March 8, 2022 • 36 mins
Relationship coach and counselor Spicy Mari returns to share her wisdom on the worlds of dating and marriage. B Simone kicks off the episode with a relationship update from the last time Spicy was on the podcast. The ladies discuss whether or not marriage is right for them, what to look for when a relationship is going right, and if cheating is a deal-breaker. The women also talk about how gender roles have shifted and how to shift between their feminine and masculine energy as boss women.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Women of Whiling Out podcast. You got
baby Girl, Hollie boys, your girl be somebody, go pretty up,
yore back your girl just being a V with pretty
d and be somebore. What's the one? Everybody? Anybody? Can
you show? Tonight We're gonna have the women a while
(00:24):
and the podcast on the cars. Bubby Girl, Baby buy
what's Welcome back to the Women, a wild and out
podcast with the ladies of Wolentile control the mike. This
is our world from our perspective. I end girl, You're beautiful, challenging. Okay,
I want to be my child. It's be simone and
(00:46):
Pretty V is not here with us. I know you're
gonna miss my baby. Um, but I got my girl,
the best free, stalent female, red head, beautiful, talented, just
a Valentine. Was that, they says, My beautiful, manifesting, hard
(01:06):
working queen is in the building. Be what's up it?
And I know you can't see at home, but she
got the blue Versace robot. She's just she's setting the tone.
I'm trying to manifest. You gotta act, Richard and what
you are like you know, it's like, okay, just put
on a road you know, walk around, act like you're
in a mansion, not an apartment. I know, that's right.
(01:27):
I love it. But you looked amazing and I'm excited
to be here with you. I miss V of course,
but you know, yes, we have a dope guest today
that I will introduce later. She has been on The
Women While Our podcast before, but we brought her back.
Some things have changed, so you know we need to
we need to have another discussion, but I'll say that
for later. Where are you at, Justina, I'm on set.
(01:48):
I actually just wrapped up the months events with Nick,
so I'm just here like in a little cubicle trying
to find a little quiet space so you know we
could get into it and bring it down to the ladies. Yeah,
and being so funny because you know, like when I
have my wrap ups, I do my research and whatever
and it's a little teleprompter or whatever. But it's always
(02:09):
good to be prepared. Because the little teleprompter today wasn't
working on time. So your girl really had to go
off the tippity top. You know, that's what you're professional
at that though. That's easy, thank you, says Yeah, Nick
was easy. Nick was funny after He's like, that teleprompter
wasn't moving, huh. I was like no, He's like, yeah,
I know you were saying whatever. But that's a good
thing about us being in show business. And you're the
(02:31):
same way You're you're so great at just being on
the spot with your comedy is like yeah, like you
never know what's gonna happen, and when you can just
keep going and and let the show go on without
a hitch, the audience has no idea and those are
the best moments. But you know, the first time I
ever read a teleprompter was do you remember One of six?
And part of course, yes, yes, I auditioned for one
(02:53):
of six to search if you're looking up on YouTube.
My audition is still on there, and I made to
like the finals. Know what? It was my first time
I read a teleprompter. I was like, hey, y'all speak
some welcome back. They didn't choose me. They tells a
little bow. I mean, I'm still mad at him throughout
all I would have been like, now, oh, but that's cute.
So did did you enjoy reading a tele prompter where
(03:16):
you like, I love the teleprompter. It's cool, you feel
like you can you really doing something. We're you know,
I'm like, dang, I can really read, but sometimes they
had to change those words because I was like, change
the words. That word is to me? Right, You're like,
that's about seven syllables. Yeah, but yeah, I like the teleprompter.
But yeah, that's the first time I read a teleprompter.
One so good. And you guys, you're on set one
(03:36):
of those six in park howld be? I mean, now
she's she don't even need to teleprompter at this point.
Don't call me because my my price is way too happy.
I'm I'm manifested. She's like, she's like, I'm serious about
the price, but I'm kidding, y'all. That's how you manifest, y'all.
You gotta talk like you already there, Like, no, I
can't make it, you know what. Me and my best
(03:56):
friend dude, we played the Manifest game. But you have
to like tell the person you're gonna play it, so
you should try to support do you play. We're like, okay,
we're gonna play the Manifest game, and we just talk
as if we're already there in life, so we'd be like, yeah, girl,
Will Smith called he wants to meet in London. For lunch.
But it's like, I don't know if that's gonna work
because I've been on tour Martin and Oprah. You know,
we have that meeting with her at six, so we
(04:18):
just need to figure it all out. Like I hope
Oprah isn't mad that I can't do the movie, but
you know, it's just too much on the table right
now and I just need a break. I need a vacation.
I love that. That's so cute. So you have to
talk like like we play the manifest game and we
do it all day, but sometimes I'll be like, are
you manifesting or just lying right? Like are we If
(04:38):
you don't warnt someone, they're gonna be like, wait, what
Oprah asked to be in a movie? You're you're you're
You're not showing up to your lunch state with Will.
It's like there's a lot going on, but speaking of
so you gotta tell people speaking of busy women and manifesting,
where is V today she like on the seven of
the movie or I don't know, I think she's traveling.
You know, if you don't do do you know traveling?
(05:00):
I'm so spontaneous, I'd be like Brazil tomorrow. Cool, we
all let's go passport ready? Come on? You know, girl,
I know it's like she got a plan a month ahead.
She's like, um, you know in May. I'm like, baby,
I don't even know if I'm be alive in May.
Call me in May. No, but I've been sweeting. I've
been playing all your Instagram post body on fleek. Okay,
(05:20):
be simone faces. Because you're are my close friends. I
need to know what that close friends is all about.
So maybe we speak about it later because you because
I've seen you were on it and then it hit
Man is on it, and I'm like, all right, I
gotta pull up hit Man on it making bread. He's
doing good, you know, me and my team providing that
service for influence to herself. You. I want to close friends.
(05:42):
I'll help you out out, you know. But but speaking
of a close friend a mentor what she ain't a mentor.
She's damning my therapist. But um, I want to introduce
you guys to my love, my close friend, my relationship.
She hated it when I call her a therapist because
she's like me, I'm not a therapist. I'm like, sweetie,
(06:04):
yes you are. You are a therapist Spicy Mdy, my
relationship coach, is back on the Women A While Out podcast.
I know she was on here before, but give her
a warm Women a Wilding Out wheld my lady, Spicy,
(06:24):
you know you was gonna be on today because you
know I'll be looking at everything last minute. I was like,
I just just now, I'm yeah, we loved it. We
loved you. You know last time I was so in
love and I was like, oh my gosh, Spicy is
helping me with my soul mate, my purpose mate a
year later broken up, Please help me. It happens. It happens.
(06:45):
Right when I told her, y'all, she was the first
person I called when I like was devastated, and she
was like, I am mind blown. The red signs were
not there. Yeah, I mean there's perpetrators, right, So, um,
what you know, I often notice is that when we
don't pick up on it, it's because we truly believe
(07:08):
that that person is showing up for us, they're being
you know, their authentic self. But like, there was other
flags that I feel like I saw that we were
that we ignored, that we're out of my control, and
that I needed to just guide you through um, and
I think that's why everything is a learning experience. And
so it was more about okay, you know, the acceptance
(07:28):
of this love that you had, but also um, being
able to remove ourselves from the situation if it was toxic,
if it wasn't healthy. And I think that that's something
that you were a remarkable at which a lot of
women don't have that strength. It is so good. I
haven't talked to him since the day I lived. Oh
my god, I cried every day. First we can love
about it, but it's like really sad. Though, that's amazing,
(07:51):
but but okay, we talked about relationships last time I
was in a relationship aout a boyfriend. People know Justina
has a boyfriend. She's very private with her her bood though,
how do we get to the ring? We need to
talk about that today, Like, because you're married, speaky, you
just had a beautiful son, give us some advice on
and you know what, Actually, Justina, I don't even know
(08:12):
if um, you want to get married. I wonder if
Justina wants to get married, UM, so do you just
want to get married for me? Honestly, I'm not super traditional, um,
you know with things like that, like I'm traditional as
far as like you know, family and stuff like that.
You know, I'm Italian, so like, oh that's important, But
(08:33):
like as far as marriage to me especially not you know,
we be and Marie like we don't live traditional lifestyles
of what you know has has been in place for
women for years. So, um, marriage to me, honestly is
just a piece of paper. Because I'll tell you right now,
I definitely don't want the I would never do the
whole reception thing and all that. The way I look
(08:55):
at it is like, be we have to be dressed up, makeup,
hair done, body looking at as good as we could
get it to look, you know, every day. So to
have to plan and spend all that bread on a wedding, like,
I'd rather, you know, keep going with real estate, put
that money into a crypto. Um. I feel like when
you have the understanding with someone and you have that bond,
(09:16):
you know it is what it is. And marriage to
me is just a piece of paper. So I don't
need that. That's me personally. I feel like you're probably
the opposite, Like you want the big wedding already. I
need you to come down and take me to the Maldives.
I need to thank you on a date and my
whole family is behind the curtain crown. We in debt
(09:37):
because of this ceremony. But you guys are talking wedding though,
so like, let's get one thing clear. There's a huge
difference between wedding and how much money you're spending right
and marriage. And I mean, like studies do show that
the more money that you spent on a wedding, the
more likely you are to divorce because finance is usually
the number one reason for divorce. So I think, you know,
(09:58):
just you know, what you're saying is a sound decision,
but it be you know, billion dollar b if you
got it like that, like you know, and you can
budget where it spends it. But when it comes to marriage, though,
like we have a certificate, we have a contract, we
have something for everything that we think official or is
valid or we want you know, received from everything, and
(10:22):
so when it comes to relationship, that's no different. And
if our partners afraid to sign on the dotted line
to fully commit, then I think that that's you know,
assigned as well, Like, okay, we need to be paying
attention to this. Why are you afraid to give the
ultimate commitment, because there's no way that they would sign
on that million dollar deal without a contract. You know,
when it comes to our career, like we were like,
where's the paper, show me my money, Like let's let's
(10:44):
have all of this, you know, put in writing. But
when it comes to our love life, we're like, I
just wanted to be magical. I just want to hope
and pray and wish on the start that this person
shows up for me. And the truth of the matter
is is like, yes, it's it's there's some business elements
to it, but there's also a spiritual element to it.
There's also a legal element that you have to respect.
(11:06):
And if you're afraid of that component, then you know
you made me to reconsider this commitment. So how long
do you think you have to date before? Um, you
know you can it. It was too soon because you know, Spicy,
I was with my ex for eleven months and if
you would have proposed, would have been like a damn.
But that's because you said there were some things you
(11:27):
were apprehensive about being like there really was, Yes, it
was good, said, yes, you're right, there was. We have
to keep we we have to keep it. One like
you wanted to be married, and you did love and
care for him, but there was a lot of things
that we were still ironing out and working for sure
that you were skeptical about. And so go ahead, go ahead,
(11:48):
go ahead. No, I was gonna say so when it
comes to marriage. And one of the things that like
you brought me into was like, hey, you know, how
do I, you know, make healthy decisions during this relationship
and create longevity. One thing is you know that and
I coached specifically to this with my clients, is the
six levels of intimacy, right, So, like it's easy to
feel the emotional intimacy sometimes that's like the rain drops,
(12:12):
bubble gum feelings, like you know, the chemistry that you
guys feel. It's even great to feel the physical intimacy,
but that's the sexual intimacy that you feel. The hard
conversations are about the financial intimacy that nobody wants to
talk about. What's your credit account? How much money have
you got in the bank? Do you have a savings
like you know, do you do you do you pay
for your mama's rent? Like we're not having those hard
(12:33):
financial intimacy questions, and then we're also not having you
know enough recreational intimacy, which is like the time that
we spend and getting really to know our partner, We're
not having the intellectual intimacy. What can I learn from you?
What can you, you know, teach me? What can I
also teach you? Do you have to do all that
before the sexual intimacy because I like this movie and
I want to do it to you. No, Okay, So, like,
(12:56):
if it depends on what your intentions are, right, Like,
I'm not one of those you need to wait just
for waiting sake. I don't agree with that. If you
are in your um either your home phase, or you're
in your I just want to get my rocks off phase,
or I'm a you know, a strong independent woman and
I love these man phase. Whatever phase you're in, go
ahead and get your freak on. Let him hit it,
(13:18):
you know, don't worry about the emotional intimacy. But if
you are in a phase in your life where you
want a real commitment and you want a hubby, then
that takes strategy when it comes to how you govern
your decision making in your life, because those are two
completely different goals. If you want to come that's a
completely different goal. Then I want to um go enter
into a business with my lover and build our empire
(13:41):
and walk in alignment with our purposes together. Those are
completely two different goals, so our behaviors have to be
in alignment with our goals. So if you haven't had
a lot of those tough intimate conversations around the levels
of intimacy that I'm describing, then you definitely shouldn't hop
into the physical intimacy because the moment with that you
hop into the physical intimacy, you don't care about the
(14:03):
intellectual intimacy. You don't care about the financial intimacy. You're like,
oh my gosh, you made me feel so good, and
you overlook the fact that he is living with his parents,
or you know that he's got you know, five baby
mamas that he can't take care of, Like you will
start to overlook things because of the oxytocins that are
released from your body and the hormones that now make
(14:24):
you think that you love someone when really this person
is making you feel good but not secure. If you
don't feel safe and secure and you don't trust somebody,
you should not be having sex with them. And oftentimes
I will tell everyone like if you don't trust them
with your social Security number, if you don't trust them
with the keys to your house, if you don't trust
him with um, you know, to put anyone on the mortgage,
(14:46):
Why are we trusting him to come in between our legs?
And trust is the number one factor. If you don't
trust this person, you should have been sleeping with them.
If you don't trust that they're committed to you, you
should have been even Well, that's the room. So I
was saying, if if you want just to hook I'm saying,
trust your sneaking link. You want to trust them with
(15:07):
your health? Okay, yeah, you're right, But you don't need
to trust them to be committed to you because if
this is someone that you're just hooking up with, then
you have no set, you have no rights, you're not
entitled to complain. If they got eight sneaking link like you,
you can't do that. So it's like, what are your
intentions with this relationship and what is his intentions? And
you guys want to be on the same page with
that because that's how you're gonna avoid getting hurt. So
(15:29):
you need to have extension conversation. I'm not gonna do
it to him. Now, I'm gonna tell you about him
my session tomorrow. We have a relationship session tomorrow. So excited. Yeah,
I can't wait. Oh, this conversation is getting juicy, but
you guys will be right back. We have to take
a break, don't go anywhere. Get more info from Spicy
ba Hey, y'all, thanks for hanging tight. We are back
(15:56):
with my girl Justine a Valentine and my relationship coach,
Spicy Maddie. All right, let's get into these juicyats happics. So, Mari,
I have a question for you. I already know I
believe we're b stands on it because I feel like
we've touched on it before. But like, as you know,
a relationship coach, and you know you're so knowledgeable in this,
how do you feel about cheating? Because the bottom line
(16:19):
is I think of men cheat and that's being gracious,
it might be, you know, and especially depending on what
you consider cheating, because obviously it's other ways to cheat
than just having sex, you know, So how do you
feel about that as far as being a coach? If
if so many men cheat, do you suggest giving someone
(16:42):
a second chance or is it like that's just a deal? Breaker,
and you better find that three percent that doesn't cheat.
I think that it's based on each person. So just
like you said, you're not tripping off a marriage and
be's like hail to the non I need to be married,
So it is cheating. If cheating is a non negotiable
for you, then you have to honor that. That is
not a deal breaker for everybody. Some people care more
about like how much money he makes than it is
(17:03):
he faithful. There's certain things that a lot of women
are willing to sacrifice, and men to They will sacrifice
certain things. But when it comes to the cheating component,
if that's something that you are like, absolutely not. I
need to know that you are loyal to me and
only me and this is a not a monogamous relationship,
then you have to honor that. And you can't stay
in a relationship if that is a deal breaker for you,
(17:24):
even if he does um break the deal breaker, can
you and do you believe that you're capable of trusting
this person again? And is he willing to do the
work to heal the heal himself and invest in this
relationship enough to mend it. I don't believe every man
cheese because the number that she's just said was in
(17:44):
the nineties percentile, and that's wrong. It's like percentile maybe
just maybe just New York statistically. Here statistically it's in
the percentile and women is in the thirtieth percentile. And
it's not that far off. It's like a difference of
like six percent between men and women. But we have
this idea to cheat, and we put that rhetoric out there,
(18:07):
then we believe it. Then we behave in a way,
we manifesto chating. But here's here's the thing. Be probably
the type of guys that you and me would like.
I think that category men does have a higher percentage
of cheating than the overall percentage of all the men
in the world. Because the man at Walmart is cheating
(18:29):
on on he is, but he doesn't have as good
at options, meaning like if you have no access to
Rihanna or these may not cheating on us with Rihanna. Right.
But what I'm saying is the higher you get and
the more successful the man is, and the more money
(18:52):
he has and so on and so forth, he has
more options that are better options. Yeah, the Walmart guy
can cheat, but he can't cheat with anyone that's you know,
probably that much better than the wife he has. Whereas
if your man is super rich and powerful, he's gonna have.
But he usually doesn't cheat with anybody that's better than
the girl he has, which is even if he's super successful,
(19:14):
I mean be period. But to to bees point, um,
it really doesn't. His profession doesn't make him a cheater, right,
So like the access in the exposure isn't what makes
you a cheater. So if you're not someone who values commitment,
(19:39):
and you aren't able to commit in you know, all
these other areas in your life, you know, you're kind
of whimsical, you um give in to temptation, you don't
have any self control. Then that could be the man
at Walmart, or the NFL player, or the CEO of
a top firm. Like and to your point though about
like power and success. Yes, so things make you sexy
(20:00):
here and more. You know, pussy does get thrown your way.
But if you're a man of integrity, you're still gonna
say no either way. It doesn't matter if someone comes
to no. I get what you're saying, not that, but
I changed. I still do think like the situation kind
of controls how loyal made because the Walmart guy right
might have five girls that come through you know what
(20:22):
I mean to check out, and he might be like, oh,
I would hit it. But the really rich, powerful guy,
if he also has fame, fame to me is the
highest quality. Yes, to show if a guy's gonna cheat,
because if he has the money and the power and
the fame, his DM is gonna be flooded with so
many bad bitches that he's gonna have to be a saint,
(20:45):
not the cheat. That's just my opinion, and I could
be wrong, but now you're not wrong. That's the difference
between the wolf. It's harder, it's harder. You're not wrong.
If he's above six feet, his d M is being
flooded period. So and if he don't even go have
a job, so okay, Like you're not wrong when it
comes to um because because one thing that women will
(21:08):
always do is they are attracted to men with money
and power. So will the Walmart person get as much
women thrown at him. No, But women are still always
in desire of relationship, of love, of access to getting
the money that you have. Like we we are always
(21:28):
um on the hunt and always looking. And so the
temptation is going to be there, but it's like, you
really do want to vet your partner before you go
all in. And it's not even to say that your
partner can't change, you, know what I'm saying, Like he
could have started at the bottom now easier and at
the top of his game, and he can't. He doesn't,
(21:49):
He doesn't resis temptation anymore. You may not be in
a position where you're ready to walk away from him
if he did cheat. So is this person really proving
to you in a way that makes you feel safe
that it's not gonna happen again? And if that is
a non negotiable for you, then he has to show
you through his behavior, through his actions, not just through
his words. So if you if okay, I was I
(22:09):
had a boyfriend, So it was not easy. I definitely
was devastated, but it was easy to walk away from
my easy year, to walk away from a nonegostable because
we didn't have no bank accounts, we ain't have no kids,
I wasn't married, I didn't have to go through a divorce,
we didn't just have a wedding. That it was like, okay,
eleven months in next I'm gonna go date somebody else
if you're doing all this eleven months in, I'm not
walking down the owl thinking about that. Like you know,
(22:30):
So if it's a boyfriend, I would say, like, how
do you feel like, Okay, ten years in, three kids, cheating,
it's harder. I'm of the notion that if my man cheats, right,
we have a home together, we have a business together,
I have my child with him. I just had a newborn,
I am not going anywhere, okay, blood and blood out.
(22:54):
So and you say you're divorce, I'm not going anywhere, Like,
we're just gonna work through this, because if you're married,
you're saying right now, I'm married. Right now, I'm telling
you as an even a relationship expert who does not condone,
and that is a non negotiable, a deal breaker for me.
Any boyfriend in the past that would have cheated, I
would have been out of there because that is just
a trade loude to how they're going to behave And
we're married. But now that I'm a wife and I
(23:17):
have all of these things that I truly love just
as much as you know I love him. We have
built um so much together. If he were to make
a mistake or stumble like that. Because I have witnessed
his character through so many things, um in his his
progressive mindset, his purposeful mindset. I know that if he
were to fall when it comes to the cheating, that
(23:39):
that's a situation where he would work so hard to
redeem himself. Like he's not someone who just like lets
things fall by the wayside. It would really have been
a mistake, I believe, and we would work through it
would be in therapy, we would be in a program.
And so you think that's healthy to vocalize that because
someone would say, I mean, I wouldn't leave, but I
ain't gonna tell him that. I think that it's okay
(23:59):
to be honest with yourself. And I've also very honest
with him, like, and I know this is it's actually
of something you're not supposed to do from a mental
health perspective, but I'm very tip for tat, So I
let him know. And you're not supposed to do that,
You're not supposed to be tip for tat, but I
let him know. You get it licking. You think that
there's somebody that I don't got like that looks good
(24:21):
that I would totally like you know, have fun. Yeah,
like you geting it, I get one in And that's
a totally wrong mindset to have. Okay, I'm putting out there,
but would you do that? You know that? That? Would
I do that? And then like heated me if he's
lipped up? Oh, I would have to be such a
(24:42):
big person. I don't know if I have it Jesus
in me to not. However, I know it's the healthy thing, right, So,
like I'm self aware enough to know, like I want
to do this bad behavior if you were to do that, However,
it only makes the problem worse, right, because now there's
two things to forgive versus that one thing to forgive
and heal. And now we have to work on not
just him healing himself and whatever voids he had that
(25:03):
made him cheating in the first place, but now we
have to work on me healing myself and why I'm
so petty and tip for tat, and then then to
forgive me now for it. So it's like I'm adding
on to the original kind of get alution. Yeah, so
it's the wrong thing to do. However, I can't promise
that I wouldn't, right because because emotions take over in
(25:25):
those moments and you should be thinking more with the
logical perspective. But that's why it happens, because we get
emotional and we're human, and mistakes happen, and we try
to correct mistakes with other mistakes, and that's really not
what we should be doing. So I would try to
control myself and not do that. But I might see red.
You never know. I might be I'm going out with
you tonight and you don't want to come out with me.
(25:46):
I am not a man, Max, it ain't I'll be
out like, hello, look at me, look at me. I'm
a girl, like we guys be like you were so
funny Stiss, But I always to have sex with you.
But I always say that's because like of what a
strong woman you are, like what a powerful voice you have,
(26:07):
Like men are just intimidated by it. You do too,
and you have a whole boyfriend I know, but you
know what, you know what it is even as aggressive
as I am, and like you know, people would say
we have more like man characteristics. I'm not just talking
about how I look. You know what they like to
say in the show. You know the way we act.
(26:30):
It's still a time and a place like when I'm
with my man, And this is why I do like
a certain type of man like I like very manly men,
thugged out rough like I can't have like, But that's
just because of how I am. So when I'm with
my man behind closed doors, I am like, you know,
like more demure, like I said, combs him and that
(26:51):
he is the man, you know, but man exactly. But
I think it's only a certain type of man that
goes or a female like us, because we are not
just the little like trophy girl that's not gonna say
much like. We are a whole personality out here and
(27:11):
we have our own life and our own things going.
So that's the only reason why I think people sits
you is love because they're too you know, intimidated to
do otherwise. I'm trying to give you heads alright, guys,
I definitely want to get more into that because I
definitely feel that it's two ways to look at that topic.
(27:32):
But let's take a little break and we'll be right
back to delve into that even further. But that gets
me to to gender roles, because like, what do you
believe about that spicy like gender roles? And then these
(27:55):
ladies proposing nowadays, I would never okay so proposed sensitive
topic because um, we want and desire so um much
success and power for ourselves. Right, Like the dynamics have
(28:16):
changed as far as gender roles have concerned from ours
for our parents and our parents parents. Right, So we're
for the first time, I think, also learning and getting
the hang of our gender roles and what our gender
roles look like. In two it no longer is just
us like us, barefoot and pregnant, waiting at home for
someone to take care of us. So we've lost a
lot of our feminine energy. And because a lot of
(28:37):
us have been raised by their single parent homes who
had to be the mom and the dad or you know, um,
you know, our father wasn't there to give us that
balance of masculine and feminine energy in the household. Um,
we've taken a lot of responsibility on ourselves to do
that when it comes to parenting, and when it comes
also to just our decision making and how to navigate
and also the role that we play in relationship. We
(29:00):
don't know also how to pivot between our masculine femine
energy because now we're such boss bitches in the workplace
that that requires very masculine energy. Masculine energy, for those
who don't understand, is um a very strong, direct energy
that guides. It's a competitive energy. It's an energy that
is stern and energy that's quick to decision, to make decisions.
(29:22):
Of Feminine energy is going to be more free flowing
at ease, allowing, loving, caring, nurturing. Right, So there's a
difference between those and when we are born, we're born
with both energies, but based on our environment, based on
our upbringing, our experiences, and our parents, yeah, who were around,
we choose a certain energy to lean into what works
(29:43):
for us with the successes that we've seen. Well, when
I'm when I'm femininite, you know, these benefits. When I'm
in my masculine energy, these benefits and that's his career.
Women are masculine energy has served us to make bank
because when we you know, do make those boss decisions,
when we are aggressive, when we are assertive, like that's
how decisions get made in the workplace. And when we
get home and we have to sit in our from
(30:04):
the energy because now we want a very masculine man
who's a leader and who you know, guides us it's
hard to pivot, and a lot of boss women don't
know how to pivot, which is why my whole business exists,
because I get a lot of these you know women
who are making you know, well over you know six
of it figures, and they're like, damn it, I'm beautiful
and I make a lot of money. Why don't I
(30:25):
have a partner? Why is my relationship suffering? And they
very much want to very you know, masculine man, but
they don't know how to pivot. They don't know and
how to switch between energies back and forth to there
has to be a balance. It is true because even
like sometimes when I'll get home and I've been like
either just shooting a season or gone or working all day,
(30:46):
you come home and it's like just still on that
wavelength and then like I've gotten in fight with my man,
he'd be like, all right, Justine, the camera's off. I'm
like what cameras? Motherfucker? Like what cameras? So it's like
you still, you know, that energy is like still here.
And sometimes I mean like even I know for me
it does take a little bit too, like I like
come down again a little bit. But I agree with
(31:08):
you be like, even though I'm not very traditional like
proposing to the man's like ah, because no matter what
I feel like, your man is supposed to like you
and love you a little bit more than you do him.
So like that wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly. A lot of us are
tripping because we're getting into relationship with people who are
lukewarm about how they feel about us, and we want
to partner so bad that we will receive that. I
(31:29):
am the notion that if you don't worship me, I
can't funk with you. I need you to worship my
SORTI draws. I need you to be so into me
because that also makes us feel as women cherished and
more confident when it comes to our decision making and
how we navigate. And a man has to be more
into you than you are to him. But the problem
is where it talks to men who ain't that into us. Yeah,
(31:52):
because I'm probably too easy Like the man boy, I
mean with the man the ground man. I mean, he
was like, you know, come out, we're going out, let's
have a drink. That I was like, I'm not going out.
I'm so tired that he was like you are so beautiful.
I was like Okay, I'm gonna go to the clip
call me beautiful, I said. He was like, you are
(32:15):
so beautiful. I was like, okay, let's go to the
clip club. I want to tea. So what happened? A
close friends story, A storytime on my close friends tonight
my close friends. Y'all will hear the close friends. But
that's my little bood. I hope you don't he this. Hey,
you know, I'm already got the man. I'm gonna manage this.
(32:36):
I'm gonna be like doing the chickens with you, Like, Okay,
did he do this? Is he your pizza? Is he? This?
Is he that? Like? We're starting tomorrow, spicy, Spicy, are
starting all the way over because I have been. She
has been my relationship ship coach for a little over
a year now actually, and when I met her, See,
she's a magnetic mac Mart taker, right, um so she
(32:57):
hopes you meet your purpose mate in life. He thought
I had my purpose night. Oh I was so stupid
baby trying to sell him to me. We went to
her together. He was doing, he was doing, he was
doing the work. He's a nice person. So his whole
energy and his um aura is lovable. I see what
(33:19):
she loved about him. However, when it comes to lifestyle
and when it comes to his decision making and his past.
While you don't want to be judged on your past,
your past is a prelude to your decision making for
the future. And based on his decision making, there were
certain things that we needed to address and that we
need to be mindful of while she was dating him,
and because I didn't have a say in picking him. Um,
(33:40):
And that happens all the time. Couples come to me
for relationship counseling all the time, and I'm not gonna
be like, oh no, I don't think you should be
with him, need to be with someone else. I'm like, Okay,
how do we make this relations How do we fix this? Yeah?
Because the notion that we don't break up unless we
need to walk away super non negotiable. Right, Yeah. So
do you think do you guys think then that men
(34:01):
can change? Because you mentioned the past and you know
what people's track records are. So do you think a
person can change? And is it their partner that changes
them or is it just that they're ready in their
own life to change? You're probably you two different things,
but that doesn't necessarily mean that that inspires you. So um,
it's called growth through mate regulations. So what that looks
(34:25):
like is is UM, I can introduce you to our
I can introduce you to science, that can introduce you
to all of these things with culture self help. But
that doesn't necessarily mean that because I'm introducing you to that,
that you're gonna latch on and take that for yourself.
You have to want your own self growth. You have
to want to evolve on your own. So your partner
can definitely evolve, but you need to look for the
evidence of that. They can't just say I want to grow.
(34:47):
You have to actually look. Okay, did he do his
growth assignment? Did he do, um, you know, make those
phone calls to the doctor like he said he would,
Did he, you know, do his rehab like? You have
to look at the things that he's actually doing in
order to evolve. Did he make that investment on time
like he said he would? Like? Is he keeping the
commitment to his growth that he said he would and
his past Yes? I do. I think that your past decisions,
(35:11):
um are a reflection of you, But that doesn't mean
that you're stuck in that. So there has to be evidence,
clear evidence of this person has pulled themselves out and
that they are preparing for a different future and outcome.
Because we all want to grow, we all want to
be better than we were in our past. But like
if he cheated on his ex, and he's already cheated
on you, and I'm promising he's not gonna cheat. Okay,
(35:32):
come on, now, what are we doing, ladies? Okay, you guys,
we had spicy mighty on here. It was juicy. We
had so many timbos, so many good discussions. I hope
you guys got some gems. But we have to bring
her back next week. Her party to lean past a
(36:02):
p
Welcome to the Women of Whiling Out podcast. You got
baby Girl, Hollie boys, your girl be somebody, go pretty up,
yore back your girl just being a V with pretty
d and be somebore. What's the one? Everybody? Anybody? Can
you show? Tonight We're gonna have the women a while
(00:24):
and the podcast on the cars. Bubby Girl, Baby buy
what's Welcome back to the Women, a wild and out
podcast with the ladies of Wolentile control the mike. This
is our world from our perspective. I end girl, You're beautiful, challenging. Okay,
I want to be my child. It's be simone and
(00:46):
Pretty V is not here with us. I know you're
gonna miss my baby. Um, but I got my girl,
the best free, stalent female, red head, beautiful, talented, just
a Valentine. Was that, they says, My beautiful, manifesting, hard
(01:06):
working queen is in the building. Be what's up it?
And I know you can't see at home, but she
got the blue Versace robot. She's just she's setting the tone.
I'm trying to manifest. You gotta act, Richard and what
you are like you know, it's like, okay, just put
on a road you know, walk around, act like you're
in a mansion, not an apartment. I know, that's right.
(01:27):
I love it. But you looked amazing and I'm excited
to be here with you. I miss V of course,
but you know, yes, we have a dope guest today
that I will introduce later. She has been on The
Women While Our podcast before, but we brought her back.
Some things have changed, so you know we need to
we need to have another discussion, but I'll say that
for later. Where are you at, Justina, I'm on set.
(01:48):
I actually just wrapped up the months events with Nick,
so I'm just here like in a little cubicle trying
to find a little quiet space so you know we
could get into it and bring it down to the ladies. Yeah,
and being so funny because you know, like when I
have my wrap ups, I do my research and whatever
and it's a little teleprompter or whatever. But it's always
(02:09):
good to be prepared. Because the little teleprompter today wasn't
working on time. So your girl really had to go
off the tippity top. You know, that's what you're professional
at that though. That's easy, thank you, says Yeah, Nick
was easy. Nick was funny after He's like, that teleprompter
wasn't moving, huh. I was like no, He's like, yeah,
I know you were saying whatever. But that's a good
thing about us being in show business. And you're the
(02:31):
same way You're you're so great at just being on
the spot with your comedy is like yeah, like you
never know what's gonna happen, and when you can just
keep going and and let the show go on without
a hitch, the audience has no idea and those are
the best moments. But you know, the first time I
ever read a teleprompter was do you remember One of six?
And part of course, yes, yes, I auditioned for one
(02:53):
of six to search if you're looking up on YouTube.
My audition is still on there, and I made to
like the finals. Know what? It was my first time
I read a teleprompter. I was like, hey, y'all speak
some welcome back. They didn't choose me. They tells a
little bow. I mean, I'm still mad at him throughout
all I would have been like, now, oh, but that's cute.
So did did you enjoy reading a tele prompter where
(03:16):
you like, I love the teleprompter. It's cool, you feel
like you can you really doing something. We're you know,
I'm like, dang, I can really read, but sometimes they
had to change those words because I was like, change
the words. That word is to me? Right, You're like,
that's about seven syllables. Yeah, but yeah, I like the teleprompter.
But yeah, that's the first time I read a teleprompter.
One so good. And you guys, you're on set one
(03:36):
of those six in park howld be? I mean, now
she's she don't even need to teleprompter at this point.
Don't call me because my my price is way too happy.
I'm I'm manifested. She's like, she's like, I'm serious about
the price, but I'm kidding, y'all. That's how you manifest, y'all.
You gotta talk like you already there, Like, no, I
can't make it, you know what. Me and my best
(03:56):
friend dude, we played the Manifest game. But you have
to like tell the person you're gonna play it, so
you should try to support do you play. We're like, okay,
we're gonna play the Manifest game, and we just talk
as if we're already there in life, so we'd be like, yeah, girl,
Will Smith called he wants to meet in London. For lunch.
But it's like, I don't know if that's gonna work
because I've been on tour Martin and Oprah. You know,
we have that meeting with her at six, so we
(04:18):
just need to figure it all out. Like I hope
Oprah isn't mad that I can't do the movie, but
you know, it's just too much on the table right
now and I just need a break. I need a vacation.
I love that. That's so cute. So you have to
talk like like we play the manifest game and we
do it all day, but sometimes I'll be like, are
you manifesting or just lying right? Like are we If
(04:38):
you don't warnt someone, they're gonna be like, wait, what
Oprah asked to be in a movie? You're you're you're
You're not showing up to your lunch state with Will.
It's like there's a lot going on, but speaking of
so you gotta tell people speaking of busy women and manifesting,
where is V today she like on the seven of
the movie or I don't know, I think she's traveling.
You know, if you don't do do you know traveling?
(05:00):
I'm so spontaneous, I'd be like Brazil tomorrow. Cool, we
all let's go passport ready? Come on? You know, girl,
I know it's like she got a plan a month ahead.
She's like, um, you know in May. I'm like, baby,
I don't even know if I'm be alive in May.
Call me in May. No, but I've been sweeting. I've
been playing all your Instagram post body on fleek. Okay,
(05:20):
be simone faces. Because you're are my close friends. I
need to know what that close friends is all about.
So maybe we speak about it later because you because
I've seen you were on it and then it hit
Man is on it, and I'm like, all right, I
gotta pull up hit Man on it making bread. He's
doing good, you know, me and my team providing that
service for influence to herself. You. I want to close friends.
(05:42):
I'll help you out out, you know. But but speaking
of a close friend a mentor what she ain't a mentor.
She's damning my therapist. But um, I want to introduce
you guys to my love, my close friend, my relationship.
She hated it when I call her a therapist because
she's like me, I'm not a therapist. I'm like, sweetie,
(06:04):
yes you are. You are a therapist Spicy Mdy, my
relationship coach, is back on the Women A While Out podcast.
I know she was on here before, but give her
a warm Women a Wilding Out wheld my lady, Spicy,
(06:24):
you know you was gonna be on today because you
know I'll be looking at everything last minute. I was like,
I just just now, I'm yeah, we loved it. We
loved you. You know last time I was so in
love and I was like, oh my gosh, Spicy is
helping me with my soul mate, my purpose mate a
year later broken up, Please help me. It happens. It happens.
(06:45):
Right when I told her, y'all, she was the first
person I called when I like was devastated, and she
was like, I am mind blown. The red signs were
not there. Yeah, I mean there's perpetrators, right, So, um,
what you know, I often notice is that when we
don't pick up on it, it's because we truly believe
(07:08):
that that person is showing up for us, they're being
you know, their authentic self. But like, there was other
flags that I feel like I saw that we were
that we ignored, that we're out of my control, and
that I needed to just guide you through um, and
I think that's why everything is a learning experience. And
so it was more about okay, you know, the acceptance
(07:28):
of this love that you had, but also um, being
able to remove ourselves from the situation if it was toxic,
if it wasn't healthy. And I think that that's something
that you were a remarkable at which a lot of
women don't have that strength. It is so good. I
haven't talked to him since the day I lived. Oh
my god, I cried every day. First we can love
about it, but it's like really sad. Though, that's amazing,
(07:51):
but but okay, we talked about relationships last time I
was in a relationship aout a boyfriend. People know Justina
has a boyfriend. She's very private with her her bood though,
how do we get to the ring? We need to
talk about that today, Like, because you're married, speaky, you
just had a beautiful son, give us some advice on
and you know what, Actually, Justina, I don't even know
(08:12):
if um, you want to get married. I wonder if
Justina wants to get married, UM, so do you just
want to get married for me? Honestly, I'm not super traditional, um,
you know with things like that, like I'm traditional as
far as like you know, family and stuff like that.
You know, I'm Italian, so like, oh that's important, But
(08:33):
like as far as marriage to me especially not you know,
we be and Marie like we don't live traditional lifestyles
of what you know has has been in place for
women for years. So, um, marriage to me, honestly is
just a piece of paper. Because I'll tell you right now,
I definitely don't want the I would never do the
whole reception thing and all that. The way I look
(08:55):
at it is like, be we have to be dressed up, makeup,
hair done, body looking at as good as we could
get it to look, you know, every day. So to
have to plan and spend all that bread on a wedding, like,
I'd rather, you know, keep going with real estate, put
that money into a crypto. Um. I feel like when
you have the understanding with someone and you have that bond,
(09:16):
you know it is what it is. And marriage to
me is just a piece of paper. So I don't
need that. That's me personally. I feel like you're probably
the opposite, Like you want the big wedding already. I
need you to come down and take me to the Maldives.
I need to thank you on a date and my
whole family is behind the curtain crown. We in debt
(09:37):
because of this ceremony. But you guys are talking wedding though,
so like, let's get one thing clear. There's a huge
difference between wedding and how much money you're spending right
and marriage. And I mean, like studies do show that
the more money that you spent on a wedding, the
more likely you are to divorce because finance is usually
the number one reason for divorce. So I think, you know,
(09:58):
just you know, what you're saying is a sound decision,
but it be you know, billion dollar b if you
got it like that, like you know, and you can
budget where it spends it. But when it comes to marriage, though,
like we have a certificate, we have a contract, we
have something for everything that we think official or is
valid or we want you know, received from everything, and
(10:22):
so when it comes to relationship, that's no different. And
if our partners afraid to sign on the dotted line
to fully commit, then I think that that's you know,
assigned as well, Like, okay, we need to be paying
attention to this. Why are you afraid to give the
ultimate commitment, because there's no way that they would sign
on that million dollar deal without a contract. You know,
when it comes to our career, like we were like,
where's the paper, show me my money, Like let's let's
(10:44):
have all of this, you know, put in writing. But
when it comes to our love life, we're like, I
just wanted to be magical. I just want to hope
and pray and wish on the start that this person
shows up for me. And the truth of the matter
is is like, yes, it's it's there's some business elements
to it, but there's also a spiritual element to it.
There's also a legal element that you have to respect.
(11:06):
And if you're afraid of that component, then you know
you made me to reconsider this commitment. So how long
do you think you have to date before? Um, you
know you can it. It was too soon because you know, Spicy,
I was with my ex for eleven months and if
you would have proposed, would have been like a damn.
But that's because you said there were some things you
(11:27):
were apprehensive about being like there really was, Yes, it
was good, said, yes, you're right, there was. We have
to keep we we have to keep it. One like
you wanted to be married, and you did love and
care for him, but there was a lot of things
that we were still ironing out and working for sure
that you were skeptical about. And so go ahead, go ahead,
(11:48):
go ahead. No, I was gonna say so when it
comes to marriage. And one of the things that like
you brought me into was like, hey, you know, how
do I, you know, make healthy decisions during this relationship
and create longevity. One thing is you know that and
I coached specifically to this with my clients, is the
six levels of intimacy, right, So, like it's easy to
feel the emotional intimacy sometimes that's like the rain drops,
(12:12):
bubble gum feelings, like you know, the chemistry that you
guys feel. It's even great to feel the physical intimacy,
but that's the sexual intimacy that you feel. The hard
conversations are about the financial intimacy that nobody wants to
talk about. What's your credit account? How much money have
you got in the bank? Do you have a savings
like you know, do you do you do you pay
for your mama's rent? Like we're not having those hard
(12:33):
financial intimacy questions, and then we're also not having you
know enough recreational intimacy, which is like the time that
we spend and getting really to know our partner, We're
not having the intellectual intimacy. What can I learn from you?
What can you, you know, teach me? What can I
also teach you? Do you have to do all that
before the sexual intimacy because I like this movie and
I want to do it to you. No, Okay, So, like,
(12:56):
if it depends on what your intentions are, right, Like,
I'm not one of those you need to wait just
for waiting sake. I don't agree with that. If you
are in your um either your home phase, or you're
in your I just want to get my rocks off phase,
or I'm a you know, a strong independent woman and
I love these man phase. Whatever phase you're in, go
ahead and get your freak on. Let him hit it,
(13:18):
you know, don't worry about the emotional intimacy. But if
you are in a phase in your life where you
want a real commitment and you want a hubby, then
that takes strategy when it comes to how you govern
your decision making in your life, because those are two
completely different goals. If you want to come that's a
completely different goal. Then I want to um go enter
into a business with my lover and build our empire
(13:41):
and walk in alignment with our purposes together. Those are
completely two different goals, so our behaviors have to be
in alignment with our goals. So if you haven't had
a lot of those tough intimate conversations around the levels
of intimacy that I'm describing, then you definitely shouldn't hop
into the physical intimacy because the moment with that you
hop into the physical intimacy, you don't care about the
(14:03):
intellectual intimacy. You don't care about the financial intimacy. You're like,
oh my gosh, you made me feel so good, and
you overlook the fact that he is living with his parents,
or you know that he's got you know, five baby
mamas that he can't take care of, Like you will
start to overlook things because of the oxytocins that are
released from your body and the hormones that now make
(14:24):
you think that you love someone when really this person
is making you feel good but not secure. If you
don't feel safe and secure and you don't trust somebody,
you should not be having sex with them. And oftentimes
I will tell everyone like if you don't trust them
with your social Security number, if you don't trust them
with the keys to your house, if you don't trust
him with um, you know, to put anyone on the mortgage,
(14:46):
Why are we trusting him to come in between our legs?
And trust is the number one factor. If you don't
trust this person, you should have been sleeping with them.
If you don't trust that they're committed to you, you
should have been even Well, that's the room. So I
was saying, if if you want just to hook I'm saying,
trust your sneaking link. You want to trust them with
(15:07):
your health? Okay, yeah, you're right, But you don't need
to trust them to be committed to you because if
this is someone that you're just hooking up with, then
you have no set, you have no rights, you're not
entitled to complain. If they got eight sneaking link like you,
you can't do that. So it's like, what are your
intentions with this relationship and what is his intentions? And
you guys want to be on the same page with
that because that's how you're gonna avoid getting hurt. So
(15:29):
you need to have extension conversation. I'm not gonna do
it to him. Now, I'm gonna tell you about him
my session tomorrow. We have a relationship session tomorrow. So excited. Yeah,
I can't wait. Oh, this conversation is getting juicy, but
you guys will be right back. We have to take
a break, don't go anywhere. Get more info from Spicy
ba Hey, y'all, thanks for hanging tight. We are back
(15:56):
with my girl Justine a Valentine and my relationship coach,
Spicy Maddie. All right, let's get into these juicyats happics. So, Mari,
I have a question for you. I already know I
believe we're b stands on it because I feel like
we've touched on it before. But like, as you know,
a relationship coach, and you know you're so knowledgeable in this,
how do you feel about cheating? Because the bottom line
(16:19):
is I think of men cheat and that's being gracious,
it might be, you know, and especially depending on what
you consider cheating, because obviously it's other ways to cheat
than just having sex, you know, So how do you
feel about that as far as being a coach? If
if so many men cheat, do you suggest giving someone
(16:42):
a second chance or is it like that's just a deal? Breaker,
and you better find that three percent that doesn't cheat.
I think that it's based on each person. So just
like you said, you're not tripping off a marriage and
be's like hail to the non I need to be married,
So it is cheating. If cheating is a non negotiable
for you, then you have to honor that. That is
not a deal breaker for everybody. Some people care more
about like how much money he makes than it is
(17:03):
he faithful. There's certain things that a lot of women
are willing to sacrifice, and men to They will sacrifice
certain things. But when it comes to the cheating component,
if that's something that you are like, absolutely not. I
need to know that you are loyal to me and
only me and this is a not a monogamous relationship,
then you have to honor that. And you can't stay
in a relationship if that is a deal breaker for you,
(17:24):
even if he does um break the deal breaker, can
you and do you believe that you're capable of trusting
this person again? And is he willing to do the
work to heal the heal himself and invest in this
relationship enough to mend it. I don't believe every man
cheese because the number that she's just said was in
(17:44):
the nineties percentile, and that's wrong. It's like percentile maybe
just maybe just New York statistically. Here statistically it's in
the percentile and women is in the thirtieth percentile. And
it's not that far off. It's like a difference of
like six percent between men and women. But we have
this idea to cheat, and we put that rhetoric out there,
(18:07):
then we believe it. Then we behave in a way,
we manifesto chating. But here's here's the thing. Be probably
the type of guys that you and me would like.
I think that category men does have a higher percentage
of cheating than the overall percentage of all the men
in the world. Because the man at Walmart is cheating
(18:29):
on on he is, but he doesn't have as good
at options, meaning like if you have no access to
Rihanna or these may not cheating on us with Rihanna. Right.
But what I'm saying is the higher you get and
the more successful the man is, and the more money
(18:52):
he has and so on and so forth, he has
more options that are better options. Yeah, the Walmart guy
can cheat, but he can't cheat with anyone that's you know,
probably that much better than the wife he has. Whereas
if your man is super rich and powerful, he's gonna have.
But he usually doesn't cheat with anybody that's better than
the girl he has, which is even if he's super successful,
(19:14):
I mean be period. But to to bees point, um,
it really doesn't. His profession doesn't make him a cheater, right,
So like the access in the exposure isn't what makes
you a cheater. So if you're not someone who values commitment,
(19:39):
and you aren't able to commit in you know, all
these other areas in your life, you know, you're kind
of whimsical, you um give in to temptation, you don't
have any self control. Then that could be the man
at Walmart, or the NFL player, or the CEO of
a top firm. Like and to your point though about
like power and success. Yes, so things make you sexy
(20:00):
here and more. You know, pussy does get thrown your way.
But if you're a man of integrity, you're still gonna
say no either way. It doesn't matter if someone comes
to no. I get what you're saying, not that, but
I changed. I still do think like the situation kind
of controls how loyal made because the Walmart guy right
might have five girls that come through you know what
(20:22):
I mean to check out, and he might be like, oh,
I would hit it. But the really rich, powerful guy,
if he also has fame, fame to me is the
highest quality. Yes, to show if a guy's gonna cheat,
because if he has the money and the power and
the fame, his DM is gonna be flooded with so
many bad bitches that he's gonna have to be a saint,
(20:45):
not the cheat. That's just my opinion, and I could
be wrong, but now you're not wrong. That's the difference
between the wolf. It's harder, it's harder. You're not wrong.
If he's above six feet, his d M is being
flooded period. So and if he don't even go have
a job, so okay, Like you're not wrong when it
comes to um because because one thing that women will
(21:08):
always do is they are attracted to men with money
and power. So will the Walmart person get as much
women thrown at him. No, But women are still always
in desire of relationship, of love, of access to getting
the money that you have. Like we we are always
(21:28):
um on the hunt and always looking. And so the
temptation is going to be there, but it's like, you
really do want to vet your partner before you go
all in. And it's not even to say that your
partner can't change, you, know what I'm saying, Like he
could have started at the bottom now easier and at
the top of his game, and he can't. He doesn't,
(21:49):
He doesn't resis temptation anymore. You may not be in
a position where you're ready to walk away from him
if he did cheat. So is this person really proving
to you in a way that makes you feel safe
that it's not gonna happen again? And if that is
a non negotiable for you, then he has to show
you through his behavior, through his actions, not just through
his words. So if you if okay, I was I
(22:09):
had a boyfriend, So it was not easy. I definitely
was devastated, but it was easy to walk away from
my easy year, to walk away from a nonegostable because
we didn't have no bank accounts, we ain't have no kids,
I wasn't married, I didn't have to go through a divorce,
we didn't just have a wedding. That it was like, okay,
eleven months in next I'm gonna go date somebody else
if you're doing all this eleven months in, I'm not
walking down the owl thinking about that. Like you know,
(22:30):
So if it's a boyfriend, I would say, like, how
do you feel like, Okay, ten years in, three kids, cheating,
it's harder. I'm of the notion that if my man cheats, right,
we have a home together, we have a business together,
I have my child with him. I just had a newborn,
I am not going anywhere, okay, blood and blood out.
(22:54):
So and you say you're divorce, I'm not going anywhere, Like,
we're just gonna work through this, because if you're married,
you're saying right now, I'm married. Right now, I'm telling
you as an even a relationship expert who does not condone,
and that is a non negotiable, a deal breaker for me.
Any boyfriend in the past that would have cheated, I
would have been out of there because that is just
a trade loude to how they're going to behave And
we're married. But now that I'm a wife and I
(23:17):
have all of these things that I truly love just
as much as you know I love him. We have
built um so much together. If he were to make
a mistake or stumble like that. Because I have witnessed
his character through so many things, um in his his
progressive mindset, his purposeful mindset. I know that if he
were to fall when it comes to the cheating, that
(23:39):
that's a situation where he would work so hard to
redeem himself. Like he's not someone who just like lets
things fall by the wayside. It would really have been
a mistake, I believe, and we would work through it
would be in therapy, we would be in a program.
And so you think that's healthy to vocalize that because
someone would say, I mean, I wouldn't leave, but I
ain't gonna tell him that. I think that it's okay
(23:59):
to be honest with yourself. And I've also very honest
with him, like, and I know this is it's actually
of something you're not supposed to do from a mental
health perspective, but I'm very tip for tat, So I
let him know. And you're not supposed to do that,
You're not supposed to be tip for tat, but I
let him know. You get it licking. You think that
there's somebody that I don't got like that looks good
(24:21):
that I would totally like you know, have fun. Yeah,
like you geting it, I get one in And that's
a totally wrong mindset to have. Okay, I'm putting out there,
but would you do that? You know that? That? Would
I do that? And then like heated me if he's
lipped up? Oh, I would have to be such a
(24:42):
big person. I don't know if I have it Jesus
in me to not. However, I know it's the healthy thing, right, So,
like I'm self aware enough to know, like I want
to do this bad behavior if you were to do that, However,
it only makes the problem worse, right, because now there's
two things to forgive versus that one thing to forgive
and heal. And now we have to work on not
just him healing himself and whatever voids he had that
(25:03):
made him cheating in the first place, but now we
have to work on me healing myself and why I'm
so petty and tip for tat, and then then to
forgive me now for it. So it's like I'm adding
on to the original kind of get alution. Yeah, so
it's the wrong thing to do. However, I can't promise
that I wouldn't, right because because emotions take over in
(25:25):
those moments and you should be thinking more with the
logical perspective. But that's why it happens, because we get
emotional and we're human, and mistakes happen, and we try
to correct mistakes with other mistakes, and that's really not
what we should be doing. So I would try to
control myself and not do that. But I might see red.
You never know. I might be I'm going out with
you tonight and you don't want to come out with me.
(25:46):
I am not a man, Max, it ain't I'll be
out like, hello, look at me, look at me. I'm
a girl, like we guys be like you were so
funny Stiss, But I always to have sex with you.
But I always say that's because like of what a
strong woman you are, like what a powerful voice you have,
(26:07):
Like men are just intimidated by it. You do too,
and you have a whole boyfriend I know, but you
know what, you know what it is even as aggressive
as I am, and like you know, people would say
we have more like man characteristics. I'm not just talking
about how I look. You know what they like to
say in the show. You know the way we act.
(26:30):
It's still a time and a place like when I'm
with my man, And this is why I do like
a certain type of man like I like very manly men,
thugged out rough like I can't have like, But that's
just because of how I am. So when I'm with
my man behind closed doors, I am like, you know,
like more demure, like I said, combs him and that
(26:51):
he is the man, you know, but man exactly. But
I think it's only a certain type of man that
goes or a female like us, because we are not
just the little like trophy girl that's not gonna say
much like. We are a whole personality out here and
(27:11):
we have our own life and our own things going.
So that's the only reason why I think people sits
you is love because they're too you know, intimidated to
do otherwise. I'm trying to give you heads alright, guys,
I definitely want to get more into that because I
definitely feel that it's two ways to look at that topic.
(27:32):
But let's take a little break and we'll be right
back to delve into that even further. But that gets
me to to gender roles, because like, what do you
believe about that spicy like gender roles? And then these
(27:55):
ladies proposing nowadays, I would never okay so proposed sensitive
topic because um, we want and desire so um much
success and power for ourselves. Right, Like the dynamics have
(28:16):
changed as far as gender roles have concerned from ours
for our parents and our parents parents. Right, So we're
for the first time, I think, also learning and getting
the hang of our gender roles and what our gender
roles look like. In two it no longer is just
us like us, barefoot and pregnant, waiting at home for
someone to take care of us. So we've lost a
lot of our feminine energy. And because a lot of
(28:37):
us have been raised by their single parent homes who
had to be the mom and the dad or you know, um,
you know, our father wasn't there to give us that
balance of masculine and feminine energy in the household. Um,
we've taken a lot of responsibility on ourselves to do
that when it comes to parenting, and when it comes
also to just our decision making and how to navigate
and also the role that we play in relationship. We
(29:00):
don't know also how to pivot between our masculine femine
energy because now we're such boss bitches in the workplace
that that requires very masculine energy. Masculine energy, for those
who don't understand, is um a very strong, direct energy
that guides. It's a competitive energy. It's an energy that
is stern and energy that's quick to decision, to make decisions.
(29:22):
Of Feminine energy is going to be more free flowing
at ease, allowing, loving, caring, nurturing. Right, So there's a
difference between those and when we are born, we're born
with both energies, but based on our environment, based on
our upbringing, our experiences, and our parents, yeah, who were around,
we choose a certain energy to lean into what works
(29:43):
for us with the successes that we've seen. Well, when
I'm when I'm femininite, you know, these benefits. When I'm
in my masculine energy, these benefits and that's his career.
Women are masculine energy has served us to make bank
because when we you know, do make those boss decisions,
when we are aggressive, when we are assertive, like that's
how decisions get made in the workplace. And when we
get home and we have to sit in our from
(30:04):
the energy because now we want a very masculine man
who's a leader and who you know, guides us it's
hard to pivot, and a lot of boss women don't
know how to pivot, which is why my whole business exists,
because I get a lot of these you know women
who are making you know, well over you know six
of it figures, and they're like, damn it, I'm beautiful
and I make a lot of money. Why don't I
(30:25):
have a partner? Why is my relationship suffering? And they
very much want to very you know, masculine man, but
they don't know how to pivot. They don't know and
how to switch between energies back and forth to there
has to be a balance. It is true because even
like sometimes when I'll get home and I've been like
either just shooting a season or gone or working all day,
(30:46):
you come home and it's like just still on that
wavelength and then like I've gotten in fight with my man,
he'd be like, all right, Justine, the camera's off. I'm
like what cameras? Motherfucker? Like what cameras? So it's like
you still, you know, that energy is like still here.
And sometimes I mean like even I know for me
it does take a little bit too, like I like
come down again a little bit. But I agree with
(31:08):
you be like, even though I'm not very traditional like
proposing to the man's like ah, because no matter what
I feel like, your man is supposed to like you
and love you a little bit more than you do him.
So like that wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly. A lot of us are
tripping because we're getting into relationship with people who are
lukewarm about how they feel about us, and we want
to partner so bad that we will receive that. I
(31:29):
am the notion that if you don't worship me, I
can't funk with you. I need you to worship my
SORTI draws. I need you to be so into me
because that also makes us feel as women cherished and
more confident when it comes to our decision making and
how we navigate. And a man has to be more
into you than you are to him. But the problem
is where it talks to men who ain't that into us. Yeah,
(31:52):
because I'm probably too easy Like the man boy, I
mean with the man the ground man. I mean, he
was like, you know, come out, we're going out, let's
have a drink. That I was like, I'm not going out.
I'm so tired that he was like you are so beautiful.
I was like Okay, I'm gonna go to the clip
call me beautiful, I said. He was like, you are
(32:15):
so beautiful. I was like, okay, let's go to the
clip club. I want to tea. So what happened? A
close friends story, A storytime on my close friends tonight
my close friends. Y'all will hear the close friends. But
that's my little bood. I hope you don't he this. Hey,
you know, I'm already got the man. I'm gonna manage this.
(32:36):
I'm gonna be like doing the chickens with you, Like, Okay,
did he do this? Is he your pizza? Is he? This?
Is he that? Like? We're starting tomorrow, spicy, Spicy, are
starting all the way over because I have been. She
has been my relationship ship coach for a little over
a year now actually, and when I met her, See,
she's a magnetic mac Mart taker, right, um so she
(32:57):
hopes you meet your purpose mate in life. He thought
I had my purpose night. Oh I was so stupid
baby trying to sell him to me. We went to
her together. He was doing, he was doing, he was
doing the work. He's a nice person. So his whole
energy and his um aura is lovable. I see what
(33:19):
she loved about him. However, when it comes to lifestyle
and when it comes to his decision making and his past.
While you don't want to be judged on your past,
your past is a prelude to your decision making for
the future. And based on his decision making, there were
certain things that we needed to address and that we
need to be mindful of while she was dating him,
and because I didn't have a say in picking him. Um,
(33:40):
And that happens all the time. Couples come to me
for relationship counseling all the time, and I'm not gonna
be like, oh no, I don't think you should be
with him, need to be with someone else. I'm like, Okay,
how do we make this relations How do we fix this? Yeah?
Because the notion that we don't break up unless we
need to walk away super non negotiable. Right, Yeah. So
do you think do you guys think then that men
(34:01):
can change? Because you mentioned the past and you know
what people's track records are. So do you think a
person can change? And is it their partner that changes
them or is it just that they're ready in their
own life to change? You're probably you two different things,
but that doesn't necessarily mean that that inspires you. So um,
it's called growth through mate regulations. So what that looks
(34:25):
like is is UM, I can introduce you to our
I can introduce you to science, that can introduce you
to all of these things with culture self help. But
that doesn't necessarily mean that because I'm introducing you to that,
that you're gonna latch on and take that for yourself.
You have to want your own self growth. You have
to want to evolve on your own. So your partner
can definitely evolve, but you need to look for the
evidence of that. They can't just say I want to grow.
(34:47):
You have to actually look. Okay, did he do his
growth assignment? Did he do, um, you know, make those
phone calls to the doctor like he said he would,
Did he, you know, do his rehab like? You have
to look at the things that he's actually doing in
order to evolve. Did he make that investment on time
like he said he would? Like? Is he keeping the
commitment to his growth that he said he would and
his past Yes? I do. I think that your past decisions,
(35:11):
um are a reflection of you, But that doesn't mean
that you're stuck in that. So there has to be evidence,
clear evidence of this person has pulled themselves out and
that they are preparing for a different future and outcome.
Because we all want to grow, we all want to
be better than we were in our past. But like
if he cheated on his ex, and he's already cheated
on you, and I'm promising he's not gonna cheat. Okay,
(35:32):
come on, now, what are we doing, ladies? Okay, you guys,
we had spicy mighty on here. It was juicy. We
had so many timbos, so many good discussions. I hope
you guys got some gems. But we have to bring
her back next week. Her party to lean past a
(36:02):
p
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