June 13, 2024 • 36 mins
Making friends is harrrrrrrd! Stephanie and Melissa open up about just how difficult it can be to put yourself out there, especially the older you get. Stories about nightmare roommates and mom groups are swapped, cackles abound, and “How to Make Friends” tips from a bonafide friendship coach are put to the test during Nerd Time.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, God, you want to go here, but wax with me.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Let's do that.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
No, I'm not doing that for me. Some things I
want to do a lot.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
More better, more, a little more better more.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa, a podcast
where we stop pretending to have it all together and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every day,
or at least trying to. That's Mossa Mrrow and that's
Stephanie Beatrice. Hey, welcome back, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I'm good?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
How are you friends?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm pretty good. I'm on like a lot of caffeine
right now. Maybe we have a caffeine problem. What do
you think you know?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
No, I think it's a way of life, and we're
just part of the club alive.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
It's a way alive, it is. It is a pretty
cool club to be a part of. I have a
I have a lifelong membership. It's never gonna run out.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Same card carrying card carrying card carrying card carrying caffeine addict.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, man, what have you done lately? That's a little
bit more better.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh you know what I've been doing lately, Stephanie. Yeah,
I'm I'm just coming out of this crazy marathon of
working time and it's something small, but I'm just getting
back to like taking my supplements and my vitamins.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Oh my god, and.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Like, uh just starting there, you know, advice, because what
do you take?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Because I don't take jack shit I take.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I take a multi. I take Vitamin D, which is
really important. I take many.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Who's it?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
What's it's a Vita D. I'd have to look and
I'd send it to you later. I take a few things,
and then I take like some womanly things and then
what I do do though, One tip is I got
one of those like weekly pilled dispensary things, you know, Yeah,
I have.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I have that for my anti anxiety and anti depression Bokay.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
So I bought my supplements.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I bought.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I bought one for my vitamins, and then every Sunday
or whatever, I fill it up for the week so
that after dinner or whatever, or after lunch, like whenever,
whenever I remember, I usually try to do it after dinner.
I just have to pour it into my hand and
take it. Do you know what I mean? Because if
I'm going through bottles, I'm never gonna fucking do it
like it has to be easy in a thing, like
(02:45):
you know, people get those like packs, those pre made packs,
Like I get it. So I kind of do like
a version of that because that helps me remember every day.
But I do feel a little better when I'm like
on it. And then I find that like it also
jump starts like other healthier habits, like you know, I
drink more while I drink my water, and like I'm
just trying to like drink the water, take the vitamins.
Like I'm just starting there. You know that's pretty good.
(03:08):
Have you been doing anything lately? It's a little more better.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I took the TikTok off my phone. I took the
TikTok off my phone. I know that's a big step
for me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I love the TikTok. You love the TikTok? My god,
I love the TikTok.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I love the memes. I love the songs. I love
to see what's going on with people. I just I
love the funny dogs.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So what happened? You needed you needed a break?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I found that like I was spending a lot. I mean, listen,
it's really easy it Suddenly two hours has gone by
and you maybe didn't do anything but sit there and
you know, follow a couple of links and watch a
bunch of dogs do funny stuff. And these dogs are funny,
but they are I'm not sure that I need to
spend two hours of my life every single night just
(03:54):
stuck in a rut on on my bed looking at TikTok.
So I took it off my phone. And can I
say I miss it?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Is it like a combo of like you feel better
but also you miss it or you just miss it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I think what I feel is less. What I feel
is less like Zony because I think I was on
it so much that I was like zoning, which.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I think is the allure of it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
That the allure is the sort of like dopamine hit
of the new video and but then you just zone.
So I feel less Zony. But I really miss, you know,
seeing what's going on in lots of places in the
world that are important to be paying attention to. And
I miss my fashion videos and I miss you know,
(04:40):
like I miss you know, I just miss it.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I miss a TikTok.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I miss it, but it's better for me to not
be on it, So thanks, I guess.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I feel like you're holding a boundary with yourself? Is
that what they call it?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
That is I don't know, yes, oh God, holding a
boundary with myself?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Barf.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
More better.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
This is a podcast where we talk about stuff that
we're interested in, and we're interested in trying to be
better people.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Kind of.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
One of the things we wanted to talk about was
how to get more better at making friends as an adult.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So you know, what does that mean exactly?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Well, I would Webster's Dictionary defines adult as gross. I
think adult is like, you know, anybody that's not in
an environment in which they're like thrown together with people
at the same age. So like, if you're still in
high school, this isn't a combo for.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You, or maybe maybe because listen, yes, listen, you might
think of it ten years from now.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah, But it's more like when you are grown up
and you've entered, you know, a job market where you're
thrown in with people that you might not necessarily they
might not be your people, but you want to find
your people.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
How do you find your people? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And how do you meet new people as opposed to
you know, I have friends that I've been friends with
since I was seventeen eighteen nineteen but I also have
new friends and how to make those new friends, and
how do you know whether or not those new friendships
are going to pan.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Out for you? You know.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, So that's kind of what we wanted to talk
about today.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Because it's really hard, guys, It's so hard. I literally
just felt myself getting stressed out as I was listening
to you talk thinking about how horrible it is to
try to make friends as an adult. Oh my god,
cause it's just different. It's really different. I feel like
when you're younger at least, this was my experience. Most
(06:48):
of my closest friends that I'm still friends with today,
it was like this instant kind of thing, you know,
like a burst of just like oh my god, I
love you or you're hilarious, and we're like instantly connecting,
and like I think we're going to be best friends,
and then you just like become best friends. Like it
just felt like when that would happen, and you like,
(07:10):
I feel like I found, especially in college, like my
close group of friends, and like a few people got
added into it sort of very organically and naturally in
my twenties, and then that was like the last time
that happened, and like every experience since has been like agonizing,
just like do they like me? Are we becoming friends?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I don't know, overthinking it or yeah, it just I
don't know. And you work and you get busy, or
you move to a different city. That's a big one.
What was making friends like when you were younger, Like
when you met those friends, those close friends.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
At like eighteen, I mean, well, a lot of it
was being thrown into a new environment. Like when I
think about high school, I have a couple I have
one really good friend that I'm still friends with from
high school.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
We rarely talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
When we do, it's like like it was then, Yeah,
but that was my high school boyfriend, and so like
it was this new of like hormones and like, and
we were experiencing that together. And then the next group,
like the next person that I can think of that
I was I'm still friends with was college because it
was like new thing and we're experiencing this new thing
(08:24):
together and we're having all these like similar experiences at
the same time. I've never been away from home and
you know, we're tricky beer for the first time and
all this stuff. It's like new, new, new, new, new together.
And then when you're older, it's like whoa, what is
the what is the sort of common denominator for friendships?
And it's really tricky. And then you know, moving I
(08:45):
moved to New York when I was twenty something, and like,
I thought it was gonna be like sex in the city.
I thought I was gonna have, you know, my three
great girlfriends, just gonna have brunch every Sunday and talk
a bunch. And it wasn't like that.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I moved in with some girls that I knew from college,
and it was a it was a nightmare shit show.
Like we didn't we weren't. We didn't click, we didn't clock.
So it was hard. It was really hard. Sometimes you
just feel the click immediately. I think that happens a
lot when you're younger, and then sometimes it takes a
(09:21):
while to make the click happen. So you go, Okay,
maybe I can look past this weird thing, or maybe
I can you know, get behind maybe she didn't mean
it like that. And then other times you're like, oh
my god. You turn around and go, I've invested a
year in this and I don't know if I really
love this person. It's tricky it's tricky, tricky, tricky, you know.
(09:41):
I mean I think when we first met each other,
I feel like it was a little bit similar to
that college experience, which is like we were doing this
new thing together.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yes, like you were saying, it was, yeah, we were
immersed in this new thing. We were both at the time.
I'm like, what the first network show to have to
latinas in the main cast.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
If you don't know, we were on a show called
Brooklyn n where it was pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, it's yeah, first four seasons. What we're talking about.
This isn't this is not this is not no and
I and I, Yeah, I think that we were kind
of clinging to each other because we were both afraid
we were going to get fired. And we also it
was both of our first series regulars, right it was
(10:30):
for your first Yeah, so there was yeah, like first
time newness, like and there was a little bit of
like Joe and Andy already knew each other and Chelsea
and Andy already knew each other. So not like feeling
outsidery because everybody was so warm and welcoming, but a
little bit of like, yeah, oh, people have connections and
know each other because all of these people have been
(10:52):
like working for so long, established everybody was like everybody's
dabblished established writers felt yes, and we were like, what's up,
what's this.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm pretty sure you guys made a mistake casting movie,
but I'm not going to say anything.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So yeah, Like I remember feeling pretty quickly that I
was like, oh, I feel like I can trust to Stephanie.
I feel like close to you or just familiar. And
I don't know if that was like the cultural thing
or you know, because sometimes that happens you meet other
letinos and you're like, oh, we get it, you get it, yeah,
(11:27):
or yeah, just that we had, you know, we had
things in our background that were similar and a lot
of things in common, I think, and but we're also
very different. Yeah, and yeah, I don't remember it never
there didn't feel like a dating phase, whereas I felt
like there was a little bit of like a dating thing.
Like I remember I was a big fan of Joelatrulio's
when like, I was so psyched that he got cast,
(11:50):
and then there was like I just wanted him to
like me, and so there was that period of just
like getting to know each other and think me lucky.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
For you, he likes almost everyone.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Does, but I didn't know that at the time.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And then he is a very friendly guy, but he
doesn't like you.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Whoa maybe look inward but yeah he yeah. And I remember,
you know, like becoming friends with Joe. I remember becoming
friends with you.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
It didn't feel like with you, I had any There
wasn't any like walls to break down. Yeah, and it
didn't feel like you were to me. What I really
think about now is, at least in friendships, I look
for honesty. I look for people that are honest, funny.
I like funny, you know, and you seem to be
(12:48):
both of those things. You weren't like, oh, yeah, you know,
I know what I'm doing. You were like like I was,
and it felt very like, oh okay, Well, she's being
real with her experience. You know, she still has had
more experience on camera than me, but she's being real
about that. This is also nerve wracking for her. So
I can get behind that. I can get behind this honesty.
And also I don't I don't see that in anybody
(13:11):
else around here, So I'm gonna yeah, and they did
they sure as how them? I mean fucking yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, I don't even remember what was like the first
time we hung out outside of work or I feel
like it just happened, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Which is like also like we were very lucky in
that we had this again, this work situation where we
were there for hours and hours all the time, and
you know, we were thrust into a situation in which
we got to spend time together and it just so
happened that we were we liked each other.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah, And our job is sort of weirdly convenient in
that way, especially when you're on something like Brooklyn where
it went so long. And you know, we we did
trips together, like for work. I mean we did one
fun trip we all went to Paris what was that
second season, which was so fun. But we also like
we did work trips together, like you know, you and
me did panels in Austin and we went to Montreal
(14:11):
for the Comedy Festival, and like you know, so then
there's like dinners out and like fun things that like
doesn't always happen I think with some other careers. And
so there was like all this like bonding time and
friendship time, and I think that's kind of where we
all sort of went from like just colleagues to real friends.
(14:31):
Real friendships. Yeah, And I have to tell you, like
I realized because I moved to LA like a year
before I booked Brooklyn, and I was already I turned
thirty after I moved to LA, so I spent all
of my twenties in New York and I grew up
right outside New York, so it was like really starting over.
(14:54):
And it wasn't until Brooklyn ended that I realized that
the whole time I was on Brooklyn, I sort of
took for granted and also took advantage of the fact
that like we were all such good friends and we
spent so much time together. I didn't I realized then
it was over and everybody like not that we went.
We you know, we're all still close, but like we're
(15:16):
all busy, Like everybody doesn't teach, you know, kind of
goes there's something, you know, like shooting out of town
and dah da dah whatever. And I realized like there
was a little bit of like a lonely period where
I was like, oh, I have not been like giving
time and effort to like what is my community in LA,
(15:38):
because I just, you know, like what are my friends?
And like realizing that certain friendships I should like put
more time and energy into because I just kind of
was like coasting for a long time with Like.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I totally I can totally empathize with that.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, not like I know what you mean, Like, yeah,
you really messed up, Like I know.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
What you mean. But like it was like air transition
where it was like oh, and then it was like
getting into making friends as an adult, which is really
fucking weird. It's like a weird dating thing and it's
like so weird.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
It is, like I mean because that's the thing, right,
Like it takes a long time to make friends. It
takes hours and hours of time put in around the person.
And like if you're busy, if you're a parent, if
you have a family, even if you're like a single
person and you work a lot, or you just you know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
You don't have a lot of time, like or you've
been burned in the past by friends and you're like,
I'm one, I'm in right, that's for me. I was like, oh,
I don't want to go go through it all again.
I don't want to go through it all again. It
really is like it's like dating where you're just like
(17:02):
you have to take that leap and you're kind of
nervous that like it'll blow up again because you went
through that in the past and it sucks. God, it's
so hard.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
More more, I read this thing about making friendships. It
was this is sorry nerd time, let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Nerd time. No, no, no, nerd time, nerd time.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
It was a study out of the University of Kansas,
and it was about like how long it was an
average on all these people that were like they did
these questionnaires and some of it was people that had
moved to a new It was like a two bar study.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Some of it was people that had moved to a
new town.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It was like about how many new friendships that made
since moving and you know, like moving.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Is hard, as you know, you're just talking about it.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
And then another one was like people in school, college age,
so like another new thing, a move or like a
beginning of a new moment. And on average to count
someone as like a good friend, it's between fifty and
one hundred hours spent.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I know. That's so depressing, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
It's so much time, so much time, But like that's
so I say that only because like sometimes I'm like
why don't I have any friends? Why don't I have
any friends? I have four friends, And I'm like, oh,
because these are the four people that I've actually spent
this much time with, Yeah, that I trust and believe in,
you know, because like what I used to do was
absolutely throw myself into friendships and try to be besties
(18:42):
with people prior to spending I think, not like you
have to spend fifty to one hundred hours. That's just
this one study that's only in Kansas, you guys, University
of Kid.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It's just kidding.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But I do think in the past, I was like,
for example, I was desperate to make new friends. When
I moved to La I was so isolated and alone,
and I joined a comedy dance troupe. And what I
(19:15):
really wanted and what I was really sold on was
the idea that all of these women were spending their
off time together and making up these really funny dances
and having this like female bonding time, and it was
just going to be like, woo woo, We're all going
to be besties. And like that's how I looked on Instagram.
You know, you can never never believe the Instagram lie.
But like I actually still do have a really good
(19:38):
friend who was in that dance troup with me. I
just went to our birthday party the other day. I
love her dearly. She's a fantastic friend who I trust, trust, trust,
But I have other friends from that dance troup that
I don't know where they are. It didn't work out,
you know, it just didn't work out, and like, but ultimately,
(19:59):
I guess I can look back on it and be like,
that was It was hard because there were a lot
of it was drama, you guys, it was drama without
getting into it. But I do have one good friend
that I got out of that, and like, I don't
know that I would have ever met her. She's she
is a writer, but we just run in different kind
of circles. I'm like, I don't know that I would
(20:19):
have met her, but I really really like her. So
it was like taking that risk and putting myself out there.
We had to audition for that dance troop.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
It was cool, but I remember, I remember, actually I
remember when you did that, and I remember thinking like,
oh my god, that's so cool and so.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Brave.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But like to say, when people say that so brave,
it was great, sore when you did that, you like
really put yourself out there. But I remember, uh, just
being really impressed with it, because I like, for me,
the challenge is I can be a little too close
(21:00):
off sometimes and like it's hard for me to let
people in sometimes, and I don't put myself out there
as much as I should. I think I'm trying to
be more better at that. But when I had Enzo,
I thought of you doing that dance troupe because I
was doing this. I did this like amazing prenatal yoga
(21:20):
class that was more of like a get ready for
birth kind of class, and I really loved it, and
I loved the teacher and she was.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Just like stretcher stretcher vulva.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
You just you know what she would do. She would
make us do like wall squats and like breathe and
be like and like if you were closer to like
the end of your pregnancy, you would have to do
extra and it was like a practice, but it was
like it was great. It was a practice in staying
(21:51):
calm while doing something hard.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Okay, yeah, because if you've ever done a wall sit,
you know it's absolut.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
So her but her whole like coaching while you were doing.
It was like slow your breathing, like keep your mind calm,
like it was that kind of training. So I like
loved that anyway. And she did like a mommy and
Me class right after that, and I was scared to go,
but I knew I needed to like practice getting out
(22:18):
of the house by myself with the baby because my
husband was on a show in New York and I
knew I was gonna be doing a lot of that.
And then but then I remember thinking about you joining
that dance troupe and thinking like, maybe I'll make some
mom friends because I only have like a couple friends.
I had two close friends that it had yeah, like
(22:39):
two or three. I did have a few close friends
that had had kids around the same time. And but
I just felt like exactly where you are in that moment,
you know what I mean of, Like step By, I
was like me, I could use some more mom friends.
I ended up making like one of them is become
like one of my closest friends, and like there's a
(22:59):
couple other that I still like. I became really good
friends with a few of the women from that class, And.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, I remember you talking about this and being like, yeah,
this is some of my like core mom friends.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, my little like mom group, baby, and yeah we
have dinner and like all our kids are the same age,
and so every time I feel crazy like what is
going on with him? And I check in with them
and they're like, oh yeah, same over here, Like it's
amazing and and it's sort of you know, and it
was like the same kind of experience where like it
was a big class, it was a lot of people.
(23:30):
We tried to do these like big get togethers, and
like it slowly got like smaller and smaller and like.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Little, you know what I mean, And then you sort
of just separate the wheat from the chest.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, your week, right, Yeah this is a match. This
is not a match. Oh that you know, and you
know and now you know, Enzo just turned eight, so
eight years later, it's like it's come down to this
little core group. But it's great and you know, yeah,
we went to Hawaii with one of the moms, like
(24:01):
with that family. Oh my god, that's like how close
we become and our sons are dusties and it's great.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But like, honestly, that makes me feel like I need
to join some kind of like mom group or something,
because I don't have any friends. I mean you right,
but your kids are both older older than yours, and
I really don't have any Yeah, you don't have anybody
that's going through what I'm going through right now, which.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Is like, yeah, it's huge. I think when you start
over here, yeah, when you start like any type of
school or anything too, like that's I feel like that
was the next time that I was like, oh here.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
If I was like, we don't believe in school, which
I don't believe in it, so we're not doing that.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Well, good luck.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
No school at all, no.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Learning, nothing, no book, go to the same park at
the same time every day.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I do need some though, like I need some I
need some or I need like a new I need
like a new hobby or something.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
This is you know what I need to do. Also,
I just need to like text people, because I have
met women who I think are really really cool and
then I get their numbers and then I don't. I'm like,
I don't know if she wants to hear from me.
Maybe she just gave me her number out of pity,
you know.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Like part well, that's like the hardest thing I think
about making friends as an adult, because yeah, it's like
this weird like should I ask them to coffee? Like
shouldn't that? Do you think they want to go out
with me? And like it brings up all of those feelings.
But when I was saying about that like lonely period
I had after Brooklyn and it was a lot of
it was like what you're just saying, Like I was like, Oh,
(25:43):
I just have to like make more of an effort
to like call the people I like, you know, or
like these couple friends that I'm like, I think friends
with I think they like me, like just put myself
out there that we live close to each other. So yeah,
proximity is key and just like take that little leap
(26:03):
of faith and hope it works out. But it is
so nerve wracking just talking about it. Just like my
voice just keeps like pitching up.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That's why there's like shirts and hats that say no
new friends.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Because it's really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's so hard to make them. It feels very like
I mean, I'll say this the the time. Investment is
one thing, right, but like setting that aside, it is
like the nervy feeling I think is something that as
we get as we get a little older, it's it's
hard to like, you know, you go, like, I have
(26:38):
my friends, I have the things that I like to do.
I don't want to try anything new. I don't want
to be uncomfortable. And that's the part that's.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Hard more more Yeah, I also find what's hard too
is like getting to know so one Oh oh god,
worse right, It's like I wish I could just plug
my history and like my weird things and my quirks,
(27:08):
just like into your brain and be like, oh no,
do you like it? You think this will worship and.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Then yeah, like oh my god, not me being like
have you seen that TikTok? What am I talking about?
Like not, there's this TikTok that has this great sound,
and it's like how many brothers and sisters do you have?
What do you do for work?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Do you like? Be like that.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
It's like it's so boring getting to know people because
we all ask the same dumb questions and we all
you know, for me, it's like, ah, the time investment
is I know I said I wasn't. It's a different thing,
but it's tricky.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It's really tricky.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Because to get myself out of the house, to get dressed,
to have a babysitter watching my kid, or my ask
my husband to do it, to drive somewhere to like boot.
But it's like bro, I don't bro, even though like
during the pandemic, honestly I would have killed Yeah, yeah,
I try to think about that sometimes. I try to think,
(28:05):
like during the pandemic, would you have paid to have
been able to sit with you?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You know what I mean? And like probably yes, yeah,
well I so I also have an interesting article that
I read. It was in teen Vote Friendship Coach recommends
these tips to make friends. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Oh my god, I'm gonna vote. I'm going to vote
a scale of one to ten whether or not I
think these are good.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Let's do it. You can also vote as you listen.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Here we go show up a friend people who share
your hobbies, like the gym, pottery, class, et cetera.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So like, maybe, for first of all, I'm not making
friends at the gym. Yoga pilates maybe, but the gym.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I don't want to talk to anybody at the gym.
He wants to wants to stop having homer stations at
the gym. Can we just like all collectively as society
agree to that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I feel like Pilatates is different because like you just
did the thing altogether.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Because there was a little tang and the lobby. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm with you on that. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, well yeah,
all right, okay, next second one, take risks, let people
know that you like them and make plans. That's a
big guy. I hear, yes, and good.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
I will give this one a seven, because no, I
will take it up too. On eight because our mutual
friend Lauren Ash I met her at an event and
I had been looking at her Instagram and I was like,
I know I have things in common.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
She likes Disney. I like Disney.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
She likes comedy. I like comedy. So I went up
to her at the event and I was like, hey,
I think you're so cool. I have been following you.
I know you love Disney. I would love to go
to Disney with you sometimes. Like I straight up told her.
I was like I think you're cool. Yeah, and she
was like, oh my god, thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And I was like, I did too much. I did
too much.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
And then we had a couple drinks and I was great,
and now we're friends. Now we're like real friends, you're
like really, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
That's a big one because it is so nerve wracking
to be like, hey, I like you, let's like get
get lunch or let's hang out, like even just saying that,
like can we hang out?
Speaker 1 (30:15):
I do feel like you need to give space yeah,
between the like you know, or like we should get
dinner sometime, not.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Be as thirsty as I just was. Well, but then
you know what I worry about is like people say
that all the time.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
And no, no, no, I think, like tag on this sometime. Yeah,
but then I feel like I get to follow up
with the text. You have to follow up, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you have to follow up. Okay, So okay, we like
that one. Okay, we like that one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Tell your circle you're looking for new friends, meet your
friend's friends. That's a good one.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
That I've never really good right, what I didn't I've
never thought to say, like to you, for example, like
I'm actually looking for new friends.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
If you have people that you think that I would like,
I'd love to like do a three three.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Hang and see if we hit it off.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, because that's kind of safe because then you have
a mutual in common.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yes, and I've actually like, yeah, I've even been thinking
lately too of like we should combine some like you know, sometimes,
especially in LA because it's such a driving city, you
sort of have I feel like I very like separate
groups of friends and trying to like orchestrate like more
group hangs with people I think would get along because
(31:33):
I want that like group kind of community thing that
we had in New York, and I just think is good,
especially when you have kids and stuff, you know, Like
I like a group hang. I like like community.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I like that. I like, tell your this is good.
This gets an eight?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Me, well let's give it a seven because we haven't
tried it yet.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's true. Might Yeah, what's the next one? Okay? And
the last one is invite people to things you usually
do alone.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Like getting your biki. Hey, you want to go here,
but wax with me?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
No, that's not for me.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Some things I want to do alone, like I want
to get my manicure alone because well honestly, because I
want to talk to my manicurist, who I would say
is a friend. Yeah, gnails in Highland Park, Go, she's amazing, loope, ip.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I really like to hike alone, but I do enjoy
a hike with someone else, and I should ask somebody
to hike with me more often.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Not me, girl, No, hike is not for me, that's
not it's not no, I would go. I would go
on a hike with you. I think it would be nice.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Or we could just do like walk, Yeah, I could do.
That's at my level. I love a walk, you know,
I love a walk.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Better.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay, let's discuss and digest. I feel like one thing
that I came away with from today was I should tell.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
My friends that I'm looking for new friends. And I'm glad.
I'm also I mean, I know.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
We've talked about this a little bit before, but I
am glad to hear that it's as hard for me
as it is for you.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
You strike me as somebody that's like so friendly and
so outgoing. So it's like very calming to me to
hear that you are, like it's hard, thanks, friend.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
But yeah, I think I think that that's what I'm
digesting as well, is like this comfort and that like
it's fucking awkward and hard I think for everyone. And yeah,
I think I like initially like I'm okay kind of
getting along with people. It's like taking it to that
next step of like friendship, right where it's like you're revealing.
(33:55):
Why did I like next step like the French kiss
kids with your friends, because until you feel their tongue,
how do you know they're going to be a good friend?
How do you know?
Speaker 1 (34:10):
That's how I make friends? Obviously? Obviously do you feel Melissa,
do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
You know, I'm gonna say like half sie'es on this
one because just talking about it game anxiety. Do you
feel more better? I?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I do. Actually, I'm kind of excited by the tell
your friends you're looking for friends, because yeah, I don't know,
it's set me up with some of your cool friends.
I feel like I could even if I do that
with one person, I might meet one more person that
I like, which is totally kind of exciting. Anyway, I'm
glad we're friends. I am so glad that we're friends.
(34:51):
It's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yeah, And to whoever's listening to this, you know, maybe
put yourself out there or don't.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, you know, you know, Oh maybe one day we'll
have a little pod party and you can come and
we can all meet in person and be friends friends.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
How cute? I love it. Okay, all right?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Cool? So if if you're also you know, living your
life trying to be more better, we appreciate you listening
to us talk about.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
It for a little while, and we'll see you next
week from More Shit Talking, See yahye.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WZ Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mike Utura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz,
and Melissa FUMERA. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid,
Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are
(35:58):
Wilmer Valderrama and Clem at w V Sound. This episode
was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy
and features original music by Madison Davenport and hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
See you next week's sagas. Bye,
Hey, God, you want to go here, but wax with me.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Let's do that.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
No, I'm not doing that for me. Some things I
want to do a lot.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
More better, more, a little more better more.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa, a podcast
where we stop pretending to have it all together and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every day,
or at least trying to. That's Mossa Mrrow and that's
Stephanie Beatrice. Hey, welcome back, welcome back.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I'm good?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
How are you friends?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm pretty good. I'm on like a lot of caffeine
right now. Maybe we have a caffeine problem. What do
you think you know?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
No, I think it's a way of life, and we're
just part of the club alive.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
It's a way alive, it is. It is a pretty
cool club to be a part of. I have a
I have a lifelong membership. It's never gonna run out.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Same card carrying card carrying card carrying card carrying caffeine addict.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Yeah, man, what have you done lately? That's a little
bit more better.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh you know what I've been doing lately, Stephanie. Yeah,
I'm I'm just coming out of this crazy marathon of
working time and it's something small, but I'm just getting
back to like taking my supplements and my vitamins.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Oh my god, and.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Like, uh just starting there, you know, advice, because what
do you take?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Because I don't take jack shit I take.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
I take a multi. I take Vitamin D, which is
really important. I take many.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Who's it?
Speaker 2 (01:58):
What's it's a Vita D. I'd have to look and
I'd send it to you later. I take a few things,
and then I take like some womanly things and then
what I do do though, One tip is I got
one of those like weekly pilled dispensary things, you know, Yeah,
I have.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I have that for my anti anxiety and anti depression Bokay.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
So I bought my supplements.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I bought.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I bought one for my vitamins, and then every Sunday
or whatever, I fill it up for the week so
that after dinner or whatever, or after lunch, like whenever,
whenever I remember, I usually try to do it after dinner.
I just have to pour it into my hand and
take it. Do you know what I mean? Because if
I'm going through bottles, I'm never gonna fucking do it
like it has to be easy in a thing, like
(02:45):
you know, people get those like packs, those pre made packs,
Like I get it. So I kind of do like
a version of that because that helps me remember every day.
But I do feel a little better when I'm like
on it. And then I find that like it also
jump starts like other healthier habits, like you know, I
drink more while I drink my water, and like I'm
just trying to like drink the water, take the vitamins.
Like I'm just starting there. You know that's pretty good.
(03:08):
Have you been doing anything lately? It's a little more better.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I took the TikTok off my phone. I took the
TikTok off my phone. I know that's a big step
for me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I love the TikTok. You love the TikTok? My god,
I love the TikTok.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I love the memes. I love the songs. I love
to see what's going on with people. I just I
love the funny dogs.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
So what happened? You needed you needed a break?
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I found that like I was spending a lot. I mean, listen,
it's really easy it Suddenly two hours has gone by
and you maybe didn't do anything but sit there and
you know, follow a couple of links and watch a
bunch of dogs do funny stuff. And these dogs are funny,
but they are I'm not sure that I need to
spend two hours of my life every single night just
(03:54):
stuck in a rut on on my bed looking at TikTok.
So I took it off my phone. And can I
say I miss it?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Is it like a combo of like you feel better
but also you miss it or you just miss it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I think what I feel is less. What I feel
is less like Zony because I think I was on
it so much that I was like zoning, which.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
I think is the allure of it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
That the allure is the sort of like dopamine hit
of the new video and but then you just zone.
So I feel less Zony. But I really miss, you know,
seeing what's going on in lots of places in the
world that are important to be paying attention to. And
I miss my fashion videos and I miss you know,
(04:40):
like I miss you know, I just miss it.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I miss a TikTok.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I miss it, but it's better for me to not
be on it, So thanks, I guess.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I feel like you're holding a boundary with yourself? Is
that what they call it?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
That is I don't know, yes, oh God, holding a
boundary with myself?
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Barf.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
More better.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
This is a podcast where we talk about stuff that
we're interested in, and we're interested in trying to be
better people.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Kind of.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
One of the things we wanted to talk about was
how to get more better at making friends as an adult.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So you know, what does that mean exactly?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Well, I would Webster's Dictionary defines adult as gross. I
think adult is like, you know, anybody that's not in
an environment in which they're like thrown together with people
at the same age. So like, if you're still in
high school, this isn't a combo for.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
You, or maybe maybe because listen, yes, listen, you might
think of it ten years from now.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Yeah, But it's more like when you are grown up
and you've entered, you know, a job market where you're
thrown in with people that you might not necessarily they
might not be your people, but you want to find
your people.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
How do you find your people? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And how do you meet new people as opposed to
you know, I have friends that I've been friends with
since I was seventeen eighteen nineteen but I also have
new friends and how to make those new friends, and
how do you know whether or not those new friendships
are going to pan.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Out for you? You know.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, So that's kind of what we wanted to talk
about today.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Because it's really hard, guys, It's so hard. I literally
just felt myself getting stressed out as I was listening
to you talk thinking about how horrible it is to
try to make friends as an adult. Oh my god,
cause it's just different. It's really different. I feel like
when you're younger at least, this was my experience. Most
(06:48):
of my closest friends that I'm still friends with today,
it was like this instant kind of thing, you know,
like a burst of just like oh my god, I
love you or you're hilarious, and we're like instantly connecting,
and like I think we're going to be best friends,
and then you just like become best friends. Like it
just felt like when that would happen, and you like,
(07:10):
I feel like I found, especially in college, like my
close group of friends, and like a few people got
added into it sort of very organically and naturally in
my twenties, and then that was like the last time
that happened, and like every experience since has been like agonizing,
just like do they like me? Are we becoming friends?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I don't know, overthinking it or yeah, it just I
don't know. And you work and you get busy, or
you move to a different city. That's a big one.
What was making friends like when you were younger, Like
when you met those friends, those close friends.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
At like eighteen, I mean, well, a lot of it
was being thrown into a new environment. Like when I
think about high school, I have a couple I have
one really good friend that I'm still friends with from
high school.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
We rarely talk about.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
When we do, it's like like it was then, Yeah,
but that was my high school boyfriend, and so like
it was this new of like hormones and like, and
we were experiencing that together. And then the next group,
like the next person that I can think of that
I was I'm still friends with was college because it
was like new thing and we're experiencing this new thing
(08:24):
together and we're having all these like similar experiences at
the same time. I've never been away from home and
you know, we're tricky beer for the first time and
all this stuff. It's like new, new, new, new, new together.
And then when you're older, it's like whoa, what is
the what is the sort of common denominator for friendships?
And it's really tricky. And then you know, moving I
(08:45):
moved to New York when I was twenty something, and like,
I thought it was gonna be like sex in the city.
I thought I was gonna have, you know, my three
great girlfriends, just gonna have brunch every Sunday and talk
a bunch. And it wasn't like that.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
I moved in with some girls that I knew from college,
and it was a it was a nightmare shit show.
Like we didn't we weren't. We didn't click, we didn't clock.
So it was hard. It was really hard. Sometimes you
just feel the click immediately. I think that happens a
lot when you're younger, and then sometimes it takes a
(09:21):
while to make the click happen. So you go, Okay,
maybe I can look past this weird thing, or maybe
I can you know, get behind maybe she didn't mean
it like that. And then other times you're like, oh
my god. You turn around and go, I've invested a
year in this and I don't know if I really
love this person. It's tricky it's tricky, tricky, tricky, you know.
(09:41):
I mean I think when we first met each other,
I feel like it was a little bit similar to
that college experience, which is like we were doing this
new thing together.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Yes, like you were saying, it was, yeah, we were
immersed in this new thing. We were both at the time.
I'm like, what the first network show to have to
latinas in the main cast.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
If you don't know, we were on a show called
Brooklyn n where it was pretty good.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, it's yeah, first four seasons. What we're talking about.
This isn't this is not this is not no and
I and I, Yeah, I think that we were kind
of clinging to each other because we were both afraid
we were going to get fired. And we also it
was both of our first series regulars, right it was
(10:30):
for your first Yeah, so there was yeah, like first
time newness, like and there was a little bit of
like Joe and Andy already knew each other and Chelsea
and Andy already knew each other. So not like feeling
outsidery because everybody was so warm and welcoming, but a
little bit of like, yeah, oh, people have connections and
know each other because all of these people have been
(10:52):
like working for so long, established everybody was like everybody's
dabblished established writers felt yes, and we were like, what's up,
what's this.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm pretty sure you guys made a mistake casting movie,
but I'm not going to say anything.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So yeah, Like I remember feeling pretty quickly that I
was like, oh, I feel like I can trust to Stephanie.
I feel like close to you or just familiar. And
I don't know if that was like the cultural thing
or you know, because sometimes that happens you meet other
letinos and you're like, oh, we get it, you get it, yeah,
(11:27):
or yeah, just that we had, you know, we had
things in our background that were similar and a lot
of things in common, I think, and but we're also
very different. Yeah, and yeah, I don't remember it never
there didn't feel like a dating phase, whereas I felt
like there was a little bit of like a dating thing.
Like I remember I was a big fan of Joelatrulio's
when like, I was so psyched that he got cast,
(11:50):
and then there was like I just wanted him to
like me, and so there was that period of just
like getting to know each other and think me lucky.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
For you, he likes almost everyone.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Does, but I didn't know that at the time.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
And then he is a very friendly guy, but he
doesn't like you.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Whoa maybe look inward but yeah he yeah. And I remember,
you know, like becoming friends with Joe. I remember becoming
friends with you.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
It didn't feel like with you, I had any There
wasn't any like walls to break down. Yeah, and it
didn't feel like you were to me. What I really
think about now is, at least in friendships, I look
for honesty. I look for people that are honest, funny.
I like funny, you know, and you seem to be
(12:48):
both of those things. You weren't like, oh, yeah, you know,
I know what I'm doing. You were like like I was,
and it felt very like, oh okay, Well, she's being
real with her experience. You know, she still has had
more experience on camera than me, but she's being real
about that. This is also nerve wracking for her. So
I can get behind that. I can get behind this honesty.
And also I don't I don't see that in anybody
(13:11):
else around here, So I'm gonna yeah, and they did
they sure as how them? I mean fucking yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, I don't even remember what was like the first
time we hung out outside of work or I feel
like it just happened, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Which is like also like we were very lucky in
that we had this again, this work situation where we
were there for hours and hours all the time, and
you know, we were thrust into a situation in which
we got to spend time together and it just so
happened that we were we liked each other.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah, And our job is sort of weirdly convenient in
that way, especially when you're on something like Brooklyn where
it went so long. And you know, we we did
trips together, like for work. I mean we did one
fun trip we all went to Paris what was that
second season, which was so fun. But we also like
we did work trips together, like you know, you and
me did panels in Austin and we went to Montreal
(14:11):
for the Comedy Festival, and like you know, so then
there's like dinners out and like fun things that like
doesn't always happen I think with some other careers. And
so there was like all this like bonding time and
friendship time, and I think that's kind of where we
all sort of went from like just colleagues to real friends.
(14:31):
Real friendships. Yeah, And I have to tell you, like
I realized because I moved to LA like a year
before I booked Brooklyn, and I was already I turned
thirty after I moved to LA, so I spent all
of my twenties in New York and I grew up
right outside New York, so it was like really starting over.
(14:54):
And it wasn't until Brooklyn ended that I realized that
the whole time I was on Brooklyn, I sort of
took for granted and also took advantage of the fact
that like we were all such good friends and we
spent so much time together. I didn't I realized then
it was over and everybody like not that we went.
We you know, we're all still close, but like we're
(15:16):
all busy, Like everybody doesn't teach, you know, kind of
goes there's something, you know, like shooting out of town
and dah da dah whatever. And I realized like there
was a little bit of like a lonely period where
I was like, oh, I have not been like giving
time and effort to like what is my community in LA,
(15:38):
because I just, you know, like what are my friends?
And like realizing that certain friendships I should like put
more time and energy into because I just kind of
was like coasting for a long time with Like.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
I totally I can totally empathize with that.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
I know what you mean.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, not like I know what you mean, Like, yeah,
you really messed up, Like I know.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
What you mean. But like it was like air transition
where it was like oh, and then it was like
getting into making friends as an adult, which is really
fucking weird. It's like a weird dating thing and it's
like so weird.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
It is, like I mean because that's the thing, right,
Like it takes a long time to make friends. It
takes hours and hours of time put in around the person.
And like if you're busy, if you're a parent, if
you have a family, even if you're like a single
person and you work a lot, or you just you know.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
You don't have a lot of time, like or you've
been burned in the past by friends and you're like,
I'm one, I'm in right, that's for me. I was like, oh,
I don't want to go go through it all again.
I don't want to go through it all again. It
really is like it's like dating where you're just like
(17:02):
you have to take that leap and you're kind of
nervous that like it'll blow up again because you went
through that in the past and it sucks. God, it's
so hard.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
More more, I read this thing about making friendships. It
was this is sorry nerd time, let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Nerd time. No, no, no, nerd time, nerd time.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
It was a study out of the University of Kansas,
and it was about like how long it was an
average on all these people that were like they did
these questionnaires and some of it was people that had
moved to a new It was like a two bar study.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Some of it was people that had moved to a
new town.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
It was like about how many new friendships that made
since moving and you know, like moving.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Is hard, as you know, you're just talking about it.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
And then another one was like people in school, college age,
so like another new thing, a move or like a
beginning of a new moment. And on average to count
someone as like a good friend, it's between fifty and
one hundred hours spent.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
I know. That's so depressing, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
It's so much time, so much time, But like that's
so I say that only because like sometimes I'm like
why don't I have any friends? Why don't I have
any friends? I have four friends, And I'm like, oh,
because these are the four people that I've actually spent
this much time with, Yeah, that I trust and believe in,
you know, because like what I used to do was
absolutely throw myself into friendships and try to be besties
(18:42):
with people prior to spending I think, not like you
have to spend fifty to one hundred hours. That's just
this one study that's only in Kansas, you guys, University
of Kid.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
It's just kidding.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But I do think in the past, I was like,
for example, I was desperate to make new friends. When
I moved to La I was so isolated and alone,
and I joined a comedy dance troupe. And what I
(19:15):
really wanted and what I was really sold on was
the idea that all of these women were spending their
off time together and making up these really funny dances
and having this like female bonding time, and it was
just going to be like, woo woo, We're all going
to be besties. And like that's how I looked on Instagram.
You know, you can never never believe the Instagram lie.
But like I actually still do have a really good
(19:38):
friend who was in that dance troup with me. I
just went to our birthday party the other day. I
love her dearly. She's a fantastic friend who I trust, trust, trust,
But I have other friends from that dance troup that
I don't know where they are. It didn't work out,
you know, it just didn't work out, and like, but ultimately,
(19:59):
I guess I can look back on it and be like,
that was It was hard because there were a lot
of it was drama, you guys, it was drama without
getting into it. But I do have one good friend
that I got out of that, and like, I don't
know that I would have ever met her. She's she
is a writer, but we just run in different kind
of circles. I'm like, I don't know that I would
(20:19):
have met her, but I really really like her. So
it was like taking that risk and putting myself out there.
We had to audition for that dance troop.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
It was cool, but I remember, I remember, actually I
remember when you did that, and I remember thinking like,
oh my god, that's so cool and so.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
Brave.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
But like to say, when people say that so brave,
it was great, sore when you did that, you like
really put yourself out there. But I remember, uh, just
being really impressed with it, because I like, for me,
the challenge is I can be a little too close
(21:00):
off sometimes and like it's hard for me to let
people in sometimes, and I don't put myself out there
as much as I should. I think I'm trying to
be more better at that. But when I had Enzo,
I thought of you doing that dance troupe because I
was doing this. I did this like amazing prenatal yoga
(21:20):
class that was more of like a get ready for
birth kind of class, and I really loved it, and
I loved the teacher and she was.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Just like stretcher stretcher vulva.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
You just you know what she would do. She would
make us do like wall squats and like breathe and
be like and like if you were closer to like
the end of your pregnancy, you would have to do
extra and it was like a practice, but it was
like it was great. It was a practice in staying
(21:51):
calm while doing something hard.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Okay, yeah, because if you've ever done a wall sit,
you know it's absolut.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
So her but her whole like coaching while you were doing.
It was like slow your breathing, like keep your mind calm,
like it was that kind of training. So I like
loved that anyway. And she did like a mommy and
Me class right after that, and I was scared to go,
but I knew I needed to like practice getting out
(22:18):
of the house by myself with the baby because my
husband was on a show in New York and I
knew I was gonna be doing a lot of that.
And then but then I remember thinking about you joining
that dance troupe and thinking like, maybe I'll make some
mom friends because I only have like a couple friends.
I had two close friends that it had yeah, like
(22:39):
two or three. I did have a few close friends
that had had kids around the same time. And but
I just felt like exactly where you are in that moment,
you know what I mean of, Like step By, I
was like me, I could use some more mom friends.
I ended up making like one of them is become
like one of my closest friends, and like there's a
(22:59):
couple other that I still like. I became really good
friends with a few of the women from that class, And.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, I remember you talking about this and being like, yeah,
this is some of my like core mom friends.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, my little like mom group, baby, and yeah we
have dinner and like all our kids are the same age,
and so every time I feel crazy like what is
going on with him? And I check in with them
and they're like, oh yeah, same over here, Like it's
amazing and and it's sort of you know, and it
was like the same kind of experience where like it
was a big class, it was a lot of people.
(23:30):
We tried to do these like big get togethers, and
like it slowly got like smaller and smaller and like.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Little, you know what I mean, And then you sort
of just separate the wheat from the chest.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, your week, right, Yeah this is a match. This
is not a match. Oh that you know, and you
know and now you know, Enzo just turned eight, so
eight years later, it's like it's come down to this
little core group. But it's great and you know, yeah,
we went to Hawaii with one of the moms, like
(24:01):
with that family. Oh my god, that's like how close
we become and our sons are dusties and it's great.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But like, honestly, that makes me feel like I need
to join some kind of like mom group or something,
because I don't have any friends. I mean you right,
but your kids are both older older than yours, and
I really don't have any Yeah, you don't have anybody
that's going through what I'm going through right now, which.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Is like, yeah, it's huge. I think when you start
over here, yeah, when you start like any type of
school or anything too, like that's I feel like that
was the next time that I was like, oh here.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
If I was like, we don't believe in school, which
I don't believe in it, so we're not doing that.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Well, good luck.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
No school at all, no.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Learning, nothing, no book, go to the same park at
the same time every day.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
I do need some though, like I need some I
need some or I need like a new I need
like a new hobby or something.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
This is you know what I need to do. Also,
I just need to like text people, because I have
met women who I think are really really cool and
then I get their numbers and then I don't. I'm like,
I don't know if she wants to hear from me.
Maybe she just gave me her number out of pity,
you know.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Like part well, that's like the hardest thing I think
about making friends as an adult, because yeah, it's like
this weird like should I ask them to coffee? Like
shouldn't that? Do you think they want to go out
with me? And like it brings up all of those feelings.
But when I was saying about that like lonely period
I had after Brooklyn and it was a lot of
it was like what you're just saying, Like I was like, Oh,
(25:43):
I just have to like make more of an effort
to like call the people I like, you know, or
like these couple friends that I'm like, I think friends
with I think they like me, like just put myself
out there that we live close to each other. So yeah,
proximity is key and just like take that little leap
(26:03):
of faith and hope it works out. But it is
so nerve wracking just talking about it. Just like my
voice just keeps like pitching up.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That's why there's like shirts and hats that say no
new friends.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Because it's really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's so hard to make them. It feels very like
I mean, I'll say this the the time. Investment is
one thing, right, but like setting that aside, it is
like the nervy feeling I think is something that as
we get as we get a little older, it's it's
hard to like, you know, you go, like, I have
(26:38):
my friends, I have the things that I like to do.
I don't want to try anything new. I don't want
to be uncomfortable. And that's the part that's.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Hard more more Yeah, I also find what's hard too
is like getting to know so one Oh oh god,
worse right, It's like I wish I could just plug
my history and like my weird things and my quirks,
(27:08):
just like into your brain and be like, oh no,
do you like it? You think this will worship and.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Then yeah, like oh my god, not me being like
have you seen that TikTok? What am I talking about?
Like not, there's this TikTok that has this great sound,
and it's like how many brothers and sisters do you have?
What do you do for work?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Do you like? Be like that.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
It's like it's so boring getting to know people because
we all ask the same dumb questions and we all
you know, for me, it's like, ah, the time investment
is I know I said I wasn't. It's a different thing,
but it's tricky.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
It's really tricky.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Because to get myself out of the house, to get dressed,
to have a babysitter watching my kid, or my ask
my husband to do it, to drive somewhere to like boot.
But it's like bro, I don't bro, even though like
during the pandemic, honestly I would have killed Yeah, yeah,
I try to think about that sometimes. I try to think,
(28:05):
like during the pandemic, would you have paid to have
been able to sit with you?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
You know what I mean? And like probably yes, yeah,
well I so I also have an interesting article that
I read. It was in teen Vote Friendship Coach recommends
these tips to make friends. Are you ready?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Oh my god, I'm gonna vote. I'm going to vote
a scale of one to ten whether or not I
think these are good.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Let's do it. You can also vote as you listen.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Here we go show up a friend people who share
your hobbies, like the gym, pottery, class, et cetera.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
So like, maybe, for first of all, I'm not making
friends at the gym. Yoga pilates maybe, but the gym.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
I don't want to talk to anybody at the gym.
He wants to wants to stop having homer stations at
the gym. Can we just like all collectively as society
agree to that.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
I feel like Pilatates is different because like you just
did the thing altogether.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Because there was a little tang and the lobby. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm with you on that. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, well yeah,
all right, okay, next second one, take risks, let people
know that you like them and make plans. That's a
big guy. I hear, yes, and good.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
I will give this one a seven, because no, I
will take it up too. On eight because our mutual
friend Lauren Ash I met her at an event and
I had been looking at her Instagram and I was like,
I know I have things in common.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
She likes Disney. I like Disney.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
She likes comedy. I like comedy. So I went up
to her at the event and I was like, hey,
I think you're so cool. I have been following you.
I know you love Disney. I would love to go
to Disney with you sometimes. Like I straight up told her.
I was like I think you're cool. Yeah, and she
was like, oh my god, thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And I was like, I did too much. I did
too much.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
And then we had a couple drinks and I was great,
and now we're friends. Now we're like real friends, you're
like really, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
That's a big one because it is so nerve wracking
to be like, hey, I like you, let's like get
get lunch or let's hang out, like even just saying that,
like can we hang out?
Speaker 1 (30:15):
I do feel like you need to give space yeah,
between the like you know, or like we should get
dinner sometime, not.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Be as thirsty as I just was. Well, but then
you know what I worry about is like people say
that all the time.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
And no, no, no, I think, like tag on this sometime. Yeah,
but then I feel like I get to follow up
with the text. You have to follow up, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you have to follow up. Okay, So okay, we like
that one. Okay, we like that one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Tell your circle you're looking for new friends, meet your
friend's friends. That's a good one.
Speaker 4 (30:52):
That I've never really good right, what I didn't I've
never thought to say, like to you, for example, like
I'm actually looking for new friends.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
If you have people that you think that I would like,
I'd love to like do a three three.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Hang and see if we hit it off.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, because that's kind of safe because then you have
a mutual in common.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yes, and I've actually like, yeah, I've even been thinking
lately too of like we should combine some like you know, sometimes,
especially in LA because it's such a driving city, you
sort of have I feel like I very like separate
groups of friends and trying to like orchestrate like more
group hangs with people I think would get along because
(31:33):
I want that like group kind of community thing that
we had in New York, and I just think is good,
especially when you have kids and stuff, you know, Like
I like a group hang. I like like community.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I like that. I like, tell your this is good.
This gets an eight?
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Me, well let's give it a seven because we haven't
tried it yet.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
That's true. Might Yeah, what's the next one? Okay? And
the last one is invite people to things you usually
do alone.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Like getting your biki. Hey, you want to go here,
but wax with me?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
No, that's not for me.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Some things I want to do alone, like I want
to get my manicure alone because well honestly, because I
want to talk to my manicurist, who I would say
is a friend. Yeah, gnails in Highland Park, Go, she's amazing, loope, ip.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I really like to hike alone, but I do enjoy
a hike with someone else, and I should ask somebody
to hike with me more often.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Not me, girl, No, hike is not for me, that's
not it's not no, I would go. I would go
on a hike with you. I think it would be nice.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Or we could just do like walk, Yeah, I could do.
That's at my level. I love a walk, you know,
I love a walk.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Better.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Okay, let's discuss and digest. I feel like one thing
that I came away with from today was I should tell.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
My friends that I'm looking for new friends. And I'm glad.
I'm also I mean, I know.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
We've talked about this a little bit before, but I
am glad to hear that it's as hard for me
as it is for you.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
You strike me as somebody that's like so friendly and
so outgoing. So it's like very calming to me to
hear that you are, like it's hard, thanks, friend.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
But yeah, I think I think that that's what I'm
digesting as well, is like this comfort and that like
it's fucking awkward and hard I think for everyone. And yeah,
I think I like initially like I'm okay kind of
getting along with people. It's like taking it to that
next step of like friendship, right where it's like you're revealing.
(33:55):
Why did I like next step like the French kiss
kids with your friends, because until you feel their tongue,
how do you know they're going to be a good friend?
How do you know?
Speaker 1 (34:10):
That's how I make friends? Obviously? Obviously do you feel Melissa,
do you feel a little more better?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
You know, I'm gonna say like half sie'es on this
one because just talking about it game anxiety. Do you
feel more better? I?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I do. Actually, I'm kind of excited by the tell
your friends you're looking for friends, because yeah, I don't know,
it's set me up with some of your cool friends.
I feel like I could even if I do that
with one person, I might meet one more person that
I like, which is totally kind of exciting. Anyway, I'm
glad we're friends. I am so glad that we're friends.
(34:51):
It's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yeah, And to whoever's listening to this, you know, maybe
put yourself out there or don't.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, you know, you know, Oh maybe one day we'll
have a little pod party and you can come and
we can all meet in person and be friends friends.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
How cute? I love it. Okay, all right?
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Cool? So if if you're also you know, living your
life trying to be more better, we appreciate you listening
to us talk about.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
It for a little while, and we'll see you next
week from More Shit Talking, See yahye.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WZ Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mike Utura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz,
and Melissa FUMERA. More Better is produced by Isis Madrid,
Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are
(35:58):
Wilmer Valderrama and Clem at w V Sound. This episode
was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy
and features original music by Madison Davenport and hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
See you next week's sagas. Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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