July 4, 2024 • 33 mins
This week we’re talking about S-E-X. What does owning *your* sexuality mean to you? Reading fairy smut? Wearing some really hot hot shorts and feeling good hot to go? Exploring BDSM? Sex in public? Or are you a little bit prude? All things go and all things welcome this week as Stephanie and Melissa have THE sex talk.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Listen. If any of you out there are into making music,
please send us your sample with Melissa saying sato mascoism
over it.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Oh my god, please, it would make my day.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We will play it on the pod.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We promise more Better, More Better, More.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Welcome to more Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together and embrace the journey of
becoming a little more better every day.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I mean we're trying to that's Melissa for marrow Melissa.
That's Melissa, and that's the beats. Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
If you didn't know, now you know, that's what you're
gonna get today on this podcast. We're hanging on by
a thread, like just off you probably are treading water. Yeah,
that's we're doing great. We both have coffee. My coffee
of choice is iced. Melissa is doing what I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Doing, espresso in a little tiny cup with some honey.
So it's like my slightly healthier version of a Cuban coffee.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Oh god, not five tablespoons of sugar.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Is that what you're doing? That's more better this week?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
That's what I'm doing more better in this moment right now.
The rest of the week is not really a more
better situation.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Oh, got it.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What have you been doing lately? It's more better, Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I mean I've been trying to go to pilates. Oh
you know, I'm trying. That's a big one, Lotties. Yeah,
it's you know, the studio that I go to doesn't
have a mirror, which is great because I'm not looking
not myself, but I am looking at other people, so
it can be very I'm trying to go and just
have the experience of like being in my body and
(02:07):
trying really hard. But I'm like equal parts distracted by
everyone's beautiful bodies and also very competitive. So like the
person next to me on the reformer next to me,
I'm like constantly, like I can see them out of
the corner of my eyes, so I'm like trying to
do better than they are, you know. Yeah, yeah, well
I feel like you understand this.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I do because that's the pro and con of going
to classes. I like going to classes because I feel
like I get because I'm also competitive, and then I
feel like I get more motivated than when I'm by myself,
Like I push myself harder, right, but then also you're trying, yeah,
not to compare. It's like this weird double edged sword
(02:50):
thing that's happening.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
M M.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I find by myself, I will, I will work out sometimes,
but if I'm in a class, if I'm gonna class,
I'm like this, this costs twenty something dollars. I gotta
but you know I'm getting every single Yeah, I got
a sweat, you know what I mean? Like this was expensive.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I got a sweat. I gotta stay till the end.
The end.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I'm going hard.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Baby. When I'm by myself, I'm like, eh, that was enough.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Sets.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I know I do that. Dude, I'm gonna skip the
last five minutes today.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
She was like, do the blue spring. If you want
to challenge, if you need it to be less light,
you could use the red spring. And I was like,
it's a blue spring for me immediately, like blue spring
or whatever. I might have those backwards, but yeah, so
that's what I'm trying to do. That's more better.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
That's a good one, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
And again it is distracting. It's distracting to look at
everybody's hot bods. Yeah, it's why I don't want to gym.
I know.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I hate I hate working out in a gym.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I just had to do it when I was out
a town in the hotel gym, and every time there
were people in there, I was just.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Like, fuck, it's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I can't do it like gay, it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I think maybe I'm a little bit prude about people.
I'm not sure more better.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So, on today's episode, we're going to be talking about
owning your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Well, if you have kids in the car, if you're
listening to this with kids or preteens, this is not
child appropriate, it's not preteen appropriate. Just say turn it
off now, you know it's adults only for this combo
only because we're talking about sex stuff and it's not rude.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I'm so rude about it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Oh, I mean I think I I Yeah, I am too.
I'm sweating.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I'm already sweating and we haven't even started yet. Yeah,
and I'm just gonna be giggling like a non adult person.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Oh god, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Why did we choose.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
This, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Because we're trying to challenge ourselves.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know what, that's the thing It's like I remember
watching Sex and the City and being like wow because
at the time, yeah, I was living in New York
and like, you know, in my twenties, like, oh my god,
people are talking about women having sex, are talking about
orgasms and blow jobs and like and and you know, uh, contraception.
(05:34):
It was a revelation. It was at the time. It
was wild because no one had ever talked about it
on TV, not in that way. And like they all
had different sexual partners and like multiple different kinds of
sexual partners and like and very rich fulfilling ish sex
lives and like, I don't know, I guess I thought it.
I was like, oh, well, I guess as I grow
(05:55):
into my thirties, I'll get more and more comfortable with
my sexuality. And it did like a kind of I
mean I kind of did I don't know, did it
happen for you were like, yeah, I'm like in control
of this part of my life.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
No, I mean.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
I definitely remember being very influenced by that show and yeah,
watching it and going, oh my god, like, nobody is
shaming these women. They're they're not shaming themselves. They don't
feel bad, like you know, which it was kind of
holding a mirror up to like, right, I think all
the the pressures or opinions that I didn't even know
(06:41):
I had about my sexuality or other people's sexuality or
being loud about sexuality.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Right, Like that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Was the show was perfect, But there were no there
were great things.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
It was just at the time, at that particular time,
there was nothing like it. And it was kind of
the first show to do that in a way that
loudly and yeah and then I yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I don't Sometimes as we were like prepping
this episode, I was like, what is owning your sexuality?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I mean, the super cheesy answer is that it's different
for everybody, right, But like I think for me, for me,
part of it was coming out as by That was
part of it, but also was it was like embracing
a little bit of my own you know, like I
am a little prude, Like I'm not always comfortable when
there's like a lot of like sexy talk going on
(07:41):
with everybody, you know. I for me, I want to
kind of keep it between me and my partner.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That being said, I'm really loving this advent in all
of the smut books that's happening right now because I
love them. I think they're so hilarious. The fairy smut,
Oh my god, I love it so much. Have you
read any No, what is you not real? This is
a trend?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
No, my god.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Okay, So my hairdresser she was like, oh, I'm reading
this series right now. It's called I think it's called
a Court of Thorns and Roses.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Aqatar, I'm in. I'm already in.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
It's this fantasy series where the first one is kind
of loosely based around I think it's kind of loosely
based on the Beauty and the Beast tale, and it's
this young woman who like is like her family's starving
and she has to go and hunt in the woods
and there's there's wolves in the woods and they may
or may not be magical wolves that maybe turn into
(08:39):
hot men. Like it goes on from there. I mean
it's very sexy. There's like a lot of like build up.
I would say, like, uh, literary foreplay. Yeah, And to me,
so that's it. That, to me is the really interesting
thing about those books, right Like, I think one of
the things that gets forgotten about female sexuality specifically is
(09:04):
that and I can't speak for everybody, but I need
to like build up to this this moment of like
whatever it's gonna be. Yes, It's not like I can
just flip it on and off like a switch for me.
Other people might be able to do that, but I can't.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
And so, like, I think that's common for a lot
of women.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I mean, I guess that depends on the person.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I think.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, I think some people are like in a very
horny stage in their life and they don't need that.
They don't need that.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
There's like, let's go right away.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I'm like backstage of the horny stage, you know what
I mean, Like yeah, and stage they're like really jamming out.
I am backstage in the bowels of the the backstage area,
I mean like in the in the holding room with
like you know what I mean. I'm on the couch
in the VIP room with a heated blanket on my lap,
(09:58):
in the green room of the theater next door, cocktail
in my hand.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I get that. I get that.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
That being said, those books are there horny and they're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Highly recommend, highly recommend you guys.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'm gonna get me some fairy smut.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Books Melissa talk to me about. Okay, So I just
want to preface this by saying, I remember when we
were in the beginning of Brooklyn nine nine and we
were all doing our You had a friend that was
(10:36):
like doing our star charts or whatever.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Oh yeah, we were shooting a Halloween episode and we
were waiting around for like eight hours to get one sequence,
and my friend Dan shout out, Dan did all of
our birth charts.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I don't remember anything about mine, but I remember someone
who will remain nameless. I will not. I will not.
But they were like, oh, something about their chart, and
they said, oh, that explains why me and my partner
were so horny when we first got together. And you
(11:14):
were like, oh, yeah, that explains mine too. And I
was like, oh, I don't remember that because at that
point I knew I knew David too, and I was like,
I don't want to think about my friends having sex.
The mom and dad don't have sex.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
But I thought it was.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Really interesting that, like you were just like totally okay
saying that at work, but it was about your husband,
you know, So like right, I don't know, did that
was that a part of it or did you really
feel like in in your own sexuality before you met
David Well.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I met David really young, and so I think, yeah,
there was you guys were young twenty two, I know,
and I think that I was a little bit in
a phase of I get, not discovering my sexual.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
But maybe like exploring, I guess, or just.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
H a feeling myself. I guess I was very very
prude in high school and like half half of college.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Of college.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
And then I will say I did have one experience
in college. I did a show in college and it
was Andrew Lippa's The Wild Party. Oh yeah, amazing, incredible score.
If you, I mean, if you've never heard it, get it,
listen to it. We did that show and in that show,
in the middle of the show, the climax of the show,
there's like an orgy that happens. And so this was
(12:41):
like third year of college. They're doing this musical. I audition.
I get in and it was all very respectful. It
was some people got naked on stage during that scene,
and there was I know.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
And I played. I did not. I got down to bron.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Undi's which was a big deal for me, and then
I played this character Jackie who's a dancer and has
no tongue so like can't talk, like.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
She's mute.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Basically in the Broadway musical it was a man, but
I played the role in this production, and so and
Jackie has a solo dance number after the orgy, while
like everyone's passed down around the stage, she has this
like moment and does this dance solo. So I also
like couldn't be naked because of that, but I did
a dance solo and like underwear, and also like the
(13:36):
choreography there was like simulated sex kind of moves and
the choreography and just being around naked bodies and dead
it us. So it was like this incredible experience. Half
of my best friends were in the show with me,
the whole cast. We all got very very close. It
was a great group of people. And something about doing
that show just I think made me feel for the
(14:01):
first time really accepting of my body. I think I
was also like coming out of an ugly phase with
body and like insecurities.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
And it was a really.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Empowering moment where I felt, I mean also like let's
be real, like I was dancing so much of the time,
like I was in such good fucking shape. But still
had my friend Vernon Shade in ebs before each show
because I was self conscious about my stomach and I
was like, can you just bronze this bitch up?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
And he did.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Go And but and I think experiencing my friends, the
ones who did get naked, and like, because everybody there
was nobody that was like, yeah, I'll get nude. It
was like a journey for everyone. You know, everyone was
scared to do it. Everybody was it was nerve wracking.
Everyone was really supportive.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
After that, I just was like more confident, like more open,
more like sexuality is beautiful and like owning your body
is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
And yeah, it was like such a powerful experience.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
And and and it's and it's like a queer show too,
and it just was all the things, you know, and
it was just like, yeah, this is this is life.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
It's not black and white.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's colorful, it's flavorful, it's all the things.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And yeah, and then.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It's such an incredibly healthy, it really was healthy experience
that's crazy amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Through like a creative expression.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Yeah, and so and I met David maybe four years
after that experience. You're like demn and then came along,
and then David came along. No, but I I you know,
and I remember when I met David having like we
we fell in.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Love, like very very quickly.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It was like very whirlwind and it got there was
a moment where I was that was scary, and I
just I think I even said something like I'm only twenty,
like I'm young, and like this feels really serious and
I don't know if I want to be serious, like
I want to have fun and be crazy, and I
don't know, have experiences. And his response was just like okay,
(16:23):
well we can do that together. And I was like, okay,
it's so real though, Like it's so real. There's two
schools that thought about it, right. There's like one school
of thought which is like.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Oh, I want to have the same partner forever and ever,
and that's the only person I ever want to have
sex with, right, yeah, And then there's another school of
thoughts that's like you should have different experiences so you.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Know what you like.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But like, right, you know, there is a little bit
of a meeting of those both of those things for you,
Like you just said, like we can try all those
things together. It's more like, can we grow together?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Yeah, exactly, And I think because we've grown together, Like me,
it's it's been an experience of like being in.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
A partnership for so so long.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
There's a lot of empowerment in that, you know, and
a lot of like growth and and like knowing.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Exactly what each other likes and all that.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Is.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm sorry, sorry, No, I'm just kidding. No.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I think I think you're right though, Like I think
that's that's been unexpected for me, you know, like yeah
that uh oh, I started sweating again.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Oh it's so hard. It's so hard to talk about
this stuff. Like it's funny too, is it. You think
it's going to be easy with your friends? And like
with some friends, I.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Do think it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's like hmm, you can sort of joke about it
or whatever, but at least for me, it again like
I can talk about it, but there's parts of it
that I only want to talk about with him, you know. Yeah,
And I think that's like totally fine.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I mean I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I remember, uh, when I first started dating Brad, someone
close to him was like, but don't you have like
multiple partners? And I was like, well, just because I'm bisexual.
It doesn't mean polyamorous.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yeah, those are two different things that some people are
by and polyamorous.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
But THENA there's anything I would imagine And I don't
know if anybody's listening and they are polyamorous, tell us,
because I'm so curious, Like you must have to be
like super open and communicative with all of your partners
about what you like, right, or maybe it's like with
this partner, I do this, and with this partner I
do that, and that's sort of how I keep it
(18:48):
keep them separated. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yes, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I personally would be so stressed out by that situation,
too much of a people pleaser to handle.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
That I could never. Never, I would never My calendar
would just be a fucking mess. Like I could barely
keep my dentist appointment straight.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Like I know, like I can't keep boning appointments straight
and it's.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Not gonna all, know, are you kidding?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I think the other interesting thing when we talk about
all these different topics and just the idea of owning
your sexuality and like another thing that I've is like
it's it's a spectrum too, do you know what I mean?
Like I think that it's not so black and white.
And I when I had that realization for myself, it
was just like, I don't know, just just I don't
(19:33):
know why people get so well wait, wait, let me
not say like that. It's about to sound like so
judgy and.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Oh what were you gonna say?
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Uh? Listen, I was about to be like, why do.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
People get so hung up and like what people.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Like or don't like or like, you know, everybody gets
there though, like we're all so hung up on what
other people like. Yeah, you know, Americans are pretty prude
in general, Like I don't know, I mean, and we're
nosy as but we're so nosy. We're like what are
you doing over there?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
We're so nosy?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
But then also like clutching pearls. Dah you yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
More. That made me think of when you were talking
about the Wild Party and made me think of when
I was in New York when I was in my twenties,
and I remember the first time that I ever asked
a dude out was this guy at a party that
(20:35):
I went to. His name was Tim. He was very tall,
and I think we got each other's cell phone numbers
and the back when you'd say cell phone, can I
have your cell phone number as your phone number? And
now it's all one. And I asked him to go
to the Museum of Sex. Do you remember the Museum
of Sex in New York. Yes, it had like just
opened or something, and he was so flabbercast so that
(20:58):
I wanted to go there, and I got super cool,
Like I was like, oh, she's so cool. Meanwhile, I
was like shitting my pants that we were going there.
I was very nervous about it, but it was also
to me, it was like a clear sign that like,
hey man, I'm interested in doing this with you because
I'm taking you to this museum. So we're gonna like
(21:18):
talk about and look about look at sexy stuff. We're
gonna learn stuff and look at sexy stuff, my two
favorite things. Probably then we're gonna have sex and then
we're gonna have sex. And when we were there, I
remember it being rude. It was bold. I was you
know what's funny is like, now that I think about it,
I am way more prude now than I was in
(21:39):
my twenties, because in my twenties I was like whoa,
And now I'm like, WHOA, No, I do that?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Why do you think that is?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I think when you are a younger woman, you're like,
I'm sexual and free, and like there's a certain amount
of like power that can come with that, and and
like this in a freedom that you're feeling for maybe
the first time. Yeah, and then somewhere in there you
can start to feel like, oh, I don't know if
(22:09):
I'm in control of that. I feel like I'm in
control of elements, but I'm actually not sure that I'm
in in in control. So like, yeah, there's a sort
of give and take and back and forth and like
there's no you know, it's hard, Like I remember with
an X one time. I feel like I've told you
this story, but like one time, I had this pair
(22:31):
of hot shorts that were now for the kids. Hot
shorts are very very small shorts. They're very teensy. They're
usually made out of short corduroy. Yeah, they're short shorts.
The dukes they were pink. They were really really cute.
They were made out of stretched corduroy, so they fit
me like a glove. Yeah, And I loved them. I
would wear them all summer with like my little wedges,
(22:54):
my little quirkys wedges, And I had a partner who
was like, why do you have those shorts? It's like
to feel great in them. I feel phenomenal in them.
This was in my mid twenties, and they were like,
why do you need everyone looking at you? And I
was like, I don't. I like took it as a
personal like challenge of like, I don't need everyone looking
(23:16):
at me, but really it was that person trying to
control Yeah, the response to me in those shorts, right, yeah,
But that's the thing. It's like, the response is whatever
you wear. The response is whatever it's going to be, right,
like it's but I was choosing to wear those shorts
because I felt great in them, and I knew my
legs looked great, like yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that.
(23:39):
But I was made to feel like there was something
wrong with that, which I think is why I express
a lot of my sexualities expressed through clothing, and like
that's why it shifts so much all the time. Like
some days I'm in like a really little like tight something,
you know, mini whatever, and then other times I'm like
very very very like dressing for the sort of what
(24:04):
do they call it? The girl I, you know, which
is like big giant jeans and a big oversized shirt
and like very cool shoes or something.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, when I think about owning my sexuality, it's also
like comfortable in your body and like, yeah, having those
moments it definitely took, not until I don't think I
It was very like on and off for me in
my twenties of like that same thing, you know, wearing
something with like cleavage and having usually a dude say
(24:34):
some comment about like oh why you know, like what's
up with that.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
You're dressing up for?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Are you dressing up for? And it's like, I'm dressing
up for myself. But when you're younger, you're just like, oh, oh,
you know those like auto horrible things that boys say
to you that, yeah, and like there is something amazing
about like just like you said, wearing those hot shorts,
wearing the low cut thing, like just for yourself because
(25:02):
you feel fucking great and you know you're gonna walk
into a room and walk in with confidence because what
you're wearing, and it's and it's not even really what
you're wearing, it's just like I feel good in my body,
feeling how I feel today.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I'm in my body. I'm not commenting on my body.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Uh And those moments I think kind of go hand
in hand with just yeah, every you know your sexuality,
you're you know how you are with your partner, just
like everything that means all connected.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But it's tricky.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Tricky is the word. We're gonna come back to a
lot in this podcast. If you want to, if you're
not driving and you want to just do a drinking game.
And every time we say tricky, you just take a
little sip. Just take a little sip, go right ahead.
The thing that I think, like I'm excited about for uh,
I guess the future is that like I can tell
(25:54):
that the kids that are younger than us are doing
this differently agree, you know what I mean? Like I
can I can see that like gen Z is being
smarter or or I don't even know, more better than us,
more better.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Who I think, more open, I think more you know,
accepting more.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Uh my god.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I just love how they're all online with like whatever
body they're in and just like wearing whatever they want, yes,
fantastic while they're doing it. And all of them are gay,
I mean not all of them, but like so many
of them are queer. It's so nice.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Yeah, it's like gen Z is a very large percentage
identify as queer, which again I think goes back to
like that idea that like sexuality is a spectrum, and
I think that they're kind of the first generation to
sort of really understand that and like the least judge generation.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
That they're way less judgy of each other.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Which gives me a lot of hope.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, me too, especially having small kids, like, oh, maybe
when my kids are grown, this won't be as big.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
A as big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Like the my kid won't be in her forties. Being like,
I don't know, I'm prude about this, Yeah, which is
also fine. It's fine if you want to. It's totally
too It's okay to have a little prudeness. It's fine,
it's fine. Before we wrap it up, I have to Okay,
(27:23):
I'm just gonna ask you this point blank question. You
don't have to answer it. Do you have a sexual fantasy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Oh oh oh.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I was like, let's I mean, you don't have to
tell me.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
I will say this that the eight most common ones
I have them on a list.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Oh yeah, number.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Eight, Naking love and a romantic location. I mean that
feels basic. Number seven okay, S and M.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I have a big jump.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Big jump, big jump. Six sex with acquaintances, oh. Number
five having sex with total strangers. Number four is joining
a romp, enjoying a romp in public. That one for
me is actually that I would never, but it sounds awesome.
I was never in public never, But no, it sounds great,
(28:21):
but right, and maybe be like you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
I can't believe we're doing this. Yeah, here we are
in Pel's bookstore, just going at it in the stacks.
Number three sex with other women. Quote fifty nine percent
of women fantasize about sex with other women. No shit,
your lock, we're quantious, unsurprising. Number two a threesome. And
(28:44):
number one BDSM isn't any the same as S and M. No, No,
BDSM is like you know what, I don't engage in
either one of those, So I'm not an expert. We
could google it. Real paths isis Do you want to
(29:04):
google it and tell us the difference between BDSM and
SM and watch your algorithms change? Do you want to
just watch your entire Google search shift dressmatically the way.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
We have destroyed Isis's algorithms.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Oh my god, Hi, everyone producer isis here. So okay,
BDSM stands for bondage dominance and Sato masochism masochism.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Wait okay, so BDSM.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Yeah, okay, So the difference is BDSM is bondage dominance
and sato masochism and sm M is just sado masochism.
So satomasochism would be like whips, and the bondage and
dominance would be like chains. So one is both and
one is just one.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Oh okay, BDSM is bondage dominance and what sato masochism?
I get ready for the for the audio memes of
you doing that over some club music. Okay, bondage dominance,
(30:23):
sat o massochism. If listen, if any of you out
there are into making music, please sell with Melissa saying
sato masochism over it. We will play it on the pod.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
We promise.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
More better, Melissa. What did you learn today? She's crying, Melissa,
What did you learn today from this diskich?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh that it's hard to talk about sexuality, but that
also we should all extend your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Oh that's beautiful, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
What did you learn stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
You know what, I think. I learned that I'm not
quite as prude as I think I am.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I don't think you're prude at all.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
I think I I think I get in my head
about it and I get kind of nervy about it.
But I thank you. I don't think i'm I don't
think I'm very prude either. No, Wow, good for me.
I mean, if you're prude, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.
But it's also as prude as I think I am.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
I don't think. Yeah, do you feel more better? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I actually do feel a little more better.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I feel more better that this conversation's over.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Everybody, check out your local library and you know, just
in the off chance is a hot library, and maybe
just walk up to them and be like, hey, can
you point me in the direction of your smut? Check
out that fairy smut, check out that very smut. Okay,
we'll see you next time, see you next week. Bye,
more better. Do you have something you'd like to be
(32:07):
more better at that you want us to talk about
in a future episode?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and conclude a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WZ Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and
Melissa Fumera. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
(32:37):
and Leo Clem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by
Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original
music by Madison Davenport and Hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
See you next week, Sugas, bye mm hmmmm, Llo, Tokitomas
mahor
Listen. If any of you out there are into making music,
please send us your sample with Melissa saying sato mascoism
over it.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Oh my god, please, it would make my day.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We will play it on the pod.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
We promise more Better, More Better, More.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Welcome to more Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together and embrace the journey of
becoming a little more better every day.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I mean we're trying to that's Melissa for marrow Melissa.
That's Melissa, and that's the beats. Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
If you didn't know, now you know, that's what you're
gonna get today on this podcast. We're hanging on by
a thread, like just off you probably are treading water. Yeah,
that's we're doing great. We both have coffee. My coffee
of choice is iced. Melissa is doing what I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Doing, espresso in a little tiny cup with some honey.
So it's like my slightly healthier version of a Cuban coffee.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Oh god, not five tablespoons of sugar.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Is that what you're doing? That's more better this week?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
That's what I'm doing more better in this moment right now.
The rest of the week is not really a more
better situation.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Oh, got it.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
What have you been doing lately? It's more better, Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I mean I've been trying to go to pilates. Oh
you know, I'm trying. That's a big one, Lotties. Yeah,
it's you know, the studio that I go to doesn't
have a mirror, which is great because I'm not looking
not myself, but I am looking at other people, so
it can be very I'm trying to go and just
have the experience of like being in my body and
(02:07):
trying really hard. But I'm like equal parts distracted by
everyone's beautiful bodies and also very competitive. So like the
person next to me on the reformer next to me,
I'm like constantly, like I can see them out of
the corner of my eyes, so I'm like trying to
do better than they are, you know. Yeah, yeah, well
I feel like you understand this.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I do because that's the pro and con of going
to classes. I like going to classes because I feel
like I get because I'm also competitive, and then I
feel like I get more motivated than when I'm by myself,
Like I push myself harder, right, but then also you're trying, yeah,
not to compare. It's like this weird double edged sword
(02:50):
thing that's happening.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
M M.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
I find by myself, I will, I will work out sometimes,
but if I'm in a class, if I'm gonna class,
I'm like this, this costs twenty something dollars. I gotta
but you know I'm getting every single Yeah, I got
a sweat, you know what I mean? Like this was expensive.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I got a sweat. I gotta stay till the end.
The end.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I'm going hard.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Baby. When I'm by myself, I'm like, eh, that was enough.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Sets.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
I know I do that. Dude, I'm gonna skip the
last five minutes today.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
She was like, do the blue spring. If you want
to challenge, if you need it to be less light,
you could use the red spring. And I was like,
it's a blue spring for me immediately, like blue spring
or whatever. I might have those backwards, but yeah, so
that's what I'm trying to do. That's more better.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
That's a good one, you know.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
And again it is distracting. It's distracting to look at
everybody's hot bods. Yeah, it's why I don't want to gym.
I know.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I hate I hate working out in a gym.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I just had to do it when I was out
a town in the hotel gym, and every time there
were people in there, I was just.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Like, fuck, it's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I can't do it like gay, it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I think maybe I'm a little bit prude about people.
I'm not sure more better.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
So, on today's episode, we're going to be talking about
owning your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Well, if you have kids in the car, if you're
listening to this with kids or preteens, this is not
child appropriate, it's not preteen appropriate. Just say turn it
off now, you know it's adults only for this combo
only because we're talking about sex stuff and it's not rude.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
I'm so rude about it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Oh, I mean I think I I Yeah, I am too.
I'm sweating.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I'm already sweating and we haven't even started yet. Yeah,
and I'm just gonna be giggling like a non adult person.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Oh god, this is so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Why did we choose.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
This, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Because we're trying to challenge ourselves.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
You know what, that's the thing It's like I remember
watching Sex and the City and being like wow because
at the time, yeah, I was living in New York
and like, you know, in my twenties, like, oh my god,
people are talking about women having sex, are talking about
orgasms and blow jobs and like and and you know, uh, contraception.
(05:34):
It was a revelation. It was at the time. It
was wild because no one had ever talked about it
on TV, not in that way. And like they all
had different sexual partners and like multiple different kinds of
sexual partners and like and very rich fulfilling ish sex
lives and like, I don't know, I guess I thought it.
I was like, oh, well, I guess as I grow
(05:55):
into my thirties, I'll get more and more comfortable with
my sexuality. And it did like a kind of I
mean I kind of did I don't know, did it
happen for you were like, yeah, I'm like in control
of this part of my life.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
No, I mean.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
I definitely remember being very influenced by that show and yeah,
watching it and going, oh my god, like, nobody is
shaming these women. They're they're not shaming themselves. They don't
feel bad, like you know, which it was kind of
holding a mirror up to like, right, I think all
the the pressures or opinions that I didn't even know
(06:41):
I had about my sexuality or other people's sexuality or
being loud about sexuality.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Right, Like that.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Was the show was perfect, But there were no there
were great things.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
It was just at the time, at that particular time,
there was nothing like it. And it was kind of
the first show to do that in a way that
loudly and yeah and then I yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I don't Sometimes as we were like prepping
this episode, I was like, what is owning your sexuality?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Like what does that mean?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I mean, the super cheesy answer is that it's different
for everybody, right, But like I think for me, for me,
part of it was coming out as by That was
part of it, but also was it was like embracing
a little bit of my own you know, like I
am a little prude, Like I'm not always comfortable when
there's like a lot of like sexy talk going on
(07:41):
with everybody, you know. I for me, I want to
kind of keep it between me and my partner.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That being said, I'm really loving this advent in all
of the smut books that's happening right now because I
love them. I think they're so hilarious. The fairy smut,
Oh my god, I love it so much. Have you
read any No, what is you not real? This is
a trend?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
No, my god.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Okay, So my hairdresser she was like, oh, I'm reading
this series right now. It's called I think it's called
a Court of Thorns and Roses.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Aqatar, I'm in. I'm already in.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
It's this fantasy series where the first one is kind
of loosely based around I think it's kind of loosely
based on the Beauty and the Beast tale, and it's
this young woman who like is like her family's starving
and she has to go and hunt in the woods
and there's there's wolves in the woods and they may
or may not be magical wolves that maybe turn into
(08:39):
hot men. Like it goes on from there. I mean
it's very sexy. There's like a lot of like build up.
I would say, like, uh, literary foreplay. Yeah, And to me,
so that's it. That, to me is the really interesting
thing about those books, right Like, I think one of
the things that gets forgotten about female sexuality specifically is
(09:04):
that and I can't speak for everybody, but I need
to like build up to this this moment of like
whatever it's gonna be. Yes, It's not like I can
just flip it on and off like a switch for me.
Other people might be able to do that, but I can't.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
And so, like, I think that's common for a lot
of women.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I mean, I guess that depends on the person.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I think.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, I think some people are like in a very
horny stage in their life and they don't need that.
They don't need that.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
There's like, let's go right away.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I'm like backstage of the horny stage, you know what
I mean, Like yeah, and stage they're like really jamming out.
I am backstage in the bowels of the the backstage area,
I mean like in the in the holding room with
like you know what I mean. I'm on the couch
in the VIP room with a heated blanket on my lap,
(09:58):
in the green room of the theater next door, cocktail
in my hand.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I get that. I get that.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
That being said, those books are there horny and they're fantastic.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Highly recommend, highly recommend you guys.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I'm gonna get me some fairy smut.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Books Melissa talk to me about. Okay, So I just
want to preface this by saying, I remember when we
were in the beginning of Brooklyn nine nine and we
were all doing our You had a friend that was
(10:36):
like doing our star charts or whatever.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Oh yeah, we were shooting a Halloween episode and we
were waiting around for like eight hours to get one sequence,
and my friend Dan shout out, Dan did all of
our birth charts.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I don't remember anything about mine, but I remember someone
who will remain nameless. I will not. I will not.
But they were like, oh, something about their chart, and
they said, oh, that explains why me and my partner
were so horny when we first got together. And you
(11:14):
were like, oh, yeah, that explains mine too. And I
was like, oh, I don't remember that because at that
point I knew I knew David too, and I was like,
I don't want to think about my friends having sex.
The mom and dad don't have sex.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
But I thought it was.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Really interesting that, like you were just like totally okay
saying that at work, but it was about your husband,
you know, So like right, I don't know, did that
was that a part of it or did you really
feel like in in your own sexuality before you met
David Well.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
I met David really young, and so I think, yeah,
there was you guys were young twenty two, I know,
and I think that I was a little bit in
a phase of I get, not discovering my sexual.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
But maybe like exploring, I guess, or just.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
H a feeling myself. I guess I was very very
prude in high school and like half half of college.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Of college.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
And then I will say I did have one experience
in college. I did a show in college and it
was Andrew Lippa's The Wild Party. Oh yeah, amazing, incredible score.
If you, I mean, if you've never heard it, get it,
listen to it. We did that show and in that show,
in the middle of the show, the climax of the show,
there's like an orgy that happens. And so this was
(12:41):
like third year of college. They're doing this musical. I audition.
I get in and it was all very respectful. It
was some people got naked on stage during that scene,
and there was I know.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
And I played. I did not. I got down to bron.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Undi's which was a big deal for me, and then
I played this character Jackie who's a dancer and has
no tongue so like can't talk, like.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
She's mute.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Basically in the Broadway musical it was a man, but
I played the role in this production, and so and
Jackie has a solo dance number after the orgy, while
like everyone's passed down around the stage, she has this
like moment and does this dance solo. So I also
like couldn't be naked because of that, but I did
a dance solo and like underwear, and also like the
(13:36):
choreography there was like simulated sex kind of moves and
the choreography and just being around naked bodies and dead
it us. So it was like this incredible experience. Half
of my best friends were in the show with me,
the whole cast. We all got very very close. It
was a great group of people. And something about doing
that show just I think made me feel for the
(14:01):
first time really accepting of my body. I think I
was also like coming out of an ugly phase with
body and like insecurities.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
And it was a really.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Empowering moment where I felt, I mean also like let's
be real, like I was dancing so much of the time,
like I was in such good fucking shape. But still
had my friend Vernon Shade in ebs before each show
because I was self conscious about my stomach and I
was like, can you just bronze this bitch up?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
And he did.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Go And but and I think experiencing my friends, the
ones who did get naked, and like, because everybody there
was nobody that was like, yeah, I'll get nude. It
was like a journey for everyone. You know, everyone was
scared to do it. Everybody was it was nerve wracking.
Everyone was really supportive.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
After that, I just was like more confident, like more open,
more like sexuality is beautiful and like owning your body
is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
And yeah, it was like such a powerful experience.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
And and and it's and it's like a queer show too,
and it just was all the things, you know, and
it was just like, yeah, this is this is life.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
It's not black and white.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's colorful, it's flavorful, it's all the things.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And yeah, and then.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
It's such an incredibly healthy, it really was healthy experience
that's crazy amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Through like a creative expression.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
Yeah, and so and I met David maybe four years
after that experience. You're like demn and then came along,
and then David came along. No, but I I you know,
and I remember when I met David having like we
we fell in.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Love, like very very quickly.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
It was like very whirlwind and it got there was
a moment where I was that was scary, and I
just I think I even said something like I'm only twenty,
like I'm young, and like this feels really serious and
I don't know if I want to be serious, like
I want to have fun and be crazy, and I
don't know, have experiences. And his response was just like okay,
(16:23):
well we can do that together. And I was like, okay,
it's so real though, Like it's so real. There's two
schools that thought about it, right. There's like one school
of thought which is like.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Oh, I want to have the same partner forever and ever,
and that's the only person I ever want to have
sex with, right, yeah, And then there's another school of
thoughts that's like you should have different experiences so you.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Know what you like.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
But like, right, you know, there is a little bit
of a meeting of those both of those things for you,
Like you just said, like we can try all those
things together. It's more like, can we grow together?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Yeah, exactly, And I think because we've grown together, Like me,
it's it's been an experience of like being in.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
A partnership for so so long.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
There's a lot of empowerment in that, you know, and
a lot of like growth and and like knowing.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Exactly what each other likes and all that.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Is.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm sorry, sorry, No, I'm just kidding. No.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
I think I think you're right though, Like I think
that's that's been unexpected for me, you know, like yeah
that uh oh, I started sweating again.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Oh it's so hard. It's so hard to talk about
this stuff. Like it's funny too, is it. You think
it's going to be easy with your friends? And like
with some friends, I.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Do think it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
It's like hmm, you can sort of joke about it
or whatever, but at least for me, it again like
I can talk about it, but there's parts of it
that I only want to talk about with him, you know. Yeah,
And I think that's like totally fine.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I mean I'm not.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I remember, uh, when I first started dating Brad, someone
close to him was like, but don't you have like
multiple partners? And I was like, well, just because I'm bisexual.
It doesn't mean polyamorous.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Yeah, those are two different things that some people are
by and polyamorous.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
But THENA there's anything I would imagine And I don't
know if anybody's listening and they are polyamorous, tell us,
because I'm so curious, Like you must have to be
like super open and communicative with all of your partners
about what you like, right, or maybe it's like with
this partner, I do this, and with this partner I
do that, and that's sort of how I keep it
(18:48):
keep them separated. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yes, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I personally would be so stressed out by that situation,
too much of a people pleaser to handle.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
That I could never. Never, I would never My calendar
would just be a fucking mess. Like I could barely
keep my dentist appointment straight.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Like I know, like I can't keep boning appointments straight
and it's.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Not gonna all, know, are you kidding?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I think the other interesting thing when we talk about
all these different topics and just the idea of owning
your sexuality and like another thing that I've is like
it's it's a spectrum too, do you know what I mean?
Like I think that it's not so black and white.
And I when I had that realization for myself, it
was just like, I don't know, just just I don't
(19:33):
know why people get so well wait, wait, let me
not say like that. It's about to sound like so
judgy and.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Oh what were you gonna say?
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Uh? Listen, I was about to be like, why do.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
People get so hung up and like what people.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Like or don't like or like, you know, everybody gets
there though, like we're all so hung up on what
other people like. Yeah, you know, Americans are pretty prude
in general, Like I don't know, I mean, and we're
nosy as but we're so nosy. We're like what are
you doing over there?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
We're so nosy?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
But then also like clutching pearls. Dah you yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
More. That made me think of when you were talking
about the Wild Party and made me think of when
I was in New York when I was in my twenties,
and I remember the first time that I ever asked
a dude out was this guy at a party that
(20:35):
I went to. His name was Tim. He was very tall,
and I think we got each other's cell phone numbers
and the back when you'd say cell phone, can I
have your cell phone number as your phone number? And
now it's all one. And I asked him to go
to the Museum of Sex. Do you remember the Museum
of Sex in New York. Yes, it had like just
opened or something, and he was so flabbercast so that
(20:58):
I wanted to go there, and I got super cool,
Like I was like, oh, she's so cool. Meanwhile, I
was like shitting my pants that we were going there.
I was very nervous about it, but it was also
to me, it was like a clear sign that like,
hey man, I'm interested in doing this with you because
I'm taking you to this museum. So we're gonna like
(21:18):
talk about and look about look at sexy stuff. We're
gonna learn stuff and look at sexy stuff, my two
favorite things. Probably then we're gonna have sex and then
we're gonna have sex. And when we were there, I
remember it being rude. It was bold. I was you
know what's funny is like, now that I think about it,
I am way more prude now than I was in
(21:39):
my twenties, because in my twenties I was like whoa,
And now I'm like, WHOA, No, I do that?
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Why do you think that is?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I think when you are a younger woman, you're like,
I'm sexual and free, and like there's a certain amount
of like power that can come with that, and and
like this in a freedom that you're feeling for maybe
the first time. Yeah, and then somewhere in there you
can start to feel like, oh, I don't know if
(22:09):
I'm in control of that. I feel like I'm in
control of elements, but I'm actually not sure that I'm
in in in control. So like, yeah, there's a sort
of give and take and back and forth and like
there's no you know, it's hard, Like I remember with
an X one time. I feel like I've told you
this story, but like one time, I had this pair
(22:31):
of hot shorts that were now for the kids. Hot
shorts are very very small shorts. They're very teensy. They're
usually made out of short corduroy. Yeah, they're short shorts.
The dukes they were pink. They were really really cute.
They were made out of stretched corduroy, so they fit
me like a glove. Yeah, And I loved them. I
would wear them all summer with like my little wedges,
(22:54):
my little quirkys wedges, And I had a partner who
was like, why do you have those shorts? It's like
to feel great in them. I feel phenomenal in them.
This was in my mid twenties, and they were like,
why do you need everyone looking at you? And I
was like, I don't. I like took it as a
personal like challenge of like, I don't need everyone looking
(23:16):
at me, but really it was that person trying to
control Yeah, the response to me in those shorts, right, yeah,
But that's the thing. It's like, the response is whatever
you wear. The response is whatever it's going to be, right,
like it's but I was choosing to wear those shorts
because I felt great in them, and I knew my
legs looked great, like yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that.
(23:39):
But I was made to feel like there was something
wrong with that, which I think is why I express
a lot of my sexualities expressed through clothing, and like
that's why it shifts so much all the time. Like
some days I'm in like a really little like tight something,
you know, mini whatever, and then other times I'm like
very very very like dressing for the sort of what
(24:04):
do they call it? The girl I, you know, which
is like big giant jeans and a big oversized shirt
and like very cool shoes or something.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, when I think about owning my sexuality, it's also
like comfortable in your body and like, yeah, having those
moments it definitely took, not until I don't think I
It was very like on and off for me in
my twenties of like that same thing, you know, wearing
something with like cleavage and having usually a dude say
(24:34):
some comment about like oh why you know, like what's
up with that.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
You're dressing up for?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Are you dressing up for? And it's like, I'm dressing
up for myself. But when you're younger, you're just like, oh, oh,
you know those like auto horrible things that boys say
to you that, yeah, and like there is something amazing
about like just like you said, wearing those hot shorts,
wearing the low cut thing, like just for yourself because
(25:02):
you feel fucking great and you know you're gonna walk
into a room and walk in with confidence because what
you're wearing, and it's and it's not even really what
you're wearing, it's just like I feel good in my body,
feeling how I feel today.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I'm in my body. I'm not commenting on my body.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Uh And those moments I think kind of go hand
in hand with just yeah, every you know your sexuality,
you're you know how you are with your partner, just
like everything that means all connected.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
But it's tricky.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
Tricky is the word. We're gonna come back to a
lot in this podcast. If you want to, if you're
not driving and you want to just do a drinking game.
And every time we say tricky, you just take a
little sip. Just take a little sip, go right ahead.
The thing that I think, like I'm excited about for uh,
I guess the future is that like I can tell
(25:54):
that the kids that are younger than us are doing
this differently agree, you know what I mean? Like I
can I can see that like gen Z is being
smarter or or I don't even know, more better than us,
more better.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Who I think, more open, I think more you know,
accepting more.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Uh my god.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I just love how they're all online with like whatever
body they're in and just like wearing whatever they want, yes,
fantastic while they're doing it. And all of them are gay,
I mean not all of them, but like so many
of them are queer. It's so nice.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Yeah, it's like gen Z is a very large percentage
identify as queer, which again I think goes back to
like that idea that like sexuality is a spectrum, and
I think that they're kind of the first generation to
sort of really understand that and like the least judge generation.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
That they're way less judgy of each other.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Which gives me a lot of hope.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, me too, especially having small kids, like, oh, maybe
when my kids are grown, this won't be as big.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
A as big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Like the my kid won't be in her forties. Being like,
I don't know, I'm prude about this, Yeah, which is
also fine. It's fine if you want to. It's totally
too It's okay to have a little prudeness. It's fine,
it's fine. Before we wrap it up, I have to Okay,
(27:23):
I'm just gonna ask you this point blank question. You
don't have to answer it. Do you have a sexual fantasy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Oh oh oh.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I was like, let's I mean, you don't have to
tell me.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
I will say this that the eight most common ones
I have them on a list.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
Oh yeah, number.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Eight, Naking love and a romantic location. I mean that
feels basic. Number seven okay, S and M.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I have a big jump.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Big jump, big jump. Six sex with acquaintances, oh. Number
five having sex with total strangers. Number four is joining
a romp, enjoying a romp in public. That one for
me is actually that I would never, but it sounds awesome.
I was never in public never, But no, it sounds great,
(28:21):
but right, and maybe be like you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
I can't believe we're doing this. Yeah, here we are
in Pel's bookstore, just going at it in the stacks.
Number three sex with other women. Quote fifty nine percent
of women fantasize about sex with other women. No shit,
your lock, we're quantious, unsurprising. Number two a threesome. And
(28:44):
number one BDSM isn't any the same as S and M. No, No,
BDSM is like you know what, I don't engage in
either one of those, So I'm not an expert. We
could google it. Real paths isis Do you want to
(29:04):
google it and tell us the difference between BDSM and
SM and watch your algorithms change? Do you want to
just watch your entire Google search shift dressmatically the way.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
We have destroyed Isis's algorithms.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Oh my god, Hi, everyone producer isis here. So okay,
BDSM stands for bondage dominance and Sato masochism masochism.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Wait okay, so BDSM.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Yeah, okay, So the difference is BDSM is bondage dominance
and sato masochism and sm M is just sado masochism.
So satomasochism would be like whips, and the bondage and
dominance would be like chains. So one is both and
one is just one.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Oh okay, BDSM is bondage dominance and what sato masochism?
I get ready for the for the audio memes of
you doing that over some club music. Okay, bondage dominance,
(30:23):
sat o massochism. If listen, if any of you out
there are into making music, please sell with Melissa saying
sato masochism over it. We will play it on the pod.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
We promise.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
More better, Melissa. What did you learn today? She's crying, Melissa,
What did you learn today from this diskich?
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh that it's hard to talk about sexuality, but that
also we should all extend your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Oh that's beautiful, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
What did you learn stuff.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
You know what, I think. I learned that I'm not
quite as prude as I think I am.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I don't think you're prude at all.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
I think I I think I get in my head
about it and I get kind of nervy about it.
But I thank you. I don't think i'm I don't
think I'm very prude either. No, Wow, good for me.
I mean, if you're prude, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine.
But it's also as prude as I think I am.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
I don't think. Yeah, do you feel more better? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
I actually do feel a little more better.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
I feel more better that this conversation's over.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Everybody, check out your local library and you know, just
in the off chance is a hot library, and maybe
just walk up to them and be like, hey, can
you point me in the direction of your smut? Check
out that fairy smut, check out that very smut. Okay,
we'll see you next time, see you next week. Bye,
more better. Do you have something you'd like to be
(32:07):
more better at that you want us to talk about
in a future episode?
Speaker 3 (32:10):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and conclude a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WZ Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and
Melissa Fumera. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
(32:37):
and Leo Clem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by
Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original
music by Madison Davenport and Hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
See you next week, Sugas, bye mm hmmmm, Llo, Tokitomas
mahor
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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