December 20, 2024 • 23 mins
Tori has been bearing a burden and it's time to let it go.
Find out what has been weighing her down, the decision to stop living a lie, and
the challenge Jana gave her to symbolize the end of an era as a new year approaches!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I don't know about you, but I wish I left
sooner too, because then there would have been less fights,
less affairs, less all those things. But I for me,
and people was asked me like, well, how'd you know
when it was time to leave? I had a million
people telling me it was time to leave. I told
you it's time to leave. You know what I mean,
like it's time and blah blah. You have to go
through it as much to the point where you get
(00:35):
to that one point where it's like, Okay, I can't
actually go another day. And then I had no regrets
once I left, because I'd also don't like to live
with regrets. So I knew I tried everything. I'd tried,
every therapy, I tried every you know thing to stay
with him, and it still wouldn't work. Worse to stay
than to leave. So that's when I was like, I'm
out and I was able to walk away. Of course,
(00:57):
I would have loved for it to been sooner, but
I need that long process to really realize that I
tried everything I possibly could, which was trying to keep
my family together. I didn't want to be divorced at all.
So again, yes, of course we would have thought and
would have loved it to be sooner, but we also
know that we tried everything we could do and we
(01:18):
exhausted all options. Yeah, truly, and then you realized it
wasn't changing and you got out. That also shows your
children's strength, and I think that's a beautiful thing for
children to see. And then you're going to never allow
something like that. And that's what I'm saying, Like, you know,
and Alan and I haven't had those you know, we'll
(01:39):
have disagreements and stuff, but I'll be like, you know,
he knows that we don't discuss like that, Like we
would have arguments, you know, little things like that, but nothing,
I mean it would. I don't think anything would ever
get that volatile because he's not disrespectful like my ex was.
But you know now what you will not allow your
children to see. And you'll do that for the next
(01:59):
one when you're ready to, not when your kids are ready,
but when you're ready to.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
If my picker's on point right, well.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
That's why I'm like, girl, I'll go to on site
first because it'll help you, like be able to realize,
you know, you're you're worth and all that. If that's
what you're that's what I suffered from.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Definitely, I feel completely unlovable. It's just it's so hard.
I mean, you're younger than me, but not by much. Yeah,
I never it's just you never think. You never think
you're going to be starting over. Nope, no one does
when they get married.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Okay, but friend, it's so okay, I need you to
just energy shift this because we're going into to a
new year. It is some I get so excited for
people that when they DM me and they're like, I'm
so sad, I'm depressed. I just got divorced, I'm like,
I get it, I've been there. But like we got
(02:56):
to flip this. How freaking cool that you you get
to rewrite a whole new story that is like the
most empowering, the most uplifting, the most hopeful, Like you
get to make the right choices, like and what you
thought was the right choice the last time and end
up not okay, all right, but you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Get to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You get a do over, Like how cool is that?
Not many people get to have a do over? Like
this is so exciting and you, not your kids, not
your like you have already have your kids, so you're
not like having to you know, just find a guy
to have babies or whatever, like I did, like you know,
I was running out of time, you know with with
my ex husband where it was like, oh god, I'm
(03:36):
in my thirties and I need a baby and okay,
like yeah you cheated, but like you're you're hot and
like whatever, you know, like yeah it is, you said
you're sorry. But like with this, it's like you truly
get to like you get to recreate the life you
want for you and not settle for anything or anyone.
Like this is exciting, Tori. I'm so excited for you,
(04:00):
Like you should be so frickin' pumped that you get
to write your next chapter. Sorry that was my book.
You Like, you get to write your next like your
next story.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I am excited.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It can be scary, it can be all those things,
but I need you to put the hand on there.
It's scary and it's gonna be awesome. I'm lonely and
I get to choose the right person. I'm like like
add the end, Like that's the most powerful tool tool
I ever learned, is that you can feel both things.
But I need you to add in the frickin Like
this is exciting. This is so you get to you
get to have first kisses all over again.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Like that's exciting. It's like so fun. Tears, this is
so exciting.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I just put so much, so much energy. I'm tired.
I put so much energy into writing that first chapter,
that first story, and so much energy and keeping it intact.
It was.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
It's exhausting, it's too much. So go have find your joy.
I find to join it.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I don't get weighed down.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yes you do.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
That first date.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Oh they're so fun, tory, they're so fun.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Oh my gosh, Like I replay like meeting Alan for
the Like I had a bunch of bad first dates
when I was dating. But then then you just then
you see the magical one, you know, and then you're like,
that's the spark. And then it's like, Okay, maybe the
spark died, but it ignited something in you again. Like
you get to feel that. That's exciting, and yeah, you
feel drained, but you go you have to release it.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
One of the best things I'm gonna I'm going to
give you an I'm going to give you an assignment.
It was the best thing I did on site. But
I took rocks, okay, And I want you to take
like rocks, like about this big, and you write on
the rock every belief that you think of yourself, so
like mine was, I deserve abuse, I'm unlovable, I'm not enough,
(05:53):
you know, I'm I'm the problem everything I've ever heard
and believed. That's a negative thing. But the truly like
I thought was my thing. And then I want you
to put the rocks in a backpack. And then I
want you to walk like five miles and I want
you to feel how heavy okay, four three or two?
Like at least three miles with a heavy ass backpack
(06:16):
with all the negative beliefs about yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Can we do one and a half of call it
a day, one and a half and we'll call it
a day.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Great.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I want you to walk with every heavy message and
think about all the things that like people have told you,
that that person told you when they were raging drunk
and it wasn't true, or when you know whatever, or
if anyone was abusive to you or you know whatever. Area,
walk with it, feel it, feel how heavy the backpack is,
(06:43):
how your body's starting to hurt. And then I want
you to find in that walk. We're going to find
it a mile and a half walk, and then you're
going to get to a stream or some kind of
lake or something, and then you're going to take every
single one of those rocks out. You're going to say
the opposite. You're going to chuck that motherfucking rock into
the stream, and then you're gonna you're gonna release all
(07:05):
those negative energies and then you're gonna walk back.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
You're gonna feel how light it is.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
You're gonna take in all the new the new words
that you are enough, that you do deserve love, you know,
you do deserve a happy ending, all the things, and
you're gonna walk back and feel so light and it's
going to be such a good exercise for you.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And it was one that really helps me. Can you
do it?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I can do that. I'm really worried though, because there's
some coyotes, deep worse paparazzi, Like what if someone goes
and digs that up.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Ain't nobody digging up rocks in a like.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You have no idea what it'll be written on these rocks.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You don't have to tell anybody you can't even your kids.
You're just saying, Mom's going for a walk with the
backpack and some rocks.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Okay, so it'll be really healing for you. And if not,
piety on.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Some streets, cut up some turn and find a little area.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, it would be good.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Okay, I can do that. Hold me accountable with all
your fifty million things you have going on in your life.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
But I just it's a good New Year's thing to do.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, that's a good one. You always hear people are like,
you have to cut the cord, envision it, and I
have to physically do the act, okay, And maybe that's
what's missing because I tried to do the manifestation and
envision all the chords that are still attached to me
(08:42):
from my whole life, that are cutting them and letting
them go and freeing them, not a it's not working.
So physically I need to do something physical. Yep, fuck
those rocks, chuck them. I know one main rock I'm
gonna chuck Yeah, got it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I mean my I deserve abuse rock. I held on
to for like five minutes, and I like, the therapist
was like, you can let it go when you're ready,
and I was like but I just so whullheartedly believe
in my heart that's what I deserve. And she's like,
then we're going to sit here until you don't. It
was like Jenny throwing rocks at the house and Forrest Gump,
where I just like screamed, like throwing it. But it's
like it's so cathartic. I know it sounds so weird,
(09:20):
but no, it'll be great.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I'm weird. Nothing sounds weird. Here's the thing. I'm really
up for trying anything. I really do want this second chapter.
Second chapter is a weird terminology, right.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter, so
you can just you know, and I talk all about that.
And there were some things in there too from on
site that I talk about. So I know, I'm not
going to say, like, read my book because I know
you like who did that's weird? But like for anyone
that's listening, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter.
It's all about the year post divorce and the highs
and the lows and everything in between.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Can I listen to it on audio?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Can? I got to say your song the story is
my anthem. M. It's interesting. When I went on dancing
with the stars. They want it. What are your anthems?
And they really want it? You know. They were like
(10:18):
j Loo, Katy Berry and I was like, and I'm like,
one of my anthems, my friend Jana Kramer's the story
because that is the song and I listened to it
all the time and I just connect to it so much.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, that song was That was the first song I
wrote post divorce, and I'm like, I got I just
I needed. My babies are my everything. So you know,
I was like, I just want to write a song
like how do I describe? How do I how do
I even have this conversation with them? And so my
dear friend Sarah Bryce, who's Lee Bryce's amazing wife and
she's a great songwriter and I just trust her with everything,
(10:57):
and so she, you know, we sat down and we
wrote this and is Yeah, I'm glad you resonate with
that one because it's it's so hard. But there will
be a time where your story changes.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Will you do a follow up to that song?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I did.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I wrote a song called silver Lining, which I haven't
put out yet, but it's it's about that. Yeah, It's
just it's about kind of that. It welcomes in Roman,
and it's like the silver lining of why that bad
things happen.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And our stories just keep going on and on. I
remember in one of my books, I wrote, rewrite your story,
you know, write your happy ending. I wrote this to
other people while I wasn't living the truth, but I
believed it wholeheartedly. I wanted others to do it. I
just couldn't do it myself. But sometimes the words you
say to others, sometimes you're the one that needs to
(11:48):
hear it the most. And that's a hard, hard thing. Wait,
so you met Alan because he slid into your dms.
How did you even get like? You must get a
million dance? How do you?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I mean, I look for my dam in case that
could happen with me. That was kind of how I
met a few people. Was I either saw them on
Riya and then we would both be like, oh, hey,
saw you on Riya but I didn't see Alan wasn't
on Riya, but he did. Yeah, he just DMed me
and it was a very respectful message. But I he
(12:26):
was living in London, and I kind of I responded like, oh, hey,
you know, thanks for say and hi, But he kept
dming and then we exchanged numbers, but we were communicating
over WhatsApp, but I don't really use WhatsApp, and so
he would text me. But I was so in the
mind I didn't really want a relationship at the time.
(12:46):
I was so happy being single and it was about
to be the holidays and I was just like I'm good,
Like I just kind of got to a place where
I was just happy alone and just with my kiddos,
and I'm like, I just don't even want to entertain
some dude from London. Then I was talking to a
girlfriend and it was probably like a month or so later,
and she was like, are you talking to anyone?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
I was like no.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
It was like there was this soccer coach dude that
was like dming me. Then what's happening? But honestly, I
didn't I never even like looked him up or I
don't even know like what his things about, because I'm like,
he lives in London, so what's the point. And I
googled him. She's like, well google him, let me let
me see, and then I was like, oh, he's really cute.
I was like damn. I was like, well, like maybe
(13:28):
I could just have like a winner fling, like that's fine.
You know, I never been to London, you know, for
more than twenty four hours, so maybe like that could
be fun. So then I what's apped him back and
I was like, hey, sorry, you know, I'm just I'm
never on this like this, this messaging thing, and then
we just started talking and then he flew to Asheville
to see me, and the rest was history.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
How long between the gap of when he had what's
appt you last and then you responded when you said
hey sorry?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
The last time I spoke with him was like October
and then it was November twelfth that I reached back out.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
It was like a month.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
That's impressive because to anybody, male or female, it could
be like, oh, take it the wrong way, like never mind,
oh oh okay, this is very helpful.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
You got this.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's helpful and it's topefal.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I'm excited for you. I'm just I'm going to just
keep the positive energy and it's it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I don't want these chunters, though.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Right down everything and write down what you want, because
it's you no, but write down what you want. Like,
my girlfriend's divorced right now, and she's she's dating this
one guy and he's a little older.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
She's like, I just can't do it. He's too old.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Like he's just like I'm in my forties, he's almost
in his sixties. She's like, I just can't do it.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
And I'm like, then don't, like, you don't need too
you know. She's a QUI enjoys company.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
And I'm like, but like, you don't need to force
anything if it's not your person. Next, thank you you
learned something. And then that's what I did with the
you know, the post of war dating. I was like,
all right, I always learned something about either what I wanted,
what I didn't want, or I learned something about myself.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And then next like what is okay for.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
A fifty one year old woman?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Whatever, whatever you think is okay. A lot of girls
are going younger, you know. I mean, I would just
write down what you want as a as a person,
as a whole, like the qualities that you're wanting, and
go after that. I think, you know, and then.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
See so many friends have been like okay, you know
dated the actor, Like you know, that's not a sustainable life.
It's inconsistent, you know, on both our parts, meanting like
it's not stable. Always, but they're like, so no more
actors like the next person. And I have friends that
are like, you're going to find someone who's so financially
(15:49):
set and it's going to turn everything around. And I've
always provided for myself. It's been nice when I've been
with a man that you know contributes, it's great. You
know it'd be great, but it's never been my thing.
And I still am like thinking in my head, Okay,
you know what would I want to, you know, be
(16:12):
so financially set and my kids, I don't have to
struggle all the time and I can spend more time
with them. Never been able to do that, or do
I want? Just like true love and whoever he is,
he is and I don't know to this day, I choose.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
That always true love.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I promise you'll find you, but you have to clear
out some of the soul stuff first.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
M Yeah, my soul's heavy and it's true and I'm
tired of carrying that around.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You shouldn't anymore. It's not it's not serving you, you know,
that's not I'm excited for you, though, thank you. I
have an and like a literally and symbol on the
literally that's my healing a literal and symbol. It's for
always to remember that you can hold space for both.
I love that matching tattoos.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I have to ask you about Massinger. I was on
season one and Massinger, so I was super sift. You're
on the season. Did you love every second of it?
Was that mask really heavy?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
The ponytail made it like my head like fall back
every time. So I was just like, but they were
so I I what was your costume?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Unicorn?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Unicorn have fun? But I had the best time on
that show. Everyone's so nice and so fun. Like it
was just I'm always pretty insecure when I sing, and
something about having that mask on. I was like, I get,
like it was so much fun.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Did you choose your costume?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
They kind of gave me an idea because of just
everything that I've been through there, like you know a
night and I'm like, well, Alan calls me his warrior,
so this is very like fitting. So it was so
they once they gave me that option, I was like,
hands down, one hundred percent got it.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yeah for sure. When I saw the costume, I was like,
she must've come up with this, Like I just thought
for sure when I did it first season, they hadn't
completely worked out the heaviness of the mask. I was
like in a unicorn mask, so it was like the
horse like and it was I couldn't see a thing.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Oh yeah, it's like looking through coffee filters, is what
I tell people.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yes, yeah, that's exactly it. And because it was first season,
they were like, I spent all this time learning all
this choreography and then once I got into it, into
the mask and the huge dress that I was wearing,
I got on stage, I was like, but all this
like crazy choreography not an option, No, but yeah, I
(18:44):
loved seeing you on that. Did your kids know?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
My kids knew, yeah, because they loved the show, so
I told them. But that was it, Like mine, I
still had family texting me being like, when were you
going to let us know you hadnt like this alter
ego And I was like, oh, I was like, we
were sworn to secrecy, so I'm like, but yeah, it
was awesome. I had the best time.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It's so and you're a singer, but you just said
you're insecure about you're singing. But I'm not a singer,
so for me, it was like crazy hard but freeing
like that was less scary doing that than Dancing with
the Stars, only because my face was concealed and I.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Was like one thousand percent. Yeah, Dancing with the Stars
is the most I mean that that made me so
self conscious and just made me feel like I suck
at everything when I did that show, because it's like
you're doing something you don't know how to do, you know,
and then you're trying to be good at it, and
it's just it's hard. But yeah, the MASD Singer is
(19:41):
just like you can just go out there and have
so much fun and nobody knows who you are, and like, yeah,
the mask element is fantastic. Like I didn't get nervous,
it was so fun.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I got nervous. I was just like, I'm so glad
no one knows it's Tory spelling, so they can't just
see my face and be like, okay, we're gonna judge
you right from jump or a right? Wait? Sorry, when
did you get eliminated on Dancing with the Stars?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Upper I always semifinals, that's right, you should have stayed longer.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
I was bummed for you. I was so bummed.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I was so happy you were on the show, and
then I was so bummed that you got voted off
that early.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I was like, no, that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I was robbed right, Yeah, I feel like it's a
little rigged where they need that.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Like oh moment.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It definitely was great.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't your time that was, but.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It was my time, right sure, because that was part
of the journey. It's another one of my things though
in life, where I'm like, Okay, I try so hard
to turn things around. Jenny Garth used to call me
Pollyanna because she'd be like, Okay. Anytime she'd be like,
oh no, one bummed about something, I'd be like, but
there's this this, And it's always like Dodd do you?
(20:51):
And I always have that like like everything's it's gonna
work out and that fire is dimmed a little bit,
but it's coming back. So it was just another one
of those things that I'm like, Okay, everyone's like, this
is it. This is gonna be just a whole new
element for you, and everyone's gonna see you in a
different light, and this is gonna propel so many other
(21:12):
things that are gonna manifest and come your way and
then to go through. And I threw myself into it
completely because when we're the types that when we go
we go full on or we don't at all, you know.
So I commit it one thousand percent and I worked
really hard and it did change my life. I found
such joy and emotional freedom in that experience that I'm grateful.
(21:38):
But it was a little bit of like the two
two train, like, oh, just climbed up that hill. Here
I am, and then eliminate it first, you know, first
go around. It's like, okay, so I'm like, where are
the what's this message here? Like these signs? Like every
time I think I make it, it's like and nope,
start over again. And it's like, I'm fifty one. I
(21:58):
don't want to keep starting over again. I want to
do things that are working and keep working, not going
back down.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Well, this is the start of it. I mean, I
think again, like the start of the new year. You're
going into the new year. And this is what's so
great is you're leaving the divorce in twenty twenty four
and you're starting the new year in twenty twenty five
with the mindset of you.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
You're going up, you know, and you're staying up.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Do you believe your own personal mindset can physically keep
you held behind work wise, Let's say.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I do, but you know, I think again, it's
like I believe in all the positive manifestations, but I
also think you have to couple that with you know
work and or with you know therapy, and then yeah,
I mean, I try to be as positive as I can,
but it's hard when I when I get slumpy, like
I'm like, oh, I'm never going to book another TV
show again because I'm real down on myself about that
(22:50):
right now. So I get so close, I'm like, I'll test,
I'll be like one of three girls for big shows,
and then I don't get it, and it's like I'm
just never gonna I'm never gonna get it. Well, if
I continue saying I'm never going to get it, I'm
never going to get it. So I'm trying to like
shift like no, I'm going to get it. It's just
not my time yet.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Thank you for all of this.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I love you. I'm so I love you.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I really do want to come to Nashville please. I
know we've talked about it for a while. We talked
about it when we well, you were single and I
was should have been single. I should have done it than.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
But you really should have. It would have been fun.
But we can still have fun.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Okay, I'm going to go kick some rocks.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Yes, no, throw throw rocks.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Throw some rocks. Okay,
Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I don't know about you, but I wish I left
sooner too, because then there would have been less fights,
less affairs, less all those things. But I for me,
and people was asked me like, well, how'd you know
when it was time to leave? I had a million
people telling me it was time to leave. I told
you it's time to leave. You know what I mean,
like it's time and blah blah. You have to go
through it as much to the point where you get
(00:35):
to that one point where it's like, Okay, I can't
actually go another day. And then I had no regrets
once I left, because I'd also don't like to live
with regrets. So I knew I tried everything. I'd tried,
every therapy, I tried every you know thing to stay
with him, and it still wouldn't work. Worse to stay
than to leave. So that's when I was like, I'm
out and I was able to walk away. Of course,
(00:57):
I would have loved for it to been sooner, but
I need that long process to really realize that I
tried everything I possibly could, which was trying to keep
my family together. I didn't want to be divorced at all.
So again, yes, of course we would have thought and
would have loved it to be sooner, but we also
know that we tried everything we could do and we
(01:18):
exhausted all options. Yeah, truly, and then you realized it
wasn't changing and you got out. That also shows your
children's strength, and I think that's a beautiful thing for
children to see. And then you're going to never allow
something like that. And that's what I'm saying, Like, you know,
and Alan and I haven't had those you know, we'll
(01:39):
have disagreements and stuff, but I'll be like, you know,
he knows that we don't discuss like that, Like we
would have arguments, you know, little things like that, but nothing,
I mean it would. I don't think anything would ever
get that volatile because he's not disrespectful like my ex was.
But you know now what you will not allow your
children to see. And you'll do that for the next
(01:59):
one when you're ready to, not when your kids are ready,
but when you're ready to.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
If my picker's on point right, well.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
That's why I'm like, girl, I'll go to on site
first because it'll help you, like be able to realize,
you know, you're you're worth and all that. If that's
what you're that's what I suffered from.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Definitely, I feel completely unlovable. It's just it's so hard.
I mean, you're younger than me, but not by much. Yeah,
I never it's just you never think. You never think
you're going to be starting over. Nope, no one does
when they get married.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Okay, but friend, it's so okay, I need you to
just energy shift this because we're going into to a
new year. It is some I get so excited for
people that when they DM me and they're like, I'm
so sad, I'm depressed. I just got divorced, I'm like,
I get it, I've been there. But like we got
(02:56):
to flip this. How freaking cool that you you get
to rewrite a whole new story that is like the
most empowering, the most uplifting, the most hopeful, Like you
get to make the right choices, like and what you
thought was the right choice the last time and end
up not okay, all right, but you.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Get to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
You get a do over, Like how cool is that?
Not many people get to have a do over? Like
this is so exciting and you, not your kids, not
your like you have already have your kids, so you're
not like having to you know, just find a guy
to have babies or whatever, like I did, like you know,
I was running out of time, you know with with
my ex husband where it was like, oh god, I'm
(03:36):
in my thirties and I need a baby and okay,
like yeah you cheated, but like you're you're hot and
like whatever, you know, like yeah it is, you said
you're sorry. But like with this, it's like you truly
get to like you get to recreate the life you
want for you and not settle for anything or anyone.
Like this is exciting, Tori. I'm so excited for you,
(04:00):
Like you should be so frickin' pumped that you get
to write your next chapter. Sorry that was my book.
You Like, you get to write your next like your
next story.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I am excited.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
It can be scary, it can be all those things,
but I need you to put the hand on there.
It's scary and it's gonna be awesome. I'm lonely and
I get to choose the right person. I'm like like
add the end, Like that's the most powerful tool tool
I ever learned, is that you can feel both things.
But I need you to add in the frickin Like
this is exciting. This is so you get to you
get to have first kisses all over again.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
Like that's exciting. It's like so fun. Tears, this is
so exciting.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I just put so much, so much energy. I'm tired.
I put so much energy into writing that first chapter,
that first story, and so much energy and keeping it intact.
It was.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
It's exhausting, it's too much. So go have find your joy.
I find to join it.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I don't get weighed down.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yes you do.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
That first date.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Oh they're so fun, tory, they're so fun.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Oh my gosh, Like I replay like meeting Alan for
the Like I had a bunch of bad first dates
when I was dating. But then then you just then
you see the magical one, you know, and then you're like,
that's the spark. And then it's like, Okay, maybe the
spark died, but it ignited something in you again. Like
you get to feel that. That's exciting, and yeah, you
feel drained, but you go you have to release it.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
One of the best things I'm gonna I'm going to
give you an I'm going to give you an assignment.
It was the best thing I did on site. But
I took rocks, okay, And I want you to take
like rocks, like about this big, and you write on
the rock every belief that you think of yourself, so
like mine was, I deserve abuse, I'm unlovable, I'm not enough,
(05:53):
you know, I'm I'm the problem everything I've ever heard
and believed. That's a negative thing. But the truly like
I thought was my thing. And then I want you
to put the rocks in a backpack. And then I
want you to walk like five miles and I want
you to feel how heavy okay, four three or two?
Like at least three miles with a heavy ass backpack
(06:16):
with all the negative beliefs about yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Can we do one and a half of call it
a day, one and a half and we'll call it
a day.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Great.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I want you to walk with every heavy message and
think about all the things that like people have told you,
that that person told you when they were raging drunk
and it wasn't true, or when you know whatever, or
if anyone was abusive to you or you know whatever. Area,
walk with it, feel it, feel how heavy the backpack is,
(06:43):
how your body's starting to hurt. And then I want
you to find in that walk. We're going to find
it a mile and a half walk, and then you're
going to get to a stream or some kind of
lake or something, and then you're going to take every
single one of those rocks out. You're going to say
the opposite. You're going to chuck that motherfucking rock into
the stream, and then you're gonna you're gonna release all
(07:05):
those negative energies and then you're gonna walk back.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
You're gonna feel how light it is.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
You're gonna take in all the new the new words
that you are enough, that you do deserve love, you know,
you do deserve a happy ending, all the things, and
you're gonna walk back and feel so light and it's
going to be such a good exercise for you.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
And it was one that really helps me. Can you
do it?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
I can do that. I'm really worried though, because there's
some coyotes, deep worse paparazzi, Like what if someone goes
and digs that up.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Ain't nobody digging up rocks in a like.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
You have no idea what it'll be written on these rocks.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
You don't have to tell anybody you can't even your kids.
You're just saying, Mom's going for a walk with the
backpack and some rocks.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
Okay, so it'll be really healing for you. And if not,
piety on.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Some streets, cut up some turn and find a little area.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, it would be good.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Okay, I can do that. Hold me accountable with all
your fifty million things you have going on in your life.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
But I just it's a good New Year's thing to do.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
No, that's a good one. You always hear people are like,
you have to cut the cord, envision it, and I
have to physically do the act, okay, And maybe that's
what's missing because I tried to do the manifestation and
envision all the chords that are still attached to me
(08:42):
from my whole life, that are cutting them and letting
them go and freeing them, not a it's not working.
So physically I need to do something physical. Yep, fuck
those rocks, chuck them. I know one main rock I'm
gonna chuck Yeah, got it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I mean my I deserve abuse rock. I held on
to for like five minutes, and I like, the therapist
was like, you can let it go when you're ready,
and I was like but I just so whullheartedly believe
in my heart that's what I deserve. And she's like,
then we're going to sit here until you don't. It
was like Jenny throwing rocks at the house and Forrest Gump,
where I just like screamed, like throwing it. But it's
like it's so cathartic. I know it sounds so weird,
(09:20):
but no, it'll be great.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
I'm weird. Nothing sounds weird. Here's the thing. I'm really
up for trying anything. I really do want this second chapter.
Second chapter is a weird terminology, right.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter, so
you can just you know, and I talk all about that.
And there were some things in there too from on
site that I talk about. So I know, I'm not
going to say, like, read my book because I know
you like who did that's weird? But like for anyone
that's listening, I wrote a book called The Next Chapter.
It's all about the year post divorce and the highs
and the lows and everything in between.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Can I listen to it on audio?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Can? I got to say your song the story is
my anthem. M. It's interesting. When I went on dancing
with the stars. They want it. What are your anthems?
And they really want it? You know. They were like
(10:18):
j Loo, Katy Berry and I was like, and I'm like,
one of my anthems, my friend Jana Kramer's the story
because that is the song and I listened to it
all the time and I just connect to it so much.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, that song was That was the first song I
wrote post divorce, and I'm like, I got I just
I needed. My babies are my everything. So you know,
I was like, I just want to write a song
like how do I describe? How do I how do
I even have this conversation with them? And so my
dear friend Sarah Bryce, who's Lee Bryce's amazing wife and
she's a great songwriter and I just trust her with everything,
(10:57):
and so she, you know, we sat down and we
wrote this and is Yeah, I'm glad you resonate with
that one because it's it's so hard. But there will
be a time where your story changes.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Will you do a follow up to that song?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I did.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I wrote a song called silver Lining, which I haven't
put out yet, but it's it's about that. Yeah, It's
just it's about kind of that. It welcomes in Roman,
and it's like the silver lining of why that bad
things happen.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And our stories just keep going on and on. I
remember in one of my books, I wrote, rewrite your story,
you know, write your happy ending. I wrote this to
other people while I wasn't living the truth, but I
believed it wholeheartedly. I wanted others to do it. I
just couldn't do it myself. But sometimes the words you
say to others, sometimes you're the one that needs to
(11:48):
hear it the most. And that's a hard, hard thing. Wait,
so you met Alan because he slid into your dms.
How did you even get like? You must get a
million dance? How do you?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I mean, I look for my dam in case that
could happen with me. That was kind of how I
met a few people. Was I either saw them on
Riya and then we would both be like, oh, hey,
saw you on Riya but I didn't see Alan wasn't
on Riya, but he did. Yeah, he just DMed me
and it was a very respectful message. But I he
(12:26):
was living in London, and I kind of I responded like, oh, hey,
you know, thanks for say and hi, But he kept
dming and then we exchanged numbers, but we were communicating
over WhatsApp, but I don't really use WhatsApp, and so
he would text me. But I was so in the
mind I didn't really want a relationship at the time.
(12:46):
I was so happy being single and it was about
to be the holidays and I was just like I'm good,
Like I just kind of got to a place where
I was just happy alone and just with my kiddos,
and I'm like, I just don't even want to entertain
some dude from London. Then I was talking to a
girlfriend and it was probably like a month or so later,
and she was like, are you talking to anyone?
Speaker 3 (13:06):
I was like no.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
It was like there was this soccer coach dude that
was like dming me. Then what's happening? But honestly, I
didn't I never even like looked him up or I
don't even know like what his things about, because I'm like,
he lives in London, so what's the point. And I
googled him. She's like, well google him, let me let
me see, and then I was like, oh, he's really cute.
I was like damn. I was like, well, like maybe
(13:28):
I could just have like a winner fling, like that's fine.
You know, I never been to London, you know, for
more than twenty four hours, so maybe like that could
be fun. So then I what's apped him back and
I was like, hey, sorry, you know, I'm just I'm
never on this like this, this messaging thing, and then
we just started talking and then he flew to Asheville
to see me, and the rest was history.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
How long between the gap of when he had what's
appt you last and then you responded when you said
hey sorry?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
The last time I spoke with him was like October
and then it was November twelfth that I reached back out.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
It was like a month.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
That's impressive because to anybody, male or female, it could
be like, oh, take it the wrong way, like never mind,
oh oh okay, this is very helpful.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
You got this.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's helpful and it's topefal.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
I'm excited for you. I'm just I'm going to just
keep the positive energy and it's it's exciting.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I don't want these chunters, though.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Right down everything and write down what you want, because
it's you no, but write down what you want. Like,
my girlfriend's divorced right now, and she's she's dating this
one guy and he's a little older.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
She's like, I just can't do it. He's too old.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Like he's just like I'm in my forties, he's almost
in his sixties. She's like, I just can't do it.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
And I'm like, then don't, like, you don't need too
you know. She's a QUI enjoys company.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
And I'm like, but like, you don't need to force
anything if it's not your person. Next, thank you you
learned something. And then that's what I did with the
you know, the post of war dating. I was like,
all right, I always learned something about either what I wanted,
what I didn't want, or I learned something about myself.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
And then next like what is okay for.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
A fifty one year old woman?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Whatever, whatever you think is okay. A lot of girls
are going younger, you know. I mean, I would just
write down what you want as a as a person,
as a whole, like the qualities that you're wanting, and
go after that. I think, you know, and then.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
See so many friends have been like okay, you know
dated the actor, Like you know, that's not a sustainable life.
It's inconsistent, you know, on both our parts, meanting like
it's not stable. Always, but they're like, so no more
actors like the next person. And I have friends that
are like, you're going to find someone who's so financially
(15:49):
set and it's going to turn everything around. And I've
always provided for myself. It's been nice when I've been
with a man that you know contributes, it's great. You
know it'd be great, but it's never been my thing.
And I still am like thinking in my head, Okay,
you know what would I want to, you know, be
(16:12):
so financially set and my kids, I don't have to
struggle all the time and I can spend more time
with them. Never been able to do that, or do
I want? Just like true love and whoever he is,
he is and I don't know to this day, I choose.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
That always true love.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I promise you'll find you, but you have to clear
out some of the soul stuff first.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
M Yeah, my soul's heavy and it's true and I'm
tired of carrying that around.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
You shouldn't anymore. It's not it's not serving you, you know,
that's not I'm excited for you, though, thank you. I
have an and like a literally and symbol on the
literally that's my healing a literal and symbol. It's for
always to remember that you can hold space for both.
I love that matching tattoos.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
I have to ask you about Massinger. I was on
season one and Massinger, so I was super sift. You're
on the season. Did you love every second of it?
Was that mask really heavy?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
The ponytail made it like my head like fall back
every time. So I was just like, but they were
so I I what was your costume?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Unicorn?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Unicorn have fun? But I had the best time on
that show. Everyone's so nice and so fun. Like it
was just I'm always pretty insecure when I sing, and
something about having that mask on. I was like, I get,
like it was so much fun.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Did you choose your costume?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
They kind of gave me an idea because of just
everything that I've been through there, like you know a
night and I'm like, well, Alan calls me his warrior,
so this is very like fitting. So it was so
they once they gave me that option, I was like,
hands down, one hundred percent got it.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Yeah for sure. When I saw the costume, I was like,
she must've come up with this, Like I just thought
for sure when I did it first season, they hadn't
completely worked out the heaviness of the mask. I was
like in a unicorn mask, so it was like the
horse like and it was I couldn't see a thing.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Oh yeah, it's like looking through coffee filters, is what
I tell people.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yes, yeah, that's exactly it. And because it was first season,
they were like, I spent all this time learning all
this choreography and then once I got into it, into
the mask and the huge dress that I was wearing,
I got on stage, I was like, but all this
like crazy choreography not an option, No, but yeah, I
(18:44):
loved seeing you on that. Did your kids know?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
My kids knew, yeah, because they loved the show, so
I told them. But that was it, Like mine, I
still had family texting me being like, when were you
going to let us know you hadnt like this alter
ego And I was like, oh, I was like, we
were sworn to secrecy, so I'm like, but yeah, it
was awesome. I had the best time.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
It's so and you're a singer, but you just said
you're insecure about you're singing. But I'm not a singer,
so for me, it was like crazy hard but freeing
like that was less scary doing that than Dancing with
the Stars, only because my face was concealed and I.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Was like one thousand percent. Yeah, Dancing with the Stars
is the most I mean that that made me so
self conscious and just made me feel like I suck
at everything when I did that show, because it's like
you're doing something you don't know how to do, you know,
and then you're trying to be good at it, and
it's just it's hard. But yeah, the MASD Singer is
(19:41):
just like you can just go out there and have
so much fun and nobody knows who you are, and like, yeah,
the mask element is fantastic. Like I didn't get nervous,
it was so fun.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
I got nervous. I was just like, I'm so glad
no one knows it's Tory spelling, so they can't just
see my face and be like, okay, we're gonna judge
you right from jump or a right? Wait? Sorry, when
did you get eliminated on Dancing with the Stars?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Upper I always semifinals, that's right, you should have stayed longer.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
I was bummed for you. I was so bummed.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
I was so happy you were on the show, and
then I was so bummed that you got voted off
that early.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
I was like, no, that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I was robbed right, Yeah, I feel like it's a
little rigged where they need that.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Like oh moment.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It definitely was great.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't your time that was, but.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It was my time, right sure, because that was part
of the journey. It's another one of my things though
in life, where I'm like, Okay, I try so hard
to turn things around. Jenny Garth used to call me
Pollyanna because she'd be like, Okay. Anytime she'd be like,
oh no, one bummed about something, I'd be like, but
there's this this, And it's always like Dodd do you?
(20:51):
And I always have that like like everything's it's gonna
work out and that fire is dimmed a little bit,
but it's coming back. So it was just another one
of those things that I'm like, Okay, everyone's like, this
is it. This is gonna be just a whole new
element for you, and everyone's gonna see you in a
different light, and this is gonna propel so many other
(21:12):
things that are gonna manifest and come your way and
then to go through. And I threw myself into it
completely because when we're the types that when we go
we go full on or we don't at all, you know.
So I commit it one thousand percent and I worked
really hard and it did change my life. I found
such joy and emotional freedom in that experience that I'm grateful.
(21:38):
But it was a little bit of like the two
two train, like, oh, just climbed up that hill. Here
I am, and then eliminate it first, you know, first
go around. It's like, okay, so I'm like, where are
the what's this message here? Like these signs? Like every
time I think I make it, it's like and nope,
start over again. And it's like, I'm fifty one. I
(21:58):
don't want to keep starting over again. I want to
do things that are working and keep working, not going
back down.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Well, this is the start of it. I mean, I
think again, like the start of the new year. You're
going into the new year. And this is what's so
great is you're leaving the divorce in twenty twenty four
and you're starting the new year in twenty twenty five
with the mindset of you.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
You're going up, you know, and you're staying up.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Do you believe your own personal mindset can physically keep
you held behind work wise, Let's say.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I do, but you know, I think again, it's
like I believe in all the positive manifestations, but I
also think you have to couple that with you know
work and or with you know therapy, and then yeah,
I mean, I try to be as positive as I can,
but it's hard when I when I get slumpy, like
I'm like, oh, I'm never going to book another TV
show again because I'm real down on myself about that
(22:50):
right now. So I get so close, I'm like, I'll test,
I'll be like one of three girls for big shows,
and then I don't get it, and it's like I'm
just never gonna I'm never gonna get it. Well, if
I continue saying I'm never going to get it, I'm
never going to get it. So I'm trying to like
shift like no, I'm going to get it. It's just
not my time yet.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Thank you for all of this.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
I love you. I'm so I love you.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I really do want to come to Nashville please. I
know we've talked about it for a while. We talked
about it when we well, you were single and I
was should have been single. I should have done it than.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
But you really should have. It would have been fun.
But we can still have fun.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Okay, I'm going to go kick some rocks.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Yes, no, throw throw rocks.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Throw some rocks. Okay,
Host
Tori Spelling
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