October 2, 2025 • 41 mins
Beep beep, delivery! Someone’s at the pod door and it’s… YOU! Welcome to the very first mailbag episode of season dos. On today’s episode, the ladies read (and listen to) your many sweet, funny, vulnerable and spicy letters for them. From heartbreak to insecurities to top secret hot goss that we had to bleep the names out of, there’s SO much to dig into. Steph shares how Elaine Benes influenced her career, Mel gives her tips on how to *~*~*stay present*~*~* and defeat the dark thoughts and the ladies react in real time to an oil painting of Rosa Diaz on listener Annabel’s queer altar. (Gorg!)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
More More, More, More Better.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Hi, everyone, producer isis here.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
I have some very cool news to share before we
jump into today's episode, More Better with Stephanie and Melissa
has been named a finalist in four categories at the
Signal Awards. We're up for Best Comedy Episode for our
vindication episode with the amazing Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and
how To Diversity, Equity and Inclusion and Buddy Podcast. We're
(00:31):
so grateful to be recognized alongside so many talented creators,
and we couldn't have done this without you, our listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So here's where you come in.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
There's a Listener's Choice Award in each of our four categories,
which means you can vote for us four times. Here's
how it works. Head to vote dot Signal Award dot com.
That's v O T E, dot S I G N
A l A w a rd dot com. Search for
(01:02):
More Better and you'll see us pop up in four categories.
Click into each category one by one and cast your vote.
Voting is open through October ninth, and it takes just
a couple of minutes to support us in all four
We would be so honored and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Grateful for your votes.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Thank you, so much for being the best listeners ever.
Now let's get into the show.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
We all have those moments.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I would.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
There's a short list of people that I would actually
punch in the neck, and I would go for it
one hundred percent. I'm talking like I would collapse trichy
a thumb out, Like I'm okay to break my own
thumb if it really gets up in there and does
some damage. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Next question, I gots so violent.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
More, More, Better.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Or Better?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Hi seventy, I'm so excited to be talking to you again.
And I'm apologies. I'm on vacation right now, so I'm
doing this on my iPad and I can't figure out
how to make the mic work. So this is this
is what you're getting. This is vacation Melissa in my
mom's friend's house because there's no screaming children here.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Welcome to More Better a podcast?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
What what voice are we doing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
But it's kind of we're u in the Star Wars universe.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Maybe I would love to be in the Star Wars universe. Listen,
if you guys are listening, I don't know who's listening
to this that has any power over there? But Melissa
and I are very interested.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Where ready. We won't complain about being in the makeup
chair to nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No uncomfortable costume, holding a sword for a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Lightsaber. Excuse me, excuse me, lightsaber, lightsaber.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Anyway, if any of you guys have any of that power,
we're listening. Uh, this podcast is now about Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
This this be more better at Star Wars.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
But Jephany and Melissa, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It runs for one episode because everyone tunes out because
they're like, they don't know anything about the universe.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
They've already changed the channel. They're not here anymore.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Change the channel. Wow, oh god, that made me sound
wow channel. You know, my sister is telling me the
other day she heard a little boy ross is taking
an art class, and a little boy in the art
class say we're gonna go home and watch blah blah
(04:00):
blah on Peacock on Peacock, and she was like, I
couldn't believe it. He knew, he knew Peacock. And I
was like, yeah, because like when the TV turns on,
when you changed the provider there, it goes like up
on the screen, you know, just training the children like
And by the way, feel free to tune into Twisted
(04:21):
Mettle season two. It is only on Peacock. That was
not an ad. It just really it was a great
moment for me to but yes, truly it's just weird too.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
I can't wait to watch season two.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I remember the first time that Enzo saw like commercials
interrupt a show he was watching, and.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
He was like and he was like, what this bullshit?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
We used to live for them.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
It's a commercial. See they're telling you about this new toy.
I don't care.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
Oh my god, No, I used to live Surprise Surprise,
Pupper Surprise. How many puff uppies are They're inside suppress
Suppressed Puppy Surprise.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I'm sure we can't get the rights to that. You'll
have to cut it out. God, do you remember Puppy Surprise.
It was like you could get I feel like we're
three or four fun. I was like, no, there's always two,
it's always two boys.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cabbage Patch dolls, yeah girls. My mom
wouldn't let me have them because she said they were ugly.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
They were ugly.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
She was like, why do you want that ugly baby?
Speaker 6 (05:31):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
My god, they were ugly, but I had a little
I had a little Latina one that had like brown skin,
and I loved her so much.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
She was so cute.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah she was bald, but she was cute. She was
one of those premies. Anyway, guys, welcome to More Better,
a podcast about toys from the eighties. Ah, we are
off the rails if you didn't know.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That's most of a maryl and that's Stephane Beatrice.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And this is we're I think we're a little off
the rails because we're gonna do a little male episode.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, so it's also going to be all over the
place like we are right now. More Better.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
We have been keeping up with all of your emails
and messages and stuff, and thank you guys so much,
especially for the nice reviews, the nice comments. It really
helps us a lot. So today we're gonna answer some
questions and read some emails. Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Let's do it.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Roles that changed you from Annabelle. I feel like this
is a voice note, is it?
Speaker 7 (06:38):
Hey, guys, I love the podcast. I just wanted to
share how Brooklyn nine nine basically unlocked my bisexual awakening.
It started, you know, when my roommate knew I was
going through hard times and she suggested that we watch
her comfort show together, which is Brooklyn nine nine. And
at first I was just like, oh, this this show
(06:59):
is goret It's like witty, it's fun, it's a feel
good show. And then as I got to know the
characters more and Rosa came out as bisexual, I was
like hit by a truck, you know, in a good way.
Like I've known I'm queer for a while, but like
never came out to anyone, and so, you know, seeing
Rosa do it was like was like the universe like
(07:21):
handing me a permission slip to exist. And what makes
it even better is like seeing Stephanie talk so openly
about her bisexuality in real life. That kind of representation
made me feel like so seeing and safe and validated
and honestly just like more confident. And I know this
like all sounds super sappy and maybe cliche, but I
(07:41):
just wanted to thank you. And I guess my question
is like, have you ever had a show or character
that changed the way you know you see yourself in
a positive way? I mean, I think there's definitely a
multitude of negative influences the media has on people. So
I was like wondering if you could reflect characters that
made you feel represented and validated and the importance of
(08:04):
that in the work you do. Yeah, and just as
a side note, after coming out as by to my roommate,
we have put together a queer altar in our home
that includes a bisexual oil painting of Rosa Diaz. It
sounds weirder than it is, but just look at the photo, bye,
she said.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It sounds it sounds weirder than it is. It sounds
weirder than it is. It's not weird.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
It's so cute and it's so cute.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Also, this really, whoever did this painting of you? Is
really great.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Good, that's good. There was the little life flag there.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
First of all, Annabel, thanks for saying that. And you know,
we appreciate your roommate and you so much for I
don't know, loving the show and loving what we did
all those many seasons, and it means a lot to us,
you know. I we never ever ever take it for
granted that people still really appreciate that show and how
(09:03):
much joy it brings to people, and how comforted they
are by it, and how much they feel like they
know us because of it. It's really a special relationship
I think that we have with people that love Brooklyn.
So thank you for that. I don't know, I mean,
like I like in terms of like watching stuff like
(09:26):
you and I have talked about this before, but like
Julia Luis Dreyfus on Seinfeld being this like one woman
in a room full of like heavy jokes men and
holding her own and like of course being sexual and
funny at the same time beautiful and ugly depending on
what was needed for the joke. And the moment was
(09:47):
like it was life changing because it was like, oh
my god, Wow, all of the things I want to
do all of those things.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, you and I have that one in common. The
other big one for me two is Tina Fey and
Amy Poehler taking over Weekend Update on SNL.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I like remember that moment.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I feel like I even remember their first show me
or the first time that I watched it, And there
was just something about these two women, their vibe, the
style of their comedy, that they could be brash and
vulgar and all the things like they were just so
many things, and that particular thing I think always felt
(10:32):
like a.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Sort of powerful position on the show.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Maybe I don't know why, not even knowing at the
time anything about SNL or like the behind the scenes,
but it was like, oh, that's a big deal, Like
whoever gets to do that is a big deal totally,
and that it was two women and those two women
in particular was just I don't know, yeah, sort of
how Annabel said, like it gave me permission to be,
(11:01):
you know, not have to be so lady like, not
have to be so feminine, you know whatever.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I could be crass, I could be sarcastic, I could
be and still be feminine or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It just was like there were in the same as
you were saying watching Elane on Seinfeld, like things that
you feel being undone.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Or unworked in your head.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
You know that it's like, oh I don't have to
be a certain way right that it just feels impactful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah. Daphnie Rubin Vego was another one for me, like
when Rent first came out, which was like when I
was still in high school, so google lay Alo, but
like yeah, she definitely was like oh my god, Like
her voice doesn't sound like yeah, every other I mean,
her voice is incredible, super powerful, definitely incredibly distinct, like
(11:56):
when she's singing, you know, with her right, and up
until that point in my in my own personal history
of like and I didn't grow I didn't grow up
near Broadway or I wasn't really I didn't have access
to like seeing shows and stuff. So like the only
recordings that I had heard of, like Broadway musicals were
like a certain kind of style, right, and so like
(12:17):
when I heard her doing Rent for the first time,
I was like, what is this? And Adina Menzel too,
it was just like what is this? You know, Like,
but particularly for Daphne because she was Latina, I was like.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Oh my god, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
But yeah, they're definitely there. Certainly. Of course, there's like
moments where you're just watching stuff and you're going like,
this is what I want to do. I want to
do this, you know.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Sorry, not sorry, but like Ariel and Belle sorry not sorry,
and Cobbsworth Lumier for that matter, Okay, not even sorry
about it.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Next one, This is from a Hannah heimless in Stephanie
or whoever is reading this email. We're reading it. Hannah.
I'm a huge fan of you both that's really sweet,
especially your roles in Brooklyn nin nine. I've watched that
show at least ten times and your podcasts. You are
both such huge role models to me growing up. Hannah,
how old are you? Okay? I must admit I am
(13:16):
a bit late to the party. However, I am listening
to your anxiety and I are BFFs episode and I
have a request. My topic request is for an episode
on how you deal with rejection or criticism. I mean,
we could probably do a whole episode on this, we could.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
She said.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I know it's a pretty broad topic, but hopefully it's
not too broad. As someone who beats themselves up over
any sort of rejection and or criticism, I was hoping
you both might be able to share some tips on
how you deal with rejection and criticism, as I'm sure
your path success has not been all butterflies and rainbows.
Thanks so much for your time, Hannah. Oh, how do
(13:54):
I deal with rejection from people that I'm dating? Not
well aggressively? How do you tell?
Speaker 6 (14:07):
You know?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I just get a little like.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
A fuck you?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Then from jobs I try. I know this is something
that I've learned, but and I learned this from our
mutual friend Lena, but this or something better for the
good of all concerned. And I know it's hard to
say to myself and it's hard to believe sometimes, but
like it, I hold on to that because it is
(14:33):
I in my life. It has been true. It's like
maybe that thing didn't come through and I didn't get
that thing, but there's something else coming for me. You know,
there's something else that that thing was supposed to go
to someone else. It wasn't my thing. It was someone
else's thing, you know, because rejection as an artist is
(14:53):
really difficult because you feel like, what about this thing
that I created that's like of my soul and I
gave it to you and like I want you to
choose it for your project that you're going to do,
and it's like very difficult. I was up for a
mini series that I really was interested in. I really
wanted it, and I auditioned for it and they the
(15:17):
thing that they always say to us is they win
a different way, And like I always hate that, but
it's it's true. I mean, if you think about the
best version of that line to me in that moment
was like they did they win a different way? The
way that they're going to go is something that you
weren't the right fit for. And so like by shoving
(15:39):
a square peg into a round hole, it would have
been funky, and like who knows why, who knows why,
you know they went that way, but they did, you know,
And so like.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, my actor friend of mine, who was an actor
when she was very young, also child actor, shared with
me that when she was a kid, her mom said
this great thing when she wouldn't get rolls, she was
like her mom, her mom was like, it's like flavors
of ice cream. They just wanted strawberry and you're mint
(16:14):
chocolate chip. And it doesn't mean that you're any less
than or not as good. They just wanted They wanted strawberry,
and you're the most delicious, awesome, best version of mint
chocolate chip. Totally, but that's that's not what they wanted.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
That's like that Dita Antees quote where she's like, some
people just you could be the juiciest, ripest peach, and
some people just don't like peaches, which also always makes
me think of that thing that he says in Face Off.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Where he's like I could eat a peacher.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Sorry, Nicholas Cage we're the greatest actors of our generation. Okay,
all right, next one, you read the next one, you
read the next one.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, okay, okay, hold on, all right, Stephanie, Melissa and
the more better Team. I just listened to the latest episode,
and I am so grateful that you chose to answer
my question about boundaries. Ooh, this is a a Oh
my god?
Speaker 4 (17:15):
What is? What are words? Anyway?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
It was actually good timing because a couple of weeks
after I sent this, I tried to set a boundary
with someone at work who tends to take advantage of
my resourcefulness, politeness, and patience, and it backfired. They've since
been super petty. Oh shit, you both were right. Setting
boundaries is so hard, and in my experience, especially hard
to do in the workplace side. Anyway, it was validating
(17:41):
to hear you both confirm it was a challenge for
you too. Sometimes we're all a work in progress, hugs,
looping loop same.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Side.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
But I still believe even when it backfires, like their,
their pettiness is because you set a boundary, and it's
like about them, it's not about you. Unfortunately, that pettiness
is like going to disturb your peace and still like,
but I think you.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Just have to like hold to it, and I don't know.
Have some try to have some fun with their pettiness
if you can.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That sucks so hard, though, I'm so sorry that's so hard.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Can you pet them? Can you match their pettiness?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
I don't know where you.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Work, but like, can you listen to this super loud
on your little like tiny speaker at your desk, and like.
Speaker 8 (18:33):
I'm sorry they were being a child about you setting
a boundary. They probably have never had anyone set a
boundary in their entire life because they're used to be
walking all over people.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That's so weird that that that person that wrote in
his name Lupin, I have name Lupin. You're petty, more Better,
More Better, Okay, dear Stephanie Melissa, and my name is
girt Jan and I live in the Netherlands. Netherlands. I
(19:03):
said girt Jan really well, though, Okay, now try to
pronounce my name. Ha ha ha, girl, I couldn't pronounce Netherlands. Okay,
we're gonna call you GJ. I really enjoyed it. Listening
to your podcast More Better quickly became my favorite pod
to listen to your elaiers. Oh that's so sweet. I
was deeply touched by your final episode. Stephanie. Thank you
for your honesty about your skin issues. I'm forty one
(19:24):
now and I've had serious skin troubles too in my
late teen years and twenties, and even though it's been
a long time, it still has its impact today. I
felt really insecure back then, and it still feels like
a scar that won't heal easily. I don't talk about
it often, so it was nice to listen to someone
who was dealing with the same issues. Don't worry, I'm
doing great now. I'm happy and have a beautiful family. Hey,
my question for you is how do you get more
(19:46):
better at dealing with insecurities from the past. Thank you
and keep up the good work. Girt Jan GJ, GJ
great question.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
And try You're like nope, no.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
GJ, No, I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Go Yeah, I mean there, it's like it's it's for
me passing securities. Those are all my triggers, right, like
the like the ship that comes out of nowhere where
you're just like, why am I triggered by that? And
then it's like, oh, right, because I used to feel
really shitty about this back in the day.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Yeah, And it's it's I think when it blindsides me
and I get like very uh anxious or just regulated,
and you know, and then I don't really know why
I'm feeling that way, and like it takes me a
minute to feel like to put together the pieces of like, oh,
(20:48):
this is something I used.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
To really struggle with, right, and I've moved and even
though I've done the work and I've probably and I've grown,
and it is, like GJ said, where it's it's it
is a still scar that you carry around with you.
And scars can be fucked with sometimes sometimes stars can
be ripped back open. And it's I think it's always
(21:16):
the moment where I where I make the connection that oh,
this is, you know, whatever the body issues or the
I used to like change my outfits a million times
before school because I thought everything looked terrible on me.
And like sometimes even as an adult, I'll you be
getting ready for something and I'm and it's not about
(21:37):
what I'm wearing. I'm anxious about something about the event
that manifests into me changing my clothes at gazillion times.
And it's just like some expression of anxiety and until
I like take some deep breaths and like usually I
have to like get present because I'm not present right,
I'm thinking about the thing that I'm scared to do
(21:57):
or the thing that I'm walking into. And when I
like pull myself back into the present moment and I'm like, Okay,
this is not about what I actually look like, or
or even if it is, it's like, Okay, well, what
what in my closet do I love wearing how but
I just wear something that makes me feel really good
or really comfortable or you know whatever, and just this
(22:21):
is actually all about that I'm anxious about this thing
that I'm about to do or that I'm about to
walk into, and like let me deal with that, yeah,
and not you know, not this like because I'm not
insecure anymore in that way, it's just like an old
habit kind of like spreading.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
I don't know, that's kind of like it's like it's
with it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
It's kind of like you're saying, sometimes it feels like
it's something from the past, or like because you're dealing
with something new, the past thing kind of like comes
up and like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Is right, It's like old habits we're big yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, And it's like just and it's always I
find when I have those moments of past and securities
coming up, it's usually like about something else and I
have to check in and figure out, like what what
is the thing that's actually pulling at me? Because I
(23:17):
know I've done the work to get past this insecurity.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I usually know when it's an insecurity about the past.
New ones surprise surprised me all the time, but the
past ones, it's a lot of reminding myself like I
already did this, already know this. Let me just like
go through the whole movie of what this is, the
whole movie of what this is. Is that I used
(23:43):
to be this and now I feel this about this
and so like yeah, what did I used to be?
And what am I now? And is it? And it's
like I examine what's around it, you know, Like I'm
going to an event and there's going to be you know,
people there that I want to work with, but I'm
how to talk to people, you know, which is like
(24:04):
that that's not going to make or break out unless
you like, you know, punch somebody in the neck or something.
So like it's okay, it's okay. You know, there's like
a it's like parenting yourself a little bit, Like yeah,
even insecurities, it's like.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Howbody, it's okay, It's okay.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, Like even if you mess up and say something dumb, like,
it's okay. Like most people aren't looking at that, and
if they are, they're not looking at it for very long,
you know, Like so you have a pimple, Okay, yep,
that sucks. I mean this we're talking about, like, you know,
(24:47):
our own insecurities or whatever, and like listen, like uh,
gret Jan said, acne is a big struggle. It can
be really really intense. But like in general, past insecurities,
how do you I get more better at dealing with them?
It's like what Melissa said, trying to be aware, really
(25:07):
trying to tune into like the awareness of like what's
this about? Why am I all? Why am I freaking out?
You know? And if I know what it's about telling
myself like you can do this, you can you can
handle this. You're not going to punch anybody in the
neck unless they mouth off.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
So yeah, yeah, it's usually a moment for like right,
like a some type of affirmation like and just being
really kind to yourself and like, yeah, giving yourself space
to be Like I.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
Mean, we all, fuck, we all have those moments.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I would punch I would There's a short list of
people that I would actually punch in the neck, and
I would like, oh yeah, like I'm talking like I.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Would collapse, trickya.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Thumb out, like I'm okay with my mom if it
really gets up in there and does some damage anyway,
next question.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
I gots so violent?
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Hi, Sevanie, Melissa. I wanted to write to let you
know how much the Heartbreak episode helped me. Oh that
was a that was a deep one. I'm currently going
through a divorce, and even though it's the right thing
for us and our daughter, I feel I still feel
sadness at the loss of what we had, especially the
marriage being twelve years and the relationship being fourteen. We're
(26:31):
still friends and co parent very well and doing things together,
such as attending indiecar races with our daughter when we
did like we did when we were married. Is this true?
We are continuing these this year, starting in May, because
we want our daughter to know that we are still
a team, even if it looks different now.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Good for you. That's amazing. Even though this is probably
the best case.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Scenario for a divorce, it's still hard, especially when important
dates come up or events that we would ordinarily go
to together we now do alone. In October, I went
to a family reunion and was binging episodes on the
way there. This was the first event with my extended
family I was going to alone, and the first time
I told my family about the divorce besides my parents
(27:17):
and sister. I was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions
the whole weekend, and then started thinking and starting about
starting over in life. I listened to the Heartbreak episode
on my way home and started to cry because what
you were saying was exactly how I had been feeling
about my situation. You helped me realize the way I
was feeling was normal and valid. When a relationship that
(27:38):
was important ends, I feel seen. I just want to
thank you for helping me see that.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Ben.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Oh my god, Ben, I barely got through reading that
I started why.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
I'm so thank you so much for writing in and
like sharing that with us. That's really vulnerable and honest
and nice of you. To take the time to do that.
That's really lovely.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Yeah, and I'm really happy for.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
You and your partner that you found a path forward
that's you know, good for You're going to be so
good for your daughter, and I think good for the
both of you. But it's incredibly hard to do. And
so just like, pat yourself on the back and let
yourself feel proud about that.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
That's you're being very.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Adult and mature and evolved approaching it as a team,
and so braba, it looks it's us, all of it.
It's too hard, it's not. It's yeah, but we're sending
(28:44):
you up to love. Yeah, all right, the next one
before I start crying, Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Hi, Stephanie, Melissa. I just wanted to say I'm a
huge fan of both of you, Brooklyn nine nine. It
has been such a comfort and inspiration in my life.
I wanted to ask your perspective on something. I'm in
my early twenties and for a long time I've had
a specific goal in mind for my future, something I've
worked hard for and tied a lot of my identity to.
But lately, as I've grown and changed, I'm finding I
might want something different. Feels like there's this pressure to
(29:21):
stay committed to the path I chose years ago, as
of changing my mind means I've failed. Either of you
experienced something like that, wanting something new after chasing a
dream for so long? How do you navigate those feelings
and make peace with your shifting direction. Thanks so much
for taking the time to read this, sending love and gratitude.
I'm excited to continue to see your new projects as
they released. Thanks Vanessa, Love Vanessa, and sheered a little
(29:43):
emoji hearts. Love an emoji heart.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Vanessa in your early twenties, girl, not your mind. Not
to discount you, but not to discount but you.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Know, as as a quick Taale, I will say, I
never ever thought that I would be a person who
got married or had children. I was pretty dead set
on I'm you know not I'm. I could be single,
I could be partnered up, but I don't want anybody's
finances tied to my own. And I want the freedom
of a life that I choose for myself and nobody else's.
(30:24):
You know, nothing is, nothing is dependent on me, and
I'm doing whatever I want to do. And I changed
my mind. I had a goal and for my life,
and I I tied a lot of my identity to
being like I'm gonna not have kids and and and
that's fine like for some people. But I changed my mind,
(30:47):
and I changed it pretty late, and I was really
scared about like how it was going to affect my career,
how it was going to affect my relationship, how's going
to affect my friendships, how was gonna affect my body,
I was going to affect my brain, and how I
was going to affect the person the new person. But
(31:07):
I would say go for it, like I mean, if
you really are feeling that strongly about it, Like what
does Mary Oliver say? This is your one beautiful life.
I'm gonna look up the quote you talk melissa'm'na look
up this quote.
Speaker 6 (31:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I mean I think any age, any stage in life,
if we feel that pull towards something. And I understand
the like identity part because this is not the same.
But I in my early twenties, I was like, I
am a New Yorker. I will never leave New York.
New York is my identity. New York, New Jersey is
(31:44):
my identity. This is where I grew up, This is
where I belong, This is where I'll be till the
end of my days.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
And I had a whole I was like, I'm I'm
going to work in theater. I'm going to teach at
some point. Maybe I'm going to like teach it at college.
Like I had a whole idea of myself.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I was like, every time I saw those little older
biddies at the theater, I was like, that's going to
be me, with my giant jewelry and my flowy shirts
and my comfortable shoes, still getting to a thousand steps
a day.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
This is going to be me.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And then we up and moved and then I started
working in television, which was took me away from theater
and it couldn't get theater auditions anymore.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
And then we moved to LA and I kind of
went kicking and screaming. But then.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
Like all these amazing things happened and this like whole
new chapter of my life started And my kids are
Angela little Angelino's and I love my life like and
I love La and like especially recently seeing the city
kind of stand up and.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
I've been so proud of it. And so.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Even though I still feel like such an East Coast
girl in a lot of ways and not like you know,
a real like la person like I love. What I'm
trying to say is like, eventually, if if you stay
open and if you move with change, only good can
come of it. If you stay stuck, especially if you
(33:25):
feel pulled towards something else. Yeah, because out of obligation
or because this is who I am, or this is
how people know me, because I have to achieve.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I have to achieve.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
I have to achieve. Who cares.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's like the equivalent of just like walking down a
hallway and just like shutting all the other doors and
windows and just like continually walk to like this one
door even though you have no idea what's behind that door,
you know what I mean, as opposed to like just
opening all the doors and seeing what's behind them. And
so you're just I think, shutting off opportunity. You're you're
(33:57):
shutting off surprises, You're shutting off and you know, And
I only brought up the age thing because it's like
this is the time to like try shit out, try
it out. This thing that's like calling you try it out.
If it doesn't work out, you can change your mind again.
You can change your mind a million times. You can
keep changing your mind. I still change my mind.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, yeah, I mean at this point when I'm, you know,
in my eighties, I do believe I will be getting
botox in my forehead. But I could change my mind
there in the retirement home. I might be like, no,
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
I okay.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So that quote that I was going to say. The
poem is from the Summer Day by Mary Oliver. Have
you ever read it, Melsa, No, you've probably heard the
end of it. It's pretty sure.
Speaker 4 (34:48):
Okay, who made who?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
This is not a poem reading this is not a
poetry slam. I'm going to go through this. I'm not
going to act at you, guys. I'm just going to
say the words boom, who made the world, Who made
the swan and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean, the one who's flung herself out
of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out
of my hand, who's moving her jaws back and forth
(35:11):
instead of up and down, who is gazing around with
her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale
forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her
wings open and floats away. I don't know exactly what
a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention,
how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel
down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed,
how to stroll through the fields, which is what I've
(35:33):
been doing all day. Tell me what else should I
have done? Doesn't everything die at last and too soon?
Tell me what is it you plan to do with
your one wild and precious life.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Great?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I love that you don't have to like run towards
this thing of those gold this thing whatever. She's just like,
bro Like, I joke about it all the time, and
I'm always like, we're all to die someday. And that
is my very like nihilistic sort of like. But it's
not because this is it.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
This is the this is it.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You know, if you're doing something that you're like, oh, no,
I was gonna be a whatever. I've been watching a
lot of sex in the city, so I'm like pr
Samantha Jones. PR been working to be a pr mamen
your whole life, and now suddenly you want to be
a gardener. Okay, obviously there's logistic, but go be a gardener,
(36:32):
even if you have to do it, like in your
hobby time like coke, do whatever you want.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
It's life is too short, life is too unpredictable. Life
is too precious. Yes, if you have a calling, if
you have something you want to do or explore, fucking
do it.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
I'm gonna do it. This is gossip, but do you
want to hear so it's related?
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Yeah, it's okay, so so excited, you.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Know, like you know, oh, okay, I'm trying to figure
out how to say this in a way where like
no one will find out who I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
But okay.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
There was a very high profile couple that had a
very large wedding and professed a lot of their It's
like it's like it was like such a big show
of like we love each other so much, we love
each other, we love each other, we love each other,
(37:32):
we love each other. And then they met a divorce
and like part of me thinks, like was there a
point where they were like part of me knows that
there was a point where like this is actually like
now I'm going to relate it to somebody I know
who said to me, he's like an old friend and
he was like when she was walking down the aisle
(37:53):
like not but his wife or his ex wife X
when she was walking down the aisle, he was like,
oh shit, this is a mistake. And he went through
with it, and like I guess, like I get it
into like you know.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Very getting like on the day when there's like like
ribes vibes.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Did you not know it beforehand?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Like you did?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
You probably did maybe like hit really hard that day
or something.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
Yeah, but like I just know it and all the
mornings before when we woke.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Up, we're gonna do stay married to that person like forever,
like we're gonna do like this.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Anyway is says good luck, good luck on that edit.
You could just sleep it all in. It's fine, more better, Okay,
what did we learned today, Melissa? Besides my inside gossip
about what did we learn today? Melissa?
Speaker 4 (38:53):
Uh, well, we learned.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I'm never going to get cast in one of our movies.
It's fine.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
What did we learn?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
We learned? We learned that we have awesome, amazing fans
to write very lovely voice notes and emails to us
and very sweet and selfishly personally, my ego needed all
those compliments today, So thank you, thank you so much,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Yeah, and I like these.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I like these mail bag little episodes. I think we're
going to do more of them this season. That's what
I We're to do more of these this season because
they're fun.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
They're fun, they're really fun, and like they let us
know what you guys are like really connecting to and
also what you're interested in. Yeah, and they just make
us feel like we're getting to know you guys. Yes,
that's nice, So keith those coming. Also, please send us
a voice note, send us.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
An email, because we're going to do more of these
episodes where we go through a bunch of messages as
many as we can and send us topic.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, Rate
review and subscribe.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
It really helps us rate review and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
MELSA, Do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
I always feel more and better? Do you feel more better?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I feel like I need a snack, but other than
though I need too Pretty great? Yeah, great, I'll say
next next time, see.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
You next time.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Bye, bye, more and more better.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have
you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us
your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot
com and include a voice note if you want to
be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie
Melissa is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura
(40:47):
podcast network, hosted by Me, Steffie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos.
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Fumero alone
with Wilmar Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound
and ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
(41:09):
Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by
Vincent Remis and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week's
buck Us. Bye
More More, More, More Better.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Hi, everyone, producer isis here.
Speaker 3 (00:05):
I have some very cool news to share before we
jump into today's episode, More Better with Stephanie and Melissa
has been named a finalist in four categories at the
Signal Awards. We're up for Best Comedy Episode for our
vindication episode with the amazing Chelsea Peretti, plus Advice and
how To Diversity, Equity and Inclusion and Buddy Podcast. We're
(00:31):
so grateful to be recognized alongside so many talented creators,
and we couldn't have done this without you, our listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
So here's where you come in.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
There's a Listener's Choice Award in each of our four categories,
which means you can vote for us four times. Here's
how it works. Head to vote dot Signal Award dot com.
That's v O T E, dot S I G N
A l A w a rd dot com. Search for
(01:02):
More Better and you'll see us pop up in four categories.
Click into each category one by one and cast your vote.
Voting is open through October ninth, and it takes just
a couple of minutes to support us in all four
We would be so honored and.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Grateful for your votes.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Thank you, so much for being the best listeners ever.
Now let's get into the show.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
We all have those moments.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I would.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
There's a short list of people that I would actually
punch in the neck, and I would go for it
one hundred percent. I'm talking like I would collapse trichy
a thumb out, Like I'm okay to break my own
thumb if it really gets up in there and does
some damage. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Next question, I gots so violent.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
More, More, Better.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Or Better?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Hi seventy, I'm so excited to be talking to you again.
And I'm apologies. I'm on vacation right now, so I'm
doing this on my iPad and I can't figure out
how to make the mic work. So this is this
is what you're getting. This is vacation Melissa in my
mom's friend's house because there's no screaming children here.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Welcome to More Better a podcast?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
What what voice are we doing?
Speaker 5 (02:43):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
But it's kind of we're u in the Star Wars universe.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Maybe I would love to be in the Star Wars universe. Listen,
if you guys are listening, I don't know who's listening
to this that has any power over there? But Melissa
and I are very interested.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Where ready. We won't complain about being in the makeup
chair to nothing, nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
No uncomfortable costume, holding a sword for a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Lightsaber. Excuse me, excuse me, lightsaber, lightsaber.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Anyway, if any of you guys have any of that power,
we're listening. Uh, this podcast is now about Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
This this be more better at Star Wars.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
But Jephany and Melissa, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
It runs for one episode because everyone tunes out because
they're like, they don't know anything about the universe.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
They've already changed the channel. They're not here anymore.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Change the channel. Wow, oh god, that made me sound
wow channel. You know, my sister is telling me the
other day she heard a little boy ross is taking
an art class, and a little boy in the art
class say we're gonna go home and watch blah blah
(04:00):
blah on Peacock on Peacock, and she was like, I
couldn't believe it. He knew, he knew Peacock. And I
was like, yeah, because like when the TV turns on,
when you changed the provider there, it goes like up
on the screen, you know, just training the children like
And by the way, feel free to tune into Twisted
(04:21):
Mettle season two. It is only on Peacock. That was
not an ad. It just really it was a great
moment for me to but yes, truly it's just weird too.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
I can't wait to watch season two.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I remember the first time that Enzo saw like commercials
interrupt a show he was watching, and.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
He was like and he was like, what this bullshit?
Speaker 2 (04:46):
We used to live for them.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
It's a commercial. See they're telling you about this new toy.
I don't care.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
Oh my god, No, I used to live Surprise Surprise,
Pupper Surprise. How many puff uppies are They're inside suppress
Suppressed Puppy Surprise.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I'm sure we can't get the rights to that. You'll
have to cut it out. God, do you remember Puppy Surprise.
It was like you could get I feel like we're
three or four fun. I was like, no, there's always two,
it's always two boys.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cabbage Patch dolls, yeah girls. My mom
wouldn't let me have them because she said they were ugly.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
They were ugly.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
She was like, why do you want that ugly baby?
Speaker 6 (05:31):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
My god, they were ugly, but I had a little
I had a little Latina one that had like brown skin,
and I loved her so much.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
She was so cute.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah she was bald, but she was cute. She was
one of those premies. Anyway, guys, welcome to More Better,
a podcast about toys from the eighties. Ah, we are
off the rails if you didn't know.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That's most of a maryl and that's Stephane Beatrice.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And this is we're I think we're a little off
the rails because we're gonna do a little male episode.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yeah, so it's also going to be all over the
place like we are right now. More Better.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
We have been keeping up with all of your emails
and messages and stuff, and thank you guys so much,
especially for the nice reviews, the nice comments. It really
helps us a lot. So today we're gonna answer some
questions and read some emails. Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Let's do it.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Roles that changed you from Annabelle. I feel like this
is a voice note, is it?
Speaker 7 (06:38):
Hey, guys, I love the podcast. I just wanted to
share how Brooklyn nine nine basically unlocked my bisexual awakening.
It started, you know, when my roommate knew I was
going through hard times and she suggested that we watch
her comfort show together, which is Brooklyn nine nine. And
at first I was just like, oh, this this show
(06:59):
is goret It's like witty, it's fun, it's a feel
good show. And then as I got to know the
characters more and Rosa came out as bisexual, I was
like hit by a truck, you know, in a good way.
Like I've known I'm queer for a while, but like
never came out to anyone, and so, you know, seeing
Rosa do it was like was like the universe like
(07:21):
handing me a permission slip to exist. And what makes
it even better is like seeing Stephanie talk so openly
about her bisexuality in real life. That kind of representation
made me feel like so seeing and safe and validated
and honestly just like more confident. And I know this
like all sounds super sappy and maybe cliche, but I
(07:41):
just wanted to thank you. And I guess my question
is like, have you ever had a show or character
that changed the way you know you see yourself in
a positive way? I mean, I think there's definitely a
multitude of negative influences the media has on people. So
I was like wondering if you could reflect characters that
made you feel represented and validated and the importance of
(08:04):
that in the work you do. Yeah, and just as
a side note, after coming out as by to my roommate,
we have put together a queer altar in our home
that includes a bisexual oil painting of Rosa Diaz. It
sounds weirder than it is, but just look at the photo, bye,
she said.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It sounds it sounds weirder than it is. It sounds
weirder than it is. It's not weird.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
It's so cute and it's so cute.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Also, this really, whoever did this painting of you? Is
really great.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Good, that's good. There was the little life flag there.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Well.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
First of all, Annabel, thanks for saying that. And you know,
we appreciate your roommate and you so much for I
don't know, loving the show and loving what we did
all those many seasons, and it means a lot to us,
you know. I we never ever ever take it for
granted that people still really appreciate that show and how
(09:03):
much joy it brings to people, and how comforted they
are by it, and how much they feel like they
know us because of it. It's really a special relationship
I think that we have with people that love Brooklyn.
So thank you for that. I don't know, I mean,
like I like in terms of like watching stuff like
(09:26):
you and I have talked about this before, but like
Julia Luis Dreyfus on Seinfeld being this like one woman
in a room full of like heavy jokes men and
holding her own and like of course being sexual and
funny at the same time beautiful and ugly depending on
what was needed for the joke. And the moment was
(09:47):
like it was life changing because it was like, oh
my god, Wow, all of the things I want to
do all of those things.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, you and I have that one in common. The
other big one for me two is Tina Fey and
Amy Poehler taking over Weekend Update on SNL.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I like remember that moment.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I feel like I even remember their first show me
or the first time that I watched it, And there
was just something about these two women, their vibe, the
style of their comedy, that they could be brash and
vulgar and all the things like they were just so
many things, and that particular thing I think always felt
(10:32):
like a.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Sort of powerful position on the show.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Maybe I don't know why, not even knowing at the
time anything about SNL or like the behind the scenes,
but it was like, oh, that's a big deal, Like
whoever gets to do that is a big deal totally,
and that it was two women and those two women
in particular was just I don't know, yeah, sort of
how Annabel said, like it gave me permission to be,
(11:01):
you know, not have to be so lady like, not
have to be so feminine, you know whatever.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I could be crass, I could be sarcastic, I could
be and still be feminine or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
It just was like there were in the same as
you were saying watching Elane on Seinfeld, like things that
you feel being undone.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Or unworked in your head.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
You know that it's like, oh I don't have to
be a certain way right that it just feels impactful. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Yeah. Daphnie Rubin Vego was another one for me, like
when Rent first came out, which was like when I
was still in high school, so google lay Alo, but
like yeah, she definitely was like oh my god, Like
her voice doesn't sound like yeah, every other I mean,
her voice is incredible, super powerful, definitely incredibly distinct, like
(11:56):
when she's singing, you know, with her right, and up
until that point in my in my own personal history
of like and I didn't grow I didn't grow up
near Broadway or I wasn't really I didn't have access
to like seeing shows and stuff. So like the only
recordings that I had heard of, like Broadway musicals were
like a certain kind of style, right, and so like
(12:17):
when I heard her doing Rent for the first time,
I was like, what is this? And Adina Menzel too,
it was just like what is this? You know, Like,
but particularly for Daphne because she was Latina, I was like.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Oh my god, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
But yeah, they're definitely there. Certainly. Of course, there's like
moments where you're just watching stuff and you're going like,
this is what I want to do. I want to
do this, you know.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Sorry, not sorry, but like Ariel and Belle sorry not sorry,
and Cobbsworth Lumier for that matter, Okay, not even sorry
about it.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Next one, This is from a Hannah heimless in Stephanie
or whoever is reading this email. We're reading it. Hannah.
I'm a huge fan of you both that's really sweet,
especially your roles in Brooklyn nin nine. I've watched that
show at least ten times and your podcasts. You are
both such huge role models to me growing up. Hannah,
how old are you? Okay? I must admit I am
(13:16):
a bit late to the party. However, I am listening
to your anxiety and I are BFFs episode and I
have a request. My topic request is for an episode
on how you deal with rejection or criticism. I mean,
we could probably do a whole episode on this, we could.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
She said.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I know it's a pretty broad topic, but hopefully it's
not too broad. As someone who beats themselves up over
any sort of rejection and or criticism, I was hoping
you both might be able to share some tips on
how you deal with rejection and criticism, as I'm sure
your path success has not been all butterflies and rainbows.
Thanks so much for your time, Hannah. Oh, how do
(13:54):
I deal with rejection from people that I'm dating? Not
well aggressively? How do you tell?
Speaker 6 (14:07):
You know?
Speaker 2 (14:07):
I just get a little like.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
A fuck you?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Then from jobs I try. I know this is something
that I've learned, but and I learned this from our
mutual friend Lena, but this or something better for the
good of all concerned. And I know it's hard to
say to myself and it's hard to believe sometimes, but
like it, I hold on to that because it is
(14:33):
I in my life. It has been true. It's like
maybe that thing didn't come through and I didn't get
that thing, but there's something else coming for me. You know,
there's something else that that thing was supposed to go
to someone else. It wasn't my thing. It was someone
else's thing, you know, because rejection as an artist is
(14:53):
really difficult because you feel like, what about this thing
that I created that's like of my soul and I
gave it to you and like I want you to
choose it for your project that you're going to do,
and it's like very difficult. I was up for a
mini series that I really was interested in. I really
wanted it, and I auditioned for it and they the
(15:17):
thing that they always say to us is they win
a different way, And like I always hate that, but
it's it's true. I mean, if you think about the
best version of that line to me in that moment
was like they did they win a different way? The
way that they're going to go is something that you
weren't the right fit for. And so like by shoving
(15:39):
a square peg into a round hole, it would have
been funky, and like who knows why, who knows why,
you know they went that way, but they did, you know,
And so like.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, my actor friend of mine, who was an actor
when she was very young, also child actor, shared with
me that when she was a kid, her mom said
this great thing when she wouldn't get rolls, she was
like her mom, her mom was like, it's like flavors
of ice cream. They just wanted strawberry and you're mint
(16:14):
chocolate chip. And it doesn't mean that you're any less
than or not as good. They just wanted They wanted strawberry,
and you're the most delicious, awesome, best version of mint
chocolate chip. Totally, but that's that's not what they wanted.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
That's like that Dita Antees quote where she's like, some
people just you could be the juiciest, ripest peach, and
some people just don't like peaches, which also always makes
me think of that thing that he says in Face Off.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Where he's like I could eat a peacher.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Sorry, Nicholas Cage we're the greatest actors of our generation. Okay,
all right, next one, you read the next one, you
read the next one.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Okay, okay, okay, hold on, all right, Stephanie, Melissa and
the more better Team. I just listened to the latest episode,
and I am so grateful that you chose to answer
my question about boundaries. Ooh, this is a a Oh
my god?
Speaker 4 (17:15):
What is? What are words? Anyway?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
It was actually good timing because a couple of weeks
after I sent this, I tried to set a boundary
with someone at work who tends to take advantage of
my resourcefulness, politeness, and patience, and it backfired. They've since
been super petty. Oh shit, you both were right. Setting
boundaries is so hard, and in my experience, especially hard
to do in the workplace side. Anyway, it was validating
(17:41):
to hear you both confirm it was a challenge for
you too. Sometimes we're all a work in progress, hugs,
looping loop same.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Side.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
But I still believe even when it backfires, like their,
their pettiness is because you set a boundary, and it's
like about them, it's not about you. Unfortunately, that pettiness
is like going to disturb your peace and still like,
but I think you.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Just have to like hold to it, and I don't know.
Have some try to have some fun with their pettiness
if you can.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That sucks so hard, though, I'm so sorry that's so hard.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Can you pet them? Can you match their pettiness?
Speaker 4 (18:25):
I don't know where you.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Work, but like, can you listen to this super loud
on your little like tiny speaker at your desk, and like.
Speaker 8 (18:33):
I'm sorry they were being a child about you setting
a boundary. They probably have never had anyone set a
boundary in their entire life because they're used to be
walking all over people.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That's so weird that that that person that wrote in
his name Lupin, I have name Lupin. You're petty, more Better,
More Better, Okay, dear Stephanie Melissa, and my name is
girt Jan and I live in the Netherlands. Netherlands. I
(19:03):
said girt Jan really well, though, Okay, now try to
pronounce my name. Ha ha ha, girl, I couldn't pronounce Netherlands. Okay,
we're gonna call you GJ. I really enjoyed it. Listening
to your podcast More Better quickly became my favorite pod
to listen to your elaiers. Oh that's so sweet. I
was deeply touched by your final episode. Stephanie. Thank you
for your honesty about your skin issues. I'm forty one
(19:24):
now and I've had serious skin troubles too in my
late teen years and twenties, and even though it's been
a long time, it still has its impact today. I
felt really insecure back then, and it still feels like
a scar that won't heal easily. I don't talk about
it often, so it was nice to listen to someone
who was dealing with the same issues. Don't worry, I'm
doing great now. I'm happy and have a beautiful family. Hey,
my question for you is how do you get more
(19:46):
better at dealing with insecurities from the past. Thank you
and keep up the good work. Girt Jan GJ, GJ
great question.
Speaker 4 (20:00):
And try You're like nope, no.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
GJ, No, I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Go Yeah, I mean there, it's like it's it's for
me passing securities. Those are all my triggers, right, like
the like the ship that comes out of nowhere where
you're just like, why am I triggered by that? And
then it's like, oh, right, because I used to feel
really shitty about this back in the day.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Yeah, And it's it's I think when it blindsides me
and I get like very uh anxious or just regulated,
and you know, and then I don't really know why
I'm feeling that way, and like it takes me a
minute to feel like to put together the pieces of like, oh,
(20:48):
this is something I used.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
To really struggle with, right, and I've moved and even
though I've done the work and I've probably and I've grown,
and it is, like GJ said, where it's it's it
is a still scar that you carry around with you.
And scars can be fucked with sometimes sometimes stars can
be ripped back open. And it's I think it's always
(21:16):
the moment where I where I make the connection that oh,
this is, you know, whatever the body issues or the
I used to like change my outfits a million times
before school because I thought everything looked terrible on me.
And like sometimes even as an adult, I'll you be
getting ready for something and I'm and it's not about
(21:37):
what I'm wearing. I'm anxious about something about the event
that manifests into me changing my clothes at gazillion times.
And it's just like some expression of anxiety and until
I like take some deep breaths and like usually I
have to like get present because I'm not present right,
I'm thinking about the thing that I'm scared to do
(21:57):
or the thing that I'm walking into. And when I
like pull myself back into the present moment and I'm like, Okay,
this is not about what I actually look like, or
or even if it is, it's like, Okay, well, what
what in my closet do I love wearing how but
I just wear something that makes me feel really good
or really comfortable or you know whatever, and just this
(22:21):
is actually all about that I'm anxious about this thing
that I'm about to do or that I'm about to
walk into, and like let me deal with that, yeah,
and not you know, not this like because I'm not
insecure anymore in that way, it's just like an old
habit kind of like spreading.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
I don't know, that's kind of like it's like it's
with it.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
It's kind of like you're saying, sometimes it feels like
it's something from the past, or like because you're dealing
with something new, the past thing kind of like comes
up and like.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Is right, It's like old habits we're big yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, And it's like just and it's always I
find when I have those moments of past and securities
coming up, it's usually like about something else and I
have to check in and figure out, like what what
is the thing that's actually pulling at me? Because I
(23:17):
know I've done the work to get past this insecurity.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I usually know when it's an insecurity about the past.
New ones surprise surprised me all the time, but the
past ones, it's a lot of reminding myself like I
already did this, already know this. Let me just like
go through the whole movie of what this is, the
whole movie of what this is. Is that I used
(23:43):
to be this and now I feel this about this
and so like yeah, what did I used to be?
And what am I now? And is it? And it's
like I examine what's around it, you know, Like I'm
going to an event and there's going to be you know,
people there that I want to work with, but I'm
how to talk to people, you know, which is like
(24:04):
that that's not going to make or break out unless
you like, you know, punch somebody in the neck or something.
So like it's okay, it's okay. You know, there's like
a it's like parenting yourself a little bit, Like yeah,
even insecurities, it's like.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Howbody, it's okay, It's okay.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, Like even if you mess up and say something dumb, like,
it's okay. Like most people aren't looking at that, and
if they are, they're not looking at it for very long,
you know, Like so you have a pimple, Okay, yep,
that sucks. I mean this we're talking about, like, you know,
(24:47):
our own insecurities or whatever, and like listen, like uh,
gret Jan said, acne is a big struggle. It can
be really really intense. But like in general, past insecurities,
how do you I get more better at dealing with them?
It's like what Melissa said, trying to be aware, really
(25:07):
trying to tune into like the awareness of like what's
this about? Why am I all? Why am I freaking out?
You know? And if I know what it's about telling
myself like you can do this, you can you can
handle this. You're not going to punch anybody in the
neck unless they mouth off.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
So yeah, yeah, it's usually a moment for like right,
like a some type of affirmation like and just being
really kind to yourself and like, yeah, giving yourself space
to be Like I.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
Mean, we all, fuck, we all have those moments.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
We've all punched somebody in the neck.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, have you not?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I would punch I would There's a short list of
people that I would actually punch in the neck, and
I would like, oh yeah, like I'm talking like I.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
Would collapse, trickya.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Thumb out, like I'm okay with my mom if it
really gets up in there and does some damage anyway,
next question.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
I gots so violent?
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Hi, Sevanie, Melissa. I wanted to write to let you
know how much the Heartbreak episode helped me. Oh that
was a that was a deep one. I'm currently going
through a divorce, and even though it's the right thing
for us and our daughter, I feel I still feel
sadness at the loss of what we had, especially the
marriage being twelve years and the relationship being fourteen. We're
(26:31):
still friends and co parent very well and doing things together,
such as attending indiecar races with our daughter when we
did like we did when we were married. Is this true?
We are continuing these this year, starting in May, because
we want our daughter to know that we are still
a team, even if it looks different now.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Good for you. That's amazing. Even though this is probably
the best case.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Scenario for a divorce, it's still hard, especially when important
dates come up or events that we would ordinarily go
to together we now do alone. In October, I went
to a family reunion and was binging episodes on the
way there. This was the first event with my extended
family I was going to alone, and the first time
I told my family about the divorce besides my parents
(27:17):
and sister. I was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions
the whole weekend, and then started thinking and starting about
starting over in life. I listened to the Heartbreak episode
on my way home and started to cry because what
you were saying was exactly how I had been feeling
about my situation. You helped me realize the way I
was feeling was normal and valid. When a relationship that
(27:38):
was important ends, I feel seen. I just want to
thank you for helping me see that.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Ben.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Oh my god, Ben, I barely got through reading that
I started why.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
I'm so thank you so much for writing in and
like sharing that with us. That's really vulnerable and honest
and nice of you. To take the time to do that.
That's really lovely.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Yeah, and I'm really happy for.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
You and your partner that you found a path forward
that's you know, good for You're going to be so
good for your daughter, and I think good for the
both of you. But it's incredibly hard to do. And
so just like, pat yourself on the back and let
yourself feel proud about that.
Speaker 4 (28:22):
That's you're being very.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Adult and mature and evolved approaching it as a team,
and so braba, it looks it's us, all of it.
It's too hard, it's not. It's yeah, but we're sending
(28:44):
you up to love. Yeah, all right, the next one
before I start crying, Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Hi, Stephanie, Melissa. I just wanted to say I'm a
huge fan of both of you, Brooklyn nine nine. It
has been such a comfort and inspiration in my life.
I wanted to ask your perspective on something. I'm in
my early twenties and for a long time I've had
a specific goal in mind for my future, something I've
worked hard for and tied a lot of my identity to.
But lately, as I've grown and changed, I'm finding I
might want something different. Feels like there's this pressure to
(29:21):
stay committed to the path I chose years ago, as
of changing my mind means I've failed. Either of you
experienced something like that, wanting something new after chasing a
dream for so long? How do you navigate those feelings
and make peace with your shifting direction. Thanks so much
for taking the time to read this, sending love and gratitude.
I'm excited to continue to see your new projects as
they released. Thanks Vanessa, Love Vanessa, and sheered a little
(29:43):
emoji hearts. Love an emoji heart.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Vanessa in your early twenties, girl, not your mind. Not
to discount you, but not to discount but you.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Know, as as a quick Taale, I will say, I
never ever thought that I would be a person who
got married or had children. I was pretty dead set
on I'm you know not I'm. I could be single,
I could be partnered up, but I don't want anybody's
finances tied to my own. And I want the freedom
of a life that I choose for myself and nobody else's.
(30:24):
You know, nothing is, nothing is dependent on me, and
I'm doing whatever I want to do. And I changed
my mind. I had a goal and for my life,
and I I tied a lot of my identity to
being like I'm gonna not have kids and and and
that's fine like for some people. But I changed my mind,
(30:47):
and I changed it pretty late, and I was really
scared about like how it was going to affect my career,
how it was going to affect my relationship, how's going
to affect my friendships, how was gonna affect my body,
I was going to affect my brain, and how I
was going to affect the person the new person. But
(31:07):
I would say go for it, like I mean, if
you really are feeling that strongly about it, Like what
does Mary Oliver say? This is your one beautiful life.
I'm gonna look up the quote you talk melissa'm'na look
up this quote.
Speaker 6 (31:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I mean I think any age, any stage in life,
if we feel that pull towards something. And I understand
the like identity part because this is not the same.
But I in my early twenties, I was like, I
am a New Yorker. I will never leave New York.
New York is my identity. New York, New Jersey is
(31:44):
my identity. This is where I grew up, This is
where I belong, This is where I'll be till the
end of my days.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
And I had a whole I was like, I'm I'm
going to work in theater. I'm going to teach at
some point. Maybe I'm going to like teach it at college.
Like I had a whole idea of myself.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I was like, every time I saw those little older
biddies at the theater, I was like, that's going to
be me, with my giant jewelry and my flowy shirts
and my comfortable shoes, still getting to a thousand steps
a day.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
This is going to be me.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
And then we up and moved and then I started
working in television, which was took me away from theater
and it couldn't get theater auditions anymore.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
And then we moved to LA and I kind of
went kicking and screaming. But then.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
Like all these amazing things happened and this like whole
new chapter of my life started And my kids are
Angela little Angelino's and I love my life like and
I love La and like especially recently seeing the city
kind of stand up and.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
I've been so proud of it. And so.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Even though I still feel like such an East Coast
girl in a lot of ways and not like you know,
a real like la person like I love. What I'm
trying to say is like, eventually, if if you stay
open and if you move with change, only good can
come of it. If you stay stuck, especially if you
(33:25):
feel pulled towards something else. Yeah, because out of obligation
or because this is who I am, or this is
how people know me, because I have to achieve.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
I have to achieve.
Speaker 4 (33:35):
I have to achieve. Who cares.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's like the equivalent of just like walking down a
hallway and just like shutting all the other doors and
windows and just like continually walk to like this one
door even though you have no idea what's behind that door,
you know what I mean, as opposed to like just
opening all the doors and seeing what's behind them. And
so you're just I think, shutting off opportunity. You're you're
(33:57):
shutting off surprises, You're shutting off and you know, And
I only brought up the age thing because it's like
this is the time to like try shit out, try
it out. This thing that's like calling you try it out.
If it doesn't work out, you can change your mind again.
You can change your mind a million times. You can
keep changing your mind. I still change my mind.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, yeah, I mean at this point when I'm, you know,
in my eighties, I do believe I will be getting
botox in my forehead. But I could change my mind
there in the retirement home. I might be like, no,
I don't care.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
I okay.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So that quote that I was going to say. The
poem is from the Summer Day by Mary Oliver. Have
you ever read it, Melsa, No, you've probably heard the
end of it. It's pretty sure.
Speaker 4 (34:48):
Okay, who made who?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
This is not a poem reading this is not a
poetry slam. I'm going to go through this. I'm not
going to act at you, guys. I'm just going to
say the words boom, who made the world, Who made
the swan and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean, the one who's flung herself out
of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out
of my hand, who's moving her jaws back and forth
(35:11):
instead of up and down, who is gazing around with
her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale
forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her
wings open and floats away. I don't know exactly what
a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention,
how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel
down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed,
how to stroll through the fields, which is what I've
(35:33):
been doing all day. Tell me what else should I
have done? Doesn't everything die at last and too soon?
Tell me what is it you plan to do with
your one wild and precious life.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Great?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
I love that you don't have to like run towards
this thing of those gold this thing whatever. She's just like,
bro Like, I joke about it all the time, and
I'm always like, we're all to die someday. And that
is my very like nihilistic sort of like. But it's
not because this is it.
Speaker 5 (36:07):
This is the this is it.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You know, if you're doing something that you're like, oh, no,
I was gonna be a whatever. I've been watching a
lot of sex in the city, so I'm like pr
Samantha Jones. PR been working to be a pr mamen
your whole life, and now suddenly you want to be
a gardener. Okay, obviously there's logistic, but go be a gardener,
(36:32):
even if you have to do it, like in your
hobby time like coke, do whatever you want.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
It's life is too short, life is too unpredictable. Life
is too precious. Yes, if you have a calling, if
you have something you want to do or explore, fucking
do it.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
I'm gonna do it. This is gossip, but do you
want to hear so it's related?
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Yeah, it's okay, so so excited, you.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Know, like you know, oh, okay, I'm trying to figure
out how to say this in a way where like
no one will find out who I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
But okay.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
There was a very high profile couple that had a
very large wedding and professed a lot of their It's
like it's like it was like such a big show
of like we love each other so much, we love
each other, we love each other, we love each other,
(37:32):
we love each other. And then they met a divorce
and like part of me thinks, like was there a
point where they were like part of me knows that
there was a point where like this is actually like
now I'm going to relate it to somebody I know
who said to me, he's like an old friend and
he was like when she was walking down the aisle
(37:53):
like not but his wife or his ex wife X
when she was walking down the aisle, he was like,
oh shit, this is a mistake. And he went through
with it, and like I guess, like I get it
into like you know.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Very getting like on the day when there's like like
ribes vibes.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Did you not know it beforehand?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Like you did?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
You probably did maybe like hit really hard that day
or something.
Speaker 4 (38:21):
Yeah, but like I just know it and all the
mornings before when we woke.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Up, we're gonna do stay married to that person like forever,
like we're gonna do like this.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Anyway is says good luck, good luck on that edit.
You could just sleep it all in. It's fine, more better, Okay,
what did we learned today, Melissa? Besides my inside gossip
about what did we learn today? Melissa?
Speaker 4 (38:53):
Uh, well, we learned.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I'm never going to get cast in one of our movies.
It's fine.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
What did we learn?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
We learned? We learned that we have awesome, amazing fans
to write very lovely voice notes and emails to us
and very sweet and selfishly personally, my ego needed all
those compliments today, So thank you, thank you so much,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Yeah, and I like these.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I like these mail bag little episodes. I think we're
going to do more of them this season. That's what
I We're to do more of these this season because
they're fun.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
They're fun, they're really fun, and like they let us
know what you guys are like really connecting to and
also what you're interested in. Yeah, and they just make
us feel like we're getting to know you guys. Yes,
that's nice, So keith those coming. Also, please send us
a voice note, send us.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
An email, because we're going to do more of these
episodes where we go through a bunch of messages as
many as we can and send us topic.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, Rate
review and subscribe.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
It really helps us rate review and subscribe.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
MELSA, Do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
I always feel more and better? Do you feel more better?
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I feel like I need a snack, but other than
though I need too Pretty great? Yeah, great, I'll say
next next time, see.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
You next time.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Bye, bye, more and more better.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have
you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us
your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot
com and include a voice note if you want to
be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie
Melissa is a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura
(40:47):
podcast network, hosted by Me, Steffie Beatrice, and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zagos.
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Fumero alone
with Wilmar Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound
and ISIS Madrid. This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid
and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by
(41:09):
Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our cover art is by
Vincent Remis and photography by David Abolos. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. See you next week's
buck Us. Bye
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!