March 15, 2022 • 37 mins
The conversation continues with the magnetic matchmaker Spicy Mari. This week the Women of Wild ‘N Out take a look at how dating has changed in the modern era, from celebrity dating apps to controlling social media temptations. Then Spicy leaves the women with advice for how to open up their hearts to find their purpose-mate.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Women a While Now Podcast. You Baby
Girl Mode Boy, it's your girl be sometimes Pretty. Yo'll
back your girl. Just being a v with Pretty D
and D Someone Gabody Show. Tonight we're gonna have the
(00:23):
Women a While and the podcast on the cart you guys.
I am so happy to introduce once again on the
Women a While Now Podcast my Relationship Code. He's a
relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Spify Mighty. How you guys,
So thank you and happy to be here. I'm so thankful.
I love every episode that I get to share with
(00:44):
you guys. I'm also the founder of the Spicy Life
Relationship Consulting firm um where I help you become the
best version of yourself to attract your purpose fate. I
have a question, what about dating apps? There's this one
app they say it's for celebrities and you have to
be invited on the app, Like, you can't even get
on it? What app is that? Yeah? You know what
(01:05):
is it? It's called Ryan? What do you have an invitation?
Be like, like, is this like clubhouse? Do you have
any invites you need you need to um for to
be successful on there? They need to see like UM,
you're um, of course like what you look like. But
then also they're gonna look you up and see, like
(01:25):
what credentials you have. Um, your followers are gonna get
your social of course, so you as long as you apply,
you already probably be a qualified candidate. UM. And we
know lots of people who are already on there that, Um,
you can give us an invitation. Wow, Hey, we need
to talk about that tomorrow my session. I want to
be on there. Yeah, you can absolutely be on there.
I can. I'm not gonna say them by name and
bust them out, but I know lots of people already
(01:47):
on there, So you like it? Do they feel like
it's weird? What people have complaints about dating on apps
in general? I'm a huge advocate of dating apps. So
I feel like, if you're not someone who's walking up
to man five times to day and you're doing in yourselves,
then you need to be on a dating app. You
need to use all the tools and resources that God
has given us and make it easier for us in
(02:08):
order to make connections. But people need is strategic in
their dating. People don't know how to use the dating
apps for there into work in their favor. But it's
nice thing people tell you go ahead, go ahead about say,
She'll tell you you have If you want a man,
you have to be in the presence of men. You
can't beat just sitting in the house, right. No, I
was just gonna say it's nice that they have an
app like that, because it's like, be, what are you
gonna do. You're not gonna go on like Tinder or
(02:30):
plenty officials. First of all, people are not even gonna
think it's really you. They're just gonna think someone using
your pictures. So at least they might think it's really
be like, she's really looking for a man, She's really. No.
But at least if you're on that app, it's like,
at least it's people that are like minded, you know,
are getting money, have a certain level of favor. I
don't know what world, Yeah, whatever the qualifications are. So
(02:53):
that's actually pretty dope. But I actually did that Spicy
because Spicy be like, um, you know, have you been
on any date? So I'm like, nobody's asking me on dates.
She was like, when are you meeting any man? I'm like, no,
I'm the house on the couch. So my homeboy had
invited me to this soccer game. And I was like,
I'm gonna just go by myself, kick it smart to
this soccer game. I'll go to the soccer game. I
(03:14):
was like, there's so many men here right one boarding
events because you need to. So here's the thing. UM
just think it was right earlier about um your energy
b And it's not that it is. It's not that
it is intimidating, right, It's that while you do have
a strong personality and you are super energetic, you need
(03:37):
to be with somebody who balances you, someone who you
are compatible with. And so because we sometimes like people
who don't necessarily like us back, or we're attracting people
who aren't necessarily sexually attracted to us back, it's a
numbers game. Okay, you gotta put yourself out there ten
times in order to make two wins. Like we just
want to put ourselves out there twice, and then we're
upset when the numbers don't come back to us. And
(03:59):
when I meet me and now I used to not
be nervous because I'm like, okay, just be yourself and
it's like, oh, don't be yourself, Like spy Spicy Eats
then told me all this stuff. So I'm over you
shoulders compliment him, I'm like, hello, it's like spicies like
(04:19):
be yourself, but just like turn turn down better like
yourself the first date. I'm sorry, do not. I don't
think everything needs to be um, you know the Spicy Show.
I don't think everything needs to be you know, the
Vista Own Show. I don't think everything needs to be
the Just show. When we are in a dating situation,
it needs to be hosting co host right. It needs
(04:43):
to be in a day on a day, it needs
to be both energies learning about one another. And because
we have big personalities and I'm guilty of it, we
fill up the room and so we have to allow
space for the other person to share with us. We
have to allow space for them to feel comfortable. And
so if we go in charging because I am a
very like aggressive person too, um, if we go in
(05:04):
charging with our you know, biggest personalities. Um, it's not
just it's not that it's intimidating, it's what are we
doing to make the person feel safe first before we
get them to open up. And I think that's something
that people haven't mastered, is like can you make people
feel safe? We wait for people to make us feel safe,
but the real power comes and making someone else feel safe. Also, like,
other than our big personalities and all that, there's also
(05:28):
the gender role that's existed in the past that we
touched on that it's like the man is supposed to
be the one who's the big show. The man is
supposed to be the one who you know is in
charge and is more known and this and that. So
be like you might find a guy who likes you
a lot, but it's just intimidated that your b simone
and who is he or he's just not at the
(05:51):
level you're at and no matter how much money he makes. Yeah,
I think I think people have stereotypes to write of
like oh, um, successful women at like this, or women
in the entertainment industry act like this, So you guys
must act like that. And unless you show up with
your true authentic self or really giving them an opportunity
to get to know you, they're gonna stick to what
(06:12):
they even pretty girls. Pretty girls get a bad rap
like they I'm not gonna think the pretty girls are
stuck up. So it's like until you dispel that, someone's
gonna already have preconceived notions, and you can't control those
preconceived notions until you show them something else. And I think,
what there's differences in your guys personality. I don't think
it's just you know. Um, I don't think you guys
it's you know, just one way. I think that there's
(06:32):
different levels to this. I think that there's different facets
of your guy's personality. And when you show time, yeah,
when you show all of them, it makes you a
more well rounded, lovable, you know, person versus just the
entertainer who we see. You're not always who you are
on stage. What about telling the person everything? If you're
dating somebody, do you feel like they should know everything
(06:55):
every day? Maybe maybe at least, but like, b did
you wait, like, okay, three months I told him this
another three months? Or you were just like first night
I told them every day like first night. I was no.
I just I felt like, Okay, if you're my boyfriend,
(07:16):
I'm laying next to you every night, we're intimate sexually,
you need to know certain things, Like you know, if
we're in the industry and I'm walking into a room
and I had sex with somebody, I I feel like, Okay,
you shouldn't like I asked him. I was like, have
you had sex with anybody in the industry, because I
need to know that I'm around so many females and
I need to know you're my boyfriend who you have
(07:37):
sex with, especially if I'm around them. When I'm not
around them, it could be somebody I follow on Instagram,
Like whatever, You're like, who do I need? Who do now?
You know? But you know, I feel like certain things
not secrets, but like, honestly, there's nothing anybody could tell
my ex, my ex about me that he doesn't already know.
(07:57):
And I felt like that it's fair when you are
in a committed, you know, serious, serious talent. And I
was like, I don't want no secret. It's not that
it was a secret, but I'm very like, Okay, give
me an example something that you wouldn't tell either you
wouldn't tell or that you're asking around, Like if you
should tell them everything that I wouldn't tell. Yeah, Like
I think that's it. That's literally, that's it. Like not
(08:19):
like how many people have you had sex with? That's
so stupid. It's such a stupid question to me, Like,
let me count all the guys since freaking my teenagers
I don't. My mom told me at a young age
never tell a man how many people you've slept with.
The number will never be good enough, especially the number
one two good enough. Especially if your body count is
(08:40):
like a cemetery. You better keep it to yourself, whether
it's one or twenty. You're not ever so sweetie, You're
you know. But I think my example was just like, Okay,
maybe a guy that people might know that I've you know, dated,
or talked to or whatever. We're in the industry, so
I feel like, I mean, some people don't feel like
that's needed to say, but I do. If I walk
into room, I want to know if you've slept with her,
(09:02):
the girl. You have to have that conversation with your partner, though,
be because my I have the same rule. I'm like,
don't have me looking like a fool and you have
the secret with the woman inside of a room where
you guys know, you guys were intimate, and I'm on
the outside, I don't know, like letting him know any
And he was like, okay, bet I will be respectful
and that you know, if we're in the room with
someone I slept with. He was like, but I don't
(09:22):
want to know if we go into a room and
then he's like, don't tell me because I'm gonna want
to kill him. And I was like, fair enough, right,
so you have to conversations. I mean, you want to
know he doesn't that agreement? Guy? Yeah, He's like, I'm
not trying to be you know, over here about to fight.
I don't right, And I'm like, okay, fair enough. But
we made that back together. And so sometimes we think like,
(09:44):
because this is my rule, it should be your rule too.
You know, we should both follow this rule because we
both need this and know the truth of the batter
is each person whatever that's different. Yep, So you gotta
I don't know what your part. I don't want to know.
Now you beef with Barack Obama? Right right? Okay with
Dwayne Johnson. Now you're so Marie, what do you think about? Like?
(10:07):
What do you think about? Like? Because I find people
always have an interesting take on this, like other forms
of cheating if it's not just sex for example, you know,
let's say be let's say this guy pans out and
y'all get into a relationship and you like him a lot,
and one night you open his phone and you find
(10:27):
d m S and there's nothing too crazy. But you
know he's d m N A chick consistently. What's your
take on that as far as is that breaking the trust?
Is it a deal breaker? I just think that leads
to other stuff. To me, that is opening what is it,
Jamail's box, whatever the damn saying Pandora's box. Pandora Right, Yeah,
(10:53):
it's like you're opening the door for things to happen.
If you're in a committed relationship. Why are you talking
to this girl sexually or in a opriate leader. Man,
my ex actually got not an argument. I mean it
was actually argument. I think we called spicy at two am.
Did we call you? Oh, he's a m But I
was upset because we had an agreement. We've already talked
(11:16):
about this. I don't just be going off like we
didn't have the discussion. I will come, you know, and say,
you know, let's talk about this before. But he liked
an inappropriate picture of my home girl. She was in
a thong, in a thong, her ass was shaking, and
she was walking out of a pool. And the first
I'm just scrolling the first name that says so and so,
(11:38):
Like I'm like my boyfriend is the first name I
spent on this post. It. I don't care if you
like her pictures. I don't care if you like female pictures,
don't like the inappropriate ones. But we had that discussion
prior and he didn't, you know whatever, He didn't get it. Man,
that's you insecure. You're being manipulative, right, So like and
(11:59):
so let me advocate really quick. Um, I do think
that when it comes to dating, it's a guiding and
learning process, right. So they were they were two people
who had two different perspectives on it. Her boyfriend her
ex boyfriend's idea of social media was that this is
not that serious, like, um, it's not disrespectful, it's fake.
So me think they're lying and that. But the truth
(12:26):
of the matter is he really, in his mind believed
that it was not bad what he was doing. And
so knowing that, it's like, okay, now we need to
put some boundaries and guidelines in place because this does
hurt her, this does make her feel away, and him
still playing with fire, like okay, well you know I
didn't comment though, or I didn't like it was excuses,
But you think that somebody should automatically just know these
(12:49):
rules and boundaries, but they don't, so we have to
communicate them. And sometimes we got to do it a
couple of times, like sometimes we got to remind them
and smack them upside the head, like remember we made
a pet that you were I'm gonna do this, um.
But I think we even went through his I g
and like made him and follow her the people that
we thought, you know that he's up within the past.
That was disrespectful, hilarious, Like I say, you don't need
(13:10):
to be following nobody. You slept with, sweetie, for sure,
but like your part hast to like agree to this
because I I even know with my husband he was
still following exits and all kinds of people on Facebook,
and he was like, look, I don't care about it.
I don't got the time, don't you know, don't worry
about those people. And I was like, oh no, I
got time. What's your code and win? And I'm followed
(13:31):
these people on Facebook because I wanted that He don't
care about it, and that's perfectly fine, but I do,
so let me do at least trust me enough to
do what makes me feel secure. And if we're in
a committed relationship, you should have no problem allowing me
to do that, unless you still want to say if
thet really don't care, why you want to stay connected
to them. And we're female, so we know, like okay,
if a guy is a big old athlete or something,
(13:54):
he's this, he's married, he's this, he's that, and he
likes your picture and you are in a song torking
shaking your as a female, You're like, damn, that's kind
of inappropriate. But he on my page like me, you
think I'm fine. He think I'm He got a whole family,
a whole or whatever, a girlfriend, whatever in a relationship.
But you're like, he think I'm fly, Like that's just natural,
(14:15):
Like okay, he's he's watching my stories. He commented on
the ash shaking stuff. He commented on me in a thong,
you ain't commenting when I'm talking about baby. Yeah, and
then him liking that picture. That's like one step under
the truth though, is that? Like is yeah? Because y'all
like we're forgetting like even though even though it's oh,
(14:38):
not that big of a deal. Is fake and social media,
if you hurt someone, if you tap, that means I
liked you. I am affirming you because That's what it is.
These are affirmations we're giving people. So if a man
is affirming your validate shot, that lets you know. When
I post a booty shot, um, I get more attention.
When I post my titties, I get more legs. Let
me continue doing this. Oh when this married man just
(14:59):
hit like on my photo, I must really look good.
You think I'm attractive. In this moment, we are telling
people that we find them attractive, because what is photos,
That's the whole point. Photos and video and publicly publicly
your ass is right, right, and it is inappropriate because
prior to this, we only had magazines, right like we
(15:20):
all we have. We've had the Internet, but we only
had magazines when it came to looking at photos of celebrities.
And so now you know, we have access to so
many models, so many celebrities, so many um shoot naked
even unemployed women. Um, we have access to like all
these shots now that we're well, they are only fans,
(15:41):
she said, even as always people you can see anybody
want to see what it's like. The temptation is even
there now and it's in your face right, like I
see something, you know, people working out, like I follow
a lot of fitness plages or whatever, and I'm like, dang,
here's one six pack, there's another six pack, there's another
six pact. I usually see that many sixpects in the day.
(16:01):
But social media has created the successibility that we now
have to control ourselves to not be tempted. Like it's
these snapshots of images constantly over and over in your face.
At certain point you are going to become luss ful
and be like, dang, I would like to stopper up
with a biscuit. Right. So it's like, we do have
to be mindful of our partner and their needs and
see where they're at with it when it comes to
social media, and most people don't want to have that
(16:23):
conversation or take accountability for their behavior on there when
their partners does confront them about it. But it doesn't
have to look like confrontation. It could just be a conversation,
but we automatically interpret it as like, all you're tripping,
because sometimes we do approach our partners wrong when it
comes to how we want to talk about it with
them because we're offended and we feel like they should
just know, and the truth of the matter is is like, no,
(16:44):
we have to explain it to them like we have
to exercise patients. Hold on, Spicy, this is getting too juicy,
too deep, too good, you guys, stay right there. We're
gonna take a little break and we're gonna let her
finish that as soon as we get back more with
spicy money. Welcome back, y'all were in the building. It's
(17:08):
your girl, just seeing a Valentine here with my baby
girl be Simon and Spicy Mari. She's a magnetic matchmaker
and we're about to get into these topics. So so me,
you know, I wouldn't want to go through and then follow,
like my man is not even on social media like
that anyway, but I wouldn't want to go through and
(17:30):
unfollow anyone he left banged or anything like that because
because I wouldn't want him to do that to me,
because we'll be here for a wife. So I just
I just honestly wouldn't even want to open that can
of worms. And so that's why for me, because I
feel like, all right, so if your man is gonna
give you his password, you got to give him yours.
(17:51):
And I just feel like that opens a lot, you know,
And I do feel like if you're looking for something,
whether it's in text messages or social media, you're gonna
find something that you're not going to be thrilled about
either which way. Unless you're a church mouse and you
just don't talk to anyone, you're gonna find something that
you're like, you know what, I'm not happy you said that.
(18:12):
So for me, that's a winding road that I wouldn't
want to That a smart decision. If you are secure
with your partner and you don't want to cross that path,
don't do. But if there's signs, are evidence all of
a sudden, and say your man gets on social media tomorrow,
you may feel otherwise if he starts following and like
it the ocean. See see No, that's what I'm saying.
(18:40):
I understand, like be is different because like your man's
your man was on social media and stuff like that,
so I could understand. You know, it's it's levels. So
like you're not even liking uh Rihanna's booty r. I
don't even care about that girl. And we can't control
that because now your friends we can't control. We can't
get because your friend is like that's crazy, like your
(19:02):
man is likeing me, But we can't control our partners
like that. It's very clear. Um, me and my husband
are both on social media. He follows for these people too,
and he'd be seeing big booties and all that. We
can see all that because you can see that walking by.
You can see that when we go to the gym.
I don't care that you see it, Okay, I care
that you engage. And so if you engage, that's when
it's crossing the line. And if you can't control yourself
(19:23):
but not hand that like, or you can't control yourself
not to comment or you know, repost like you're out
of control, then because you don't need to validate this
person and then also show the world that you're validating
this person. You can look, but don't fucking touch. And
that's all that I ask, Right, don't touch that phone,
don't touch that app. Just keep on scrolling, keep on.
(19:44):
You can look at that booty, don't touch so Spicy
before we go, I want you to give any women
out there that are listening, Um, you know you don't
have access to Spicy Mighty like I do, because I
got when he's like the first step to manifesting a
healthy relationship or like I guess a single woman out there. Okay,
(20:05):
I don't know where it started. Like, what is the
first thing she needs to do to be like I
am opening myself to love and I'm trying to find
my purpose made or my like person. What are like
the first steps to even like going down that opening
up your heart to love. So you guys asked me
earlier for like, um, my favorite like quote or scripture
(20:26):
to have like on standby or whatever? Can I say
right now? Because I'm like, it's it's well, yeah, well
we we think end in with that. We say, yes,
it's it's almost time. Yeah, we end with the quote quote. Um.
I think that we need to be very honest when
when it comes to and this is why the spicy
(20:48):
method um is has been created. But it's also what
it serves. We need to be very honest about who
we are, what we want, and what we have to offer. Right. So,
understanding self, I think is the first step to finding
true love and to finding your purpose mate. The next
one is understanding your passions and what lights your fire
and also the process of lighting other people's fires, because
(21:11):
some people you could be a passionate person but not
know how to ignite other people's passion. And bring it
out of them. The next step is intimacy. How do
you connect with someone on a very deep, vulnerable level.
You know you have to share? Can you get them
to share? Can you make them feel safe and secure?
In order to do that, you need to be safe
and secure with yourself first. You know you have trust
(21:31):
for yourself First. Um, if someone is untrusting of others,
it's usually because they don't trust their decision making. And
then communication, Um, how do you communicate? How do you
deliver messages? Do you understand your target demographic and the
kind of messages that they need to receive. If you're
speaking to a man, do you know how to talk
to him? If we're speaking to a woman, do you
know how to get her attention? So it's really about
(21:52):
message delivery. And then the last part is like your
belief system, learning to say yes. So what do you believe?
What are you willing to sacrifice in order to get
what you want? And what are your limiting beliefs around
love and relationship? Because you're not gonna be able to
manifest anything that is holding you back or hurting you
or voids that you have to feel if you haven't
done the healing work. So it's the entire thing is
self passage and intimacy, communication and learning to say yes,
(22:15):
which is s P I C Y spicy. So that
those five steps right there is how I service my
clients and where the program comes from. But it really
starts with self. Everything starts with self. For any relationship,
can you use somebody to heal? And you can use
you can use somebody as a temporary band aid. Um,
and relationships have the power to heal in the sense
(22:37):
that when someone pours love into you, love has a
healing component. But if you are unhealed and you are
extremely wounded, UM, that is when the damage happens. Right,
So like if you haven't, how do you know when
you unheal? UM, So you're gonna be in your gonna
be in your wounds of feminine or wounded masculine. Yeah, well,
I'll review with you would defeminate and wound of masculine
tomorrow because there's a lot of there may be some
(22:58):
of that going on, and I want to make sure
you're not sitting in those UM. But those are your
shadow self usually UM, your hurt self, how you react
and how you handle situations. If you're making bad decisions,
or if you're hurting others, if you have a negative disposition,
those are used coming from your shadow self, and those
your shadow self usually operated fear. But um, we'll run
through it. But it looks very it looks different when
(23:21):
it's feminine, when it's masculine. But you can identify those things.
And most people need to do the shadow work. Most
people need to do the healing work before they even
start dating and get into relationship because you think that
being with the lover is gonna make you feel better,
and it can't semporarily. But you can't hide your shadow
self for so long. You can't. You can only you
can only do it for so long before it comes
out and it starts to destruct. Yeah, you start to
(23:43):
self destructing, destroys your relationship, You start self sabotaging, you
start becoming manipulative like and what you attract also is
affected by that. Okay, so we got yeah it's a
it's a hole. We need another whole another hour for that.
How long will your sessions? About? An hour? Hour and
a half. I've been trying to get that her. I
(24:05):
I'm like, what about being only supposed to be an hour?
I was on there for like two hours. Sometimes we'll
be there for hours. Okay, So Spicy leave us with
the what is the quote? So you see what my
method um. The quote that I stand by is actually
a scripture Matthew seven, verse seven, which is asked, and
(24:28):
you shall receive seeking you shall find knocking the door
will be opened. And what that means. The way that
I interpret that and how I applied to my life
is I asked for everything that I want from life.
So when it comes to my career, when it comes
to my partner, I am not afraid to do the asking. Okay,
it doesn't matter even who I'm asking it from. I'm
gonna ask because closed mouths do not get fed. Okay.
(24:49):
I'm also gonna seek it out. So I'm gonna behave
in a way and put myself in an environment to
get my needs met and to get what I want.
Most of us don't put ourselves out there enough to
be able to touch the people that we want or
to have the opportunities that we want. And then I'm
gonna knock. Okay, I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna I'm
gonna ask for what I want. I'm gonna get there.
Put myself on environment, and then I'm also going to
(25:11):
knock until I can't knock anymore. So if you tell
me no, I'm not going to receive that note. I'm
gonna be like, Okay, you don't do You just don't
have good judgment. And if I can't convince you, let
me move on to the next person. I'm gonna keep
knocking on doors until my needs are met. And I
think that's how we need to approach dating. I think
we need to ask for what we want. I think
we need to seek it out, so we need to
behave in a way that serves us, and then we
(25:31):
need to experience so many doors, knock on so many
doors when it comes to dating as possible until that
person is equally yoked with us, until that person is
in alignment with us. And don't get stuck behind door
number one or number two, because that may not be it. There.
You got eighteen more doors sail on until you meet
that person. So don't let that fear of rejection um
limit you and stop you from achieving what it is
(25:52):
that you know that you deserve. Ladies, if you number
twenty and you're number two, you gotta stuck a couple
of more. The ifs, you just get through it, that's
a fact. Don't get tired. That's what I'm I got
stuck at number phone. I gotta g b. That's it.
If you've only sucked for dicks, you got way to go. Okay,
(26:14):
no girl, Okay, right, I mean but I'm saying your
head is so hard. I mean it's a lot of work.
Depending it is work work, did you that's fun? Yeah?
But like is it like positions or this needs to
be a whole another episode. I need to bring her
(26:35):
one here. She is a popping sex expert, and she's
going to teach me how to to give. No, it's
a lot of stuff she don't teach. Oh, I want
to know I never had an orgasm. We want to
work on that. Yeah, we want to work on that.
Mar You know, the women'll be some mode. Thank you
guys so much, Valentine. Then I'll never say the video
(27:00):
how to did all that skitter? Because it's ways think
us on that. We go, Okay, we gotta cover that.
We gotta because I think once you could reach that orgasm,
it's the man is gonna fall in place scared, because
then I'm gonna really be a hole. We're gonna really
tell your love. I don't know if I would be
having sex if I didn't orgasm. That to me, it's like, wait,
(27:22):
what am I doing wasting calories? Am I just burning calories?
Actually working out with no results? Right? What are we doing?
I hear it all the time, y'all you're gonna you're
gonna learn. No, No, you wouldn't. She would know, she
would know. Would Everybody says that. So then it's like,
if my mind is questioning, then I didn't. So you
(27:43):
has never risen. You've never gotten hot, You've never felt
like an itch that you had to scrat you never
you never felt like a release, like like a release.
Everybody says that. No, No, for the for the men
that man that are listening, I want them to felt
like your slow wafter applications fellas for the men that
(28:07):
are listening. But my I taken class this week, so
I'm gonnaee if I can do week. But then everybody's like, well,
you need to masturbate, and I'm like, I can't do that.
I feel like Jesus is watching me in the room, Rabbit,
and you can be good. You can masturbate. Start with starting.
You want to see my room. They all in the box.
We have to become more comfortable with our with our sinuality. No,
(28:29):
I'm trying. That's how I paid this lady for this class.
It made a work and she was not you're doing
something about it. That's at least you're doing something right.
But rather than just like accepting it, I don't think
we should just accept the thing. We should like totally
be like, okay, how can I soawve for this because
you're missing out. Yeah, I'm trying to be out here.
But you never you never flicked the bean or no,
you never you I wish you'all can see Justine his
(28:52):
nasty ass. No I tried. Friend was like, go drink
some wine, like some candles. I was like, I looked
in the mirror. I was like, we gotta go, we gotta.
I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm not to go
on Instagram your son to care. You never use your
son to care when you were traveling on the roads,
(29:13):
electric to brush a little vibration, vibration. No wait, spicy,
when you get be on on the dating site for
like the rich and famous people, we just come. We're
gonna make her little like capturing her profile. You know,
my girl be hot and she ain't never found a
G spot. So they all want to be the first.
(29:34):
N't want to be the first one, that's true. They
want to they want to say that man, be Simone
come for the first time, like the BC Incredible, the
B Simone Come Challenge. Look, that's gonna be incredible. The
person who does that is gonna be famous. You're gonna
make him famiely. Okay, I gotta ride because she's gonna
be screaming at the top of her lens and we
already know she when you are so great with like
advertising and you know, saying your truth, that's gonna be
(29:56):
a story. Tell definitely. I'm definitely not telling nobody, but
oh gosh, I'm like, I will kill you now because
the one who makes you come, Yeah, you're gonna be
sacraming at the top of your lungs. You're gonna be
sharing it with the world, like have you made me come?
An jump on anybody out there? And once I come,
(30:19):
if you want to make her come come from her,
come for her. Y'all come firt And my Instagram is
at the best. Someone I checked my d MS hourly
if you really eating? Would you really? Girl? I've been
on my Instagram all the whole time. I can't. I
can't do that now. I'm just kidding on my on Instagram.
(30:40):
But no, I check my d m um, yeah every
hour on the hour. Oh you're good, You're better. Nothing
be in there. You didn't even post on my story daily. Hey,
how long have you knew about that little trick? And
I guess it's not a trick, but I didn't know
about it. How when you go to your d M
you could like filter them and put top revenish mode,
no top requests. Girl. You know, I had like hundreds
(31:04):
of blue checks that I had never seen. Probably important people, yes,
people and people signing my dams, all types of jo
I'm like literally like going as far as back be there.
It don't be nobody. How do I get How do
I get my blue check? I don't know why I
haven't got my blue check. I've been on TV shows,
I've been on ship. Where's my blue check? Check? Three
(31:24):
years ago when it was like throw the plug two
hundred dollars and they got the check. Now it's like
a huge I don't know what you gotta do is
it's so hard now. I think you could do it
in your in your settings. See, I think like putting
your Instagram, I mean putting your ID or you know, yeah,
all that stuff. Because I'm like, what the hell, this
(31:49):
don't make that kind of sense. I'm so sorry you guys.
We have to wrap this up. This was such a
good combo with my girl Spicy Mighty. Where can't we
find you on all socials? Yes, you guys can play
with my Twitter or struck my I g at the
Spicy Mady s p I c Y m A r
I and also go to the Spicy life dot com.
So cool. Love it, love it, love it. Alright, guys,
(32:15):
it's time to take a little break and I'm gonna
send my girl be a little video how to get
that skittle diddling. But we'll be back before you could
even flick your being. Right, what's up, y'all? We are back.
We just had Spicy Mari on here and b I
see why you use her as your relationship coach because
(32:38):
she loves her so bomb And listen, be if we're
ever playing a game of never have I ever already
know how to get me, already know how to get you?
Out quickly. Have I ever had had my skittle diddle whatever?
That's crazy. That's one of those things like if you're
in an interview and they're like, tell us something we
don't know about you, because no one will ever think that. Yeah,
(33:01):
I've said it in interviews before, have you. I mean,
like one it was a sex podcast I was on.
I was like, why am I here? I don't know
anything about this? Yeah, You're like, I don't know what. Yeah,
but you know, like of women never have Are you serious? Yes,
it's a big thing. Wow, I guess I feel I
(33:24):
feel grateful. I know you're so blessed and highly favored.
I feel grateful to Yeah, I'm gonna take this. I'm
gonna take this course. I mean, like the closest if
I had to pinpoint one moment was like with my axes,
but it was like, you know here, it wasn't like
doing it okay, Yeah, I mean but I don't know
(33:44):
if that was I'm like, if that wasn't it, then
I never have. Did it feel like warm and gushy?
I feel like sex always feels like warm and gus
Yeah I know, but I mean like, well, I'm not
going to ask you all types questions on it, because
I'm sure you've been asked a milion questions and if
you would have had when I let you know how
the sex class goes. Okay, I paid the money. I'm
(34:05):
about to watch the video and the girl got to
show me how to do it a tutorial. She was like,
I can do a private FaceTime. I was like, you'bout
to sign an nda my vagina all up in the camera. Literally, wait,
so she's gonna have you. She's gonna have you flicking
on camera. Her close friends is gonna be Oh, I
don't have to, But she was like that's an option.
I was like, girl, I can't. I don't know. For me,
(34:25):
I'd be like I can't have my roast flaps just flapping.
But she's like a sex expert, like she's very professional.
She's like it's like her thing. Whatever. So we'll see
me in person, no cameras. I'm not doing that either.
Just send me the videos, the tutorials. That's it. Well,
I just want the tutorial. I think I have a
good quote end the day. Okay, what's your quote? If
(34:48):
he can't make you come, you can still get the
job done. I mean, I really thought it was about
to be about as I'm like, oh no, I mean,
it's motivational for you. If he can If he can't
hit it down the middle, you're gonna have to take
a course to diddle your own skittle, digital your own skill.
That's my next caption, did all your own skittle? Yeah,
(35:11):
I mean, I mean at this point we at this
point be were pushing pet and I'm talking about your puss.
I just need to push freestyle. I'm not even gonna
drop it to the gonna be. I love that you
d you know what's funny? Um, I don't even think
I've heard it yet, Like I just hear everyone actually
(35:33):
think exactly, But now I need to go listen to it.
It's so good. Do I have a quote? Do I
have a quote? Never give up on lows? What else
you got? I don't have a quote. I think I
(35:53):
don't have a quote. So no, just I'm reminding you
of the caption when you get on the famous dating site. Yeah,
you know, my girl be hot and she ain't never
found a g spot. That's not the captain. That's my bio,
that's your bio. That's what I meant. Yeah, I think
I'm like, okay, so well, thank you all for listening.
Thank you all, y'all. Don't found out something else about me.
Don't please, don't tell nobody at this point, nobody tell
(36:16):
nobody if you heard this podcast, mind your business when
you see me out on the street. Don't give me
no skittles, don't give me don't flick no beans. Out
of love you, guys. We missed pretty Be. We love it,
love you the It's always fun chopping it up with you,
says and I just hope next time we do this
podcast you've had some sort of revelation. I know I'm
gonna tell you about the Fifth Class. I can't wait.
(36:38):
I can't wait to hear about it. I love you.
It's what it means to the women. While our podcast
you guys by
Welcome to the Women a While Now Podcast. You Baby
Girl Mode Boy, it's your girl be sometimes Pretty. Yo'll
back your girl. Just being a v with Pretty D
and D Someone Gabody Show. Tonight we're gonna have the
(00:23):
Women a While and the podcast on the cart you guys.
I am so happy to introduce once again on the
Women a While Now Podcast my Relationship Code. He's a
relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Spify Mighty. How you guys,
So thank you and happy to be here. I'm so thankful.
I love every episode that I get to share with
(00:44):
you guys. I'm also the founder of the Spicy Life
Relationship Consulting firm um where I help you become the
best version of yourself to attract your purpose fate. I
have a question, what about dating apps? There's this one
app they say it's for celebrities and you have to
be invited on the app, Like, you can't even get
on it? What app is that? Yeah? You know what
(01:05):
is it? It's called Ryan? What do you have an invitation?
Be like, like, is this like clubhouse? Do you have
any invites you need you need to um for to
be successful on there? They need to see like UM,
you're um, of course like what you look like. But
then also they're gonna look you up and see, like
(01:25):
what credentials you have. Um, your followers are gonna get
your social of course, so you as long as you apply,
you already probably be a qualified candidate. UM. And we
know lots of people who are already on there that, Um,
you can give us an invitation. Wow, Hey, we need
to talk about that tomorrow my session. I want to
be on there. Yeah, you can absolutely be on there.
I can. I'm not gonna say them by name and
bust them out, but I know lots of people already
(01:47):
on there, So you like it? Do they feel like
it's weird? What people have complaints about dating on apps
in general? I'm a huge advocate of dating apps. So
I feel like, if you're not someone who's walking up
to man five times to day and you're doing in yourselves,
then you need to be on a dating app. You
need to use all the tools and resources that God
has given us and make it easier for us in
(02:08):
order to make connections. But people need is strategic in
their dating. People don't know how to use the dating
apps for there into work in their favor. But it's
nice thing people tell you go ahead, go ahead about say,
She'll tell you you have If you want a man,
you have to be in the presence of men. You
can't beat just sitting in the house, right. No, I
was just gonna say it's nice that they have an
app like that, because it's like, be, what are you
gonna do. You're not gonna go on like Tinder or
(02:30):
plenty officials. First of all, people are not even gonna
think it's really you. They're just gonna think someone using
your pictures. So at least they might think it's really
be like, she's really looking for a man, She's really. No.
But at least if you're on that app, it's like,
at least it's people that are like minded, you know,
are getting money, have a certain level of favor. I
don't know what world, Yeah, whatever the qualifications are. So
(02:53):
that's actually pretty dope. But I actually did that Spicy
because Spicy be like, um, you know, have you been
on any date? So I'm like, nobody's asking me on dates.
She was like, when are you meeting any man? I'm like, no,
I'm the house on the couch. So my homeboy had
invited me to this soccer game. And I was like,
I'm gonna just go by myself, kick it smart to
this soccer game. I'll go to the soccer game. I
(03:14):
was like, there's so many men here right one boarding
events because you need to. So here's the thing. UM
just think it was right earlier about um your energy
b And it's not that it is. It's not that
it is intimidating, right, It's that while you do have
a strong personality and you are super energetic, you need
(03:37):
to be with somebody who balances you, someone who you
are compatible with. And so because we sometimes like people
who don't necessarily like us back, or we're attracting people
who aren't necessarily sexually attracted to us back, it's a
numbers game. Okay, you gotta put yourself out there ten
times in order to make two wins. Like we just
want to put ourselves out there twice, and then we're
upset when the numbers don't come back to us. And
(03:59):
when I meet me and now I used to not
be nervous because I'm like, okay, just be yourself and
it's like, oh, don't be yourself, Like spy Spicy Eats
then told me all this stuff. So I'm over you
shoulders compliment him, I'm like, hello, it's like spicies like
(04:19):
be yourself, but just like turn turn down better like
yourself the first date. I'm sorry, do not. I don't
think everything needs to be um, you know the Spicy Show.
I don't think everything needs to be you know, the
Vista Own Show. I don't think everything needs to be
the Just show. When we are in a dating situation,
it needs to be hosting co host right. It needs
(04:43):
to be in a day on a day, it needs
to be both energies learning about one another. And because
we have big personalities and I'm guilty of it, we
fill up the room and so we have to allow
space for the other person to share with us. We
have to allow space for them to feel comfortable. And
so if we go in charging because I am a
very like aggressive person too, um, if we go in
(05:04):
charging with our you know, biggest personalities. Um, it's not
just it's not that it's intimidating, it's what are we
doing to make the person feel safe first before we
get them to open up. And I think that's something
that people haven't mastered, is like can you make people
feel safe? We wait for people to make us feel safe,
but the real power comes and making someone else feel safe. Also, like,
other than our big personalities and all that, there's also
(05:28):
the gender role that's existed in the past that we
touched on that it's like the man is supposed to
be the one who's the big show. The man is
supposed to be the one who you know is in
charge and is more known and this and that. So
be like you might find a guy who likes you
a lot, but it's just intimidated that your b simone
and who is he or he's just not at the
(05:51):
level you're at and no matter how much money he makes. Yeah,
I think I think people have stereotypes to write of
like oh, um, successful women at like this, or women
in the entertainment industry act like this, So you guys
must act like that. And unless you show up with
your true authentic self or really giving them an opportunity
to get to know you, they're gonna stick to what
(06:12):
they even pretty girls. Pretty girls get a bad rap
like they I'm not gonna think the pretty girls are
stuck up. So it's like until you dispel that, someone's
gonna already have preconceived notions, and you can't control those
preconceived notions until you show them something else. And I think,
what there's differences in your guys personality. I don't think
it's just you know. Um, I don't think you guys
it's you know, just one way. I think that there's
(06:32):
different levels to this. I think that there's different facets
of your guy's personality. And when you show time, yeah,
when you show all of them, it makes you a
more well rounded, lovable, you know, person versus just the
entertainer who we see. You're not always who you are
on stage. What about telling the person everything? If you're
dating somebody, do you feel like they should know everything
(06:55):
every day? Maybe maybe at least, but like, b did
you wait, like, okay, three months I told him this
another three months? Or you were just like first night
I told them every day like first night. I was no.
I just I felt like, Okay, if you're my boyfriend,
(07:16):
I'm laying next to you every night, we're intimate sexually,
you need to know certain things, Like you know, if
we're in the industry and I'm walking into a room
and I had sex with somebody, I I feel like, Okay,
you shouldn't like I asked him. I was like, have
you had sex with anybody in the industry, because I
need to know that I'm around so many females and
I need to know you're my boyfriend who you have
(07:37):
sex with, especially if I'm around them. When I'm not
around them, it could be somebody I follow on Instagram,
Like whatever, You're like, who do I need? Who do now?
You know? But you know, I feel like certain things
not secrets, but like, honestly, there's nothing anybody could tell
my ex, my ex about me that he doesn't already know.
(07:57):
And I felt like that it's fair when you are
in a committed, you know, serious, serious talent. And I
was like, I don't want no secret. It's not that
it was a secret, but I'm very like, Okay, give
me an example something that you wouldn't tell either you
wouldn't tell or that you're asking around, Like if you
should tell them everything that I wouldn't tell. Yeah, Like
I think that's it. That's literally, that's it. Like not
(08:19):
like how many people have you had sex with? That's
so stupid. It's such a stupid question to me, Like,
let me count all the guys since freaking my teenagers
I don't. My mom told me at a young age
never tell a man how many people you've slept with.
The number will never be good enough, especially the number
one two good enough. Especially if your body count is
(08:40):
like a cemetery. You better keep it to yourself, whether
it's one or twenty. You're not ever so sweetie, You're
you know. But I think my example was just like, Okay,
maybe a guy that people might know that I've you know, dated,
or talked to or whatever. We're in the industry, so
I feel like, I mean, some people don't feel like
that's needed to say, but I do. If I walk
into room, I want to know if you've slept with her,
(09:02):
the girl. You have to have that conversation with your partner, though,
be because my I have the same rule. I'm like,
don't have me looking like a fool and you have
the secret with the woman inside of a room where
you guys know, you guys were intimate, and I'm on
the outside, I don't know, like letting him know any
And he was like, okay, bet I will be respectful
and that you know, if we're in the room with
someone I slept with. He was like, but I don't
(09:22):
want to know if we go into a room and
then he's like, don't tell me because I'm gonna want
to kill him. And I was like, fair enough, right,
so you have to conversations. I mean, you want to
know he doesn't that agreement? Guy? Yeah, He's like, I'm
not trying to be you know, over here about to fight.
I don't right, And I'm like, okay, fair enough. But
we made that back together. And so sometimes we think like,
(09:44):
because this is my rule, it should be your rule too.
You know, we should both follow this rule because we
both need this and know the truth of the batter
is each person whatever that's different. Yep, So you gotta
I don't know what your part. I don't want to know.
Now you beef with Barack Obama? Right right? Okay with
Dwayne Johnson. Now you're so Marie, what do you think about? Like?
(10:07):
What do you think about? Like? Because I find people
always have an interesting take on this, like other forms
of cheating if it's not just sex for example, you know,
let's say be let's say this guy pans out and
y'all get into a relationship and you like him a lot,
and one night you open his phone and you find
(10:27):
d m S and there's nothing too crazy. But you
know he's d m N A chick consistently. What's your
take on that as far as is that breaking the trust?
Is it a deal breaker? I just think that leads
to other stuff. To me, that is opening what is it,
Jamail's box, whatever the damn saying Pandora's box. Pandora Right, Yeah,
(10:53):
it's like you're opening the door for things to happen.
If you're in a committed relationship. Why are you talking
to this girl sexually or in a opriate leader. Man,
my ex actually got not an argument. I mean it
was actually argument. I think we called spicy at two am.
Did we call you? Oh, he's a m But I
was upset because we had an agreement. We've already talked
(11:16):
about this. I don't just be going off like we
didn't have the discussion. I will come, you know, and say,
you know, let's talk about this before. But he liked
an inappropriate picture of my home girl. She was in
a thong, in a thong, her ass was shaking, and
she was walking out of a pool. And the first
I'm just scrolling the first name that says so and so,
(11:38):
Like I'm like my boyfriend is the first name I
spent on this post. It. I don't care if you
like her pictures. I don't care if you like female pictures,
don't like the inappropriate ones. But we had that discussion
prior and he didn't, you know whatever, He didn't get it. Man,
that's you insecure. You're being manipulative, right, So like and
(11:59):
so let me advocate really quick. Um, I do think
that when it comes to dating, it's a guiding and
learning process, right. So they were they were two people
who had two different perspectives on it. Her boyfriend her
ex boyfriend's idea of social media was that this is
not that serious, like, um, it's not disrespectful, it's fake.
So me think they're lying and that. But the truth
(12:26):
of the matter is he really, in his mind believed
that it was not bad what he was doing. And
so knowing that, it's like, okay, now we need to
put some boundaries and guidelines in place because this does
hurt her, this does make her feel away, and him
still playing with fire, like okay, well you know I
didn't comment though, or I didn't like it was excuses,
But you think that somebody should automatically just know these
(12:49):
rules and boundaries, but they don't, so we have to
communicate them. And sometimes we got to do it a
couple of times, like sometimes we got to remind them
and smack them upside the head, like remember we made
a pet that you were I'm gonna do this, um.
But I think we even went through his I g
and like made him and follow her the people that
we thought, you know that he's up within the past.
That was disrespectful, hilarious, Like I say, you don't need
(13:10):
to be following nobody. You slept with, sweetie, for sure,
but like your part hast to like agree to this
because I I even know with my husband he was
still following exits and all kinds of people on Facebook,
and he was like, look, I don't care about it.
I don't got the time, don't you know, don't worry
about those people. And I was like, oh no, I
got time. What's your code and win? And I'm followed
(13:31):
these people on Facebook because I wanted that He don't
care about it, and that's perfectly fine, but I do,
so let me do at least trust me enough to
do what makes me feel secure. And if we're in
a committed relationship, you should have no problem allowing me
to do that, unless you still want to say if
thet really don't care, why you want to stay connected
to them. And we're female, so we know, like okay,
if a guy is a big old athlete or something,
(13:54):
he's this, he's married, he's this, he's that, and he
likes your picture and you are in a song torking
shaking your as a female, You're like, damn, that's kind
of inappropriate. But he on my page like me, you
think I'm fine. He think I'm He got a whole family,
a whole or whatever, a girlfriend, whatever in a relationship.
But you're like, he think I'm fly, Like that's just natural,
(14:15):
Like okay, he's he's watching my stories. He commented on
the ash shaking stuff. He commented on me in a thong,
you ain't commenting when I'm talking about baby. Yeah, and
then him liking that picture. That's like one step under
the truth though, is that? Like is yeah? Because y'all
like we're forgetting like even though even though it's oh,
(14:38):
not that big of a deal. Is fake and social media,
if you hurt someone, if you tap, that means I
liked you. I am affirming you because That's what it is.
These are affirmations we're giving people. So if a man
is affirming your validate shot, that lets you know. When
I post a booty shot, um, I get more attention.
When I post my titties, I get more legs. Let
me continue doing this. Oh when this married man just
(14:59):
hit like on my photo, I must really look good.
You think I'm attractive. In this moment, we are telling
people that we find them attractive, because what is photos,
That's the whole point. Photos and video and publicly publicly
your ass is right, right, and it is inappropriate because
prior to this, we only had magazines, right like we
(15:20):
all we have. We've had the Internet, but we only
had magazines when it came to looking at photos of celebrities.
And so now you know, we have access to so
many models, so many celebrities, so many um shoot naked
even unemployed women. Um, we have access to like all
these shots now that we're well, they are only fans,
(15:41):
she said, even as always people you can see anybody
want to see what it's like. The temptation is even
there now and it's in your face right, like I
see something, you know, people working out, like I follow
a lot of fitness plages or whatever, and I'm like, dang,
here's one six pack, there's another six pack, there's another
six pact. I usually see that many sixpects in the day.
(16:01):
But social media has created the successibility that we now
have to control ourselves to not be tempted. Like it's
these snapshots of images constantly over and over in your face.
At certain point you are going to become luss ful
and be like, dang, I would like to stopper up
with a biscuit. Right. So it's like, we do have
to be mindful of our partner and their needs and
see where they're at with it when it comes to
social media, and most people don't want to have that
(16:23):
conversation or take accountability for their behavior on there when
their partners does confront them about it. But it doesn't
have to look like confrontation. It could just be a conversation,
but we automatically interpret it as like, all you're tripping,
because sometimes we do approach our partners wrong when it
comes to how we want to talk about it with
them because we're offended and we feel like they should
just know, and the truth of the matter is is like, no,
(16:44):
we have to explain it to them like we have
to exercise patients. Hold on, Spicy, this is getting too juicy,
too deep, too good, you guys, stay right there. We're
gonna take a little break and we're gonna let her
finish that as soon as we get back more with
spicy money. Welcome back, y'all were in the building. It's
(17:08):
your girl, just seeing a Valentine here with my baby
girl be Simon and Spicy Mari. She's a magnetic matchmaker
and we're about to get into these topics. So so me,
you know, I wouldn't want to go through and then follow,
like my man is not even on social media like
that anyway, but I wouldn't want to go through and
(17:30):
unfollow anyone he left banged or anything like that because
because I wouldn't want him to do that to me,
because we'll be here for a wife. So I just
I just honestly wouldn't even want to open that can
of worms. And so that's why for me, because I
feel like, all right, so if your man is gonna
give you his password, you got to give him yours.
(17:51):
And I just feel like that opens a lot, you know,
And I do feel like if you're looking for something,
whether it's in text messages or social media, you're gonna
find something that you're not going to be thrilled about
either which way. Unless you're a church mouse and you
just don't talk to anyone, you're gonna find something that
you're like, you know what, I'm not happy you said that.
(18:12):
So for me, that's a winding road that I wouldn't
want to That a smart decision. If you are secure
with your partner and you don't want to cross that path,
don't do. But if there's signs, are evidence all of
a sudden, and say your man gets on social media tomorrow,
you may feel otherwise if he starts following and like
it the ocean. See see No, that's what I'm saying.
(18:40):
I understand, like be is different because like your man's
your man was on social media and stuff like that,
so I could understand. You know, it's it's levels. So
like you're not even liking uh Rihanna's booty r. I
don't even care about that girl. And we can't control
that because now your friends we can't control. We can't
get because your friend is like that's crazy, like your
(19:02):
man is likeing me, But we can't control our partners
like that. It's very clear. Um, me and my husband
are both on social media. He follows for these people too,
and he'd be seeing big booties and all that. We
can see all that because you can see that walking by.
You can see that when we go to the gym.
I don't care that you see it, Okay, I care
that you engage. And so if you engage, that's when
it's crossing the line. And if you can't control yourself
(19:23):
but not hand that like, or you can't control yourself
not to comment or you know, repost like you're out
of control, then because you don't need to validate this
person and then also show the world that you're validating
this person. You can look, but don't fucking touch. And
that's all that I ask, Right, don't touch that phone,
don't touch that app. Just keep on scrolling, keep on.
(19:44):
You can look at that booty, don't touch so Spicy
before we go, I want you to give any women
out there that are listening, Um, you know you don't
have access to Spicy Mighty like I do, because I
got when he's like the first step to manifesting a
healthy relationship or like I guess a single woman out there. Okay,
(20:05):
I don't know where it started. Like, what is the
first thing she needs to do to be like I
am opening myself to love and I'm trying to find
my purpose made or my like person. What are like
the first steps to even like going down that opening
up your heart to love. So you guys asked me
earlier for like, um, my favorite like quote or scripture
(20:26):
to have like on standby or whatever? Can I say
right now? Because I'm like, it's it's well, yeah, well
we we think end in with that. We say, yes,
it's it's almost time. Yeah, we end with the quote quote. Um.
I think that we need to be very honest when
when it comes to and this is why the spicy
(20:48):
method um is has been created. But it's also what
it serves. We need to be very honest about who
we are, what we want, and what we have to offer. Right. So,
understanding self, I think is the first step to finding
true love and to finding your purpose mate. The next
one is understanding your passions and what lights your fire
and also the process of lighting other people's fires, because
(21:11):
some people you could be a passionate person but not
know how to ignite other people's passion. And bring it
out of them. The next step is intimacy. How do
you connect with someone on a very deep, vulnerable level.
You know you have to share? Can you get them
to share? Can you make them feel safe and secure?
In order to do that, you need to be safe
and secure with yourself first. You know you have trust
(21:31):
for yourself First. Um, if someone is untrusting of others,
it's usually because they don't trust their decision making. And
then communication, Um, how do you communicate? How do you
deliver messages? Do you understand your target demographic and the
kind of messages that they need to receive. If you're
speaking to a man, do you know how to talk
to him? If we're speaking to a woman, do you
know how to get her attention? So it's really about
(21:52):
message delivery. And then the last part is like your
belief system, learning to say yes. So what do you believe?
What are you willing to sacrifice in order to get
what you want? And what are your limiting beliefs around
love and relationship? Because you're not gonna be able to
manifest anything that is holding you back or hurting you
or voids that you have to feel if you haven't
done the healing work. So it's the entire thing is
self passage and intimacy, communication and learning to say yes,
(22:15):
which is s P I C Y spicy. So that
those five steps right there is how I service my
clients and where the program comes from. But it really
starts with self. Everything starts with self. For any relationship,
can you use somebody to heal? And you can use
you can use somebody as a temporary band aid. Um,
and relationships have the power to heal in the sense
(22:37):
that when someone pours love into you, love has a
healing component. But if you are unhealed and you are
extremely wounded, UM, that is when the damage happens. Right,
So like if you haven't, how do you know when
you unheal? UM, So you're gonna be in your gonna
be in your wounds of feminine or wounded masculine. Yeah, well,
I'll review with you would defeminate and wound of masculine
tomorrow because there's a lot of there may be some
(22:58):
of that going on, and I want to make sure
you're not sitting in those UM. But those are your
shadow self usually UM, your hurt self, how you react
and how you handle situations. If you're making bad decisions,
or if you're hurting others, if you have a negative disposition,
those are used coming from your shadow self, and those
your shadow self usually operated fear. But um, we'll run
through it. But it looks very it looks different when
(23:21):
it's feminine, when it's masculine. But you can identify those things.
And most people need to do the shadow work. Most
people need to do the healing work before they even
start dating and get into relationship because you think that
being with the lover is gonna make you feel better,
and it can't semporarily. But you can't hide your shadow
self for so long. You can't. You can only you
can only do it for so long before it comes
out and it starts to destruct. Yeah, you start to
(23:43):
self destructing, destroys your relationship, You start self sabotaging, you
start becoming manipulative like and what you attract also is
affected by that. Okay, so we got yeah it's a
it's a hole. We need another whole another hour for that.
How long will your sessions? About? An hour? Hour and
a half. I've been trying to get that her. I
(24:05):
I'm like, what about being only supposed to be an hour?
I was on there for like two hours. Sometimes we'll
be there for hours. Okay, So Spicy leave us with
the what is the quote? So you see what my
method um. The quote that I stand by is actually
a scripture Matthew seven, verse seven, which is asked, and
(24:28):
you shall receive seeking you shall find knocking the door
will be opened. And what that means. The way that
I interpret that and how I applied to my life
is I asked for everything that I want from life.
So when it comes to my career, when it comes
to my partner, I am not afraid to do the asking. Okay,
it doesn't matter even who I'm asking it from. I'm
gonna ask because closed mouths do not get fed. Okay.
(24:49):
I'm also gonna seek it out. So I'm gonna behave
in a way and put myself in an environment to
get my needs met and to get what I want.
Most of us don't put ourselves out there enough to
be able to touch the people that we want or
to have the opportunities that we want. And then I'm
gonna knock. Okay, I'm gonna get there. I'm gonna I'm
gonna ask for what I want. I'm gonna get there.
Put myself on environment, and then I'm also going to
(25:11):
knock until I can't knock anymore. So if you tell
me no, I'm not going to receive that note. I'm
gonna be like, Okay, you don't do You just don't
have good judgment. And if I can't convince you, let
me move on to the next person. I'm gonna keep
knocking on doors until my needs are met. And I
think that's how we need to approach dating. I think
we need to ask for what we want. I think
we need to seek it out, so we need to
behave in a way that serves us, and then we
(25:31):
need to experience so many doors, knock on so many
doors when it comes to dating as possible until that
person is equally yoked with us, until that person is
in alignment with us. And don't get stuck behind door
number one or number two, because that may not be it. There.
You got eighteen more doors sail on until you meet
that person. So don't let that fear of rejection um
limit you and stop you from achieving what it is
(25:52):
that you know that you deserve. Ladies, if you number
twenty and you're number two, you gotta stuck a couple
of more. The ifs, you just get through it, that's
a fact. Don't get tired. That's what I'm I got
stuck at number phone. I gotta g b. That's it.
If you've only sucked for dicks, you got way to go. Okay,
(26:14):
no girl, Okay, right, I mean but I'm saying your
head is so hard. I mean it's a lot of work.
Depending it is work work, did you that's fun? Yeah?
But like is it like positions or this needs to
be a whole another episode. I need to bring her
(26:35):
one here. She is a popping sex expert, and she's
going to teach me how to to give. No, it's
a lot of stuff she don't teach. Oh, I want
to know I never had an orgasm. We want to
work on that. Yeah, we want to work on that.
Mar You know, the women'll be some mode. Thank you
guys so much, Valentine. Then I'll never say the video
(27:00):
how to did all that skitter? Because it's ways think
us on that. We go, Okay, we gotta cover that.
We gotta because I think once you could reach that orgasm,
it's the man is gonna fall in place scared, because
then I'm gonna really be a hole. We're gonna really
tell your love. I don't know if I would be
having sex if I didn't orgasm. That to me, it's like, wait,
(27:22):
what am I doing wasting calories? Am I just burning calories?
Actually working out with no results? Right? What are we doing?
I hear it all the time, y'all you're gonna you're
gonna learn. No, No, you wouldn't. She would know, she
would know. Would Everybody says that. So then it's like,
if my mind is questioning, then I didn't. So you
(27:43):
has never risen. You've never gotten hot, You've never felt
like an itch that you had to scrat you never
you never felt like a release, like like a release.
Everybody says that. No, No, for the for the men
that man that are listening, I want them to felt
like your slow wafter applications fellas for the men that
(28:07):
are listening. But my I taken class this week, so
I'm gonnaee if I can do week. But then everybody's like, well,
you need to masturbate, and I'm like, I can't do that.
I feel like Jesus is watching me in the room, Rabbit,
and you can be good. You can masturbate. Start with starting.
You want to see my room. They all in the box.
We have to become more comfortable with our with our sinuality. No,
(28:29):
I'm trying. That's how I paid this lady for this class.
It made a work and she was not you're doing
something about it. That's at least you're doing something right.
But rather than just like accepting it, I don't think
we should just accept the thing. We should like totally
be like, okay, how can I soawve for this because
you're missing out. Yeah, I'm trying to be out here.
But you never you never flicked the bean or no,
you never you I wish you'all can see Justine his
(28:52):
nasty ass. No I tried. Friend was like, go drink
some wine, like some candles. I was like, I looked
in the mirror. I was like, we gotta go, we gotta.
I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm not to go
on Instagram your son to care. You never use your
son to care when you were traveling on the roads,
(29:13):
electric to brush a little vibration, vibration. No wait, spicy,
when you get be on on the dating site for
like the rich and famous people, we just come. We're
gonna make her little like capturing her profile. You know,
my girl be hot and she ain't never found a
G spot. So they all want to be the first.
(29:34):
N't want to be the first one, that's true. They
want to they want to say that man, be Simone
come for the first time, like the BC Incredible, the
B Simone Come Challenge. Look, that's gonna be incredible. The
person who does that is gonna be famous. You're gonna
make him famiely. Okay, I gotta ride because she's gonna
be screaming at the top of her lens and we
already know she when you are so great with like
advertising and you know, saying your truth, that's gonna be
(29:56):
a story. Tell definitely. I'm definitely not telling nobody, but
oh gosh, I'm like, I will kill you now because
the one who makes you come, Yeah, you're gonna be
sacraming at the top of your lungs. You're gonna be
sharing it with the world, like have you made me come?
An jump on anybody out there? And once I come,
(30:19):
if you want to make her come come from her,
come for her. Y'all come firt And my Instagram is
at the best. Someone I checked my d MS hourly
if you really eating? Would you really? Girl? I've been
on my Instagram all the whole time. I can't. I
can't do that now. I'm just kidding on my on Instagram.
(30:40):
But no, I check my d m um, yeah every
hour on the hour. Oh you're good, You're better. Nothing
be in there. You didn't even post on my story daily. Hey,
how long have you knew about that little trick? And
I guess it's not a trick, but I didn't know
about it. How when you go to your d M
you could like filter them and put top revenish mode,
no top requests. Girl. You know, I had like hundreds
(31:04):
of blue checks that I had never seen. Probably important people, yes,
people and people signing my dams, all types of jo
I'm like literally like going as far as back be there.
It don't be nobody. How do I get How do
I get my blue check? I don't know why I
haven't got my blue check. I've been on TV shows,
I've been on ship. Where's my blue check? Check? Three
(31:24):
years ago when it was like throw the plug two
hundred dollars and they got the check. Now it's like
a huge I don't know what you gotta do is
it's so hard now. I think you could do it
in your in your settings. See, I think like putting
your Instagram, I mean putting your ID or you know, yeah,
all that stuff. Because I'm like, what the hell, this
(31:49):
don't make that kind of sense. I'm so sorry you guys.
We have to wrap this up. This was such a
good combo with my girl Spicy Mighty. Where can't we
find you on all socials? Yes, you guys can play
with my Twitter or struck my I g at the
Spicy Mady s p I c Y m A r
I and also go to the Spicy life dot com.
So cool. Love it, love it, love it. Alright, guys,
(32:15):
it's time to take a little break and I'm gonna
send my girl be a little video how to get
that skittle diddling. But we'll be back before you could
even flick your being. Right, what's up, y'all? We are back.
We just had Spicy Mari on here and b I
see why you use her as your relationship coach because
(32:38):
she loves her so bomb And listen, be if we're
ever playing a game of never have I ever already
know how to get me, already know how to get you?
Out quickly. Have I ever had had my skittle diddle whatever?
That's crazy. That's one of those things like if you're
in an interview and they're like, tell us something we
don't know about you, because no one will ever think that. Yeah,
(33:01):
I've said it in interviews before, have you. I mean,
like one it was a sex podcast I was on.
I was like, why am I here? I don't know
anything about this? Yeah, You're like, I don't know what. Yeah,
but you know, like of women never have Are you serious? Yes,
it's a big thing. Wow, I guess I feel I
(33:24):
feel grateful. I know you're so blessed and highly favored.
I feel grateful to Yeah, I'm gonna take this. I'm
gonna take this course. I mean, like the closest if
I had to pinpoint one moment was like with my axes,
but it was like, you know here, it wasn't like
doing it okay, Yeah, I mean but I don't know
(33:44):
if that was I'm like, if that wasn't it, then
I never have. Did it feel like warm and gushy?
I feel like sex always feels like warm and gus
Yeah I know, but I mean like, well, I'm not
going to ask you all types questions on it, because
I'm sure you've been asked a milion questions and if
you would have had when I let you know how
the sex class goes. Okay, I paid the money. I'm
(34:05):
about to watch the video and the girl got to
show me how to do it a tutorial. She was like,
I can do a private FaceTime. I was like, you'bout
to sign an nda my vagina all up in the camera. Literally, wait,
so she's gonna have you. She's gonna have you flicking
on camera. Her close friends is gonna be Oh, I
don't have to, But she was like that's an option.
I was like, girl, I can't. I don't know. For me,
(34:25):
I'd be like I can't have my roast flaps just flapping.
But she's like a sex expert, like she's very professional.
She's like it's like her thing. Whatever. So we'll see
me in person, no cameras. I'm not doing that either.
Just send me the videos, the tutorials. That's it. Well,
I just want the tutorial. I think I have a
good quote end the day. Okay, what's your quote? If
(34:48):
he can't make you come, you can still get the
job done. I mean, I really thought it was about
to be about as I'm like, oh no, I mean,
it's motivational for you. If he can If he can't
hit it down the middle, you're gonna have to take
a course to diddle your own skittle, digital your own skill.
That's my next caption, did all your own skittle? Yeah,
(35:11):
I mean, I mean at this point we at this
point be were pushing pet and I'm talking about your puss.
I just need to push freestyle. I'm not even gonna
drop it to the gonna be. I love that you
d you know what's funny? Um, I don't even think
I've heard it yet, Like I just hear everyone actually
(35:33):
think exactly, But now I need to go listen to it.
It's so good. Do I have a quote? Do I
have a quote? Never give up on lows? What else
you got? I don't have a quote. I think I
(35:53):
don't have a quote. So no, just I'm reminding you
of the caption when you get on the famous dating site. Yeah,
you know, my girl be hot and she ain't never
found a g spot. That's not the captain. That's my bio,
that's your bio. That's what I meant. Yeah, I think
I'm like, okay, so well, thank you all for listening.
Thank you all, y'all. Don't found out something else about me.
Don't please, don't tell nobody at this point, nobody tell
(36:16):
nobody if you heard this podcast, mind your business when
you see me out on the street. Don't give me
no skittles, don't give me don't flick no beans. Out
of love you, guys. We missed pretty Be. We love it,
love you the It's always fun chopping it up with you,
says and I just hope next time we do this
podcast you've had some sort of revelation. I know I'm
gonna tell you about the Fifth Class. I can't wait.
(36:38):
I can't wait to hear about it. I love you.
It's what it means to the women. While our podcast
you guys by
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