August 5, 2022 • 47 mins
Can you find love on a podcast? With the help of professional matchmakers, love may be in the airwaves! For the next few episodes, Talia Goldstein and Becca Klein from Three Day Rule Matchmaking are with us, and they’ve got the goods to enliven our guest Ashley’s love life! Matchmaking Step One? Ashley is going on a first date with eligible bachelor #1 (and we get to hear it all!).
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View episode transcript here: https://otter.ai/u/9hoP9EkqcY7j70nhP1L_zs0i_sA
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Can you find love on a podcast? Perhaps not any
old podcast, but maybe if you have the help of
a professional matchmaker, love maybe drifting on the airwaves for you.
I'm Talia and I'm Becca and welcome to Love Struck Daily.
I'm in love with the same. I'm help with you.
(00:36):
I am Talia Goldstein. I'm the founder of Three Day
Rule Matchmaking. We are a personalized matchmaking company. We work
one on one with clients and we get to know
them really well and we set them up with high
quality matches. I'm Becca Klein. I'm a matchmaker and date
coach with Three Day Rule and uh today we are
(00:58):
working with our lovely Actually, she has the most infectious personality, smile, laugh,
all the above. She's outgoing, personable and we are just
wanting to find her a great guy. Hey, Ashley, how's
it going. It's going well. I'm excited to be here today.
(01:18):
Thank you for having me. It's good to see you.
So what part of l are you in. I'm in
West Hollywood. I love West Hollywood. The so fun. Yeah,
it's a perfect place to live when you just moved
to l A totally exactly. Yeah, it's yeah, it's great.
I am currently in the Cayman Islands. How's the weather.
(01:40):
It's nice, definitely humid, which I forgot about um since
being in California. I had a trip this past weekend
back to I'm from the East Coast, so back to
North Carolina, and somehow it was cheaper to fly out
of the country into the Cayman Islands and then back
to l A. So I don't really know how that
worked out, but I lived in the Cayman Islands last
(02:02):
year for a year, so that's kind of my connection
to here. But yeah, so I'm outside, like on my
friend's back porch right now and it's very nice. So
hopefully the chickens don't start getting too crazy. That'll be
a nice conversation starter, exactly. It's like, if you hear screaming,
it's not me, it's the chicken. So we have an
(02:26):
amazing match Jeff for you today, and we kind of
thought he was a good match for you for a
couple of reasons. What we know of you is you
have a bubbly, bright, outgoing personality. You are easy to
talk to, You just radiate joy and energy. So you
really have this desk for life, and we want someone
who matches that for you and brings some of that
(02:47):
to the table as well, but can also balance out
the self proclaimed romanticizer that you have inside of you,
that kind of you know, leans towards big gestures and
wanting the big the big moments of love um and
oftentimes feels disappointed. So incomes Jeff. That's kind of why
we chose him for you. So you guys share actually
a lot of similar qualities. He too is outgoing, He
(03:11):
is very personable, so easy to talk to, very optimistic
outlook on life. So you guys share what we consider
to be core personality values and things that are important
in the way that you perceive life. Where we think
he can really balance you out is he tends to
be a little bit more of the grounding force. So
a bit of relationship history and Jeff was in a
(03:33):
long term relationship ended about two years ago. He's taken
the time to process. He's pretty open about it. So
he's someone who's done that internal work on himself. He
kind of knows what he's looking for and at the
same time as an open mind and an open heart
and is really ready to meet somebody new. So we
feel like that part of him would be a good
balance to the romanticizer and that he, you know, has
(03:56):
a bit of that himself. He wants love, he's looking
for that in the same way you are, and he
can maybe take it at a solar pace that was
a little bit more consistent and you know, bring the
joy and the excitement, but at the same time the
consistency that we're looking for in the longer term relationship.
So we really view you as kind of the free spirit,
(04:17):
the outgoing, you know, energizer bunny that is going to
bring the light and energy and joy, and we really
see him as kind of the grounding rock who can
ground the relationship and again has that joy and zest
for life, but at the same time won't maybe go
for the big spark moments and kind of go for
the more subtle ones that make you feel seen and
heard and special and safe in a relationship. And on
(04:40):
that topic, we know that you are a hopeless romantic
that I just want to remind you, Ashley that this
is not like the movies. This is not like romantic
comedies and Disney fairy tales, and actually it's best not
to have those crazy butterflies on the first date. What
you found in the couples that we've matched successfully is
(05:03):
typically the ones that go on to get married come
back to tell us that they felt at ease, they
felt at home, they felt comfortable, the best version of themselves.
So that's really what we should be looking out for.
It's just how you feel on the date and seeing
if you feel comfortable in Jeff's presence. I also encourage
you not to go to deepen your head on the date.
(05:26):
If we don't have to analyze if he's your future
husband or the father of your children, or if he's
going to be good in bed. That is information that
we do not need right now. We can analyze that later.
So for now, your job is just to go into
the date and be present and have fun and get curious,
and that's it. And so I encourage you to bring
(05:49):
out that playful personality that you have your You can
talk about things that you're passionate about, which likely is
work and interest outside of work. If you end up
on the subject of work, you know, try to move
past it pretty quickly. It's hard to have a romantic
connection if you're only talking business. So you're welcome to
bring it up, but let's not stay on that topic
(06:10):
too long, and try to keep it pretty light, not
to go into heavy topics on the first few dates.
And it should really feel like a ping pong match.
So you ask a question. He asked a question, and
the question should be more open ended. So instead of
do you have siblings, which is a yes or no answer,
(06:31):
more like tell me about your family or tell me
about the last trip you took something, so the two
of you can tell stories and have more of a
conversation than yes or no answers. So that's it. I
really have fun and we will debrief after the date
and that's where we can figure out what the next
steps are. But in the moment, just be yourself and
(06:55):
be present. That was super helpful advice to hear because
I was already going into my head. So awesome. That
sounds great. Okay, we're going to set the stage for
the state. We've ordered you both postmates. I know yours
has already arrived, Ashley. I know this is a virtual date,
but let's pretend you're together in acute restaurant, enjoying a
(07:16):
lovely brunch together. Welcome to the show, jab Hi. Actually
it's nice to be too, Hi, Jeff. Nice to meet you. Okay,
so are you do you already have your brunch. I'm
curious about what you ordered. I do I have my brunch.
(07:37):
My brunch is a talk of salad, so you know,
very interesting, very brunchy obviously, yeah, very brunchy. Do you
usually go for the savory over the suite then, if
you had to choose, yeah, I would say I'm definitely
more of a savory person. I was just talking with
some friends yesterday about our like ideal brunch order system,
(08:00):
like how we like to work through brunch. So I
would say I'm more savory. What about you, Oh, I'm
totally more savory, like a Huntever some more savory. Like
I will really really crave pancakes or something like on occasion,
like I have to have pancakes right now, but on
like a normal like we're going out kind of thing.
It's a Sunday like today, I got the sorrel rice
bowl from Squirrel and that's just like yeah, like bacon,
(08:24):
past or rice, eggs, Like I usually just want eggs
in the morning more than anything into the If it's
the a m. It's still the morning, like that's still breakfast.
I haven't told noon to just eat breakfast food exactly,
and even then after then honestly, like I don't really
place judgments on it, but yeah, yeah, I love like
savory breakfast food. Savory breakfast is the best. Are you
(08:44):
like a when it comes to like breakfast sausages? Are
you like a link? S guy? Or like a round
like patties? Wow, that's an interesting question. I mean links
probably because I feel like that's what I get, like
eighty two, Like every time I ask your sausage, that
that's what I get. So I don't even think about
the choice that much. Like if it's the same meat,
is that just a texture thing? Am I just like
(09:05):
picking my form? Because if I'm just picking a form,
then yeah, I'll just stick with the links, you know.
I like the links. You can just eat those, you
can pick them up with your hand, you can do
whatever you want exactly. That's true. Any food is finger
food if you try hard enough, that's my But it's
nicer that there's shaped like French fries, you know, or
like mozzarella sticks or something. Yeah, it's very dippable. Okay, Yeah,
(09:32):
so shoot, I I'm so hungry. I cannot wait for
those good here. Oh my gosh, all right, but Ashley,
tell me, like, you live in l A or around
l A, Like what do you do? Yeah, So I
live in l A. I moved there just before Christmas
(09:52):
of last year. Welcome very just I love it though.
It's amazing. Um and I'm in like the West Hollywood area,
so all of that fun stuff. And do you go
like out there? Are you been going out out like
on the weekends there? I would say I've been out
(10:14):
maybe three times since moving. I lived overseas before moving
to l A, and I went out like all the
time there. So I feel like now I'm in my
like detox space for sure. For sure. Yeah, if someone's like, hey,
we're all going out, then I can be convinced. But
(10:35):
I definitely, uh, my weekends are a bit more chill now.
So yeah, I found myself going the exact same way,
but it's it's just because of the pandemic, Like it's
like the sharp divide between Like I was going out
all the time every weekend, generally maybe a brunch, you know,
just whatever. If somebody invited to me, I was probably
gonna go, uh and that would be like two or
three nights in a weekend. But then you know, everything happened,
(10:58):
Everything shut down for a while, we had to learn
how to entertain ourselves in our own homes for a while.
And then even when yeah, I remember it was very
is remember when things opened up, I thought I was
just gonna be like I don't know, I was going
to dive in, Like I was just gonna be like
this crazy like Harmer said, I'm gonna go insane, like
I've been in such something. I'm gonna I have to
go to every club, I gotta do everything. And that
(11:18):
didn't happen like at all, Like it actually took me,
Like I feel like months after everything open to even
like start being like okay, like I'll go out like
once a weekend or something. Yeah. You know, sometimes it's
like I'm a very very social person, but you know
you think like damn, you know, like I really could
just finish this show right now tonight, and like I
can talk to them later. It's not the end of
(11:40):
the world, right, Like I used to think, like, oh,
I'm not going to see them for a whole week.
That's crazy. But maybe it's just be getting older, you know,
you're kind of like, yeah, like you can just talk
again later. You can just put it off. It's fine,
take some time for yourself. Exactly. Would you say that
you are more like an introvert or an extrovert when
it comes to just like daily life. Absolutely an extrovert.
(12:03):
But that's why I like, oh my god, I think
that's my order calling me. Yeah, yeah, yeah from Abby. Perfect. Okay,
we're gonna we're gonna don't at that conversation point right there.
Perfect pause, I will be right back. We're gonna pause
it right there, and we're back. Awkward slide in that there.
(12:40):
Excuse the poor lighting. I'm still designing the studio space
a bit and okay, yeah and action, we're back. Um. Yeah,
all I was saying was that, yes, I am an extrovert.
Once you get me out, I'm out. I love it.
I love people, I love em a good time. Um.
But I think it wasn't like my personality changed or
(13:03):
anything because of the pandemic, but I found myself enjoying
solitude more than I ever had before. I think before
I was like I didn't want to be alone a
lot of the time, and now I'm like, you know,
I can enjoy moments where I'm like learning something today,
like I'm learning a new skill or something, or I'm
reading more, and those are like solitary activities, and I
think I'm starting to enjoy those more. But what about you,
(13:24):
I would say definitely an octrovert. Everything I do is
always around people. But I would agree with you. I
think I think the pandemic definitely. I guess like sped
up the process that I was maybe realizing before the
start of it of like the like how good it
is to have quality time like with yourself and like
(13:45):
you said, like learning new skills and like reading new
books and those are things that typically you just do
like by yourself. Um so yeah, I feel like through
the pandemic, I really dug into that and now I
would agree, like I also am like oh yeah, like
like even now, I have one day a week where
I literally don't make plans, I don't talk to anyone,
(14:07):
Like I literally just like stay at home and like
clean my room or read or just like watch TV
or whatever I feel like doing. And it's like halfway
through the day, I'm like, Okay, I think I do
kind of want to be around people, like I'll let
myself do stuff, but I'd like to have one day
where it's just like I don't have anything planned. This
is my day to recenter or whatever I need to
do however i'm feeling, and yeah, I definitely value that.
(14:30):
And even I'm like on vacation right now, like I've realized, oh,
I really do value that alone time, like having people
always around and always coming up to and be like,
what do you want to do? Now, Let's do this,
Like I'm like, oh god, this is a lot um
Oh my gosh, Okay, sorry vacationing with a vacation with
a big group. No, it's just me, but I have
(14:50):
been staying with friends and so it will have like
all of our friend group like from when I lived
in that place wherever, like come over. So it's like
everyone's there to like see me and hang out and
so everyone's like, let's do this, let's do that. What
are you doing while your headphones and what are you
listening to? Like I'm just trying to be chill, I know.
But yeah, so it's been pretty good. But that definitely
(15:12):
made me realize, like, oh, I do value being able
to just wake up in my room and take my
time and do whatever and not have people jumping on
me and dogs on me, and like everyone's like, let's
hang out right now, So let's hang out, let's say out. Yeah,
that's why I was asking about the vacation of the
group thing, because that's that's the thing that when everybody's
(15:33):
trying to figure out what to do, and it's like
what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
What are you gonna do? And that there's a lot
of energy, like especially if you're the driving force sometimes,
like I have found that like depending on who the
group is. When I've gone like I don't know, Europe
or something, it's like nobody knows what to do, and
I'm like, we have to do something, Guys, Like I'm
just like I feel like I have to do this
driving force and organizing people. And then I like like, yeah,
(15:56):
I think I traveled. I traveled once by myself. Finally,
and then he like changed my entire perspective on it
because I was like, I have no pressure. Like that's
the thing. It's pressure. I have no pressure to do
anything at this moment. Like I could stay in this
hotel all day, but obviously I'm not going to do that.
But I can just choose when I go out and
do the things that I want to do. No, I've
never done like a solo trip. I've always done a
(16:18):
trip where it's like maybe I'm traveling like solo to
get to somewhere, but I'm like meeting people there and
stuff like that. I've never done just a trip where
it's just me out and about. So that's really awesome
that you don't know. I would tell everybody to do
a big thing by themselves, not even like traveling over
the country, but you know, a two day hike or something.
You know, I don't know, it's it's magical. It's magical.
(16:41):
Where are you on vacation? But if you don't mind
me asking? So? Yeah. So I'm from the East Coast,
originally North Carolina primarily, and then I moved overseas to
the Cayman Islands. I lived there for a year um
working and then after I finished my work permit there,
I ended up moving to l A. So I am
back on the East Coast this weekend. Um. I was
(17:03):
in North Carolina for a couple of days and then
now I'm currently in the Cayman Islands um and then
I'll be coming back to l A this afternoon. Wow. Okay,
So I'm curious. Those are three entirely different climates. Uh,
what do you like more? You know, do you would
you rather just be constant heat or do you want seasons? Basically,
(17:23):
I love LA's climate the most because there's no humidity,
so I like have my best like hair days in
life on the West Coast, I think because of that.
So definitely LA's climate. I would say the Cayman Islands
are less humid than North Carolina right now, which is surprising,
but how that's the case. So I am not as
(17:46):
hot here as I was in North Carolina, but it's
still a humidity. So I'm like, yeah, humidity, heat is
so different, like because I grew up I'm growing up
in southern California my whole life. I grew up like
an hour south of l A. Move to l A
like actually ten ten years. Yeah, it's been about ten
years ago, And yeah, I guess I just always thought
(18:08):
this is what heat is. Like I think I just
grew up being like desert heat is the heat. And
then I go to New York for the first time
and I'm like, oh, this sucks. I'm sweating as soon
as I walk out the door. I have to shower
three times a day. Uh, this is absolutely Now it's raining. Great.
Now I was already wet, you know, I was already wet,
but now it's raining, So who cares, It's a warm rain,
like whatever, I'll just slop slop slop walking through that.
(18:31):
So yeah, yeah, you know it's it's funny because because
I've lived here my whole life, and I've had a
lot of moments where I was like, I'm going to
move to New York. You know, you just think that,
you know, I really like to move to New York.
It would be cool to change it up. I love
the city. I visited it for about a month straight,
so I was like at least enough time in my
head that I was like, I know what it would
(18:52):
be like to navigating the city. But it was during
the summer when I visited, and I always think about it,
and that's would have held me back. Other things that
held me back. But I like, I would be a
big baby, Like I'd be a baby in the winter
when it's too cold, because I like the cold. I'd
be a baby in the summer it was would be
too sweaty. I like bumbling up in the winter and
all that like there's something comforting about it. But if
(19:14):
it was like I mean, it is l A, so
summer is all the time kind of but yeah, it's
summer was all the time and nice, just beautiful beach
weather all the time, I'd be in heaven. Yeah. I
didn't realize until I was texting my friends and I
was like, Okay, what's the weather going to be like
this weekend. They're like, oh, well, it's been raining like
every day for the last like two weeks. And I that.
(19:35):
I was like standing in l A, like on Third
Street or something, and I was like, oh hmm, I
forgot about rain and it's really sunny here and I
don't want to go back to the rain like um
And I was like, okay, yeah, I think I like
the West Coast weather better. Um. So bankfully, it's only
rain like twice since I've been here. In both times
like we were just inside doing stuff, so it was like, oh, rain,
(19:56):
and now it's gone awesome. There was like a thunderstorm
this morning, which scared me a little bit. I forgot
about those as well. Um yeah, definitely definitely West Coast.
Um New York would be. Yeah, I never want to
be in New York in the summertime. I feel like
that I would die. It's it's it's it's pretty it was,
it's pretty rough. It's pretty rough. I want to ask,
(20:18):
because you've only been in l A for a little bit,
you know, relatively speaking, like, what's the most l A
thing you've done, like stereotypically l A that you don't
if you don't need stereotypically l A thankesince you've been here.
Hold tight, we're going to be back in just a
moment after this short rain. What's the most l A
(20:45):
thing you've done, like stereotypically l A that you don't
if you don't need stereotypically l A thankesince you've been here.
I would say stereotypical l A thing that I've done.
So recently, Ramon had the like Hayley Bieber smoothie UM
that came out and my friend, yeah, it was pretty good. UM.
(21:07):
My friends were super obsessed with it, so they got
it like so many times. I just had it. The
one time and I had it and we were like
sitting outside drinking it, and I was like, honestly, like, yeah,
it's not too bad. I was like, but I think
my favorite like Smoothie collab of the year has been
like the earth Bar, like that happy collaboration earlier in
the year. So I would say that that's probably most
(21:31):
like stereotypical, like l a thing that I've like said
or done since being there, like keeping an eye on
smoothie collaborations and rating them. Yeah, I wanted to as
soon as you said smoothie collab. As soon as you
said the words, that's when I wanted to scream, that's
the most l a thing. As soon as you said it,
it was like so on point. I was like, yeah,
(21:51):
you're talking about smoothie clubs. Like over here they're talking
about shoot collabs, you know, music collapse. Now we're talking
smoothie collapse at Arawan. You didn't see that infused about it.
Was it actually that good? It was okay? I was like,
this is a seventeen dollar smoothie. I believe it's It
was fine, um, but the earth Bar mat happy. It
(22:14):
was only twelve dollars and it was blue and they
put a little strawberry on your straw and it was
it was better. So it was better. They put more
effort into the presentation, and that's important. If there's anything
we care about it's freaking presentation exactly. Yeah. I think
I got that smoothie like more times than I can
count for sure before it went away. So that one
(22:37):
definitely favorite. So we'll see. It's only halfway through the year,
so there might be some other contenders that come out,
so we'll have to see you have fully embraced smoothie
culture in l A uh. And now I have to
take any classes like any l any soul cycle on
the hot Yo. Okay, that's the real l A vibe there,
because I've tried all of them. Never committed, but I've tried.
(22:57):
I recently have taken first soul cycle class, like I've
only done I think two classes so far. One of
my co workers she goes pretty religiously, and so she'll
text me and she'll be like, hey, there's a Beyonce
ride or like hey there's the eighties whatever, and so
I'll be like, okay, I think I can go to that.
But it actually was fun. I was kind of intimidated
because soul cycle has such a like i don't know,
(23:20):
like reputation that precedes it. I was like, oh God,
this is gonna be scary and intense. But I've done
like other rhythmic themes like spin classes, and it felt
just like that. So I was like, oh, okay, I
was scared of this for no reason. What's been your
favorite like class that you've done. I think I was
also surprised by spin. Like I said, I only tried
(23:42):
it out like twice. But I think I was also like,
this is gonna be dumb, this is gonna be weird,
this is gonna be just like you know. I just
didn't think it was gonna even be like that much
for work out and all this other stuff. I don't know.
I had a lot of preconceptions about it, and I
was like, wow, this is like this beat my ass.
This was great, This is a lot of fun. The
music was great, the okay, this is actually funny. The
class I liked the most was what I I almost
(24:05):
did on a dare because it was with It was
with and it was like this is years ago? Was
it years ago? With an old girlfriend and her her
she like lived like on like the kind of the
border of Beverly Hills, and her mom always went to
these classes and she's like, oh, I go to my
mom to these classes. Fun. She didn't say what kind
of class it was, and I was like, I don't
want to go. I'm not gonna hang out with all
the Beverly Hills moms right now. But at the same time,
(24:26):
I also thought it would be really funny to hang
out all the Beverly Hills moms. So I ended up
going with her and her mom and it was a
bar class. Uh yeah, And that's so like it was
a lot of flexibilities, so much flexibility that I'm just
the least flexible person of bagiable. I am the least
flexible person ever. Up too tall, I'm too tight, and
I'm just like they're putting me to put my legs
(24:47):
on the bar, They're telling me to do all these things,
and I'm just dying like I was. And you could
tell that the teacher like really got a kick out
of this. She was like this just this little little
lady being like all right now, Jeff. She'd always singled
me out because just the one guy who's like in
his twenties and they're like you can really do it,
I believe, and you just get your leg over and
then she like trying to push my leg over and
(25:08):
I'm like, please stop. That keeps hurting that's hurting. That's hurting,
please stop. And all the moms are doing great, Like
none of the moms are breaking a sweat. I'm dying,
Like I'm dying, I'm in pain. I was sweating, but
it was like one of the best workouts I've had
in like forty five minutes. I was like like shocked
about how it should like stretched me out work to
be out there push ups and stuff too, So it's
not just stretching. There's push ups and all sort of
stuff you are like working out. It's just none of
(25:30):
the moms are breaking a sweat. That was just embarrassing,
but like none of the moms are writting sweat, and
I was dying, and like the late teachers coming up
to me, you did so good, you did so good,
just like really just really about houses. Like so it
was like simultaneously terrible but also like I was like,
that is a good class. Like if you want like
(25:51):
a compressed workout in forty five minutes, this was great. Yeah,
I probably would never do that, but it's so it's brutal.
It's brutal. I feel like it was like custom to
these moms or something too, Like it was like extra brutal.
I have no idea, but yeah, I don't really do
classes or structured programs that much for exercise and getting out,
(26:11):
like I really really love now walking and getting outside
and hiking a lot um. And when I walk and
go on hikes, I don't even do like designated trails
or I don't think about the trail as much. I'm
just like, i'd rather walk with no purpose because that's
more meditative, it's more relaxing to just like I don't
have to plan this out. I'm just gonna go with it,
(26:32):
and I do that if I go to the gym
kind of the same thing. Like you know, it used
to be like I had a very very heavily structured
plan for every single part of me working out and exercising.
And I just realized that that was an unnecessary point
of stress for me because I know enough to do
it well. And I think if you're starting out and whatever,
people need structure. But I was like, I can just
(26:53):
have more fun being like I don't really know what
I'm gonna do today, Like I might do way more
bike in yoga, I might do or free weights or like,
and then for the hiking and walking, which I try
to do every day. Like that's what the pandemic, like
pandemic taught me whatever it was like, walking is crazy.
Walking is the best thing of the world. Walking. I
just like, it's not even about the exercise of it.
(27:14):
I'm just like I never believed in walking before, which
is a weird thing to say, but I just did it.
I did it. Was like that's what old people do.
So that's just old people going walks. That's just that's
my mentality. Like you always see like these little things
like get any man's exercise to day and it's an
old person doing its power walking. If I have the
time and it's early, um, and I don't want to
start work till a little later, I just don't even
(27:36):
think about it. And then it's like two hours, it's
like two and a half hours, eight miles whatever it is,
you know, and it's just through the city and you
just discover things, you know. So I think having less
structure leaves you more open to just finding finding out
things are finding random things. Sorry, if you can hear
this truck that decided to just batch up, um, yeah,
(28:01):
so honestly, so I think it's a golf cart. I
don't even know, but yeah, I walking is so underrated,
Like I feel like people don't realize how great it is.
And I also kind of rediscovered it during the pandemic
and I was like, oh, this is great. And I
typically will do like a strength training something or other,
(28:25):
like three ish days a week usually, so that's typically
what I'll do, but certain weeks are just more like
I find that if I am like mentally and emotionally overwhelmed,
like walking is just the easiest thing for me to do,
Like there's just a very low like barrier to entry.
I can just go outside and like walk around my
complex or whatever it may be. But typically, yeah, I
(28:48):
like to strength train. I've coached a gym and so
it's like a strength training gym, So I'll just go
there and like hop into a class um just to
get in and get out um. And then I'll sometime
times go to just like random fitness classes, like with
people that I know. If they're like, hey, I'm going
to this boxing class or hey I'm going to go
to this pilates class or whatever, I'm like, oh, sure
(29:09):
that sounds fun. But yeah, I would say mostly what
I do is some form of walking, some form of lifting,
and then it just kind of changes week to week
which one is the which one I do more based
on like how I'm feeling and like what's on my
schedule that week. So yeah, yeah, wait, did I catch coaching?
You coach? You coach something I do? Yeah, I'm a
(29:31):
like fitness coach. M. That's what I've done the last
like five years. I kind of impressed. We we we
actually we got to the end without even asking what
we do. Actually really it's actually pretty good. We only
till now do we finally get to the hey, what
do you do? I know, yeah, I hate that, but
this is this is actually interesting though. So fitness instructor,
(29:53):
fitness coach. Yeah, yes, yeah, fitness instructor. I've been like
personal training and group fitness coaching for the last five
or six years. Um, so that's what I was doing
in the Cayman Islands. That's what I did before. Then
I'd like kind of change what method I've done it into,
like I've done it corporately. I've done it primarily for
like CrossFit style gyms and stuff like that. And so
(30:15):
the gym I'm at now, it's not a CrossFit gym.
It's just like a strengthened conditioning gym um one because
I'm getting older, so my body couldn't handle being wrecked
every single day, and like I was getting lots of
injuries and things. I was like, you know, maybe I
should you know, listen to my body. Um. So yeah,
that's like one of the main things that I do.
(30:36):
And yeah, it's super fun. I love it. Love getting
to make a difference in people's lives and like watch
people gain confidence in themselves and all of that fun stuff.
Yeah that's so, that's really really cool. Yeah, I would
love I said, I think it'd be cool if I
if I got paid to talk, that would be perfect.
That's all I ever do. But if also if I
just got paid to like move my body and teach
(30:58):
people how to move their body, that'd be great. I
know there's trade. I would be so much trading and
like you gotta learn a lot of stuff because the
one thing I've always behind on that I don't know
is like the anatomy and stuff, like I have my
fitness for INDs always like gosh, like you know, they're
talking about delt toys or whatever. You know, they're just
talking to muscles and stuff, and I'm like I thought,
(31:19):
you just lift heavy things and then boom you get
you just get look good, you just look sexy. Like
that's just the whole thing that was my trading regiment
at first. I'm just like, you lift big things and
you look good. That's like yeah no. But like my
job is like me sitting sitting all the time. That's
kind of my biggest struggle. It is like I really
have to force myself to be like I need to
go out today, I need to walk, I need to
(31:41):
work out because I work from home like the time.
I have this really bad lighting here because I'm like
designing a studio space. I work in like uh like
sound and sound design for like film and television. Yeah yeah, yeah,
so it's a lot of computer stuff. I work on
film sets like twenty percent of the time, which is
great because I guess I get out of the house.
But I am editing at this computer at this very
(32:03):
station so much and it I love the creativity of it.
But you just I lose like four to six hours
not even realizing it. And I really I haven't moved
out of my chair. I even know they say stretch
every twenty minutes, and I'm like why yeah, that's so hard.
I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm so bad. My
back's gonna break when I'm thirty five, you know. I
just like as soon as I found out, like how
(32:25):
you're actually supposed to do it. But yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's like I have to balance those things in my
life because I couldn't. I've like gone periods without the physical,
without the fitness, without the walking stuff, and then I
just realized I'm more depressed, I'm more anxious, like all
these things. It's like they can they're not solved, but
I can just feel so much better if I just
(32:46):
I go and move. And I didn't even realize the
connection between the two at first, but now I'm like, oh,
I have to. Yeah, do you do individual classes, big classes?
Do you do both? Yeah? I do at the gym
that I'm at now, it's more like small group training,
so there's like eight to ten people per class usually
like on the weekend. Sometimes there's a little more people
(33:08):
because we have less class options for people to pick from.
But yeah, so I do that. I used to do
more like one on one clients also, but I think
I got a little just burned out from that. During
covid because I was doing so much of that and
like pivoting everything online and all of that stuff. And
so now I just have one client that I see,
(33:28):
um like for one on one stuff and the rest
is just the group classes because I like, I like
the group classes that there's just so much energy and
you can like really brighten people's day and it's like
you can kill all the birds with one stone, um
and just make an impact on like the most people
at the most time. And um. Yeah, I like the
class setting how people's energy can just all kind of
(33:50):
like feed off of each other. And yeah, I think
it's I think it's really fun. That's crazy that you
do like sound stuff. I okay, this is back here.
Unfortunately we're at times, so it's your time to say goodbyes. Bye. Actually,
it was so fun talking to you and meeting you. Seriously,
(34:11):
it was a good time. Yeah. So nice meeting you, Jeff,
so nice chatting with you. This was super fun. Okay, Ashuley,
take your headphones off for a second. We want to
talk to Jeff privately. Thank you now. First of all,
it was so fun to watch this day. I was
smiling from ear ear. So hopefully you had a great time,
but would love to just hear from your perspective how
(34:32):
you thought the date went. Don't go anywhere. We'll be
back after this short break. Hopefully you had a great time,
but would love to just hear from your perspective how
you thought the date went. Wow, I actually thought it
(34:56):
went pretty well, especially considering the like the way I
I've never done virtual dating or anything like that. I
haven't done like a FaceTime date or something like that.
So I was just thinking, like, oh, the internet is
going to cut out these things happen. But even when
this stuff happened, you know, we were able to pick
up the flow of conversation really easily again. And I
mean that's like the number one big thing out of
a good date for me. I'm like, the conversation was
(35:16):
slowing really naturally. Yes, agreed, And what would you say,
are like the top three things that you really appreciated
about Actley? Like the passion for the work she does,
because you know the way she talked about like I'm
a physical trainer and all this, but it's about what
I give to people, Like it's like I can impact
most people. I think she said that twice that wasn't.
That's an amazing quality because I think about that in
(35:37):
my work creatively all the time, and like how my
creative work and you know, make people have an emotional
connection with people. Um, And she's just doing that in
a different way through lack of physical training and getting
people the best part of themselves. So that was really great.
Number two, she's cute. That's great. Um. And uh yeah.
(35:57):
Number Number three. I just love people who who can
talk and who can like give you a good story
off of just one question and stuff like that, like oh,
like just just just you know, just tell me about
that vacation, you know, and just keep going without me
even prodding at all. Those are probably the best qualities
I think. I love that. I love that you started
with the values. I just was, you know, wanting to
(36:19):
give some feedback that I thought you did a really
good job of active listening, staying engaged. I thought you
did a really good balance of sharing about yourself and
also asking about her. I thought that there were like
really great moments where you dipped into what I call
like date appropriate vulnerability sharing that you maybe were a
nervous talker in your past, and it's something that you
worked on or things you've learned about yourself in the pandemic.
(36:40):
So I thought you had a really good balance of that,
and I would encourage if you guys go on another
day to incorporate maybe even a little bit more of that,
because I just wanted to offer that feedback in general
and body language wise, also, you know, smiling, showing your
engaged it. There was a lot of openness coming from
your side, and there are a lot of opportunities for
a tad more flirting. So if you end up on
(37:03):
a second day, I think both of you can flirt
a little bit more. There are some opportunities to say
things like oh, when I get you know, when you're
back in l A, why don't you take me for
a smoothie, or let's do a soul cycle class, or
just some way to show interest because we find often
on dates that we're bridging the gap between two people
who like each other and don't know, so it's hard
(37:24):
to tell in this state how you both thought about
each other. And I think if you're interested, just to
make sure that comes across. That's that's that's actually that
last point that's really good, just saying one thing to
show interest you have to say it out loud because
otherwise it's like it's it's just in my head, even
though I'm thinking it the whole time. I'm like, if
they're not going to hear it, they're not a mind reader, right.
Even the things that you said you enjoyed about her,
(37:46):
those would be such beautiful things to share with her. Yeah,
Oh my gosh, that's I don't know, that's good. I've
never had a coach for this before. I don't never
had anybody tell me the good qualities that I am.
So that's great. But I actually loved like I was
gonna ask you, like what could I work on? And
I'm like, well, bam, you just said it. So there
you go. Yeah, you're doing a great job. It's just
(38:07):
these tiny twigs well end up making a huge difference. Yeah,
take you right out of friend zone. Yeah. Right, So
we'll connect with Ashley and then we'll figure out what
the next step is. Okay, fantastic, can't wait to hear back.
Thanks here time, Jeff. Thanks Jeff. Let's invite Ashley back on. Hi, Ashley,
(38:28):
dying to hear how you felt about the date, So
give us the scoop and then we'll ask you some questions, okay, cool, No,
it was very fun. Um, it was super easy going conversation,
Like I felt very natural, which is great. I feel
like sometimes on dates it feels like I'm the one
(38:48):
like leading the conversation and like really trying to like
pull teeth getting people to talk and share about themselves,
and it did not feel like that, So that was amazing. Yeah,
it was super fun. I feel like we have a
lot in common, which is really cool. And obviously we
didn't get to dive into everything, but I feel like
there's a lot more that could be dove into. I
love that That's exactly what you want on a first date.
(39:11):
You want to feel curious about the person. There's some
mystery and that's why you end up having a second date.
So I had so much fun watching you nailed it.
I thought you did such an amazing job on the date.
You were playful and you smiled, and you elaborated and
you had some really funny moment So overall, like, kudos,
(39:31):
you did such a great job. Thank you. Yeah. I
thought that you did the ping ponging really well, and
not only that, but I think that when you would
ask questions, it was a really good blend between funnier
questions like what type of sausage do you like? Versus
more intimate questions like are you extroverted versus introverted? So
I really liked that you had a good blend, that
you kept it lighthearted, but you could still you know,
(39:53):
you were still trying to get to know him on
a deeper level as well. And let me tell you
your laugh you're a little like giggle that things is
your superpower. It's like so flirty, so fun, so reassuring
for him. So I think you had a lot of
like good non verbal that was great and kept the
engagement going where you were kind of giving him that
validation while he was telling a story without you know,
(40:15):
needing to verbalize it directly. I love those moments great.
I love that. What qualities about Jeff did you like?
He's definitely seems very grounding, like you all have mentioned,
and he seems to like know himself pretty well, which
is great. I feel like you can always tell when
someone is just kind of like putting on a show
(40:36):
or like they're being over the top because they like
don't really feel comfortable with themselves. But he seems very
comfortable with himself. That was the big thing that I
felt and kind of picked up on um. And also
like he can be funny and laugh at himself and
he's not too there, doesn't seem to like stuck up
and stuff like that, so I love it. In one
(40:58):
comment for you, and I said the same thing to Jeff,
because you both seemed to enjoy each other's company. Is
just to show interest. So there are a lot of
opportunities where you could have invited him to do like
a soul cycle class, or to walk around the city,
or to do something in West Hollywood. So I encourage you,
if you are actually interested, to show interest in some way.
(41:20):
It can be something in the middle of the data,
doesn't have to be at the end, just so he
knows that you are interested in a second date. If
you are, yeah, that's good to know. I am always
bad at that, so most people are, but you know
we're not mine readers. So it's so helpful to land
the second date, and then later you can decide if
you even watch the second date, but that will just
(41:42):
get you to the next step. Were there any hesitations
on your end or anything that you maybe had hoped
gone better? Yeah, I think that it went pretty well.
Like I've been on a few dates, and I would
say this one is definitely like up there in the top,
which is funny because it's like we're not like sitting
(42:02):
across the table from each other or whatever. Like I
think this was really fun. But I would say, yeah,
this is definitely one of the top like first dates
that I've been on. It was really fun, it was
really good. I think I'm so happy to hear in it,
and you're focusing on exactly what we talked about in
the beginning, So just feeling at ease and comfortable and
natural and curious to get to know the person. And
(42:22):
there's more obviously to share. So I definitely encourage you
guys to go on a second date. And you are
both on the same page. It was so nice to
hear the way he spoke about you that good said,
I wish that you've told Ashley directly, just talking about
your values and how cute you are and um, so
it seems like you're both into each other and it's
at least worth another shot. Yeah, Yeah, I definitely would
(42:45):
want to hang out again, just keep talking and like
just see what comes up and things like that, and
I feel like there's obviously like you can get different
reads on chemistry and things like that the more that
you spend time together. But yeah, I mean I wasn't
instantly like oh gosh, no, like so for me, I'm like, Okay,
(43:06):
that's a good sign. And I really liked what you
all have to say and remind me of you don't
need to be like panicking and thinking like, oh gosh,
like is this the person I'm gonna marry? Like it's like,
don't stress about that. Just see how you feel in
the moment and take it snip my step. So what
I would suggest is that we go out with Jeff
(43:26):
again and see if the cap Stry can continue to grow.
And in the meantime, Beck and I will go back
to the drawing board and do some more interviewing and
get you another match so we can compare and we'll
see how you feel with both parties. That is there
anything that you would look at in the interview process
that you want to change up for Ashley, Well, I
think that we found some key things that we definitely
(43:48):
want to stay consistent with, like the fact that he
felt really grounded, the fact that it was easy to
have a conversation with him. Those things we don't really
want to stray from because you felt such at ease
with him in the first date. But I think there's
always room to tweak and just see what works better
for you. So maybe it's just a different kind of
career type that we're looking for, or a different type
(44:08):
of overal personality. Maybe somebody who's naturally more introverted, although
they can be social. So little things that we can
just play along on the spectrum and see what fits
best for you and what doesn't so you can compare.
But it sounds like we've got a lot of really
good core qualities that we can stay consistent with, which
is great. We kind of have an outline of what
works for you, and then within that outline we can
(44:29):
be a little bit playful so that you can compare
and contrast and see what feels best. Amazing, and dating
is so similar to what you do for work, like
this is an exercise and it's building these muscles, and
so just getting back out there and going on dates
will hold you accountable, but it will also teach you
(44:49):
a little bit more about what works and what doesn't work.
And so we could do some testing, so we're off
to a great start, and then we'll see who comes
up next. Yeah, I love that great analogy. To pick
you back off that analogy in the future, when you
do find yourself getting slipping back into that like romantic
(45:11):
role where you're wanting the grand jesters and and having
that kind of like feelings of wanting the fairy tale,
just remind yourself that, you know, you don't run a
marathon in a day. You don't build muscle in a day.
It's a slow process. It's the same thing, like Talia said,
is working out so that you will feel that grand love.
But it's not because of one big moment. It's because
of a lot of tiny, consistent moments with someone who
(45:33):
feels really safe and comfortable. And that's how you'll build
to that. So you know, carry what you do already
in your daily life. You're doing everything right in your
daily life, and we just need to plug that into
your dating life, and I think that that will give
you a lot of success. Yeah, this has definitely been
helpful to hear those reminders and see it put into
play and seeing like, okay, cool, you don't have to
(45:56):
leave a first date knowing the name of your future
child like that's great, exactly right, That's very true, very
cream overall of the day. Yeah, that was fine. I
want to follow along with the show or know anyone
good for Ashley. Follow us on Love Struck Daily on
(46:16):
Instagram and Twitter, or email Love Struck Daily at Frolic
dot media for match baking, joining our free database at
three day rule dot com, or follow us in social
media at three day Rule. Our researcher is Jesse Epstein
and our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by
Abigail Steckler with Little Scorpions Studios. We are executive produced
(46:41):
by Frolic Media. This is an I Heart radio podcast.
Good Days, God Love, I'm in love with you. I'm
(47:05):
in love with you.
Can you find love on a podcast? Perhaps not any
old podcast, but maybe if you have the help of
a professional matchmaker, love maybe drifting on the airwaves for you.
I'm Talia and I'm Becca and welcome to Love Struck Daily.
I'm in love with the same. I'm help with you.
(00:36):
I am Talia Goldstein. I'm the founder of Three Day
Rule Matchmaking. We are a personalized matchmaking company. We work
one on one with clients and we get to know
them really well and we set them up with high
quality matches. I'm Becca Klein. I'm a matchmaker and date
coach with Three Day Rule and uh today we are
(00:58):
working with our lovely Actually, she has the most infectious personality, smile, laugh,
all the above. She's outgoing, personable and we are just
wanting to find her a great guy. Hey, Ashley, how's
it going. It's going well. I'm excited to be here today.
(01:18):
Thank you for having me. It's good to see you.
So what part of l are you in. I'm in
West Hollywood. I love West Hollywood. The so fun. Yeah,
it's a perfect place to live when you just moved
to l A totally exactly. Yeah, it's yeah, it's great.
I am currently in the Cayman Islands. How's the weather.
(01:40):
It's nice, definitely humid, which I forgot about um since
being in California. I had a trip this past weekend
back to I'm from the East Coast, so back to
North Carolina, and somehow it was cheaper to fly out
of the country into the Cayman Islands and then back
to l A. So I don't really know how that
worked out, but I lived in the Cayman Islands last
(02:02):
year for a year, so that's kind of my connection
to here. But yeah, so I'm outside, like on my
friend's back porch right now and it's very nice. So
hopefully the chickens don't start getting too crazy. That'll be
a nice conversation starter, exactly. It's like, if you hear screaming,
it's not me, it's the chicken. So we have an
(02:26):
amazing match Jeff for you today, and we kind of
thought he was a good match for you for a
couple of reasons. What we know of you is you
have a bubbly, bright, outgoing personality. You are easy to
talk to, You just radiate joy and energy. So you
really have this desk for life, and we want someone
who matches that for you and brings some of that
(02:47):
to the table as well, but can also balance out
the self proclaimed romanticizer that you have inside of you,
that kind of you know, leans towards big gestures and
wanting the big the big moments of love um and
oftentimes feels disappointed. So incomes Jeff. That's kind of why
we chose him for you. So you guys share actually
a lot of similar qualities. He too is outgoing, He
(03:11):
is very personable, so easy to talk to, very optimistic
outlook on life. So you guys share what we consider
to be core personality values and things that are important
in the way that you perceive life. Where we think
he can really balance you out is he tends to
be a little bit more of the grounding force. So
a bit of relationship history and Jeff was in a
(03:33):
long term relationship ended about two years ago. He's taken
the time to process. He's pretty open about it. So
he's someone who's done that internal work on himself. He
kind of knows what he's looking for and at the
same time as an open mind and an open heart
and is really ready to meet somebody new. So we
feel like that part of him would be a good
balance to the romanticizer and that he, you know, has
(03:56):
a bit of that himself. He wants love, he's looking
for that in the same way you are, and he
can maybe take it at a solar pace that was
a little bit more consistent and you know, bring the
joy and the excitement, but at the same time the
consistency that we're looking for in the longer term relationship.
So we really view you as kind of the free spirit,
(04:17):
the outgoing, you know, energizer bunny that is going to
bring the light and energy and joy, and we really
see him as kind of the grounding rock who can
ground the relationship and again has that joy and zest
for life, but at the same time won't maybe go
for the big spark moments and kind of go for
the more subtle ones that make you feel seen and
heard and special and safe in a relationship. And on
(04:40):
that topic, we know that you are a hopeless romantic
that I just want to remind you, Ashley that this
is not like the movies. This is not like romantic
comedies and Disney fairy tales, and actually it's best not
to have those crazy butterflies on the first date. What
you found in the couples that we've matched successfully is
(05:03):
typically the ones that go on to get married come
back to tell us that they felt at ease, they
felt at home, they felt comfortable, the best version of themselves.
So that's really what we should be looking out for.
It's just how you feel on the date and seeing
if you feel comfortable in Jeff's presence. I also encourage
you not to go to deepen your head on the date.
(05:26):
If we don't have to analyze if he's your future
husband or the father of your children, or if he's
going to be good in bed. That is information that
we do not need right now. We can analyze that later.
So for now, your job is just to go into
the date and be present and have fun and get curious,
and that's it. And so I encourage you to bring
(05:49):
out that playful personality that you have your You can
talk about things that you're passionate about, which likely is
work and interest outside of work. If you end up
on the subject of work, you know, try to move
past it pretty quickly. It's hard to have a romantic
connection if you're only talking business. So you're welcome to
bring it up, but let's not stay on that topic
(06:10):
too long, and try to keep it pretty light, not
to go into heavy topics on the first few dates.
And it should really feel like a ping pong match.
So you ask a question. He asked a question, and
the question should be more open ended. So instead of
do you have siblings, which is a yes or no answer,
(06:31):
more like tell me about your family or tell me
about the last trip you took something, so the two
of you can tell stories and have more of a
conversation than yes or no answers. So that's it. I
really have fun and we will debrief after the date
and that's where we can figure out what the next
steps are. But in the moment, just be yourself and
(06:55):
be present. That was super helpful advice to hear because
I was already going into my head. So awesome. That
sounds great. Okay, we're going to set the stage for
the state. We've ordered you both postmates. I know yours
has already arrived, Ashley. I know this is a virtual date,
but let's pretend you're together in acute restaurant, enjoying a
(07:16):
lovely brunch together. Welcome to the show, jab Hi. Actually
it's nice to be too, Hi, Jeff. Nice to meet you. Okay,
so are you do you already have your brunch. I'm
curious about what you ordered. I do I have my brunch.
(07:37):
My brunch is a talk of salad, so you know,
very interesting, very brunchy obviously, yeah, very brunchy. Do you
usually go for the savory over the suite then, if
you had to choose, yeah, I would say I'm definitely
more of a savory person. I was just talking with
some friends yesterday about our like ideal brunch order system,
(08:00):
like how we like to work through brunch. So I
would say I'm more savory. What about you, Oh, I'm
totally more savory, like a Huntever some more savory. Like
I will really really crave pancakes or something like on occasion,
like I have to have pancakes right now, but on
like a normal like we're going out kind of thing.
It's a Sunday like today, I got the sorrel rice
bowl from Squirrel and that's just like yeah, like bacon,
(08:24):
past or rice, eggs, Like I usually just want eggs
in the morning more than anything into the If it's
the a m. It's still the morning, like that's still breakfast.
I haven't told noon to just eat breakfast food exactly,
and even then after then honestly, like I don't really
place judgments on it, but yeah, yeah, I love like
savory breakfast food. Savory breakfast is the best. Are you
(08:44):
like a when it comes to like breakfast sausages? Are
you like a link? S guy? Or like a round
like patties? Wow, that's an interesting question. I mean links
probably because I feel like that's what I get, like
eighty two, Like every time I ask your sausage, that
that's what I get. So I don't even think about
the choice that much. Like if it's the same meat,
is that just a texture thing? Am I just like
(09:05):
picking my form? Because if I'm just picking a form,
then yeah, I'll just stick with the links, you know.
I like the links. You can just eat those, you
can pick them up with your hand, you can do
whatever you want exactly. That's true. Any food is finger
food if you try hard enough, that's my But it's
nicer that there's shaped like French fries, you know, or
like mozzarella sticks or something. Yeah, it's very dippable. Okay, Yeah,
(09:32):
so shoot, I I'm so hungry. I cannot wait for
those good here. Oh my gosh, all right, but Ashley,
tell me, like, you live in l A or around
l A, Like what do you do? Yeah, So I
live in l A. I moved there just before Christmas
(09:52):
of last year. Welcome very just I love it though.
It's amazing. Um and I'm in like the West Hollywood area,
so all of that fun stuff. And do you go
like out there? Are you been going out out like
on the weekends there? I would say I've been out
(10:14):
maybe three times since moving. I lived overseas before moving
to l A, and I went out like all the
time there. So I feel like now I'm in my
like detox space for sure. For sure. Yeah, if someone's like, hey,
we're all going out, then I can be convinced. But
(10:35):
I definitely, uh, my weekends are a bit more chill now.
So yeah, I found myself going the exact same way,
but it's it's just because of the pandemic, Like it's
like the sharp divide between Like I was going out
all the time every weekend, generally maybe a brunch, you know,
just whatever. If somebody invited to me, I was probably
gonna go, uh and that would be like two or
three nights in a weekend. But then you know, everything happened,
(10:58):
Everything shut down for a while, we had to learn
how to entertain ourselves in our own homes for a while.
And then even when yeah, I remember it was very
is remember when things opened up, I thought I was
just gonna be like I don't know, I was going
to dive in, Like I was just gonna be like
this crazy like Harmer said, I'm gonna go insane, like
I've been in such something. I'm gonna I have to
go to every club, I gotta do everything. And that
(11:18):
didn't happen like at all, Like it actually took me,
Like I feel like months after everything open to even
like start being like okay, like I'll go out like
once a weekend or something. Yeah. You know, sometimes it's
like I'm a very very social person, but you know
you think like damn, you know, like I really could
just finish this show right now tonight, and like I
can talk to them later. It's not the end of
(11:40):
the world, right, Like I used to think, like, oh,
I'm not going to see them for a whole week.
That's crazy. But maybe it's just be getting older, you know,
you're kind of like, yeah, like you can just talk
again later. You can just put it off. It's fine,
take some time for yourself. Exactly. Would you say that
you are more like an introvert or an extrovert when
it comes to just like daily life. Absolutely an extrovert.
(12:03):
But that's why I like, oh my god, I think
that's my order calling me. Yeah, yeah, yeah from Abby. Perfect. Okay,
we're gonna we're gonna don't at that conversation point right there.
Perfect pause, I will be right back. We're gonna pause
it right there, and we're back. Awkward slide in that there.
(12:40):
Excuse the poor lighting. I'm still designing the studio space
a bit and okay, yeah and action, we're back. Um. Yeah,
all I was saying was that, yes, I am an extrovert.
Once you get me out, I'm out. I love it.
I love people, I love em a good time. Um.
But I think it wasn't like my personality changed or
(13:03):
anything because of the pandemic, but I found myself enjoying
solitude more than I ever had before. I think before
I was like I didn't want to be alone a
lot of the time, and now I'm like, you know,
I can enjoy moments where I'm like learning something today,
like I'm learning a new skill or something, or I'm
reading more, and those are like solitary activities, and I
think I'm starting to enjoy those more. But what about you,
(13:24):
I would say definitely an octrovert. Everything I do is
always around people. But I would agree with you. I
think I think the pandemic definitely. I guess like sped
up the process that I was maybe realizing before the
start of it of like the like how good it
is to have quality time like with yourself and like
(13:45):
you said, like learning new skills and like reading new
books and those are things that typically you just do
like by yourself. Um so yeah, I feel like through
the pandemic, I really dug into that and now I
would agree, like I also am like oh yeah, like
like even now, I have one day a week where
I literally don't make plans, I don't talk to anyone,
(14:07):
Like I literally just like stay at home and like
clean my room or read or just like watch TV
or whatever I feel like doing. And it's like halfway
through the day, I'm like, Okay, I think I do
kind of want to be around people, like I'll let
myself do stuff, but I'd like to have one day
where it's just like I don't have anything planned. This
is my day to recenter or whatever I need to
do however i'm feeling, and yeah, I definitely value that.
(14:30):
And even I'm like on vacation right now, like I've realized, oh,
I really do value that alone time, like having people
always around and always coming up to and be like,
what do you want to do? Now, Let's do this,
Like I'm like, oh god, this is a lot um
Oh my gosh, Okay, sorry vacationing with a vacation with
a big group. No, it's just me, but I have
(14:50):
been staying with friends and so it will have like
all of our friend group like from when I lived
in that place wherever, like come over. So it's like
everyone's there to like see me and hang out and
so everyone's like, let's do this, let's do that. What
are you doing while your headphones and what are you
listening to? Like I'm just trying to be chill, I know.
But yeah, so it's been pretty good. But that definitely
(15:12):
made me realize, like, oh, I do value being able
to just wake up in my room and take my
time and do whatever and not have people jumping on
me and dogs on me, and like everyone's like, let's
hang out right now, So let's hang out, let's say out. Yeah,
that's why I was asking about the vacation of the
group thing, because that's that's the thing that when everybody's
(15:33):
trying to figure out what to do, and it's like
what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
What are you gonna do? And that there's a lot
of energy, like especially if you're the driving force sometimes,
like I have found that like depending on who the
group is. When I've gone like I don't know, Europe
or something, it's like nobody knows what to do, and
I'm like, we have to do something, Guys, Like I'm
just like I feel like I have to do this
driving force and organizing people. And then I like like, yeah,
(15:56):
I think I traveled. I traveled once by myself. Finally,
and then he like changed my entire perspective on it
because I was like, I have no pressure. Like that's
the thing. It's pressure. I have no pressure to do
anything at this moment. Like I could stay in this
hotel all day, but obviously I'm not going to do that.
But I can just choose when I go out and
do the things that I want to do. No, I've
never done like a solo trip. I've always done a
(16:18):
trip where it's like maybe I'm traveling like solo to
get to somewhere, but I'm like meeting people there and
stuff like that. I've never done just a trip where
it's just me out and about. So that's really awesome
that you don't know. I would tell everybody to do
a big thing by themselves, not even like traveling over
the country, but you know, a two day hike or something.
You know, I don't know, it's it's magical. It's magical.
(16:41):
Where are you on vacation? But if you don't mind
me asking? So? Yeah. So I'm from the East Coast,
originally North Carolina primarily, and then I moved overseas to
the Cayman Islands. I lived there for a year um
working and then after I finished my work permit there,
I ended up moving to l A. So I am
back on the East Coast this weekend. Um. I was
(17:03):
in North Carolina for a couple of days and then
now I'm currently in the Cayman Islands um and then
I'll be coming back to l A this afternoon. Wow. Okay,
So I'm curious. Those are three entirely different climates. Uh,
what do you like more? You know, do you would
you rather just be constant heat or do you want seasons? Basically,
(17:23):
I love LA's climate the most because there's no humidity,
so I like have my best like hair days in
life on the West Coast, I think because of that.
So definitely LA's climate. I would say the Cayman Islands
are less humid than North Carolina right now, which is surprising,
but how that's the case. So I am not as
(17:46):
hot here as I was in North Carolina, but it's
still a humidity. So I'm like, yeah, humidity, heat is
so different, like because I grew up I'm growing up
in southern California my whole life. I grew up like
an hour south of l A. Move to l A
like actually ten ten years. Yeah, it's been about ten
years ago, And yeah, I guess I just always thought
(18:08):
this is what heat is. Like I think I just
grew up being like desert heat is the heat. And
then I go to New York for the first time
and I'm like, oh, this sucks. I'm sweating as soon
as I walk out the door. I have to shower
three times a day. Uh, this is absolutely Now it's raining. Great.
Now I was already wet, you know, I was already wet,
but now it's raining, So who cares, It's a warm rain,
like whatever, I'll just slop slop slop walking through that.
(18:31):
So yeah, yeah, you know it's it's funny because because
I've lived here my whole life, and I've had a
lot of moments where I was like, I'm going to
move to New York. You know, you just think that,
you know, I really like to move to New York.
It would be cool to change it up. I love
the city. I visited it for about a month straight,
so I was like at least enough time in my
head that I was like, I know what it would
(18:52):
be like to navigating the city. But it was during
the summer when I visited, and I always think about it,
and that's would have held me back. Other things that
held me back. But I like, I would be a
big baby, Like I'd be a baby in the winter
when it's too cold, because I like the cold. I'd
be a baby in the summer it was would be
too sweaty. I like bumbling up in the winter and
all that like there's something comforting about it. But if
(19:14):
it was like I mean, it is l A, so
summer is all the time kind of but yeah, it's
summer was all the time and nice, just beautiful beach
weather all the time, I'd be in heaven. Yeah. I
didn't realize until I was texting my friends and I
was like, Okay, what's the weather going to be like
this weekend. They're like, oh, well, it's been raining like
every day for the last like two weeks. And I that.
(19:35):
I was like standing in l A, like on Third
Street or something, and I was like, oh hmm, I
forgot about rain and it's really sunny here and I
don't want to go back to the rain like um
And I was like, okay, yeah, I think I like
the West Coast weather better. Um. So bankfully, it's only
rain like twice since I've been here. In both times
like we were just inside doing stuff, so it was like, oh, rain,
(19:56):
and now it's gone awesome. There was like a thunderstorm
this morning, which scared me a little bit. I forgot
about those as well. Um yeah, definitely definitely West Coast.
Um New York would be. Yeah, I never want to
be in New York in the summertime. I feel like
that I would die. It's it's it's it's pretty it was,
it's pretty rough. It's pretty rough. I want to ask,
(20:18):
because you've only been in l A for a little bit,
you know, relatively speaking, like, what's the most l A
thing you've done, like stereotypically l A that you don't
if you don't need stereotypically l A thankesince you've been here.
Hold tight, we're going to be back in just a
moment after this short rain. What's the most l A
(20:45):
thing you've done, like stereotypically l A that you don't
if you don't need stereotypically l A thankesince you've been here.
I would say stereotypical l A thing that I've done.
So recently, Ramon had the like Hayley Bieber smoothie UM
that came out and my friend, yeah, it was pretty good. UM.
(21:07):
My friends were super obsessed with it, so they got
it like so many times. I just had it. The
one time and I had it and we were like
sitting outside drinking it, and I was like, honestly, like, yeah,
it's not too bad. I was like, but I think
my favorite like Smoothie collab of the year has been
like the earth Bar, like that happy collaboration earlier in
the year. So I would say that that's probably most
(21:31):
like stereotypical, like l a thing that I've like said
or done since being there, like keeping an eye on
smoothie collaborations and rating them. Yeah, I wanted to as
soon as you said smoothie collab. As soon as you
said the words, that's when I wanted to scream, that's
the most l a thing. As soon as you said it,
it was like so on point. I was like, yeah,
(21:51):
you're talking about smoothie clubs. Like over here they're talking
about shoot collabs, you know, music collapse. Now we're talking
smoothie collapse at Arawan. You didn't see that infused about it.
Was it actually that good? It was okay? I was like,
this is a seventeen dollar smoothie. I believe it's It
was fine, um, but the earth Bar mat happy. It
(22:14):
was only twelve dollars and it was blue and they
put a little strawberry on your straw and it was
it was better. So it was better. They put more
effort into the presentation, and that's important. If there's anything
we care about it's freaking presentation exactly. Yeah. I think
I got that smoothie like more times than I can
count for sure before it went away. So that one
(22:37):
definitely favorite. So we'll see. It's only halfway through the year,
so there might be some other contenders that come out,
so we'll have to see you have fully embraced smoothie
culture in l A uh. And now I have to
take any classes like any l any soul cycle on
the hot Yo. Okay, that's the real l A vibe there,
because I've tried all of them. Never committed, but I've tried.
(22:57):
I recently have taken first soul cycle class, like I've
only done I think two classes so far. One of
my co workers she goes pretty religiously, and so she'll
text me and she'll be like, hey, there's a Beyonce
ride or like hey there's the eighties whatever, and so
I'll be like, okay, I think I can go to that.
But it actually was fun. I was kind of intimidated
because soul cycle has such a like i don't know,
(23:20):
like reputation that precedes it. I was like, oh God,
this is gonna be scary and intense. But I've done
like other rhythmic themes like spin classes, and it felt
just like that. So I was like, oh, okay, I
was scared of this for no reason. What's been your
favorite like class that you've done. I think I was
also surprised by spin. Like I said, I only tried
(23:42):
it out like twice. But I think I was also like,
this is gonna be dumb, this is gonna be weird,
this is gonna be just like you know. I just
didn't think it was gonna even be like that much
for work out and all this other stuff. I don't know.
I had a lot of preconceptions about it, and I
was like, wow, this is like this beat my ass.
This was great, This is a lot of fun. The
music was great, the okay, this is actually funny. The
class I liked the most was what I I almost
(24:05):
did on a dare because it was with It was
with and it was like this is years ago? Was
it years ago? With an old girlfriend and her her
she like lived like on like the kind of the
border of Beverly Hills, and her mom always went to
these classes and she's like, oh, I go to my
mom to these classes. Fun. She didn't say what kind
of class it was, and I was like, I don't
want to go. I'm not gonna hang out with all
the Beverly Hills moms right now. But at the same time,
(24:26):
I also thought it would be really funny to hang
out all the Beverly Hills moms. So I ended up
going with her and her mom and it was a
bar class. Uh yeah, And that's so like it was
a lot of flexibilities, so much flexibility that I'm just
the least flexible person of bagiable. I am the least
flexible person ever. Up too tall, I'm too tight, and
I'm just like they're putting me to put my legs
(24:47):
on the bar, They're telling me to do all these things,
and I'm just dying like I was. And you could
tell that the teacher like really got a kick out
of this. She was like this just this little little
lady being like all right now, Jeff. She'd always singled
me out because just the one guy who's like in
his twenties and they're like you can really do it,
I believe, and you just get your leg over and
then she like trying to push my leg over and
(25:08):
I'm like, please stop. That keeps hurting that's hurting. That's hurting,
please stop. And all the moms are doing great, Like
none of the moms are breaking a sweat. I'm dying,
Like I'm dying, I'm in pain. I was sweating, but
it was like one of the best workouts I've had
in like forty five minutes. I was like like shocked
about how it should like stretched me out work to
be out there push ups and stuff too, So it's
not just stretching. There's push ups and all sort of
stuff you are like working out. It's just none of
(25:30):
the moms are breaking a sweat. That was just embarrassing,
but like none of the moms are writting sweat, and
I was dying, and like the late teachers coming up
to me, you did so good, you did so good,
just like really just really about houses. Like so it
was like simultaneously terrible but also like I was like,
that is a good class. Like if you want like
(25:51):
a compressed workout in forty five minutes, this was great. Yeah,
I probably would never do that, but it's so it's brutal.
It's brutal. I feel like it was like custom to
these moms or something too, Like it was like extra brutal.
I have no idea, but yeah, I don't really do
classes or structured programs that much for exercise and getting out,
(26:11):
like I really really love now walking and getting outside
and hiking a lot um. And when I walk and
go on hikes, I don't even do like designated trails
or I don't think about the trail as much. I'm
just like, i'd rather walk with no purpose because that's
more meditative, it's more relaxing to just like I don't
have to plan this out. I'm just gonna go with it,
(26:32):
and I do that if I go to the gym
kind of the same thing. Like you know, it used
to be like I had a very very heavily structured
plan for every single part of me working out and exercising.
And I just realized that that was an unnecessary point
of stress for me because I know enough to do
it well. And I think if you're starting out and whatever,
people need structure. But I was like, I can just
(26:53):
have more fun being like I don't really know what
I'm gonna do today, Like I might do way more
bike in yoga, I might do or free weights or like,
and then for the hiking and walking, which I try
to do every day. Like that's what the pandemic, like
pandemic taught me whatever it was like, walking is crazy.
Walking is the best thing of the world. Walking. I
just like, it's not even about the exercise of it.
(27:14):
I'm just like I never believed in walking before, which
is a weird thing to say, but I just did it.
I did it. Was like that's what old people do.
So that's just old people going walks. That's just that's
my mentality. Like you always see like these little things
like get any man's exercise to day and it's an
old person doing its power walking. If I have the
time and it's early, um, and I don't want to
start work till a little later, I just don't even
(27:36):
think about it. And then it's like two hours, it's
like two and a half hours, eight miles whatever it is,
you know, and it's just through the city and you
just discover things, you know. So I think having less
structure leaves you more open to just finding finding out
things are finding random things. Sorry, if you can hear
this truck that decided to just batch up, um, yeah,
(28:01):
so honestly, so I think it's a golf cart. I
don't even know, but yeah, I walking is so underrated,
Like I feel like people don't realize how great it is.
And I also kind of rediscovered it during the pandemic
and I was like, oh, this is great. And I
typically will do like a strength training something or other,
(28:25):
like three ish days a week usually, so that's typically
what I'll do, but certain weeks are just more like
I find that if I am like mentally and emotionally overwhelmed,
like walking is just the easiest thing for me to do,
Like there's just a very low like barrier to entry.
I can just go outside and like walk around my
complex or whatever it may be. But typically, yeah, I
(28:48):
like to strength train. I've coached a gym and so
it's like a strength training gym, So I'll just go
there and like hop into a class um just to
get in and get out um. And then I'll sometime
times go to just like random fitness classes, like with
people that I know. If they're like, hey, I'm going
to this boxing class or hey I'm going to go
to this pilates class or whatever, I'm like, oh, sure
(29:09):
that sounds fun. But yeah, I would say mostly what
I do is some form of walking, some form of lifting,
and then it just kind of changes week to week
which one is the which one I do more based
on like how I'm feeling and like what's on my
schedule that week. So yeah, yeah, wait, did I catch coaching?
You coach? You coach something I do? Yeah, I'm a
(29:31):
like fitness coach. M. That's what I've done the last
like five years. I kind of impressed. We we we
actually we got to the end without even asking what
we do. Actually really it's actually pretty good. We only
till now do we finally get to the hey, what
do you do? I know, yeah, I hate that, but
this is this is actually interesting though. So fitness instructor,
(29:53):
fitness coach. Yeah, yes, yeah, fitness instructor. I've been like
personal training and group fitness coaching for the last five
or six years. Um, so that's what I was doing
in the Cayman Islands. That's what I did before. Then
I'd like kind of change what method I've done it into,
like I've done it corporately. I've done it primarily for
like CrossFit style gyms and stuff like that. And so
(30:15):
the gym I'm at now, it's not a CrossFit gym.
It's just like a strengthened conditioning gym um one because
I'm getting older, so my body couldn't handle being wrecked
every single day, and like I was getting lots of
injuries and things. I was like, you know, maybe I
should you know, listen to my body. Um. So yeah,
that's like one of the main things that I do.
(30:36):
And yeah, it's super fun. I love it. Love getting
to make a difference in people's lives and like watch
people gain confidence in themselves and all of that fun stuff.
Yeah that's so, that's really really cool. Yeah, I would
love I said, I think it'd be cool if I
if I got paid to talk, that would be perfect.
That's all I ever do. But if also if I
just got paid to like move my body and teach
(30:58):
people how to move their body, that'd be great. I
know there's trade. I would be so much trading and
like you gotta learn a lot of stuff because the
one thing I've always behind on that I don't know
is like the anatomy and stuff, like I have my
fitness for INDs always like gosh, like you know, they're
talking about delt toys or whatever. You know, they're just
talking to muscles and stuff, and I'm like I thought,
(31:19):
you just lift heavy things and then boom you get
you just get look good, you just look sexy. Like
that's just the whole thing that was my trading regiment
at first. I'm just like, you lift big things and
you look good. That's like yeah no. But like my
job is like me sitting sitting all the time. That's
kind of my biggest struggle. It is like I really
have to force myself to be like I need to
go out today, I need to walk, I need to
(31:41):
work out because I work from home like the time.
I have this really bad lighting here because I'm like
designing a studio space. I work in like uh like
sound and sound design for like film and television. Yeah yeah, yeah,
so it's a lot of computer stuff. I work on
film sets like twenty percent of the time, which is
great because I guess I get out of the house.
But I am editing at this computer at this very
(32:03):
station so much and it I love the creativity of it.
But you just I lose like four to six hours
not even realizing it. And I really I haven't moved
out of my chair. I even know they say stretch
every twenty minutes, and I'm like why yeah, that's so hard.
I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm so bad. My
back's gonna break when I'm thirty five, you know. I
just like as soon as I found out, like how
(32:25):
you're actually supposed to do it. But yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's like I have to balance those things in my
life because I couldn't. I've like gone periods without the physical,
without the fitness, without the walking stuff, and then I
just realized I'm more depressed, I'm more anxious, like all
these things. It's like they can they're not solved, but
I can just feel so much better if I just
(32:46):
I go and move. And I didn't even realize the
connection between the two at first, but now I'm like, oh,
I have to. Yeah, do you do individual classes, big classes?
Do you do both? Yeah? I do at the gym
that I'm at now, it's more like small group training,
so there's like eight to ten people per class usually
like on the weekend. Sometimes there's a little more people
(33:08):
because we have less class options for people to pick from.
But yeah, so I do that. I used to do
more like one on one clients also, but I think
I got a little just burned out from that. During
covid because I was doing so much of that and
like pivoting everything online and all of that stuff. And
so now I just have one client that I see,
(33:28):
um like for one on one stuff and the rest
is just the group classes because I like, I like
the group classes that there's just so much energy and
you can like really brighten people's day and it's like
you can kill all the birds with one stone, um
and just make an impact on like the most people
at the most time. And um. Yeah, I like the
class setting how people's energy can just all kind of
(33:50):
like feed off of each other. And yeah, I think
it's I think it's really fun. That's crazy that you
do like sound stuff. I okay, this is back here.
Unfortunately we're at times, so it's your time to say goodbyes. Bye. Actually,
it was so fun talking to you and meeting you. Seriously,
(34:11):
it was a good time. Yeah. So nice meeting you, Jeff,
so nice chatting with you. This was super fun. Okay, Ashuley,
take your headphones off for a second. We want to
talk to Jeff privately. Thank you now. First of all,
it was so fun to watch this day. I was
smiling from ear ear. So hopefully you had a great time,
but would love to just hear from your perspective how
(34:32):
you thought the date went. Don't go anywhere. We'll be
back after this short break. Hopefully you had a great time,
but would love to just hear from your perspective how
you thought the date went. Wow, I actually thought it
(34:56):
went pretty well, especially considering the like the way I
I've never done virtual dating or anything like that. I
haven't done like a FaceTime date or something like that.
So I was just thinking, like, oh, the internet is
going to cut out these things happen. But even when
this stuff happened, you know, we were able to pick
up the flow of conversation really easily again. And I
mean that's like the number one big thing out of
a good date for me. I'm like, the conversation was
(35:16):
slowing really naturally. Yes, agreed, And what would you say,
are like the top three things that you really appreciated
about Actley? Like the passion for the work she does,
because you know the way she talked about like I'm
a physical trainer and all this, but it's about what
I give to people, Like it's like I can impact
most people. I think she said that twice that wasn't.
That's an amazing quality because I think about that in
(35:37):
my work creatively all the time, and like how my
creative work and you know, make people have an emotional
connection with people. Um, And she's just doing that in
a different way through lack of physical training and getting
people the best part of themselves. So that was really great.
Number two, she's cute. That's great. Um. And uh yeah.
(35:57):
Number Number three. I just love people who who can
talk and who can like give you a good story
off of just one question and stuff like that, like oh,
like just just just you know, just tell me about
that vacation, you know, and just keep going without me
even prodding at all. Those are probably the best qualities
I think. I love that. I love that you started
with the values. I just was, you know, wanting to
(36:19):
give some feedback that I thought you did a really
good job of active listening, staying engaged. I thought you
did a really good balance of sharing about yourself and
also asking about her. I thought that there were like
really great moments where you dipped into what I call
like date appropriate vulnerability sharing that you maybe were a
nervous talker in your past, and it's something that you
worked on or things you've learned about yourself in the pandemic.
(36:40):
So I thought you had a really good balance of that,
and I would encourage if you guys go on another
day to incorporate maybe even a little bit more of that,
because I just wanted to offer that feedback in general
and body language wise, also, you know, smiling, showing your
engaged it. There was a lot of openness coming from
your side, and there are a lot of opportunities for
a tad more flirting. So if you end up on
(37:03):
a second day, I think both of you can flirt
a little bit more. There are some opportunities to say
things like oh, when I get you know, when you're
back in l A, why don't you take me for
a smoothie, or let's do a soul cycle class, or
just some way to show interest because we find often
on dates that we're bridging the gap between two people
who like each other and don't know, so it's hard
(37:24):
to tell in this state how you both thought about
each other. And I think if you're interested, just to
make sure that comes across. That's that's that's actually that
last point that's really good, just saying one thing to
show interest you have to say it out loud because
otherwise it's like it's it's just in my head, even
though I'm thinking it the whole time. I'm like, if
they're not going to hear it, they're not a mind reader, right.
Even the things that you said you enjoyed about her,
(37:46):
those would be such beautiful things to share with her. Yeah,
Oh my gosh, that's I don't know, that's good. I've
never had a coach for this before. I don't never
had anybody tell me the good qualities that I am.
So that's great. But I actually loved like I was
gonna ask you, like what could I work on? And
I'm like, well, bam, you just said it. So there
you go. Yeah, you're doing a great job. It's just
(38:07):
these tiny twigs well end up making a huge difference. Yeah,
take you right out of friend zone. Yeah. Right, So
we'll connect with Ashley and then we'll figure out what
the next step is. Okay, fantastic, can't wait to hear back.
Thanks here time, Jeff. Thanks Jeff. Let's invite Ashley back on. Hi, Ashley,
(38:28):
dying to hear how you felt about the date, So
give us the scoop and then we'll ask you some questions, okay, cool, No,
it was very fun. Um, it was super easy going conversation,
Like I felt very natural, which is great. I feel
like sometimes on dates it feels like I'm the one
(38:48):
like leading the conversation and like really trying to like
pull teeth getting people to talk and share about themselves,
and it did not feel like that, So that was amazing. Yeah,
it was super fun. I feel like we have a
lot in common, which is really cool. And obviously we
didn't get to dive into everything, but I feel like
there's a lot more that could be dove into. I
love that That's exactly what you want on a first date.
(39:11):
You want to feel curious about the person. There's some
mystery and that's why you end up having a second date.
So I had so much fun watching you nailed it.
I thought you did such an amazing job on the date.
You were playful and you smiled, and you elaborated and
you had some really funny moment So overall, like, kudos,
(39:31):
you did such a great job. Thank you. Yeah. I
thought that you did the ping ponging really well, and
not only that, but I think that when you would
ask questions, it was a really good blend between funnier
questions like what type of sausage do you like? Versus
more intimate questions like are you extroverted versus introverted? So
I really liked that you had a good blend, that
you kept it lighthearted, but you could still you know,
(39:53):
you were still trying to get to know him on
a deeper level as well. And let me tell you
your laugh you're a little like giggle that things is
your superpower. It's like so flirty, so fun, so reassuring
for him. So I think you had a lot of
like good non verbal that was great and kept the
engagement going where you were kind of giving him that
validation while he was telling a story without you know,
(40:15):
needing to verbalize it directly. I love those moments great.
I love that. What qualities about Jeff did you like?
He's definitely seems very grounding, like you all have mentioned,
and he seems to like know himself pretty well, which
is great. I feel like you can always tell when
someone is just kind of like putting on a show
(40:36):
or like they're being over the top because they like
don't really feel comfortable with themselves. But he seems very
comfortable with himself. That was the big thing that I
felt and kind of picked up on um. And also
like he can be funny and laugh at himself and
he's not too there, doesn't seem to like stuck up
and stuff like that, so I love it. In one
(40:58):
comment for you, and I said the same thing to Jeff,
because you both seemed to enjoy each other's company. Is
just to show interest. So there are a lot of
opportunities where you could have invited him to do like
a soul cycle class, or to walk around the city,
or to do something in West Hollywood. So I encourage you,
if you are actually interested, to show interest in some way.
(41:20):
It can be something in the middle of the data,
doesn't have to be at the end, just so he
knows that you are interested in a second date. If
you are, yeah, that's good to know. I am always
bad at that, so most people are, but you know
we're not mine readers. So it's so helpful to land
the second date, and then later you can decide if
you even watch the second date, but that will just
(41:42):
get you to the next step. Were there any hesitations
on your end or anything that you maybe had hoped
gone better? Yeah, I think that it went pretty well.
Like I've been on a few dates, and I would
say this one is definitely like up there in the top,
which is funny because it's like we're not like sitting
(42:02):
across the table from each other or whatever. Like I
think this was really fun. But I would say, yeah,
this is definitely one of the top like first dates
that I've been on. It was really fun, it was
really good. I think I'm so happy to hear in it,
and you're focusing on exactly what we talked about in
the beginning, So just feeling at ease and comfortable and
natural and curious to get to know the person. And
(42:22):
there's more obviously to share. So I definitely encourage you
guys to go on a second date. And you are
both on the same page. It was so nice to
hear the way he spoke about you that good said,
I wish that you've told Ashley directly, just talking about
your values and how cute you are and um, so
it seems like you're both into each other and it's
at least worth another shot. Yeah, Yeah, I definitely would
(42:45):
want to hang out again, just keep talking and like
just see what comes up and things like that, and
I feel like there's obviously like you can get different
reads on chemistry and things like that the more that
you spend time together. But yeah, I mean I wasn't
instantly like oh gosh, no, like so for me, I'm like, Okay,
(43:06):
that's a good sign. And I really liked what you
all have to say and remind me of you don't
need to be like panicking and thinking like, oh gosh,
like is this the person I'm gonna marry? Like it's like,
don't stress about that. Just see how you feel in
the moment and take it snip my step. So what
I would suggest is that we go out with Jeff
(43:26):
again and see if the cap Stry can continue to grow.
And in the meantime, Beck and I will go back
to the drawing board and do some more interviewing and
get you another match so we can compare and we'll
see how you feel with both parties. That is there
anything that you would look at in the interview process
that you want to change up for Ashley, Well, I
think that we found some key things that we definitely
(43:48):
want to stay consistent with, like the fact that he
felt really grounded, the fact that it was easy to
have a conversation with him. Those things we don't really
want to stray from because you felt such at ease
with him in the first date. But I think there's
always room to tweak and just see what works better
for you. So maybe it's just a different kind of
career type that we're looking for, or a different type
(44:08):
of overal personality. Maybe somebody who's naturally more introverted, although
they can be social. So little things that we can
just play along on the spectrum and see what fits
best for you and what doesn't so you can compare.
But it sounds like we've got a lot of really
good core qualities that we can stay consistent with, which
is great. We kind of have an outline of what
works for you, and then within that outline we can
(44:29):
be a little bit playful so that you can compare
and contrast and see what feels best. Amazing, and dating
is so similar to what you do for work, like
this is an exercise and it's building these muscles, and
so just getting back out there and going on dates
will hold you accountable, but it will also teach you
(44:49):
a little bit more about what works and what doesn't work.
And so we could do some testing, so we're off
to a great start, and then we'll see who comes
up next. Yeah, I love that great analogy. To pick
you back off that analogy in the future, when you
do find yourself getting slipping back into that like romantic
(45:11):
role where you're wanting the grand jesters and and having
that kind of like feelings of wanting the fairy tale,
just remind yourself that, you know, you don't run a
marathon in a day. You don't build muscle in a day.
It's a slow process. It's the same thing, like Talia said,
is working out so that you will feel that grand love.
But it's not because of one big moment. It's because
of a lot of tiny, consistent moments with someone who
(45:33):
feels really safe and comfortable. And that's how you'll build
to that. So you know, carry what you do already
in your daily life. You're doing everything right in your
daily life, and we just need to plug that into
your dating life, and I think that that will give
you a lot of success. Yeah, this has definitely been
helpful to hear those reminders and see it put into
play and seeing like, okay, cool, you don't have to
(45:56):
leave a first date knowing the name of your future
child like that's great, exactly right, That's very true, very
cream overall of the day. Yeah, that was fine. I
want to follow along with the show or know anyone
good for Ashley. Follow us on Love Struck Daily on
(46:16):
Instagram and Twitter, or email Love Struck Daily at Frolic
dot media for match baking, joining our free database at
three day rule dot com, or follow us in social
media at three day Rule. Our researcher is Jesse Epstein
and our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by
Abigail Steckler with Little Scorpions Studios. We are executive produced
(46:41):
by Frolic Media. This is an I Heart radio podcast.
Good Days, God Love, I'm in love with you. I'm
(47:05):
in love with you.
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