November 9, 2021 • 36 mins
CEO and Founder of The Spicy Life, relationship consultant Spicy Mari, blesses the podcast with her experience, perspective, and knowledge about relationships. She shares invaluable information with the Women of Wild N’ Out, and gives a little insight on her program that she uses to help couples build healthy, successful relationships.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Women While Out podcast. You guys, the
girl anybody she girl go pretty. Welcome to the Women
While and Out podcast. These guys are the ladies and
wilding out control. They you goody, get your show. Hello ladies,
Tonight we're gonna have the women a while in our
(00:24):
podcasts on the car. All right, guys, welcome back to
another episode of the Women of Wiling Out podcast. I
am gree t C and I am here with the
amazing pretty deep be and be some mode cold you
good money, but they do. Okay, let's get into this
toes you guys, jump right into it. I read this
(00:45):
quote on a G and says, once you realize the
proud of your presence, honey, you're won't be just anywhere. Okay,
I don't be nowhere, be on the couch. Same girl,
What do you know about they go back to giving
everybody your energy. That's going back to give me being
too accessible. I know that's venus not being to this
(01:06):
as well. Shouldn't we going nowhere everywhere? Did it? In Charlotte?
So I was I was the only person I was
hanging around, was like duchess because you know, I was
getting tattoos and all that. But other than that, I
was in the house. Oh black, Yeah, yeah, super sweet,
super sweet individual. So I was. I was, and then
(01:28):
I had a job, so then I went right at home.
So the same mentality applies when I'm in the A.
So I used to be out here, but I used
to but I used to be like, oh my god, like,
am I missing some stuff? I'm I supposed to be networking.
I supposed to do this. I think that was my
main thing, networking. When I first got to Atlanta, I
felt like I had to be everywhere. Yeah I didn't
(01:48):
do that. I would still be everywhere if I wasn't
so tired. If I had energy to be lit and
be everywhere, I would be out and about. Yeah, these days,
I don't have the energy. I'm wiped. I just think
for that quote to me just means so much because
I'm just such an energy person too. So I just
like just protect my space because I'm a magnetic, like
(02:09):
a magnetic to people. So I'll be like only my friend,
you're hand And I had to know, like, girl, you
don't really like me or I don't know you. Yeah,
I don't know you. You don't like me, and you
could tell with somebody don't really care for you, they
just want to know about you, like so they could
know the good ugly, the pad to good, you know sides.
And I just know that because I've been hurt by
friends if I give it my energy. Also, I just
like to just stay put you get you and less
(02:31):
drama when you put. That's just that's just me and
I've just been like that since I've been a kid.
I just been talking to Barbie Dolls myself. I grew
up with all my cousins in one house, six very
momes and we had three of us, ten of us
in each room, like it was a bunch of us.
And it's so crazy. She's like that because she's also
the opposite. Yeah, you're both literally yeah. So I'm just
(02:55):
like I've best friends so and what's so crazy is
like I got two really who I really really truly
like what I knew for a long time. So like
and then the rest of like be someone because it
has my sister like so for me, like it's my
best friend. Like there considered my sisters too, but I've
known them for years. So I just college and then
two of them was from college and the other ones
(03:16):
from Miami. But other than that, UM, I don't really
talk to another one in Miami like that as much,
but UM to one sometimes you gotta sometimes gotta shift
the room, so she could her shift room. So you're
you have ten and you only have two to call on.
That's what I look at it. And I've always said
with friends, you have friends. That's got some friends, friends
that you could tell the team. Sometimes it's like friends,
(03:37):
like I could really when I want to go out, Yeah,
like probably when I go out, I want to call
you when I want to tell you my deep darkest secrets.
Girl have the ship that my friends I didn't did
they don't hear me. I'd be like, I'm just listening
to y'all talk talk if you want to. But I
did it too. But you know, but you whatever, because
I'm just so bete girl. And then my Mount Vernon's
(04:04):
and my Brooklyn and you know my other guy best
friend Ron Brown's. You know, um, I grew to love him,
he's my producer. I got friends. But you know there's
certain ones I call all. I think that's a big
one too, Like I have really close guy friends. Some
of them are more writer than females. I have. I
have some very close females. You know, some of that
(04:25):
is different they when they actually that's interesting. Some people
think you can't be platonic. I don't know, but people
think me and her both talk to Dessie. Yeah, I
feel like what and literally I don't even say even
like Dessie thinks we've grown to love each other, like
that's like my brother, little Duval Charlottagne. We've grown. But
like somebody could pick up the phone and will answer
me at one o'clock in the morning. Ron Brown's all
(04:47):
day every day, and you know that's it. Really well,
we have a good guest coming today, my relationship coach.
I'm so excited because she. I wish she was here
when the guys be attacking, because I'd be like, well,
I don't have an answer for that, but I know
something right in your spirit. It's wrong with you. But
I can't explain. I can't articulate why. But my relationship
coaches here, um um, I'm actually in a relationship, but
(05:09):
I've been speaking about it more open. I haven't really
posted my boyfriend, but I posted on my story. But
we go to her, we go to therapy. I call
it therapy because it's basically therapy UM relationship um, not classes,
but help. Uh. We go every Wednesday. We'd be off
scheduling stuff, you know. Sometimes we miss sometimes we have
to do solo. He just did his solo session with
her last week and they was telling me about it
(05:31):
how good it was. But we try to go at
least a couple of times a month, UM. But she'd
be on my ass like you're wasting your money because
you just ain't never in no session, you know. But
when we do go, it's we'll be on the phone
with her for hours hours talking, digging deep, crying, laughing, bonding.
It's just so and we I didn't start going to
(05:51):
her because anything was unhealthy or wrong. You just want
to prevent that, like don't run and get a fire
extinguisher when the house is burning down, just prevent the
house from being on fire. And there's so many people
that are not open to that. There ain't nothing wrong.
While we gotta go up why something gotta be wrong
to make sure we're on the same page and we're
not wasting our time. And you know, I'm thirty now
we gotta get time clock boom. I learned so much
(06:11):
about my boyfriend just listening to him to open up,
and I'm like, damn, I didn't know that. I didn't
know that, and it's just conversation. So I say therapy,
I don't. I know. She kind of don't like it.
But her name is Spicy Matty. So right after this break,
we will introduce her. Come out if you'll have any
relationship questions. I know, breathed up being married. She never
wants to get married again. She does not believe in
it anymore. She's like, I will never do it again.
(06:33):
Viena is single up and downside she don't know. And
I definitely a walking down the hour with my boyfriend.
We're gonna have little babies, chocolate brown caramel babies running
around our mansion somewhere in Atlanta, our side house. And
definitely want to get married. I do. I definitely want
to have some kids. And but I'm up and down
(06:56):
as far as like, you know, want to rea ship
and you know not w do it right now? Oh yeah,
right now. So after this break, we will introduce Spicy
Mighty relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Stay tunes only Hi
you come Hi, co Breen. We gonna get her Okay,
(07:25):
so we are back with the one Where Not podcast,
Me Pretty V and my girl Bree. You guys, I
am so excited to announce this guest. Introduce her. She
has changed my life and I have been getting her help,
her guidance through my love life, through my personal life
for almost a year now. Actually, um, we met during
quarantine through a mutual friend and she's my relationship coach
(07:45):
and she can help you too. She's gonna come out
and give us some advice. Give it up for spicy
mighty O. Come on out a curtain first child soles
(08:08):
se BEAUTI I'm still trying to keep my sexy. I
know that's right. Oh my be some own beauty with
the red color called baby Girl. Baby Girl, that's all
your entire color line is my favorite wear every single day. Yeah,
I've been drawn a beautiful up top lip extra thick.
I try my lips more full. So this is my
(08:30):
relationship coach. Um. She has changed my life. She has
made me do self work. And once you do the
self work, I feel like me and being to talk
about this like doing the self work before you try
to attract you're perfect you know, spouse or perfect significant
other It's like, once you start healing and growing yourself naturally,
you're going to attract better. You know what I'm saying.
(08:51):
So I did that and then I met my boyfriend.
And then I was like, well, well you can explain
exactly what you do. But when I met her, I
was already in a relationship. Were so introduce yourself and
explain exactly what you because I'd be saying my therapy.
She'd be like, I am not a therapy, right, I'm
not just promoting her. I pay this lady. Okay, I'm
(09:13):
not just like um promoting her because she's my homegirl.
She actually provides me a service and I pay her
what she's worked and I'm expensive and she's very expensive
and she's worth I'll be calling her to am like, girl,
he just dida. She'd be like, all right, this is
what you do. You do, not do this in your
feminine energy. Stop being masculine. I know your boss. I'm like,
oh my god, So explain and introduce yourself to other
(09:34):
people who you are. Yes, he has a right. I'm
spicymody relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker. And so what that
means is I have the ability to connect people through
my magnetic matchmaking, but also if you're in a relationship,
I'm capable of coaching you through it, becoming the best
version of yourself while growing in the relationship so that
that way you and your partner can reach relationship actualization.
(09:56):
And what that is is you guys growing together, growing
in your ability to help each other walk in each
other's purpose, and then reaching the highest level of consciousness
and power and success and love that you can have
in the relationship together as a team. Because a lot
of people go into relationships with preconceived notions about expectations. UM,
(10:17):
they're coming with family baggage, challenges. UM. There's several elements
that relate to like your attitude even when it comes
to relationships, such as your predisposed already to a certain
thinking and behaviors from your DNA to the environment that
you grew up in to the relationships that you experience
in your adulthood along the way, those have all shaped
your personality and your energy. And now you come into
(10:41):
this relationship expecting a partner to, you know, live up
to all of your needs and the things that you
need fulfilled. And oftentimes we start self sabotaging we get
in our own way. So became at a time when
she was like, Okay, I know I'm not perfect. I'm
working on in constant growth. This is a relationship that
I can really see myself in. Help me make it work.
Like I met a good guy. I didn't want to
(11:02):
suck this up. Such a good guy, help both of
us grow, Like we're gonna do this. Because when I
met Chris, we you know, you came on his birthday,
you met him early. I was like, this is my husband,
you know, I knew instantly, like I wanted to be
with him for a very long time. So I was like,
we need to get a middleman because I'm not about to,
you know, not heal and be Be was just like,
(11:25):
you hold my hand, You're my man. Then it was
that was back into that's the two thousand nineteen Yellow
Adorable together. What I love is that both of them
are accepting and acknowledging like that growth is a process, right,
(11:47):
So I think that he realizes he's not perfect, and
that's like the first step is just acknowledging. Chris has
a high level of self awareness. And then Be's also
excited for his growth, so that makes him even more
attractive to her. And then when he's like, well, damn,
I'm turning to my girl on because I'm growing like
it's motivation for him to keep going. And she didn't
(12:09):
force it. She gave him no option. She's like, I'd
like us to do this. He was a little you know,
resistant at first. He's like, I don't really know. I
don't know if we need it because men oftentimes operate
and like, yeah, like I'm good, nothing is wrong with
us the honeymoon stage, like me fighting and stuff. Yet
he getting too little tits now I'll be calling I'm
talking to him. You know, I have a question for you.
(12:33):
So when you give I mean when you sit down
and you coach b or just whomever you know, um
about the relationships and they're taking whatever you're teaching them.
You know, that's like a therapist, you know. Um. So
for me, do you is it like, Okay, I'm giving
you the tools, I'm giving you what to work, and
I'll give you what to do, but okay, that's it.
Or do you like be said, I call you two
clock in the morning, but she supposed is it like
(12:54):
is that like normal to do that? Or it's like, girl,
I didn't give you the tools in our last session.
Why are you calling me again? Like I don't have
something they like, don't depend on them, but call him
when you need him. I don't know. I'm trying to
get in very hands on. That's a great question. So
the difference between me and a therapist and the reason
why and I love therapy is so important that everybody
go to therapy. But what therapy is for is to
help you become more self aware, like why am I
(13:16):
doing what I'm doing? Right? My goal is to not
just help you figure out why you're doing what you're doing,
but then also how do we solve for this? So
sometimes we don't and we can't do the behavior that
serves our relationship goal. Our emotions take over. We don't
always think logically. We saw our mama do it, so
we're doing it. We don't know why because I'm like
I'm leaving. She was like, well, what's the ultimate goal?
(13:38):
That's your husband? Like, girl, one time me and Chris
get into it, I sayd hotel and she was like
that it's not serving your ultimate goal of being with
this man. Take your ass back. You're being You're living
in this emotion, right, now and it's not serving. You're
trying to comb her chest and dominate. To marry him
is the ultimate goal. So take yours back and that's
(13:58):
your husband. You don't even need to be at the
holte figure out how you know you're okay, So I
help you achieve the goal, which is like I'm holding
your hand because you so you can't always do it
by yourself with a culture, the therapist and not everybody
has my method. UM can tell you do this, but
for you to actually perform it. I mean you can
look it up on YouTube and you're still not going
to perform it. I'm holding your hand and holding you accountable.
(14:21):
And then I have my checks and balances of Okay,
I told you guys to do this. Where's my assignment?
Let me see you. You said you read it. Okay,
what's the what's the giving the paragraph? Give me the
synopsis of you saying that you give this exercise. And
then I make you guys, like show me what you
did when it comes to what you learn from it
or communicate to me articulate that you understand. And then
when you need me in the middle of the night
(14:42):
or seven, if there's like an emergency, I'm also talking
you guys off of a ledge. Um, I'm walking you
through it step by step. And so when it comes
to boundaries, UM, I don't believe in them in the
beginning for me because I understand that I need to
be more hands on in order to help you like
achieve your goals. So I'm very hands on twenty four
(15:03):
call and couples need it because sometimes they will get
in their own way and then it's like, what do
we were breaking up when really all we wanted him
to do was call us more. How do we get
that achieved? Yeah? Because I could definitely. I mean like
like beans, my mom is a counselor, right, so her
phone goes off seven, So then I didn't get it,
like did you already get him a little thing? But
(15:24):
then she's like, well, that's what I'm called to do,
so I can't get upset. You know, who's who's ever
on Instagram or who's of her clients because they reach
out through I g then to connect whatever her whole business. Ye,
So for you, just if anybody just wanted to know, like, okay,
when you get the people to tools, do they have
to keep calling back? Thirty one thirty one years of
behavior and her trying to shift your mindset. It don't
happen in twelve months. And my singles, especially, sometimes I
(15:46):
gotta go snatch them up out of a bad situation
when they're yeah, or just pulling up to his house
and I'm like, no, we are not or you know,
I said I was going to be abstinent and now
I'm you know, spending the night. No, we are not
like very hands on it. So we're gonna pull out
of the juice jar. We just okay, So you guys,
(16:11):
I'm gonna asking this. I totally do not believe in this,
but I want to know your opinion and your expertise,
because she ain't give an opinion, she given facts. Should
we compromise commitment to have a man? Meaning should we
be like, Okay, every guy cheats, I'm just as long
as I don't find out, I'm fine. Okay he only
did it once, or okay he wants an open relationship, fine,
(16:32):
I love him, he's good in every other area. I'm
just gonna let him have sex with other girls because
he's good to me, or compromising that commitment to have
a man. And I absolutely do not believe in that.
What's your opinion start maybe maybe not the embrace. Spicy
(16:53):
Breed doesn't want to get married. She's already been married.
Never again, ain't happening. I don't care why. We had
a little a side talk yesterday. We had our nails done,
and I mean, given who I married, I won't bash
him here. But you know, um, I signed up for
a very complicated tax and I kind of knew what
(17:15):
I was getting into, but not to the full extent.
And definitely you know, I got a divorce two years ago.
I'm still married. Why why am I still married? They
will not give me my divorce, He will not sign nothing.
I can't buy a house, I can't move on. UM
haunts all of my you know, it's not like a
normal thing where like, you know, what you and I
are done, let's separate and the luck in your life.
(17:36):
You know, it's this like real ball and chain that
you cannot get rid of. UM just talk about taxes
just like yeah or stuff that like you know, he's
not making money at the time, or you know he
took off work or not doing whatever. And then they're
he's like, well, I can come after you for spousal support.
I said, oh hell, no mean spousal support. You can't
(17:58):
get nothing from me? Okay at work neither that. It's
like that put such a bad taste in my mouth
of like the does the ball and chain? Like why
if I, let's say, I love you and I want
to be with you, why do I have to marry you?
Why can't we just there's plenty of people that have
been together ten years get married and then they divorced
and a month or a year or whatever whatever it
(18:19):
is about that, I just don't feel like it's necessary.
What's your opinion on that? So I'm just be transparent
with you. But because I don't know any other way.
She is hurt. So she's saying this and operating from
a place of of course, low vibrating energy because she's
currently going through and still involved in a very traumatizing situation. UM,
(18:39):
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that,
and then you're still going through that. However, Um, you're
basing your future off of past and present right now
versus the possibility of having a completely different man, A
man who loves you, adores you, would never put you
through that stuff. And so I believe that we date
(18:59):
at our level of self esteem, and we attract where
we're at when we're in it. And so not to
say that you haven't come out of that, but at
the point in which you chose your partner, that was
your mirror. So I have a question. I have an
off again relationship I've had for a decade aside from
my marriage. We obviously stopped during that time, but in
that relationship where I would never consider a marriage, I've
(19:21):
had more of a beautiful relationship and openness and transparency
and no toxicity, no fighting, no anything. And I would
be okay with living out like that and co parenting
and doing different things versus I mean, like I'm hurt,
but I feel like I have done a lot of
work and I just I never even growing up, I
(19:42):
wasn't like I want to get married and you know,
have this person. I think because I was raised by
a single mom, I just never that wasn't really what
I wanted to do. I wanted to it was business
and all these things I wanted to do for myself.
And I always wanted kids, still want kids, but I
just never needed the man. I never felt like a
like a thing for me. But I want you to
(20:02):
understand like your decision making isn't coming from the sanctity
of marriage. It's not marriage's fault. Like marriage is supposed
to be this beautiful thing to experience, right, what you
happened was And let's like relate this to a job.
You had a horrible employer who took advantage of you.
It didn't come with the benefits that they promised. You know,
they won't let you out of your contract, and you're like,
dang it, you know, why did I sign up for this?
(20:23):
But we don't say I'm never gonna work again and
I'm just like be unemployed. No, we say I'm gonna
get back out there and I'm gonna keep applying because
I know that there's a better corporate culture, a better fit,
or a different calling for me. But we don't just
give up. And I feel like oftentimes because we are
hurt and we take it so personal because it is personal, right,
it's the emotion of love that we decide that we're
(20:43):
cutting ourselves off from, like the ultimate relationship of connection
because somebody has hurt us. And I know you're saying,
like you've done a lot of work. I think there's
don't always work to be corn Um, but I don't
want to cut you off. Do you say to people
like breathing who don't want to get married, who are like,
well it's just not for me, Um, not that she
shouldn't get married. Then she does not want to be
(21:06):
marriage not married. But I don't want her to not
want marriage because she was hurt because of him. I
still want to I'm okay with a partner. I just
don't think that I I need a fully indulged And
so there's multiple benefits of marriage. She just listed all
of the things that could happen when a marriage goes wrong. Right,
So she's like talking about children, she's talking about homes,
(21:29):
and you know, when it comes to the partnership part,
I believe that in order for us to stay motivated,
just with anything, we need to feel like there's constant
growth and elevation in the relationship, which is why we
go from like puppy love to boyfriend and girlfriend, which
is why we go then from a boyfriend and girlfriend
to fiance to husband and wife to fifty year anniversary
to chill. You know, there's all these elements that help
(21:52):
you feel as if you were constantly, consistently growing in
a relationship and we need that, We need motivating factors
continuously in order to not app And I think that
when it comes to partnership, because people are deciding, well,
I don't need the marriage, but they are already telling
themselves like, I'm afraid that this is gonna go downhill.
I'm afraid that I'm a message of this is gonna
(22:12):
go all wrong, and um, we're gonna have to wind
up divorcing. People aren't not getting married because they don't
believe in marriage. You're not getting married because they don't
want to divorce. So if our fear of the unknown,
our fear of the negative, is what's controlling us, then
we're not really doing it from a place of love
or doing a place of fear and hate. So what
so if she's in this mindset of I don't want
(22:34):
to be married, then she should not be someone's wife. However,
if someone does come and they are incredible and she
gets out of this mindset and they're like, I want
to spend the rest of my life with you and
take care of you and nurture your spirit and help
you build your empire, then that is definitely somebody who,
just like any partnership she should sign an agreement with
saying I am bonded to you and I will uphold
(22:57):
this contract and honor it verbally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, sexually,
every single way. Why why but we oftentimes will withhold
because we're scared more of that financial part. Like that's
usually why we will. When we were talking about this
prenup thing yesterday to um because I mean, I disagree
(23:19):
with some of it as as we obviously I have
just said. But the prenup thing for me was like,
originally I was like, well, why the how are we
gonna get married? Like what for you? You know we're
gonna get divorced? Oh you think I'm gonna stay home,
raise the kids, do x Y and Z build you
as a man, and I walk away with nothing because
my job is take care of the house or you know,
I don't get as much time and energy for me
(23:39):
or my business that type of thing. And it was like,
I I would never sign a prenup. But then after
going through it, I was like, I get why people
have one right now because then and I also was
saying I believe that something that should be done in
the beginning of the relationship when you are in a
good space, when you are in love, and that would
be I'll be the only thing that's like a contract
to me, It's like this is what the kids get,
(24:01):
this is this, this is whatever. But I feel like
that's just so such a business mindset, and I feel
like the getting married in the paperwork is like a
business play. And I just don't. I don't what's your
opinion on that question? The compromising for I think for me,
I haven't you know, like I said, I watched my
(24:22):
mom getting married twice. Um, you know she didn't she
didn't marry my dad, but she got married and got
a divorce for my stepdad. Um. Now my mom, you know,
she she's taught me too. You know, of course, love
yourself first and get yourself together to depending on. Man said,
I've seen my family do it so much without a man,
(24:42):
you know, be so strong, get it done. But I'm like, look,
I wanted best man. I ain't not the fight even more.
But man, I like I like all that. I just
love love. So I'm just like, look, I want the happy.
I don't want all the confusion. And then my mom
being a pastor to you know, she's single and I
know she's she's like now, she's fifty something, and so
(25:03):
she's not gonna walk around and I want this, So
I'm a no, she has boundaries. She I've watched her,
you know, set aside, you know, her situation to make
sure we was okay. And for me, I've taken guys
back when they cheated. I've taken guys back when they
did horrible things to me. The space I'm in right now,
I'm not going to tolerate that. I've been in places
where I was a sick, when I was a secret,
(25:24):
or I was this, So I'm like, no, so I
you gotta go. Absolutely, you know you gotta go. That's
how I feel. And I'm not gonna, you know, make
myself small and belittle myself to make you feel good.
As a man, I'm not gonna do that. So with me,
I've watched, like I said, I watched my mom been loved,
be loved on, get hurt at the same time, be
(25:45):
aggressive with the people and be with the men. But
those are a situation where you grow from. I'm not
two years old on my ten, so that's her past
and it's something that i've seen. So when I'm hard
on guys. I used to fight my boyfriends like for
no reason, Like I used to be like that, you're
not gonna do that, saw for no reason. I think about,
like why did I put my hands on you? Now
(26:05):
in high school? So I know about all that, agreed,
but you know what I'm doing. So what you see
as you grow older and normal and as I get
older now and I'm like, why did I ever put
myself in that? My mom said, I don't know, I said,
but I watched that happen, you know. So as my
mom got delivered, you know, from all that, and became
(26:27):
who she is now in ministry, she's like, I'm not
that same person, but that's my testimony. And I could
speak about it, speak about, you know, me being abused.
I could speak about me being talked to like I
was a child, you know, But now she's like, don't
do that and don't be in that situation. Leave or
once you see that's going left, you know, talk about
(26:48):
it and you know, but don't let no man cheat
on you and think that's okay because normal, it gets normal. Correct,
So I don't agree with that. We talked about that
on stage. I was like, no, man, do not believe
that we should be compromising commitment. If we believe in commitment,
If you are someone who wants commitment and that's one
of your core values, if you were like, no, I
(27:08):
need this in order to feel vulnerable. I need commitment
in order to be attached to you to feel safe
and secure, then you should not be doing something and
making that grand decision with your relationship to keep him.
Go find yourself somewhere with you. And you brought up
the point earlier of like children emulating these behaviors, which is,
(27:29):
you know, and I relate so much to that. My
mom was married three times, she's about to be on
husband number four. My mom gets it, okay, but when
it comes to relationship, you know, she molded me and
crafted me into the profession that I'm in, and she
didn't have. She wasn't educated, she didn't know. She did
the best she could with her level of consciousness, but
she had been abused, she'd been cheated on, and I
(27:50):
saw that, and she did everything in her power to
make sure I didn't repeat that. However, you know, I
then went on to get my own education and studies
and get my masters in communication so I can prevent
these communication breakdowns for other couples. And my goal and
mission is to restore the family unit. I want to
break generational curses. And so when we talk about not
wanting marriage, and this is not a dig, this is
(28:11):
like just my love for you. When we talk about
not wanting marriage and we talk about you know, um
that we may be open to these relationships, our children
are going to see that, and they are too going
to think that marriage is ridiculous and not important. They
too are not going to have that strong foundation of
a two parent home. They too are going to have
And scientifically, a Miansteady show that if you come from
(28:32):
a divorce home, your chances of divorces, so it automatically
like skyrockets. So if we want our kids in the
next generation to have a fighting chance, we have to
set that example for them, which means we have to
make better choices than the people who we choose, and
not just who we attract, because we're gonna attract everything,
but it's who we choose that makes the ultimate difference.
And so you know, I want all of us to
(28:53):
come to a place where we're operating not from fear
but from love. Like does this person reciprocate the love
that I have to give. And if he wants multiple women,
if he feels like he's worthy of that, because you
know he's a superior man or what people call high
value man, you know, then he's not the man for you.
If you want commitment, but you compromising swinging, open relationship.
(29:15):
It's literally that unconditional love, not conditional you know for me,
like give me unconditional love. Sometimes I don't even know
what it was. I was like, is it when you
say condition isn't me like you ain't gonna give me
everything or give me your all? Is it? Or is
it unconditional love? And like I said, spicy and being breathed,
like I grew up in a home where like I told,
bring us today. When we got pampered, it was just
like every man that's yeah, yeah, why are you yelling?
(29:44):
But I mean I get it. And like you said,
your mom, you know, um taught you not to do
what she did or how she and that's how mom,
you know, grew me and my sister, like, don't make
the mistakes I may, because there's love out there. You know,
walk with God, you know, make sure he's you know,
in your forefront, beside you and give you that disservice
you know who needs to be for you. But and
(30:04):
sometimes we do need people to talk to as well
to help us through situations like love and friendships and business.
It's like, that's why I get you. Sorry, let's wrap
it up. We're gonna go to a break and we're
talking with Spicy Mighty. You guys, you can find her Instagram,
hit up her d M so she ain't gonna just
talk to you for free. And one thing I love
(30:25):
about her she doesn't take everybody. You actually not have
to audition, but you have to apply to be in
her program. She's like, maybe you're not ready, come to
me in a year, because I'm not gonna waste my
time on you not listening to me. She might like
your comment podcast, and right after this break, we will
talk with her a little more before she gets out
(30:46):
of here and tend to that thingby you guys are
back with the women while not podcast. I ain't be sumill.
To my left is a beautiful pretty v to my
right is Bree And we're not gonna forget Spicy Mighty
Relationship coach and magnetic match that you're making accident. Yeah,
(31:11):
that's what my baby is going to be. My husband's
jam making. So it's gonna be a Mexican both of
my parents. So you know the aggressiveness of Yes, he's
a Capricorn so and I'm a Capricorn. So we're the
best signs. Okay, the best. That's so funny. Yes, ask
(31:34):
about us now we have a few minutes before we
wrap up. Um, but I do want to ask about
your relationship. You're married, having your first baby. UM, tell
us about how how your dating life was before you
met your husband, your mindset before the spicy mighty you
are now in this happy marriage, and how your mindset
is now beautiful question? Um with me. There's levels, right,
(31:56):
Like I always speak to progress. So for my dating
life prior to him, I went through every single phase
that you're supposed to go through when it comes to relationships.
I went through the celibate phase, the toxic phase, the
situation ships, the whole phase. Um. I went through the
you know, um, I only want to date Bailer's phase,
and then I went through them the data broke guy
from Trader Joe's phase. Like I went I tasted everything. Okay,
(32:20):
I went through that I'm gonna date white guy's phase.
I'm gonna try an Asian. I'm gonna try, you know,
like I tried everything, and because what I've always looked
at as was I'm gathering research. Every single guy, every
single relationship is a learning experience, and you want to
know what you want, what you don't want. And of
course along the ways I started to mature and come
into my womanhood, um and my studies also supported like
(32:43):
my growth and development and knowing clear of what I
wanted as I came up with my method, which is
spicy s P, I c y self, passion, intimacy, communication
and learning to say yes. I've figured out early on, Okay,
these are the tools that I need, the method that
I need in order to have the healthy relationship. Now
I need to start apple rating and acting like a wife,
and you just start using applying my own method, my
(33:03):
theories and everything that I know that I don't want
and I do want, and start eliminating anything that is
not in alignment with that. If you are not my purpose, mate,
then I can't waste time with you. I don't care
how much money you got, I don't care how you look.
I don't care. You know what's purpose mate. So your
purpose mate is your partner who it's different myself mate.
(33:25):
So mad is dealing more with chemistry. Um, your hearts
are connected, your souls are connected. But a purpose mate
is someone who helps you reach the highest version of yourself.
You're walking in your purpose and you attract someone who
is walking in their purpose. And your purposes are both
to help each other get to your destination, get to
the mission at hand, what God puts you on this
(33:46):
earth to do. So love is their chemistry is there,
you feel a fire and desire for them, But more importantly,
there's compatibility, and compatibility is the most important element that
you need to make a relationship actually work. You have
chemistry all day long, but your purpose that you have
compatibility with our lives with Megan about that because she's married,
she's been married for over ten years, my best friend
of nineteen years. And she's like, you know, marriage is
(34:08):
up and down. I love my husband and deaf he's
about you know. But she was like, it's a bigger
purpose here, you know, it's a bigger purpose. You're not
doing this for you, She was like, she gave the
example of Martin Luther king and his wife was like,
you know, I don't know the story, but supposly Martin
stepped out. But she was like his wife knew there
was a bigger purpose. This is not about me, Like
(34:28):
it ain't we nit tip chat, I gotta stand by
your side. You're trying to change the world. But when
is the purpose in this relationship? So she talks about
that all the time, like it's a bigger purpose when
you find your purpose, mate, And do you also feel
too that a man that that is loving you, loving
on you at the time is to help you grow?
But are y'all met for each other or he's just
there for the time being, because some relationships are like that,
(34:50):
or some couples, you know, get to a place where
he just helped me to find me again or to
love on me. Yeah, we don't because this is getting
so good and we're running the time because you can't
answer now, because it's gonna be a six minute answer.
We're gonna say, okay, just to be on your side
and play, you know, middleman, We're gonna do another episode
(35:11):
where okay, right, okay, so don't get back said I
need my question answered. But it's so good. We're gonna
do a part two with Spicy right after this. You guys,
this is a woman while in our podcast Pretty TV,
bree Be Simone, Spicy MDY, we're gonna give you a
part too, because I know some of y'all in the comments,
like I wish I could ask today. I know y'all
(35:33):
wish I was here. But we're gonna give your part too,
maybe so we'll be right back after Well, actually this
is not a break. This is our outro. Watch the
next episode of Women a While in our podcast, and
thank you for watching this one with Spicy Body sto
Welcome to the Women While Out podcast. You guys, the
girl anybody she girl go pretty. Welcome to the Women
While and Out podcast. These guys are the ladies and
wilding out control. They you goody, get your show. Hello ladies,
Tonight we're gonna have the women a while in our
(00:24):
podcasts on the car. All right, guys, welcome back to
another episode of the Women of Wiling Out podcast. I
am gree t C and I am here with the
amazing pretty deep be and be some mode cold you
good money, but they do. Okay, let's get into this
toes you guys, jump right into it. I read this
(00:45):
quote on a G and says, once you realize the
proud of your presence, honey, you're won't be just anywhere. Okay,
I don't be nowhere, be on the couch. Same girl,
What do you know about they go back to giving
everybody your energy. That's going back to give me being
too accessible. I know that's venus not being to this
(01:06):
as well. Shouldn't we going nowhere everywhere? Did it? In Charlotte?
So I was I was the only person I was
hanging around, was like duchess because you know, I was
getting tattoos and all that. But other than that, I
was in the house. Oh black, Yeah, yeah, super sweet,
super sweet individual. So I was. I was, and then
(01:28):
I had a job, so then I went right at home.
So the same mentality applies when I'm in the A.
So I used to be out here, but I used
to but I used to be like, oh my god, like,
am I missing some stuff? I'm I supposed to be networking.
I supposed to do this. I think that was my
main thing, networking. When I first got to Atlanta, I
felt like I had to be everywhere. Yeah I didn't
(01:48):
do that. I would still be everywhere if I wasn't
so tired. If I had energy to be lit and
be everywhere, I would be out and about. Yeah, these days,
I don't have the energy. I'm wiped. I just think
for that quote to me just means so much because
I'm just such an energy person too. So I just
like just protect my space because I'm a magnetic, like
(02:09):
a magnetic to people. So I'll be like only my friend,
you're hand And I had to know, like, girl, you
don't really like me or I don't know you. Yeah,
I don't know you. You don't like me, and you
could tell with somebody don't really care for you, they
just want to know about you, like so they could
know the good ugly, the pad to good, you know sides.
And I just know that because I've been hurt by
friends if I give it my energy. Also, I just
like to just stay put you get you and less
(02:31):
drama when you put. That's just that's just me and
I've just been like that since I've been a kid.
I just been talking to Barbie Dolls myself. I grew
up with all my cousins in one house, six very
momes and we had three of us, ten of us
in each room, like it was a bunch of us.
And it's so crazy. She's like that because she's also
the opposite. Yeah, you're both literally yeah. So I'm just
(02:55):
like I've best friends so and what's so crazy is
like I got two really who I really really truly
like what I knew for a long time. So like
and then the rest of like be someone because it
has my sister like so for me, like it's my
best friend. Like there considered my sisters too, but I've
known them for years. So I just college and then
two of them was from college and the other ones
(03:16):
from Miami. But other than that, UM, I don't really
talk to another one in Miami like that as much,
but UM to one sometimes you gotta sometimes gotta shift
the room, so she could her shift room. So you're
you have ten and you only have two to call on.
That's what I look at it. And I've always said
with friends, you have friends. That's got some friends, friends
that you could tell the team. Sometimes it's like friends,
(03:37):
like I could really when I want to go out, Yeah,
like probably when I go out, I want to call
you when I want to tell you my deep darkest secrets.
Girl have the ship that my friends I didn't did
they don't hear me. I'd be like, I'm just listening
to y'all talk talk if you want to. But I
did it too. But you know, but you whatever, because
I'm just so bete girl. And then my Mount Vernon's
(04:04):
and my Brooklyn and you know my other guy best
friend Ron Brown's. You know, um, I grew to love him,
he's my producer. I got friends. But you know there's
certain ones I call all. I think that's a big
one too, Like I have really close guy friends. Some
of them are more writer than females. I have. I
have some very close females. You know, some of that
(04:25):
is different they when they actually that's interesting. Some people
think you can't be platonic. I don't know, but people
think me and her both talk to Dessie. Yeah, I
feel like what and literally I don't even say even
like Dessie thinks we've grown to love each other, like
that's like my brother, little Duval Charlottagne. We've grown. But
like somebody could pick up the phone and will answer
me at one o'clock in the morning. Ron Brown's all
(04:47):
day every day, and you know that's it. Really well,
we have a good guest coming today, my relationship coach.
I'm so excited because she. I wish she was here
when the guys be attacking, because I'd be like, well,
I don't have an answer for that, but I know
something right in your spirit. It's wrong with you. But
I can't explain. I can't articulate why. But my relationship
coaches here, um um, I'm actually in a relationship, but
(05:09):
I've been speaking about it more open. I haven't really
posted my boyfriend, but I posted on my story. But
we go to her, we go to therapy. I call
it therapy because it's basically therapy UM relationship um, not classes,
but help. Uh. We go every Wednesday. We'd be off
scheduling stuff, you know. Sometimes we miss sometimes we have
to do solo. He just did his solo session with
her last week and they was telling me about it
(05:31):
how good it was. But we try to go at
least a couple of times a month, UM. But she'd
be on my ass like you're wasting your money because
you just ain't never in no session, you know. But
when we do go, it's we'll be on the phone
with her for hours hours talking, digging deep, crying, laughing, bonding.
It's just so and we I didn't start going to
(05:51):
her because anything was unhealthy or wrong. You just want
to prevent that, like don't run and get a fire
extinguisher when the house is burning down, just prevent the
house from being on fire. And there's so many people
that are not open to that. There ain't nothing wrong.
While we gotta go up why something gotta be wrong
to make sure we're on the same page and we're
not wasting our time. And you know, I'm thirty now
we gotta get time clock boom. I learned so much
(06:11):
about my boyfriend just listening to him to open up,
and I'm like, damn, I didn't know that. I didn't
know that, and it's just conversation. So I say therapy,
I don't. I know. She kind of don't like it.
But her name is Spicy Matty. So right after this break,
we will introduce her. Come out if you'll have any
relationship questions. I know, breathed up being married. She never
wants to get married again. She does not believe in
it anymore. She's like, I will never do it again.
(06:33):
Viena is single up and downside she don't know. And
I definitely a walking down the hour with my boyfriend.
We're gonna have little babies, chocolate brown caramel babies running
around our mansion somewhere in Atlanta, our side house. And
definitely want to get married. I do. I definitely want
to have some kids. And but I'm up and down
(06:56):
as far as like, you know, want to rea ship
and you know not w do it right now? Oh yeah,
right now. So after this break, we will introduce Spicy
Mighty relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker Stay tunes only Hi
you come Hi, co Breen. We gonna get her Okay,
(07:25):
so we are back with the one Where Not podcast,
Me Pretty V and my girl Bree. You guys, I
am so excited to announce this guest. Introduce her. She
has changed my life and I have been getting her help,
her guidance through my love life, through my personal life
for almost a year now. Actually, um, we met during
quarantine through a mutual friend and she's my relationship coach
(07:45):
and she can help you too. She's gonna come out
and give us some advice. Give it up for spicy
mighty O. Come on out a curtain first child soles
(08:08):
se BEAUTI I'm still trying to keep my sexy. I
know that's right. Oh my be some own beauty with
the red color called baby Girl. Baby Girl, that's all
your entire color line is my favorite wear every single day. Yeah,
I've been drawn a beautiful up top lip extra thick.
I try my lips more full. So this is my
(08:30):
relationship coach. Um. She has changed my life. She has
made me do self work. And once you do the
self work, I feel like me and being to talk
about this like doing the self work before you try
to attract you're perfect you know, spouse or perfect significant
other It's like, once you start healing and growing yourself naturally,
you're going to attract better. You know what I'm saying.
(08:51):
So I did that and then I met my boyfriend.
And then I was like, well, well you can explain
exactly what you do. But when I met her, I
was already in a relationship. Were so introduce yourself and
explain exactly what you because I'd be saying my therapy.
She'd be like, I am not a therapy, right, I'm
not just promoting her. I pay this lady. Okay, I'm
(09:13):
not just like um promoting her because she's my homegirl.
She actually provides me a service and I pay her
what she's worked and I'm expensive and she's very expensive
and she's worth I'll be calling her to am like, girl,
he just dida. She'd be like, all right, this is
what you do. You do, not do this in your
feminine energy. Stop being masculine. I know your boss. I'm like,
oh my god, So explain and introduce yourself to other
(09:34):
people who you are. Yes, he has a right. I'm
spicymody relationship expert and magnetic matchmaker. And so what that
means is I have the ability to connect people through
my magnetic matchmaking, but also if you're in a relationship,
I'm capable of coaching you through it, becoming the best
version of yourself while growing in the relationship so that
that way you and your partner can reach relationship actualization.
(09:56):
And what that is is you guys growing together, growing
in your ability to help each other walk in each
other's purpose, and then reaching the highest level of consciousness
and power and success and love that you can have
in the relationship together as a team. Because a lot
of people go into relationships with preconceived notions about expectations. UM,
(10:17):
they're coming with family baggage, challenges. UM. There's several elements
that relate to like your attitude even when it comes
to relationships, such as your predisposed already to a certain
thinking and behaviors from your DNA to the environment that
you grew up in to the relationships that you experience
in your adulthood along the way, those have all shaped
your personality and your energy. And now you come into
(10:41):
this relationship expecting a partner to, you know, live up
to all of your needs and the things that you
need fulfilled. And oftentimes we start self sabotaging we get
in our own way. So became at a time when
she was like, Okay, I know I'm not perfect. I'm
working on in constant growth. This is a relationship that
I can really see myself in. Help me make it work.
Like I met a good guy. I didn't want to
(11:02):
suck this up. Such a good guy, help both of
us grow, Like we're gonna do this. Because when I
met Chris, we you know, you came on his birthday,
you met him early. I was like, this is my husband,
you know, I knew instantly, like I wanted to be
with him for a very long time. So I was like,
we need to get a middleman because I'm not about to,
you know, not heal and be Be was just like,
(11:25):
you hold my hand, You're my man. Then it was
that was back into that's the two thousand nineteen Yellow
Adorable together. What I love is that both of them
are accepting and acknowledging like that growth is a process, right,
(11:47):
So I think that he realizes he's not perfect, and
that's like the first step is just acknowledging. Chris has
a high level of self awareness. And then Be's also
excited for his growth, so that makes him even more
attractive to her. And then when he's like, well, damn,
I'm turning to my girl on because I'm growing like
it's motivation for him to keep going. And she didn't
(12:09):
force it. She gave him no option. She's like, I'd
like us to do this. He was a little you know,
resistant at first. He's like, I don't really know. I
don't know if we need it because men oftentimes operate
and like, yeah, like I'm good, nothing is wrong with
us the honeymoon stage, like me fighting and stuff. Yet
he getting too little tits now I'll be calling I'm
talking to him. You know, I have a question for you.
(12:33):
So when you give I mean when you sit down
and you coach b or just whomever you know, um
about the relationships and they're taking whatever you're teaching them.
You know, that's like a therapist, you know. Um. So
for me, do you is it like, Okay, I'm giving
you the tools, I'm giving you what to work, and
I'll give you what to do, but okay, that's it.
Or do you like be said, I call you two
clock in the morning, but she supposed is it like
(12:54):
is that like normal to do that? Or it's like, girl,
I didn't give you the tools in our last session.
Why are you calling me again? Like I don't have
something they like, don't depend on them, but call him
when you need him. I don't know. I'm trying to
get in very hands on. That's a great question. So
the difference between me and a therapist and the reason
why and I love therapy is so important that everybody
go to therapy. But what therapy is for is to
help you become more self aware, like why am I
(13:16):
doing what I'm doing? Right? My goal is to not
just help you figure out why you're doing what you're doing,
but then also how do we solve for this? So
sometimes we don't and we can't do the behavior that
serves our relationship goal. Our emotions take over. We don't
always think logically. We saw our mama do it, so
we're doing it. We don't know why because I'm like
I'm leaving. She was like, well, what's the ultimate goal?
(13:38):
That's your husband? Like, girl, one time me and Chris
get into it, I sayd hotel and she was like
that it's not serving your ultimate goal of being with
this man. Take your ass back. You're being You're living
in this emotion, right, now and it's not serving. You're
trying to comb her chest and dominate. To marry him
is the ultimate goal. So take yours back and that's
(13:58):
your husband. You don't even need to be at the
holte figure out how you know you're okay, So I
help you achieve the goal, which is like I'm holding
your hand because you so you can't always do it
by yourself with a culture, the therapist and not everybody
has my method. UM can tell you do this, but
for you to actually perform it. I mean you can
look it up on YouTube and you're still not going
to perform it. I'm holding your hand and holding you accountable.
(14:21):
And then I have my checks and balances of Okay,
I told you guys to do this. Where's my assignment?
Let me see you. You said you read it. Okay,
what's the what's the giving the paragraph? Give me the
synopsis of you saying that you give this exercise. And
then I make you guys, like show me what you
did when it comes to what you learn from it
or communicate to me articulate that you understand. And then
when you need me in the middle of the night
(14:42):
or seven, if there's like an emergency, I'm also talking
you guys off of a ledge. Um, I'm walking you
through it step by step. And so when it comes
to boundaries, UM, I don't believe in them in the
beginning for me because I understand that I need to
be more hands on in order to help you like
achieve your goals. So I'm very hands on twenty four
(15:03):
call and couples need it because sometimes they will get
in their own way and then it's like, what do
we were breaking up when really all we wanted him
to do was call us more. How do we get
that achieved? Yeah? Because I could definitely. I mean like
like beans, my mom is a counselor, right, so her
phone goes off seven, So then I didn't get it,
like did you already get him a little thing? But
(15:24):
then she's like, well, that's what I'm called to do,
so I can't get upset. You know, who's who's ever
on Instagram or who's of her clients because they reach
out through I g then to connect whatever her whole business. Ye,
So for you, just if anybody just wanted to know, like, okay,
when you get the people to tools, do they have
to keep calling back? Thirty one thirty one years of
behavior and her trying to shift your mindset. It don't
happen in twelve months. And my singles, especially, sometimes I
(15:46):
gotta go snatch them up out of a bad situation
when they're yeah, or just pulling up to his house
and I'm like, no, we are not or you know,
I said I was going to be abstinent and now
I'm you know, spending the night. No, we are not
like very hands on it. So we're gonna pull out
of the juice jar. We just okay, So you guys,
(16:11):
I'm gonna asking this. I totally do not believe in this,
but I want to know your opinion and your expertise,
because she ain't give an opinion, she given facts. Should
we compromise commitment to have a man? Meaning should we
be like, Okay, every guy cheats, I'm just as long
as I don't find out, I'm fine. Okay he only
did it once, or okay he wants an open relationship, fine,
(16:32):
I love him, he's good in every other area. I'm
just gonna let him have sex with other girls because
he's good to me, or compromising that commitment to have
a man. And I absolutely do not believe in that.
What's your opinion start maybe maybe not the embrace. Spicy
(16:53):
Breed doesn't want to get married. She's already been married.
Never again, ain't happening. I don't care why. We had
a little a side talk yesterday. We had our nails done,
and I mean, given who I married, I won't bash
him here. But you know, um, I signed up for
a very complicated tax and I kind of knew what
(17:15):
I was getting into, but not to the full extent.
And definitely you know, I got a divorce two years ago.
I'm still married. Why why am I still married? They
will not give me my divorce, He will not sign nothing.
I can't buy a house, I can't move on. UM
haunts all of my you know, it's not like a
normal thing where like, you know, what you and I
are done, let's separate and the luck in your life.
(17:36):
You know, it's this like real ball and chain that
you cannot get rid of. UM just talk about taxes
just like yeah or stuff that like you know, he's
not making money at the time, or you know he
took off work or not doing whatever. And then they're
he's like, well, I can come after you for spousal support.
I said, oh hell, no mean spousal support. You can't
(17:58):
get nothing from me? Okay at work neither that. It's
like that put such a bad taste in my mouth
of like the does the ball and chain? Like why
if I, let's say, I love you and I want
to be with you, why do I have to marry you?
Why can't we just there's plenty of people that have
been together ten years get married and then they divorced
and a month or a year or whatever whatever it
(18:19):
is about that, I just don't feel like it's necessary.
What's your opinion on that? So I'm just be transparent
with you. But because I don't know any other way.
She is hurt. So she's saying this and operating from
a place of of course, low vibrating energy because she's
currently going through and still involved in a very traumatizing situation. UM,
(18:39):
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that,
and then you're still going through that. However, Um, you're
basing your future off of past and present right now
versus the possibility of having a completely different man, A
man who loves you, adores you, would never put you
through that stuff. And so I believe that we date
(18:59):
at our level of self esteem, and we attract where
we're at when we're in it. And so not to
say that you haven't come out of that, but at
the point in which you chose your partner, that was
your mirror. So I have a question. I have an
off again relationship I've had for a decade aside from
my marriage. We obviously stopped during that time, but in
that relationship where I would never consider a marriage, I've
(19:21):
had more of a beautiful relationship and openness and transparency
and no toxicity, no fighting, no anything. And I would
be okay with living out like that and co parenting
and doing different things versus I mean, like I'm hurt,
but I feel like I have done a lot of
work and I just I never even growing up, I
(19:42):
wasn't like I want to get married and you know,
have this person. I think because I was raised by
a single mom, I just never that wasn't really what
I wanted to do. I wanted to it was business
and all these things I wanted to do for myself.
And I always wanted kids, still want kids, but I
just never needed the man. I never felt like a
like a thing for me. But I want you to
(20:02):
understand like your decision making isn't coming from the sanctity
of marriage. It's not marriage's fault. Like marriage is supposed
to be this beautiful thing to experience, right, what you
happened was And let's like relate this to a job.
You had a horrible employer who took advantage of you.
It didn't come with the benefits that they promised. You know,
they won't let you out of your contract, and you're like,
dang it, you know, why did I sign up for this?
(20:23):
But we don't say I'm never gonna work again and
I'm just like be unemployed. No, we say I'm gonna
get back out there and I'm gonna keep applying because
I know that there's a better corporate culture, a better fit,
or a different calling for me. But we don't just
give up. And I feel like oftentimes because we are
hurt and we take it so personal because it is personal, right,
it's the emotion of love that we decide that we're
(20:43):
cutting ourselves off from, like the ultimate relationship of connection
because somebody has hurt us. And I know you're saying,
like you've done a lot of work. I think there's
don't always work to be corn Um, but I don't
want to cut you off. Do you say to people
like breathing who don't want to get married, who are like,
well it's just not for me, Um, not that she
shouldn't get married. Then she does not want to be
(21:06):
marriage not married. But I don't want her to not
want marriage because she was hurt because of him. I
still want to I'm okay with a partner. I just
don't think that I I need a fully indulged And
so there's multiple benefits of marriage. She just listed all
of the things that could happen when a marriage goes wrong. Right,
So she's like talking about children, she's talking about homes,
(21:29):
and you know, when it comes to the partnership part,
I believe that in order for us to stay motivated,
just with anything, we need to feel like there's constant
growth and elevation in the relationship, which is why we
go from like puppy love to boyfriend and girlfriend, which
is why we go then from a boyfriend and girlfriend
to fiance to husband and wife to fifty year anniversary
to chill. You know, there's all these elements that help
(21:52):
you feel as if you were constantly, consistently growing in
a relationship and we need that, We need motivating factors
continuously in order to not app And I think that
when it comes to partnership, because people are deciding, well,
I don't need the marriage, but they are already telling
themselves like, I'm afraid that this is gonna go downhill.
I'm afraid that I'm a message of this is gonna
(22:12):
go all wrong, and um, we're gonna have to wind
up divorcing. People aren't not getting married because they don't
believe in marriage. You're not getting married because they don't
want to divorce. So if our fear of the unknown,
our fear of the negative, is what's controlling us, then
we're not really doing it from a place of love
or doing a place of fear and hate. So what
so if she's in this mindset of I don't want
(22:34):
to be married, then she should not be someone's wife. However,
if someone does come and they are incredible and she
gets out of this mindset and they're like, I want
to spend the rest of my life with you and
take care of you and nurture your spirit and help
you build your empire, then that is definitely somebody who,
just like any partnership she should sign an agreement with
saying I am bonded to you and I will uphold
(22:57):
this contract and honor it verbally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, sexually,
every single way. Why why but we oftentimes will withhold
because we're scared more of that financial part. Like that's
usually why we will. When we were talking about this
prenup thing yesterday to um because I mean, I disagree
(23:19):
with some of it as as we obviously I have
just said. But the prenup thing for me was like,
originally I was like, well, why the how are we
gonna get married? Like what for you? You know we're
gonna get divorced? Oh you think I'm gonna stay home,
raise the kids, do x Y and Z build you
as a man, and I walk away with nothing because
my job is take care of the house or you know,
I don't get as much time and energy for me
(23:39):
or my business that type of thing. And it was like,
I I would never sign a prenup. But then after
going through it, I was like, I get why people
have one right now because then and I also was
saying I believe that something that should be done in
the beginning of the relationship when you are in a
good space, when you are in love, and that would
be I'll be the only thing that's like a contract
to me, It's like this is what the kids get,
(24:01):
this is this, this is whatever. But I feel like
that's just so such a business mindset, and I feel
like the getting married in the paperwork is like a
business play. And I just don't. I don't what's your
opinion on that question? The compromising for I think for me,
I haven't you know, like I said, I watched my
(24:22):
mom getting married twice. Um, you know she didn't she
didn't marry my dad, but she got married and got
a divorce for my stepdad. Um. Now my mom, you know,
she she's taught me too. You know, of course, love
yourself first and get yourself together to depending on. Man said,
I've seen my family do it so much without a man,
(24:42):
you know, be so strong, get it done. But I'm like, look,
I wanted best man. I ain't not the fight even more.
But man, I like I like all that. I just
love love. So I'm just like, look, I want the happy.
I don't want all the confusion. And then my mom
being a pastor to you know, she's single and I
know she's she's like now, she's fifty something, and so
(25:03):
she's not gonna walk around and I want this, So
I'm a no, she has boundaries. She I've watched her,
you know, set aside, you know, her situation to make
sure we was okay. And for me, I've taken guys
back when they cheated. I've taken guys back when they
did horrible things to me. The space I'm in right now,
I'm not going to tolerate that. I've been in places
where I was a sick, when I was a secret,
(25:24):
or I was this, So I'm like, no, so I
you gotta go. Absolutely, you know you gotta go. That's
how I feel. And I'm not gonna, you know, make
myself small and belittle myself to make you feel good.
As a man, I'm not gonna do that. So with me,
I've watched, like I said, I watched my mom been loved,
be loved on, get hurt at the same time, be
(25:45):
aggressive with the people and be with the men. But
those are a situation where you grow from. I'm not
two years old on my ten, so that's her past
and it's something that i've seen. So when I'm hard
on guys. I used to fight my boyfriends like for
no reason, Like I used to be like that, you're
not gonna do that, saw for no reason. I think about,
like why did I put my hands on you? Now
(26:05):
in high school? So I know about all that, agreed,
but you know what I'm doing. So what you see
as you grow older and normal and as I get
older now and I'm like, why did I ever put
myself in that? My mom said, I don't know, I said,
but I watched that happen, you know. So as my
mom got delivered, you know, from all that, and became
(26:27):
who she is now in ministry, she's like, I'm not
that same person, but that's my testimony. And I could
speak about it, speak about, you know, me being abused.
I could speak about me being talked to like I
was a child, you know, But now she's like, don't
do that and don't be in that situation. Leave or
once you see that's going left, you know, talk about
(26:48):
it and you know, but don't let no man cheat
on you and think that's okay because normal, it gets normal. Correct,
So I don't agree with that. We talked about that
on stage. I was like, no, man, do not believe
that we should be compromising commitment. If we believe in commitment,
If you are someone who wants commitment and that's one
of your core values, if you were like, no, I
(27:08):
need this in order to feel vulnerable. I need commitment
in order to be attached to you to feel safe
and secure, then you should not be doing something and
making that grand decision with your relationship to keep him.
Go find yourself somewhere with you. And you brought up
the point earlier of like children emulating these behaviors, which is,
(27:29):
you know, and I relate so much to that. My
mom was married three times, she's about to be on
husband number four. My mom gets it, okay, but when
it comes to relationship, you know, she molded me and
crafted me into the profession that I'm in, and she
didn't have. She wasn't educated, she didn't know. She did
the best she could with her level of consciousness, but
she had been abused, she'd been cheated on, and I
(27:50):
saw that, and she did everything in her power to
make sure I didn't repeat that. However, you know, I
then went on to get my own education and studies
and get my masters in communication so I can prevent
these communication breakdowns for other couples. And my goal and
mission is to restore the family unit. I want to
break generational curses. And so when we talk about not
wanting marriage, and this is not a dig, this is
(28:11):
like just my love for you. When we talk about
not wanting marriage and we talk about you know, um
that we may be open to these relationships, our children
are going to see that, and they are too going
to think that marriage is ridiculous and not important. They
too are not going to have that strong foundation of
a two parent home. They too are going to have
And scientifically, a Miansteady show that if you come from
(28:32):
a divorce home, your chances of divorces, so it automatically
like skyrockets. So if we want our kids in the
next generation to have a fighting chance, we have to
set that example for them, which means we have to
make better choices than the people who we choose, and
not just who we attract, because we're gonna attract everything,
but it's who we choose that makes the ultimate difference.
And so you know, I want all of us to
(28:53):
come to a place where we're operating not from fear
but from love. Like does this person reciprocate the love
that I have to give. And if he wants multiple women,
if he feels like he's worthy of that, because you
know he's a superior man or what people call high
value man, you know, then he's not the man for you.
If you want commitment, but you compromising swinging, open relationship.
(29:15):
It's literally that unconditional love, not conditional you know for me,
like give me unconditional love. Sometimes I don't even know
what it was. I was like, is it when you
say condition isn't me like you ain't gonna give me
everything or give me your all? Is it? Or is
it unconditional love? And like I said, spicy and being breathed,
like I grew up in a home where like I told,
bring us today. When we got pampered, it was just
like every man that's yeah, yeah, why are you yelling?
(29:44):
But I mean I get it. And like you said,
your mom, you know, um taught you not to do
what she did or how she and that's how mom,
you know, grew me and my sister, like, don't make
the mistakes I may, because there's love out there. You know,
walk with God, you know, make sure he's you know,
in your forefront, beside you and give you that disservice
you know who needs to be for you. But and
(30:04):
sometimes we do need people to talk to as well
to help us through situations like love and friendships and business.
It's like, that's why I get you. Sorry, let's wrap
it up. We're gonna go to a break and we're
talking with Spicy Mighty. You guys, you can find her Instagram,
hit up her d M so she ain't gonna just
talk to you for free. And one thing I love
(30:25):
about her she doesn't take everybody. You actually not have
to audition, but you have to apply to be in
her program. She's like, maybe you're not ready, come to
me in a year, because I'm not gonna waste my
time on you not listening to me. She might like
your comment podcast, and right after this break, we will
talk with her a little more before she gets out
(30:46):
of here and tend to that thingby you guys are
back with the women while not podcast. I ain't be sumill.
To my left is a beautiful pretty v to my
right is Bree And we're not gonna forget Spicy Mighty
Relationship coach and magnetic match that you're making accident. Yeah,
(31:11):
that's what my baby is going to be. My husband's
jam making. So it's gonna be a Mexican both of
my parents. So you know the aggressiveness of Yes, he's
a Capricorn so and I'm a Capricorn. So we're the
best signs. Okay, the best. That's so funny. Yes, ask
(31:34):
about us now we have a few minutes before we
wrap up. Um, but I do want to ask about
your relationship. You're married, having your first baby. UM, tell
us about how how your dating life was before you
met your husband, your mindset before the spicy mighty you
are now in this happy marriage, and how your mindset
is now beautiful question? Um with me. There's levels, right,
(31:56):
Like I always speak to progress. So for my dating
life prior to him, I went through every single phase
that you're supposed to go through when it comes to relationships.
I went through the celibate phase, the toxic phase, the
situation ships, the whole phase. Um. I went through the
you know, um, I only want to date Bailer's phase,
and then I went through them the data broke guy
from Trader Joe's phase. Like I went I tasted everything. Okay,
(32:20):
I went through that I'm gonna date white guy's phase.
I'm gonna try an Asian. I'm gonna try, you know,
like I tried everything, and because what I've always looked
at as was I'm gathering research. Every single guy, every
single relationship is a learning experience, and you want to
know what you want, what you don't want. And of
course along the ways I started to mature and come
into my womanhood, um and my studies also supported like
(32:43):
my growth and development and knowing clear of what I
wanted as I came up with my method, which is
spicy s P, I c y self, passion, intimacy, communication
and learning to say yes. I've figured out early on, Okay,
these are the tools that I need, the method that
I need in order to have the healthy relationship. Now
I need to start apple rating and acting like a wife,
and you just start using applying my own method, my
(33:03):
theories and everything that I know that I don't want
and I do want, and start eliminating anything that is
not in alignment with that. If you are not my purpose, mate,
then I can't waste time with you. I don't care
how much money you got, I don't care how you look.
I don't care. You know what's purpose mate. So your
purpose mate is your partner who it's different myself mate.
(33:25):
So mad is dealing more with chemistry. Um, your hearts
are connected, your souls are connected. But a purpose mate
is someone who helps you reach the highest version of yourself.
You're walking in your purpose and you attract someone who
is walking in their purpose. And your purposes are both
to help each other get to your destination, get to
the mission at hand, what God puts you on this
(33:46):
earth to do. So love is their chemistry is there,
you feel a fire and desire for them, But more importantly,
there's compatibility, and compatibility is the most important element that
you need to make a relationship actually work. You have
chemistry all day long, but your purpose that you have
compatibility with our lives with Megan about that because she's married,
she's been married for over ten years, my best friend
of nineteen years. And she's like, you know, marriage is
(34:08):
up and down. I love my husband and deaf he's
about you know. But she was like, it's a bigger
purpose here, you know, it's a bigger purpose. You're not
doing this for you, She was like, she gave the
example of Martin Luther king and his wife was like,
you know, I don't know the story, but supposly Martin
stepped out. But she was like his wife knew there
was a bigger purpose. This is not about me, Like
(34:28):
it ain't we nit tip chat, I gotta stand by
your side. You're trying to change the world. But when
is the purpose in this relationship? So she talks about
that all the time, like it's a bigger purpose when
you find your purpose, mate, And do you also feel
too that a man that that is loving you, loving
on you at the time is to help you grow?
But are y'all met for each other or he's just
there for the time being, because some relationships are like that,
(34:50):
or some couples, you know, get to a place where
he just helped me to find me again or to
love on me. Yeah, we don't because this is getting
so good and we're running the time because you can't
answer now, because it's gonna be a six minute answer.
We're gonna say, okay, just to be on your side
and play, you know, middleman, We're gonna do another episode
(35:11):
where okay, right, okay, so don't get back said I
need my question answered. But it's so good. We're gonna
do a part two with Spicy right after this. You guys,
this is a woman while in our podcast Pretty TV,
bree Be Simone, Spicy MDY, we're gonna give you a
part too, because I know some of y'all in the comments,
like I wish I could ask today. I know y'all
(35:33):
wish I was here. But we're gonna give your part too,
maybe so we'll be right back after Well, actually this
is not a break. This is our outro. Watch the
next episode of Women a While in our podcast, and
thank you for watching this one with Spicy Body sto
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