January 1, 2026 • 38 mins
Listen. Sometimes it’s just time to hit the reset button. Nothing to do with a certain date on the calendar necessarily… but this time of year may or may not make you start taking stock of your life. Whether it’s having that hard conversation with a friend, reorganizing the ol’ junk drawer or eating your feelings with tortillas, we all need to shake things up once in a while. On today’s episode, Stephanie and Melissa dig into the art of the reset. The ones we choose for ourselves and the ones that life forces upon us. From moving furniture to moving on, post-baby changes and friendship breakups, they explore what it means to start fresh. But honestly? Sometimes all the reset you need is drinking a big ol’ glass of water.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Uh, do you want to go? Or should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
You go? Girl?
Speaker 3 (00:04):
More More, more, more better, more better, more, a little
more better more.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome to More Better Podcast, where we stop pretending to
have it all together and embrace the stuff, the whatever.
You know. We're gonna work on this opening guys, We're
gonna maybe mix it up, We're gonna judge it. But
if you are just tuning in, that's most of Marrow
and that's Stephanie Beatrice and uh We're we do this
(00:43):
podcast because sometimes, you know, the world is kind of
full of crap and we'd like a little corner of
the internet for your ear holes. That's like kind of
nice and more.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Better, a little bit of joy and.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
A little bit of maybe some deep depth stuff sometimes maybe,
but we'll stiffly no promises, no promises at all.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
My friends.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Do you want to know what I've done lately that's
more better?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I do, really, I don't know. I don't know. I
went to a protest that was good, that's great. Uh
yeah you yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
I mean I feel like we are all in this
space of like are more better is just like getting
out of bed every day and being a good person
and I are trying to be are we all there though, Melissa,
just trying not to completely disintegrate under the crushing weight
(01:59):
of everyday life and the world right now. My more
better lately has been I've actually been very disciplined about uh,
working out, moving my body, and like eating good stuff
because what I want to do every day is scream
at people, drink tequila and eat shitty food. But I
(02:22):
know that that will just make me feel even worse.
But that is what I'm like, the urge I'm fighting
every day for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Like the lower conscious level you would make your choices
so that they could numb she could numb out, yes,
But the higher consciousness you is like, let me try
to take care of myself, Let me do these things
for myself, let me let me try to have consciousness
around this moment as opposed to numb out, because the
numbing out is just going to make you deal with
(02:49):
it anyway later.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Yeah, but really, all I want to do is fucking
numb out. Numbing out sounds great right now. I don't
blame myself for doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Sometimes, no, like we all, yeah, sometimes it's what you
can do in that time. Sometimes it's what you're capable
of that time in your life, you know.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
And yeah, listen, there have definitely been nights where my
husband's come home.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
And I've been like, we're making cocktail.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
It's like three pm.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I mean, I've been very supportive in my yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
So, but for the most part, I've been making good choices,
which feels like a fucking victory right now.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
It's really amazing. And the hill battles sometimes so good.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Only thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
More better.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
What are we talking about today?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Oh man, we're talking about big resets, big resets, little resets, resets,
which uh one of our producers picked this topic, shout
out to Leo.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And I really like it. I like the idea. I
feel like it's something that actually you and I are
forced to do a lot in just on a line
of work. Move to this new city for five months now,
moved back now. Yeah yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But it's something that I've never really thought, uh in
depth about.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
You.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know, I think about it a lot because probably
because of our jobs, because of you know, for at
least most women, and I think like a lot of
people are dealing with diet culture. I think about it
in that way a lot, because you're sort of sold
this idea that like if you reset yourself and do
(04:44):
all these like new things, then you'll solve all your problems,
right right. There's like the lie of the big reset
of like if you just reset yourself, then everything's going
to be fine. And then there's the resets that you're
kind of forced into, which is like when everything starts
over or feels like it starts anew because like you know,
(05:07):
you have a baby, or there's a pandemic, or your
job ends and or your marriage ends, or you know whatever.
There's like so many reasons that it's kind of forced
upon you. I like the idea of doing it for
myself as opposed to like having it done to me, right,
(05:28):
And I would include like like diet resets as like
a that's something that's happening to me because like I'm
not choosing to. Well, we can get into it, we
can get into ami.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
We can because I have a lie.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I have a lie as a person who has struggled
with body image and disordered eating, Like I just have
so many thoughts about it and who has a pretty
healthy relationship with food. Right now, but like you know,
things slide around. It's not linear, right, Like That's the
other thing about these reset moments. It's like your growth
as a human being is not linear. Your growth it's
like up and down and backwards and forwards and byways
(06:05):
all these bits to it, and collectively those bits will
create what the shape of your life looks like at
the end of it. To you, it's up to you,
a dear listener, to decign how that happens. But sometimes
it just happens to you, which is also like you
don't have control over.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
That, right Like right you have to move to a
new city for a job, or you have a surprise pregnancy, or.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
You or like you give yourself a birth plan of
like I have a friend who she had this plan
and she was gonna have the baby like bath water
boop a boop, and like had a guitar, Like I
think I've told you this. She had like a like
a like a friend of theirs was going to play
like classical guitar and like probably like a few hours
(06:51):
in her doula was like, ah, this is a danger
You're in danger zone. You gotta go to the hospital.
And they hadn't planned for it at all, so like
she didn't have a doctor in a hospital that she
was like, it was an all emergency situation and then
oh god, that's so scary a cesarean. So it was
like her entire experience of the reset post baby was
(07:18):
not what she thought it was going to be, right,
and so like it was coming to terms with all
of these things that she didn't want or plan for.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
She didn't choose to have a cesarean. It was something
that happened for her safety, but like it's not what
she wanted, right, Like that was a reset that she
was she just it happened, right, or like just today,
I was having coffee with a friend and she was
like blah blah blah blah blah. You know when I
(07:48):
had colon cancer. And I was like, oh my god,
that's right, that's right. This sweet friend of mine that's
like roughly our age had colon cancer, right, and like
her whole life had to change because that happened. And
here she is like in front of me, you know,
fine in remission and like having coffee with me, you know,
(08:08):
And like even the way I think about her has
reset since I first met her, because when I first
met her, I was so intimidated by her. I thought
she was so cool. She was she's like incredibly talented,
and I was very like, I don't like her, and
like part of that was my own insecurity about women
at the time, about her being in my same job,
(08:32):
like she's also an actor, incredible singing voice just like
and even just the way I've known her through the
years prior to her even getting cancer was like, oh,
I totally reset like who she is to me in
my mind. So right, anyway, there's like a lot there's
a lot of ways to think about this topic. There
(08:53):
is can you tell my coffee that I had with
her as tin?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I love caffeinated Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
What a Chelsea proti uscation called coffee cranking?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I am a coffee cranking. Yes, you are karanking. Is
that coffee that you're downing right now?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
That's an espressotonic? Side note? Did you know? I did
not know that an espressotonic is basically a soda.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
What's an espressotonic?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
It's an espresso shot or two? And then they with
carbonated water had an espressotonic. Melissa, I don't know that
I want bubbles with my spersonic water. You'll love it.
You'll love it. You'll love it. I don't even like
watered down the coffee. You'll love it.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I well, next time we record, I'm going to get
one and we'll say, whoa, I don't like. What's the other?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Like bullshit coffee drink that they just put hot water in?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I'm an Americana America, but that's garbage. That's it's garbage.
I don't want water.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I don't want coffee flavored water. No hot water in
my coffee.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Why I don't want that?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
No, unless we coffee concentrate. And now I'm having a
cup of coffee. Anyway, should we do an episode on
coffee guys?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Let us know, okay? Or what would you say is
the last big reset that you did?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, I had a hard week last week.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, And I did what I used to always do,
which is I let myself get really really down in
the dumps. I ate all of the things that I
know that don't really serve me, meaning like not great
for my digestion, not great for my energy, not great
for like you know, in the moment, they feel so
(10:49):
great going down. Yeah, and also and also as somebody
who used to be a binge eater, there was an
element of like I want to get so full that
like this is what I think instead of everything else, right.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
And I also I'm very it's self aware and insightful.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
May well it would have been more self aware of
I just like put the dorthiaz down, like that would great,
But I didn't. I ate half athias from my favorite place,
home state. But what are you gonna do? But you
know what, knowing why you're eating the dorthias is half
the battle is half the battle that's growth.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
The other the tortillas.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Girl, not me, like dipping them in nacho cheese, and like,
I mean it was what I needed to do in
the moment, listen. But the reset is that there was
like a couple of days of that. It was like
maybe four days of that, and then I was like,
I don't feel great, Like I don't feel this way either.
This isn't really helping me. So on Monday I went
(11:49):
to Pilate's class and I, you know, drank some water.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
I mean, like.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
It had been days without days, I was.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Probably getting some kind of hydration from something. Be it
the pizza or the garlic sauce that I was dipping
it in. I'm not sure.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
There's moisture in everything, in the air and everything, you know,
just take some deep breaths.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That was the last reset. That was That was the
last reset. And I feel like the thing that I
really learned was I wasn't giving myself like I had
a lot of rage. I think a lot of people
right now have a lot of rage. I wasn't giving
myself any space, so like get it out of my body. Yeah,
(12:38):
and it's just and like it's still kind of just
like sitting there. So I'm like trying to figure out,
like what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Like do I like how do I work that out?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
You know?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And I think ultimately the reset part of it was
like this isn't working right if it's like a self,
if it's a choice, right, it's like, this isn't working.
This thing that I'm doing, I've done however many times,
isn't really working. How do I reset myself so that
like I can make I can choose a new path
(13:10):
of something that does work for me, right, Like that's
the self. That's the sort of like self guided audio
tour of your reset in your brain. Yeah, but sometimes
you can't choose right. Sometimes it just it just happens
to you, like it happened to your friend in the
middle of her birth. Yeah, it just be Yeah, it's
(13:31):
just the guitar players, Like, I can't go on. You're
you're gonna die if you stay inside that uh inside
the inflatable pol You need to put some pants on.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
And go to the hospital.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Should it play some jazz? Would that help?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Would that help you get dressed faster?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Can you imagine he just starts playing like a faster
be god to help her move?
Speaker 4 (13:57):
What was the last big reset that you did or
had happen or oh man, you want to discuss I
definitely similar to You've been having a lot of like
mini resets as I have sort of like slogged through
this past month of just waiting to hear anything about
(14:17):
how the show is doing and the possibility of having
a job for another year or if I've got to
like get back to the hustle. I just like it's
the one part of our job that I'm not good at.
I'm good at I'm pretty good at everything else.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Like the one I don't know, Melissa, Wow, things that
are out of our control. Like I don't think any
are good at that, Melissa, nobody is good at that.
That is a horrible thing that we have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
It's it sucks.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
It's that donkey dick, excuse my language, but.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
I feel like I know a lot of people that
are able to like remain positive and be like, I know,
I got a good feeling like we'll see, like I
think we're going to be back.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And like, you know, I don't know, that's a nice
day out loud, yeah and then.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I just feel like
very tortured. So I've had a lot of like mini resets,
you know, where I, like you were just describing it,
had a bad day, had a bad day, and then
the next day I was like, all right, I have
to like be very present conscious today in the moment,
choose what I eat, choose what I drink, like move
(15:30):
my body, like do you go through the things that
I know will set me up for success that day,
and then just like every day try to do that.
But I guess like the biggest reset was coming back
from Atlanta after like five months of you know, being
away from the family, living in this apartment that was
(15:50):
like very minimalist and empty, which was also kind of wild,
and then coming home to a house of toys and stuff,
and yeah, I went. When I got home, I kind
of went through like a reset of our house and
did all the closets and throughout like bags and bags
(16:13):
of shit, and like bought new containers to organize closets
and jodelers. And I think I sent you a picture
of my junk.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Drawer that I reorganized.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, you did.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
And I'm also.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Maybe gonna like buy some new furniture and get rid
of some furniture. And I don't know what that is about,
other than like I think, I think David and I
moved so many times before having kids, and this is
like the longest we've ever lived somewhere, and I think
I just still get an itch every few years to
(16:48):
like switch stuff up. But I'm not going to sell
my house and move, so I do it by like
getting rid of furniture and maybe buying a furniture.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, nothing crazy, just like I just feel like it's
not working. It's like energy, right, like yeah, like stuck energy,
Like you need change.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I need movement. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
One of my favorite pilate's teachers at the studio. It's
not like a Woo Wu studio, but she is kind
of what's a Woo woo studio?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Describe?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You know, when you finish the workout and like, okay,
so this is a total sidebar. But like for me,
if I'm gonna pay money, so go do a workout somewhere,
I don't want ten minutes of my workout to be
like okay, now calm your breath and that deep belly
breath in. I'm like five minutes, babe, five minutes and
(17:43):
I can stretch five minutes by myself after class, Like
I don't need your Woo woo. I came for pilates,
not yoga. Okay, right, so even in yoga, I'm like,
do not Sometimes I don't want to hear your layoff floor.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
You're not my guru, babe, You're not my guo or
that's my guru. That's so she is not Woo Woo.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
But at that what I really appreciate is like after
class is over, she'll encourage us to stay in stretch
and then she'll light a little like bundle of something
and it's not safe, it's something else, but she'll light
like a little bundle, like walk around the studio, like
move the move the air, because you'll be in those
workout classes and sometimes people be like fucking crazy, like
crazy energy is coming off of people.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
And yeahtimes it's.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like mad competitive or like I remember taking a class
one time where it was like, oh my god, we're
all in this class is not a private Like you
can't keep stopping and having the teacher explain everything to you.
You should have taken an introduction, you know what I mean? Like,
oh no, so she resets the room and she resets
(18:47):
the energy, you know, And like, I think that's the
same thing that you're talking about. It's like you came
back from this big job. You see your house with
fresh eyes. I did the same thing when when I
came back from the last job that I was in,
I like was like, oh, this closet is too full
of clothes. I need to get rid of stuff. This
is yeah, why do we have all these toddler toys?
She's not a toddler anymore, you know?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Right, Oh my god, I got rid of like five
bags of toys.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
It was great because we definitely had a jump and
even I asked Axel. I was like, Axel, can I
donate all these paw patrol toys or whatever not patrol
PJ masks?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And he looked at it. He was like, yeah, like
I don't.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Wow, that's I don't want to care about those guys anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I don't care about those guys. I'm not four. I
had five.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Miss Meanwhile, ros went to a party that was a
a what are they called the mask, PJ MA the
PJ masks. It was like PJ mask theme and she
was like enthralled because you've never seen it before. And
I was like I'm starting now, Honey, Like, sorry about it.
You gonna miss out on that boat?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Baby?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Nope, no, no, no oh.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
But the theme song is so catchy. Don't you want
it to be stuck in your head for days on it?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I absolutely don't. I would prefer any Disney musical, any
Disney musical, I would prefer if any of you know
that about me already, you're not surprised any Disney musical,
any of them. You choose Hercules, Bless my Soul, hercusan
a roll. Do you have to pay rights for that?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
What about like toxic people or situations that you want
to escape. Like what about like resetting a friendship? Can
you reset a friendship? I don't know if you can.
I think I think I've tried, but I definitely have
not seated in our friendship.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Oh like like oh like resetting the friendship, like this
is not working and we're going to try to improve it.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, it's very I have succeeded once in that I
have to.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Actually I just saw have one. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, it was a very hard, honest conversation. There were
a lot of times, yes, but it really has helped
me see this friend in a totally different light and
like give her a lot more grace. And I think
she was able to give.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Me more grace.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, because we're sort of honest about like I don't
like when you do this, or I I don't like
when you do this. It doesn't this feels hard to
me or whatever, like and you know, a lot of
our friendships, I think a lot of people's friendships and
adulthood are based around like work relationships. So it's to
be tricky too, because like sometimes the sometimes there's like
(21:30):
an inequality and like power there maybe like someone sure
end of your boss or like you know, you're underneath them, yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Or someone's like killing it. Yeah, And yeah, it can
be tricky. It can get tricky. It can get really tricky. Yeah.
I found though, since I had a friendship reset once
and it was a very old friend and it was
kind of after I became a mom, and I sort
of felt like the friend wasn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Ingrained in my new life, right, like I same thing
that happened to me. I was like, yeah, where'd you go?
Speaker 4 (22:04):
And it was very telling that with some people, I
was like, well, that's not surprising, like they've dropped off,
you know, they've disappeared. But this person, I was like,
this is very upsetting to me. And that kind of
told me that that was a friendship I still cared
very deeply about. That was very important to me. And
so I had the like hard conversation being like, Hey,
(22:24):
I feel like you're being a shitty friend. I feel
like I've gone through this big life change and you
don't know anything about it and you don't know anything
about my kid, and yeah, you know care and it
feels gross and.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
And it was a really hard conversation and the person
was a little defensive at first, and it took actually
another friend of theirs outside that doesn't even know me
at the time. Wow, And they said to them, oh, well,
she's just mostly just fighting for your friendship, Like she's
just trying to fight for you to be back and
(23:00):
like her life in the way you've always been. And
then that's what made the person go like, oh, and
then we have another good and then it was great
after that, and then they came out to visit and
spend time and like our relationship has been what it
used to always be ever since, you know, And I
find that it is that if you have that like
(23:22):
whole of like I can't I want to say something.
It's gonna be so hard, it's gonna be so uncomfortable,
but like I cannot let go without saying the things
that I feel like I need to say. And then
there're some friends I feel like, especially as I get older,
I'm like, Nope, I do not.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Have it in me.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
It girl bye you never Yeah, I'm gonna maybe ghost
a little bit, and but or like just like not
try as much and I send you many blessings.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I'm not like trying to send any bad jus.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
You your way.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Oh my god, God, that's so funny. Oh, bless her heart,
I send your blessing. I send her blessing. That's so funny,
God damn it. But also yeah, it's it's I'm okay
if I don't see you. You know you really said it,
though it's like you were that person said it. Mollis.
(24:21):
Is fighting for your friendship right, like a reason that
you choose is you choosing to go I'm going to
fight for something, right, I'm going to fight for that yes,
thing that I want. I'm going to fight to clear
out five bags of my kids toys of yeah, PJ masks.
I almost said Pa patrol that. It wasn't like I'm
going to fight for this friendship. I'm going to fight
(24:42):
for this like you know, new way of dealing with
my emotions or whatever, or I'm going to fight against
this like I mean, I'm thinking of my friend with
that crazy birth was like I'm still going to fight
to have Like I'm not going to take this as
like a failure on my part, like oh I failed,
you know, I didn't have the birth that I wanted.
(25:03):
But I'm still going to like use this moment to
go like, well, there's not like Pollyanna ing it and
like going like there's still just look at the positives,
but like, okay, well, what else is happening here? Like
what else is in this moment?
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Like it's still the birth of your child.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
It's still an incredible, amazing event that made Yeah, was
she able to reset in the in the middle of
it or do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I think she? I think it was, Like honestly, I
think it scarred her because when I was coming up
with a birth plan, and for those of you don't
that don't have kids, a lot of doctors and doulas
and people that are helping birth a baby will tell
you to come up with like a plan of like
what you want to have happened? What's your ideal situation
(25:48):
when you have a baby, Like I don't want to
feel anything, and she just slides right out in ten minutes,
you know, Like that would be an ideal situation, a
great birth plan. Is it realistic? Probably not if it's
your first baby. But like when I was coming up
with a birthlan, she was so adamant that I.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Not.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
She well she wasn't like adamant, but she was like,
I don't know if you should get induced. I don't
know if you should get in and do this because
like a lot of inductions end with the cesarean, and like,
I just don't want you to have to have a cesarean.
And I was like, there's no controlling this, Like there's
no there's no real controlling this. There might be a
situation in which that is what ends up happening, and
like I don't I'm not signing up to have one necessarily,
(26:32):
but like I'm not. I just want to come through this.
I just want to come through this. I just want
to come through this. And so like maybe at the end, yeah,
And she kept talking about like how much recovery it was,
and I understand, it's a lot of recovery. I actually
don't understand because I didn't have one. It is, but
you know what, your vagina is still intact after the
sea section. Shout out to my C section sisters. Shout
(26:56):
out to those of you that can still poop like
you used to be able to poop.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I did not have a C section.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But and that's another episode next week. I'm more better,
just kidding. You know all this, you know some people,
I get it. It is a it is a rougher recovery,
but yeah, I think she's your vagina still looks the same.
So there are pluses and minuses on both sides. Listen
(27:22):
to all things, to all things. I think the reset
of like having a baby is a big one, you know,
huge huge.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
That is a huge top to bottom reset, top to
top to booty, top to booty too.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
You can cut that out if you need to. Guys,
just talking to our producers, they're probably horrified right now
that we're talking about this.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I do feel like.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Sometimes it's about having the understanding that like it's not
so this is where this is where the deity stuff
comes in, right, Like I on one hand, it's cool
that we're all interested in like longevity and having our
hearts work well and not having a build up of
(28:16):
cholesterol in our veins and and you know, having systems
that work well and support us for living as long
of a life as.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Aging gracefully whatever that means or just.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Plain aging like that would a privilege to get old, right.
But like on the other hanging and I remember doing
like juice cleanses and stuff, and you know, it's like
I'm gonna reset my system, and like maybe that's the
case for you if you're doing a juice cleanse. But
the case for me was like I want to lose
(28:48):
some weight and like, right, I don't know, like that
kind of reset is not I don't I don't know
that that shocking your system and being like hard on
yourself works for everybody. It does work for some people.
I have a friend who's a trainer. I have a
friend who's a trainer, and he had this fantastic birthday
party the other day. It was like in the backyard
(29:10):
and it was just a bunch of pizzas and a
cake and giant bowls of candy. It was amazing. It
was like being at a lot of kids party, Like
they were like get back so he could fill with candy.
Cu like, Tony, how do you eat like this? You know,
like this this can't be good for you? And he
was like, oh, I've been on a diet for three months.
(29:32):
And I was like, oh, that can't be good for
you either, Like all right, I could never, but Tony
can you know? And he like that's like there's some
kind of like it's like those people that can do
like ultra marathoning and stuff sometimes where they're like I
have a goal for my body. I'm going I do
this so that like I can get to this gool
(29:52):
like to make myself stronger or whatever. And that's what
he's doing right. Like that, there's a difference of like
I have a goal that's a number, and I'm going
to reset myself to this number, and like everything's going
to be great. My whole life's going to be perfect,
because like news flash, babe, Like you could do every
reset ever and like unless you'd be resetting your soul,
(30:13):
it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
It's just not are we doing just outward work or
are we doing in or to outwards? Sometimes it's just outwards.
Sometimes it's just outward. Like people think they're going to
overhaul their like whole life by you know, losing ten
pounds and that's such a or by getting into a
relationship or whatever, yeah, breaking up with someone. And sometimes
(30:39):
that's true. I will say, like there was a big
reset for me when I got into this relationship with
Brad my husband. I don't know if you know, I'm
married Melissa and my husband's name is brain what, But
(30:59):
there was that a big reset there because I really
felt like, for the first time I felt like oh,
I really deserve to be happy, Like I deserve to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I remember that time.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah, And it's not like he was the one that
was like that was the reason I was happy, But
I was happy, and it was just kind of feeling like, oh,
I can be in a relationship that's like kind of
functioning and I feel good and I feel happy and
we're not fighting all the time, and it's not like
I don't have to change everything about myself to like
(31:33):
fit into this idea of what this other person wants
me to be.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
You know.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Yeah, that's the thing I remember being like a big
aha moment for you when you first met him, was like, oh,
I can just like completely be myselfself.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah yeah, and not have.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
This feeling of wanting to shift or change anything to accommodate,
which had maybe been something you had done in the past.
More maybe I threw out something being huge short shorts
because the person that I was with was struggling with
my butt out for other people to see.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
So yeah, more better.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Motter.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
So oh, I thought this was interesting.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
The Stanford end of the History Illusion, they did a
study and they found psychologists found that people consistently underestimate
how much they will change in the next decade compared
to how much they've already changed. Like they just think, well,
this is this is it that's so weird, right, Like
(32:47):
it's so weird to me because maybe and I mean,
this is something you and I have always had in common.
Why we even started this podcast, why this is even
like the topic of this podcast is, like, I have
no idea who I'm going to be in ten years. No,
At the same time, I feel like I'm very much,
in a lot of ways the same person I was
(33:08):
ten years ago, right in a way. And I think
just in terms of like core values and like, I
don't think my personality has changed that much since like ever,
but I think that I've grown in ways I could
not have possibly imagined. I think I'm more resilient and
(33:31):
tougher than I could have ever imagined.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Like I thought I was so tough when I was younger,
and I look back and I'm like, you were a sheep.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
But I looking ahead, I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I have aspirations, hopefully of who I'm going to be
in ten years. I widen my eyes at the same
time that you said aspirations and I just want you
to know that that was not because you said aspirations,
but it was because I was writing down twenty thirty
five and I was like, what, how how is that
(34:10):
a real number that we are gonna hopefully be alive for,
you know, like we're.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Going to be alive. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So the idea of just like, oh no, I'll just
be this but ten years older, I don't know. There's
something that kind of makes me sad about that mentality.
But also don't you remember being like eighteen and being like, well,
I guess this is it.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
I mean, this is.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
As this is it. I'm going to be like this
is it?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Or I remember like freaking out about turning thirty goding
like right, and it was so the beginning of so
many things.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I hadn't even broke booked Brooklyn when I came through.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
It, Like I mean, think about brag. But how I
know everybody has to go through it. They have to
go through their own little like oh god, I'm so
terrified it's turning thre you know, I understand that, But
from the other side of it, it's like brah, you know,
like it's great, it's awesome, It's there's nothing to be
(35:10):
scared of. You can be dead inside when you're seventeen,
or you can be the fullest, most alive version of
yourself when you're eighty seven. It's all about like how
you're holding that inside, you know. Yeah, I just I
wrote down twenty thirty five, two thousand and forty five,
(35:33):
twenty and fifty five, and then I'm going to write
how old I'm going to be next to each of them.
But then I stopped doing because my hands started sweating.
My back's also sweating when I'm thinking about this, So
apparently I'm also nervous about these resets that are coming
up in my life.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
More Better.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Anyway, what'd you learn today? I learned that I'm terrified
of the future. Jesus.
Speaker 4 (36:00):
I learned that I think I've been through a lot
more resets than I ever thought about. And it's all okay,
but it's all like good. I think most of the resets.
I mean, of course, there's some. We didn't even talk
about bad resets. Dealing with bad resets.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
We don't need to.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
This podcast is called More Better. It's okay, you know,
let's keep it pause. But yeah, but that like I think,
I think, I really like the idea of a reset.
Speaker 4 (36:30):
I think I like the idea of it being an
option as a way to like move forward or have
some or feel just movement, like I'm in control of
changing the narrative, or I'm in charge, I'm in control
of reframing the situation right, because that's what sometimes a
reset is, is just reframing the thing right to help
(36:54):
yourself work through it or get on the other side
of it, or process it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Take the cartridge out blowing it, put it back to
blowing it. If you get that reference, we love you
so much, gen Z is not going to get that
I love you so much. You're in the right spot.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
If you don't get that reference, Good for you for
being here, because I did not.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Seek out this type of narrative when I was your age.
So welcome, welcome. Do you feel a little more better?
I always feel a little more better.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, when I'm with you, Okay, I'll talk to you
next time. Then next time, bye bye, more and more better.
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us your thoughts
and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and
include a voice note if you want to be featured
on the pod. Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is
a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast netw
hosted by Me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Humero, along
with Wilmar Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound
and ISIS Madrid.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and engineered by
Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Davenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
See you next week's suck Us.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Bye
Uh, do you want to go? Or should I go?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
You go? Girl?
Speaker 3 (00:04):
More More, more, more better, more better, more, a little
more better more.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome to More Better Podcast, where we stop pretending to
have it all together and embrace the stuff, the whatever.
You know. We're gonna work on this opening guys, We're
gonna maybe mix it up, We're gonna judge it. But
if you are just tuning in, that's most of Marrow
and that's Stephanie Beatrice and uh We're we do this
(00:43):
podcast because sometimes, you know, the world is kind of
full of crap and we'd like a little corner of
the internet for your ear holes. That's like kind of
nice and more.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Better, a little bit of joy and.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
A little bit of maybe some deep depth stuff sometimes maybe,
but we'll stiffly no promises, no promises at all.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
My friends.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Do you want to know what I've done lately that's
more better?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I do, really, I don't know. I don't know. I
went to a protest that was good, that's great. Uh
yeah you yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
I mean I feel like we are all in this
space of like are more better is just like getting
out of bed every day and being a good person
and I are trying to be are we all there though, Melissa,
just trying not to completely disintegrate under the crushing weight
(01:59):
of everyday life and the world right now. My more
better lately has been I've actually been very disciplined about uh,
working out, moving my body, and like eating good stuff
because what I want to do every day is scream
at people, drink tequila and eat shitty food. But I
(02:22):
know that that will just make me feel even worse.
But that is what I'm like, the urge I'm fighting
every day for sure.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Like the lower conscious level you would make your choices
so that they could numb she could numb out, yes,
But the higher consciousness you is like, let me try
to take care of myself, Let me do these things
for myself, let me let me try to have consciousness
around this moment as opposed to numb out, because the
numbing out is just going to make you deal with
(02:49):
it anyway later.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Yeah, but really, all I want to do is fucking
numb out. Numbing out sounds great right now. I don't
blame myself for doing it.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Sometimes, no, like we all, yeah, sometimes it's what you
can do in that time. Sometimes it's what you're capable
of that time in your life, you know.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
And yeah, listen, there have definitely been nights where my
husband's come home.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
And I've been like, we're making cocktail.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
It's like three pm.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I mean, I've been very supportive in my yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
So, but for the most part, I've been making good choices,
which feels like a fucking victory right now.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
It's really amazing. And the hill battles sometimes so good.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Only thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
More better.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
What are we talking about today?
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Oh man, we're talking about big resets, big resets, little resets, resets,
which uh one of our producers picked this topic, shout
out to Leo.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And I really like it. I like the idea. I
feel like it's something that actually you and I are
forced to do a lot in just on a line
of work. Move to this new city for five months now,
moved back now. Yeah yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
But it's something that I've never really thought, uh in
depth about.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
You.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know, I think about it a lot because probably
because of our jobs, because of you know, for at
least most women, and I think like a lot of
people are dealing with diet culture. I think about it
in that way a lot, because you're sort of sold
this idea that like if you reset yourself and do
(04:44):
all these like new things, then you'll solve all your problems,
right right. There's like the lie of the big reset
of like if you just reset yourself, then everything's going
to be fine. And then there's the resets that you're
kind of forced into, which is like when everything starts
over or feels like it starts anew because like you know,
(05:07):
you have a baby, or there's a pandemic, or your
job ends and or your marriage ends, or you know whatever.
There's like so many reasons that it's kind of forced
upon you. I like the idea of doing it for
myself as opposed to like having it done to me, right,
(05:28):
And I would include like like diet resets as like
a that's something that's happening to me because like I'm
not choosing to. Well, we can get into it, we
can get into ami.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
We can because I have a lie.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I have a lie as a person who has struggled
with body image and disordered eating, Like I just have
so many thoughts about it and who has a pretty
healthy relationship with food. Right now, but like you know,
things slide around. It's not linear, right, Like That's the
other thing about these reset moments. It's like your growth
as a human being is not linear. Your growth it's
like up and down and backwards and forwards and byways
(06:05):
all these bits to it, and collectively those bits will
create what the shape of your life looks like at
the end of it. To you, it's up to you,
a dear listener, to decign how that happens. But sometimes
it just happens to you, which is also like you
don't have control over.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
That, right Like right you have to move to a
new city for a job, or you have a surprise pregnancy, or.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
You or like you give yourself a birth plan of
like I have a friend who she had this plan
and she was gonna have the baby like bath water
boop a boop, and like had a guitar, Like I
think I've told you this. She had like a like
a like a friend of theirs was going to play
like classical guitar and like probably like a few hours
(06:51):
in her doula was like, ah, this is a danger
You're in danger zone. You gotta go to the hospital.
And they hadn't planned for it at all, so like
she didn't have a doctor in a hospital that she
was like, it was an all emergency situation and then
oh god, that's so scary a cesarean. So it was
like her entire experience of the reset post baby was
(07:18):
not what she thought it was going to be, right,
and so like it was coming to terms with all
of these things that she didn't want or plan for.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
She didn't choose to have a cesarean. It was something
that happened for her safety, but like it's not what
she wanted, right, Like that was a reset that she
was she just it happened, right, or like just today,
I was having coffee with a friend and she was
like blah blah blah blah blah. You know when I
(07:48):
had colon cancer. And I was like, oh my god,
that's right, that's right. This sweet friend of mine that's
like roughly our age had colon cancer, right, and like
her whole life had to change because that happened. And
here she is like in front of me, you know,
fine in remission and like having coffee with me, you know,
(08:08):
And like even the way I think about her has
reset since I first met her, because when I first
met her, I was so intimidated by her. I thought
she was so cool. She was she's like incredibly talented,
and I was very like, I don't like her, and
like part of that was my own insecurity about women
at the time, about her being in my same job,
(08:32):
like she's also an actor, incredible singing voice just like
and even just the way I've known her through the
years prior to her even getting cancer was like, oh,
I totally reset like who she is to me in
my mind. So right, anyway, there's like a lot there's
a lot of ways to think about this topic. There
(08:53):
is can you tell my coffee that I had with
her as tin?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I love caffeinated Stephanie.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
What a Chelsea proti uscation called coffee cranking?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I am a coffee cranking. Yes, you are karanking. Is
that coffee that you're downing right now?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
That's an espressotonic? Side note? Did you know? I did
not know that an espressotonic is basically a soda.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
What's an espressotonic?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
It's an espresso shot or two? And then they with
carbonated water had an espressotonic. Melissa, I don't know that
I want bubbles with my spersonic water. You'll love it.
You'll love it. You'll love it. I don't even like
watered down the coffee. You'll love it.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I well, next time we record, I'm going to get
one and we'll say, whoa, I don't like. What's the other?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Like bullshit coffee drink that they just put hot water in?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I'm an Americana America, but that's garbage. That's it's garbage.
I don't want water.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
I don't want coffee flavored water. No hot water in
my coffee.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Why I don't want that?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
No, unless we coffee concentrate. And now I'm having a
cup of coffee. Anyway, should we do an episode on
coffee guys?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Let us know, okay? Or what would you say is
the last big reset that you did?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean, I had a hard week last week.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah, And I did what I used to always do,
which is I let myself get really really down in
the dumps. I ate all of the things that I
know that don't really serve me, meaning like not great
for my digestion, not great for my energy, not great
for like you know, in the moment, they feel so
(10:49):
great going down. Yeah, and also and also as somebody
who used to be a binge eater, there was an
element of like I want to get so full that
like this is what I think instead of everything else, right.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
And I also I'm very it's self aware and insightful.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
May well it would have been more self aware of
I just like put the dorthiaz down, like that would great,
But I didn't. I ate half athias from my favorite place,
home state. But what are you gonna do? But you
know what, knowing why you're eating the dorthias is half
the battle is half the battle that's growth.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
The other the tortillas.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Girl, not me, like dipping them in nacho cheese, and like,
I mean it was what I needed to do in
the moment, listen. But the reset is that there was
like a couple of days of that. It was like
maybe four days of that, and then I was like,
I don't feel great, Like I don't feel this way either.
This isn't really helping me. So on Monday I went
(11:49):
to Pilate's class and I, you know, drank some water.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
I mean, like.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
It had been days without days, I was.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Probably getting some kind of hydration from something. Be it
the pizza or the garlic sauce that I was dipping
it in. I'm not sure.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
There's moisture in everything, in the air and everything, you know,
just take some deep breaths.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That was the last reset. That was That was the
last reset. And I feel like the thing that I
really learned was I wasn't giving myself like I had
a lot of rage. I think a lot of people
right now have a lot of rage. I wasn't giving
myself any space, so like get it out of my body. Yeah,
(12:38):
and it's just and like it's still kind of just
like sitting there. So I'm like trying to figure out,
like what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Like do I like how do I work that out?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
You know?
Speaker 1 (12:48):
And I think ultimately the reset part of it was
like this isn't working right if it's like a self,
if it's a choice, right, it's like, this isn't working.
This thing that I'm doing, I've done however many times,
isn't really working. How do I reset myself so that
like I can make I can choose a new path
(13:10):
of something that does work for me, right, Like that's
the self. That's the sort of like self guided audio
tour of your reset in your brain. Yeah, but sometimes
you can't choose right. Sometimes it just it just happens
to you, like it happened to your friend in the
middle of her birth. Yeah, it just be Yeah, it's
(13:31):
just the guitar players, Like, I can't go on. You're
you're gonna die if you stay inside that uh inside
the inflatable pol You need to put some pants on.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
And go to the hospital.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Should it play some jazz? Would that help?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Would that help you get dressed faster?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Can you imagine he just starts playing like a faster
be god to help her move?
Speaker 4 (13:57):
What was the last big reset that you did or
had happen or oh man, you want to discuss I
definitely similar to You've been having a lot of like
mini resets as I have sort of like slogged through
this past month of just waiting to hear anything about
(14:17):
how the show is doing and the possibility of having
a job for another year or if I've got to
like get back to the hustle. I just like it's
the one part of our job that I'm not good at.
I'm good at I'm pretty good at everything else.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Like the one I don't know, Melissa, Wow, things that
are out of our control. Like I don't think any
are good at that, Melissa, nobody is good at that.
That is a horrible thing that we have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
It's it sucks.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
It's that donkey dick, excuse my language, but.
Speaker 4 (14:53):
I feel like I know a lot of people that
are able to like remain positive and be like, I know,
I got a good feeling like we'll see, like I
think we're going to be back.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And like, you know, I don't know, that's a nice
day out loud, yeah and then.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I just feel like
very tortured. So I've had a lot of like mini resets,
you know, where I, like you were just describing it,
had a bad day, had a bad day, and then
the next day I was like, all right, I have
to like be very present conscious today in the moment,
choose what I eat, choose what I drink, like move
(15:30):
my body, like do you go through the things that
I know will set me up for success that day,
and then just like every day try to do that.
But I guess like the biggest reset was coming back
from Atlanta after like five months of you know, being
away from the family, living in this apartment that was
(15:50):
like very minimalist and empty, which was also kind of wild,
and then coming home to a house of toys and stuff,
and yeah, I went. When I got home, I kind
of went through like a reset of our house and
did all the closets and throughout like bags and bags
(16:13):
of shit, and like bought new containers to organize closets
and jodelers. And I think I sent you a picture
of my junk.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Drawer that I reorganized.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, you did.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
And I'm also.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Maybe gonna like buy some new furniture and get rid
of some furniture. And I don't know what that is about,
other than like I think, I think David and I
moved so many times before having kids, and this is
like the longest we've ever lived somewhere, and I think
I just still get an itch every few years to
(16:48):
like switch stuff up. But I'm not going to sell
my house and move, so I do it by like
getting rid of furniture and maybe buying a furniture.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, nothing crazy, just like I just feel like it's
not working. It's like energy, right, like yeah, like stuck energy,
Like you need change.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I need movement. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
One of my favorite pilate's teachers at the studio. It's
not like a Woo Wu studio, but she is kind
of what's a Woo woo studio?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Describe?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
You know, when you finish the workout and like, okay,
so this is a total sidebar. But like for me,
if I'm gonna pay money, so go do a workout somewhere,
I don't want ten minutes of my workout to be
like okay, now calm your breath and that deep belly
breath in. I'm like five minutes, babe, five minutes and
(17:43):
I can stretch five minutes by myself after class, Like
I don't need your Woo woo. I came for pilates,
not yoga. Okay, right, so even in yoga, I'm like,
do not Sometimes I don't want to hear your layoff floor.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
You're not my guru, babe, You're not my guo or
that's my guru. That's so she is not Woo Woo.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
But at that what I really appreciate is like after
class is over, she'll encourage us to stay in stretch
and then she'll light a little like bundle of something
and it's not safe, it's something else, but she'll light
like a little bundle, like walk around the studio, like
move the move the air, because you'll be in those
workout classes and sometimes people be like fucking crazy, like
crazy energy is coming off of people.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
And yeahtimes it's.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like mad competitive or like I remember taking a class
one time where it was like, oh my god, we're
all in this class is not a private Like you
can't keep stopping and having the teacher explain everything to you.
You should have taken an introduction, you know what I mean? Like,
oh no, so she resets the room and she resets
(18:47):
the energy, you know, And like, I think that's the
same thing that you're talking about. It's like you came
back from this big job. You see your house with
fresh eyes. I did the same thing when when I
came back from the last job that I was in,
I like was like, oh, this closet is too full
of clothes. I need to get rid of stuff. This
is yeah, why do we have all these toddler toys?
She's not a toddler anymore, you know?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Right, Oh my god, I got rid of like five
bags of toys.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Damn.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
It was great because we definitely had a jump and
even I asked Axel. I was like, Axel, can I
donate all these paw patrol toys or whatever not patrol
PJ masks?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And he looked at it. He was like, yeah, like
I don't.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Wow, that's I don't want to care about those guys anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I don't care about those guys. I'm not four. I
had five.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Miss Meanwhile, ros went to a party that was a
a what are they called the mask, PJ MA the
PJ masks. It was like PJ mask theme and she
was like enthralled because you've never seen it before. And
I was like I'm starting now, Honey, Like, sorry about it.
You gonna miss out on that boat?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
Baby?
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Nope, no, no, no oh.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
But the theme song is so catchy. Don't you want
it to be stuck in your head for days on it?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I absolutely don't. I would prefer any Disney musical, any
Disney musical, I would prefer if any of you know
that about me already, you're not surprised any Disney musical,
any of them. You choose Hercules, Bless my Soul, hercusan
a roll. Do you have to pay rights for that?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
What about like toxic people or situations that you want
to escape. Like what about like resetting a friendship? Can
you reset a friendship? I don't know if you can.
I think I think I've tried, but I definitely have
not seated in our friendship.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Oh like like oh like resetting the friendship, like this
is not working and we're going to try to improve it.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, it's very I have succeeded once in that I
have to.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Actually I just saw have one. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, it was a very hard, honest conversation. There were
a lot of times, yes, but it really has helped
me see this friend in a totally different light and
like give her a lot more grace. And I think
she was able to give.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Me more grace.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yeah, because we're sort of honest about like I don't
like when you do this, or I I don't like
when you do this. It doesn't this feels hard to
me or whatever, like and you know, a lot of
our friendships, I think a lot of people's friendships and
adulthood are based around like work relationships. So it's to
be tricky too, because like sometimes the sometimes there's like
(21:30):
an inequality and like power there maybe like someone sure
end of your boss or like you know, you're underneath them, yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
Or someone's like killing it. Yeah, And yeah, it can
be tricky. It can get tricky. It can get really tricky. Yeah.
I found though, since I had a friendship reset once
and it was a very old friend and it was
kind of after I became a mom, and I sort
of felt like the friend wasn't.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Ingrained in my new life, right, like I same thing
that happened to me. I was like, yeah, where'd you go?
Speaker 4 (22:04):
And it was very telling that with some people, I
was like, well, that's not surprising, like they've dropped off,
you know, they've disappeared. But this person, I was like,
this is very upsetting to me. And that kind of
told me that that was a friendship I still cared
very deeply about. That was very important to me. And
so I had the like hard conversation being like, Hey,
(22:24):
I feel like you're being a shitty friend. I feel
like I've gone through this big life change and you
don't know anything about it and you don't know anything
about my kid, and yeah, you know care and it
feels gross and.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
And it was a really hard conversation and the person
was a little defensive at first, and it took actually
another friend of theirs outside that doesn't even know me
at the time. Wow, And they said to them, oh, well,
she's just mostly just fighting for your friendship, Like she's
just trying to fight for you to be back and
(23:00):
like her life in the way you've always been. And
then that's what made the person go like, oh, and
then we have another good and then it was great
after that, and then they came out to visit and
spend time and like our relationship has been what it
used to always be ever since, you know, And I
find that it is that if you have that like
(23:22):
whole of like I can't I want to say something.
It's gonna be so hard, it's gonna be so uncomfortable,
but like I cannot let go without saying the things
that I feel like I need to say. And then
there're some friends I feel like, especially as I get older,
I'm like, Nope, I do not.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Have it in me.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
It girl bye you never Yeah, I'm gonna maybe ghost
a little bit, and but or like just like not
try as much and I send you many blessings.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I'm not like trying to send any bad jus.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
You your way.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Oh my god, God, that's so funny. Oh, bless her heart,
I send your blessing. I send her blessing. That's so funny,
God damn it. But also yeah, it's it's I'm okay
if I don't see you. You know you really said it,
though it's like you were that person said it. Mollis.
(24:21):
Is fighting for your friendship right, like a reason that
you choose is you choosing to go I'm going to
fight for something, right, I'm going to fight for that yes,
thing that I want. I'm going to fight to clear
out five bags of my kids toys of yeah, PJ masks.
I almost said Pa patrol that. It wasn't like I'm
going to fight for this friendship. I'm going to fight
(24:42):
for this like you know, new way of dealing with
my emotions or whatever, or I'm going to fight against
this like I mean, I'm thinking of my friend with
that crazy birth was like I'm still going to fight
to have Like I'm not going to take this as
like a failure on my part, like oh I failed,
you know, I didn't have the birth that I wanted.
(25:03):
But I'm still going to like use this moment to
go like, well, there's not like Pollyanna ing it and
like going like there's still just look at the positives,
but like, okay, well, what else is happening here? Like
what else is in this moment?
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Like it's still the birth of your child.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
It's still an incredible, amazing event that made Yeah, was
she able to reset in the in the middle of
it or do you know?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
I think she? I think it was, Like honestly, I
think it scarred her because when I was coming up
with a birth plan, and for those of you don't
that don't have kids, a lot of doctors and doulas
and people that are helping birth a baby will tell
you to come up with like a plan of like
what you want to have happened? What's your ideal situation
(25:48):
when you have a baby, Like I don't want to
feel anything, and she just slides right out in ten minutes,
you know, Like that would be an ideal situation, a
great birth plan. Is it realistic? Probably not if it's
your first baby. But like when I was coming up
with a birthlan, she was so adamant that I.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Not.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
She well she wasn't like adamant, but she was like,
I don't know if you should get induced. I don't
know if you should get in and do this because
like a lot of inductions end with the cesarean, and like,
I just don't want you to have to have a cesarean.
And I was like, there's no controlling this, Like there's
no there's no real controlling this. There might be a
situation in which that is what ends up happening, and
like I don't I'm not signing up to have one necessarily,
(26:32):
but like I'm not. I just want to come through this.
I just want to come through this. I just want
to come through this. And so like maybe at the end, yeah,
And she kept talking about like how much recovery it was,
and I understand, it's a lot of recovery. I actually
don't understand because I didn't have one. It is, but
you know what, your vagina is still intact after the
sea section. Shout out to my C section sisters. Shout
(26:56):
out to those of you that can still poop like
you used to be able to poop.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
I did not have a C section.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
But and that's another episode next week. I'm more better,
just kidding. You know all this, you know some people,
I get it. It is a it is a rougher recovery,
but yeah, I think she's your vagina still looks the same.
So there are pluses and minuses on both sides. Listen
(27:22):
to all things, to all things. I think the reset
of like having a baby is a big one, you know,
huge huge.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
That is a huge top to bottom reset, top to
top to booty, top to booty too.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
You can cut that out if you need to. Guys,
just talking to our producers, they're probably horrified right now
that we're talking about this.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I do feel like.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Sometimes it's about having the understanding that like it's not
so this is where this is where the deity stuff
comes in, right, Like I on one hand, it's cool
that we're all interested in like longevity and having our
hearts work well and not having a build up of
(28:16):
cholesterol in our veins and and you know, having systems
that work well and support us for living as long
of a life as.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Aging gracefully whatever that means or just.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Plain aging like that would a privilege to get old, right.
But like on the other hanging and I remember doing
like juice cleanses and stuff, and you know, it's like
I'm gonna reset my system, and like maybe that's the
case for you if you're doing a juice cleanse. But
the case for me was like I want to lose
(28:48):
some weight and like, right, I don't know, like that
kind of reset is not I don't I don't know
that that shocking your system and being like hard on
yourself works for everybody. It does work for some people.
I have a friend who's a trainer. I have a
friend who's a trainer, and he had this fantastic birthday
party the other day. It was like in the backyard
(29:10):
and it was just a bunch of pizzas and a
cake and giant bowls of candy. It was amazing. It
was like being at a lot of kids party, Like
they were like get back so he could fill with candy.
Cu like, Tony, how do you eat like this? You know,
like this this can't be good for you? And he
was like, oh, I've been on a diet for three months.
(29:32):
And I was like, oh, that can't be good for
you either, Like all right, I could never, but Tony
can you know? And he like that's like there's some
kind of like it's like those people that can do
like ultra marathoning and stuff sometimes where they're like I
have a goal for my body. I'm going I do
this so that like I can get to this gool
(29:52):
like to make myself stronger or whatever. And that's what
he's doing right. Like that, there's a difference of like
I have a goal that's a number, and I'm going
to reset myself to this number, and like everything's going
to be great. My whole life's going to be perfect,
because like news flash, babe, Like you could do every
reset ever and like unless you'd be resetting your soul,
(30:13):
it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
It's just not are we doing just outward work or
are we doing in or to outwards? Sometimes it's just outwards.
Sometimes it's just outward. Like people think they're going to
overhaul their like whole life by you know, losing ten
pounds and that's such a or by getting into a
relationship or whatever, yeah, breaking up with someone. And sometimes
(30:39):
that's true. I will say, like there was a big
reset for me when I got into this relationship with
Brad my husband. I don't know if you know, I'm
married Melissa and my husband's name is brain what, But
(30:59):
there was that a big reset there because I really
felt like, for the first time I felt like oh,
I really deserve to be happy, Like I deserve to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I remember that time.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah, And it's not like he was the one that
was like that was the reason I was happy, But
I was happy, and it was just kind of feeling like, oh,
I can be in a relationship that's like kind of
functioning and I feel good and I feel happy and
we're not fighting all the time, and it's not like
I don't have to change everything about myself to like
(31:33):
fit into this idea of what this other person wants
me to be.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
You know.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Yeah, that's the thing I remember being like a big
aha moment for you when you first met him, was like, oh,
I can just like completely be myselfself.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah yeah, and not have.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
This feeling of wanting to shift or change anything to accommodate,
which had maybe been something you had done in the past.
More maybe I threw out something being huge short shorts
because the person that I was with was struggling with
my butt out for other people to see.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
So yeah, more better.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
Motter.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
So oh, I thought this was interesting.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
The Stanford end of the History Illusion, they did a
study and they found psychologists found that people consistently underestimate
how much they will change in the next decade compared
to how much they've already changed. Like they just think, well,
this is this is it that's so weird, right, Like
(32:47):
it's so weird to me because maybe and I mean,
this is something you and I have always had in common.
Why we even started this podcast, why this is even
like the topic of this podcast is, like, I have
no idea who I'm going to be in ten years. No,
At the same time, I feel like I'm very much,
in a lot of ways the same person I was
(33:08):
ten years ago, right in a way. And I think
just in terms of like core values and like, I
don't think my personality has changed that much since like ever,
but I think that I've grown in ways I could
not have possibly imagined. I think I'm more resilient and
(33:31):
tougher than I could have ever imagined.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Like I thought I was so tough when I was younger,
and I look back and I'm like, you were a sheep.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
But I looking ahead, I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I have aspirations, hopefully of who I'm going to be
in ten years. I widen my eyes at the same
time that you said aspirations and I just want you
to know that that was not because you said aspirations,
but it was because I was writing down twenty thirty
five and I was like, what, how how is that
(34:10):
a real number that we are gonna hopefully be alive for,
you know, like we're.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Going to be alive. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
So the idea of just like, oh no, I'll just
be this but ten years older, I don't know. There's
something that kind of makes me sad about that mentality.
But also don't you remember being like eighteen and being like, well,
I guess this is it.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
I mean, this is.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
As this is it. I'm going to be like this
is it?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
Or I remember like freaking out about turning thirty goding
like right, and it was so the beginning of so
many things.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I hadn't even broke booked Brooklyn when I came through.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
It, Like I mean, think about brag. But how I
know everybody has to go through it. They have to
go through their own little like oh god, I'm so
terrified it's turning thre you know, I understand that, But
from the other side of it, it's like brah, you know,
like it's great, it's awesome, It's there's nothing to be
(35:10):
scared of. You can be dead inside when you're seventeen,
or you can be the fullest, most alive version of
yourself when you're eighty seven. It's all about like how
you're holding that inside, you know. Yeah, I just I
wrote down twenty thirty five, two thousand and forty five,
(35:33):
twenty and fifty five, and then I'm going to write
how old I'm going to be next to each of them.
But then I stopped doing because my hands started sweating.
My back's also sweating when I'm thinking about this, So
apparently I'm also nervous about these resets that are coming
up in my life.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
More Better.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Anyway, what'd you learn today? I learned that I'm terrified
of the future. Jesus.
Speaker 4 (36:00):
I learned that I think I've been through a lot
more resets than I ever thought about. And it's all okay,
but it's all like good. I think most of the resets.
I mean, of course, there's some. We didn't even talk
about bad resets. Dealing with bad resets.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
We don't need to.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
This podcast is called More Better. It's okay, you know,
let's keep it pause. But yeah, but that like I think,
I think, I really like the idea of a reset.
Speaker 4 (36:30):
I think I like the idea of it being an
option as a way to like move forward or have
some or feel just movement, like I'm in control of
changing the narrative, or I'm in charge, I'm in control
of reframing the situation right, because that's what sometimes a
reset is, is just reframing the thing right to help
(36:54):
yourself work through it or get on the other side
of it, or process it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Take the cartridge out blowing it, put it back to
blowing it. If you get that reference, we love you
so much, gen Z is not going to get that
I love you so much. You're in the right spot.
Speaker 4 (37:10):
If you don't get that reference, Good for you for
being here, because I did not.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
Seek out this type of narrative when I was your age.
So welcome, welcome. Do you feel a little more better?
I always feel a little more better.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah, I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, when I'm with you, Okay, I'll talk to you
next time. Then next time, bye bye, more and more better.
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us your thoughts
and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot com and
include a voice note if you want to be featured
on the pod. Ooh More Better with Stephanie Melissa is
a production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Mikudura podcast netw
hosted by Me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
More Better is produced by ISIS Madrid and Sophie Spencer Zebos.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
Our executive producers are Stephanie Beatrice, myself, Melissa Humero, along
with Wilmar Valderrama and Leo Clem at w V Sound
and ISIS Madrid.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
This episode was edited by ISIS Madrid and engineered by
Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Davenport and Hello Boy.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Avolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
See you next week's suck Us.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Bye
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.