March 15, 2021 • 31 mins
This week’s hometowns include flour fire stories and funeral home tales.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini
so MEI Mimi soad it's tiny and Memi's here here.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She's an abusive to the dog, to the puppy. That's
her job, and that's her job as a big sister.
She's the queen cat. And she got to slap some
puppy teeth out of puppy's mouths. That was the craziest
thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Georgia sends me a picture, texts me this picture and goes, look,
Mimi just slapped this tooth out of Cookie's mouth and
it's her palm and the tinyby puppy tooth.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I want to say in riff defensive Mimi, that puppy
teeth fall out. She's at that time, so sure. It's
almost like the big sister who tied the string around
the puppies, you know what I mean. But it was aggressive.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Paw with her paw, Yeah, slapping except uppercut.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And now Cookie won't come close, should barks herself, but
she knows to keep her distance.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, you got to get that three foot radius around Mina.
I think we all know that everyone knows that that's
how it is with that cat. Are you ready to
read some email lest year you want to go first,
Let's let's do it, okay, Yeah, let's kick right off
with the subject line flower is flammable, Karen. Hi a
(01:34):
MFM crew. Sorry Karen, but flower is not something you
should put on a grease.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
All the hometowns from now on is just about how
we're wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We were well, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I was wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Jim was wrong.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I was wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I know you actually, Georgie, but there what you went?
Are you sure like you did have a pause about it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Thank you? So who came a follower? So I was like,
you must be right?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, and also you know, with the with the background
of someone who is supposed to top in it layers thirty
plus years experience.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, I gave Jim the benefit of the dow We
always as I'll do, okay, but this is it's worth
it to get this email, Okay. So it says, Hi,
MFM crew, Sorry Karen, but flower is not something you
should use to put out a grease fire. It's super
flammable and once blew up an entire mill in Minnesota.
Hold on on May.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Does She go on to tell the story because I
have Yes, I have a one.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Two. Is this the same one?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I mean you go on the NAGO. Yeah, it's got.
It's not the same one. It's a totally different email
about the exact same thing.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
No, but I mean in the same state, I think. So, okay,
tell me about it. Let's let's find out, okay. On
May second, eighteen seventy eighth, the Washburn A Mill exploded
in a ball of fire around seven pm. The explosion
triggered a few others, and not only was the Washburn
A Mill destroyed, but several others in the waterfront area.
(03:02):
Fourteen men working the night shift at Washburn were killed,
and the city of Minneapolis's burgeoning flower industry, which had
just overtaken Buffalo and Saint Louis as the leading flour producer,
had been reduced to a third of its capacity. It
took firefighters all night to put out the flames, and
speculation began immediately that it was caused by an earthquake,
or a trainload of nitroglycerine, or even bad gas from
(03:25):
the Mississippi River that sparked the blast. The manager of
the Washburn mill claimed it was caused by flour. Two
millstones that had become too dry rubbed against one another
and created a spark. The ever present clouds of flower
dust in the mill went boom instantly and decimated the area.
The manager's claim was later proven by two University of
(03:48):
Minnesota professors S. F. Peckham and Lewis W. Peck That's funny,
very similar last night. The mill's owner promised to rebuild
and was as good or better than as word. He
rebuilt the mill in about five years, with several safety
innovations and greater capacity. The mill is now a museum.
I've never been. I'm from Massachusetts, not Minnesota, but I
(04:11):
had to write this in after today's episode where even
home Gym thought flower might put out put out a
grease fire. That shit can take down nearly a whole city.
So please use baking soda. Sorry for the long witted corrections. Email.
You guys are great and I love you all. One
of these days I'll send you my six degrees of
Separation hometown story. I've been sitting on that for months,
(04:32):
but showing off my knowledge of flowers explosive powers got
me writing within an hour of listening, even though I'm
at even though I'm at work with tons to do,
stay sexy and don't explode in a cloud of flower gene.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That was great. Mine's different, which is so Which is
funny that I love it? Two different stories.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Let's do I love that we have? We have what
do you call that? Battling battling explosive flower story. God,
that's crazy though, Like, who knew? I mean firefighters except
for Jim and a lot of familiar I'm tired for
a while. He doesn't really care. He's the one that
(05:11):
in the nineteen eighty nine San Francisco earthquake. We were like,
dadd are you going to go in? And he was like, no,
I'm not on the front on the schedule. You're going
in until they call me.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Ur caazero everyone America zero, All right, Okay, here's mine. Yeah,
hello fire starters. Listening to you both discuss whether you
can throw flower to put out a grease fire triggered
a teenage memory of a damp, dark field trip to
an industrial plant that made bricks as fun as watching
(05:45):
furnaces and slag is the best part was when one
of the workers, encouraged by thirteen year old boys, exploded stuff.
For US Health and Safety sat differently. In the nineties.
He also told us the story of a woman who
blew up her flat whilst making a cake. She dropped
a bag of flour in her small kitchen. Okay, so
(06:07):
this is totally different. I was wrong. The concentration of
the flower in the air was the right density to
catch fire from the stove flame that was already lit.
It turns out most things can explode if at the
right concentrate in the air. According to Stuff You Should
Know Other podcasts are available, flour and many other carbohydrate
(06:27):
god yeah, become explosive when they are hanging in the
air dust, So don't drop fuck it's crazy. You can
YouTube flower explosions if you want to see it in action.
Of course, I decided to google flower explosions or here
we Go and found the nineteen seventy nine Roland Mill disaster,
where fourteen people died and seventeen people were injured according
(06:49):
to Wikipedia. Other poorly researched information sites are available. It
was the largest peacetime explosion to date when cable fire
led to dust explosions with triggered the flower silo to
set on fire. The roof of the silo was blown
off and the walls collapsed, tearing the whole building apart.
(07:09):
Flower dust rained down across an area of thirty hectors,
and the fire burned for over a month.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So the moral of the story is, if you're making
a cake, remember a moment on the lips. A building
may be ripped. This person is clever. Yeah, I have
emailed you my college murder twice before, but even I
have enough self respect not to send it a third time. Love, Kate, Kate,
You're clever.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Kate, Send it a third time.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Do it?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
What is pride in quarantine?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, in hometown. In hometowns, there is no pride. Send
it and put in the in the thing in the subject, Lily,
this is the caate.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But Lily, they know everyone's gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I know, Flowery, Lily.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I mean, look, this is this is the best way.
This is the way I like to learn. This is
this is why I like our podcast. This is why
I like podcasts, like our podcast. This is the way
to learn by going Wait, sorry, this is not only
is this was I wrong in giving this example, but
here's how.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Bad it coay, here's exactly how in real life the
second happened.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Horrifying.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Let's like change the United States school system to fucking
give examples of crazy stories.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yes, you can tell me a fact and that's fine
in science class. Yeah, back it up with an episode
of stuff you should do.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, let's anything that explodes will learn about and we'll yeah,
retain it.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I'm sure there were exploding stuff and I still could
not be bothered. I think you shouldn't go to high
school until you're twenty four. Okay, this is hometown and
family connections a little bit. This is a little bit long,
but I think it's worth it. Great. Hello lovelies. I'm
from a small rural town in southern Wisconsin and grew
up in one of the two local funeral homes. My
(08:58):
grandfather was actually the ogre in his small town near
Green Bay. Of his four children, one became a minister
and the other three went into the family business. He
had four locations that were split between brothers, and my
parents started their own business in another town. For them,
growing up in a funeral home through the sixties and
seventies is exactly what you'd imagine. The funeral director was
(09:20):
the only person that had a vehicle to accommodate a gurney,
so he ran the ambulance, and my mom has stories
of cleaning that out as a child after emergencies that
would make your stomach turn.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Hey, honey, go out Tima and then do your homework.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Grab that hose. Are you done with your homework? Grab
the hose. There really isn't enough time in the day
to tell you all of her or my stories, but
I'll try to hit some fun highlights. My grandmother was
from Almond, Wisconsin, which is right next to Plainfield. If
that sounds familiar, it's because that's where ed Gainlan. Ooo.
My grandparents had stories about how he would give out
(10:00):
canned meat during the holidays, and my grandpa actually gave
him a ride one time while he was walking down
a long country road.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Oh but my god, we hear Ted Bundy stories like
close calls or whatever. This is fucking a gain Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, because that's someone has tapped their grandparents for stories
so totally, which is that's it's like a vintage version.
My grandpa said he was a creepy guy. Go figure.
I have a bunch of paranormal stories, ranging from radio wars,
the spirits in the embalming room, lazy TV watching spirits
and spirits playing the piano in the chapel to a
(10:38):
fully white slash translucent young woman's spirit and I coming
upon each other among the casket displays, only to both
be startled and run in the opposite directions.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Oh mine, this is the others. That is like, she
doesn't realize she's dead. She thinks she sees a spirit. Yeah,
and she might not be.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Who the fuck knows what?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
We don't know, why we worried, We don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
We don't know what side of the curtain we're on.
That's night. However, I've been binging your podcast to see
if you've covered my hometown murder, and though I'm not
all the way through, I've yet to hear it. This
murder occurred in nineteen ninety four in Jefferson, Wisconsin. High
school teacher aide Diane Borchardt convinced three of her male
students to kill her husband, Ruben. They were in the
(11:28):
beginning of a divorce, this having been both their second marriages.
I don't know how she convinced them exactly, but she
took his and her children to his parents' house for
an overnight visit, and that's when the boys broke into
the home and shot Reuben. It didn't take long for
one of them to crack and come clean to the police.
The three boys and Diane were all sentenced to varying
(11:49):
terms in prison. My parents did Ruben's funeral, and my
mom remembers it being pretty crazy. She said there were
undercover cops all around because they suspected Diane of being
in and wanted to keep a close eye on her behavior.
The Lifetime movie about this murder was called Seduced by Madness.
The Diane Borshop story definitely wrong with that right, and
(12:11):
they wanted to film at the funeral home, but my
parents wouldn't go for it. They did sign something to
allow them to use the red brick building exterior in
the movie, though. There's also a snapped episode detailing this murder.
Season eighteen, episode eleven. One of the boys had actually
been our paper boy at the funeral home, and he
would come in to steal candy from the dish on
(12:32):
the banister. Having had enough, my dad waited around the
stairs to catch him. I'm pretty sure he scared the
absolute shit out of the kid, because he never came back,
jumping out and grabbing someone in a funeral home is
a great way to end some dickery. My siblings and
I went through a lot of babysitters that way. Actually,
oops shrug. I love the quote quote they say you
(12:55):
die twice, one time when you stop breathing, and a
second time a bit later on when somebody says your
name for the last time. You ladies are giving victims
life beyond their tragedy. And that's pretty cool. Ssdgm elast Jacobs, Wow,
least Jacobs.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That was twists and turns, and that was crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, I know right, and and what a For a second,
when ALIST first started describing that murder, I was thinking
of that Nicole Kidman movie, because it's very similar. That
idea of like hiring teen of like black widow murderer
women who hire teen boys to do the dirty work
(13:38):
for them is a special place in hell.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It is really the rest. Even if they don't get caught,
like you're ruining their live lives and everyone knows fucking
teenage boys can't keep secrets.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Also, they just it's they're susceptible. It's like that idea.
It's it's why all of that is like fucking leave
children and teens alone. They don't know what the hell
they're doing.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And they want to be like Matro and they think
that they're tough and they watch the Sopranos or whatever
the fuck.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yes, yes, exactly, that is egregious. So Georgia, please leave
teenagers alone. I can't tell you again. Geez, you're so judgmental. Karen, Sorry, sorry,
I just am sick of it.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Okay, okay, Hi people and pets, you're great. I'm obsessed.
Blah blah blah. Let's get into it Anothery're solid. I
moved to Manchester just over five years ago for university,
and when I heard you heard that you love the
city as much as I do, I decided that I
needed to tell you my favorite with a U story
(14:43):
from the city. It has everything. Yes, Hannah Beswick was
born in sixteen eighty eight to rich parents, so her
life is pretty good for a woman at that time.
That was until the day of her brother's funeral. As
they were pulling down the lid of the coffin all caps,
one of his eyes opened. What Yes, he was almost
(15:04):
buried alive. Everything that I have read says that this
quote broke Hannah and gave her a pathological fear of
being buried alive, which is fucking fair in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Absolutely completely not only not insane, the sanest reaction you
could absolutely watching it happened to your almost happened to
your brother. Then you're like, now I'm afraid this is
going to happen to me. Absolutely nothing wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And then she says, as if that were a weird
reaction to her situation, exactly, wouldn't you be just a
little shaken by that happening. Also, being buried alive was
pretty common back then, as I found out from one
of your episodes learning we're teaching people's stuff that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Sometimes it's right, Sometimes it's not.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
To open out a grease fire with Flower. So to
keep her from this fate, she added a line into
her will that said she wished to remain above ground
until a doctor was absolutely sure she was dead. Now
I read that as keep her above ground for a
few days and keep an eye out on her. Her
family doctor, doctor Charles White, interpreted it as embalm her
(16:09):
and display her mommified corpse, oh, which is what he
did when she passed in seventeen fifty eight, oh after
a short stint at her family's home, Her inbalved body
was given back to doctor White, who put it on
display in a Grandfather clock reuse, recycle, reuse, repeat, repulsive.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I'm confused, like she like, there's a clock up here
and then down here the embalmed woman body of a
dead woman.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
No, I think he turned a Grandfather clock like horizontal.
And you know how they had the little doors and
they have a sea through glass.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
I'm just saying, is the clock part still act? Oh?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I have no idea. Probably not.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You're standing there staring at a really creepy thing and
then there's just the tick.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And then you're like, oh shit, I'm late for my appointment,
and then gone gone. I really hope not.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Later she was given to the Museum of Manchester Natural
History Society, where she was named quote the Manchester Mummy,
and she became one of their most popular attractions. In
eighteen sixty seven, the museum decided that she was irrevably
and unmistakably dead. She was finally laid to rest in
eighteen sixty eight, one hundred and ten years after her death.
(17:27):
But the story isn't over. It's said that before she died,
Hannah buried some treasure to keep it safe from Scottish
rebels in seventeen forty five, but she never told anyone
where it was and it was lost. The story goes
that long after she died, her ghost was seen multiple times. Geez,
we have similar stories for each of these. I know
her ghost was seen multiple times walking over to the
(17:49):
same flagstone and disappearing. Someone who lived there pulled up
that flagstone and found a massive stash of gold.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yes, he's smart.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
He sold it and was given three pounds tens the
now four hundred and fifty pounds for each piece.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Oh, I was so disappointed. I thought, Oh, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
No, it's good. So there you go the story of
the Manchester Mummy. Sorry it was so long, and thank
you for getting me through my long shifts at work.
I hope you come back to the UK as soon
as this whole pandemic malarkey is done. We'd love to
have you stay sexy and don't wait one hundred and
ten years to pronounce someone dead. Jenny, God, that's a
good one.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
It's almost like they were being sarcastic, like, oh, okay,
you want us to make sure okay, young lady, fine,
Oh you're or maybe it was the coroner that accidentally
almost the brayried the kid.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
The her brother alive and who was like, well, fuck,
I'm not at fall, you're at fault.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
He's or he was like you think you're stressed out
about this? Now this is my number one fear. This
is my reputation. Like one more and I'm fired. That's
what they especially from the same family. Oh god, I'm
just picture it. You're out of funeral, a family member
of funeral crying it's your brother. I young, yeah, yes,
(19:14):
and then one eye flies open.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Can I it's something this happened, something similar? But I know, okay.
I was at my exes. My ex's grandma died natural causes.
We went to her funeral, of course, and they were
whatever religion it is that you kneel in front of
the casket. I think it was light light Christian. It's
(19:38):
some light Christian thing.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And sorry, like you know, like it's like fat free, no.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Like not super hardcore like whatever Vinces or pisciscp.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Episcopalian, the lightest.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I was related, which is not to say they don't
do great work and totally love the Lord about the
like they're they're not like, oh, here's a bunch of
total incense and we're gonna shake a thing at yeah,
body of Christ.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
No, No, That's what I'm saying, is like it was totally
as a Jew, I was like, all right, all right, yeah,
So I go with him, of course as support to
Neil at her casket, open casket, and like I we're
leaning over her, and she looks so serene, and there
must I know, there's like gases and stuff in the
body went as they and I swear to God we
(20:29):
both pros because.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
She went, Oh God, Georgia.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
That's we both sat there like wondering if the other
one had heard it full on full body chills. I
was like, he's not going to forget this about his
poor grandma for the rest of his life.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Did you have somebody check to make sure she wasn't
so procreative for being dead.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
If she wasn't dead, she was when they fucking embalmed
her or whatever it was, her soul love.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I've been embalmed. The frustration of being embalmed, the hassle.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
This again, those stories man, when they sit up and
then the poor fucking corners like you know, yes, oh God, Well,
I have an ancillary story not similar, but that's what
this was for.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
One of my favorite family stories is when my grandma
Ann died, the matriarch of my dad's side of the
family and just a legendary, hilarious, badass, wonderful woman. It
was so sad, and it was my grandpa died first,
and so when she died, it was like, oh, they're
broke her. It was really hard and sad for everybody.
(21:43):
And of course my dad has eight brothers and sisters,
gigantic family, and so so my cousin Danny and Chris
are the two youngest were at the time, the two
youngest cousins. They were like the baby of the family's babies.
And so I think I think it was Danny, and
I think he was about seven, and when he went
(22:06):
up to look at the body, he you know, he
did that by himself. His mom let him vote by himself.
So later on my aunt Joe said, how how did
you feel about seeing grandma like that? And he goes,
it was okay, but her hands are really hard to
pull apart. How he was really little, like seven, And
(22:33):
my aunt told us that story and she was like
laughing crying at the same time. She was like, I
tried not to react, like to.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
His face, what was I'm just picturing you walking in
on a seven year old ripping her hands apart? Pull
one last night?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Oh? Does he get shipped for that story every Christas?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I don't. I think it was that kind of thing where.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
We're all going, oh my god. I mean, can we
on the episode now because that was epic?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well you might want to except for it's my turn,
isn't it. Yes, because it's time for ballpits, stranger danger
in my mom. Yes, don't. Let's not walk away from
an opportunity to go into the buckets, right.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Never speaking of how do you use the ballpit that
I surprised sent you.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I haven't used it yet.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
You got it?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I have it?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
No, that's got to be a cult videos you diving in.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Well, that's exactly why I haven't set it up, because
Georgia sent it to me and then immediately went set
it up and take a picture and post it and
do this, do that, And then I was just like,
this goes right into the closet. I'll do none of
those things, all right, So this starts, Hey, team, are
we still doing ballpit stories? Yeah? What about pretending to
be kidnapped. Cool mom stories. Just whatever it curs to us, great.
(24:01):
This email is for you. When I was a little
over two years old, twenty seven months if you're a weirdo,
my mom was maybe six months pregnant with my little sister.
One day, we were at Chuck E Cheese for a
birthday party. She was hanging out with the other parents
while I was off enjoying life. Nineteen eighty nine. Am
I right? Suddenly my mom hears my little voice calling
(24:22):
for help. She jumps into action and follows the sound
to the ballpit. She looks in just in time to
see my little face sinking down beneath the plastic balls.
Or she likes to tell it, quote, all I could
see was your face being obscured by balls. Unquote. My
mother and all of her pregnant glory had to jump
into the ball pit to save my ass from drowning.
(24:43):
God bless her. Cut to two months later, my mom
is massively pregnant with my sister and on our way
to my grandma's. My mom decides to stop at the
mall for one quick thing. Because I was generally a
well behaved child, and because we only needed to go
to one store, thought my my mom thought it would
be okay not to use the stroller and to let
me walk. Dear reader, it was not okay. The moment
(25:07):
we crossed the threshold, I took off, running as fast
as my little legs could carry me. I darted in
and out of stores, while my very pregnant mother chased
after me. When she finally caught up with me, out
of breath and nauseus, she scooped me back up to
carry me back out to the car. I must have
known I was in trouble because I just went limp
in her arms and started to shout, help, Help, Help.
(25:29):
I don't know her.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
How do kids know to do? I heard people say
this before. Kids are such dicks.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
They're such dicks. I don't know her. This was like
my mommy. This was like peak stranger danger time. And
my mom says that she could feel everyone staring at her. Hopefully,
she did her best not to lose her cool or
to vomit, and she calmly carried me out of the mall. Thankfully,
no one stopped her. Unfortunately, I see there's you could
(26:03):
argue both sides, and we safely made it to my
Grandma's house. She's pretty sure that being so visibly pregnant
stopped her from being accused of being of kidnapping. Needless
to say, my perfect child reputation suffered for a while
until my holy terror of a sister. Oh yeah, Anyway,
my mom and I don't agree on much these days
(26:25):
cough Trump cough, but I never doubt her love for me,
and I know that she'd still jump into a pit
to save me from brownie and plastic balls.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Piece. Emma, Ah, these are beautiful and solid stories, this
sweet like beautifully written.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Emma. Yeah, that was really that was really that was
That was a wonderful blend. Oh of all the things
we love.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Great excell it. Well, hey, I've got one more great
Uh sorry, I'm not going to read it the title. Hey,
darling Dearests. I go by Molly and I'm from Boston.
I've decided to share my most embarrassing memory with fellow
murderinos as an offering of levity between all the you know, murders.
One day, at my college work study job in the library,
(27:11):
my daydreaming is interrupted when a coworker anxiously asks do
you hear that? He points at the wall, and I
noticed it is buzzing. We figure it might have something
to do with the construction upstairs, so we called down
a worker to come investigate. Sooner or later, though pretty
much every class that shares a wall with us is
now in the library trying to figure out what the noises.
(27:31):
Pretty soon I hear my boss say, whose backpack is this?
He's pointing at my backpack, which is slumped against the wall,
the noisy wall. When he picks it up by the
grab handle, the wall stops buzzing. Then it all clicks
in my head and I remember there's a vibrator in
my backpack, oh honey, which must have been thrown on
when I tossed my backpack against the wall. Because my
(27:53):
boss begins to unzip the bag, I make a pathetic sound,
dash over, snatch the bag, and scur you into the
women's room to turn off the vibrator. When I come
back for the rest of my shift, my middle aged boss,
undergrad coworkers, the library staff, construction workers, professors, students, etc.
(28:15):
Are all giggling hopelessly. Everyone in the library that Monday
morning knew that I had a vibrator in my backpack. Evidently,
so powerful it caused a public safety disturbance in the library.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
To this day I have unsuccessfully maintained that it was
an electric toothbrush. So thank you for finally giving me
an opportunity to come clean about the vibrator in my
backpack at the library. Stay sexy, but not so sexy
that your vibrator goes off in the school library, and
don't get murdered. And then, not surprisingly, there's no name,
(28:49):
thank you, no name that is cathartic and we've all
been there. Mine was an enema at the airport being
held a law by THESA because I forgot and it's
over eight you know, eight ounces, and I forgot to
take it out of my fucking case and she was
cracking up as she held it aloft. No, don't do that, Please,
(29:11):
don't do that. Oh my, And I don't care, obviously
I'm saying it on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
So what do I Listen, People have needs, people find
libraries incredibly sexy. Traveling is trihydrate traveling as hell on
the body, as we have learnt.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
No shame, a lot of shame.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
But so much shame. But I, yeah, what what would
you do? I just put it's such a human story,
like to hear that and just be like, what the
hell's that noise? And you're joining in on that, like yeah,
what is that noise? Because you can't.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Thank god she had had the like you know, she
wasn't frozen and grabbed the backpack before he because holding
a loft part is the part that's.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Well, that's cruelty, I think, I feel like hopefully, I mean,
we'll never know, but my idea, the middle aged man
that picked up the backpack would not have held it aloft.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Oh no, oh no, no, he would have been more
embarrassed than she was.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Probably, yes, that I would have bet on that, I think,
although I don't. I think I would have froze because
it would just been like to know it's over.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Then you would have forfeited the backpack and be like,
I don't know who his backpack that is. I don't
know why papers with my name on the top is
in there that's not mine.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I don't know my initials on the outside.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Send us your I mean, obviously we've opened the flood
gates steel free to be anonymous, but you need to
share these with everyone else because we've all been through them.
Probably not as bad as mine in hers, but.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Uh maybe maybe worse. Do you have a worse embarrassment story? Yeah,
you don't have to put your name on it. We'd
love to hear it.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
We would love to hear everyone else love to hear it.
We're going to show it to the light, so maybe
you can take some of that off. I feel like,
once you see it here, how funny it is, you're
gonna be like, that's that was worth it.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
It's also it'll it is I think cathartic. Like you said,
I think it is that thing of like we've all been.
I've I felt like I spent most of my life
having that embarrassment feeling. So anytime I hear a story
that's like that, I love it because it makes me
feel better.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Totally makes me feel when you get a lee, it's
that thing of like laugh at yourself, and it's who cares.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Laugh at yourself, laugh at vibrators, laugh at laxatives. Whatever
it takes, whatever your system requires, we're all the same.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, please send it. Please send it to my favorite
murder at Gmail. Tell Lily we say hi, and.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Also please stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Goodbye. Maybe Elvis, do you want a cookie
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini
so MEI Mimi soad it's tiny and Memi's here here.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
She's an abusive to the dog, to the puppy. That's
her job, and that's her job as a big sister.
She's the queen cat. And she got to slap some
puppy teeth out of puppy's mouths. That was the craziest
thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Georgia sends me a picture, texts me this picture and goes, look,
Mimi just slapped this tooth out of Cookie's mouth and
it's her palm and the tinyby puppy tooth.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I want to say in riff defensive Mimi, that puppy
teeth fall out. She's at that time, so sure. It's
almost like the big sister who tied the string around
the puppies, you know what I mean. But it was aggressive.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Paw with her paw, Yeah, slapping except uppercut.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And now Cookie won't come close, should barks herself, but
she knows to keep her distance.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, you got to get that three foot radius around Mina.
I think we all know that everyone knows that that's
how it is with that cat. Are you ready to
read some email lest year you want to go first,
Let's let's do it, okay, Yeah, let's kick right off
with the subject line flower is flammable, Karen. Hi a
(01:34):
MFM crew. Sorry Karen, but flower is not something you
should put on a grease.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
All the hometowns from now on is just about how
we're wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
We were well, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I was wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Jim was wrong.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I was wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I know you actually, Georgie, but there what you went?
Are you sure like you did have a pause about it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Thank you? So who came a follower? So I was like,
you must be right?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Well, and also you know, with the with the background
of someone who is supposed to top in it layers thirty
plus years experience.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, I gave Jim the benefit of the dow We
always as I'll do, okay, but this is it's worth
it to get this email, Okay. So it says, Hi,
MFM crew, Sorry Karen, but flower is not something you
should use to put out a grease fire. It's super
flammable and once blew up an entire mill in Minnesota.
Hold on on May.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Does She go on to tell the story because I
have Yes, I have a one.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Two. Is this the same one?
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I mean you go on the NAGO. Yeah, it's got.
It's not the same one. It's a totally different email
about the exact same thing.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
No, but I mean in the same state, I think. So, okay,
tell me about it. Let's let's find out, okay. On
May second, eighteen seventy eighth, the Washburn A Mill exploded
in a ball of fire around seven pm. The explosion
triggered a few others, and not only was the Washburn
A Mill destroyed, but several others in the waterfront area.
(03:02):
Fourteen men working the night shift at Washburn were killed,
and the city of Minneapolis's burgeoning flower industry, which had
just overtaken Buffalo and Saint Louis as the leading flour producer,
had been reduced to a third of its capacity. It
took firefighters all night to put out the flames, and
speculation began immediately that it was caused by an earthquake,
or a trainload of nitroglycerine, or even bad gas from
(03:25):
the Mississippi River that sparked the blast. The manager of
the Washburn mill claimed it was caused by flour. Two
millstones that had become too dry rubbed against one another
and created a spark. The ever present clouds of flower
dust in the mill went boom instantly and decimated the area.
The manager's claim was later proven by two University of
(03:48):
Minnesota professors S. F. Peckham and Lewis W. Peck That's funny,
very similar last night. The mill's owner promised to rebuild
and was as good or better than as word. He
rebuilt the mill in about five years, with several safety
innovations and greater capacity. The mill is now a museum.
I've never been. I'm from Massachusetts, not Minnesota, but I
(04:11):
had to write this in after today's episode where even
home Gym thought flower might put out put out a
grease fire. That shit can take down nearly a whole city.
So please use baking soda. Sorry for the long witted corrections. Email.
You guys are great and I love you all. One
of these days I'll send you my six degrees of
Separation hometown story. I've been sitting on that for months,
(04:32):
but showing off my knowledge of flowers explosive powers got
me writing within an hour of listening, even though I'm
at even though I'm at work with tons to do,
stay sexy and don't explode in a cloud of flower gene.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
That was great. Mine's different, which is so Which is
funny that I love it? Two different stories.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Let's do I love that we have? We have what
do you call that? Battling battling explosive flower story. God,
that's crazy though, Like, who knew? I mean firefighters except
for Jim and a lot of familiar I'm tired for
a while. He doesn't really care. He's the one that
(05:11):
in the nineteen eighty nine San Francisco earthquake. We were like,
dadd are you going to go in? And he was like, no,
I'm not on the front on the schedule. You're going
in until they call me.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Ur caazero everyone America zero, All right, Okay, here's mine. Yeah,
hello fire starters. Listening to you both discuss whether you
can throw flower to put out a grease fire triggered
a teenage memory of a damp, dark field trip to
an industrial plant that made bricks as fun as watching
(05:45):
furnaces and slag is the best part was when one
of the workers, encouraged by thirteen year old boys, exploded stuff.
For US Health and Safety sat differently. In the nineties.
He also told us the story of a woman who
blew up her flat whilst making a cake. She dropped
a bag of flour in her small kitchen. Okay, so
(06:07):
this is totally different. I was wrong. The concentration of
the flower in the air was the right density to
catch fire from the stove flame that was already lit.
It turns out most things can explode if at the
right concentrate in the air. According to Stuff You Should
Know Other podcasts are available, flour and many other carbohydrate
(06:27):
god yeah, become explosive when they are hanging in the
air dust, So don't drop fuck it's crazy. You can
YouTube flower explosions if you want to see it in action.
Of course, I decided to google flower explosions or here
we Go and found the nineteen seventy nine Roland Mill disaster,
where fourteen people died and seventeen people were injured according
(06:49):
to Wikipedia. Other poorly researched information sites are available. It
was the largest peacetime explosion to date when cable fire
led to dust explosions with triggered the flower silo to
set on fire. The roof of the silo was blown
off and the walls collapsed, tearing the whole building apart.
(07:09):
Flower dust rained down across an area of thirty hectors,
and the fire burned for over a month.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So the moral of the story is, if you're making
a cake, remember a moment on the lips. A building
may be ripped. This person is clever. Yeah, I have
emailed you my college murder twice before, but even I
have enough self respect not to send it a third time. Love, Kate, Kate,
You're clever.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Kate, Send it a third time.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Do it?
Speaker 1 (07:37):
What is pride in quarantine?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, in hometown. In hometowns, there is no pride. Send
it and put in the in the thing in the subject, Lily,
this is the caate.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But Lily, they know everyone's gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I know, Flowery, Lily.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
I mean, look, this is this is the best way.
This is the way I like to learn. This is
this is why I like our podcast. This is why
I like podcasts, like our podcast. This is the way
to learn by going Wait, sorry, this is not only
is this was I wrong in giving this example, but
here's how.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Bad it coay, here's exactly how in real life the
second happened.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Horrifying.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Let's like change the United States school system to fucking
give examples of crazy stories.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Yes, you can tell me a fact and that's fine
in science class. Yeah, back it up with an episode
of stuff you should do.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, let's anything that explodes will learn about and we'll yeah,
retain it.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I'm sure there were exploding stuff and I still could
not be bothered. I think you shouldn't go to high
school until you're twenty four. Okay, this is hometown and
family connections a little bit. This is a little bit long,
but I think it's worth it. Great. Hello lovelies. I'm
from a small rural town in southern Wisconsin and grew
up in one of the two local funeral homes. My
(08:58):
grandfather was actually the ogre in his small town near
Green Bay. Of his four children, one became a minister
and the other three went into the family business. He
had four locations that were split between brothers, and my
parents started their own business in another town. For them,
growing up in a funeral home through the sixties and
seventies is exactly what you'd imagine. The funeral director was
(09:20):
the only person that had a vehicle to accommodate a gurney,
so he ran the ambulance, and my mom has stories
of cleaning that out as a child after emergencies that
would make your stomach turn.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Hey, honey, go out Tima and then do your homework.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Grab that hose. Are you done with your homework? Grab
the hose. There really isn't enough time in the day
to tell you all of her or my stories, but
I'll try to hit some fun highlights. My grandmother was
from Almond, Wisconsin, which is right next to Plainfield. If
that sounds familiar, it's because that's where ed Gainlan. Ooo.
My grandparents had stories about how he would give out
(10:00):
canned meat during the holidays, and my grandpa actually gave
him a ride one time while he was walking down
a long country road.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Oh but my god, we hear Ted Bundy stories like
close calls or whatever. This is fucking a gain Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah, because that's someone has tapped their grandparents for stories
so totally, which is that's it's like a vintage version.
My grandpa said he was a creepy guy. Go figure.
I have a bunch of paranormal stories, ranging from radio wars,
the spirits in the embalming room, lazy TV watching spirits
and spirits playing the piano in the chapel to a
(10:38):
fully white slash translucent young woman's spirit and I coming
upon each other among the casket displays, only to both
be startled and run in the opposite directions.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Oh mine, this is the others. That is like, she
doesn't realize she's dead. She thinks she sees a spirit. Yeah,
and she might not be.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Who the fuck knows what?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
We don't know, why we worried, We don't know.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
We don't know what side of the curtain we're on.
That's night. However, I've been binging your podcast to see
if you've covered my hometown murder, and though I'm not
all the way through, I've yet to hear it. This
murder occurred in nineteen ninety four in Jefferson, Wisconsin. High
school teacher aide Diane Borchardt convinced three of her male
students to kill her husband, Ruben. They were in the
(11:28):
beginning of a divorce, this having been both their second marriages.
I don't know how she convinced them exactly, but she
took his and her children to his parents' house for
an overnight visit, and that's when the boys broke into
the home and shot Reuben. It didn't take long for
one of them to crack and come clean to the police.
The three boys and Diane were all sentenced to varying
(11:49):
terms in prison. My parents did Ruben's funeral, and my
mom remembers it being pretty crazy. She said there were
undercover cops all around because they suspected Diane of being
in and wanted to keep a close eye on her behavior.
The Lifetime movie about this murder was called Seduced by Madness.
The Diane Borshop story definitely wrong with that right, and
(12:11):
they wanted to film at the funeral home, but my
parents wouldn't go for it. They did sign something to
allow them to use the red brick building exterior in
the movie, though. There's also a snapped episode detailing this murder.
Season eighteen, episode eleven. One of the boys had actually
been our paper boy at the funeral home, and he
would come in to steal candy from the dish on
(12:32):
the banister. Having had enough, my dad waited around the
stairs to catch him. I'm pretty sure he scared the
absolute shit out of the kid, because he never came back,
jumping out and grabbing someone in a funeral home is
a great way to end some dickery. My siblings and
I went through a lot of babysitters that way. Actually,
oops shrug. I love the quote quote they say you
(12:55):
die twice, one time when you stop breathing, and a
second time a bit later on when somebody says your
name for the last time. You ladies are giving victims
life beyond their tragedy. And that's pretty cool. Ssdgm elast Jacobs, Wow,
least Jacobs.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That was twists and turns, and that was crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, I know right, and and what a For a second,
when ALIST first started describing that murder, I was thinking
of that Nicole Kidman movie, because it's very similar. That
idea of like hiring teen of like black widow murderer
women who hire teen boys to do the dirty work
(13:38):
for them is a special place in hell.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It is really the rest. Even if they don't get caught,
like you're ruining their live lives and everyone knows fucking
teenage boys can't keep secrets.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Also, they just it's they're susceptible. It's like that idea.
It's it's why all of that is like fucking leave
children and teens alone. They don't know what the hell
they're doing.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And they want to be like Matro and they think
that they're tough and they watch the Sopranos or whatever
the fuck.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yes, yes, exactly, that is egregious. So Georgia, please leave
teenagers alone. I can't tell you again. Geez, you're so judgmental. Karen, Sorry, sorry,
I just am sick of it.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Okay, okay, Hi people and pets, you're great. I'm obsessed.
Blah blah blah. Let's get into it Anothery're solid. I
moved to Manchester just over five years ago for university,
and when I heard you heard that you love the
city as much as I do, I decided that I
needed to tell you my favorite with a U story
(14:43):
from the city. It has everything. Yes, Hannah Beswick was
born in sixteen eighty eight to rich parents, so her
life is pretty good for a woman at that time.
That was until the day of her brother's funeral. As
they were pulling down the lid of the coffin all caps,
one of his eyes opened. What Yes, he was almost
(15:04):
buried alive. Everything that I have read says that this
quote broke Hannah and gave her a pathological fear of
being buried alive, which is fucking fair in my opinion.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Absolutely completely not only not insane, the sanest reaction you
could absolutely watching it happened to your almost happened to
your brother. Then you're like, now I'm afraid this is
going to happen to me. Absolutely nothing wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
And then she says, as if that were a weird
reaction to her situation, exactly, wouldn't you be just a
little shaken by that happening. Also, being buried alive was
pretty common back then, as I found out from one
of your episodes learning we're teaching people's stuff that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Sometimes it's right, Sometimes it's not.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
To open out a grease fire with Flower. So to
keep her from this fate, she added a line into
her will that said she wished to remain above ground
until a doctor was absolutely sure she was dead. Now
I read that as keep her above ground for a
few days and keep an eye out on her. Her
family doctor, doctor Charles White, interpreted it as embalm her
(16:09):
and display her mommified corpse, oh, which is what he
did when she passed in seventeen fifty eight, oh after
a short stint at her family's home, Her inbalved body
was given back to doctor White, who put it on
display in a Grandfather clock reuse, recycle, reuse, repeat, repulsive.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
I'm confused, like she like, there's a clock up here
and then down here the embalmed woman body of a
dead woman.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
No, I think he turned a Grandfather clock like horizontal.
And you know how they had the little doors and
they have a sea through glass.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
I'm just saying, is the clock part still act? Oh?
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I have no idea. Probably not.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
You're standing there staring at a really creepy thing and
then there's just the tick.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
And then you're like, oh shit, I'm late for my appointment,
and then gone gone. I really hope not.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Later she was given to the Museum of Manchester Natural
History Society, where she was named quote the Manchester Mummy,
and she became one of their most popular attractions. In
eighteen sixty seven, the museum decided that she was irrevably
and unmistakably dead. She was finally laid to rest in
eighteen sixty eight, one hundred and ten years after her death.
(17:27):
But the story isn't over. It's said that before she died,
Hannah buried some treasure to keep it safe from Scottish
rebels in seventeen forty five, but she never told anyone
where it was and it was lost. The story goes
that long after she died, her ghost was seen multiple times. Geez,
we have similar stories for each of these. I know
her ghost was seen multiple times walking over to the
(17:49):
same flagstone and disappearing. Someone who lived there pulled up
that flagstone and found a massive stash of gold.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yes, he's smart.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
He sold it and was given three pounds tens the
now four hundred and fifty pounds for each piece.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Oh, I was so disappointed. I thought, Oh, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
No, it's good. So there you go the story of
the Manchester Mummy. Sorry it was so long, and thank
you for getting me through my long shifts at work.
I hope you come back to the UK as soon
as this whole pandemic malarkey is done. We'd love to
have you stay sexy and don't wait one hundred and
ten years to pronounce someone dead. Jenny, God, that's a
good one.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
It's almost like they were being sarcastic, like, oh, okay,
you want us to make sure okay, young lady, fine,
Oh you're or maybe it was the coroner that accidentally
almost the brayried the kid.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
The her brother alive and who was like, well, fuck,
I'm not at fall, you're at fault.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
He's or he was like you think you're stressed out
about this? Now this is my number one fear. This
is my reputation. Like one more and I'm fired. That's
what they especially from the same family. Oh god, I'm
just picture it. You're out of funeral, a family member
of funeral crying it's your brother. I young, yeah, yes,
(19:14):
and then one eye flies open.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Can I it's something this happened, something similar? But I know, okay.
I was at my exes. My ex's grandma died natural causes.
We went to her funeral, of course, and they were
whatever religion it is that you kneel in front of
the casket. I think it was light light Christian. It's
(19:38):
some light Christian thing.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And sorry, like you know, like it's like fat free, no.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Like not super hardcore like whatever Vinces or pisciscp.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Episcopalian, the lightest.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I was related, which is not to say they don't
do great work and totally love the Lord about the
like they're they're not like, oh, here's a bunch of
total incense and we're gonna shake a thing at yeah,
body of Christ.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
No, No, That's what I'm saying, is like it was totally
as a Jew, I was like, all right, all right, yeah,
So I go with him, of course as support to
Neil at her casket, open casket, and like I we're
leaning over her, and she looks so serene, and there
must I know, there's like gases and stuff in the
body went as they and I swear to God we
(20:29):
both pros because.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
She went, Oh God, Georgia.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
That's we both sat there like wondering if the other
one had heard it full on full body chills. I
was like, he's not going to forget this about his
poor grandma for the rest of his life.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Did you have somebody check to make sure she wasn't
so procreative for being dead.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
If she wasn't dead, she was when they fucking embalmed
her or whatever it was, her soul love.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I've been embalmed. The frustration of being embalmed, the hassle.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
This again, those stories man, when they sit up and
then the poor fucking corners like you know, yes, oh God, Well,
I have an ancillary story not similar, but that's what
this was for.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
One of my favorite family stories is when my grandma
Ann died, the matriarch of my dad's side of the
family and just a legendary, hilarious, badass, wonderful woman. It
was so sad, and it was my grandpa died first,
and so when she died, it was like, oh, they're
broke her. It was really hard and sad for everybody.
(21:43):
And of course my dad has eight brothers and sisters,
gigantic family, and so so my cousin Danny and Chris
are the two youngest were at the time, the two
youngest cousins. They were like the baby of the family's babies.
And so I think I think it was Danny, and
I think he was about seven, and when he went
(22:06):
up to look at the body, he you know, he
did that by himself. His mom let him vote by himself.
So later on my aunt Joe said, how how did
you feel about seeing grandma like that? And he goes,
it was okay, but her hands are really hard to
pull apart. How he was really little, like seven, And
(22:33):
my aunt told us that story and she was like
laughing crying at the same time. She was like, I
tried not to react, like to.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
His face, what was I'm just picturing you walking in
on a seven year old ripping her hands apart? Pull
one last night?
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Oh? Does he get shipped for that story every Christas?
Speaker 1 (22:59):
I don't. I think it was that kind of thing where.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
We're all going, oh my god. I mean, can we
on the episode now because that was epic?
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Well you might want to except for it's my turn,
isn't it. Yes, because it's time for ballpits, stranger danger
in my mom. Yes, don't. Let's not walk away from
an opportunity to go into the buckets, right.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Never speaking of how do you use the ballpit that
I surprised sent you.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I haven't used it yet.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
You got it?
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I have it?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
No, that's got to be a cult videos you diving in.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Well, that's exactly why I haven't set it up, because
Georgia sent it to me and then immediately went set
it up and take a picture and post it and
do this, do that, And then I was just like,
this goes right into the closet. I'll do none of
those things, all right, So this starts, Hey, team, are
we still doing ballpit stories? Yeah? What about pretending to
be kidnapped. Cool mom stories. Just whatever it curs to us, great.
(24:01):
This email is for you. When I was a little
over two years old, twenty seven months if you're a weirdo,
my mom was maybe six months pregnant with my little sister.
One day, we were at Chuck E Cheese for a
birthday party. She was hanging out with the other parents
while I was off enjoying life. Nineteen eighty nine. Am
I right? Suddenly my mom hears my little voice calling
(24:22):
for help. She jumps into action and follows the sound
to the ballpit. She looks in just in time to
see my little face sinking down beneath the plastic balls.
Or she likes to tell it, quote, all I could
see was your face being obscured by balls. Unquote. My
mother and all of her pregnant glory had to jump
into the ball pit to save my ass from drowning.
(24:43):
God bless her. Cut to two months later, my mom
is massively pregnant with my sister and on our way
to my grandma's. My mom decides to stop at the
mall for one quick thing. Because I was generally a
well behaved child, and because we only needed to go
to one store, thought my my mom thought it would
be okay not to use the stroller and to let
me walk. Dear reader, it was not okay. The moment
(25:07):
we crossed the threshold, I took off, running as fast
as my little legs could carry me. I darted in
and out of stores, while my very pregnant mother chased
after me. When she finally caught up with me, out
of breath and nauseus, she scooped me back up to
carry me back out to the car. I must have
known I was in trouble because I just went limp
in her arms and started to shout, help, Help, Help.
(25:29):
I don't know her.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
How do kids know to do? I heard people say
this before. Kids are such dicks.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
They're such dicks. I don't know her. This was like
my mommy. This was like peak stranger danger time. And
my mom says that she could feel everyone staring at her. Hopefully,
she did her best not to lose her cool or
to vomit, and she calmly carried me out of the mall. Thankfully,
no one stopped her. Unfortunately, I see there's you could
(26:03):
argue both sides, and we safely made it to my
Grandma's house. She's pretty sure that being so visibly pregnant
stopped her from being accused of being of kidnapping. Needless
to say, my perfect child reputation suffered for a while
until my holy terror of a sister. Oh yeah, Anyway,
my mom and I don't agree on much these days
(26:25):
cough Trump cough, but I never doubt her love for me,
and I know that she'd still jump into a pit
to save me from brownie and plastic balls.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Piece. Emma, Ah, these are beautiful and solid stories, this
sweet like beautifully written.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Emma. Yeah, that was really that was really that was
That was a wonderful blend. Oh of all the things
we love.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Great excell it. Well, hey, I've got one more great
Uh sorry, I'm not going to read it the title. Hey,
darling Dearests. I go by Molly and I'm from Boston.
I've decided to share my most embarrassing memory with fellow
murderinos as an offering of levity between all the you know, murders.
One day, at my college work study job in the library,
(27:11):
my daydreaming is interrupted when a coworker anxiously asks do
you hear that? He points at the wall, and I
noticed it is buzzing. We figure it might have something
to do with the construction upstairs, so we called down
a worker to come investigate. Sooner or later, though pretty
much every class that shares a wall with us is
now in the library trying to figure out what the noises.
(27:31):
Pretty soon I hear my boss say, whose backpack is this?
He's pointing at my backpack, which is slumped against the wall,
the noisy wall. When he picks it up by the
grab handle, the wall stops buzzing. Then it all clicks
in my head and I remember there's a vibrator in
my backpack, oh honey, which must have been thrown on
when I tossed my backpack against the wall. Because my
(27:53):
boss begins to unzip the bag, I make a pathetic sound,
dash over, snatch the bag, and scur you into the
women's room to turn off the vibrator. When I come
back for the rest of my shift, my middle aged boss,
undergrad coworkers, the library staff, construction workers, professors, students, etc.
(28:15):
Are all giggling hopelessly. Everyone in the library that Monday
morning knew that I had a vibrator in my backpack. Evidently,
so powerful it caused a public safety disturbance in the library.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
To this day I have unsuccessfully maintained that it was
an electric toothbrush. So thank you for finally giving me
an opportunity to come clean about the vibrator in my
backpack at the library. Stay sexy, but not so sexy
that your vibrator goes off in the school library, and
don't get murdered. And then, not surprisingly, there's no name,
(28:49):
thank you, no name that is cathartic and we've all
been there. Mine was an enema at the airport being
held a law by THESA because I forgot and it's
over eight you know, eight ounces, and I forgot to
take it out of my fucking case and she was
cracking up as she held it aloft. No, don't do that, Please,
(29:11):
don't do that. Oh my, And I don't care, obviously
I'm saying it on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
So what do I Listen, People have needs, people find
libraries incredibly sexy. Traveling is trihydrate traveling as hell on
the body, as we have learnt.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
No shame, a lot of shame.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
But so much shame. But I, yeah, what what would
you do? I just put it's such a human story,
like to hear that and just be like, what the
hell's that noise? And you're joining in on that, like yeah,
what is that noise? Because you can't.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Thank god she had had the like you know, she
wasn't frozen and grabbed the backpack before he because holding
a loft part is the part that's.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Well, that's cruelty, I think, I feel like hopefully, I mean,
we'll never know, but my idea, the middle aged man
that picked up the backpack would not have held it aloft.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Oh no, oh no, no, he would have been more
embarrassed than she was.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Probably, yes, that I would have bet on that, I think,
although I don't. I think I would have froze because
it would just been like to know it's over.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Then you would have forfeited the backpack and be like,
I don't know who his backpack that is. I don't
know why papers with my name on the top is
in there that's not mine.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I don't know my initials on the outside.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Send us your I mean, obviously we've opened the flood
gates steel free to be anonymous, but you need to
share these with everyone else because we've all been through them.
Probably not as bad as mine in hers, but.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Uh maybe maybe worse. Do you have a worse embarrassment story? Yeah,
you don't have to put your name on it. We'd
love to hear it.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
We would love to hear everyone else love to hear it.
We're going to show it to the light, so maybe
you can take some of that off. I feel like,
once you see it here, how funny it is, you're
gonna be like, that's that was worth it.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
It's also it'll it is I think cathartic. Like you said,
I think it is that thing of like we've all been.
I've I felt like I spent most of my life
having that embarrassment feeling. So anytime I hear a story
that's like that, I love it because it makes me
feel better.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Totally makes me feel when you get a lee, it's
that thing of like laugh at yourself, and it's who cares.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Laugh at yourself, laugh at vibrators, laugh at laxatives. Whatever
it takes, whatever your system requires, we're all the same.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, please send it. Please send it to my favorite
murder at Gmail. Tell Lily we say hi, and.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Also please stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Goodbye. Maybe Elvis, do you want a cookie
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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