
community identifies. And so that was one instance where we
(04:28):
had to where I had to teach her, if you will,
of the development of a word and how its meaning
can change over the years depending how communities decide to
reclaim it.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I am beautiful, I am worthy of success. My transition
is my transition, and it's my journey.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
That's Naomi Heart's, a twenty six year old Chicana trans
woman and content creator.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I feel like my version of sex at is super
blurred because on one hand, I feel like my mom
was pretty active in informing me what sex is, especially
growing up like mel before I transitioned, she really was like,
we're condoms. You don't want to get anyone pregnant, And
I was like, actually, that's not going to happen, but
(05:25):
thank you for letting me know. And then I feel
like I learned more in school as well, But I
guess like my first actual introduction was my mom just
trying to break it down a little bit for me.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
When Naomi was in the seventh grade, she felt compelled
to come out to her mother. While driving to Thanksgiving dinner,
Naomi tried to get the words out.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
And something compelled me to kind of like speak to
her and tell her, like, I'm gay, and it just
didn't come out. It was just tears instead. And then
my mom was like, just say you're gay, like she
just knew, which was so interesting to me, And I
was like, you knew. But in my mind, just being
like Mexican and Latina and like all of that, and
(06:06):
hearing the stories of like families just not being supportive
just because of how they grew up, I was just
really terrified that she was not going to accept me.
But she was really welcoming and opening about it. The
only thing that was crazy to me was that she
was like, Okay, now that you told me at dinner,
we got to tell everyone else. I was like, oh,
(06:27):
so my cousin's already new because like we're pretty close,
we're really tight knit, but like my aunts and uncles
did not know.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Naomi was not ready to be out to her entire family,
But in retrospect, she's kind of grateful she had that push.
Speaker 4 (06:42):
But I think I'm kind of grateful, because I've learned
that the kind of person I am is I'm someone
who sometimes meet that extra push to stand for what
I want to stand for, just because I get nervous
of like ruffling feathers or making people uncomfortable more so
than myself, And so by her pushing me, I feel
like in that moment, I was a little frustrated, and
(07:04):
maybe that stuck with me for a bit, But as
I get older, I realized, like, actually, I think that
was her way of just like, get it over with,
it's okay. And you know, like a lot of people
in my family are LGBT, very very interesting.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Have you ever heard the saying primero dios. It translates
to God first, which signifies exactly that above all, God
comes first. But Naomi's family had a different saying.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
But my grandparents are super duper supportive, like they're really religious.
But my grandma's always told me, like, before God, it's family.
She's always said that, and it's rare to find that,
and she was like, it's always family first. And so
I think that really helped us out a lot, because
we don't get that.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
In the tenth grade, Naomi started questioning her identity once again.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
It doesn't feel that long ago, and it really isn't
that long ago. There wasn't a lot of like knowledge
about what being trans was and being transgender, and so
I was conflicted a lot, like am I just a
really feminine gay man?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Like?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Am I something wrong with me? Because it just I
did not feel like myself. And then I actually joined
this LGBT group in high school where I met a
trans person and they just kind of shared their experience
with me, and I was like, it just clicked.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Naomi sat her mom down a second time to have
another talk.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Here I go again coming to my mom having to
come out a second time, and I was like, you know,
I don't think I'm gay, and she was like confused
for a bed and I told her, I think I'm transgender,
and in that moment she was like, I don't know
what that is. I love you and I'm going to
support you and we're going to do it together.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Once again. Naomi's family motto family first, then God rang true.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
My mom's always been super supportive and like my family
from my mom's side has always been super sip. My
Grandma's always been like that. Her sisters are like aren't
you concerned with all of these people in your family
like queer And she was like okay, Like and what
about it always? And it's just it always makes U
feel comfortable going around, like our family in Mexico, because
we know that she'll say something like she's not going
(09:16):
to allow people to just even her host the blatant's
like bad mouth her kids and her grandkids.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Thanks for sticking around. We are back.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
When Naomi transitioned, she learned how to practice self love
regardless of what others might have to say.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
And then when I transitioned, I learned to kind of
like fall in love with my body because people were like, oh, well,
you're gonna transition and you're gonna be fat, Like why
are you doing it? And I was always getting questioned
about transitioning, and I was like, there are fat women, fascists,
women who exist in this world and are doing fine.
And so as I transitioned and learn how to be confident,
(10:08):
my sex became more about like sex and feeling good
versus like China fill avoid if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Over the decades, Western beauty standards have fluctuated. Generally, beauty
standards have idealized whiteness and thinness.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
There are so many standards that we have for beauty,
for weight, for everything, like we always have to look
some type of way, We always have to do something.
And I learned that for me, as long as I
feel good about my body, as long as I feel
good about myself, as long as I know that I'm
a good person, that's what's important.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Systems like colonialism, white supremacy, and capitalism have made it
impossible for young women not to internalize Western ideas of beauty,
and often the onus has put on the individual to
love themselves. Naomi recognize is that self love is an
ongoing journey.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
I always tell everyone this journey is not for the week,
but it's definitely a journey that every person should go
on and realize that everything that you were told, whatever
people said about you that was negative, is not you,
but a projection of them onto you. Because we growing
up right like growing up fat, I never thought it
was a problem.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Like many Latinas, Naomi heard negative comments about her body
from relatives. Did you ever receive unwanted feedback about your body?
From your mother or even you're a wuilita. This is
how Naomi processed those types of comments.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
But it was like my mother or my grandmother telling
me you shouldn't eat that, like that's too much, you know,
And looking at at it now, I realized that it
was their projection and their hurt that they were dealing with.
And I don't blame them for it. I talk to
them about it. I've acknowledged it, but I don't blame
them because they went through the same thing. And so
(11:59):
how do we break these generational curses?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Naomi talks to her bodemass about fatness and invites them
to participate in body positive spaces.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
I take them to places where they can see fat joy, right, So,
like there's this place that we love to go to
called thick Thrift, and it's every two months and it's
just like a bunch of plus sized people, plus size vendors,
and just seeing all these fat people together smiling and
happy and like, you know, they're not thinking about the
negative perception of us in the world. Like I'm like,
(12:31):
you want to come to thick Theft, Like let's go,
like just taking them so they can see other people
just living happily in their body, Like that's a way
that I'll do it. We also have conversations too, where
it's more of just like checking it, so like I
if I'm present and I hear a comment that they
make about themselves, we're like, hey, like how can we
work this differently?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Naomi uses that same body positive talk to create content online.
Her content is a blend of self love and comedy.
Some users have claimed her posts are self deprecating, but
Naomi says she's taking her power back.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
I really like making the content I make because I
feel like I was on this journey for so long
of accepting myself and accepting my body, and it's a
way of me reclaiming these things that people say about me.
So they say stuff deprecating I say, reclaiming things that
people say about me already and that they're gonna say
about me regardless of what I do. People say me
(13:27):
using the word fat, even that just me saying like fat,
A lot of people are not comfortable. Even sometimes it's
even like fat people, they're like just uncomfortable with that
word because it's been used so negatively, right, Like it's
just such a negative word that people say towards us,
but I'm like, in reality, it's just the word.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Naomi has a series called fu ban Sa Smash, But
what is a Fupansa?
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Obviously pansa stomach and Spanish, and so I was like,
banza's there, and then fupa is the word everyone gets
wrong because it's they our stomach that kind of SAgs
a little bit a fupa, which that's not what it is.
The pupa's like right above the vagina. And so I
put that together to in two fu panza smash, and
it just kind of blew up.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
So you guys are asking for tutorial, so I'm going
to give it to you. My husband's unaware of what's
going on, so you're gonna face me ever, gonna just
damn And that's how you do the smash, okay, because.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
There's in these videos, Naomi uses her fupanza as her
own form of digital physical comedy, poking fun at herself
and also sort of teasing her husband, who is often
her co star. In a lot of her online content.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Naomi witnesses how the beauty and fashion industry began to
embrace larger bodies, but she also recognizes there's been a
shift once again.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
There's been kind of this turn up of events recently. Specifically,
I feel like it's always been hard for Latinas in
general becoming content creators, getting booked. That's always been something
that's been difficult, even in traditional media, but add in
like being plus sized or being trans. Like I think
in twenty twenty, because COVID was happening and people were
(15:19):
gaining weight, we were stressed all of this stuff that
was happening. It became kind of like a self love
era for a little bit, and then people started to
lose the weight once we got out the house, and
it became like we hate fatties, and I was like, oh,
and so that seeing that landscape change of like brands
being so body positive and then it just going away.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
The media landscape can be harsh, especially to women and
most especially to fat women trans women, and it can
be very easy to internalize negative comments. But Naomi keeps
these words of affirmation close.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
I am beautiful, I am worthy of success. My transition
is my transition and it's my journey. And by that
I mean like I feel like, as humans, we like
to play comparison game, and this is with anything with
work with relationships with transitions, and so for me, it's like,
my transition is my transition, and that's all that matters.
(16:17):
And it does not matter to me if I look
like the next trans person. Like for me, it's how
I look and how I feel. So making sure people
know that, like your transition and your journey is sacred
and you don't have to look like everyone else, I
think is very important.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more
to come.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Thanks for sticking around.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
We are back.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Naomi defines her time after her transition as quote living stealth.
Here's what that means.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
I was fully comfortable in my transition and transness. I
want to say, say, like around the time I finished
high school, so twenty sixteen, and I got a job
pretty quickly, and so for me, out of fear of
like being trans outside of school, right, And so living
stealth means you just don't tell people that you're transgender.
And that's definitely a privilege and the possibility thing because
(17:17):
not everyone has access to medically transition, but I was
one of the few that did. And like grateful forever,
grateful for my family and my mom and all of that,
but I was living stealth.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
Once Naomi began dating, she navigated the disclosure of her
trans identity to potential dates.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
When I was dating, This is another thing I don't recommend.
I wouldn't disclose my transition right away, especially if I
didn't feel like it was going to lead anywhere. So
like I would go on a date here or there,
but it was never anything serious. So I was on
like Tinder and I would just go and dates and
I would just go see how it feels and like
have a good time. And I mean, for the most part,
it was good. Like I never had any issues. Again,
(17:59):
I always tell the girl, make sure you disclose it,
make sure you're safe. That's always, for me, the most
important thing. But at that time, like I was young,
I was just going out. But it was definitely an
interesting time.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
When Naomi was out one night, her date grabbed her
hand and revealed this to her.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
I think only one time did I ever feel kind
of like nervous because we were at the movies and
such a weirdo grab my hand and was like doing
this palm reading thing and he was like I know something,
and I was like what, and he was like, you
were born a man, I said. I said ooh, And
I was like, you know, I got in my feelings
(18:38):
or whatever, but it's the truth. So I didn't say anything.
I was like oh, and he was like, I didn't
say you are one. I said you were born one.
And then we went home and had sacks.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
For Naomi, disclosing her trans identity was a safety tool.
If the person reacted well, she could keep dating them.
If not, she stayed away. But Naomi also knows the
decision to disclose is extremely personal.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
I feel like for me, disclosing is just important for
safety one hundred percent, just because like, unfortunately we don't
live in a world where everyone's as accepting to trans people,
and you don't want to ever get in a situation
where it can get violent. And so for me, like
at that time again, doing all of this journey on
my own, without like trans mentors or like people on
(19:25):
social media who I can look at like, I was
just doing what I thought was best at the time
for me, And like now that I'm older and looking
back at it, I'm like, oof, I don't know if
that is something that I necessarily would do again, But yeah,
I think for me. It's like, disclosing is so important,
but I also feel like it is ultimately up to
the trans person.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Like many women her age, Naomi used dating apps to
meet potential love interest.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
On that tender phase. When I went on a lot
of dates and I was just kind of like seeing
what was out there. He super liked me, and I
I was like, oh, and he swears he didn't. He
swears up and down he didn't. But I was like,
at that time, I was like, you're not really my type.
You're like really nerdy. I wasn't really looking at that,
but I was like, you're bold for super likings, so
(20:14):
let's see where it goes. But whatever, to each their own,
that's my truth.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
After two months of dating, Naomi told her then boyfriend
about her identity.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
We started meeting in person, and so when we first
started chatting, I did not disclose that I was trans
to him. I just wanted to kind of chat and
see where it lan. But before we met, I told
him that I was trans, and I texted him I
was like, I understand if you don't want to see
me anymore, understand whatever your feelings are, but I just
want to let you know before we meet in person,
(20:45):
and so he was like, oh cool. That was like,
oh cool.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Cool with me.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
I was like great, no issue is cool.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Two years into their relationship, Naomi's then boyfriend claims not
to actually have known about her transition.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
We end up like going on for a while. We
hooked up even and still didn't know somehow could listen.
I don't want to get to the logistics in the
details of what was happening, but okay. And then I
think in like twenty eighteen, like two years into our relationship,
he was coming over more and more and more and
(21:21):
he found I think it was a picture of me
and my mom when I was younger, pre transition, and
he was like, what is this? And we had to
sit down conversation. I know it's really crazy, but we
had to sit down conversation, and like I explained it
to him because for some reason between then and then
(21:41):
he did not know what trans was. It was okay, cool,
and so his response to me was like, I didn't
fall in love with who you used to be, but
who you are, which I was like, okay, let's get.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
Married, and they did get married. Naomi is still not
entirely sure how her identity wasn't clear to him, but
she's not hung up on it.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
We never really got into it. I think he was
kind of like, I don't know, actually I've never I
think he was more so like okay, cool in the
sense that I don't really think he read it, and
then when we had a conversation about it, that's when
he was like understanding it more. I think he was
just misinformed on what it was.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Naomi has advice for anyone that's dating a trans person
that decides to disclose.
Speaker 4 (22:27):
To them with anybody, right, Like, we're not linear, and
so I think there's when it comes to dating and
having those conversations. I always say, for me respectfully, like
I love a pronoun, so preferred pronouns always you never
know with people, and so I think that it's something
that people should think about. I always say tread with
(22:49):
caution when it comes to surgeries, just because like, not
everyone is super open about that, So asking about surgery
is just kind of like tread with caution. And whether
it's a friend, especially early dating, maybe once you get
more into the heavy relationship, like that's a conversation you
guys can have more openly, but that would be it
just kind of just be respectful, like treat us like
(23:12):
we're not different, you know. I think that would be
really important to do.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
One of the things Naomi is navigating is whether she
and her husband will have children.
Speaker 4 (23:23):
My husband and I had a really open conversation about kids.
And it's funny because I was always someone who was
against it, and he was someone who always wanted kids,
And now it's kind of switched where it's like he
does not want kids anymore and I do. But we
kind of had like a really deep and open conversation
and we're like, by the time I'm twenty eight and
(23:44):
he's thirty, that we're going to start trying to have kids.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Naomi's husband asked her why she wanted to have kids.
This is what she had to say.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
I don't want a mini me, Like I don't want
a kid to like grow up and be like me.
I think for me, it's more so like being able
to raise someone to just be a better person, being
able to raise someone with the lessons I've learned. Right
going back to that where it's like I feel growing
up word doubt a lot of cards in life, and
(24:14):
we're out a lot of things that we have to learn,
and so I think for me, just being able to
experience raising a good person with someone you love is
something that I really really want to do. And so
we finally I guess the answer was good enough, and
he was like, Okay, like we can go ahead and try.
Whether it Sarah is your adoption, we don't know yet,
but yeah, definitely excited for that.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
On this episode of Senora, seg said, Naomi taught us
how differently life can look for different types of Latinas.
For her, as a trans Latina, puberty, coming out, self actualization,
finding love had a very particular feel and look for her.
(25:05):
She walked us through her multiple transitions in life and
how a supportive family and a loving partner made all
of it a beautiful experience at the end of it all.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Next time on Senora sex Said, we're joined by Mexican
actress Laura Patalano. You might have seen her in Mosquito.
Mari heentified or this fool.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
She even told me explore yourself. I was like, what
what is that? What are you talking about? Explore yourself
because nobody's going to know what it feels like if
you if you know where the points of pleasure are
for your own body, you know. So that was very
important for me because I was I was very young.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
I wasn't eighteen, No Spamma's cell.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Senora Sex Said is a co production between LOCATORA Productions
and My Coltura podcast Network.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
This show is executive produced by Mala Munos and Them.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Also executive produced by Jisell.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Bances, produced by Stephanie Franco.
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Creative direction by Mala Munios.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Story editing by Biosafem.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Music direction by Grisol Lomeli and
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Music produced by Brian Gazzo.
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