August 8, 2024 • 39 mins
Buenas, More Better fam! Who’s coming over for family dinner? Gather ‘round the table as we discuss cultura and familia this week. Stephanie and Melissa open up about their Colombian, Bolivian and Cuban cultures — from the food, to the language, holidays, traditions, values and more — and how they’re doing their best to pass those foundations on to the next generation. So settle in and make yourself at home, you’re a part of the More Better Familia now.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What don't you want to pass on to your kids? Trauma?
Culturally More Better, More, More.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Better, More Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we
stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the
journey of becoming a little more better every day we're.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
At least trying to.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yeah, that's most FAMO and that's Stephanie Beatrice.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Hi, welcome back.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah baby, how are you doing? You know?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Well, I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I think I'm a little like you know, we're recording
this on a Monday, and it's that Monday feeling of
the weekend was a whirlwind of just kid insanity and
Monday I always feel like a little like a hangover,
a kid hangover.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Like that's a really good way to put it. Yeah,
how are you? I feel similarly?
Speaker 5 (01:15):
I mean, I I don't know what to call it,
but I had like a really down day yesterday where
I was like, h and I really I was leaning
on Brad a lot, like I got I got Ras
up and I did stuff with her and then I
was like, hey, man, I need to go in my
bedroom and hide. Can you please do the majority of
(01:36):
this today? And God bless him. He did, and my
sister helped too, but like I just couldn't. I couldn't
hack it, man, I couldn't hack it. And it made
me think, like, you know, on one hand, I'm so
grateful for a partner that a partner, and a sister,
a family that is ready to kind of like, you know,
pick up I not not pick up the slack, but
(01:57):
like catch me or support me when I'm down, support you.
But also I have like all these guilty feelings of
like what about like single moms and like people that
don't have anybody else to depend on, and like what
are they doing when they're sad? And like I can't
believe I'm in bed right now watching Sex in the City.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I'm so sad, Like I do, you know, I get
I think we all do that, But I think that
also if you are able, and you have a village
or you have community, like you know, you gotta put
your you gotta put your mask on for your your
oxygen mask on first.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
So what you're saying is it's okay for me to
watch Sex and the City for days on end and
just ignore my chidler completely days.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Carb Garblus. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I don't ignore my child's No, I know you don't actually,
but you were just taking care of yourself and her.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Also, yeah, I don't even know what was wrong with me, Like,
I guess you're just something to.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Do in therapy. I was just having a hard day.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
You're just having a hard day.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Well, okay, so now I'm gonna ask you, what have
you done lately that's more better?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Mm hmmm mm hmmm.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Burt for my smoothie, which is something I've been my
more better. I'm good, Monday reset. I'm trying to, like,
you know, I've been really busy and all over the
place and scattered, so like I worked out this morning
and I made my smoothie that I love. I'm trying
to like get get back in the routine, you know, like,
oh my Monday reset.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Monday Reset. That's what I've that's my more better.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
What have you done lately? It's more better?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Oh my god, I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Gonna copy you. I'm gonna copy you. Yeah, because sometimes
I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Said, listen, sometimes every single Monday is a Monday Reset.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
And that's just how it goes.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Real talk, that's real, that's really real.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
But it helps me to just be like whatever, it's fine.
What everything you just did is fine? Just Monday reset, Like,
let's just commit to get back in the routine for
the week.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah. Oh my god, I'm copying you. Yeah, I am
going to copy you. That's so good. What was my
more better?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I'm flossing? Yes, I am such a lazy like girl
about it.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Should we do an episode on how to be more
better a dental because we could struggle?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Is you are shared dentist? We share a dentist.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
You guys share a dentist? More better?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (04:37):
More better at dental care with Stephanie Molson. That's not
what we're talking about today. Actually, today's episode, we're talking
about sharing your culture with your kids. If you don't
have kids, this can also be for you if you're
like I want to share my culture with my friends.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
With my chosen family. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
So it's like about keeping kind of like touchstones of
your culture in your life and how you do it.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Are you doing it? Do you want to do it more?
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Do you feel like I totally have that down and
you just want to run this episode off?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Please?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Don't, like, you know, I think one of the things
that I think about a lot is like, how do
I do that?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Because for me.
Speaker 5 (05:24):
I assimilated, like my parents wanted me to assimilate in
you know, for purposes of this conversation, we'll call it
like American culture. And they didn't want us to speak Spanish.
They wanted us to you know, be like I even
wanted to assimilate. I remember going to school, I'm seeing
everybody's lunches and specifically wanting lunches that looked like the
(05:47):
other kids.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that, but like, you.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Know, how how how I grew up and like how
embracing parts of my culture didn't come until honestly until
I was like in college, late high school college. I
just want that journey to be different for my kid
and my family.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
You know what about you?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, similarly that pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
The story in our family is when my brother was
really young, like first grade or kindergarten, the teacher called
my parents in and this is in the eighties and
ask them what they were speaking at home, and they
said Spanish and they said, hmm, it's really messing him
up because my brother was saying things like give me
(06:38):
low and tekel and like he was, you know, just
he was speaking Spanglish basically. And you know, I feel
like now there's a lot more awareness and education about
like that always just evens out and kids like, you know,
just become bilingual and it's not a big deal. And
there are speech delays sometimes when you are teaching two languages,
(07:00):
like you know, back then it was just like ooh,
and and like my parents got scared, so they didn't
stop speaking Spanish to us, but they stopped making us
respond in Spanish. So I grew up with a like
bilingual brain where I've always been able to like understand
(07:21):
Spanish pretty fluently, but.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's like not in my it's not in my mouth.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, Like that's like my sister, like the connection is
broken and it's like gone better. And I've worked on
you know, and it's like I get on these like
ruts of like working on it a lot and it
gets a lot better and then I lose it, and
you know, it's like a very up and down thing.
But but yeah, so I think and what you said
about like food too, I think I remember you know,
(07:50):
asking more for like ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch
or you know, and and things like that. And and
I grew up in It's town with a lot of
Italians and happened to have the maiden name Gallo, which
kind of let me blend in because Italians sort of
look like Latin anyone, you know, sometimes sometimes they do
(08:15):
some you know, and uh so I I remember being
conscious of like, oh, I could just like.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Blend it.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I don't have to like tell anybody that I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I don't have to be me.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I could just be like I could just like like
a hide a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
But also there were a lot of kids with like
immigrant parents or grandparents, so I also didn't feel like
too two othered and innocence too. I think I also
got lucky with the particular group of friends that I
grew up with. But but yeah, it's it's definitely and
I think it's also uh different. I think a lot
(08:59):
about how I was like the child of immigrants and
how different that is for my kids who are second.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Gen you know. And I just feel like it was so.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Much more kind of in my everyday life than it
is necessarily for me.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Now does that make sense?
Speaker 5 (09:20):
Like, yeah, because like you, your parents came to the
US when they were teenage teenagers, right, yeah, yeah, so
they are already like they had established lives there in Cuba,
and yeah, established way of life, established like attitudes and
values and beliefs, and you know, even down to like
(09:43):
the art around them and like the feeling of where
they grew up and the habits of the people and
like all that stuff was like already kind of like established.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And then they moved, so that was already part of them. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Yeah, yeah, they were, Yeah, they had to start over
here and high school or early high school, and yeah,
I feel like, you know, there was a lot of
Caribbean art in our house, and like, you know, there
was a lot of you know, I mean, my parents
loved music, so there was you know, Glorious Stevon and
Tony Bennett and and like Frank Sinatra and also Celia
(10:19):
Cruz were like, oh that's like what was always playing.
It was a very yeah, like spanglish mixed kind of house.
But they definitely, I think felt pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah. I think a lot of immigrants feel that way.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
They don't want to be targeted, you know, like they
don't want to feel like they're targeted for being different. Yeah,
and they want things to be easier for their kids
than for them.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Hmm, that's very real.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
What was it, Well, you came when you were three.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Two, I was too to redress.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, even so more so for your
parents because they were like full adults, they were families,
all adults, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They were grown ups and you know, coming to a
new world basically with like.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Both of them could speak English, but they have and
still do. My mother's accent is you know, it's thick,
and yeah, my father's was to you know, like I
think for them they really wanted us to it was
it was about assimilating.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And also for them, it was about achieving. So it
was like.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
A straight a's nothing, but you can't come home with
a bee. Like if you come home with a bee,
it's hell is going to come down on you, like it.
And it was just like palpable, like you have to
be it has to be like ninety eight or above.
You've got to succeed at everything that you do. If
you don't, then what are we doing? Just pick something
(11:51):
else to be good at, you know. But I think
that was a lot of like trying to protect us,
me and my sister. Yeah, and like what was interesting
about the time that they came and we moved to Texas,
So like it was really it was my mom really
found a community within her church, and she found a
(12:12):
lot of Latinos, but they were from all over, so
like some of her friends were Watermelon, some of her
friends were Mexicans, some of her friends were Portuguese, some
of her friends were Brazilian, some of her friends were
this that the other, right, and like they were all immigrants,
and they had almost all of them were immigrants, and
then some of them were born and raised in Texas,
but they were, you know, they were really connected to
(12:33):
their Mexican culture. So like I think overall, when I
was a kid, it was really Mexican culture that I.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Saw and felt a lot of.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
And consequently, I still feel really connected to Mexican culture,
even though technically I'm not Mexican at all, but right,
I just feel that way, and I feel a lot
of like like when I see the Mexican flag, I
feel pride about it even though I'm not from Mexico. Yeah,
it doesn't matter because because I grew up in Texas
and like Texas used to being borderw Mexico, and like
(13:04):
I just feel connected.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
I get that.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I relate to that because like there's a lot of
Puerto Ricans and Dominican like Caribbean Latinos where I grew
up and like, and I've been to those places, and
I feel that same kind of feeling with Puerto Rican
culture Dominican culture.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And yeah, it's like like.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
This is so cheesy, but like it's like that song
and in the Heights where like everybody's like flying their
own flash, they all still really feel connected, yes to
their culture and they're proud of each other, and they're
just singing like about how much they love their countries
even though they're not there. They have family there or whatever,
(13:46):
like tradition and roots, you know. Like I don't know,
I remember being we were when we were shooting in
the Heights. When we were shooting that song was like
two days outside.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I think love scene so much.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
My god, the middle of summer, the middle of summer,
like we're melting, melting hot and soup and me I
was like, I want like all the hair pieces for
this job, Like I want like in every scene, I
want to have like a wild hair dude, just like
to put as much hair in there as you possibly can. Meanwhile,
(14:22):
we're dancing outside and it's like one hundred degrees and I.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Have like life hair on my head myself you know
what it looked? Good girl, Okay, look and look good.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Thank you more.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Consequently, like one of the things that I want to
do as a parent is.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
You know, ros is Uh.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
She's growing up with a mom who's Colombian oblivion and
a dad who his family's been in the United States
for quite a while. You know, they were Eastern European,
but they've been here much longer than my family, right,
And so I'm trying to find what can be And
she's just still little, but I'm like trying to introduce
(15:18):
these like new traditions in our family. Like at Christmas time,
we make to Molly's and she helps. There's this great
book called Too Many to Mally's that's really really cute.
We read it at Christmas time and then we make
to Molly's and she asks to read for read it
again and again.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
But we also make Parrogi's because that's part of my
husband's culture.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
So I'm trying to do both things through food, because
food is so celebratory, right, and it's such an easy
kind of in to culture. And I also find that
there's like story around it, which is why I was
psyched when I found that book that too many Tomali's book. Yeah,
because in the book there's so many pictures of her
(16:02):
and her primos and like her family all coming together
at Christmas time, and like there's so much story jumping
off points that I can have from her starting to
make Tamalai's as a kid, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, yeah, I love that. It makes me want to
look like a Goodchouena book.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
But yeah, I'm sure there's like a million. I'm sure
there's like a million. I just haven't had the idea
to look.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Is that something that you guys celebrate wanna Yeah? Yeah
yeah growing up?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
So it's like a little bittersweet for me because growing
up it is a tradition that's been passed on in Cuba.
They used to gather at my mom's grandmother's house and
it was all the cousins and I guess the house
was like on the bigger side the way my mom
describes it, but like she also is like we all
(16:59):
like piled in, like we all slept in the living
room together, like oh my kids on the floor, like
everybody would sleep over, and she also like talked about
her grandmother would like go outside to like kill the
pig that morning.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
That was one tradition.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
Like she would go outside with my like you're planning
on doing in your life and you.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Want to with a hammer, like That's how the festivities started.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That day, and all the kids would be like, isn't.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
It so intense?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
And my mom was like no, but like we just
like all ran outside screaming and laughing like it was.
You know, I was like, oh my god, that's icy.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So then sorry to the vegans, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
this is Cuba. So and then when my parents got
their first house in New Jersey, they started doing the
same thing, having all of our cousins from New York
come over every Christmas Eve, and uh, my.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Mom would make most of the food.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Well she would take like the pig to get it
done that you're a Cuban bakery, she would she would
do it. She would prep it and then she would
take it to get cooked and then they'd pick it
up for dinner. Oh and my my ideas would bring
the black beans, and you know, somebody would bring the yuka.
It's always yuka black beans, rice pork and plantains.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That's Christmas Eve dinner.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
But yeah, so every Christmas Eve was like thirty of
my cousins at my parents' house and we'd have a
party and we'd have dinner and exchange gifts and it
was amazing and we all.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Like miss it so much.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
So I always have like guilt in me that, like
my kids aren't getting that because we live in California,
and also the family is like, you know, my parents
have retired and moved away and like some people have
like spread out a little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, but I do make that meal.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
And I do make the Christmas cookies that I used
to make with my mom when I was a kid.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Oh my god, what I say Now.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
They're just little butter cookies. But they're so fucking good.
This recipe is so easy. You have to share the recipes.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'll share the recipe, we'll put it on Instagram. And
it's so fucking good.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And and then.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
And they're just and I use like a cookie press,
you know, it's like those kind of cookies.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So you gell me like a lot.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
I make them for like my kids teachers now. But yeah,
I am very I feel very strongly about like keeping
that nocha Winna, like you know that we have that
meal and we make those cookies and we all sit
down and we decorate. You know. That's another one too.
I feel like that's been a tradition. It's like I
(19:45):
decorate with the kids. I feel like, oh my god,
yeah yeah, like involving them in it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
I don't know if it's kosher or not.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
But the the little corner store over here by where
I live has Christmasao and we put it up last year,
and Ro's freaking loves picado. She freaking loves it.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I don't know what picado.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Is, buttle picado is usually at uh Day for David dead.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah paper that Ida know that's
what it was called. Yes, yeah, picado And that's very
I don't know if that's Mexican at all. I mean
I think it's just Mexican. I'm not sure I could
google it. I will maybe maybe Isis could google that
(20:33):
while I'm talking, so I don't sund like I'm talking
out my ass, but like, yeah, decorating is a big
one for us on at Christmas time. No, what'd you
find about picado?
Speaker 6 (20:46):
I googled picallo. Yeah, it is originated from Mexico. It's
a Mexican folk art. The tradition of using pupp and
picado originates practice. This is why the Aztecs the aztext
covered a dark textile called amatal with melted rubber and
(21:07):
painted on it.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Oh my god, it's so cool. That's so I love it.
I think it's so beautiful.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
I love I love like the very intricate hand done stuff,
and I love the plastic stuff that I can get
at the corner store and we hang it, we hang
it at the other those We usually keep it up
for a while and then we switch it out for
the Christmas colored ones. And I don't know, I just
love having it around at Christmas time because it makes
me again, I think it makes me feel connected to
(21:36):
Mexican culture.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I think I might steal that too, Steph and like
it's and add it to our Christmas decorations next year,
because just living in Los Angeles, my kids have a
connection to Mexican culture because.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
It's exactly yeah, mm hmm, exactly exactly that did you
do anything on Christmas Day?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Because we hilariously like did nothing on Christmas Day? Ever,
we ate we went to the movies and ate Chinese food.
That was we went to the movies, went to the
movies and ate Chinese food. And I and I have
started to do that too. I've started to get Chinese
food on Christmas Day, Bro, that is I okay.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
So I'm trying to get Brad, my husband, Brad, to
understand movies on Christmas Day and he does not get it.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
He's like, Christmas Day isn't for that. I'm like that
this is the day for that.
Speaker 5 (22:30):
They together, everybody's like the grown ups are kind of hungover.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Everyone's food hungover.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
You want to do anything, You open presence, you kind
of clean it up, then you go to the movies.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yes, that is that is a I mean that's I'll
talk to him.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah yeah yeah. What about New Year's did you guys
do any of the lat my god, do you do
a lot of them?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
We did. We had to wear yellow underwear or new underwear.
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
We did the twelve grapes at midnight. That's what we
always did. Twelve grapes. Got to eat the twelve grapes
for good luck? Where did the grapes come from? Listen
to us, we're having this. I mean, this is part
of why we're having this discussion, you guys, because like, well, that's.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
The thing though about traditions is sometimes you just do
them and you don't.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
You just do it.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
I always told the twelve grapes were for good luck,
for the new year.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
That's what my one month, one for every month. Yes,
and you're supposed to eat them as fast as possible, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Without choking. We did, which is scary, which I never
thought about. What I started to do with my kids.
I was like, the first time, I think, let me
cut them in half, let me cut them, let me cut.
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Them in joke.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
I think last year was your parents were like, just
eat them off the vine, just don't worry, don't even them.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Yeah, just shove them in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And we did it last year for the first time
because last year was the first time my kids could
stay up until nine because in Los Angeles we do
New York New Year's Eve.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
At nine o'clock.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh cute, you like that's what we did this year.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Yeah, you put the New York feed on and at
nine o'clock you can like, do you know, Happy New Year?
Because there's my kids are too little to they won't
make it till midnight. And and yeah, I gave them
the grades and I was so excited, and I was.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like, you can't eat them, miss fast again.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
As they started putting them in mouth, I was like, no, wait,
just spill it out.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
I think many.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
It doesn't have to be fast, just do one at
a time.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
See, you know, you have to adjust the traditions for
your own family, you do.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
I think there's a lot of stuff that like I
want to try with her, you know, it's like try
and see what sticks. And because again, like I didn't
grow up with a ton of this stuff. I mean
was a big one in our house, but I didn't.
I wasn't. I think my parents did their absolute best,
(25:11):
and I think they had a lot on their plates,
and I think like those kind of things weren't always
at the forefront of their mind, oh, trying.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
To make sure that culturally I had a touchdown. They
were just trying to make it day to day, you know.
Speaker 5 (25:25):
Yeah, So when I think about now, I want to
I want to give my kid that stuff because if
I don't give it to her, you know, like if
I don't teach her the language or at least give
her like the choice to learn it, you know, or
like the experience of traveling to Colombia, if we can,
(25:47):
to Bolivia, if we can, the experience of like making
those cultural connections. If I don't help her build those bridges,
it's going to be a lot harder for her to
build them on her own later.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And I think our parents just being who they are
so much was passed on to us just kind of
without them trying, you know, because it was I think
culture also extends to like I don't know, like you
know your values and your point of view and you know,
and obviously it's like holidays and it's food and it's music,
(26:20):
Like those are the more kind of I think surface
ones that are the maybe the loudest, but yeah, I
think it comes, you know, I see it and just yeah,
like I'm I'm I'm big on like like manners and respect,
and I think that that's.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Right Latino thing.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Like I remember there was this one video someone sent me.
It was like on Instagram or TikTok or something, and
it was you know those princesses you can hire for
like a birthday party, and so it was like one
of those women that was in her like princess outfit
in her car and she goes, I just want to
like give props to like all the Latino families because
(27:05):
every time I work at a Latino family party, those
kids are so respectful.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
You.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
She was like, look at this plate of food. They
sent me home with this delicious food. They always set
me home with food. They always like, you know, ask
me if I need a break. They treat me like
I'm part of the.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Family when I come in, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
And I felt such pride watching that video and also
just like yeah, I want you know, and I try
to be really conscious of that of like, you know,
when people are at my house, I'm very like you know,
like like I like I play hostess, but I'm also
like if you need because this is how my mom was,
(27:48):
like Mikasa Sukasa, like if you need something from the fridge,
go get something from the fridge, like you know, if
you you don't like be comfortable be at home like
I you know, don't like you're not a guest, you know,
like you're a part of the family.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And you know, I burn my head my mom going almost.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
Yeah, you know, like like don't be rude, like don't
be hello, say lo say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye,
and thank you before you leave.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
That was another big one. I remember as an adult
being at a rap party for I think the soap
I was on, and somebody from that show came up
to me like the next day at work or whatever
or the next time I saw it, and they were like,
you are the only person I know who like intentionally
goes around the room to say bye to like almost
everybody before you leave. And I think that that's so polite.
(28:43):
And I was just like it was so automatic for
me because that was so like ingrained from my parents.
And they were like, I just appreciate it. It's so nice.
And I was like oh, and I'm like felt really good.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
And I was like, oh, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Like so now I think about it things with my
kids of just like very respectful.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:06):
Meanwhile, I'm like, oh bye, Like I bounce out of
parties without saying goodbye because it stresses me out, just
like good.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Bye to people. Oh yeah, I mean I think that's
fine too.
Speaker 5 (29:15):
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. More better what Okay?
So we talked a lot about stuff that we do
want to pass on. What don't you want to pass
on to your kids trauma culturally.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Oion, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
But you know what it's also like sometimes I'm a
little on the not on the fence about it. Let
me explain, but I feel like I you know, I'm
Cuban obviously, the way my family came here, the way
my husband's also a Cuban, the way his family came
here is surrounded with a lot of trauma. You know,
with a cousin who was a Peter Pankid came on
(30:06):
a plane by herself, didn't see her parents for five years.
Like there was a lot of crazy stories I grew
up around, and uh, the positive thing that those stories
gave me, I think was like ambition and drive and
like and being really grateful and having kind of this
(30:26):
perspective of like kind of how good I have it?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Like there is there is that like joke about like
when you're an immigrant, a child of immigrants, like it's
really hard to complain about anything, you know, like, oh
my god, today it was so hard? Oh was today hard?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Did you have to flee your country?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Like you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Yeah, everything got And that definitely that happened to me
a lot, which is another complicated thing. But you know,
but then there are times where you see, like, oh,
I think this did make me like stronger. I think
this gift date did give me this kind of uph
you know. But yeah, but I definitely, I don't know.
(31:09):
It'll be interesting, you know, for my kids to kind
of when they're older, obviously, Uh, I don't know. I'm
curious and like learning about that will give them the
same sort of shift in perspective or you know, I
also have the privilege of telling them older and they're
(31:30):
not just like surrounded by it too, which is something
I recognize.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
You know. I get to choose when they learn about that.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
Yeah, I think I think that that's really important for them,
you know, to hear like where they come from, Like
what were the steps that got them here? You know,
because like that is a part of I mean, that's
a part of family tradition in a weird way, it's.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Like what where are your roots? Where where are you from?
Speaker 5 (31:58):
Like how you know, like how are all the parts
of you connected and built?
Speaker 3 (32:04):
You know?
Speaker 5 (32:04):
And that goes for like I think any any any
anybody right, Like I want to know about myself.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I want to know how the parts of me and
I want to introduce like parts of that to my
friends and my partner that have that experience. You know, yeah,
are there any parts of your culture that you are
that you don't want to pass on trauma?
Speaker 5 (32:31):
I think for a lot of us it's trauma. Particularly
it's like you know that, I mean, this is a
very generalized thing to say, and please forgive me audience,
but you know, we've all seen the stereotypical like Latinos
are passionate in their fiery and ye and like listen,
(32:52):
we could get into a big conversation about that. But
what I know to be true about my own family
was that communication was life with a lot of like.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Explosion.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
And I think, you know, my parents did their best,
but I don't know that they always knew how to
communicate in the healthiest and kindest ways.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
And like you pick up on that as a kid,
you go, oh, well, I guess this is normal. This
is how it is when you're married, or how how
you talk to people, or you know, And I think
that there was also an element of them being really afraid.
I think one of the things that I'm trying to
figure out as a parent and honestly as a person
(33:38):
is like how do I approach things with less fear
and how do I approach things with like more communicativeness,
especially when I'm mad, So that I just like exploding,
you know, in a way that like I grew up
where like the explosion was just like kind of the norm,
you know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
But I don't want to explode. I want to like
take a breath.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
I want to, you know, if I have to, I
want to leave the room if I have to, I
want to say I can't talk about this with you
right now. I need to just take a step back
whatever however I do it. So that's the kind of
stuff that like those are honestly, some of them are
like traditions in my family because I grew up around
it and they grew up around it, and like I
want to.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
End some of that stuff. Yeah, break the cycle.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
Yeah that's like a that's a very fancy way to say,
like don't yell at your kid.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I don't want to yell my kid. I don't really
want to yell my kid.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
The only time I've ever like really raised my voice
at Roz is like she's like climbing on the stairwell,
like you know.
Speaker 5 (34:41):
Stair Sometimes we just kind of like, hey, yeah, you know, yeah,
but I'm not.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
I'm not of the I just don't want to I
don't want to know. I have it be.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
The normal, all the all the time way, but it
doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (35:00):
Yeah, oh you know what I mean, Like like if
I were to yell like she's climbing down off of
that staircase thing, you know, like whatever it is, because
she's like, whoa, this is serious, as opposed to like
if you hear yelling all the time, then it's like eh, whatever, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Which is how it got how it became for me.
I like barely heard it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
My mom's yelling about something.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I'm not sure. Oh man, my mom didn't Uh well
no she did. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
I think I was kind of like that with my
mom too. She did yell a lot, but also like
she just talks loudly. Like I remember times that my
friends would come over and she and my grandmother would
be in the kitchen talking and my friends.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Would be like, oh my god, should we go outside?
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Are they fighting? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I know, I know, and I'd be like, oh, no,
they're just talking about what to make for dinner.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Like they're not yeah, they're not agreeing.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
She thinks we should, you know, but talking, yeah, which
we're doing right now.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That's exactly where a Brad in the beginning was.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Like like I can't focus, sorry, but this is this
is it like talk to each other?
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Yeah, this is how it is, Babe, more better, Steph.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
This was a fun chat. This was very fun.
Speaker 5 (36:15):
I'm very glad that we talked about this because I
kind of felt like I was not doing a good job.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
And now I feel a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Better better, I know, I do. I feel that way too.
I was the same. I was like, oh, I don't
think I do that.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I should do more, and I do feel inspired to
do more. I feel like I got some good ideas
from you, and I think just being like yeah, sometimes
just talking about the thing makes you more conscious of it.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And I'm like, oh, I am passing on some some
good things. So it's it's good.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Yeah, Yeah, I do feel more better.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
It's about culture. I do too.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
I do too, and it makes me excited for the holidays. Actually,
I mean it's far way at this point, but I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
I also just like love Christmas.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
My God too.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
We have that in common, we always have. I love
Christmas so much I can't. I mean, I just love
I love it. And you know, whatever holiday you celebrate,
like if you're religious or not, I just think like
there's something about that season that it's like a new
year's coming. The winter solstice is there, It's like celebratory.
(37:28):
You're with your friends and family. It's like, you know,
people call it the season of giving for a reason
because something comes over you and you just want to
like help other people, and yeah, reach out and gift
and being a family for me with community. Yeah, it's
such a beautiful part of the year and I just
love it so much.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Same anyways, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays months from now.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Thanks friends today, Okay, see you next time. Bye bye,
More More Better.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 5 (38:09):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh more Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Viatriz and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and
(38:30):
Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and
Leo Clem at wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis
Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music
by Madison.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Davenport and Hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
See you next week, Sugas, Bye, Nan Pokitomas Mayhor
What don't you want to pass on to your kids? Trauma?
Culturally More Better, More, More.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Better, More Welcome to More Better, a podcast where we
stop pretending to have it all together and embrace the
journey of becoming a little more better every day we're.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
At least trying to.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yeah, that's most FAMO and that's Stephanie Beatrice.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Hi, welcome back.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah baby, how are you doing? You know?
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Well, I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I think I'm a little like you know, we're recording
this on a Monday, and it's that Monday feeling of
the weekend was a whirlwind of just kid insanity and
Monday I always feel like a little like a hangover,
a kid hangover.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Like that's a really good way to put it. Yeah,
how are you? I feel similarly?
Speaker 5 (01:15):
I mean, I I don't know what to call it,
but I had like a really down day yesterday where
I was like, h and I really I was leaning
on Brad a lot, like I got I got Ras
up and I did stuff with her and then I
was like, hey, man, I need to go in my
bedroom and hide. Can you please do the majority of
(01:36):
this today? And God bless him. He did, and my
sister helped too, but like I just couldn't. I couldn't
hack it, man, I couldn't hack it. And it made
me think, like, you know, on one hand, I'm so
grateful for a partner that a partner, and a sister,
a family that is ready to kind of like, you know,
pick up I not not pick up the slack, but
(01:57):
like catch me or support me when I'm down, support you.
But also I have like all these guilty feelings of
like what about like single moms and like people that
don't have anybody else to depend on, and like what
are they doing when they're sad? And like I can't
believe I'm in bed right now watching Sex in the City.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
I'm so sad, Like I do, you know, I get
I think we all do that, But I think that
also if you are able, and you have a village
or you have community, like you know, you gotta put
your you gotta put your mask on for your your
oxygen mask on first.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
So what you're saying is it's okay for me to
watch Sex and the City for days on end and
just ignore my chidler completely days.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Carb Garblus. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I don't ignore my child's No, I know you don't actually,
but you were just taking care of yourself and her.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Also, yeah, I don't even know what was wrong with me, Like,
I guess you're just something to.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Do in therapy. I was just having a hard day.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
You're just having a hard day.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Well, okay, so now I'm gonna ask you, what have
you done lately that's more better?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Mm hmmm mm hmmm.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Burt for my smoothie, which is something I've been my
more better. I'm good, Monday reset. I'm trying to, like,
you know, I've been really busy and all over the
place and scattered, so like I worked out this morning
and I made my smoothie that I love. I'm trying
to like get get back in the routine, you know, like,
oh my Monday reset.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Monday Reset. That's what I've that's my more better.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
What have you done lately? It's more better?
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Oh my god, I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Gonna copy you. I'm gonna copy you. Yeah, because sometimes
I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Said, listen, sometimes every single Monday is a Monday Reset.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
And that's just how it goes.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Real talk, that's real, that's really real.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
But it helps me to just be like whatever, it's fine.
What everything you just did is fine? Just Monday reset, Like,
let's just commit to get back in the routine for
the week.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Yeah. Oh my god, I'm copying you. Yeah, I am
going to copy you. That's so good. What was my
more better?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I'm flossing? Yes, I am such a lazy like girl
about it.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Should we do an episode on how to be more
better a dental because we could struggle?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Is you are shared dentist? We share a dentist.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
You guys share a dentist? More better?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Anyway?
Speaker 5 (04:37):
More better at dental care with Stephanie Molson. That's not
what we're talking about today. Actually, today's episode, we're talking
about sharing your culture with your kids. If you don't
have kids, this can also be for you if you're
like I want to share my culture with my friends.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
With my chosen family. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:56):
So it's like about keeping kind of like touchstones of
your culture in your life and how you do it.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Are you doing it? Do you want to do it more?
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Do you feel like I totally have that down and
you just want to run this episode off?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Please?
Speaker 5 (05:10):
Don't, like, you know, I think one of the things
that I think about a lot is like, how do
I do that?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Because for me.
Speaker 5 (05:24):
I assimilated, like my parents wanted me to assimilate in
you know, for purposes of this conversation, we'll call it
like American culture. And they didn't want us to speak Spanish.
They wanted us to you know, be like I even
wanted to assimilate. I remember going to school, I'm seeing
everybody's lunches and specifically wanting lunches that looked like the
(05:47):
other kids.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that, but like, you.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Know, how how how I grew up and like how
embracing parts of my culture didn't come until honestly until
I was like in college, late high school college. I
just want that journey to be different for my kid
and my family.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
You know what about you?
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Yeah, yeah, similarly that pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
You know.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
The story in our family is when my brother was
really young, like first grade or kindergarten, the teacher called
my parents in and this is in the eighties and
ask them what they were speaking at home, and they
said Spanish and they said, hmm, it's really messing him
up because my brother was saying things like give me
(06:38):
low and tekel and like he was, you know, just
he was speaking Spanglish basically. And you know, I feel
like now there's a lot more awareness and education about
like that always just evens out and kids like, you know,
just become bilingual and it's not a big deal. And
there are speech delays sometimes when you are teaching two languages,
(07:00):
like you know, back then it was just like ooh,
and and like my parents got scared, so they didn't
stop speaking Spanish to us, but they stopped making us
respond in Spanish. So I grew up with a like
bilingual brain where I've always been able to like understand
(07:21):
Spanish pretty fluently, but.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's like not in my it's not in my mouth.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, Like that's like my sister, like the connection is
broken and it's like gone better. And I've worked on
you know, and it's like I get on these like
ruts of like working on it a lot and it
gets a lot better and then I lose it, and
you know, it's like a very up and down thing.
But but yeah, so I think and what you said
about like food too, I think I remember you know,
(07:50):
asking more for like ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch
or you know, and and things like that. And and
I grew up in It's town with a lot of
Italians and happened to have the maiden name Gallo, which
kind of let me blend in because Italians sort of
look like Latin anyone, you know, sometimes sometimes they do
(08:15):
some you know, and uh so I I remember being
conscious of like, oh, I could just like.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Blend it.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
I don't have to like tell anybody that I'm.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I don't have to be me.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I could just be like I could just like like
a hide a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
But also there were a lot of kids with like
immigrant parents or grandparents, so I also didn't feel like
too two othered and innocence too. I think I also
got lucky with the particular group of friends that I
grew up with. But but yeah, it's it's definitely and
I think it's also uh different. I think a lot
(08:59):
about how I was like the child of immigrants and
how different that is for my kids who are second.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Gen you know. And I just feel like it was so.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Much more kind of in my everyday life than it
is necessarily for me.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Now does that make sense?
Speaker 5 (09:20):
Like, yeah, because like you, your parents came to the
US when they were teenage teenagers, right, yeah, yeah, so
they are already like they had established lives there in Cuba,
and yeah, established way of life, established like attitudes and
values and beliefs, and you know, even down to like
(09:43):
the art around them and like the feeling of where
they grew up and the habits of the people and
like all that stuff was like already kind of like established.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And then they moved, so that was already part of them. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Yeah, yeah, they were, Yeah, they had to start over
here and high school or early high school, and yeah,
I feel like, you know, there was a lot of
Caribbean art in our house, and like, you know, there
was a lot of you know, I mean, my parents
loved music, so there was you know, Glorious Stevon and
Tony Bennett and and like Frank Sinatra and also Celia
(10:19):
Cruz were like, oh that's like what was always playing.
It was a very yeah, like spanglish mixed kind of house.
But they definitely, I think felt pressure to assimilate.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah. I think a lot of immigrants feel that way.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
They don't want to be targeted, you know, like they
don't want to feel like they're targeted for being different. Yeah,
and they want things to be easier for their kids
than for them.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Hmm, that's very real.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
What was it, Well, you came when you were three.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Two, I was too to redress.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah yeah, so yeah, even so more so for your
parents because they were like full adults, they were families,
all adults, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They were grown ups and you know, coming to a
new world basically with like.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Both of them could speak English, but they have and
still do. My mother's accent is you know, it's thick,
and yeah, my father's was to you know, like I
think for them they really wanted us to it was
it was about assimilating.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And also for them, it was about achieving. So it
was like.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
A straight a's nothing, but you can't come home with
a bee. Like if you come home with a bee,
it's hell is going to come down on you, like it.
And it was just like palpable, like you have to
be it has to be like ninety eight or above.
You've got to succeed at everything that you do. If
you don't, then what are we doing? Just pick something
(11:51):
else to be good at, you know. But I think
that was a lot of like trying to protect us,
me and my sister. Yeah, and like what was interesting
about the time that they came and we moved to Texas,
So like it was really it was my mom really
found a community within her church, and she found a
(12:12):
lot of Latinos, but they were from all over, so
like some of her friends were Watermelon, some of her
friends were Mexicans, some of her friends were Portuguese, some
of her friends were Brazilian, some of her friends were
this that the other, right, and like they were all immigrants,
and they had almost all of them were immigrants, and
then some of them were born and raised in Texas,
but they were, you know, they were really connected to
(12:33):
their Mexican culture. So like I think overall, when I
was a kid, it was really Mexican culture that I.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Saw and felt a lot of.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
And consequently, I still feel really connected to Mexican culture,
even though technically I'm not Mexican at all, but right,
I just feel that way, and I feel a lot
of like like when I see the Mexican flag, I
feel pride about it even though I'm not from Mexico. Yeah,
it doesn't matter because because I grew up in Texas
and like Texas used to being borderw Mexico, and like
(13:04):
I just feel connected.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
I get that.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I relate to that because like there's a lot of
Puerto Ricans and Dominican like Caribbean Latinos where I grew
up and like, and I've been to those places, and
I feel that same kind of feeling with Puerto Rican
culture Dominican culture.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
And yeah, it's like like.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
This is so cheesy, but like it's like that song
and in the Heights where like everybody's like flying their
own flash, they all still really feel connected, yes to
their culture and they're proud of each other, and they're
just singing like about how much they love their countries
even though they're not there. They have family there or whatever,
(13:46):
like tradition and roots, you know. Like I don't know,
I remember being we were when we were shooting in
the Heights. When we were shooting that song was like
two days outside.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I think love scene so much.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
My god, the middle of summer, the middle of summer,
like we're melting, melting hot and soup and me I
was like, I want like all the hair pieces for
this job, Like I want like in every scene, I
want to have like a wild hair dude, just like
to put as much hair in there as you possibly can. Meanwhile,
(14:22):
we're dancing outside and it's like one hundred degrees and I.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Have like life hair on my head myself you know
what it looked? Good girl, Okay, look and look good.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Thank you more.
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Consequently, like one of the things that I want to
do as a parent is.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
You know, ros is Uh.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
She's growing up with a mom who's Colombian oblivion and
a dad who his family's been in the United States
for quite a while. You know, they were Eastern European,
but they've been here much longer than my family, right,
And so I'm trying to find what can be And
she's just still little, but I'm like trying to introduce
(15:18):
these like new traditions in our family. Like at Christmas time,
we make to Molly's and she helps. There's this great
book called Too Many to Mally's that's really really cute.
We read it at Christmas time and then we make
to Molly's and she asks to read for read it
again and again.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
But we also make Parrogi's because that's part of my
husband's culture.
Speaker 5 (15:40):
So I'm trying to do both things through food, because
food is so celebratory, right, and it's such an easy
kind of in to culture. And I also find that
there's like story around it, which is why I was
psyched when I found that book that too many Tomali's book. Yeah,
because in the book there's so many pictures of her
(16:02):
and her primos and like her family all coming together
at Christmas time, and like there's so much story jumping
off points that I can have from her starting to
make Tamalai's as a kid, you know.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, yeah, I love that. It makes me want to
look like a Goodchouena book.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
But yeah, I'm sure there's like a million. I'm sure
there's like a million. I just haven't had the idea
to look.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Is that something that you guys celebrate wanna Yeah? Yeah
yeah growing up?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
So it's like a little bittersweet for me because growing
up it is a tradition that's been passed on in Cuba.
They used to gather at my mom's grandmother's house and
it was all the cousins and I guess the house
was like on the bigger side the way my mom
describes it, but like she also is like we all
(16:59):
like piled in, like we all slept in the living
room together, like oh my kids on the floor, like
everybody would sleep over, and she also like talked about
her grandmother would like go outside to like kill the
pig that morning.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
That was one tradition.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
Like she would go outside with my like you're planning
on doing in your life and you.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Want to with a hammer, like That's how the festivities started.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That day, and all the kids would be like, isn't.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
It so intense?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
And my mom was like no, but like we just
like all ran outside screaming and laughing like it was.
You know, I was like, oh my god, that's icy.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So then sorry to the vegans, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
this is Cuba. So and then when my parents got
their first house in New Jersey, they started doing the
same thing, having all of our cousins from New York
come over every Christmas Eve, and uh, my.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Mom would make most of the food.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Well she would take like the pig to get it
done that you're a Cuban bakery, she would she would
do it. She would prep it and then she would
take it to get cooked and then they'd pick it
up for dinner. Oh and my my ideas would bring
the black beans, and you know, somebody would bring the yuka.
It's always yuka black beans, rice pork and plantains.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
That's Christmas Eve dinner.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
But yeah, so every Christmas Eve was like thirty of
my cousins at my parents' house and we'd have a
party and we'd have dinner and exchange gifts and it
was amazing and we all.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Like miss it so much.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
So I always have like guilt in me that, like
my kids aren't getting that because we live in California,
and also the family is like, you know, my parents
have retired and moved away and like some people have
like spread out a little bit.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, but I do make that meal.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
And I do make the Christmas cookies that I used
to make with my mom when I was a kid.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Oh my god, what I say Now.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
They're just little butter cookies. But they're so fucking good.
This recipe is so easy. You have to share the recipes.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I'll share the recipe, we'll put it on Instagram. And
it's so fucking good.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And and then.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
And they're just and I use like a cookie press,
you know, it's like those kind of cookies.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So you gell me like a lot.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
I make them for like my kids teachers now. But yeah,
I am very I feel very strongly about like keeping
that nocha Winna, like you know that we have that
meal and we make those cookies and we all sit
down and we decorate. You know. That's another one too.
I feel like that's been a tradition. It's like I
(19:45):
decorate with the kids. I feel like, oh my god,
yeah yeah, like involving them in it.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
I don't know if it's kosher or not.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
But the the little corner store over here by where
I live has Christmasao and we put it up last year,
and Ro's freaking loves picado. She freaking loves it.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I don't know what picado.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
Is, buttle picado is usually at uh Day for David dead.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah paper that Ida know that's
what it was called. Yes, yeah, picado And that's very
I don't know if that's Mexican at all. I mean
I think it's just Mexican. I'm not sure I could
google it. I will maybe maybe Isis could google that
(20:33):
while I'm talking, so I don't sund like I'm talking
out my ass, but like, yeah, decorating is a big
one for us on at Christmas time. No, what'd you
find about picado?
Speaker 6 (20:46):
I googled picallo. Yeah, it is originated from Mexico. It's
a Mexican folk art. The tradition of using pupp and
picado originates practice. This is why the Aztecs the aztext
covered a dark textile called amatal with melted rubber and
(21:07):
painted on it.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Oh my god, it's so cool. That's so I love it.
I think it's so beautiful.
Speaker 5 (21:14):
I love I love like the very intricate hand done stuff,
and I love the plastic stuff that I can get
at the corner store and we hang it, we hang
it at the other those We usually keep it up
for a while and then we switch it out for
the Christmas colored ones. And I don't know, I just
love having it around at Christmas time because it makes
me again, I think it makes me feel connected to
(21:36):
Mexican culture.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I think I might steal that too, Steph and like
it's and add it to our Christmas decorations next year,
because just living in Los Angeles, my kids have a
connection to Mexican culture because.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
It's exactly yeah, mm hmm, exactly exactly that did you
do anything on Christmas Day?
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Because we hilariously like did nothing on Christmas Day? Ever,
we ate we went to the movies and ate Chinese food.
That was we went to the movies, went to the
movies and ate Chinese food. And I and I have
started to do that too. I've started to get Chinese
food on Christmas Day, Bro, that is I okay.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
So I'm trying to get Brad, my husband, Brad, to
understand movies on Christmas Day and he does not get it.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
He's like, Christmas Day isn't for that. I'm like that
this is the day for that.
Speaker 5 (22:30):
They together, everybody's like the grown ups are kind of hungover.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Everyone's food hungover.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
You want to do anything, You open presence, you kind
of clean it up, then you go to the movies.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Yes, that is that is a I mean that's I'll
talk to him.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Yeah yeah yeah. What about New Year's did you guys
do any of the lat my god, do you do
a lot of them?
Speaker 1 (22:57):
We did. We had to wear yellow underwear or new underwear.
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
We did the twelve grapes at midnight. That's what we
always did. Twelve grapes. Got to eat the twelve grapes
for good luck? Where did the grapes come from? Listen
to us, we're having this. I mean, this is part
of why we're having this discussion, you guys, because like, well, that's.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
The thing though about traditions is sometimes you just do
them and you don't.
Speaker 4 (23:25):
You just do it.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
I always told the twelve grapes were for good luck,
for the new year.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
That's what my one month, one for every month. Yes,
and you're supposed to eat them as fast as possible, yes.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Without choking. We did, which is scary, which I never
thought about. What I started to do with my kids.
I was like, the first time, I think, let me
cut them in half, let me cut them, let me cut.
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Them in joke.
Speaker 5 (23:52):
I think last year was your parents were like, just
eat them off the vine, just don't worry, don't even them.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Yeah, just shove them in your mouth.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
And we did it last year for the first time
because last year was the first time my kids could
stay up until nine because in Los Angeles we do
New York New Year's Eve.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
At nine o'clock.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh cute, you like that's what we did this year.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Yeah, you put the New York feed on and at
nine o'clock you can like, do you know, Happy New Year?
Because there's my kids are too little to they won't
make it till midnight. And and yeah, I gave them
the grades and I was so excited, and I was.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like, you can't eat them, miss fast again.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
As they started putting them in mouth, I was like, no, wait,
just spill it out.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
I think many.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
It doesn't have to be fast, just do one at
a time.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
See, you know, you have to adjust the traditions for
your own family, you do.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
I think there's a lot of stuff that like I
want to try with her, you know, it's like try
and see what sticks. And because again, like I didn't
grow up with a ton of this stuff. I mean
was a big one in our house, but I didn't.
I wasn't. I think my parents did their absolute best,
(25:11):
and I think they had a lot on their plates,
and I think like those kind of things weren't always
at the forefront of their mind, oh, trying.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
To make sure that culturally I had a touchdown. They
were just trying to make it day to day, you know.
Speaker 5 (25:25):
Yeah, So when I think about now, I want to
I want to give my kid that stuff because if
I don't give it to her, you know, like if
I don't teach her the language or at least give
her like the choice to learn it, you know, or
like the experience of traveling to Colombia, if we can,
(25:47):
to Bolivia, if we can, the experience of like making
those cultural connections. If I don't help her build those bridges,
it's going to be a lot harder for her to
build them on her own later.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And I think our parents just being who they are
so much was passed on to us just kind of
without them trying, you know, because it was I think
culture also extends to like I don't know, like you
know your values and your point of view and you know,
and obviously it's like holidays and it's food and it's music,
(26:20):
Like those are the more kind of I think surface
ones that are the maybe the loudest, but yeah, I
think it comes, you know, I see it and just yeah,
like I'm I'm I'm big on like like manners and respect,
and I think that that's.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Right Latino thing.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Like I remember there was this one video someone sent me.
It was like on Instagram or TikTok or something, and
it was you know those princesses you can hire for
like a birthday party, and so it was like one
of those women that was in her like princess outfit
in her car and she goes, I just want to
like give props to like all the Latino families because
(27:05):
every time I work at a Latino family party, those
kids are so respectful.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
You.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
She was like, look at this plate of food. They
sent me home with this delicious food. They always set
me home with food. They always like, you know, ask
me if I need a break. They treat me like
I'm part of the.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Family when I come in, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
And I felt such pride watching that video and also
just like yeah, I want you know, and I try
to be really conscious of that of like, you know,
when people are at my house, I'm very like you know,
like like I like I play hostess, but I'm also
like if you need because this is how my mom was,
(27:48):
like Mikasa Sukasa, like if you need something from the fridge,
go get something from the fridge, like you know, if
you you don't like be comfortable be at home like
I you know, don't like you're not a guest, you know,
like you're a part of the family.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And you know, I burn my head my mom going almost.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
Yeah, you know, like like don't be rude, like don't
be hello, say lo say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye,
and thank you before you leave.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
That was another big one. I remember as an adult
being at a rap party for I think the soap
I was on, and somebody from that show came up
to me like the next day at work or whatever
or the next time I saw it, and they were like,
you are the only person I know who like intentionally
goes around the room to say bye to like almost
everybody before you leave. And I think that that's so polite.
(28:43):
And I was just like it was so automatic for
me because that was so like ingrained from my parents.
And they were like, I just appreciate it. It's so nice.
And I was like oh, and I'm like felt really good.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
And I was like, oh, thank you.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Like so now I think about it things with my
kids of just like very respectful.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:06):
Meanwhile, I'm like, oh bye, Like I bounce out of
parties without saying goodbye because it stresses me out, just
like good.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Bye to people. Oh yeah, I mean I think that's
fine too.
Speaker 5 (29:15):
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. More better what Okay?
So we talked a lot about stuff that we do
want to pass on. What don't you want to pass
on to your kids trauma culturally.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Oion, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
But you know what it's also like sometimes I'm a
little on the not on the fence about it. Let
me explain, but I feel like I you know, I'm
Cuban obviously, the way my family came here, the way
my husband's also a Cuban, the way his family came
here is surrounded with a lot of trauma. You know,
with a cousin who was a Peter Pankid came on
(30:06):
a plane by herself, didn't see her parents for five years.
Like there was a lot of crazy stories I grew
up around, and uh, the positive thing that those stories
gave me, I think was like ambition and drive and
like and being really grateful and having kind of this
(30:26):
perspective of like kind of how good I have it?
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Like there is there is that like joke about like
when you're an immigrant, a child of immigrants, like it's
really hard to complain about anything, you know, like, oh
my god, today it was so hard? Oh was today hard?
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Did you have to flee your country?
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Like you know, it's.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Yeah, everything got And that definitely that happened to me
a lot, which is another complicated thing. But you know,
but then there are times where you see, like, oh,
I think this did make me like stronger. I think
this gift date did give me this kind of uph
you know. But yeah, but I definitely, I don't know.
(31:09):
It'll be interesting, you know, for my kids to kind
of when they're older, obviously, Uh, I don't know. I'm
curious and like learning about that will give them the
same sort of shift in perspective or you know, I
also have the privilege of telling them older and they're
(31:30):
not just like surrounded by it too, which is something
I recognize.
Speaker 4 (31:34):
You know. I get to choose when they learn about that.
Speaker 5 (31:38):
Yeah, I think I think that that's really important for them,
you know, to hear like where they come from, Like
what were the steps that got them here? You know,
because like that is a part of I mean, that's
a part of family tradition in a weird way, it's.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Like what where are your roots? Where where are you from?
Speaker 5 (31:58):
Like how you know, like how are all the parts
of you connected and built?
Speaker 3 (32:04):
You know?
Speaker 5 (32:04):
And that goes for like I think any any any
anybody right, Like I want to know about myself.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I want to know how the parts of me and
I want to introduce like parts of that to my
friends and my partner that have that experience. You know, yeah,
are there any parts of your culture that you are
that you don't want to pass on trauma?
Speaker 5 (32:31):
I think for a lot of us it's trauma. Particularly
it's like you know that, I mean, this is a
very generalized thing to say, and please forgive me audience,
but you know, we've all seen the stereotypical like Latinos
are passionate in their fiery and ye and like listen,
(32:52):
we could get into a big conversation about that. But
what I know to be true about my own family
was that communication was life with a lot of like.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Explosion.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
And I think, you know, my parents did their best,
but I don't know that they always knew how to
communicate in the healthiest and kindest ways.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
And like you pick up on that as a kid,
you go, oh, well, I guess this is normal. This
is how it is when you're married, or how how
you talk to people, or you know, And I think
that there was also an element of them being really afraid.
I think one of the things that I'm trying to
figure out as a parent and honestly as a person
(33:38):
is like how do I approach things with less fear
and how do I approach things with like more communicativeness,
especially when I'm mad, So that I just like exploding,
you know, in a way that like I grew up
where like the explosion was just like kind of the norm,
you know.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
But I don't want to explode. I want to like
take a breath.
Speaker 5 (34:00):
I want to, you know, if I have to, I
want to leave the room if I have to, I
want to say I can't talk about this with you
right now. I need to just take a step back
whatever however I do it. So that's the kind of
stuff that like those are honestly, some of them are
like traditions in my family because I grew up around
it and they grew up around it, and like I
want to.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
End some of that stuff. Yeah, break the cycle.
Speaker 5 (34:23):
Yeah that's like a that's a very fancy way to say,
like don't yell at your kid.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
I don't want to yell my kid. I don't really
want to yell my kid.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
The only time I've ever like really raised my voice
at Roz is like she's like climbing on the stairwell,
like you know.
Speaker 5 (34:41):
Stair Sometimes we just kind of like, hey, yeah, you know, yeah,
but I'm not.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
I'm not of the I just don't want to I
don't want to know. I have it be.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
The normal, all the all the time way, but it
doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (35:00):
Yeah, oh you know what I mean, Like like if
I were to yell like she's climbing down off of
that staircase thing, you know, like whatever it is, because
she's like, whoa, this is serious, as opposed to like
if you hear yelling all the time, then it's like eh, whatever, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Which is how it got how it became for me.
I like barely heard it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
My mom's yelling about something.
Speaker 5 (35:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I'm not sure. Oh man, my mom didn't Uh well
no she did. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
I think I was kind of like that with my
mom too. She did yell a lot, but also like
she just talks loudly. Like I remember times that my
friends would come over and she and my grandmother would
be in the kitchen talking and my friends.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Would be like, oh my god, should we go outside?
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Are they fighting? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I know, I know, and I'd be like, oh, no,
they're just talking about what to make for dinner.
Speaker 4 (35:48):
Like they're not yeah, they're not agreeing.
Speaker 5 (35:50):
She thinks we should, you know, but talking, yeah, which
we're doing right now.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That's exactly where a Brad in the beginning was.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Like like I can't focus, sorry, but this is this
is it like talk to each other?
Speaker 5 (36:04):
Yeah, this is how it is, Babe, more better, Steph.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
This was a fun chat. This was very fun.
Speaker 5 (36:15):
I'm very glad that we talked about this because I
kind of felt like I was not doing a good job.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
And now I feel a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
Better better, I know, I do. I feel that way too.
I was the same. I was like, oh, I don't
think I do that.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
I should do more, and I do feel inspired to
do more. I feel like I got some good ideas
from you, and I think just being like yeah, sometimes
just talking about the thing makes you more conscious of it.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And I'm like, oh, I am passing on some some
good things. So it's it's good.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Yeah, Yeah, I do feel more better.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
It's about culture. I do too.
Speaker 5 (36:56):
I do too, and it makes me excited for the holidays. Actually,
I mean it's far way at this point, but I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
I also just like love Christmas.
Speaker 4 (37:04):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
My God too.
Speaker 5 (37:05):
We have that in common, we always have. I love
Christmas so much I can't. I mean, I just love
I love it. And you know, whatever holiday you celebrate,
like if you're religious or not, I just think like
there's something about that season that it's like a new
year's coming. The winter solstice is there, It's like celebratory.
(37:28):
You're with your friends and family. It's like, you know,
people call it the season of giving for a reason
because something comes over you and you just want to
like help other people, and yeah, reach out and gift
and being a family for me with community. Yeah, it's
such a beautiful part of the year and I just
love it so much.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Same anyways, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays months from now.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
Thanks friends today, Okay, see you next time. Bye bye,
More More Better.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
Do you have something you'd like to be more better
at that you want us to talk about in a
future episode.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried
one of our tips and tricks?
Speaker 5 (38:09):
Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at
gmail dot com and include a voice note if you
want to be featured on the pod. Ooh more Better
with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's
Mikultura podcast network, hosted by me, Stephanie Viatriz and Melissa Fumero.
More Better is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and
(38:30):
Sophie Spencer Zabos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and
Leo Clem at wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis
Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music
by Madison.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Davenport and Hey Loo Boy.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by
David Abolos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
See you next week, Sugas, Bye, Nan Pokitomas Mayhor
Hosts And Creators
Stephanie Beatriz
Melissa Fumero
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