May 6, 2022 • 31 mins
Monique Kelley is a Hollywood blogger behind the popular site: Confessions of a Serial Dater in Los Angeles.
You may have seen her on MSNBC where she is the resident dating expert on E! Daily Pop and Nightly Pop. She also appears on The Real, Good Day LA, and other local morning shows.
She joins the podcast to talk about finances and modern dating.
Guest IG: @cocktailsandconfessions
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey Money Movers, Welcome back to Money Moves, the daily
podcast determined to give you the keys to the Kingdom
of financial stability, wealth and abundance. Hey Money Movers, Welcome
back to Money Moves, the daily podcast determined to give
(00:23):
you the keys to the kingdom of financial stability, wealth
and abundance. I'm your host, Tanya Sam and I'm so
excited to have you here today. Our next guest is
the high powered Hollywood player and blogger behind the popular
site Confessions of a Serial Data in l A. You
may have seen her on MSNBC. She is the resident
dating expert on E Daily Pop, The Real Good Day
(00:47):
l A and several regional morning shows. She is definitely
the woman you should be listening to before you decide
to tie the knot or maybe even go on some
of those first dates Money Moves. Please welcome to the podcast.
Monique Kelly. Hi Monique, how are you? I am great,
I'm so glad to be here. I'm so excited. I'm
so excited because our Money Moves audience loves to talk
(01:09):
about financial wealth, literacy, generational wealth. But one of the
underlying themes that we have really approached this is as
how you can do it as a household, how you
do it as a family, and just building relationships that
are healthy in and around not just love but money.
So really excited to have you here today and hear
your perspectives on money and love and all things combined. Yes,
(01:33):
it's gonna be good. Yeah. So I just want to
introduce you more to our audience. Tell us, um, you know,
sort of your journey through entrepreneurship and how you became
this dating expert and coach. So basically, I got married
and then I got divorced, and you know, it happens.
(01:53):
And during the time, I was a studio executive, and
I started re entering the dating world again, and now
as a divorce no longer a woman in my twenties,
but now as a woman who was divorced and started
going on dates and as we know, dating in l A,
dating anywhere, dating Atlanta, dating Chicago, New York. It's very interesting.
(02:13):
So I started and created a blog called Confessions of
a Serial Data in l A. And initially I was
doing the blog anonymously because again I was a studio executive.
I didn't want my colleagues to know it was mean.
So I was an avatar with the blog with a
glass of wine and just talking about my dates. I
love this, Yeah, it was. It was so great because
(02:35):
I would tell my friends some of the dating stories
and you know, as ladies will be like, you need
to write about that. So I started the blog and
it grew from there. Literally just blew up because I
think what was going on was sex and the city
was not on and just like that obviously just came out.
So we're longing to have someone that they could relate
to and that they could see themselves in, especially with dating,
(02:58):
and they are all these crazy stories and experiences because
if it was happening to you, I'm sure like so
many of my girlfriends will be like, girl, you'll never guess.
And I'm like, it can't beat last time. And you're like, oh,
this one takes the cake. You know, it really does,
because and it's it's so many crazy stories. Now, let
me be clear. When I was writing the blog, I
was always like, I want to make sure it could
be something where my grandma and my mama can read
(03:20):
it and a girl, what are you talking about? On
a national thing? So it was one of those things
where we just we dove in and from there as
it blew up, I eventually came out as it's me
Monique Kelly and I started this event, these events called
Cocktails and Confessions, whereas a talk show type of deal
and people would come to Hollywood hotspots. I read a
(03:40):
blog and we talk dating and relationships, and it just
blew up from there, and one of the people who
produces the shows saw my blog, and then I got
on TV and just started talking about it. And then
women came to me and we're telling me their stories,
telling me their struggles. And for a lot of the
dating experts out there, either they've been read for decades
(04:01):
so don't really understand what's going on, or their men
in no siade to the men. You know, a lot
of these male dating experts have a few of their
own skeletons in the closes. Seeing a lot of that
this year absolutely okay, you know what I'm talking about.
You know, it was something where they could relate to me,
not feel judged, and feel like we were in this together. Yeah.
I mean, I love that, and I think you know
(04:22):
it's funny you're your point about a lot of the
like legacy dating experts, they've sort of been out of
the game, and it's changed so drastically. We've had social
media influences. You know, people are dating on apps, all
sorts of things that I think, like, it's such a
oddly shifting industry and area for so many of us.
We want the current take on it exactly because it's
(04:44):
so different. If you haven't experienced dating with social media, texting, um,
even now in this pandemic world, it's hard for you
to give pie in the sky advice. You haven't be
feel tangible for people who are single. Yeah, yeah, okay,
so let's dive in. I mean, I'd be remissed if
I didn't ask you to share like one of your
favorite dating stories and then we can sort of go
(05:06):
from there. But come on, give us the team. Okay, Okay,
I'll do one that I can. We can share, you know,
on a respectful basis. Back in my twenties, I met
this guy at a party, real handsome, you know, and
we'll talk about this later. You know, he had the
cuff links, he had the nice shoes, you know, the
beautiful skin, the car max on the lips, you know
(05:27):
how many used to always and he was fine. So
we went on a date and as we're on the date.
His phone kept ringing over and over again. He would
pick up the phone and like turn it down and
eyes right, you know, you know how you know we're
going with this. And at a certain point I was like,
is everything okay? So he said, basically, you know that's
(05:49):
my ex. She's crazy. I'm so sorry she keeps blowing
me up. Now, keep in mind, I'm not the woman
of a particular age that I am. Now, this is
Monique Kelly and her twenties who just saw the good looks,
the couple links and all that. And when the lips right,
the glossy does nice car mix lips, you know how
they put it on. And when a man tells you
anything about their ex and says that their X is crazy,
(06:11):
that is usually a red flag because there are women
out here who are crazy, who became crazy because a
man has gotten on their last nervou isn't being honest
with them and has forced them as crazy. I don't
want to hear this, but this is Bam threw. So basically,
you know that date ends, he sends me a bouquet
of roses, had game and apologize for you know the
(06:34):
fact that next touch with the roses. You know, he
had a game. I gotta tell you be a game.
So basically living a few more dates and then he
invited me over to his house for dinner. Right, So
I did what most women do when you go to
someone's house. You know, you grow the hair out on
your legs, you wear the big old Grandma draws so
you can make sure you act like a lady. Women
(06:56):
really do this, y'all, you really do. Because I'm at
like a lady, so let me make sure I'm taking measures.
So basically go to the house. We have a nice dinner.
He walks me outside. He's about to give me the
forehead kiss, and I hear like bushes, like wrestling in
the bushes, and I'm like, what is that? So suddenly,
(07:16):
as he's kissing me, this woman jumps up from the bushes,
hair and mess, masterre smeared. She runs towards usually I
run off. I'm like, okay, what's going on? And she
starts beating him down and cussing him out, saying, I
can't believe you did this to me, and girl, I
drove off. Obviously that was the ex crazy deranged girlfriend.
(07:41):
I don't know what happened after that, because I did
block him and delete him and never go out with
him again. It's just one of those things where don't
ignore those red flags before you commit to anyone. Make
sure you are paying attention to those red flags. I
love it. Oh my gosh, that's kind of a traumatic story,
but I had a good laugh over it. So I'm
glad you were healed from it. Yes, and yes, can
(08:04):
feel open to sharing it because I can. I had
a big chuckle. Um. Yes, okay, so we're gonna get
into you, um writing a book. Tell me also about
the book that you've written. I know a lot of
our money moves audience. They're aspiring authors, they're aspiring bloggers.
So it's a real treat to have you on here today.
And so you went from writing blog pieces blog pieces
(08:24):
and then you launched your own book. Yes, So basically
after writing a blog for me with my blog, like
I said, I was kind of limited. My blog is
entertaining a cuss like a sailor, so that's in there.
But you know, when you're writing a blog, you know
it's about you, So you're always aware that people are
looking at you and what you're saying and there's a
certain element of judgment and pressure that you put on
(08:45):
yourself as a blogger. So I knew that my first book,
I wanted it to be a novel. I wanted it
to be juicy. I wanted to be something where I
didn't have to think about how people viewed me, and
where I could create these characters that women could relate to,
like so spacious, you know, but it wasn't hey attached
to monique yourself. Yes, exactly, exactly. See we're here, I
(09:07):
love you so so basically reality and chaos. It's a
story of three women that went to Hampton University, my Alma,
Mada and um They You know, when you graduate from college,
you know how it is when you're like, my life
is gonna look just like this, You plan out your
entire life what it's gonna look like, and then you
fast forward to you hit forty and where your life is.
(09:30):
One character is exploring for a lot of my bloggers
who are single and I've never been married, I believe
it or not. They have said to me, I would
rather be married single, rather be married and miserable than
single and alone. Like that's something that a lot of
women have actually said to me, so one of the
characters and miserable than single and alone, Oh my gosh,
(09:50):
those are such extremes of the spectrum. Um it really is.
And for a lot of women who have never been married,
they think it looks one way, and then when you
get into a marriage, a miserable marriage, and realize what
that really is, you start to long and miss that
life you have before. One of the characters is going
through that. Another character, I wanted to touch on mental
(10:11):
health because mental health is something that's very close to
me and very you know, close to us as a community,
as African Americans. So I wanted to explore a sibling
relationship one of the characters who's dealing with a sibling
who has mental illness. And then of course it's l a.
So one character is an actress who isn't really making it.
She gets an opportunity to do a reality show and
(10:33):
she finds out if the price of fame is worth it.
And this these characters or is not is not is
or is not working? It's really you know, you get
to go into those those and their friendship between the ladies,
their friendship since college. What is what gets them all
through these tough times. Oh I love this book. I'm
(10:53):
a huge book nerd bibliophile. I love to read. Um
So I am definitely going to check this out. I
can't way to read this and I just love, like
you know, I love books about sisterhood friendship, like the
nuances of it. Um. So the sounds like a great read. Yeah,
you're gonna I'm gonna send you a copy. You're gonna
love it. I'm totally in all right. I want to
talk about, you know, the publishing industry and how what
(11:16):
it took to publish a book. So you sat down,
you started writing, and you're like, how do I get
this book out to the world. Can you talk about
how we walked through navigating you know, self publishing decisions
or trying to go after a big publishing house. Oh
my goodness. You know, for me, in my mind, I
was like at this point, I was doing small TV
shows here and there. I was just like, yeah, I'm
(11:36):
on TV. I'm gonna get a book deal right away.
Uh yeah. So I had a literary agent. She submitted
the book, and I got When I say rejection, I
mean I got punched left and right. Um. Because for
a lot of the big publishing you we're looking either
for autobiographies or they wanted more streetlet as they call it.
(11:58):
You know, that was a little They felt like the
Terry McMillan, that type of storyline was dated. So I
had to really convince people that women wanted this type
of content. So eventually I did get a small, very
small publishing company that was interested in it, thank god,
and got up published. But then once you get up published,
it's a hustle to make sure, hustle advertising. It doesn't
(12:22):
once you publish it, it it doesn't in there. You need
people to actually read the book. So just hustling that
and not depending on your publisher, your agent to make
it happen. It's all on you. And I love like
having conversations like this because I think a lot of
people are like, I'm going to write a book and
you know, all of a sudden, the book is going
to be on every table at Barnes and Noble and
everyone's gonna pick it up. It's it's actually a really
(12:43):
tough industry. Um and you know, even yourself as a
black author, a black woman, you know, people and the
publishing houses are very siloed about what they think people want.
What books they buy. So it's a really an incredible feed.
I'm so glad to see this book out there, and
I'm so glad that you're telling the stories of what
we want to hear, because oftentimes when you have those
(13:05):
big publishing agents, they're like, well, we're not interested in that,
but they're not really in touch with you know, our communities,
black women and the stories we want to share exactly exactly.
You totally get it, and it was important to me
that I told a story through my lens and through
a lens that a lot of women are longing to
see and read about. Um. Okay, just a couple of
tips on you know how you've managed to market your book,
(13:28):
because I think, you know, we think social media is
the key, But do you have any tips and tricks
that you've used to really get out there build an audience. Um,
I know you're already on TV, but anything else for
any other aspiring authors. Yeah, it can't just be social media.
People rely so much on social media. Social media is huge,
but you go through your network. You know, I'm a
member of Alphakappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, So you look at
(13:49):
your various sororities fraternities, UM, your alumni associations, UH, different
groups Jack and Jill, UM, different groups that you are
soociate it with. You go through your network of friends,
your girlfriends, and they will spread the word UM and
even the organizations that you might not even have heard
(14:10):
of or been a part of. You research that you
get the book out to them. And then if you
do use social media, it's not just about using your
page and posting a picture of your book. Go to
those various websites, are various other social media accounts and
have them promote your book. I mean, you have a
book club. I've followed your book club and you know
you're a great resource for that too, So look at
(14:33):
the various book clubs and expand from there. I love that.
That's really great advice. All right, So I'm gonna bring
us back to dating, relationships, love and of course money. Money.
You know, I think that's a tough, tough conversation. So
as you're advising people, you're seeing um, you know, women
who are writing in talking about their dating experiences, how
(14:55):
do you really frame people to look at, you know,
how they sort of structure conversations around money and dating,
Like is it the first date, is it the last day?
So like, when do you know when you can ask
you know, a partner, like let's talk about money, Yeah,
let's talk what's your FICO skull on? So here's what
(15:17):
I always like to tell women. You know, because I'm
talking to women, I know men are like the same
thing for this. But a lot of times, especially as
you get older and you're dating, we treat dates like
a job interview, and you want to find out so
much information right away, understandably so because you kind of like,
I don't have time for this right if he's a full,
I need to know ahead of time if he's a full.
(15:38):
So I think it's important that with dating, especially the
first few dates, dating is all about collecting data. And
one thing I have learned is that men will tell
you everything you need to hear if you listen. If
you go into a date and you're going in as
a job interview, you're gonna miss out on a lot
of things. So here are some things to look for
when you start dating someone. Absolutely, do not ask financial
(16:00):
questions on the first few dates. Financial questions she'd be asked.
Once you see this relationship going somewhere, once you see
it's going to be a monogamous, committed relationship leading into
a long term relationship or marriage. Okay, so now for
most women, are they like, is this the third date?
I think that's the problem, Like after three dates, I
need to know. No, it's not the third date. Okay,
(16:24):
you guys, it's not the third date. Money mover audience,
I think you know there's both sides of the coin here.
This is a non binary group. We welcome everybody, and
I think this is some information that we're dropping for everybody.
It's not the third date. Yeah, exactly, exactly, not the
third date. But you're gonna look for things. There's key
things you're gonna look for. So this is something you
need to pay attention to. The first thing when you
(16:46):
go out on a date. Does this person always pay
with cash? Do they have lots of cash on them?
You've never seen a debit card? You don't. Because here's
the thing. Some people be like, well, that person doesn't
want to have credit card date. They carrying cash because
they don't want to have credit card debt. Absolutely, I
think that's great you don't want to have credit card debt.
But if you're dating someone in its third, fourth date,
(17:08):
in every single date they are paying with cash. You
have never seen a debit card or a credit card.
It's something for you to pay attention to something credit
card because a few things. It could be, you know,
it could be that this person just is saving money
or not paying out credit card debt. That's something. So
that's why I'm not saying run yet. It could mean
(17:28):
that are they trying to hide something? Why are they
not trying to have a record of a transaction. It
could mean do they not have a credit card? Do
they not have My mind is going everywhere, but first
and foremost, I'm literally like, oh, clearly you're not in
the matrix. You're hiding from someone. And also the fact
that you just don't have a bank Greenwood card just
means you are not on my level. No judgment, guys,
no judgment, but judgment. And also here's things. Listen to
(17:55):
the conversation. You don't have to ask what they're gonna
tell you. Does this person have multiple baby mamas? Okay,
having multiple by mamas. That's letting you know right up front,
that's money going to multiple different locations. Take it up
a level. That's true, and I mean it's it's one
of those things that in our community. You know, it's like,
(18:16):
I don't want to use the word judgment, but I
think as women get older and they start dating, there's
certain things that they have realized about themselves and acknowledge
like this is important to me. And if money is
going to be a problem and it will be tight
because he's got to support multiple households, like that might
not be okay. And I think that's the question, like
(18:37):
is it okay for a mature woman to just be
forthright about that? Well, here's the thing. You've got to
look deeper than just the baby mama part. Is he
actively involved with the children? Does how does he talk
about the baby mamas? Because if he's actively involved with
the children, you know that money is being paid, because
the issue isn't the fact that he has multiple baby
(18:57):
mamas and he has to pay child support. That you know,
especially as you get over it happens it's like Nick Cannon, Okay, Okay,
that's a whole another show, because so you know, you
want to look and see because if he's not paying
the child support and he's not actively involved, later on
down the line, you might not even be able to
(19:18):
travel outside of the country. Because he might not have
a passport because of the fact that he's not paying
child supports. He needs to look at that. You really
need to look at the picture. Also, another thing is
again it's easy to get trapped into the flash and
the lifestyle. You see, you know, the labels, the name brands,
the luxury cars and all these different things. But if
(19:39):
the person is leading with that and all their conversations
are about money, be careful. I'm sure you've seen the
Tinder swindler, right, I haven't seen it yet. Well, it
is so good, but this man was able to swindle
money from so many women, hundreds and thousands of dollars
because he led with his money. He showed this luxurious lifestyle.
So obviously these women we're like, oh, I can send
(20:01):
the money, he'll pay me back. He has it, and
he was able to calm women out of hundreds of thousands,
almost millions of dollars. So just looking at that is
also something. Also when you're dating a man again of
a particular age, if he's going through a divorce and
he's you know, has alimony payments, child support payments. Again,
there is nothing wrong with that, it's part of life.
(20:22):
But pay attention to how he talks about it. Does
he complain about money? Is he the professional victim in
the situation? And also, this might sound like the but
if the man asked you for money, whether it's to
pay for one of the first dates, whether it's just
in general he gives you that, sob stories like can
I borrow money if he's asking you for money? Or
(20:43):
a woman even man, if a woman's ask you for
money early on, obviously that is a red flat. I
do think that, you know, I think that. And here's
the thing. I I know our audience has a wide
range of ages as well, but you know, the older
we get, I think those questions have to factor into play. However,
this is an easy one. What are the rules right
(21:04):
now on who pays for what on the first, second,
or third date? Are people going Dutch? Is that more
of a modern way to look at it? Should we
be expecting? You know, these gender stereotypes where he pays
for her, she pays for him? Like, what is the answer?
So here's my thing. Okay, I am old school in
(21:26):
terms of dates. In the first few dates, if a
man asked me out, you know I have the money
to pay for it. Obviously, but you know, it's all
about how a man court you, right, and that's also
something to pay attention to. So it's not necessarily about
if he pays or what he's spending. But if you're
trying to court a woman if you don't have money,
it's not be creative with your date and go for
(21:47):
a hike, go for a picnic on the beach, you know,
go to love a hike. That great, right, It's all
about being creative. It's not about how much money you spend.
And for women, we are naturally giving. So the first
few dates obviously more to the time a man is
gonna pay. If a man asked a woman out and
then your bill come and he's like, can we go Dutch? Again,
I'm not saying run, but it's one of those things where, okay,
(22:08):
is this a situation for you to pay attention to
that because if he's asked you out and then the
bill comes and he's like, can we go Dutch? Or
can you pay? It's something for you to pay attention to.
And also for women, if you've gone out on several
dates at a certain point, at least asked the man,
at least try to pay for the date. I think
it works both ways. At some point, it's nice to
be like, okay, I got this one or something. You know,
(22:30):
I don't know. I'll take advantage of a situation like
at a certain point, you've been out with this man
on several dates and you haven't even reached into your pocket.
So I've also read, you know, generationally, a lot of
younger folks are using a lot of dating apps, and
they're doing like smaller dates. So it's like, let's specifically
meet for like a ten am coffee or you know,
(22:52):
so that pressure to you know, wine and dine an
expensive date on the first date. Now, I heard two
things about that number. One, because people are dating so
much more so they're doing like five or six dates
a week that are quick and like, okay, let me
see if I can give you a shot um as
opposed to like long and length lengthy dinner. So I
don't know a little bit of both. I'm hearing. It
(23:13):
is so true, and it's something for you to pay
attention to if you're going into dating and you want
a relationship, pay attention to that because a lot of
times again, I wrote a blog called Confessions of a
Serial Data in l A. I was a serial data.
So at a certain point, you know, even a serial
data has to decide, Okay, it's time to like focus
on one person and look at quality instead of quantity.
(23:35):
So you want to pay attention to that, and there
is something to be said again, you have to pay
attention to how someone's courting you. I get from a
perspective of someone where it's like, I'm not trying to
spend all this money on someone who I barely know,
So why not start really getting to know this person
before you decide to go out, and then once you
go out, you can actually go on a real date.
I don't think we should settle on these non date
(23:57):
dates because then you can find yourself in this hamster
will of a non date date. Is that like the
friend zone you're like constantly on these non day Oh okay,
find yourself in these situation ships where you like, okay,
I'm not sure what like. No, let's have some clear
definitions and boundaries of what you want if you're looking
for a committed monogamous relationship. Okay, alright, so Monique, I
(24:21):
have so much more to talk about on this now.
I feel like also with our younger generation. You know
a lot of them are looking for like this instant
perfect relationship and wealth and how do you have your
stuff together? But like I mean kids are in there,
not kids, but folks in their twenties, thirties, etcetera. You know,
I love to have the conversation and hear your perspective
(24:44):
on just this concept of like building together. We're all
trying to figure it out. I remember in my twenties,
you know, I'm in my forties now, Like I had
a lot of ship that I didn't know because I
didn't know better. So are are people still open to
finding partner that they can build with? You know? I know,
you know I'm in my forties as well. And it's
(25:05):
you know, I hate to sound like like this, but
it's that social media, Okay. Like I always love to
tell people we were doing stuff in our twenties too,
we just didn't have social media to document it, thank god,
thank god, thank god. But it is so true because
it's this world of incident gratification, and there's something to
(25:26):
be said where you meet someone you're younger, and and
also let me just say a side note, it is
possible to meet your husband or your wife and you're
young and build together. You're tired of us. You know
some cynical forty plus people. That's like just looking some
on your career. You don't You can do both in
addition to I always like to say that you can
do that. But there is something to be said when
you meet someone young, you build together. You create this
(25:49):
life for yourself and you can see it flourished together.
There is something beautiful about absolutely. I think a lot
of people who are younger, not I don't even say
a lot, but for some people who are younger, you
just see this flash the labels, which are nice too,
but you don't see the progress of what it took
to get there. And I think there's something again, building together,
(26:12):
seeing it come to fruition. That is a beautiful thing.
In your fourties and be like you remember, we're in
our twenties. We're going to the olive garden and now
look at us. There's something. I loved the olive garden.
I loved red lags, ah, those breathston It was a
great I mean, I grew up in Canada, so shout
out Swiss Chale if anyone's ever listening. It was basically
(26:33):
rotisserie chicken. Oh best meal ever. Um. But you know, yeah,
I think there's certainly something to be said for I
feel like the dialogues are like, oh, no, he doesn't
have his stuff together versus like, hey, you know, we
can build together, versus I don't have time to like
fix anyone, and I think they all get blurred together.
(26:55):
But you know, it's it's also about perspective, right, and
also it's about where you are, what you're looking for
in your twenties versus thirties versus forties. In your forties,
you're not necessarily gonna want to get a project of
someone who has a rap career and you try to
build up right that perfect example, because I think that's
(27:15):
someone who you know and I believe in. Like, especially
on Money Moves, we talk about career transitions going from
totally fine, but you have to have the plan to
support your career transition. So that distinction is something very
very different saying hey, I'm, you know, mid forties, I've
never managed to figure out a successful career and now
(27:37):
I'm That's something very different. And also like if you're
in your forties and you decide to become an entrepreneur,
for me, I became left a very lucrative job as
a studio executive, took a chance to pursue this career
full time. So what is your savings look like? Um,
(27:57):
did you get a severance package? Like, when you're deciding
to do things like this, you have to be very
strategic about it. In your forties. Also, if you're dating
someone who wasn't a marriage and now they are paying
child support and animality, there is nothing wrong with that,
you know, as long as you guys work together. And
that's very different in your forties. In your twenties, it's
I believe it's unfair to expect a man or woman
(28:20):
to be where someone who is in their forties or fifty.
That's not that's not realistic. But you have to look
at always used to talk about money earning potential in
your twenties and thirties. So if you're in college, you know,
he's you know, he's pre mad, he's an engineer, he's
getting his education. You know you might be broke for
a couple of years. You will probably be broke for
a couple of years, a hundred percent. Don't let the
(28:42):
internet or anyone else tell you like there are ups
and downs webs and flows to it. Absolutely, so that's
why you got money making potential and looking at the
full picture. Because also here's the other side of that.
A lot of people got into these relationships with some
people who might have been professional at leads, their career ends.
The money years down line, it's gone. So you could
(29:06):
have been in a situation where you went into a
lifestyle certain yeah, exactly, So you gotta look at before
you commit to someone. You gotta look at the finances
and the whole picture of the relationship and the person. Wow, alright, money,
So what's next for you? How do you sort of
evolve this? Are you gonna take the show on the road?
(29:28):
Where can we find more from you? So basically my
next thing is I'm loving hosting, hosting the shows doing
I love that. I want to definitely do more of that.
I want to do my next book. I'm gonna start
writing the next book, and ultimately I'm on my own
show where we could talk about dating relationships and get
into the grid of it, especially for people who are
(29:50):
thirty five plus in that because it's a very different
spectrum during those years versus the early years. And then
also helping the young folks to make sure that don't
make some of the same takes in us more season
ladies did back in the day. I love that. Can
you remind us again the title of your book, where
we can find your website and where we can follow
you on social media. So the tide of my book
(30:12):
is reality in Chaos, and my website you can go
look at some of the old school blogs from years
ago too, is Confessions of a Serial data in l
a dot com. And finally you can find me on
Instagram at Cocktails and Confessions and and it spelled out
A and D. I love it because I love a
(30:33):
cocktail and I love juicy confession. So Manique, thank you
so much. All right, Money Movers, that's all the time
we have for today, but make sure to follow Monique
on all of her social media handles. And if we
helped you make your money move, please make sure to
let us know by sending us alike, sharing the knowledge
on your social and or leave us a review on
Apple podcasts. Make sure to tune in Monday to Friday
(30:54):
and subscribe to the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenwood,
so that you two can have the keys to financial freedom.
You so rightly deserved. Thank you so much for tuning
in Money Moves audience. If you want more or a
recap of this episode, please go to the bank Greenwood
dot com and check out the Money Moves podcast blog.
(31:15):
Funny Moves is an I heart Radio podcast powered by
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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from.
Hey Money Movers, Welcome back to Money Moves, the daily
podcast determined to give you the keys to the Kingdom
of financial stability, wealth and abundance. Hey Money Movers, Welcome
back to Money Moves, the daily podcast determined to give
(00:23):
you the keys to the kingdom of financial stability, wealth
and abundance. I'm your host, Tanya Sam and I'm so
excited to have you here today. Our next guest is
the high powered Hollywood player and blogger behind the popular
site Confessions of a Serial Data in l A. You
may have seen her on MSNBC. She is the resident
dating expert on E Daily Pop, The Real Good Day
(00:47):
l A and several regional morning shows. She is definitely
the woman you should be listening to before you decide
to tie the knot or maybe even go on some
of those first dates Money Moves. Please welcome to the podcast.
Monique Kelly. Hi Monique, how are you? I am great,
I'm so glad to be here. I'm so excited. I'm
so excited because our Money Moves audience loves to talk
(01:09):
about financial wealth, literacy, generational wealth. But one of the
underlying themes that we have really approached this is as
how you can do it as a household, how you
do it as a family, and just building relationships that
are healthy in and around not just love but money.
So really excited to have you here today and hear
your perspectives on money and love and all things combined. Yes,
(01:33):
it's gonna be good. Yeah. So I just want to
introduce you more to our audience. Tell us, um, you know,
sort of your journey through entrepreneurship and how you became
this dating expert and coach. So basically, I got married
and then I got divorced, and you know, it happens.
(01:53):
And during the time, I was a studio executive, and
I started re entering the dating world again, and now
as a divorce no longer a woman in my twenties,
but now as a woman who was divorced and started
going on dates and as we know, dating in l A,
dating anywhere, dating Atlanta, dating Chicago, New York. It's very interesting.
(02:13):
So I started and created a blog called Confessions of
a Serial Data in l A. And initially I was
doing the blog anonymously because again I was a studio executive.
I didn't want my colleagues to know it was mean.
So I was an avatar with the blog with a
glass of wine and just talking about my dates. I
love this, Yeah, it was. It was so great because
(02:35):
I would tell my friends some of the dating stories
and you know, as ladies will be like, you need
to write about that. So I started the blog and
it grew from there. Literally just blew up because I
think what was going on was sex and the city
was not on and just like that obviously just came out.
So we're longing to have someone that they could relate
to and that they could see themselves in, especially with dating,
(02:58):
and they are all these crazy stories and experiences because
if it was happening to you, I'm sure like so
many of my girlfriends will be like, girl, you'll never guess.
And I'm like, it can't beat last time. And you're like, oh,
this one takes the cake. You know, it really does,
because and it's it's so many crazy stories. Now, let
me be clear. When I was writing the blog, I
was always like, I want to make sure it could
be something where my grandma and my mama can read
(03:20):
it and a girl, what are you talking about? On
a national thing? So it was one of those things
where we just we dove in and from there as
it blew up, I eventually came out as it's me
Monique Kelly and I started this event, these events called
Cocktails and Confessions, whereas a talk show type of deal
and people would come to Hollywood hotspots. I read a
(03:40):
blog and we talk dating and relationships, and it just
blew up from there, and one of the people who
produces the shows saw my blog, and then I got
on TV and just started talking about it. And then
women came to me and we're telling me their stories,
telling me their struggles. And for a lot of the
dating experts out there, either they've been read for decades
(04:01):
so don't really understand what's going on, or their men
in no siade to the men. You know, a lot
of these male dating experts have a few of their
own skeletons in the closes. Seeing a lot of that
this year absolutely okay, you know what I'm talking about.
You know, it was something where they could relate to me,
not feel judged, and feel like we were in this together. Yeah.
I mean, I love that, and I think you know
(04:22):
it's funny you're your point about a lot of the
like legacy dating experts, they've sort of been out of
the game, and it's changed so drastically. We've had social
media influences. You know, people are dating on apps, all
sorts of things that I think, like, it's such a
oddly shifting industry and area for so many of us.
We want the current take on it exactly because it's
(04:44):
so different. If you haven't experienced dating with social media, texting, um,
even now in this pandemic world, it's hard for you
to give pie in the sky advice. You haven't be
feel tangible for people who are single. Yeah, yeah, okay,
so let's dive in. I mean, I'd be remissed if
I didn't ask you to share like one of your
favorite dating stories and then we can sort of go
(05:06):
from there. But come on, give us the team. Okay, Okay,
I'll do one that I can. We can share, you know,
on a respectful basis. Back in my twenties, I met
this guy at a party, real handsome, you know, and
we'll talk about this later. You know, he had the
cuff links, he had the nice shoes, you know, the
beautiful skin, the car max on the lips, you know
(05:27):
how many used to always and he was fine. So
we went on a date and as we're on the date.
His phone kept ringing over and over again. He would
pick up the phone and like turn it down and
eyes right, you know, you know how you know we're
going with this. And at a certain point I was like,
is everything okay? So he said, basically, you know that's
(05:49):
my ex. She's crazy. I'm so sorry she keeps blowing
me up. Now, keep in mind, I'm not the woman
of a particular age that I am. Now, this is
Monique Kelly and her twenties who just saw the good looks,
the couple links and all that. And when the lips right,
the glossy does nice car mix lips, you know how
they put it on. And when a man tells you
anything about their ex and says that their X is crazy,
(06:11):
that is usually a red flag because there are women
out here who are crazy, who became crazy because a
man has gotten on their last nervou isn't being honest
with them and has forced them as crazy. I don't
want to hear this, but this is Bam threw. So basically,
you know that date ends, he sends me a bouquet
of roses, had game and apologize for you know the
(06:34):
fact that next touch with the roses. You know, he
had a game. I gotta tell you be a game.
So basically living a few more dates and then he
invited me over to his house for dinner. Right, So
I did what most women do when you go to
someone's house. You know, you grow the hair out on
your legs, you wear the big old Grandma draws so
you can make sure you act like a lady. Women
(06:56):
really do this, y'all, you really do. Because I'm at
like a lady, so let me make sure I'm taking measures.
So basically go to the house. We have a nice dinner.
He walks me outside. He's about to give me the
forehead kiss, and I hear like bushes, like wrestling in
the bushes, and I'm like, what is that? So suddenly,
(07:16):
as he's kissing me, this woman jumps up from the bushes,
hair and mess, masterre smeared. She runs towards usually I
run off. I'm like, okay, what's going on? And she
starts beating him down and cussing him out, saying, I
can't believe you did this to me, and girl, I
drove off. Obviously that was the ex crazy deranged girlfriend.
(07:41):
I don't know what happened after that, because I did
block him and delete him and never go out with
him again. It's just one of those things where don't
ignore those red flags before you commit to anyone. Make
sure you are paying attention to those red flags. I
love it. Oh my gosh, that's kind of a traumatic story,
but I had a good laugh over it. So I'm
glad you were healed from it. Yes, and yes, can
(08:04):
feel open to sharing it because I can. I had
a big chuckle. Um. Yes, okay, so we're gonna get
into you, um writing a book. Tell me also about
the book that you've written. I know a lot of
our money moves audience. They're aspiring authors, they're aspiring bloggers.
So it's a real treat to have you on here today.
And so you went from writing blog pieces blog pieces
(08:24):
and then you launched your own book. Yes, So basically
after writing a blog for me with my blog, like
I said, I was kind of limited. My blog is
entertaining a cuss like a sailor, so that's in there.
But you know, when you're writing a blog, you know
it's about you, So you're always aware that people are
looking at you and what you're saying and there's a
certain element of judgment and pressure that you put on
(08:45):
yourself as a blogger. So I knew that my first book,
I wanted it to be a novel. I wanted it
to be juicy. I wanted to be something where I
didn't have to think about how people viewed me, and
where I could create these characters that women could relate to,
like so spacious, you know, but it wasn't hey attached
to monique yourself. Yes, exactly, exactly. See we're here, I
(09:07):
love you so so basically reality and chaos. It's a
story of three women that went to Hampton University, my Alma,
Mada and um They You know, when you graduate from college,
you know how it is when you're like, my life
is gonna look just like this, You plan out your
entire life what it's gonna look like, and then you
fast forward to you hit forty and where your life is.
(09:30):
One character is exploring for a lot of my bloggers
who are single and I've never been married, I believe
it or not. They have said to me, I would
rather be married single, rather be married and miserable than
single and alone. Like that's something that a lot of
women have actually said to me, so one of the
characters and miserable than single and alone, Oh my gosh,
(09:50):
those are such extremes of the spectrum. Um it really is.
And for a lot of women who have never been married,
they think it looks one way, and then when you
get into a marriage, a miserable marriage, and realize what
that really is, you start to long and miss that
life you have before. One of the characters is going
through that. Another character, I wanted to touch on mental
(10:11):
health because mental health is something that's very close to
me and very you know, close to us as a community,
as African Americans. So I wanted to explore a sibling
relationship one of the characters who's dealing with a sibling
who has mental illness. And then of course it's l a.
So one character is an actress who isn't really making it.
She gets an opportunity to do a reality show and
(10:33):
she finds out if the price of fame is worth it.
And this these characters or is not is not is
or is not working? It's really you know, you get
to go into those those and their friendship between the ladies,
their friendship since college. What is what gets them all
through these tough times. Oh I love this book. I'm
(10:53):
a huge book nerd bibliophile. I love to read. Um
So I am definitely going to check this out. I
can't way to read this and I just love, like
you know, I love books about sisterhood friendship, like the
nuances of it. Um. So the sounds like a great read. Yeah,
you're gonna I'm gonna send you a copy. You're gonna
love it. I'm totally in all right. I want to
talk about, you know, the publishing industry and how what
(11:16):
it took to publish a book. So you sat down,
you started writing, and you're like, how do I get
this book out to the world. Can you talk about
how we walked through navigating you know, self publishing decisions
or trying to go after a big publishing house. Oh
my goodness. You know, for me, in my mind, I
was like at this point, I was doing small TV
shows here and there. I was just like, yeah, I'm
(11:36):
on TV. I'm gonna get a book deal right away.
Uh yeah. So I had a literary agent. She submitted
the book, and I got When I say rejection, I
mean I got punched left and right. Um. Because for
a lot of the big publishing you we're looking either
for autobiographies or they wanted more streetlet as they call it.
(11:58):
You know, that was a little They felt like the
Terry McMillan, that type of storyline was dated. So I
had to really convince people that women wanted this type
of content. So eventually I did get a small, very
small publishing company that was interested in it, thank god,
and got up published. But then once you get up published,
it's a hustle to make sure, hustle advertising. It doesn't
(12:22):
once you publish it, it it doesn't in there. You need
people to actually read the book. So just hustling that
and not depending on your publisher, your agent to make
it happen. It's all on you. And I love like
having conversations like this because I think a lot of
people are like, I'm going to write a book and
you know, all of a sudden, the book is going
to be on every table at Barnes and Noble and
everyone's gonna pick it up. It's it's actually a really
(12:43):
tough industry. Um and you know, even yourself as a
black author, a black woman, you know, people and the
publishing houses are very siloed about what they think people want.
What books they buy. So it's a really an incredible feed.
I'm so glad to see this book out there, and
I'm so glad that you're telling the stories of what
we want to hear, because oftentimes when you have those
(13:05):
big publishing agents, they're like, well, we're not interested in that,
but they're not really in touch with you know, our communities,
black women and the stories we want to share exactly exactly.
You totally get it, and it was important to me
that I told a story through my lens and through
a lens that a lot of women are longing to
see and read about. Um. Okay, just a couple of
tips on you know how you've managed to market your book,
(13:28):
because I think, you know, we think social media is
the key, But do you have any tips and tricks
that you've used to really get out there build an audience. Um,
I know you're already on TV, but anything else for
any other aspiring authors. Yeah, it can't just be social media.
People rely so much on social media. Social media is huge,
but you go through your network. You know, I'm a
member of Alphakappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated, So you look at
(13:49):
your various sororities fraternities, UM, your alumni associations, UH, different
groups Jack and Jill, UM, different groups that you are
soociate it with. You go through your network of friends,
your girlfriends, and they will spread the word UM and
even the organizations that you might not even have heard
(14:10):
of or been a part of. You research that you
get the book out to them. And then if you
do use social media, it's not just about using your
page and posting a picture of your book. Go to
those various websites, are various other social media accounts and
have them promote your book. I mean, you have a
book club. I've followed your book club and you know
you're a great resource for that too, So look at
(14:33):
the various book clubs and expand from there. I love that.
That's really great advice. All right, So I'm gonna bring
us back to dating, relationships, love and of course money. Money.
You know, I think that's a tough, tough conversation. So
as you're advising people, you're seeing um, you know, women
who are writing in talking about their dating experiences, how
(14:55):
do you really frame people to look at, you know,
how they sort of structure conversations around money and dating,
Like is it the first date, is it the last day?
So like, when do you know when you can ask
you know, a partner, like let's talk about money, Yeah,
let's talk what's your FICO skull on? So here's what
(15:17):
I always like to tell women. You know, because I'm
talking to women, I know men are like the same
thing for this. But a lot of times, especially as
you get older and you're dating, we treat dates like
a job interview, and you want to find out so
much information right away, understandably so because you kind of like,
I don't have time for this right if he's a full,
I need to know ahead of time if he's a full.
(15:38):
So I think it's important that with dating, especially the
first few dates, dating is all about collecting data. And
one thing I have learned is that men will tell
you everything you need to hear if you listen. If
you go into a date and you're going in as
a job interview, you're gonna miss out on a lot
of things. So here are some things to look for
when you start dating someone. Absolutely, do not ask financial
(16:00):
questions on the first few dates. Financial questions she'd be asked.
Once you see this relationship going somewhere, once you see
it's going to be a monogamous, committed relationship leading into
a long term relationship or marriage. Okay, so now for
most women, are they like, is this the third date?
I think that's the problem, Like after three dates, I
need to know. No, it's not the third date. Okay,
(16:24):
you guys, it's not the third date. Money mover audience,
I think you know there's both sides of the coin here.
This is a non binary group. We welcome everybody, and
I think this is some information that we're dropping for everybody.
It's not the third date. Yeah, exactly, exactly, not the
third date. But you're gonna look for things. There's key
things you're gonna look for. So this is something you
need to pay attention to. The first thing when you
(16:46):
go out on a date. Does this person always pay
with cash? Do they have lots of cash on them?
You've never seen a debit card? You don't. Because here's
the thing. Some people be like, well, that person doesn't
want to have credit card date. They carrying cash because
they don't want to have credit card debt. Absolutely, I
think that's great you don't want to have credit card debt.
But if you're dating someone in its third, fourth date,
(17:08):
in every single date they are paying with cash. You
have never seen a debit card or a credit card.
It's something for you to pay attention to something credit
card because a few things. It could be, you know,
it could be that this person just is saving money
or not paying out credit card debt. That's something. So
that's why I'm not saying run yet. It could mean
(17:28):
that are they trying to hide something? Why are they
not trying to have a record of a transaction. It
could mean do they not have a credit card? Do
they not have My mind is going everywhere, but first
and foremost, I'm literally like, oh, clearly you're not in
the matrix. You're hiding from someone. And also the fact
that you just don't have a bank Greenwood card just
means you are not on my level. No judgment, guys,
no judgment, but judgment. And also here's things. Listen to
(17:55):
the conversation. You don't have to ask what they're gonna
tell you. Does this person have multiple baby mamas? Okay,
having multiple by mamas. That's letting you know right up front,
that's money going to multiple different locations. Take it up
a level. That's true, and I mean it's it's one
of those things that in our community. You know, it's like,
(18:16):
I don't want to use the word judgment, but I
think as women get older and they start dating, there's
certain things that they have realized about themselves and acknowledge
like this is important to me. And if money is
going to be a problem and it will be tight
because he's got to support multiple households, like that might
not be okay. And I think that's the question, like
(18:37):
is it okay for a mature woman to just be
forthright about that? Well, here's the thing. You've got to
look deeper than just the baby mama part. Is he
actively involved with the children? Does how does he talk
about the baby mamas? Because if he's actively involved with
the children, you know that money is being paid, because
the issue isn't the fact that he has multiple baby
(18:57):
mamas and he has to pay child support. That you know,
especially as you get over it happens it's like Nick Cannon, Okay, Okay,
that's a whole another show, because so you know, you
want to look and see because if he's not paying
the child support and he's not actively involved, later on
down the line, you might not even be able to
(19:18):
travel outside of the country. Because he might not have
a passport because of the fact that he's not paying
child supports. He needs to look at that. You really
need to look at the picture. Also, another thing is
again it's easy to get trapped into the flash and
the lifestyle. You see, you know, the labels, the name brands,
the luxury cars and all these different things. But if
(19:39):
the person is leading with that and all their conversations
are about money, be careful. I'm sure you've seen the
Tinder swindler, right, I haven't seen it yet. Well, it
is so good, but this man was able to swindle
money from so many women, hundreds and thousands of dollars
because he led with his money. He showed this luxurious lifestyle.
So obviously these women we're like, oh, I can send
(20:01):
the money, he'll pay me back. He has it, and
he was able to calm women out of hundreds of thousands,
almost millions of dollars. So just looking at that is
also something. Also when you're dating a man again of
a particular age, if he's going through a divorce and
he's you know, has alimony payments, child support payments. Again,
there is nothing wrong with that, it's part of life.
(20:22):
But pay attention to how he talks about it. Does
he complain about money? Is he the professional victim in
the situation? And also, this might sound like the but
if the man asked you for money, whether it's to
pay for one of the first dates, whether it's just
in general he gives you that, sob stories like can
I borrow money if he's asking you for money? Or
(20:43):
a woman even man, if a woman's ask you for
money early on, obviously that is a red flat. I
do think that, you know, I think that. And here's
the thing. I I know our audience has a wide
range of ages as well, but you know, the older
we get, I think those questions have to factor into play. However,
this is an easy one. What are the rules right
(21:04):
now on who pays for what on the first, second,
or third date? Are people going Dutch? Is that more
of a modern way to look at it? Should we
be expecting? You know, these gender stereotypes where he pays
for her, she pays for him? Like, what is the answer?
So here's my thing. Okay, I am old school in
(21:26):
terms of dates. In the first few dates, if a
man asked me out, you know I have the money
to pay for it. Obviously, but you know, it's all
about how a man court you, right, and that's also
something to pay attention to. So it's not necessarily about
if he pays or what he's spending. But if you're
trying to court a woman if you don't have money,
it's not be creative with your date and go for
(21:47):
a hike, go for a picnic on the beach, you know,
go to love a hike. That great, right, It's all
about being creative. It's not about how much money you spend.
And for women, we are naturally giving. So the first
few dates obviously more to the time a man is
gonna pay. If a man asked a woman out and
then your bill come and he's like, can we go Dutch? Again,
I'm not saying run, but it's one of those things where, okay,
(22:08):
is this a situation for you to pay attention to
that because if he's asked you out and then the
bill comes and he's like, can we go Dutch? Or
can you pay? It's something for you to pay attention to.
And also for women, if you've gone out on several
dates at a certain point, at least asked the man,
at least try to pay for the date. I think
it works both ways. At some point, it's nice to
be like, okay, I got this one or something. You know,
(22:30):
I don't know. I'll take advantage of a situation like
at a certain point, you've been out with this man
on several dates and you haven't even reached into your pocket.
So I've also read, you know, generationally, a lot of
younger folks are using a lot of dating apps, and
they're doing like smaller dates. So it's like, let's specifically
meet for like a ten am coffee or you know,
(22:52):
so that pressure to you know, wine and dine an
expensive date on the first date. Now, I heard two
things about that number. One, because people are dating so
much more so they're doing like five or six dates
a week that are quick and like, okay, let me
see if I can give you a shot um as
opposed to like long and length lengthy dinner. So I
don't know a little bit of both. I'm hearing. It
(23:13):
is so true, and it's something for you to pay
attention to if you're going into dating and you want
a relationship, pay attention to that because a lot of
times again, I wrote a blog called Confessions of a
Serial Data in l A. I was a serial data.
So at a certain point, you know, even a serial
data has to decide, Okay, it's time to like focus
on one person and look at quality instead of quantity.
(23:35):
So you want to pay attention to that, and there
is something to be said again, you have to pay
attention to how someone's courting you. I get from a
perspective of someone where it's like, I'm not trying to
spend all this money on someone who I barely know,
So why not start really getting to know this person
before you decide to go out, and then once you
go out, you can actually go on a real date.
I don't think we should settle on these non date
(23:57):
dates because then you can find yourself in this hamster
will of a non date date. Is that like the
friend zone you're like constantly on these non day Oh okay,
find yourself in these situation ships where you like, okay,
I'm not sure what like. No, let's have some clear
definitions and boundaries of what you want if you're looking
for a committed monogamous relationship. Okay, alright, so Monique, I
(24:21):
have so much more to talk about on this now.
I feel like also with our younger generation. You know
a lot of them are looking for like this instant
perfect relationship and wealth and how do you have your
stuff together? But like I mean kids are in there,
not kids, but folks in their twenties, thirties, etcetera. You know,
I love to have the conversation and hear your perspective
(24:44):
on just this concept of like building together. We're all
trying to figure it out. I remember in my twenties,
you know, I'm in my forties now, Like I had
a lot of ship that I didn't know because I
didn't know better. So are are people still open to
finding partner that they can build with? You know? I know,
you know I'm in my forties as well. And it's
(25:05):
you know, I hate to sound like like this, but
it's that social media, Okay. Like I always love to
tell people we were doing stuff in our twenties too,
we just didn't have social media to document it, thank god,
thank god, thank god. But it is so true because
it's this world of incident gratification, and there's something to
(25:26):
be said where you meet someone you're younger, and and
also let me just say a side note, it is
possible to meet your husband or your wife and you're
young and build together. You're tired of us. You know
some cynical forty plus people. That's like just looking some
on your career. You don't You can do both in
addition to I always like to say that you can
do that. But there is something to be said when
you meet someone young, you build together. You create this
(25:49):
life for yourself and you can see it flourished together.
There is something beautiful about absolutely. I think a lot
of people who are younger, not I don't even say
a lot, but for some people who are younger, you
just see this flash the labels, which are nice too,
but you don't see the progress of what it took
to get there. And I think there's something again, building together,
(26:12):
seeing it come to fruition. That is a beautiful thing.
In your fourties and be like you remember, we're in
our twenties. We're going to the olive garden and now
look at us. There's something. I loved the olive garden.
I loved red lags, ah, those breathston It was a
great I mean, I grew up in Canada, so shout
out Swiss Chale if anyone's ever listening. It was basically
(26:33):
rotisserie chicken. Oh best meal ever. Um. But you know, yeah,
I think there's certainly something to be said for I
feel like the dialogues are like, oh, no, he doesn't
have his stuff together versus like, hey, you know, we
can build together, versus I don't have time to like
fix anyone, and I think they all get blurred together.
(26:55):
But you know, it's it's also about perspective, right, and
also it's about where you are, what you're looking for
in your twenties versus thirties versus forties. In your forties,
you're not necessarily gonna want to get a project of
someone who has a rap career and you try to
build up right that perfect example, because I think that's
(27:15):
someone who you know and I believe in. Like, especially
on Money Moves, we talk about career transitions going from
totally fine, but you have to have the plan to
support your career transition. So that distinction is something very
very different saying hey, I'm, you know, mid forties, I've
never managed to figure out a successful career and now
(27:37):
I'm That's something very different. And also like if you're
in your forties and you decide to become an entrepreneur,
for me, I became left a very lucrative job as
a studio executive, took a chance to pursue this career
full time. So what is your savings look like? Um,
(27:57):
did you get a severance package? Like, when you're deciding
to do things like this, you have to be very
strategic about it. In your forties. Also, if you're dating
someone who wasn't a marriage and now they are paying
child support and animality, there is nothing wrong with that,
you know, as long as you guys work together. And
that's very different in your forties. In your twenties, it's
I believe it's unfair to expect a man or woman
(28:20):
to be where someone who is in their forties or fifty.
That's not that's not realistic. But you have to look
at always used to talk about money earning potential in
your twenties and thirties. So if you're in college, you know,
he's you know, he's pre mad, he's an engineer, he's
getting his education. You know you might be broke for
a couple of years. You will probably be broke for
a couple of years, a hundred percent. Don't let the
(28:42):
internet or anyone else tell you like there are ups
and downs webs and flows to it. Absolutely, so that's
why you got money making potential and looking at the
full picture. Because also here's the other side of that.
A lot of people got into these relationships with some
people who might have been professional at leads, their career ends.
The money years down line, it's gone. So you could
(29:06):
have been in a situation where you went into a
lifestyle certain yeah, exactly, So you gotta look at before
you commit to someone. You gotta look at the finances
and the whole picture of the relationship and the person. Wow, alright, money,
So what's next for you? How do you sort of
evolve this? Are you gonna take the show on the road?
(29:28):
Where can we find more from you? So basically my
next thing is I'm loving hosting, hosting the shows doing
I love that. I want to definitely do more of that.
I want to do my next book. I'm gonna start
writing the next book, and ultimately I'm on my own
show where we could talk about dating relationships and get
into the grid of it, especially for people who are
(29:50):
thirty five plus in that because it's a very different
spectrum during those years versus the early years. And then
also helping the young folks to make sure that don't
make some of the same takes in us more season
ladies did back in the day. I love that. Can
you remind us again the title of your book, where
we can find your website and where we can follow
you on social media. So the tide of my book
(30:12):
is reality in Chaos, and my website you can go
look at some of the old school blogs from years
ago too, is Confessions of a Serial data in l
a dot com. And finally you can find me on
Instagram at Cocktails and Confessions and and it spelled out
A and D. I love it because I love a
(30:33):
cocktail and I love juicy confession. So Manique, thank you
so much. All right, Money Movers, that's all the time
we have for today, but make sure to follow Monique
on all of her social media handles. And if we
helped you make your money move, please make sure to
let us know by sending us alike, sharing the knowledge
on your social and or leave us a review on
Apple podcasts. Make sure to tune in Monday to Friday
(30:54):
and subscribe to the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenwood,
so that you two can have the keys to financial freedom.
You so rightly deserved. Thank you so much for tuning
in Money Moves audience. If you want more or a
recap of this episode, please go to the bank Greenwood
dot com and check out the Money Moves podcast blog.
(31:15):
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