July 21, 2022 • 12 mins
Socorro Reynoso is a licensed therapist and owner of Soco Rey Therapy she returns to the podcast to give advice to one of the money moves audience members. It turns out she found some hidden bank statements on her partners account and she wants to know the most sensible way to handle the situation
Host IG:@itstanyatime
Guest IG: @yourfavoritetherapist
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, money Movers, Welcome back to Money Moves, the daily
podcast determined to give you the keys to the kingdom
of financial stability, wealth and abundance. Hey money Movers, I'm
(00:21):
your host, Tanya Sam and welcome back to Money Games,
the daily podcast determined to give you the keys to
between wealth and abundance Money Movers. Please, welcome to the
podcast our very own licensed therapist and owner of Soco
rate Therapy, Everyone's favorite therapist, Soco Renoso. Hi, Soco, Hi Tania,
(00:41):
thanks for having me. All right, well, welcome back to
the podcast. On these episodes, we combine tips and tricks
for financial freedom with mental health because the two are
distinctly intertwined. And we are taking letters from our Money
Moves audience. Soco, are you ready for this? I'm ready.
(01:02):
Let's do it. Okay. So today's letter comes from Denise
from Denver, Colorado. Denise writes, in Dear Money Moves, my
boyfriend left his bank app opened and I noticed some
hotel charges on the weekend while he said he was
on a camping trip. Now, that by itself wasn't too alarming,
but I scrolled a little bit further and I see
(01:24):
he also has been sending money to his ex on
a regular basis. I don't want to attack him if
it reason, But how do I go about getting to
the bottom of this without letting him know I snooped
in his phone? Denys? Oh so coo. This is a
tough one. I'm just gonna zip my lips and see
what the actual license therapist has to say about this. Well,
(01:46):
this isn't about money, This is about trust, This is
about perhaps indelity, this is perhaps about perhaps about insecurity. Um,
because I don't know, Tanny, have you ever walked by
the Let's just pretend your man's got his bank app open.
Let's just I mean, are you ever God, yeah, you're peaking. Listen,
(02:08):
we're human. The whole thing about respect and respecting boundaries, etcetera.
But I mean, at least the left I is gonna
look over at the app and maybe keep it moving. Well, look,
I have been cheated on three times, and each time
I discovered the infidelity using a phone or computer. So personally,
my lesson has been that we can kind of not
(02:31):
have We don't have to always look. Sometimes it will
come for us. I just don't I don't know about
the energy. I don't know about the energy of that
pay that in the relationship, um so. And I also
struggling to see how we're going to tie money into this.
And I get it you needed an outlet and we're
here for your sister, because this is definitely not I mean,
(02:55):
the essence of it is you found charges that were
on probably deep in the bank app for really, I mean,
you know what I mean, that's not the forefront. The
big letters are what you walk by a glance. But
you were in the bank, app um, and you saw
hotel charges while he said he was on a camping trip.
So there's definitely something happening there. If he didn't say that,
you know, there was a forest fire and they had
(03:16):
to evacuate the camping trip and end up in a hotel.
That's a pretty big home with so something is going on.
I think the question is okay, so let's just let's
try to pull. Let's pull and play with this one.
Um So. I want to let's explore giving the benefit
of the doubt before we go ape you know what
(03:37):
I want to say, yes, and yeah, before we go
Beyonce on you then hold up with the bat Okay,
because okay, listen to this um, I'm gonna bring in
like a real life example. I don't know, let's see
how well I can tie it in. My my father
who just passed, Rest his soul. He told me that
he had to be careful about when he called my mother,
(04:00):
who's his best friend, right his first wife, he's on
his third. He was on his third wife because his
third wife had issues with him speaking with her, and
so sometimes it's like, well, I could see how that
might be seen as bad or wrong, but there's also
room for the fact that he had a relationship with
this woman and maybe feels like he wants to stay
in touch with her. And I'm thinking with this, I
(04:22):
don't know what Denise's boyfriend's name. Perhaps there's some perhaps
he loaned fifteen thousand from his ex before they broke up.
You best believed she called him. He oh, I love
the way you think. I love the way you think now,
because we needed to really take a step back and
address all of this right and love that you even
likened it to your own personal situation, where you're like, yes,
(04:44):
sometimes relationships live on past expiry date as purely platonic friendships.
But you know, in your dad's case, and maybe for
this boyfriend's case, he was trying to be respectful of
the current person's feelings because they weren't all that comfortable
with it. And I think there's a fine line there.
I don't think it's necessarily lying or betrayal. It's just
(05:04):
trying to be respectful of everybody's feelings. Um. Now, in
this case, I think there might be some blurred intention
there because she's worried about a hotel and this is
the thing some some bad apples ruin it for the
rest of the people. Yes, because it is fine to
like carry on and really just try and be respectful
of everyone in the in the best way for everyone.
(05:25):
Now the hotel thing, that might be taking it to
a new extent, but I think it is. It is
fair for her, or I should say valid for her
to have concerns, right, because it's like if my massing
a hotel, chances are we talked about it some in
some way, shape or form, right he's or if he
had to pay for his mom to say, whoever, you're
talking about that, that's not something you keep it to
(05:45):
yourself or me, Or maybe they're not or maybe maybe again, Tanniel,
we're talking about is like levels of intimacy, forthcomingness connection.
Maybe she thinks this is information she should know. Maybe
he paid for his sister's trip because she was struggling
when she got to where she was going. I don't know,
but maybe this maybe Denise wants more open flow of
communication here. Um, I'm I'm finding trust issues, I'm finding
(06:10):
potential in fidelity and finding intimacy, closeness, connection. I like it,
and I think all these things. I have a couple
of questions, you know. I think oftentimes in relationships now,
people are always asking like what is the gold standard?
You know? And you'll see guys go on Instagram because
I know we do, everyone will be like, forget it.
I'm giving no passes this, Like, you know, it's very
(06:31):
black and white. So in this situation, because I want
people to sort of leave with like, I feel like
there's people like yourself that are smarter, You've got degrees
in this. How do we get to the bottom of
it with you know, how do we get to the
bottom of this? What are the communication tools that Denise
from Denver should to sort of soft walk into asking
her partner what is going on? I think the first
(06:54):
thing that Denise can do is say, wow, this is
really interesting the information I just found. It has the
potential to be devastating. It has initial to not be
what I think it is. So to allow just like
to be objective and to allow space for whatever will
come right, and to also say, like, if this is devastating,
(07:16):
I will be really sad. But I'm not going to
jump into an emotion until I know that I have.
So let me try to say, wait, I just love
what you said. If this is devastating, I will be
very sad. I'm not going to jump into Guys, write
this stuff down. This is free therapy here because people
pay a lot for therapy, and that was free. I
love it. It was free. And then what's the hard
part is doing it when we're in the middle of it, right,
(07:37):
to be like, oh wait, that's right. I don't have
to wrap on all those emotions. So easier said than done.
But there's the there's the info. At least do do
with it what you can hold on. So we were
talking about okay, So what I think is also very
important for remember is that we we create the energy
and the flow that we want in our relationships by
(07:59):
the energy we give to it. So if she's looking
for transparency, honesty, communication through all things something like this,
then she too should employ that. So that would look
like her after she does her check in and it
does her best to stay objective, that would look like
her saying heyn, I am really embarrassed to say this.
I feel a little bit shame. I looked at your phone,
(08:19):
I looked at the bank statements. As I was doing it,
I was getting nervous and scared of what I would find,
and I also felt like I shouldn't be doing it,
but I was doing it. I kind of regret doing it.
Here's what I found, Here's what I found, and then
it could be a please help me understand this. Oh
I like that. Okay, please help me understand this before
I kill you. Just joking guys on money means you
(08:40):
do not in any way support violence. That was a joke,
but that was a good one, and I hope we
leave it onto These kinds of things will push people
to do things they never thought they could do. Yeah,
So just starting there and opening the conversation and seeing
what he has to say. Now, let me say, make
take one step back before this conversation, because I actually
(09:03):
feel the stress in my body. We feel for you.
I've lived through this and I'm reliving it. Um. It's
important to throughout life right, and especially when it's hard
to remind ourselves that all things, even challenges, even difficulties,
especially difficulties, happen for a reason. All things are happening
(09:24):
to you and for you to help you advance, grow,
learn how to let go live more freely, have more love, etcetera.
Sometimes we don't want to leave someone and we need
the signals to be clear. This might be one of
those times that this is an escape for you for
for your betterment. Right, So like, even if it goes
worse case because you're thinking he did it, he's awful,
(09:45):
blah blah blah, even if it goes there, you need
that use it for you. So just remembering to stay
grounded and whatever happens. Girl, Denise, you're gonna be all right.
As long as you believe you're gonna be all right,
You're gonna be all right. Oh I love that, Denise.
You're gonna be all right. As long as you believe
you're going to be all right, You're gonna be alright.
Who knows what that trajectory takes you on who knows,
(10:05):
who's with who knows, but you're gonna be all right,
and you have to believe that. I mean, this is
I think the beauty of why we ask these questions,
why we have so co on here, because sometimes life
is not just about black and white money, dollars and cents.
There's so much else around it that navigating UM, so
that we can live our best, most abundant life, filled
with peace and prosperity. I said, peace and love, all
(10:30):
of those things because we need that. It is Tanya,
I don't know, you sound like a preacher today, and
I'm into it. I just want you to know that
I love these episodes. I love these episodes because you know,
it's one thing I think oftentimes in life we get
so caught up and making the money, making the money,
making the money, but there's so much more to it
and more I recognize this, and I realized that, you
(10:51):
know the power that we are as like human individuals,
like we're magic. We're magic, and we make magic happen
in so many different ways. Um. And so this is
this is the beauty of this podcast. It's the beauty
of this podcast. You make our a fundance into our
lives and sanity, and I wish all of that for
poor Denise in Denver because she is going through it
right now. Well, Money Movers, I think that's all the
(11:12):
time we have left for today, Soko, Can you number one,
give us any parting thoughts you might have and to
tell us where our folks can find you on social media?
Parting thought is just like I said already, but I
want to restate and I'm glad you gave me the
chance to remember that all things, all things are working
for you. Find the lesson in all things, and trust
(11:35):
you'll always be okay, always be okay. Um. If that
doesn't resonate with you, I'll tell you what. All the time,
the universe has your back. You are protected girlfriend, so
know that, sister. I thank you all for listening in. Soko,
thanks so much. Remind everyone where they can find you
on social media. You all can find me on Instagram
at your favorite therapist. You mean my favorite therapist, just joking,
(11:59):
my Movers, I'm happy to share her with you. But
Money Movers, that's all the time we have for today.
Thank you for tuning in, and if we have helped
you make your money move please make things like sharing
the knowledge on your social media and or leave us
a review on Apple Podcasts. That's all the time. We
make sure to tune in My Day through Friday and
subscribe to the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenwood, so
that you too can have the keys to financial freedom
(12:21):
you so rightly deserve. Thank you so much for tuning
in Money Moves audience. If you want more or a
recap of this episode, please go to the bank Greenwood
dot com and check out the Money Moves podcast blog.
Money Moves is an I Heart Radio podcast powered by
Greenwoods Executive produced by Sunwise Media, Inc. For more podcast
(12:45):
on I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from
Hey, money Movers, Welcome back to Money Moves, the daily
podcast determined to give you the keys to the kingdom
of financial stability, wealth and abundance. Hey money Movers, I'm
(00:21):
your host, Tanya Sam and welcome back to Money Games,
the daily podcast determined to give you the keys to
between wealth and abundance Money Movers. Please, welcome to the
podcast our very own licensed therapist and owner of Soco
rate Therapy, Everyone's favorite therapist, Soco Renoso. Hi, Soco, Hi Tania,
(00:41):
thanks for having me. All right, well, welcome back to
the podcast. On these episodes, we combine tips and tricks
for financial freedom with mental health because the two are
distinctly intertwined. And we are taking letters from our Money
Moves audience. Soco, are you ready for this? I'm ready.
(01:02):
Let's do it. Okay. So today's letter comes from Denise
from Denver, Colorado. Denise writes, in Dear Money Moves, my
boyfriend left his bank app opened and I noticed some
hotel charges on the weekend while he said he was
on a camping trip. Now, that by itself wasn't too alarming,
but I scrolled a little bit further and I see
(01:24):
he also has been sending money to his ex on
a regular basis. I don't want to attack him if
it reason, But how do I go about getting to
the bottom of this without letting him know I snooped
in his phone? Denys? Oh so coo. This is a
tough one. I'm just gonna zip my lips and see
what the actual license therapist has to say about this. Well,
(01:46):
this isn't about money, This is about trust, This is
about perhaps indelity, this is perhaps about perhaps about insecurity. Um,
because I don't know, Tanny, have you ever walked by
the Let's just pretend your man's got his bank app open.
Let's just I mean, are you ever God, yeah, you're peaking. Listen,
(02:08):
we're human. The whole thing about respect and respecting boundaries, etcetera.
But I mean, at least the left I is gonna
look over at the app and maybe keep it moving. Well, look,
I have been cheated on three times, and each time
I discovered the infidelity using a phone or computer. So personally,
my lesson has been that we can kind of not
(02:31):
have We don't have to always look. Sometimes it will
come for us. I just don't I don't know about
the energy. I don't know about the energy of that
pay that in the relationship, um so. And I also
struggling to see how we're going to tie money into this.
And I get it you needed an outlet and we're
here for your sister, because this is definitely not I mean,
(02:55):
the essence of it is you found charges that were
on probably deep in the bank app for really, I mean,
you know what I mean, that's not the forefront. The
big letters are what you walk by a glance. But
you were in the bank, app um, and you saw
hotel charges while he said he was on a camping trip.
So there's definitely something happening there. If he didn't say that,
you know, there was a forest fire and they had
(03:16):
to evacuate the camping trip and end up in a hotel.
That's a pretty big home with so something is going on.
I think the question is okay, so let's just let's
try to pull. Let's pull and play with this one.
Um So. I want to let's explore giving the benefit
of the doubt before we go ape you know what
(03:37):
I want to say, yes, and yeah, before we go
Beyonce on you then hold up with the bat Okay,
because okay, listen to this um, I'm gonna bring in
like a real life example. I don't know, let's see
how well I can tie it in. My my father
who just passed, Rest his soul. He told me that
he had to be careful about when he called my mother,
(04:00):
who's his best friend, right his first wife, he's on
his third. He was on his third wife because his
third wife had issues with him speaking with her, and
so sometimes it's like, well, I could see how that
might be seen as bad or wrong, but there's also
room for the fact that he had a relationship with
this woman and maybe feels like he wants to stay
in touch with her. And I'm thinking with this, I
(04:22):
don't know what Denise's boyfriend's name. Perhaps there's some perhaps
he loaned fifteen thousand from his ex before they broke up.
You best believed she called him. He oh, I love
the way you think. I love the way you think now,
because we needed to really take a step back and
address all of this right and love that you even
likened it to your own personal situation, where you're like, yes,
(04:44):
sometimes relationships live on past expiry date as purely platonic friendships.
But you know, in your dad's case, and maybe for
this boyfriend's case, he was trying to be respectful of
the current person's feelings because they weren't all that comfortable
with it. And I think there's a fine line there.
I don't think it's necessarily lying or betrayal. It's just
(05:04):
trying to be respectful of everybody's feelings. Um. Now, in
this case, I think there might be some blurred intention
there because she's worried about a hotel and this is
the thing some some bad apples ruin it for the
rest of the people. Yes, because it is fine to
like carry on and really just try and be respectful
of everyone in the in the best way for everyone.
(05:25):
Now the hotel thing, that might be taking it to
a new extent, but I think it is. It is
fair for her, or I should say valid for her
to have concerns, right, because it's like if my massing
a hotel, chances are we talked about it some in
some way, shape or form, right he's or if he
had to pay for his mom to say, whoever, you're
talking about that, that's not something you keep it to
(05:45):
yourself or me, Or maybe they're not or maybe maybe again, Tanniel,
we're talking about is like levels of intimacy, forthcomingness connection.
Maybe she thinks this is information she should know. Maybe
he paid for his sister's trip because she was struggling
when she got to where she was going. I don't know,
but maybe this maybe Denise wants more open flow of
communication here. Um, I'm I'm finding trust issues, I'm finding
(06:10):
potential in fidelity and finding intimacy, closeness, connection. I like it,
and I think all these things. I have a couple
of questions, you know. I think oftentimes in relationships now,
people are always asking like what is the gold standard?
You know? And you'll see guys go on Instagram because
I know we do, everyone will be like, forget it.
I'm giving no passes this, Like, you know, it's very
(06:31):
black and white. So in this situation, because I want
people to sort of leave with like, I feel like
there's people like yourself that are smarter, You've got degrees
in this. How do we get to the bottom of
it with you know, how do we get to the
bottom of this? What are the communication tools that Denise
from Denver should to sort of soft walk into asking
her partner what is going on? I think the first
(06:54):
thing that Denise can do is say, wow, this is
really interesting the information I just found. It has the
potential to be devastating. It has initial to not be
what I think it is. So to allow just like
to be objective and to allow space for whatever will
come right, and to also say, like, if this is devastating,
(07:16):
I will be really sad. But I'm not going to
jump into an emotion until I know that I have.
So let me try to say, wait, I just love
what you said. If this is devastating, I will be
very sad. I'm not going to jump into Guys, write
this stuff down. This is free therapy here because people
pay a lot for therapy, and that was free. I
love it. It was free. And then what's the hard
part is doing it when we're in the middle of it, right,
(07:37):
to be like, oh wait, that's right. I don't have
to wrap on all those emotions. So easier said than done.
But there's the there's the info. At least do do
with it what you can hold on. So we were
talking about okay, So what I think is also very
important for remember is that we we create the energy
and the flow that we want in our relationships by
(07:59):
the energy we give to it. So if she's looking
for transparency, honesty, communication through all things something like this,
then she too should employ that. So that would look
like her after she does her check in and it
does her best to stay objective, that would look like
her saying heyn, I am really embarrassed to say this.
I feel a little bit shame. I looked at your phone,
(08:19):
I looked at the bank statements. As I was doing it,
I was getting nervous and scared of what I would find,
and I also felt like I shouldn't be doing it,
but I was doing it. I kind of regret doing it.
Here's what I found, Here's what I found, and then
it could be a please help me understand this. Oh
I like that. Okay, please help me understand this before
I kill you. Just joking guys on money means you
(08:40):
do not in any way support violence. That was a joke,
but that was a good one, and I hope we
leave it onto These kinds of things will push people
to do things they never thought they could do. Yeah,
So just starting there and opening the conversation and seeing
what he has to say. Now, let me say, make
take one step back before this conversation, because I actually
(09:03):
feel the stress in my body. We feel for you.
I've lived through this and I'm reliving it. Um. It's
important to throughout life right, and especially when it's hard
to remind ourselves that all things, even challenges, even difficulties,
especially difficulties, happen for a reason. All things are happening
(09:24):
to you and for you to help you advance, grow,
learn how to let go live more freely, have more love, etcetera.
Sometimes we don't want to leave someone and we need
the signals to be clear. This might be one of
those times that this is an escape for you for
for your betterment. Right, So like, even if it goes
worse case because you're thinking he did it, he's awful,
(09:45):
blah blah blah, even if it goes there, you need
that use it for you. So just remembering to stay
grounded and whatever happens. Girl, Denise, you're gonna be all right.
As long as you believe you're gonna be all right,
You're gonna be all right. Oh I love that, Denise.
You're gonna be all right. As long as you believe
you're going to be all right, You're gonna be alright.
Who knows what that trajectory takes you on who knows,
(10:05):
who's with who knows, but you're gonna be all right,
and you have to believe that. I mean, this is
I think the beauty of why we ask these questions,
why we have so co on here, because sometimes life
is not just about black and white money, dollars and cents.
There's so much else around it that navigating UM, so
that we can live our best, most abundant life, filled
with peace and prosperity. I said, peace and love, all
(10:30):
of those things because we need that. It is Tanya,
I don't know, you sound like a preacher today, and
I'm into it. I just want you to know that
I love these episodes. I love these episodes because you know,
it's one thing I think oftentimes in life we get
so caught up and making the money, making the money,
making the money, but there's so much more to it
and more I recognize this, and I realized that, you
(10:51):
know the power that we are as like human individuals,
like we're magic. We're magic, and we make magic happen
in so many different ways. Um. And so this is
this is the beauty of this podcast. It's the beauty
of this podcast. You make our a fundance into our
lives and sanity, and I wish all of that for
poor Denise in Denver because she is going through it
right now. Well, Money Movers, I think that's all the
(11:12):
time we have left for today, Soko, Can you number one,
give us any parting thoughts you might have and to
tell us where our folks can find you on social media?
Parting thought is just like I said already, but I
want to restate and I'm glad you gave me the
chance to remember that all things, all things are working
for you. Find the lesson in all things, and trust
(11:35):
you'll always be okay, always be okay. Um. If that
doesn't resonate with you, I'll tell you what. All the time,
the universe has your back. You are protected girlfriend, so
know that, sister. I thank you all for listening in. Soko,
thanks so much. Remind everyone where they can find you
on social media. You all can find me on Instagram
at your favorite therapist. You mean my favorite therapist, just joking,
(11:59):
my Movers, I'm happy to share her with you. But
Money Movers, that's all the time we have for today.
Thank you for tuning in, and if we have helped
you make your money move please make things like sharing
the knowledge on your social media and or leave us
a review on Apple Podcasts. That's all the time. We
make sure to tune in My Day through Friday and
subscribe to the Money Moves podcast powered by Greenwood, so
that you too can have the keys to financial freedom
(12:21):
you so rightly deserve. Thank you so much for tuning
in Money Moves audience. If you want more or a
recap of this episode, please go to the bank Greenwood
dot com and check out the Money Moves podcast blog.
Money Moves is an I Heart Radio podcast powered by
Greenwoods Executive produced by Sunwise Media, Inc. For more podcast
(12:45):
on I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts from
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.