January 16, 2025 • 38 mins
Stephanie and Melissa haven’t seen each other in person since they recorded the verrrry first episode of More Better last year. Ya know — work, life — things happened.Thus, they have totally perfected the art of The Long Distance Friendship. This week, Aussie pod listener Lauren sends us a voice memo asking for advice on how to maintain her friendship with her LDB (long distance bestie) in Germany. Have a listen, see if you can relate and let us know what you think of Steph’s Australian accent. We think it’s coming along bloody nicely, mate.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It might have been when we did the first episode
of this was that the last time we saw each other.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
When was that? What?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
No, that's crazy, More Better, More More, a little more better, More.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together because we definitely don't, and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Day, or at least trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice and
that is multa famarro. And here we are, guys, We're back.
Here we are. How are you doing. Okay, we're recording
this as some really devastating fires are happening in Los Angeles,
(00:58):
and uh, you know, we decided that we would record
just to sort of have a normal moment in the
midst of all this really like intense devastation. I don't
know what else to call it. I mean, it's a
horrible that's horrible. Hopefully by the time that you're hearing this,
(01:18):
the fires are contained, and yeah, there's some way to help,
and we will donate to help. Yeah, because you know,
we love our city and we're so we're just like
really feeling a lot of empathy for the people that
are going through a lot right now. Losing their houses,
(01:40):
losing places that they're community gathers. It's just really this
is rough. But in the face of rough sometimes you
just try to do stuff that's kind of normal. So yeah,
what's normal for us is to talk to each other.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, just like take a moment for connection and for
you know, friendship, frendship, which is what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Oh yeah, we are. Wait before we get into that,
how are you doing.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I'm I'm I'm okay. I'm in Atlanta. So it's weird
to be not home. You know, school's closed for today,
so like everyone's just hunkered down and trying not to
feel too guilty about not being there. But everyone is
(02:35):
safe and so you know, just checking up on people
and yeah, but it's it's a weird feeling to be
not physically home where all this craziness is happening.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, thinking about all the firefighters and you know, it's
just devastating.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
What's happening. Anything. Have you been doing anything lately that's
a little more better. I have been watching a lot
of movies. Who I have been catching up on my films,
my films and my television shows, and that's been great.
(03:17):
I really loved the substance. Have we talked about this.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
No, I haven't seen it yet. I've been catching up
on TV. But I need to watch the Substance.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It is a wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.
Like it is cuckuck coo, cuckoo, cuckoo cuchoo. Like, yeah, Melissa,
I almost don't want you to watch it until you, like,
like maybe watch it with your cast or something like
if you can like catch it with other that's good
to me because I just think the experience of watching
(03:48):
it as a woman as a woman with other women.
What am I saying as a woman as a woman.
But honestly, like, I have male friends who I stood
I found out a Christmas party and like talk to
them for about thirty minutes about how good this movie
was and how much I loved it and how wild
it was and how the performances I just thought were
(04:11):
really special and yeah, I just yeah, yeah, I loved Wicked.
I saw Wicked, Obsessed with Wicked. I love with Wicked.
I know a lot of people have corriticisms, but I know, uh,
I mean, I just think it was really and I
was really excited that they won the basically like the
Blockbuster award at the Globes. I thought that was really amazing. Yeah, yeah,
(04:36):
I'm really proud of May on the inside, Yes, which
was so good. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You were fantastic in it. I loved your big episode
what is it, episode six I think or seven six? Yeah,
I really I texted you this, but I just really
loved you in that role. It was different and like
a new thing for you, and I loved it.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You were so good, much more close to like what
I actually am like, which is yeah, yeah, that's what
I mean. Yeah, usually play Yeah, it's like I'm so
I didn't realize. I'm so used to seeing you play
characters that are so far from you, and this was
really lovely to see something that was like very close
to who you are in real life as a person
(05:24):
and like getting just getting to use also like your
charm and your light and you know, you play a
lot of dark characters. But what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, but that was I just really loved that.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I loved that. Yeah, I loved watching that. It was
it was really beautiful work, truly a joy to do.
It was truly a joy. Yeah, and looked like it
more better.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
So today's episode comes from a listener you guys listeners.
You've been so awesome with the requests. We love hearing them.
We love the voice notes. We have one today. If
you need help with something in your life, or you
have suggestions for a future episode, please email us at
Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. Include a voice note
(06:17):
to be featured or not. You know, you can also
just write an email.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Dealer's choice.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
But today we have a voice note from Lauren and
let's listen to it.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Hey, Stephanie, Melissa, coming to you from Australia. I wanted
to know your advice for long distance friendship slash relationships.
My best friend lives in Germany and even though I
talk to her every day, I still miss her a lot.
Regular travel is not an option for us, so I'm
grateful for any tips. Thank you, and I loving the
podcast from Lauren.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Oh that was nice. I accent. I can't do it.
I can't do it either. I want to learn how
to do it so bad. I know my stiffany Melissa, Melissa,
that was that was good? Oh, thank you, but I
just had to listen to it for a little while.
I have a good year. I have a good ear.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You do have a good ear, so Yeah, we're talking
about long distance friendships, which we have some experience with
given our occupations in life.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, we leave home a lot. We're often not near
our families, so yeah, I get that, even talking on
the phone every day.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah, I haven't seen you in real life, and like,
how long has it been?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I don't know. Actually, uh, I don't know how long
it's been. It's been long.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I don't think i've seen you since like last spring.
We're probably getting close to a year.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Jesus, No, that can't be right. Oh my god, I
think it is. I think it is. Holy Macaroni. Oh
that's so distressing. Okay, do you remember when during the
pandemic and you'd be like, at least me, I'd be
like sitting in my house, like I would do anything
to see my friends. Would drive anywhere. Oh yeah, I
don't care if they live in West Hollywood. I don't care.
(08:04):
I don't care how far away they are. I'll go anywhere.
And now I'm like, can you meet me? Can we
meet halfway?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
God?
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What's been your experience with long distance friendships? You know,
some of them really last and some don't. Yeah. I
think sometimes you meet people where it's kind of easy
and you check in once in a while and then
when you see them, it's like no time has passed
and you're just catching up and it's so great. And
(08:37):
then some friends you need to tend it a little
more like a sensitive plant in your garden, where you
have to like get in there and check on it
and dig around and see if there's anything that's, you know,
festering or whatever. So it depends on the kind of
friends A that you want and B that you are.
I think some people are better suited to tending relationship
(09:00):
like that, and yep, some don't have, you know, like
some some people don't have the bandwidth, and that's okay,
I think, yeah, yeah. For example, I have this friend Jen,
who lives in New Orleans, who actually met through another
friend who lived in New Orleans, and when I was
(09:20):
going there to shoot, she introduced me. She was like, oh,
you gotta meet my friend Jen. She's great, and like,
we went out for drinks one night and I thought
she was so funny and cool and she is just
an amazing person. She's around a lot for me at
a hard time. That was when my dad was dying,
and she was so fantastic and just like the cool
(09:41):
Like she'll wear like sunglasses inside and everyone's just like
who is that? Is she a producer or something? Like
everyone was like who's that? She's really great and like,
you know, we just randomly text and something that she
does that I love is that just like sometimes she'll
just like randomly send me, Like she sent big box
for us and it was full of like New Orleans
(10:03):
e stuff and some clothes for ras and you know,
just like checking in and being like okay, but like
a surprise box. Like that's really like that's something that
I actually learned from her. And for one of my
friends that's doing a play in Kansas City right now,
I sent her a box just like of random shit,
like some stuff that I had like bought her and saved.
(10:25):
And then like also like a wig, you know, just
like r bullshit that I thought was funny. I think
it depends on the person, you know and the friendship.
What about you? Yeah? I agree?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I I you know, I moved to LA when I
turned thirty, so you know, I had my whole group
of best friends in New York that some were most
were from college, some were from after college, some were
from elementary and high school and you know, and we've
(10:58):
done an episode about how hard it is to make
friends as an adult. So my first few years in LA,
besides you guys at Brooklyn, you know, those were still
my people and they still are.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I've done a better, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Eventually I realized I was I needed to give a
little more time and energy to like cultivating friendships like
in my community where I actually lived. That's funny, and
like you were saying, you also realize, you know, and
at the time, like it was hurtful. The friends that
like didn't were harder to connect with, were harder to
(11:39):
like get in touch with or find a way to
like keep communication open. But then you just sort of
go like, well, that's that's life, man, and we're all
like doing our best and everybody's busy and it is
what it is, and like, you know, and then you
just stick to the people with the people that that
happens a bit easier more organically. I think the biggest
(12:04):
thing for that I've noticed is of all my of
my core inner group of friends, like no one gets
pissed really when too much time has gone without talking,
Like everyone is very open and understanding that like things
get busy, things get hectic, you know, and inevitably someone
(12:25):
will be like, hey, it's been a long time, Like
when when can we Like, we will set up dates
to FaceTime and catch up, you know, that's necessary for sure.
We will put it in the calendar. Are you around
on Sunday? Okay, it's three pm? Work for you great, Like,
let's put it in the calendar and we will do
our ketchup calls.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
That that open understanding of like that sometimes we're going
to talk a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
One of my best friends just got married, so like
that was kind of a reconnecting event and we all
have been talking like almost every day for the past
couple of months and still ours and it's been so nice.
But I also know that like maybe in a month
or two, that's going to fall away a little bit
and people are going to get busy and then we're
gonna you know, get back in our routines. So there's
(13:16):
like a lot of like compassion and openness that I
think you have to have, but also you have to
be good about making sure.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Not too much time goes by, you know. Yeah, I
think that's something that like not being afraid to be like, Hi,
what are you doing? You know, like as long as
that isn't an empty high, as long as it's not
because I've definitely had friends that like they drop off
the face of the earth and then they reach back
(13:45):
out and it's like what do you want? You know,
Like say I had I.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Had a big argument with a close friend when I
had Enzo, and I felt like he kind of disappeared,
like dropped off the face of the earth. And I
was like, Hey, you're one of my closest friends in
this big life event happened, right, and you have no
connection to it because you don't even know what's going on,
(14:18):
like you don't even know what this has been like,
and you know, and he got a little upset. But
then I think he realized he had like another friend
tell him like, oh, she's just fighting for your friendship,
Like she's just fighting to like keep you in her life.
And then you know, we talked about it and and
then we got past it.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
So it's also like, hey, it's been a minute, like
you know, or just I think being conscious too, I
try to be with my long distance friends of like
keeping track and tabs on, like when people have big
things going on, you know, and just yeah, okay for
this time, I have to be like extra caut like
(14:59):
conscio of like checking in because this person is up
for a job or they're looking for a job, or
they're moving or whatever it is. You know, like just
aware of what's going on in their life, just like
the big stuff, you know, because I think the big
stuff is when you kind of want the people that
know you the best around, Like that's when you need
(15:22):
those connections the most, when you don't have to explain shit.
They already know how you feel, you know, because they've
known you for so long.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
That's that's kind of how I But it's hard. It
takes work, you know, it's not easy.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
If if Floren's talking to her friend every day, right,
which is amazing that they talk at Yeah, that's crazy.
What kind of time do you have in your hands, Lauren?
I feel like something to maybe add to that is
like like a sit down. You know, maybe that the
(15:57):
conversations aren't hitting the way that you want them too
because you're not having these like deep deep I mean,
I'll say as an example, like one of my good
friends lives in Chicago, and she is traveling for work
all the time, and she's been really busy for the
last two months and it's only been texts. I haven't
a voice really, right. And so the other day, I know,
(16:19):
I knew she had a day off, and I was like,
can I talk with you? And she was like, yeah,
I'm going to make She's always doing two things at once.
She was like, yeah, I'm gonna make my food and
eat it. And I was like, okay, great, but I
was like, we have to talk like on the end, right,
So maybe what Lauren is searching for is like something
a little deeper. So maybe that's like do you need
(16:41):
to plan, like you said, a zoom or a FaceTime
or a chat that's not like, hey, what are you doing?
You know, two seconds before you like go into target
or something, you need to like sit down and have
a moment, you know. Yeah, that's why it doesn't feel
like I haven't seen you in so so so long.
(17:04):
I mean I didn't even think about it, but like,
because we get this time with each other and we'd
like sit down and actually look at each other and
talk to each other about stuff, right, Yeah, that might
be something that might make her feel more connected. Is
like an actual dedicated time where you're looking at each
other's faces and you know you're not like dicking around
(17:24):
on your phone or or yeah, you know, an actual
dedicated time where you go, I'm on the phone with you,
and yes, I'm going to fold this laundry, but I'm
also going to talk to you, like not just for
five minutes, but like a full hour about all the
stuff we got to like process in our in our
day or whatever, and I need your help with right, Yeah,
(17:47):
one hundred percent. I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I think that's probably why maybe she's feeling like she
misses her so much, because maybe, you know, maybe instead
of the daily chats that are maybe just hitting the
surface stuff. And I don't know how long their daily
chats are, but I would imagine they're quick.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I mean, girl, girlfriend camp be on, Lauren, are you
on the phone for like two hours a day with
your bustie? Because we need more details, you know what. Also, like,
here's something that she didn't mention, but I will say, like,
as someone who is very nosy, I love like one
of one of my favorite things at work is to
(18:25):
be like, what's going on in your life? Tell me
everything right and so not to spread Wachincha. But I
worked with the girl this past year and she was
away from her friend group because we're working on location
and she was away from her friend group, and she
was like struggling with like looking at Instagram and seeing
(18:47):
her friends all hanging out without her. On their stories,
they'd be you know, going here, going there, going to
this party, or going to that party, and they were
they were hanging out without her, and it made her
feel really left out. So that even though she was
in contact with all of them constantly, she still felt
really left out. And that's something that I think obviously
(19:10):
age and experience, but still, like still it's a feeling
like you got to talk to yourself through that feeling,
right Like you got to be like, Okay, I'm not there.
If I was there, that would be different. If I
was there and they didn't invite me, then I have
to think about who my friends are, right, right, But
(19:30):
you're not there, So instead of wishing you were there
and feeling jealous and sad that you're not getting those
experiences with that person, it's like you got to turn
it and be like, how am I filling up my
own life, so that they are a part of my
life and the friendship isn't my whole life. And again
(19:51):
I don't know if that's Lauren, if if that's her
experience or not, but like, sometimes you can get so
wrapped up in this idea this is my best friend
and we're soulmates, and this is my person and they
understand me. And now they've moved far away, and I
don't know who I am without this person. It's like,
you are you, you know you are, You're fine, You're
(20:12):
just fine.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think you're hitting something really good and important. And
I think I had that realization too those after those
first few years in la of like, you know, part
of me realizing, oh, I have to like also cultivate
friendships and community in the place that I physically live
live was realizing that, yeah, I was putting too much stop,
(20:37):
too much energy into these friendships that they just they
don't we don't live in the same city, like we
are long distance. Like it is what it is, and
it's different what it it's different. But what it also
meant at the same time was that I had a
void I had. I missed having friends, I missed having
a group or you know people to be social with
(20:57):
or I have a friendship with and get into de
talks with, like that was the thing I was actually
also missing, Like, yes, I missed the people and I
wanted to do it with them the most. But once I,
I think, put more time and energy into cultivating my
friendships in LA, I had less of those longing feelings,
(21:19):
you know.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, less of that.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Like missing a person with dread, you know, or feeling
left out, like because my life was a little more full,
I had people to lean on. I had and I
have wonderful, amazing good friends in LA that are very
close to And it's like you can have both, you know,
and you can cherish those old friendships and those old
(21:45):
friends and those those ogs will be there for you
when you most need them.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yes, totally.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You can also have deep connections with the people in
your community. You know, you just have to put a
little time in effort into it and be vulnerable and
open yourself up, you know, in the ways that we
like talked about in that one episode. But once I
felt like I did that, it all got a little easier,
(22:14):
you know, and then you're not putting all this on
those relationships too.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, more better now, I will say the ones that
you do want to keep, right, Like the long distance
friendships that you do want to keep, they are, like
you said, you gotta like do a little work a
little bit, right, Like you gotta text people, you gotta
(22:42):
sometimes call people. You got to if you can, You
got to visit people, right, Like, Yeah, it's not it's
not long distance. But I do have a friend who
lives in mid mid mid city who it's like, guys,
it's an hour drive in my house. She's a great
(23:02):
friend though, and so like we will periodically do a
movie night over here because it's easier for them to
come to us, because you know, so like what they'll
do is they'll come for dinner time, they'll be around
for bedtime and stuff, and then we'll go watch a
movie downstairs in the basement. And that's really fun. It's
now it's like a little bit of a tradition. We
(23:23):
watched Oh my god, what was it called? His wiener
was out? What was it called? Do you remember this
murt around the dance blo? Do you better not kill
the group? H my god? Sulburn? Oh Saltburn, you guys,
we watched Sulburn together? Oh, my god. We watched Sulburn
(23:44):
together and the minute spoiler alerts who haven't seen it,
the minute the minute that he was crying at the grave,
we started screaming at the TV. It's one of my
best memories I think of watching a movie ever, but
like doing that, that kind of stupid stuff with your friends,
like and it it. You know, like I don't see
her very often. She's in she's in school, she's getting
(24:06):
her master's, like, she's she's a bomb, super smart person,
and I don't get to see her very often. And
so like little things like that, or like one of
my friends, the friend that I mentioned that lives in Chicago,
I'm actually going to go travel to see the play
that she's in because I'm just like dying to see
her and I want to see her work, you know,
(24:26):
just stuff like that, Like next time in I'm in
New Orleans, I want to see Jen. I think Jen.
Jen actually came out to she traveled to New York
when I had a movie premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival,
and she like came, She's like I'm gonna use my points.
It's like great, you know, planning, planning a little getaway
or planning a trip or making like you did with
(24:49):
the wedding. It's like making an effort to go to
a wedding to know that you're gonna like see your
friend get married and be a part of this big
moment in their life that's really really special. And bonuses
that you might get to see some other friends as well, right, Like, yeah,
we got to spend a whole weekend together and it
was great.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And it really is, like like you were saying, it
really is quality over quantity, you know, like I there
are some friends I might only see once a year,
but as long as it's you know, and it's usually
a trip or like it's a long hang like you're
like you're saying, you know, you drive down to the
person or you meet in a city, and but that
(25:29):
quality time that's like it fills your cup for a
long time, you know, it really does, you know. And
if there's a way that they could meet in the
middle between.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Australia and Germany, I don't know what that would be.
Oh go Tokyo, No is it? Or will you figure
out what's in the middle of Australia and Germany that
it can't be Tokyo is it Tokyo. I'll look it up.
I wanted to be now, I really wanted to be Tokyo. Yeah,
Like planning a trip, is there like a vacationing spot
(26:02):
that's like somewhere in the middle that's not too expensive.
Listen to me. There were a travel podcast now Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I checked, and it's generally like the Bay of Bengal.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
So you could go to like Thailand or Burma, like
all those places have like gorgeous islands. You know that
you can like rent like a little villa or something.
Oh fuck yeah, Oh my god, go to Thailand. You guys,
go to Thailand. You could meet each other in Thailand.
How cool would that be? You could have a fantastic
adventure and remember for the rest of your lives. Also, also,
(26:36):
I will say, sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder.
I will say. The flip side of this is that
sometimes you're like, I'm busy, it's all my time, ausy
so much, and then when you're with each other on
a three day trip, you're like, oh my god, that's right.
She is not nice to waiters. Oh I forgot you
(26:57):
know what I mean? Oh no, no, picky about when
she has breakfast, and I am not like that. I
can't handle that. I have to walk away. You know,
I don't like that coffee order. That's too intense and involved.
I don't you know what I mean. So like sometimes
you'd be surprised, like sometimes you you you love your
(27:18):
friends and you love them for everything that they are,
but like, maybe you don't need a three day trip
with them. Maybe you just need to, like maybe you
to pack her a box and send her a bunch
of I mean, like, I'm not this is the other thing.
You could write letters. I am not a letter writer.
I'm not a journaler. I've never been. I've tried so
hard I cannot do it. I literally have underneath me,
(27:40):
right here at my desk a drawer full of half
done journals with like weird little scribbles and drawings you
have adournal before. Yes, I'm okay, it's okay, it's okay.
But I will pack a box. I will pack a
box and I will fill it with fun stuff. And
I are a very good thanksgiver. I love to do it.
So like maybe that's the way that you express like
(28:01):
I miss you, I love you. Maybe I can't afford
a trip to Thailand. With you right now, but like
I'm gonna send you a little something in the mail,
you know, like yeah, maybe that's the connection.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah, two of my my two of my o G bessies,
Michael and Alison, we just have like a group check
going where we send each other the dumbest videos and.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's like.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
And and half of them are like you know those
reels where somebody is like me and my bessie thinking
that we're hiding our opinion on our face and it's like,
so oh, I like giving the shadiest look on their
face because that's us. And it's amazing because it's like
even if I don't talk to them, they're still making
me laugh once a day or ever, you know what
(28:47):
I mean. And it's like it's just connection or and
I find too that I don't know if you find this,
but like I have different communication things with each friend totally.
I have a friend that I will send the longest
voice notes to and we will just do that back
and forth until we can like find a time to talk.
(29:08):
And I have another friend who like just can only
do the like catch up calls, FaceTime calls, like can't
get it together with like other things and that's fine
because he's really good about making those dates and being
like and he'll be the first one to be like, hey,
it's been a minute, Like what's your schedule, Like when
can we FaceTime? And then I've yeah. And then I
(29:30):
have our mutual friend Lena. We marco polo with each other,
which is an app where you send like video messages
to each other. Okay, yeah, yeah, and like so it's
like have different things with different.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Different ways of communication with different people. That's yeah. I
like that a lot because like different friends are different. Yeah.
That leads me to Okay, this is our like science
nerd time Corner. So NPR. NPR had this article life
Kit forced tips to stay connected when your friends live
far away, And it's kind of a lot of the
(30:09):
stuff that we've been talking about already, so I'll read
you some of them. Be intentional about keeping your long
distance friend. We've talked about that. It's like, if you
want people in your life, you got to do a
little work, right, use common interests to feel connected. So
the means the making and I just.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Spent twenty minutes at the beginning of this call talking
about film and television.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
It doesn't and and this article is being like, it
doesn't really matter what it is as long as it
helps you initiate conversation. So I love that. Don't hesitate
to reach out. If you feel like your communications in
a rut, your friend probably feels that way too. Don't
be afraid to be the first one to reach out.
It shows your friend that they don't need to fear rejection,
which is really nice because sometimes I get that feeling
(30:58):
of like, well haven't I sted hear in a long time?
I don't know, you know. And then this is basically saying,
don't be scared to do it, you know, yeah, which
I like. Conflicts are natural and healthy. Address them openly.
Now we haven't talked about this yet. From this article
this is it says separation's hard, miscommunication happens, and just
(31:20):
because there's a limited amount of time you get with
your friend, it can be easy to let conflicts go
unaddressed and try not to sweep things under the rug.
In fact, addressing conflict is one of the ways you
can become closer with your friend. I will say from
personal experience this has happened to me. I had some
miscommunications with a good friend of mine and it was
just like it got really icky and I didn't know
(31:41):
how to talk to her about it, and so I
ended up actually talking to a different friend about it,
and because that friend is nosy like me, she got
in the middle of it and was like, oh, girl,
y'all need to talk. So we did. She really was like,
h I can't be in the middle of this. You
gotta talk her. So we talked. It's a good friend. Really, yeah,
(32:03):
it was really I mean, it was painful. It was
kind of painful, but it was good in the end,
because you know, sometimes stuff just goes, you know, unsaid,
and we're busy people and life is hard and blah
blah blah blah blah. So like, I don't know, maybe Lauren,
there's something going on there that is maybe underneath some stuff,
(32:24):
and that's why you're feeling like you missed her so
much and you maybe don't feel as connected to her
as you want to feel. It's okay to just ask people,
is there something going on? Is there something you want
to tell me? You know? Yeah, But I mean it's
scary because like you just don't ever know what's on
the other end of that. You always hope it's like
no You're perfect. You're the best friend I've ever had, Right,
(32:48):
But I thought that was really helpful. More better, you know,
something that I think I learned today was like it's
okay to have these different friendship vibes with different people,
meaning yes, the last thing that you were saying, especially
with friends that are far away. It's like different things,
(33:10):
different strokes for different folks, literally mm hmmm. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, And I think, you know, I'm a person that
I think friendships are really important and valuable. Like now
we're seeing all these studies right coming out about community
being linked to like longevity and health, and like relationships
and like experiences being vital to like your health even
(33:35):
and so you know, I love my friends like so
hard and so deeply, and I feel lucky to have
amazing friends in my community.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
And also like these og.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Long distance friends who are from a different time in
my life who know me so well, and like I
feel very protective.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Of those friendships.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
And yeah, and it's all you know, but you have
to be you do have to stay like open and understanding,
and you know, like you were just saying, with the conflicts,
like those conversations can be awkward, but as long as
you always keep in mind that, like, you're only going
to bring those things up if you really love someone,
because if you don't care, you're not going to say anything.
You're just going to move on over it. Yeah, you're
(34:21):
just over it. You're just like whatever about that person.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
It's when it's somebody that you love and care about
that you want to address. You know that you're even
mad in the first place, right, because like, someone you
don't give a shit about can't really make you that mad,
so you know. So it's I think on either side
of that, like remembering that you know someone's coming to
you raising a flag or a conflict, it's it's because
(34:48):
they give a shit about you.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Because they give it. Yeah. Yeah, Really, long distance is hard, guys.
It's hard speaking of I miss you, it's really to
I know I missed you too. I cannot believe it's
been that long. Wait, we need to figure that out.
How long has it actually been. When did you leave
for Canada? Not before I live in Canada, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
July, July July, and then I was gone in like
June part of June. So I don't I think we
saw I really think we saw each other in like
April or May.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Maybe get the fuck out of here. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
It might have been when we did the first episode
of this, was that the last time we saw each
other in person?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
When was that? Oh? What? No? When was that that
was May?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I think it's May. I'm going to see you probably.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Oh my god. Wait when does your show? When does
your show actually start airing so that we can all
watch it?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yes, gross, point God in Society permiss Sundays No September.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
What am I talking about? February? No? Take that again?
Take that again? Take it again?
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Grow Growth in Society premiere's Sunday, February twenty third at
ten pm on NBC.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
How exciting ten pm Easter. Yes, and then you know,
streaming on Peacock the next day. So yeah, and while
you're on Peacock, also watched with a medal. Would you
know in season two is gonna premiere? Do you guys
have a date? Probably probably in the summer. I don't.
We don't have a date. But you know, there's a
lot of special effects that have to take place, because right, no,
and that feels like a somebody got bit on the
(36:41):
lip with a spider. So there's an entire scene where
my lip looks like I'm a real housewife. Baby. It
is crazy. My god, I have to watch it. Uh my.
One of our producers was like, it looks fine. I
was like, you're out to lunch, brother, it looks crazy.
(37:01):
I honestly can't wait to see what they did because like, yeah, like,
are they going to fix it and post like the
whole scene? I don't know is that the plan? I'm
not sure. Girl, it was Oh my god, that's hilario. Yeah,
oh that's so exciting. Well, I can't wait for that
until then, long distance friend. I'll see you the next
(37:22):
time that we record. Until then, long distance friend. Yeah, yes, hey,
you love you too. Bye, guys, Bye, thanks for joining
us by More Better. Dude, you have something you'd like
to be more better at that you want us to
talk about in a future episode.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and
Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
(38:00):
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was
edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and
features original music by Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our
cover art is by Vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(38:22):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you
next week's Saga Bye
It might have been when we did the first episode
of this was that the last time we saw each other.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
When was that? What?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
No, that's crazy, More Better, More More, a little more better, More.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we stop pretending
to have it all together because we definitely don't, and
embrace the journey of becoming a little more better every.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Day, or at least trying to. That's Stephanie Beatrice and
that is multa famarro. And here we are, guys, We're back.
Here we are. How are you doing. Okay, we're recording
this as some really devastating fires are happening in Los Angeles,
(00:58):
and uh, you know, we decided that we would record
just to sort of have a normal moment in the
midst of all this really like intense devastation. I don't
know what else to call it. I mean, it's a
horrible that's horrible. Hopefully by the time that you're hearing this,
(01:18):
the fires are contained, and yeah, there's some way to help,
and we will donate to help. Yeah, because you know,
we love our city and we're so we're just like
really feeling a lot of empathy for the people that
are going through a lot right now. Losing their houses,
(01:40):
losing places that they're community gathers. It's just really this
is rough. But in the face of rough sometimes you
just try to do stuff that's kind of normal. So yeah,
what's normal for us is to talk to each other.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, just like take a moment for connection and for
you know, friendship, frendship, which is what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Oh yeah, we are. Wait before we get into that,
how are you doing.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
I'm I'm I'm okay. I'm in Atlanta. So it's weird
to be not home. You know, school's closed for today,
so like everyone's just hunkered down and trying not to
feel too guilty about not being there. But everyone is
(02:35):
safe and so you know, just checking up on people
and yeah, but it's it's a weird feeling to be
not physically home where all this craziness is happening.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, thinking about all the firefighters and you know, it's
just devastating.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
What's happening. Anything. Have you been doing anything lately that's
a little more better. I have been watching a lot
of movies. Who I have been catching up on my films,
my films and my television shows, and that's been great.
(03:17):
I really loved the substance. Have we talked about this.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
No, I haven't seen it yet. I've been catching up
on TV. But I need to watch the Substance.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
It is a wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.
Like it is cuckuck coo, cuckoo, cuckoo cuchoo. Like, yeah, Melissa,
I almost don't want you to watch it until you, like,
like maybe watch it with your cast or something like
if you can like catch it with other that's good
to me because I just think the experience of watching
(03:48):
it as a woman as a woman with other women.
What am I saying as a woman as a woman.
But honestly, like, I have male friends who I stood
I found out a Christmas party and like talk to
them for about thirty minutes about how good this movie
was and how much I loved it and how wild
it was and how the performances I just thought were
(04:11):
really special and yeah, I just yeah, yeah, I loved Wicked.
I saw Wicked, Obsessed with Wicked. I love with Wicked.
I know a lot of people have corriticisms, but I know, uh,
I mean, I just think it was really and I
was really excited that they won the basically like the
Blockbuster award at the Globes. I thought that was really amazing. Yeah, yeah,
(04:36):
I'm really proud of May on the inside, Yes, which
was so good. Thanks.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
You were fantastic in it. I loved your big episode
what is it, episode six I think or seven six? Yeah,
I really I texted you this, but I just really
loved you in that role. It was different and like
a new thing for you, and I loved it.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
You were so good, much more close to like what
I actually am like, which is yeah, yeah, that's what
I mean. Yeah, usually play Yeah, it's like I'm so
I didn't realize. I'm so used to seeing you play
characters that are so far from you, and this was
really lovely to see something that was like very close
to who you are in real life as a person
(05:24):
and like getting just getting to use also like your
charm and your light and you know, you play a
lot of dark characters. But what do you mean?
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, but that was I just really loved that.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I loved that. Yeah, I loved watching that. It was
it was really beautiful work, truly a joy to do.
It was truly a joy. Yeah, and looked like it
more better.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
So today's episode comes from a listener you guys listeners.
You've been so awesome with the requests. We love hearing them.
We love the voice notes. We have one today. If
you need help with something in your life, or you
have suggestions for a future episode, please email us at
Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. Include a voice note
(06:17):
to be featured or not. You know, you can also
just write an email.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Dealer's choice.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
But today we have a voice note from Lauren and
let's listen to it.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Hey, Stephanie, Melissa, coming to you from Australia. I wanted
to know your advice for long distance friendship slash relationships.
My best friend lives in Germany and even though I
talk to her every day, I still miss her a lot.
Regular travel is not an option for us, so I'm
grateful for any tips. Thank you, and I loving the
podcast from Lauren.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Oh that was nice. I accent. I can't do it.
I can't do it either. I want to learn how
to do it so bad. I know my stiffany Melissa, Melissa,
that was that was good? Oh, thank you, but I
just had to listen to it for a little while.
I have a good year. I have a good ear.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
You do have a good ear, so Yeah, we're talking
about long distance friendships, which we have some experience with
given our occupations in life.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, we leave home a lot. We're often not near
our families, so yeah, I get that, even talking on
the phone every day.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah, I haven't seen you in real life, and like,
how long has it been?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I don't know. Actually, uh, I don't know how long
it's been. It's been long.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I don't think i've seen you since like last spring.
We're probably getting close to a year.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Jesus, No, that can't be right. Oh my god, I
think it is. I think it is. Holy Macaroni. Oh
that's so distressing. Okay, do you remember when during the
pandemic and you'd be like, at least me, I'd be
like sitting in my house, like I would do anything
to see my friends. Would drive anywhere. Oh yeah, I
don't care if they live in West Hollywood. I don't care.
(08:04):
I don't care how far away they are. I'll go anywhere.
And now I'm like, can you meet me? Can we
meet halfway?
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:13):
God?
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What's been your experience with long distance friendships? You know,
some of them really last and some don't. Yeah. I
think sometimes you meet people where it's kind of easy
and you check in once in a while and then
when you see them, it's like no time has passed
and you're just catching up and it's so great. And
(08:37):
then some friends you need to tend it a little
more like a sensitive plant in your garden, where you
have to like get in there and check on it
and dig around and see if there's anything that's, you know,
festering or whatever. So it depends on the kind of
friends A that you want and B that you are.
I think some people are better suited to tending relationship
(09:00):
like that, and yep, some don't have, you know, like
some some people don't have the bandwidth, and that's okay,
I think, yeah, yeah. For example, I have this friend Jen,
who lives in New Orleans, who actually met through another
friend who lived in New Orleans, and when I was
(09:20):
going there to shoot, she introduced me. She was like, oh,
you gotta meet my friend Jen. She's great, and like,
we went out for drinks one night and I thought
she was so funny and cool and she is just
an amazing person. She's around a lot for me at
a hard time. That was when my dad was dying,
and she was so fantastic and just like the cool
(09:41):
Like she'll wear like sunglasses inside and everyone's just like
who is that? Is she a producer or something? Like
everyone was like who's that? She's really great and like,
you know, we just randomly text and something that she
does that I love is that just like sometimes she'll
just like randomly send me, Like she sent big box
for us and it was full of like New Orleans
(10:03):
e stuff and some clothes for ras and you know,
just like checking in and being like okay, but like
a surprise box. Like that's really like that's something that
I actually learned from her. And for one of my
friends that's doing a play in Kansas City right now,
I sent her a box just like of random shit,
like some stuff that I had like bought her and saved.
(10:25):
And then like also like a wig, you know, just
like r bullshit that I thought was funny. I think
it depends on the person, you know and the friendship.
What about you? Yeah? I agree?
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I I you know, I moved to LA when I
turned thirty, so you know, I had my whole group
of best friends in New York that some were most
were from college, some were from after college, some were
from elementary and high school and you know, and we've
(10:58):
done an episode about how hard it is to make
friends as an adult. So my first few years in LA,
besides you guys at Brooklyn, you know, those were still
my people and they still are.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I've done a better, you know.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Eventually I realized I was I needed to give a
little more time and energy to like cultivating friendships like
in my community where I actually lived. That's funny, and
like you were saying, you also realize, you know, and
at the time, like it was hurtful. The friends that
like didn't were harder to connect with, were harder to
(11:39):
like get in touch with or find a way to
like keep communication open. But then you just sort of
go like, well, that's that's life, man, and we're all
like doing our best and everybody's busy and it is
what it is, and like, you know, and then you
just stick to the people with the people that that
happens a bit easier more organically. I think the biggest
(12:04):
thing for that I've noticed is of all my of
my core inner group of friends, like no one gets
pissed really when too much time has gone without talking,
Like everyone is very open and understanding that like things
get busy, things get hectic, you know, and inevitably someone
(12:25):
will be like, hey, it's been a long time, Like
when when can we Like, we will set up dates
to FaceTime and catch up, you know, that's necessary for sure.
We will put it in the calendar. Are you around
on Sunday? Okay, it's three pm? Work for you great, Like,
let's put it in the calendar and we will do
our ketchup calls.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
That that open understanding of like that sometimes we're going
to talk a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
One of my best friends just got married, so like
that was kind of a reconnecting event and we all
have been talking like almost every day for the past
couple of months and still ours and it's been so nice.
But I also know that like maybe in a month
or two, that's going to fall away a little bit
and people are going to get busy and then we're
gonna you know, get back in our routines. So there's
(13:16):
like a lot of like compassion and openness that I
think you have to have, but also you have to
be good about making sure.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Not too much time goes by, you know. Yeah, I
think that's something that like not being afraid to be like, Hi,
what are you doing? You know, like as long as
that isn't an empty high, as long as it's not
because I've definitely had friends that like they drop off
the face of the earth and then they reach back
(13:45):
out and it's like what do you want? You know,
Like say I had I.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Had a big argument with a close friend when I
had Enzo, and I felt like he kind of disappeared,
like dropped off the face of the earth. And I
was like, Hey, you're one of my closest friends in
this big life event happened, right, and you have no
connection to it because you don't even know what's going on,
(14:18):
like you don't even know what this has been like,
and you know, and he got a little upset. But
then I think he realized he had like another friend
tell him like, oh, she's just fighting for your friendship,
Like she's just fighting to like keep you in her life.
And then you know, we talked about it and and
then we got past it.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
So it's also like, hey, it's been a minute, like
you know, or just I think being conscious too, I
try to be with my long distance friends of like
keeping track and tabs on, like when people have big
things going on, you know, and just yeah, okay for
this time, I have to be like extra caut like
(14:59):
conscio of like checking in because this person is up
for a job or they're looking for a job, or
they're moving or whatever it is. You know, like just
aware of what's going on in their life, just like
the big stuff, you know, because I think the big
stuff is when you kind of want the people that
know you the best around, Like that's when you need
(15:22):
those connections the most, when you don't have to explain shit.
They already know how you feel, you know, because they've
known you for so long.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
That's that's kind of how I But it's hard. It
takes work, you know, it's not easy.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
If if Floren's talking to her friend every day, right,
which is amazing that they talk at Yeah, that's crazy.
What kind of time do you have in your hands, Lauren?
I feel like something to maybe add to that is
like like a sit down. You know, maybe that the
(15:57):
conversations aren't hitting the way that you want them too
because you're not having these like deep deep I mean,
I'll say as an example, like one of my good
friends lives in Chicago, and she is traveling for work
all the time, and she's been really busy for the
last two months and it's only been texts. I haven't
a voice really, right. And so the other day, I know,
(16:19):
I knew she had a day off, and I was like,
can I talk with you? And she was like, yeah,
I'm going to make She's always doing two things at once.
She was like, yeah, I'm gonna make my food and
eat it. And I was like, okay, great, but I
was like, we have to talk like on the end, right,
So maybe what Lauren is searching for is like something
a little deeper. So maybe that's like do you need
(16:41):
to plan, like you said, a zoom or a FaceTime
or a chat that's not like, hey, what are you doing?
You know, two seconds before you like go into target
or something, you need to like sit down and have
a moment, you know. Yeah, that's why it doesn't feel
like I haven't seen you in so so so long.
(17:04):
I mean I didn't even think about it, but like,
because we get this time with each other and we'd
like sit down and actually look at each other and
talk to each other about stuff, right, Yeah, that might
be something that might make her feel more connected. Is
like an actual dedicated time where you're looking at each
other's faces and you know you're not like dicking around
(17:24):
on your phone or or yeah, you know, an actual
dedicated time where you go, I'm on the phone with you,
and yes, I'm going to fold this laundry, but I'm
also going to talk to you, like not just for
five minutes, but like a full hour about all the
stuff we got to like process in our in our
day or whatever, and I need your help with right, Yeah,
(17:47):
one hundred percent. I think you're right.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I think that's probably why maybe she's feeling like she
misses her so much, because maybe, you know, maybe instead
of the daily chats that are maybe just hitting the
surface stuff. And I don't know how long their daily
chats are, but I would imagine they're quick.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
I mean, girl, girlfriend camp be on, Lauren, are you
on the phone for like two hours a day with
your bustie? Because we need more details, you know what. Also, like,
here's something that she didn't mention, but I will say, like,
as someone who is very nosy, I love like one
of one of my favorite things at work is to
(18:25):
be like, what's going on in your life? Tell me
everything right and so not to spread Wachincha. But I
worked with the girl this past year and she was
away from her friend group because we're working on location
and she was away from her friend group, and she
was like struggling with like looking at Instagram and seeing
(18:47):
her friends all hanging out without her. On their stories,
they'd be you know, going here, going there, going to
this party, or going to that party, and they were
they were hanging out without her, and it made her
feel really left out. So that even though she was
in contact with all of them constantly, she still felt
really left out. And that's something that I think obviously
(19:10):
age and experience, but still, like still it's a feeling
like you got to talk to yourself through that feeling,
right Like you got to be like, Okay, I'm not there.
If I was there, that would be different. If I
was there and they didn't invite me, then I have
to think about who my friends are, right, right, But
(19:30):
you're not there, So instead of wishing you were there
and feeling jealous and sad that you're not getting those
experiences with that person, it's like you got to turn
it and be like, how am I filling up my
own life, so that they are a part of my
life and the friendship isn't my whole life. And again
(19:51):
I don't know if that's Lauren, if if that's her
experience or not, but like, sometimes you can get so
wrapped up in this idea this is my best friend
and we're soulmates, and this is my person and they
understand me. And now they've moved far away, and I
don't know who I am without this person. It's like,
you are you, you know you are, You're fine, You're
(20:12):
just fine.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think you're hitting something really good and important. And
I think I had that realization too those after those
first few years in la of like, you know, part
of me realizing, oh, I have to like also cultivate
friendships and community in the place that I physically live
live was realizing that, yeah, I was putting too much stop,
(20:37):
too much energy into these friendships that they just they
don't we don't live in the same city, like we
are long distance. Like it is what it is, and
it's different what it it's different. But what it also
meant at the same time was that I had a
void I had. I missed having friends, I missed having
a group or you know people to be social with
(20:57):
or I have a friendship with and get into de
talks with, like that was the thing I was actually
also missing, Like, yes, I missed the people and I
wanted to do it with them the most. But once I,
I think, put more time and energy into cultivating my
friendships in LA, I had less of those longing feelings,
(21:19):
you know.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, less of that.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Like missing a person with dread, you know, or feeling
left out, like because my life was a little more full,
I had people to lean on. I had and I
have wonderful, amazing good friends in LA that are very
close to And it's like you can have both, you know,
and you can cherish those old friendships and those old
(21:45):
friends and those those ogs will be there for you
when you most need them.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yes, totally.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You can also have deep connections with the people in
your community. You know, you just have to put a
little time in effort into it and be vulnerable and
open yourself up, you know, in the ways that we
like talked about in that one episode. But once I
felt like I did that, it all got a little easier,
(22:14):
you know, and then you're not putting all this on
those relationships too.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah, more better now, I will say the ones that
you do want to keep, right, Like the long distance
friendships that you do want to keep, they are, like
you said, you gotta like do a little work a
little bit, right, Like you gotta text people, you gotta
(22:42):
sometimes call people. You got to if you can, You
got to visit people, right, Like, Yeah, it's not it's
not long distance. But I do have a friend who
lives in mid mid mid city who it's like, guys,
it's an hour drive in my house. She's a great
(23:02):
friend though, and so like we will periodically do a
movie night over here because it's easier for them to
come to us, because you know, so like what they'll
do is they'll come for dinner time, they'll be around
for bedtime and stuff, and then we'll go watch a
movie downstairs in the basement. And that's really fun. It's
now it's like a little bit of a tradition. We
(23:23):
watched Oh my god, what was it called? His wiener
was out? What was it called? Do you remember this
murt around the dance blo? Do you better not kill
the group? H my god? Sulburn? Oh Saltburn, you guys,
we watched Sulburn together? Oh, my god. We watched Sulburn
(23:44):
together and the minute spoiler alerts who haven't seen it,
the minute the minute that he was crying at the grave,
we started screaming at the TV. It's one of my
best memories I think of watching a movie ever, but
like doing that, that kind of stupid stuff with your friends,
like and it it. You know, like I don't see
her very often. She's in she's in school, she's getting
(24:06):
her master's, like, she's she's a bomb, super smart person,
and I don't get to see her very often. And
so like little things like that, or like one of
my friends, the friend that I mentioned that lives in Chicago,
I'm actually going to go travel to see the play
that she's in because I'm just like dying to see
her and I want to see her work, you know,
(24:26):
just stuff like that, Like next time in I'm in
New Orleans, I want to see Jen. I think Jen.
Jen actually came out to she traveled to New York
when I had a movie premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival,
and she like came, She's like I'm gonna use my points.
It's like great, you know, planning, planning a little getaway
or planning a trip or making like you did with
(24:49):
the wedding. It's like making an effort to go to
a wedding to know that you're gonna like see your
friend get married and be a part of this big
moment in their life that's really really special. And bonuses
that you might get to see some other friends as well, right, Like, yeah,
we got to spend a whole weekend together and it
was great.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
And it really is, like like you were saying, it
really is quality over quantity, you know, like I there
are some friends I might only see once a year,
but as long as it's you know, and it's usually
a trip or like it's a long hang like you're
like you're saying, you know, you drive down to the
person or you meet in a city, and but that
(25:29):
quality time that's like it fills your cup for a
long time, you know, it really does, you know. And
if there's a way that they could meet in the
middle between.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Australia and Germany, I don't know what that would be.
Oh go Tokyo, No is it? Or will you figure
out what's in the middle of Australia and Germany that
it can't be Tokyo is it Tokyo. I'll look it up.
I wanted to be now, I really wanted to be Tokyo. Yeah,
Like planning a trip, is there like a vacationing spot
(26:02):
that's like somewhere in the middle that's not too expensive.
Listen to me. There were a travel podcast now Okay.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I checked, and it's generally like the Bay of Bengal.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
So you could go to like Thailand or Burma, like
all those places have like gorgeous islands. You know that
you can like rent like a little villa or something.
Oh fuck yeah, Oh my god, go to Thailand. You guys,
go to Thailand. You could meet each other in Thailand.
How cool would that be? You could have a fantastic
adventure and remember for the rest of your lives. Also, also,
(26:36):
I will say, sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder.
I will say. The flip side of this is that
sometimes you're like, I'm busy, it's all my time, ausy
so much, and then when you're with each other on
a three day trip, you're like, oh my god, that's right.
She is not nice to waiters. Oh I forgot you
(26:57):
know what I mean? Oh no, no, picky about when
she has breakfast, and I am not like that. I
can't handle that. I have to walk away. You know,
I don't like that coffee order. That's too intense and involved.
I don't you know what I mean. So like sometimes
you'd be surprised, like sometimes you you you love your
(27:18):
friends and you love them for everything that they are,
but like, maybe you don't need a three day trip
with them. Maybe you just need to, like maybe you
to pack her a box and send her a bunch
of I mean, like, I'm not this is the other thing.
You could write letters. I am not a letter writer.
I'm not a journaler. I've never been. I've tried so
hard I cannot do it. I literally have underneath me,
(27:40):
right here at my desk a drawer full of half
done journals with like weird little scribbles and drawings you
have adournal before. Yes, I'm okay, it's okay, it's okay.
But I will pack a box. I will pack a
box and I will fill it with fun stuff. And
I are a very good thanksgiver. I love to do it.
So like maybe that's the way that you express like
(28:01):
I miss you, I love you. Maybe I can't afford
a trip to Thailand. With you right now, but like
I'm gonna send you a little something in the mail,
you know, like yeah, maybe that's the connection.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah, two of my my two of my o G bessies,
Michael and Alison, we just have like a group check
going where we send each other the dumbest videos and.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's like.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
And and half of them are like you know those
reels where somebody is like me and my bessie thinking
that we're hiding our opinion on our face and it's like,
so oh, I like giving the shadiest look on their
face because that's us. And it's amazing because it's like
even if I don't talk to them, they're still making
me laugh once a day or ever, you know what
(28:47):
I mean. And it's like it's just connection or and
I find too that I don't know if you find this,
but like I have different communication things with each friend totally.
I have a friend that I will send the longest
voice notes to and we will just do that back
and forth until we can like find a time to talk.
(29:08):
And I have another friend who like just can only
do the like catch up calls, FaceTime calls, like can't
get it together with like other things and that's fine
because he's really good about making those dates and being
like and he'll be the first one to be like, hey,
it's been a minute, Like what's your schedule, Like when
can we FaceTime? And then I've yeah. And then I
(29:30):
have our mutual friend Lena. We marco polo with each other,
which is an app where you send like video messages
to each other. Okay, yeah, yeah, and like so it's
like have different things with different.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Different ways of communication with different people. That's yeah. I
like that a lot because like different friends are different. Yeah.
That leads me to Okay, this is our like science
nerd time Corner. So NPR. NPR had this article life
Kit forced tips to stay connected when your friends live
far away, And it's kind of a lot of the
(30:09):
stuff that we've been talking about already, so I'll read
you some of them. Be intentional about keeping your long
distance friend. We've talked about that. It's like, if you
want people in your life, you got to do a
little work, right, use common interests to feel connected. So
the means the making and I just.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Spent twenty minutes at the beginning of this call talking
about film and television.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
It doesn't and and this article is being like, it
doesn't really matter what it is as long as it
helps you initiate conversation. So I love that. Don't hesitate
to reach out. If you feel like your communications in
a rut, your friend probably feels that way too. Don't
be afraid to be the first one to reach out.
It shows your friend that they don't need to fear rejection,
which is really nice because sometimes I get that feeling
(30:58):
of like, well haven't I sted hear in a long time?
I don't know, you know. And then this is basically saying,
don't be scared to do it, you know, yeah, which
I like. Conflicts are natural and healthy. Address them openly.
Now we haven't talked about this yet. From this article
this is it says separation's hard, miscommunication happens, and just
(31:20):
because there's a limited amount of time you get with
your friend, it can be easy to let conflicts go
unaddressed and try not to sweep things under the rug.
In fact, addressing conflict is one of the ways you
can become closer with your friend. I will say from
personal experience this has happened to me. I had some
miscommunications with a good friend of mine and it was
just like it got really icky and I didn't know
(31:41):
how to talk to her about it, and so I
ended up actually talking to a different friend about it,
and because that friend is nosy like me, she got
in the middle of it and was like, oh, girl,
y'all need to talk. So we did. She really was like,
h I can't be in the middle of this. You
gotta talk her. So we talked. It's a good friend. Really, yeah,
(32:03):
it was really I mean, it was painful. It was
kind of painful, but it was good in the end,
because you know, sometimes stuff just goes, you know, unsaid,
and we're busy people and life is hard and blah
blah blah blah blah. So like, I don't know, maybe Lauren,
there's something going on there that is maybe underneath some stuff,
(32:24):
and that's why you're feeling like you missed her so
much and you maybe don't feel as connected to her
as you want to feel. It's okay to just ask people,
is there something going on? Is there something you want
to tell me? You know? Yeah, But I mean it's
scary because like you just don't ever know what's on
the other end of that. You always hope it's like
no You're perfect. You're the best friend I've ever had, Right,
(32:48):
But I thought that was really helpful. More better, you know,
something that I think I learned today was like it's
okay to have these different friendship vibes with different people,
meaning yes, the last thing that you were saying, especially
with friends that are far away. It's like different things,
(33:10):
different strokes for different folks, literally mm hmmm. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, And I think, you know, I'm a person that
I think friendships are really important and valuable. Like now
we're seeing all these studies right coming out about community
being linked to like longevity and health, and like relationships
and like experiences being vital to like your health even
(33:35):
and so you know, I love my friends like so
hard and so deeply, and I feel lucky to have
amazing friends in my community.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
And also like these og.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Long distance friends who are from a different time in
my life who know me so well, and like I
feel very protective.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Of those friendships.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
And yeah, and it's all you know, but you have
to be you do have to stay like open and understanding,
and you know, like you were just saying, with the conflicts,
like those conversations can be awkward, but as long as
you always keep in mind that, like, you're only going
to bring those things up if you really love someone,
because if you don't care, you're not going to say anything.
You're just going to move on over it. Yeah, you're
(34:21):
just over it. You're just like whatever about that person.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
You know.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
It's when it's somebody that you love and care about
that you want to address. You know that you're even
mad in the first place, right, because like, someone you
don't give a shit about can't really make you that mad,
so you know. So it's I think on either side
of that, like remembering that you know someone's coming to
you raising a flag or a conflict, it's it's because
(34:48):
they give a shit about you.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Because they give it. Yeah. Yeah, Really, long distance is hard, guys.
It's hard speaking of I miss you, it's really to
I know I missed you too. I cannot believe it's
been that long. Wait, we need to figure that out.
How long has it actually been. When did you leave
for Canada? Not before I live in Canada, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
July, July July, and then I was gone in like
June part of June. So I don't I think we
saw I really think we saw each other in like
April or May.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Maybe get the fuck out of here. That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
It might have been when we did the first episode
of this, was that the last time we saw each
other in person?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
When was that? Oh? What? No? When was that that
was May?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I think it's May. I'm going to see you probably.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Oh my god. Wait when does your show? When does
your show actually start airing so that we can all
watch it?
Speaker 3 (35:55):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yes, gross, point God in Society permiss Sundays No September.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
What am I talking about? February? No? Take that again?
Take that again? Take it again?
Speaker 1 (36:09):
Grow Growth in Society premiere's Sunday, February twenty third at
ten pm on NBC.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
How exciting ten pm Easter. Yes, and then you know,
streaming on Peacock the next day. So yeah, and while
you're on Peacock, also watched with a medal. Would you
know in season two is gonna premiere? Do you guys
have a date? Probably probably in the summer. I don't.
We don't have a date. But you know, there's a
lot of special effects that have to take place, because right, no,
and that feels like a somebody got bit on the
(36:41):
lip with a spider. So there's an entire scene where
my lip looks like I'm a real housewife. Baby. It
is crazy. My god, I have to watch it. Uh my.
One of our producers was like, it looks fine. I
was like, you're out to lunch, brother, it looks crazy.
(37:01):
I honestly can't wait to see what they did because like, yeah, like,
are they going to fix it and post like the
whole scene? I don't know is that the plan? I'm
not sure. Girl, it was Oh my god, that's hilario. Yeah,
oh that's so exciting. Well, I can't wait for that
until then, long distance friend. I'll see you the next
(37:22):
time that we record. Until then, long distance friend. Yeah, yes, hey,
you love you too. Bye, guys, Bye, thanks for joining
us by More Better. Dude, you have something you'd like
to be more better at that you want us to
talk about in a future episode.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and
iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast network, hosted by Me, Stephanie Beatriz, and
Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem,
(38:00):
and Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama
and Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was
edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and
features original music by Madison Davenport and Hello Boy. Our
cover art is by Vincent Remy's and photography by David Avalos.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
(38:22):
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. See you
next week's Saga Bye
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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