December 13, 2021 • 34 mins
This week’s hometowns include an irresponsible ancestor and disgraced creamed corn.
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Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It's Minny. We read your shit. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
You've sent it into us. I'm going to start Okay,
is that all right? I was hoping. Okay, good greetings.
It just starts greetings.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
When I turned seventeen, I got my first legit job
at a local surf skate shop in San Diego called
San Diego.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh man, going for it. Didn't see him coming. I
got you. That one got you. It's stupid and great. Yeah,
it's my love. It's just easy. It's right there.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
It's brilliant in its ease. Sometimes you got to go
with the first thing you think of, which is like
the embodiment of San Diego is just like kind.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Of don't bother easy, does it?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It's like here's the name. Moving on, Yeah, moving on,
because so we can go get drunk later. Right. The
job was commission based and highly competitive, aka the worst
kind of job for someone who is a shy, introvert
and just wants everyone to be happy and get along.
One afternoon, a woman came into the store, long hair
that was unkempt, baggy pants that looked three times her size,
(01:35):
held up by a belt and oversized sweatshirt and flighty
avoidant eyes. I immediately got a weird vibe and decided
to let someone else help her. Yeah, despite my being
hundreds of dollars behind the mark that I needed to
hit to make commission that much.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
You're giving me flashbacks to working on Melrose. It was
like there was this model I worked with who was
so shatty. I'm good at it, yeah, And I was
just like, I don't care what you buy, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Buy whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
And you were were you also working on commission?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah? And I hated every moment of it horrible.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Same with me, but at the gap where it wasn't commissioned,
it was just you were going to get like you're
six fifty right either way. And I was always just like, you,
do you need socks? And people would be like, I
don't want to, I don't need to buy anything else.
I'd be like, I have to ask you. Yeah, I'm
literally obligated to try to add socks on. Stop making
it a fight, Okay. As the woman was browsing the store,
(02:36):
another fellow seventeen year old coworker of mine let's call
her Julia, asked if she could start the woman a
fitting room. The woman agreed and continued collecting clothing items
to try on. When the woman was finally ready to
try on the garments, Julia escorted her to the very
back corner of the store, where the dressing rooms were located,
next to our employee breakroom and the emergency exit. Once
(02:58):
they were at the dressing rooms, Julia asked so she
could count her items. Reluctantly, the woman handed over her
remaining garments and watched my coworker count. After trying about
twenty five items, the woman handed over about half the
garments not on hangers and immediately started to walk away.
My coworker yelled in hesitation, excuse me, ma'am. Without hesitation,
(03:20):
the woman turned around, lunged toward my coworker and held
a pocket knife to her throat.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Luckily I witnessed this encounter and calmly said over our
store wide earpiece slash walkie talkie, and then in parentheses
it says picture pop star Britney spears mic oh yeah,
like ahead, mic oh touching your ear Yeah, we need
help back at the dressing rooms. As I stared at Julia,
I lost my sense of time and held my breath.
My manager, let's call him Bob, emerged from the staff
(03:51):
breakroom and launched into the most fierce sprint toward this
woman with his arms up as if he were attacking
a bear.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
The woman released Julia and started running in the other
direction back into the store, dot towards me. No. I
quickly leapt out of the way and moved behind a
clothing rack. By the time I moved, Bob had tackled
the woman and removed the weapon from her hand. When
the police arrived, they were able to retrieve five pairs
(04:22):
of pants, eight shirts, and three jackets off the woman's
body that were hidden under her oversized clothing. She was arrested,
and Bob was equally reprimanded and congratulated by the police
for catching the shoplifter. Bob said, all I could think
about was my three year old daughter and how Julia
was someone's three year old daughter. I didn't think. I
(04:42):
just reacted. I can't help but be so thankful for
the way this story played out. It taught me to
trust my gut, remain calm and stressful situations, and that
sometimes acting crazier than a crazy person can end up
potentially saving lives, and then in parentheses it says, I'm
seven hundred dollars worth of store merchandise. I guess stay
(05:03):
sexy and don't work retail Tara.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Wow, can you It's like your seventeen year old you
get four dollars an hour job and then that happens.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
That's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
It's horrifying.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But also the.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yeah, it's yeah, like I it's like all she said
was excuse me, ma'am. So it's not like she was
doing the thing we talked about last time, which is like,
don't run after don't whatever, and it's just like, no,
that lady was like knew she was doing bad and yeah,
trying to escape. That's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Wow, great job, Bob, the Bobs of the world, Thank
god for you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
This one's called A Murderous Uncle and my drunk psychic Boyfriend.
It just starts insert witty and gushing opening statement here.
Check jack Mark. This is a rather long story involving murder,
young love and a drunk scotsman.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
HM.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
It was twenty two twelve and I was twenty seven
living in Birmingham, UK and in a semi long distance
relationship with a guy from Scotland. He was coming to
visit me at my home, and knowing him as I did,
I stucked the house with red wine and whiskey. We
spent a lovely night in drinking and chatting and drinking
and drinking and drinking.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Dots Ren, that's the best way.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Uh huh on about his fifth bottle of red wine.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
That sounds impossible, horrifying. The acid alone would eat your
lower body. Oh god, my boyf Maha. My boyfriend stopped
me mid sentence and announced that he occasionally has psychic
flashes and he was having a very strong one about
my family. He said that my mom had nine brothers
and that one of them had once murdered his wife
(06:48):
and another person. What slightly perturbed, I said, whilst it
was weird that my mom had eight brothers and he
was close on that count, categorically none of them had
ever met anyone. He said that I was wrong, and
we moved on. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
If you say that with a Scottish accent, fine, but
if not, go fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You wrong, dang.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
The next day, when he'd left, my mom called to
ask how they went. I laughingly explained he'd creep me
out and told her what he'd said, to which my
mom replied, all caps, how on earth did he know
about that? Yes, it turned out I had an extra
uncle whom I'd never been told about, who in nineteen
(07:34):
seventy six walked in on his wife sleeping with another
man and promptly murdered them both with a shotgun before
going on the run for two weeks. He was eventually
caught and served fifteen years in prison before moving to
Spain and dying in suspicious circumstances there. Then it says
fun fact a lot of ex con Brits moved to
(07:55):
Spain and get involved with organized crime there. Yes, there
was actually sorry sorry, I was just gonna say.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
There's a great movie which one starring Ben Kingsley, organized
crime in Spain.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It's called Yep, you.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Gotta watch it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
PG.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Thirteen. Shit, I'll think of it, I'll think of you.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Calm.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
There was absolutely no explainable way my boyfriend could have
known this. The only mention I can find on the
internet is a notice of my uncle's conviction, and he
has a different surname to me and my mom and
the entire family had sworn itself to secrecy over the
whole thing. Whilst this was ultimately creepy and made my
mom never want to meet this boyfriend, my murdering o'
(08:38):
brain was rather excited, and despite the weirdness of it all,
I kept dating him for another six months because Hey,
a guy's got to eat, right.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I marry that guy. You just see the truth in
the past, in the.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Future, that's right, I'm now Once it says I'm now
happily married to a psychiatrist, and then it says read
it to that what you will, and the family murder
secret is now known by all. Your podcast has absolutely
changed my life, and I thank you so much for
sharing your true selves with the world.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Stay sexy, and don't piss off my uncles.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Martin he him, Martin, Marty, Marty A. That movie is
called Sexy Beast. Oh you've ever seen it? You got
to see it?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Great? Amazing, Yeah, b I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
That might have just moved into my top ten hometowns.
I really love any kind of thing like that. That's like, sorry,
the sixth cents and shit like that's real. Yes, yeah,
it absolutely is. People know stuff. People know more than
you think. They know how that's just he was. So
he was one hundred percent correct. I love him being
(09:54):
correct about his own family. Like it's not even He's
just like, no, you're wrong about your family. You're you're
wrong about your own family. I know better than you. Yeah,
come on, that's marry that man. You know it's better
than you.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
What fucking Scottish accent?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Hot?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Hot?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
All right?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
So hot?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
That makes me think of that viral video of the
Scottish guy that woke up in somebody else's house, laughing
his ass off and explaining how he he thought he
was coming to a party. Remember that video the Scottish
guy laughing his ass off and telling a story about
how he got super drunk, thought he was going to
his friend's house for a party, got to this lady's house,
(10:34):
was so shit faced that he was like, is this
a party? And she's like, no, honey, there's no party here.
And then he passed out on our couch and woke
up and she was like, get me a cup of
tea doll or whatever, and he couldn't stop laughing, and
then she couldn't stop laughing and he's like it was
it's the best Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Well, I'll look it up. All of us will look
it up.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Everybody go look it up, and then get back to
me how you feel about it. I'm not going to
read you the subject line this one. Hello og murderinos.
Oh Hi, Yeah, I was listening to one of your
recent hometowns about a girl accidentally rolling up a window
on her own body as a child, and I gassed
out loud, realizing I finally had a hometown moment. I
(11:16):
grew up in put In Bay, Ohio, a little island
in Lake Erie that is mostly known for its bar scene,
but also is a hidden gem once you actually get
out of the downtown area, where the majority of people
get around by golf carts rather than cars. It's full
of tons of narrow roads, blind turns, and minimal speed
limit postings. We went there a few weeks throughout the summer,
(11:39):
often alternating between just my mom and I spending the
week with my best friend See and her mom, my
mom's best friend, and my family going up together. This
particular week, it was just my mom and I with
our best friends for girls week s, and I were
somewhere in the eight and nine age range, and the
past few days of the week had been pretty dreary
(12:00):
read she and I had been cooped up in the
house with way more energy than necessary because eight and
nine See's mom had a meeting for the early part
of the day, and despite it still being pretty rainy,
my mom wanted us to get out of the house
to burn some of that energy. But plus, our golf
cart had fold up windshields, so clearly we had no excuses.
My mom took the two of us to the nature
(12:21):
center on the island. We hadn't been there in a
long time, and both of us are very into animals
slash nature, so it really was an ideal trip. On
the way there, I sat in the front of the
golf cart and she sat in the back, and we
both thought it was hilarious for me to stick my
head and upper body outside of the golf cart and
turn around to talk to see and instead of just
(12:44):
turning in the direction of my mom, to face backwards
and talk to her, so it's like she's turning out
and get almost like leaning out of the golf cart.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
To talk to her friend. Okay, her upper body. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
My mom mostly worried that her uncoordinated, clumsy, accident prone
daughter would fall out of the golf cart, kept telling
me to turn the other way. In the meantime, a
box truck came flying around a blind turn on the
very narrow road we were on, nearly sideswiping our golf cart.
My mom grabbed the back of my hoodie and yanked
(13:19):
me back into the golf cart while maneuvering off the
road to avoid the truck in a way that only
moms can do.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Once that truck was well past us, because the fuck
had just kept going, we had a moment to breathe,
and all three of us broke down crying. To this day,
my mom maintains that the truck had to be going
at least forty miles an hour when it passed us,
and had she not reacted with mom like reflexes, my
mom and best friend would have been left with a
(13:46):
pretty traumatic moment instead of my brush with death and
remember when story that we all share every time we
go around that turn. My mom ended up turning around
and taking us back to the house to watch a
movie because all three of us were overwhelmed and completely
disinterested in an outing at that point, only to find
out when sees mom got home that the nature center
was closed on Wednesdays, and had it not played out
(14:09):
the way it did, my decapitation would have been for nothing.
I thank you, thank you for all you do. Your
brilliant storytelling has gotten me through many shitty commutes and
long work days, and I'm so grateful for that and
for you both. All the best.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Emily, oh my god, send us his stories about how
your mom saved your life.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Please, yes, please, holy shit. Yeah, it's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah, and also the idea. But you're nine years old,
and have you figured out a funny bit that's making
your friend laugh? So yeah, just doing it and like, look,
I thought it's something funny.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
The other day, Vince and I were driving and I'm
a crazy driver, you know that, And I kind of
had to stop short and I did the fucking mom
arm thing to Vince across the seat of like stopping
him yep.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I was like, I'm sorry I that, like you're
a child.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It was just my reflex is to like put my
arm out in front of him to like stop him
from dying.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Stop him from you killing him. I basically was like
double seatbelt. I'd like back in the seatbelt. You have
to no, I mean, like, I think that's very good
driver instincts. Yeah, because you know you're about to do it,
so you know, like you know, you know that it
needs to get done right.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And also it's from a time like in the eighties
where seat belts probably like okay at.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Best, so you have to do it all right, or
if you were even in seat belts at all, because
you you might be in one of those long bench
seat cars where you just would slide back and forth.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's right, all right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
This is called butts on the beach, and it just starts.
So in the summer of twenty sixteen, I was bebopping
around Europe visiting friends.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Why, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Between Madrid and Bordeaux, I had a week alone in
sun Sebastian. One day I decided to get out of
town and have a little solo beach moment. I found
this beach on Google Maps, did literally no research, bought
some bread and cheese and then it says crucial, and
set off on a two point five hour jaunt to
(16:17):
the shore. The hike there was cute. She was giving
me moody, broody cloud vibe with mountains and hills on
one side. In the ocean on the other fewcolic farmsteads, cows, etc.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You get the picture.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yes, I finally get to the beach and it's kind
of rocky and small and completely completely deserted. There were
no houses within sight, and all the clouds and occasional
mist made it seem even more secluded. I spied a
comfy spot, broke out a book and my cheese, and
set in for a nice afternoon. As soon as I
sat down, though, this guy appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
He was older than me, a little crusty. I couldn't
tell if it was eccentric or just European. He's surprised
and scared me, but I was like, whatever, I don't
on this beach. He eventually walked off and disappeared behind
some rocks. But from that second on I could not
shake a feeling of complete discomfort deep in my gut.
The sound of waves and wind, which were at first comforting,
(17:17):
started to sound like whispers. I was so uneasy, shivering,
with hair standing up on the back of my neck,
and a nagging feeling that someone was watching me.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yes, the guy behind the rocks, the guy. You're right,
you should know you're right.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
It was around this time that I reflected a little
on my situation. Literally, no one, I mean no one
knew where I was. I had no way of getting
away from that beach except by foot, no cell service,
and no defense. As the most mayonnaise tinged, blissfully naive,
thoroughly Midwestern white boy on Earth, I guess I never
thought about the precarity of wandering through a foreign country alone,
(17:56):
with literally no concerns for my safety or bodily autonomy.
Newly aware of my situation, I nervously finished my cheese.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And this wasn't gonna leave any behind.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I love this person all and packed up.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
But as soon as I got up to go, little
mister shabby sheek appeared again and started following me. We
were both walking toward the beach entrance, but he kept
gaining on me. The closer he got, the more freaked
out I became. Eventually, he was so close that I
could hear his hands fumbling in his pockets. I quickly
jumped off the path and pretended to take pictures of
(18:32):
the ocean, hoping he would just walk away and leave
me alone. A few frantic breaths and face flushing heartbeats.
I turned around, and Mama, let me tell you, he
was standing on top of a boulder, looking me directly
in the eyes. As I stared, unable to move, he
turned around, unbuckled his pants and dropped trou exposing a
(18:56):
decidedly middle aged, scrawny, fully new ass. Now being notably
homosexual myself, I should have been able to pick up
on the vibes here and figured out that this man
was trying to get his life, or that this was
a cruising beach.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I don't know what the same.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Way he was trying to get his life. It might
be a fun phrase that this guy knows that we
don't know. Yeah, like this, that's that's how you get
your life. Okay, get your life.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I don't know, Stephen five years old?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Leave it. You have to leave, Okay. We don't have
to pretend we know what get your life means.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
He's trying to get his life, or that that life
got that life, or he was or this was a
cruising beach. But my angelic sensibilities had me convinced that
I was about to be murdered. I dove behind another boulder,
tried to find a rock for self defense, and wondered
if the water at the shore was deep enough for
him to drown me in. After a couple of minutes
of cowering and clutching a rock, I peeked out from
(19:53):
my hide away and saw that the beach was totally deserted,
as if this guy had disappeared.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Into thin air.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Thank God, the gay have been blessed with an unnatural
capacity to walk quickly, because I summoned a full cath
day night power walk and fled back to the city.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Too sweet, I recovered with more cheese. Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
And then it says I think about you and the
crew all the time. M he him, oh wait. And
then it says, ps, I'm an English professor, but I
still don't have any idea what I'm doing most of
the time. A couple of years ago, after listening to
you too, I started incorporating at corrections Corner into my classes,
where I fix the things I got wrong in the
previous day's.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Workshop or lecture. I'm not pressed about it.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Everybody messes up, but thanks for modeling how to gracefully
own up to your mistakes and laugh off the little things.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
M m M.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
You clearly are an English professor. That was such a
hilariously beautiful Okay, I have to admit when you said
be bopping around Europa's like, don't love it, but with
the re now knowing the rest of your life personality. Also,
if you don't think I'm not stealing moody broody as
a descriptor for anything, you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Get your life, get your life.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That it must be it right.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
He was getting his life.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Oh, get your life, get that life, drop trout and
get your life on a boulder.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Oh beautifully, do I love it?
Speaker 3 (21:23):
That was gorgeously executed.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
M m.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
And then would an honor to somehow have affected the
way someone approaches how they do things, especially a professor.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Where you're like, we're not worthy.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
I mean that's someone em does his homework.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
The subject line of this email is bars save lives.
Okay there. I've been racking my brain for a hometown
story to share with you all, but the only thing
murderish related was that my friend's mom saw Jeffrey Dahmer
streaking in a park and in parentheses it says I'm
from Millwall. Well not right, I mean that's not nothing
a lot, it's something else and horriforing. While not a murder.
(22:09):
I do have a fun ancestor story that I thought
you might get a kick out of. We're a very
Irish family, but I do have one great great grandpa
that squeaked in from Luxembourg.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Turns out way back when, I don't know how long ago,
sometime in the eighteen hundreds, he was set to sail
to America and got very drunk at a bar the
night before the trip. Loved that for him, but he
ended up It says that in parentheses, love that for him,
get your life wait, but he ended up missing the boat.
(22:48):
Not sure how often boats were shuttling to and from
Luxembourg in America at that point, but I bet it
was a little bit of a bigger deal than missing
a flight these days. The crazy thing is a couple
days later, there were bits of wood floating in the
water near the port. It turns out that first boat
ended up catching fire and sank, killing everyone on board.
(23:08):
Oh my god, incredibly tragic, and I wonder how often
that happened back then. Good thing, my great great grandpa
knew how to have a good time and was incredibly irresponsible.
I wouldn't be here today if not one last quick tidbit,
he brought one travel trunk with him on the journey,
and then in parentheses it says, talk about traveling white
(23:31):
And it's now in my parents' house. My siblings and
I are all squabbling over who gets it next, and gosh,
I hope I do, because it's the coolest thing ever. Go,
oh my god, check this out, thanks, and have a
great day. M it can't be. Would it be the
same M? If the your M specified pronouns this, this
(23:54):
M did not.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
No, it can't be.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
It can't be the same. But that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, that's wild. Also, I just wonder what that trunk
smells like. I bet it smells so good.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Oh, it's kind of like it's salty sea air.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Mothballs and salty mold.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Maybe hopefully a little bit of cedar got in there somehow.
What about those really old trunks that like people used
They were like suitcases, but they also turned into like
your room essentially.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, with all the drawers like on Joe versus the Volcano.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Yeah, wardrobe a wardrobe. Yeah, travel trunk that you can
also float to a desert island. Yeah, that's haunted. Okay,
and go versus a volcano. This is called a Christmas secret,
my lost one best kind. Yeah uh, Dear Karen Georgia
and associates. In the last minisode, you asked for funny
(24:50):
family secrets, and it reminded me of this story. When
I was sixteen, my family, like many of the blended sort,
chose to celebrate Christmas a week early so that we
could spend it altogether. My aunt and uncle usually host,
but my mom does most of the cooking, as she
is a great cook.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I just remembered what this is.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Oh yeah, she pulls out all the stops on Christmas,
from the stuffing to the mashed potatoes.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
It's a real spread.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
But the side dish that gets the most hype is
her creamed corn. Oh, I love fucking crank worn. I
should probably mention that we're from the Midwest. We love
all things creamed and corn related. And if that grosses
you out, you're probably not going to enjoy the rest
of this story.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Almost a true re warning.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Can I just say, like you just sang the phrase
cream corn right now, We used to have that as
a side like every third night, Like cream corn was
staple at our house like normally Wow, yes, not special occasion,
but like, yeah, it was so well, just came in
a can, which is my mom's specialty.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
But that was it's so good.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
They have it at tam O Shanter when you get
like the corn bee for whatever, we have to go there.
You can get cream corn or cream spinach and I do.
Or you can say can I get half in half?
And I'll give you fucking half and a half?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Can we please go there tonight?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
In a week?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Yeah, like within the week, because I just remembered they
basically have Thanksgiving dinner there we do. And I although
got plenty to eat on Thanksgiving night, of course, not
an I want it again. There were no leftovers. Well
we're going, okay, sweet great, here we go. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
The day of our Christmas celebrations Giving thanks Giving two
weeks later, yep, to the day of our Christmas celebration,
we packed up the car and headed to my grandparents'
house to pick them up. At the time, my grandparents
had two miniature doxies and then they missed the favor
of giving them the names Wilmer and Pudge nice that
they took everywhere with them.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
At some point during the ride, there was a crinkling
sound coming from the back seat. I distinctly remember my
mom turning down bing Crosbie to hear the sound better.
We couldn't figure it out what it was, and then
we heard it laughing. Somehow, Wilmer and Pudge had gotten
under the seat, crawled into the trunk, and were eating
the cream corn.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
The crinkling sound had been the sound of.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
A tinfoil being ripped into Yes, my mom slam on
her brakes and ran to the back seat, grabbed both
the dogs by the collar, and drove the rest of
the way to my aunt's with them both on her lap.
When we pulled into my aunt's dryway, my brother and
I got out to help my mom unload the car.
My brother grabbed a tray of cream corn and started
towards the garbage cans when my mom asked where he
(27:42):
was going, Uh, to the trash, to which my mom responded,
dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's, Yes, it says.
My mom rationalized that because they say dog's mouths are
cleaner than a human's, and that they had only gotten
into one corner of the tray and it was still
okay to serve the disgraced corn at our family's Christmas
(28:04):
get together.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Disgracescream corse, just grace, scream.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
This is a regular episode, that's what it would be called.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Yeap.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
However, she threatened to ground me or any of my
four siblings if we ever told anyone that's.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Right, you got to get serious. That's a sharan.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, it says I no longer live at home, so
this no longer applies to me.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
That's not all, but there's nothing she can do about it.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
You can email any any podcast you want and tell
this cream corn disgrace story.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That says I remember watching horrified as my cousin Anna
went up for not only seconds, but thirds of the
tainted dish. There were several family members who question why
none of my siblings had eaten any The four of
us mostly just hung our heads in shame and avoided
making eye contact with each other. Some family members even
(28:54):
mentioned that it was the best one yet, to which
my mother sheepishly replied, I haven't really done anything different
than here to this day, and my siblings talk about
it and always it always gets a laugh, even though
honestly it's pretty gross. It's stay sexy and don't faint
your family anything. That a dog has had its mouth
on Melanie.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
It is first of all, that mom worked really hard
on that dish. Yeah, she wasn't letting those little doxies
fuck up her day.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
No, it's just a corner.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
It's fine, And everybody eats gross stuff all the time
without knowing it.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Do you think if you like.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
If you like clean out that corner and get rid
of all that in the corner, it's still safe, or
their germs permeate the entire dish.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
No, it's like, no, it's fine. It's like, I don't
believe dog's mouths are cleaner than humans. I think that's
totally rationalization. I think we've talked about it. Or it's
like I watch what Frank does all day. Yeah, and
it's not pretty. So I know for a fact my
mouth is cleaner than his.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
But I also that's like five second rule style thinking,
where it's just like the food is for some for
many like a big deal, hard one, especially prepared, Like
you don't just kind of throw things away like oh sorry,
there's just no dish.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, I wouldn't eat it, but I would.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Be okay serving it. I mean you couldn't know and
then eat it. I don't think I wouldn't be able to.
But like the other day, I think I told you this.
I left, I had like kind of a it was
like a Mexican bowl, so it was like rice on
the bottom, black bean's chicken and some vegetable and I
just heated it up in the microwave. You put it down, yeah,
(30:44):
put it down next to my laptop at the table
where I like the dining room table. Then pushed my
chair out, went to the bathroom, came back and Frank
was standing in a weird way and kind of going
like that where I'm like, what do you what are
you doing? What did you get?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And then I looked and it was like he absolutely
could have just quick hopped up.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
On that chair. Oh yeah, and then eaten at least
the top layer. Then I was staring at that bowl
like I can't see anywhere where he it looks like
he moved anything around.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah, he just how would you know, sour cream off
the top? No quawk, because I know, like walk them only,
no glock, no sour cream. But it also it was
already jumbled.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Up, so it's hard to tell. It wasn't like I.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Perfectly, Yeah, there's nothing you couldn't tell hardcore, then you
could still eat it.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
I didn't eat it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
I took like I tried to take like one bite
and then I was just like, hey, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It's just do.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
You know the Every morning I get woken up with
cookie licking my gums, She's right there, excited every morning.
She's just the happiest sog And I get woken up
with just a fucking dog tongue across my teeth and
gums every morning.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
That's a good way to get you up. She knows
how to get you moving. Oh my god, God bless
it's disgusting. Cream corn for everyone, crank crn.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
For everyone this holiday season. Please think of us this
and think of Melanie.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Think and think of yourself. And it's all you have
to do is buy a can at the grocery store.
I don't think there's much to it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
It's easy. Oh my god. Yeah, choose yourself? Is that it?
You have one more?
Speaker 3 (32:23):
I went first with the shoplifter store manager showdown. This
has been an epic episode. Yeah wow, I mean every
these like hit after hit, It's like it for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Guys. We started there. Send us your hit, your five
star hometown, whatever it may.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Be, and even if it's moody broody, we want to
hear about it.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, even if it's you romping or what was it
frolicking bopping around.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
But be bopping around Europe, woping around. What we're saying
is get your life and send us an email please.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Yeah, and if you want to listen to our mini
mini we each on the Fan Cult special HDE episode
Mind's about John Snow this week.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Mine's about I don't know it's over there. I'm not sure,
I can't remember it.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
We should start saying what they're about together, teasers, teesersers, teasers,
and I think there's a ton of episodes from the back.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
The many many is that you can listen to.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Oky. Yeah, the Fan Cult has just volumes that you
need to explore. But until you do, stay sexy, don't
get murdered.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Go by bye, Elvis, do you want to cookie? This
has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton, Associate producer Alejandra Keck,
engineer and mixer Stephen Ray Morris.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Researchers j Elias and Haley Gray.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Send us your hometowns and your fucking prays at My
Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my
Favorite Murder and Twitter at my Fave Murder.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
And for more information about this podcast, our live shows,
merch or to join the fan called go to my
Favorite Murder dot com.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Rate review, and subscribe.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
H
Hello, Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
It's Minny. We read your shit. Here we go.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
You've sent it into us. I'm going to start Okay,
is that all right? I was hoping. Okay, good greetings.
It just starts greetings.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
When I turned seventeen, I got my first legit job
at a local surf skate shop in San Diego called
San Diego.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Oh man, going for it. Didn't see him coming. I
got you. That one got you. It's stupid and great. Yeah,
it's my love. It's just easy. It's right there.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
It's brilliant in its ease. Sometimes you got to go
with the first thing you think of, which is like
the embodiment of San Diego is just like kind.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Of don't bother easy, does it?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It's like here's the name. Moving on, Yeah, moving on,
because so we can go get drunk later. Right. The
job was commission based and highly competitive, aka the worst
kind of job for someone who is a shy, introvert
and just wants everyone to be happy and get along.
One afternoon, a woman came into the store, long hair
that was unkempt, baggy pants that looked three times her size,
(01:35):
held up by a belt and oversized sweatshirt and flighty
avoidant eyes. I immediately got a weird vibe and decided
to let someone else help her. Yeah, despite my being
hundreds of dollars behind the mark that I needed to
hit to make commission that much.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
You're giving me flashbacks to working on Melrose. It was
like there was this model I worked with who was
so shatty. I'm good at it, yeah, And I was
just like, I don't care what you buy, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Buy whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
And you were were you also working on commission?
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah? And I hated every moment of it horrible.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Same with me, but at the gap where it wasn't commissioned,
it was just you were going to get like you're
six fifty right either way. And I was always just like, you,
do you need socks? And people would be like, I
don't want to, I don't need to buy anything else.
I'd be like, I have to ask you. Yeah, I'm
literally obligated to try to add socks on. Stop making
it a fight, Okay. As the woman was browsing the store,
(02:36):
another fellow seventeen year old coworker of mine let's call
her Julia, asked if she could start the woman a
fitting room. The woman agreed and continued collecting clothing items
to try on. When the woman was finally ready to
try on the garments, Julia escorted her to the very
back corner of the store, where the dressing rooms were located,
next to our employee breakroom and the emergency exit. Once
(02:58):
they were at the dressing rooms, Julia asked so she
could count her items. Reluctantly, the woman handed over her
remaining garments and watched my coworker count. After trying about
twenty five items, the woman handed over about half the
garments not on hangers and immediately started to walk away.
My coworker yelled in hesitation, excuse me, ma'am. Without hesitation,
(03:20):
the woman turned around, lunged toward my coworker and held
a pocket knife to her throat.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Luckily I witnessed this encounter and calmly said over our
store wide earpiece slash walkie talkie, and then in parentheses
it says picture pop star Britney spears mic oh yeah,
like ahead, mic oh touching your ear Yeah, we need
help back at the dressing rooms. As I stared at Julia,
I lost my sense of time and held my breath.
My manager, let's call him Bob, emerged from the staff
(03:51):
breakroom and launched into the most fierce sprint toward this
woman with his arms up as if he were attacking
a bear.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
The woman released Julia and started running in the other
direction back into the store, dot towards me. No. I
quickly leapt out of the way and moved behind a
clothing rack. By the time I moved, Bob had tackled
the woman and removed the weapon from her hand. When
the police arrived, they were able to retrieve five pairs
(04:22):
of pants, eight shirts, and three jackets off the woman's
body that were hidden under her oversized clothing. She was arrested,
and Bob was equally reprimanded and congratulated by the police
for catching the shoplifter. Bob said, all I could think
about was my three year old daughter and how Julia
was someone's three year old daughter. I didn't think. I
(04:42):
just reacted. I can't help but be so thankful for
the way this story played out. It taught me to
trust my gut, remain calm and stressful situations, and that
sometimes acting crazier than a crazy person can end up
potentially saving lives, and then in parentheses it says, I'm
seven hundred dollars worth of store merchandise. I guess stay
(05:03):
sexy and don't work retail Tara.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Wow, can you It's like your seventeen year old you
get four dollars an hour job and then that happens.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
That's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
It's horrifying.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But also the.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Yeah, it's yeah, like I it's like all she said
was excuse me, ma'am. So it's not like she was
doing the thing we talked about last time, which is like,
don't run after don't whatever, and it's just like, no,
that lady was like knew she was doing bad and yeah,
trying to escape. That's so crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
That's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Wow, great job, Bob, the Bobs of the world, Thank
god for you.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
This one's called A Murderous Uncle and my drunk psychic Boyfriend.
It just starts insert witty and gushing opening statement here.
Check jack Mark. This is a rather long story involving murder,
young love and a drunk scotsman.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
HM.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
It was twenty two twelve and I was twenty seven
living in Birmingham, UK and in a semi long distance
relationship with a guy from Scotland. He was coming to
visit me at my home, and knowing him as I did,
I stucked the house with red wine and whiskey. We
spent a lovely night in drinking and chatting and drinking
and drinking and drinking.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Dots Ren, that's the best way.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Uh huh on about his fifth bottle of red wine.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
That sounds impossible, horrifying. The acid alone would eat your
lower body. Oh god, my boyf Maha. My boyfriend stopped
me mid sentence and announced that he occasionally has psychic
flashes and he was having a very strong one about
my family. He said that my mom had nine brothers
and that one of them had once murdered his wife
(06:48):
and another person. What slightly perturbed, I said, whilst it
was weird that my mom had eight brothers and he
was close on that count, categorically none of them had
ever met anyone. He said that I was wrong, and
we moved on. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
If you say that with a Scottish accent, fine, but
if not, go fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
You wrong, dang.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
The next day, when he'd left, my mom called to
ask how they went. I laughingly explained he'd creep me
out and told her what he'd said, to which my
mom replied, all caps, how on earth did he know
about that? Yes, it turned out I had an extra
uncle whom I'd never been told about, who in nineteen
(07:34):
seventy six walked in on his wife sleeping with another
man and promptly murdered them both with a shotgun before
going on the run for two weeks. He was eventually
caught and served fifteen years in prison before moving to
Spain and dying in suspicious circumstances there. Then it says
fun fact a lot of ex con Brits moved to
(07:55):
Spain and get involved with organized crime there. Yes, there
was actually sorry sorry, I was just gonna say.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
There's a great movie which one starring Ben Kingsley, organized
crime in Spain.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It's called Yep, you.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Gotta watch it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
PG.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
Thirteen. Shit, I'll think of it, I'll think of you.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Calm.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
There was absolutely no explainable way my boyfriend could have
known this. The only mention I can find on the
internet is a notice of my uncle's conviction, and he
has a different surname to me and my mom and
the entire family had sworn itself to secrecy over the
whole thing. Whilst this was ultimately creepy and made my
mom never want to meet this boyfriend, my murdering o'
(08:38):
brain was rather excited, and despite the weirdness of it all,
I kept dating him for another six months because Hey,
a guy's got to eat, right.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I marry that guy. You just see the truth in
the past, in the.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Future, that's right, I'm now Once it says I'm now
happily married to a psychiatrist, and then it says read
it to that what you will, and the family murder
secret is now known by all. Your podcast has absolutely
changed my life, and I thank you so much for
sharing your true selves with the world.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Stay sexy, and don't piss off my uncles.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Martin he him, Martin, Marty, Marty A. That movie is
called Sexy Beast. Oh you've ever seen it? You got
to see it?
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Great? Amazing, Yeah, b I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
That might have just moved into my top ten hometowns.
I really love any kind of thing like that. That's like, sorry,
the sixth cents and shit like that's real. Yes, yeah,
it absolutely is. People know stuff. People know more than
you think. They know how that's just he was. So
he was one hundred percent correct. I love him being
(09:54):
correct about his own family. Like it's not even He's
just like, no, you're wrong about your family. You're you're
wrong about your own family. I know better than you. Yeah,
come on, that's marry that man. You know it's better
than you.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
What fucking Scottish accent?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Hot?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Hot?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
All right?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
So hot?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
That makes me think of that viral video of the
Scottish guy that woke up in somebody else's house, laughing
his ass off and explaining how he he thought he
was coming to a party. Remember that video the Scottish
guy laughing his ass off and telling a story about
how he got super drunk, thought he was going to
his friend's house for a party, got to this lady's house,
(10:34):
was so shit faced that he was like, is this
a party? And she's like, no, honey, there's no party here.
And then he passed out on our couch and woke
up and she was like, get me a cup of
tea doll or whatever, and he couldn't stop laughing, and
then she couldn't stop laughing and he's like it was
it's the best Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Well, I'll look it up. All of us will look
it up.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Everybody go look it up, and then get back to
me how you feel about it. I'm not going to
read you the subject line this one. Hello og murderinos.
Oh Hi, Yeah, I was listening to one of your
recent hometowns about a girl accidentally rolling up a window
on her own body as a child, and I gassed
out loud, realizing I finally had a hometown moment. I
(11:16):
grew up in put In Bay, Ohio, a little island
in Lake Erie that is mostly known for its bar scene,
but also is a hidden gem once you actually get
out of the downtown area, where the majority of people
get around by golf carts rather than cars. It's full
of tons of narrow roads, blind turns, and minimal speed
limit postings. We went there a few weeks throughout the summer,
(11:39):
often alternating between just my mom and I spending the
week with my best friend See and her mom, my
mom's best friend, and my family going up together. This
particular week, it was just my mom and I with
our best friends for girls week s, and I were
somewhere in the eight and nine age range, and the
past few days of the week had been pretty dreary
(12:00):
read she and I had been cooped up in the
house with way more energy than necessary because eight and
nine See's mom had a meeting for the early part
of the day, and despite it still being pretty rainy,
my mom wanted us to get out of the house
to burn some of that energy. But plus, our golf
cart had fold up windshields, so clearly we had no excuses.
My mom took the two of us to the nature
(12:21):
center on the island. We hadn't been there in a
long time, and both of us are very into animals
slash nature, so it really was an ideal trip. On
the way there, I sat in the front of the
golf cart and she sat in the back, and we
both thought it was hilarious for me to stick my
head and upper body outside of the golf cart and
turn around to talk to see and instead of just
(12:44):
turning in the direction of my mom, to face backwards
and talk to her, so it's like she's turning out
and get almost like leaning out of the golf cart.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
To talk to her friend. Okay, her upper body. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
My mom mostly worried that her uncoordinated, clumsy, accident prone
daughter would fall out of the golf cart, kept telling
me to turn the other way. In the meantime, a
box truck came flying around a blind turn on the
very narrow road we were on, nearly sideswiping our golf cart.
My mom grabbed the back of my hoodie and yanked
(13:19):
me back into the golf cart while maneuvering off the
road to avoid the truck in a way that only
moms can do.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Once that truck was well past us, because the fuck
had just kept going, we had a moment to breathe,
and all three of us broke down crying. To this day,
my mom maintains that the truck had to be going
at least forty miles an hour when it passed us,
and had she not reacted with mom like reflexes, my
mom and best friend would have been left with a
(13:46):
pretty traumatic moment instead of my brush with death and
remember when story that we all share every time we
go around that turn. My mom ended up turning around
and taking us back to the house to watch a
movie because all three of us were overwhelmed and completely
disinterested in an outing at that point, only to find
out when sees mom got home that the nature center
was closed on Wednesdays, and had it not played out
(14:09):
the way it did, my decapitation would have been for nothing.
I thank you, thank you for all you do. Your
brilliant storytelling has gotten me through many shitty commutes and
long work days, and I'm so grateful for that and
for you both. All the best.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Emily, oh my god, send us his stories about how
your mom saved your life.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Please, yes, please, holy shit. Yeah, it's terrifying.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah, and also the idea. But you're nine years old,
and have you figured out a funny bit that's making
your friend laugh? So yeah, just doing it and like, look,
I thought it's something funny.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
The other day, Vince and I were driving and I'm
a crazy driver, you know that, And I kind of
had to stop short and I did the fucking mom
arm thing to Vince across the seat of like stopping
him yep.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I was like, I'm sorry I that, like you're
a child.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
It was just my reflex is to like put my
arm out in front of him to like stop him
from dying.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Stop him from you killing him. I basically was like
double seatbelt. I'd like back in the seatbelt. You have
to no, I mean, like, I think that's very good
driver instincts. Yeah, because you know you're about to do it,
so you know, like you know, you know that it
needs to get done right.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
And also it's from a time like in the eighties
where seat belts probably like okay at.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Best, so you have to do it all right, or
if you were even in seat belts at all, because
you you might be in one of those long bench
seat cars where you just would slide back and forth.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's right, all right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
This is called butts on the beach, and it just starts.
So in the summer of twenty sixteen, I was bebopping
around Europe visiting friends.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Why, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Between Madrid and Bordeaux, I had a week alone in
sun Sebastian. One day I decided to get out of
town and have a little solo beach moment. I found
this beach on Google Maps, did literally no research, bought
some bread and cheese and then it says crucial, and
set off on a two point five hour jaunt to
(16:17):
the shore. The hike there was cute. She was giving
me moody, broody cloud vibe with mountains and hills on
one side. In the ocean on the other fewcolic farmsteads, cows, etc.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You get the picture.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yes, I finally get to the beach and it's kind
of rocky and small and completely completely deserted. There were
no houses within sight, and all the clouds and occasional
mist made it seem even more secluded. I spied a
comfy spot, broke out a book and my cheese, and
set in for a nice afternoon. As soon as I
sat down, though, this guy appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
He was older than me, a little crusty. I couldn't
tell if it was eccentric or just European. He's surprised
and scared me, but I was like, whatever, I don't
on this beach. He eventually walked off and disappeared behind
some rocks. But from that second on I could not
shake a feeling of complete discomfort deep in my gut.
The sound of waves and wind, which were at first comforting,
(17:17):
started to sound like whispers. I was so uneasy, shivering,
with hair standing up on the back of my neck,
and a nagging feeling that someone was watching me.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yes, the guy behind the rocks, the guy. You're right,
you should know you're right.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
It was around this time that I reflected a little
on my situation. Literally, no one, I mean no one
knew where I was. I had no way of getting
away from that beach except by foot, no cell service,
and no defense. As the most mayonnaise tinged, blissfully naive,
thoroughly Midwestern white boy on Earth, I guess I never
thought about the precarity of wandering through a foreign country alone,
(17:56):
with literally no concerns for my safety or bodily autonomy.
Newly aware of my situation, I nervously finished my cheese.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
And this wasn't gonna leave any behind.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I love this person all and packed up.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
But as soon as I got up to go, little
mister shabby sheek appeared again and started following me. We
were both walking toward the beach entrance, but he kept
gaining on me. The closer he got, the more freaked
out I became. Eventually, he was so close that I
could hear his hands fumbling in his pockets. I quickly
jumped off the path and pretended to take pictures of
(18:32):
the ocean, hoping he would just walk away and leave
me alone. A few frantic breaths and face flushing heartbeats.
I turned around, and Mama, let me tell you, he
was standing on top of a boulder, looking me directly
in the eyes. As I stared, unable to move, he
turned around, unbuckled his pants and dropped trou exposing a
(18:56):
decidedly middle aged, scrawny, fully new ass. Now being notably
homosexual myself, I should have been able to pick up
on the vibes here and figured out that this man
was trying to get his life, or that this was
a cruising beach.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I don't know what the same.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Way he was trying to get his life. It might
be a fun phrase that this guy knows that we
don't know. Yeah, like this, that's that's how you get
your life. Okay, get your life.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
I don't know, Stephen five years old?
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Leave it. You have to leave, Okay. We don't have
to pretend we know what get your life means.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
He's trying to get his life, or that that life
got that life, or he was or this was a
cruising beach. But my angelic sensibilities had me convinced that
I was about to be murdered. I dove behind another boulder,
tried to find a rock for self defense, and wondered
if the water at the shore was deep enough for
him to drown me in. After a couple of minutes
of cowering and clutching a rock, I peeked out from
(19:53):
my hide away and saw that the beach was totally deserted,
as if this guy had disappeared.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Into thin air.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Thank God, the gay have been blessed with an unnatural
capacity to walk quickly, because I summoned a full cath
day night power walk and fled back to the city.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Too sweet, I recovered with more cheese. Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
And then it says I think about you and the
crew all the time. M he him, oh wait. And
then it says, ps, I'm an English professor, but I
still don't have any idea what I'm doing most of
the time. A couple of years ago, after listening to
you too, I started incorporating at corrections Corner into my classes,
where I fix the things I got wrong in the
previous day's.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Workshop or lecture. I'm not pressed about it.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Everybody messes up, but thanks for modeling how to gracefully
own up to your mistakes and laugh off the little things.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
M m M.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
You clearly are an English professor. That was such a
hilariously beautiful Okay, I have to admit when you said
be bopping around Europa's like, don't love it, but with
the re now knowing the rest of your life personality. Also,
if you don't think I'm not stealing moody broody as
a descriptor for anything, you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Get your life, get your life.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That it must be it right.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
He was getting his life.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Oh, get your life, get that life, drop trout and
get your life on a boulder.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Oh beautifully, do I love it?
Speaker 3 (21:23):
That was gorgeously executed.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
M m.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
And then would an honor to somehow have affected the
way someone approaches how they do things, especially a professor.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Where you're like, we're not worthy.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
I mean that's someone em does his homework.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
The subject line of this email is bars save lives.
Okay there. I've been racking my brain for a hometown
story to share with you all, but the only thing
murderish related was that my friend's mom saw Jeffrey Dahmer
streaking in a park and in parentheses it says I'm
from Millwall. Well not right, I mean that's not nothing
a lot, it's something else and horriforing. While not a murder.
(22:09):
I do have a fun ancestor story that I thought
you might get a kick out of. We're a very
Irish family, but I do have one great great grandpa
that squeaked in from Luxembourg.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Turns out way back when, I don't know how long ago,
sometime in the eighteen hundreds, he was set to sail
to America and got very drunk at a bar the
night before the trip. Loved that for him, but he
ended up It says that in parentheses, love that for him,
get your life wait, but he ended up missing the boat.
(22:48):
Not sure how often boats were shuttling to and from
Luxembourg in America at that point, but I bet it
was a little bit of a bigger deal than missing
a flight these days. The crazy thing is a couple
days later, there were bits of wood floating in the
water near the port. It turns out that first boat
ended up catching fire and sank, killing everyone on board.
(23:08):
Oh my god, incredibly tragic, and I wonder how often
that happened back then. Good thing, my great great grandpa
knew how to have a good time and was incredibly irresponsible.
I wouldn't be here today if not one last quick tidbit,
he brought one travel trunk with him on the journey,
and then in parentheses it says, talk about traveling white
(23:31):
And it's now in my parents' house. My siblings and
I are all squabbling over who gets it next, and gosh,
I hope I do, because it's the coolest thing ever. Go,
oh my god, check this out, thanks, and have a
great day. M it can't be. Would it be the
same M? If the your M specified pronouns this, this
(23:54):
M did not.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
No, it can't be.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
It can't be the same. But that's insane.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, that's wild. Also, I just wonder what that trunk
smells like. I bet it smells so good.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Oh, it's kind of like it's salty sea air.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Mothballs and salty mold.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Maybe hopefully a little bit of cedar got in there somehow.
What about those really old trunks that like people used
They were like suitcases, but they also turned into like
your room essentially.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yeah, with all the drawers like on Joe versus the Volcano.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Yeah, wardrobe a wardrobe. Yeah, travel trunk that you can
also float to a desert island. Yeah, that's haunted. Okay,
and go versus a volcano. This is called a Christmas secret,
my lost one best kind. Yeah uh, Dear Karen Georgia
and associates. In the last minisode, you asked for funny
(24:50):
family secrets, and it reminded me of this story. When
I was sixteen, my family, like many of the blended sort,
chose to celebrate Christmas a week early so that we
could spend it altogether. My aunt and uncle usually host,
but my mom does most of the cooking, as she
is a great cook.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I just remembered what this is.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Oh yeah, she pulls out all the stops on Christmas,
from the stuffing to the mashed potatoes.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
It's a real spread.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
But the side dish that gets the most hype is
her creamed corn. Oh, I love fucking crank worn. I
should probably mention that we're from the Midwest. We love
all things creamed and corn related. And if that grosses
you out, you're probably not going to enjoy the rest
of this story.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Almost a true re warning.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Can I just say, like you just sang the phrase
cream corn right now, We used to have that as
a side like every third night, Like cream corn was
staple at our house like normally Wow, yes, not special occasion,
but like, yeah, it was so well, just came in
a can, which is my mom's specialty.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
But that was it's so good.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
They have it at tam O Shanter when you get
like the corn bee for whatever, we have to go there.
You can get cream corn or cream spinach and I do.
Or you can say can I get half in half?
And I'll give you fucking half and a half?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Can we please go there tonight?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
In a week?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Yeah, like within the week, because I just remembered they
basically have Thanksgiving dinner there we do. And I although
got plenty to eat on Thanksgiving night, of course, not
an I want it again. There were no leftovers. Well
we're going, okay, sweet great, here we go. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
The day of our Christmas celebrations Giving thanks Giving two
weeks later, yep, to the day of our Christmas celebration,
we packed up the car and headed to my grandparents'
house to pick them up. At the time, my grandparents
had two miniature doxies and then they missed the favor
of giving them the names Wilmer and Pudge nice that
they took everywhere with them.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
At some point during the ride, there was a crinkling
sound coming from the back seat. I distinctly remember my
mom turning down bing Crosbie to hear the sound better.
We couldn't figure it out what it was, and then
we heard it laughing. Somehow, Wilmer and Pudge had gotten
under the seat, crawled into the trunk, and were eating
the cream corn.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
The crinkling sound had been the sound of.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
A tinfoil being ripped into Yes, my mom slam on
her brakes and ran to the back seat, grabbed both
the dogs by the collar, and drove the rest of
the way to my aunt's with them both on her lap.
When we pulled into my aunt's dryway, my brother and
I got out to help my mom unload the car.
My brother grabbed a tray of cream corn and started
towards the garbage cans when my mom asked where he
(27:42):
was going, Uh, to the trash, to which my mom responded,
dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's, Yes, it says.
My mom rationalized that because they say dog's mouths are
cleaner than a human's, and that they had only gotten
into one corner of the tray and it was still
okay to serve the disgraced corn at our family's Christmas
(28:04):
get together.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
Disgracescream corse, just grace, scream.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
This is a regular episode, that's what it would be called.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Yeap.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
However, she threatened to ground me or any of my
four siblings if we ever told anyone that's.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Right, you got to get serious. That's a sharan.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, it says I no longer live at home, so
this no longer applies to me.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
That's not all, but there's nothing she can do about it.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
You can email any any podcast you want and tell
this cream corn disgrace story.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That says I remember watching horrified as my cousin Anna
went up for not only seconds, but thirds of the
tainted dish. There were several family members who question why
none of my siblings had eaten any The four of
us mostly just hung our heads in shame and avoided
making eye contact with each other. Some family members even
(28:54):
mentioned that it was the best one yet, to which
my mother sheepishly replied, I haven't really done anything different
than here to this day, and my siblings talk about
it and always it always gets a laugh, even though
honestly it's pretty gross. It's stay sexy and don't faint
your family anything. That a dog has had its mouth
on Melanie.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
It is first of all, that mom worked really hard
on that dish. Yeah, she wasn't letting those little doxies
fuck up her day.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
No, it's just a corner.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
It's fine, And everybody eats gross stuff all the time
without knowing it.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Do you think if you like.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
If you like clean out that corner and get rid
of all that in the corner, it's still safe, or
their germs permeate the entire dish.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
No, it's like, no, it's fine. It's like, I don't
believe dog's mouths are cleaner than humans. I think that's
totally rationalization. I think we've talked about it. Or it's
like I watch what Frank does all day. Yeah, and
it's not pretty. So I know for a fact my
mouth is cleaner than his.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
But I also that's like five second rule style thinking,
where it's just like the food is for some for
many like a big deal, hard one, especially prepared, Like
you don't just kind of throw things away like oh sorry,
there's just no dish.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, I wouldn't eat it, but I would.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Be okay serving it. I mean you couldn't know and
then eat it. I don't think I wouldn't be able to.
But like the other day, I think I told you this.
I left, I had like kind of a it was
like a Mexican bowl, so it was like rice on
the bottom, black bean's chicken and some vegetable and I
just heated it up in the microwave. You put it down, yeah,
(30:44):
put it down next to my laptop at the table
where I like the dining room table. Then pushed my
chair out, went to the bathroom, came back and Frank
was standing in a weird way and kind of going
like that where I'm like, what do you what are
you doing? What did you get?
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And then I looked and it was like he absolutely
could have just quick hopped up.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
On that chair. Oh yeah, and then eaten at least
the top layer. Then I was staring at that bowl
like I can't see anywhere where he it looks like
he moved anything around.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah, he just how would you know, sour cream off
the top? No quawk, because I know, like walk them only,
no glock, no sour cream. But it also it was
already jumbled.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Up, so it's hard to tell. It wasn't like I.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Perfectly, Yeah, there's nothing you couldn't tell hardcore, then you
could still eat it.
Speaker 3 (31:35):
I didn't eat it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
I took like I tried to take like one bite
and then I was just like, hey, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It's just do.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
You know the Every morning I get woken up with
cookie licking my gums, She's right there, excited every morning.
She's just the happiest sog And I get woken up
with just a fucking dog tongue across my teeth and
gums every morning.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
That's a good way to get you up. She knows
how to get you moving. Oh my god, God bless
it's disgusting. Cream corn for everyone, crank crn.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
For everyone this holiday season. Please think of us this
and think of Melanie.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
Think and think of yourself. And it's all you have
to do is buy a can at the grocery store.
I don't think there's much to it.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
It's easy. Oh my god. Yeah, choose yourself? Is that it?
You have one more?
Speaker 3 (32:23):
I went first with the shoplifter store manager showdown. This
has been an epic episode. Yeah wow, I mean every
these like hit after hit, It's like it for sure.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Guys. We started there. Send us your hit, your five
star hometown, whatever it may.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Be, and even if it's moody broody, we want to
hear about it.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, even if it's you romping or what was it
frolicking bopping around.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
But be bopping around Europe, woping around. What we're saying
is get your life and send us an email please.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Yeah, and if you want to listen to our mini
mini we each on the Fan Cult special HDE episode
Mind's about John Snow this week.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
Mine's about I don't know it's over there. I'm not sure,
I can't remember it.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
We should start saying what they're about together, teasers, teesersers, teasers,
and I think there's a ton of episodes from the back.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
The many many is that you can listen to.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Oky. Yeah, the Fan Cult has just volumes that you
need to explore. But until you do, stay sexy, don't
get murdered.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Go by bye, Elvis, do you want to cookie? This
has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Our producer is Hannah Kyle Crichton, Associate producer Alejandra Keck,
engineer and mixer Stephen Ray Morris.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
Researchers j Elias and Haley Gray.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Send us your hometowns and your fucking prays at My
Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my
Favorite Murder and Twitter at my Fave Murder.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
And for more information about this podcast, our live shows,
merch or to join the fan called go to my
Favorite Murder dot com.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Rate review, and subscribe.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
H
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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