June 23, 2022 • 21 mins
For individuals and couples, evolution and change happens naturally over time. But for LGBTQ+ folks, that evolution can be especially nerve-wrecking. For our final Pride celebration episode, we’re bringing back Eric Eisenhower (Parks and Recreation) and Hope Jaymes (Modern Family). They discuss how, during their fifteen year relationship, they have transformed gender, sexuality, religion and life goals. They answer the question - is it possible to stay committed to each other when the person you once loved has changed so much?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you've been listening all week, thank you. You know,
we are celebrating Pride Month by re releasing a few
of our favorite queer stories. Today is our fourth and
final day, and this one is worth waiting for. Do
you remember the story of Hope and Eric. This pair
has been through a lot and have learned to love
and grow together through it all, including discovering that they
(00:20):
are both by What better way to celebrate Pride than
telling the story of courage, trust, and a whole lot alone.
I'm in love with that. I love with you, Alicia.
(00:46):
I have a question about change, the evolution, not the
spare money in your pocket points. Yeah. Sure. Now, as
you know, as we've talked about, I met my husband
in high school and we're in our mid forties now,
and we've we've sort of grown up together. We figured
out how to be adults and how to adult together
at the same time, which was a lot considering how
(01:08):
very different our perspectives were when we started. But you know,
we go along together pretty well. It's been twenty one years,
almost twenty two marriage. I know will be twenty two
years and may. But I have a question for you
in terms of change. I know that you and Kai
have been together for a little over two years now,
(01:30):
it is exactly two years. What have some of the
change has been for you? I mean, it was weird
to navigate the world changing when you're just getting to
know somebody, because you kind of have to decide very quickly,
like okay, especially in terms of the pandemic, you know,
do do I really want to see this person? Do
I really want? You know, do do I really want
to isolate with this person? Because that's essentially what you
(01:52):
have to do. You have to bubble with them. And
then everything changed around us, and people changed around us,
and circumstances change. My best friend moved away. We were
pretty close, you know, geographically, and that was a little
hard and and yeah, it was just it was a
lot to navigate all at once. Within packed into those
two years, I would say we had about a decade
(02:13):
worth of changes. I joke about this because the only
movie we saw together in a theater before the world
shutdown was Sonic the Hedgehog, and I remember, and he's
very happy about this, but I am not, because I
remember standing in front of that movie theater and I
think Knives Out was playing or something like that. I
(02:35):
was like, maybe we should go to Knives Out, and
we were both like, oh, we'll just go next time.
And then there was the next time. And so that's
the example I use of, you know what, if you
want to do something, we should have gone down like
a double feature that night. We could have seen them
both something. I am amused. Wow. It was really cute though,
because I'm glad I saw it with him, because he
was like he loved it so much because he's really
(02:56):
big into video games and animated stuff and was actually
one of the one of the cute things was beforehand
he was he asked me like, what what snacks do
you like? And so I said, oh, I like those
peach gummies. And so in the middle of the movie
theater he like reaches into his pocket and pulled out
a little contraband bag peach gummies. That that's adorable. This
(03:20):
is something good. It came out of it, even if
I had even if the only movie well, speaking of
truly knowing someone Peach Gummies, Sonic the Hedgehog at all.
I am very excited for us to talk to our
guests today. Hope and Eric know all about what it
means to go through great personal changes even bigger than
(03:42):
Sonic the Hedgehog, Bigger than that. Hope James is an
actor and writer and an active volunteer for the Trevor
Project of crisis support organization supporting lgbt Q youth. Eric
Eisenhower is an actor and philosopher. You may have seen
him as Orn on Parks and rec These two started
dating in high school. I know all the words to
(04:03):
that song, and they have been together ever since. During
their many years as a couple, they have experienced massive
changes in discovering different dimensions of their gender, sexuality, and
even religion and career. And despite all of those changes
in twists and turns, instead of growing apart, they have
found a way to strengthen their relationship and become closer together.
(04:24):
Please welcome Hope and Eric. Eric and Hope, I am
so excited to welcome you. Thank you so much for
joining us. Thank us. Before we get started, I just
want to tell you Eric, I'm such a huge Parks
and rac fan, so I'm so excited to meet the
famous arm Right now, Well, I could go into character
(04:48):
and just not maybe maybe not for a podcast, So
please tell us all of the things. Basically, we want
to everything about you, supernosey questions starting with how did
you guys meet and how did you get to be
where you are now? Because I know your relationship and
(05:09):
you have both changed and evolved. You're like the Pokemon
of relationships. Yes, although I feel like that's normal for
a relationship. I agree this happened to do it younger,
if that makes sense. But yeah, we met in high
school theater, that's true, and we started dating the following
(05:30):
year as we continue to do plays together. So actually,
this is just one very long showmance. That's really what
it is. It's all for the pr it's all. What
was your first show together? So it was This Snow Queen,
which is actually known as Frozen these days, so it
(05:53):
was kind of a like Brother Sister. I think Frozen,
like the movie is about sister sister. So Eric and
I started out as brother sister in a show, and
you know, I just my favorite story about that is
at the end we hug. He gives really good hugs,
and during our last show, I really like savored the
(06:14):
last hug because I was like, I'll never hug him again,
and now I get to hug him all the time.
It's so gross. It's such a gross story. I know
we are starting out real sappy. I know it's a
love podcast. It's fine. What I loved is that Sarah
and I both had to like muffle oursel. It's fine.
(06:36):
It's you know, you're supposed to scream inside your heart.
We squee inside our hearts a lot. So you graduated
high school, you both moved to l A to pursue acting,
which seems to have been a solid choice on your part.
That's true. We uh, we moved out here ready for show.
So you guys have been together, as we said, for
(06:57):
so long, and what we wanted to talk about with
some of the ways that you and your relationship has
changed and evolved. What were some of the changes that
you went through as you became who you are now?
You know, I entered this relationship thinking I was straight
and he was straight, but I'm by just all these
things that have come up and I've learned about myself
(07:19):
and vice versa, and just how we've figured that out. Yea, hope.
Can I ask you about sharing with Eric that you
were by and figuring out that your gender queer? I guess, okay,
so I've always been bisexual and I've always grown up
(07:39):
being like, Okay, am I gay or am I straight?
And I just never figured out that there was an
in between, and it would always just be so confusing.
And I remember I googled, like, how do you tell
your straight partner that you're by? And I looked and
I couldn't find a lot of information. Maybe I didn't
know how to google correctly. How is this not a
BuzzFeed check list that this should definitely be like allistical? Yeah, yeah, right,
(08:04):
I don't know. I was just trying to prepare to
how to tell like be in a like straight passing
relationship as a by person, And so I got all
this courage. I waited the last minute before Eric had
to leave to a concert. It was just this whole
thing of me putting it off, and I was like,
I'm gonna do it. We kind of have a thing
that we do where I take Eric on a long
(08:25):
walk and sometimes towards the end of the walk, I
just go like, Okay, I have something to tell you,
and he's like okay, and then yeah, We've had a
few of those walks, and none of them are you know,
it's never like scary or upsetting or anything, but like,
whatever that moment happens, I just like, okay, I have
to put myself in a place to listen. Something's going
(08:46):
to be shared now, Okay, yeah we are. Yeah. I
find that it's usually me bringing up all the changes.
So all the entire time during the walk, I'm just like,
do it, Hope, and I'm like okay. By the time
we get to the end of the street and I'm
like do it, and I'm like, oh, I didn't do it,
and then I'm like we're almost home. I just have
to do it. And I was so prepared and I
said I'm by and IM like I'm in tears. And
(09:08):
then Eric goes, oh me too, and so he found
the listical is what you're saying. So Eric is bisexual
and I'm bisexual, but he was just like, oh me too.
After I spent all this time preparing to be have
have this straight man in my relationship, and so I
(09:31):
was completely thrown off. I didn't know how to respond
to that one and the way that like I was
in tears and Eric was like, yeah, me too, Yeah, cool,
cool cool. I would frame it as more I was
trying to be supportive and positive and then also sharing,
but yeah, I totally. I totally like weaseled my way
into that moment. Is made in a moment for myself.
(09:53):
In my defense, I was going through my own thing
of things like okay, how like do I have the conversation?
How do I share? How am I gonna how am
I gonna sit down? Do this? I feel a little
bad because it was it was like Hope's moment to
like tell me this thing was obviously very important to them,
But yeah, what one Hope shared that. I was just like, Okay,
now is the moment. Don't put it off again. Just
share it right now. I'll be so much easier. You know,
(10:14):
this is the perfect moment. I just have this image
of you two going on a walk and Eric, You're
sitting there thinking, all right, we have been walking for
eight hours, what do you need to see? So another lap.
I'm definitely seeing a trend, Hope, and now you deliver you. Yeah.
I've been trying to get better on I did like
(10:36):
Eric was like, I don't know if I should go
to this concert. I like leave, I like prepared this
so you would just leave afterwards so I could be
by myself and all my feelings. I needed to take
a breath, We'll be right back after the short break.
(11:00):
I think there's definitely a different conversation when men come
out as by it's like, Okay, you're actually gay, or
like by response later that night was like you And
I think I actually told Eric that, which is one
of the worst things I could have ever done. And
I wasn't very understanding and I didn't understand by men. Definitely.
(11:21):
One of my regrets is I wasn't as supportive as
I should have been, as we should be towards By. Mean,
you know that is sort of like a ingrained fear
that you have the experience with like bisexuality in general.
But yeah, I was particularly for men, it's like by
today gay tomorrow you hear, you know, like being by
(11:42):
is just one step out of the closet to actually
admitting that you're just gay. You know. So there's that
sort of fear like if I say this, I'm not
going to be disbelieved, you know, you know, will they
accept that this is a valid thing for me? I
have read about often your first reaction to something is
something you've been taught, and then your second thought as
(12:02):
you reconsider it is what your what your internal compass
is going to help you with So if your first
reaction is well, then that's what you've been taught is
the right response. And then if you check yourself, then
you're unlearning what you've been taught. And it's a lot
to unlearn what you're taught when it comes to prejudices
against sexuality and gender. Like, it's a whole lot of
(12:22):
mess that you that you tackle when you do that,
isn't it. Yeah, And I've been doing that a lot
and making sure I'm supportive and sort of unlearning, you know.
And then towards Eric, it was you, but he doesn't
deserve that. Nobody deserves that, and I really had to
check myself and figure out how I can be supportive
of myself and my partner and everybody else who deserves that.
(12:46):
I I want to thank you, Hope for letting us
read some of your blog posts. I particularly loved something
you wrote where you said, I hate the term coming
out because it's really about letting you in. And that
is so true. And as the as the pair of
a queer child, that is definitely something that I value,
that my that my child trusts me to let me
(13:06):
know him in all of the different ways that he
sees the world. But you you are letting people in,
And was it easier because you have this long foundation
of knowing each other to let each other in even
further into your lives this way. I personally have been
working on my communication and I think it's been It's
become a lot easier as I've learned how to let
(13:28):
Eric in. Finally, you know, like as we evolve and
let each other in, the depth of which I know
Hope is so much greater than when we went on
our first date. I don't know how what the interaction
would have been if these things have been shared, you know,
six months into our relationship as compared to now. I'd
(13:49):
like to think it would have been the same maturity
and depth and supportiveness of reaction, But you never know.
But ye have building on fourteen years now have dating
It's like, yeah, there there is a depth and a
connection in a familiarity that thankfully makes it so much
easier to be open and honest about these things. So
(14:10):
of course I want to ask Eric, when did you
know that you wanted to marry Hope. I think actually
both of our attitudes to this relationship was, you know,
one day at a time and see what happens. I
think maybe for me what really solidified it was, you know,
I had I had a really bad bike accidents about
four years ago where basically I broke my arm in half.
(14:31):
No thank you, his bone was sticking out. He walked
a mile by himself with his bone exposed, trying to
find help. Somebody stole his bicycle in the moment. It was.
He stayed in the hospital for ten days. It was
he had five surgeries. Yeah, I don't recommend it, yeah,
(14:52):
non favor. But it was a full year before I
was officially totally recovered. You can learn a lot about
somebody in the good times, but you really learn a lot,
I think in the bad times. And so seeing how
Hope reacted, how Hope was there for me durt one
times we're real bad, I was like, this is somebody
(15:12):
that I can then I can rely on and trust
and share my life with, not just when things are
wonderful or when things are boring, when things are bad.
It's like, Okay, I think we are we are solid
for the long haul for sure. You know, this is
who I want to spend the risk of my life with.
I really think that experience. As awful as it was,
it was definitely a shift in our relationship that really
(15:35):
solidified it. Do you remember when you knew that you
wanted to say yes, that you wanted to marry Eric? Oh? Boy?
It's was it a long walk it So there was
a time where I was like, Okay, when we're together
for ten years, I want to be engaged, you know,
(15:56):
And so he was going on my timeline. And then
by the time he was planning to propose and I
found out, and I was like, no, I can't handle it.
And I was still going through my freak out of
just being like just sharing this part of me with
people that I like hid for so long. And I've
always recognized that he has all the qualities of someone
(16:18):
I would like to marry, but I wanted to be
the partner that I thought he deserved and to survive that.
And then later when I was feeling confident and more calm,
I was like, yo, I'm ready, and he's like okay.
For each of you, how have all of these changes
made you into who you are as a couple? To
(16:40):
talk about yourselves as a as a couple, how have
all these changes strengthened you together. I think when you're
this open and honest about who you really are, I
think there's just a depth of connection you know, that
you can't get from any other sort of experience. It
just it just comes with that. It's easy to be
honest about like oh, my favorite foods, my favorite TV show,
(17:01):
things like that. But when you start saying, well, you know, actually, um,
here's my sexuality and I haven't never told this to
anybody before, and they hear that and they accept that,
it's it's hard to put into words exactly what it's like.
You know, it's sort of this intangible thing, but it's
the depth of connection that's just grown tremendously. I think
having the confidence in our relationship that who I am
(17:23):
in ten years, Eric will be there and support me
is a different type of trust. Yeah. Yeah, It's a
great feeling of security of knowing that you can sort
of depend on somebody to be there through the thick
and the thin and for and for whoever you really are,
that you don't have to hide or or change, can
really be your whole self, and that that's not going
to scare somebody away. Well, thank you guys so much
(17:48):
for being so honest. Where can people on the internet
encounter you in your preferred locations. I'm on Instagram at
Hope James H P E j A y M E
S I am underschool or Eric Eisenhower Underscore e R
I C h w R. So I Hope, I understand
that you work a lot with the Trevor Projects. So
(18:09):
can you just give us like a brief rundown of
what you do with them? And you know it's such
a great organization. Oh my gosh, yes, so that the
Trevor Project is a great place for youth where you
can go talk twenty four hours. It's a lot of
queer children, queer youth just exploring their sexuality, their gender,
(18:29):
they go with the crisis. It's been very cool for
me because it's being that person I wish I had,
or I wish I knew I needed at that time.
But yeah, it's a very great resource. And then if
you're older over there's the LGBT Hotline or help center
that I also volunteer with. They have phone calls if
(18:50):
you go to their website. There's a lot of resources.
I wish I had known that when I came out,
because I desperately needed it all um, but yeah, there's
able to talk to I I have I have had
such a really just powerful minutes talking to you. Thank
you so much for being so honest and for coming
on the show today. It really means a lot to
have you be so very much yourselves and to trust
(19:13):
us with who you are. Thank you for that. Thank
you so very much for having us. Thank you, it's
been lovely talking to you, Sarah. If that was so
nice and so lovely. So before we carry on with
our day, let's grab some love to go, shall we.
Any sweet thoughts or takeaways from our episode today. Mine
(19:33):
comes from Pope who has a blog and they wrote,
let yourself be known and let your story be known.
And it is so scary sometimes to be who you are,
but it is worth it when you can truly be
yourself in the world because you only have the one life,
make it the one that is meant for you be
(19:55):
who you are. Oh, that is so nice. I love that.
And also value the people who love and accept you
for who you are. That is a true treasure in
this world. Yeah, you've gotta value the people who want
to go on those walks with you and who will
go and see Sonic the Hedgehog with you exactly that.
Let's Sonic be your guide and if you would like
to tell us what movie you saw with deep regrets
(20:19):
or who knows you best in the world, we would
really love to hear your love story. You can send
an email to love Struck Daily at frolic dot media
if you have any questions or thoughts we would love
to hear from you. You can follow us on Instagram
and Twitter at love struck Daily for extra content. Please
leave a review and subscribe and spread the word about
the show. We'd love to bring more love into everyone's earbuds.
(20:39):
And that's it for our Pride Month re release week.
Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember that there
are tons of queer stories to explore, so if you're
in need for more Pride, go back and explore our archives.
There's plenty of love to go around. And a sweet
little addendum to this story, Hope and Eric actually are
getting married next weekend. Pope and Eric, we love you
(21:01):
so much, and the whole Love Struck teen sends a
huge congratulations. Our researcher is Jesse Epstein, our editor is
Jen Jacobs. Our producer is Abigail Stuckler and Little Scorpion
Studios are behind the scenes. Hatcher of plans is Gillian Davis,
and we are executive produced by Frolic Media and I
Heart Radio, and we wish you all a very happily
(21:23):
ever after. I'm in love with that, I'm in love
with you, I'm in love with you.
If you've been listening all week, thank you. You know,
we are celebrating Pride Month by re releasing a few
of our favorite queer stories. Today is our fourth and
final day, and this one is worth waiting for. Do
you remember the story of Hope and Eric. This pair
has been through a lot and have learned to love
and grow together through it all, including discovering that they
(00:20):
are both by What better way to celebrate Pride than
telling the story of courage, trust, and a whole lot alone.
I'm in love with that. I love with you, Alicia.
(00:46):
I have a question about change, the evolution, not the
spare money in your pocket points. Yeah. Sure. Now, as
you know, as we've talked about, I met my husband
in high school and we're in our mid forties now,
and we've we've sort of grown up together. We figured
out how to be adults and how to adult together
at the same time, which was a lot considering how
(01:08):
very different our perspectives were when we started. But you know,
we go along together pretty well. It's been twenty one years,
almost twenty two marriage. I know will be twenty two
years and may. But I have a question for you
in terms of change. I know that you and Kai
have been together for a little over two years now,
(01:30):
it is exactly two years. What have some of the
change has been for you? I mean, it was weird
to navigate the world changing when you're just getting to
know somebody, because you kind of have to decide very quickly,
like okay, especially in terms of the pandemic, you know,
do do I really want to see this person? Do
I really want? You know, do do I really want
to isolate with this person? Because that's essentially what you
(01:52):
have to do. You have to bubble with them. And
then everything changed around us, and people changed around us,
and circumstances change. My best friend moved away. We were
pretty close, you know, geographically, and that was a little
hard and and yeah, it was just it was a
lot to navigate all at once. Within packed into those
two years, I would say we had about a decade
(02:13):
worth of changes. I joke about this because the only
movie we saw together in a theater before the world
shutdown was Sonic the Hedgehog, and I remember, and he's
very happy about this, but I am not, because I
remember standing in front of that movie theater and I
think Knives Out was playing or something like that. I
(02:35):
was like, maybe we should go to Knives Out, and
we were both like, oh, we'll just go next time.
And then there was the next time. And so that's
the example I use of, you know what, if you
want to do something, we should have gone down like
a double feature that night. We could have seen them
both something. I am amused. Wow. It was really cute though,
because I'm glad I saw it with him, because he
was like he loved it so much because he's really
(02:56):
big into video games and animated stuff and was actually
one of the one of the cute things was beforehand
he was he asked me like, what what snacks do
you like? And so I said, oh, I like those
peach gummies. And so in the middle of the movie
theater he like reaches into his pocket and pulled out
a little contraband bag peach gummies. That that's adorable. This
(03:20):
is something good. It came out of it, even if
I had even if the only movie well, speaking of
truly knowing someone Peach Gummies, Sonic the Hedgehog at all.
I am very excited for us to talk to our
guests today. Hope and Eric know all about what it
means to go through great personal changes even bigger than
(03:42):
Sonic the Hedgehog, Bigger than that. Hope James is an
actor and writer and an active volunteer for the Trevor
Project of crisis support organization supporting lgbt Q youth. Eric
Eisenhower is an actor and philosopher. You may have seen
him as Orn on Parks and rec These two started
dating in high school. I know all the words to
(04:03):
that song, and they have been together ever since. During
their many years as a couple, they have experienced massive
changes in discovering different dimensions of their gender, sexuality, and
even religion and career. And despite all of those changes
in twists and turns, instead of growing apart, they have
found a way to strengthen their relationship and become closer together.
(04:24):
Please welcome Hope and Eric. Eric and Hope, I am
so excited to welcome you. Thank you so much for
joining us. Thank us. Before we get started, I just
want to tell you Eric, I'm such a huge Parks
and rac fan, so I'm so excited to meet the
famous arm Right now, Well, I could go into character
(04:48):
and just not maybe maybe not for a podcast, So
please tell us all of the things. Basically, we want
to everything about you, supernosey questions starting with how did
you guys meet and how did you get to be
where you are now? Because I know your relationship and
(05:09):
you have both changed and evolved. You're like the Pokemon
of relationships. Yes, although I feel like that's normal for
a relationship. I agree this happened to do it younger,
if that makes sense. But yeah, we met in high
school theater, that's true, and we started dating the following
(05:30):
year as we continue to do plays together. So actually,
this is just one very long showmance. That's really what
it is. It's all for the pr it's all. What
was your first show together? So it was This Snow Queen,
which is actually known as Frozen these days, so it
(05:53):
was kind of a like Brother Sister. I think Frozen,
like the movie is about sister sister. So Eric and
I started out as brother sister in a show, and
you know, I just my favorite story about that is
at the end we hug. He gives really good hugs,
and during our last show, I really like savored the
(06:14):
last hug because I was like, I'll never hug him again,
and now I get to hug him all the time.
It's so gross. It's such a gross story. I know
we are starting out real sappy. I know it's a
love podcast. It's fine. What I loved is that Sarah
and I both had to like muffle oursel. It's fine.
(06:36):
It's you know, you're supposed to scream inside your heart.
We squee inside our hearts a lot. So you graduated
high school, you both moved to l A to pursue acting,
which seems to have been a solid choice on your part.
That's true. We uh, we moved out here ready for show.
So you guys have been together, as we said, for
(06:57):
so long, and what we wanted to talk about with
some of the ways that you and your relationship has
changed and evolved. What were some of the changes that
you went through as you became who you are now?
You know, I entered this relationship thinking I was straight
and he was straight, but I'm by just all these
things that have come up and I've learned about myself
(07:19):
and vice versa, and just how we've figured that out. Yea, hope.
Can I ask you about sharing with Eric that you
were by and figuring out that your gender queer? I guess, okay,
so I've always been bisexual and I've always grown up
(07:39):
being like, Okay, am I gay or am I straight?
And I just never figured out that there was an
in between, and it would always just be so confusing.
And I remember I googled, like, how do you tell
your straight partner that you're by? And I looked and
I couldn't find a lot of information. Maybe I didn't
know how to google correctly. How is this not a
BuzzFeed check list that this should definitely be like allistical? Yeah, yeah, right,
(08:04):
I don't know. I was just trying to prepare to
how to tell like be in a like straight passing
relationship as a by person, And so I got all
this courage. I waited the last minute before Eric had
to leave to a concert. It was just this whole
thing of me putting it off, and I was like,
I'm gonna do it. We kind of have a thing
that we do where I take Eric on a long
(08:25):
walk and sometimes towards the end of the walk, I
just go like, Okay, I have something to tell you,
and he's like okay, and then yeah, We've had a
few of those walks, and none of them are you know,
it's never like scary or upsetting or anything, but like,
whatever that moment happens, I just like, okay, I have
to put myself in a place to listen. Something's going
(08:46):
to be shared now, Okay, yeah we are. Yeah. I
find that it's usually me bringing up all the changes.
So all the entire time during the walk, I'm just like,
do it, Hope, and I'm like okay. By the time
we get to the end of the street and I'm
like do it, and I'm like, oh, I didn't do it,
and then I'm like we're almost home. I just have
to do it. And I was so prepared and I
said I'm by and IM like I'm in tears. And
(09:08):
then Eric goes, oh me too, and so he found
the listical is what you're saying. So Eric is bisexual
and I'm bisexual, but he was just like, oh me too.
After I spent all this time preparing to be have
have this straight man in my relationship, and so I
(09:31):
was completely thrown off. I didn't know how to respond
to that one and the way that like I was
in tears and Eric was like, yeah, me too, Yeah, cool,
cool cool. I would frame it as more I was
trying to be supportive and positive and then also sharing,
but yeah, I totally. I totally like weaseled my way
into that moment. Is made in a moment for myself.
(09:53):
In my defense, I was going through my own thing
of things like okay, how like do I have the conversation?
How do I share? How am I gonna how am
I gonna sit down? Do this? I feel a little
bad because it was it was like Hope's moment to
like tell me this thing was obviously very important to them,
But yeah, what one Hope shared that. I was just like, Okay,
now is the moment. Don't put it off again. Just
share it right now. I'll be so much easier. You know,
(10:14):
this is the perfect moment. I just have this image
of you two going on a walk and Eric, You're
sitting there thinking, all right, we have been walking for
eight hours, what do you need to see? So another lap.
I'm definitely seeing a trend, Hope, and now you deliver you. Yeah.
I've been trying to get better on I did like
(10:36):
Eric was like, I don't know if I should go
to this concert. I like leave, I like prepared this
so you would just leave afterwards so I could be
by myself and all my feelings. I needed to take
a breath, We'll be right back after the short break.
(11:00):
I think there's definitely a different conversation when men come
out as by it's like, Okay, you're actually gay, or
like by response later that night was like you And
I think I actually told Eric that, which is one
of the worst things I could have ever done. And
I wasn't very understanding and I didn't understand by men. Definitely.
(11:21):
One of my regrets is I wasn't as supportive as
I should have been, as we should be towards By. Mean,
you know that is sort of like a ingrained fear
that you have the experience with like bisexuality in general.
But yeah, I was particularly for men, it's like by
today gay tomorrow you hear, you know, like being by
(11:42):
is just one step out of the closet to actually
admitting that you're just gay. You know. So there's that
sort of fear like if I say this, I'm not
going to be disbelieved, you know, you know, will they
accept that this is a valid thing for me? I
have read about often your first reaction to something is
something you've been taught, and then your second thought as
(12:02):
you reconsider it is what your what your internal compass
is going to help you with So if your first
reaction is well, then that's what you've been taught is
the right response. And then if you check yourself, then
you're unlearning what you've been taught. And it's a lot
to unlearn what you're taught when it comes to prejudices
against sexuality and gender. Like, it's a whole lot of
(12:22):
mess that you that you tackle when you do that,
isn't it. Yeah, And I've been doing that a lot
and making sure I'm supportive and sort of unlearning, you know.
And then towards Eric, it was you, but he doesn't
deserve that. Nobody deserves that, and I really had to
check myself and figure out how I can be supportive
of myself and my partner and everybody else who deserves that.
(12:46):
I I want to thank you, Hope for letting us
read some of your blog posts. I particularly loved something
you wrote where you said, I hate the term coming
out because it's really about letting you in. And that
is so true. And as the as the pair of
a queer child, that is definitely something that I value,
that my that my child trusts me to let me
(13:06):
know him in all of the different ways that he
sees the world. But you you are letting people in,
And was it easier because you have this long foundation
of knowing each other to let each other in even
further into your lives this way. I personally have been
working on my communication and I think it's been It's
become a lot easier as I've learned how to let
(13:28):
Eric in. Finally, you know, like as we evolve and
let each other in, the depth of which I know
Hope is so much greater than when we went on
our first date. I don't know how what the interaction
would have been if these things have been shared, you know,
six months into our relationship as compared to now. I'd
(13:49):
like to think it would have been the same maturity
and depth and supportiveness of reaction, But you never know.
But ye have building on fourteen years now have dating
It's like, yeah, there there is a depth and a
connection in a familiarity that thankfully makes it so much
easier to be open and honest about these things. So
(14:10):
of course I want to ask Eric, when did you
know that you wanted to marry Hope. I think actually
both of our attitudes to this relationship was, you know,
one day at a time and see what happens. I
think maybe for me what really solidified it was, you know,
I had I had a really bad bike accidents about
four years ago where basically I broke my arm in half.
(14:31):
No thank you, his bone was sticking out. He walked
a mile by himself with his bone exposed, trying to
find help. Somebody stole his bicycle in the moment. It was.
He stayed in the hospital for ten days. It was
he had five surgeries. Yeah, I don't recommend it, yeah,
(14:52):
non favor. But it was a full year before I
was officially totally recovered. You can learn a lot about
somebody in the good times, but you really learn a lot,
I think in the bad times. And so seeing how
Hope reacted, how Hope was there for me durt one
times we're real bad, I was like, this is somebody
(15:12):
that I can then I can rely on and trust
and share my life with, not just when things are
wonderful or when things are boring, when things are bad.
It's like, Okay, I think we are we are solid
for the long haul for sure. You know, this is
who I want to spend the risk of my life with.
I really think that experience. As awful as it was,
it was definitely a shift in our relationship that really
(15:35):
solidified it. Do you remember when you knew that you
wanted to say yes, that you wanted to marry Eric? Oh? Boy?
It's was it a long walk it So there was
a time where I was like, Okay, when we're together
for ten years, I want to be engaged, you know,
(15:56):
And so he was going on my timeline. And then
by the time he was planning to propose and I
found out, and I was like, no, I can't handle it.
And I was still going through my freak out of
just being like just sharing this part of me with
people that I like hid for so long. And I've
always recognized that he has all the qualities of someone
(16:18):
I would like to marry, but I wanted to be
the partner that I thought he deserved and to survive that.
And then later when I was feeling confident and more calm,
I was like, yo, I'm ready, and he's like okay.
For each of you, how have all of these changes
made you into who you are as a couple? To
(16:40):
talk about yourselves as a as a couple, how have
all these changes strengthened you together. I think when you're
this open and honest about who you really are, I
think there's just a depth of connection you know, that
you can't get from any other sort of experience. It
just it just comes with that. It's easy to be
honest about like oh, my favorite foods, my favorite TV show,
(17:01):
things like that. But when you start saying, well, you know, actually, um,
here's my sexuality and I haven't never told this to
anybody before, and they hear that and they accept that,
it's it's hard to put into words exactly what it's like.
You know, it's sort of this intangible thing, but it's
the depth of connection that's just grown tremendously. I think
having the confidence in our relationship that who I am
(17:23):
in ten years, Eric will be there and support me
is a different type of trust. Yeah. Yeah, It's a
great feeling of security of knowing that you can sort
of depend on somebody to be there through the thick
and the thin and for and for whoever you really are,
that you don't have to hide or or change, can
really be your whole self, and that that's not going
to scare somebody away. Well, thank you guys so much
(17:48):
for being so honest. Where can people on the internet
encounter you in your preferred locations. I'm on Instagram at
Hope James H P E j A y M E
S I am underschool or Eric Eisenhower Underscore e R
I C h w R. So I Hope, I understand
that you work a lot with the Trevor Projects. So
(18:09):
can you just give us like a brief rundown of
what you do with them? And you know it's such
a great organization. Oh my gosh, yes, so that the
Trevor Project is a great place for youth where you
can go talk twenty four hours. It's a lot of
queer children, queer youth just exploring their sexuality, their gender,
(18:29):
they go with the crisis. It's been very cool for
me because it's being that person I wish I had,
or I wish I knew I needed at that time.
But yeah, it's a very great resource. And then if
you're older over there's the LGBT Hotline or help center
that I also volunteer with. They have phone calls if
(18:50):
you go to their website. There's a lot of resources.
I wish I had known that when I came out,
because I desperately needed it all um, but yeah, there's
able to talk to I I have I have had
such a really just powerful minutes talking to you. Thank
you so much for being so honest and for coming
on the show today. It really means a lot to
have you be so very much yourselves and to trust
(19:13):
us with who you are. Thank you for that. Thank
you so very much for having us. Thank you, it's
been lovely talking to you, Sarah. If that was so
nice and so lovely. So before we carry on with
our day, let's grab some love to go, shall we.
Any sweet thoughts or takeaways from our episode today. Mine
(19:33):
comes from Pope who has a blog and they wrote,
let yourself be known and let your story be known.
And it is so scary sometimes to be who you are,
but it is worth it when you can truly be
yourself in the world because you only have the one life,
make it the one that is meant for you be
(19:55):
who you are. Oh, that is so nice. I love that.
And also value the people who love and accept you
for who you are. That is a true treasure in
this world. Yeah, you've gotta value the people who want
to go on those walks with you and who will
go and see Sonic the Hedgehog with you exactly that.
Let's Sonic be your guide and if you would like
to tell us what movie you saw with deep regrets
(20:19):
or who knows you best in the world, we would
really love to hear your love story. You can send
an email to love Struck Daily at frolic dot media
if you have any questions or thoughts we would love
to hear from you. You can follow us on Instagram
and Twitter at love struck Daily for extra content. Please
leave a review and subscribe and spread the word about
the show. We'd love to bring more love into everyone's earbuds.
(20:39):
And that's it for our Pride Month re release week.
Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember that there
are tons of queer stories to explore, so if you're
in need for more Pride, go back and explore our archives.
There's plenty of love to go around. And a sweet
little addendum to this story, Hope and Eric actually are
getting married next weekend. Pope and Eric, we love you
(21:01):
so much, and the whole Love Struck teen sends a
huge congratulations. Our researcher is Jesse Epstein, our editor is
Jen Jacobs. Our producer is Abigail Stuckler and Little Scorpion
Studios are behind the scenes. Hatcher of plans is Gillian Davis,
and we are executive produced by Frolic Media and I
Heart Radio, and we wish you all a very happily
(21:23):
ever after. I'm in love with that, I'm in love
with you, I'm in love with you.
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