March 25, 2024 • 22 mins
This week’s hometowns include a diving survival story and a grandpa who was in the CIA.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Heow, and welcome to my favorite murder, the minisodes where.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We read you your stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
They're emails you send them to us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's such a great setup. Yeah, okay, this says crazy
diving survival story, and then in parentheses it says lighthearted
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
God, I already have I'm already sweating diving. Yeah, okay,
I don't understand it. I don't either, Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi a MFM fan. I've basically been listening to your
podcast NonStop since I found you last year and am
almost caught up. I was listening to a minisode where
you guys got on the topic of riptides and water
war Texas, and I decided that this was the time
to write in and then a parenthesis it says, there
have been so many times I've considered doing so before
but didn't for one reason or another. When I was
(01:09):
a teenager, our family went on vacation to Hawaii. For
one of our activities, we scuba dived in those lava
tubes underneath a volcano, which I'm like, what, I didn't
know that was the thing you could do. And it
says picture swimming into a cave but having the cave
then wrap all around you, which is like, that's called
a nightmare. I don't want to picture that is a
(01:31):
horror movie. That is okay, So it says, so our
group was swimming through this one tube, we'll call it
tube in an endeavor to see a ghost shrimp that
lived at the back of the tube.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Not worth it, No, go to a fish market and like,
look around.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Picture a shrimp with a sheet over it and two
eyes cut out, and then their little ant na's coming
out of the holes. Yeah, it was all cool, fun
and games swimming down this tube seeing all this wildlife.
I ditched my mom and I went to find my
dad and sister, who were lazily floating along in the back.
After deciding they were boring, I began to try to
swim back toward the ghost shrimp, when all of a sudden,
(02:08):
a wave on its way back out to sea caught
me and pulled me into this connecting tube. I was
scraping my hands along the walls, trying to stop myself
because I was certain that this was going to end badly.
So the current thinks this is funny and does it
a few more times until I'm literally bawling into my mask,
raking my hands along the wall, trying to get a grip,
(02:28):
all while envisioning the current forcing me back against the
wall and my tank somehow exploding. And then in parentheses
it says I was a dramatic teenager. Then it says
finally I was able to claw my way back to
steady water and found my mom still crying about my
near death experience. My Mom's trying to understand why I'm
so upset while I watched the rest of our group
(02:48):
swim into my death tube. Then, to my embarrassing astonishment,
our dive instructor simply stands up. My embarrassment will never
be matched. I was simultaneously relieved and somewhat enraged at
the fact that all I had to do during my
dance with death was stand the fuck up. I was
so embarrassed, but luckily I could hide it with the ocean.
(03:12):
My favorite line of all time, hide your embarrassment with
the ocean. So this whole time, if I just relaxed,
I probably would have realized that I could touch the
seafloor and just stand up. So that's my story warning
about the dangers of panicking. I'm very grateful to both
of you for the community you created and how you
make it safe for me to feel any and every
manner of feeling. Thank you for speaking out for those
(03:35):
whose voices have been silenced. We need people like you
with a platform like yours to speak the words that
make the difference. Wow, thank you. I know fondly Olivia.
I love Olivia's story so much. It's so classic, like
so dramatic. Yeah, you're it's the ocean and a cave.
So it's not an illogical thing to be like, oh
(03:57):
this is it, like I'm done for Like always remember
the ground is underneath you.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
The panicking will never never give you a clear answer
as to what to do next, unfortunately, because it's like
the easiest thing.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
To do is right, it's automatic.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It's so annoying.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Mate, No calm down, No one hit yet. I didn't
hit your Let's all just extail out.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
The listen as a panicker, as a known panicker, this
one's called go to museum jail, and it just starts
ad lib clever intro. Here in Manyiso two sixty eight,
you asked for stories about breaking obvious rules in a museum.
It just so happens that during my undergrad I did
a series of internships in small local museums fun The
(04:42):
story takes place in a County Historical Center house in
a New England jail. The original jail was made of
wood and was built in seventeen ninety two, but because
a wood cell block was problematic think bugs, cold, and
easy escape, it was upgraded to granted in eighteen fifty eight.
Original wooden cells remain in the upstairs portion of the jail,
(05:03):
but they have been repurposed into rooms that contain exhibits
of non jail related local history. The basement slash dungeon
contained the modern iron and granite cells, so the ones
built in eighteen fifty eight. The cell doors were fully
functioning but were a pain in the ass to unlock,
so we kept the cell doors open and added signs
that said all caps do not close the cell doors
(05:27):
because the locking mechanism would engage as soon as the
door was closed. Despite this, morning visitors would often try
to close themselves in the cells for the locked up
photo op. Of course, yeah, museum staff would usually be
able to stop amateur photographers before they incarcerated themselves, But
one afternoon I failed in my duty to protect visitors
from their own stupidity. A family of three was visiting
(05:50):
the museum, and while I was answering questions from the mother,
the father and about eight year old son were walking
around the cells. Suddenly, the mother and I heard a
distance clink, followed by an oh fuck coming from the father.
The father told me that the sun closed himself in
the cell and it's an absolute lie because those were
heavy ass iron doors. But whatever blamed it on the sun,
(06:14):
and the sun was freaking out. Remember that doors were
a pain and they asked to open. Well this time,
nobody working in the museum that day could get the
door to open, so we had to call a locksmith.
In a cruel twist of fate, the local locksmith was
off duty that day and his shop was being managed
by his apprentice, who was inexperienced with seventeenth century locks.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like, yeah, everybody is. Everybody living today is inexperience with them,
I think.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
And this poor kid is losing his fucking mind and
he got blamed. We ended up calling the curator for
another local historical society to come down and open the
cell doors and eventually remove the locking mechanisms from all
the cell doors. Smart after all was said and done.
The kid did about two hours of hard time. The
father learned a valuable lesson about reading signs and following
(07:02):
basic instructions, and I learned how to remove a lock
from a seventeenth century jail cell. Stay sexy and don't
lock yourself in jail.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Jacob, Thank you Jacob, because seriously, people don't read signs
anymore and they don't give a shit about like why
somebody would have the necessity to put up a sign
indicates that there's a problem that you need to know about,
as opposed to like, no, no, I decided to do
my thing where it's like but no, because the thing
you're gonna do, you're gonna there's a way a problem.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
It doesn't relate to me. These rules don't relate to me.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It's just me and my son. We're cool, and it's
just like, well, I wish they were both in there.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
No, no, they both were the dad and oh oh sorry,
I thought.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
The kid was freaking out because he was by himself.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh no, I think they were a book.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Wait, do you remember did you ever take a tour
of Alcatraz and they put you into the.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I have a photo of my dad from that time
in one of the cells with a grim like doing,
I mean, grim scowl.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But don't they also put you into solitary confinement for
like one minute.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I can't imagine they do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
I don't remember I remember it, but maybe it was, yeah,
because they just put you in and like check this out.
Shut the door. We'll put you in for one minute.
And then it's like there are people who spent three
years in this or whatever where.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's like, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Now we're going to take another hard left.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
In this podcast Car of Ours, it says holiday fun
and then I'm not going to read the rest because
it gives it away. Okay. Greeting's MFM team in the
spirit of Christmas, Look, look, our inbox is very full.
A La Hondra's doing an amazing job of processing all
these emails.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah, we get to them. When we get to them,
it's it's March.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
We're only three months behind. In the spirit of Christmas,
I wanted to share a family story of holidays past.
When I was a kid, around age eight or so,
we went to visit my grandparents in Ohio for the holidays.
As usual, one afternoon, my mom and I decided to
bake some Christmas cookies. We preheated the oven, mixed up
the dough, and measured out spoonfuls onto the cookie sheets.
Then we smelled smoke. Unbeknownst to us, my aunt had
(09:03):
been proofing a loaf of bread in the empty oven,
and the towel covering it had caught fire. Oh jess.
My mom quickly instructed me to fetch my grandma from
the den, where she was watching football with an assortment
of my aunts and uncles. I rushed in and shyly
whispered in her ear, not wanting to make a scene. Grandma,
the oven's on fire. She she mistook my morning for
(09:29):
a game of telephone and whispered into my uncle's ear.
The oven's on fire passed on By the time the
message made it down the line to the end of
the couch. My mom must have come in and alerted
them to the situation. I love that grandma so much.
She's like, oh, yeah, you wanna have fun, I'll have
(09:50):
fun with you, not listening to the actual message at all, Yeah, says.
I don't remember how the situation was resolved, but I
distinctly remember my aunt being disgruntled about her erstwhile loaf
of bread. Happy holidays, and don't forget to check the
oven for potential hazards before preheating, Madeline she her Man.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
This is the first house that we ever lived in
where we didn't have to store the baking trays in
the oven because right there was never room, so you'd
preheat your oven and always have to take out a
hot ass baking sheet.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Or in my case, an old piece of pizza. Oh
so many times in my life I've opened the oven, like,
because I cook every two months or something. I'm like,
what the hell is that? It's just like a preserved,
petrified piece of pizza that I reheated and forgot. Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I love that my granddad was in the CIA. Yes,
hello everyone, I'm in the middle of catching up in
the pod and I just listened to minnesode one eighty
four where you said to keep the CIA Grandpa stories coming.
I'm sure you've moved on to different topics since July
twenty twenty, but please humor me my story.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
We have not. We haven't even moved. We don't go
topic to topic. All topics are on the table.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
That's right. Time is a flat circle, that's right. Growing up,
my dad's family was always somewhat aloof They lived abroad
for most of my dad's childhood in various European countries,
so I always brushed off the distant behavior, thinking, I
guess that's just how people in Europe are. The story
was that my granddad was in the State Service. He
(11:25):
was very gifted with languages and was hired by the
State Department after serving in the army in World War Two.
My dad's family lived in Finland, Italy, Belgium, and Brussels.
Everywhere they went, my grammy connected the culture through their
traditional foods, she was an amazing cook, and social traditions,
and says they had some wild costume parties in Germany,
(11:45):
and my dad and aunt alternated between international schools where
their parents were living and boarding schools back in the States.
At least, this is the story I got ooh uh
huh until one day I was driving in the car
with my mom. I want to say, I was in
tenth grade. Somehow we got on the topic of my
grandpa and I made some comment about him being in
the State Service, to which my mom said, you mean
(12:06):
the CIA. She was honestly surprised that I didn't already know,
but I was a pretty self absorbed teenager, so maybe
it shouldn't have been that surprising. Yeah, to admit it
when it happened.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
A pretty self absorbed teenager also known as a teenager.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That's right. Turns out being in the State Department was
his cover, and he was in fact a member of
the CIA. He was recruited straight out of the Army
into what was then the OSS Office of Strategic Services
and received his first international placement to Finland in nineteen
fifty five. It was an open secret in the family,
but everyone knew better than to ask my granddad any
(12:41):
direct questions about his service. This is my favorite of
the few stories I did here. While living in Italy
in the late sixties and early seventies, there was an
Italian spy that was holed up in an apartment and
my granddad was tasked with bringing him in. I don't
know how the initial contact was made, but my granddad
some have a friend of this man, and even convinced
the spy that he was from the same small Italian
(13:02):
village by speaking their local dialects. Oh shit, I know.
Once their familiar bond was established, my granddad convinced him
to turn himself over, which he did, and the two
of them remained friends. He says how question mark many
of the spy stories went to the grave with him
in twenty eighteen, but he did have other fun anecdotes,
(13:23):
like the time LBJ visited Brussels while he was still
vice president and my granddad had to translate for him
while he haggled with street vendors. Not all of the
stories had happy endings, but somehow my grandpa kept his
good humor through it all and was one of the
silliest people I've ever known, oftentimes wearing fake noses as
a joke that it says, maybe this collection of disguises
(13:44):
should have been a tip off question.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yes, it's like, you look over your grandpa's wearing the
glasses mustache nose thing, and it's like, is he in
the CIA?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's STEVIEE. Cooper? What the fuck? Anyway, stay sexy, And
maybe everyone should just ask their grandparents if they were
in the CIA, you know, just in.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Case, Kelly, So true, Kelly, everyone just go ask so crazy,
your grandparents and your great grandparents could be anything.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Anything is possible, and they were definitely cooler than you
and probably smarter.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
And also they didn't talk about stuff that was the
traumatized past, where it's like keep it to yourself. No
one cares silent generation. But we do care, silent generation.
We do. We want to hear it. Here's a great
one subject line, hidden treasures and wedding gifts. Hello, ladies, jans, folks,
and all things listening. Let's get right into it. I
(14:39):
was listening to minnisode three seventy one and there was
a story about money that was hidden in a hat
and thrown away. Remember that one. It was the name
I think Navy hat.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
This reminded me of when my husband and I received
an unusual gift for our wedding, and we still laugh
to this day about the mistake we made. A little backstory.
My husband is a chef and has worked in kitchens
for a ver long time. He started helping with dishes
and worked his way to a position where he is
now running a full kitchen. That's huge. He started as
the dishwasher, the hardest work there is, and everybody right
(15:11):
now in an oil rig is like fuck you. Okay.
A few years before we got married, maybe around twenty sixteen,
he was working a desk job for the one and
only time in his life. While doing so, he continued
to help out some friends who were cooking at a
local bar and restaurant. He picked up shifts here and
there to help with prep and dishes for a little
extra cash and of course a little more time with
(15:33):
his friends. He had these grimy work shoes that he
kept tucked away in the basement of the restaurant, so
he always had them when he picked up shifts. After
he was done working there, he left the shoes behind
and simply forgot about their existence. Three years later and
we were getting married, and our friends from that restaurant
oh so kindly packaged up my husband's gross, abandoned basement
(15:53):
dishwashing shoes for our wedding gifts. He completely forgot that
they had existed, and I hadn't seen them years and
wouldn't have even recognized them. We opened the gift, we
laughed when we realized what they were, and quickly toss
them in the garbage that was taken to the curb
that night. The next day we texted our friends to
say thank you for the laugh. They were quick to
(16:14):
ask if we appreciated the actual gift. Dot dot dot
actual gift. Oops, it turns out they hid a very
generous amount of cash in one of the shoes as
our wedding gift. Don't do that, put it on the card.
Put it on the card. Those shoes were long gone,
as the trash had been picked up. And to this
(16:36):
day our friends don't know twice about us throwing away
their money.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
God they might.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Now we said a very gracious thank you, which not
to be picky, but it spelled gratuitous, which makes me
laugh really hard. I know they mean gracious. We said
a very gracious thank you and hit our shame of
throwing out the real gift along with the trash shoes.
Stay sexy and don't hide money and things that are
(17:02):
obviously trashed.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Oh what?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
And in parentheses it says, and don't throw away wedding
gifts without thorough inspection. And that's from Carlisle, she heard.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Oh I feel like I would have told them, I know,
mean to you know, just like blurted it out.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh you mean busted yourself for having thrown them away.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yes, that I would have been that guy. But those
of us should have fucking yeah, put it in the fucking.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Card now, I have to write the card. It's gonna
say something like, here's a little remembrance of a time past,
but also something that will help you in the future,
something like that. And the toe of the left shoe,
Oh my god, as gross as these are, put your
hands inside of them and feel around for money.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I've done dishes at restaurants before. Your shoes just like,
don't stand a chance. It's fucking disgusting. Oh, at the
end of the night, you're like socks are wet. It's
so gross.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Also, are you like sweaty and hot with all the
hot water? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And I was the waitress too, so I run upstairs
to the restaurant. Can I take your order and wash
your dishes?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Can I do it all for you?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah? It was a rough time.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Well, way better now, Georgia, real quick, real quick, newslash
you you're here now? Oh thank god.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And I've never done a dish again. Everything's fine, sorry, Vince, No,
he doesn't do then we just throw them away.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
What those paper plates for you, guys?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Okay, I thought they were staring because I was hot.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I have a lot to say, but I'm afraid of
you making fun of me for sending a long email.
So I love you, blah blah blah. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Oh, now, I absolutely have to make.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Fun of this person you recently asked for quote. I
thought everyone was looking at me and they were stories,
and I gasped with joy, smiley face yay. I'm from
southern California, where I went to UC Irvine and worked
at the little dingy discount Woodbridge Movie Theater where I
fucking literally grew up watching movies, and my brother and
sister had worked there in high school.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's your home, it's George's home movies.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It's my home movie theater. And they wrote, Georgia insert
potential personal anecdote, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
It's like you know me, they know they know how
to write for this show.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
That's right. I moved to Chicago two years ago to
pursue my passion for theater. One day, I was living
my mid twenties city girl fantasy with my big over
the ear headphones, listening to you two, probably with a
cute little outfit and an over the top eye makeup look.
I stepped onto the L train feeling good. I noticed
that there was a strange, faint alarm sound going off,
and I figured it with some fluke happening in another train.
(19:31):
The train still pulled out at the station, so it
must have been fine. As soon as I sat down,
I noticed that there were a few people staring at me,
but naturally, I assume they were looking because of how
absolutely gorgeous I looked.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
A manator so passes and I realize now that the
whole train car is staring at me, and they do
not look happy. Well, obviously, the only reasonable explanation for
this was that they were a bunch of traditionalists who
were judging how I looked because they wished that they
could look as hot and confident as eyes I do. God,
I fucking know that feeling, that twenties feeling of like
fucking you wish you were me.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
White knuckling confidence, yeah, right, confidence revenge.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I was shaken, but I wasn't going to let these
jealous strangers ruin my day. As I look back down
into my lap, I noticed a light coming from my bag.
With headphones still over my ears, I rummaged through my
bag and then I hear it, the loudest alarm known
to man coming from my bag. My security chain had
(20:32):
somehow become detached from itself, triggering the alarm. You know,
those motherfuckers, they're so.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Like insane sounding.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I'm talking loud, like reverberating within the train car. Cover
your ears loud. I quickly put the pieces back together
to turn off the alarm and flashing light, and rode
the rest of the way in shame, avoiding eye contact
with the other passengers. I guess it just goes to
show that sometime your shit does stink. Stay sexy, and
(21:03):
maybe don't always assume that people are looking at you
to admire your beauty or do probably do. It's a
much more fun way to live.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Audrey, she her, Audrey, congratulations, because I think you handled
that beautifully. If I was on that train, I would
have walked up and gotten the brand name of those
headphones because she couldn't hear that. It's all right, where'd
you get those headphones? Girl?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Humility you got to have it in your twenties or
you just end up being a fucking asshole your whole life.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean, that's how you get it is going through
your twenties, right, just like you're there pretending to be
an adult, and it's like no, wrong, incorrect, You fucked
it up again. It's like by the time you're thirty,
you're just like, I have no idea what's going on? Well,
we've done it again.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It oh wow, okay wo wow. Thanks guys for writing in.
Please write in if you want to at My Favorite
Murder of Gmail.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And we appreciate your participation, whether it is by actively
writing something or just listening passively listening and relating.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Sure, that's part of it, you know, it's kind of
part of the podcast, is he listening?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So listening is a huge part of podcasts, so we
appreciate it. Stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Our editor is Aristotle Oscevedo.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my
Favorite Murder and on Twitter at my Fave Murder. Goodbye,
Heow, and welcome to my favorite murder, the minisodes where.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We read you your stuff.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
They're emails you send them to us.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
It's such a great setup. Yeah, okay, this says crazy
diving survival story, and then in parentheses it says lighthearted
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
God, I already have I'm already sweating diving. Yeah, okay,
I don't understand it. I don't either, Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Hi a MFM fan. I've basically been listening to your
podcast NonStop since I found you last year and am
almost caught up. I was listening to a minisode where
you guys got on the topic of riptides and water
war Texas, and I decided that this was the time
to write in and then a parenthesis it says, there
have been so many times I've considered doing so before
but didn't for one reason or another. When I was
(01:09):
a teenager, our family went on vacation to Hawaii. For
one of our activities, we scuba dived in those lava
tubes underneath a volcano, which I'm like, what, I didn't
know that was the thing you could do. And it
says picture swimming into a cave but having the cave
then wrap all around you, which is like, that's called
a nightmare. I don't want to picture that is a
(01:31):
horror movie. That is okay, So it says, so our
group was swimming through this one tube, we'll call it
tube in an endeavor to see a ghost shrimp that
lived at the back of the tube.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Not worth it, No, go to a fish market and like,
look around.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Picture a shrimp with a sheet over it and two
eyes cut out, and then their little ant na's coming
out of the holes. Yeah, it was all cool, fun
and games swimming down this tube seeing all this wildlife.
I ditched my mom and I went to find my
dad and sister, who were lazily floating along in the back.
After deciding they were boring, I began to try to
swim back toward the ghost shrimp, when all of a sudden,
(02:08):
a wave on its way back out to sea caught
me and pulled me into this connecting tube. I was
scraping my hands along the walls, trying to stop myself
because I was certain that this was going to end badly.
So the current thinks this is funny and does it
a few more times until I'm literally bawling into my mask,
raking my hands along the wall, trying to get a grip,
(02:28):
all while envisioning the current forcing me back against the
wall and my tank somehow exploding. And then in parentheses
it says I was a dramatic teenager. Then it says
finally I was able to claw my way back to
steady water and found my mom still crying about my
near death experience. My Mom's trying to understand why I'm
so upset while I watched the rest of our group
(02:48):
swim into my death tube. Then, to my embarrassing astonishment,
our dive instructor simply stands up. My embarrassment will never
be matched. I was simultaneously relieved and somewhat enraged at
the fact that all I had to do during my
dance with death was stand the fuck up. I was
so embarrassed, but luckily I could hide it with the ocean.
(03:12):
My favorite line of all time, hide your embarrassment with
the ocean. So this whole time, if I just relaxed,
I probably would have realized that I could touch the
seafloor and just stand up. So that's my story warning
about the dangers of panicking. I'm very grateful to both
of you for the community you created and how you
make it safe for me to feel any and every
manner of feeling. Thank you for speaking out for those
(03:35):
whose voices have been silenced. We need people like you
with a platform like yours to speak the words that
make the difference. Wow, thank you. I know fondly Olivia.
I love Olivia's story so much. It's so classic, like
so dramatic. Yeah, you're it's the ocean and a cave.
So it's not an illogical thing to be like, oh
(03:57):
this is it, like I'm done for Like always remember
the ground is underneath you.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
The panicking will never never give you a clear answer
as to what to do next, unfortunately, because it's like
the easiest thing.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
To do is right, it's automatic.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It's so annoying.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Mate, No calm down, No one hit yet. I didn't
hit your Let's all just extail out.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
The listen as a panicker, as a known panicker, this
one's called go to museum jail, and it just starts
ad lib clever intro. Here in Manyiso two sixty eight,
you asked for stories about breaking obvious rules in a museum.
It just so happens that during my undergrad I did
a series of internships in small local museums fun The
(04:42):
story takes place in a County Historical Center house in
a New England jail. The original jail was made of
wood and was built in seventeen ninety two, but because
a wood cell block was problematic think bugs, cold, and
easy escape, it was upgraded to granted in eighteen fifty eight.
Original wooden cells remain in the upstairs portion of the jail,
(05:03):
but they have been repurposed into rooms that contain exhibits
of non jail related local history. The basement slash dungeon
contained the modern iron and granite cells, so the ones
built in eighteen fifty eight. The cell doors were fully
functioning but were a pain in the ass to unlock,
so we kept the cell doors open and added signs
that said all caps do not close the cell doors
(05:27):
because the locking mechanism would engage as soon as the
door was closed. Despite this, morning visitors would often try
to close themselves in the cells for the locked up
photo op. Of course, yeah, museum staff would usually be
able to stop amateur photographers before they incarcerated themselves, But
one afternoon I failed in my duty to protect visitors
from their own stupidity. A family of three was visiting
(05:50):
the museum, and while I was answering questions from the mother,
the father and about eight year old son were walking
around the cells. Suddenly, the mother and I heard a
distance clink, followed by an oh fuck coming from the father.
The father told me that the sun closed himself in
the cell and it's an absolute lie because those were
heavy ass iron doors. But whatever blamed it on the sun,
(06:14):
and the sun was freaking out. Remember that doors were
a pain and they asked to open. Well this time,
nobody working in the museum that day could get the
door to open, so we had to call a locksmith.
In a cruel twist of fate, the local locksmith was
off duty that day and his shop was being managed
by his apprentice, who was inexperienced with seventeenth century locks.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Like, yeah, everybody is. Everybody living today is inexperience with them,
I think.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
And this poor kid is losing his fucking mind and
he got blamed. We ended up calling the curator for
another local historical society to come down and open the
cell doors and eventually remove the locking mechanisms from all
the cell doors. Smart after all was said and done.
The kid did about two hours of hard time. The
father learned a valuable lesson about reading signs and following
(07:02):
basic instructions, and I learned how to remove a lock
from a seventeenth century jail cell. Stay sexy and don't
lock yourself in jail.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Jacob, Thank you Jacob, because seriously, people don't read signs
anymore and they don't give a shit about like why
somebody would have the necessity to put up a sign
indicates that there's a problem that you need to know about,
as opposed to like, no, no, I decided to do
my thing where it's like but no, because the thing
you're gonna do, you're gonna there's a way a problem.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
It doesn't relate to me. These rules don't relate to me.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
It's just me and my son. We're cool, and it's
just like, well, I wish they were both in there.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
No, no, they both were the dad and oh oh sorry,
I thought.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
The kid was freaking out because he was by himself.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh no, I think they were a book.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Wait, do you remember did you ever take a tour
of Alcatraz and they put you into the.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I have a photo of my dad from that time
in one of the cells with a grim like doing,
I mean, grim scowl.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
But don't they also put you into solitary confinement for
like one minute.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I can't imagine they do that anymore.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
I don't remember I remember it, but maybe it was, yeah,
because they just put you in and like check this out.
Shut the door. We'll put you in for one minute.
And then it's like there are people who spent three
years in this or whatever where.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's like, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Now we're going to take another hard left.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
In this podcast Car of Ours, it says holiday fun
and then I'm not going to read the rest because
it gives it away. Okay. Greeting's MFM team in the
spirit of Christmas, Look, look, our inbox is very full.
A La Hondra's doing an amazing job of processing all
these emails.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah, we get to them. When we get to them,
it's it's March.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
We're only three months behind. In the spirit of Christmas,
I wanted to share a family story of holidays past.
When I was a kid, around age eight or so,
we went to visit my grandparents in Ohio for the holidays.
As usual, one afternoon, my mom and I decided to
bake some Christmas cookies. We preheated the oven, mixed up
the dough, and measured out spoonfuls onto the cookie sheets.
Then we smelled smoke. Unbeknownst to us, my aunt had
(09:03):
been proofing a loaf of bread in the empty oven,
and the towel covering it had caught fire. Oh jess.
My mom quickly instructed me to fetch my grandma from
the den, where she was watching football with an assortment
of my aunts and uncles. I rushed in and shyly
whispered in her ear, not wanting to make a scene. Grandma,
the oven's on fire. She she mistook my morning for
(09:29):
a game of telephone and whispered into my uncle's ear.
The oven's on fire passed on By the time the
message made it down the line to the end of
the couch. My mom must have come in and alerted
them to the situation. I love that grandma so much.
She's like, oh, yeah, you wanna have fun, I'll have
(09:50):
fun with you, not listening to the actual message at all, Yeah, says.
I don't remember how the situation was resolved, but I
distinctly remember my aunt being disgruntled about her erstwhile loaf
of bread. Happy holidays, and don't forget to check the
oven for potential hazards before preheating, Madeline she her Man.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
This is the first house that we ever lived in
where we didn't have to store the baking trays in
the oven because right there was never room, so you'd
preheat your oven and always have to take out a
hot ass baking sheet.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Or in my case, an old piece of pizza. Oh
so many times in my life I've opened the oven, like,
because I cook every two months or something. I'm like,
what the hell is that? It's just like a preserved,
petrified piece of pizza that I reheated and forgot. Oh.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I love that my granddad was in the CIA. Yes,
hello everyone, I'm in the middle of catching up in
the pod and I just listened to minnesode one eighty
four where you said to keep the CIA Grandpa stories coming.
I'm sure you've moved on to different topics since July
twenty twenty, but please humor me my story.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
We have not. We haven't even moved. We don't go
topic to topic. All topics are on the table.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
That's right. Time is a flat circle, that's right. Growing up,
my dad's family was always somewhat aloof They lived abroad
for most of my dad's childhood in various European countries,
so I always brushed off the distant behavior, thinking, I
guess that's just how people in Europe are. The story
was that my granddad was in the State Service. He
(11:25):
was very gifted with languages and was hired by the
State Department after serving in the army in World War Two.
My dad's family lived in Finland, Italy, Belgium, and Brussels.
Everywhere they went, my grammy connected the culture through their
traditional foods, she was an amazing cook, and social traditions,
and says they had some wild costume parties in Germany,
(11:45):
and my dad and aunt alternated between international schools where
their parents were living and boarding schools back in the States.
At least, this is the story I got ooh uh
huh until one day I was driving in the car
with my mom. I want to say, I was in
tenth grade. Somehow we got on the topic of my
grandpa and I made some comment about him being in
the State Service, to which my mom said, you mean
(12:06):
the CIA. She was honestly surprised that I didn't already know,
but I was a pretty self absorbed teenager, so maybe
it shouldn't have been that surprising. Yeah, to admit it
when it happened.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
A pretty self absorbed teenager also known as a teenager.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That's right. Turns out being in the State Department was
his cover, and he was in fact a member of
the CIA. He was recruited straight out of the Army
into what was then the OSS Office of Strategic Services
and received his first international placement to Finland in nineteen
fifty five. It was an open secret in the family,
but everyone knew better than to ask my granddad any
(12:41):
direct questions about his service. This is my favorite of
the few stories I did here. While living in Italy
in the late sixties and early seventies, there was an
Italian spy that was holed up in an apartment and
my granddad was tasked with bringing him in. I don't
know how the initial contact was made, but my granddad
some have a friend of this man, and even convinced
the spy that he was from the same small Italian
(13:02):
village by speaking their local dialects. Oh shit, I know.
Once their familiar bond was established, my granddad convinced him
to turn himself over, which he did, and the two
of them remained friends. He says how question mark many
of the spy stories went to the grave with him
in twenty eighteen, but he did have other fun anecdotes,
(13:23):
like the time LBJ visited Brussels while he was still
vice president and my granddad had to translate for him
while he haggled with street vendors. Not all of the
stories had happy endings, but somehow my grandpa kept his
good humor through it all and was one of the
silliest people I've ever known, oftentimes wearing fake noses as
a joke that it says, maybe this collection of disguises
(13:44):
should have been a tip off question.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yes, it's like, you look over your grandpa's wearing the
glasses mustache nose thing, and it's like, is he in
the CIA?
Speaker 2 (13:54):
That's STEVIEE. Cooper? What the fuck? Anyway, stay sexy, And
maybe everyone should just ask their grandparents if they were
in the CIA, you know, just in.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Case, Kelly, So true, Kelly, everyone just go ask so crazy,
your grandparents and your great grandparents could be anything.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Anything is possible, and they were definitely cooler than you
and probably smarter.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
And also they didn't talk about stuff that was the
traumatized past, where it's like keep it to yourself. No
one cares silent generation. But we do care, silent generation.
We do. We want to hear it. Here's a great
one subject line, hidden treasures and wedding gifts. Hello, ladies, jans, folks,
and all things listening. Let's get right into it. I
(14:39):
was listening to minnisode three seventy one and there was
a story about money that was hidden in a hat
and thrown away. Remember that one. It was the name
I think Navy hat.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
This reminded me of when my husband and I received
an unusual gift for our wedding, and we still laugh
to this day about the mistake we made. A little backstory.
My husband is a chef and has worked in kitchens
for a ver long time. He started helping with dishes
and worked his way to a position where he is
now running a full kitchen. That's huge. He started as
the dishwasher, the hardest work there is, and everybody right
(15:11):
now in an oil rig is like fuck you. Okay.
A few years before we got married, maybe around twenty sixteen,
he was working a desk job for the one and
only time in his life. While doing so, he continued
to help out some friends who were cooking at a
local bar and restaurant. He picked up shifts here and
there to help with prep and dishes for a little
extra cash and of course a little more time with
(15:33):
his friends. He had these grimy work shoes that he
kept tucked away in the basement of the restaurant, so
he always had them when he picked up shifts. After
he was done working there, he left the shoes behind
and simply forgot about their existence. Three years later and
we were getting married, and our friends from that restaurant
oh so kindly packaged up my husband's gross, abandoned basement
(15:53):
dishwashing shoes for our wedding gifts. He completely forgot that
they had existed, and I hadn't seen them years and
wouldn't have even recognized them. We opened the gift, we
laughed when we realized what they were, and quickly toss
them in the garbage that was taken to the curb
that night. The next day we texted our friends to
say thank you for the laugh. They were quick to
(16:14):
ask if we appreciated the actual gift. Dot dot dot
actual gift. Oops, it turns out they hid a very
generous amount of cash in one of the shoes as
our wedding gift. Don't do that, put it on the card.
Put it on the card. Those shoes were long gone,
as the trash had been picked up. And to this
(16:36):
day our friends don't know twice about us throwing away
their money.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
God they might.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Now we said a very gracious thank you, which not
to be picky, but it spelled gratuitous, which makes me
laugh really hard. I know they mean gracious. We said
a very gracious thank you and hit our shame of
throwing out the real gift along with the trash shoes.
Stay sexy and don't hide money and things that are
(17:02):
obviously trashed.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Oh what?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
And in parentheses it says, and don't throw away wedding
gifts without thorough inspection. And that's from Carlisle, she heard.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Oh I feel like I would have told them, I know,
mean to you know, just like blurted it out.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh you mean busted yourself for having thrown them away.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yes, that I would have been that guy. But those
of us should have fucking yeah, put it in the fucking.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Card now, I have to write the card. It's gonna
say something like, here's a little remembrance of a time past,
but also something that will help you in the future,
something like that. And the toe of the left shoe,
Oh my god, as gross as these are, put your
hands inside of them and feel around for money.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
I've done dishes at restaurants before. Your shoes just like,
don't stand a chance. It's fucking disgusting. Oh, at the
end of the night, you're like socks are wet. It's
so gross.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Also, are you like sweaty and hot with all the
hot water? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And I was the waitress too, so I run upstairs
to the restaurant. Can I take your order and wash
your dishes?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Can I do it all for you?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah? It was a rough time.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Well, way better now, Georgia, real quick, real quick, newslash
you you're here now? Oh thank god.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And I've never done a dish again. Everything's fine, sorry, Vince, No,
he doesn't do then we just throw them away.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
What those paper plates for you, guys?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Okay, I thought they were staring because I was hot.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I have a lot to say, but I'm afraid of
you making fun of me for sending a long email.
So I love you, blah blah blah. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Oh, now, I absolutely have to make.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Fun of this person you recently asked for quote. I
thought everyone was looking at me and they were stories,
and I gasped with joy, smiley face yay. I'm from
southern California, where I went to UC Irvine and worked
at the little dingy discount Woodbridge Movie Theater where I
fucking literally grew up watching movies, and my brother and
sister had worked there in high school.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
That's your home, it's George's home movies.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It's my home movie theater. And they wrote, Georgia insert
potential personal anecdote, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
It's like you know me, they know they know how
to write for this show.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
That's right. I moved to Chicago two years ago to
pursue my passion for theater. One day, I was living
my mid twenties city girl fantasy with my big over
the ear headphones, listening to you two, probably with a
cute little outfit and an over the top eye makeup look.
I stepped onto the L train feeling good. I noticed
that there was a strange, faint alarm sound going off,
and I figured it with some fluke happening in another train.
(19:31):
The train still pulled out at the station, so it
must have been fine. As soon as I sat down,
I noticed that there were a few people staring at me,
but naturally, I assume they were looking because of how
absolutely gorgeous I looked.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
A manator so passes and I realize now that the
whole train car is staring at me, and they do
not look happy. Well, obviously, the only reasonable explanation for
this was that they were a bunch of traditionalists who
were judging how I looked because they wished that they
could look as hot and confident as eyes I do. God,
I fucking know that feeling, that twenties feeling of like
fucking you wish you were me.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
White knuckling confidence, yeah, right, confidence revenge.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I was shaken, but I wasn't going to let these
jealous strangers ruin my day. As I look back down
into my lap, I noticed a light coming from my bag.
With headphones still over my ears, I rummaged through my
bag and then I hear it, the loudest alarm known
to man coming from my bag. My security chain had
(20:32):
somehow become detached from itself, triggering the alarm. You know,
those motherfuckers, they're so.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Like insane sounding.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
I'm talking loud, like reverberating within the train car. Cover
your ears loud. I quickly put the pieces back together
to turn off the alarm and flashing light, and rode
the rest of the way in shame, avoiding eye contact
with the other passengers. I guess it just goes to
show that sometime your shit does stink. Stay sexy, and
(21:03):
maybe don't always assume that people are looking at you
to admire your beauty or do probably do. It's a
much more fun way to live.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Audrey, she her, Audrey, congratulations, because I think you handled
that beautifully. If I was on that train, I would
have walked up and gotten the brand name of those
headphones because she couldn't hear that. It's all right, where'd
you get those headphones? Girl?
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Humility you got to have it in your twenties or
you just end up being a fucking asshole your whole life.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
I mean, that's how you get it is going through
your twenties, right, just like you're there pretending to be
an adult, and it's like no, wrong, incorrect, You fucked
it up again. It's like by the time you're thirty,
you're just like, I have no idea what's going on? Well,
we've done it again.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It oh wow, okay wo wow. Thanks guys for writing in.
Please write in if you want to at My Favorite
Murder of Gmail.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
And we appreciate your participation, whether it is by actively
writing something or just listening passively listening and relating.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Sure, that's part of it, you know, it's kind of
part of the podcast, is he listening?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
So listening is a huge part of podcasts, so we
appreciate it. Stay sexy and don't get murdered.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Goodbye, Elvis. Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 1 (22:22):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Our editor is Aristotle Oscevedo.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my
Favorite Murder and on Twitter at my Fave Murder. Goodbye,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!